#Part 1 has been edited for clarity

[badscienceman]

I saw someone ask what "I hope this hurts" means beyond the obvious, and I started to respond only for it to turn into an essay... Because I don't feel like dumping something so long in some unsuspecting person's notifs, I'm just going to post it here instead.

I started writing this after playing the game, but ended up watching a playthrough because I couldn't remember exactly where "I hope this hurts" was repeated. I think I caught the only few times it was mentioned, but I wouldn't be surprised if I missed something, so feel free to correct me on that or anything else I might have gotten wrong.

Spoilers for the full game and CWs for everything you would expect from discussing Mouthwashing apply.

Edited 10/16/2024 for clarity and some minor issues with formatting. I added sections in hopes of making it more readable, as well as a few more screenshots that I hope will support my points better. *Indicates where I made potentially significant additions to my original analysis.

Part One: Jimmy

Jimmy is someone who has a delicate ego. This means that he's very concerned with how he's perceived by those around him. We see this in how he responds to Curly and the news of the company's closure, which he takes it as a personal attack in spite of it very clearly having nothing to do with him on a personal level.

For people like Jimmy, a threat to one's image (whether it's a matter of their perception of themselves or, maybe worse, the perception others have of them) brings intense emotional pain. Even though it's clear that Curly meant no personal offense, and likely saw more good in Jimmy than was actually there, Jimmy sees this as a great threat to his own image, and thus identity.

To be clear, it's not just that Jimmy thinks Curly is looking down on him. It's also that Jimmy needs his role in the company to maintain his image, and he needs to eventually become captain. This is his ultimate goal because the respect and control that someone like Curly has, in Jimmy's mind, is tied to the title he possesses. And Jimmy wants that. He wants respect, he wants to be listened to, he wants power over others. (This is also why Swansea's final speech is so important, in relation to the belief that if one just reaches this next goal, they might feel a little more human, a little more in control, a little more fulfilled, but as Swansea shows us, that's just not the case. And it's true for Jimmy, too. Jimmy isn't magically fulfilled by obtaining the title of captain.)

But in the beginning, Jimmy has yet to realize that just getting the role of captain won't magically make him a man who is respected, or even a man who is truly in control. He sees no opportunities for himself on earth. The only option is to stay in this company and become a little lord of his own ship... and suddenly that's ripped out from under him. He will never reach the goal he's been chasing for all of this time.

Anya telling him about her pregnancy is the final push he needs to go over the edge.

Part Two: Captain

Returning to the initial reveal that the company is shutting down for a second, I think it's important to keep in mind a few things:

1. The importance of the title of captain in Jimmy's mind.

2. How this extends to his perception of Curly, him being the current captain.

3. Jimmy's self-centeredness preventing him from understanding the feelings and perceptions of those around him.

When Curly says what he does, Jimmy immediately jumps to the conclusion that Curly sees himself as above everyone else (and most importantly, as above Jimmy), to the point of considering them "dirt." I don't think Jimmy is just projecting his greatest fear (being seen as lesser) onto Curly. I think he's projecting his own perceptions.

He's placed all of this importance on the title of captain, and thus Curly. The captain is above Jimmy. Jimmy is beneath him, is lesser. And we know how Jimmy treats those he sees as lesser (first Anya, and then the rest of the crew once he's captain, *manipulating Daisuke into putting his life at risk because Daisuke, who is just an intern after all, just isn't important to Jimmy being an example).

I think this is a fair reading because Jimmy does something similar with Swansea when he insists that Swansea is keeping the last cryostasis pod for himself. I understand some might say that this is just Jimmy's attempt to manipulate Daisuke and Jimmy doesn't actually believe it, which is a fair interpretation, but I sincerely think he believes what he's saying in this instance. And I think that because Jimmy sees selfishness as common sense. It's what he would do were he in Swansea's position, and what makes him giving the pod to Curly significant.

Part Three: Anya

So, Jimmy is already hurt and panicking. He sees his chance at power and thus fulfillment slipping away. And then Anya tells him that she's pregnant.

Anya, who he has shown time and time again that he thinks little of.

Anya, who he clearly sees as beneath him.

Any mention of the pregnancy, no matter how gently it was worded, would immediately feel like a threat to him on multiple levels. And not only that, but a threat from someone lesser than him. His image, his status, his control, his power—it's already slipping from his fingertips. *It's happening right then, in that moment. It's not just a potential future where he's held accountable in a real way (maybe if Anya involved authorities, or if Jimmy was legally responsible for supporting a child once they returned to earth). It's happening now, because his image is crumbling.

For this reason, I believe I hope this hurts to be directed at anyone and everyone that he sees as "threatening" him.

Anya and Curly have made him hurt. He wants to make them hurt.

He doesn't care about Daisuke and Swansea. If anything, he's so caught up in himself and this contorted vision of reality, I wouldn't be shocked if he convinced himself in the moment that they, too, were looking down on him for some reason. (See again, "I know what everyone is thinking. The way they look at me." Obviously this is said in the midst of his spiral, after the crash, but I wouldn't doubt the paranoia was there before that moment.)

He wants to make them hurt as they've hurt him. He may also want to make himself hurt in order to vent out his emotional pain. If not, death may simply be the easiest way to escape pain and the threat the future holds in his mind.

*Part Four: Without the Guilt

In addition to all of this, I think crashing the ship (making them hurt) is his vision of what Curly has done or is doing to him. This is how he "leave(s) the dirt behind."

To understand this, I'm going to include the birthday conversation and the conversation between Jimmy and Curly about crashing the ship.

Jimmy: ... So I guess you got what you wanted. Without the guilt. Curly: Jim... If I had known... Jimmy: I can go back to my, how'd you put it? "Struggle of a life?" Jimmy: Anya never got into medical school because she's... well, let's be real. Jimmy: And how many employment years Swansea got left in him? Jimmy: Daisuke will be fine, mommy and daddy have him covered. So there's that at least. Jimmy: But you. Headed for bigger and better, right? Curly: I'm just... I'm just working on my life being a place I don't have to fucking escape! That's what I was trying to tell you, nothing mor- Jimmy: We're the ones you're trying to escape! Leave the dirt behind now that your boots are clean! Curly: That's not what I meant. Jimmy: It is what you meant. Jimmy: You just couldn't frame it to yourself in a way that kept you as the hero. Jimmy: Abandon the crew but remain the model captain.

To me, this is one of the most important and revealing sections of the game. Jimmy is not only projecting onto Curly, he's telling us exactly what he's going to go on to do (or attempt to do) when he becomes captain.

In addition to this, we see his manipulation on full display as he twists Curly's words and won't allow him even a moment to truly speak beyond a few lines he manages to get in between Jimmy's ranting.

That's not to mention we see the beginning of yet another pattern in Jimmy's behavior: getting a person to admit their weakness, then using it against them and/or using it to hurt them (he does this with Daisuke, for example, when he hears Daisuke's fears/desire for approval and proceeds to use it to get Daisuke in the vent). Here, Curly speaks about feeling trapped. Jimmy will soon trap him in a crashed ship just as much as he traps him in his own body, which Jimmy will proceed to drug. But I'll return to that.

Curly: Jim. I can fix this. Jimmy: What do you think will happen when we get back? Hm? Curly: We can figure all of this out. You and me. Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy: All I ever hear is how great of a leader you are. God, it's so annoying. Jimmy: But, now... What do you think will happen now when we get back? Curly: We'll fix this together. Jimmy: Everything you and I worked for in our lives. Accomplishments, changes. Jimmy: None of it will matter. Curly: You've gotten through difficult situations before. This time won't be any different. Work through it, one day at a time. Jimmy: It's not just me, is it? Jimmy: You were supposed to be the one who had everything under control. You said so yourself. Jimmy: The ship, this crew, everything that happened here... Jimmy: This was your responsibility, Captain. Jimmy: That is what you'll be hearing the rest of your life. Take responsibility. Jimmy: Or this can all be remembered as a tragedy. Jimmy: Despite what must have been the best efforts of its acclaimed captain. Jimmy: The Tulpar crew was never found. Jimmy: No one survived to tell the tale. Take responsibility. Jimmy: You're standing at the top. Jimmy: Feet in cement. Jimmy: I get it now. Right? Curly: ... Curly: ... Right.

This is an important moment, because aside from the scene in which Jimmy is approaching Curly while he's on fire, it's the only other time that I can recall the game separating from their perspectives to allow us to see them both, standing together.

We see a flash of Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy begins to pull away. Another flash. He continues to draw back. Another. He turns towards the cockpit.

Jimmy sees through Curly. He sees Curly's worst where Curly sees only Jimmy's best, and he's more that willing to use that against Curly.

He sees a man who is not going to do what's hard. He sees a man who is going to try to "fix it" only in the most superficial sense. A man who confuses the appearance of cohesion and peace with the reality of it. Someone who sees the rocking of the boat as a manifestation of taking action against a wrong rather than the wrong itself.

In the end, it seems they're both ruled by appearances. And Jimmy will soon rip appearances in every sense from Curly's fingertips. He will make him hurt. He will get his revenge. He'll turn Curly into the villain, taking away his title, his respect, and his very face.

For daring to look down on him, Jimmy will turn Curly into dust.

But I think these words—I hope it hurts—come back to haunt him.

Part Five: The Eye as a Mirror

Like I said, I went back to try to find each time the phrase is used. There's the beginning, of course, but then there's the pregnancy sequence, for lack of a better name.

When the Polle monstrosity emerges from the giant uterus (?), we see these words:

In this sequence, we see a lot of different images and concepts connected: Anya's pregnancy and thus her sexual assault by Jimmy are tied to Polle and the company. The emergence of the Polle monster from the giant uterus (and the idea of the removal of the pregnancy) is tied to the mouthwash, as it's an act of "cleansing." This is all then tied to the phrase I hope this hurts.

Unless I missed something, these are the only two moments when the phrase is used: When Jimmy crashes the ship, and when he's experiencing this hallucination.

All clean! Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth, huh? Through wreckage! Through silence! Wash it away! All day fire fresh!

"Clean" is important immediately. "Leave the dirt behind you now that your boots are clean," Jimmy says. Because in this accusation is Jimmy's actual intentions himself. He wants to rise above others and clean himself from their filth. Now, he wants to clean himself of his sins.

I think "Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth" is mocking him. A direct challenge to the thought that he could ever truly be "cleaned," at least in the ways he's so desperately trying to go about it. *Not to mention how this connects to the mouthwash, as it might get that 99%, but there's always going to be 1% left.

"Through wreckage" obviously refers to the wrecking of the ship, but also of their lives. All by Jimmy. Though I wouldn't doubt in his mind it connects to the wreckage of consequences (ie. Anya's pregnancy resulting from Jimmy's actions).

"Through silence" I feel connects back to Jimmy's attempts to keep everything quiet, both literally and figuratively.

"Wash it away" also has a mocking edge, as if stressing the foolishness of Jimmy's attempts to treat these very serious events as if it's all just "dirt" he can wipe off.

Finally, we see "All day fire fresh!" This line stresses the connection to the mouthwash, of course. It also calls to mind the concept of cleansing by fire. Important considering Curly.

And after each, I hope it hurts. Jimmy's statement of pure, childish rage. His desperate desire to make others hurt as he hurts. To lash out, to get revenge. To have control until the very end.

This is also why Polle haunts him. Because he, as a man desperate for control, will always be under the thumb of the company even with that title of captain. That hurts him. And maybe the closest thing to ever recognizing the evil he's done to Anya is envisioning it as similar to the company's control, but even that feels like a mockery because he's so horrifically incapable of seeing her as a human being that she's been reduced to her womb. That's what he's really afraid of, in the end, and the fear feels like something else is in control. It makes the organ feel giant, larger than him, capable of hurting him.

When I was watching the playthrough, I thought that there was going to be four or five "I hope it hurts." I thought it would represent each person Jimmy hurts, or all of them, because he hurts himself too. When the sixth came, I thought so much for that theory. But then, I thought about it and there's the fetus. That makes six.

So, I hope this hurts means "I want to hurt you the way I've been hurt. The way you've hurt me." It's Jimmy saying that if his life has been wrecked, he'll wreck yours. It's Jimmy saying he'll shut you up. It's Jimmy saying he'll burn everything down if it means he can maintain control, or even just the illusion of it.

Part Six: Pain

But I think there's another side to this. Like some of the other lines I said feel are mocking him, I think I hope this hurts turns against Jimmy, especially here. And more than that, pain (and by extension, pain medication) plays a massive role in the game, after all. So I hope this hurts feels as if it haunts every moment where it's involved.

Jimmy says this the first time he gives Curly his pills. Pain is how we know we're still living.

The pills are clearly connected to death from the start. If "pain is how we know we're still living" then pain is connected to life and freedom from it is connected to death. That's saying nothing of Anya's use of the pills to kill herself. I think this connects back to the crash, as well. If life is pain, death is an escape from it.

I think it's also significant that the act of swallowing the pain pills is in and of itself painful.

The pills that are meant to take the pain away become a method of torturing Curly. It's a way to make him hurt, and to exert control over him. Even something that should take away his suffering is just an extension of it.

At one point, Jimmy says "Once these are out, we'll have nothing to keep him quiet." In this sense, the pain pills are meant to suppress, not to heal (Through silence!). They're supposed to shut Curly up and keep him from expressing his anguish in the only way he has left (the noises that disturb Jimmy's sleep).

Others have compared this, or Curly's state, to how Anya has been forced to bottle up her own suffering. Jimmy is keeping them both quiet, or at least attempting to. The ultimate form of keeping them quiet would be to, of course, kill them all.

The pills can also be seen as an attempt to hide or conceal the hurt that has been caused rather than to actually heal. In this way, they're like the mouthwash: something that's not really helping, just covering up an issue (and thus making it worse). And the mouthwash represents Jimmy's attempts to "fix" things. He doesn't actually want to make things right, because that would mean taking accountability. He wants to protect his own ego by "fixing" things in a mimicry of Curly "fixing" things in which he wants to create a sense of "rightness" without actually adressing what (or who) has been wronged. Jimmy can't stand to look at himself, because he would see that he really is constructed of his worst moments, or at least, that's what I suspect he would see.

Conclusion

Considering all of this, I hope this hurts can then become a mantra about living in spite of everything. I hope this hurts means "I hope I'm alive in the end. I hope we're all alive in the end." It could mean "I hope I'm allowed to hurt, because I am hurt, and the harm that's been done to me must be seen rather than suppressed and hidden." It could mean "You can't keep me quiet. You can't ignore or hide what you've done to me."

Maybe most of all, I think it means I hope you reap what you sow. When it's turned back on Jimmy, when it's almost mocking or haunting him, it becomes in part about his emotional weakness. About his inability to look at himself and his reality without experiencing the pain of humiliation. I don't think he ever experiences half of the pain he's inflicted on those around him. Still, he has to deal with the fact that his attempt to hurt others instead of facing himself has caused him more pain rather than taken it away as he'd hoped.

And I think that's why he suddenly decides to make Curly a "hero" instead of a "villain." There's a tipping point where he's pushed into a corner. The pain is too much. He hasn't confronted his own actions in any real way, but he's done enough that he can't stand to save himself anymore. It hurts too badly to live with what he's done. It sends him into another stage of fantasy/delusion. The only thing left to do is what he intended to from the start: kill himself to escape and damn Curly to a slow death. Because to go on living in spite of the pain would be the right thing to do, in a sense. To live in the hell of his own creation. To face what he's done. But instead, he'll entrust those heroics to Curly.

This feels barely coherent in the end, so I might come back in a few days and say wow what the fuck was I talking about? But hopefully there's something here that captures some truth. Again, please feel free to correct me if I'm misremembering anything or if I missed something.

[911actually]

‘9-1-1’ hinted at a slow-burn romance fans have wanted for seasons. Star Ryan Guzman says they might be missing something.

It’s been a tumultuous few episodes for the cast of 9-1-1. The long-running network TV series, which follows first responders in Los Angeles, is always action-packed and over the top. They’ve saved civilians from a tsunami, a sinking cruise ship and a “bee-nado.” In its eighth season, things are just as dramatic and emotionally intense as ever. One of 9-1-1’s original main characters just died, and another moved to Texas. That death is permanent, but Eddie Diaz’s move might not be — he isn’t leaving the show just yet. Ryan Guzman, who plays Diaz, told Yahoo Entertainment that his firefighter character might be out of state, but he’s not gone for good. The same rocky episode arc showed Diaz’s best friend, Buck (Oliver Stark), facing the possibility that he might have feelings for him for the first time in more than 100 episodes. Guzman addressed fan theories — particularly those rooting for romance between Diaz and Buck — which character is the “epicenter” of the series and what it’s like to be a part of an ensemble in such an unpredictable show. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE

[novlr]

How can I make my editing process quicker and less stressful? I feel like I’m spending way too much time on it and not really getting anywhere, so I’d love some tips on how to keep it simple and actually productive.

I think that most writers have a love/hate relationship with editing. It feels so good to see your manuscript go from a rough draft to something really polished, but at the same time, the editing process itself is painstaking and laborious.

The editing phase can feel like wandering through a maze without a map. Every writer has been there, staring at their manuscript, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work ahead. But editing doesn’t have to be a source of stress. With the right approach, you can make your editing process both efficient and effective.

Break it down

While some writers thrive taking a do-it-all-at-once approach, this isn’t one that works for everyone. If you feel overwhelmed, you can try to divide your editing into distinct passes, each focusing on a specific aspect:

Story Structure – Focus on plot, pacing, and narrative flow.

Character Development – Examine character arcs and relationships.

Scene Level – Look at individual scene construction and transitions.

Language – Analyse word choice, clarity, and style.

Technical – Look at grammar, punctuation, and formatting.

By tackling one element at a time, you’ll catch more issues and avoid feeling overwhelmed. And you also don’t need to do them back-to-back.

When I do my first editing pass, I look at only story structure and character development. After draft 2, I look at a scene level analysis, with some attention paid to language. If I need to, I’ll repeat this for as many revisions as I need, leaving a deep-dive on language and the more technical proofreading aspects until my final draft.

Create a system

No two writers write alike. Your process will be as unique to you as the writing you produce, so never take someone else’s routine as gospel or as the only “right” way to approach it.

What you will need to do is experiment. Try different things. See what works for you, and what doesn’t. Things you can try might be:

Set clear goals

Before each editing session, define what you want to accomplish. For example:

“Review chapters 1-3 for pacing issues.”

“Check all dialogue in Act 2.”

“Analyse character motivations in transition scenes.”

Having specific targets can help give you focus and give a sense of progress, as it’s a task that you can tick off.

Track your progress

Monitoring your progress lets you actively see what you’re accomplishing. It can be a huge motivator when you can see your manuscript start to take shape.

Keep a spreadsheet of completed editing tasks.

Use a notebook to log issues that need addressing.

Create checklists for common problems you want to catch.

Track time spent on different editing tasks to identify where you might be getting stuck.

