#Me this morning: I am gonna have 6 I feel it
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Finally succeeding my second year of uni with a 15,15/20 general average 🫶
#i had one exam to retake because I had a 8#Me this morning: I am gonna have 6 I feel it#The grades report: bitch you got 18#Me: what now#I assure you I understand nothing at this exam#the class? Cristal clear#The exam? Hell on earth#university#studyblr#personal stuff
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About to hand weave this man a potion carrying pouch in his character colors. I was already thinking about it. And then was like no. It's too early. I'll just give him a bit of the yarn my pouch is woven out of that I hypothetically would use as one of the components as a favor to wear for the tournament. I will be normal. So normal.
AND THEN HE GAVE ME A HANDMADE POTION CARRYING POUCH IN HIS BLUE THIS MAN MATCHED MY FREAK AND I TEMPORARILY SCALED BACK
gonna stay at 100% freak going forward
#faer personal files#i am about to get so so sappy in the tags#i am typing this bc i started setting up my loom and then i was like wait i need sleep#i literally have dnd in the morning#augh#it is immune to boyfriend curse bc 1. he did not request it 2. it is a surprise and 3. i am weaving not knitting 4. im not a girl#oh 5 he's not even technically my boyfriend yet#i also want to flex. like even when he is at events i am not at i want people envying his custom hand woven pouch and him to be like thanks#my partner made it for me <3#man cannot hand me a mace and a cool heraldic item and expect me to not want everyone to know he is loved#he's gonna have to get used to it. not saying i love you yet you know what i mean.#idk. i like him so much. i like who he is i like how he is and i like that he actually has room for me in his head#i like being looked at without feeling sliced in two. even i can't always do that when i look in the mirror.#i like when he smiles. i like when he looks a little surprised about how delighted i am by him but i'm gonna like it even more when#the surprise settles down bc he feels secure in how much i like him#i wanna make him worse i want to give him an ego i want to make him better i want him to love himself so much#i love getting 3 am goodnight texts bc he was working on his art i love sending those i was in an art hole text now i must sleep texts#a good 6 hours earlier lol and having him be just as hyped i love talking to him i love his smile so much#i am putting in the work to get chill with reciprocation bc i am not used to it and wow. wow. this is. very nice.#my knight
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#ok tag rant time yay#cus i need to process some shit#soooo the big thing is ajdhfnfhdk pretty girl!!! yay!!!!! and first time for that!!!!!!!! we matched on an app last friday#got coffee the next morning then met up again monday night (implied fun things) then in the wednesday morning shit show she came over just#to sit with me and so everything could be ok for a while and i felt the safest I ever have#which is a big deal because last time i had that feeling i was with the guy i like and one of my best friends sleeping on the floor because#little tiny college beds dont fit three people and then they left me on the floor to sleep in one bed together and i cried a lot#then they essentially kicked me out of the polycule and started dating soooo :) yeah#good to replace that with a (absolutely fucking gorgeous) pretty girl holding onto me while the world falls apart#and yeah she's sosososo prettyyyyy she has such nice dark long hair and really pretty eyes and she's literally#6 feet tall (which. ajdhdjfndbsmdjcjfj.) and she's the biggest nerd omg i had a like 2 hour conversation with her and her gf about star trek#its great#we're moving sapphic fast lol which is a lot but im obsessed with her a bit#did i mention shes so pretty? its fr like that one tiktok sound about a hot girl and her little gay boyfriend#oh and she came over again last night and i think im gonna dieeee lol i never realized how much of a physical touch person i am before#i mean i knew i liked it a lot but i just do not want to let go. at all. ever. i miss her#this is what i mean by bisexual so gay for men and women and it happens liek the stereotypes for both#sadly she's already mentioned maybe having to move because of everything and i really don't want that#but i guess we'll try it for as long as we can#overall though yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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CLARA PLEASE PLEASE CLARA NO NOT YOU NOT YET NOT NOW OH MY CLARA WHY PLEASE NO PLEASE
#I'm ugly sobbing at 6 in the morning over this#I was RIGHT to keep putting this off I was RIGHT to be afraid#I have not been this attached to a companion since rose#not even the ponds as much as I loved them#I knew I was gonna be distraught but. oh god. I thought the rocky start I had with her would've softened the blow#it didn't. it's not#sorry that clara doesn't get an full fuckin novel over her leaving like rose and amy did I don't have it in me#I'm genuinely so upset right now#clara oswin oswald I love u I love u foreva#let me be brave#be a little proud of me#FUCK!!!!!!!#I can't fucking take it man I can't oh I can't oh#I do not know when I am going to finish the last two episodes#oh. oh. my clara#I feel physically ill over this I love her so much#clara oswald#doctor who
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give me 5 reasons not to jump out of my window
