#MY FRIENDS ARE GRADUATING DAYS AFTER IT ENDS
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Only When It's Us — JJK ,, index ,, about taglist
Chapter 02 — distraction ✎
fic summary: you both say it’s nothing serious, but with every touch and argument, it gets harder to stay away.
nsfw warnings: smut; lots of kissing, lots of touching lol, oral (male recieving, fem too? kinda), sucking fingers, doggy style, unprotected sex (shes using birth control so yep, be safe!) use of ‘good girl’
wc: 6k
📜 permanent taglist: @lovieku @kyuupii @fluttershypoo @deluluisdasolulu @ddanasjk @mar-lo-pap @jungkooks-wife @diamondjeon @nnybtitts08 @lil0u0 @butnotmontana @fr0ggieth1nk @minimoninini @whoa-jo @lola75111 @iswearimover5feetall @rispwr @leemonis-blog
📜 series taglist: @deepikhaprakash @rjooniesdimples @sweetmimosa28
abt series taglist: send me an ask w the series title !!
“i have to go.”
“why don’t you just come back home? you can start over, and this time, maybe you’ll be more like your brother.”
you sigh.
“mom, i don’t want to be him,” you say quietly, trying to keep the frustration out of your voice. on the other end, you hear her let out a soft, disapproving tsk, a sound that always manages to make you feel a little smaller.
“aren’t you clearly struggling with school? if you were here with us, with your brother, we’d help you. you’d be fine,” she insists, as if coming home would magically fix everything.
you roll your eyes.
“i really have to go.”
“___, just listen to—”
but before she can finish, you end the call, staring at the blank screen for a moment.
there’s an unsettling feeling in your chest, one that refuses to fade, no matter how much you try to brush it off. its like a quiet reminder of all the things you’re trying to avoid.
go back home?
after everything you’ve been through to study what you want, to finally live on your own terms. every argument, every latenight fight with your parents, all just to claim a bit of freedom.
you worked so hard to break free from their expectations, to stand on your own.
you even transferred universities just to escape the constant pressure back in your hometown. no matter what you did, it was never enough. every choice was somehow wrong, not ‘their way.’
you can’t go back now.
not until you’ve made it, not until you have something real to prove them wrong. you have to be successful, if only to show them that your way was the right way all along.
“hey, are you done thinking? never seen anyone contemplate cheerios this hard.”
min yoongi’s low voice pulls you out of your thoughts. you look up, finding him behind the cash register, his lips curving into a small smile.
“just wondering if i can actually trust your store’s products. what if you are some sort of cheerio secret agent and you're trying to poison me?” you joke, handing him the money.
“oh no, you figured it out. we’ve been poisoning the cheerios. now how am i gonna explain to my boss that our mission failed?” he dramatically placesb a hand on his forehead as if you revealed his deepest darkest secret. you can’t help but chuckle, the tension in your chest loosening just a bit.
“bad day?” he asks, his gaze softening a bit as he opens the cash register.
min yoongi; your friend.
well, he's more like your senior. he graduated last year and he is working parttime at this convenience store cuz he thinks in this way he could spend some time outside.
you didn't question him about it any further.
you don’t usually come here unless it’s an emergency, and breakfast for tomorrow qualifies as pretty urgent, or so you tell yourself.
“something like that,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.
he nods slightly. “well,” he begins, “i’m sorry i can’t give you a discount,” he adds, trying to lighten the mood.
you chuckle, the corners of your mouth lifting. “aw, that’s too bad. i thought i might get these cheerios for free.”
he smiles softly, “maybe some other time,"
you smile back at yoongi and turn to leave. but then you almost bump your head against a man’s chest, stumbling back in surprise.
that was close.
you look up to apologize, but your words get caught in your throat as you take in his appearance.
he’s handsome.
no, that doesn’t even begin to cover it. his face is sculpted to perfection, with sharp cheekbones and a jawline that could cut glass. his dark eyes seem to pierce right through you, and his long, dark hair falls effortlessly over his forehead.
but there’s something else,
he looks... mad?
you quickly gather yourself, your cheeks warming slightly. “sorry,” you blurt out, stepping aside to let him pass.
as you walk out of the store, you catch a snippet of conversation behind you.
“are you still upset about her, jungkook?” yoongi’s voice carries just enough for you to hear.
you try to shake it off, not wanting to dwell on whatever is unfolding behind you. it’s not your business, after all.
you step outside, the cool air hitting your face as you leave the store, and try to focus on the tasks ahead of you.
“it doesn’t make any sense, hyung,” jungkook scoffs, the frustration bubbling up inside him.
“when did she ever make sense?” yoongi replies dryly, not backing down as he meets jungkook’s glare. the tension in the air feels thick, but yoongi isn’t afraid to speak his mind.
“from my point of view, you’re now a free man. free from all the bullshit you’ve been through,” yoongi explains, hoping to lift jungkook’s spirits.
“what bullshit? i was happy. we were happy,” jungkook frowns, his confusion evident. he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, struggling to comprehend yoongi’s words.
“that’s what she wanted you to think,” yoongi replies, his tone serious. “and to be honest, that’s what you always did. you did whatever she wanted. you changed for her.”
“i loved her,” jungkook insists, his voice a bit softer but still filled with conviction, as if saying it out loud would make it true.
“did you? really?” yoongi presses, searching jungkook’s eyes for any hint of doubt. he knows this is a tough conversation, but it needs to be talked out.
jungkook looks away and mutters. “you don’t get it,”
yoongi’s expression softens. he presses his lips together as he looks at jungkook, feeling bad for him. “i’m sorry, jungkook. but you really have to let it go now. it’s been two weeks. it’s time to start moving on.”
jungkook stays silent.
instead of responding, he reaches for a lollipop displayed near the cash register, the bright colors contrasting sharply with his gloomy mood. he hands yoongi some money, more than what the lollipop costs, as if he’s paying for more than just candy.