Organise visually

If you’re a visual learner, then being able to see your editing process taking shape can be a game changer. You could try to:

Highlight plot threads in different colours.

Mark scene transitions with clear breaks.

Flag areas that need deeper revision.

Use comments or sticky notes for bigger structural issues.

Create a colour code for different types of edits (dialogue, description, pacing, etc.).

Incorporate these colours into your tracking if you decide to use it.

Set a sustainable schedule

Editing can be just as time-consuming as writing (in some cases, it might be even more time consuming), so it’s important to make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself. Don’t expect your editing to be done in a week. To keep a routine that’s realistic and sustainable, you can try to:

Block out specific times for editing.

Set deadlines for completing different passes.

Build in buffer time for unexpected issues.

Schedule regular breaks to give yourself a fresh perspective.

Plan rewards for hitting milestones.

For me, the rewards are the biggest part of the process. I need that little serotonin bump when I finish something and give myself a treat. That can be anything from taking a break, to buying myself something. You can even involve a housemate or family member in the reward!

Keep reference materials handy

If you’re the kind of person who likes to remind yourself of the task at hand, then it can be uesful to keep reference materials or a style guide handy. This could include:

Your story bible or outline.

Character profiles.

Setting descriptions.

Style guide preferences.

A common error checklist.

Notes from previous drafts to make sure you don’t repeat mistakes.

You don’t need to have all references handy at all times. You can pick and choose what works for you, and what is important for that editing pass.

Know when to step back

Fresh eyes make better edits. If you’re tired or overwhelmed, there is absolutely no shame in stepping away. You’ll be much more productive if you approach editing when you’re not exhausted, because it’s very easy to miss things and get distracted if you’re not in the right headspace.

Make sure you take regular breaks between editing passes to maintain your perspective. And don’t be afraid to take a week or two away from your manuscript can help you return with renewed clarity. Read something else. Watch television. Just make sure you do something other than constantly working on your manuscript.

Get outside input

If you’ve done a few self-editing passes and feel you need to start polishing, you might want to look for outside help. This can take many forms. Some are free, while others will cost nothing more than your time. You’ll need to decide what is best for you. You can:

Share your almost-finished product with beta readers (I recommend you read this guide to get the most out of your beta readers, as they can be such a valuable resource).

Consider hiring a professional editor once you’ve done all you can.

Join a critique group for regular feedback during the drafting and editing process.

Find a writing partner for accountability and reciprocal labour.

Trust your instincts

Try different editing processes to see what works for you. Don’t try to force something that isn’t, and be willing to change tack if you need to. If something feels right, stick with it. If it doesn’t, let it go.

But no matter what editing process you choose to pursue, don’t aim for perfection in your first pass. Instead, focus on steady improvement through multiple editing rounds. With practice, you’ll develop a rhythm that makes editing feel less like a chore and more like a natural part of your writing journey.

[theskywithin]

March 22- Venus Cazimi in Your Birth Chart: What It Means for You, Based on the House

There are moments when beauty burns. When love walks through the flames and comes out reborn. When Venus, the planet of love, desire, self-worth, and sacred connection, enters the heart of the Sun, she is not scorched. She is clarified. Crowned. Illuminated. This is a Venus Cazimi: When Venus sits in exact conjunction with the Sun, within less than 1 degree. It is a celestial rebirth. A moment when our values, hearts, and longings pass through the fire to emerge clearer, truer, softer, but stronger.

The house this Venus Cazimi lands in within your natal chart reveals where love is rebirthing itself in you, where clarity, warmth, and value are being restored.

1st House

This Cazimi doesn’t give you confidence. It strips away the reasons you thought you needed to earn it. You start to see yourself with cleaner eyes, not inflated, not crushed. Just… honest. Present. Enough. And maybe for the first time, that’s not a question. It’s a knowing.

2nd House

This transit calls out every place you’ve been bargaining with your worth. It asks: do you really want this, or are you just scared to let it go? Your self-worth is recalibrating now. Not as a performance. Not as proof. But as something still, quiet, and yours.

3rd House

The way you speak, especially to yourself, is shifting. Venus Cazimi here highlights the conversations that matter. Not the loud ones. The real ones. You’re learning to stop sugarcoating your needs. You’re allowed to take up space. Even in the pauses.

4th House

This is about your inner world. The parts of you still shaped by family, memory, and unmet needs. Venus Cazimi doesn’t fix your past. But it does ask you to stop building your future around it. Softness begins at home, especially the one inside your chest.

5th House

Here’s your invitation to stop editing yourself. This Cazimi cracks open the parts of you that still think love has to be earned through being impressive. You don’t have to be the loudest. Or the safest. Or the most desirable. You just have to let your joy breathe again. Without apology.

6th House

Venus Cazimi here reminds you that devotion isn’t depletion. It’s not about how much you give, it’s about what’s left of you when you do. You’re reworking your relationship with effort, routine, and how you care for yourself. You deserve ease that isn’t earned. Care that doesn’t come after collapse.

7th House

The Cazimi in your 7th house makes partnership a mirror. Not just romantic. Any bond where you lose yourself to be accepted. This is where you remember: You don’t need to contort to be loved. And real love doesn’t require you to disappear.

8th House

Venus Cazimi here goes deep. It asks you to get honest about your patterns around power, sex, secrecy, and emotional entanglement. You are no longer available for connection that costs your peace. This is where love becomes a reclamation, not a transaction.

9th House

You’re not the same person you were when you built your beliefs around love. This Cazimi shakes your worldview loose. Maybe the version of love you were taught isn’t the one your soul is here for. This is the expansion. The undoing. The beginning of something bigger.

10th House

Venus here shines light on your public life, your role, your image. But deeper still, it asks: Are you building your future around validation or alignment? This is about visibility rooted in integrity. Let love meet you at your level. Especially in the legacy you’re building.

11th House

This is collective energy. Friendships. Soul tribes. Big dreams. Venus Cazimi in your 11th house invites new people in and lets dead connections fall away. You’re not too much. You’ve just been in rooms that couldn’t see your vision. It’s time to move forward.

12th House

This is the softest house, and the loudest silence. Venus Cazimi here feels like grief, clarity, and closure all at once. It’s karmic. Private. Emotional. You’re not losing love. You’re letting go of who you thought you had to be to receive it.

[cowboygenesis]

3: the mandalorian | din djarin x reader

part 3 of the "brown eyes" series: masterlist and spotify playlist. | buy me a coffee?

pairing: din djarin x reader chapter warnings: none. word count: 6.4k series summary: din settles on the distant planet of lazure prime while seeking a safe-haven for his son. unbeknownst to him, the choice leads him to unforeseen threats—and a deeper connection he never thought possible. notes: edit: chapter 1 and 2 have been revised for more length and clarity. enjoy! welcome back after the hiatus! i felt pretty demotivated to write due to illness, but we're so back. a little more fluff for you this time as well as TONS more dialogue. it's not my strong suit, but i'm working on it! as always, thank you for reading.

Gods, you were a fool. A kriffing fool— draped in a thick cloak with a basket weighing on her arm.

You filled it with a great variety of items this morning. Dew jam, oatcakes, squash, the usual; they sit tightly packed beneath a checkered cloth, together with something extra you had whipped up the night before. It’s another family recipe, one you found while rummaging through an old lockbox a few years back.

You were excited with how the little care package came out when you left your cottage this morning, but now? You’re starting to regret it a little. The thick, woven handle digs into the soft inside of your forearm, leaving a swirly, grooved mark. You’ve been swapping it from arm to arm, but the length of your journey has proven the technique null.

The autumn leaves woosh beneath your boots as you take step after step down the off-beat path. A soft light trickles in through the rich verdure above, helping you navigate through the otherwise dim wood.

I mean, just how hard was it to find a massive clump of metal within a forest you know so well? You thought your navigational skills were better than that, but alas.

You’ve decided to see them again— or rather, find them yourself. It’s been a few days since the two left through the gate of your cottage, and realizing they’ve made no appearance in town since then, you worry— Especially for the little green kid. You’ve seen him clear a bowl of stew in minutes, so his appetite must be large; you don’t want him going hungry.

You tighten your grip on the basket and push forward, leaves rustling and crunching underfoot. A faint breeze stirs the branches above, sending a shower of orange and gold cascading down around you. The forest feels alive, as it always does, but today, its energy is sharp, almost expectant.

It feels like it’s watching you.

You pause for a moment, squinting ahead into the dimness. The trees stretch endlessly in every direction, their trunks gnarled and twisted, their shadows long and foreboding. You tilt your head, listening for anything—a hum, a clang, a voice. But there’s only the rustle of leaves and the soft whistle of wind.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe you should turn around, head back home, and let them come to you if they need anything. But the thought of the child’s wide, curious eyes stops you.

You sigh and readjust the basket one more time.

“Alright,” you murmur to yourself, the sound of your voice oddly comforting in the silence. “Let’s find that damned hunk of metal.”

The deeper you go, the more the forest seems to shift. The off-beat path becomes narrower, the underbrush denser, and the golden light overhead dims as the canopy thickens. You find yourself glancing over your shoulder more often than you’d like to admit, though there’s no reason to. You know this forest like an old friend.

The basket shifts on your arm again, pulling your focus back to the weight of your task. It’s the same sensation you get when you’ve bitten off more than you can chew—a creeping discomfort that makes your steps heavier.

You stop by a thick stump, resting the basket on top and stretching your aching arm. You stand there for a moment, taking in the sight of the forest.

And then you hear it.

A faint hum, almost imperceptible, carried on the breeze. Your head snaps toward the sound, and your heart leaps in your chest. It’s mechanical, unmistakably so. The first hint of relief blooms in your chest as you grab the basket and press on, your pace quickening despite the ache in your legs. Maker, you’re out of shape.

The hum you were following dies off, replaced by something else—a rhythmic thud and a low, frustrated groan. You freeze, listening intently, your breath catching. The noise isn’t mechanical. It’s human.

Panic flares in your chest as your mind jumps to worst-case scenarios. What if someone’s hurt? What if—

The thudding stops abruptly, replaced by a muffled curse. You press forward, stepping carefully over the underbrush. The closer you get, the more distinct the noises become—metal clanging, footsteps pacing, and the unmistakable sound of muttered words.

When you finally reach the clearing, the sight before you is… overwhelming.

The first thing you notice is the massive body of the ship taking up most of the area, its shape unlike anything you’ve ever seen—a hulking, double-pronged behemoth with a vaguely intimidating silhouette. Or at least, it would be intimidating if it weren’t for the state it’s in.

The hull is battered, dented in places that look far beyond easy repair. Scorch marks streak the sides as if it’s been under heavy fire. You think that their landing was a poor one, until you finally come close enough to see it.

Graffiti. Bright, chaotic streaks of paint cover the ship, turning its exterior into a cacophony of crude symbols and messy lettering in languages you don’t recognize.

And then you see him.

Din is crouched near the ship, a toolbox at his side and his back to you. He’s wearing a simple flight suit, the dark fabric clinging to his frame in the autumn breeze. His armor is gone, except for his helmet, which glints dully in the scattered sunlight. His broad shoulders are hunched, his movements methodical but tense as he works on some exposed wiring beneath a warped panel.

He mutters something under his breath—too quiet for you to make out—then slams a fist against the side of the ship in frustration. The loud clang makes you flinch.

You step closer, the leaves crunching softly beneath your boots. “Din?” you call out hesitantly, making sure to avoid startling him.

He stiffens, his head snapping in your direction. The dark visor locks onto you, and for a moment, neither of you says anything.

“It’s just me,” you add quickly, lifting the basket a little as if it might somehow explain your presence.

Din exhales, the sound faintly audible through his helmet. He stands, his full height making the ship behind him seem smaller. “What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice low but not unkind.

You see it then, when he faces you. Without the protective layer he usually dons, you catch a small patch of skin above the hem of his shirt. It’s tanned, smooth, and lined with a thin layer of slickness.

Maker, you’re staring hard. But how can you not? Without most of his armor, he feels so much more relatable, so much more human.

He says your name, but you barely register it throught he haze of your musings. It sounds surprisingly gentle coming from his lips, even through the modulator— just enough to shake you awake with that deep baritone that makes your spine tingle.

“I came to check on you,” you say, revealing your form fully by stepping into the clearing. Your eyes dart back to the ship, taking in the full extent of the damage.

Din follows your gaze briefly, before grunting in frustration.

“Is this… yours?” you ask quietly, approaching further.

He nods, though he doesn’t seem particularly proud of the fact at the moment. “The Razor Crest.”

You look back at the battered vessel, taking in its unique, oblong shape.

“It’s… big,” you comment quietly. You try to avoid commenting on the damage.

Din snorts quietly, the sound barely audible. “Not exactly a compliment, but I’ll take it.”

“Oh, but isn’t it?” you retort through a small grin, trying your best to cheer him up. Is it even possible? You’ll take your chances.

“You tell me,” he sighs, crossing his arms and taking a step forward. You then notice the source of the hum you had heard before: a handheld smelter lying by a metal box of other tools.

“What happened to it?” you ask, stepping closer to inspect the mess of graffiti. You gently place the basket near the hull’s open ramp, trying your best not to peek inside. “Did you… did you—”

“We didn’t crash,” he says quickly, almost defensively, as if doubting his piloting skills was the worst offence you could commit right now. “I found it this way on our way back from…”

Your cottage. You suddenly feel a pang of guilt, feeling like the ship is in this shape partially because of you. I mean, if you had just let them go on their merry way, this could have been avoided.

“I’m sorry,” you speak softly, and Din takes a step forward. His arms are still crossed as he sizes you up.

“What for?” he questions.

“This could have been avoided. I knew you were stationed in the forest, so maybe if I had just—”

“Stop,” he cuts you off sternly, raising a hand. You oblige, giving him a polite, albeit sad smile. “You have nothing to do with this. I should have known to land deeper inland, deep enough to avoid these Maker-forsaken kids.”

“Kids?” you echo, incredulous. Your eyes linger on the garish graffiti, the crude streaks of paint mocking the once-imposing vessel. “They did all this?”

He nods, his shoulders visibly tightening. “It’s just cosmetic. The systems are fine. Mostly.”

“Mostly?” you repeat, stepping closer. “Din, this ship looks like it’s been through a war zone.”

He doesn’t reply, and you can tell he’s not in the mood to elaborate. Instead, he crouches again, reaching for a wrench and returning to his work.

You hesitate for a moment before moving to stand beside him. “Let me help,” you say softly.

“You don’t have to—”

“I want to,” you cut him off gently. “Besides, I can’t just stand here while you’re trying to fix this mess on your own.”

He looks up at you, his visor tilting slightly. After a long pause, he nods, gesturing for you to kneel beside him.

As you settle into place, your fingers itching to inspect the intricate mechanics, a wave of curiosity mixes with an odd, unexpected warmth. You’ve always been drawn to machines, but seeing this ship—Din’s ship—up close feels different, almost intimate. You’ve always believed that a vehicle said a lot about their owner.

Your fingers quickly unbuckle your cloak, letting it settle on the ground around you. You groan softly at the skirt pooling there— it’s not the ideal attire for the work you’re about to do, but it’ll have to work. You could take it off if you felt desperate enough, but parading around in a pair of bloomers didn’t sound all that appealing with Din around.

You reach into the metal toolbox and dig around, quickly fishing out a flathead screwdriver. Turning it in your hand, you glance at the section of exposed wiring Din was working on. It’s a mess of tangled cables, scorched ends, and fraying insulation—a nightmare to anyone but a seasoned mechanic.

Din watches as you inspect it, his helmet tilting slightly. “You’ve done this before,” he says, not quite a question.

You smirk faintly, tugging a stubborn piece of wiring into view. “Let’s just say I’ve seen my fair share of ships in worse shape than this.”

“Worse?” he echoes, a hint of skepticism in his tone.

“Oh, much worse,” you reply, carefully stripping a length of wire with practiced ease. “You’d be surprised what passes for a ‘functional’ ship on the wrong side of the galaxy.”

He hums in acknowledgment, shifting his focus back to another part of the panel. The silence between you is comfortable, punctuated only by the occasional clang of tools and the rustle of leaves in the forest. If he’s curious about your ‘past life’ so to speak, he doesn’t ask.

As you work, your eyes drift over the Razor Crest’s exterior. Even battered and vandalized, it has an odd charm—a utilitarian design that speaks to functionality. You can’t help but feel a pang of admiration for the ship, even if it’s not your personal style preference.

“You built this?” you ask, glancing at him.

Din hesitates, his hands pausing mid-motion. “Rebuilt it,” he admits after a moment. “It’s been through a lot.”

You nod, your fingers deftly splicing two wires together. “I can tell. It’s solid, though. Strong,” you reach for the handheld smelter, smiling, “It suits you.”

He glances at you, and though you can’t see his face, you can feel the weight of his gaze. “Solid?”

You snort, focusing your gaze on your handywork. “It’s a compliment.”

“The way ‘big’ is, right?” he retorts, and you can almost feel the light jest in his tone. It makes you feel giddy all of a sudden, and you let him know with a toothy grin.

“Quick learner.”

For a while, the two of you work in unison, falling into a rhythm. You hand him tools without needing to ask, and he quietly adjusts the parts you’re working on when your hands get in the way. It’s a strange kind of camaraderie, but it feels… right. You’ve almost missed this.

Eventually, you sit back on your heels, wiping a smudge of grease from your cheek. “There,” you say, gesturing to the now-repaired section. “That should hold, at least until you can get proper parts.”

Din inspects your work, nodding in approval. “Not bad,” he says, and you swear there’s a hint of warmth in his voice. Maybe you are getting better at reading him after all.

You grin, brushing off your skirt and gripping your cloak as you stand. “I’ll take that as high praise.”

As Din rises to his feet, you catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of your eye—a small, familiar figure peeking out from the open ramp of the ship. Grogu. His wide eyes gleam with curiosity as he watches the two of you, his tiny ears twitching.

You smile, lifting your hand in a small wave. “Hey, kiddo,” you call softly.

Grogu lets out a delighted coo, waddling toward you with surprising speed. He stops just short of your legs, tilting his head up expectantly.

His eyes are slightly squinted, the few strands of hair on his head mussed. You realise he was probably taking a nap just now.

You crouch down, reaching for your basket.

“I brought something for you,” you say through a wide smile, pulling back the checkered cloth to reveal the carefully packed food. Grogu’s ears perk up immediately.

You withdraw a small, paper parcel, flipping over the folded top and handing it to Grogu.

He looks inside with a delighted chirp, reaching his little hand in.

“It’s smoked, dried eopie,” you explain as Grogu withdraws a piece of the leathery meat, “It’s a very popular snack here. I prepare it myself, for the winter.”

Din sighs, crossing his arms. “You’re spoiling him,” he says, though there’s no real reproach in his tone.

You glance up at him, a playful smile tugging at your lips. “Someone has to,” you reply as Grogu begins gnawing at the treat.

“He likes it,” you note, your gaze lingering on the little green child.

