#Papa Vesemir

[0dde11eth]

Papa vesemir: If you don't get your ass out of this bed then imma get naked and crawl in there with you and spoon you

This threat works on lambert to get him out of bed

But it does not work on jaskier

[blooms-in-april]

Jaskier: So your brother Eskel takes the route through the Blue Mountains and your brother Lambert blows things up around Novigrad, but what does your dear father do?

Geralt: Vesemir? Nothing. He stays at the keep. Fixes walls.

Jaskier: Geralt, my dear, be serious. There's no way any relation of yours can stay out of mischief for long. You're telling me a Witcher stays cooped up in that castle, sweeping floors, cooking meals, and dusting like a sweet little housewife?

Geralt: *grunts angrily*

Jaskier, laughing: Geralt, I guarantee your dear father is growing weed and getting fucked whenever you children aren't home.

Geralt: *scarred silence* That's not true.

Vesemir, at that exact moment in Kaer Morhen: Fucking come on, Guxart. Put your back into it!

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 71

The other witchers at Kaer Morhen have always grown tired of Geralt's random moodswings and bouts of gloom and grumpiness during the winter. He'd be happy and carefree, safe in his home, and then some dark thought would crest in his mind, and for a few days straight, he'd be in a horrible mood. When one year he brings his bard with him, they realize the moodswings have disappeared completely. That is, until Jaskier starts trying to "bond" with them all and spends less time with Geralt. Then all of a sudden the snarls and snaps from Geralt are back. One day, Lambert gets tired of Geralt's sass, and shoves Jaskier at him, and they're all amazed when Geralt loses his bad mood and instead chooses to carry his bard off to cuddle in front of the fireplace. Nuzzling him and purring the whole time. Thus commences a new rule of Kaer Morhen. If you spot Geralt being pissy, you chuck the bard at him. Jaskier has been taken away from a meal, a game of gwent, his chores, his bed while asleep, and one especially embarrassing time he was taken from a bath. Jaskier is quite alright with the new rule, as it always ends in deligthtful Geralt cuddles, but sometimes he wishes Geralt would just find Jaskier instead of moping when he misses him.

[thedemonofcat]

Geralt brings Ciri safely to Kaer Morhen. He’s obviously not himself though. He puts up a good front when Ciri’s around, but the meager mask falls as soon as she’s out of sight.

Vesemir notices and convinces Geralt to confide in him. The events of the mountain are revealed, along with Geralt’s regret over pushing away his bard.

Since Geralt already knows what he did wrong, Vesemir doesn’t scold the pup over it. He merely asks, “Do you need him?”

“…yes.”

The old swordmaster nods and leaves it at that.

For now.

All of the pups are shocked when they notice Vesemir preparing to leave the keep come Spring. The old wolf waves off their concerns, telling them he’ll still have everything ready come next winter.

Before that though, he will retrieve Geralt’s bard to give the lad a chance to apologize.

After some time traveling, Vesemir arrived in Lettenhove, a modest coastal town in Bremervoord. He began asking around for the bard Jaskier and, to his surprise, was directed to the Pankratz estate. Intrigued, Vesemir made his way there and inquired again.

“I’ll fetch Lord Julian from the study,” a maid said politely, leading Vesemir to a sitting room.

After a few moments, Vesemir found himself face to face with the man he presumed to be Jaskier.

“Geralt never mentioned you were a Viscount,” Vesemir remarked.

“I’m surprised Geralt mentioned me at all,” Jaskier replied, taking a seat across from Vesemir. “I don’t believe there are any monster troubles in Lettenhove at the moment, but you are, of course, welcome to stay as long as you wish, Master Witcher.”

“Straight to business, I see,” Vesemir said, raising an eyebrow at the formal tone Jaskier had adopted. It was not what he’d expected. “I’ve come to bring you to Kaer Morhen for the winter.”

Jaskier’s expression stiffened. “I wouldn’t want to impose on a place where I’m clearly not wanted,” he said, though the cracks in his facade were beginning to show.

“You arewanted. Geralt wants you,” Vesemir pressed, his voice steady but insistent.

“I will not be made a mockery in my own home,” Jaskier snapped, though he quickly regained his composure. Rising to leave, he added curtly, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have pressing matters to attend to.”

Before Jaskier could step away, Vesemir’s voice cut through the room, calm but firm. “He loves you, you know. I can smell it every time Geralt talks about you.”

[help-help-i-need-an-adult]

[fandom-junk-drawer]

[therainbowdragoness]

Witchers On Halloween

Wolf School Edition

They all dress up to the same theme but all have different ideas of what that theme should look like.

