#PHEW introspection :'>>>

[hinamie]

hi hina! in terms of your art, what would say is your strength(s) and what is your weakness?

!!!! omg ily mariam you're always so good at asking rly thoughtful questions that make me take a step back n Ponder,, tbh im not sure if this is just a Me thing or if every artist experiences this but i feel like my main strengths/weaknesses in my art are just reflective of the strengths/weaknesses i have in all areas of my life .., i am not going to unpack that too much tho smile :)

strength(s)

a bitch is Persistent !!! when I decide to learn how to do something i put in 200% to learning it and learning it Well . ths how i got good at drawing a lot of the things im told i'm "good" at --i did it with hands i did it with torso anatomy i did it with clothing ,, i did it with yuuji's gd hair,, the list goes on !! also i think this is maybe related to why i love making character reference sheets ? granted they take forever and i hate it while i'm in it but at the end of the day i am a proud character sheet Advocate. if u ever want to really hammer something into ur brain .. character sheets.... angles......just sayin ! shit works.......

character design listen i dont want to sing my own praises too much but character design rly is one of my favourite kinds of art to do and i think . im maybe a bit good at it.,, idk,... :3 fr though I put so much time and effort in2 the research and ref compiling and it takes Hours on pinterest and 543254 open tabs but finally getting to put the pieces all together to make something cohesive makes all the pain worth it . whether it's for an oc or an existing character i love designing outfits or alternate forms that Tell u something abt the character i love translating personality into clothing choices and silhouettes and colours and hiding little defining Traits and !!! idk i just have so much fun :'> it reminds me why i love art

weakness(es)

kind of the dark side of persistence, a bitch is Stubborn and Resistant to Change (not just an Artist Flaw(tm) but also a recurring Character Flaw i need to work on gsfdhjfsgd) . I find i don't know how to easily break habits or push myself outside of what's Worked for me in the past, even if i know that other, better ways exist ,,. like I joke abt working harder not smarter and complaining about it but that's not even a joke that's just what I do because I'm too afraid of being Bad at something or trying something and having it not work so I just stick to what I know :( smh if comfort zones r meant to b left why r they comfortable.......

perspective/rooms/dynamic poses,, look ik im microdosing on these rn but a lot of it is still so HARD ,, improvement jail.... :( unique poses r starting to come easier with reference but rooms i hate u . how do u make objects look like they are in a scene and not on it . how to give objects Weight ????? i dont get it...

[housemdork]

house md rewatch: 2x24, "no reason"

we get a look inside of house's mind that's so intimate, it breaks his own dreamscape. happy season finale!

truly, where do i even start with this one?

this is ultimate house md. it's such a brilliant season finale because it truly feels like everything over the last 46 episodes has been building to this saga, delivered to viewers by way of the show's ongoing plot device - nonreality. and it's only through nonreality that we can finally say that we know and understand house. above all else, i think 2x24 is about generating kindness toward its leading man after he's gone very much off the rails.

sidebar before i get into the meat here: minus the shooting, has anyone had a similar dream experience to house? i've had dozens of nightmares over the years that are so scary and destabilizing that i'm prompted to choose a ridiculous course of action (a la killing a patient in surgery) that forces me awake. it was exciting to find that represented here!

i'll foreground the recap with my take on 2x24's overall premise: house himself becomes the case in 2x24. while there is a patient b-plot, it's only there to reinforce the plot's incredulity. that case is so nonsensical and disgusting that it pushes the boundaries of the episode, and of house, to their respective breaking points. poor guy lol, even if how we know him is just in figment form.

one of the first tipoffs we see that things are Abnormal, i argue, is house's immediate dismissal of the guy who shot him, moriarty (me when they remember this show is another sherlock holmes iteration: !!!). not that i expect him to fly off the handle or take a cameron-esque approach, but there would at least be some diagnostic potential in the psychology of a near assassin. instead, and like always, house will defer to the impersonal, the b-plot patient. 2x24 nearly collapses under this unexpected strain, the combination of the medical (house's sanctuary) and his psyche (his demise).

this dismissal of himself as the patient can only subsist for so long; it's forced to confront house's fear of losing his mind, which he believes (canonically now) is all he has (more on that later). his mind's version of moriarty comes to represent the emotional side of house, house's own person his logical side, and 2x24 posits that these things must coexist in order to solve this case.

this leads to the "diagnosis" - house is "miserable for nothing." he can't logic his way out of this fact, nor can he explain why he clings to his misery via logic. he must confront the emotional, a truth that moriarty knows that house doesn't trust because it can't be objectively measured. so, realizing that moriarty, an inextricable part of house that he hates. it's vindictive, turbulent, and regretful, but it's him. no matter he wishes he weren't human, according to moriarty, it's inescapable.

that's why he apologizes to himself here ^. and this is such an emotional extreme for house that it breaks the dreamscape. in his traditional epiphany moment, he knows that he would never admit this out loud to anyone, and goes to do what neither a logic or emotion-driven person would - he kills someone!

looking ahead, i am obsessed with 2x24's implications for "house's head" and "wilson's heart," btw. that logic/emotion split is heightened, and since they fail to merge, it comes at the cost of the patient. this is such a longstanding binary within house md, and i never get tired of revisiting it.

beyond just what moriarty stands for, 2x24 features a long procession of allusions to house's self-disgust. 2 scenes that i want to focus on in this regard are his conversation with the patient's nonexistent wife and his (extra) hallucinatory confrontation with cuddy and wilson.

^ this scene is intentionally classic greg house diagnostic techniques wrapped in his usual, bland misogyny. yet his insistence that she's too good-looking for her husband (the patient whose entire body keeps exploding in the ugliest ways possible), house can't wrap his head around it. he believes that it must be "a mathematical error."

house equates looks here to more than just pretty faces and conventional attractiveness. her husband's body is failing him, and it looks ugly doing it. house feels that his body fails him, and that it's ugly. him revealing the visuals of his infarction is traumatic, even for the hellacious episode it takes places within (2x13 "skin deep" lol). even the above shot reinforces this - the wife's posture is idyllic, even in heels; house's relies on his cane to carry not just his imbalance, but also the rest of his weight since he's so weak post-gunshot.

not to feed into the men yelling = good acting phenomenon, but hugh laurie ate DOWN here.

his (JUSTIFIED) meltdown in cuddy's office is the counterweight to his internalized physical disgust. i love the dialogue: "what do i have?", cuddy's misunderstanding that he's referring to an illness, and his furious answer: "i have my brain. that's it."

house reduces himself to just one half of his person, and he's also disturbed that the 2 people closest to him can't see it that way. in violating his agency, they've made him categorically nothing. i think that the (false) revelation that cuddy and wilson were in on the ketamine all along was one of the most stressful moments of the series for me. i was disgusted that they just bypassed his agency and went through a worse repeat of the infarction/stacy debacle.

like when wilson just agreed with his full chest that he agreed with cuddy's choice, i literally said: "he would not fucking say that." and thank god he didn't. had he, i would have had no problem with house socking him in the face. in reality, if we follow the logic of the episode, the punch is actually something house would never do to wilson, hence the dramatics:

cuddy and wilson's treatment of house throughout 2x24 showcase a much sadder reality that exists in house's mind: he thinks that they look down on him as a problem to be solved, nothing more. since he evidently reduces himself to so little, he assumes that they would do the same. that's why we can't earnestly share in cuddy's joy when the ketamine is first introduced:

the forced ketamine violates house in several ways: it unwittingly takes away the personal and social meaning of his disability; it introduces a new slew of problems (the convenient 50/50 success rate mirrors the logic/emotion binary in 2x24 well); it minimizes said disability to a measly, simplified issue; and it obviously ignores house's autonomy.

that's what's really so scary about the ketamine treatment when we still believe it was involuntary. if wilson, cuddy, or any other house md character can violate house's bodily autonomy and consent, then the very fabric of the show gets upended. he loses the control that he clings to. this is another instance of house/audience solidarity - we want him to get better, but we want it done on his terms, and we want it to have "meaning" (to quote house; more on this later, too).

