#Oops all width

[definitivelydrivel]

Yes but also I read Walter wide and immediately thought of that one pic of Kylo Ren with Brian Cranston's face pasted on which added a whole new level of silly to my experience with this post.

Walter wide was many things but it is extremely funny how he neglected his own flesh and blood teenage son in order to be an even worse father to a wholly different guy

[drewswife]

summary: Rafe Cameron takes y/n golfing for the first time

warnings: fluff, s3 Rafe, y/n is lowkey ditzy in this

"Okay, okay, I think I've got this," you say, adjusting the tiny pink visor Rafe insisted you wear. You grip the golf club like it's a foreign object, which, honestly, it kind of is.

Rafe stands behind you, his hands gently covering yours. "Relax, sweetheart. It's just a swing. Don't think too much."

"Easy for you to say," you mutter, eyeing the golf ball with suspicion. "You've been doing this since you were in diapers."

"Alright, alright," he chuckles, stepping away slightly. "Just remember what I told you. Feet shoulder-width apart, bend your knees a little, and keep your eye on the ball."

You try to mimic his stance, but end up wobbling precariously. "Are you sure this is how humans are supposed to stand?"

Rafe laughs, his arm snaking around your waist to steady you. "You're adorable," he whispers, his breath tickling your ear. "Now, focus."

Taking a deep breath, you try to remember his instructions. You swing the club back, but lose your balance and end up flailing wildly. Instead of a satisfying thwack, there's a pathetic thud as the club connects with the ground.

"Oops," you say sheepishly, offering Rafe an apologetic smile.

He bursts out laughing, but there's fondness in his eyes. "Don't worry, you'll get it eventually."

"I don't know," you sigh, feeling a bit discouraged. "Maybe I'm just not cut out for golfing."

"Nonsense," Rafe says, taking the club from you. "Here, let me show you something."

He demonstrates a perfect swing, the club connecting with the ball in a resounding crack. The ball soars through the air, landing impressively close to the hole.

"Wow," you breathe, genuinely impressed. "That was amazing."

"See?" Rafe says, grinning at you. "It's not that hard."

"Yeah, but you're a pro," you point out. "I'm just a beginner."

"Then let me teach you," he says, stepping closer. He places his hands on your waist, gently guiding you into the correct position. His touch sends shivers down your spine. "Just relax and feel the swing."

With his help, you manage to make contact with the ball, sending it flying a few yards down the fairway. It's not the most impressive shot, but it's a start.

"See? You're a natural," Rafe says, beaming at you.

"Maybe with a lot more practice," you admit, grinning back.

The rest of the afternoon is spent in a similar fashion. You shank a few shots, whiff completely a couple of times, but with Rafe's patient guidance, you start to improve. More importantly, you're having fun.

As the sun begins to set, you and Rafe walk hand-in-hand back to the clubhouse.

"Thanks for taking me golfing," you say, leaning your head on his shoulder. "I had a really great time."

"Anytime, baby," he says, kissing the top of your head. "Maybe we can make this a regular thing."

"I'd like that," you reply, smiling to yourself. Maybe golf wasn't so bad after all

a/n: for @chrissweetheart' and if there are spelling mistakes lmk!

taglist: @chrislilcumslvt @chrepsi

dividers by @bernardsbendystraws

[awxcoffeexno]

giving him a reason

logan howlett x human!reader

fic masterlist

summary: you've been on the run from the yakuza and are taking refuge in an old, forgotten family home. logan's been protecting you this whole while because that's just who logan is.

content: i've lifted the setting straight from the wolverine (2013). reader is taking mariko's place--reader is mariko, mariko is reader (no names are taken tho). lovemaking ensues. this fic is super tender and gentle because bitches need to remember how tender and gentle logan really is (i'm bitches). this is porn with no plot lolol. f!reader.

warnings: extremely 18+ content. MDNI. i'll kill u if you do. tender love making, logan goes down on reader like a champ, piv, reader is a virgin but logan's vvvvvvvvv gentle and caring, there's hardly any talking but there is proper consent taking, logan just wants to take care of reader, all is good in the world (at least for now), and logan's lost his healing powers so several mentions of him having bullet wounds.

word count: 3k (oops? might've gotten a teeny tiny bit carried away)

a/n: back at it again, but publishing my first nsfw fic, praying y'all don't hate me. if you don't like this, istg the nsfw version of claw worship is NEVER seeing light of day.

you hear him groan behind the door and the sound makes your heart catch.

you and logan have been on your feet all day, save for the train ride to the small village in nagasaki you've finally reached. running from the yakuza had decidedly not been your plan for the day after your grandfather's funeral but what choice did you have in coming here really?

not to mention... logan saved your life yesterday. several times. he was shot seven times per what the doctor told you.

and he is not healing. your grandfather told you that kuzuri had exceptional healing powers. he'd told you this several times. but logan is not healing at all and it makes you tic. he'd told you that this was the doing of your grandfather's doctor. you cannot imagine the agony he must be in.

you've never done well with seeing or hearing people in pain. yukio always suspected you had some type of emotionally perceptive powers but you don't think so. you just have an inherent need to help and that's that.

carefully, hopefully noiselessly, you slide the door to the bedroom open and though he has his back to the door, his neck is already craning towards you. apparently whatever that doctor lady did to take his healing powers did not dull his hearing.

he's standing shirtless, feet shoulder width apart to keep his balance, skin glistening from a sheen of sweat.

"may i see?" you ask and he takes a long, deep breath.

you stand in silence, at first waiting for him to decide and then watching him turn around, bloodied black shirt in hand and an uneasy vulnerability in his eyes.

his stitches look mostly in place apart from the ones on the wound on his abdomen that have started to bleed. you pad over and reach a steady hand out to touch gingerly around the wound.

logan's jaw tightens but he lets you examine him, his breath warm on your face.

he's burning hot and it would be startling but he'd explained yesterday that it's normal for him. his fever had started when he was 9 and it never broke. so you ignore the unnatural temperature of his skin and step away to find him a cloth and some hot water to clean himself with.

when you return, however, he has clearly already showered and is trying to tie a dark kimono on. you have no idea where he found it and his efforts on keeping it in place force you to bite back a smile.

"let me." you offer, putting the contents of your hand aside to help him.

he immediately pulls his hands away in defeat and you find yourself barely an inch away from him yet again. his breath on you makes your toes curl this time. there's something different about his stance, something... more inviting.

"you need this tied like a proper samurai," you explain as you work on the obi.

there's a moment of silence, the pitter pattering of the rain comforting in the silence. he's thinking, you realise.

"your grandfather called me a ronin." his voice is low. tentative. "a samurai without a master. he said i was destined to live forever... with no reason to live."

that's probably the most you've heard him speak.

you swallow thickly. "was he right?"

"yes," he says, voice laced with such melancholy, it makes you ache.

he has taken seven bullets for you knowing he isn't healing. dodged perhaps a hundred more whilst protecting you.

you remember how he'd stood directly in an open doorway in front of a gun-wielding yakuza man to distract him so that you could run. you'll never forget the sound of those bullets hitting his metal skeleton. like nails on a chalkboard.

he'd put his life on the line for you over and over and over again.

aren't you reason enough then? haven't you become reason enough? after everything you've both been through? together?

you muster up all the courage you can and stuff it into one word. "still?"

your eyes dart up to his for a flash before coming back down to finish up. you pull your hands away but... but after the two dreadfully long days that you both have spent together... after seeing him fight to so furiously to keep you safe the way he did... after everything, you simply cannot bear the thought of stepping back.

neither can he apparently because one of his large, warm paws comes up and cups your cheek, ever so slowly pulling you into a kiss.

something about you has been haunting him since he first looked into your eyes three days ago at your family home in the suburbs of tokyo. especially after you, like a goddamned fool, tried to jump off the roof. he cannot pretend to understand why he's been so taken with you but he knows if he hadn't stopped you from jumping that day, another part of him would've died.

he supposes it's something about the saddest eyes on some of the most beautiful women ever that draw him to them. first kayla, then jean, and now... you. and that's only in the last half-century.

so he kisses you, warm and gentle and desperate to comfort. he kisses you like that until you mewl into his mouth, soft and needy. and then his own need shifts.

still careful to be gentle, his hands slip into your hair to hold the back of your neck to angle you better for himself. he's a tall man and leaning too far down is causing him pain he isn't very used to.

you feel so small in his hold, his hand wrapped around the entirety of the back of your neck, fingers resting under your ears, soothing your tingling skin.

pulling away a little, you run a thumb across his cheek. a small, very small smile spreads across his lips.

