#or: SHUT UP AND BE LOVED YOU SILLY OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cosmickid-inmotion]

Deliver Me From Your Opinion

Joel Miller x reader

TLOU Masterlist : Main Masterlist

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Summary: Joel has a Bruce Springsteen opinion

Warnings: Mostly dialogue. Arguing/yelling but it's not serious they are being silly. Bruce Springsteen album discussions won't make sense if you arent a fan. Tommy being Tommy. Bit of a crack fic dont take it too serious. My insufferable ass putting memes in fics

Written for @beefrobeefcal 's birthday prompts! My prompt was "[P-boy] has a hot take and you take him to task for choosing this hill to die on."

LOVE YOU BEEFY I'll be tagging mutuals i know listen to brucie lol

Blorbos in the USA event

Not a paid promotion for Deliver me From Nowhere but.... you should read it if your a fan its a quick read

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

“JOELSEPH MILLER ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMNED MIND?”

“Baby-”

“ARE YOU ASKING FOR A DIVORCE?”

Joel placed too large hands on your shoulder. “I’m begging you to shut the hell up. Respectfully.”

You gasp, drawing away in an exaggerated way with your hand on your chest. “You’re the one who told me you hate me and also want me to die!”

“I just said the Nebraska album is fine.”

“NEBRASKA IS A GODDAMN WORK OF ART!”

“The E-street band wasn’t even-”

“HE RECORDED THiS ALBUM IN A HOME FUCKING RECORDING MACHINE IN NEW FUCKING JERESY WITH NOTHING BUT HIS HEART AND HIS BISEXUAL DEP-”

“Bisexual depression yes, yes I know. I’m not saying it’s bad, I’m just saying it could use some polish.”

“USESOMEPOLISH?!?!?!? I’LL POLISH YOUR- Wait right here.” You scamper off to your room, and come back with a copy of Deliver Me From Nowhere: The Making of Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraksa. “Read this. You don’t get Nebraska- and your don’t get Bruce- until you read this.”

His jaw drops. “I don’t get Bruce? I Don’t get Bruce Springsteen?!?!? I had greetings From Asbury Park in my dad’s cassette player in his dodge charger in 1973!”

“That’s why you are the way that you are.”

He sputters. “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!”

“I mean,” You scoff. “If Greetings is your favorite-”

“Bruce said Greetings was the closest he ever got to the sound he wanted in his head! He only changed it because he got compared to Bob Dylan!”

“The best Bob Dylan album is Nebraska!”

“That doesn’t make ANY FUCKING SENSE!”

You shove the book in his hands. “Read this. I’m going to Tommy’s and WE will listen to Nebraska!” You shove your shoes on. “AND MAYBE HAVE SEX!”

The last part was a joke, but he still grumbled.

*

At Tommy’s, you’re listening to Highway Patrolman from the album Tommy had on vinyl. He needed Joel to cover his light bill half the time but he always had money for a new vinyl. 

“I can’t believe he called Nebraska mid. He’s mid.”

“Did Joel actually say mid? I don’t think he knows any slang beyond ‘darl’n’”

“Well, he didn’t say mid perse, but it was implied. I mean, come one!” You gesture to the record player. “Come on. That old man is so Highway Patrolman coded!” Highway Patrolman detailed the life of a long suffering older brother. Joel’s favorite way to martyr himself.

Tommy shakes his head. “Joel never knows what’s good for him. Maybe we should have sex, teach him a lesson.”

You throw a twisted tea can at him.

*

When you come home, Joel is being a good boy and actually reading the book.

“Are you-”

“SHHHHH” He doesn’t even look up.

You want to knock is stupid slutty glasses off his stupid slutty face. Too bad he looks so fucking hot.

That night, he’s still reading in bed.

You hear a sniffle, and whip over to where Joel has Deliver me From No Where closed on his lap.

“Joely, are you… CRYING?!?!?”

He opens the book and finds a page, reading from it. “"Its darker, getting darker. There’s been an event and my depression is spewing like an oil spill all over my carefully planned and controlled existence. It’s black sludge is threatening to smother every last living part of me."” Joel sets it down by the lamp, whipping his eyes. “I get it now.”

“AAWWWW JOOOOOOOELLYYY!” You cuddle up to your man, holding him tight. Then, after he’s comforted, you whisper.

“Don’t ever fucking question me again.”

🤨☝️🤨☝️🤨☝️🤨☝️🤨☝️🤨☝️🤨☝️

We need more goofy silly Joely

if anyone wants to join my regular tags, theres a tag list above!

@pedge-page @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @hornystan @mani-pedro @miraclesabound @laughing-in-th3-purple-rain @jennaispunk @the-blind-assassin-12 @justagalwhowrites

[batsandbirdbrains]

So I don’t know if you assign songs to characters or not but I do and I have some that are just soo Dick Grayson like: First love/late spring by Mitski and Matilda by harry styles. And also like after in a talon dick or renegade universe I of the Storm by of monsters and men. And maybe(if we count it) after the whole blockbuster/ tarantula thing or after time with Slade: man in me by benson Boone

alsoo I love your posts I love checking if you’ve posted because no one I know irl knows anything about dc :/

Aww thank u!! I have no one else to talk abt dc things with either, it’s kinda why I started this blog in the first place as a place for me to just ramble lmao. I wasn’t rly expecting so many people to enjoy the stuff I was posting!! It’s been a very pleasant surprise lol

As for songs hmmm hmhmhm I sort of always associate Shut Up And Dance with the fab five Titans. Like them being teenagers and just blasting the song while they’re annoyed with their respective mentors. Teenagers/young adults just having fun together. Then lmao when they’re Young Teens and they’ve just started the Titans, I think Upside Down by the A*Teens fits them so well. It’s fun and silly and very teeny bopper sounding, u know? I feel like the song would be very nostalgic for them as they got older.

Bruce always makes me think of Frank Sinatra for some reason. Specifically, The World We Knew. Idk why. He just has the old timey vibes.

Also Dick shit what’s the name of it it’s Ohtani’s walk up song rn. I have to google it shit it’s a Michael Bublé song. FEELING GOOD that’s the name. It makes me think of Dick every time Ohtani is up to bat lmao. But also Angeleyes by ABBA. Or any song by ABBA really reminds me of Dick.

I haven’t actually heard any of the songs you’ve mentioned, but I’ll have to look them up!!

I’m sure there are more but those are my answers off the top of my head lmao.

MR BRIGHTSIDE how could I almost forget Mr Brightside!! It makes me think of all the bats in general idk why.

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

jon val jon or something

[wishchip106]

Logan but erik is also there

i need more fics that have this concept, i’ve read nearly all the ones i’ve found with this but i’m greedy so i require more

caliban just having to deal with three old ass mutants

since erik’s in his nineties i’m giving him a walker

and you know what HEARING LOSS

“Erik can you pass the salt?”

“WHAT??”

“the salt, Erik”

“WHAT??????”

he refuses to using hearing aids for some reason

him and charles sleep together but sometimes charles forgets who he is and freaks out about the stranger in his bed

erik has a spare bed in the ‘house’ when that happens

once laura comes along and they escape in the limo charles keeps going like “this reminds me of October 1962” the fact he even remembers that is crazy

when they’re in the hotel, laura shows erik her xmen comics while they watch movies until of course when the humans break in and charles has a seizure 🙁

i feel like erik would be the kind of old guy to go “back in my day!”

grandpa magneto naps

when they meet that family charles references erik as his husband

i cant tell whether i want this to be a fix-it or not

fuck it lets go down the angst path

x-24 still manages to kill charles and temporarily kidnap laura, magneto got his ass beat ☹️

beach divorce reference, erik cradling charles in his arms

they bury charles

erik refuses to leave the grave so logan and laura keep going

and that would be probably the last we see of erik

i’m gonna say he does die, maybe of old age he deserves a natural death like that

lets say someone sees an unconscious old man near a fresh grave and takes him to that hospital laura took logan where erik maybe passes in his sleep

boom kinda sad ending

and of course Logan ending for logan and laura

just imagine erik is also there or something ^^

[simpingforcys]

This man is a big example that personality and attitude are very huge factors 🍬

[readwritealldayallnight]

You had never seen him look so utterly human before

Laid up amongst the scratchy, thin sheets of the hospital bed, with only a plain surgical mask covering the bottom half of his face, everything else above Ghost’s shoulders exposed to your eyes for the first time, while his own eyes have been shut for nearly four days straight now

You had never seen your Lieutenant without the signature mask that haunts the dreams of even the deadliest foreign mercenaries, had never seen him look anything less than intimidating, commanding, powerful without so much as even trying to, his presence alone striking fear into those who’ve heard whispers of the fearsome Ghost

Now however, with an IV hooked up to his arm and a nurse that comes to check on his vitals periodically, it’s hard to picture him as such a gruesome soldier, rather than a simple man who bleeds like any other human

In spite of the evident vulnerable position he finds himself in, his pale skin appearing nearly translucent under the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital, there was no denying that Ghost remained someone to be feared

A particularly nasty blow to the head during a field op gone wrong had knocked the burly soldier out cold, and though doctors were optimistic he would make a full recovery, they couldn’t exactly tell the extent of the damage done until he woke up

You and the men that made up the remainder of the 141 had been taking turns remaining by his side, not wanting for Ghost to wake up alone, whenever that would be exactly

You wonder how he would feel about this, the fact that you are currently the one on shift for the unofficial rotation of visitors who’ve stuck by his bedside throughout his injury

You’re well aware of the fact that the Lieutenant doesn’t like you, has never liked you, and probably never will, though you’ve never been able to get a straight answer as to why

From the moment you’d met him, he’d been cold to you, distant, making no effort to get to know you nor welcome you to the team, opposite to the way the Sergeants and Captain had welcomed you with open arms and hearts

No matter how much you poked and prodded at them for an answer, some sort of inclination as to what you could possible have done wrong to have Ghost dislike you so much, the men always bit their tongues

You saw the way they exchanged knowing glances and sly smirks, believing they were being more cunning than they really were, insisting to you with carefully chosen words that it wasn’t something you should worry about too much, that the LT had a different way of expressing his feelings than most

“So long as he doesn’t wake up and want to ‘express his feelings’ by punching me in the face for being the first thing he opens his eyes to.” You thought to yourself, glancing up from your book at his still sleeping form, shaking your head at your silly thought

No, he’d never been particularly kind to you, but he’d also never gone out of his way to be cruel to you either you supposed

Perhaps he found you to be more of a nuisance than anything else, a pest he couldn’t seem to swat away hard enough, an annoying pimple he couldn’t quite pop

Your eyes scanned over his face once more, cursing whatever Gods might be listening that the man hiding beneath that Ghost facade had to be so … intriguing