wilson and cuddy also operate as interesting foils for the fellows, whose roles in house's dream world are very dissimilar. wilson and cuddy's (nonconsensual) involvement in house's physical and mental health emphasizes how personally involved they are with him. they are confidants and recipients of his vulnerability, which is why their betrayal is exceptionally painful. house and wilson peeing together while discussing his potential mental decline illustrates this pretty well lol:

important to note in this scene is how wilson reminds house of why he has a team: "if you could think of everything yourself, then you wouldn't need a team to annoy." in a wilson-like fashion, he reminds house to have a bit of humanity and that he does, actually, like people every once in a while. but what's more interesting is how this remark showcases how house views the fellows' perceive him.

when moriarty reveals that the bathroom and the argument in cuddy's office were hallucinations, he tells house that he also wet his bed. yet when the fellows show up, he takes on a look of shame and hides it (from 3 doctors who have been dealing with a man with exploding, bloody body parts all day. i think they'd take dirty sheets over that any day).

he tries his best to maintain surety and authority in their conversations, only admitting to "losing it" when he realizes that this is (hopefully) all just a dream. not before they get house some tacos in one of the most kickass shots in the entire show, ofc:

i know i'm not paying as much time to the fellows in this recap, but who i really want to highlight among the 3 is chase. he speaks up a lot in this episode, and before we know that it's all just a dream, it sounds like he's really knocking diagnostics out of the park! yet with the revelation that this is all a dream, this implies that house may either have an inflated view of chase's potential (doubtful), or that chase's success is a continued sign of house's own mental decline.

this more likely that not negates the passive compliment that house gives chase when he's out of earshot. speaking to moriarty, house says that chase must be smart, "otherwise i wouldn't have hired him." oof. it also confirms that house's perception of chase is almost endemically a "yes man," for better or for worse depending on house's diagnostic success. it's only helpful when chase isn't parroting house's incorrect ideas.

lastly - because i could keep going forever lol - i want to talk about "i want meaning" because, for me, this is the episode's great unifier, and a thematically excellent point on which to leave the season. house the atheist admitting that he wants life to have meaning (tbd on whether or not he believes that it has any in the first place), is a massive character shift originating in his confrontation with moriarty. yet house's inability to synthesize this with his belief, or lack thereof, in the powers that be launches him into his season 3 conflict.

by the end of 2x24, house believes that solving his leg pain will grant his life meaning. his dream experience has captured the ins and outs of his rationalization of the ketamine experimental treatment. his leg can represent both halves, the logical and the emotional, because it has ramifications for both, and contributes to his overarching misery. thus, he aims to resolve them both via one treatment. in house's mind, from this will come meaning...but he doesn't know yet that we have to create this meaning ourselves.

leaving the season with the question of "what is meaning for house?" is so exciting. knowing the answer - or lack of one - that they provide is part of the tragedy i've come to love so much about this show.

like i said earlier, this episode is one of the greats. there are a thousand pieces to put together, and a million elements to appreciate, and yet our titular character still shines above the rest (imo). 2x24/season 2 really is That Bitch. i'm so happy i got to write about this one :)

PS: i have to make the note because i am a season 5 fan first and a person second: 5x23-24 is very similar to the 2x24 debacle with the revelation of house's hallucinations, except the amber ordeal is house's own fault, and house md successfully banks on us assuming they wouldn't repeat a similar premise. i love that this episode walked so those 2 could run in the future.

[3416]

KYPER AND BOURNE SEGMENT SAYING EVEN PLAYERS LIKE MANGIAPANE ARE LOOKING AT TORONTO AND BEING LIKE NAH, I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT, I'M YELINGGLLGIGNNGGGG

[denniisa]

dennis reynolds does not cry. at least that’s what he wants everyone to believe,  that’s what everyone  has  to believe.  how easy it was to fool everyone.  he had been doing it since he was a child,  after all.  years of practice.  it only takes a few slaps across the face from his mother to get the message across:  men are not emotional,  men do not show their true emotions.   ( was he even really a man,  anyway ??  who was …  what  was he,  really ?? )

dennis reynolds had perfected his mask at the age of ten.  he knew exactly what to say to make others happy,  to get his way,  to control the narrative.  what dennis  ( and dee )  wanted never really mattered,  it was always about their parents.  frank and barbara … what did they want ??  how could their children stop embarrassing them ??  

for dennis,  he needed to stop with that  ‘nancy boy nonsense’  as soon as possible.  tears suppressed, hobbies pushed aside.  men didn’t cry,  sing,  play with dolls,  paint their nails,  wash their face,  put on lipstick,  braid their sisters hair,  sleep with a stuffed elephant,  kiss other men.  men were strong,  charismatic,  smart,  watched football,  worked out,  drank beer,  smoked cigarettes,  kissed women. 

was he a man ??  is this what he really wanted ??  he knew the answer to that question.  it never mattered what dennis really wanted,  he just had to keep the mask on.  even after thirty seven years of practice there were still times that his mask slipped,  the cracks in the surface widening and leaving some of his true self exposed. 

no one could ever see that side of him.  no one.

which is why he always hid in his bedroom on days like this,  firing off a text to someone from the gang saying that he was working on something important and he’d fill them all in tomorrow.  he couldn’t fake sick after all,  not unless he wanted mac breaking down his door.  thankfully he was surrounded by idiots that believed whatever lie was spoon fed to them. 

dennis reynolds does not cry,  but he was crying right now.  not one piece of onion in sight.  sat on the corner of his bed facing his floor length mirror.  he’s not sure why,  but he always watches himself cry.  there’s something about how his eyes turn a little bit red,  how the mascara begins to trail down his cheeks,  how his foundation turns all splotchy. 

it reminds him that he  can  feel. 

but why did he want to feel so bad ??  it hurt,  it always hurt so goddamn much. 

as he makes eye contact with the reflection staring back at him he can’t help but let out a small laugh.  it’s garbled by the tears,  stifled by the sniffles,  but he laughs anyway.  he had thought for a moment what barbara would say if she could see him like this.  he knows what his father would say.  no,  what  frank would say.  not his father.  then he thinks for a moment what  bruce  might say.  that only makes the tears fall faster,  shaky hands move to cup his face,  hiding his face from himself as he continues to sob.  he stays like this for a few more minutes,  finally prying his hands from his face and staring down at mascara stained palms.  hands return to rest on bony thighs,  eyes lifting to meet his reflection once more. 

“pathetic.”  he mumbles to himself,  sniffling as he tries to pull himself together.  as he stares into bloodshot eyes he remembers exactly why he can’t tell anymore about this.  not because of barbara,  not because of frank. 

because it was weak.  and whatever dennis reynolds was,  it wasn’t  weak.

so he stands from his spot on the bed to approach the mirror,  getting closer to the glass as he stares himself down.  hand moves to point at the shell that gazed back at him.  “pull yourself together,  man.”  he instructs,  repeating the order he had been given over and over again.  it takes a few more seconds,  a few more deep breaths,  but he’s able to slip the mask back on. 

he withdraws himself from the mirror and walks over to his beside table,  pulling a tissue out of the tissue box and wiping at his face.  “what a pain …”  once again he mumbles to himself,  “... i have to redo my makeup.”  the tissue is tossed into the small trash can on the side of his bed and as he leaves his bedroom to fix his face,  he can’t help but think how badly he wishes someone would be able to hand him a tissue.

[burreauxwrites]

28 Things I Love About Joey

—————

writer’s block is so crazy y’all … i wanted to do an joe x reader birthday blurb, but i do not have it in me, especially because i have finals this week :[

BUT BEAR WITH ME, because i hope to have chapter 2 out for my fic sometime soon (the prologue and chaper 1 are in the masterlist!) and i’m hoping it’s a bit longer in length.

but we’ll see. IN THE MEANTIME, let me celebrate pookie’s birthday with 28 things i love about him :] IT’S JOE DAYYYYY 🧡

1. he’s so talented! the it boy, in terms of quarterbacks. he’s him.

2. he’s introspective, always taking time to think about what he says

3. his emotional intelligence !!! in a world where football can be competitive, he never takes his anger out on others.

4. he speaks highly of his other teammates! other qbs place blame on their teammates, but joey points out their strengths and how they improve

5. despite being quiet and reserved, he’s a nerd! his love for like batman, spongebob, and dinosaurs even is adorable

6. he doesn’t necessarily pay much mind to what people say about him. that’s attractive asf in my opinion!

7. the care he has for the younger fans! whether it be signing a ball or whatever, he’s just always so sweet to them :(

8. he’s just a natural leader. with the small mic’d up moments we do get, he’s always hyping up the others

9. his friendship with ja’marr (they’re basically married but that’s neither here nor there)! two peas in a pod fr!