Din shifts slightly, the leather of his gloves creaking as he adjusts his stance. “He likes anything edible,” he replies dryly, but there’s a softness to his voice that betrays his affection.

You settle back onto your heels, still holding the basket. “I figured you might need some supplies anyway,” you say, turning your attention back to Din. “Judging by the state of things, you’ve been busy.”

Din doesn’t respond immediately, his helmet dipping slightly as if considering his next words. You can’t help the way your eyes drift down to the collar of his shirt, watching the skin there in a certain awe. Without the armor, you can tell the full extent of his figure— strong, taut, and takk.

“It’s been an adjustment,” he finally admits, and you hope you weren’t staring. Not like he’d point it out to you.

You nod. “Well, you two aren’t alone,” you offer gently. “Not while you’re here, at least.”

He looks at you then, the T-visor fixed squarely on your face. Even without seeing his expression, you feel the intensity of his gaze—a silent assessment.

“Why?” he asks, his voice low.

The question catches you off guard, and you pause, the leaves rustling softly in the breeze swirling between you. “Why what?”

“Why are you helping us?”

It’s a fair question, and one you’ve asked yourself more than once. Still, faced with it now, you struggle to answer.

You glance at Grogu, who’s now clumsily climbing into your lap, his snack still firmly in grubby hand. He looks up at you with wide, trusting eyes, and your chest tightens.

“I want to,” you say finally, brushing a gentle hand over Grogu’s head. It’s surprisingly soft, like a fuzzy peach. “Everyone deserves a little kindness.”

Din doesn’t reply, but the slight tilt of his helmet suggests he’s mulling over your words. After a moment, he nods—a small, almost imperceptible gesture. You’re surprised your answer seems to have sated him, because you’re not sure if you believe in it yourself.

Grogu coos again, leaning his small frame against you, and you can’t help but smile.

“It’s not a hassle for me,” you elaborate, placing your free hand on the basket. “And it’s not much, anyway. But I want you to take it.”

Din takes a step closer, possibly eyeing the contents.

“What’s in it?” he asks.

You lift the cloth, revealing the carefully arranged contents. “Just a few things to make your stay here a little more bearable. Well… at least for a while. Some of it’s for the kid, but there’s plenty for you, too.” You almost can’t help yourself winking at your little jest, but finally decide against it. You hope your smile is enough. “I don’t doubt you’re capable of just hunting for food, but this is a lot tastier. I promise.”

Din’s visor tilts toward you, and you imagine he’s raising a skeptical eyebrow beneath the helmet. “You didn’t have to do—”

“Din,” you cut him off softly, meeting the blank of his visor. You’re grinning now— there’s recognition in your eyes, for him. For his repeated refusal. “That’s why I did.”

It’s quiet between you for a moment, save for the whistling wind among the treeline and Grogu’s soft smacks as he gobbles down his treat.

“Thank you,” Din says finally, his voice quieter than before.

You nod, your smile tinged with pride now. “You’re welcome.”

Grogu chirps again, leaving your skirted lap and instead clambering up Din’s calf. The man shifts slightly, watching the baby coo. You chuckle, imagining the two speak in a language only they can understand.

“Well,” you say, clapping your hands, “Since I’m already here, how about I make myself useful? You’ve got a lot of work left on the ship.”

Din sighs, eyeing the ship again. The wireage you managed to fix together was only a dent (literally) in the overall damage, and you have a gnawing feeling that he’s probably still set on doing it all alone.

But then, he gestures toward the toolbox. “If you insist.”

Oh. So it was that easy, after all.

You grin, grabbing at your skirts and relocating towards the toolbox. “Don’t worry, Din,” you say as you kneel by another scuff. “We’ll have this old bucket flying in no time.”

“Old bucket?” Din echoes, the faintest hint of amusement in his voice.

You smirk, not looking up as your hand reaches for a wrench. “I call it like I see it.”

—

As the sun dips lower in the sky, the three of you fall into a comfortable rhythm—Din focusing on the structural repairs, you tackling the wiring, and Grogu happily alternating between supervising and snacking.

At some point you realise you’ve fixed the biggest holes, and all that’s left to tackle is the graffiti. Not a problem, it’d be a quick wipe-down.

“I think we’re done here,” you nod as you stand, breathing heavily as you wipe a bead of moisture from your temple. “Didn’t even break a sweat, right?”

You catch Din crouching by the toolbox, his visor on you. You give him a smile, curious if he’ll retort.

Din tilts his helmet slightly, a gesture you’ve learned to peg as amusement. “You’re sweating,” he points out, his voice flat but tinged with that subtle dryness.

You roll your eyes, flattening out your skirt. “You try untangling thirty-year-old wiring and not breaking a sweat.”

Grogu coos in agreement—or at least, you take it as agreement—his tiny hands clutching a stray bolt he’s found on the ground and beginning to chew on it.

Din stands, his full height momentarily casting a long shadow over you in the golden light of the setting sun. You feel dwarfed under his stature, even sans armor— his aura is palpable, unbreaking, making you feel safe by just being in proximity.

“I’ll handle the rest,” he says, nodding toward the graffiti-streaked hull.

“You sure?” you ask, brushing your grease-stained hands on your skirt. Oops, you hope it washes off. “I don’t mind.”

“I’m sure.” He turns toward the ship, reaching for a cleaning rag from the toolbox. “You’ve done enough.”

You hesitate, watching him move with the kind of purposeful efficiency that seems ingrained in everything he does. It feels odd to step back now, after working together so seamlessly. Still, you decide not to argue.

Instead, you glance down at Grogu, who’s now investigating the hem of your skirt. “What do you think, kid? Think we did a good job?”

Grogu babbles something indecipherable, holding up his prized bolt like it’s the galaxy’s greatest treasure. You laugh softly, crouching to his level. “I’ll take that as a yes, little guy.”

Din pauses mid-wipe, glancing back at the two of you. “You don’t have to stay,” he says, his tone unreadable.

Uh… is he… throwing you out? It’s a little hard to tell as usual, but you feel like niceties are lost on someone like him so you imagine that if he wanted you gone, he’d tell you outright.

You huff, brushing your hands together. “I know. But maybe I’ll keep you company a little longer.”

Grogu looks up at you with a chirp, reaching out a hand with the bolt still inside, like he’s offering you a prize. You chuckle, gently taking it between your fingers and closing it within the safety of your palm.

“…Plus, we should probably check the ship’s functionality on board,” you add, finally feeling bold enough to match Din’s gaze. It’s a little rude of you, you think, forcing yourself onto his ship. But you’re right, it’s important to check for vitality.

Din stands silently for a moment, his helmet tilting slightly as if considering your suggestion—or perhaps your audacity. It’s always hard to tell what’s going on behind that visor.

Din finishes wiping the last streak of graffiti and tosses the rag back into the toolbox. “Come on,” he says, his voice low but clear. He gestures toward the open ramp of the Razor Crest, his broad frame silhouetted by the fading light.

You blink, surprised by the invitation. “On board?”

“That’s where the control panel is,” He nods once, already moving toward the ship. Of course you know that, it’s not what you meant.

You start to speak, but the words die in your throat. Maybe it’s better to keep things simple and not question his decisions. Again, if he wanted you gone, you’d be gone by now.

“You said we should check the systems. Better you see for yourself,” he adds, and it’s reassurance enough for you to accept.

You glance down at Grogu, who chirps in approval, waddling ahead of you onto the ramp as though he’s in charge of the whole operation. So kriffin’ cute. Smiling, you follow him, stepping carefully onto the metal incline.

The Razor Crest’s interior greets you with a utilitarian glare, the faint hum of dormant systems vibrating beneath your feet. It’s not what you’d call cozy, but there’s something oddly comfortable about it—a machine stripped down to its bare essentials, much like its owner, you think.

Your eyes drift around, taking in the details. Crates and compartments are stacked neatly in every available space, each labeled with lines of some sort of code.

You catch a few, small doorways, and imagine those to be separate rooms of some kind. You don’t approach out of respect, but your curiosity simmers quietly beneath the surface.

“It’s nice,” you say earnestly, “A lot cozier than I thought.”

He tilts his head to glance at you as you reach a wall-bolted ladder. His hand rests on one of the upper rungs as he surveys your expression.

“Cozy?” he repeats as if the word was completely foreign to him.

You shrug with a soft smile. “It’s lived in.”

He keeps his eyes on you for a second longer before replying again. “It does its job for now.”

You bite your lip then, mulling over his words as he finally moves up the cockpit. You linger there for a moment, looking down at Grogu who’s now holding his hands up, boring into you with those big eyes of his.

“Come on, little guy,” you smile, crouching down to capture him in one arm as you ascend the ladder.

The Razor Crest’s cockpit is what you’d expect it to be; lined with control panels, a main seat for the pilot— Din— and two tucked just by the wall. The throttle and yoke look just about usual, and so do all the finders. The only step away from the mundane are the panoramic windows that give a thorough view of space, or in this case, the treeline stretching ahead.

You watch as Din takes a seat, eyeing down the familiar controls. He toggles some buttons, you don’t see which, but the ship eventually thrums to life with a steady hum.

You sigh in relief, until you see the pilot chair swerve a 180 to face you. Your breath stills a bit as you look into Din’s visor, his posture lax as he leans to one side.

You stall there a while, clutching Grogu as your brain short-circuits. You think it’s the way he’s rolled up his sleeves to reveal more tanned skin, or his spread knees— he sits there like he owns the place, and he damn well does.

“Well?” he questions through the modulator, and you need to blink a few times to get back to the present.

“Well?” you repeat, forgetting the point of your visit altogether.

Din sighs, dropping his helmet slightly before he stands tall again. In this smaller, more confined space you’re forced to be in a near-uncomfortable proximity— so close, you can almost see his chest rise and fall with the steady breaths that he takes.

He takes a step forward, and now you feel a thumping in your ears. You think it’s some remnants of the primal fear you’re ought to feel in the presence of someone so domineering, like a prey in a completely foreign domain— his domain.

He looks at you, and your neck cranes to match his visor. Your lips are parted in hopes of breaking the silence, but it feels put on pause as his gaze penetrates your soul. You can’t see it, but you sure as Maker can feel it resonating within your lower tummy.

“The control panels,” he finally mutters as his arms extend towards yours. You panic for a moment before you feel him cradle Grogu, removing him from your oddly tight grip to press him against his chest.

“Oh,” you whisper, watching as Grogu whines in protest. Your eyes move to Din’s visor, then to the control panels behind him. “Right. Right, yeah. Let me check it out.”

He nods, and you sidestep to get to the interface. You plop down in the chair, and swivel around a little to get comfortable before finding the buttons you’re looking for.

“Fueling external power,” you mutter, running down the familiar script in your head. You press a few buttons, and the ship hums again.

“Verifying onboard generator,” you continue, voice growing quieter, but you know you’re being monitored closely. You eye the satnav and nod, repeating the same for the two altitude indicators.

“Everything seems intact,” you murmur, your fingers rapping at the edge of the panel. The lights flicker slightly as you sigh. “Power levels are stable, thrusters are operational—though one of them might be lagging a bit—and navigation is responding well.”

You swivel in your chair to face Din and the kid, and your throat tightens as you’re forced to look up.

There he stands, arms crossed and sans Grogu. You catch a little green in your peripherals, sitting comfortably in the jump seat, but you don’t dare focus on him as Din stands mere inches from you, his stature easily towering over your seated form.

“Lagging thruster,” he repeats, his tone as even and unyielding as ever. “That’s manageable.”

You nod, swallowing against the sudden dryness in your throat. Is he intimidating you on purpose? Maker, if so…

“Yeah, but it could strain the other systems over time. I’d recommend recalibrating it sooner rather than later.” you nod, trying to keep your tone professional. It feels a artificially stiff compared to the friendly lilt you’ve been using with him so far, but it feels necessary.

Din shifts his weight slightly, the movement subtle but noticeable in the cramped quarters.

“I’ll look into it.”

You bunch your arms in your lap, feeling at a loss. Okay, he’ll look into it. That’s fine. It means your work here is done, right?

He’s still crowding your space, so you finally decide to swivel back towards the control panel. You regret it slightly, sure, but the view of the familiar forest ahead makes you exhale the tension he’s built up looking down at you like that.

Both of you stay quiet for a moment, the air between you filled with a strange ease and the soft beeps of the ship. You reach for a lever, and gently pull it down, halting the ships power supply.

As the hum dies down, you suddenly feel the need to speak. It’s too silent for your liking, and you doubt Din minds it as much as you do.

“What do you do?” you finally question, voice so steady it almost surprises you. Yes, you’ve vowed to keep things light and professional between you when you noted his apprehension, but now that you’re here, on the Crest? Helping him sort out his systems, bring him food, cradle his kid? Maybe it won’t hurt to get a little friendly.

“I…” he begins, weighing his next words carefully.

“You don’t need to say if it’s too—” you begin, but are promptly cut off.

“—I’m Mandalorian.”

Okay. Okay…

Maker. A Mandalorian.

Everything comes flowing back to you, the memories, the knowledge. That’s why he seemed so familiar: the armor, the visor, his privacy concerns.

You try to recall all you know about his kind. You’ve heard the tales, the legends if you will— weaving through the countless cantinas you’ve drank at in your life, the hulls of ships you’ve worked on, your old coworkers.

The Mandalorians are mercenaries, bound together by a common religion and principles— their creed.

“Do you still want to stay?” you question, toying with the armrest as you await his response.

You don’t need to wait long, however, as Din sighs softly through the modulator.

“Yes,” he affirms, stilling behind you. Even when you don’t face him, his presence looms over you.

“Why?”

You can tell he’s thinking by the way the silence fills the air between you again.

“It’s complicated right now,” he finally answers, and you heed the subtlety— he’s not ready to tell you. Whatever the reason might be, you know you don’t want to pry more than you already have.

“Okay,” you nod sympathetically, though you know he can’t see you right now. “That’s fine.”

As if on cue, you see him appear by your side. His arms sit firmly against his chest, and he surveys you quietly.

“Why aren’t you curious?” he questions quietly, and you can’t help but shrug as your body angles towards him in the chair.

“I am,” you admit, taking a look at Grogu. He’s sitting in the jump seat still, toying with the screw he found previously.

“Then why don’t you ask questions?” he continues, and your eyes come back to his visor. Does he actually care to know?

“You don’t owe me your story,” you reply simply, playing with the hem of your skirt. “I want to know, but you don’t need to tell me anything. I’m happy to know your name, your ship, your rules.”

He stays quiet, letting you speak freely. You wonder if you’ll say too much.

“But your story?” you continue, swerving to face him fully now. “It’s not for me to extract. It’s for you to share, if it feels right.”

As he listens, you give him a smile. You wish you could see his face now, if only to know if he returned it.

“Strange girl,” he mutters through the modulator, voice low but perfectly audible. Your lips part at the name, nose rouged.

“I mean it,” you nod, turning to Grogu again. When he catches your gaze, he chirps sweetly. “If you couldn’t tell already, I’m not exactly indifferent to your fate.”

You see Din shift slightly in your peripheral. When you look again, you see his arm extended towards you, large palm welcoming your own.

You watch it a while, eyeing his visor as if to make sure of his intentions. When his figure stalls like that, you finally reach out.

Your palms touches the soft, worn leather of his, fingers trembling as you feel his grip tighten. But you’re watching his face now, or where you think his eyes might be, your own sparkling with curiosity.

He effortlessly brings you upwards, letting you move off the seat to match his standing figure. You’re close to him, mere inches as your hand hovers in his. You want to squeeze, intertwine, feel, but before there’s time, he withdraws.

“Thank you,” he finally speaks, and the thrum sends a vibration through your chest. You hold back a soft gasp, his touch gone yet ever so vibrant on your skin. “For everything.”

You can only nod, nearly cross-eyed as you survey him so carefully.

Your lips part to speak through the electricity between you, but you’re stopped in your tracks by a soft force grasping at your boot.

When you look down, you see the little green child pawing at your calf. When you look up to Din again, you see he’s moved back a few steps, surveying Grogu alongside you. The electricity is gone almost as soon as it had appeared.

“I think he likes me,” you chuckle, leaning down to clutch him in your arms. When you stand up again, Din’s helmet shifts between his child, then you.

“It’s all those treats you’ve been feeding him,” he replies, and despite his flat tone, you know he’s joking with you.

“What?!” With smiling eyes, you scoff loudly, eyeing the green ball down. He coos, smiling up at your faux-shocked face. “Can you believe it, baby? Your dad doubts our love.”

“You bribed him,” he elaborates, tone softer than before. You smile mischeviously.

“I did no such thing,” you retort dramatically, smoothing down the child’s fluffy, fur-like locks. “Our bond is genuine.”

“Oh, yeah?” Din questions, but the tilt of his helmet and the tone he adresses you with makes it feel almost… taunting. Domineering.

“Is that a challenge? Are you challenging me?” you reply, and can’t help the chuckle that rips from your throat as you look at Grogu again, “Tell him he doesn’t want this, Grogu.”

The Mandalorian laughs. It’s similarly soft, rumbling as before, and sends your heart into overdrive for a second as you look up at him with a self-satisfied grin. Such a beautiful sound, yet so precious and rare.

“Oh, and he finds it funny, too,” you fake frown at Grogu, who reaches his grubby hand out to his dad. You sigh happily, passing the baby to the armored man who cradles him with a softness that makes your heart skip a beat.

You look at each other, smiling— or, you’re smiling and praying hard that he is, too.

Grogu chirps, showing Din the bolt he’s been chewing in the jump seat this whole time. The man grabs it with his thumb and forefinger, looking at it with a sigh.

“Little troublemaker,” you smile, but the words are honeyed. Din nods at you.

“Don’t encourage him,” he warns softly, and you laugh.

Peace settles over the cockpit for a moment as darkness settles through the window. The control panel provides just enough illumination for you to catch your reflection in the Mandalorian’s visor.

“It’s late,” you finally point out, nodding towards the large window. Din doesn’t need to follow your gaze to know you’re right. “Thanks for showing me the Crest.”

He nods as you move towards the ladder, lifting your skirt as you hike a foot against the first step.

“Are you…” Din begins, but his voice halts as you look up at him. You know what he wants to say, but perhaps might think it too much. You don’t.

Still, you don’t wish for company on your walk home. You’d feel bad in the rare (but very possible) case that someone comes back to wreck their hard work once again.

“I’m okay,” you nod through a sympathetic smile as you descend one more step. “I know my way back.”

Din stills for a moment, mulling over your words before he nods slowly. You think that letting someone tread through an unlit forest at dusk might go against his protective nature, but again, he has no reason to feel that way towards you.

“Goodnight, Din,” you nod through a chuckle, then look to Grogu. “Bye, baby!”

He bubbles with a soft giggle, and you match it with your own. It’s not nearly as cute, but melts into a sweet, joyful symphony in the silence of the hull.

You keep descending the steps, but before you fully disappear out of view, your smile breaks into a grin as you spot Din watching over you, his firm posture making you feel secure even as you lose sight of his visor.

