#OK i'll be normal now i feel SO normal about this
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I need people to know that Rio's behavior in ep 8 was NOT out of character.
That was her finally hitting her breaking point.
Agatha hurt her So Bad with their deal on the Road. She looked at Rio with nothing but hate and venom and said I never want to see you again. When you ferry my soul to the afterlife, I don't even want to see your face. You gave me nothing.
Except she HAS. (hence her reaction in that moment) She's given Agatha so much. She gave Agatha six years with Nicky that he never should have had. She gave Nicky six years with Agatha. She took him peacefully in his sleep and depending on your interpretation, told him ahead of time so that he could have a peaceful night with his mama instead of killing witches.
Then when she tried to kill Billy the first time (throwing him through the glass window), she let him live when Agatha begged her to stop. Billy's soul is within her rights to claim, just like Nicky's was. And she stayed her hand, for Agatha, AGAIN. No one in history has had special treatment like you.
Even besides that, she's given Agatha so many chances to let go of her anger. She helped her break out of Wanda's spell. She's tried to come clean with her, to reason with her, to be there for her on the Road. She defends her against her evil ghost mom. She defends her to the coven. And except for one hug and almost kiss, one slip into old habits, Agatha gives her nothing but her rage.
Sad is better than angry and Agatha has never moved past angry when it comes to Rio, nevermind understanding or acceptance. Because Agatha sucks at feelings and refuses to look at them.
So when Agatha steps off the Road, Rio's finally decided to be pissed about it. Rightfully so, imo.
She said ok baby, you wanna fight? Let's fight. You wanna make me the villain? (When we both know you're the villain, you hypocrite. That's usually your move right.) I'll be the villain. Let's go. Now you're gonna know MY pain. We'll do it your way.
Death by a thousand cuts is what Agatha's been doing to her for centuries so she finally turned it back on her.
And yet even as she's attacking Agatha, she's trying to break through to her. I'm the natural order of all things baby. And you love me. Why don't you want me? There's an awful lot of hurt mixed into this backlash.
Which begs the question, if Billy hadn't interrupted, what would she have really done to Agatha? At the end of the day, probably nothing. She can't outright kill her, it's not allowed. She had Agatha tied up, maybe she would have finally made her fucking talk about what happened to them. Maybe not. But all in all, she wouldn't have killed her. She couldn't. On a metaphysical level or an emotional level. It's the same in episode 1. She makes a big show of fighting Agatha, and then she backs off. She can't do shit.
That's what makes Agatha's death all the more tragic. Rio couldn't and wouldn't have killed her. Agatha could have called her bluff, but she's too blinded by her anger still to see that Rio loves her too much to kill her. Agatha seals her own fate by stealing Rio's power. With the kiss, Rio doesn't even know what's happening until Agatha pulls away. (Some A++ microexpression work from Aubrey there if you look closely). Agatha dies, and she never meant for that to happen. Not really.
She just wanted to fuck her up a little bit. Give her a little taste of her own medicine. Would that fly in any normal relationship? No. In this relationship? I think it was totally justified.
#As Jac said - everybody arcs out of this show#but that lady (agatha) doesn't arc out#she's got a looong way to go with her pain and trauma and heartbreak#but rio was over it#and rightfully so#she said babe i've really had enough of your bs#and then got wayyy more than she bargained for#poor bb did nothing wrong in her life (death) ever#she gave and gave and gave and got nothing back#because Agatha's a taker#yikes#oh and then! and then! she lets Billy go anyway#she gives Agatha what she wanted AGAIN#agathario#agatha all along
37 notes
·
View notes
Note
KRIS SHARED THE DRESS UP GAME ON HIS IG‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
NO BECAUSE IM STILL REELING 😨😭 NOT THE DIRECT VIDEO OF MY TWEET HES DEF SEEN THE DRESSES IN THE GIF NOW AHHH 🥹🥹🥹🥹
#AHHH im actually going insane#i have so many Feelings about this 🥹🥹🥹 my ART has touched kris guštins EYEBALLS what the fuck!!!!!!#vee rambles#thank you to everyone for the kind words and feedback on the game btw 🥹🥹🥹💖💖💞💞💖💖💖💗💗💗 legitimately means the world to me thank you so much to#everyone for playing <3333333#kris ...... if you look it up istg .....#WHY ME#PICK SOMEONE COOL AND IS ACTIVE ON INSTAGRAM#AND ALL THOSE ARTISTS YOU KEEP SCROLLING PAST ON UR MENTIONS 😭😭😭#WHY ME I DONT EVEN HAVE INSTAGRAM ANYMORE#NOT THAT IM NOT LIKE . AMAZAMED AND LIKE STUNNED AND ALSO SOMEWHAT GRATEFUL#the user he reposted shoukdve put a link cant lie 😓😓 not to police peoples art reposting etiquette on ins god knows i should be happy they#left in my user#OK i'll be normal now i feel SO normal about this
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
hello... please consider... yakumo in:
the classic traditional style qipaos
the modernised and modified ones
bonus: modified hanfu
he would look wonderful wouldn't he? all the more delectable and sashimiable?