Let’s say their theme is Vampires, right? You got Eskel who picks the actually scary, practical looking vampire, one they’d encounter actually on the path…

Geralt doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing so he gets help from Jaskier (who looks fabulous btw) and Regis, who lets him copy his style, maybe lends him some clothes…

Then you have Lambert who went for a cross between the 80’s rocker looking vampire and the sexy fishnets/high heels and tight black gowns kind of vampire. He may have a matching hat as well, and the whole outfit is mainly to spite Papa Ves…

Speaking of which, the patriarch of Kaer Morhen can absolutely be the tame, not so scary grandpa type at Halloween and hand out candy to the kids and all but he’s never lost his love for pranking/scaring people as well, so he has a main costume and a scarier, secret mask or something no one knows about hidden away for later when the boys walk back through the door.

Ciri goes full bloody, terrifying vampire whether she’s with Calanthe or the wolves for Halloween. It doesn’t matter.

[slumberingcorpse]

Imagine if instead of cats being terrified of witchers, they instead loved witchers? I can just picture Lambert just walking into a town with an army of cats that he’s gathered just to cause utter chaos. (Yes, he has tried to train all of his cats to attack people he doesn’t like. He gave up after a week). Every time, Eskel sleeps in a barn or stables he wakes up with a whole colony of stray cats sleeping on him causing him to often get up late since he doesn’t want to disturb their sleep. He also makes sure to feed them any chance he gets. Geralt would constantly lose his mind during hunts since kittens will start to pop out of nowhere wanting attention and he will have to kill monsters while protecting each cat. As for Vesemir, he busies himself with building cat trees for all the cats that wander into Kear Morhan and treat them as more of his children. He gave them all names and makes clothes, toys (Made with the purest of cat nip), and beds for all of them. Some of them even have small versions of the wolf medallions as collars.

[moonkidphrase]

Lambert really said “well Vesemir said not to stick my dick in crazy but he didn’t say anything about letting crazy stick the dick in me so I think we’re good Aiden”

[jay-arts-t]

Posting a a little today but really like the whole bit the boys have over calling Vesemir old. They all just collectively agree “old man old man”

It’s even funnier when notw makes vesemir only 70, or really 60 something years older than them since they’re around 4-8 age group. And he only looks like he’s in his 20s-early thirties. I’m sure Lambert started it. One day he just asks “why are you so old?” And Vesemir is left shocked. He’s not that old!!! But then when they get back to Kaer Morhen and the boys are a bit older Geralt finally gets to ask all his questions about Kaer Morhen he couldn’t ask before.

“How old is Kaer Morhen?”

“I don’t know Geralt. Old.”

“Are you older than Kaer Morhen or as old?”

Vesemir throws his boots at him. Then that’s when the whole “*insert item* is almost as old as Vesemir!”

HE HATES IT.

When Ciri finally joins them, Lambert immediately teaches her the bit. She is RUTHLESS with her insults. Vesemir is giving her a history lesson in the courtyard since it’s nice out. The boys are fixing one of the walls in the background. He’s telling her about a war that happened around 600 years ago.

“Do you remember what it was like in that time? Since you were there?” Vesemir wants to crawl into a hole and die in it. The boys are basically toppled over in laughter. Lambert starts choking from laughing too hard. Ciri seems extremely pleased with herself.

It starts evolving further into “oh you wanna know about the conjunction of spheres? Oh I dunno, ask Vesemir he was there since before the conjunction.” And “what was it like when dinosaurs were alive, Vesemir?”

AND IT SOMEHOW SPREADS. He’s in a growing town in southern Redania with Geralt and they run into Jaskier. Now he’s never had the fortune of meeting him, but he’s heard plenty. He’s about to thank the poet for looking after Geralt until Jaskier goes “so I’ve heard you’re quite old! Tell me Master Vesemir, what was it like when kingdoms started to form? How did the royal families come to be in power?”

Vesemir is SEETHING. Geralt just smiles like the little shit he is.

[0dde11eth]

Poor vesemir, he tries to give his pups life lessons beyond being a witcher, but this is the kaer MORONS we are talking about. The following occurs when they are all trying to make dinner one evening.

Papa vesemir: ok boys familiarize yourself with the spices, these can make walking the path a little nicer, as you can look forward to a delicious meal at the end of a rough day

So they go over to the spice rack to read the labels.

Eskel: basil, oregano, cilantro (yuck), coriander, thyme, paprika...

Geralt: hmm, ground pepper, sounds spicy. Hmm, not sure I like the sound of garlic, seems spicier...

Lambert: cinnamon, nutmeg. Cum? DRIED CUM!?!?!

Eskel: what?? Cum?? Is this a prank??