"hey." he says, voice low and soft, making you blush.

this should feel wrong. he's the kuzuri your grandfather told you bedtime stories about. the kuzuri whose bravery and determination gave you the strength to also face your nightmares as a little girl. you shouldn't be doing this.

but maybe that's why it feels right. you feel safe around him. truly and wholly safe; something not harada or even your own father has ever made you feel. you've known this kuzuri your whole life and you know he'll protect you.

you don't even bother thinking about how you're engaged to noburo. no, you've heard enough whispers about him sleeping with other women after your engagement to him. it doesn't faze you in the slightest.

so you kiss him again, wrapping your arms around him and pressing your lips to his smile. you feel one of his hands run down your back, coming to a stop right atop the bow of your obi, sending a shiver of thrill down your spine.

you've never felt this excitement before. you and harada had never gotten this far and noburo... well, something about his predator like advances made you want to throw up, so you never even let him this close.

but here you are, in the arms of kuzuri, a literal predator, and you feel... warm. nice.

he looks at you, brows dipping in an ask for consent. when you nod, sucking your lip between your teeth, he yanks the obi open and gently slips your kimono off one shoulder.

your soft, smooth skin makes him bite back a primal growl. he'd hate to scare you off, but standing here in front of him in the glow of the moonlight, you look so edible.

leaning in, making your tummy do a backflip, he presses a hot, open mouthed kiss to your shoulder. it makes you squeak and hold onto him tighter lest your knees betray you.

"logan!" you whisper with a gasp, feeling his teeth sink in and your feet leave the ground as he scoops you into his arms and takes you to the mattress in the middle of the room.

carefully, he kneels onto the floor and sets you down, his movement so light and tender it makes your heart ache.

pressing another kiss to your throat and then your mouth, he moves to place himself onto the mattress, between your legs.

you look at him with such big doe eyes, he cannot help but bring your hands together and press a soft kiss in the middle of your palms.

he then moves to undo your kimono like a wrapped present and take you in fully.

you're beautiful. the moonlight makes you shine, so perfectly womanly and delicate in his gaze.

reverently, he bends forward, right hand wrapping around your left thigh and pulling your legs apart so he can finally claim you with his mouth. his wounds ache for relief, the position actual torture but he barely even notices, so taken he is by your presence.

you push a lithe hand into his hair when you first feel his tongue, tugging as your hips arch up and you cry out his name.

"logan, god–"

he smiles into your mound, not having expected such a reaction this quick, but it only makes sense. you've both been so wound up after everything, you obviously need this.

"i know, princess," he coos as he licks a stripe across your leaking pussy all the way up to your clit.

he brings his lips around the little bundle of nerves and sucks experimentally and he's forced to hold your hips down when you moan out loud again. he was not expecting you to be loud in bed but he sees absolutely no reason to complain.

his tongue works on you expertly, undoing you with every lick and stroke and bite and suck. his fingers squeeze into your sides painfully hard, so badly wanting to mark you as his. he runs his hands down to your thighs and gently pulls them around his neck, sitting up to relieve the pain in his wounds, pulling you up with him.

"lo–"

"i've got you, you're okay," he reassures immediately, making your tummy flip again. he's so so so gentle and it kills you to have seen him as nothing but a brute until you reached the village.

his mouth continues to perform its delicious hot magic on your nerves as your eyes roll back in your head and you unconsciously reach up for one of your bared breasts. he freezes when he notices your movement, distracted like a cat having heard a mouse scampering across a field.

your eyes fly open to finding him watching your movements with a dark and hungry lust.

"don't stop," he urges and though his voice is strained, it isn't unkind. if anything, it almost sounds pleading.

how can you possibly deny him that? especially when he says it in that voice, looking at you with that expression.

so you continue, cupping a handful of your breast and squeezing gently, making yourself moan. he groans into your heat and buries his mouth back against your pussy, eyes never leaving your hands.

he continues his good work, watching you like a hawk as you knead your breasts, biting your lip. carefully, you circle your finger around one nipple as he sucks on your clit again.

you lose yourself to it, the rhythm of playing with yourself, the beautiful way it harmonises with his mouth, it's all so delicious. just like that, you feel yourself winding up, up, up...

"c'mon, princess," he encourages, "let go for me."

and you fall. fast and slow, all at once, right over the edge. you fall and fall and fall, and he continues to do the wicked thing with his tongue around your clit, lapping at your pussy and you give your everything to him.

he works you through it, moaning your name softly, his hands bruising your thighs until you slump in his hold. gently pulling your legs off his shoulders, he sets you down and crawls over you.

his hands come to rest on either side of your head and the warmth is so inviting, the scent of tobacco and his earthy musk filling your senses.

"can you give me another, angel?" he asks, kissing you right on the mouth so that you can taste yourself on his tongue; heaven, the mix of his need and your release tastes like heaven.

you shake your head no, too overstimulated but he's already working his way down to your breasts, leaving wet, hot kisses in his wake. and when he gets to one nipple and sucks it into his mouth with a soft groan, it sparks the fire right back up in your core.

"watching you play with yourself..." he murmurs, trailing off as he licks a flat stripe up the valley of your breasts before looking up at you.

the look in his eyes and his unrelenting mouth make you whine. "logan... need you."

that makes him smirk. how quickly he's worked you out.

"yeah? don't worry, babygirl," and he's spreading your legs apart again, "i'll take care of you."

he pulls the kimono off himself so quickly, you suspect it might have something to do with the claws that retract into his hand. you didn't even realise when he took them out.

he's... glorious. every muscle in his body is taut and stretched across his body like a work of art. his tan skin is dusted with hair so fine it makes your mouth water.

your eyes cross his pecs, his wounds, his bruises, lower and lower until... fuck. he's... big. big and so red, surely it must be painful.

he brings a hand up to your face and you think he's going to cover your mouth but he simply says, "lick."

you oblige shyly, savouring the salt of his skin. he pulls it away, spitting and then wrapping his surprisingly long and thick fingers around his cock. he runs it up and down the length, watching you with such intensity, it makes you blush as he positions himself in front of your opening and you bite your lip, looking up as he crowds you again.

you feel him push into you and within seconds, he's already stretching you open so wide it makes you grab the pillow behind your head in desperation.

he stills, gauging you. he knows this feeling. he's felt it in other women before; the squeezing of walls so tight there could only be one explanation. you're a virgin. shit, he needs to be careful.

rubbing your thighs with both hands, he gently and carefully pushes in just a little bit more.

"never done this before?" he asks, leaning down to press the softest kiss to your lips.

of course he's right. you have no idea how he knows but it makes you redden that he's caught onto your inexperience. are you making it that obvious? oh god, are you not making this good for him?!

immediately noticing your agitation, he pulls all the way out and kisses you again.

"easy... easy," he says, stroking your hair away from your face. "just gotta relax."

his voice is so even, so warm and soothing, that you cannot help but nod.

"good girl," he smiles encouragingly, once again positioning himself at your entrance.

he pushes in again and this time it's easier. you aren't quite so wound up and he slides in smoother because he's already made you adequately wet. still, he goes slowly, making sure it is good for you.

until you realise he's going too slow.

"lo–" you gasp, voice more a squeak than you'd like. "more– need more, please..."

around anyone else you'd feel pathetic. begging for something so filthy, so raw. but with logan, it's so comfortable. knowing he'll give you anything you ask for, even if you've known each other only half a week.

so he pushes himself completely into you, and he's so fucking big, so fucking much inside you as he whispers words of encouragement into your ears, kissing and biting at your neck. the ache of the stretching almost immediately gives way to a sharp pleasure that shoots through you straight from his tip and into every last nerve in your body.

it makes you wrap both hands around him, needing so desperately to be as close to him as possible.

you initiate the kiss this time as he starts moving in you. you slip your tongue into his mouth, sliding it against his, making him groan. the sound is so delicious, you roll your hips to cause it again. his hands grasp your waist, steading you, moaning your name around your tongue.

one of his hands comes up to grab the back of your neck again, taking charge of the kiss as he starts thrusting into you with more vigour.

you cannot imagine a better feeling than being right here. being held by him, being kissed by him, and being filled by him.

tentatively, you squeeze around him, realising you're reaching another orgasm quickly. he growls into your mouth at that, picking up further speed. it makes your hips buck and you're skin feel like it's on fire.

"logan, i'm... i'm..."

"me too, angel," he grunts.

and with one final thrust he presses all the way intp you, making you cry out as you come undone again. he snarls your name, a man possessed, the squeezing and fluttering of your walls pushing him over his own edge.

he fills you up, forehead coming down to rest against yours. he pants softly, never having felt tired like this before. but he realises... he doesnt mind it so much, not when he's tired because he got to make love to you.

you kiss him sweetly, breaking him out of his thoughts and he smiles at you.

"so beautiful," he murmurs, pulling out of you and lying down next to you.

he tugs you onto his chest and presses a kiss into your hair.

"logan?" you say, so spent your eyes are already drooping.

"hmm?"

"still?" you say and he realises you're repeating his question from earlier.

he hugs you tightly at that, wrapping his arms around you, warm and possessive.

"no. i don't think so."