ahaha...ahah...AHAHHAH.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
#feesh answer#the more i scrolled the more manic laughter leaked out of my face. exolkoiddeploded really#i had no images to accurately convey my emotion. so i had to make one#BEHOLD! MY PHOTO COLLAGE SKILLS!!!!!!🤣#did you really just have yakumo-coloured outfits ready and waiting somewhere in your storage??!#your curation feels like a personal attack even tho i know you just out here doin things for You#me normally: i want the most obnoxious ridiculous over the top colour combo and clashing finalfantasia10000belts mess----#me now: ok but there's something about that 3rd modern one. it's. so simple. but. i. but i......#i need him to be cute and helpful in the traditional ones. i want him walking around in the garden just sniffing pretty flowers#wait no i want him in one of th emodified ones just absolutely DESTROYING eiden's ---#waiT no I want him IN THE FLOWING ETERNALGARMENTS WITH HIS GLOWY EYES AND SOBBING POSSESSED DEMEANOUR BUT NOT ACTUALLY POSSESSED#so just glowing and crying. got it#WAIT NO-#god it's like all the things i used to be meh about or go 'what kinda character design is this'#now i'll see it on yaku and it's.....well......#those maiden buns? the lil twin baobao or whatever? hated thsoe things forever and always#then someone will put em on yakumo and suddenly everything is fine#WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THE LIL. ORBS ON HIS HEAD. I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE WHO WEARS THEM.#ONLY LITTLE GIRLIES. IS IT INAPPROPRIATE TO GIVE YAKU THE BUNS#BUT I. IF HE DOESN'T WEAR HIS HAIR LIKE THAT.#i will straihjtt up put steamed buns on his head#and force him to stay still and balance them#until i finish eating them all#it's a game of pile bread on the snake#i will require a stepladder#nu carnival yakumo
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
maybe it's lust cat noir! can't you just let a girl have her kink?!
#miraculous ladybug#mlb#mlb caps#marichat#i'm behind on the show and hadn't really engaged on a full fandom level yet#but from what little i'd seen i didn't get why there were distinctions between the ships when they're all the same people#but now i've seen this ep and ummmmmmm i get it now lol#it was easier for her to access her love for cat noir when adrienette started to get too real bc cat noir is like a fantasy#even though they are also partners lol#it just makes sense#and also it's just ummm hot lol#*disappears into the floor bc i am like mari and hate talking about these things*#ok i'm not done ranting about this and this is why i'm making this sideblog lol#it's also very sweet that he finally loves/chooses mari over ladybug or thinks he does#the normal girl with a normal life#and is trying to be chill and professional with cool and capable superhero ladybug lolol#AND ok finally last thought#in general i appreciated that he worried so much over the ethics of it all#bc it is pretty unfair#and an uneven power dynamic seemingly from his perspective since he doesn't know she's ladybug too#but also that's what makes it so intriguing............#i've been living under a rock but#i feel like this isn't really explored in other superhero stories i've seen#and applies to general celebrity fan relationships too#I'LL STOP NOW#/rant
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need the 12 year old Rangi with her mother lore dropped like yesterday FC Yee. Don't leave me hanging. TT0TT
#rangi#rangi sei'naka#rangi seinaka#hei-ran#hei-ran sei'naka#hei-ran seinaka#please theyre so funny TT0TT#is it because she didn't have military rank until rangi was like 14 or something???? jfdkls;jfa#i'll take like 8 fics of them bickering please#screw it spoilers#shadow of kyoshi spoilers#shadow of kyoshi#i know i talked about this before but that was my first read through! TT0TT I'm taking a second look!#i have more thoughts now!#did rangi go on travels with Yun before? i feel like she must've once or twice#she mentions going to other places in the earth kingdom#i need to know#did hei-ran not give her shit during that time? (she must've)#i need a series of rangi/hei-ran travels pre Yun and during yun kaljsfdlkjafsakf#rangi must've graduated at like 12/13 and then finished the junior corps at like 13/14 then she meets yun/kyoshi#wait where does Rangi/Hei-ran sleep? Kyoshi lives in the estate#do they not live in the estate?#please tell me Rangi/Hei-Ran are on an indefinite camping trip in a tent right outside the estate TT0TT#please that'd be so funny akljdfskjf;a#it'd explain how Kyoshi had never seen Rangi in normal attire too fkdasjdflf;k#please I need Rangi/Hei-Ran to be just such CREATURES!#ok ok last post for awhile#(don't mind the random meta/analysis in the tags on the pre Kyoshi novel events TT0TT)
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
,,, little lemmings in line...