#sorry its just#its 2 in the morning for my old man constitution and its the middke of doom week#AND i just finished an existentialism paper#ON NIETZSCHE#youd think id no how to spell that after 5 hours of typing and retyping his name but i DONT#1. bc i have to become an archaeologist for Petty Reasons for Spite Reasons#2. bc i have to become an archaeologist for cool 'baby jay wanted to do this and so does adult jay' reasons#3. my dog would miss me#4. my friends would miss me#5. i cant die till they can legally put dr on my grvestone#6. i havent written a book yet and the world deserves to see me zombie boyfriends#7. i havent actually done anything truly cursed yet#8. jumping out of a window is Not an interesting death i want to die in a cool way#9. i need to defend said existential paper in front of my favourite professor and best my entire class in verbal combat#10. i dont actually want to die i just want sleep and a hot cup of cocoa and maybe for finals week to be done with#yeah#i feel better after that#i actually really love my life because if you went back in time and told 12 yr old jay that they write about THE FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE one day#they would be shocked and in awe and find me so so cool bc they loved the Idea of studying philosophy even if they werent sure what it was#and thats kinda cool#i am my own hero and i am literally the coolest person to my younger self#and thats amazing#anyway#this acrually turned out kinda cheerful when i thought it would be a rant post#lol#abyway gonna go cram anthro and socio now bc apparently i keep taking ws
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woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way
but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D
anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎
#sterechats :)#09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway#what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again?#probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D#10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire#like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it#I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring!#but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3#11:00 pm - I need to get out of here#I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me#everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense#why am I even writing these tags what does it matter#I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing#maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore#I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha#11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one#how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good#everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now#here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah)#11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive#in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love#I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day#maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it!#maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead...#1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am#not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep#and I don't want this to post when I'm awake#I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always#because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really#I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay
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got home & immediately took two ibuprofen (massive throbbing headache) three tums (electrolyte water gave me heartburn) iron supplement melatonin multivitamin (normal dailies) strong cough drop (screaming) & started blasting the ac
#i want my head to stop hurting so i can go to bed. i feel awful#this is what i get for not drinking any water & being in a loud & smoky building for almost six hours#i left all my stuff at work & didn’t feel like going back for it before i went home so i don’t even have my water bottle or anything :(#just this $6 dasani i’m reusing that isn’t gonna be enough water for the night HAHA#ugh. ok. time to lay still in the dark#chatpost#i got in the habit of taking all my vitamins right before bed#i used to do it first thing in the morning but after awhile i realized it was making me feel sick to do that#and i am not consistent enough to do them at any other time
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...
#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do?#me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care#but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour#away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from#sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont#care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it#manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean#i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking#measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her#new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted#ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning#for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering#and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself#amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads#god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im#putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do#so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u#productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh#look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment#whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh#but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see#uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs#unrelated
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…
#*sigh*#I fear I may have somehow fumbled the bag with this man#so Friday night he let me know he wasn’t gonna be able to come over#and that was fine#so I went to bed#then at like 2am he asked if I was still awake#I of course didn’t see that until much later#I was busy Saturday and texted him late Saturday night with a pic of my fit#and we were being flirty#neither of us messaged the other on Sunday#then yesterday around 5pm I messaged him and asked if he was busy that night#no response#I thought maybe he’d text way later or even early this morning#because he works super early and has texted me at like 6:30am before but there was nothing#when we were messaging Friday he said things like it’ll make the next time we meet up even better#and when I sent him the pic of my fit he was like I can’t wait to see what your clothes look like on the floor#and all I wanna do I ride this man’s dick#so now I feel like I did something wrong#I really hope he’s not gonna ghost me#we’re still matched on bumble so that’s a good sign right?#but I guess now I just need to wait for him to message me because I don’t want to send another text that might go unanswered#am I being psychotic?