--

wrote this at 6 in the morning before work so if there's errors, it's not my fault :))))

ik everyone hates the 2013 movie but i rewatched it recently and i remembered every last line. fuck me it's soooooo good.

really hope u like it tho.

love, d <3

--

retroactively tagging @techwrecker for being a cutie in the comments in all my other fics 🙂‍↔️

[frownyalfred]

Presumably there is a way to get tumblr to quote the posts you see etctera but I don't know it so have a screenshot (which I took before I hit the like heart oops) anyway: I don't understand the obsession I've seen with men having small waists (everyone likes what they like, not actually trying to shame anyone, I just don't get it)

What if he doesn't have a small waist. What if he is a tree trunk instead, more like Adam West's Batman. You need core muscles to do all the flippy stuff and protect your organs when you get hit, right? Besides, presumably Kryptonians have big hands.

Oh no I agree 100%! I think it’s more that the waist is small in comparison to his other proportions; that is, his hips and shoulders are much wider in comparison, giving the illusion of a smaller waist.

On its own, Bruce’s waist is absolutely more like you described. This is something I encountered when I got into shape — I put ON muscle in my core/obliques/etc and only when I added width in my shoulders and hips did I feel more “slim” (that was my goal at the time, not necessarily anymore).

And yes, the perfect solution to all of this is that Clark’s hands are big enough no matter what. So he’ll make that waist “small” via juxtaposition haha.

[ssleeping-in-a-coffin]

Vampire Math: How Many Bats Can Fit in Dracula?

We’ve all seen Dracula pull his epic "poof into bats" move. But let’s get real: how many bats would that actually take? Time to crunch the numbers, vampire-style!

The Data:

Dracula’s Stats: Bat Stats (folded):

Height: 1.93 m Size: 5 cm × 3 cm × 3 cm

Weight: 90 kg. Weight: 30 grams

I don't know Dracula's exact height or weight. But I found this exact information somewhere on the internet. I apologize if it's incorrect

Part 1: Volume Calculation

1. Dracula’s Volume = Weight / Density

V= 90kg/1000kg/m³ =0.09m³

2. One Bat’s Volume = Length × Width × Height

Vbat = 0,05×0,03×0,03 = 0.000045m³

3. Number of Bats = Dracula’s Volume / Bat’s Volume

0,09/0.000045 = 2000 bats

Verdict: Dracula turns into 2,000 bats, enough to have a hell of a flash mob in your living room.

P.S. Density is the bridge between “how heavy” and “how much space”. If Dracula were made of air, he’d fill a whole room. If he were gold? He’d fit in a backpack. But since he’s human-like (and humans ≈ water), we use water’s density (1000 kg/m³). It makes calculations easier and doesn't make physicists cry

Part 2: Weight Calculation

If Dracula’s weight stays the same (90 kg), bats gotta add up!

Number of Bats = Dracula’s Weight / Bat’s Weight

90kg/0,03kg = 3000 bats

Oops! 3000 bats would need 3000×0.000045=0.135m³ — 1.5x Dracula’s volume!

Verdict: Dracula would have to break the laws of physics to hold so many mice. Or... they have to be super dense.

Part 3: How do you combine volume and weight?

To match both weight and volume, bats need Dracula’s density (1000 kg/m³).

1. Bat’s Volume = Bat’s Weight / Density

Vmagic bat = 0,03/1000 = 0.00003m³

2. Number of Bats = Dracula’s Volume / Bat’s Volume

0,09/0.00003 = 3000 bats

Verdict: If the bats are 5cm x 2cm x 3cm in size, they will fill both volume and weight perfectly. But these mice will look like mini bricks - not great for vampire transformation.

Final Showdown

According to science: Dracula can become 2,000 mice, but their weight will only be 60 kg (where did the other 30 kg go? Maybe it's a raincoat?)

Magically, 3,000 brick mice that will keep weight but raise questions among physicists

Moral of the Story: Vampires better not turn into mice in front of witnesses, or they'll have to explain where a third of their mass has gone

[thecomfywriter]

See, I won't ask you about Von Doro's simps because I get it this time, but what would you say her style of rule is? Is she more conniving, more a fan of shows of force, more willing to delegate or is she apt to do anything important herself?

hi ilia! you've got the first von doro ask for today. let's get straight into it, shall we?

day six of tcw's 12 days of askmas--von doro's ruling style [tov and sai spoilers]:

i'm going to start my answer off with an excerpt from tov, oops. from markum's words himself...

“She was… magnificent. Glorious could not describe those days adequately. Von Doro is much older than all of us, with centuries of experience on her roster, and she showed for all it in her geniality and remarkable leadership. She was made to be a Queen. Soilaila deserved nothing less than her and could receive nothing better. [...] Politics were her mother tongue, and she was fluent in the languages of peace and stability. The image you know of Von Doro is a democratic campaign to mar the great reign she truly inspired. Because if Soilaila remembers its golden age in under her rule, this democracy will seem pathetic. [...] Life was in balance when she was our Queen. They say she spoke for the Elements and that they spoke to her through the volcano. Nature was in harmony and Soilaila thrived in agriculture and magic alike with her reign. Dragons still flew above, with wingspans that combatted the clouds, and they roamed our streets like free beings. [...] Do you see the width of all our streets, boy? Makes no sense for the Bazaar to be so wide and large in now’s age, but then, both our population was robust, and the dragons were our friendly siblings. [...] What more can I tell you? The economy thrived in her wake, as the Bazaar acted as a trading hub between the dragons and the Families. With magic still very well alive and active, the Day of Gold still occurred every decade to bolster our queendom’s wealth, and the decennial volcanic explosions fertilized the lands so our resources were never lacking. [...] See our lovely abode, my boy? This was the architecture in her reign. These tall ceilings, these elmwood doors, these arches and curves—high beams and branches running along the entire spine. Its entire design was meticulous, crafty, and entirely aesthetic. The Artists of her era were inspired by her visions and conscripted by her Council for a remarkable city planning, not like the insultingly cramped slums the Jervees’ new architectural design inspires. [...] Do you see now, my boy? The glory of her era? The honesty of her character? You have not had the privilege to witness one of her courts, or you would never the mind to ever accuse Her Majesty of any wrongdoing. She was so noble and true in character, there was not a single claim she made without taking a blood oath in commitment. That is the nobility, the loyalty, the honesty of her character.” - Throne of Vengeance: Volume One, Chapter 18: ALAN and the monarchists

note: this quote is not all one paragraph in the book LOL. i just did it to condense the scene for you. the highlighted portions are to emphasize the most important parts. but now, let me actually expand on it.

von doro's monarchy was built on the principles of her indefinite authority, which was sponsored by the gods themselves. in exchange for providing soilaila with wealth, protection, and magic from the gods, she expected unshakeable loyalty to her rule and command. any deviations from this assumption, and she would rather call one of her limiouses to take care of the problem, or one of her counsellors. she rarely got involved herself, because von doro never left the volcano.

most of the common politics of the monarchy were discussed amongst her counsellors and advisors (the original purpose of the jervees), but the final decision was made by her authority alone. her counsellors couldn't overturn her rule, even if their objection carried the majority over her, simply because she was considered the voice of the gods. HOWEVER, once jer'vazir had entered von doro's courts, she considered his opinion worthy enough to challenge her own. therefore, if he opposed her, she would actually heed his counsel.

the blood oath part is a huge principle of von doro's monarchy, and why people to this day (in modern soilaila) retained their loyalties to her. a queen who was willing to sign every promise she made in blood was essentially her telling her subjects: "if i fail you, nature itself will take my life." the very fact that she still breathed was proof that she made no empty promises, which is why she was trusted.

THAT BEING SAID...

there's a reason why hilbert's debut in society as a limious started to shake the foundations of von doro's reign, and that's because he was the antithesis to her reign's weakest link: its opacity.

this isn't explored until markum and iyzela's memories in sai, where you watch the rise and fall of the monarchy first hand. i LOVE these chapters (i've said this so many times before lol oops) but MWAH MWAH. there's a line in iyzela's memories specifically where she basically tells markum "the reason why the pendulum swings his way is because he answers the questions about von doro she refuses to share. her mystery will be her downfall."

anyhow... i'm yambling at this point.

thanks for the ask, ilia!

-- the holiday limited-edition tag list --

@wyked-ao3 @an-indecisive-nerd @drchenquill

@paeliae-occasionally @theink-stainedfolk @inseasofgreen

@thelovelymachinery @the-letterbox-archives @illarian-rambling

@bunnymermaidwrites @the-golden-comet @sm-writes-chaos

@leahnardo-da-veggie @corinneglass

[please tell me if you don't wanna be tagged i promise i will stop 🥺]

[briarpatch-kids]

Anything you’ve done to make your garden more accessible? I don’t garden since I don’t even have a balcony but I have two tiny plants my friend gifted me. A pothos which is THRIVING and a spider plant which I dropped a cane on (oops)

Yeah! So my garden is set up in a way that i can fit my wheelchair through all the pathways. The vine plant area has 3 hills that (when the chickens don't escape and fuck it up) have a hard packed dirt pathway between each one and then a place to turn around or move to the next one at the end of each pathway. The plant beds out front are 3 feet wide with a 3.5 foot wide walkway in between and a 4 foot walkway next to the street so people don't step on my plants while they're getting in and out of cars. I'm planning on putting pavers in the walkways but that's expensive and requires work I haven't done yet.

