#OR MAKE ANY MOVE WHATSOEVER
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if this goofy little lets be a little bit more than best friends thing goes south who do I sue?
#THEY WERE THE ONE WHO SAID THEY WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME#SO WHY PLEASE TELL ME#WHEN I SLEE OVER WILL THEY NOT TOUCH ME AT ALL#OR MAKE ANY MOVE WHATSOEVER#SKIP CLASS FOR ME TO KEEP MY HANDS UP THEIR SHIRT IN BED BUT WONT ROLL OVER TO SAY ANYTHING WHILE I DO THAT#HELLO???#like im genuinely so confused am I scary or something#or in the wrong for hands up the shirt in the morning when I fell asleep with hands up the shirt the night before#they laughed when I put my hand in their pocket tho but HELLO TELL ME WHAT YOURE THINKING#this is so messy but so fun at the same time but also yes it is scary#I’m actually starting to go a little crazy over the fact they won’t touch me at night like I understand you are not a cuddled#but I am in DIRE need of physical human contact right now or I may actually implode#they gave me some of their clothes the other day and I did a fashion show mf sent me a snap of them staring at my naked back#like literally just ask and I’ll do whatever you want at this point#I’m down bad nd it disgusting
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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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Sometimes you´re out grocery shopping and idly browsing the frozen veg section when you suddenly remember that the queen threw up after Erik´s death when Wille said he´s always been compared to his brother and Wille threw up when he realized he´s going to have to keep being crown prince.
And you think about similar reactions to stress of parent and child and you remember the queen told Wille to take three deep breaths when he freaked out over Simon´s date and how she sends him to therapy to control his outbursts (ugh).
And you think where did it all go wrong that she can´t ever connect with her son when she´s obviously got some experience in that department. I think we meet her so far into her own history of controlling her emotions that she´s unable and mostly unwilling to connect even when Wille is outright asking her to be his mom (gah!), because oh hey, those would be more emotions she would need to allow to break through, and those walls are staying. Maybe in her mind even for Wille´s own good, to teach him how it´s done.
And there´s certainly reasons for those walls and it´s probably part self-protection and probably people telling her from a young age she needs to have them, and probably also because she´s a woman on the throne, so people would probably insist a little extra on them.
The most honest and raw I´ve seen her in the show is the moment she throws up.
(I usually question what she´s saying to Wille or August, no matter what warm or soft tone she´s using about what the court allegedly wants her to do, how it´s not really her, and how she actually supports Wille etc, as she´s been proven to manipulate Wille (and August in S2) into doing what she thinks is best for the institution she´s the head of. The one whose survival is always the priority, as per her own words.)
She´s shown to do royal business in what looks like pyjamas after all, the most casual and private of clothes, telling us there´s no separation, ever, that she´s always the queen. She rolls her eyes at her son after ending a phone call in which a rattled Wille sits among shards of glass negotiating with her (!), after she wanted to forcibly remove him from school. She doesn´t ever truly seem torn or conflicted, except that one time she throws up.
When her emotional core literally breaks its way out of her against her will.
No wonder she completely underestimates Wille and the depth and power for change his emotions hold after he´s finally allowed some therapy (that he could have used long ago just for growing up in that institution) and experienced actual emotional growth and healing instead of using it for control like she probably has. No wonder she and the court collectively underestimate Simon and what his love, what their love and connection mean to Wille. (Looking at you, Jan-Olof, allowing Wille a moment with Simon, you fool!) It´s simply been too long behind those impenetrable walls that she can´t even see it anymore. Until her son shows her. And you wonder if he´s even breaking through to her, or if she´s just been confirmed in her fears about his emotional unruliness and will dig in deeper inside her fortress. (Another time if feels like we see some honest emotion from her is of course in S1 when she´s visibly angry as she says that nobody ever chooses the royal life, so maybe Wille can relay Boris´ message about choosing how to live your life to her? Maybe she´s not beyond Boris´ wisdom. Anyway.)
The show shines such an unforgiving light on that institution that chokes all feelings and individual freedom out of you, especially over such a long time as with the queen, but I love love love how hopeful and defiant Wille´s journey of deliberate progress is in the face of it.