“do you want the change, or can i keep it as a tip for my great service slash friendship?” yoongi tries to lighten the mood, hoping to bring a smile to jungkook’s face.
and it does.
jungkook’s lips curl into a faint smile, a small but genuine response. “keep it,” he says softly.
as jungkook turns to leave, yoongi watches him go, feeling sad for his friend.
“bad day indeed.”
you're sat on a bench in the park near the convenience store, lost in your own thoughts. the quiet sounds of the evening settle around you, the faint rustle of leaves, the distant hum of traffic, and your own sighs mingling with the cool air.
you’re not really thinking about anything in particular, just letting your mind wander in that aimless way it does when everything feels overwhelming.
then, a loud voice cuts through your thoughts.
“no, i know you're hiding something from me!” someone snaps, his voice taut with irritation. “fine! have it your way then.”
curious, you glance over and recognize him immediately; the same man from earlier at the store, the one you’d nearly bumped into.
he’s pacing as he talks on his phone, one hand running through his dark hair in exasperation. his jaw is clenched, his brows furrowed, and you can practically feel the tension radiating off him even from a distance.
after a moment, he ends the call with an aggravated sigh, stuffing his phone into his pocket as he makes his way into the park, still visibly upset. he barely notices his surroundings as he walks closer to where you’re sitting.
he sighs, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, muttering something under his breath as if willing the frustration to melt away. you can’t help but stare a little, like an idiot.
then his eyes snap open and land directly on you.
“got a problem with me?” his voice is sharp, cutting through the silence between you.
you blink, startled, and stand up instinctively. “excuse me?”
he turns fully to face you, his eyes never leaving yours. “i asked, you got a problem with me?”
“no.” you shake your head, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“good.”
wow. nice attitude.
just as you’re about to walk away, he calls out again.
“never seen you around here before.”
“pardon?” you turn back, surprised.
“you’re yoongi's friend, right?” he asks,
you cross your arms, giving him a wary look. “why do you care?”
he shrugs, almost nonchalant. “my bad, just curious. never seen yoongi smile at a normal customer before, so i assumed.”
“oh,” you reply, softening just a bit. “well, i guess you could say we're friends.”
he raises an eyebrow, an amused smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “you guess?”
you offer a small shrug of your own. “he used to help me when i was still a freshman, and he still tries to whenever he can. i'd say he's like my teacher, in a way. it’s not like we hang out or anything, though.”
he tilts his head, considering your words. “well, consider yourselves friends. trust me, he doesn’t just help anyone.”
you narrow your eyes slightly, still wary. “and who are you, exactly?”
“jeon jungkook,” he says, extending a hand with a surprisingly polite nod. instinctively, you reach out and shake it, his grip firm. “since you're yoongi's friend, i think we go to the same university. though this is the first time i’m seeing you.”
“same, i am ___,” you pull your hand back.
“what are you doing here, in the middle of the night? didn’t your parents ever tell you not to go out alone?” he asks, the way he talks is somewhere between teasing and serious. you can't quiet get what it is but something about it grates on your nerves, like he's playing at being concerned but in a way that feels almost mocking.
“i could ask you the same thing,” you shoot back, meeting his gaze head on.
he doesn’t flinch, only tilts his head slightly. “i always come here,” he says, his voice calm, almost like a matterof fact.
“same,” you respond. “during the day.”
he quirks a brow, “so why are you in my night shift?”
you scoff, a laugh slipping out before you can stop it. “this isn’t your place or ‘shift,’ you know."
“well, you come here during the day; i come here at night. sounds like shifts to me,” he says with a shrug, and you catch the playfulness on his face.
“guess i’m overtiming, then,” you say, glancing away to hide your own smirk. “don’t mind me.”
he stays silent.
“you’ve got your own shit to deal with, huh?” he says, his voice breaking the quiet.
“why are you talking to me?” you blurt out, catching him a little off guard. “i mean, you don’t even know me.”
he raises an eyebrow, unphased. “i could ask you the same thing,” he replies, mimicking your answer from before.
you narrow your eyes, folding your arms. “i don’t think i want to talk about my problems with a random stranger.”
“problems…” he echoes, looking you up and down like he’s trying to figure you out. “let me guess. got into a fight with your boyfriend?”
“no,” you say quickly, rolling your eyes. “i don’t have one.” for a second, you think you catch a flicker of surprise on his face. “what about you? girlfriend mad at you?”
his face shifts, something almost vulnerable passing over his features before he looks away. “guess you could say that,” he mutters. “since she broke things off with me.”
a silence stretches between you two.
“i’m… sorry to hear that,” you finally say, feeling the awkwardness settle around you.
you didn't expect that.
honestly, the idea of someone like him getting dumped hadn’t even crossed your mind. a guy who looks like that—that intense aura—doesn’t exactly seem like the type to get left behind.
you assumed he’d be the one calling the shots, the one walking away. but here he is, single and clearly dealing with the aftermath of something that’s weighing on him. its surprising.
a thought crosses yourmind.
if someone could leave him, someone who had a place in his life and a claim to his heart, maybe he’s not as perfect as he seems on the outside. maybe there’s something beneath the surface, something that’s harder to deal with than his looks would suggest.
it’s like a puzzle you didn’t even mean to start solving, yet here you are, wondering if there’s more to him than just that handsome face.
but then you shake the thought away. he’s a stranger. a random guy you happened to bump into, quite literally, at a park in the middle of the night. it’s not like you’ll see him again after tonight. or, at least, that’s what you’re telling yourself.
because, really, why should you care?
whatever his story is, it’s none of your business.
“anyway, hope you figure your problems out.” he says, his gaze flickering away as if he’s eager to dodge any deeper conversation.
“likewise,” you reply.
without warning, he pulls a lollipop from his pocket, holding it out to you. “here,” he says, waiting for you to take it.
you reach out slowly, raising an eyebrow. “thanks?”
he smirks, “again, did your parents never tell you not to take candy from strangers?”
“maybe i like to be a little rebellious,” you say, smirking back at him and he shakes his head smiling.