3 or 4 feet seems to be the best width for pathways. 4 feet is enough to turn around in. If you're doing RAISED beds, 1 to 1.5 feet tall seems to be the most comfortable height to work in. Highly recommend trellis growing too so vines and stuff don't grow into your pathways.

[deepdreamnights]

Making a Monster - A Midjourney/Photoshop Tutorial

Today, I'm going to be breaking down how I use Midjourney for character design.

I've recently figured out what I want to do with my joust at the Poke/Digi/Rancher-of- Mon type concept. A lot will be coming from that soon, I don't have a name yet, but the mathematical formula is:

"oops, all Gardevoirs" multiplied by LadyDeviMon + the square root of MOTU over Bluth.

A couple of BioCritters are getting ported over to this new concept, specifically the Waifusaurus evolution branch:

Which was itself a parody of pokemon that are essentially just ladies anyhow, so its probably more accurate to say Waifusaurus spawned unnamed LadyMon Project.

I made most of the first BioCritters in Dall-E3 through Bing Image creator, and Bing makes finding old prompts a pain, and while Straifu, the Lois Griffin parody form, is the subject of today's process, they followed the same prompt format I used with the Flintstones-inspired base Waifusaurus form:

vintage animation cell, a slender dinosaur-anthro housewife on flinstones, resembles humanoid dino the dinosaur, blue dinosaur-lady, purple tigerskin housedress, holding rolling-pin-made-of-rock 1963, in the style of 1960s hanna-barbera TV animation, character cel on white background, posed in a determined ready fighting stance

However, I have a specific look for this new project in mind, so its time to evolve the design.

Step one was to start with basic prompting. I built a new prompt that described what I wanted:

fullbody original production cel, white border all around, vintage animation cel, lavender humanoid woman-creature with large t-rex legs and tail, fan of feathers at the end, wearing teal button up blouse, bob haircut, clawed hands, lois griffin as a pokemon, female character design vintage cartoon screen capture (1993) by AKOM and TOEI , white background, beautiful variable-width black line art with cel shaded vintage cartoon color, painted backdrop, official media, UHQ 1996, official media, UHQ

I ran this in Niji 6, using the style moodboard I'd made for the purpose: --p m7298241701452185637 - largely a mix of full body character designs I'd generated in the style I wanted and 1980s animation model sheets. Moodboards are an expanded version of style prompting, which I outline here.

Examples from runs that produced nothing remotely like what I wanted. I could spend some time tinkering with the prompt to get closer but character prompting is right there, why not just load the original design in?

Yeah, Midjourney/NijiJourney cannot, as of v6, grok abstract cartoony art styles, and character reference always pulls at least a bit of art style as one of its limitations, so the general grotesqueness of its interpretations of these designs leak through.

Now, there's still several things I could do here. The easiest would be to take the straifu on the right and use a combination of in-painting and gradually swapping out the character prompt for a mix of "closer" options over a series of variations until it became something relatively close.

But around about now, I started getting ideas on how I wanted her to look. I liked the idea of a sort of "dinotaur", so I rendered up a regular rex, and combined it with one of the first-wave prompt-only failures and a recolored head in the style I was going for in photoshop.

This was a Q&D mockup, only intended for prompting purposes.

Using a combination of the mockups, the original design, and various results from their iteration-chain, I was able to get very close to the basic concept, only to run into two major issues: One, the huge lower body effect wasn't coming across as intentional (either disappearing into standard thicc-cartoon milfness or looking like AI screwups) and two: the design was boring when divorced from its bug-eyed cartoon aesthetics.

Now, you can do a lot with a flawed design, but a boring one means you need to start re-conceptualizing.

Which begins under the fold:

Straifu is a parody of Lois Griffin. In the broadest sense, that brings to mind the nasal voice, and in a battle-monster genre setting that means sonic attacks. Sonic + dinosaur means parasaurolophus to me.

Above, I mentioned I could have in-painted one of the cartoony results. I had actually done that, using the mockup face as a character prompt, and one of its results was interesting, so I started refining based on that:

You can use edit to zoom in with Midjourney, it's just you can only do it horizontally or vertically in any given go. I zoomed in using this method, and redid her eyes in the process.

I did another mockup of her with a crest and in-painted, then iterated in the in-painting result.

I did a lot of iterations at this stage, some as basic variations, some as full strong variations, but eventually by combining various results into the character prompt, I got the variation I liked best.

My initial thought was to restore the "beak" from those earlier versions but her duckbill face was too perfect to pass up.

I then attempted to get her a full body via outpainting.

I didn't have much luck, once again the results were either too ai-fuckup-like or too basic.

The idea that came to me to solve the problem was to make her a full on parasaurolopus-taur, forelimbs and all. Midjourney wasn't going to cooperate on that, really weird designs aren't well understood by the current character reference.

Omnireference is supposed to fix that, but to paraphrase 'Oh Brother, Where Art Thou': Well ain't version 7 a temporal miracle? Two weeks from everywhen!

Now, it was time to do things the old fashioned way. With editing.

I went through a lot of attempts to make a base dinosaur:

Eventually landing on this fellow, and this torso forming this rough-cut:

Now, there's one thing to note, the line quality on the two is completely different. Fixing that means getting at the lines.

The best way to do this in photoshop is by upscaling the image 200%, and using a fill bucket set to around 10-25% (anti-aliasing on) and white to make any dark colors gradually lighter so threshold can drop them to pure lines.

From there, I selected individual sections of thin lines and duplicated them, using a combination of 1 px strokes and nuding sections a pixel in any given direction to match the line width without it looking like a coloring book.

Which I then re-colored using your basic comic coloring process. I went with what is largely an inverse of the original colors because I already have a purple/lavender parasaurolophus character in DynoGuard.

Then, I started doing this tutorial, and realized one of the early versions shirt had formed a sort of plastron, and I went in and painted all that over on top.

I could go into more detail, but I'm out of images and this is already novel-length.

-

The gif at the start was made in Vidu, using the subject reference feature, the final image of Straifu, a background image, and this prompt:

a green creature with a purple shirt, she takes a deep breath and screams, the scream lasting 2 full seconds, Sakuga animation, eyecatch animation. Vintage traditional cel animation, TOEI, disney, don bluth, filmation productions, scene from Masters of the Universe (1983), ultra-high quality flawless animation sequence, Blu-Ray remaster. Every frame in focus and sharply detailed. Animated on 2s matte background painting.

[uchihaharlot]

FOR THE LIFE OF ME COULD NOT GET THIS TO LET ME EDIT IT??!!!! wtf tumblr!

Ok what the hell, this is so gosh darn wholesome and sweet. I am such an old soul (like seriously sorry these songs are so damn old). I included potential songs they would dance to below. Though I am more partial to Billie Holiday’s ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ — ‘I don’t want to set the world on fire’ by The Ink Spots is really on par for an Uchiha. I know you said party, but this is now the festival of romance. Lol.

N/SFW(?? Super suggestive); pining; down bad simpy boy Shisui who can’t keep his eyes or hands off you.

• Ok so, my king. Shisui, is such a suave guy. Hears this girl laughing out with some friends at the spring Festival of Romance. He’s not entirely new to the scene, but the night has been overwhelming. Lots of grabby girls trying to capture one of Konoha’s most eligible bachelors. He’d really only came for the food and drinks.

• Target acquired, oops. Red spun pearls dial in when he hears this girl laugh before he actually sees her — it didn’t help that she was drop dead gorgeous either. It wasn’t even her looks that caught his attention first, it was the sweet little melodic wisp of her laugh/hum.

• Super down bad from the go. Basically is sharingan fucking her from a distance, respectfully, secretly. The man just likes what he sees, and he wants a before and after image of their first encounter. Sike, he’s just that shameless.

• Has no issue walking right up to her group of friends to address his desires. Shisui would say something extremely corny while still making it sound good, ‘You know what you'd look beautiful in? My arms.’

• Doesn’t even wait for the silly oneliner to register before he swoops her up to the dance floor, lol. Poor girl is just like system crash.exe.

• Doesn’t even need to try, this girl is besotted and honestly, a little caught off guard by his advances. Shisui normally thinks rationally, so he’ll apologize for stealing her so abruptly from her friends but, like, ‘If you let me borrow a kiss, I promise I'll give it right back.’

• 🫣🫠 She doesn’t even know how to respond to that, he is just so bold. Will turn her cheek shyly which just has Shisui smiling the full width of his mouth. She’s in just as deep as he is.

• But when she looks back up at him, oh man. His lips are a hairsbreadth away, and that’s when she is caught in his vision. Inoperable, he won’t coerce her, consent is king but if she closes her eyes.

• Shisui will feather his lips to hers and reel her a little closer. The music sounds muffled over the sound of her capillaries expanding and rushing blood through her ears. Ah fuck, when did his hand end up at that small of her back. He won’t overtly take advantage of the situation, but part of him really is tempted to.