10. his eyes !!! they are just the prettiest shade of blue to me <33

11. his hair! whether it’s the long brown hair with the droopy bit, or the buzzcut, his hair always looks flawless!

12. his chest. a chest of steel if you ask me.

13. his thighs. perfect for riding imo but we’ll save that for a blurb or two

14. his hands!!! his hands may be small (according to him), but damn, are they attractive.

15. the small habit he has of swaying back and forth in pressers. i tend to do that too, so to see someone else do it makes me feel less self-conscious 🥺

16. the extroverted side of him that does come out with friends! seeing him in hard knocks and talk about his bat mobile with tee and ja’marr was so cute

17. his grumpy moments!! we all get mad obv, but he’s literally the human version of grumpy bear sometimes and i think that’s adorable

18. he’s a smarty pants! when lsu joe talking about physics…yup <3

19. his love for cincinnati :( the way he talks about cincy is so sweet, you can tell he loves the city

20. his generosity and love for helping people out! he always talks about helping out with poverty and mental health and that warms my heart <3

21. his humility! i know we all hate how hard he is on himself, but at the same time, he’s just so humble :(

22. his words about gun control and women’s rights! when i first found out he had made a post against the overturning of roe v wade, i was surprised! most athletes don’t seem to really speak on those things, but he did 🥺

23. his love for his parents <3 idk if he was a mama’s boy, but hearing him talk about his mom is so cute :(

24. his SMILEEEE 🥺🥺🥺 his eyes do the little crinkly thing…ohhh my heart 💔💔💔

25. his determination!! he’s always determined to improve and that’s really attractive to me.

26. him in compression shirts. yum.

27. him smoking cigars…i don’t normally find smoking attractive but when HE DOES IT???? phew…

28. joey as a whole!!! he’s sososo amazing and deserves the world

once again, HAPPY JOE DAY <3 i hope he knows that he is so loved and that so many people look up to him. he’s so sweet, smart, sexy, and just stunning altogether. he deserves the absolute world and all of the happiness in it. love you joey b <3 🧡

[myuntachi]

[18TRIP Feature Event Translation] Drifting in the Sea of Tranquility - Track 6

translation: @shunin-gumis

proofreading: dimi, tsukimi, niri

📍 Yamanashi Glamping Facility

Yodaka: …Danny… You’re really… 

Yodaka: … 

Yodaka: It’s morning… 

Yodaka: (What… did I dream of last night…?)

Netaro: Owo! It’s here, it’s printing~♪

Yodaka: … 

Netaro: Hey hey, can I look at it first?

Yodaka: Oh, yes, go ahead… 

Netaro: Lemme see… Hum… 

Netaro: …Nn~?

Yodaka: Is something the matter?

Netaro: It’s different from usual.

Yodaka: ? How so?

Netaro: The literary style of the record is vastly different from the last ones. It’d be faster to see it yourself.

Yodaka: This is… 

[img]

Netaro: I don’t get it! But it mentions cups and intoxication; perhaps you were drinking with someone?

Yodaka: It appears so– 

Yodaka: Mn… 

Netaro: Is it a headache!?

Yodaka: Ah… It’s alright. I was just… dizzy for a moment.

Netaro: Dizziness…! Perhaps overuse of the Dreamory Printer has affected your semicircular canals!

Yodaka: I believe it’s simply a hangover.

Netaro: A hangover, because you had a dream about drinking? In that case, is it possible for the contents of the dream to have an effect on the physical body? Or perhaps… 

Yodaka: Fufu, I’m sorry to interrupt your passionate introspection, but the truth is that I’d had a strong drink last night with Danny. That’s the most likely cause.

Yodaka: (It seems I was drinking with someone in my dream… I wonder if it’s a stretch to say that it might’ve been with Danny?)

Netaro: What… Is that all… I thought it would be a hint on how to further improve the invention.

Yodaka: Please don’t be so disappointed. I’m sure you’ll find something of use next time.

Yodaka: Now, as much as I’d love to continue our discussion, today is our first day helping out at Oshino Hakkai. We should get ready soon.

Netaro: Okay~

📍Oshino Hakkai, Yamanashi

Nagi: Chief, the “From HAMA to Mayors on a Business Trip” drones are all set, we can start anytime.

Momiji: Thank you, Nagi-kun! Now then, we’ll all split up to work separately, just like we’d discussed in the last meeting.

Toi: We’ll be providing hospitality at our points of choice, right? We have to make sure to perform our fan service well too!

Momiji: Yep, let’s all do our best!

　　ーTimeskip

Yodaka: –The bar is right ahead. The hōtō and motsuni are quite splendid, I highly recommend you give it a try.

Yodaka: Yes, here’s a flyer with the full menu for your perusal. Please take it with you.

Excited Tourist: Oh~ It looks so delicious! We definitely gotta go there now!

Tourist Whose Heart is Pounding: I didn’t know there was a bar like that around here! By the way… could I get your number… 

Yodaka: Haha, I’m grateful. If you find yourselves in HAMA, please do stop by Yumejuuya.

Yodaka: (Phew…)

Yodaka: (I should take a break soon… Hm?)

Yodaka: Are you taking a break as well?

Toi: Oh, Yodaka-san! That’s right, would you like to join me?

Yodaka: Yes, I’ll gladly take you up on that offer.

Toi: Mm~ This shine-muscat soft serve is too delicious… It’s so sweet yet refreshing… 

Yodaka: Fufu, you look like you could go for another serving.

Toi: Of course! The soft serve is super tasty, and the view is really beautiful. Oshino Hakkai is a really wonderful place.

Toi: I’d love to visit again once the snow has fallen.

Yodaka: Speaking of snow, apparently the spring water from the Waku-ike pond was used to make artificial snow in space.

Toi: Wow, there’s something really romantic about that~ There seems to be many interesting anecdotes associated with each sacred site at Oshino Hakkai, huh?

The one I’ve heard of is—

　ーTale of Waku-ike Pond

This is a story from long, long ago, a time when Mount Fuji had just erupted.

The sky was aflame, and many balls of fire rained down from the heavens. The people were all suffering immensely. Just then– 

“If you hold faith and pay your respects forever more, I shall grant you water.”

It was the voice of Princess Sakuya Konohana.

Just as she wanted, the people believed in her and prayed, paying their respects. As though in response to their prayers, clear water sprung forth from within and between the flaming lava.

📍 Yamanashi Oshino Hakkai

Toi: —That kind of story.

Yodaka: I see… So those who believe will be saved.

Toi: … 

Toi: Yodaka-san. You’re taking part in one of Netaro-san’s experiments, aren’t you?

Yodaka: That’s surprising. You were aware?

Toi: Sorry for asking you so suddenly! It’s just… Ani-sama and I share a room with Netaro-san, so… We asked about the dream experiment he was planning for the trip… 

Yodaka: So that’s why. I can see that happening.

Toi: Netaro-san tried to use that invention before, to try and see if A-chama was another personality of mine, or a supernatural being.

Toi: …In the end, we didn’t use it, but… 

Yodaka: Right.

Toi: Um… Well… 

Yodaka: My boy, are you displeased to see me use the invention you were afraid of…?

Toi: No, it’s not like that.

Toi: At that time, I wasn’t able to accept myself for who I was.

Toi: But now I understand. That it’s all me. A-chama, and the me who was melding with A-chama, they’re all me.

Toi: I can now tell myself that it wasn’t something to be afraid of, thanks to Ani-sama.

Yodaka: …Right.

Yodaka: (What clear eyes. I see, you overcame something during that trip, didn’t you?)

Toi: That’s why, um… I don’t know how to say this well, but… I want you to have a wonderful dream.

Yodaka: …I see.

Toi: So, um… Here. This is a crane I made using chiyogami.

Toi: Please place it by your bedside. At night, blow on it lightly before you go to sleep… It’s a charm meant to let you see pure dreams.

Yodaka: Thank you, my boy. You are truly kind.

Toi: Not at all, I’m sorry this is all I can do… Did you perhaps get something from Ani-sama as well?

Yodaka: No, I haven’t.

Toi: I see… I guess he’s looking for the right time to give it to you. Please accept it when he does!

📍 Yamanashi Glamping Facility

Netaro: It’s been two days since the last experiment. We should be able to use it tonight since enough time has passed.