Your laughter rings through the ship as you leave, cheeks plump, pink, and aching.

The air is chilly outside, and you breathe in deep as you walk towards the thicket. With one last glance back at the Razor Crest, you spot the brilliant sunset painting the horizon behind it as the wind tangles your hair.

[linosaurus-ikuklk]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ SKZ - On Track: I Know I'm a Fool

Summary: After that cold night in the street, where Hyunjin had confessed what he really felt for you, a dense atmosphere had begun to form between the two of you. You thought that he might only be infatuated.

Genre: Romance, Comedy

Trope: Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn (kinda), School Love

Word Count: 6.9k

Notes: This fanfiction is inspired by SKZ's song "바보라도 알아 (Mixtape: On Track)" and its music video. So, this is the part 2! And I think I had it inspired by Horimiya by the tiniest bits lol! You'll see HAHA.

.° ༘🎧⋆🖇₊˚ෆ -바보라도 알아 (Mixtape: On Track)

⟡ ݁₊ . Pt. 1 ⟡ ݁₊ . Part 2

It's so quiet in the office, maybe since the night of the premiere. Awkward atmosphere never seemed to be lifted from the air. You sat there in the uncomfortable silence, your foot twitching as you sat with your legs crossed. The article you're holding is what keeps your eyes and attention occupied even when you've read it 10 times already. And the only sound was the muffled music from Jisung's headphones which spares him from all this unease.

You've been feeling Bangchan's eyes on you since he came in and started editing sounds on his laptop. And now you could tell that he's just staring at you because he has stopped moving from your peripheral vision. Someone coming into the room gains your attention, it is Hyunjin, who immediately catches the atmosphere. He goes to the desk across the room, his cautious eyes glancing at all three of you, especially on you.

You instinctively roll your eyes because that just adds to the guilt that's suffocating you right now. With the laptop closing on a thud that makes you all turn your heads, Bangchan calls your name. “You wanna explain to me what happened after dinner?” You blinked at him a few times before sighing, setting the article aside, you leaned in with your elbows resting on your lap.

He waits for you to speak with that knowing look on his face. Sometimes you would just forget that Bangchan is older than you which he takes advantage of to discipline you. “So…? Care to explain what that was all about?” Bangchan inquires, his eyes searching yours for any clarity. “Jeongin and Seungmin won't tell me anything either, saying that it's best if it'll come from you.”

Your eyes wandered for a bit, wanting to have a break from Bangchan's intense gaze and in doing so, you met Hyunjin's. His expression was unreadable, but something in his eyes tugged at your chest. A lump formed in your throat as you quickly turned back to Bangchan. He wants to know everything that's happening between all of you so that he will know when to step in. He wasn’t just a leader; he was a cornerstone—the pillar of the group, and you're lying to yourself if you didn't see him as a father figure. Not to mention that he has a soft spot for the girls of his group—you and Jaein, being the girl dad he is.

“Jaein and I already talked about it… right after dinner. I…” Your voice faltered, and your eyes betrayed you again, flickering back to Hyunjin. He wasn’t looking this time. Instead, his focus was on the papers in his hands, his jaw tight, as if distancing himself from the weight of your words. “I really liked Minho,” you continued, the words heavier than you expected. “I didn’t think he’d be in a relationship with Jaein. And when I found out… I felt heartbroken.” The admission lingered in the air, raw and unguarded.

Bangchan’s expression softened, his worry now edged with compassion. The warmth in his gaze was almost too much, and you forced a small smile, trying to reassure him—and yourself. “But we’ve talked. Jaein and I… we’re fine now. I’m working through it, one step at a time.” 

He nodded slowly, taking in your words. Then his hand reached out, resting gently on the top of your head before ruffling your hair. His touch was light, but his voice carried a quiet strength. “You know,” he said, his tone soft but steady, “it’s okay to feel this way. Heartbreak doesn’t just disappear because you talked it out—it takes time. And it’s okay to take that time. You don’t have to rush to be okay.” His words hung in the air for a moment, grounding you in their sincerity. “You’re stronger than you think,” he added, his gaze holding yours with unwavering support. “And we’re all here for you—me, Jaein, the others. Whatever you need, don’t forget that, alright?”

The knot in your chest loosened, if only slightly, and you managed a small nod. His smile returned, warm and reassuring, as his hand gave your hair one last affectionate ruffle. 

And as if he hadn’t been breathing for the past thirty minutes, Jisung finally let out a dramatic exhale. His headphones were off in an instant, clattering onto the desk as he shot up from his seat. Stretching his arms high above his head, he let out a loud, almost primal scream that echoed through the room, startling anyone who hadn’t been paying attention. “Finally! I can move again!” he exclaimed, his voice filled with exaggerated relief. Without waiting for a response, he grabbed his phone and stuffed it into his pocket, practically bounding toward the door. “Bye!”

He didn’t even bother looking back, his energy bouncing off the walls like a released spring. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving the room in stunned silence for a beat before a quiet chuckle escaped from one of the others. “That guy,” Bangchan muttered, shaking his head, but there was no hiding the amused grin spreading across his face.

But the uneasiness still clung to you and it doesn’t seem to go away. Your eyes drifted again, this time landing on Hyunjin, who was sitting on the other side of the room. He looked like a painting—one of those broody, artsy types people would analyze for hours—but instead of depth, it was clear his brain was caught in some train of thought that had probably derailed three stations ago.

Not being able to handle the dense atmosphere between the two of you anymore, you excused yourself and exited the room in a fuss. ~~

You spent your afternoon with Jaein, just the two of you navigating the fairgrounds like it was old times. Today was the last day of the fair, and you both decided—almost telepathically—that it was the perfect excuse to step out of your heads for a bit. And honestly? It helped. The smell of fried food, the distant laughter of the other students hanging out, and the clinking of carnival games seemed to peel away some of the heaviness hanging in the air.

Jaein was over the moon to see you loosen up. You could tell by the way she kept stealing glances at you, her smile just a little too wide, like she was making sure it wasn’t an act. And maybe it wasn’t quite the same yet—maybe it would take a while for that effortless closeness to come back—but there was something comforting in the effort itself.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Jaein said as you both sat on a bench, sharing a paper tray of greasy fries. The sun was beginning to set, painting the fair in warm golden hues, and for a moment, it felt like the world had pressed pause. “Me too,” you admitted, plucking a fry from the tray. “I didn’t think we’d get here so quickly, though. I mean, after that night…” You trailed off, unsure if you were ruining the mood.

Jaein sighed, leaning back against the bench and watching a group of elementary students run by with cotton candy bigger than their heads. “Yeah, that night was… rough,” she said, her tone soft but steady. “But I think we handled it, didn’t we? Like, mature adults and everything. Who knew we had it in us?” You laughed, the sound bubbling out before you could stop it. “Speak for yourself. That was the most adult thing I’ve ever done in my life. I half expected balloons to drop from the ceiling in celebration or something.”

Jaein chuckled, nudging you with her shoulder. “See? Growth. We should be proud. Look at us—handling feelings and not making a total mess of things.”

“Not yet, anyway,” you quipped, biting into another fry. She tilted her head, her smile softening. “But seriously, I’m glad we talked. I’d hate to think of losing you over… all that.” Her voice dipped just slightly, enough to tell you she meant every word. You looked at her, the weight of her words settling in. “Same,” you said simply, because sometimes a single word was enough.

The fair buzzed around you—laughter, music, the hum of rides—but between you and Jaein, there was a quiet kind of peace. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real, and for now, that was enough.

~~

You didn’t even notice it at first, but somehow, a week had already slipped past you. Time felt strange—too fast when you were distracted, too slow when you were alone with your thoughts. With Jaein’s help, you’d manage to loosen up around Minho. It wasn’t exactly effortless, but it was progress, and you were proud of that in your own quiet way.

The film club had gone silent, with no projects or meetings to fill the gaps. Midterm exams loomed on the horizon, casting a shadow over everyone’s schedules and making it harder to run into the others. Yet, amidst all the absences, there was one you couldn’t quite adjust to.

Hwang Hyunjin.

During your afternoon class, you would catch glimpses of him in the courtyard. He was always perched somewhere quiet, sketchpad balanced on his knees, pencil flying across the page like it held the answers to every question in the world. Sometimes, his gaze would flicker toward your classroom window. But when your eyes would meet, he gave nothing away. No smile, no wave—nothing. He would look away, as if you weren’t even there.

It confused you. Maybe even offended you, though you wouldn’t say that out loud.

There were times you’d see him with Minho and Changbin too, their laughter spilling through the halls like everything was perfectly fine again. The tension between them was gone, leaving behind the easy camaraderie they’d always shared. And you were happy for them—genuinely, you were.

But when it was just you and Hyunjin, even in a crowd, something shifted. When your group gathered at the gates, his guard went up as if he’d been expecting an ambush. He stayed at a deliberate distance, avoiding your eyes and keeping his words clipped and impersonal. And there you’d be, standing beside Jaein, the confusion thick in your chest as you watched him retreat into himself.

And that wasn’t all. There was something else lingering beneath the surface—a guilt you couldn’t quite name, a longing you didn’t want to admit.

His words echoed faintly in your mind, as if carried back to you on a stray breeze. “I can’t lose someone again. I can’t lose you.” He’d said them with so much weight, so much sincerity, that you still weren’t sure how to carry them. And yet, you’d left him standing there on that cold street, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to feel.

The doubts had crept in like shadows. Hadn’t he just liked Jaein a week or two before that? Wasn’t it possible that you were just a placeholder, the only person who happened to be there when he needed someone? Maybe it wasn’t you he wanted at all—maybe it was the idea of not being alone.

But if that were true… why was he avoiding you now?

You couldn’t shake the questions that gnawed at the edges of your mind. Why couldn’t he even bear to look at you for more than a second? Why did he keep himself just outside your reach, like the distance between you was the only thing keeping him afloat?

You needed to know. You needed to understand the reason behind his sudden distance, the way he seemed to shrink away from you like you were the one who might break him. Or worse, like he thought he might break you.

~~

“Come on, please! I need someone to look after my nephew!” For the past twenty minutes, Jaein had been clinging to you like a koala on its favorite tree, tugging at your arm with increasing desperation. She was relentless, her big, pleading eyes boring into yours as if sheer willpower alone could make you change your mind. 

“Jaein, I already told you, I can’t,” you said softly, trying to keep your tone gentle, as if she were a fragile porcelain doll. She may have been younger and undeniably cute, but that didn’t mean she could get away with everything. “Why not?!” she whined, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet now. “You’re literally free all day! What else are you going to do—stare at the ceiling and mope?”

Your deadpan expression didn’t falter. “It’s called self-care, Jaein.” She groaned dramatically, throwing her head back as if the weight of the world had been placed on her shoulders. “You don’t even like staring at the ceiling!”

“Exactly,” you replied dryly, crossing your arms. “That’s how serious I am about not babysitting your nephew.”

“But it’s Minho,” she said, shaking your arm again like an overexcited puppy. “I finally got him to ask me out, and you’re just going to let me cancel because of a four-year-old who likes dinosaurs and doesn’t even throw tantrums?!”

“Jaein,” you said, fixing her with a pointed look, “Junho doesn’t throw tantrums because I do when I’m left alone with kids. It’s self-preservation.” She pouted, her lips forming the kind of exaggerated frown that might’ve worked on a parent—or a more gullible friend. But you weren’t falling for it. Not this time.

“Please, please, please! I’ll owe you for the rest of my life! I’ll do your laundry! I’ll buy you coffee every day for a month!” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Jaein, I don’t even drink coffee every day.”

“Then I’ll… I’ll buy you a cake! Or noodles! Whatever you want!” She was practically vibrating now, it could almost break your tough facade. You stared at her, weighing your options. On the one hand, you really didn’t want to babysit because babies aren’t really your forte. Heck, you’re scared you might even kick them out of annoyance. On the other hand, the idea of helping them actually brings a smile to your lips. And the fact that you could actually ask them back for a favor—like letting Minho handle the essay papers he’s all too familiar with, it may not be a bad idea at all.

“Fine,” you muttered finally, throwing your hands up in defeat. “YES!” Jaein cheered, jumping up and down before tackling you into a tight hug. “I knew you loved me!” You just muffled a laugh on her shoulder, actually loving the way she seemed so bubbly.

She pulled back, grinning from ear to ear. “I promise you won’t regret it. He’s an angel. A literal angel.” You raised an eyebrow. “If he’s an angel, why are you so desperate to pawn him off on me?” She laughed nervously, already backing toward the door. “Gotta go! Minho’s waiting! Thanks, you’re the best!”

“Alright, enjoy!” And with that, she was gone, leaving you alone in your living room with a growing sense of dread—and the realization that you had absolutely no idea what you’d just signed up for.

~~

By the afternoon, you finally dragged yourself out of the house, wearing a loose shirt and black sweatpants. You didn’t even bother fixing your hair—after all, it’s just a four-year-old kid. You grabbed some bread you knew the kid would like and headed to Jaein’s house, just a street away.

When you got there, you noticed a pair of unfamiliar slippers by the door. You guessed they might belong to Minho, already making himself comfortable. The thought of feeling jealous that he was with Jaein made you laugh—it was just the usual best friend and boyfriend dynamic.

You quietly entered, took off your own purple slippers, and as you turned the corner, you stopped dead in your tracks. You blinked, almost dropping the bread in your hand. It wasn’t a dream or a hallucination. It was Hyunjin.

*+:｡.｡ Earlier

"Have you ever wondered what tissue paper tastes like?" Minho teased, chasing Hyunjin around the apartment with five sheets of tissue in his hand, a mischievous grin on his face. Hyunjin’s eyes widened in panic, and before anyone could react, he dashed across the room. "Yah! Stop it, it’s not funny!" Hyunjin shouted, his voice rising in fear as he hid behind furniture, trying to escape. For the next ten minutes, the two of them ran around the apartment, weaving around the coffee table, jumping over the couch, and almost knocking over a lamp. Whether you were Hyunjin, out of breath and barely holding it together, or just a helpless bystander, it was exhausting to watch.

"You’re not going to convince me to babysit if you keep chasing me with tissue paper as your weapon!" Hyunjin crouched behind the couch, shielding himself from Minho’s next move. After a moment, he dropped his arms and sat down on the couch, still holding the tissues. He wore his signature : ] smile, looking way too pleased for someone who’d just put his best friend through such madness.

The half naked guy raises from the ground with his guard still up, eyeing the murder weapon on his friend’s hand. “It’ll only be until eight,” Minho offered casually, as though the past ten minutes hadn’t happened. “Eight?” Hyunjin echoes. “Aren't Jaein’s parents at home?” The cat shakes his head at that.

Hyunjin bites his lower lip, shooting a skeptical glance between Minho and the tissues. “I’m not gonna feed you anymore tissues,” he raised his hands up in the air and the younger friend cocks an eyebrow at that. “Or ask you to bathe my cats.” Minho added, the corners of his mouth twitching as though he were fighting back a grin. Hyunjin sighed, finally reaching for his shirt, which had been unceremoniously abandoned on the floor during his escape attempt. “Fine. But you don’t get to bully me—” 

Before the sentence could leave his mouth, Minho struck. In a flash, a wad of tissues was stuffed into Hyunjin’s mouth, and Minho’s triumphant, diabolical laughter filled the entire apartment.

*+:｡.｡

“So… this is why you’re here too,” you said, your voice quieter than you intended. The words hung awkwardly in the air, as if neither of you wanted to fully acknowledge them. Hyunjin nodded, but his eyes stayed on Junho in his arms, his fingers absentmindedly smoothing the fabric of the child’s tiny shirt. “Yeah,” he replied after a beat, the corner of his lips twitching in what was probably meant to be a smile. Instead, it looked more like a grimace. The laugh that followed was strained, thin enough to make your stomach twist with unease.

Junho tugged at Hyunjin’s sleeve then, mercifully cutting through the tension. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, grateful for the distraction. The boy’s wide eyes wandered to the piece of bread in your hand, and he reached out with both hands, his focus so determined it almost made you laugh. You handed it to him, and he took it gingerly, mumbling a barely audible, “Thank you.”

Something softened in you at his words. Hyunjin’s gaze flicked up to meet yours, and his lips curved into a faint smile that felt more sincere this time. “Polite, isn’t he?” You nodded, watching the boy nibble on the bread with a concentration that seemed almost comical. “Yeah,” you murmured. “He’s proving me wrong.” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, tilting his head. “About what?”

“About not wanting to babysit him,” you admitted with a half-shrug, hoping to sound casual and not let the lump in your throat strain your voice. “I thought he’d be a lot harder to handle.” Hyunjin let out a small laugh—this one genuine, light, but still tinged with something you couldn’t quite place. “He’s actually pretty easy. Way easier than Minho’s cats.” The mental image of Hyunjin chasing after Minho’s perpetually moody cats teased the corner of your lips but the smile never formed. “That’s not saying much.”

“Nope,” Hyunjin replied, a grin flashing briefly across his face before his attention returned to the boy. “But still. He’s a good kid.” There was something tender in the way he spoke, the way his hand rested lightly on the boy’s back, steadying him as he leaned forward to grab another piece of bread from the tray between you. It was rare to see Hyunjin like this—calm, patient, and utterly present.

For a moment, you simply watched them, your earlier reluctance fading into something softer. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

Junho glanced up at you then, crumbs clinging to his cheeks, and offered you a shy smile. “You’re nice, auntie” he said, his voice so earnest it caught you off guard. You blinked, feeling a warmth spread through you as you returned his smile. “You’re not so bad yourself, kid.”

Hyunjin laughed again, a quiet sound that felt more like a sigh of relief. And as the three of you sat there, the earlier awkwardness melting away, you realized that sometimes, even unexpected situations could turn into something surprisingly comforting.

When the boy finally fell asleep in Hyunjin’s arms, his head tucked against his chest, Hyunjin stood carefully. “I’ll put him to bed,” he murmured. You nodded, watching as he disappeared into the small room down the hall.

Left alone, the silence felt heavier again, wrapping around you like an unwelcome blanket. Your thoughts swirled—questions you hadn’t asked, feelings you didn’t want to face. Now’s the opportunity for you to confront him, even the anxiety that you’ve been carrying won’t be enough to weigh you down and stop you from knowing what happened between the two of you. By the time Hyunjin returned, you’d already sighed more times than you could count.

He closed the boy’s door gently, his movements careful as he rejoined you on the couch. The seat beside you dipped slightly as he sat down, his quick glance brushing yours before darting away again.

You swallowed hard, biting your lower lip. The words you’d been holding back threatened to spill over, but you didn’t know where to start. Finally, you broke the silence, your voice quieter than you intended. “Did you tell them?” Hyunjin frowned, turning to look at you fully. “Tell who what?”

You shifted uncomfortably, your fingers twisting together in your lap. “Jaein and Minho,” you clarified, your tone unintentionally sharper this time. “About… us. About whatever this is.”