• Shisui lovingly places his hands in all the right spots, appropriate for public, inappropriate for strangers. Wholly hot and scandalous.

• There are a plethora of people surrounding them, so Shisui will bring her closer than close, basically his mouth to her ear as she guides them across the dance floor. She’s incredibly sweet but quiet when they whisper between one another. They’ll end up spending majority of the night out dancing — probably the last people to leave. With her head on his shoulder, Shisui is blissed out by her presence.

• Shisui is a gentleman, he’ll offer to ‘walk’ her home. Surprise Shunshin before he even considers if she has a sensitive stomach. It will catch her off guard and surprisingly makes her curse, ‘fuck me’ out of exasperation under her breath.

• To which Shisui would quip, ‘don’t mind if I do.’

[ntls-24722]

im struggling with drawing dj PLEASE make a titorial PLEASE

Luckily for you, I already have!

At least, for his face... but!! I'm going to do it again, because i have this sticker right on my keyboard of his face traced out (though it's missing his chin, chin stripe, and headphone...thingies????) so I've had a lot more time to be staring at his beautiful face more. That and I'm going to be making a tutorial for the rest of his body!

So yes, 2 rectangles, both placed in the middle axis of the big one and one of them being perpendicular. But, I think the sizes and placements should be changed a little - So! the middle rectangle should be on the bottom because I realized that in the old one, DJ would've had very small eyes with the old frame, which is NO BUENO!! He has colossal orbits, huge peepers, much like the jumping spiders that everyone just kind of collectively (and understandably) assumed he would be.

Additionally, I decided to make the blue, vertical rectangle in this almost like a square. I literally drew this already, stared at sticker, felt it didn't look right, so i stretched the fucker out and this is more... close I think. DJ's face is exceptionally wide which i feel is a learning curve since when we're making human faces, they are very Long instead. So more like square and then a rectangle at the bottom like it's being tucked in.

So, with the around the same width of the edges of the pink rectangle that protude out from the blue rectangle, make the chin as an extension of the blue rectangle at the bottom (in orange). And, very important, because the cheeks will be the base for a lot of the upcoming facial stuff, add the cheeks! make sure they kind of come off from the rectangular frame a little bit because they do that

SO! Guideline essentials for what I'm about to make next. From the middle of the cheek make a line down to the bottom (pink) - this marks where you will have the corners of his mouth end. There is the bottom of the cheek that you'll make a horizontal line for (magenta), and then there is the horizontal top of the bottom rectangle (orange). The orange-magenta lines mark the area where the bottom of his nose resides, and the magenta line is where the top lip and bottom of nose end.

I'm getting wayy too into guide-shit but. Nose! big circle 2 and little circles at the sides and his Mouth, this curvy little rectangle that just fits right up in the guidelines.

EYES. ORBS. HUGE

A quarter of them is kind of flush with the nose but they're BIG and very Circular

Smooth everything out? A problem that I have with making DJ is that he has some space with the eyebrows and the forehead but i just forget to draw it in favor making the eyebrows bigger

From the cheeks to the head and the face to the chin, it kinda curves in like that - and the edges of the teeth follow the edges of the blue rectangle from earlier.

I made the eyes a little bigger here oops

Add lips, and make the bottom row of teeth 2 teeth shorter than the top row. And on teeth, DJ has a very gummy smile, and his gums take up half of his teeth when his teeth are closed! (not so much when they're open)

Add the sharp/flat piano keys on the bottom of his teeth, and that's DJ's face!

Now onto the rest of his body!

Very big thing i will say to you. DJMM's body is stupid. It's wack as fuck. These proportions are outrageous. The neck is stupid thin and has such a stupid placement. The head is enourmous. What the fuck is going on here.

Okay so side view (holes in the sides are where the arms attach), and an above and below view.

the ??? i literally. i don't know what they are. they're these golden grommets on his back or something i have no idea what purpose they serve

Also, the hole, there's a big long hole that runs beside his bottom speakers.

His body is kind of polygonal? It's Egg shaped, but it might help you to know there is some edge to it. All of the circles are where the Joints attach to his body.

Speaking of joints, THOSE are the most wack thing about DJ by far.

His joints are built like this, where his arms have these little sockets at the joint? They're trying to make a ball and socket joint but because of the socket, they're severely limiting how much the arm can bend - the picture that I sent of him above this is the MOST his arms can bend without clipping into itself because of it and it. mm. It makes me mad esp because there's better ways of doing it

If you want to be super canon compliant you can add those but you can also do the Music Man method: just straight up being a ball and 2 sticks with no further details and it works just fine because no one will notice

The arms clipping into itself is always a little inevitable but man i can only wonder. was there truly no better way of doing it

The neck has these same joints as well, and with all of those together - you have a DJ! (add headphones and top hat as well. lol)

(now excuse me as i post the almost daily music man, which completely goes against 99% of this post.... mainly bc i only honed this down Right Now)

[pan-but-meh-pt2]

Hello~! I am taking the post I had from my old account and putting them here now! And what do ya know! It's spicy time! I will be starting off with dick head cannons... No one judge me lol. These will include the length, width, hair, just a general description (and maybe how good they can use it will be done later lol) NOW LET'S GET STARTED!

Warnings: Dick talk. Slightly accurate animal proportions for the beast men. Just SPICE!!!

Credits for art pieces below to rightful creator

Heartslabyul

Riddle

To start off ain't no way this boy has a big dick with all the love to him

I will say he has an average sized one, about 4 inches, 5 when hard

And it's also not that wide, but like not completely skinny either

In fact it's actually a bit thicker towards the base

I see people say this and I agree that his tip is a pretty shade of red, a little bigger than the cock but not as large as the base

Now as for hair, he is definitely well trimmed, there's just a tiny patch there that's the same red as his hair of course

Overall it's a pretty cute cock

Trey

Say it with me now. LONG AND THICK!!!

Well, ok, let's be honest, it's probably not that thick, but it's thicker than normal and you could feel it

This boy is def about e 7.5 or 8.5, no question, won't take complaints

His tip is a little bigger, but not much, and more pink then red, though it does go bright red when hard

Now the hair is well trimmed but still pretty there

Def pressing into your nose while you go down on him with your mouth

And he'd like it too lol

11/10 would look at again

Cater

Excuse me while I just slides over a card that says it's pierced

hm? I didn't say anything

But for real, I bet that boy has at least got a Prince Albert piercing right there, hitting that spot

A good 7 inches long

The width is actually pretty skinny, but that ain't a bad thing lol

Cause know what?

His tip makes up for it

Not even including the Prince Albert, his tip is pretty large, but not so large it's out at proportion

And his whole dick fades into a nice blushy pink, with the tip slightly darker cause why not!

And it is def curved up a bit so it REALLY hits

This boy has a TRAIL!!!!!!

He decorates it all nice and pretty, leaving that bit to tease his simps with (me, I am simps)

He doesn't even let it get out of control

Hot as hell and he knows it

Ace

I wanna be mean to him and day "itty bitty dick committee" but... He's slightly above average, let's admit it oops, still mean 😅

I'll be nice to him and says he's about and 5.5 in height and length smacked ALRIGHT I'LL STOP!

But yeah, like I said, slightly abovebaverage

The width is actually the thickest of the Heartslabyul boys, can stretch you pretty damn good

The tip is the same width, and a more blushy red then Riddle, but not as light as Cater's

Now his hair, uh....

It's a bit of a bush

NOT EVEN THE ATTRACTIVE WAY, LIKE A MESSY WAY

He remembers every about 2 or 3 monthsbto shave it down, and he doesn't even dobit that much

So, dick is pretty, shave down the bush and I would say a 10 outta 10

Deuce

Oh, this poor virgin boy Imao

HIS DICK IS SO PRETTY BUT SO UNUSED!!!!

Like you're saying a good 6 inches, slightly thick where it counts, and pretty beyond belief

His tip is another one that is slightly bigger than the rest, in the cutest shade of pink

His hair is also almost a clean shave, like a little trail

In total it is so FUCKING PRETTY AND I WANNA-bleeps

Ah thank you, 15/10 would recommend

Savanaclaw

Leona (animal leaning)

NOW PEOPLE KEEP SAYING HUGE DICK, AND I WANNA BELIEVE IT, BUT!!!!! BUT BUT BUT!!!!

Lion's dicks are tiny as all hell

(Don't ask why, just know I put myself through torture for entertainment)

So let's say for animal leaning he'd 3.5

HE'S HELLA THICK THO, SO HE'S GOT THAT FOR HIM!

Probably in the top 5 of thickest cocks

Gets thinner more towards the tip, but still thick

Tip is a nice pink shade, and it's only on the tip, everywhere else is the same color as his skin

Also, bumpy as hell, my lord

As little as there is it is covered in bumps and thick veins

BUSHIEST MOFO IN THE DAMN SCHOOL!!!

Like damn, take a razor to that shit, or at least trim it!!!!!