You could see old scars running across his face, some of them peeking out from under the surgical mask while others ran across his brow, his crooked nose evident even under the fabric of the mask

He was handsome in his own, rugged way, a fact you were displeased to learn when you first saw him laying here, switching off with Soap who’d been sat at his side earlier

Ghost may not care for you, not that he had given you many reasons or chances to care for him, but you cared about your remaining members of the task force, and knew how important Ghost was to them, and so for the 141, you’d do your duty and care for a Ghost who apparently wanted no such love and tenderness from you

You looked the large man over, brows furrowing when your eyes landed on his neck, noting that the pillow supporting his head was getting a little flat

You stood from your chair, setting your book down, and approched him carefully, almost as though any sudden movements would somehow wake the comatose man from his slumber

As gently as you could, you attempted to adjust the pillow behind him to hopefully be more comfortable, quickly realizing just how heavy he was when he was nothing more than dead weight

You slowly slipped your hands behind his shoulders, pulling him forward as best as you could until you were able to adjust the pillow one handed

Slipping your hands back down his shoulders to ease him back into the bed, your palms naturally ending up sliding onto the back of his neck, the tips of your fingers brushing against the hair at the base of his skull, an involuntary shiver running through you at what you realized too late was a bit of an intimate touch with a man who’d been touch starved for years

It was hard to say who was more stunned at first, with how quickly things transpired, when you suddenly felt a pair of strong hands reaching up to grip your wrists and hold them in place

You hadn’t even realized you had let out a gasp as your eyes flicked down and met none other than Ghost’s own wide open orbs only inches away from you, staring right at you as though he was seeing a ghost

Stunned into silence, worried that you truly were about to end up on the receiving end of Ghost’s anger for having invaded his space like that, you barely had enough time to process that he’d somehow woken from his coma when his grip on your wrists tightened further, and somehow, whether it was a trick of the light or you imagination, his gaze softened before his scratchy, out of use voice said:

“Love.”

Your ears were ringing, hardly taking notice of the way a flurry of alarms and bells had gone off as soon as Ghost had woken up, his heart rate soaring through the roof and alerting staff

Medical personnel rushed into the room before you could wrap your mind around any of what was happening, Ghost’s grip on your never loosening until the doctor finally approached you both, sensing the tension in the air

“Lieutenant Riley,” the man said, gently landing a hand in Ghost’s bicep to hopefully help him ease his strong grip on you. “Let her go.”

His grip on you disappeared instantly, as though your skin had suddenly burned him, but his eyes never wavered from your own, even as he began mumbling unintelligibly beneath his medical mask

“What was that?” The doctor asked, trying to bring calm back to the room and ease Ghost into a state where he could be properly examined

“My girl.” The Lieutenant’s gravelly voice echoed throughout the sterile room

“Pardon?”

“My girl.” Ghost repeated, never once breaking eye contact with your now widened eyes

“Do- do you know who this is, Lieutenant?” The doctor posed the question, slowly gesturing towards you with a confusion that was spreading amongst you all

“‘Course I do.” Ghost spoke with certainty. “That’s my love.”

Part two

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

I really loved your career day fic and I was wondering if you could do a Shut up mom fic with the same lineup with nanami tho if you write for him🥺 👉👈

Shut up, Mom!

Tags: teeth rotting fluff, mostly crack, cursing, jjk men as dads / fem!reader

An: I would be delighted to write this anon :) my requests are open, loves. If you want me to write a specific idea, definitely ask and I’ll try to deliver on it! also, if anyone wants to be on a taglist please let me know. So, I gave Sukuna a kid in this one because I didn’t really see Yuji calling you mom or him dad. Yuji calls you two unc and auntie :)

SATORU • SUGURU • TOJI • SUKUNA • NANAMI

SATORU

“Aoi, did you take out the trash?” You ask your nine-year-old son while trying not to giggle. Aoi has recently discovered pranks, and he suggested playing one on Satoru. You couldn’t help but think that was an amazing idea.

Your husband was leisurely sitting on the couch, playing a game on the console he and your son shared. He was able to see you from his peripheral vision while you and Aoi were in the dining room. He didn’t seem to be too intrigued by the conversation, but Satoru is a chronic eavesdropper. He can’t help it with his technique and all.

“No, mom. Why can’t you do it?” Aoi plays his role perfectly, even throwing in an annoyed groan at you. Gojo cut his eyes towards you two, but he stayed silent for a moment. He knew this was your battle to face, and he wasn’t usually the disciplinary parent anyways.

“Because I told you to do it, Aoi. It’s your chore.” You say, putting on a serious voice as you would if he had really been sassing off to you.

“Ugh. Shut up, mom!” Aoi yells with a dramatic eye roll.

Immediately, you hear the game console cut off. It seems like you two had garnered Satoru’s attention. Footsteps carry into the dining room, and your all too tall husband leans against the doorframe.

Aoi sees his father, and his eyes widen. Your little actor. He then tries to walk off, but Satoru easily put his hand out against Aoi’s chest, preventing him from going anywhere.

“Woah, woah, woah, there little man. Who do you think you’re talking to there?” He interjects as his hands slowly unwrap his bindings from around his eyes, letting you know that he’s about to get serious.

“She’s getting on my nerves, dad!” Aoi continues to play the role, even though you can tell that he’s scared shitless.

“Hey, look at me.” Satoru says as he bends his knees to be eye level with Aoi. Your son complies with his dad’s order. “I don’t give a shit, okay? Never, and I mean, never tell your mother to shut up unless you intend on fighting me afterwards. She says to take out the trash, you say yes and take out the trash. Do you understand me?” Satoru says as he holds his son’s shoulders, squeezing them a bit so Aoi knows he’s not fooling around.

“Because I don’t think you want to fight me, do you?” Satoru questions. His blue eyes beam in the light, making your son nervously sweat.

“Baby, it’s just a prank.” You quickly interject with a laugh as you gently nudge your husband away from your son.

“Yeah dad, I was just acting!!” Aoi’s nervous gaze flutters into an adorable smile.

Satoru rolls his eyes and playfully laughs along. “You two are too silly, makin’ me turn off my game for this.” He shakes his head as he wraps his eyes back up.

“You were like gonna hollow purple me!” Aoi shouts with an excited laugh, and he reenacts Satoru’s cursed technique.

“Yeah, I love your mom a little too much.” Satoru responds with a grin up towards your direction.

SUGURU

Mimiko and Nanako are coming into their teen years, and recently, they’ve been obsessed with the idea of TikTok. After seeing the “shut up mom” prank all over, they knew that they had to play it on Suguru.

You, of course, agreed to help them pull off their little shenanigan.

“You two are not going out. It’s a school night.” You chide at the twin girls, giving them a small wink as Suguru was enjoying a cup of tea while sitting at the breakfast bar. He was scrolling mindlessly on his phone, reading the news or something like that.

“Mom, please. Everyone’s going.” Nanako pled and even threw in a small pout.

“Yeah, who cares if it’s a school night?” Mimiko chimed in.

“Girls.” Suguru warned as he normally did when you were having to deal with the twins. He didn’t like the idea of the girls ganging up on you.

“I said no. I bet you two didn’t even do your homework yet either.” You carry on, eyeing the two girls as if they were really in trouble.

“Ugh! Mom, shut up!” The girls somehow managed to say in sync. The two had obviously practiced their lines.

The tea glass hit the counter, and Suguru a stood up from his seat on the stool. “Hey. I don’t ever want to hear that kind of language in this house, especially not to your mother. Got that?” He said as he eyed your daughters.

Your husband was a bit of a strict father to the girls. He really just wanted them to turn out good, so he was the main disciplinary figure in the house.

“Dad! She’s-“

“Aht.” He cuts Mimiko off, and starts to walk up to the girls. “I didn’t ask. Apologize to your mother this instant. Then, go upstairs and do your homework. You two are grounded from going out for at least a month.”

“Sugu, it’s a prank.” You say as you can’t hold back a laugh from how angry he got that quickly. “It’s a prank, sweetie.”

Your two girls were nodding quickly, holding their hands out in surrender. “We saw it on TikTok!”

Suguru rolls his eyes at the three of you. “That app is no good for you.” He quietly chides. “Did you two do your homework?”

Mimiko and Nanako exchange nervous glances, and they both run up to their rooms to get it done.

Your husband laughs quietly and shakes his head before sitting back down on his stool. You walk over towards him and card your fingers through his long hair. He lets out a long exhale of contentment while leaning his head into your touch. “What are we gonna do with those two, hm?”

“Love them and try our best to teach them.” You softly respond before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

TOJI

Toji is a pretty laid back dad. He lets you take the lead on a lot of the parenting aspects, since it comes to you more naturally than it does with him. However.. he has his moments.

“Megumi, come help me do the dishes.” You say to your 13-year-old son. He’s in that weird stage of puberty where you’re his best friend one day and his worst enemy the next, which means he sometimes agreed to play pranks with you.

“Busy, mom.” He mumbles at the table as he’s trying to learn the hand signs for one of his shikigami. He was left learning this stuff on his own since Toji wasn’t a sorcerer, and you weren’t apart of the Zenin clan. You had no idea how to do the hand gestures.

“You can do that after you’re done helping me, Gumi.” You say as you turn on the kitchen sink. Your son doesn’t even acknowledge that you said anything.

Toji eyes him from his seat at the dining table, waiting for his son to comply.

“Gumi. Get in here.” You finally say after a minute of him not responding to you.

“Shut up, Mom!” He raises his voice at you, and immediately, Toji is on him quicker than you could respond.

“What did you just say to your mother, brat?” Toji grits as he stares down at his teenage son. Megumi looked back up at him mortified. “I brought you in this world, and I will take your ass out of it if I hear you speak to your mom like that again.”

“Baby, baby, baby, it’s a prank!” You say as you rush over to Toji. Megumi cracks a nervous smile, and you gently nudge Toji back.

“It’s a prank!” Megumi shouts as he leans back away from Toji slightly.

Your husband lets out an annoyed grunt. “You two play too much. Gonna make me kill my own son.” He says as he releases Megumi’s shoulder. He walks back over to his seat at the dining table and smacks your ass on the way back.

SUKUNA

“Ryu, come take out the trash!” You yell to your son. He recently brought up the idea of pranking Sukuna by yelling at you to shut up in front of him. You had urged your son that this was a bad idea, but he was persistent.

Sukuna was sat at the dining table, eating whatever Uraume had prepared for him. Usually, Uraume handled the trash as well, but you distinctly told them to leave it.

There’s no response.

“Ryu! Trash now!” You call out again in a more frustrated tone.

Sukuna is biting his tongue at this point. There is nothing that he hates more than insolence, especially towards you. You’re his queen, and he demands for all to respect you, including his son.

No response.

“Ryu!”

“Okay mom! Shut the fuck up!”

