#OR. I SLOWLY GET USED TO IT TO THE POINT ITS NOT SO BAD
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
golden-bubblebee · 7 hours ago
Text
OH MY GOD this is such a big gripe for me!! I love my baba lots, but he has this idea that
1. Animation = boring and for kids
2. Animation = it is all the same
And I'm like!! No!! I even pooled anime into it just to get my point across, comparing the storyarc of Death Note and I think Prince of Egypt. Bc there is no comparison!!! They're two wholly different movies!!
And I agree, some animation does look more 'childish' (read: more rounded out 3d animation, like rise of the guardians) and some movies are better at finding that balance between 'adult jokes and themes vs child jokes and themes'. Emperor's new groove is a film that I think is very good at it. Personally, I think frozen less so. So guess what! I'm not rewatching frozen! It wasn’t my jam! But not because of the animation. Frozen has beautiful animation! Those don't go hand in hand!
Guess what, some of my favourite movies are from 1969 and 1993. On modern tellies, they are grainy blurry films. This doesn't stop my love for them!
I tried arguing this with him again when he was watching Love Death Robots on Netflix, an adult animation series in which every episode is its own shortfilm, and they're all animated differently.
I said 'okay what abt LDR then. You like watching that. That's also animation!' To which he replied 'no but LDR is different'
Maaaan. The difference is ofcourse that LDR is not a family film. There is nothing about that animation that's meant for kids. Well guess what, neither are Death Note and Naoki Urasawas monster! Those are animations, and they are big and scary!
Plus, I do also think that automatically assuming animation is only for kids, because it is animation is just plain wrong.
I tried using Big Hero 6 as an example. 'It's a film about a guy who loses is brother in a horrible fire. It follows his story of falling into a depression because of it, and slowly crawling back out when he goes on a journey to find the cause of his brothers death, and avenge him'
Does that sound like 'kids only' to you???
He then shrugged and said 'animation just isn't my thing'. Which, I do think, to an extend, is fair. Sure, you prefer irl people films. I can’t really say anything because I personally am not a big fan of live action films.
But there is one difference that gripes me:
Animation always looks different. Look me in the eye and tell me that Atlantis and tangled are the same style. I dare you.
Ofcourse there is stylistic overlap (Atlantis, Treasure island, prince of Egypt - Moana, frozen, tangled) but the messaging and themes of each film is different. Treasure island is a darker film, with pirates and tech and futuristic objects. Prince of egypt is oranges and reds, nature and architecture and a vast expanse of nothingess. To me that's like saying 'Oh I didn't watch Into the Wild, because it has real people in it. I watched the Matrix, and that had real people, and that wasn’t really my thing.'
It's not an argument I will win with him soon, mostly because he is so strongly convinced that kids movies ≠ family movies (if it's for kids, I can't enjoy it! Even if they deal with heavy topics like bad familial bonds, mourning and depression, having your dreams crushed, losing all hope, and so on) and that animation = animation, even though there are strong stylistic differences in it.
Maybe next time I should tell him that news media and social media are the same thing and that I don't go into newsmedia bc I get all my info from social media instead. Watch him get an anheurism right there in front of me.
animation being treated like a genre instead of a medium is something that actually makes me go insane. beauty and the beast is a romance. the emperor's new groove is a buddy comedy. big hero 6 is a superhero movie. moana is an adventure film. the lion king is a drama. treasure planet is sci-fi. if i was talking to someone who hadn't seen these movies before, and they weren't specifically interested in animation as a medium, then i wouldn't necessarily assume they'd enjoy all of these. and that's just disney movies! try telling an anime fan that fruits basket and fullmetal alchemist are the same genre and see how they react!
19K notes · View notes
bitchfitch · 2 days ago
Text
I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
37 notes · View notes
milessunflowers · 3 days ago
Note
okay this might be long/overly detailed so apologies in advance BUT! yuki with childhood best friend!reader. now reader has ALWAYS liked yuki, and its only gotten worse as he got into f1 and started performing as well as he does but they assume yuki doesn't see them that way. yuki, meanwhile, is rlly protective of reader and isnt sure why until pierre takes matters into his own hands and flirts with reader and all of a sudden yuki is like. "fuck".
umm yeh. happy, get togethery ending wud be nice :P
-bear <3
YES BEAR OMG I LOVE THIS
Tumblr media
yuki tsunoda x childhood best friend!male!reader
synopsis: you two grew up together, spending every minute of free time together. you raced each other in karting but you decided to choose mechanics rather than racing. still, you two were close. it isn't until pierre flirts with you that yuki realizes just how down bad he is.
author's note: more yuki content bc i love him so so much and thank you bear for the amazing request!!! i got carried away and now this is super long so i hope you guys like it! as always, feel free to request!