Literally Ruggie had to threaten to drag him to the bathroom and do it himself to get him to do it

(Still took to much effort to get him to do it though, my lord)

Overall, not bad, needs better maintenance though 😒

Leona (human leaning)

Just so y'all know, in future fics you will never know which type I am using, could be the more animal like or more human like lol, so good luck all you Leona simps on my page

Now, lemme just clears throat

LONG AND THICK!!!!

No matter which way, it is thick, but more human like is thick throughout, not skinner towards the tip

This man is like 8.5 inches, maybe 9, but for your sake, well say 8.5

As for the bumps they're not as bad and are now just veiny as hell

The tip is the same, along with the bush 😒

Again, big as hell, not bad to look at, LEARN TO USE A DAMN RAZOR!!!!

Ruggie

NOW THIS ONE IS THE SAME EITHER WAY!!!

Long. As. HELL!!!

Solid 7.5 hard inches on this man, no cap

SKINNY-!! Skinny, skinny, skinny! Still feels good, but don't hope for a stretch with him

In fact it could probably slide in easily!

That is.... If you can get past the tip 😈

Cause his tip is a good bit bigger than his dick!

And it has a fade to pink at the tip

Don't even get me started on the curve OOF!

I had a nice upwards curve so it really hits all the spots you want

Now for the hair...I'll admit, it's kinda bushy

NOT AS BAD AS LEONA, but probably a more tamed version of that

Also part of the trail gang (those are hella hot, convince me otherwise!)

Overall, very nice, and not bad to look at

Jack

Ok y'all, this one is hard to do animal accurate, because people are freaks and like animal dildos, but I'll try

OK, FIRST OFF, LENGTH! I'd give a solid 8 or 9!

It's actually paler then the rest of his body, with some parts a pink shade, his tip as well

Speaking of the tip, it's actually a bit smaller then the rest

Now for the width... Let's say when he's not hard it's slightly average in width, and when hard above average is the best way to describe it

It'll still feel good! So don't worry!

Now for hair I feel like he's between having almost as much as Leona or being like Ruggie and knowing how to trim it

Def more towards Ruggie, and def does it more often then those two!

But he just grows hair fast, he can't help it

A pretty good dick overall

Octavinelle

Azul

Another virgin bay with a hella cute dick!!

Now this one is more on the average side of length, slightly above, standing at 6 inches

It's actually pretty chubby/thick, specially at the center and base

A nice blushy pink throughout it Seriously, it's so pretty and cute, wtf, gimme a chance with it-COUGH COUGH, ANYWAY!

The tip is slightly darker than the rest but not by much, and is also the same size as the rest

Now for his hair-wait, I mean, what hair?

Yep, he's hairless down there! He shaves it down to the skin once it starts getting outta control ACE, LEONA, TAKE SOME DAMN NOTES!!!

He has a slight curve right and downwards, and it feels pretty good! (Specially doggy style AHEM AHEM)

Overall, 10/10, would recommend

Jade

AHEHEHEHEHE, OH BOY, THIS MAN!!!

Long, 9 inches, VEINY VEINY VEINY!!!!

Gets thicker towards the base, but still pretty damn skinny!

I don't think I said veiny, did I? Oh well, I'll do it again VEINY!!!!

He has a slight curve to the left cause reasons 😃

Now, let's talk hair

Not bad down there, like there's some, but it's not a bush

And I'mma say it hey, no, stop. I'mma say it-HE HAS A TRAIL!-knocked out

Ugh, what? Oh

So yeah, pretty damn good dick

Floyd

Well...they are twins...in every sense 😅😅😅

The hair is also worst down there

DICKS ARE NEAR IDENTICAL!!!

SAME LENGTH, SAME WIDTH, SAME TYPE OF TIP, IDENTICAL!!

Now here are the differences

Instead of the left Floyd's curves to the right (you'll have to guess why~)

For Floyd I would say he is the less clean down there version of Jade, he is way more scruffy and jacked up down there

So I'll say, if he cleans it up a bit, he's golden

Scarabia

Kalim

OH BOY, YALL BETTER BE READ FOR THE LEVEL OF SIMPING THESE TWO BRING OUT OF ME, LIKE DAMN!!!!! WHY THE WHOLE DORM GOTTA BE ATTRACTIVE!?!?!?!

Ahem, ahem anyway, onto the dicks!!!

.... Pierced, AHEM I MEAN WHAT?!?! But fr, he had a Jacobs ladder and a reverse prince albert, cause why the hell not 😅

Now, the length is more on the average side, standing at 5 inches

The width is pretty good!

Slightly above average but thicker towards the base

The tip is a vibrant red against his skin, as thick as the base, and just UGH, HE'S SO ATTRACTIVE!!!

Now the hair....meh, it's a bit of a bush, but more of a controlled bush

Overall, 10/10

Jamil

.... I am such a simp for these two 😂😂😂

ANYWAY, LET'S START OFF, HE'S 7 INCHES!!!

I feel like he'd be pretty damn veiny, with a very prominent one on the top of his dick

The width, more on the skinny side, but will still have a slight stretch for him

The tip!! His tip is more of a dark red, blending into his skin and fading halfway down

It's also the same width of the dick too

Now the hair is fairly tame down there!

...but he does have a trail and it's hot as HELL!!!!!!!

Ahem! Hey, don't hit me, I stopped-! knocked out again

Ugh, anyway, hella hot, 15/10, would recommend

Pomefiore

Vil

OK, LET'S START OFF WITH HE'S PART OF THE LONG GROUP, GODDAMN!!!

A good 8 inches, with subtle veins

His width is on the skinnier side like Jamil, but also like Jamil, will give you astretch!

Like himself, his dick is just so pretty!

Ugh, I hate this pretty boy

/jk I actually don't mind him

Ok, back on track with the tip

His tip is slightly bigger then the width, and a nice pink shade

Now for the hair, if you think he doesn't take care of his hair down there either, you'd be wrong!

Like Cater, he knows how to decorate it to be pretty for his simps, so there is a barely there trail for that reason

The area they can't see is more compact and well shaved

So, 20/10, pretty nice dick

Rook

This mofo-

Ahem I mean, onto Rook!

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he's a 6.6, just above average

His width is the same, above average

He will be a stretch tho, but in a good way

He barely uses his dick tho, he mostly prefers using his fingers and tongue-

OFF TOPIC, THAT'S FOR ANOTHER DAY, BACK ON TRACK

The tip, is muah! bigger than the width and it just feels so good!

Now the hair It's almost like Vil's, because he is such a big fan

So, he has a slight trail, but it is more prominent than Vil's

But it's also a bit of a bush

Like a clean one, ya know?

So pretty nice to look at at least!

Epel

SWEET VIRGIN BOY WITH A CUTE DICK SQUAD!!!!

Seriously, like it's a bit on the small side, like about 4-5 inches, but still nice!

A bit chubby towards the base tho, but again! Still nice!

His whole dick is a nice pink throughout, and a darker pink on the tip

And speaking of the tip, it's about as thick as the base is

Now for the hair... Oh boy

Vil would have a heart attack if he knew about it (thankfully he has enough decency to not go that far)

It's a bush, and not in a good way

Like yeah, he trims it every once in a while, but his hair grows fast!

But overall, and hella nice dick!

Ignihyde

Idia

OH BOY THIS ONE!!!

One word: messy

HE'S HELLA LONG, ABOUT 8-9 INCHES!

PRETTY THICK, LIKE ABOVE AVERAGE!

THE TIP IS GOOD TOO, A PINK FADE TO IT

BUT THE HAIR!!!

This boy is worse then Leona

Even the lion dorm leader would cringe

I'm not even sure if he could chop it off cause the hair down there is also fire! Like can he cut his hair?! How would it work?!!

But anyway, yeah 😅😅😅

So it's ok, but damn!

Ortho

ERROR, ERROR, SYSTEM NOT FOUND

Loading next file...

... File loaded

Diasomnia

Malleus

Sebek, down boy, NO SEBEK DOWN!

...Anyway, ahem, Malleus-San

LONGEST BOY HERE, MY LORD!!!

10-11 inches, no cap

The thickness of it, not so much

I will say he is above average-SEBEK, WHAT DID I SAY, DOWN BOY!!

The tip is the same width and same skin color, no pink or red to it

Hair is the next one, and DAMN

He has a bit of a bush, but like it's not out of hands

So overall...Pray for yourself 😬

Lilia

Aha, ahahaha, aha, THIS MAN!!!

He ain't small!!!! I know I made the other shorties have dicks on the smaller side, but not him!!!!

He is a solid 8-9 inches!!!!!

Why, cause I said so, that's why

He's able to change the way it looks and he uses it

Relatively thick, but in an above average way

The tip is thicker then the base and also a dark red shade

The hair is surprisingly tame down there, I will say

So overall, pretty good!

Silver

IF Y'ALL THOUGHT I WAS DOWN BAD FOR SCARABIA, Y'ALL AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET!!!

HE'S SO HANDSOME, AND FOR WHAT?