All four of Sukuna’s eyes widened, and he put down his fork. “Domain expansion. Malevolent-“

“It’s a prank!” You shout as you spin to look at Sukuna quickly. Your son is standing behind you, quite literally trembling in fear.

“Yeah- it’s a p-prank, dad.” Ryu stutters out.

Sukuna narrows his gaze, and he looks between the two of you. “Foolish.” He grunts. “Boy, come have a seat.” He commands, and your son reluctantly complies.

“If you ever pull some shit like that seriously, I’m not afraid to start over and make a new kid. I got nothing but time on my hands.” Your husband says while eyeing your son.

“Ryu’s a good kid, Kuna.” You assure him as you walk over to your husband and rub on his shoulders a bit.

“Mmm, for now.” He mumbles, and he nods his head to the trashcan. “Take the trash out.”

NANAMI

Your husband was sitting in the living room, enjoying his “lazy Sunday” as he called it. He had a cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other. He couldn’t help but feel incredibly grateful for the life he was living right now.

He had everything he ever dreamed of: a stable job, an amazing wife, a small family in a loving home.

You were sitting next to him, casually rubbing on his thigh through his pajama pants. You and your daughter had been texting about playing a prank on your dear husband, and it was finally going to happen.

“Hana, did you fold the clothes like I told you to?” You call out to your daughter as she’s in her bedroom. Nanami turns a page in his book, still not paying too much attention.

“Mom, I’m doing something!” Your daughter yells back.

“Hana, get in here and fold those clothes!” You shout back, getting a bit more serious. Nanami lets out a small sigh as he places his mug on the coffee table. He’s normally quick to nip Hana’s attitude in the bud.

“I’m busy!”

“Hana!”

“Okay mom! Just shut up already!” She finally yells as she storms into the living room. Nanami shuts his book and immediately stares down your daughter.

“What did you just say?” He asks as he sits up from his cozy position. His jaw tightens a bit as he glares at Hana.

“I just told her to shut up. She’s being overdramatic.” Your daughter continues, playing her part perfectly.

“Who’s her? Your mother? You’re telling my wife to shut up?” Nanami says as he starts to stand up.

“It’s just a prank, Ken!”

“Dad, it’s a prank-!”

You and your daughter both shout nervously, and Nanami looks at both of you confused for a moment. It then clicks in his head. “God, don’t stress me out like that.” He chides as he relaxes back on the couch. He wraps his arm back around you and picks up his book again.

[gremlingottoosilly]

I met a guy in the Summer (dilf!Konig x fem!Reader)

Your boyfriend is an asshole. Luckily, his hot dad just returned from deployment. CW and Tags: Cheating, dub-con, size kink, daddy kink, age gap(reader in 20s, Konig is early 40s), Konig is a pervert, slightly obsessive Konig, love(and lust) at first sight, fingering, dom!Konig Word count: 3713 AO3

“Just one more game, babe, don’t be a buzzkill. I don’t want to end at a loss.” You didn’t want to be a buzzkill, of course. You simply wanted to be a good girlfriend, have some domestically cozy date, and for your boyfriend to at least try to put an effort into being with you. It wasn’t much to ask for, really. You hoped so, at least. You didn’t want to be an annoying, nagging girlfriend who only ever waits for another reason to yell at him, but your patience started to run thin. 

You spend the past three hours either listening to his apathetic rambling about the shows he watched – really, you wanted to invest in stuff he liked, but an abnormally large amount of animes he talked about had 1000-year-old girls who looked like they were 10, wearing inappropriate outfits, and you started to raise the alarm. 

You also watched him play – and also listened to his rage quitting and angry voice messages to his team that, honestly, made you slightly anxious. You never liked loud people, people who were so easy to rage about something as silly as some colorful video game with too many characters to look after. 

So, like a good girlfriend would – you wanted to be a good girlfriend, he was such a nice guy before you started dating, and you need something to think about besides the tremendous amount of study work you are doing for college – you decided to go and look for snacks. Maybe bring something for him as well. 

— I’ll find something to eat, alright? 

He didn’t respond at first, so you shook his shoulder. Your boyfriend took off his headphones with annoying look on his face, half-turning to look at you. You gulped, suddenly feeling like a child in front of the principal – not a feeling that you were supposed to feel around your partner, but with him, you somehow constantly felt like you were being judged. 

— Nah, stay here. I don’t want my father to see you. 

— Ah…your father is at home? 

You never heard anyone else being at the house – big house, you must admit, and it’s embarrassing almost how you never thought about his family. He lives with his dad, apparently, and the depth of your relationships can only be judged by the fact you literally didn’t know what his father’s name was. 

— Returned from his fucking deployment. He’d ask too many questions about you. 

— You didn’t tell him about me? 

Ah, now you’re hurt a little bit. You knew it wasn’t anything serious or too committed yet, but you intended to make this work. To try and fix all the problems you can without ending things abruptly. 

— He never asked. Not like he cares too much, but…

An apathetic dad, huh. 

You started to slowly piece together the puzzle that was your boyfriend’s horrible boyfriend skills. Now, you want to meet the man who conceived him and kick him in the nuts for creating such an unlovable human being who somehow captivated your chronically lonely heart. 

— If you don’t want me to come and meet him, I can go home. 

He doesn’t answer because his queue is finally coming to another match – you simply nod, knowing everything you need to. You can grab a little snack for yourself, fuck off to your dorm and rethink your life choices while your roommate is getting pounded by some gruss British bloke with an accent that makes your ears bleed. 

You have dignity, and right now, it has asked you to get some snacks from the kitchen. 

*** Now, the only thing König wanted after returning from deployment was to take as many hot showers as he could, shut his bastard of a son up, and get some delicious food waiting for him in the freezer. He was already home for a few days, but adjusting is always hard when you basically fucking hate living at your own house. Of-fucking-course, his son was watching the house while he was away – and now he can’t even think of a good excuse to set him off to his mother. Too old to do this, and split custody never really worked when not even one part of the relationship wanted to take care of the kid. 

König closes the door of the refrigerator – of course, his son took every good thing that he stashed for himself. With a groan, the colonel fights the urge to finally throw him out of the house – a thing he needed to do a few years ago, just when he celebrated his 18th, but some sentimental part of his heart instead promised to help with finding a place close to the college. No good deed goes unpunished. 

With a groan, he takes a few steps from the fridge – and then he almost stumbles across an angel. 

Scheisse

Now, König never thought of himself as a predator who prefers running after college girls who might as well be his daughters. He never thought of himself as a gut who liked them young – his wife, god forsake her name, was his age when they started dating, and he hardly had any sexual encounters with a person under 25 in the past few years. Well, not like he had any sexual encounters in the past years, but…

The thing is – he never thought he liked girls with wide eyes, pouty faces, and trembling hands who were holding a bag of his cookies that he carefully stashed away from his son. 

You are wearing something cute, a nice skirt and an adorable pink cardigan that looks so cozy and warm and soft, and he fights the urge to grab your skirt and simply lift it, You’re dressed up for a cute coffee date, and König has to double check if he isn’t dreaming and no one has decided to play a prank on him and send him a cute callgirl. 

— Oh! Sorry. It’s yours, isn’t it? 

You give him his cookies back – but not before your fingers fished another salty caramel goodness out of the bag, and you bit it. He looks at your teeth, at your lips, and glimpses of your tongue – god, he is an old, dirty bastard because even his baggy pants aren’t enough to hide his boner. You have no right to look this pretty for a man who hasn’t seen a woman in three months and hasn’t had sex in the past few years. 

You lick the crumbs from your fingers – it’s such a deliberate action that he can’t believe he actually sees it, and it’s not even something from porn he used to like. 

— Ja. You can have it. 

He would give you the code to his bank account if you asked for it. 

— Thank you, sir. I’m…well, I assume if Paul didn’t introduce me to you…I’m his girlfriend. Nice to meet you. 

You lick your lips and take a step back, pressed against the counter. He looks at the sway of your hips, a bit of crumbs on your shirt, and almost brushes it away with his hands. It would be a good excuse to touch your chest – but he can’t be like this, he has to keep his urges under control, or else his son will never forgive him. 

Yeah, like he needs a better reason to throw his useless son from his home. 

— Girlfriend? He never spoke about you. 

You look sad, and he immediately curses under his breath. For a moment, you look too fragile – too real. He can’t handle this look on a woman, especially as pretty and young as you are. You bat your eyelashes, even involuntarily, and he already prepares to give you the keys to his home just so you’d stop with such miserable expressions. He has a spare bedroom. 

He has his bedroom with a bed that would be enough for both of you. 

— Ah. Um. We’re…I guess we’re not at this stage yet. 

— Knowing him, you’ll never be, Schatz. 

You look at him immediately – you’re offended, angry, and sad at the same time. There is a certain stubbornness in your eyes that immediately makes him want to simply scoop you in his arms, lift you, and drag you straight to the altar – and here he thought that his impulses over getting married would be over after his first divorce. 

— What do you mean by this, sir? 

You look uncertain now, he can see this in your eyes – and really, knowing his asshole of a child, he is almost sure that Paul never once got you off, either physically or emotionally. 

Now, König never once considered himself to be a good man. He has killed countless people, overthrown many governments, and made shitty jobs for shitty people way more than saving hostages to help the good guys – and in the romantic field, it’s even worse. Wife, unsatisfied with his controlling tendencies and inability to feel normal love for a human being – and a son who hates him because, in fact, he never once wanted to have a kid. 

He looks at you and sees a pretty young thing, still in college or freshly out of, probably without a stable job and normal social standing – a good girl won’t be with his son if she isn’t stupid or extremely desperate for a relationship. 

The thing is, König is also extremely desperate for another warm body next to his, to feel a woman beside him, to love and obsess over someone – he looks at your pouty lips and shaky hands, at the way you bite the corner of your glossy mouth, and he almost wants to drop you on this very table and fuck you until you’re crying under him. He can’t do just that, of course. It would probably make you extremely uncomfortable and scared, but…well, quite frankly, his son doesn’t deserve you. 

König is. 

— I won’t sugarcoat it, Schatz. My son is a Scheiß Arschloch…fucking asshole, that is. I’m surprised he brought home someone as cute as you. 

You feel embarrassment collecting in your body. Paul’s dad is a…interesting man. 

Tall, broad, very muscular – even his baggy house clothes aren’t really concealing his extremely interesting physique from your eyes. He looks yummy and tasty, and you fight the urge to eye the bulge in his pants because you’re a good girl, you don’t look at your boyfriend’s dad like this. 

König has greying ginger hair, locks already curling slightly at the lack of cutting, and you fight the urge to sit on the counter and get your palm in his scalp, massage his head gently, and pull him closer for a kiss. You feel like a dirty, horrible woman – your boyfriend is in his room, probably enjoying his time on your “date” while you’re lusting over his father. 