#adamandi#needed this. idk. shameless fluff. i. sjdhdjfhfhfhfhf viewing this doodle just makes me happy ok#something silly. i feel like lately i've been a lot more earnest on this blog and it's nice!!#the imagery that the lyrics evoke.... goes so hard actually. consider this maybe an outtake of the last 'where can i run' thingy#yes i get the whole lemmings off a cliff thing but also i think taking it at face value would be cute therefore this#since basically they refer to the rest of the students as lemmings.. he's human in this one i guess.#quincent thoughts. many many. but also i have been maybe avoiding engaging with quincy on a more intense level? until i am in a better#mental state to do so. because the whole academic perfection and self harm is a Thing i would like to engage with Properly without spirals#yay on me for being healthy about media! not normal and never normal. but healthy is good i guess#... hm. family is being iffy lately because you're supposed to have good acads And not stressed but i refuse to feel guilty anymore.#after this period i'll go bonkers over him and in the meantime unfortunately they won't feature as much in the content.. :<#anyways. fun fact about lemmings is that it's not necessarily a derogatory blindly leaping to deaths thing when it comes to the actual ones#like that's the phrasing and connotation right. but apparently it's more of they leap off cliff into water below or smth to migrate and onl#the rare few die (skill issue??um) and apparently the whole association was propagated by some documentary wildlife drama thing that kind o#.... hastened the chasing of the poor things off the cliff and filmed it. a bit messed up. and like i guess what a nice metaphor for the#academic context here? or a different one at least. where only a few die so they keep doing it but also for the Average lemming following#following the system is not inherently bad.. maybe i'm projecting.#anyways peep the tiny character shorthands now.. ambrose has the jacket/ bea has the hat and gloves with strings: portia has the bow on hea#quincy has the bowtie and glasses /(beatrix also has glasses. i forgot about those until i was drawing quincy's.)#'avvy why are they standing up' you ask? because four legs looked weird with ambrose's jacket. 'why did you give lemmings glasses?' ummmmm#i guess recognisability? don't look too much into it#outtakes of this include vincent standing in a circle of lemmings. it's badly drawn and frankly hilarious because they're all tiny and#below the knee.#'avvy these don't look like realistic lemmings' you are very right. i am sorry. i looked for a crowd of lemmings on google images and all i#found were political cartoons... i Can draw animals technically i swear#anyways! emotional support adamandi doodle out. going to start work now!#oh i forgot to tag the characters... hm... i guess i'll leave out the lemmings..#?#vincent aurelius lin#.
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
" it's not about trusting , it's about ... "
and there's a hesitation the way he draws his words , attempts to piece them together so they would make sense as the architect's arms find themselves at home around the waist he has held so many times before , felt up and embraced in moments he'd deem himself useless and weak. tender are the kisses kave places against the top of bright, cold locks, fingers tracing the front of zarina's stomach and heavy is the heart sinking within the chest pressing against her back as kaveh seeks comfort in the closest person he has come to a sanctuary; "... guilt."
for it is about guilt, the kind that festers and allows itself to brew away within a weary heart that wishes nothing but to part with a past lived and completed. it is not with a light heart he tucks away the most broken pieces of his story from zarina, covers up the stains of a ghost whose presence have lingered a little too long for everyone's taste, her name a burden to the son who simply wished to aid and to ensure her pride.
how can he find it in him to speak ill of the one who --- and he sinks further into the locks of his love, arms tightening as they remain within her house, zarina's frame locked within the architect's embrace; "... you say you'd love every part of me, and i believe it, but..."
it's hard for one who has loved hard unconditionally as long as kaveh.
"... how," and there's a tint of genuine disbelief in how he words himself, face seeking the comfort of zarina's neck, wounded as kaveh tends to her body as a shelter, "how can you say that? every promise, every confessiong of your love, i believe them and i believe them with all my heart, yet... there will always be a part of me asking how and why, why do you waste your love on me ? i have nothing to offer you, except my time, my heart, myself; is that really enough for someone as grand as you ?"
could he, truly, ever be enough for anyone?
he had always been too much for faranak.
hollow marron sinks close, the architect breathing into thick hair. "the harder i love, the further people slip away from me; i'm scared that you'll see just what you deserve, what you need, and that i'm not in either category... which, in truth... would be okay, as i've been taught that i don't amount for much, that i don't have the right to claim someone's time, and yet..."
a small breath.