“well, go ahead, eat it. i don’t want you tossing it away. i spent a lot on that sucker,” he says, a playful grin spreading across his face. despite the oddness of the moment, a corner of your mouth quirks up.
you unwrap the lollipop, examining it with a critical eye before giving him a look that says it all.
he catches it, tilting his head in curiosity. “what?”
“i don’t think i like raspberry flavor,” you admit, holding the lollipop up like a trophy of sorts.
he squints at you, “you’ve never tasted one before?”
you shrug, trying to sound nonchalant. “i don’t like raspberries, so i’m guessing this is more of the same.”
he shakes his head, lips twitching into a smirk. “that’s pretty bold, making assumptions without even trying it.”
“just give it a taste; maybe you'll like it,” he suggests, a teasing smile forming on his lips, clearly wanting you to try it. deep down, he doesn't even like raspberry flavor; he just picked it out randomly at the store.
“uh, no thanks. i don’t want that nasty taste on my tongue,” you reply, scrunching your nose a little . “but thanks, you could have—”
your words are abruptly cut off as he grabs your hand, the lollipop still held tightly between your fingers. in one swift motion, he leans in, wrapping his mouth around it. his tongue swirls around the candy, and then he pulls it out, his lips glistening with a reddish-pink hue that matches the flavor.
you're completely taken aback, eyes widening in shock.
oh what the fuck.
“yeah, you’re right. it does taste nasty,” he says, licking his lips as he releases your hand. “give it to me, i'll just throw it away or something”
suddenly, the lollipop feels trivial compared to what he just did. you stand there, completely speechless, your mind and heart racing as you try to process what jus happened.
“what?” he stares at you.
“you’re good with your tongue,” you say, the words slipping out before you can really think them through.
he pauses, his eyes widening for a second, and he chokes on nothing, almost like he’s been caught off guard mid-breath. “uh, what?” he finally manages, blinking rapidly.
realizing how that might’ve sounded, “i just meant... the lollipop. you seemed pretty skilled with it,” you clarify, though you’re aware it’s not really helping.
what are you even trying to say?
he looks at you, a smirk playing on his lips now. “uh-huh, sure,” he says, teasing you. “that’s what you meant.”
you roll your eyes, trying to play it cool. “don’t flatter yourself, i was just making an observation.”
but the way he’s looking at you now, dark eyes glittering with amusement and something else you can’t quite place, makes it hard to pretend that slip of the tongue didn’t mean more than you intended.
“so, do you want to suck on it?”
“huh?” you blink.
suck on what now?
“the lollipop” he clarifies, a small smile playing on his lips.
oh.
you clear your throat, fighting to keep a neutral expression. “no, definitely not, especially now that you had your tongue all over it.” you try to scrunch your nose, but any attempt at showing disgust falls flat with the heat rising in your cheeks.
“alright then, just asking if you changed your mind,” he shrugs, still holding your gaze.
“i still don’t want it,” you say quickly, trying to sound convincing.
“okay.” he blinks, unfazed.
“okay,” you repeat, awkwardly.
he gestures to the lollipop still in your hand. “uh, so… are you gonna keep holding it?”
you glance down, pulling your hand back. “i’m gonna throw it away,” you declare, though it feels a bit ridiculous now, given everything that just happened.
“i hope so,” he says, one side of his lips quirking up.
why do you kind of like his smile?
you try to shake your thought off, tossing the lollipop into a nearby trash can, trying to act as casual as possible.
“well, guess that's the end of that,” you say, hoping to sound nonchalant. he nods as he crosses his arms.
you raise an eyebrow, mimicking his stance. “do you usually hand out half-eaten lollipops to strangers?”
he laughs, low and soft, the sound surprisingly warm in the quiet night. “only when they look like they need a little distraction.”
you tilt your head. “oh? and what made you think i needed one?”
his eyes meet yours, his expression softening. “just a hunch,” he says, his voice dropping to a murmur. “we all got stuff we’d rather not think about, right?”
a pause.
there’s something unspoken between you two, a quiet understanding in the way you hold each other’s gaze.
he's right.
you are stressing about things you'd rather not think about, things that seem to cling to your mind no matter how hard you try to push them away.
and then there's him, a stranger but somehow not, going through his own mess. you can see it in his tired eyes, the way he keeps looking off into the distance as if trying to shake off whatever weight he's carrying.
you realize you don’t mind it; you don’t mind his company, or even the strange comfort of this shared silence.
both of you are here, each trying to forget whatever it is that’s eating at you. maybe that’s why this moment feels so easy.
”yeah,” you finally say, “guess we do.”
“i gotta go now,” you announce, hoping to put an end to whatever weird tension is building between the two of you.
he doesn't say anything. no goodbyes, no attempts to stop you. so you turn and start walking away, trying to shake off whatever just happened.
but before you can take more than a few steps, his hand shoots out, wrapping around your wrist. you stop, surprised, and turn back to face him. his grip isn’t tight, but it’s firm enough to make you pause.
you meet his gaze, and there's something in his eyes—something intense, something that makes your stomach flip.
“would you like a distraction?” he asks, voice low, almost like a whisper meant just for you.
you blink, not sure if you heard him right. “what?” you manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper.
instead of answering, he tugs you gently closer. your body stumbles forward, and your hands land on his chest to steady yourself. his heartbeat is strong under your palm, and suddenly, everything feels too close, too intense.
he looks down at you, his eyes flickering over your face like he’s searching for something. “i think i do,” he mutters. “don’t you?”
your mind is racing, trying to make sense of this.
is he asking what you think he’s asking?
he’s a stranger. someone you barely know beyond a couple of conversations and an awkward encounter in a convenience store.
yet there’s something about the way he’s looking at you, something that makes it hard to think straight.