Then again, this date already felt like a disaster. This relationship, too. 

— Paul isn’t all that bad, sir. 

“He at least has a nice dick,” you wanted to add but stopped yourself. Paul is tall and somewhat strong – if he weren’t sitting at his computer all day, you would call him even muscular. And he has a nice dick, yes, even though he had no idea how to use it. You liked the idea of laying with him, of spraying your jaw trying to fit all of this in your mouth, but his kinks and his sex skills being directly taken from porn…not really your thing. 

You look at König and wonder if they are similar in all of the places. He is his father, after all. 

König catches your gaze locked on his bulge and smirks. 

God, if he knew his son had such a cute girl, he would ask her to come earlier. He is two weeks off deployment and probably won’t take another long contract for a few months because they just upped his retirement payings, and he can afford to slack off a little bit, only visiting the home base for some training and instructions for rookies. 

He can afford to retire and never worry about money again – but he needs someone to make his days less boring, right? 

You look like a good candidate. 

— I’m sure my son was convincing, but I know him better than anyone. He doesn’t deserve you, Schatz. 

He is shitty at flirting, it’s not his forte – he can flaunt his money, maybe, show you in his wallet and bank account face first. He can just straight up ask you to be his sugar baby and suck his cock instead of doing your studies, but he can’t flirt and manipulate to save his life. Lying isn’t something he is good for, this is why his wife has left. 

— I…not sure we should be having this conversation here. 

You’re a good girl, and it’s infuriating. He knows that having someone in his bed shouldn’t be the end goal for his leave, but he wants you, and by the look on your face, you aren’t opposed to the idea. König doesn’t understand if he likes that you’re so reserved about it or if he wants you to be a bit more slutty – but he captures you in the space between the kitchen counter and presses you with his body. 

— You want to see the bedroom then?

Pushes you so close his knee gets between your legs – it might look involuntary like he didn’t exactly want for it to be placed here, but you aren’t dumb, you know what he wants from you. Like a good fucking girl, you’re too shy to give it to him right about now. God, sometimes he hates being so nice to people around him. 

— Sir, this is very…

He got you caged in his hands, body trapped in his embrace – you jerk your head upwards a little bit, staring at him like a small bird in the hands of a predator. He isn’t a strong man in regard of morals, he doesn’t see anything wrong with fucking his son’s girlfriend – if the girl is up to it. And if she isn’t…well, he better make sure she is. 

— What is it, Schatz? Paul won’t hear us in his headphones.

You know just how wrong it is, and you almost want to escape – his dick grinds on your pelvis through his pants, and you’re horrified to see how big it is. Excited too, of course, he is bigger than your boyfriend ever could be, and you don’t want to be a slut, but, oh well, not like you were in a committed and serious relationship anyway. 

Paul was seeing your friends more than you ever saw them – it’s probably a sign that you should settle for someone older. You did enjoy Lana Del Rey's songs, after all. 

— I don’t want to break his heart. 

— He doesn’t have one. 

You’re lost when he pushes his lips to kiss you over and over again – a surprisingly good kisser, and you give in because it was the first time in forever a kiss made you feel this good. His lips are sending electricity down your spine, you want to moan just from his knee, pushing on the softness of your cunt through that adorable skirt you liked so much – you feel so small like this, so tiny in his hands, you…

God, you feel like a slut, and you like it. 

Soon enough, you answered the kiss, your lips meeting his in a dance that made you feel hot, that made you feel like your boyfriend never could. Never thinking of yourself as someone who can fall so easily into the hands of an older man, now you know that he got you right where he wanted. 

You push your hand on his pants, trying to get the control back – but he stops you, a giant hand enveloping your wrist and pushing you back. With a surprise on your face, König just wants to kiss you all over. God, you’re adorable, and he knows that you deserve way more than being fucked on the rough kitchen counter while your so-called boyfriend is too busy dickriding his friends in some useless online game. 

— Not now, princess. You deserve better than being fucked on the kitchen counter, ja? It can come later. 

“Later” sounds like a promise, and you bite back your moan when he keeps pushing his knee against your cunt, making you throb and clench on nothing. He is such a gentleman, you can’t help but compare him to his son – and his fabulous ability to make you feel dirty after fucking you in the backseat of his car and tossing you to your dorm with your pussy still wet and messy after you didn’t cum. 

You sob, not from sadness, but from pleasure mixed with some weird, unnatural for you emotions – you feel weird, strained here like this, but you hug his neck and whisper something in his ear. Something, dangerously sounding just like “daddy, please” 

König is blushing, and he looks fucking adorable. 

— Daddy, ja? God, you’re dangerous, liebling. Going to get me in trouble with my son later. 

He laughs when he kisses you again, his hand slipping in your panties only to find them completely soaked – he knows you deserve a nice pillow and soft sheets under your body, and he pushes you up so you can hug his waist with your legs. You rely on him like a cute pet, and you’re so perfect in his hands he curses himself for not seeing you before. 

He is going to ruin you for anyone but him. Put so much cum in you, it will make your tummy bulge – make you his precious sugar baby, pay for your dumb college and make you move to his bedroom instead of some shitty dorm you probably share with four other people. 

He can be good for you – but he will ruin you for anyone else, anyone appropriate, every guy your age who clearly doesn’t know how to treat a lady right. 

— So wet for me…such a filthy thing, I didn’t know my son dated a whore. 

— N…not a whore, please…

He kisses you on your forehead, silently apologizing. You feel his crooked, scarred smile, and you push your face up to kiss him – you want to touch him so badly it makes you feel stupid. 

— Sorry, Schatzen. Not a whore, a good girl for her daddy, ja? So nice for me, too fucking young…

— W…we really shouldn’t… — Tshhh, don’t think about it. Thinking will only hurt your pretty dumb head. — I’m not…

— Quiet, little one. Let daddy handle everything.

He kisses you over and over, his fingers playing with your pussy – meaty digits digging in your hole, making you whimper from sudden intrusion. He is big, bigger than anyone else, just two of his fingers are enough to spread you as much as normal cock would, and even though you’re used to taking Paul’s size, you just know that his dad would be much, much bigger. He is going to split you open, and you will love every fucking second. 

It feels so wrong, you still aren’t sure if you want him to touch you like this. 

It feels so right, he is experienced and eager, pushing every button to make you squirm in his grasp. Your orgasm comes embarrassingly quick – maybe because you haven’t gotten off in ages, only miserable masturbation sessions and poor attempts at faking your orgasm made it feel real. Paul never cared enough to actually get you off – but now…

You aren’t ready for him. You squirm in his grasp when the pressure becomes too much, and he soothes you, two fingers still buried in your soaked cunt. You feel so dirty, so wrong right now – you are cumming on the fingers of your boyfriend’s absent father, and you love every second of it. 

Post-orgasm clarity makes you whiny and sobby, and you whimper in his shoulder when he gently lifts you in his hands. God, you’re adorable, and he knows that he just scrambled your brain with that orgasm – it’s good, really, he might just want to keep your pretty head nice and empty for him. Not like you would ever need to think in his presence, the colonel can handle everything in- and out- of bed. 

König holds you close, not allowing you to scramble away no matter how embarrassed you are. You are his precious thing, with a pouty face, and he will do everything in his power to make you squirm on his fingers again and again before he makes you his wife for good. 

So impulsive, maybe this is why his son is such an asshole – taking the worst traits of his father. 

— Don’t cry, Schatzen. You’re okay, it felt good, didn’t it? 

— W…we shouldn’t have. Shit. I’m sorry, it was a m…god, I need to tell Paul. 

— I’ll tell him. 

— No! — I will tell my asshole of a son that you’re my girl now, ja? And then I will take you to the bedroom, so we can fuck. 

— I need to return to my dorm. 

— And then I will dine you properly, okay? Sorry, Liebling, I know I should court you before all of this…but we can afford to go a bit off board, ja? 

He is smiling, so smitten and obsessed over just having you cum on his fingers once – you don’t have the heart to say no. Never did. You’re a good, proper girl, and Paul was never treating you right anyway. You feel dirty, yes, but somehow, it is almost right. 

He peppers your face with kisses, like a dog lapping its tongue all over your skin – you’re so concentrated on the warmth of his strong, seasoned body that you don’t even look in the direction of the doorway to the kitchen. 

Paul, however, looks straight at you, disheartened and shocked. 

— W…what the fuck, dad?! König laughs, kissing you once again – deep, hot, with tongue and loud, sloppy sounds of your mouth pressing into one another. You’re stuck in place, still caged in his arms like a precious little pet you are. 

— She’ll make a good step mom, ja? 

You don’t even register his hands slowly caressing your fingers as if he already tries to check the ring sizes. 

[gojoest]

“I can’t believe you let that guy hold your hand”

Satoru was upset. Really upset. You could see it all over his face — jaw clenched, brows furrowed, the vein on his forehead so swollen it was threatening to pop any second now.

“You are being ridiculous”, you sigh. He’s been at it for 3 hours now and you no longer have the energy to try and beat some sense into him, he’s not listening to you anyway. “Please stop”, you ask for what probably is the hundredth time.

“Okay”, he audibly breathes under his nose, but surely doesn’t sound the least bit convincing, nor does he look like he’s given up, judging by the way he’s fervently searching up something on his phone, tapping left and right, downloading all kinds of social apps. “What’s his name?"

“You’re not going to look him up now, are you?”

He can’t be serious, you try to reason internally. He’s just being too silly right now pretending to throw another jealousy fit to show you just how much he loves you and how crazy he is about you, you try to convince yourself.

Yet, the look in his eyes refutes all of your hopes.

He has gone mad. He really is after that guy.

“Bingo. Name, please”

“I don’t remember it”, you let out an exasperated whine.

“Fine, I’ll just have Ijichi track that homewrecker down, then I’ll go deal with him personally myself”

“…”, you sigh once again. “And then what?”

“I’ll cut his hand and burn it”, he nonchalantly blurts out, his eyes focused on his phone as he types out instructions to Ijichi, along with a photo attached to the message.

3 hours ago, when things went terribly wrong

As promised, you were showing Satoru your childhood albums.

He was very eager to see how the mini you looked backed in the day. Basking in the sight of your adorable self from the photos, gushing over your chubby cheeks and cute outfits, he was asking about the story behind each shot and curiously listening to you go on and on about the old times and the little you he didn’t know about.

…that was until a certain group photo from kindergarten caught Satoru’s eyes.

“What’s this”, he pointed at it.

“It’s a group pic from kindergarten when I was four, I think? The teachers made us pair up and hold hands for the photo, and I ended up with this boy here”

Silence. Something was off.