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hi, shy anon again.
i think ill stick to these anon messages for now. you can keep that other one up. im just as ajdbsjabdh as you. ive never done something like this before, so im kinda…*hyperventilates and hides*…about it.
hello and good morning/timezone of your choice darling shy anon =^•w•^=
as long as you're okay with me publicly posting a response, then no worries at all for staying on anon asks—whatever you're comfortable with! it feels like the online equivalent of being left cute notes on my desk or smth by a secret person 🩷
#if it makes you feel any better#i used to have a major crush on my irl best friend when i was like 13#and i confessed by writing in his notes app while he sat next to me on the bus home + feeling like i was gonna pass out from nerves#and only let him read it when we parted at the bus station and he made his connection to go home 💀#so you're handling this well lmao don't worry about feeling awkward or shy#that's the fun part about anon asks tbh: low social stakes so you can chat without feeling like you're “exposing” yourself#anyways i am off to work stupidly early in the morning (it is 6:30am i am just sleepy and dramatic lol#talk to you soon! (hopefully? 🩷)#askkiel#anon.ask#shy anon
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how i look when i wanna relapse but i’m totally over that but i feel like shit but even if i REAAALLYY wanted to i 1. don’t have a blade ANYWHEREEE and 2. really really don’t wanna relapse
#this picture makes me laugh so fucking hard omfg#but yeah#that random feeling at 2 am on a tuesday morning when i can just SEE myself doing it#i wish i had more followers so i could ask if anyone else relates omfg fuck#but like#i’ve been clean almost 6 full months now and one consistent thing is like#when i REALLY wanna do it but don’t i just kinda imagine how i’d feel sitting there actually doing it#and it’s kind of enough in the moment idfk i hate the scars anyways that’s like my big huge reason#aside from it being totally detrimental in the long run#i dunno#i’m so triggered these days LOL#but i’ll be alright i have awesome friends and the best bf ever i’ll be okay yes i’ll be alright#recovery#vent#diary#do these tags work???? does anyone follow them omg#sh#tw sh#someone who gets the vibe plz let me know#OMGGGG#so bored and dead gonna kms
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You accidentally had sex with Bakugou.
You two had fallen asleep in his room after a hang out. You were bestfriends but you had some underlining feelings for him. So when you woke up in the middle of the night to him cuddling you, you almost choked.
You needed to pee really bad so sadly you had to pry yourself out of his arms. When you came back his eyes were cracked open just barely. He mumbled something before opening his arms for you to join him again.
It was out of character, maybe tired Bakugou was just a touchy guy. It couldn’t be more than that.
So you joined him on the bed. You buried your face into his neck. You had to savor this cause most likely this’ll be the last time this happens. Also, you were too tired to freak out. You just wanted to fall asleep in his arms.
You can barely explain what happened after that. He hiked your leg onto him, still with his half open eyes, and thrusted right against your clothed pussy.
The next thing you know, he’s dry humping you. And then he’s fingering you. And finally he’s fucking you.
It felt good, too good.
But the morning after? You felt embarrassed. No way you just fucked him without even a first date. He’s gonna think you’re easy. He might even tell everyone that you are.
Of course, that would never happen but you were panicked. You couldn’t possibly comprehend that the great Dynamight chose you. You weren’t famous. Not a vogue model, a hero, or even wealthy. You had nothing to give him.
He had to be messing with you.
So you slipped out of his hold at 5am sharp and went home.
You fell back to sleep in tears and woke up to several texts and calls. Good thing you had your ringer off.
Bakugou - 6:34am
Where’d you go?
I was gonna make you breakfast dumbass
Bakugou - 6:52
Y/n?
Missed call - 7:00am
Bakugou - 7:30
Is this about last night?
I’ll wait for that call back so we can talk about it.
Missed call - 10:03am
Bakugou - 10:05
Call me and we can talk about it. This ignoring me isn’t gonna make it go away.
Missed call - 11:12
Missed call - 11:26
Missed call - 11-31
Bakugou - 11:40
Fucking call me back, this shit isn’t funny.
You’re so lucky I don’t know where you live yet. I’d be there in 15 minutes if I knew.