“yes,” you hear yourself say before you can even process it.
his lips curve into a satisfied smile, and without another word, he leans in and kisses you.
the world seems to stop as his mouth meets yours. it’s not hesitant or soft; it’s urgent, as if he’s been wanting this for longer than the short time you’ve known him. his hands slide up to your face, cupping your cheeks as he deepens the kiss.
your fingers clutch his shirt, feeling the heat of his body against yours. it’s messy and impulsive, and he doesn't even care that you’re both in the middle of a park, under the dim glow of the streetlights.
right now, all you can think about is him. the way he tastes, the way he kisses you desperately.
maybe you do need this distraction.
his hands grip your waist, pulling you closer, and you instinctively wrap your arms around his neck, letting the kiss deepen. his lips are soft, and you moan as if you're melting into the kiss. there's something about the way his mouth moves against yours; like he's been waiting to do this.
“wait—” you pant as pull back, your heart pounding against your ribs, trying to gather your thoughts. he looks into your eyes, his brows furrowing slightly as he asks in a low voice, “what happened?”
“we're... we're outside,” you point out, glancing around.
he tilts his head, his brows raising slightly as if that’s the least of his concerns. “so?” his voice is low and almost teasing, like he finds your hesitation cute.
you let out a scoffing laugh, “what do you mean so?wee’re literally in a children’s park.” you gesture to the swings and slides nearby, deserted at this hour but still... it’s a public space.
he pauses for a second, “my car’s parked just over there,” he nods towards a sleek vehicle at the edge of the park, his lips curling into a smile. “we could, uh... relocate or—”
before you can even process that, your curiosity gets the better of you. “wait— you have a car?” you cut in, a little surprised.
he chuckles. “yeah, and it’s a pretty one at that.” there’s a glint in his eyes that says he’s enjoying this back-and-forth with you, like it’s some sort of game.
you sigh, still trying to wrap your head around the craziness of this entire situation. “okay,” you murmur, almost to yourself, deciding to just go with it. what’s the worst that could happen?
he releases his grip on you, but only so he can grab your hand and guide you towards the car. the walk feels a little awkward now, a heavy tension hanging in the air. you're not sure what to say.
what’s the protocol for walking towards a car with a guy you’re about to hook up with?
as if sensing your nerves, he gives your hand a gentle squeeze. “come on, my car’s comfy. don’t worry,” he says with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. the way he’s holding your hand... it’s surprisingly tender, making it feel just a little less awkward.
when you reach the car, he opens the back seat door for you. you hesitate for a second, “you won’t, like, kidnap me or something, right?” you half-joke.
he lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “for someone who’s so aware of the things you shouldn’t be doing, you sure do them anyway,” he teases. his words send a shiver down your spine, both a warning and an invitation.
but you ignore that nagging voice in the back of your mind. instead, you climb into the seat and he follows you right away.
“why are you—” your words are cut off as he crashes his lips against yours, the urgency in his kiss making you lose your breath. one of his hands grips your waist, pulling you against him, while the other tangles in your hair, tugging gently to tilt your head for better access.
the way his lips move against yours, hot and hungry, sends sparks shooting down your spine, and before you know it, you're moaning into his mouth, matching his intensity. your hands scramble to find something to hold onto, eventually locking behind his neck as if he's your lifeline.
“are we seriously gonna fuck in your car?” you gasp, your words shaky when he pulls away just enough to start trailing hot kisses down the side of your neck. your legs wrap around his waist instinctively, drawing him closer.
“no,” he breathes and sucks on a sensitive spot just beneath your ear, his teeth grazing the skin before he soothes it with a slow lick. “just couldn’t stop myself,” he admits, voice low and breathy, and then his mouth is back on yours, devouring you with a hunger that makes your head spin.
your hands move restlessly over his broad shoulders, wanting to feel more, wishing his clothes were gone so you could touch him everywhere.
his hands roam your body like he's memorizing it, fingers pressing into the curves of your waist, teasingly brushing against your chest. each touch has you arching into him, wishing he'd just tear your clothes apart already.
it's all too good.
too overwhelming, and before you know it, five minutes have passed with the two of you tangled in each other. when he finally pulls back, panting, his lips are swollen and glistening. your chest rises and falls rapidly as you try to catch your breath, both of you staring at each other in the dim light of the car.
he’s leaning back slightly, his hard on pressing against your thigh. it’s impossible not to notice how turned on he is, and it only makes your own arousal spike.
you're so fucking wet right now.
you’re laid back on the seat, eyes locked on him, watching the way he runs a hand through his disheveled hair, pushing it back revealing his forehead.
“hotel? or my place?” he asks, trying to catch his breath “hotel’s just a minute away, but my place… well, it’s a bit further.”
you can practically see the options laid out in your mind like a checklist.
a) go to the hotel, have your fun, and slip away without looking back. no strings, no regrets. just a quick fuck and disappear like it never happened.
b) go to his place, let him fuck the shit out of you, see if he’s worth all this heat between your thighs. maybe wake up in his bed with his arms still wrapped around you... and if he's good enough, maybe get his number so it doesn’t have to be a one time thing.
you bite your lip, your decision already made before you even realize it.
“yours.”
the drive to his apartment is quick, the tension between you both barely held back. you're glad it’s late at night, because the two of you can’t seem to keep your hands off each other and you don't want anyone witnessing it.
the second you step into his apartment, the door slams shut behind you, and it's a scramble to rid each other of clothing. shirts are yanked off, belts undone, pants shoved down until you're both stumbling towards his bedroom in a mess of heated kisses and needy touches.
“o-oh fuck—yes baby, suck it just like that,” jungkook throws his head back, moaning, his breath ragged. he’s sprawled on the bed, legs spread wide, hands gripping the sheets. you're on your knees between his thighs, sucking him hard, your lips stretching around his thick length.
you glance up at him, eyes half lidded, watching the way his abs flex as he tries to keep himself steady. “shit... you look so fucking hot,” he rasps out, voice rough. his gaze darkens, and he pushes himself up, one hand threading through your hair.
“can you take it, baby?” he asks, his voice low, a hint of a challenge in his tone.
you know exactly what he’s asking. you nod, barely managing it with your mouth full, and he smiles, almost wickedly, his eyes gleaming.
“good,” he murmurs, his grip tightening just enough on your hair. “tap me if it’s too much.” and with that, he starts moving his hips, fucking into your mouth with slow, deep thrusts.
you gag slightly as he pushes deeper, but you relax your throat, trying to take him in. the room is filled with the wet, obscene sounds of him moving in and out, his groans echoing off the walls.