The moment the words left your lips, you saw it—the slight flinch, the flicker of guilt that passed through his eyes like a shadow he couldn’t quite hide. His shoulders slumped as he shook his head, his gaze briefly falling to his hands. “I didn’t say anything,” he admitted quietly, the defensiveness you expected nowhere to be found. Instead, his voice carried a weight that matched your own. “They probably just… noticed.”

You blinked, his response hitting harder than it should have. “Noticed what?” you asked, the frustration you’d been trying to suppress breaking free. Your words came faster now, tumbling out before you could stop them. “That we’re barely even talking? That everything feels off? That we can’t even be in the same room without—”

You stopped yourself, your voice catching. Without what? Without feeling this ache, this unspoken tension that seemed to grow every time you were near him? Without pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t?

Hyunjin winced as if your words physically hurt, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck—a habit you recognized all too well. “Yeah,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe.”

It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t even close to enough, and the hollow ache in your chest swelled, threatening to consume you. You shook your head, exhaling sharply as you leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees. “That’s it?” you muttered, more to yourself than to him.

He didn’t answer right away. The silence stretched unbearably, thick with everything you both refused to say. When he finally spoke, his voice was unsteady, like he was trying to hold something together that was already cracking. “What do you want me to say?”

The vulnerability in his tone made your heart lurch, but it wasn’t enough to soothe the frustration bubbling beneath the surface. You sat up straight, meeting his gaze head-on. “I don’t know, Hyunjin. Maybe… maybe just tell me what you’re thinking. Because I’ve been trying to figure this out on my own, and it’s exhausting.”

His eyes searched yours, and for a moment, you thought he might actually say something, that he might finally let you in. But then his lips parted, only to press together again in a thin line. His silence was deafening, and it made your chest tighten painfully.

“Forget it,” you said, standing abruptly, the motion sharp enough to make him flinch. “If you can’t even talk to me, then what’s the point?”

“Wait,” Hyunjin said quickly, his voice desperate now as he reached out, his hand brushing your wrist before you could move further away. “I—” He hesitated, his fingers trembling slightly against your skin. “I’m scared, okay?”

You froze, his words catching you completely off guard. Slowly, you turned back to him, your expression softening despite yourself. “Scared of what?” Hyunjin’s hand dropped back into his lap as he looked away, his jaw tightening. “Of saying the wrong thing. Of making this worse. Of losing you.” His voice cracked on the last part, and he exhaled shakily, his shoulders hunched as if bracing himself for a blow.

Your anger ebbed away, replaced by a wave of something much heavier, much harder to ignore. “Hyunjin,” you started, your tone gentler now, but he cut you off, his voice rising slightly. “I don’t know how to fix this,” he admitted, his eyes finally meeting yours. They were glistening, his raw emotions laid bare in a way that made your chest ache. “But I don’t want this to be it. I don’t want us to just… fall apart.”

The sincerity in his voice was almost unbearable, and for a moment, you couldn’t find the words to respond. But as you looked at him—really looked at him, with all his flaws and fears and everything that made him Hyunjin—you realized that maybe, just maybe, you didn’t want to fall apart either.

“I’ve been scared since the night you left me on that street,” he confessed, his voice trembling as the words spilled out, raw and unguarded. The pit in your stomach grew, heavy and twisting as the memory resurfaced. “I tried to act like it didn’t matter, like it was just another moment, but it wasn’t. You walked away, and it felt like… like you took a piece of me with you.”

You swallowed hard, your hands gripping the fabric of your shirt as your mind raced. You remembered that night, the way you’d walked away from him with the weight of your emotions bearing down on you, unsure of what else to do. It had been easier to leave, to avoid confronting the feelings neither of you seemed ready to face.

“I didn’t know how to reach you after that,” Hyunjin continued, his voice breaking. “Every time I tried, it felt like I was making it worse. So I stayed quiet. I thought… maybe you didn’t want me to try.” He pulled back slightly, his gaze meeting yours, and the sheer vulnerability in his eyes nearly broke you. “But I never stopped wanting to.”

Your heart clenched painfully as you took in his words, the depth of his emotions, the way his voice cracked like he was unraveling right in front of you. “Hyunjin…” you started, but your voice faltered. You didn’t know what to say, how to respond to the storm of emotions he was laying bare.

He shook his head, his grip on your arms tightening as if afraid you’d slip away. “I don’t want you to say something just to make me feel better,” he said, his tone desperate yet firm. “I need to know, even if it hurts. Do I have a chance? Or is this… is it already over before it even started?”

The question hung heavy in the air, the weight of it pressing down on you like a tidal wave. You wanted to answer him, to give him the clarity he deserved, but your thoughts were a tangled mess of emotions—fear, doubt, longing, and something deeper that you couldn’t quite name.

“I don’t know,” you admitted finally, your voice barely above a whisper. It wasn’t the answer he wanted, and the pain that flashed across his face felt like a knife twisting in your chest. “Hyunjin, I’m scared too. I don’t know how to handle this, how to handle us.”

He exhaled sharply, his hands falling to his sides, and for a moment, he looked utterly defeated. But then he nodded, as if steeling himself against the heartbreak. “I can handle being scared,” he said softly. “I can handle not knowing. But I can’t handle losing you without even trying.”

The raw determination in his voice made your breath hitch. He wasn’t giving up—not on you, not on whatever this was between you. And as you looked at him, his face etched with pain and hope all at once, you realized that maybe you didn’t want him to give up either.

“I’m not ready to lose you either,” you admitted, the words escaping before you could stop them. They hung between you, fragile but sincere, and for the first time, you saw a flicker of relief in his eyes. It wasn’t a resolution, but it was a start. A small, tentative step toward something neither of you fully understood but couldn’t bear to let go of.

Hyunjin nodded again, his lips pressing into a faint, trembling smile. “Then we’ll figure it out,” he said, his voice steady despite the tears that still lingered in his eyes. “Together.”

And in that moment, with the weight of the past still heavy on your shoulders but the promise of something new lingering in the air, you let yourself believe that maybe, just maybe, you could.

~~

By 8 pm, Jaein and Minho had already returned home, both practically buzzing with excitement from the day spent together. It was as if they hadn't seen each other for weeks, even though they spent nearly every moment of the day in each other's company. The thought of coming home to find you and Hyunjin in the same space, perhaps finally working things out, thrilled them both. Jaein, in particular, had a feeling that if anything was off between the two of you, you'd never let it drag on. You’d confront it head-on, and she knew you were getting your chance tonight. And she was right.

When Minho opened the door for Jaein, the sound of laughter drifted through the house, light and carefree. The couple exchanged a knowing glance, their smiles both playful and victorious. The sound of you two together was the answer they’d hoped for.

“Told you it would work. You’re welcome.” Jaein murmured with a satisfied grin, nudging Minho with her elbow. Minho chuckled softly, wrapping an arm around her, rolling his eyes as he gave her a squeeze. “Alright, alright, but you’ve got to admit, the timing was a bit perfect.”

Their playful conversation faded as they neared the kitchen, the warmth of the laughter growing louder. They peeked around the corner, and the sight before them made them pause. You and Hyunjin were standing by the counter, the kitchen a chaotic but homey scene of flour, mixing bowls, and baking sheets. There was no denying the bond that had developed in the brief span of time since they’d left—Hyunjin was laughing as you scolded him for some baking mishap, his expression full of lightness and amusement.

But what caught their attention was the little boy, Jaein’s nephew, who was sitting at the kitchen table, happily munching on a cookie you’d apparently just finished. He had flour all over his face, but the grin he wore was pure joy, a reminder of the innocence and simplicity of childhood. “Hey, I told you to pour it slowly!” you exclaimed, trying to stifle your laughter but failing miserably. “I did!” Hyunjin protested, though the trail of flour down his sleeve suggested otherwise. “This bag just hates me, okay?”

“Uncle is not good at cooking, you shouldn’t marry him,” the boy comments at Hyunjin, a wide grin present on his cookie dusted mouth. Hyunjin gives him a playful glare, a pout that could make you want to kiss him is present on his lips. “How dare you?”

Jaein coughed to announce their presence, a sly smile tugging at her lips. “Looks like you three are having fun.” Both of you froze, turning to look at the couple in the doorway. Hyunjin quickly tried to dust off his hands, though it only made the mess worse, while you reached up to brush some flour off his hair, your cheeks flushed from embarrassment—or maybe something else.

Junho jumps down from the table with the help of the chair and runs toward Jaein and Minho. He greets them with a joyous smile that makes it obvious that he enjoyed being with you and Hyunjin. Minho picks up the kid in his arms and he ultimately clings onto his aunt’s boyfriend. “Hey,” you said, your voice a mix of nervousness and excitement, as if you’d just been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to. “You’re back early.” Jaein raised an eyebrow. “It’s 8:30. That’s not exactly early.” Her gaze flicked between you and Hyunjin, her smirk widening. “But I’m glad to see you two… working things out.”

Minho chuckled, slightly swaying . “Yeah, this is definitely better than the ice-cold tension from these past few weeks.”

Hyunjin rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish smile tugging at his lips. “We, uh… talked. And played, then we got hungry. And then…” He gestured to the mess around you. “This happened.”

“Looks like you’re making memories instead of dinner,” Jaein teased, her tone playful but warm. You rolled your eyes, tossing a balled-up paper towel in her direction. “We’re making cookies, thank you very much. They might not look perfect, but they’ll taste amazing.” Minho nodded approvingly. “Good to know you two are finally channeling your energy into something productive.” You only glared at him with your expression scrunching up, making not only Minho but also Junho laugh.

Jaein stepped forward, plucking a spoon from the counter and sampling a bit of the dough. She hummed in approval, her smile softening as she looked at you and Hyunjin. “Keep this up, and you might just make us proud.”

The weight of her words lingered, a subtle but meaningful reminder of the support she and Minho had always shown you. Hyunjin’s hand brushed yours briefly, and you glanced at him, catching the slight curve of his lips—a silent acknowledgment of how far the two of you had come in just one evening.

~~

Things started to feel more natural after that day, the tension between you and Hyunjin easing with each passing moment. The awkwardness that once clouded every interaction was slowly replaced with a sense of ease, a quiet understanding. Conversations flowed more freely, no longer burdened by the weight of unspoken words. There was a shift—subtle but real—as you both began to adjust, to learn the rhythms of each other’s company.

You found yourself smiling more, especially at the small, fleeting moments you once might have overlooked. The way Hyunjin would playfully nudge you when something amusing happened, or how he would laugh at your offhand comments, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Whenever you’re hanging out as a group, he would always be by your side, looking when Changbin or Jisung would crack a joke just to see you laugh. He would even have this hand on your back since you’d tend to lean so far back when you’re laughing, eventually losing your balance.

You loved how he didn’t rush things between you and would do things that would make you fall for him bit by bit. Whenever you’d study together, he’d slip a small sketch of your face between the pages of your notebook. He would take you to places that he knows you’d love to take photos of. Not to mention the slow dancing to the jazz when you’d forget about the assignment you were working on.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough. Enough to make you believe, even if just for a moment, that maybe this could work. You and him, figuring it out one step at a time. Both of you seemed less guarded, as if the walls you had built around yourselves were finally crumbling, piece by piece.

Jaein and Minho continued to check in on you two, their teasing only lightening the mood. They were so sure things would turn out okay between you and Hyunjin, and with time, you began to agree with them. But it was a slow process—every day, another small piece of understanding, another little shift in the dynamic between you.

~~

Hyunjin couldn’t have been more content, sitting there with you. You were his quiet reminder of everything love should be—patient, kind, and unassuming. His elbow rested on the table, his chin propped on his palm as his eyes traced every detail of your face while you slept as if re-tracing it like one of his many sketches of you. The soft rise and fall of your breath, the way your lashes kissed your cheeks, and the faint crease in your brow—all of it captivated him.

A few strands of hair had fallen across your face, and he reached out to gently tuck them behind your ear, his fingertips brushing against your skin. The sunlight pouring in through the window threatened to disturb the serenity of the moment, casting a golden glow across your features. Without a second thought, he raised his hand, shielding your face from the intrusive rays, his fingers splayed like a delicate barrier.

Your eyelids fluttered open, stirred awake not by noise or movement, but by the quiet weight of Hyunjin’s gaze. Your drowsy eyes met his, and a soft smile crept onto your lips, the remnants of sleep still evident in your expression. “How long did I fall asleep?” you asked, your voice husky from the nap, as you rubbed the back of your hand against one eye.

“Not too long,” he murmured, his voice impossibly tender. His hand lingered near your face as if reluctant to pull away. Pretending to brush away an invisible speck of dust from your cheek, his touch lingered just long enough to send a faint warmth through your skin. “Maybe 10 minutes.”

You chuckled softly, leaning back in your chair and stretching. “Sorry for dozing off. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging.” Hyunjin shook his head, his smile deepening. “You didn’t,” he assured you. “Watching you sleep... it felt like time stood still for a while.” His words were soft, but there was a vulnerability in them that made your breath hitch.

Your cheeks warmed at his admission, and you reached for his hand, lacing your fingers with his as you rested them on the table between you. “I guess I should thank you, then. For blocking the sun. And for being here.” Hyunjin’s thumb brushed lightly against the back of your hand, his gaze dipping to your joined hands before meeting yours again. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

The weight of his words hung between you, the air charged with an unspoken depth. Slowly, you leaned forward, your free hand reaching up to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear this time. “You’re too good to me, you know,” you whispered. Hyunjin caught your hand as it lingered near his face, cradling it gently. “I just want to take care of you,” he said earnestly. “If that makes me ‘too good,’ then I’m fine with that.”

The moment stretched, intimate and unhurried. Your eyes locked, and without thinking, you leaned closer, your foreheads nearly touching. The sound of your breaths mingled, the world outside forgotten. Hyunjin’s hand slid to your cheek, his touch featherlight but deliberate, as if afraid to shatter the fragile perfection of this moment.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” he whispered, his voice barely audible, as though the words were meant only for you and the universe.

You smiled softly, your heart racing in your chest as you closed the gap, your lips brushing his in a kiss that was as tentative as it was electric. It wasn’t rushed or dramatic—just a quiet, heartfelt affirmation of the connection that had been growing between you.

When you finally pulled back, your cheeks flushed and your breaths shallow, Hyunjin rested his forehead against yours, a blissful smile curving his lips. “I think I could get used to this,” he murmured, his voice tinged with awe. You laughed lightly, your hand still entwined with his. “Me too.”

And in that quiet moment, bathed in the golden glow of the setting sun, the weight of all you had been through settled around you—not as a burden, but as a testament to how far you’d come. Every awkward silence, every misunderstood word, every moment of doubt that had once seemed hopeless now felt like pieces of a story you were both learning to cherish. As Hyunjin’s thumb traced soft circles on the back of your hand and his forehead pressed gently against yours, it wasn’t just the promise of a beginning—it was the quiet triumph of two hearts finding their way to each other.

~~

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

1 Corinthians 13:4

Soooo, that's it!! Idk why but I feel like this one is a little rushed and I think that's because I wrote this during the New Year's LOL. I'm not really confident about the emotional depth this time RAAHH!

And I'm also starting on a new fic which is inspired by another song of SKZ but this one might be a little long—a few chapters longer than On Track: IKIAF. I'm gonna try to finish it before I go back to school huhu.

Happy New Year everyone~!

[waitmyturtles]

I've Caught Up With Wandee Goodday, and here are some cons and pros (aka, am I ever burnt out on GMMTV)

HELLO. I'm back temporarily from my summer travels (before I travel again!). I was in Thailand! I should have brought a box of chappals to chuck at the GMMTV building for where Wandee Goodday has gone. Anyway, I need to process my thoughts on this show, so here we go. (And I apologize, I have NOT looked at the tag for this show, so I don't know if I'm repeating what other people are saying here.)

PROS

CONS

1) This show had so much brainrot potential! Remember the first, like, four episodes? Potential homophobia in multiple workplaces? Delicious bisexuality? Ace storylines??? Wandee's PUTZ deception and manipulation? Yak going along with it, why?? There was a lot going on here, a lot we could have chewed on.

I've been sitting on my historical review of Golf Tanwarin's The Eclipse for my Old GMMTV Challenge for about two months now because I can't get over how pissed I was that that show took some unnecessary, and frankly insensible, turns in part to showcase the damn center ship of First and Khao. I don't think Golf's WG has taken similar turns specifically to center the GreatInn ship, per se -- I just think the writing got messy and lazy right before WG's midpoint in general, and punched a lot of the excitement I had about the show right before I paused around episode 8.

Wandee Goodday is an EXCELLENT example of how Thailand's hourlong QL dramas could be made INCREDIBLY more impactful, by way of forced editing and clarity, if Thailand could follow Japan's suit by making 10- to 12-episode series with 30-minute episodes.

The Dr. Ter storyline was over before it actually, really ended, in, what episode was that, 9 or 10. It was over! Why drag it out? In Japan, that storyline would have been two episodes, mayyybe three, MAX. Shirasu Jin was barely in Kieta Hatsukoi for an episode before he was banished. Takeda Kouhei barely made it through two episodes of Minato's Laundromat 2 before he went bye bye! We don't need these middling dudes. There was enough happening with Dee and Yak to not need this Ter shit! Sorry, LOVE YOU PODD, but Ter was made irrelevant so early on, and then they actually had to work together on a huge case?! And NOW HE'S CHEESING ON TAEM? Like, no. We don't need this.

2) There's still a lot of confusion and conflict between Dee and Yak by last week's episode 11. Dee's got issues receiving love! This is big.

(By the way. Showing Dee ONE video of his parents cheesing on him as a newborn is NOT THE WAY to explain away future parental neglect as an older child. YIKES.)

I love that Yak wants to invest in Dee, and we do see Dee doing a lot of reciprocating there to Yak, but this parental neglect reveal, along with still not knowing enough about the back story of Dee's parents dying, is out of order and not helpful to me getting enough knowledge about Dee for me to feel a holistic sympathy towards him. This makes me wonder if romance is really Golf Tanwarin's bag: if Golf didn't have to focus so much on the DeeYak/YakDee romance, could we have gotten better emotional representations of these guys, gotten a better picture of WHO THEY ARE, before they got into each other? Maybe? I dunno.

3) Considering that homophobia in systems seems to be a theme that Golf is interested in, why did the show drop Yak's concern about being out vis à vis his boxing career? Showing up at the hospital early on, in front of Ter's people, was already a big risk that wasn't given consideration; and now Dee's gone ahead and put the big pre-match smooch on full display by episode 11! I know Yak's gone full tilt for Dee, but I think we needed to put a bow on Yak's early macro-level concerns about being out for that loop to be closed.

[I feel like I have similar concerns here about 23.5 as well, so I'd like GMMTV to know (REMEMBER BAD BUDDY????) that you can have romance and big social commentary in a show at the same time without sacrificing lovely, intimate moments. Neither 23.5 nor Wandee Goodday needed to scrap heavy emotional moments for social media memeable clickbait.]