You debated calling him back. But your embarrassment and anger stopped you from letting him explain himself. How could he use your feelings against you like that! He probably knew that you liked him and wanted a quick fuck.
You started to cry all over again.
A week passed by with no contact. He sent you the occasional text telling you to talk to him but after the 6th day he seemed to give up. At least you thought that until he showed up at your door.
You opened the door wide without checking who it was since you were expecting a package. Your eyes widened when you noticed the blonde leaning against the doorframe, still in his hero costume. He must’ve just gotten off work, saving civilians and climbing the charts. It was another reminder of how he could never want you.
“You gonna let me in or am I-“
You tried to slam the door in his face but he shoved it back open easily. He let himself in, scanning the place.
“Nice place, ‘don’t see why you hadn’t invited me over.”
Maybe it’s because your small, cosy apartment didn’t compare to his high rise penthouse at the top floor.
You grabbed his arm and tried to pull him out. But he wasn’t having it and didn’t let you move him an inch.
“You need to leave, Bakugou.”
“Wow. Last name basis and I was inside you a week ago.”
“Yeah well that shouldn’t have happened.”
“Okay but it did so let’s fuckin’ talk about it.”
You just wanted him to leave before you bursted out in tears. You shook your head, trying to pull him harder but to no avail. Your lip quivered in frustration as tears welled up in your eyes.
Suddenly, he threw you over his shoulder and set you on the couch.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
You broke down in tears.
You told him everything, every assumption you made and every insecurity. You told him how you liked him but you knew he didn’t like you back. He sat there patiently, not speaking a word until you were done.
He got up with a blank face. You thought he was gonna leave at first but he kneeled down to be eye to eye with you.
“Wanna go on a date?”
It surprised you. It was the last thing he expected you to say.
“I’ll take you on a date and prove to you how much I want you. And for the record, I’ve probably liked you longer than you have me. When we met in that coffee shop I immediately knew you were the one I wanted. ‘S rude of you of you to make assumptions but I’ll let it pass if you go on a date with me.”
You agreed as he wiped off your tears. Who were you to say no?
#i was gonna write more smut#but it was already too long#and thats out of character for antiwhores#part 2 maybe?#bakugou x reader#bakugou smut#bakugou angst#bakugou katsuki
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Big's Perma Bulk!
(Community Requested Story, about me perma bulking) What's good bros! It's your favourite wish granting genie here to go on my own transformation journey. Normally I send this kind of thing off to another writer but a lot of you wanted me to be transformation using my own Genie gifts so I've waved my hands and started it off.
I made sure to completely forget about what you guys wanted for me to make it even more surprising but considering all you lot drool at a bicep vein I think I'm in good hands.
After waking up I definitely didn't have anything to worry about. I knew all of you just wanted me to become some big sweaty himbo. Just take a look.
Big arms, thick thighs and a solid chest. I won't lie if I were to make a choice I would of ended up so much bigger than this but hey, it's what you all wanted to I guess I gotta get used to being a himbo stud.
Woah...I guess day two was a little different. I'm a lot bigger ladz so cheers for that but damn, some of this definition is starting to fade. It looks like I'm sliding more to the tank side of the spectrum that the stud side. I'm pretty sure if I move wrong this tank is gonna split in too and my fucking stomach won't stop rumbling, every time I walk in my kitchen I down half a box of cereal, fuck, I should probably take a couple sandwiches back to my desk before I load up some games with the boys.
'BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRPP'
aw fuck, sorry about that ladz but damn. I woke up this morning and my stomach feels so tight, it feels like my abs are about to split in half. My shorts are so tight around my ass.
Damn what the fuck did you guys wish to happen to me? A slab of muscle instead of abs is one thing but fuck my gut is so bloated, ah man
'UURRRRRRRRRRPP!!!'
whoops, sorry dudes, fuck this is so tight but I still feel hungry, maybe a protein shake and a bowl of rice wont gut, surely this can't get any tighter.
ahhh fuck what time is it? 3am?? why the fuck am I so hungry. I didn't even know it was possible to feel hungry and bloated at the same-
BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP
ah man, what do I have in the fridge, mmmmm half a pizza, well I'm sure a couple of slices won't hurt. I hit the gym pretty hard today, its probably my body wanting to fuel up. mmm yeah just 3 maybe 6 slices and I'll be good for the night, probably best to turn the light switch on so I don't make a mess...
w--what the fuck happened to me! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I'M SO FUCKING BULKY, OH FUCK
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPP
DAMN....fuck well....at least it doesn't jiggle, probably just bloated from how much I've been eating recently, who knew having such big muscles would make me so hungry all the time...
hmmm, I probably shouldn't leave just 3 slices of pizza in the fridge on their, own, that's not even a snack, 9 slices is alright at this time of night yeah?