“fuck—you’re taking me so well, baby,” he praises, his voice thick and raspy, sending a wave of heat straight to your core. each time his cock hits the back of your throat, it forces a choked gasp from him, his hands instinctively tightening in your hair.
your eyes water, tears pooling at your lashes, but you don’t stop, even as your throat aches. your nails dig into his firm thighs, using them for balance as he fucks your throat. you want to show him just how much you can handle.
“i’m gonna—” he grunts, voice rough and strained. a hot burst of his release fills your mouth, and you swallow it all, not breaking eye contact with him for a second. his chest heaves as he watches you, mesmerized, as your tongue slides slowly along his length, cleaning up every drop. his jaw clenches, the sight clearly driving him wild.
“get up,” he orders, voice still a little breathless, and you obey instantly, letting him pull you to your feet. “on the bed, all fours.”
you get onto the mattress, positioning yourself as he asked. there's a moment of stillness as you feel his gaze roam over your exposed body. your heart races, anticipation building as you wait for his next move.
“you’re dripping,” he murmurs, leaning in closer until his breath is hot against your soaked core. he licks a slow, deliberate stripe along your folds, and your eyes flutter shut, a soft, breathy moan escaping your lips. his mouth envelops your pussy, sucking and licking with an rhythm that makes your thighs tremble.
he pulls back just enough to catch his breath before moving up, positioning himself between your legs. his right hand trails upward, skimming over your skin until his fingers brush against your lips.
instinctively, you part them, taking his fingers into your mouth, sucking and swirling your tongue around them. the low chuckle that escapes him tells you just how much he enjoys it.
“you like that, hm?” he asks. you moan softly around his fingers, your response muffled but desperate.
he withdraws his fingers, his lips curving into a satisfied smirk. leaning down, he wraps an arm around your waist, lifting you slightly until your back is against his chest. you can feel his length pressing against your ass, you move your hips a little causing a little friction.
his hands slide over your breasts, kneading them with just enough pressure to send shivers down your spine.
you melt into his touch, your head lolling back against his shoulder as his fingers pinch and roll your hardened nipples, sending sparks of pleasure through your body.
“want me to fuck you, baby?” his voice is soft against your shoulder as he places feather light kisses along your skin. he nips gently, his hands never stopping their teasing, and you can’t help the whimper that escapes when his fingers pinch just a bit harder.
“y-yes,” you mewl, voice shaky with need, “fuck me, jungkook.”
he squeezes your breasts harder, a groan rumbling from his chest as he sinks his teeth lightly into the curve of your shoulder.
“yeah? can i fuck you raw?” he whispers, his breath hot against your ear.
“yes,” you gasp, your voice barely more than a whimper. “p-please.”
his grip on you loosens slightly, and he leans back to look at you, his eyes dark, like he's stopping himself. “you sure?” he asks, one last time, his tone gentle but urgent.
you nod quickly, breathless. “i’m on the pill,” you assure him, and the tension in his shoulders eases.
“fuck. okay, bend over.”
without hesitation, you resume your previous position, arching your back and presenting yourself to him. he groans softly at the sight, his hand sliding down to rub slow circles over your entrance.
he teases you, slipping a finger inside, making you moan softly as your walls flutter around him. he withdraws his finger, watching the way you clench around nothing, desperate for more.
grabbing his cock, he taps the swollen tip against your slick hole. you whine, impatience leaking into your voice, “just fuck me already.”
a smirk curves his lips, and without another word, he pushes into you.
you grip the sheets tightly as you take him in fully, your walls stretching to accommodate his thick length. a choked gasp escapes your lips, eyes squeezing shut at the delicious burn that quickly morphs into pleasure.
each inch fills you so completely, leaving you breathless, your body trembling at the feeling.
“fuck,” he groans behind you, his voice low and rough, a sound that makes your toes curl. “you’re so tight, baby... taking me so fucking good.” the words are almost a growl, filled with barely restrained control as he fights the urge to pound into you.
his hands move to your hips, gripping them hard enough to leave marks, steadying himself as he sinks even deeper.
your moans spill freely now, raw and needy, muffled slightly by the pillow you bury your face into. he starts to move, slowly at first, pulling out just enough before thrusting back in, his cock brushing against that sweet spot inside you.
the rhythm is torturously slow, each stroke making you whimper, your back arching even further in a silent plea for more.
“please... more,” you manage to gasp out, your voice shaky. “jungkook, i need it.. need you.”
“yeah?” he rasps, picking up the pace, thrusts becoming sharper, each one driving you into the mattress. “want it harder, baby? want me to ruin you?”
“yes.. yes mmph- more!” you cry, your voice breaking as he slams into you harder, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. your nails claw at the sheets, the friction of his hips against your ass making stars dance behind your eyelids.
his fingers snake around to your front, finding your swollen clit, and he rubs it in tight, quick circles. your entire body jolts, your hips bucking back against him as you let out a loud, broken moan.
“oh, fuck, that’s it, that's a good fucking girl,” he hisses, feeling you clench around him, your walls fluttering as you near the edge.
“you’re gonna cum for me, aren’t you?” he growls against your ear, bending over you now, his hot breath fanning against your neck. he bites down on your shoulder, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to drive you wild.
“you're gonna cum like the good girl you are?”
“yes n-ngh.. i’m close.. s-so close,” you whimper, your thighs trembling uncontrollably. his fingers press harder against your clit, his thrusts turning frantic.
