#NOT a good obsession to have! yet i have
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my childhood bestfriend being a semi popular ig girl who one of my now good friend follows . what do i do with this information. how do i reveal myself as the only sole person still around that knows about our wolf obsessed childhood … like girl i KNOW you
#and there is NO escaping#our friendship from my perspective was at least very homosexual To Me#we were both weird fucking kids but now she’s cool in every sense of conveniential#and im just fucking. Scrappy#incredible to see how much a person changes and becomes the complete polar opposite of u#despite the strong bond u had over wolves…#i can still access her profile on a website that has like other nerdy stuff we were both into#like what do i do with this information#how do i live as the only person haunted by both our childhoods#for context: i dont speak to Anyone from my hometown and fell out socially when i began transitioning and now im a LITTLE fucked up abt it#2delete#not to needlessly elaborate but i moved schools to stay friends w her and then she wasnt at my new schoolsdkfjdj#she’s like . also the only person that Knows Me from a specific time so im just#head buried in my hands#no one knowing me when i was a child that i still speak to other than my therapist and family is consuming me#NOT a good obsession to have! yet i have
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since Eng is getting 7.5 soon(?), I felt motivated to go back to my Meleanor rig and make her a couple of lesson animations! ...except for alchemy, because the cauldron bubbles proved too hard to photoshop around, whoops.
maybe she just got lost on her way to the classroom...?
(credit: backgrounds are from the game, I just put her on top of 'em)
(aside from the backgrounds, this is not an edit, I drew her from scratch! please do not tag or treat as an edit!)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#gif warning#gifs that will inexplicably never get a perfect no matter how many cupcakes you use warning#let's just say she hasn't been added to the alchemy schedule yet#AS PER USUAL#(sam sneaks in at night and messes with the schedule so we have to buy candy from him instead)#(i promise i will stop spamposting eventually) (they gotta stop giving me characters to obsess over first)#anyway in my continuing efforts to manifest a meleanor card into existence#it's time to remember i made this a million years ago#just blow off some of the dust and cobwebs that have accumulated here...#'i'm only gonna add a couple of things i won't do too much'#(spends ten minutes trying to decide what color goggles she should have)#(flipping back and forth between green and purple) it's no use she looks good in everything#spineposting#(not me stealth editing because i didn't realize the wrong arm attachment had somehow popped in whoops)
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Save me yi nine sols
(You should play nine sols it’s very very fun)
#nine sols#a break from your regularly scheduled op stuff to bring you this doodle#catboy brainrot hours. yi is such a guy#absolutely obsessed with his design and animations ngl#I’m not very good at the game lmao.#but hey that’s what story mode is for!#honestly so in love with the aesthetic of the game in general…..#I have a lot of thoughts on how modernization of Chinese and other East Asian cultures in design usually just means westernization#this is why I just. on principle. have not watched legend of Korra yet#this game just combines science fiction aesthetic with Chinese design patterns so incredibly well
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Lackadaisy Enrichment
#in our enclosures!!#video linked as source; which i'm glad to see already has a million views and is trending. That's Right#lackadaisy#WHICH i have been reading since at least '07 when i was thirteen my god b/c this animation is based on the ongoing webcomic#like does its influence show up Directly in some Discrete way i can point to in my art? not very easily probably. And Yet.#the inspiration....i wasn't able to be Regularly Only for at least another year / art done Nonprofessionally Online was novel to me#like wow ppl can make & post fanart of w/e they love huh....didn't know webcomics were a thing & i never really read that many since but.#good god the quality of Lackadaisy at its onset is like this is superb?? this person putting in all their talent and effort???#and Then you get years & years more art and i don't even know what superlatives to throw out abt its quality as it evolves. obsessed w/it..#if i see a new lackadaisy comic page i Will be acting out. obviously this animation is a delight & also stunning. and fascinating to also#juxtapose as a Translation / Interpretation of the comic in a different medium & standalone snippet of Story#and that we're not even quite there in the comic timeline; Taking Notes abt character info we get distilledly here....genuinely love like#take it back to '07 i'm like oh boy can't wait for the dream team to assemble. then a decade later when it did? Oh Boy. that is payoff lol#namely hooray for stitches and mudbug at the field office for every passing gangster. killing one marigold associate but not the other#which seems like a promising start to shootouts w/the other dream team triumvirate. i adore that in canon so far mordecai freckle & rocky#have met but only over a nice brunch. re: all intentions anyways. anyways i'm like Gifs Must Be Made while i'm also so riled afresh abt the#comic that i've been sooo hype for for over fifteen yrs now babeyyy Deservedly. i've done a couple of rereads & ought to do another....