TL;DR this show, this script, could have been so good, there was so much there by way of storylines.

ANY FUCKING WAY.

PROS

1)

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SHOW WENT HERE WITH THOR. THIS IS DISSONANCE, THIS IS CONFUSING! THIS IS MAGNIFICENT.

And the follow-up scene with the FABULOUS Fluke Nattanon. Fucking Thor. He's so good. They're so wasted in this show!

2) Great Sapol and Inn Sarin. There's a con here: the elephant pants do nothing for Great's butt. But otherwise, Great, and Inn as well, are DELIGHTS. THEY ARE GOOD ACTORS. They are wasted on this script. I hope they never work together on a GMMTV show again. If they're ever paired again (which I hope they're NOT, down with the ships), I hope they can get cast in a big ol' queer lakorn, à la JamFilm, and escape the need for the meme moments.

The thing is, about Wandee Goodday, is that if you admit you're into the show FOR THE DUDES, then I get why this show is watchable (AND IT'S WHY I'M FINISHING IT, GODDAMNIT), because the actual intimate moments ARE lovely. They're just not coherent with everything that we should know about these guys by the end of a series, and that makes me sad.

Anyway, this show ends this week, and that's it! I wish GMMTV's shop had had the WG items in stock when I was there in person; fuck these shipping fees, I want the Phadetseuk shirt so bad! If I had known this would be a kind of light and fluffy watch, I would have set my expectations WAAAYYY differently, and I would have likely had a better time watching this. As it stands now, I'm better suited to enjoy the finale, so I'm glad I got these complaints out of my system, and I'll say sayonara to all these dudes in full ogle mode later this week.

[gay-wrongs-activist]

Okay, so here is my current watch progress with shows I am watching and my thoughts about them. No specific order.

Currently watching (ignoring the literally 35 other shows I need to finish):

Monster Next Door (4/12) - so far this show has been dangerously adorable. Oh my god (lol) it's so cute. Honestly my only point of criticism is - please someone free Khun Shy. I hope he suceeds fleeing from that terrible glass cube. Watch if you want adorableness and a himbo extrovert and a nerdy introvert falling in love (saying this as a nerdy introvert myself - I love Diew's characterization).

My Stubborn (3/12) - I have literally gone from dropping this show two thirds into episode one to giddily watching each new episode. If I would drink alcohol I would definitely get a glass of wine for this show. The key really was to not take a single thing serious that goes on in this show, and just enjoy the ride (also, partly, literally). There are tiny ideas in there that could have gone places in other shows but honestly - this a 12 episode pwp with HR violations and I am here for it. Watch if you want (mostly) nicely done NC scenes, HR violations and/or like CEO/assistant couples as a side. Also I am holding my hopes up that the hot lesbians are gonna get featured soon. This show is an a plus guilty pleasure (for me anyway).

Pit Babe S2 (1/13) - ooooooh my god this season is delivering so far! I love season 1 so very much and am so happy that we get a second one. Episode 1 has been what was to be expected in the very best of ways. I can't wait to tune in again on Friday. Watch if you want the wild ride of a life time. Seriously. Pit Babe is what you usually can only find in brilliantly written 300k+ word fanfics.

Nirvana in Fire (25/54) - a 10 year old CDrama where did that come from? I am actually watching this together with a friend and holy fuck, is it good. It's court intrigue and 20D chess and it keeps you in incredible suspense in a show that consist mainly of talking. Watch if you like historical fantasy and want to see the most married men in fictional Chinese history. If your dead husband is actually not dead and instead your personal advisor but you don't know that. Watch if you want to see regal men cry over missing their dead(?) friend beloved. Depending on your preferences this whole thing can also be a polycule in which one person is not aware that they are currently part of a ploycule. (Also just for clarity's sake, this is not a bl show or based on a danmei book. But honestly if it would have been it wouldn't have surprised me one bit.)

The Next Prince (1/14) - we all know about this show as a thing of the far future, but now it finally started! And it is absolutely living up to the hype! NuNew especially stands out brilliantly in the first episode, and I freaking love Khanin being a competitive asshole (affectionate) and done with everything (very relatable). And man, everything about it is pretty. I am absolutely hyped for episode 2! Watch if - well actually if you have any affinity for BL whatsoever. This show might be an instant classic. Otherwise - watch if you want amazing chemistry, royal au aesthetics, horses (presumably) and court intrigue the cutesy edition (honestly, I have included NiF in this very same post, I must make that distinction).

Perfect 10 Liners (15/24) - disclaimer in advance: I am a terrible little uwma hater. But. With P10L I feel like I have finally found my own appreciation for New Siwaj. It has a lot of elements found in other of his shows, but it does them so so so well. The funny thing is - hardly any of the tropes that P10L has are things that appeal particularily to me. I don't care about uni BLs, I don't care for slice of life and I actively dislike coming of age (which is sorta part of it but really only on the fringes). It comes to noone's surprise that my absolute favorites are Klao and Warich, but - to the show's credit - I actually do like all the couples so far and their stories as well. Watch if - listen I am not the best person to recommend this show, as I like it less for what it is but more in spite of it? I suppose watch if you generally like New Siwaj's shows and want to watch his (in my opinion) best work to this date.

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist (4/12) - definitely need to catch up on this one. It's sweet, and I enjoy Mark and Ohm together. I have heard a lot of complaining about the show, especially the episodes that I haven't watched yet. I intend to keep watching though. I like the cast and it's a comfortable little show so far. It's exactly what I need for watching when I have a meal. It's cute. Yeah, the premise could have been better but the actors do a good job and I love the colors of this show. It's so colorful ❤ Watch if you need some light entertainment and love snacks. Also definitely if you like the cast.

Boys in Love (1/12) - Am I watching this show 100% for PoddPapang? Yes. Absolutely yes. I actively despise high school settings, so I need a good fucking reason to watch a show set there. So, first impression of Boys in Love? Actually, surprisingly good? The high schoolers are for once actually very close to high school age and not grown adults, and the one episode I have seen so far is very sweet and colorful and avoids things I especially do not like about hs stories. So, I am enjoying myself. Even if i am mostly there for the PP crumbs, I do not mind at all to watch the rest of it, and might catch up with the show this evening. Watch if you really badly wanna see some (also quite adorable) PoddPapang and if you like sweet, innocent highschool sweethearts.

[trashcanlore]

Kabbalah in the Worldbuilding of Genshin Impact; Part 1: The Tree of Life, the Universe, and Everything

Edited for clarity, 12/6/23

Written by Schwan (@abyssalschwan on twitter) and Sabre (trashcanlore, @paimoff on twitter)

During the Sumeru Archon Quests, we learned that the Irminsul is a (real! (ish)) tree that grows upside down, seemingly underground, and that the roots of the tree are the Ley Lines, which extend throughout Teyvat and the Abyss. Irminsul stores all knowledge and memories in the world, and the Ley Lines are the mechanism by which the tree acquires this information. Ley Lines move elemental energy through Teyvat, and this energy acts as both a storage medium for information but also a resource that can be utilized for combat, alchemy, an energy source (Azosite), etc. 

The origin of the name Irminsul (unique to the Western localizations) in combination with the many names from Norse mythology associated with Khaenri'ah, suggest that the inspiration for Irminsul is Yggdrasil, the world tree and central axis of the cosmos in Norse mythology. Here we propose an additional inspiration for Irminsul and the associated worldbuilding and elemental system of Teyvat: The Kabbalistic Tree of Life. In this model, Teyvat’s elemental energy is comparable to the creative energy described by Kabbalah as the foundation for the creation of reality and the spiritual world. Specific attributes of elemental energy can be channeled by unique individuals in Teyvat and these attributes manifest as distinct elements, which can be directly compared to the 10 sefirot, or emanations, described in Kabbalistic literature.

What is Kabbalah?

Kabbalah (lit. received, tradition) is a school of thought originating in Jewish mysticism. In general, Kabbalah focuses on the relationship between the infinite (God) and the finite universe and how it was created. The goal of studying this mysticism can vary depending on the school of thought and their motivations. Many of the esoteric and religious influences on Genshin lore and worldbuilding were influenced by Kabbalah, or vice versa. These include Gnosticism, Hermeticism, alchemy, Freemasonry, the occultist branches of Theosophy and Thelema (Golden Dawn), astrology, symbolic interpretation of the tarot (also specific to the Golden Dawn) and more [2]. In short, Kabbalah is everywhere. Additionally, its concepts are used as symbolism in several pieces of media that directly or indirectly inspired Genshin and other games in the Hoyoverse.

If you have frequented Genshin lore topics, you might have heard that one of the main sources of inspiration for its worldbuilding is Gnosticism. The problem is, Gnosticism is a bit vague or contradictory when it comes to how the world was created and how the whole existence thing works. At this current moment in the storyline of Genshin, we have very little information on the very beginning of existence in Teyvat. This information seems to be a crucial part of the “truth of the world” and appears to be purposefully hidden by powerful factions like Celestia. This entire theory was born out of trying to make sense of what little we know about the creation of Teyvat and comparing it to esoteric commentaries on the well known creation myth of the Torah (Old Testament). The “Biblical world structure” interpretation of Teyvat has been around since the early days of Genshin lore and with good reason; there are frequent mentions of the firmament, as well as the name Teyvat sounding very similar to the Biblical Hebrew word for ‘ark’ (although the grammar is a bit mangled). There are also several references to stories from the Bible in in-game texts, including Before Sun and Moon.  

Kabbalah literature spends a lot of time trying to understand and describe the process of how the world was created and the underlying principles of reality, as well as how spiritual practice can change that reality (either metaphorically or literally). Kabbalah intends to describe the “true nature of God,” which is equal to the entirety of existence, as something very vast and completely impossible to grasp. This incomprehensible infinity emits an “limitless light” that is the origin of all creation. Elemental energy (the ubiquitous source of everything in Teyvat) is often found compared to light, something we’ll discuss in more detail later. The “limitless light” of Kabbalah is way too powerful for existence to bear, much like how elemental energy is to normal, non-Vision having humans. That’s why this light needed to be “filtered” down. This happens through the process of creation, which passes the light through the spiritual attributes that form the Tree of Life, which is like a sort of diagram for how the universe came into being [3].

The Tree of Life

The tree of life and its 10+ nodes, known as sefirot, is one of the most well-known concepts from Kabbalah to make its way into popular culture. As mentioned previously, the tree has been used as rule-of-cool symbolism in anime such as Neon Genesis Evangelion and Fullmetal Alchemist, two pieces of media that likely are significant influences on Genshin (If you doubt that HYV loves NGE, play some Honkai). The sefirot are also depicted on the floor of the Schicksal HQ map in Honkai Impact 3rd, for some reason.

The sefirot and their organization and interactions with each other can be found depicted in many ways, such as the tree format that is the most popular, or a spiraling nested scheme that is really cool, or even very stylized, like the work of Robert Fludd.

Sefirot

Sefirot comes from the root word in Hebrew meaning “to count,” but you can also find it translated as “sphere” in some texts. The term originated in a book on Jewish mysticism called the Sefer Yetzirah, or “Book of Formation/Creation.” which describes the combination of the “sefirot of nothingness” and the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet as the foundation of reality (remember the hypostasis codenames?). 

The Sefer HaBahir (lit. the book of brightness, 13th century France) introduces the idea that the sefirot are emanations of the divine. Interestingly, this book refers to the sefirot as ma’amarot (sayings), which builds on an important concept in classical Jewish philosophy – the idea that God spoke the world into existence. [We’ll get back to the Sefer Yetzirah and the role of language in creating the world in a subsequent part of this theory]. Fontaine 4.2 era edit: HELL YEAH stay tuned for more about Oceanids!!

Historically, Kabbalah might have taken this rough concept from a very different school of thought: Pythagoreans or neo-Platonists. Briefly, the connection between the Pythagoreans and the Kabbalistic sefirot is that both groups considered the world as being made of numbers. This ties back into Genshin worldbuilding because of how much Platonism is related to Gnosticism. Something else to keep in mind is that Pythagoreans (who had a cool history that connected Egypt and Greece to the magic of ✨math✨ but also hey Genshin lore hello Deshret) were known to use lyres as their instrument of choice while making mathematical studies of music. More sus Venti lore for the collection? This is also interesting to consider in the context of Nahida, who is deeply connected to the Irminsul, and has animations that are reminiscent of computers.

Later in the 13th century, the Kabbalist Isaac the Blind would 'canonize' the list of sefirot (there’s still some variation to this day) and organize them into a sequence that would become the basis for the famous Tree of Life structure. His writings described the sefirot as attributes of the divine and their role in the creation of the world. In his model, the sefirot originated from lights that emerged from a primordial soup of potential, and these sefirot/lights would then ‘flow’ and emanate into each other. His student, Azriel of Gerona, expanded on this with a neo-Platonic lens and introduced the concept of the Ein Sof, the infinite nothingness that cannot be comprehended and is the origin of everything. In this model, being flows from an infinite resource of potential, which the divine can utilize through the framework of the sefirot, eventually creating the world [4]. In simple terms, the Ein Sof, which contains everything, emits a primordial light that then differentiates into the sefirot. In our Genshin analogy, this primordial light would be like extremely pure elemental energy that differentiates into elements, like light passing through a prism.

Moses Cordovero, an important figure in the development of Kabbalah, described the process of the sefirot differentiating with the analogy of light shining through a stained glass window: 

Imagine a ray of sunlight shining through a stained-glass window of ten different colors. The sunlight possesses no color at all but appears to change hue as it passes through the window. The light has not essentially changed though it seems so to the viewer. Just so with the sephirot. The light that clothes itself in the vessels of the sephirot is the essence, like the ray of sunlight. That essence does not change color at all, neither judgment nor compassion, neither right nor left. Yet by emanating through the sephirot -- the variegated stained glass -- judgment or compassion prevails. (Pardes Rimmonim by Moses Cordovero, translated in Essential Kabbalah by Daniel Matt)

Cordovero considered the sefirot to be completely independent of each other, but the later Lurianic school of Kabbalah (we’ll get into them more in later parts) considered the sefirot to be constantly dynamically interacting with each other and also assigned them personas. 

Achievement grinders amongst us may recall the descriptions of the namecards you get upon completing the Elemental Specialist achievement series:

Achievement: Colors of the Rainbow: Light can refract into countless colors, but people stop at seven because they're too lazy to count. Perhaps the elements are like that, too. Achievement: Seven Lights: Anyone can play a tune that belongs just to them, and like the dew under grass, can reflect the seven lights of heaven. 

Another example of the elements being compared to light is the Latin text found on the magic circles on the door of Mona’s future house in Mondstadt and generated by the hypostases during their missile attacks. The text reads:

Ex culmine lucis in magno elementorum, which translates to "From the peak of light, to greatness of the elements."

It’s interesting to see this text appearing in association with the hypostases since they are described as “life forms which have completely abandoned their former appearance and biological structure, making them able to reach the highest level of elemental purity. They are ultra-compact structures with a high mass, and are the highest forms of elemental structures.” The hypostasis code names are also all Hebrew letters, as mentioned earlier.

Mona’s astrolabe during the Unreconciled Stars event features a similar text:

Ex culmine locis in magno elementorum; Lux se effundat in mentes dei, which translates to "From the peak of light, to the greatness of the elements; May light pour out, into the minds of god."

The Abyss Lector catalysts contain a text that mirrors these two examples:

Ex culmine lucis in mango obscuritas. Lux se effundat in mentes abysso, or “From the peak of light, to the greatness of darkness. May light pour out into the minds of the abyss.”  

The Genshin elements are also described as flowing. For example, a loading screen tip specifically describes the Ley Lines as “A mysterious network that links the whole world together, within which flow the elements.”  The Silver Twig description states: "All knowledge, memory, and experience flow through this giant tree, just like a stream flows into a river, the river joins a sea, the sea turns into clouds, and the clouds rain onto the ground — just like life itself."

Sefirot and the Genshin Elemental System

The 10 (sometimes 11) sefirot are: 

Keter: Crown (this one is even more symbolic that the rest, is described as “the most hidden of all hidden things" in the Zohar, represent things that are above the mind’s comprehension and the very beginning of the process of turning potential into reality)

Chokhmah: Wisdom

Binah: Understanding/Reasoning

(Da’at: Knowledge, as a fusion of Chokhmah and Binah)

Chesed: Loving Kindness or Mercy

Gevurah: Strength/Severity, (sometimes Din, Judgement, or Pachad, Fear)

Tiferet: Beauty/Harmony, is associated with balance of the Tree of Life

Netzach: Eternity/Endurance

Hod: Splendor/Glory

Yesod: Foundation (as in, foundation of reality)

Malkhut: Kingdom/Sovereignty

You’ve probably noticed by now that while we are claiming that the concept of the sefirot applies to the elemental system in Genshin, there are 10 sefirot and only 7 elements (for now). Fortunately for us, the Kabbalists love metaphors and categories. In addition to the sefirot representing the procedure used to ‘emanate’ and create the world, there are other methods of interpretation that further subdivide and rank the sefirot. For example, one metaphorical interpretation of the Tree of Life assigns each of the sefirot to a part of the human body.

In some Kabbalistic traditions of interpreting the tree, the 10 sefirot are divided into two categories: Intellect (Keter, Binah, Chokhmah) and Emotions (they’re actually more like character traits), which contains the remaining seven. These categories are meant to parallel how the soul is also divided into the intellect and emotional components. The first three sefirot are also referred to as the “three mothers,” because they are the source of the lower seven [5].

Having a group of seven sefirot is very convenient for comparing their traits to the elements and their ideals, but what about the role of the higher three in Genshin worldbuilding? This next section requires a bit more conjecture than some other comparisons here.

The source of all elemental energy in Teyvat, whatever that actually is, could be compared to Keter (crown), the most hidden and incomprehensible of the sefirot. (Big stretch, but think of the crowns over the Irminsul trees in domains.)

Next, we have the Ley Lines, which contain dreams and memories (these are basically the same in Teyvat, see Dream Solvent description), and these can be compared to Binah (understanding/reasoning) and Chokhmah (wisdom). During the Sumeru Archon Quest, Rukkhadevata says that dreams are the source of the wisdom she upheld as her ideal. Memories play an important role in discerning the truth of the world, as the traveler has now found themselves to be the only person to remember certain people/events, and has been told to trust their memories rather than what they can see.

Comparison of the 'Lower' Sefirot to the Genshin Elements and Their Ideals

Chesed (loving-kindness); Cryo (unknown, theorized to be love)

The Cryo Archon’s ideal is theorized to be love, as it’s the only characteristic mentioned in relation to her in the Travail trailer. Wanderer’s voiceline about her directly mentions love and describes her as being kind and benevolent, while Childe describes her as extremely gentle. These are the characteristics of Chesed, which represents the trait of completely selfless love: the all forgiving, all giving love of a god towards their creations. When it comes to the Cryo element itself, two things are worth mentioning: one is the way that all of Snezhnaya is perpetually covered in snow, as if this were the (ironic) physical expression of the Tsaritsa’s love blanketing them. The second is the promise of a world-encompassing snowstorm that will envelop everything as the Fatui advance on their war against Celestia. Although it’s hard to find one absolute constant in Vision granting stories, it’s notable that most Cryo users got their Vision at a moment when they had to selflessly be there for others (Diona, Chongyun, Mika), or after a decisive moment where they put aside their personal comfort for an ideal that would result in benefit for others (Kaeya, Eula, Layla).