And I do hope he´ll continue therapy and never allows his own walls back up once they´re down.
#and then you pay for your shopping and go home and post your grocery shopping thoughts on tumblr.com#yrs2#young royals#yr meta#and I´m not saying we never see the queen have any believable feelings whatsoever#like her snälla in ep 1 seems sincere#but we´re told she´s always the queen and never just mother so the feelings she seems to show often have royal motivation#and her words can be mistaken for heartfelt when they really serve to manipulate and gaslight#and often create serious whiplash in the viewer and i´d argue wille at times#like that whole manhandling scene and her words in the phone call afterwards still boggles the mind#as if she didn´t just say she had to do what she had to do because wille made her do it in between apparent sweet words of understanding#feels like viewers often try to rationalize her there as mainly supportive#just like wille who needs to just to be able to go on with his day#but controlling herself so fiercely also makes her want to control her emotional son and move him and August around like chess pieces#until it backfires because Wille has finally moved himself outside her control
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rumors daniel is out before imola??? save me danthropologie
is this a joke
#i genuinely do not intend to be rude of this was sent in good faith#but in what fucking world would that make ANY sense whatsoever#he just got P FUCKING 4!!! and held onto it!!!!#sure it was just for the sprint but it could have so easily been for the race#and the week before that in china was on pace to be great for him had it not been for lance's fuckup#the potential is clearly there and things are moving in the right direction#every indication we're getting from the team is that he's *right there* and it's only a matter of time before luck swings in his favor#also on top of that the source of this rumor is apparently just some random fuck on a podcast saying shit???? who fucking cares lmao#silly season24#answered#anonymous
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Honest to god can't tell if I have a thing for one of my closest friends or not. Not even in an 'I am conflicted' way but in a 'I genuinely have no idea' way
#I don't find him attractive and honestly he annoys me a lot (like I care about him deeply but he does) BUT#Keep having moments like 'aww I should hug him Wait who said that' 'haha I could totally dom him WHo said that'#We are soooooooooooooooooo not compatible though sooooooo soosososoosososoosososososososo so not so I will jjust go with my#tried nd true strategy of not doing anything or making any moves whatsoever
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Good to hear that you are okay! I was wondering it you were doing better, and it’s good to see hear that you are at least somewhat! Take your time to recover- being sick sucks!!! (((I debated whether or not I should speak on Mira- didn’t want confirm or deny but decided to: Honestly, just seeing rep is so rare. And from my small vantage point of being the the vanilla flavor of aroace (I tried to word that in a different way, failed, and landed on a joke lol), I think she’s a pretty good one.)))
Currently, mostly Doing Tired. Fairly standard state of being for us, admittedly. We will persist regardless. Unclear on what you mean by "vanilla flavor of aroace", here - perhaps a sign of the fact that an incredibly disproportionate percentage of our friend circle is on the spectrum, but we cannot for the life of us figure out what would be treated as "default" here. In our books, any representation is good - what someone might like varies enough by person that it's a bit hard to gauge "good" versus "bad" compared to just... what appeals more or less to any given person.
Our personal preferences when it comes to most media, for example, are in an area where something like 90% of what we really want to see is stuff where we have to "make our own food", so to speak - though, admittedly, the way that our own personal preference tends to complicate things a bit. Our love for picking things apart is a double-edged sword, in that being capable of picking apart things to the extent that we do often offers them far more opportunity to wear thin.
We are very capable of identifying trends, both in stories and people, and this has been both a great source of fun and a great source of frustration, because at the point we're at, we're often very well capable of picking apart underlying patterns of behavior to a degree that we're not necessarily "supposed" to. Because we are who we are, this means that a lot of stories can draw... dull, after we've seen enough of it. Because we know the motions, and we've most likely analyzed the underlying structures to death and back, if the story itself falters or does not succeed at offering enough new to interest us, we tend to have our interest rapidly drop off.