Satoru wasn’t reacting the way he was to the other pictures. His smile was frozen on his lips but it was gone from his eyes, and he was unusually quiet too. The aura he was giving off was definitely eerie, and not the least bit loving.

“Yeah?”, Satoru spoke in a dull voice. “And you let him hold your hand?”

“What?”, you blinked twice. “I—, what?”

“You let another man touch you?”

“A man? He was four, and so was I — we were children, Satoru”, you, in complete disbelief, try to laugh it off. There was no way he could be actually upset about and jealous over something so ridiculous (he was in fact very upset and very jealous, and yes, over something so ridiculous).

“It doesn’t change the fact that this bastard touched what’s mine”, he was gritting his teeth.

“I wasn’t yours back then”, and you were pouring oil into the fire.

“Look, just because we didn’t know each other doesn’t mean you weren’t mine. You were always mine, you just didn’t know it. But that guy—”

You cut him off, “Alright”, and took the photo album from his lap, closing it shut and tucking it under your armpit. “We’re done looking at my childhood pictures”

“Why? Are there more guys holding your hand in there?”, he protested in a high-pitched voice.

“…”

“Oh my god?”, he cried out. “There are?”

Yes, there were. And if he kept looking, by the end of the day, he would turn into a mass murderer.

a/n: mind you, the rest of the pictures are all on friendly terms too, purely platonic. but better safe than sorry! AHAHAH

[whorelaud]

reader crying to drew about tiktok getting banned, and him comforting her about it  warnings fluff!!! hurt/comfort (?), cringe, reader being dramatic & drew being chronically offline

Drew wasn't typically a social media person. Sure, he posts from time to time, but that's only to promote stuff when it's required, or sometimes when he wants to show you off. Other than that, the boy chose to live by the book, letting his manager take care of the business, and keep his fans updated only from time to time. 

Therefore, when he was suddenly startled out of his slumber to your muffled cries, of course he was confused, swiftly blinking the sleep out of his eyes, as he rubbed comforting circles to your back. 

"What's wrong, baby?" He muttered through a yawn, squinting one of his eyes closed. "Did sometbing happen, why are you crying?" 

"What do I do?" You cried out loud, attention fixing on your tear soaked phone. "It's actually gone." 

"What's gone?" He asked, gaze following yours. "Tell me what's going on, you're scaring me." 

"Tiktok's banned," you sniffled, gesturing towards the screen, where it loaded the information regarding the ban. "What do I do with myself now? I hate instagram, it's scary!" 

"Tiktok's banned?" Drew asked, grabbing the phone from your side. He eyed it with puzzlement, reading over the statement displayed on your device. "Since when?" 

"You clueless old man," you muttered under your breath, snatching the phone from his hold. His eyes trailed back to you with confusion, pupils glistening with innocence that had your heart skipping a beat. "They've been talking about it for a whole two weeks now! I thought it would be like all the other times, but they actually did it, and now it's gone!" 

"Okay, it's alright, baby." He reassured, cupping your face in between his fingers. "It's not worth all those tears, yeah? Don't want my precious girlfriend crying over a dumb app." 

"Shut up," you shyly shoved the touch away, merely for him to dodge the gesture, stilling his hands around your cheeks. His thumb rubbed soothing motions to the curve of your jaw, lips breaking into a sheepish grin, one that had you smiling like a fool. "I'm actually sad, what about my Drew Starkey edits collection?" 

"What do you need the edits for?" He chuckled, pecking your nose, then the corner of your mouth, trailing light, open-mouthed kisses all over your face, till he eventually plants a soft kiss to your lips. "I'm right here, you can look at me all day." 

"Still..." you trailed off, voice barely above a whisper. "They were good edits." 

"Yeah?" The corner of his lips tugged into a teasing smirk, tone filled with amusement. "Want me to recreate them?" 

"No, yeah, I'm no longer sad." You joked, playfully rolling your eyes. Your lips pursed into a thin line, merely to supress the smile forming around your lips. 

"See, you're smiling!" Drew giggled, pulling you into a hug, as you practically melted in his embrace. "Let's jus' sleep, I'm sure they'll have things figured out soon." 

You nodded in silence, burying your face in the crook of his neck, instantly intoxicated by his scent as it filled your nostrils. 

Although it was an idiotic thing to cry over, Drew didn't shame you for it, choosing to comfort you instead, no matter how stupid it truly was. 

And that alone was enough reasons to take your last breath with him. You couldn't ask for a better, chronically offline, partner. 

–

My love ❤️: yo nvm everything is good tt is back up 😇

Drew: 🫤

a/n i live for silly and cringe content idc :'c

[starrbishops]

⟡Not So Secret⟡

(John Walker x Reader)

Summary: After months of keeping your relationship secret, you and John are finally caught. - ao3 version

Word Count: 2k

Notes: (Set after the events of Thunderbolts*, horny fluff, talk of sex, John Walker praise kink (the people have inspired me) established relationship, Bob appearance!

a/n: i cannot help it i love putting this man in silly ass situations so here we are again. Now featuring Bob!

“This movie is really fucked up.”

You turn from your spot on the couch. “So you are watching it?” John stands directly behind the couch, arms crossed and brow furrowed as he stares at the screen. “I’m just passing through.”

“You’ve been passing through for 20 minutes, babe.”

He stays silent, prompting you to hold out a hand, which he (finally) takes as he climbs onto the sofa next to you.

“Took you long enough.” you get comfortable, throwing your legs over your boyfriend’s lap and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, while he snakes an arm around your waist.

“It’s just, I get wanting to get paid, but dude, forcing an amnesiac to be your wife is fucking nuts, even if she does suck as a person.” he gestures at the TV, where an old rom-com you’d put on absentmindedly plays. “Like, I’m a shitty dude, but I’m not that shitty, jesus.”

“You gotta stop talking about yourself like that.” you sigh, “but yeah, this is a very weird premise.”

John throws his free hand up. “Thank you.”

“We don’t have to watch it, y’know.”

“No, I care now. I need to know how this ends so I can complain about it properly.”

You laugh, seeing how he gets riled up over the stupidest things. With most people John has a tendency to be contrary, disagreeing with anything and picking stupid flights over it. He’s been better about it recently, especially since you pointed it out to him. Instead he gets out the general frustration that seems to always hang on him through the most random complaints. It’s cute, seeing what he gets overly enthusiastic or angry about. Last week Bucky accidentally hit a little too hard in training and he brought it up just about any time the other super soldier was in the room.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, letting the movie play on in the background. You peer over at John, who lays back against the couch, absentmindedly rubbing circles with the hand on your waist.

He looks relaxed, something you don’t see often with him. His jaw is clenched, head rolled back. You lean over and peck a kiss on his cheek. 

He turns as you pull back, surprised a little. “What’s that for?”

You shrug. “What, I can’t just kiss my boyfriend for the hell of it?”

“If you’re gonna kiss me, do it right.” he leans in and presses his lips to yours, smiling as he does it. John is never one to half-ass something. His other hand cups your cheek, pulling you closer before running through your hair. 

He grunts a little as you pull away, already leaning back as you giggle. “I thought you were watching the movie.”

“Fuck the movie.” he mutters, grabbing the remote to shut the TV off as he catches your lips again, running his tongue along them before delving into your mouth, as if he's claiming his territory.

You groan as he presses you down against the sofa, now laying on top of you as you wrap your legs around his waist. His large hand grip your hips like you’re going to vanish if he doesn’t hold on.The heat between you grows as you press yourselves as close as possible, as if trying to meld into one.

“So perfect.” he mutters as he comes up briefly for air, moving his mouth to your jaw and trailing kisses down your neck. “Drive me fuckin’ crazy, darlin’.” 

His Georgia drawl peeks out when he gets like this; intense, single minded. If the hardness pressing against your stomach is any indication, the blood has left his head and gone straight to his dick, not that you’re complaining.

“John,” you manage to get out as he starts to push a hand under your shirt. “Babe, we shouldn’t-”

“Why not?” he continues to paper kisses to your collarbone, although his hand has stopped, waiting for your consent to go any further.

“We’re in the living room, what if someone walks in?”

“No one’s gonna walk in”

“Babe.” you grab his chin, forcing him to look you in the eyes as you give him a sharp look. It’s not that you don’t want your teammates to know about the two of you. It’s been a few months, long enough for you to know you’re serious about this, and that John is too. You’d just rather not defile another public living space.

John sighs, hanging his heaven the crook of your neck. You pat him on the back, getting a laugh out of him. “Alright, good boy.”

He goes a little still at that, and you worry for a moment before realizing what you’ve done. “Oh, you’re into that aren’t you?”

“Shut up.” he grumbles as he sits up, pulling you up with him. 

“What, you like it when I tell you how amazing you are?” you tease, one hand running through his beard. He leans into the touch, always happy to take anything you have to offer. “How handsome you are, how good you are in bed?”

“You keep talking like that, I’m not gonna make it to the bed.” he warns, his hand coming up to meet yours. You just chuckle, kissing him once again. Then his hands are moving back to your waist as he lifts you, never breaking the kiss as he moves them to grip your thighs. You tighten your grip around his waist, feeling how aroused he is as he kisses you.

You’re in for a hell of a night, you think, before you hear a sudden “Oh!” from behind you.

You and John both pull away, whipping around to see Bob standing in the entryway, eyes wide and embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you guys were busy, um, I can, I can go, I didn’t mean to-” Bob stutters out incoherent apologies as you and John stand frozen, unsure of what to do.

“Bob.” you finally manage to say. “It’s okay. Sorry you had to see that.” you pat John’s shoulder indicating to put you down, which he does, his face still in a state of shock as he stares at Bob.

“It’s okay, I know you guys- I mean, um, it’s fine.”

“You know what?” John breaks his silence as he presses you to the front of him, hiding his still present erection.

Bob opens his mouth again, although no sound comes out as he tries to come up with something to say. “Well, I kinda knew about you guys. For a while.”

Once again, you and your boyfriend stand shocked as Bob begins rambling. “I didn’t mean to not tell you, I just didn’t want to like, invade your privacy because I could tell you wanted it to be secret, sp I didn’t say anything-”

“How long have you known?” John barks out, less angry and more confused and irritated than anything.

Bob wrings his hands. “Um, like three months?”

John hands his head, and you stifle a laugh as you look up at him. He just shakes his head, looking down at you embarrassed. You can’t help it, you start laughin at the ridiculousness of it all.

“We’ve only been dating five months.” you tell Bob through giggles. “How did you even find out?”

“Oh, well, there was this one time I woke up really early by accident, so I went to the kitchen ‘cause I was hungry, and you guys were in there.” he explains, still nervous. “And you seemed, um, busy, so I left.”

“Oh my god.” John mutters, recalling the day in question.