"with you..." a kiss is placed upon her shoulder; "--- with you i find myself yearning to claim all of you, all the time, every day and as much as i want, zarina."
@avaere
Understanding of emotions is essential to her gains, to reaching her goals, and to manipulation of them like puppet strings. However, true understanding and empathy do not require any malicious desires behind them. Tender emotions and genuine understanding of another requires another skillset Sokolova knows herself not to possess to the perfect conditions, it’s not a sharp blade because it mustn’t be a blade - it must be a shield. A shield to protect those who she cares about, loves, and wishes to keep safe. It’s why these discussions almost make her feel desperate in an attempt to figure out, to understand, to support without any malice. Cynicism is on the tip of her tongue, bitterness of the world forever etched into her skin like invisible scars.
It doesn’t feel good to study him. It doesn’t feel good to try and pick apart each and every thread of his mind. She can, she could have figured out everything on her own with pulling strings and using more underhanded tactics but she didn’t. Out of her love and respect for the architect, she tried countless times to repress said skills and to try and willingly avoid her gaze to give space. After all, analysis of others and her observations will be invasive and she always found pleasure in breaking apart walls others built around themselves to expose their core. Sokolova cannot allow herself to do the same with Kaveh, she couldn’t. It would mean her love and trust in him are not true, but those feelings are true and she did everything to secure the privacy Kaveh deserved. As much as she wished to understand the reason behind his distance, behind his sad smiles, behind his tension, behind his maroon eyes that would gloss over certain topics.
Like their conversation prior. Her back faced him as she would cross her arms under her chest, tense from sadness over not understanding but also worry. Worry for him, worry for his well-being, worry for his emotional state, worry for what she could not help with and did not know where to offer a gentle touch and where to be stricter. If there was anything she ever wished for as much as her brothers’ happiness and safety, it was Kaveh’s happiness and safety. There are only three people in Teyvat she’d ever - without hesitation - give everything. Well, not like Victor needed anything from her anymore and Aleksey is now growing up to be independent. Those reasons are the biggest driving point for her to prioritize Kaveh and their relationship, slowly stepping away from black markets and cruelty to have more time to bask in the presence of her Sun.
The Sun that finally shows new colors, opening up about his inner mind works. She hears him and she almost wishes she could look at his face, but Zarina stops herself. This atmosphere feels too fragile, too fleeting and maybe it’s better if she does not look him in the eyes to let him speak. Finally, to let him share and open up.
Guilt.
The word will forever be memorized by the listener as she immediately relaxes when Kaveh approaches, wrapping his hands around her and brings her closer. It means safety, it means comfort, it means he seeks her out and it puts her at peace. She does not dare to interrupt him, listening attentively to each whisper, each soft confession, each change in his tone. If she cannot see his eyes, his voice will be what she pays sharp attention to. But each word spoken makes her heart clench and it hurts, it hurts like never before. She has never cared about others outside of her family, and Kaveh became one of the most important people to her. Her Sun is capable, is strong, is kind, but also is hiding so much pain within him that makes her wish to keep him protected from the world. But she cannot, the damage has been done already and Sokolova can only listen to understand everything, to hope to understand how to make his future just a bit better, just a bit brighter, just a bit safer.
Guilt, the poison of mind just like envy and jealousy. Guilt, the corrosion of self-esteem and destroyer of peace. Who has led him to this view of himself? Who has harmed him so deeply that those old wounds continue to bleed and remind him of that disgusting emotion? Guilt is a weapon against one-self, guilt is a weapon and a weapon will always harm.
It must be hard to speak those words out. Kaveh may not see her expressions, but her eyebrows are furrowed and her lips are pressed together in concern. Her silence may be present but only to let the architect talk without interruptions. It feels too fragile, she doesn’t wish for his sense of safety to speak about his hardships to be broken away. They’ve encouraged each other to feel safe in each other’s company, to feel comfortable, to share. They will learn, with time, how to open up more. But right now, these words from Kaveh are priceless and will never be forgotten.
The bravery it takes to speak out about such innermost vulnerabilities…
To show she cares and listens (and encourages him to continue), Sokolova places her hand atop of his as he continues to speak. There is no need to say anything out loud, not yet, not when he is confessing what he has on his heart, the heavy burden that must have never been lifted. He is no Atlas, he must never carry such a heavy load on his shoulders alone, not forever. Preferably, not ever.