The degree of this, of course, varies. Body horror, transformation, gore, and a great deal of similar topics are very unlikely to wear thin for us. Good character studies tend to be the sort of thing where we can reread the same words over and over again without it getting dull. On the opposite side of the spectrum, pure fluff is the sort of thing that we struggle to get through more than maybe once every few months, and we're of the personal opinion that fandom as a whole has worn the idea of "found family" thin enough that you could stick its cloth in front of your face without noticing any difference in visibility.
This is, of course, thoroughly in the realm of "tangent" by now. A trope, like any other narrative tool, is a building block - how well it works out will depend almost entirely on execution, and if executed well, pretty much any building block can be used to spin a damn good story.
We are, however, ourself, and knowing ourself, we're going to have to start taking breaks just to make sure that the game remains enjoyable if we stray too. We're banking on things getting worse, we're banking on the warnings on the site paying off, we're hoping that the narrative we're walking into won't dull its teeth, and we're... admittedly, mostly hoping that whatever they do with Mirabelle is interesting, because we generally prefer "interesting" to "something that would be considered good representation", and we've spent enough time being aro by now that explaining things to us will feel thoroughly... plastic.
#asks#we speak#not liveblog#thatdoganon#interludes#this may come off as... hmm. pricklier than usual? we've been primarily spending our Sick Time reading#and we're currently in the phase of our reading life cycle where the spectre of amatonormativity is kicking our ass personally#and thus we are chronically dissatisfied with 99.9% of all potential reading material because it's fucking everywhere#and we're starting to seriously consider swapping to reading nothing but textbooks for a few weeks#because attempting to use the internet to find any information whatsoever is worse than useless at the moment with the AI Situation#and if we have to read anything further written by people so deep in their own biased discomfort that they confuse it for objective truth#then we will be driven to start making some deeply inadvisable comments#summer occasionally makes us feel like physically attacking people. unfortunately this is not a great social move in many cases#it sucks that for change to stick people have to come to conclusions and do all the work on their own#there is a long list of people we wish we could physically knock some common fucking sense into. it just won't do anything useful#the world if it was socially acceptable to say “you have some weirdass fucking hangups so deep rooted i struggle to untangle them”#“do some serious self examination or i'll do it for you” and other similar phrases#tourism is our least favorite season and it doesn't even have the common decency to not smelt us in our chitin like clay in a kiln
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I wasn't super happy with the lineup of Fallen London OC's I made in like the first two weeks after I got into the game, so I was doing some reworking, and while trying to think of new names I realized. Fallen London is set in the Victorian era. Y'know what was a very common last name back then?
Gay.
I feel like, as a fandom, we're all really sleeping on that fact. Why have I not seen a single OC hailing from the Gay family. Come on guys.
Anyways, my Nemesis ambition OC is now named Izora Gay. Professor Gay, if you will. And she does her name proud; she's somehow part of a three way lesbian polycule where none of them are actually together. It's all very messy and dramatic.
#fallen london#if Josephine could chill the fuck out for five minutes the lesbian polycule would probably hook up pretty quickly#but alas Jo is my Bag a Legend OC and therefor has literally no chill whatsoever#and doesnt realize her aggressive flirting is freaking out Izora which makes Nova reluctant to make any moves#meanwhile Ezra (my Heart's Desire OC) is not in the disaster polycule. he's aroace and you couldnt fucking pay him to get involved in That
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James Maxwell, in various stages of fake facial hair, as Joseph, part of a gang of German art thieves, in The Saint: The Art Collectors (5.18, ITC, 1967)
#james maxwell#fave spotting#the saint#the art collectors#itc#1967#i am in no doubt whatsoever that @thisbluespirit must have vastly superior quality images of this ep and this guest spot#perhaps even moving images in gif form!#but nevertheless#i was frankly so charmed by JM in this silly little part in this silly little episode that i felt duty bound to make a post#joseph is... well actually Joseph is a former German soldier who helped to loot art treasures in WW2.. wisely the episode doesn't linger#over that plot aspect for too long. now he's after those same paintings and will go to any lengths‚ even disguising himself as a frenchman‚#to get them. and not just any frenchman! lovely Geoffrey Bayldon no less! with the quick application of a fake beard and moustache and tada#they're uh... identical?#in what could almost be a commentary on JM's experiences with fake facial hair on old tv‚ he very roughly has his beard torn off by Simon#producing some incredible faces in the process (not least when Simon threatens to tear off his real hair as well)#he then gets sheepishly locked up in the cellar he'd been keeping poor Geoffrey in.. but gets to have another go at the paintings later#it's fun! a pretty silly one. but a good time all told
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I'm honestly not sure why Kishimoto Masashi hasn't done any other stories that isn't Naruto (well, there's Samurai 8, but that ended up cancelled, and Boruto is...well. It's Boruto But Let's Disassemble Boruto's Dad's Canon Until Not Even The Atoms Are Left).