Ahem, anyway, onto the dick

A good 7 inches, slightly veiny too

(I'll just drop this rq-somnophillia)

HIS WIDTH IS ABOVE AVERAGE, BUT A NICE STRETCH

The tip is fading into a nice blushy pink shade halfway down

His hair is well trimmed...But this one is simply cause I'm a simp for him, he has a trail!

20/10

Sebek

...I like bullying him 😅😅😅

I'LL BE NICE TO HIM FOR THIS ONE THO

So, a solid 7-8 inches on this boy

Also part of the thick squad, kinda like an hourglass style?

Skinnier at the center and thicker everywhere else

The tip is slightly larger than the base and a violent shade of red only on the tip

He has a bit of a bush, and this one is just a fact, he also has a trail

So, enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed these head cannons! Inbox is open and you are free to ask or request any of the ones listed in my dash! Enjoy the moment! 🥰

[dogboyklug]

UH-OH! a comic about being trans. by me. part one of probably three :]

i felt bad about being transmasc so i decided to just give up and write about it until i hopefully didnt. i feel a little better getting this all on digital paper but there's still. a lot to draw. so. oops

i'll be posting the next parts. whenever they're ready (which will hopefully be soon) and linking them all here, so whenever you want just check back with the base post and i'll prolly add some links and maybe clean things up. yay!

text transcript / partial ID under the cut!

transcript:

looking back, there were a few signs i might have been trans.

[a sequence of events showing little me flinching and going "ow" at being called his deadname, little me reading a book and going "haha im like a tomboy but i dont like sports or being active or anything im just. a boy. haha", and little me having an active breakdown, crying and holding his glasses, with partially obscured text in a dark cloud around him. the only text visible shows his thoughts, and shows he's worrying that he's sexist for mostly only liking and relating to boy characters.]

...some.

however.

there were also a few things i considered signs of me not being trans at all.

EXHIBIT A:

[a drawing of little me, looking at his 3ds. he's thinking "as long as i make sure that i always play as the 'main girl character' in these games i wont cry because im a girl because i wont be me as a girl i'll be Them. roleplaying. as them".]

no dysphoria.

[caps] EXHIBIT B: [end caps]

[a crude drawing of little me staring at nothing. he's thinking "i don't hate women. and i don't like being mean to other people."]

[caps] I WAS A FEMINIST. [end caps]

and not toxically masculine.

i knew about trans people, but i didn't know trans MEN existed.

[a drawing of little me, with the caption "clueless". he's staring slightly up, and saying "huh?!"]

my mom was nonbinary, with a few trans friends, but people [caps] WANTING??? TO BE MEN??? [end caps]

to be

gross,

disgusting,

hateful,

cruel,

oppressive,

men?

[the background slowly gets darker until it reaches the final word, and that word is a significantly bigger font than the rest of the words.]

for a while, primarily due to my lack of research

[drawing of little me, staring at his computer (which is labeled "deviantArt machine") and going 'huh'.]

i figured, if i WAS trans, I was probably a trans women.

but of course, that was silly

you can't be a trans woman if you're already afab.

and there's no other ways of being trans,

right?

[a crudely-drawn drawing of a deviantArt favorite's tab. none of the favorited pieces have any detail, though several are the same width and length as classic deviantArt stamps.]

hm.

hmmmmm...

[a crudely-drawn drawing of a representation of one of the favorited stamps. it's a massive, pink stamp with the text "SHE/HER!" in it in all caps and pink lettering. bottom text states it is a "she/her pronouns badge by ...", though the rest is cut off.]

HMMMM...

[a picture of a mouse hovering over the 'favorite/unfavorite' button. the star is filled in, indicating clicking it would unfavorite the piece.]

[two wordless panels, side-by-side, showing little me staring at his screen, hovering his cursor over the unfavorite button.]

[two more panels, showing that little me has unfavorited the she/her badge. the panel showing his face shows he is grinning wildly, his hair has poofed up in excitement, and his glasses are now blue-ish purple.]

OHO!!!!!!!!!!!!1

.................and that's

quite literally

how it happened.

before i knew how bad the entire site was, i would frequent dA. CONSTANTLY.

it was baby's very first "social media" webpt site.

[a drawing of a tiny, cartoonish kitten with a small turf of hair, staring at wonder up at a computer, one hand on the mousepad. it is labeled "dramatic reenactment of me making my d a account."]

i wasn't really SHELTERED as a kid, i just didnt know fuck for shit, and my baby anxiety made learning annoyingly hard.

so i turned to memes as a sort of wire mother as opposed to my real, cloth one.

jokes can be easier to understand than reality, sometimes.

(this isnt a good thing.)

so, i sort-of-came-out on deviantart, home of the wacky, wild and weird, where i learned he/him pronouns were an option, and a choice.

[a drawing of little me, with blue glasses, gazing up at the sky and smiling triumphantly.]

and some crazy trauma but that's for a different comic. if i make it.

[a drawing of little me being hit with a cartoonish star, which is meant to represent the trauma.]

sooo...

that's it, right?

[little me, with a cartoony bandage on his head, gently rubbing his wound.]

my mom was supportive & anyone who wasn't ...isn't in the picture now

that's the end

...right?.

end transcript.

[arcanegifs]

Hi! I was wondering how you get such high quality gifs? Do you have Topaz or maybe sharpen in Premiere/After Effects? I’m new to making gifs; I’ve been exporting 1080p clips from Final Cut and recoloring + turning into gifs in Photoshop at the 540p width for tumblr. The results are passable but nowhere near the quality you’re producing. Even exporting 1080p gifs for Reddit, while lovely, don’t compare. Yours must be 4k or even 8k. If you don’t mind sharing, I’d love to know your process!

Hi! Gosh, really, thank you for the kind words ♡ That means a lot!

I don't do anything special with mine, I just use the same files that are in 1080p. I do have an upscaler but that can only upscale any photo to x4 the size. I think I can probably upscale gifs, but I'd have to manually upscale every frame and then make the gif in Photoshop, but ngl.... I'm a lazy gifmaker hahahaha.

My sharpening process is very simple. I only use Photoshop in making gifs. I've pretty much used this process in all types of media/fandoms (Anime, dramas, tv shows, kpop, etc.) Feel free to experiment on your style as it varies with everyone else. You can find the full tutorial under the cut.

Edit: Maybe I shouldn't have used such a dark gif as an example hahahaha oops

I use the timeline method in Photoshop to make my gifs. Here is a tutorial that's a bit similar to how I make gifs. For Arcane, the frame speed I use is either 0.04 or 0.05.

I've based my sharpening process on a tumblr tutorial years ago by another blogger but I can't seem to find their blog post :(((( if anyone knows it, please let me know!

My sharpening process are as follows:

First, I duplicate the base gif in photoshop

So now, I have 2 copies of the gif. Then, I'll be sharpening the duplicate layer, so go to Filter -> Sharpen -> Smart Sharpen

Here are the settings I use to sharpen gifs:

Click okay, then you will see this under your layers

Some people stop there and then color their gifs, but I prefer to add another layer of Gaussian Blur to make the gif less noisy.

Here are my gaussian blue settings:

Click okay, then your duplicated layer will look like this:

Next, make your layer opacity to 80%.

Then, double click the right adjust icon on the gaussian blur settings

Set the opacity to 20%, but you can adjust as needed.

And you're done sharpening the gif! You can color and add PSDs to it right after. As always, dark scenes are going to be difficult to sharpen and color, so try to experiment and tinker around.

Hope this helps! If you have any questions, feel free to send an ask/message!

[queen-mihai]

OK I've got a little time. Let me tell you about 7 dimensions because it's way easier than I think we're imagining. Fair warning though, I only have words, and like, extremely basic drawing skills, so you're going to have to bear with me.

In some cases people talk about how we "can only imagine life in 3 dimensions, and to imagine anything more would require us to completely blahbity blahbity whatever"

I'm here to defy that notion. And I'm bringing math with me. Don't worry, it's basic and super easy. I literally do not have the patience to write out big crazy formulae, although you could with this if you wanted to.

Now imagine a sphere.

You're on it, hanging out, usefully for me, this sphere looks like planet earth.

Now let's say you wanted to put yourself right there in Africa someplace. That's a sphere, so we're gonna need height, length, and depth so I know exactly where to put the little smiley face that's going to represent you.

Oops, we already have to think in FOUR dimensions, because we can't forget that we're not stationary in the universe. We have to include "time" which is a concept that will help us soon. I went ahead and calculated that for you so you don't end up in the vacuum of space. No worries.

But scientists all over are talking about 4 dimensions. How the heck do you magically get to 7?

Well because we're already operating in 7 dimensions and I can prove it.

We're gonna leave the pictures behind for now and I'm gonna tell a story.

You're at a party. You got some bad news earlier and got your friend to come out with you. He wasn't gonna come out, but heard the distress in your voice and changed plans. He wanted to play beer pong, so that's what the pair of you do. Now with our 4 dimensions of space-time, you can calculate your shot to make sure your friend drinks when your turn comes up.