“cum with me, baby” he demands, his voice thick and commanding. that’s all it takes. your body shatters. your vision going white as you scream his name. your walls squeeze him so tightly, milking his cock, and with a deep, guttural groan, he loses himself too, spilling inside you as his thrusts grow sloppy.
he stays buried inside you, his chest heaving against your back, both of you panting heavily. he leans down to press soft, lazy kisses along your shoulder.
after everything that just happened. you've made up your mind.
you're definitely going to ask for his number.
a/n: erm.. don't get into random strangers cars !! haha
#jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook x reader#fanfic#bts jungkook#jungkook smut#bts fanfiction#jungkook fic#jeon jungkook fanfic#jjk x y/n#jungkook x y/n#fanfiction
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Emergency: Help Abedallah and his family to Evacuate From GAZA WAR
https://gofund.me/c358a1a5
Dear Humanity,
Please read this as if I'm a member of your family. maybe your brother, son or a friend and as if my family who's under death now is yours.
My name is Abedallah, a fresh graduate who wants to be a doctor like his role model, his father.
A student who was supposed to start his university and achieve the dreams he worked for but found himself losing the city he's living in, his house and losing any hope of a better future with it.
And after a alot of studying in Tawjihi ( The final level at high school before joining university), the war had another plan.
The story started since childhood, when every one I have knowen called me doctor.
This continued till I reach to the final grade at my school grade 12 (Tawjihi).
In this time, I felt that everything should be real, I can do it, I started to study
and work hard from begining to end, no sleep, no rest, all these things to achieve my goal and make my dream a real one.
The hard year has finished, then two week of fear waiting.
After this, the result came, it’s 99.4, I ranked the third in my country.
Since the war on Gaza strip started, we struggled alot, when we were at home at the beginning of the war the Israeli occupation bombed many houses around us, then we were displaced to Rafah because of fear and at the first day suddenly we heard the sound of many blasts,cracking glass and screaming women and children, they blew up a residential square near us.
After two months, I returned to khanyonis, but not to our home.
I live in tent becuse the israeli occupation burned my house completely, nothing left.
I feel that I lost and continue to lose every thing, this war made my dreams, hopes, my beloved things and my beautiful house burned and disappeared.
The single wish for me at this time is waking up from this nightmare and everything goes back to what it was.
Help your brother to get out of this disaster, rebuild his house and complete his education and realise his dream of becoming a doctor.
#free palestine#save palestine#i stand with palestine#all eyes on palestine#palestine fundraiser#palestine genocide#support palestine#palestine gfm#palestine gofundme#free gaza#gaza genocide#gaza strip#gazaunderattack#gaza#save gaza#gaza gofundme#gaza fundraiser#help gaza#gaza gfm#operation olive branch#donald trump#donations#donate if you can#donate to palestine#donate to gaza#please donate#donate#please consider donating#keep donating#911 abc
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LOST IN TRANSLATION
- sim jaeyun / jake one-shot
GENRE: Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Deaf Jake, College Life.
PERM TAG LIST: @run2seob
Jake is a 21 year-old deaf, junior university student, who has trauma from bullying over the fact he can't hear. Y/N is a 20 year-old, freshman university student, who just wants to make friends. She approaches Jake without knowing he's deaf, and he begins to dislike her when she couldn't understand why he was pointing to his ears. Y/N learned through Heeseung that Jake was deaf. Why not learn sign language? Will she be able to befriend Jake or will he dislike her until he graduates?
The alarm in her room, blaring, filling the room with its ever so annoying noises. Y/N's hand slams on the nightstand, searching for the alarm clock desperately, trying to turn it off.
“Just turn off already!” she exclaimed, sitting up and turning it off. A sigh of relief escapes her lips, “Finally…” her voice trails.
“Fuck! I'm late!” She hurries to change her clothes and get to her university, Decelis Academy.
While she was almost always late, she had good grades. Her GPA is what got her accepted. So, learning things felt like a breeze to Y/N.
Arriving to her class, she immediately got scolded by the professor. “Late again, Ms. Seo” Professor Jay remarked, annoyed at the tardiness. But, just glad she made it.
While, Professor Jay seems harsh. He actually is laid back and kind. Always making sure everyone is done with their work, and able to turn it in. The students appreciated it, this allowed them to understand the material better.
“Sorry, Professor Jay…” her voice trailed, “I was up late studying.”
A sigh left the professor's lips, “Sit down, at least you're late with a decent reason.”
A slight smile met her lips, “Thank you, Professor Jay!” she spoke excitedly, walking to her desk chair and taking a seat.
Being a Freshman gave Y/N some advantages, she was able to get off with being tardy, blaming it on ‘studying’ when she already knew the material.
Though, she had some challenges with making friends. They always walk away from her, saying that she was “Too weird.”
It irked Y/N, but she let it go.
After her class ended, she noticed a taller boy in the hallway. Realizing this was a chance to make a friend, she skipped over excitedly and spoke, “Excuse me? Would you like to be friends?”
Silence.
“Ah, ignored again…” she sighed as the boy turned around and jolted in surprise. His jolt made her jump as well, but she was still confused. Why didn't he answer her?
She said the same lines she just spoke, and he tilted his head. Bringing out his phone and typing, before showing her, “I'm deaf.”
Her mouth formed an ‘O’ shape, finally understanding the situation. She still wasn't sure how to communicate with him, and he got annoyed. Huffing and walking away.
Y/N reached her hand out as she frowned. Another chance down the drain.
The night of, she looked up videos to learn sign language. She realized that, to communicate better, she could learn sign language.
Y/N stayed up all night learning sign language. Practicing signs to perfect her understanding.
The next day, she walked up proudly to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and was visibly annoyed by her presence. “My name is Y/N, what is yours?” she smiled as she signed to him. His eyes widening in shock, no one having done this for him before.
“Jake.” was all he signed before quickly walking away.
“Jake, huh…” Y/N murmured, turning on her heel and making her way to Heeseung.
“Hey!” her hands clasped his shoulders roughly, making him jolt. “What the hell!” he exclaimed, “I'm doing an assignment, what's up?”
“Do you know who Jake is?”
“Jake? Yeah, he's the deaf student. Keeps to himself.” Heeseung quickly replied.
“Making more friends is hard, Seungie…” she whispered, visibly upset.
“What happened? Wait- Did you try to talk to Jake?”
“Yeah! But I learned sign language after that to fix things, I think that made him hate me more…”
A fit of laughter began as Heeseung couldn't hold it in anymore.