Tumblr media
you've known yuki for as long as you can remember
you used to go to the karting track and race each other
you won a handful of times but yuki was just better at it
you didn't care though because you were having fun with him
after a while, you stopped karting but continued to go to the tracks to support him
you guys always went everywhere together
if your family went on vacation, yuki was there
if the tsunodas went on vacation, you were there
if one was absent from school, your teachers would ask where the other was
skip forward to when yuki moves to europe to join the early formula series
you moved with him but in persuit of a mechanics degree
you guys still were incredibly close
you guys lived together and spent as much time as you guys could together
you visited some of his races when you weren't studying for tests
by the time he joins alpha tauri, you had gotten your degree
you were working small jobs here and there until you got a job also with alpha tauri
meaning everyone had to deal with your guys obnoxious, lovesick, acts
especially pierre
he loves you guys but you're so annoying about it
its like you guys can't even tell you love each other
(news flash: you couldn't)
the first year yuki and pierre were teammates, pierre didn't really mind it all that much
in fact, he thought it was adorable
like if you were working on yuki's car and yuki was chatting it away with you
or when yuki got out of the car after a race and pierre catches you staring open mouthed at him
or when you guys post pictures together during the breaks
or when- well you get my point
anything you guys did, he found it precious
however, you did confide in pierre about your feelings towards yuki
so you two devised a plan
the second season of him and yuki being teammates rolls around and you two still aren't together he takes things into his own hands
you guys going to hang out at a cafe? pierre is coming with and flirting with you
yuki wants to go snowboarding? pierre already made plans with you
you go along with pierre because you trust your friend
yuki obviously grows annoyed that pierre is taking up all your time
he at first brushes it off but then he slowly realizes that he is incredibly jealous
it takes him a few weeks to realize
then he's all too aware
hes like "fucking hell"
from then he tries to keep all your attention
you and pierre joke about it after yuki is gone
slowly pierre backs off (all part of the plan)
yuki is incredibly happy about that
and he isn't even trying to hide it
he takes you out more and more
you guys slowly start to merge closets and rooms
then finally, you ask him to be your boyfriend
at the same time, he was asking you to be his boyfriend
that night, you both update pierre about it
hes probably more excited than you guys
hes like "finally i don't gotta deal with your pining"
you guys then announce it to the public because you couldn't contain it anymore
the team... isn't surprised at all
just like pierre, they are probably happier than you are
the fans are delighted
meaning a crap ton of edits
they love the mechanic x driver dynamic even more
of course there is hate but you two could care less
you were too busy having fun to care what anyone else thought
Tumblr media
TAGS! (if you want to be added, lmk!)
@op-81-lvr-reblogs, @koalapastries, @justaf1girl, @ghostking4m, @spoonfulofmilo, @seonghwaexile
51 notes · View notes
electricneonvalkyrie · 3 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
I believe that while it's easy to understand the feelings of people we like, the real difficulty lies in extending that empathy and understanding to those we don't.
I deeply appreciate how this game and its narrative pushed me to do precisely that and continues to do so with every consecutive game play.
I find it interesting to examine every situation from a fresh point of view, drawing parallels between characters and their bonds with their friends.
I'm particularly interested in applying the same approach to their adversaries.
How are Abby and Joel similar?
I'm immediately struck by how both are powerfully motivated by personal loss.
At the start of the outbreak, Joel loses Sarah in a chaotic, violent scene, forever altering his perspective and setting the stage for further, devastating losses and trauma.
(I’ve written a piece on Joel and how I feel PTSD presents in his character, perhaps I’ll share that down the line if that’s something you would be interested in.)
The loss of her father, Jerry, ignites a fire of retribution in Abby's heart, fundamentally reshaping who she is and everything she believes in.
Loss irrevocably altered their moral compass, shattering their sense of justice and restructuring their views on right and wrong, leading them to rationalize acts they’d more than likely once condemned.
I acknowledge the role of survival in their difficult world, but their personal losses and trauma were the major catalysts driving them down a path of destruction.
Abby and Joel both serve as the villains in someone else’s story. In many eyes, they are the bad guys.