On the bright side, my muscles have continued to blow up to freakish size, my bicep is bigger than most dude's heads. On the other hand....I can't shift this tank around my mid section. I've been trying to eat less to get my abs back but fuck I can't help it, my stomach growls and I gotta eat enough to feed at least 3 people or else it feels like my stomach is gonna eat itself. It's okay, Ill just cut when summer rolls around, use this time to grow as big as I can, bet my abs will look fucking insane in a few months/
Guess the bright side is I can order that nice chocolate cake with my pizza tonight...I'm pretty sure it's cheat night tonight, or was it last night? hmm, no yeah it is definitely tonight?
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP
ah fuck, wh- UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP
what happened - uurp - to me?
a few *hic* days ago I was a lean mean lifting machine
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRPPPPPPPPP
and now...fuck *hic* uuurp- I'm a big, bulky brute
fuu-UUUUUUUURPPPP-ck, my gut is so tight, moving feels like a chore....I'm so fuckin stuffed and hungry at the same time. Who knew my fans would want me to blow up into a 300lsb bulky beast...
damn...I need a shower but, I could really go for a double cheese burger and a snickers protein thick shake, I'm sure it can wait -uuurrpp- maybe I should grab a couple protein bars for the road..
BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP!!!!
I can still feel the spell under my skin, I wonder how much bigger these guys will make me, or what else they'll do...
#male transformation#muscle#muscle transformation#male tf#tf story#transformation#gay transformation#reality change#musk
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trigun 1998 episode simulator
[3 minutes of guitar solo]
Vash the Stampede: hi my name is Vash the Stampede. I am a hunter of Peace chasing the elusive mayfly of Love. all I really want to do is have a sandwich and a morning coffee without getting chased by bandits
some bandit: (gunshot) absolutely not. square up faggot
Vash: rats.
[gunfight]
Vash the Stampede: my name is Vash the stampede. I am a hunter of Peace chasing the elusive mayfly of Love.could I please have a sandwich
Meryl from the Bernardelli Insurace Society: how long are you going to sit on your ass doing nothing but playing games with children and doing chores for the elderly and disabled and looking after lonely youths and cooking dinner for the homeless
Vash: I've been here for like 2 days
Milly Thompson: Hi Vash!
Vash: Hi Milly
[exit left pursued by bounty hunters]
Vash the Stampede: (panting, entering a bar) my name is Vash the stampede.... I am a hunter of Peace chasing the elusive mayfly of Good L*rd what is going on in here
Hostage: mphdsfhapff!!!! mffmpphhf!!!!
Villain of the week: well if it isn't the elusive Vash the Stampede! you see it all started when I was 4 days old and you kicked me like a football and then exploded my parents to death with a laser canon and killed every puppy in a ten ile (translator's note: this is the No Man's Land equivalent of the American Mile) radius
Vash: I don't remember doing that but well I suppose you can shoot me if it'll make you feel better
Side character of the week: Are you insane? Just shoot him instead???
Vash: but my mom told me not to be mean to people
Villain of the week: (still going) And as I am now 47 years old I have finally decided to get my revenge. Say your prayers, Vash the Pisshead
[Wall explodes and reveals a motorcycle with a sexy priest on it]
[sfx: guitar with a hint of electric distortion]
Vash: is that..... Wolfwood?
Meryl who was in the background this whole time: the priest?
Nicholas Dickolas Wolfwood: (brings his fingers up to a pair of luscious lips to grab the cigarette from right between them, taking one more slow inhale before crushing the cherry red underneath his heel)(sensually cocks one of his 8 guns) Are you just gonna let this guy talk down to you like that needle noggin?