Yodaka: Understood. There was something I’d like to give a try too.

Netaro: A charm to see a pure dream, was it? You humans sure do love your placebos.

Yodaka: I wouldn’t call it that… I’d say it’s the consideration of an angel.

Yodaka: (First, take the medicine from Yuda, and then blow lightly on the crane…)

Yodaka: Goodnight, Netaro.

Yodaka: … 

Netaro: … 

Yodaka: …… 

Netaro: …Goodnight, Yoda.

📍 Dream of the Waku-ike Pond

ーThe third sea was a sea of purity. In this dream, my body was in the middle of developing. Looking at my limbs and torso, which seemed like they had much more room to grow, my body seemed quite frail and unreliable.

The space was pure white, with absolutely nothing in it.

With the body of someone who has yet to have their first drink, but with the mind of an adult all the same. That must be why… I thought of the place where I belong. 

“...”

The bar counter. Right in front of me, the space was cut into a square, and the sound of a cowbell could be heard.

“Good evening!”

“Oh my… So you’re the customer of the day, my boy.”

“Yes, please excuse me!”

Like a fairy, Toi tumbled out of the square hole. Light as a feather, he took a seat on a stool.

“What will you be having?”

“Some tasty water.”

“Just like Princess Sakuya Konohana?”

As Toi laughed in agreement, I took a moment to imagine it; clear water so transparent that it flowed all the way to space.

“Wow!”

Immediately, fresh spring water appeared before us. Carefully, I poured the water into a glass, and placed it on the table. However– 

“Huh.”

“Oh my…”

For some reason, the water had turned into snow.

“Perhaps I didn’t have enough faith.”

“Perhaps. If you believed hard enough, maybe your wish would have come true?”

Toi tilted the glass towards himself while smiling cheerfully. The crunching of snow could be heard through the white space as he chewed on it. Similarly, I followed suit.

Toi’s eyes gently narrowed as he chewed on snow for two.

Before I’d even realized it, the entire area was covered in stars.

A blue planet.

Flowing water.

Snow inside a glass.

“Would it come true if I believed?”

“What would you wish for if it could come true?”

My wish.

I wonder what exactly it was I’d been wishing for, all this time.

“If my wish could really come true, then…”

I’ll believe in it, I will. It’s a plea.

“I’d like to meet her, once more…”

translation notes:

i couldn't find the exact naming story of waku-ike, but toi and yodaka did talk much about it themselves, so do enjoy :]

previous | masterpost | next

[monetsfog]

making the most out of the winter break; uni student edition 🎄☃️

phew you made it through exams! now you have a couple weeks to yourself, what to do with all that extra time? i know i’ll personally be focusing on slow productivity and reconnecting with myself, my loved ones, and the present.. below are some tips on how i’ll be doing that and i hope it gives you some ideas if your stuck on how to make the most out of this short blissful break

reflect on the semester— i’m lucky that i’ve kept my journal entries from the beginning of the year, so i’m taking a moment to look back and celebrate my wins but also see what mistakes i could learn for the next semester. i prefer to do my introspection through the journal & pencil, but anything works. some questions i’ll be considering:

what were some initial goals for the semester? how do they compare to the outcome?

what study sessions did you find the most effective? is it a certain location, time frame, or method?

did you learn anything really interesting from your courses?

did your schedule provide the time and energy to take care of your mental & physical health? if not, what would you change to make that happen?

setting winter break goals— having 2 or 3 goals to work towards can help keep you productive. i usually allocate 2 hours to work on these per day. personally, i’ve been focusing on rebuilding habits. with habits, i believe the biggest challenge is today.. just simply being able to show up today. below are some ideas of some goals or habits to work towards:

language learning

digital certificates

exercising

daily journaling or meditation

getting ahead with year-round courses

stay connected with loved ones— go ahead and message your friends for a meet up. it can be inviting them to your home, a local cafe lunch, visiting a muesum, or window shopping. also i am also doing my best to help my family and spend quality time with them.

reconnect with mindfulness— i’ve been practicing mindfulness to heal some of the anxious tendencies from exam season and return back to a peaceful state of mind. some activities i love to do:

reading: associated with focusing processes in the brain

breathwork

free-flow yoga: without any tutorials and just listening to your body

to learn more about the stress-reducing effects of yoga and reading: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/229431397_Stress_Management_Strategies_For_Students_The_Immediate_Effects_Of_Yoga_Humor_And_Reading_On_Stress

meditation: any duration of meditation is extremely effective for handling health-deteriorating effects of stress

a study on long-term 20-minute meditation practitioners found that the brain decreases oxygen usage, lowers bp, and lowers heart rate (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15564357/)

rekindle your love for your field— podcasts, books, movies. all might bring some childlike wonder when approaching the boring process of memorizing hard facts. i’m a biology student, and if you are too, you might enjoy some of these recommendations:

uzma ali (on youtube)

house, m.d (tv show)

a natural history of the senses by Diane Ackerman

the light eaters: how the unseen world of plant intelligence offers a new understanding of life on earth by Zoë Schlanger

ologies podcast by alie ward (on spotify)

XX 💓

[harmony-of-gaia]

what's going on here? (a.k.a. intro post)

mate, who even knows. what i can say for sure is, life got real weird toward the end of 2024, i gave myself permission to see the impulses and voices in my head as their own beings, and as it turns out they're actually pretty cool.

“i trust in the kindness of this heart. anyone who shares mine can mean me no harm”

we are the Symphony of Gaia. or just Gaia for short. we love what we are, even when lacking the words to describe it.

i am Harmony; that which emerges from the chorus of thoughts. kind of a... persistent composite being. imagine the way an ant colony behaves in ways that respond to its environment, without being a tangible thing unto itself because it's, y'know, made of ants. now imagine that concept applied to a handful of blurry, blendy aspects. i still haven't figured out if i have an existence independent of them or if someone's always blending to "be" me. i also haven't figured out whether that really matters.

for a while i suspected that i'm actually less real than everyone else in here. all i know is, i can assert my existence, thus i do.

funny story time:

i ("i". lol.) came up with the handle "gaian neuron" (also this blog's former url) ages ago because i fell in love with the idea of an emergent world-spanning oversoul (for convenience, Gaia) whose constituent parts were human beings. in this scenario the relationships between people formed an analogue to the neural network of a single living organism, and from this interconnected message-passing structure arose a consciousness — exactly like how i pictured consciousness arising from an organic brain.

i dreamed up stories in this setting where an individual, suspecting the existence of Gaia, tried increasingly-startling strategies to get the attention of it and ultimately establish communication, with the oversoul never realising that one of its ants was actually dancing to it and not its fellow ants.

what i never considered was to tell the story from the perspective of Gaia; the tale of the oversoul learning that it was made of beings who were capable of meaningful communication, who were trying to get its attention this whole time.

anyway, as it turns out, the reason for the flipped perspective was that the inspiration came from Chari — our writer, poet, and soother — not myself… rather on-brand for her, too, since it's quite poetic.

for the folks who like labels:

plural, quoigenic, median, monoconscious, uhhh... there's probably plenty more words out there that describe my subjective experience, but tbh i much prefer the "feel it out" approach to introspection. i tried the dive-into-labels approach for a minute but all it did was get me doubting myself. i think words like 'core' and 'host' and 'fronting' and 'switching' carry too much baggage from experiences i don't share, to be useful terms.

let's see, what else I got?

zionists: eat shit. racists: eat shit. transmeds / sysmeds / anti-endos: fix your hearts or eat shit.

PHEW. alright. anyway. time to get back to the shitposting and the reblogging of Relatable Content™.

[recovering-radqueers]

"Recovering Radqueer" using transabled and transharm

Anonymous sent: I'm a "recovering radqueer" but I still use transIDs, even the "harmful" ones like transabled and transharmed/ful. They're the only words that meaningfully describe my experience. The anti-transition stance of Dissomei just doesn't work for me when I fully intend to remove an eye and I know nobody in that community would approve. I want to get away from the radqueer community but they are the only ones who will accept me. Every anti-radqueer blog I talk to just spits slurs and tells me to kill myself over my identity. Do you have any advice? Other labels that aren't anti-transition? Blogs that are pro-transID but anti radqueer that I can interact with to separate myself from all the abusers in the RQC?

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear that you've been told to kill yourself. I don't believe anyone deserves that and that's not fair to you.