John has a tendency to wake up early; it’s built in from years in the military. Having begun to spend most nights in his bed, you’d started getting up with him, the two of you enjoying the peace and domesticity of breakfast together in the kitchen.

You sat on the island, watching as John made the two of breakfast. You never would’ve expected him to be competent in the kitchen, let alone a good cook. Yet most mornings, he was the one making you both food, always insistent it was “the most important meal of the day.”

“Okay.” he handed over a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs, leaning against the island next to you. You furrowed a brow at him.

“None for you?”

He shrugged. “Not hungry.”

“What happened to the most important meal of the day?” you joke as you elbow him, getting a chuckle in return. Again he just shrugged. “Well, now I feel bad eating because you don't have anything.”

“Come on,” he moved to stand between your legs. “I like doing things for you. Takin’ care of you.” he brushed a stray piece of hair behind your ear, the rest still messy from a long night together.

“Besides, I can think of something else I’d enjoy.” his hands moved to massage your thighs, a sly grin on his face. 

“Jesus, John, again?” you were still sore from the night before, although he didn’t seem to care much as kneeled down before you. Your food was long forgotten, tossed somewhere else on the island as he pressed a kiss to your inner thigh.

“I like takin’ care of my girl.” he tugged at your shorts, his Southern accent peering out before you heard a sudden noise from the hallway. 

You whip[ed around, only to see nothing but an empty entrance.

“Hey.” John squeezed your thigh, drawing your attention back to him. “No one’s up at this hour. We’re good.” 

You ran your hand through his hair. “You’re cleaning up the counter after this.” you joke.

He just smiled, pressing another kiss to your legs. “Fine by me.”

“Oh, Jesus christ.” you cover your eyes in shame, “That was you?”

“Yeah. I didn’t see anything though!” he assures you. “Um, besides, like uh. The setup.”

“Oh my god.” you repeat, remembering how Bob would avoid the kitchen island like a plague.

“Well, at least it was a good morning.” John jokes, prompting you to smack his chest. He clears his throat. “Sorry you had to see it though, Bob.” 

“It’s okay. You guys are cute. Whenever I see you together you seem really happy.”

“Thanks Bob- what do you mean whenever?”

Bob eyes eiden against, realizing he’s said something he shouldn't. “Um, well that wasn’t the only time-”

“Oh god, Bob you pervert.” John cries out,  waving a hand in the air as you laugh again.

“It’s not my fault! You guys are just kinda obvious!” he defends himself, raising hands in a show of peace.

“Bob- stop laughing!” John insists, and you stifle your laughs with her hand. “Bob, please stop watching me and my girlfriend.”

“I don’t watch, yo guys are just always making out in public places!” he argues, shutting up at a sharp look from JOhn. “Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stay out of it. Congrats, though, I hope you two are very happy together.”

“We are. Now go.” John waves a hand towards the doorway, which Bob quickly walks to before pausing in the wnt raya.

“Could you just, like, not have sex on the couch? I like the couch, I don’t wanna have to avoid it forever-”

“Bob!” the man runs out at the warning from JOhn, who sighs as he lays his head atop yours. “Jesus Christ.”

“I told you this would happen.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were right.”

You smile a little, again reaching up to move his chin to face you. “You know, I don’t mind him knowing.”

John grumbles a little, though he nods. “Yeah. Just rather he does not find out by seeing me eat you on the kitchen counter.”

“Well whose idea was that?” you point out, receiving more grumbles from John above you. “We gotta tell the others, you know.”

He nods, reluctantly. “Do we really have to?” he squeezes your hips. “I like having you to myself.”

“Would you rather have Alexei walk in on us?” he shudders at the thought, eliciting another chuckle from you. 

“Okay.” he concedes, spinning you around to face him. “But tomorrow. I want one more night of just us.”

You smile, reaching up to kiss him again. “Okay.” you agree as you pull away. “So can we get back to what we were doing earlier?”

“God, yes.” you yelp as John lights you again, kissing you firmly as he carries you off towards his room. 

a/n: Anotha one. I have so much fun writing these it's silly. Hope you have just as much fun reading them! Signing off again:

[halkyona]

AFFECTIONATE

akaashi keiji x gn!reader

includes: clingy keij

notes: old fic reupload

There are days when Keiji has these… moods. 

It starts out unnoticeable at first, his actions so small and natural they’re simply normal—a kiss to the temple as he passes you in the hallway, brushing his fingers over your arm when he sits down beside you, placing a kiss to your lips as he hands you the lunch he’s made. 

You’re no stranger to your husband’s feathery touches throughout the day, delicate affections rewarded unto you for no reason other than that he loves you. 

But as the day goes on, that’s when you finally begin to notice the change. He curls himself around you as he watches the movie you’ve put on for the afternoon, he bombards you while washing dishes to steal a few drawn out kisses before disappearing, he leans over the back of the couch to bury his face in your neck for a few moments then goes back down the hall to his office. 

The more time that passes, the more you find your husband coming back to you again and again—more touches, more affection, more love. 

You’re in the kitchen looking in the fridge for a pre-dinner snack when two familiar arms wind around your waist from behind, followed by a soft set of lips pressing to the base of your neck. 

“Hey,” you greet, placing your hands on top of Keiji’s arms, rubbing circles into his skin with your thumb. He hums in response, simply pressing another kiss to the side of your neck. Grinning, you lean back into him, dropping your head back onto his shoulder. “What’s gotten into you today?” 

There’s another kiss, this time longer, and then Keiji’s pressing his lips to your temple, not even for a kiss really, but just enough for contact. “I miss you,” he whispers, and a rush of warmth spreads through your bones. 

“I’ve been with you all day, silly. What do you mean you miss me?” Keiji pulls back so he can look down and meet your gaze, glasses slipping a little down his nose. Then his arms are tightening around you and he’s leaning to bury his face in your neck again, flushed cheeks pressing into your skin. 

“I just love you,” he breathes, his voice that same shy tone he uses when asking for cuddle time after breakfast and saying excuse me when he walks in on you changing, even after two years of dating and three of marriage. “So much.” 

Your cheeks hurt from how wide your lips stretch, twisting around in his arms and placing your hands on both sides of his face, making him look at you once again. 

“You’re so precious, you know that,” you tease, though there’s obvious sincerity laced within it. Even now, it seems Keiji is facing an inner battle about whether to look at your eyes or lips, subconsciously leaning in with each tick of the clock. 

You meet him halfway, initiating the first bout of affection from your end today. Your fingers slide from the sides of his face to the nape of his neck, sifting into the curls at the base, scratching ever so slightly. When you pull back, Keiji chases your lips, and you can’t help but laugh as you give him one more peck then untangle yourself from him. 

“I’m gonna go watch a movie in bed,” you tell him, slowly walking out of the kitchen. You stop once you’re in the doorway, turning to look back at your husband over your shoulder with a devilish little smirk. “Aren’t you gonna come cuddle?” 

The rest of the day is spent with Keiji and you tangled up in bed, limbs intertwined and breaths shared between lazy kisses. You’re halfway through your second movie when the sound of soft snores comes from where Keiji’s head is pressed to your sternum. 

You try to shift, just to see what’ll happen, and smile softly when it does nothing but make his arms wrap around you tighter. You slip his glasses off his nose, setting them on the bedside table, and bury your nose into his hair. 

“I love you,” you whisper to the sleeping man on top of you, who hums as if he’s awake enough to respond. Pressing a kiss to the crown of his head, you let your eyes slip shut too. “So much.” 

[crushmeeren]

イ JEALOUSY

⋆ note ; having rampant thoughts about alucard so….. yeah, here i am. still procrastinating my other fic, continuing to insert myself into this fandom lmao. don’t ask where this idea came from, cuz I’d say I pulled it from my ass.

⋆ suggestive-ish content, cursing.

master list

Studying Alucard, at the irritated scrunch of his nose, at the expression that displays his holier than thou attitude — well, you determine that jealousy looks good on him.

The menacing air that surrounds him, the sharp fang poking out over his bottom lip, you’re sure it’s scaring everyone within his vicinity. He’s sulking, but he’s still terrifying.

You’d thought bringing your husband to the bar tonight would be a good change of pace. Alucard spends so much time of his free time holed up inside, acting every bit like the centuries old half vampire he is, you wanted him to live a little.

Convincing him to ditch his black coat and put on a silky white button up was, surprisingly, the most difficult part.

Somehow you’d ended up on the dance floor. Alone. Putting on a show for Alucard, encouraging him to join the crowd and dance with you while he sat pretty in a torn up booth. You’d been so eager for him to let loose. To slide up behind you, grab your hips like a lifeline, and place hot kisses all over the side of your throat until he got so worked up he’d drag you home and shove your face in the sheets.

You’re on the verge of hooking him, the heavy beat of the music thumping in your chest, when strange fingers circle around your outstretched wrist. You jump, gasping as you whip towards the unknown source. A man with shaggy brown hair tugs you closer, a silly smile pointed at you.

The man raises his voice to be heard over the speakers. “Why’re you all alone doll? Need a partner to grind that sweet ass against?”

You twist your wrist free, brows shooting up at the blunt statement. What the fuck? “Uh no, I’m not alone. My husband is here. So please leave me the hell alone,” you reply, tone firm in your rejection. You take a step backwards, creating some distance.

He follows, crowding in way too close for comfort. “Ya sure about that? I don’t see him anywhere.”

That’s when you choose to shoot Alucard a look asking for help. That’s when you notice his furious features and your stomach lurches with heat, flipping upside down.

Your husband is positioning himself between you and the stranger before you can blink, pushing his chest roughly with a look of disdain, a nasty curl to his lip.

“Adrian,” you start. “He’s not worth your time.” You grab his elbow but Alucard holds up a hand, directing his attention to the other man, who’s now staring at him in disbelief.

“What the hell man? Who do you think you are Adri—,”

Alucard cuts him off with a hiss. “Do not utter my name, you filthy fucking animal. If you dare lay another hand on my wife, I’ll rip the limb from your body. Do you understand?” he threatens, destroying the distance between himself and the stranger.

You’re on the tips of your toes, eyes darting between both men. The unwanted stranger, who appears to retain some sense about him, snaps his jaw shut and raises his hands in surrender. He spins in the opposite direction and scurries out of sight.

Alucard remains frozen in place. You side step him, then shift until you’re face to face. He rolls the tension from his shoulders once your hands settle on his chest, meeting your burning gaze and flushed face. The intensity in his eyes lights you up inside, the tips of your fingers tingling.

No other thoughts come to mind besides “that was so hot, my husband is so fucking hot. i want him.” And you tell him so.

He chuckles, lifting one hand to cradle your cheek, thumb running across your bottom lip. “Did I make you ravenous for me, my love? I was unaware my possessive nature appealed to you so sweetly,” He teases, leaning in to kiss your cheek.

