#MY THERAPIST IS GETTING ME TESTED FOR AUTISM

[bastard-child-bones]

Lord I haven't been on in nearly two years! I have plans... ideas in the works.. I need a #REBRAND! Thankfully in the time since I last reblogged a post I've gotten a bit funnier and smarter 🙏💯 I also moved houses 🔥 I HAVE A HUGE BEDROOM NOW! AND I ADOPTED A CAT! I actually 🤓 have TWO cats🐈 now but I didn't adopt one of them he was a stray we found on the side of the road 🚗. He was thrown out of a car, but he's alright now! 😁 I'm debating between a bit of a revamp🧛‍♂️ of this account, or just starting a new one.. I want a clean slate and I don't think I can delete reblogs BUT I don't want to get rid of my first tumblr account 💔 I will most likely just use this account 🔥🏌 Proud to announce that since getting off tumblr and putting down my iphone I've gotten many real life friends 🙏 Basically I'm normal now 🤯 Instead of spending my time scrolling through tumblr blogs now I scroll through stories on instagram! #MATURITY I like every single story I see and I follow over 300 people 💪 #IPADBABYMAXXING #SCREENTIMECHAMP #BLUELIGHTADDICT My fibromyalgia has gotten significantly worse and I also have chronic migraines now and they think I might have lupis but LIFE GOES ON! I have no room to complain, MY LIFE BE LIT! How can I complain when I have a little three-legged kitty who goes "Brr meow?" and a bunch of plants and MY OWN BATHROOM? Good lord this post is getting long 😨 I'm not sure anyone will even see this but that is irrelevant to me 💪 I'm very good at having one sided conversations because my parents ignored me so much when I was little 🤑 BIG THINGS COMING SOON... VERY BIG PLANS IN THE WORKS.... #2024ISMYYEAR

[necroticghost]

I wonder if people notice. If doctors, restaurant servers, pharmacists, uber drivers, delivery guys, receptionists, and other strangers I interact with notice how awkward I am. How childish, how shy, how scared, how anxious, like I'm barely a human being. When doctors see my age, and then they proceed to have a conversation with me for like 30 minutes, do they see how something's wrong with me? How I'm on the verge of having a breakdown from simply having to exist in society? I must look so pathetic in their eyes. I must seem like a child in an adult's body. It feels like I'm cosplaying someone of my age, and it's embarrassing. I try to hard to act normal, but the raw, unfiltered side of me... it shows.

[rackartyg]

in therapy today i just talked about the dark urge and astarion and my therapist was elated about it. it was fantastic. “wow you’ve really been using this story and those characters to process things. that’s amazing!”

the era of being ashamed of my interests is over. it’s apparently Cool and Healthy to use fiction to cope. i wish i could tell fifteen year old me about this it would blow her mind

[luminarai]

Today, after I’d just talked about something I really struggle with, my psychiatrist asked, ‘do you usually struggle this much with eye contact?’ and I had to try to explain to her no, not really but if I have to be vulnerable while looking someone in the eyes I WILL start bawling

[imactuallyagiraffe]

today at school one of my friends was like "beth i think you might be autistic"

and luckily i was wearing sunglasses that literally covered my whole face because i definitely went bright red. and i was like ....uuuuhhhh jus a lil bit maybe LOL.

ANYWAY -_-

[rosicheeks]

😓🤬

[toomanywordsnllines]

Me: *goes to get checked for ADHD*

The therapist, 20 minutes in: ... Have you looked... Into autism?

*Session continues*

The therapist, at the end: ... Yeah I'm... Going to talk with some colleagues who specialize in autism... Hope you don't mind...

[circus-fr3ak]

Talking and texting sucks so much, constructing sentences, formatting the sentences and punctuations, making sure i spelled stuff correctly/used the right words, or making sure the tone isn't like weird. I fail at 90% of that, my learning disabilities all over the damn place, making it difficult to communicate, I swear...

[rigaudon]

I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.

[robinsnest2111]

btw took a super quick adhd questionnaire at the therapist I went to today and there's also the possibility of adhd on the table now???

Well, more avenues to explore.

is it autism? is it adhd? is it simple ol' childhood trauma and emotional neglect? something else entirely? we just don't know (yet) 🙃

[dreamcatchr]

.

[cas-coding]

autism rant

im usually a very low support needs autistic, meaning i can handle most of my needs by myself even if they are different from neurotypical needs, but damn i forgot how much standardized tests take it out of me.

i got home from my four hour exam today after a speech loss episode while i was driving (i am a very verbal driver, so this was deeply unsettling) and could not even tolerate the stimulus of watching my favorite tv show. i eventually figured out that i could watch it if i put it on a small screen with no volume and dimmed brightness. sensory overload is a bitch.

thankfully, my family was busy today and not at the house so i had lots of time to myself. i eventually just decided that tv was too much for me and that fanfiction on darkmode would be better. by hour two of reading i was stimming like crazy (internalized ableism means i dislike stimming, despite the relief it gives me, but at this point it was worth it. stimming is good and i love seeing other people stim bc it means theyre happy or trying to feel better. i just have guilt about stimming personally)

then my family got home and all my hard work and self care was out the window. they had all been at a loud event and thus were shouting and did not realize. they turned all the lights on in the house and made me eat dinner with them, them all bickering and overlapping their words and talking about things i did not understand without bothering to clarify for me.

one thing led to another and i shutdown for about thirty minutes, which usually consists of very limited movement, fight or flight reflexes, and limited verbality (easy phrases like yes and no, not much more really). this is like a full body reboot and is always incredibly brutal for me.

i'm not really sure what my point is. i think my point was originally that my day sucked but now i think my point is that support needs vary. on a good day, i can get up and go to uni and handle thirty people talking to me at once and only get a little anxious. today, testing took most of my energy and i had to resort to basic survival instinct and, because i can usually manage better than this, my family did not accomodate me.

support needs vary and always always always, neurotypical or neurodivergent, ask your loved ones/friends/people around you if there is anything you can do to help them if they seem a bit off or tired. if one of my family members had asked that, i might have been able to avoid a shutdown and that would have been cool

[apricior]

happy autism awareness month guess who is officially diagnosed now!!

[purpleeivy]

interested to see if stuff changes if/when I get meds too. (unlikely to be in the near future unfortunately)

ADHD 2

[moongoddesssimp]

Sometimes I genuinely forget I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety until I'm sobbing in my room about all these overwhelming feelings and thoughts that I just numb and forget about. Like damn, how silly of me to forget how terrible my anxiety and anxious attachment issues are.

[no1ryomafan]

I’m really starting to think I have ADHD because my current objective are torn between “hmmm I wanna rewatch arma but the first 3 eps are hard to get through alone so I may just rewatch it as a I build the kit I need to build anyways” and “hmmmm I don’t feel like writing another ZXG chapter yet for multiple factors but I had brain worms for a different getter fic even if a non getter idea I had is left rotting” but knowing me the end result is actually gonna be after I have dinner I’m going to procrastinate so hard that I end up just calling someone for the night and calling it a day.