Compared to the high fantasy ninja-cum-borderline-modern-day-cyberpunk aesthetic, Mario was such a breath of fresh air. Maybe not as lived in as Naruto (because it's a forty-four page one-shot, and you can't really afford to waste time on making New York feel "lived in" in that many pages), but it's so grounded in reality that the environment and the foundations of the story are already set in place. It doesn't have to worry about playing with the Magic System or keeping its chronology from getting tangled up in retcons and deus ex machina. It's short, it's simple, and gets right to the point while leaving many of its other elements inferred and in the background.
#as i understand it. or at least it's speculated. that elements of samurai 8 are being carried over to boruto#hence why it's moved away so quickly from naruto's 90s tech to an almost postmodern cyberpunk era#as well as teenage punk and grunge aesthetic that can almost be called dystopian#it's why - for me - boruto has felt less 'ninja fantasy' and more 'urban fantasy but throw in space-faring alien leeches into the mix'#especially with the arrival of two blue vortex#but the problem with the otsutsuki is how utterly last minute they are in canon#w/ no buildup whatsoever#and its timeline is such a mess that a plate of spaghetti looks more coherent#mario doesn't have that problem#it's set in 2003 new york about a guy in the mafia who takes on jobs to earn money for the sake of money#who eventually teams up with a female hitman in order to earn his own territory#there's mention of his late yakuza mother and how the hitman he's working w/ looks like her#as well as his necklace in the shape of the libra's scales that play into his ties between his mother & his partner#BOOM it doesn't waste ANY time faffing around. the plot just gets right to it#it's an interesting little oneshot that unfortunately doesn't really leave room for continuation#due to the way the ending doles out his fate#like. kishimoto has the POTENTIAL for constructing tight storycrafting#we saw this in the minato one-shot recently#he just needs to do what HE wants to do and not try to aim high#a'la try to make it another naruto/boruto#armi reads manga#manga
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#ngl i am feeling veeeeery depressed rn#idk what to do.. i dont get *any* help at all w my mental health nd it just keeps getting worse#rn i feel like there is absolutely no hope at all. no hope for a better life. no hope for me to ever get better#no hope that i'll be ok. that the surgery will go ok. no hope that i'll ever get to move away from here#i feel so fkn stuck and i just dont have any energy or motivation to do anything at all#im so fkn anxious abt my health issue nd the surgery nd recovery#on top of that im so fkn stressed bc when smth like this happens i go completely non functional#so i dont know how to do my schoolwork now. i cant go to class bc i cant focus bc of the pain nd stuff#but if i dont do school what will happen w my wellfare??#idk idk idk what to do there are just too many things#and there is absolutely NO FKN HELP AT ALL in this wretched society#no help. my mom does as much as she can but she's also sick nd deals w years long burnout#im at a point where i dont feel like i know how to keep going. i just wanna lie down nd give up#but then i might become homeless nd that'll be so fkn much worse so i have to do smth#i need to try to talk to school nd my wellfare worker but i dont expect help#they'll just tell me to suck up the pain nd do everything anyway so idk i dont even feel like trying#im feeling more depressed than ever and it doesnt matter if i ask for help bc there is none for me#i want to get out of this nd make a life for myself but idk how#and i see NO light at the end of the tunnel at all. no light whatsoever. everything feels fkn pitch black#everythings just bad nd it is contaminating my mind completely nd idk how to stop it#i cant even cry i just feel so empty yet overwhelmed i want it all to just stop i cant keep up cant do it anymore idk how#but ending it all takes too much effort. there rlly should be just a pill u get prescribed. it is inhumane to force ppl to go thru more suff#also i wont do that to my mom so like im stuck here either way. i dont want to feel like this i want to feel ok i want to feel hopeful#and bright nd like maybe there is a chance nd way for me i dont wanna feel.. utter despair
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me crawling out of bed to type this and disappear back to my cocoon right after but-specifically looking at the hewitts since granted i know more on the remakes than the others but,
the hewitts only got vague, limited police action looking into them in '03 after erin chops thomas' arm off and gets away. and even though theres' coverage of it and everything, that literally ONLY happens after 4-5 straight years of the hewitts doing what they do, from 69-73 in terms of solely the remake timeline.