#For Interest it'd probably take a few sittings to catch up from the start but there is much to be engaged over....this ongoing story that's#historical fiction prohibition bootlegging cats with plenty of focus on characters & several Mysteries. which i'm better at parsing now lol#like one of the more recent rereads like Oh Of Course x (probably) accidentally killed his y & z took the fall & that's a binding secret...#Not [oh of course] abt the circumstances surrounding a's death & how b & c were involved. nor the ''what's marigold's damage'' mystery#which is great. love to not know things. love that we can readily follow all the emergent drama everyone's wading in nowadays. hell yeah#anyways admire my organized approach to gifs here. four shots each Expressions Atmosphere Action Groupshots#sure might've muddled through gifmaking for this anyways but fr being a huge lackadaisy comic enjoyer for now most of my life helps#and its very Overall Inspiration like. just really getting the [you can really just draw stuff out here] going. fr the art's detail & skill#and that enrichment like i'm gonna have a great time following this. And I Have#you don't expect a crowdfunded indie animation in the mix back then but hell yeah fellas#SIGH ok removing a 4th gif that's broken / not displayed despite reuploading then entirely remaking it. if it's a bug i'll try again later
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jon val jon or something
#jean valjean#les miserables#les mis#meme#no bc i just read the part where FIRST of all he's 'so happy his conscience began to bother him' and immediately goes 'can't have that'#and then he 'lived in the backyard like a dog' OF HIS OWN HOUSE WHILE COSETTE IS IN THE MAIN BUILDING#and jvj my beloved i am obsessed with you king but it is SO unhealthy to intentionally deprive yourself just so someone else can tell you..#'no no don't do that you need to take care of yourself' like bro i know you want to be nurtured and have someone prove their love for you#but it's really not great that the only way you keep your room at a liveable temperature and eat good food is when cosette is making you#i say this without judgement bc that was me once too but good GOD man your identity cannot be her!!!!#and stop with the preemptive self-inflicted harm!!! stop with the self-protective and yet -destructive distancing!!#you're only doing that because you want someone to tell you to stop!!!!!#alternate chapter title: in which an old man finds himself at home among the youth (2014 tumblr)#ANYways all this to say jvj is a projectable 10000% and i hate him because i love him because i hate that version of me bc i love me#or: SHUT UP AND BE LOVED YOU SILLY OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#kay has a party in the tags#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay is a classical literature nerd#my meme
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sukekiyo ElectricLadyLand (08.07.2024)!!!! they all look so good auaaagahagh
kyo from instagram; yuchi, takumi, and utA from twitter
#THE WHITE LASHES ON BOTH YUCHI AND KYO DON'T TALK TO ME I'M FINE#ALSO THEY HAVE MATCHING UNDEREYE RHINESTONES HELLO#also yuchi's nose contour gets cuntier every fucking time i'm so obsessed#not awake enough yet to process kyo's look. i will be back to yell about it when i am#hi takumi i love you i'm sorry i never have anything to say about your loojs#he always looks good#omgggg uta light pink hair fuck me upppp#god this band is so#kyo#yuchi sukekiyo#takumi sukekiyo#uta sukekiyo#kyo sukekiyo#sukekiyo
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when you accept that the unique things about you are the best things about you. when you fall in love w your uniqueness and become obsessed w it and reject conformity. when you think for yourself and draw your own conclusions and adore that you don’t perfectly fit into a mold. that’s when you’ll know true peace
#this sounds like an instagram infographic but hear me out#all the things i used to hide as a teen are things i am so grateful to embrace now#i’m realizing that any notable person has trailblazed their own path. that’s how they stand out.#not bc they already fit into a predetermined mold. but bc they were unique and confident about it#can’t say i’m at a 100% w my self acceptance yet but there will be FAR fewer things to talk about in therapy 🥲 and that’s a good thing#ppl rly need to take their quirks and appreciate them and LOVE them and adore them and be obsessed and feel so lucky they have them#the same old same old is boring#it just sucks that w uniqueness naturally comes backlash#and u have ppl who r nasty rude etc etc. who try to make u feel like ur the freak show for being different#but as long as u know ur truth that’s what matters. that’s all#text
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Counterspell
[First] Prev <--> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#MDZS#season 1#wei wuxian#lan xichen#lan wangji#lan jingyi#lan sizhui#I ended up cutting out *three* comics from my notes because its was basically all the same punchline (WWX is sobbing pathetic and wet)#he spends nearly this whole episode wailing and frankly good for him#Don't get me wrong; the VA absolutely *crushes* the performance#I am obsessed by the little 'WEH' he does at the end of Special Ep No#but as much as i wanna draw it I DO need to move this series along#I *love* this flavour of WWX (trying to be extremely abrasive on purpose (failing)) there's a lot of good humour here#I feel like i could have drawn out this *whole* episode for how many good moments there are...but alas...#Anyways. you guys ever think about how the juniors have to witness their HGJ breaking character to bully this random guy#yet also tolerate a lot of disrespect and still treat him with respect?#it would be like watching your principal lie on his desk twirling his phone cord and kicking his feet. what do you even *say*?