That said, I love how both characters find redemption through unexpected companions. Joel slowly reconnects with his humanity through his journey with Ellie.
Abby and Lev travel a similar road, which helps Abby break free from her rigid, treacherously numb, survivalist and revenge-based mentality.
Their loved ones gave them a reason to live beyond the violence.
No matter how hard they tried to leave the past behind, they couldn't escape the repercussions of their choices or the collateral damage they inflicted—still, they kept trying.
Some players may be unhappy with the game's direction, but its story is, in my view, more meaningful than most recognize.
Impactful stories don't need to be flawless, yet this one's judged by such peculiar standards.
The themes are so much more than revenge bad in my experience. I get that most players recognize the cycle of violence and the hollow victory of revenge but for me, grief was the undeniable centerpiece.
I wouldn't be surprised if, in another universe, over a quiet cup of coffee, Abby and Joel found they had far more in common than they thought.
I think many of us unknowingly have people and situations like this in our lives.
It’s a painful truth that we are capable of such intense hatred, even when the consequences harm ourselves and those closest to us.
I like to think we were meant to live more peacefully than this.
Maybe we can.
Perhaps we honor the ones we've lost by choosing to live differently.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
(I'll be away training for a few weeks, but I'll be back here as often as I can! Thank you so much to everyone who has left kind comments and interactions so far. They always make me smile. Stay safe out there. Put down the golf clubs. Unless you play actual golf, then... do that. 🤣)
23 notes · View notes
fallenangelofsalt · 23 hours ago
Text
*slowly raises hand like im in class*
I personally think TDL is in the wrong about a LOT of things, but I would like to point out that him going to attack stickfigures after those rampages or the fight with TCO is also pure speculation. Sure, he's shown to be a lot more likely to do that than TCO, but then why is the city nearby not in ruins yet? And the thing about all sites being used by humans, the point is that none of the sites shown as Virabot targets are sites likely to have stickfigures in them. What is a stick gonna do in twitter?
And why the heck would he NOT think the CG is working for Alan? That cursor came from SOMEWHERE and the CG are the only other unexpected factor in the mix, of course he would think so, and Orange is very obviously a hollowhead, something that only Alan's creations have in common.
I don't think his hatred towards Alan was ever about Chosen, if your creator gave you an impossible task that you had no idea how badly could go for you, and then just kept playing solitaire while you are left at the mercy of someone who had every right to kill you then and there, wouldn't YOU be mad?
I don't think he was ever in the right with the things he did, exept maybe throwing that Virabot at Alan's PC considering he had no way of knowing there were stickfigures there at the time (you'd think having his old PC blown up would prevent him from trying that again, and it did, its just that TSC is an anomaly even in creation) but besides that, every bad thing he did had been done with TCO at his side, and I personally think TDL never had a chance to be good.
I have a personal theory that every hollowhead reflects Alan in some way. Now, this is pure theory, no need to read this part, but here's how I think:
Victim mirrors Alan's methodical torture. Now, Vic does it more as a means to an end rather than pure entertainment, but Alan is also shown to use stickfigures, TCO was enslaved as an ad block, TDL was created to kill TCO, and TSC was allowed to live and keep his friends as long as he helped with animating. Victim torturing TCO is more of a consequence than him being that way normally, but overall Vic is a watered down version of early Alan with a tragic backstory.
TCO has the same narrow worldview, he doesn't show any signs of remorse or hesitation until they're attacking stickfigures, and Alan doesn't even consider that maybe stickfigures have emotions until TSC talked.
TSC reflects the more positive aspects of Alan, like his love for animating and ability to create life.
TDL meanwhile, reflects a LOT of early Alan. Lack of empathy and disregard for stickfigures for example, as well as creating things with the purpose of destruction, and sadism.
The thing is, TDL was never meant to value stickfigures, and I don't think he ever had the opportunity to besides Chosen. Even if they both had a say in their targets it is very likely that Chosen had been leading at the beginning, considering in AVA3 TDL was only ever shown to follow others. The only part where he could argueably be the one leading is when the icons join the fight and that is very brief.
The only possible reason I can think of as to why that nearby city hasn't been attacked yet is that either Dark has no interest in doing so or Chosen has somehow gotten over his abysmal communication skills long enough to say maybe lets not.
And even if Chosen gets all the credit for their attack on newgrounds why would Dark interact with other sticks at that point? Alan had stick Jesus show up on his PC while he was doing laundry and the only reason why TSC didn't get deleted is a freak combination of uno reverse card powers, drawing skills and the ability to talk.