Gevurah (Severity); Hydro (Justice)

Gevurah is associated with divine judgment, the kind that punishes humanity and causes world-altering catastrophes like the flood or the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. The Hydro Archon organizing her nation around a Court that attempts to judge both deities and humans parallels this. In a more positive sense, Gevurah is also related to moral judgment that allows one to tell good from evil. Likewise, Hydro in-game is often associated with purity and separation of clean and unclean matter. When it comes to Hydro Vision wielders, one common characteristic is that they all live by a personal ethical code, and their commitment to it is what granted them their Vision.

Tiferet (Beauty/Harmony); Anemo (Freedom)

Tiferet balances the other sefirot on the tree and has direct connections to almost all of them (except for Malkut). Similarly, Anemo can facilitate many elemental reactions via its Swirl reaction. In our opinion, something almost all the Anemo characters share is that their moment of receiving a Vision coincides with a moment of balance and harmony with themselves or their environment. See Jean and Kazuha’s Vision stories and the cutscene where Scaramouche/Wanderer gets his Vision. As an aside, comparing harmony to Anemo is funny because Venti is a bard and harmony is also a musical term: in music theory, harmony is the way we analyze the interactions between different voices that can be heard at the same time.  

Netzach (Eternity); Electro (Eternity)

The quality of “Eternity” in Netzach is related to victory against enemies, referring to eternity as being the most powerful combatant remaining among defeated adversaries. Likewise, in Genshin the story of the Electro Archon features many battles during the Archon War where Ei and Makoto ended up victorious. As for Electro users tend to have their Vision granted at a moment when their ambition “defeated” the obstacles of reality, as was the case with Fischl, Kuki and Lisa. Cyno’s Vision story makes sense when you compare it to the illumination of Buddha during meditation, and how this was victory over the temptation of the demon Mara.

Hod (Glory); Pyro (War)

Natlan and its Pyro Archon are possibly the most mysterious of all the regions, so we can only speculate. We know that the Pyro Archon is called the God of War, and that the Pyro Gemstone mentions battles, pilgrimages and truth. The sefira of Hod, translated as Glory or Splendor, is linked to being able to connect with God and therefore also associated with prophecy (as in the way a human can carry a message from God). In the Travail trailer, the Pyro Archon tells the traveler that “the rules of war are woven in the womb.” It's also theorized Natlan will be based on Mexica culture (where sacrifice of both enemies and self sacrifice was a way to connect with the gods) and via Iansan's name, the Caribbean diaspora version of Yoruba religion (where many rites involve the gods making themselves present in the material world). 

Yesod (Foundation); Dendro (Wisdom)

Back when we started to think about this theory during version 2.8, we decided on Yesod largely via process of elimination. One piece of our rationale was that in the Jewish tradition, each of the lower seven sefirot are used to represent a primary personality trait of seven archetypal figures in the Torah. The person related to Yesod is Joseph, who is well known for his prophetic dreams, and because of the events of the Golden Apple Archipelago, we decided that was close enough. However, the 3.x version confirmed that a) Irminsul did actually exist, b) Dendro as an element has a deep relationship with the tree, with the Dendro Archon acting as its avatar, c) the ideal of wisdom as both Dendro Archons interpreted it has a lot to do with dreams, and d) Irminsul and the Ley Lines act as the foundation for how reality is perceived in Teyvat. Yesod is also associated with biological life, as it represents the reproductive organs in the human body scheme of the sefirot.

Malkut (Kingship); Geo (Contracts)

Malkut is associated with the connection between the spiritual "above" of the Tree of Life and the concepts it contains, and the "below" of the material world, where these concepts manifest into material reality. For this reason, Malkut is associated with the earth [6]. In many Geo item descriptions, like the Geo Hypostasis drop or Albedo's elemental skill, the motif of geo trying to reach the sky is a constant. From a religious POV, the relationship between the divine and humans living in the material world has also been one of "covenants," or "pacts", in a similar way to how the Geo Archon is the God of Contracts. Furthermore, contracts are the basis to have a working state (government), and a kingdom is one of the first forms of a state. Malkut also being related to earth and everything material parallels how Geo is an element that works in making constructs. Geo Vision users are likewise involved in making or maintaining structures, like the Knights of Favonius is for Noelle, or the tradition of alchemy is to Albedo, as well as opera to Yunjin and in a way, even the Oni identity for Itto.

The Origin of Evil and Why Irminsul is Upside Down

Tighnari tells us that Irminsul is a tree that “grows downward rather than upwards,” or in other words, it’s upside down. This isn’t the only time that we’ve encountered things in Teyvat being described as upside-down or mirrored, and as it turns out, there is a similar scenario described in Kabbalah. Throughout Kabbalistic discussions on the origin of evil in the world (both material and spiritual), a central idea developed is the existence of a mirrored or inverse Tree of Life that forms the demonic realm of evil. The Zohar, a foundational work of Kabbalistic literature, spends a considerable time discussing the origins of evil - there are more than 5 creation myths for the concept of evil! Two of these myths describe the formation of an inverse Tree of Life, called the Sitra Achra (literally “other side”). This tree is constructed out of corrupted fragments of divinity that did not make it through the creation process, and therefore became evil forces [7]. Evil is typically represented as either a shard (like of broken pottery) or as a husk/shell (Qlippoth in Hebrew). Sound familiar? We actually have an enemy with this name in-game; the "shadowy husks" (the CN name for these enemies literally translates to "empty shell"). 

Unlike the very well defined 10 sefirot of the Tree of Life, Kabbalists don't agree about the identities or number of the demons that form the Sitra Achra. Some names for these demons are consistent; such as  Lilith, Samael, and Asmodeus, who make a sort of "mother, father, son" trio. As for the rest, scholars generally agree that Kabbalists blended traditions from nearby cultures depending on where they lived, leading to Arabic, Spanish and Germanic legends mixing into the Jewish tradition [8]. There's a strong possibility Hoyoverse did something similar and filled in the missing names with the names of the demons of the Ars Goetia, creating a system where the mirrored sefirot are “ruled” by demon gods, aka, the Archons. This implies that the reason Teyvat is upside down is because it is actually on the “other side.”

Neuvillette, About Us: Witness: Since you hail from beyond the stars, I invite you to be my witness as I judge this upended world…”Though we live in a world of disarray, I shall undertake to restore all that has been broken”. 

[Fun Fact: The Zohar describes the construction of the Sitra Achra as a series of knots that arrange the demonic equivalent of sefirot, called either crowns or “breaths,” into a mirrored Tree of Life configuration [7]. ]

The primary goal of the Sitra Achra is to steal and absorb the divine energy of the Tree of Life to maintain its existence, in the hopes of gaining enough energy to destabilize the system [9]. The way Genshin's Archons use their Gnoses is similar to this system. In the Flower of Paradise Lost artifact lore, the Goddess of Flowers explains to Deshret and Rukkhadevata that when the Seelie race was disgraced, they lost their connection to Heaven and their power of "enlightenment". Later, Celestia would facilitate the Archon War with the promise that each winning god would be granted a Gnosis that would give them exceptional power. Both Nahida and Venti have described the Gnoses as being a very advanced tool that concentrates elemental energy. So far, Archons have had inherent elemental powers related to their nature, but when it comes to using large amounts of elemental energy through their Gnoses, they aren't creators but channelers of it, just at a much larger scale than humans who have Visions. Edit: and yes, there is the most recent revelation about the origin of the Gnoses that is extremely relevant to this comparison, but deserves its own space to be properly expanded on.

However, this doesn't mean Teyvat is condemned. Just as the Traveler has slowly been setting the chaos of elemental energy back into order (by, for example, returning the elemental Oculi to the Statue of the Seven, among many other things), so too is there a concept in Kabbalah describing the importance of righting the wrongs of the universe so that the sefirot are stable and creation is in harmony with the divine. This is called Tikkun Olam, or the repairing of the world.

Stay tuned for part 2 where we go into wayyyyy more detail about what this means for the Traveler's journey through Teyvat! 4.2 Edit: and of course will we will be talking about the most recent Gnosis revelation, as well as the Narzissenkreuz Ordo antics :D

References:

https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/170308/jewish/What-is-Kabbalah.htm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermetic_Qabalah

Kabbalah - Origins of the Sefirot and Tree of Life - Isaac the Blind Saggi Nehor & Azriel of Gerona

Mystical Concepts in Chassidism - Schochct, Jacob Immanuel, chapter 2

  Mystical Concepts in Chassidism - Schochct, Jacob Immanuel pg 66-67, Tanya ch. 3

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, Likutey Moharan I, 12:1 via Wikipedia

The Origins of the Klippot / Qliphoth & Sitra Achra in the Zohar - Kabbalah on the Problem of Evil

https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/demons-and-demonology

9. Evil in Early Kabbalah - Emanations of the Left Hand Side - Origins of the Qliphoth / Klippot

[homuraakemis]

My Favorite Arcane AMVs - Part 3

VI & JINX

Season 1

jinx and vi | forest fire [arcane] by losjk

Jinx vs Vi - Get Jinxed vs Here Comes Vi AMV by HisuiJIN

Vi & Jinx | Sisters by Gamerstrix

Vi & Jinx I way down we go. by Vlight

Let the World Burn | Arcane (AMV) | Jinx & Vi by InstinctRemains

Vi & Jinx ARCANE AMV/Edit - What Could Have Been by Cendrine ♥

(Arcane) Jinx & Vi | Come Play (w/ ‪@Tony_Stank_711‬) | 4K Edit by Visual Verse

(Arcane) Vi & Jinx || Goodbye, Goodbye by Mejjest

ARCANE: Vi & Powder/Jinx Tribute | Clarity AMV Edit by thedeadswonderland

Season 2

jinx + vi (arcane) - fray by LABY

Jinx vs Vi 「Arcane Season 2 AMV/EDIT 」 Point of no return by Blue~eyes TV

i don't blame you for leaving by muwnleyet

vi & jinx | ashes and blood [arcane] by Verta

「 Arcane 」- Let You Down by JustKaku

Vi & Jinx | it's you and me by cedric

Arcane Jinx/Vi [AMV] | Linkin Park - Good Things Go | (S2 Spoilers!) by Karin Sinia

"Always with you sis" | Jinx & Vi Edit | David Kushner - Daylight by mtredits

vi & jinx | always with you, sis {2x09} by cam

Arcane - Just a man by zzyowll

Sisters / Jinx/Powder & Vi / Arcane Edit by SpartanZeus7

Arcane | The Story of Violet & Jinx by HZ Edits

Arcane AMV | Sting - What Could Have Been by Varicon

JINX & VI (ARCANE) | GENESIS by iamstillblocked

Jinx (+Vi) - Damaged by FallenintotheDark

Vi & Jinx || "Are we still sisters ?" (+2x09) by Sarah Reid

Vi & Jinx | "Always with you, sis" by AJ

Vi & Jinx - Arcane | Hayloft II by SpookyPlace

Jinx and Vi Edit/AMV - Hurts Like Hell - ARCANE Season 1 and 2 by Cendrine ♥

Vi & Jinx (+ Vander & Silco) | what do you want from me? by Powodzenia 1211

Who Is She? - I Monster // Jinx and Vi Edit by Bard 🌀

Jinx x Vi - ARCANE Season 1 & 2 Edit/AMV - Softcore by Cendrine ♥

Arcane | Jinx and Vi by KrakenRebel

vi and jinx | dream brother by nontechnical

Vi & Jinx | What could have been. by Valaki

Sisters | Arcane Edit (4K) by lolzey

Jinx and Vi - Someone Else AMV by Jeremy Redmon

ENEMY | Arcane (Jinx-VI) by E

Vi and Jinx | Lovely by Anna's editing

Lifeline - Jinx & Vi (Arcane) by violetsforviolyn

enemy // arcane edit by iota

ARCANE SPOILERS | Vi edit | btw this is from Vis POV after Jinx shot the council up by KritzaxJinx

Stromae & Pomme Ma Meilleure Ennemie subtitulado VI & JINX by BRAWLER

Wishful Thinking | Arcane Vi & Jinx Edit by ellija.t

CAITLYN

Caitlyn Kiramman (Arcane) | Soldier by bazingonator

Caitlyn Kiramman | Crossfire by cedric

Caitlyn Kiramman Way Down We Go by Anna's editing

Caitlyn Kiramman - Womanizer by BloodRaven55

Heavy is the Crown | Caitlyn Kiramman - Arcane S2 Act 1 (AMV Tribute) by Solo Edits

Caitlyn || Vengeance (Arcane AMV) by True Comrade

(Arcane) Caitlyn | Leader of House Kiramman by Kat

Little Girl Gone - Caitlyn Kiramman (Arcane) by violetsforviolyn

Caitlyn Kiramman | Denial is a River by cedric

(Arcane) Caitlyn Kiramman | This is Deutsch by JaQenka

JINX

Season 1

Jinx: You Are Perfect by Daddynegan

[ARCANE] Jinx // Get jinxed by Tilly the Last Waterbender

Jinx | Get Jinxed by Gamerstrix

Jinx || Are You Insane Like Me? by Klaus Jackson

Jinx | Arcane | What Could Have Been by PLAYER8350

[ARCANE] Jinx // Control by Tilly the last Waterbender

The Show has just Begun | Jinx AMV | Blue Stahli by InstinctRemains

Jinx | Toxic (Arcane AMV) by Polunaire

ARCANE TOXIC-JINX by Anastasiia Yavorska

Season 2

Arcane: Jinx | Break the Cycle by SWFT

JINX || Arcane | RENEGADE (extended) by InstinctRemains

Paint The Town Blue | JINX by HiddenLight

(Arcane) Jinx | Get Jinxed by Master Of Wind

Jinx : you're a symbol by multixxserie

Jinx | Let you down by MeTroCody

Jinx | Jinx Death Sacrifice (Arcane )「 AMV」Toxic by Nero Amv

Jinx | Get Jinxed by Gamerstrix

CAITLYN/JINX

Arcane | Caitlyn & Jinx | Vengeance by The Lazy Cat

Caitlyn & Jinx | One Way or Another by cedric

Caitlyn and Jinx | Villains aren't born by Anna's editing

White ferrari | CAITLYN And JINX- ARCANE by moonagegrace2

jinx and caitlyn  #arcane  #leagueoflegends #arcaneclip #vi #edit  #jinx #arcaneseason2 by “twixter„„най"

Jinx VS Caitlyn - Hayloft II [EDIT/AMV] by KENJI ⍟

Jinx vs Caitlyn - Obsessed With Your Ex by Nostalgia per Second

Caitlyn Kiramman and Jinx Arcane Edit (We both reached for the gun - Chicago) by ju

VI/JINX/CAITLYN

EXPECTATIONS by Kel1k

arcane | hayloft ii [tradução/legendado PT-BR] by Bruna Legendas

Capital Loss [Vi & Jinx] by Sparkygirl266

Jinx & Vi & Caitlyn Kiramman II Maneater Remix by luthorsilver

Arcane | End of Youth by Psoma_Brufd

ARCANE - Vi, Jinx, and Caitlyn: the Unconventional Love Triangle amv by keels

jinx, vi & caitlyn || my tears ricochet || arcane by I'm gay and I edit

PRETTY SAVAGE: Caitlyn,Vi & Jinx by Purple universe💜

GENERAL, OTHER CHARACTERS AND OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

Season 1

Arcane || Warriors「AMV by Johan Liebert

Arcane | We Will Rock You by JaQenka

Season 2

Vi, Jinx & Vander Edit/AMV- Remember Me - Arcane Season 1 & 2 Act 1 & 2 by Cendrine ♥

Jinx & Ekko [TIMEBOMB] || SHAPE OF YOU 「Arcane Season 2 AMV/EDIT」 by Blue~Eyes TV

Arcane - Ekko & Jinx / Stromae & Pomme - Ma Meilleure Ennemie by Minamas

To Ashes and Blood | ARCANE by iForeverYooung

Arcane | how we kiss and kill each other by cedric

𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳? || Arcane by CoolDarts

VANDER / VI || MY FATHER TOLD ME「Arcane Edit」 by MixOVid

Vi and Vander||Whatever happens it’s on you by Bubbles Powerpuff

( Arcane) Vi / Powder / Vander || You're Somebody Else Now by Mejjest

vi and vander -like a prayer by WolfBlood

vi x maddie (feat. caitlyn) | sympathy is a knife [arcane edit] by nxntechnical

the blade cuts both ways (Caitlyn and Ambessa) by cedric

[lycocarpum]

miquella thoughts bc i still love this kid no matter what the writing team does with him (this is not my first rodeo with fromsoft games lmao)

Major Spoilers (oﾟvﾟ)ノ

i'm still not at all mad at the direction they decided to go with him, BARRING the retconning of his relationship to his sister and the entirety of the hailigtree. Those choices seem like late editions to tie up why things weren't being addressed in the dlc, and they're plainly stupid, so we just won't acknowledge that much further. I think the evidence from the rest of the game speaks more to the contrary than I could. I also think that Radahn should've been replaced with Godwyn for thematic clarity, buttttt I 'll get to that.

what i DO like about how he's handled is 1) the way he dealt with St. Trina and literally abandoning his sense of love in a hole in the ground, and 2) his choices re: Radahn from a sheer logistical point of view, or at least how I'm taking it.

Imagine for a second: he's tried basically everything to kill or revive Godwyn. Nothing has worked. He has a couple of plans left, but it's getting down to the wire. MAYBE if he could break his own curse, MAYBE if he could make some kind of curse-breaking needle, MAYBE if... etc. Now he's made his cocoon, but the tree is rotting without him. He needs an out, and decides to use Mogh for that (whether he was fully innocent at the time or not is debatable, we don't know). He's removed, tries to cure what he can for Radahn's rot on the way, but Mogh spirits him away to the palace and he's essentially forced to abandon the plans he has with his body. I still don't think ALL of that was intentionally planned, I think Mogh went off script a bit.

In this shadow realm, Miquella abandons every part of himself until nothing is left but the will to become a God. If he can ascend here, at least, MAYBE he can bring Godwyn and the others with him (there's a huge Godwyn face in one of the dungeons, so he's still present in this place, somehow). Maybe in THIS realm, all of his siblings can be alive and healthy. Meanwhile, Mogh is telling his corpse about Radahn's defeat. It's only a matter of time before this Tarnished comes to kill him, too... And there's a large, strong body available to be puppeted, and a good excuse to practice resurrecting one of his siblings. A god needs a Lord as a consort, right? That's how it worked for his mother and father... and considering his other half was stubbornly clinging to things like compassion and memory, he is now bereft of one.