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after two years i finally draw the favorite
#my art#still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone#for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil#for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#thistle#dunmeshi thistle#thistle dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig#i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer#u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore#i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good#while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly.#for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it#i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow#like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else#tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm
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fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
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ur making me wanna ship kyman (only if cartman gets therapy) what the actual fuck is Tumblr doing to me
Nice to tempt you to the dark side 👻
lolol in all seriousness, that’s cool! Technically, Cartman *is* in therapy. He’s seeing Thomas (Panderverse), remember? And it’s strongly implied he’s on medication (Cupid Ye). Can’t say if he’s getting better or worse, but Cartman definitely has evolved. If you want to go the redemption route, it’s been shown that it takes little for Cartman to be “fixed”. He just needs discipline, a sturdy male figure in his life. He… needs to be dominated. Literally (tsst) and if not that, he needs to get out of South Park— his biggest enabler. So, he’s not too far gone. He’s a real piece of work though, and South Park’s wellbeing (in-show and out) can’t function without him being an asshole. It’s just who he is. But whoever decides to stick with him has to have a lot of determination to deal some damage control, or keep him in check. (hm, sounds familiar…)
So, there’s your condition met. Go forth and ship kyman! 🫡
#asks#talk tag#kyman#south park#eric cartman#kyle broflovski#analysis#I think wether or not they’re shipped these boys are still gonna be obsessed with each other in some capacity#kyle will always have a weakness for seeing the humanity in cartman. and even weaker in seeing him vulnerable#and cartman always had a fixation on kyle. To a…Cartmanistic degree#they’ve been arguing since day one on the show#their dynamic literally saved kyle#kyle’s been saved by cartman in-world too (san fran + kidney) not always to their enjoyment#they’re just. bound to each other y’know??#like. even in another universe they have a close connection. destined for each other in some way (end of panderverse)#They give each other a lot of shit. a lot of it from cartman’s end. And yet. fucking yet. they’re good friends#they rly carved out a space for each other despite themselves. I think it’s to deep for them to get out of.#also I think it’s funny. It’s just so South Park to have kyman as a couple of all things. it’s hilarious and fucked up. yet can be sincere#and touching. It’s just. idk. These two are south park y’know??#mm. maybe that’s me making it bigger. But they are important
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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couple more quickies, because I gotta work through my Shroud-family feelings before I can even begin to process the Diasomnias, please bear with me 🙇
anyway, I couldn't decide which composition I liked better, so I did both!