I'm rambling at this point but
TL;DR Dark is absolutely in the wrong but I see him as a what if Alan had actually tried to delete TSC, you know? The only real difference is that Alan saw a last minute reason to keep TSC around and TDL didn't. So I think he could mellow out given opportunity and time but now he's dead so :/
A message to all Dark Lord defenders
As someone who is vehemently against the idea that Dark is in any way sympathetic, I invite you to try and change my mind, I want to have a conversation with you all, because I genuinely think it's interesting that so many can look at a character who I think is a completely irredeemable asshole and see something more charitable.
So go on Dark defenders, go wild, explain all of your arguments and I will do my best to argue against them (or, maybe even agree with them if I think they make sense.
81 notes · View notes
candyswirls · 22 hours ago
Note
Can we get Neoth panicking about Lilith's existence and thinking her a monster before realizing she's just like any other ten year old when she starts purring in his lap?
Well, and animalistic as well as cannibalistic due to the blood drinking, but she's fine, she just has the same markings as some African grass finch chicks have-
He rested his head on his fist, watching his grandchild. What did he do to merit this within her?
She had happily given him a wide, opened mouth smile. Those spots within her mouth and cheeks... inhuman. He felt guilt as she saw his expression and quickly pulled back.
What did this mean, though?
His mind ran through all the various gene-splicing he'd done when creating his sons. Was it his decision? What about Amar and Erda? No, he closely monitored the project.
This had to be his fault. Sanguinius had been worried. She wasn't growing and was turning a sickly pale shade. Weaker than usual. Duller.
She seemed interested enough in her hobbies, and he gladly indulged in it. He offered her a skull to carve into. He'd have been worried if this interest had Dorn not told him how they bonded over the shared aspect of each other's cultures.
Still, he questioned if this was the surface of something for more morbid.
She sat at the base of the throne steps.
"I usually use the tibia or humerus," she stated as she inspected the designs around the eye sockets.
"Not the femur?" He questioned, trying to keep the conversation going. He wouldn't ignore or dismiss her.
"No," she said. "It's too bulky for the types of designs and artistic vision I have. The really hard part is the small bones, though, like fingers. Lots of little details, and I am bigger than baselines. You have to be careful not to break them. It's considered bad luck and disrespectful to the dead."
He nodded slowly even though she couldn't see.
She continued, "Some say that I could just use astartes skeletons, but they don't offer their own for such purposes, and the ceramic infused bones are hard to carve into."
He raised a brow, "The bones are donated. An interesting aspect."
She looked up at him, "It's seen as a great honor to become a work of art and its also an honor to do it for someone. If you ever wanted I could carve your bones."
He stared a moment, and she laughed, "As if you'd ever die! No, but I think it's important to have that promise there."
He had seen the markings again but forced a smile through, "I am flattered at your offer. No doubt you would do well with my bones."
He was the master of mankind but right now, he had another important duty. Being a grandfather.
She stood and skipped up the steps. She kneeled at the throne, resting her elbows on his lap.
"Since it won't happen, I can show you what I'd do," she stated excitedly.
She pointed out each carving on the skull and what it meant. What she would do for him. How she would do things differently than this skull and others she'd carved into.
"I could use xenos or animal bones too and make you something," she offered. "I just need to find some really good ones."
Her glee was obvious.
He stroked her head, "Your father is very proud, I'm sure. I am as well. You take great care in your work. A worthy endeavor."
A smile crossed her face and she rested a head on his lap.
"Thank you," she said quietly.
He got the distinct impression that she needed to hear that. He continued stroking her head and hair and noticed a low and soothing rumble coming from Lilith. Purring. Like so many of his sons could do.
This put himself at ease as well. She'd be alright. She was very much a child. Only caring for her interests and wanting to have validation. She bore no ill will, and he'd have time to figure out something if anything did happen.
He just hoped there wasnt any romantic traditions with this. Throne forbid the day she developed a crush.
21 notes · View notes
krembearry · 26 days ago
Text
was thinking about it and knowing I used to be in a huge server with tons of strangers and we had a public trigger list was WILD. 80+ people makes that so hard to remember anything! but I don't remember anyone ever even getting triggered or having that info used against them, if anything it was incredibly respectful (and the list was user maintained tbh, I just mean the moderation mostly)
crazy thing to have just gone so well for, as far as I'm aware, YEARS. I don't think I'd be so willing to share in other large servers like that, but trusting smaller servers with that information is really comfy :3 knows and trusts my friends will keep me safe <3
1 note · View note
Text
She slowly nods. In her eyes, theres ancient pain-very old, kept away, but now the door has veen forced open-its not jonnys fault, and it disappears, shes foricng it back in. This is not about her.