She cannot hold back a soft gasp at the hint of disbelief in his ‘how’. Another question returns: Just how badly was he hurt by someone he cared about in the past? To have so little love for himself when he gives out so much to her, to others, to the world? The world takes it and takes it, but never seems to return it to the architect. Who dared to make him doubt how wonderful, gentle, special and warm he is? All the questions circle in her mind, her hold on his hand tightens just a bit but relaxes immediately. His mind will continue to tell him he doesn’t deserve this, she deducts and closes her eyes, hiding away the pained gleam in them. Pained for him, for his broken pieces he finally shows and she finds herself only loving him more instead.
He does not see himself worthy of happiness. He does not believe he deserves the comfort, safety and love he has now. That’s how his words sound and someone has made him believe in all of that. A human heart is known to her, she knows what strings to pull to make it come undone or break it into billions of pieces. Someone has done this to him and it seems that person remains alive and well. They live as he suffers, but the golden eyes - upon their opening - have a gleam of sharpness to them, a desire to find and hunt down the one who has casted such doubts upon him. She is aware, by now, who that person might be but what matters now is the current, the present. The one who keeps her close, hugging her and seemingly finding solace in her presence.
Her soul responds to his words, to the broken images her mind creates in order to make the full picture. How lonely he must’ve been. How hurt he must’ve been. How denied he must’ve been to feel this way when he holds her close, when she tells him he’s all she needs, when they smile at each other and spend night or day together. Is this what love can bring? An emotion so strong that brings more others to itself, she’s never felt so strongly before. Her aching heart yearns to comfort him, to hold him close, to let him know he’s everything and more. More than this world deserves.
If the world cannot handle it, she’d gladly turn it all around for him. But… Kaveh is a kind soul, too kind for his own good.
That’s why her fingers caress his arms that are wrapped around her waist. She can feel his heart beating on her back, their closeness is evident and always present. His touch is warm and his voice is all she concentrates on to not allow even the smallest detail to escape her. It must be painful to expose yourself and your vulnerabilities, it’s something she can understand, going through the same when she confessed her own mindset and concerns. But this? It feels deeper, heavier. Because Kaveh cares. He cares and he loves so much.
Who made him believe that doing anything for him is wasteful? How dare they make him believe he was a waste at all?
It’s hard to stay silent when he tells she’d stop loving him when she finds ‘what she needs’.
“Kaveh,” her voice is raspy but also broken when she says his name, a soft whisper that encompasses the feeling of shattering. It hurts to hear him view himself in such a manner. Is this why he would distance himself? Is this why he didn’t want to say and open up? Is this why he had such a hard time claiming each other’s love in public? She remembers how she would tell him about her confidence in speaking of how he was hers, but prior she believed he might’ve been shy (finding it rather cute) but now the pieces are connected and her heart almost drops.
There is no pity in her gaze that reflected pain and worry, there’s only a desire to love and embrace him, to simply be there for him to prove whoever made him believe these lies wrong over and over again.
And yet, she must remain quiet for a bit longer.
" with you i find myself yearning to claim all of you, all the time, every day and as much as i want, zarina."
Is it supposed to make her cry? Because she feels tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. She never cries, she never allows herself to cry in front of others, and she never showcases such a weak sight of herself before others. Not her brothers, not her team, not even Kaveh. Ah, she did cry in front of him once, didn’t she? That’s not the point. The point is that his words and his honesty becomes everything she could’ve ever asked from him. The world cannot weigh the same as his words to her here and now, becoming the most essential wish of hers to understand him and to know just a bit what he feels. This is trust, no matter how painful and tough it is, but it is truth and trust. It is vulnerability and it is bravery. He’s so strong, her pride and love for him soar so high into the skies above Celestia.
But right now, she swallows and breathes in. No tears must be shed, not now.
“Thank you.” For telling me everything. For being honest. For doing this when it was so hard.
It must’ve been so hard…
“It must’ve been…” She finally speaks out, willing the tears and the emotions away. He makes her feel, makes her human, makes her experience all of this for the first time in her life. He made the worst person in Teyvat fall for him, wishing to be better with him and for him. Just a bit. Just a tiny bit. “It must’ve been so hard to say.”
Her free hand rises to let her fingers run through his blonde locks before sliding lower to let her fingertips caress his cheek. She may not see his expression, but she wishes to show him through touch how much love there will always be there for him, and him alone. This sweetness, this softness, this adoration and this love will only ever belong to him.