You nod, desperate to go home. “Adrian,” you plead. “C’mon, stop teasing.”

He places his lips against your ear and murmurs “If that’s your desire, then we shall leave this place. I’ll show you that you’re completely, utterly, mine.”

イ here’s the real question…does anyone want an nsfw part 2?

[cherrribun]

Just read your first years with a stoner!reader and wanted to ask if you could write the same for the third years? Like they just catch the reader about to start smoking, eye contact, “You want one?”

TWST 3rd Years x Stoner! Reader

loving writing these, theyre so silly! not all are loyal to the exact prompt, but theyre variations of it! i love rook, i would kiss him if he was real :dreamy:

Characters: 3rd years!

TWS: Drug usage, weed of all kinds, some characters dislike the weed

a/n: sorry idias shorter, hes a bit difficult to write for me, but i shall improve!

Trey Clover

-trey has the mind of a worn out father of 3, the poor man

-hes very often busy, and despite this, does as much as he can to make time for everyone who is important to him

-heartslabyul is possibly the worst dorm to be a stoner in tbh

-often times you have to attend to the variety of colorfully bothersome 800 odd rules, all of which to be considered not only during class but afterward

-so no dice to our reader

-the most available hour to smoke is most often late at night, when most other students are asleep

-trey likes to wish everyone a goodnight before bed, wether theyre in the common room or their bedrooms!

-what a sweetie, if it werent for the fact you couldn’t wait for him to sleep one night, and decided to play chicken with footsteps down the hall

-the first footsteps weren’t trey, so you smoked, blowing it out the window

-and the next weren’t, nor were the ones after

-assuming trey had mistaken you for being in the common room and he had went to bed, you stopped trying to hide your pen when you heard walking

-of course, he enters your room with intentions of wishing you goodnight, when you are literally in the middle debating hotboxing the room

-”goodnight, dear—-”

-theres a good long moment of staring as trey is in some disbelief, you can see him grimace as he is assaulted by the stench of the weed

-you kind of just stare at one another, before you kind of just hold the pen out as if an invitation

-trey blinks

-”you know you really shouldn’t be doing that in the dorms. Its not good for you,”

-you got lectured for about 10 minutes before trey came over and gave you a goodnight hug

-he sheepishly kind of stood by the bed before snatching the pen and taking a hit lol

Cater Diamond

-lets be very honest, cater is a fiend for weed

-its practically in the dna of anyone with screentime exceeding 8 hours a day

-but cater isn’t dumb, he wouldn’t post about it explicitly, but has had “scandals” when he goes live on magicam, a little too giggly and slow while doing his little nightly routine

-when you come into the picture, you obviously shoot cater a follow on magicam, and he ofc follows you back

-and one day you happen upon his giggly streams, hes clearly tripping based off the way he cant stop laughing while messing with filters

-bless, youve found your people

-you would go up to him next time you saw him, and subtly ask him if he knows a mary jane

-he looks at you all stupid for a second before he catches on but seven be damned, hes estatic

-later that day, when its the evening turning night, you are of course enjoying the pleasures of your bong when a certain redhead is knocking on the door

-he immediately laughs the moment he sees your bong, pulling out his own pen when he shuts the door behind him

-”great minds think alike! I’m like totally not supposed to do this, but I brought secret tarts. no telling!!”

-cater is an active guy when high, he loves himself sativa, or whatever magical equivalent there is

-a smoke sesh with cater is a dream come true, hes entertainment enough with the way he literally can not sit still. he will go from telling you the latest gossip to playing his playlist and begging you to dance with him, all the while snickering and laughing

Lilia Vonrouge

-lilia is a very peculiar man, as many may be aware

-700 years old, a calloused war veteran who struck down foes larger than life, raising silver himself

-and also a gamer, 5’1, and owner of eclectic “vases”

-its rather safe to say when he stumbles upon you in the middle of taking a hit, he had known for a long time already

-hes not necessarily a stalker, but he does hang around per say (literally)

-and his “stumbling” upon you was very likely him hanging upside down in your room, likely planning on scaring you for the fun of it, but got interested as you looked about suspiciously before pulling out your little draw-string bag of buds

-he promptly blows his cover, scaring you yes, but hes eager to join you

-”my my, smoking in school? diasomnia no less? Youve a rebellious streak in you, most kids do dont they?”

-old man

-i jest, yet he does recall when weed was first localized for humans and the exact date when each strain was curated

-i dont really know if he would necessarily ask you if he could join, more so holding his hand out expectantly

-but you obviously havent rolled shit yet, so awkwardly handing him a bud, you watch in horror as he just. Eats. the bud

-lilia high isnt very different from normal lilia, honestly, hes possibly more tolerable if youre a fan of “back in my day” speeches

-he probably requires alot of weed to really feel much too, hes got a tolerance from over the years, you know. best to keep some extra if you want to keep the man around!

Malleus Draconia

-malleus is a bit of a buzz kill to be quite frank

-not in your usual sense however

-when malleus walks into your dorm, having picked up on that ever peculiar scent of a certain herb, he lays into you

-but not in the ‘smoking is bad for you!’ way

-in the ‘what is cannabis’ way

-malleus had grown up incredibly sheltered in briar valley, he barely speaks to a soul outside of lilia whom isnt always the best company

-he literally has no idea what the hell weed is, its simply never been introduced to him in anyway

-after a long explanation of what drugs are, how you enjoy the sensations of being high and buzzy, how you can get so hungry and sleepy or excited and stupid from the herb

-hes like a mix of a grandpa and a toddler sitting at the edge of your bed. hes got the mentality of a hardened ancient and the heart of a child

-he gladly accepts your offer of the drug, but doesn't heed your advice when you tell him not to hold back the coughs

-malleus hacking up a lung isn’t a sight many have ever been able to see!!

-it takes him a good amount of weed ingested to get any sort of high, much like lilia, but not nearly as much as the bat

-if youve ever thought malleus was brooding and quiet, youve simply never seen him on drugs. hes silent, staring, and unmoving, starkly like the gargoyles he enjoys so much

Idia Shroud

-idia smokes. he has a screen time thats so abysmally terrible its almost a cruel joke

-idia is a fiend for indica, he loves feeling silly and sleepy, and it soothes his anxiety quite well

-so he accepts to smoke with you

-anticipate a long, thoughtful reflective conversation when you're havinf a sesh with the guy

-he has shower thoughts to share for sure, and some crazy stories to tell you from time to time

-honestly with the way he speaks, you might forget he has indepth statstics about every persons social levels!

-he can lock in like crazy when hes high, dont be mistaken, however

-when not letting you in on his interesting inner world, hes got his eyes firmly locked onto a screen, absolutely crushing the poor souls who had the misfortune to be in a game queue with him

-however, he can't watch anime for the life of him when high, without being directly involved, he succumbs to the sleepiness almost instantly

Vil Schoenheit

-you have some balls to even think about smoking in the pomfiore dormitory, let alone when youre dating the vil schoenheit!

-vil has absolutely zero time for such lowly activities such as smoking weed!

-you have to get very creative with it, edibles are your best bet in such a pickle

-alas, vil insists on sampling one of your brownies, and dear god, no matter what you say, he demands it

-when you try and scoot around why he can't have one, he dramatically storms off and you have an angry vil to handle for the night

-he takes one during the night, and you get to wake up to vil in a distress you have never seen before

-”dearest, were those *marjiuana* brownies?”

- vil relaxed after you confirmed it, and let him know he wasn't dying, but he tried his best to scold you for smoking

-”this is simply unbelievable! have you no consideration for my image!?”

-too bad hes got the attention span of a goldfish while high

-show him something on your phone,let him have it, and you are set

-the wonderlands equivalent of tiktok is like a life line for you while this man is absolutely stoned out of his mind

-youve got a nice lecture waiting for you in the morning, try and enjoy him so soft and not uptight in this moment, yeah?

Rook Hunt

-rook is absolutely adorable

-the mans got the purest heart one could ever encounter, and adores anything to do with his betrothed

-when he encounters you and your penjamin, hes got a lovely impromptu poem for you to listen to

-”mon amour, you have stolen my heart in ways not uet discovered by the greater world! tu es éblouissante, ma cheri!--” yapyapyap

-all of which his is dramatic way of saying he doesn't care you smoke

-when you end up offering him some, trust, hes on one knee infront of you like hes proposing

-hes terribly down bad

-when hes high, oh my god, you would need to sew his mouth shut in order to keep him quiet

-he babbles absolutely nothing short of nonsense, almost all of which is in french

-”tu as volé mon coeur, tu es incroyable mon cheri. que ferais-je pour t’épousee á cer instant précis mon petit chou”

-hes also koala hugging you at all times, youre stuck to the bed with him while he babbles and pets you, i hope you dont mind being very warm!

Leona Kingscholar

-well….im not sure leona would care in anyway about someone smoking in the dorms, let alone his lover

-leona is supposed to report it, its a huge offense in terms of academics, but, is it truly that serious?

-absolutely not to this big ol’ lion

-he doesn't smoke himself, hes not into it, and if you ever offer, he declines

-”herbs are all yours, herbivore”

-he thinks hes funny for saying that (hes not)

-but ruggie will totally smoke with you, and leona gets agitated when you two are off having a little sesh together and the lions sitting and sulking on the bed

-why wont you sit and cuddle!??!

-you offer him the joint while you and the hyena are giggling, and he rolls his eyes and finally gives in

-”fine, whatever, its probably nothin’”

-oh my god, he absolutely loves it

-he sleeps like an absolute rock, head on your lap while you and ruggie are messing around and eating food

-during the brief moments hes awake, he grabs tou and pulls you into a death hug, and falls back asleep

-you wriggle out while laughing, repeat cycle

-leona can not help but smile when he sees you swooning while ruggie gags, only to realize the lions up and squeal and squirm away

-yeah, hes joining you next time again for sure

[dckweed]

TIKTOK MADE ME DO IT!GF VS TF141 BOYS

you keep seeing all these cute silly videos of girls trying to lift their massive bfs forcefully onto counters like they’re trying to be flirty or something and you just wanna try it on yours too..your followers have been begging for more of your bf on you account..if you angle the camera so you can hide his face like he likes and catch him off guard it should go easy, right? …right?!

Captain Price – "Hot"

It’s late. Price is standing at the stove, making himself a cup of tea like the old man he is, when you make your move.

You rush up behind him, grab him by the shoulders, and yank with all your strength.

He doesn’t budge.

Like, at all.

"John!" you grunt, trying again. Nothing. The man is solid.

Price barely turns his head. "What the hell are you doin’?"

"Trying—to—move you," you gasp, now throwing your whole weight into it.

He just watches you struggle, bemused. "And why the hell would you do that?"

You pause, panting. "Because it’s hot."

Price blinks. "Hot?"