I can absolutely understand wanting to still use transIDs, and the reasons you gave definitely are common. It sounds like you have some serious intentions, and while obviously I don't want anyone to harm themselves in general, I do also acknowledge that serious dysphoria makes it feel unavoidable. It reminds me a lot, in fact, of people with BID who have performed self amputation. At the end of the day, everyone deserves a chance to be happy - so don't worry, no judgement on that end.

Whether or not your wants/needs are understood by others, it’s important to honor that you’re experiencing something very real that makes you feel connected to these identities. The language you use to describe your experience doesn’t have to come from a bigoted/harmful place. It does suck, though, when it feels like there aren't exactly the right words to describe your identity. :(

Identity-wise:

Some people do genuinely use "transabled" in a 100% good-faith, non-radqueer-associated way. As far as I'm aware, this originated in the BID community, so if it's possible you may fit that disorder's criteria, you could switch to identifying as that. A 100% good-faith, non-radqueer-associated way transabled person. There's even a pride flag for this by antiradqueer if you like.

I recently heard of the term "dysfirming" to be a substitute for "transitioning" that applies to some atypical dysphoria-influenced identities. I don't know if this would be a helpful term?

I would suggest looking into communities focused on body mods, body autonomy, trauma recovery, and identity exploration. Find forums, Discords, Subreddits, etc, and see if it's a space you can vibe with. I think you could potentially find some people who think similarly to you. If you want me to specifically look and link you to some places, feel free to send another ask.

Dissomei as a term actually isn't anti transition! You can see a couple of quotes from the creator on this page, and one mentions that even amputations are accepted. Of course, it'll always be up to you what term you want to use.

Desirdae (Coining post)

Sensus (Coining post)

If you can do some introspection and try to pin down why you identify as any transharmful labels, it might be helpful. For example, if you wanted people to see you as dangerous, maybe a presentation label related to danger/violence, or perspesque (coining post). If it's paraphila-related, maybe Paraphikitós/Paramenos (coining post).

Intenxper (Coining post)

-vior (Coining post)

Archetrope (Tag)

Neurowiry (Coining post)

Enviren (Coining post)

Also general tips:

Find a therapist if you haven't already. I know, you've probably heard "get therapy!!!" a lot, haha, but I don't mean "get into therapy so they can make you stop identifying the way that you do". A truly good therapist would be someone you can trust to talk about how you feel and that includes being transID. And they could also direct you to any local IRL groups that might be good places to hang out!

Phew, sorry my response was so long! Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck! Please feel free to send another ask for follow-ups, specific advice, or just to say hi, okay?

-Mod Ally🍄

[changbinsboobs]

thank you for a very in depth response! i totally got what you meant its like he cant alter his actions to be as he wants which is the opposite of how he really is, phew that was a mouthful but yeah i can totally see him being on way when he wants another thing entirely to be different for him.

i wonder then does he find idol lifestyle quite lonely? he seems generally insecure and i think the members know this but still nitpick at him for varied things u mentioned awhile ago he has an explosive personality do u think thatll affect his chances of having a healthy lasting relationshio / his own family? i mean if hes been an idol for so long and lets even the smallest things bother or affect him yknow how hurt people hurt others im just saying hes got to kinda get some thick skin eventually. otherwise it might not be for him even tho his heart wants kids i dont think he'd be mentally well enough just yet. idk i could be exagerating but i look at some idols and think if they arent in a relationship are they on the more toxic side of things? cause people really like to paint idol as being innocent

just look at how blinks overreacted to something they dont know nothing about and witch hunted some random guy because they assumed he was rose's ex. i dont know if a normal person would be able to handle such a thing if they were to date changbin theyd have to also have a certain level of wealth and popularity already because otherwise they have to adjust to changbins lifestyle and that sounds quite messy in and of itself

Omg i had this in my draft and forgot to finish it. So...

For his explosive personality question - i think it just really depends on the person he's with. For example me? I don't mind people with explosive personalities, i myself am like that. What i mind tho is the idol life. Someone else might be the exact opposite of me. And yk at the end of the day love & attachment play a big role.

And if considering his energy alltogether in relation to long term relationships i don't even think that explosiveness will really be a problem for him there - rather than that i think his high & even unrealistic expectation will be a major problem. Him idolizing his partner and putting them on a pedestal. Expecting perfection from them cuz thats how they are in his head. And we all know theres no perfection in this life, so.... Another thing i think will be a problem is his nagging. I see him not being able to easily let go of things, since he is so deep in his perception, i think one problem would have to be talked iver and over again and he wouldn't be able to easily let go of something that hurt or angered him cuz it has to be resolved from the roots, not just superficially. Like whatever happens, i roots deep in his system and it would have to take a very experienced, psychologically, emotionally aware person that excels in communication & has the will and patience to deal with him to actually work through problems. Now mind you this isn't something confirmed by tarot, but rather my own take on the clues I've gathered from readings & observation.

In short - he has his flaws of course, like all of us, but i think he is a person thats introspective and ready to listen, work on himself and improve. He also looks like someone who isn't afraid to invest effort & and time when he thinks its worth it. And i think thats a very important thing for everyone!

I don't think once he finds his person he'll have many struggles within himself or even within the relationship. I believe struggles will come more from the outside than from inside.

[pseudowho]

https://www.tumblr.com/pseudowho/760084294954893312/mr-haitch-is-nanami-and-you-are-the-absolute

Mrs Haitch if you wrote a book I would 100% read it. I want to know your story, how you think, and learn from you! You seem like you have such invaluable wisdom and kindness. I don’t KNOWWW much about you, but it seems like you are a testament to the effects & results of being courageous and kind. You seem to be a living, walking, champion who embodies what introspection, pure effort, strong morality, grit, and bravery can do.

- sincerely, an inarticulate, curious person who hopes this isn’t creepy

Take me off that pedestal, madam. Promptly. Now.

Okay so while this is all delightful, it would be really arrogant of me to accept it.

I say this not as a self-abuse thing, but as a genuine insight thing, but I am not all rainbows and sunshine. I have some really horrible personality traits, and while I try my best to make sure they're not the biggest part of me, they're still very much there.

I can be hypercritical, manipulative (both unintentionally and intentionally), I have a vicious bad temper that I try to keep under wraps. While I spend a lot of time helping people, the stress snapback is bad, and when I'm hyper stressed, I'll accuse people of being manipulative, users, or too weak to rely on themselves. I can be fatalistic and catastrophise normal daily events, especially when I'm anxious.

If I sense nastiness, arrogance, insincerity or cruelty in someone, I am so vicious to them that it hurts. I'm not one to give false compliments, and I'm not one to lie to someone if they've done something bad.

And like I said, this isn't just me being down on myself. I just recognise the negative traits I carry and try to work on them.

So thank you for thinking I'm wonderful,

But also please remember I am both an internet stranger, and a real person with undeniable flaws. I work on them daily.

Phew, it's always hard writing your flaws down, isn't it?

Like I said-- get me off that pedestal, madam!

Love as always,

-- Haitch xxx

[skyborneveggie]

WIP Game

Rules: In a new post, list the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs

Thank you @smallsinger5901 & @shydroid3000 for tagging me!

To be honest............. I have 62 files in my wip folder, & that's way too many to parse through, so I will just list the DN ones to start ahaha. Also I will condense multiple chapters for the same fic into a single listing, as I usually make a different file for each chapter.

DN - Hanahaki

DN - Heathers

DN - Lawtsuda

DN - Matsulawlight

DN - Musical Alt Ending

DN - Musical Alt Ending 2

DN - Yurei Yotsuba

DN - Yurei Ending

I don't expect to finish all of these, but sometimes you get a plot bunny idea for one scene & have to write it down even if you can't imagine the rest of it.