“I cannot erase the feeling of guilt or make the voices go away,” she begins, wishing to give him her answer without going on a tangent. “But I will stay, I will be here by your side until you wish for that to stop. I will stay to always answer your how and why. How can I love you so much? Because you are yourself. Why do I keep loving you? Because every day you make my dream a reality, a dream I’ve tucked away as a child,” a small smile appears on her face as she leans back against him just a bit. “I will prove teachings of the past to be wrong over and over again. Be it minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years.”
“My love is never wasted, it is an emotion of mine that nurtures and blossoms only because of you,” her poetic words may not truly be understood at this moment, but it feels right to say. “The more you give me, the more it blooms. The more you give me, the bigger the garden of my adoration grows,” she can only hope she can give them the flowers back as a showcase of her eternal love for him, eternal wish to be in his heart. Oh how she wishes for him to claim her, to wish for everything she is to be his and his alone. Someday, perhaps, someday he can loudly and confidently say it. “You offer me everything no one else have offered me before. I believed I’ve had everything I ever wished for: money, authority, knowledge, but it all felt… hollow. But you? You’ve made that hollowness disappear. You made the cold go away.”
He makes her heart beat instead of standing still, metaphorically speaking.
“I, too, worry that my love for you will be too much for you sometimes,” she decides to say, her smile turning smaller and slightly pained. “I worry I’ll drown you in it and you’ll find me suffocating,” she lets out a strained chuckle, it feels shameful to admit how she is worried about her own love being too much. Even if she understands it’s out of her wish to not ‘drown’ him maliciously by accident. “And I love you so because I can see that you are everything I ever wished for, ever since I was a little girl in the snowy mountains of Snezhnaya. Everything I need, everything I want, everything and more, so much more than I could've ever wished for. I’ll never stop craving your love, your presence, you saying my name. I'm getting too greedy, too needy for you.”
The harder he loved, the further people slipped away from him? How lucky she is because she is addicted to his love, in love with his love and in love with him. His love is what keeps her garden of emotions alive, what keeps her as a human alive, and what will keep her as a human alive. If it’ll all disappear, she’ll wilt as cold and frigidness would return, erasing everything that makes her feel like a human again. It’ll return to the bitterness, the void, the hunger. The harder he'll love her, the stronger her response will be to embrace him, to kiss him, to love him, to wish for him to claim everything she is for himself.
“If you are worried, you can always ask me. If you are concerned, you can confide in me. If you feel you are too much, you can ask it out loud and my answer will always be the same: you are never too much. You are you, simply and wonderfully you. The one I want, the one I love.” Everything she needs, wants, dreams and more. So much more. “And every day, I’ll remind you that my time, my heart, my everything can be claimed by you. You may not feel right to claim right now, but I’ll always remind you that all I offer you belongs rightfully to you. Because you are you, and I only want you by my side, and I wish only to be by your side.”
Even if it takes years, she will not stop the little reminders, the softer whispers, the gentler touches and the loving gazes. Every how and why will be answered in a loving manner, with hands held and even kisses shared. And, hopefully, one day he’ll
“I love you, Kaveh. Thank you for opening up about your feelings.”
It only makes her love him more and makes her wish to love him more. Would it be alright to hold back less in loving him? Would it be alright to be even more affectionate and adoring? Would it let him know he, too, can love her stronger? Time will tell, but it’s them who can make a difference. By talking, by opening up, by speaking out loud, by sharing.
#HELLO HI IM CRYING IM SOBBING IM ON THE FLOOR#HE OPENED UP!! HE SPOKE ABOUT HIS WORRIES!!! THIS IS INSANE#KAVEH SPEAKS ABOUT HIS FEELINGS AND WORRIES AND SHOWS OFF THE BROKEN PIECES OF HIMSELF#HE SHOWS NOT HIS PERFECT SELF AND ITS EVERYTHING IM SO NOT OK I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH#IM SO FUCKING NORMAL ABOUT THEM#aven im actually so feral i cannot explain im just a bundle of feels right now#avaere#❄ ― IN CHARACTER. ╱ you breathe by the sun,i breathe by the moon.#﹙kaveh | avaere﹚ ♥ | ― i'll enter the shadows to protect your light. ❞
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm just so worn out.
