#MY THERAPIST IS GETTING ME TESTED FOR AUTISM

[bastard-child-bones]

Lord I haven't been on in nearly two years! I have plans... ideas in the works.. I need a #REBRAND! Thankfully in the time since I last reblogged a post I've gotten a bit funnier and smarter 🙏💯 I also moved houses 🔥 I HAVE A HUGE BEDROOM NOW! AND I ADOPTED A CAT! I actually 🤓 have TWO cats🐈 now but I didn't adopt one of them he was a stray we found on the side of the road 🚗. He was thrown out of a car, but he's alright now! 😁 I'm debating between a bit of a revamp🧛‍♂️ of this account, or just starting a new one.. I want a clean slate and I don't think I can delete reblogs BUT I don't want to get rid of my first tumblr account 💔 I will most likely just use this account 🔥🏌 Proud to announce that since getting off tumblr and putting down my iphone I've gotten many real life friends 🙏 Basically I'm normal now 🤯 Instead of spending my time scrolling through tumblr blogs now I scroll through stories on instagram! #MATURITY I like every single story I see and I follow over 300 people 💪 #IPADBABYMAXXING #SCREENTIMECHAMP #BLUELIGHTADDICT My fibromyalgia has gotten significantly worse and I also have chronic migraines now and they think I might have lupis but LIFE GOES ON! I have no room to complain, MY LIFE BE LIT! How can I complain when I have a little three-legged kitty who goes "Brr meow?" and a bunch of plants and MY OWN BATHROOM? Good lord this post is getting long 😨 I'm not sure anyone will even see this but that is irrelevant to me 💪 I'm very good at having one sided conversations because my parents ignored me so much when I was little 🤑 BIG THINGS COMING SOON... VERY BIG PLANS IN THE WORKS.... #2024ISMYYEAR

[necroticghost]

I wonder if people notice. If doctors, restaurant servers, pharmacists, uber drivers, delivery guys, receptionists, and other strangers I interact with notice how awkward I am. How childish, how shy, how scared, how anxious, like I'm barely a human being. When doctors see my age, and then they proceed to have a conversation with me for like 30 minutes, do they see how something's wrong with me? How I'm on the verge of having a breakdown from simply having to exist in society? I must look so pathetic in their eyes. I must seem like a child in an adult's body. It feels like I'm cosplaying someone of my age, and it's embarrassing. I try to hard to act normal, but the raw, unfiltered side of me... it shows.

[luminarai]

Today, after I’d just talked about something I really struggle with, my psychiatrist asked, ‘do you usually struggle this much with eye contact?’ and I had to try to explain to her no, not really but if I have to be vulnerable while looking someone in the eyes I WILL start bawling

[honey-skulls]

HUGE VENT

I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen

My routine these last two weeeks has been:

-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep

-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw

-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am

I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍

Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore

Silence is actually worse than loud rooms

It's driving me insane

It's so loud

[rackartyg]

in therapy today i just talked about the dark urge and astarion and my therapist was elated about it. it was fantastic. “wow you’ve really been using this story and those characters to process things. that’s amazing!”

the era of being ashamed of my interests is over. it’s apparently Cool and Healthy to use fiction to cope. i wish i could tell fifteen year old me about this it would blow her mind

[imactuallyagiraffe]

today at school one of my friends was like "beth i think you might be autistic"

and luckily i was wearing sunglasses that literally covered my whole face because i definitely went bright red. and i was like ....uuuuhhhh jus a lil bit maybe LOL.

ANYWAY -_-

[july-19th-club]

me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

[rosicheeks]

😓🤬

[toomanywordsnllines]

Me: *goes to get checked for ADHD*

The therapist, 20 minutes in: ... Have you looked... Into autism?

*Session continues*

The therapist, at the end: ... Yeah I'm... Going to talk with some colleagues who specialize in autism... Hope you don't mind...

[circus-fr3ak]

Talking and texting sucks so much, constructing sentences, formatting the sentences and punctuations, making sure i spelled stuff correctly/used the right words, or making sure the tone isn't like weird. I fail at 90% of that, my learning disabilities all over the damn place, making it difficult to communicate, I swear...

[rigaudon]

I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.

[robinsnest2111]

btw took a super quick adhd questionnaire at the therapist I went to today and there's also the possibility of adhd on the table now???

Well, more avenues to explore.

is it autism? is it adhd? is it simple ol' childhood trauma and emotional neglect? something else entirely? we just don't know (yet) 🙃

[dreamcatchr]

.

[cas-coding]

autism rant

im usually a very low support needs autistic, meaning i can handle most of my needs by myself even if they are different from neurotypical needs, but damn i forgot how much standardized tests take it out of me.

i got home from my four hour exam today after a speech loss episode while i was driving (i am a very verbal driver, so this was deeply unsettling) and could not even tolerate the stimulus of watching my favorite tv show. i eventually figured out that i could watch it if i put it on a small screen with no volume and dimmed brightness. sensory overload is a bitch.

thankfully, my family was busy today and not at the house so i had lots of time to myself. i eventually just decided that tv was too much for me and that fanfiction on darkmode would be better. by hour two of reading i was stimming like crazy (internalized ableism means i dislike stimming, despite the relief it gives me, but at this point it was worth it. stimming is good and i love seeing other people stim bc it means theyre happy or trying to feel better. i just have guilt about stimming personally)

then my family got home and all my hard work and self care was out the window. they had all been at a loud event and thus were shouting and did not realize. they turned all the lights on in the house and made me eat dinner with them, them all bickering and overlapping their words and talking about things i did not understand without bothering to clarify for me.

one thing led to another and i shutdown for about thirty minutes, which usually consists of very limited movement, fight or flight reflexes, and limited verbality (easy phrases like yes and no, not much more really). this is like a full body reboot and is always incredibly brutal for me.

i'm not really sure what my point is. i think my point was originally that my day sucked but now i think my point is that support needs vary. on a good day, i can get up and go to uni and handle thirty people talking to me at once and only get a little anxious. today, testing took most of my energy and i had to resort to basic survival instinct and, because i can usually manage better than this, my family did not accomodate me.

support needs vary and always always always, neurotypical or neurodivergent, ask your loved ones/friends/people around you if there is anything you can do to help them if they seem a bit off or tired. if one of my family members had asked that, i might have been able to avoid a shutdown and that would have been cool

[apricior]

happy autism awareness month guess who is officially diagnosed now!!

[avalovesindie]

listen I know the autism threshold on that one test (raads-r) is like 65 but I don’t believe it okay I’ve decided the threshold is 95 because how could a person get that low. I know better than all the researchers. Anyway my recent score was 119