Geralt: did jaskier put you up to this??

Lambert: I'm not fucking eating dried cum!!!

Papa vesemir: Its CUMIN YOU IDIOTS. that's it! Everyone out of my kitchen and go run the walls, everyones getting plain boiled potatoes for the rest of the week!

Geralt: yay! Finally some good food!

Papa Vesemir: OUT!!!

Jaskier (in the background): *dumping a mouthful of the dried "cum" in his mouth and then gagging* that's NOT CUM!

Papa vesemir: *internally* I bet guxart doesn't have this problem with the cat witchers

*** across the continent at the cat caravan***

Aiden: *gagging* that's NOT CUM!

Guxart: *internally* I bet vesemir doesn't have this problem with the wolf witchers

[ladyannemarie5]

Jaskier looking through the clothes: Hey, Vesemir, have you seen my top?

Vesemir without taking his eyes off his book: Geralt is brushing Roach.

Jaskier: What? No, I mean my top.

Vesemir: Eskel is training outside

Jaskier: My red top!

Vesemir: Oh! Lambert is at the lab

Jaskier: I mean my red shirt.

Vesemir: ... You should have specified

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Geralt was nervous to bring Jaskier to his home. He was sure the bard would get along with Eskel—their shared love of poetry and talking about emotions should smooth the way. Lambert would just be thrilled to have a new way to tease Geralt, and Jaskier being a bit of an asshole himself would help them bond.

But what of Vesemir? His mentor was not one to tolerate fools. What if he didn’t see past Jaskier’s foppish ways to his golden soul? What if he wasn’t understanding about the bard’s human limits? What if he scared Jaskier away for good?

All of these thoughts passed through Geralt’s mind outside the gates of Kaer Morhen. The gates opened for them, Geralt’s mentor was waiting for them on the other side, and as he came into view—

“PAPAMIR?!?”

Geralt winced at Jaskier’s loud shriek from beside him, and then the horror dawned because what did Jaskier just call Vesemir?!?

However, Vesemir didn’t look angry. He looked just as flabbergasted. “Julian?”

It turns out that Vesemir had once fallen for a widower Count, and he continued visiting the family even after the Count died 100 years ago. That Count was Jaskier’s great grandfather.

Geralt watched, dazed, as Vesemir doted on Jaskier while gently scolding him for not visiting his mother more often.

This is so funny, I love this WPGHWAPGHPAWGHPAW

[thedemonofcat]

Geralt was nervous to bring Jaskier to his home. He was sure the bard would get along with Eskel—their shared love of poetry and talking about emotions should smooth the way. Lambert would just be thrilled to have a new way to tease Geralt, and Jaskier being a bit of an asshole himself would help them bond.

But what of Vesemir? His mentor was not one to tolerate fools. What if he didn’t see past Jaskier’s foppish ways to his golden soul? What if he wasn’t understanding about the bard’s human limits? What if he scared Jaskier away for good?

All of these thoughts passed through Geralt’s mind outside the gates of Kaer Morhen. The gates opened for them, Geralt’s mentor was waiting for them on the other side, and as he came into view—

“PAPAMIR?!?”

Geralt winced at Jaskier’s loud shriek from beside him, and then the horror dawned because what did Jaskier just call Vesemir?!?

However, Vesemir didn’t look angry. He looked just as flabbergasted. “Julian?”

It turns out that Vesemir had once fallen for a widower Count, and he continued visiting the family even after the Count died 100 years ago. That Count was Jaskier’s great grandfather.

Geralt watched, dazed, as Vesemir doted on Jaskier while gently scolding him for not visiting his mother more often.

At first, it’s all fun and games, but soon the stories start to emerge.

Vesemir has no qualms about sharing embarrassing tales of young Geralt with Jaskier, and vice versa, regaling Geralt with awkward stories about a young Jaskier.

Now, both Jaskier and Geralt are on their best behavior, trying to steer clear of any further stories.

[help-help-i-need-an-adult]

Modern AU:

Kaer Moron’s Family Car

@0dde11eth @everything-but-the-not-natural @i-pet-spuders @fandom-junk-drawer @dancinginmyoldsatindress @thequeeninyellowlace

[thewolvesandtheirbard]

Can we talk about something though?

Vesemir had to raise his pups alone, yes, but at least he had Kaer Morhen built up around them, blocking the wind and the rain, keeping them mostly safe.

Guxart had no castle for his kittens but he has the caravan, and all the other cats to help wrangle the little ones.

What about Letho though? He brought up his boys without anyone else’s help and without anywhere for them to call home. It was quite literally, the three of them against the world.

All the Witcher Dads are tough but Letho is on another level.