#eye guy speaks#uc posting#last night i got SO itchy all over my torso and upper arms and face#like i woke up went to the bathroom and when i got back it was itch city#and of course i can't hear anything and i feel like no one is taking that seriously#my mom especially she seems to make a joke out of it#i assume that's just how she's trying to not be upset but like. idk i don't feel good about it#like oh haha you can't hear from across the room? ok i'll get right up in your ear then can you hear me now LOL#i just want everyone to be normal about it. just treat it like it's normal. not funny#it's certainly not funny to me.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#personal#was gonna message today but then i DIDNT. IDK. IT DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.#I KNEE THE TOPIC BUT LIKE. WORDING ?????? WORDS???? IT WOULDNT COME#its okay tho. its okay. i literally have a fuckin note on my phone where i put shid i can talk to him about in the future NDNNDNDJXJDJDJDMD#GOD LMAO. IVE NEVER PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT IN. IM SO......#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its mostly been me messaging first but like he keeps it going....... GOD LMAO#it was like that in person too tho. like we would just stand/walk n not say anything JDJDJFJKFKFJXMXMX GOD#i wasnt made for this oml. i dont even talk to ppl that much. like idk. iDK.#i just... 1. i dont want him to forget about me 2. i dont want him to think i forgot about him#3. i dont want him to think im not interested in talking to him anymore#ok 2 and 3 are basically the same but JDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD#IM SO BAD AT KEEPING IN TOUCH. LIKE THIS IS SUCH A CONSCIOUS EFFORT ON MY PART. LIKE. I HOPE HE REALIZES????#also like. id love if hed message me first. hes done it before. but there was more to talk about while the sem was still going. now its#like... ok we can talk about exams n grades but now its christmas so like ??????#and like. GOD. is it like... is it TOO MUCH??? to say merry xmas to him?????? or would it be normal?????#im just ???????#GOD. i want him to know i like him but i also uh.... DONT??????? IDK IDK#i also kinda wanna see if we can even be friends outside school. but like HHHHHHHHHH i cant take it. I WANNA SEE HIM XJFIRKRIRFDIODDKHDJZJZ#hhhhhh god pls dont let me be the only one feeling this way istg#im just !!!!!@@@ i never expected this to happen to me ok. but if its Reciprocated. like TRULY. i think i'll actually like. break down#crying JDJDJDJKDKDKDKDKDKX#like Happy tears. like.... Disbelieving tears. hhhhhhhh#but..... n e way. i got this far. and when ppl dont like you they avoid you or come up with excuses. but rather hes moving like Toward me.#like i couldnt have gotten this far without him like.... Participatjng#god its all so new and weird. i just#if youve never felt this way. you probably will one day and wont know what the fuck to do. its all just too weird#literally went from like screamin about sj to like. a guy in my class JDJZKDKKZZMZMZ its fjne. its ok#know hes Cute tho.#thats another thing. i never imagined i could like have someone so Cute.... god. i'll die if he likes me back. hes so so Cute. not my usual#type. like. physically i mean. personality wise hes typical of me NFNFJFJFMFDMDM n e way. hit the tag limit 😳
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every book I get closer to becoming the joker
#twist rambles#vc posting#what are we up to now? the 12th predator going after minors in 10 books lol. i did have to count because there are THAT many. it is so bad.#I'm so sick of her trying to normalize this behavior. this is not a case of well it's in the book = she endorses it but moreso that given ma#rius is in like half the books and excused from most if not all of his actions bc his victims love him THAT much. i think it does come#across as painting it in a positive light. i am just really fed up. my coping mechanism is how many times i make jo.ker references per book#but yeah. it just sucks and is very gross and like... i read lo.lita i think that is a nuanced portrayal of the topic and doesn't treat it#how she does. but she just like... I've never seen ANYONE do shit like this non-stop. it's just very odd to me how it's like ok here's the#most vile man alive and here's a 740 page book about his TRAGIC PAST!! feel bad for him!! aww poor man who has made so many people suffer!!#grooming mention#sorry i just. it's my biggest gripe behind the racism and it's just. I'm really fed up. and thankfully I'll be done soon ish but it's just.#very frustrating lol. these books make me so mad
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyway.... Back to what I was pondering earlier today... It's been 4 months but I'm still as deeply obsessed with Exotic Creatures of the Deep as at the very start
#00s sparks albums save me#save me 00s sparks albums#the question of how it's been 4 months already aside#i have decided to name this album my official Mental Breakdown Album TM#so it's a good thing that it doesn't really bring me any unhappy associations. even though it could#because when i started listening to it in early march#it turned out to become one of my lowest periods in the mental well-being sense. like. ever.#it's gotten better though and later i discovered that whenever i got into that slump again#and nothing at all felt like an alluring thing to do and even most music couldn't cheer me up#i still felt like listening to ecotd at least#sometimes you get into specific albums or artists at the exact right moment and this was one of such times for sure#i have so many thoughts about this album but if i tried to write them down#it would probably all just be an illegible mess. one day i'll do it though. or at least try to#as for now i can at least say that the possibly most suffering-inducing (positive) songs for me are strange animal and likeable#i'll never forget the moment i first heard strange animal as part of the from the basement set#what a SONG!!! and that entire performance changed my brain chemistry forever#and. GODDDDDKJHKEFLJMKBELKPJ... LIKEABLE!!!#the connection i feel on some metaphysical level to that song the melody the instrumentation the lyrics#is way beyond what words can explain. or i'm just bad at putting these kind of things into words#it's soooo oooughhggahgh.....#also i don't know exactly how it happened#but i can't believe etc immediately became my most listened to song according to my last fm (which i made around then)#and it has stayed in that spot ever since#ok that's my sparks madness talk for today. i'll probably never be normal about them. not that i even want to#sparks am i right. goddddd#goosepost