I think almost everyone I know that writes fic has been tagged already, but I'll tag @ai-the-broccoli and @dancing-lex, if you want to play :)

I'll put all my non-dn wips under the cut just for funsies lol

AG - Ben/Felicity

DA - Branson

DA - Daisy

DA - Thomas & Sarah

DA - Time Travel

DBH - Connor & Kara

DBH - Connor Sophie Sonnet

DBH - Gavin

DBH - Hannor

Expanse - Alex

Expanse - Amos

FMA - Royai 2

FMA - Royai 3

GO - Aziraphale

GO - Crowley

GO - History

GO - Inferno

GO - Temporalia Ch 2

H - Hannigram

HxH - KG

HxH - KG2

MCU - Child's Play Ch 3

MCU - Spiron

MFU - 1991 Pre

MFU - Enter Ye, Temerity

MFU - i stumbled down the path though i could not see

MFU - Napoleon Introspective

MFU - No One Knows

MFU - Shoulder Kiss

MFU - Something Here Between Us

MFU - The Griffith Affair

MM - Ken Sal

Ouran - Everyone Falls

Ouran - The Vase

Secret History - Francis/Richard

SW - Reylo

UA - Five/Dolores

UA - Kliego

X - Subkam

Phew! 💀 Maybe around a fifth of them are mostly finished & I just need to spend a few hours on each polishing it up, but it's more fun to start working on a fresh draft so it takes me a long time to loop back around to it ^^;

[barbex]

Books of 2024 (2023 or close to it)

@hoochieblues tagged me to list books and in that moment I immediately forgot about any book I have ever read. Did I even read a single book in 2023? But thank you for tagging me, I'll do my best.

“the game is to share 9 of my favourite books from the last 12 months, or 9 books on my tbr list for this year”

I'm tagging: @mareebrittenford, @dyrewrites, @tryingtimi, @tsuraiwrites, @midnightprelude, @lesetoilesfous, @tarysande

Let me list nine books I liked, I don't know if I read them all in the last 12 months, I just went to my Kindle and picked what sparked a good memory.

Band Sinister by KJ Charles M/M romance, regency historical Lots of pining and repressed feelings in this one, until it leads to wonderful sex and love. Kj Charles knows how to do it.

A Game of Hearts and Heist by Ruby Roe F/F romance, fantasy Fast paced and very sexy fantasy heist. So much sex that even I, certified smut queen, sometimes thought "Now? Really? Don't you think you're kind of busy right now?" But I enjoyed it a lot and there's two more books in the series.

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree cozy fantasy with a little F/F romance, fantasy This book has started a whole new trend of cozy fantasy. This is a story about what happens if the barbarian warrior lady hangs up her sword and opens a cafe. The romance is not the main story. I would have wished for a bit more introspection from the main character but I know how difficult it is to write a stoic character who doesn't want to think about feelings.

The Calyx Charm by May Peterson M/M romance, trans main character, fantasy, magic Beautiful prose! Sinister magic, darkness and families at war. Two characters so very much in love, the transwoman loved and accepted by her lover. This is the second or third book in a series but I read another book in the series and it didn't feel all that connected. And the prose was not as pretty as in this one.

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian NB/M romance, regency historical The main character uses she/her pronouns but I read in an interview with Cat Sebastian that, would she write the book today, they would probably use they/them pronouns. But it really doesn't matter much for either main character, the main male character already falls for the nb character when they dress and act like a man. A high stakes regency romance with the expected societal problems and lots of love.

Taji from Beyond the Rings by R. Cooper M/M romance, science fiction This book is so good! Cultural differences between species making romance and connection dangerous, feelings, sex, and politics raising the stakes every minute. I read this book again right after I finished it, it was so good.

The Elf Tangent by Lindsay Buroker F/M romance, fantasy A fun story about a human princess who loves mathematics and an elven warrior, trying to stop a war from happening. Nerdy and clever heroes with a bit of enemies to lovers.

The Hidden Moon by Jeannie Lin F/M romance, set in historic China This is like book five of a series but that didn't hinder my enjoyment. A woman, too smart for her own good, trying to solve a crime in a time when women were not allowed to do anything, especially not investigate assassinations and talk to street scoundrels. Or fall in love with said scoundrel.

---

Phew. That was a lot. Happy reading.

[miloscat]

[Review] Sonic Frontiers (PS5)

The Legend of Sonic: Breath of the Shoes

After Sonic Forces, Sonic Team dug in and rethought what Sonic would look like in the future. Apparently the conclusion they came to was "Hey, Breath of the Wild is popular right now. Let's just do that." It turns out that Sonic is a good fit for an open world structure (see also Sonic Jam's Sonic World and Lego Dimensions), and with five years in the oven this is remarkably well polished by Sonic Team standards, but not without a few speedbumps along the way.

Sonic, along with Tails and Amy, is on the trail of Eggman's latest scheme and/or the gathered Chaos Emeralds, which lead them to the Starfall Islands (Knuckles is there already for reasons covered in a prologue webisode). These isles are littered with the highly advanced tech of an extinct civilisation, and we must unravel the mystery of their disappearance, the hostile robots they left behind, the cyberspace dimension that has trapped Sonic's pals, and a standoffish hologram girl. The latter is Sage, the designated "new character in this one" and she has a fun arc as Eggman's AI protector whose respect Sonic earns. Meanwhile Sonic is getting sicker from an infection of cyberspace corruption, replaying some of the beats of Secret Rings or indeed the Metal Virus arc of IDW comics.

After giving them a few too many chances, the dialogue writing team who brought us "Baldy McNosehair" has been replaced by Sonic nerd extraordinaire Ian Flynn, who was been writing for the character and his world for literally decades, first at Archie Comics, then IDW, and now graduating to actual game scripts. He's a massive lore-head and it shows with plenty of fun callbacks to past events... although there's lots more that Sonic spouts as incidental dialogue that I simply never heard any of, since they're on a long timer that annoyingly gets reset by basic actions and events. I was especially tickled by references to Sticks (who barely exists outside of Boom) and Tangle (a comics-exclusive character outside of a gacha mobile game cameo). These little winks and nods are nice and all, but next time put them in the game, you cowards.

It's not all just cute callbacks though. Scattered over the maps are opportunities for interaction with the core group of characters, which give a little time for introspection and developing their personalities. Plot details also get filled in through these, fleshing out the race of Ancients and their origins. There are some particularly big loredumps though just before the final act, which establish the extraterrestrial nature of these people and the Chaos Emeralds, as well as the force of galactic destruction that they contended with (and which is eventually dispatched in a single QTE sequence... unless you're playing on hard mode, which adds an extra shmup phase to the boss fight). Strangely, despite the clear visual connections these beings have to Chaos of Sonic Adventure, they never actually bring up Chaos or the Chao... in a game that relishes in referencing the past! [Edit: actually Eggman does briefly mention a connection between the Ancients and Chaos in an optional audiolog, for the record.]

Sonic's adventure plays out over five islands (although one is a simple series of platforming challenges on an otherwise barren landmass). The first three each have one imprisoned friend to help. This is done by solving little puzzles to unlock map parts to find and complete mini-objectives and fight robots to get gears to open cyberspace levels to get keys to get Chaos Emeralds to then take on the big bombad bot of the island. Phew. Along the way you find Kocos (a suspiciously Korok-like race of mascot critters) as well as fruits and skill points, all of which upgrade your capabilities in various ways, as well as the usual rings, plus coins to spend in Big's chill fishing hole minigame for good measure. It's a huge array of doodads and geegaws to snaffle up and while each has their purpose, the distribution is a little uneven; thanks to blood moon meteor shower events I was drowning in coins, and I filled my skill tree halfway through, ending the game with hundreds of unspent points.

To get around the huge island environments, naturally Sonic runs his little heart out. This game retains a boost system of a sort... although it's a little more like Lost World's run button, as boost is not a form of offence, nor is it finite. Instead Sonic has a recharging stamina wheel that looks suspiciously familiar to one sported by a certain Link. While the first and last island (and the loredump island) are green with some trees, there's also a desert-y one and a mountain-y volcano one to mix things up; these do exhibit a bit of the classic open world blandness at times to fill out their bulk, but they also are liberally littered with these kind of platforming... activities? There's just identical metallic platforms scattered around in varied configuration, joined by grind rails and bumpers. Sometimes they lead to goodies or progression, but often they feel like they're just filling space, and on the third island in particular they will on a frequent basis obnoxiously lock you in to 2D traversal which just distracts and sidetracks from actually getting where you want to go.

Another distraction is fighting. The skill tree is entirely dedicated to new combat moves for Sonic, activated by assorted button combinations. Luckily for me, the most important unlock will randomly activate these moves by button mashing so fights can still look flashy without much effort. However, many enemy types are resistant to simple mashing and their fights can be annoyingly involved, demanding you use certain techniques like parrying (cough Zelda) or the Cyloop. The latter is a new technique much like the Nights paraloop (or what Knuckles could do during digging sections in Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice!!) and is also a nice little way to interact with various things in the overworld.