“Hey! It's not funny, asshole!” she hit his back lightly, making sure not to hurt him.
“It kinda is.” Heeseung spoke plainly.
“No!”
“Yeah!” He laughed heartily.
“I'll get Sunoo to talk to him, he knows sign language.”
“You will? Thank you!” she hugged her closest, and only, friend.
“Yeah, yeah. Now let me do my assignment, in peace.”
Y/N nodded and left the room.
Heeseung was able to get Sunoo to convince Jake to talk to Y/N. It was a long process, but they were able to do it.
Jake and Y/N meet up at the park, signing to each other, Y/N made sure to get every sign correct.
Jake noticed her concentration on making sure she was signing correctly. A chuckle left his lips, watching her eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
“What's so funny?” she signed to him.
“Your eyebrows furrow when you concentrate,” he signed back, “It's kinda funny.”
Y/N pouted, “No fair! I'm trying not to mess up and make you hate me…” she signed and frowned at the end.
Jake's eyes widened, he didn't particularly hate her, he was more weary of her.
“I got bullied for being deaf when I was younger,” he signed, explaining his childhood thoroughly.
At the end, Y/N understood why he was weary. But, he finally knew she wasn't like that.
Christmas came around in a flash, people around campus going home to visit family. Yet, some decided to stay in their dorms. Keeping time to themselves.
Jake texted Y/N that he was going to visit family and came to her dorm room to give her a hug. “Until we meet again!” he signed, making it dramatic as possible. Y/N laughed, “Yeah, yeah, get going drama king!” she signed back, before putting her hands on his back to push him.
He pulled out his phone and texted her, “See you later!”
She looked up from her phone and smiled. Mouthing slowly, “Bye.”
Holidays ended, and Y/N was waiting at the train station for Jake to arrive. She wanted to surprise him when he came back.
As the train came to a stop, the door slowly opened and people from inside came flooding out. Y/N was focused on finding Jake, her eyes searching through the crowd until their eyes met.
Her face lit up as a smile came to her lips. She noticed Jake mouthing, “Can I hug you?”
She gave him a nod as confirmation, and he walked over to her, pushing through the crowd and placing a gentle kiss on her lips.
Y/N's eyes widened as Jake pulled away, “Kiss?” she signed, “I thought it was a hug?”
Jake covered his mouth to laugh, before signing, “I mouthed, ‘’Can I kiss you?”
Y/N shrugged, “Either works!” she signed with a smile. Before giving him a tight hug, pulling away and signing, “Welcome back.”
While flowers take time to blossom fully, so does love. It takes time to learn a language, it takes time for feelings to grow. Love takes time.
#⭒˚。⋆. . . lost in translation#fanfic#kpop#enhypen fic#enhypen#enha#enha x reader#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen fanfic#enhypen imagines#enha imagines#jake imagines#jake x reader#jake sim#enhypen jake#txt#txt fics#txt imagines#le sserafim#sanrio#twice#kpop fanfic#kpop imagines#sim jaeyun#sim jaeyun x reader
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Just thinking of a rockstar bf/gf’s a person they hate but like a musician but a different genre like classical music? Or actor/actress. Their life is calm and they are private when it comes to their personal lives, super stable. Basically Henry Cavill of Keanu Reeves. They are everything rockstar can’t be for themselves or for MC. They have an admiration and respect for MC, maybe MC used have a passion or something but always prioritized rockstar, but here is the thing, the rival has been watching MC for a long time (not a stalker way) plus points if they been together during school time (high school or college or something). They ended becoming friends who greet each other when they see each other in the hallways. Then lost contact when they graduated. Then by chance they saw MC again. They smile.
Just thinking of a rockstar bf/gf’s a person they hate but like a musician but a different genre like classical music? Or actor/actress. Their life is calm and they are private when it comes to their personal lives, super stable. Basically Henry Cavill of Keanu Reeves. They are everything rockstar can’t be for themselves or for MC. They have an admiration and respect for MC, maybe MC used have a passion or something but always prioritized rockstar, but here is the thing, the rival has been watching MC for a long time (not a stalker way) plus points if they been together during school time (high school or college or something). They ended becoming friends who greet each other when they see each other in the hallways. Then lost contact when they graduated. Then by chance they saw MC again. They smile.
I’m brain rotted by this scenario and I made a snippet 😭
“You still do this, huh?” Rival gives a small, knowing smile. Not pitying. Just…there. Like they’ve always been."Following Rockstar into every room, just to watch them pretend they don’t see you."
MC scoffs, defensive as a reflex. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh, I don’t? I might be the only one who does.” Rival’s words settle, even and quiet. “I’ve watched you throw every part of yourself into them, like you thought it’d be enough to fill the cracks. I thought…well, I thought maybe it was a phase. That you'd outgrow them eventually.”
“Outgrow?” MC repeats, almost laughing. “Rockstar’s my whole world.”
“Yeah, and how’s that world treating you?”
It lands like a strike, not loud, but deep, the way truth can sting without raising its voice. And MC hates it. Hates the way it settles into them, tapping against the cracks that has been getting wider for years. But Rival doesn’t look smug; they just look at MC with that same cool and calm expression.
“You think I’m weak, don’t you?” MC mutters. “Like I’m some broken… charity case. Why do even care?”
They shrugged, like it was the simplest question in the world, as if they hadn’t been carrying the answer since the day they’d parted ways.