Vash: I g-
[guitar riff bumper]
[guitar riff bumper]
Vash: -uess not, since you're here to help now... (slow, warm smile) Wolfwood
Nicholas D. ranged Wolfwood: Vash
Milly who was also in the background this whole time: Hi mr priest man! isn't this lovely, I haven't seen you since the last time you spoke with mr Vash yesterday evening when you were helping him buckle all those silly belts on his pants after he had lost them somehow
Vash: On a cactus
Milly: On a cactus! Oh it must've hurt so terribly; how fortunate that Mr Priest man was there to help you
Wolfwood: Hi Milly
[gunfight]
Villain of the week: ohhhhh curses!!! CURSES!!!! I have spent my whole existence getting ready to fight Vash the Stampede but he's just too good at swallowing all my bullets!!!!!!
Vash the Stampede: my tragic dead mother would be sad if I didn't swallow everyone's bullets so I've trained diligently every morning at digesting gunpowder without dying immediately
Wolfwood: [internally: I can't believe it. All this time I've spent walking the path of darkness, reaching to a pure light that I could never grasp, and yet here is a man who's dedicated his life and his body to the pursuit of Peace. I wish he were a woman so I could fuck him romantic style. I've got a whole plan for it and everything. Whiskey, sunset, a bed with no sand in it, 6 hours. This would be fully and completely possible if only he were a woman. Unfortunately he's not, but I can still think about the what-ifs. platonically of course. Maybe if he got some good dick he'd stop being so annoying. And maybe he'd stop making me rethink my morals. I wonder if the seven drunken handies meant anything to him. Platonically]
Wolfwood: Well anyway it looks like my job is done here
Vash: (teary) Will I see you again?
Wolfwood: I don't know. And besides, whenever I look at you, I'm reminded of everything I hate about myself. You know, it hurts.
[exit Nicholas D. Wolfwood pursued by repressed homosexual desires and immense catholic guilt]
Vash the Stanned Peat: (looking out the window like a widow whose husband was killed in action) Nicholas... D... Wolfwood.......
Meryl who was in the background that entire time, yes, the whole time: shut the fuck up already
Vash: when will it be my turn Meryl. When
[roll credits]
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of course other women want your boyfriend
pairing: nanami kento x reader
tags: nanami is 34. is that a warning? lol.
"your dad's kinda hot."
the bar isn't too full, just the regular crowd, and then some. of course there were other college kids, none that you knew. well, except this one.
you've seen aiko around, always at the back of the class. not that that's worth shaming, you ended up back there too often due to sleepy mornings to be looking down on her.
no, it's the constant bitching and laughing during class that pissed you the fuck off. not an ounce of respect or decorum for the rest of you depressed losers just trying to make it out of class with notes that made sense, or the poor professor, who has long since given up on admonishing her. so maybe you did once tell her off in the middle of class a week before finals. just once. or twice.
and here she is, having tapped on your shoulder as you were sipping your drink, bitching and laughing with her friends hanging behind her, snickering along.
"that's not my dad," you reply, ticked off.
her eyes widen in faux shock. "even better then! I didn't wanna make it too messy for you. what's his instagram?"
you laugh, bunching up your shoulders, finally putting down your drink and getting up. you're usually not the jealous type, and you're not even feeling jealous right now, more like a bubbling irritation.
"he doesn't have an Instagram. he's thirty four, what instagram do you think you're gonna be hitting him up on, huh?"
"thirty four? he looks forty plus at least! I didn't know being with a stuck up bitch like you would age a man like that, but makes sense!" she scoffs, looking you up and down.
"so you can pick up on social cues! I was wondering how you couldn't figure out that he's my boyfriend from the kiss he gave me or, perhaps from the way he was holding me, but turns out you're just a rude bitch who wants to slather her fingers all over my boyfriend!" you snap at her.
that makes a few people around you look over, and as much as you wanted to smack her across her face, you needed to maintain your standards.
"then where is he now? where's your boyfriend? and which forty year old brings his little girlfriend on a night out to a bar like-"
"there you are, sweetheart."
kento slides his arm around your waist, slipping into the seat next to yours.
nanami kento. thirty four. food critic! 6' 1", honey blonde hair slicked back, but a few pieces spill out on to his face, deep brown eyes that are both soft and sharp. his white shirt's sleeves rolled up to his elbows showing his thick forearms, veiny with light, golden hair. the bar and the girl in front of you almost fade to the back of your mind when his cologne hits your nose, sending you into a daze.
almost.