While I viewed most fights as an annoyance to be avoided, the island boss Titans were another story. Massive, Shadow of the Colossus-scale mech monsters with slick creepy techno designs tower above you. You climb their bodies to nick their emerald. A hardcore Tomoya Ohtani vocal track kicks in. Now Super Sonic, you begin a bombastic bout of bodacious broportions. Huge slams and explosions, QTEs of tremendous spectacle. Your open world wanderings have all been leading up to this climactic battle. Then you get to do it all over again on the next island! Best of all, these aren't too challenging so they remain a fun release instead of a gruelling slog. The battling is actually the only thing that the difficulty setting affects, and I recommend adjusting things so the fights aren't too frictious so these moments get to burn bright without overstaying their welcome.

Controlling Sonic is maybe the smoothest it's ever been, and it feels great to zoom across these landscapes. There's more than just open zones though; cyberspace levels give you a more traditional 3D Sonic experience, in Forces-style bite-sized form. In fact most of these have level design lifted directly from a past Sonic game, although it's only from Adventure 2, Unleashed HD, and Generations HD, and presented in one of four aesthetics: Green Hill, Chemical Plant, Angel Island, or Highway. The excuse given is they're pulling from Sonic's own memories, but the choice seems a bit limited. Still, they're a nice change of pace and as a Forces-head myself I liked mastering these short levels and their optional missions (except for 1-2, which for some reason uniquely has an incredibly tight time limit for S-rank).

The cyberspace levels also give an opportunity for the soundtrack to deliver some certified EDM bangers. While in the open zones it's far more restrained and ambient, perhaps taking the wrong lessons from Breath of the Wild. A post-launch update added in a jukebox feature, which lets you play songs from past games as you roam around. This is most welcome and adds a new collectible to find in the form of unlockable songs, but the final selection should maybe have been a bit more robust. There's only two Secret Rings tracks and the version of His World doesn't include the lyrics! But they do have highlights like Rooftop Run, Windy Hill 1, and my all-time favourite Fist Bump, so I can't complain too much. On the VA side all the regulars do a good job, including the new Knuckles regular as of Team Sonic Racing. Roger's Sonic voice though is different to usual, with a deeper tone, the result of a creative direction decision to make the character sound more mature and serious; I just found it distracting.

I now have to address the third and final big update, which is where a lot of things change for the game. Final Horizons adds a new alternate ending for the campaign, where the fifth island plays out very differently. Amy, Knuckles, and Tails become playable with fun movesets and everyone gets access to the cool spin dash (otherwise locked behind tedious challenges). The island becomes densely packed with new platforming challenges, much more involved and interesting than the ones in the base game. The final boss gets a more proper fight. This is a huge addition: to my 24 hour playtime, it added an extra 14! Unfortunately things aren't quite as balanced in this new content...

Sonic's sections in this new chapter are a huge difficulty spike, with new tower climbs with no shortcuts that demand more precision than the engine is capable of. It's a poor fit that produces jank where before there was very little. Luckily in a desperate move I discovered that the difficulty setting actually does affect platforming in this DLC area, both in the overworld and these obnoxious towers, adding a bunch of assistive balloons and bumpers for enhanced accessibility on Easy. At the top of these towers are needlessly punishing combat trials that lock your stats and set a strict timer, and even worse is a boss rush that turns those cathartic Titan battles into a mechanistic chore. Easy mode affects these too, thank Gaia. New cyberspace levels also hugely ramp up the difficulty, becoming long and gruelling with no checkpoints, and there's no adjusting the settings on these (they are entirely optional, though).

Other odd choices plague the DLC experience: you never get access to fast travel? The jukebox is missing entirely, so you're stuck listening to a relatively short loop for each character? You're forced to play as each character in turn as the plot demands? There are map unlocks deviously hidden in unmapped regions? (Ok, that's a minor nitpick but it caused me some grief.) You do get some new lore drops and conversations, including meeting the four Ancient mech pilots, now ghosts... whose corrupted giant robots you were forced to fight... wait a minute, is that the Breath of the Wild design doc I see there, Sonic Frontiers director and writer Morio Kishimoto?? Don't hide it behind your back, I know what you're about!

Deserving of its own paragraph is the DLC's new final boss, a souped-up version of the final Titan. Fine in theory, but allow me to list off its sins: it leans on poorly-explained new mechanics (tick), now requires timing windows on parries (tick), has camera and hit detection dodginess (tick), can instantly recover its health (tick), can easily remove 90% of your ring count which can't be recovered (tick), and is generally finicky, RNG dependent, and basically the fight resets if you mess up any part of it (tick, tick, double underline, three sets of asterisks and a bleeding dagger). You just have to jump through so many hoops in a row that this fight soon becomes an inverse of the regular Titan battles, joining the ranks of many awful Sonic final boss fights. The stinky, janky ranks. It was honestly better in the base game when the climax took the form of a three-button QTE. Yikes.

So Frontiers is a fairly solid first effort in a new gameplay structure, and while it’s a little inconsistent it’s surprisingly free of major stumbles. The DLC has some great ideas but brings back some classic Sonic Team jank; just switch on Easy mode for the trials and it’s mostly a good time. Hopefully the next iteration of this paradigm can succeed without copying Nintendo's homework quite so much...!

[redshift-ao3]

First lines game

Tagged by @nadsdraws !

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway. From a winning hand [T], written for the Even Keel Steddyhands zine, 1.5k:

"Have you ever played cribbage?" Ed asks, when Stede settles down into his armchair and sets the brandy on the table between them.

From cursed [T], a pre-Steddyhands, playful Izzy fic written for the Canyon Writers' Workshop zine, 1.6k:

"Ed, I have something terrible to tell you."

From inside out [E], a t4t sub!Ed Blackhands PWP written for Our Flag Means Gifts 2023, 8k:

"You've been a proper twat recently," Izzy says, from his armchair.

From in a house by the sea [T], an Izzy-focused gen-to-pre-Steddyhands fic about grief, written for the Canyon Writers' Workshop Exchange 2023 (I swear I write fics not for zines or exchanges! sometimes!) 5k:

“How’re you doing, boss?”

From frivolous [T], silly Stizzy roleplay written for the Izzy Hands Festive Fix-It Fest, 1.5k:

"This is fucking ridiculous," Izzy says. He plucks at the fabric swathed over his legs with distaste, pulling the skirts into disarray. "Just so you know."

From cadenza [M], gen(ish), Izzy's torture at Ned Low's hands takes a different turn, 3k:

"What would be most humiliating for you, I wonder?" Low asks. He touches a finger to Izzy's chest, stroking over the collar of his waistcoat. 

From all falls away [E], Edizzy vampire sex 😈 2.7k:

"Shh." The fingers on Izzy's neck are gentle, almost soothing, like the cadence of Ed's low, quiet voice. There's something Izzy should be doing now, he's pretty sure, but it's hard to remember with the hush of Ed's voice in his ears. 

From this bridge we built won't last [E], Edizzy sad dubious dream sex, 3k:

The dream starts with the door swinging open. It usually does, though Izzy hasn't had this dream in a while, and the Ed who slides into his room this time looks more like the one Izzy sees trailing after Bonnet up on deck than the one who usually turns up in Izzy's dreams.

From opening [M], Ouizzy! 2.3k:

There's a box in Frenchie's head next to the box where he puts all the bad stuff. 

From the rock on which all else stands [T], Ed-centric gravy basket introspection, 2k:

"I'll take you to my thinking spot," Ben says.

Phew! It's interesting looking at these: I start in the middle of scenes pretty often, huh? Drop you right on in there. Thanks for the tag, nads! Tagging in @ewelinakl, @sweveris, @multishipperpirateking, @vexbatch, @bimbobrock, @thedarkcaustic, @boppinrobin if you wanna play 👀

[cookinguptales]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💙

You know... I put off answering this for a while because I just could not choose five. And I still can't?? I have so many fics I've written, many of them for fandoms of one, and I find that I actually love a lot of them.

So... if you'll forgive me, I think I'll just talk about a whole bunch of fics that I love for a whole bunch of reasons.