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#eyestrain#sorry i know i've been posting too much in this style i just have FEELINGS#feelings that can only be expressed through high-contrast#anyway#i don't know why i never even considered he would go to rsa. of course he would.#ortho is cerberus -> ortho is a Good Boy -> ortho goes to Good Boy school#the math checks out#we have not even seen dreamworld ortho yet and i'm already obsessed. i hope he shows up just in time for a dramatic ortho vs ortho showdown
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thinking about the (probably) unintentional symbolism of the master sword's state often reflecting link's in the botw trilogy, swords being frequently described as an extension of yourself in popular media, the master sword as an extension of link and link an extension of it. he really is a living weapon if you think about it too hard
#botw#the legend of zelda#breath of the wild#i think about this WAY too much for my own good#botw link always wins the link most dehumanized by the narrative award#the 2d links dont have a lot of character yeah but at least they werent treated like a tool#ww/oot/tp/ss obviously toy with this idea and go 'hey this is actually kind of bad?' but botw is like 'lol'#'we're going to briefly criticize our own metanarrative and then actively say that the people suffering from it were actually in the wrong'#i say this as someone is has been obsessed with botw for the past...shit. like since it came out#my hyperfixation just causes me to criticize the media i like more because i literally eat it#and yet: we stay silly
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i have the most horrible confession in the world and it's that when i was in 10th grade english class in like 2003-ish, my friends and i rewrote macbeth in a school project only instead of macbeth, it was bombastic and ridiculous star of tv's the apprentice d*nald tr*mp. and he wanted to become the richest and most powerful man in the world, so he killed bill gates. the three witches were the american idol judges of the time: randy, simon, and paula. the title was "kill bill." (zing!)
for some reason tr*mp was married to barbra streisand (the reason being that i was obsessed with barbra streisand and her diva energy and i worked her into anything whenever i could, like fran fine taught me. i wanted her to be lady macbeth, okay!!!! imagine the POWER!!! "out damned spot" with those fingernails!!!!) and i'm so ashamed that i did this to her. i photoshopped them together in a picture for the cover and everything. god i hope she never finds out. why am i posting about this on the internet. barbra, i'm sorry!!!!!!
i feel like this all might be my fault, is what i'm getting at. the downfall of society. i know that magical thinking isn't a real thing, but what are the odds??!?!! it haunts me. what have i done. this is a joke but also it a little bit isn't. I REALLY PARTICIPATED IN THAT HEINOUS ACT.
#my bestie and i also made fun of his hair all the time and called it 'the onion loaf'#(? idk why anymore. but the phrase sticks with me. how could it not.)#how could i have known that he was literally going to try to overthrow america and remake it in his image one day?!?!?!?!#and yet apparently on some level i did know!!!!!#wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is the worst. is what i'm getting at.#dollsome's deep thoughts#update: i just dug up an old journal entry about this#and apparently i stayed home from school to write it one day (was i less of an amy santiago than i remember myself as?)#and that's how i discovered xfiles for the first time#and became instantly obsessed with msr after a random viewing of 'how the ghosts stole christmas'#so i guess the creation of this and my love of xf are intertwined D:#also we decided to pair up t**** and barbra so the ship would be called 'strumpy' in homage to spuffy#how is this what reality has become? am i in a simulation? am i being tortured?#ahem. anyway. have a good sunday evening my friends!#life sure feels weird by the time you've made it to your latter 30s!#also i hope this really communicates what an absolutely bogus unserious figure t**** was during my adolescence#just completely. like. what has happened.
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"[Fitzjames'] public demeanor, which was always an easy mix of self-effacing humor and firm command, remained the same, but in private with only Crozier in attendance, Fitzjames spoke less, smiled less frequently, and too often looked distracted and miserable. For a melancholy man like Crozier, the signs were obvious. At times it was like staring into a looking glass, except for the fact that the melancholy countenance staring back was a proper lisping English gentleman rather than an Irish nobody."
The Terror, Dan Simmons
#The Terror#James Fitzjames#Crozier#Simmons' writing is so good but I'm mildly obsessed with this passage in particular#the intimacy of Fitzjames letting his guard down in front of Crozier and only Crozier#the concept of them as mirrors of one another#but it's only shown when the veneer of a “”“proper”“” Englishman is stripped away#which of course Fitzjames isn't (if the original novel follows the show - haven't gotten that far yet)#so they're both outsiders to the Empire they're perpetuating#but Crozier doesn't *know* that#so instead of relating to Fitzjames or trying to help him it just feeds his self-loathing as an “Irish nobody”#the whole description perpetuates the idea#that it's the Artic that is doing this to them rather than an innate sickness#we're blurring the lines between colonizing as metaphorical sickness and depression as a mental sickness#and the real sicknesses they're suffering from their own hubris + bringing along to a vulnerable population#IDK I GOT A JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS#none of which are coherent like the lovely meta others have done on this show#but this passage ~resonates~
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