#[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { renee. }

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so silly being in texas meanwhile listening to the songs for the cowboy & my sunshine girl and knowing damn well when their dire shit comes out im gonna be a mess and its my fault for sending them-

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she very clearly was thinking of one of her best friends when she saw this field

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i guess i can die happy now- :)

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sometimes i think about how things were in the weeks that maria first went missing, but back home - not her while she's under johnny's thumb but rather how her mother and ana and other family took her going missing.

the dread that settles in when you get a knock on the door and its a pair of detectives / officers who've come to tell you that they've found your childs' car abandoned off in the middle of nowhere, with most of her things still inside but zero trace of her. how it looks like its been sitting out there, seemingly for just shy of how long it had been since they last got a call from her letting them know where she was, that she was alright. how the worry over the weeks from not hearing from her turns into horror and fear and panic and grief at all those what happened scenarios flooding the mind - of peoples speculations being voiced crassly in front of them.

how desperate ana must have been for literally any trace to come forward about maria, that she took it upon herself to track down where her friends from uni were probably in hopes initially that maybe they'd heard from or seen her at all. and then to let them know that the searches aren't going well, that theyve heard whispers that they're planning to simply stop them altogether. the anger she must feel that her sister isnt being cared for as a person, just another file some badged man can toss into a file cabinet and forget about.

and then i think about the broadcasts. of the pleads from maria's family to continue looking for her, to come forward with literally anything at that point. how their mother probably could barely sputter out any words, but ana takes over and so clearly begs and demands that her sister not be forgotten, that they keep the searches for her going, that she isn't just a number or a piece of paper she's a living breathing person who deserves so much more than to be shelved and scoffed at. how ana probably said things along the lines of "we aren't giving up on you, we will find you - we are going to keep looking for you we are never going to stop, even if it takes months, even if it takes years, we will find and bring you home".

how hard of a hit on their mothers' health all the stress probably took, ana having to juggle trying so desperately to find maria while also trying to be reassuring and positive with their mother to keep her hopeful, keep her healthy.

how their father showed up after word of her going missing reached him, guilt-ridden and angry but just wanting to help in any way he could.

how danny grabbed all his things and returned to town the moment he was updated from being down by the coastlines for his trade school. how he left within the hour and drove cross-state to get there and help however he could. his anger and frustration so evident on him, fighting with it to try and stay a pillar for ana and mrs flores given his long-term friendship with maria and her family.

just. all of the absolute chaos of those weeks, the floating in nothingness, waiting by phones for it to ring with really any news at all. the friends getting together to scour over all the recent places they all knew or could speculate she may have gone to and traveling so aimlessly to every single one of them - looking for literally any kind of scraps they could possibly find.

the hopeless feeling after so many of them turned up with nothing.

and then tie all of this up with the idea that local sheriffs / police depts are covering things up - hiding or destroying evidence, silencing any potential witness, doing everything in their power to not let anything get out because they already know whose involved, and theyre already bent at the knee in submission to these people out in the middle of nowhere with scrawling acres upon acres of property.

its just all heartbreaking to me.

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not to be a complete sap at six thirty in the fuckin morning but like.

Its been a trip and a half this past what month and a half maybe since i came back to this account? After leaving it over nearly two years ago and expecting not to, especially after everything that happened last year

(can skip over stricken part ♡) ------(finishing degree, brothers dog passing from cancer, moms cancer diagnosis, helping dad be her caretaker and watching her wither over the two months of treatment, family being insufferable and unreliable and still demanding shit from her during that time, the stress of preparing for my graduation and losing her right after, my youngest cat passing)

and the last thing on my mind being trying to write. In spite of mom telling me to get back into it, it was just one of those things where i couldnt really find the push to do so. Grief for my sister twenty years ago gave me the drive to write because she used to write poetry, and grief for mom and my cat-baby had seemingly killed it this time last year.

I really wasnt expecting to come back to tumby to write when i came back here, and i expected that itd be a week before i disappeared into the ether again, but ive genuinely had so much fun this last month and a half writing and chatting over disc - which was also VERY MUCH unexpected because i really never was comfortable with using it or joining servers but im seriously so happy i finally did - with those who have gone on silly lil tangents with me over these silly lil guys on my roster. Who've made all these different lil dynamics with me, for all the boards and the affiliates and all of that.

Ive really had such a good time the last few weeks, its given me a much needed push in terms of getting out of bed yknow? Not letting grief have me in such a chokehold.

And its very much appreciated, truly, to just come on here and be silly and feel welcomed. It's something very much new in spite of being all over the rpc for years. You guys are seriously such a breath of fresh air and im very happy and very lucky i feel being able to write and talk about a game and characters i quite literally have never even played dhudsb

All that to say, ive just been feeling alot more lighter since coming back and alot of its to do with how sweet and lovely and welcoming yall have been.