"Yes," you huff, hands still gripping his arms. "You know, when I just spin you around and shove you onto the counter and—"

He lets out a sharp bark of laughter. "Oh, sweetheart."

You glare. "What?"

He turns fully now, looming over you, his eyes full of amusement. "You think you can lift me?"

Your confidence falters. "I—yes?"

"Love," he rumbles, cupping your face with one large, calloused hand. "I weigh more than your car."

You scowl, planting your hands on his chest. "That is not true."

He grins. "Try it, then."

You inhale sharply. Square your stance. Prepare for battle. Then, with all your might, you bend your knees, grip his waist, and—

Nothing.

Not even an inch. He does not move.

Price lets out a slow exhale, like he’s disappointed in you. "That all you got?"

You groan, letting your forehead fall against his chest. "I hate you."

His chest shakes with quiet laughter. "No, you don’t."

"...I don’t."

He presses a kiss to your forehead. "Good girl. Now, go sit down before you hurt yourself."

Gaz – "—you bastard”

Gaz is rummaging through the fridge when you strike.

You grab his shoulders, spin him around with all your might, and try to lift him.

"Babe, what the fuck—?!"

Your arms strain. "Get up there, you bastard!"

"Babe, NO—"

But then—somehow—you actually lift him.

Not much, but enough that Gaz panics, legs flailing. "WHAT THE FUCK—HOW ARE YOU THIS STRONG?!"

"TOO LATE, YOU’RE GOING UP!"

"NO I’M NOT—"

His elbow knocks into a carton of eggs, which promptly splats onto the floor.

You both freeze.

Silence.

Slowly, Gaz looks at you. "You’re cleaning that up."

You shove him. "Shut up, I almost succeeded."

Gaz groans, rubbing his forehead. "I cannot believe you just tried to deadlift me like a sack of fucking potatoes."

"I almost did it!"

"You are never trying that again—"

"Oh, I am," you declare.

Gaz sighs. "I need a fucking drink."

Ghost – "What the Hell ?"

Ghost is standing at the counter, slicing an apple like some kind of horror movie villain, when you sneak up behind him.

You grab his broad shoulders, spin him around—

—and immediately hit a brick wall.

He doesn’t move. At all.

"...What the hell are you doing, love?"

You gulp. "Nothing."

Ghost stares down at you, unimpressed. "Did you just try to flip me around?"

"...No."

He lifts a brow. "Then why are your hands still on me?"

You slowly remove your hands. "For emotional support."

Ghost exhales through his nose, shaking his head. "Jesus Christ."

"I was gonna lift you onto the counter," you mumble, crossing your arms.

Ghost blinks. Then snorts.

"You—" he gestures vaguely at your much smaller frame—"thought you could lift me—" he gestures at his entire fucking mass—"onto the counter?"

You frown. "You could at least pretend like I had a chance."

Ghost shakes his head, turning back to his apple. "Not even in your dreams, sweetheart."

You huff. "One day, Riley. One fucking day."

Ghost smirks. "Looking forward to it."

Soap – "—I DONT WANNA GO—"

Soap is standing at the stove, minding his own business, when you strike.

You grab him by the arms and yank—

—and, unfortunately, Soap is a lot more compliant than expected.

"WOAH—LASS, WHAT THE HELL—?!"

"YOU’RE COMING WITH ME!"

"I DON’T WANNA GO—"

You try to lift him. Soap panics.

"Babe—Babe, WAIT—"

Your foot slips. You both go toppling to the floor in a mess of limbs, flailing hands, and pure, unfiltered chaos.

For a moment, there’s just stunned silence. Then—

Soap, flat on his back: "Did you just fucking BODYSLAM me?"

You, sprawled across his chest: "I ALMOST HAD YOU."

"YOU FUCKING DIDN’T—"

"I WAS CLOSE—"

"YOU JUST FUCKING TACKLED ME LIKE A DAMN LINEBACKER—"

You groan, pressing your face into his chest. "Why are you so fucking heavy?"

"WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING DANGEROUS?!"

You both lie there, Soap wheezing as you groan dramatically.

Then, after a beat—

"...We should try again," you mumble.

Soap lets out a pained laugh. "Absolutely the fuck NOT."

Moral of the Story:

You thought you could be the one to execute the trend.

Turns out? You were horribly, horribly wrong.

[2cupids]

CHERRY POP!

warnings. virgin!reader, manipulation/coercion, age gap (toji’s in his 40s), dubcon, pet names. mdni (17+).

silly you for thinking that this old man’s intentions are pure. you never even suspected a thing when cherry chaser!toji invited you back to his place after one of your dates with him tonight, at least that's what you’ve been under the impression that they were. when in reality, toji’s just been buttering you up so you’ll warm up to him, with an end goal of slotting himself in between your legs and fucking your sweet virgin pussy.

maybe it was because he was such a sweet talker, it’s like honey oozed from his mouth every time he opened it to speak. “say what? you mean to tell me a sweet thing like you has never been touched? ‘ya saving yourself or somethin’, pretty girl?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow at your confession that you let slip on your first date.

you giggled like the naive little fool you are, seemingly taken with words. “no, toji. i just haven’t found the right guy. i haven’t even been on that many dates, honestly.”

once again, unbeknownst to you, toji forced yet another surprised expression onto his face. “you tryin’ fool me, darlin’? those guys are missing out.. you’re a real beauty, honey.” and that was the moment that sealed the deal. 

toji would be your prince charming. he’d play the part, sweeping you off your feet and making you completely smitten for him as he fooled you, wanting you for no other reason than for his own personal pleasure.. like he did with so many other inexperienced girls before you.

if someone had said you would be sandwiched in between this buff man and his bed just after the third date, you’d never believe it. but here you are. toji’s smooth talking and flattery made you fall right into his lap basically. he’s got you right where he wants you. 

he nibbles on your bottom lip, trailing soft kisses across your jaw and neck, your little gasps and small noises encourage him to keep going. he swipes his tongue over the love bites he leaves on your neck as his large hands creep underneath your top, rubbing his hands up and down the sides of your waist.

your shirt gets pushed over your breasts, exposing your torso and chest to the cool air of his home. his lips make contact with the tops of your breasts and you sigh at the gentleness of the kisses he places on them. toji’s eyes flickering up your face, “can i see these pretty tits, princess? i can make ya feel real good.”

you’re nervous, reluctant even, but toji’s silky voice and the trusting look in his eyes coax you to agree. with one swift motion, he unclasps your bra and tugs it down your shoulders, discarding it somewhere on the floor. he sucks your left nipple into his mouth and squeezes the right one in his hand, twisting it between his index finger and thumb. 

your eyes flutter shut and your pussy pulses from the action, “ahh.” the soft sound leaves your parted lips and toji smirks, moving over to give your right breast the same amount of attention.

you feel a breeze against your thighs as toji flips your skirt up while continuing his exploration down the smooth skin of your body. two thick fingers press against the seat of your panties, your breath catches in your throat and that’s when you stop him. “toj.. i don’t– i’m not ready for that.”

toji looks at you with yet another warm, albeit forced, smile. “just wanna taste ya, sweetie. aren’t ya curious what it feels like for someone to have their tongue on you?”

and here you go again, giving into him. a small nod of your head grants him permission to pull your panties down. he drops to his knees and caresses your plush thighs, inching closer to your core and spreading your labia to fully reveal your entire self to him, leaving you so vulnerable and open. your heart thumps in your chest as toji stares at your sex and you begin to worry. but he’s only admiring your virgin body before he ultimately deflowers it. 

his face presses into your pussy, sniffing it and letting the scent of your untouched pussy fill his nostrils. his tongue darts out, attacking your clit and you grip the covers. the feeling is so unfamiliar and odd, but it’s not unwelcomed. in fact it feels better with each second that passes. toji’s pants grow tighter as he eats your virgin cunt and drinks in your sweet little sounds. as much as he wants to make you fall apart on his tongue, he needs to feel your tight walls around him, sucking him in and begging to be abused. he stands up to pull off his shirt, revealing his tanned, muscular frame. he moves lower and starts to undo his pants and you prop yourself up on your elbows. you watch in surprise and open your mouth to stop him. “wait toji. i’m-” he expected you to try and stop him and he quickly cuts you off. his sweet, manipulative words reach your ears and you just melt. and for the third time in just a matter of minutes, you agree to toji’s words. if only you could read between the lines, but you’re so naive. so stupid.

“just relax for me, darlin’. i’ll take real good care of ya.” he purrs huskily, a wolfish grin creeps onto his face as he positions the tip at your opening. it takes everything in him not to push inside you in one go. he’s ready to bust that cherry of yours now. 

but depending on how you see it, luckily, or unluckily, for you, the sadistic portion of toji, loves to watch the way a virgin’s face twists into a pained expression the first time they take a big ole fat dick like his. this is the only reason that’s holding him back right now. a wad of saliva falls from his pursed lips as he spits on his dick, coating it. he watches as your pretty lips part to accommodate the head of his cock and he groans, your tightness immediately enveloping him. toji takes it slow, pushing in inch by inch while watching the tears fall from your eyes and the way your chest rises and stills every time he pushes in deeper. praises fall from his lips as he lets you adjust to him, but he’s getting restless fast and once that last inch is fully sheathed inside you, he starts moving his hips. he may be a little mean and a freak for having a thing for virgins, but he’s not completely heartless. his thumb comes down to rub your clit and you instantly find out just how much more pleasurable it seems to make penetration. you forget the pain of having your cherry blown out rather quick, thanks to toji for replacing it with the delicious feeling of being fucked by him and his big dick. toji’s turned you into a needy little moaning mess underneath him. he growls at how tight you still are despite him repeatedly stuffing you full of his dick and stretching you out. your walls are like a vice, tugging him back in every time he tries to pull away and he hates to admit it but he’s close, closer than he usually is this soon. “baby,” he grunts. “need to– ohh shit! let me cum inside.” with gritted teeth and a clenched jaw, he closes his eyes and tilts his head back as he picks up the pace, his hips colliding with yours much more rough than before. there’s not time for you to form a coherent sentence before you feel toji’s hips stutter and something warm being released inside you. you eyes widen in shock as his sperm coats your walls, not because you didn’t want it, no. it’s because it feels so good.

a small smirk tugs at the corners of your lips, but you can’t even bask in the feeling before toji’s hands are gripping the underside of your knees and pushing them backwards, folding you into a different position. he needs more of you and he won’t stop until he’s got his fill of you. “pussy’s too good, darlin’.. can’t fucking help myself.”

taglist <3 @cheezemanz @tojicvmslut

cleo’s note. happy early valentine’s day. can you believe i wrote this about gojo at first, then i ended up changing it to toji but they both fit the bill for this tbh. anyways thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated! love you