that's still a shitton of time to be ACTIVELY killing people to y'know. not fucking die yourselves. then combine that with the sawyers - their additional family members, their own trails of ruthlessness added into the mix, and this entire combined family unit likely has kill counts all around in the hundreds if not even way past that.
but even with the police involvement in the remakes?
its all SO SLOPPY, its hardly conducted with any real CARE about their own well-beings. like??? ya'll went into that house while THOMAS was STILL THERE... didnt even SECURE THE HOUSE.....
and even with the found footage? no arrests, presumably. the remaining hewitts are still at large, thomas is still at large. like... all ya'll did was corral them to their fucking confusing ass tunnel system and made luda (if we count the comics) far more involved and ruthless in the actual killings than she was in the movies lol
and yes technically speaking with charlie's death that could sever the stronghold they've got on the police and sheriffs' around them - but at the same time - how bad would it look of them to SUDDENLY flip a switch and try to unpack the years worth of missing persons, cold cases, murders, kidnappings, break-ins, assaults, etc etc that they swept under the rug? that's WAY too much man power, esp for back then. no one is gonna do that shit.
so. i truly dont think they have much to worry about even in the event of charlie dying - because the fear and influence they've instilled stands for law enforcement to continue to do fuck all - to save and cover their own asses.
#its incredibly tragic because like. its so OBVIOUS something GOD AWFUL happened to this group of kids? theyre literally needing some rough#medical attention yknow. its so fucking clear they went through something BAD. and yet? crickets. theyre shrugged off. dismissed.#given the cold shoulder. told their friend(s) simply ran away. told they mustve been high or on something and cant recall clearly.#even between maria going missing to pre-basement brawl its like. NO ONES taking them seriously. everyone in towns they search in dismiss#them. no ones seen or heard anything. LEO's are just. useless and rude and telling them not to interfere. telling to go home. telling them#to let them handle things when it becomes VERY obvious they just dont give a shit - that theyre avoiding certain locations#like yes i moved maria's timeline of being missing up but like - even while the searches were still considered active? there was barely any#movement or care or concern or manpower that the depts were gathering or investigating. like. how does someone vanish into thin air?#like they tried to imply maria must've - at some point? they were so out of their league so roadblocked so dismissed every step of the way.#like. maria and lee and danny etc in their dire aus its all just... its so tragic.#maria with the attempt of a search and youre nearly found!!!....and then youre told your friends all left...and they never came remotely#close to where youre kept to find you. lee with sacrificing himself hoping it gives the rest of them a chance to get away - that someone#lives in order to rain down hell on the family in the sense of justice and yet. not a word is said over broadcasts about him - at least pos#nothing substantial. no search. no missing persons report. nothing. and then danny? my dan the man? the guy with little family ties?#my guy with a strained relationship with his father? whose only friends are again in the situation of 'no one believes us'?#you think theres even a PEEP about him whatsoever? in any capacity? my guy would be lost to the ether - literally. NO ONE but the#friends would ever give a shit if he went missing.#does this make any sense idk im half asleep still but yknow-#i see kels' post and my brain short-circuited on this- BFKHD#[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { renee. }
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Man.