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
coming out of my baldurs gate 3 delirium (aka i am working a night shift and can't physically play it. at work.) to say that horikoshi. horikoshi when i GET YOU. you are NOT leaving izuku with no quirk and no arms. i am in your walls
#bnha spoilers#also. more evidence that horikoshi read zero-sum game#like come on the twins thing the izuku losing his quirk thing the losing his arm thing the shiggy getting decay from afo thing#TELL ME THE TRUTH HORIKOSHI. DID YOU READ MY FANFIC.#i'm joking of course. he's just done a really good job of foreshadowing through the series. its a marker of an amazing author#and i know that izuku probably won't lose both his arms and his quirk. i fully expect it to be a happy ending in some way shape or form#this is a sixteen year old boy who sacrificed EVERYTHING. more than he ever had to give#and he had less than a year. LESS THAN A YEAR.#sorry i'm already crying thinking about the scene of him holding shigaraki's hand even though it will decay him........#izuku who knows better than ANYONE what shigaraki's power can do.... reaching out to him. caring more about others than about himself.#he's just. he's so good. he's SO GOOD. he deserves the world#tbh i feel like eri HAS to be involved at this point. she's the deus ex machina in all this#that or overhaul#both of their abilities can at least physically restructure izuku's body#it would actually be a very interesting redemption point for overhaul.......#i mean WHY ELSE RESCUE HIM. and why give him THE SAME FUCKING INJURY#what a powerful thing it would be to have eri give overhaul his arms back#and overhaul learning about goodness and forgiveness from this girl he's done nothing but abuse and torture#and saves izuku........#its about ATONEMENT. its about GROWTH. its about IT NEVER BEING TOO LATE.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE YOU MY HERO ACADEMIA#... ok. i'm normal. its fine.#on another note#i loved the ending to my first bg3 run which i think i finished Tuesday/Wednesday. i cried.#IMMEDIATELY started a durge run where i'm playing a male human bard instead of the female half-wood elf ranger#i was like 'haha. i'll make a character based on hisoka from hxh! i'm gonna be SOOOO evil! >:))#and guess who still isn't good at being big evil. ME. at worst i'm probably chaotic neutral.#its wild i'm already finding SO MANY new scenes i missed on the first playthrough even though i'm making a lot of the same choices#so it still feels super fun and fresh. more so now because i kind of know the characters and the mechanics better#my current playthrough i'm with lae'zel shadowheart and asterion with no intention of switching out
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.
#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together#as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!#this woman's life is a dumpster fire#and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement'#which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any#fucking right...😭😭😭#meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving#out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes#this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly#how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making#the wrong fucking decisions and judging me.#these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been#on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest#i feel pretty great#it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going#to end up here.#while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and#she was like ok who cares abt this dude now#which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most#supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is#in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th#one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing.#while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings#who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm#she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver#adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and#making sure i'll be ok.#it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn'#make me feel like the world's worst man#personal log
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about going back to being vegetarian again then i remember oh right Im moving again and i fuck SO hard with clam chowder
#Saying pescaterian is cringe ig I'll just stay doing what i do now which is saying i don't eat a lot of meat/don't like meat#Which is true#Also living with my mom she keeps telling me im so healthy it's like not really lol#I think she eats a lot less meat with me than normal tho bc i like. Rlly don't like chicken#I didn't even realize but she made this beans and rice thing that normally had sausage w/out it for me...#Idk it's weird cuz we eat out more than I'm used to bc here for 4mo or whatever#And it's rlly made me feel super picky#Cuz im like ok i don't wanna eat that it'll make me feel like this or bad in this way#Don't like to have much too much sugar cuz i think it triggers migraines tho I love sugar and it's more about it being spread out#Than the amount I think#Can't have caffeine in the afternoon#And so on#Idk like being not in my own makes me feel like i have so many more rules than I thought#Or am maybe just picky?#Bc like I do eat a lot bc i run a lot food is fuel and all that. It's just more like... What#Anyway#Food mention
3 notes
·
View notes