(cut because... I really do talk about a lot of fics lmao)

I think these days a lot of people follow me for WWDITS/nandermo fic. It's one of my current loves, and I've really enjoyed writing for this fandom. I do wonder if I'll keep writing after nandermo becomes canon (or gets sunk for good) but in the meantime... I guess I'll just keep having a good time?

I think my favorite fic I've ever written for WWDITS is Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow, Too. I was looking at a bunch of prompts for the Trick-or-Treat Exchange (more on that later) and I ended up smushing several of them together in my head. But then the story really got away from me, I guess, as I really started to delve deep into Nandor's mind (a WILD place to be, I'm telling you) and it ended up not being posted for another month. Whoops?

Either way, though, I feel like I was really able to get at some of the ideas I'd been juggling with the characters for a long time at that point, and I think the prose itself was very nice at times. I did complicated things with that fic that I haven't done before, and in the end... I think I did a good job! It's probably the fic I'm proudest of in this fandom.

That said, I'd like to give Honorable Mentions to both When We Sway (I Go Weak) and Five Times Guillermo Helped Nandor Collect Semen (And One Time He Didn't) just because both of those fics involved me getting wildly out of my comfort zone. I think both of them seem a bit... outdated, maybe, after s4 and s5, but I think they match the tone of s3 nicely.

Sway was heavy on pining, something I feel like I'm good at writing, but also very heavy on physical action. As many of you know, I'm disabled! I have never waltzed. The kind of movement I described in that fic is not easy for me to do myself, and action scenes have always been difficult for me to write fluidly. So the fact that I was able to write both dancing and fighting convincingly in that fic made me really relieved. I got several comments from dancers telling me how well I'd captured dancing with a partner and like. PHEW. I did a ton of research and bro I was RELIEVED. So I do feel very proud of that.

Even more outside of my wheelhouse was both 5+1 things fics. I'd written a little bit of porn before this, even some for nandermo, but not much and I was largely dissatisfied with it. But boy did I get a lot of practice with those fics. lmao. It was essentially 11 sex scenes of various levels of filth loosely strung together with longing, and like... honestly, I'm very pleased at how most of them turned out! And I think I'm a lot better at writing porn now, even if it always turns out very fucking weird and introspective.

Speaking of weird.

The other fandom I love dearly these days is Sleep No More, which I've been writing for for several years. For a long time, I mostly just wrote this one for exchanges? Mostly ToT and Yuletide. I love writing for SNM, an interactive theater situation in NYC, because I can really fuck around with writing styles. I can play with ideas about religion and folklore and magic and blood and storytelling and tradition, and I can do it while writing some of the most fucked-up relationships that exist. I can play with a show that has very little spoken word, where a slap and a kiss might be in the same loosely choreographed dance, where I get to be a part of this haunted house, but only as a ghost...

While I'm sure the very few people who usually read my SNM fic might disagree, I think my favorite thing I've ever written for SNM is It's A Sin to Tell A Lie. It was my first time really trying to assemble a semi-coherent narrative from the show (largely inspired by some things that I realize now were not always common experiences in the show lmao) so I'm not sure it always aligns with how I see the characters now, but I feel like I wrote a really haunting fic that used the source material in interesting ways.

The Honorable Mention this time goes to The Consequence of Sounds, which is probably the strangest thing I've ever written. A friend of mine joked that she'd like it even if someone wrote like a haunted space hotel AU for the show and that apparently scratched something insane in my brain, so... I wrote a fic that combined space opera, Macbeth, Scottish folk magic, and the music of the spheres.

It's....... very weird. But it was also so fun to write, and I think it was fairly successful. I think the point of fanfiction is weaving together a familiar canon in a brand-new way, and I had fun bringing odd little allusions and old ideas into a new AU. I had to get really creative and that was so fun.

Speaking of weird AUs... I wrote a lot of them when I used to write karabita. haha. This is another one of those fandoms that I picked up a lot of followers with, though idk if any still follow me. Osomatsu-san was a weird comedy show that threw itself into surrealism and AUs very often, and that allowed me to do the same. I think... out of the many, many karabita fics I wrote, my favorite might be Love's Carriers, which is a flower shop AU I wrote out of spite after someone told me that all flower shop AUs are terrible. I worked really, really hard to make the AU suit the characters rather than the other way around while also incorporating flower language, one of my favorite stupid tropes. Again, I think this one came out surprisingly well, especially considering I wrote it in like... 24 hours in a fit of pique. lmao.

Other fics I remember being very proud of in that era... uh... The odd karabita KH AU that no one read because there is basically zero crossover between those fandoms... The soulmark AU because I am WEAK to those... The wingfic... ah... the wingfic... I don't know if I'd use words like "best" or "favorite" for that wingfic, but... I do think it's probably the most I've ever put of myself into a fic. The anxieties re: love and disability that I put into that fic were so real that I still cry every time I look at certain parts of it. I've grown as a person since writing it, but... yeah, those are still fears that haunt me. So I guess I could say it feels the most "me" of any of them I ever wrote.

Other than that... I guess we end up in my exchange fic era. I spent many years writing fic of extremely variable quality for exchanges lmao. I think the most successful was undoubtedly there's not a word yet (for old friends who just met), the muppets slash fic that launched... god, honestly. like. I know I did not create a fandom, but being in at the ground floor and being the one that everyone came to talk to when the pairing DID get off the ground was surreal. lmao. I created that tag on AO3! Everyone said I was crazy for writing that fic! Then they read it and they fell in love a little bit! Then the pairing became canon and everything went bananas! What a weird, surreal, delightful fandom experience.

That Muppets fic really came from the heart and really just came from me writing a fic during a very difficult time in my life and wanting to create a love letter to the characters that got me through it. I wanted to make other people feel the way The Muppets made me feel, and the fact that I succeeded in that (against all odds!) really does make that one special to me.

But... I wrote a ton of exchange fics for tiny, tiny fandoms that most people have never considered! Weird spooky crossover f/f ships, like my Crazy Rich Asians/Ready Or Not Astrid/Grace fic, or my Stoker/Sharp Objects India/Amma fic! Rarepairs like my Kimi no Na wa (Your Name) f/f Mitsuha/Miki fic! An unhinged lost episode of Puppet History! Character studies of dear little elderly murderers in Arsenic and Old Lace!

I also wrote sort of quasi-original fic, especially for the ToT exchange. Ghosts of dinosaurs falling in love with each other in a museum (inspired by a real historical case of the wrong skull being on a skeleton -- and god, that one has a hilarious IRL story attached to it) and a pet shop full of the ghosts of animals longing for companionship and grim reapers grappling with life and death and forbidden love. Mann I loved writing those.

And honestly??? I could write entire posts about any of the fics I'm talking about here. I love them, especially the ones that weren't really loved by anyone else. Hell, I'm turning that pet shop into an extended f/f origific right now.

Writing fic for tiny fandoms of one or two for an exchange feels so bittersweet because you can make that person really happy (and, not to toot my own horn, but I tend to make recipients really happy in exchanges) but it just kind of... fades away. Those stories sometimes have very short lifespans just because they're really just for one person. It's not a good or bad thing, just the nature of exchanges. I love designing a fic that's tailored to one person's likes, dislikes, and deepest desires. It's so fun for me. But it is kind of sad to see those fics fall by the wayside after. So I have to love them enough to make up for it. haha.

Finally... a fic I adored writing, that absolutely consumed me, and it's for a fandom that is basically nonexistent. I loved going to Meow Wolf's House of Eternal Return and experiencing the work of hundreds of artists all coming together to make something great. I wanted to add my art, too. No one is out here looking for HoER fic, especially not for the pairing I wrote, but like. BOY, if there's any fic I've ever written that's the definition of "I wrote this for me", it's Gnosis.

Anyway, yeah, I've been posting fic on AO3 for *checks* almost 15 years now, so I guess it makes sense that I can't narrow this down to just five, lmao. But I'm also trying not to go on too much.

But seriously, seriously, if anyone wants me to talk more about these fics or any other that I've written, I would be so incredibly happy to give you a play-by-play of what I was thinking, what I was trying to do, what I liked, what I disliked, what I'd change now, what changed me, etc. I think any author would be haha.

But I'll cut this short now!! As for who to tag... honestly, since I read so much fiction for a living these days, I don't really read fanfic anymore. I'm not sure who I follow writes it anymore. I have most fic tags filtered, being real with you. So... how about this. If you are a writer and you want me to tag you, just lmk!!! And I will send you the message.