Before i let myself get any Worse on the sappiness, just leaving a Thank You for yalls patience with me esp this past week tryna get my damn brain back from being lost in luggage sbdjvud vacay brainrot is still lingering but hopefully goes away soon.

Its just been very nice since returning. Yall have been more than lovely vibing with and letting me ramble about muses with near nothing to them that ive yoinked from gun to my others from near non-existant r.pcs like my remakes and trials peeps. And with my little bird.

Im a ridiculously reserved and quiet person and my anxietys got a chokehold still that makes me hesitant in reaching out / talking as often as i wish but i do feel like ive started poking out of that since joining the server. (I also often sort of. Blank out. Time passes me by very strangely and it sometimes comes with me not realizing hrs or at times literal days have passed without me registering it has. So, especially thankyou on being patient with me c;)

Thank you for the last month and a half ♡ its fuckin wild to me that its both been a month already and that its only been a month. Feels like its been simultaneously much longer and much shorter somehow.

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talking about the sawyers/hewitts influence in town and its like...... how do you expect to have any sort of leverage against them when they have SO MANY extended family in so many areas, so many positions of power?

charlie having an entire sheriffs dept is so sinister because, quite literally, the fact that nearby depts are probably bribed and/or scared into turning a blind eye to the familys deeds?? ensuring any missing people/obviously suspicious incidents are swept under the rug (steered to and classified as Cold Cases) to deter families and others from trying to do their own investigations??

Like the fact that for marias CC verse esp, the likelihood that it was already known who was involved in her going missing due to where she went missing at, and thats why investigators called off searches SO FAST and deemed her simply Missing and refusing to take any new leads to ensure her case stays Cold????

like ana was So Right in knowing something was so fucking wrong with how they handled marias case. she just couldnt know how much of a MESS it was under the surface

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but its also just....

the friendgroup are all just so? devoted? loyal? caring? and in love with each other in the sense that if something potentially so horrific has happened to one of them they all immediately just. drop everything to try and find and help maria/any of them??? esp given how little time they've arguably all known one another???

honestly, the friends are one of THE greatest friendgroups ive seen in any franchise and ill die on that fucking hill, theyre so devoted and it makes my heart so warm thinking about it.

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what the fuck kinda emotional warfare-

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for whatever its worth, the canon i have in the back of my mind of leland telling danny for the first time about the plans to go back to the house in ch2 is essentially:

leland: explains and waits for a response

danny: staring at him for a long moment, lets out a laugh of disbelief, pats his shoulder and says something along the lines of, yeah okay, funny lee.

leland: reiterates that he's being serious, he's going back

danny: stares at him, slowly blinking a few times. gives him a lil' nod, a small mhm? and then punches him in the face

danny: "oh, i thought i saw & heard something fucking stupid tumble outta your mouth-"

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beth about ch2 donnie: "yeah having maria around probably reignites that twenty year grudge even faster than when shes not around"

maria: 🧍‍♀️ oh.....hm....... maybe i shouldve stayed hidden & away then, alright, i see-

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happy spooky halloween cuties!! 👻

maria this year is dressing up as a cute scarecrow with flowers in her hair and weaved into little straw hat m'kay and danny doesnt really care to dress up tbh BUT he is going out with a vibe of either bandit / outlaw so they are very cute and handsome today uwu

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...me forgetting how teenie smol birdie actually is compared to fuckin thomas like the remakes are where birdie's based in and its like. this fucking flea keeps throwing shit at him tryna get his attention from someone else and when he actually does its Panic-

like him being 6'9 and her a measly 5'2-3 and shes throwing shit and squeaking out insults at him and im-

?????????? little bird fucking run??

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for what its worth, yeah, charlie/hoyt's gonna be an npc / bg muse and only will be thrown at those comfortable with his nasty [ insert banjo solo ] ass being tossed their way uwu

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truly i feel out of all the possible deaths one can encounter in the entirety of the tcsm franchise as a whole,

the absolute worst, cringiest, disrespectful ways to die is to die a the hands of the caterpillar brow gross fake sheriff man charlie / hoyt like damn you really let yourself get a shotgun blast to the face like that leland? thats rough bud-

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every day i grow closer to adding charlie / hoyt to the roster as more of an npc / background muse and every day i wanna cut one of my feet off for it-

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texas cinematic universe but done in a way similar to hill house where each season / cluster of episodes / what have you follows a certain characters POV of the overall timeline so the viewer gets to see how every single person reacted, their inner thoughts, why they did what they did, what they were doing when not on screen in other parts, etc etc