"ken!" you breathe.
"did i keep you too long? you know satoru, refusing to get to the point," he frowns, dropping a kiss on your forehead. "what's got you all worked up?"
"hey!"
his eyes leave yours to look at aiko. "yes?"
"how come she doesn't bring you around more often? she's always all by herself, in her own little world! so shy, really! i'm aiko, we go to class together!" she smiles at him, all cute and bubbly like.
"what are you trying to do?" you ask, shouldering youself between kento and her. "you trying to swoop in and show him a better life or something? do you need attention that bad?"
"oh my god, you guys, look she's getting all bothered!" she gasps to her friends around her. "no babe i didn't mean it like that, i just meant it like i am personally, SO happy that someone like you's found love, you know? even if it's with someone who is SO different from you, you're finally out of your shell, and clearly, there is someone for everyone!" she gushes, and then looks over your shoulder at kento.
"why are you looking at him, look at me," you interject, something finally snapping in you. kento can sense the change in you, and places his hands on your waist.
"sweetheart, i think- "
you appreciate it, but you can handle this, you're FINE.
"no no," you repeat, "look at me! because do you think he's gonna treat you the way he treats me? do you think he's gonna keep up with your bullshit, and your little friend group and not see you for the pathetic attention seeking loser you are? you think he's gonna buy you the stuff you want and take you to all your raves and whatnot? this man goes to sleep every night by eleven thirty! you don't see him at parties because he's thirty four fucking years old, and his definition of a night out is wine and fine dining, with ME! he treats me like this, and buys me whatever the fuck i want, because i'm me, he's not gonna treat you like that babe!"
"don't get all worked up!" aiko spits "we can just be friends, you know!" she twirls her hair, her eyes still on kento.
"what are you twirling your hair for? he's not even looking at you, the only thing that that's gonna do is make you even balder. spending all your time trying to poach another bitch's man the whole time your bald spot's been making direct eye contact with me."
she gasps, and deep down you know you would never say that to a girl unless she absolutely deserved it, and aiko has been begging for it.
kento squeezes your waist, standing up, towering over you from behind.
"baby, she said she just wanted to be friends, didn't she?" he asks. "why don't you give her my instagram?"
aiko chuckles, seeming to have recovered. she pushes her phone into his hands, instagram open, and he hands it over to you diligently.
you scoff and type in his username, pressing the follow button and shoving it back to her.
"now that that's done," sighs kento, holding you. "it's getting a little hot in here, isn't it honey? let's get this scarf off of you."
his hands unfasten the scarf that you had tied around your neck, that you're sure aiko just attributed to poor fashion sense. despite the previous chaos, your eyes follow his thick fingers as the open the knot, and unloop the scarf from around your neck, causing the scarf to slip out and leave you neck bare in the deep v neck top you had put on this morning.
deep red and purple bruises litter your neck, all the way down to your breasts, disappearing off behind the lace borders of the neck of your top.
kento stares at you, smug and unclouded desire clear on his face. he slides his hands up and holds the sides of your neck firmly, squeezing slightly. he pulls you closer and your lips meet in a deep kiss, his thumbs rubbing slow circles on your cheek. the kiss leaves you breathless as he pulls away and leans back in to place on more kiss on your wet, parted lips, taking you by surprise.
"that's perfect," he thumbs on one of the hickies, eyes never leaving you. "my perfect girl."
warmth floods up your chest and face. a smile can't help but spread across your face as you lean into him.
"let's go, love. dinner, wine and that eleven thirty nap time awaits us," he chuckles, taking your hand, gathering your bag and turning away to leave, not a single glance given to aiko.
aiko!
you turn to her, a lazy, easy grin on your face, glancing to her phone open with kento's instagram, and then back up at her. "happy stalking!"
aiko and her friends are sure to spend the night pouring over kento's instagram, which is filled to the brim with pictures of you, you and him, food, you, travel and his girlfriend, you.
DO NOT REPOST
yay first fic!!!
likes, reblogs, comments HIGHLY appreciated 🩷
#nanami x reader#nanami#nanami kento x reader#kento nanami x reader#nanami fluff#kento nanami fluff#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk drabbles#yves tells you a story ✩🕯₊˚.📖⋆🌙⋆⁺₊✧
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