Yes, even then. I felt the same, back then....over time it will get less and less worse. But righ now, it hurts like hell. Abd its okay, its ikay to feel everything. Dont try to focre the feelings down...its no use.
She holds him close, its surprisingly...essy to comfort someone. Easier than comforting herself.
Youve never felt power, while your father was alive-it mustve been bad, living with him. So of course...you wanted to have the upoer hand for once, you wanted to put your pain somewhere.. wanted to show him what yiu endured . But as itnis...notihng can make the pin we endure even, yet revenge isnt wrong. Our fathers...had what was coming to them. When ..i killed mine...it was out of similar motives...i wanted to show him that i survived, no matter what. Even after he abandoned me and called me-...well, its in the past now. But my point is...it will hurt for awhile, unfo4tuntely. But...youre not alone with this..
She doesnet yet offer him to come with her. Not yet. Nows not the time.
Dr. Carmilla sat by her usual spot by the big observation window, in a comfy chair. They hd deceided to land on a planet, and alice was still out exploring, probably accompanied by some of the octokittens. She had found something esrlier in her room, and that was the reasonnwhy she drank a whiskey-she wasnt particularly fold of most whiskeys, except for this one. She had been savouring it, and today was the time, to have abit. The reason was a photograph-it was her and Jonny, it was a few days after the mechanization. Jonny was smiling, widely abd he had hugged her. And she hadlooked happier aswell, her fabgs were showing in her smile.
....i still remember when i met you...it was im that run down saloon, one of these cliché ones...i dont even know if it had a name...you were just 17 and had killed your father....
She saw it, right infront of her, ad if it wouldve been yesterday-she was sotting there, cursing the ground for being unfriendly to walk on and the whiskey being cheap, when she spotted the kid. He sat at the bar, shoulders hanging low,voice trembling as he ordered. She didnt sat too far away, so she could see that he had tears in his eyes and a gun still clutched in his hands....
[ @captain-dville ooc: i hope this is good enough? I tried qew
32 notes · View notes
bmpmp3 · 2 days ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
drawring exercises
4 notes · View notes
aria0fgold · 11 months ago
Text
The way an emulator slowly "breaks" the more you use its save states and then reverts back to normal once you restarted it has got to be poetic in its own way.
2 notes · View notes
modernmutiny · 1 year ago
Text
Y'all really know I was raised by witches when I think to myself "why am I feeling so Much lately? Oh duh it's samhain" 🤦🏻‍♂️
3 notes · View notes
jackass-jones · 2 years ago
Text
I’m very normal I got the Shinji dlc for p3 dancing and went and listened to every single voice line individually multiple times. Because I’m normal
3 notes · View notes
chisungie · 23 days ago
Text
.
#as a kid that loved my heelys and even got myself a pair when i got bigger#what the fuck are those cheap ass “kids rollerskating shoes” that are shoes w a small pair of wheels at the front#right before ur toes and the back at the bottom of ur heel like#how do u stop? kids r gonna put on that shit and start rolling like whats wrong w u#heelys had a problem bc kids were stupid and bad at balancing and rushed into it without being careful and learning first#i think.. i say that bc my brother and i did it fine? we took it slow and then heely'd around places like it was nothing.#even im a little shaky when i put them on after a long time of not using them#so how do u expect kids to use it?? parents and kids have to be more careful. same w if u put on rollerblades or rollerskates#they can be fun and used safely but u can easily fuck up and fall down if ur new#although admittedly heelys are more dangerous to learn.. i have a younger cousin who got them bc she saw me w them#and even w my help she like. couldnt understand how to do it.#like she had some points where if i correct her right away she'd sometimes get it and slide down her driveway nicely#but she never like. understood it. bc she couldnt do it consistently#and for that reason she cant wear it outside of like. me being there w her.#and she doesnt try it without being near a wall and having something or someone to hold. bc nobody wants her to get hurt#i kinda went off topic but my point is u can practice using them safely and u can teach ur kids slowly so they dont get hurt.#another point is sometimes even if u do everything right the kids still might not be able to grasp it n do it consistently on their own#thats ok too. it happens! and for the record she can ride a bike while i cant. but i can rollerblade and skate n she cant. so 🤷‍♀️#it happens! and lastly heelys can be dangerous! i got them long ago when i was younger n while my brother n i were fine#they literally got discontinued for a while bc kids were getting hurt. so like if ur getting them take it slow n be careful#but like. know that it is possible! and its fun! but u have to be. careful.#tldr im oddly passionate abt heelys n i love mine sm i got a 2nd pair but theyre not for everyone n thats ok 👍 bye#44597