I'd like a roleplay where the other oc character isn't some super powerful, millenia-old primordial being who's so insanely strong they could kill me in an instant (and are ready to kill on site), while I'm just a lil friendly guy tryin to get by.
I'd like to stop running into those constantly, please.
#roleplaying is super fun and I enjoy it#but man.#the moment someone is like 'I'm several centuries old and I can kill you in an instant' without any provocation whatsoever#my boredom skyrockets#no offense to people who like to rp as primordial beings#but like... can ya stop making the conversation about how mega powerful you are compared to the person you are talking to?#that stuff gets me snoozin.#and stop showcasing your powers randomly. stop. if I wanna see it I will ask#trust me.#i prolly sound petty sorry.#rant#MAYBE THIS IS A BAD TAKE I dunno#but I wanna like. not be threatened to get beat up by the most powerful human in the multiverse now and again...#the convo is always like... 'hello! I see you and I have something in common!'#and the other person is like 'hmph... I could kill you right here and now and not moved an inch from where I stand puny mortal.'#like jeez bruv tone it down a notch will ya?
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#weirdly personal rant incoming but on god there's days when i can NOT deal with my stepdad being around me at all whatsoever#i should have known to jump ship 7 years ago when he essentially talked me out of getting any kinda further#education for myself because fast forward to now and i'm stuck in a dead end living situation#with two grown ass people who should be perfectly capable of taking care of themselves#but since i did that for them since i was 16 basically they prefer to just not? do it#i am finally doing a lot for myself only and working on moving out and just like clockwork he's doing his best to make it hard on me again#getting therapy earlier this year is the only thing that's keeping me from folding right now#but genuinely the exhaustion i feel as soon as i step into this house is something ELSE#kids who take care of their parents for some reason never forget that it should be the other way around#don't let them get too comfortable about it and don't brush it off as a that's just how my life is meant to be i guess#it's not you deserve better n get out before it's too late
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29-approaching-new-year-me: mmm no. No I’m NOT willing to take shit for your Oops projected onto me anymore. I’ve proven myself to be gentle by conscious effort, and trying to contribute as much as I can, and have quite literally hurt myself physically and mentally trying to accommodate what y’all want, only it was never enough.
I’m digging in my heels now. I’ll still be gentle. But my “bark” Because Anxious and Because Woman ain’t the problem y’all pigeon holed me into believing it was. And yeah, I will Squeaky Wheel a bit, even though that is, quite frankly? Panic-inducing.
#tiger’s roar#family wank#yeahhh I’m just gonna stand up for myself now#and since I have the fucking food card to help with Household Costs + Get My Own Food Sometimes#I feel like I finally have a bit of leverage to do so#that. and I’m NOT lazy. I’m chronicallg ill#and my efforts to Never Get In Their Way and bE sELF aWaRE~#yeah. those quite literally make me so damn uncomfortable in Any Given Space save maybe my bedroom#which makes it so damn difficult to Stay In A Store Alone as irrational as that is#and well. them constantly nearly stepping on me and yelling at me about it and tugging me an exaggerated degree out of Public Areas?#that gets people who DON’T Accomidate Whatsoever (liiiiike cichet whitemen) taking over my personal space#or back when I could drive with less pain? quite literally shoved across an entire 4 lane highway into the shoulder by semi drivers#NO. YOU MOVE.#I Am DONE#hold yourselves to the same GD STANDARD you hold ME to
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Omg I never realized how triggering it would be to live with an emotionally unaware cis man during my period, but holy shit I feel so bad for monogamous housewives out there. idk how y'all aren't out here committing all the violence. I didn't think it was possible for someone to match and then escalate my pms rage to this degree 🥲
#the moving out plans are in the works#not a good roommate match whatsoever#also this neighborhood is insanely bro-ey to top it all off#like college drinking bros flock here from miles around#and then face off with their bros in the streets when the bars close#why the fuck do ppl want to live here#who aren't bros themselves that is#like maybe we could just make a safe lil area for them to get their 20 year old rage out#but like why does any one else wanna live here#y'all can has ittttt#land of the college bros#no others shall pass
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