He's using Radahn because he's out of options, out of places to run, and out of compassion to give. Literally, he left it a graveyard! He loved him in life, sure, but whatever motivates him now is not LOVE whether storge or eros or whatever, it's love as a justification. In truth, it's practicality. He is backed into a corner and convinced (rightly! by our inability to chose otherwise!) that we are there to kill him. It's love utilized as a weapon.

DO I WISH FROMSOFT HAD LET US TALK TO HIM god absolutely, yes. I miss Gwendolyn every day. However, I knew better to expect that. I wish we had gotten his perspective and justification for his actions, I wish we could've Felt the effects of him abandoning his heart and his love in pursuit of a hollow victory, and I really wish we could've put him back together-- but that is for me, and you, to build out.

he's still my favourite character and I love him dearly. girlboss failure. <3

[lesbiansforangusmcdonald]

Ok, finals are over, so now I can FINALLY post my Pepe Sylvia theory about Porter actually being evil that has been ruminating in my head ever since I saw season 2! (spoilers for s2 of fantasy high, obviously)

(sorry if someone’s talked about it before and I couldn’t find it, but like WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS BEFORE S3!)

Ok, so I noticed something when Ragh talked about the first time he saw Kalina in episode 4 of season 2 (“Heartache on the Celestine Sea”). He says that he saw Jace talking to some elven woman (who is revealed to be Adaine’s mom, Arianwen) and to “someone he couldn’t see. I just assumed somebody was invisible.” This is most likely Kalina, as Arianwen was there to get the Nightmare King’s crown and Kalina could have been helping her do that. However, this is important because, since Ragh could obviously see Kalina later on, this is a point in time when he couldn’t see Kalina.

Then Ragh says that after he saw that, Jace and Porter came to talk to him, and “Porter did some barbarian healing with me.” This seems normal enough, as Ragh had just been in a huge fight, but Ragh stipulates that “I didn’t feel that injured, honestly.” So this line already makes it seem as though Porter may have had some ulterior motive for healing Ragh.

Then, Ragh says that as he was walking home after this, he was approached by Kalina, who threatened to kill his mom if he said anything about seeing Arianwen at the school.

(the clip of the scene is here, if you wanna watch it, edited slightly for clarity)

So this makes me think that Jace and Porter knew Ragh saw Arianwen at the school, knew he would probably tell the Bad Kids about it, and Porter intentionally passed Kalina to Ragh through healing in order to ensure his silence.

AND if you’re thinking this may be a bit far-fetched, I’ll remind you that Landren Leir, the cleric of the unnamed goddess who infiltrated the elven Galicaean church after the fall of the unnamed goddess, also passed on Kalina via healing of the high-elven clergy, which she was then murdered for.

But in order to pass it on to Ragh at all, Porter must have been infected with Kalina as well, so here are some of my theories of what that could mean;

1. Porter had no idea he was infected and was just trying to heal a student.

I mean, totally possible, right? From most of the other angles, Porter seems like a decent guy; he supports Fig in barbarian class, he’s part of a community at his local gym, and he did get sucked into a palimpsest when Kalvaxis/Goldenhoard was trying to take over the school — why would that happen if Porter wouldn’t have been opposed to what Kalvaxis/Goldenhoard was doing? And there are plenty of people who are infected with Kalina and never show any symptoms, and therefore never know. It could have been totally innocent. BUT it’s just a little too convenient, isn’t it? Ragh sees Arianwen at the school, and then right after he’s “randomly” infected with Kalina? It just doesn’t seem like a coincidence.

2. Porter knew he was passing Kalina onto Ragh, but wasn’t aware of the full plot to steal the Nightmare King’s crown.

I mean, also possible, right? Maybe Jace put Porter up to it, maybe he knew more than Porter did about the whole situation? Porter wasn’t initially mentioned as talking to Arianwen, maybe Jace just manipulated Porter because he knew that Ragh would trust Porter as his teacher. BUT I think that it would be kind of weird for Porter to be in the school, be infected, be around all of these other people who are in on this wider plot, but they don’t get him involved. Maybe they thought he wouldn’t go for it, thought he was too nice, but I’m not sure. I mean, I think this theory has more merit than the first one, like it’s possible, just would be a little weird.

3. Porter was in on the plot to bring back the Nightmare King.

I mean. Like I know this may not be another Loose Duke situation. But it’s possible! Like, he’s in the right positions! He works at the school. He has the trust of some of the bad kids. He didn’t openly support Kalvaxis or anything he did. Maybe their larger organization (which they do hint that there are more people throughout the world that want to bring back the nightmare king throughout the campaign) thought that he should lay low and hold onto the trust of the bad kids, just wait until the right time to strike. Again, the fact that he would knowingly put a student, one of HIS barbarian students, in such serious danger, in order to protect the larger interest of bringing back the Nightmare King, does not stack up well against him.

So, do I think that Porter will end up being the big bad of season 3, or even the elusive season 4? No, probably not. BUT I do think that he’s sus as fuck and we need to stay on our toes, because he could turn out to be more of a threat with the right opportunities.

[dr-reids-fidget-toy]

Idea for a House MD reboot:

Normal House MD shenanigans. Wild cases, House being an ass, Cuddy trying to wrangle House, House and Wilson being homo besties, etc etc. I don’t have any specific plot or episode ideas but at the end of the 1st new season they have one of those fever dream episodes where House is hallucinating, but it’s unclear to him that that is what is happening (like when he got shot). It’s mostly clear to the audience now that the entire season has just been inside House’s head. He has a moment of almost-clarity when he starts to question if what he’s experiencing is real, and at some point after that we see a short glimpse of reality. It is implied that Wilson is dead (cancer). At the end of the episode, House makes the decision to stop questioning his reality. Viewer’s choice on whether to believe he believes the hallucinations are real or if he just wants them to be. 2nd season and onwards, the show continues as normal.

I don’t have specific ideas for who the team would be. Maybe the team changes slightly every few episodes, then more often until it changes every scene, possibly in the same scene, in the last episode of season 1. Then in season 2 it goes back to switching team members every few episodes? I’m unsure about what to do with this part after season 1.

Edit: I’ve thought some more about this and I think there are many possibilities for Reality, for instance:

House is in a group home/psych ward/rehab center, most likely against his will but he’s quite out of it soo

After season 1, there will occasionally be a nurse/carer who walks into the room to give house meds/food/whatever, then leaves. Sometimes the team stands around quietly during this, sometimes they make comments. If there is a patient/other non-recurring character in this scene, they are confused by this (contrary to the team and other recurring characters). House’s reactions vary with his moods, like always

House is on a shit ton of drugs, often overdosing

The glimpse of reality we get in the season 1 finale is of House laying on the floor, barely clinging to life. He looks miserable and happy. This happiness is artificial, a combination of drugs and false reality

House is so overcome with grief and loneliness that his mind breaks

House is in terrible pain (his emotions canonically affect his pain levels) and hallucinating because of this

Possible extra angst if he ran out of vicodin

These ideas are not mutually exclusive.

[dotthings]

Post 1 of Ben Edlund commentary from SPN Then and Now podcast, 4/15/2024

Edited for clarity.

On The End as a sign on the road to the haunted house:

"In the case of The End, I believe it came from a node that I was fumbling around with and that was because it was early in a season that was heading for an apocalypse and heading for this incredible stuff and I had this — the desire to put a sign up in front of the road that goes down to the haunted house that had a skull on it that said “It’s really scary down there, you don’t know how scary it can get” — just some kind of drumbeat base note of how heavy we were intending to go. So without giving away anything that was gonig to be part of the key mechanics of the end of the season. So that was a bit of a balancing act."

On Dean as a PH test of horror levels:

"In a sense Dean was the PH test or the strip reading to level of pain, horror, and change we were threatening. Jensen…he’s talked to me about that briefly, how much…how difficult that was. He did such an amazing job, he really was two people with the same shape, two totally different guys with the same five o’clock shadow."

Future Dean, scar tissue, and Zachariah’s propaganda tools:

"It was about the amount of experience that Dean had and he had been to the war, sorry, future Dean, had an amount of experience with this thing that present Dean was fearing and that was a distance or a difference in character that was depicted in scar tissue, basically, and regret, a tremendous amount of regret, because the sort of fulcrum of the universe had shifted and he couldn’t call out to angels anymore so he was…at least whatever this version of Dean was felt tremendous humility. Well, and when you look at it, it’s almost sort of charitable of us all, including me, I see it as its own universe that has its own reality but it’s also a perfectly tuned propaganda tool from Zachariah to have Dean do what he wants. It’s almost on the nose, like, come on."

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Musings - Tentative Timeline (Pt3a: 1945 - 1950) - ❗REVISIONS❗

These revisions took a minute, y'all, apologies.

HUGE thanks to @usuallydeepalpaca-blog and @alleyskywalker for working with me to make a (hopefully) more precise tentative timeline for S2 -- Pt 1 (1940 - 1948ish: x x) and Pt2 (1949: x x). There's so much unreliable narration from ALL these MCs, so things are very much STILL up in the air wrt chronology, that will likely only be resolved in S3 🙏 (AMC y'all got some explaining to do, cuz this ish REALLY don't make sense!!! 😩). So until then, this is still just a rough guestimate of when events took place in S2, cuz IDFK. 🤦

1945

Mostly I brightened up the dark AF pics I used on all the nodes

Added the rest of the quote from Lou & Claudia's convo to "follow the blackouts," cuz I hate when people complain that S2 wasn't as "glamorous" as S1; when IRL post-war Paris was broke as a joke--the lights flickering on & off in Claudeleine & Loumand's scenes in Ep2 were cuz of continent-wide blackouts during & post-WWII. You can't demand that AMC be historically accurate, then complain about the grim reality of IRL history during & after THE biggest war in Europe.

Adjusted the date range of Lou & Claudia meeting the coven from Nov, to a grace period of Nov/Dec 1945 (IF they arrived 5 months earlier in July, not June)

Adjusted the date range of the Chateau hunt with the coven from mid-Dec, to a grace period of Dec 1945/Jan 1946 (IF they arrived 5 months earlier in July, not June; plus 1 month of Claudia watching their performances)

[EDIT 4/17/2025] I realized I never mentioned this 2x2 quote confirming Louis was in Paris in 1945:

"A theater called Theatre Des Vampires. A company that had been in existence for 150 years! 77 years and it still feels like a slight."

1795 + 150 = 1945; 2022 - 77 = 1945. Just noticed I never put that in.

1946

Small but significant changes:

Added a node of Claudia confirming her hazing period took "weeks"

Bumped Satre up to Spring 1946, before Claudia's initiation--the grace period I gave that scene was too vague/generous

June 29, 1949 - the night Claudia invites Lou to her initiation ceremony

July 6, 1949 - I reckon Claudia's coven initiation was July 6, cuz "at the end of this week" would be Sunday, June 30, so Claudia could've just said "tomorrow" if that's what she meant. So the only other night she could be referring to was July 6th.

Thus, Baby LouLou definitely started performing in the summer (approx. July), not the spring

1947

I split up 1947 - 1949, to isolate everything that happened pre-Roget's interrogation.

I can't count, and miscalculated 500 nights = 16 months instead of 18 months, which effed up the whole thing, omfg I'm stupid! 🤦

So Claudia's 500th performance is December 1947, rather than Fall; sorry y'all.

Added a node for Lou vs art dealer Alois (as in Alois Meidl????)

Added nodes for Lou's convo w/ Dreamstat & Claudeleine's convo, that confirm it's been "two years" that they've been in Paris--so this is definitely 1945 → 1947; esp. if they only met the coven & Madz around Nov/Dec 1945.

Added a node specifically for Santiago's coup, splitting it from Loumand's park bench convo, just for clarity's sake.

1948

Everything from Roget down to Sam's Guido/Godot script has been moved to 1948.

Added a node where Roget mentions the Theatre being closed "a fortnight ago"

Added a node with the coven reading Claudia's diaries b/t the pages of Sam's Guido/Godot script

Added a node for the "God's Light" quote, which is part of the Guido/Godot script

Added a node screenapping Sam's Guido script

Added a node of Madz's SA. I have no idea where in the year this happens, even going by the clothes--that could be anywhere from Spring - Fall. 🤷

Added a node of Armand mentioning Sam's "new pages" for Guido/Godot

1949 - 1950

THIS is where ish gets hella messy

A bunch of Roland-Garros nodes, cuz those are muy importante

July: more of Armand's quote about Loumand's library date

Sept: Armand's quote where he says/lies(?) that the same night Madz was Turned, the coven gave him a "rewrite" of the Trial script

Changed the dates of Louis in the vault from Nov/Dec to Oct/Nov, bumping it up a month, esp. since the Trial HAS to take place in September (IF the Roland-Garros match was Sept 17-18)

Added Lou's Rage & Madness planning (approx 2-3 nights long)

Added the Great Fire of 1949 frame from the Talamasca files

Added the Jan 9, 1950 article about the Theatre burned down

@usuallydeepalpaca-blog pointed out that Lestat probably wasn't referring to THE French Championships, but a different France vs Australia match at Roland-Garros on September 17-18, 1949.

(DANG, I hope the Australians watched their necks in 1949! 💀 They effing won the mens' doubles in that match! 😅)

Jokes aside though, AMC has A LOT of explaining to do here. I'd assumed Les was referring to the 1950 French Championships:

But IF the September 17-18th 1949 games are what Les was talking about, that means he arrived around Sept 5th, and the Trial happened barely two weeks later!? 😰

Which means the rehearsal took barely no time at all; and most importantly: Claudeleine got ZERO TIME to wander. 😩💔

1950

This is a BIG problem, AMC:

Does anyone know what interview this was, where Jacob(?) said Claudeleine were together for months+?

I couldn't find it, but I DID find an interview with Roxane that said basically the same thing, which WORRIES ME.

Cuz "quite a time stretch" just DOES NOT WORK, if September 5, 1949 - January 9, 1950 is THE LIMIT for everything that happens from Madeleine's turning to Madeleine's death.

Which tells me that if anything, AMC's props department effed up not once, but TWICE, and actually had no effing idea when the Theatre burned down. 😅

Regardless, I added the nodes to account for al these shenanigans.

TL;DR: I no longer have any frikkin idea what's going on with the S2 timeline, esp. after Ep6. 😔

I love this show, it's excellent, 100/10. But laaaaawwwwwwd, I'm confused; and TIRED.

[the-shifting-long]

Hi I just wanted to say THANK YOU for calling out fandom misogyny my goodness. Very tired of being like. An alarmingly underwhelming number of people who has very little interest in most of the Voices and much love for the Princess in all her complexities. Especially as a Thorn fan tbh it gets really tiring watching folks strip down complex characters into just waifu bait??? Or a Beast fan when folks can’t see past the vore jokes on her character to understand the mastermind she truly is? The fandom’s understanding of abuse victimhood and survivors is RANCID and it’s about time someone said as much.

It's hard. I understand that feeling of like, wanting to love and be loved by the princess, so of course you focus On the parts that are the most loving, and on the affection that's there. I try not to judge people when I feel like they're "softening" the princesses, because a lot of times it's just that they're showcasing the softest side of her even though they know the brutal, hard reality exists-this is especially the case for a lot of Den fans, I feel like. I myself am guilty of focusing on Fury's characterization in the leave ending like she doesn't spend most of her time on screen brutally ripping us to pieces.

...but then sometimes people post things that make me go "hold the fuck on that is NOT her."

HEA/Damsel fans are like. The most guilty of this. She would never be a tradwife. Like. Me when I'm in a "missing the point" competition and my opponent is someone named "#1 Damsel Lover" on discord. I'm especially sick of edits where people paste Damsel's face/personality on a "hotter" princess like Adversary, like...eugh. No. They're their own fucking people, for one, and for two, if you need a "soft" face and a submissive personality to the point of being a major character flaw to love a woman, I don't think you love her.

The vore thing in particular is like...ugh. It's so. It's nuanced, right. Because while it wasn't intended to Be vore or Be sexy by the artist/writer, it IS the act depicted in vore fetish fiction, and it IS appealing to vore fans for the same reason vore is. It is explicitly meant to be intimate because the two of you are being combined through digestion, because she is consuming you and making you into her. So it's not intended to Be vore, but it's also not shocking to me at all that the vore community latched onto it/Beast at all-the Beast chapter literally depicts digestion in an intimate and even romantic way. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to find the sexy in things unintended to be sexy, especially since Abby Howard herself said that it's not wrong to find anything in StP hot, she put it there for us. but i do think it goes against the core themes of the Beast's route to Solely look at the digestion scene and to view it from a Solely sexy angle, and good GOD, the joke is SO OLD. IT'S SO OLD. DO PEOPLE EVEN KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THE VORE JOKE HAS BEEN MADE ABOUT HER ROUTE IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE IT WAS BARELY FUNNY TO BEGIN WITH I-SCREAMSSSSS

i don't personally read a lot of the dynamics in StP as abusive, mostly because people try to apply it to fucking. Adversary. a completely consensual situation between two people for whom death literally does not fucking matter. And even when it DOES apply, people focus on it to the point of ignoring other themes of the route-looking at you, Tower/Moment of Clarity. But there's totally a double standard. Tower/Nightmare defenders are relatively rare, and then with HEA, where it's explicitly US as the controlling/abusive element, people literally blame Smitten...and then defend Smitten. :/ HELLO. it's so dark in here.

literally any willingness to admit these characters are Nuanced and have Flaws and that they have reasons for having these flaws would go a long way but that'd require treating the Tower/Nightmare as human beings and that's too much to ask for a lot of people lmao.

like even if you want to SOLELY view their routes through the lens of "evil abusive woman" and ignore the ways you've pushed her to that point + the other themes their routes are dealing with. the horrifying reality is that abusers are like. People. Who believe themselves to be in the right and who have issues themselves. A refusal to engage with that does nothing to actually help abuse victims, who often stay with their abusers Because...their abusers Are People. with their own issues and complexities. like it's hard as hell to get out of a situation like that when you can't even conceptualize your abuse as abuse because abusers aren't like that, they aren't in pain like that, they aren't kind and caring like that!

but at the end of the day it's not Actually about examining abusive relationships/dynamics. It's an excuse to hate on a woman that's too confident and too strong and too mean to the guy who just stabbed her or abandoned her to be locked in a basement forever. If it actually WAS about these women being abusive, we'd see more people get into that, but it's not. It's about Broken as a perfect little victim and about a convenient excuse to hate on someone they don't find attractive because she's not Waifu enough for them.

anyways. i'm attached to these women. i'm attached to the weird and complex and violent and loving and contradictory and beautiful relationship between the long quiet and the princesses. i am. horny. sometimes. so i get where people come from when they talk about their favorite princesses as Wife and whatnot. but also is she really your wife if you have to recharacterize or redesign her in all of your art lmao