0 notes
arolesbianism · 2 months ago
Text
I've been thinking abt new game+ friend quests and it's just me going ah yes and they have all these issues and talk abt these things and oh oops this is all accidental foreshadowing
#rat rambles#stars posting#new game+#its a fun mix of stuff that will make for tasty chou breakdown material in due time#and stuff that is fun to imagine chou responding to because its smth that the sifs would respond to Very differently#but yeah I can basically hear the evolution of chou's inner dialogue overtime as I play out these scenes in my mind#the shopkeepers friendquest is mostly abt her low key freaking out abt realizing chou sees her as a friend and admitting she has a rly hard#time being honest with people about basically anything abt herself along with some extra stuff abt her having never rly had any long term#friends due to her having been constantly traveling since she was a kid#so theres like. several layers of stuff for chou's timeloop tumbled brain to chew on there lol.#the kid is mostly abt them realizing they cant remember basically anything abt their home and family at this point and freaking out#the leader is her admitting hes always been kind of jealous of chou (mostly due to chou having very loving parents)#and Im going to be honest Im still working out the tracker's friendquest#probably going to have smth to do with her mom? maybe her admitting that she's always wanted to go traveling but has been feeling trapped#under obligation to stay by her mom's side and her feeling like a bad daughter for leaving even in these circumstances#or smth like that. idk Ive had a headache all day I dont have the brainpower to make shit up good rn#I just took a shower a few minutes ago and its cleared the brain fog enough for me to type out some of my thoughts#so yeah idk beams visions at you of chou slowly forgetting more and more abt things outside the loops and freaking out over it#chou vc I think the moments the loops truly broke me was when I forgot my parents faces and names#the sifs .|#the real secret abt chou is that they are the normie of the three they just got timeloop tumbled real hard#they do still have hashtag issues ofc just different ones than the other two#but their loops definitely did a lot of the heavy lifting in fucking them up so hard#repeatedly becoming a stranger to the people you love isn't fun and neither is not having tears for easy looping#they can technically loop using the light's curse but that requires being able to see the light and even then its usually a slow burn#process to get fully cursed not smth you can just quickly do if you get stuck#anyways I need to go to bed gn gamers#hopefully loop plush will be here tomorrow if they're not I'll cry rly hard and throw up
0 notes
talkorsomething · 4 months ago
Text
I made a vague semblance of brushing my teeth today! second time this year ...
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#it's not even cause i'm autistic mainly its just The Anxiety#... also bristles on my gums feel Weird but it's not that bad so i'm basically neurotypical in this area [untrue]#apparently i brushed my teeth 9 times last year and 20 in 2022...... the things you learn#2021 i dont have an accurate number & before that i wasn't tracking at all i dont think so... yeah.#oh i forgot to tag#лёва паспрабуе АДК#there we go :) even if it's not in the right place...#anyways my point is: why does everyone else seem to have a much more hygenic standard of life. HOW are you doing that#i used to shower every other day so ??? i kind of get it?? but even so that is not Every Fucking Day and i had to slowly build up to it....#right now it's just Whenever but whenever tends to be about a week#which is still good! but i do think that i should be showering more but i caaaaant make myself do it :/#like i said it's not really because of anything relating to being autistic— unless the Sound Anxiety:tm: is related#which for all i know it could be. i wouldnt think so but... you never know i guess#but yeah. for now my comprimise is no toothpaste but seriously?? SECOND time this year??? i knew it was bad but not.... that bad.......#the only saving grace is that i got the good teeth lmao#there have been multiple times of me just eating straight chocolate for like a week & nothing bad has happened (Yet)#........... i do wonder what i have to do to actually brush my teeth more#my cousin does it in the shower so maybe that? but then again i can at least shower with other people awake & in the house#and for brushing my teeth i Cannot (yet)#anyways i'm going back to sleep lmao
0 notes
celestialmancer · 7 months ago
Text
⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
0 notes