Throw at the right height, the right angle, the right distance? Perfect. In like Flynn

I'm not drowning anyone in technical jargon am I? Didn't think so. This is about as hard as it gets.

OK so you make your shot and he drinks. Great job.

But let's back up. You'll forgive me a little time travel since this is an imaginary scenario.

Now it's earlier in the day. I mentioned you got some bad news. Well you just hung up the phone and you're considering asking your friend to attend the party with you. Let's say you don't.

Well now..I mean you can throw a million balls in a million cups, your friend is not going to drink.

He's not there.

And with that, we've introduced our other 3 dimensions.

Let's put them all up on the board

Length

Width

Depth

Time

Potential

Influence

Probability

7 dimensions. We know the first 4 so let's go back to our story for the last 3.

Potential: in every situation, there are a seemingly infinite number of possibilities. Let's call each possibility a "Potential"

You're at the party, you're aiming your throw.

Potential 1: you hit, he drinks

Potential 2: you miss, he doesn't drink

Obviously an asteroid could strike, but.. that's not likely. These are the main 2 we need to be worried about.

Influence: You Are the one throwing the ball. Your influence on the ball will affect...

Probability: the likelihood of that ball going into that cup.

The thing is, going back in time again:

If you decided not to invite your friend to the party, he wouldn't have come. The probability of "he drinks" drops to zero because *he's not there*

Just like the thing with time.

Go back to the phone call and you're on with him:

If you just invite him to the party, he will tell you he's thinking of skipping this time. Still a low probability that our situation with beer pong is going to happen.

If you tell him you really want him to come, then you're increasing the level of influence, but maybe not enough to change that probability.

But then you tell him "I got some bad news today and I just really need a friend" and suddenly the potential of being at that table throwing that ball and getting him to drink rises above basically zero.

And I hear the argumentative asshats already "Mihai you iDiOT! YoU'rE jUsT dEsCrIbInG sTuFf ThAt HaPpEnS"

Yeah that's the point. I told you there's no "Woo Woo" here.

You had a bad thing happen

You applied your Influence over your situation by asking your friend to join you which they would not have done without your bad news call.

Your friend attending the party opened up the Potential that you may play a game including cups and balls and drinking

Your friend exercised influence over the situation by asking if you wanted to play beer pong

Then when you started playing, you threw the ball.

You didn't throw it before the cups were set up, meaning you interacted with time as well.

ALL of those things had to line up, just for you to even HAVE a cup to throw at or even a ball to throw.

Had you or your friend not exercised influence, you would not have been playing

Had your influence not won your friend over, they wouldn't have come

Potential? The Potential when throwing the ball is mostly it lands in the cup or it doesn't. The ball doesn't turn into a blue whale or sprout wings and fly away. It lands in the cup or it lands somewhere not in the cup. Those are the Potentials with the highest Probability.

We can think of these new dimensions as new x, y, and z axes.

Our entire universe is the original x, y, and z. Imagine a marble lying on the floor.

It itself is moving through time, which will be your fourth dimension. Meaning if you wanted to touch a specific spot on that marble, you would have to touch where it IS and not where it was or will be. That's dimension 4.

Potential would be like pushing the marble to the side. Left, the ball lands in the cup. Right, it bounces off. That's dimension 5

Influence is your up and down. Pick up the marble, it's no longer in the same place. Let it roll down a hill, it's not in the same place. You act on the universe with your decisions, influencing events around you. Eat a bowl of Ramen? That's an Influence. Drive to a party? You are influencing the universe the entire way there, the entire way back, and every step you take at the party. Even if you just sit still and meditate, the universe is actively being shaped and changed by your presence in it. That's Influence. And that's dimension 6.

And the finally, the one we've been talking about the most. Probability. That's your "in and out". Your marble universe isn't flat. You're not just touching the surface. You can stick your tweezers all the way into the middle of it. And the wider an area you want to hit, the higher probability you have of hitting it. The more precise you want to be, the more difficult it is.

And this scales all the way up and all the way down. Because it's affected by EVERYTHING.

Magnetism exerts influence on things that have gravity. Radioactivity affects the probability of a material staying together or breaking apart. Your desire to stop reading this long ass post is, even as I write it, exerting an influence on my willpower to make it any longer. Meaning the probability of this getting more paragraphs is growing smaller and smaller, and will soon lead to the potential of it being posted. Which will lead to new Potentials that will pop into existence as people read this and go on to affect the universe in their own ways.

The old gods never went away. They are reading this post. The 7th dimensional beings were in the house the whole time. 😂😂😂

Anyway I ain't nobody and I wouldn't presume to know anything more than people who have studied the universe for their entire lives.

It's fun to think about though 🥰 love you. Hope you're having fun!

[fayeandknight]

Buying a car is bullshit

I am very seriously trying to buy a new (to me) car.

I need a bigger car to fit crates in since that will allow me to transport more dogs for boarding. I have opted to go the used route for a number of reasons.

After much research, input from some super helpful dogblr folks as well as coworkers, and some dragging my feet - I'm ready. I'm looking to buy a 2018 Toyota RAV4 XLE.

I found one being sold at a fair price given the low mileage and went to see it last Saturday. It was a trade in at a BMW dealership. When they brought it out I was a little taken back because it's pretty dinged up. Not to the point of hindering functionally but there are dents and scrapes on every panel and fixing it would $1000 in body work easily, if not more.

Honestly, I don't give a shit about cosmetics. This car is for hauling dogs around. But it would be silly to pretend it doesn't change the value of the car.

I noticed that the front tires were different from the rear tires and asked about it. Sales dude tells me they replaced the front ones because the originals were dry rotted. I asked if the mechanic measured the new vs the old because AWD can be sensitive and different widths can fuck it up. Sales dude tells yes, it's all on paper. Cool.

I take it for a test drive and notice the brakes are a little rough. I ask if the brake pads were inspected to see how worn they are. Sales dude assures me yes, the car passed inspection and they're fine. Am told, again, it's all on paper.

Once we're back at the dealership I ask him to please get me the info on the tires and brakes cause I'm ready to make a deal and buy the car. Sales dude asks for my price and I tell him my offer is contingent on the information so please get it. Guy comes back with a manager and oops, they don't actually have that info.

Which honestly really pissed me off. You lied to my face and what? Didn't think you'd get caught not having the very specific information I'm asking for? I don't know why I expected slightly less car sales bullshit from a higher end dealership but the jokes on me.

I leave with the agreement that on Monday (today) they'll have the mechanic get the info and call me promptly at X time. An hour and a half later, I ended up leaving them a voicemail.

Finally got on the phone with them, tires are fine but the brake pads are just this side of passing and I'll need to change them fairly quickly. Fine. Given the body work and brakes, not to mention all the fluid changes I'll need to do, I put in my offer - a little less than $1000 off listed price. This puts the car at just my side of a good deal rather than fair, but honestly not by much.

They eventually accept my offer. Awesome. I am ready to pay over the phone. No. They won't take the payment over the phone or even a deposit. I have to come buy it in person.

In an ideal world, I'd go Thursday morning and get it done before work since that's my late day. But I'm concerned about the time wasting tactics dealerships use to try to get people to "upgrade" packages. I am trialing Friday and Saturday.

That leaves my only actual day with time to spare next Monday. During the in between they will not hold the car for me or pull it from their listings.

It so fucking frustrating that a high end, fancy ass BMW dealership is giving me the run around for a busted up six year old Toyota that I am willing to pay for right now!

So, fingers crossed it's still there next week and I'm able to buy it. If not, oh well I guess. There's really not anything else I can do at this point. It's just annoying because if they had the information they said they did I'd have bought the car right then.

Anyway, let this be your reminder to not take car sales folks word for anything and make them show you on paper. They will lie right to your face and blame you for holding up the sale.

[batbetbitbotbut]

I've been sidetracked by a spinning project and reading copious amounts of fanfic so I haven't woven much for the past couple weeks, but I did get a bunch more yarn! Unlabelled things are from my existing stash. I really need to start labelling them because I can no longer remember all the colour names and sources, oops.

Left will be tea towels, probably a twill weave, because I was suddenly like WHAT IF PIGEONS. The top row are cottons, the bottom row are a mercerised cotton and two linens for a bit of shine and texture. I will also add some black weft stripes to make T-check / checker / bar / barless designs.

Middle is from a Scottish weaver who was destashing. Nearly 3kg of finely spun cotton in pale green/pink/yellow, value somewhere in the realm of £30/kg... and 5kg of finely spun undyed 45% silk 55% cashmere, which was £200/kg when new. I paid £100 for the whole lot including shipping, which was more than the weaver asked for because what the fuck that's still so cheap. I have ideas for it but don't yet know what it will be like to work with such thin yarn, let alone silk, or cashmere, let alone all those factors at once.

Right will be a cotton doubleweave project, ideally a baby blanket but I'm not sure if my 2ft weaving width is enough to be useful (hence wanting to poke at wider looms at a studio...). I have vaguely heard new parents talk about using small blankets in the car, though.

I also sold 2 weaving books that I don't use, but I bought 3 more...