“Because once, I was proud of who you were. And I think you were, too.”
ohhh I like that! the pain, the anguish. mc meeting someone who knew and loved them before the industry, and their relationship wore them down. and then making it R's rival, too! they'd not be happy to see mc reconnect with them haha
I don't think I'll go there bc I have decided on all the ROs now but who knows if mc meets someone that once knew them! I certainly like the difference between someone knowing them Before and then seeing them changed in the After
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who do i have to bribe to get fantasy high senior year next year so i can have had freshman year during my freshman year, junior year during my junior year and their senior year with mine
#EVEN THE END OF THE SEASON IS LINING UP WITH THE END OF SCHOOL#MY FRIENDS ARE GRADUATING DAYS AFTER IT ENDS#PLEASE#dropout#d20#d20 fantasy high#d20 fhjy#blimey
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Of all the things to be mad at the bnha ending about the whole "deku doesn't see the others as much for 8 years" deal is the worst one. They used to cohabit in a dorm and now they have their own separate jobs and homes. It's not like they never speak, they just see each other less than literally every day. That's adulthood baby
#then again most of the people currently caring about bnha are probably still in school and think that they're gonna hang out with#their friends every day still after they graduate lol. nope sorry that's regular#also idgaf all the good characters died anyway#bnha#my hero academia#mha#boku no hero academia#bnha ending#bnha spoilers
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thank god chappell roan didn’t release good luck babe in summer 22!
#i unfortunately had a homoerotic female friendship that ended abruptly and tragically#she was my best friend for YEARS like we met when we were 11#i knew i was queer pretty early on but it’s so painfully obvious in hindsight how badly she was repressing everything#we fell asleep together she liked every guy i liked she was invested in every female situationship i had#like it was so painfully obvious what we were but we were just an undefined weird tension homoerotic pair of besties!#she always wanted to know every detail of my sex life w women refused to hear about the men i was w#she would hold me when we watched movies she wanted to do everything w me and she hated me after we graduated hs!#last conversation was on her birthday haven’t spoken to her once since#this song has sent me into a 3 day spiral session if you can’t tell 😭#never fully gotten over her but i see her post w her new friends at her school 6 hours away like cool cool okay#you’re going to ignore i ever existed instead of confronting your feelings okay! don’t know why she wants nothing to do w me anymore tho#crazy stuff it’s been a year and a half since we stopped being friends but i think about her a lot and i wonder if she thinks about me#i have 2 playlists about her she still follows me on spotify but she didn’t even wish me a happy birthday#at the end of the day i hope she figures everything out. you’re nothing more than his wife and all that#this song THIS SONG SHE WONT LEAVE MY MIND#probably delete later. we’ll see cause all my friends are sick of hearing me talk about her but i can’t stop she’s been in my mind since#this song dropped so thanks chappell 🥹🥹🫡
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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I feel like the little kitty in a "hang in there!" motivational poster, except I'm acutely aware of the passage of time from my place on the wall, but unable to do anything about the fact that I am trapped here and the office I was put up in has been long abandoned
#//juri speaks#it is 3am and all the cracks in my facade are so very visible to me#i feel like my chances to escape the poster all passed me by long ago#should've moved away for undergrad; should've moved away after graduation; should've moved away after my master's#but i *didnt* bc i always feel like i *cant* like im not good enough and will fuck up and fail and am not even allowed to anyway#and *now* i feel like i cant bc i am become irrepressible thoughts of death barbie#and am afraid if i move off on my own i will just Die and no one will notice bc#i am terrible at making friends and keeping in contact with people#i need to get out of the poster and i want to get out of the poster#but i cant get out of the poster and im scared to get out of the poster and i dont feel real enough to get out of the poster#and i dont know how to reconcile all of that and i dont have anyone i can actually talk to#bc at the end of the day the street is so so busy outside this office and i am just a forgotten motivational poster
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angry again. (wrist anger)
#I RLY CAN'T BELIEVE. i worried abt graduating#id rather write another thesis than what has been happening since#yeah blah blah neurodivergence. but in the end i pushed myself thru it but the dmg was done#i cld have pushed myself early and none of this wld have happened#been playing bg3 bc i figured it's easy enough on the wrist super slow pace but i hate it. i am so angry#I DON'T WANT TO PLAY RANDOM GAME BC MY WRIST SUCKS. I WANT TO DRAW AND WRITE AND BE MYSELF AGAIN#my japanese is so bad im gonna land in tokyo and kmys immediately. how can i face friends i made 5 yrs ago????#hi how have you been how's your life well you see i pissed it down the drain. i fucked it up. kill me#elia txts#vent post or what fucking ever i am sick of this#at BEST month in japan will be the rest i needed and i will be fine after but i don't believe that until i see it#more likely it's gonna be months. possibly years of this still#every day spent doing nothing but stretches and physio i want to put my head thru a wall. ok done goodnight
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I started watching Suits today and have been playing the sims nonstop and have been reading nothing but fanfiction about gay firefighters and articles about how the CIA started a domino effect that created al qaeda and the taliban so yes I’m doing super well mentally
#I’m honestly like doing okay in a lot of aspects like I feel like I’m taking steps towards having a life I enjoy#but taking small steps over a long period of time gets so exhausting#and I keep saying ‘I just need to keep going and keep trying to add things into my life that bring me joy and then life will be better’#but it’s taking so fucking long and I’m tired of the ‘just keep going’ part and wanna get to the ‘every waking moment isnt a nightmare’ part#like can that happen now please#and I keep getting too cocky and thinking I’m there and universe does its best to push me down and put me in my place#I have a great day with a new friend at a beautiful location? cool but ur gonna be in such bad pain u can’t stand for at least 3 days after#i go out to eat with my family? sick but ur gonna get nauseous no matter what u eat and ur gonna be so exhausted ur gonna sleep for 2 days#and it’s just never gonna end is it? bc that’s the chronic part of chronic illness#this is the life I’ll be subjected to until the day I die#anyways not even my deep mental anguish can stop me from obsessively reading about the Soviet-Afghan war#and the main guy of suits is such a pathetic babygirl and I’m obsessed with him#and my sims are about to graduate college#and I’ve been writing and I made new friends and was invited to an event with them and am going to a dance party in a week#and I’m trying really hard to remember that things aren’t always awful
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God I'm gonna miss this place
#{🔇} - bee vents#like. im not saying that im gonna peak in high school or anything#but these past 4 years#especially my senior year#have been so fun#I met so many amazing people and Ive had so much fun#Im sitting in math rn cracking up and realizing that after monday ill never have this experience again#and an old friend contacted me today and gave me 2 really meaningful things even though we havent talked much in years#and another old friend and I have been in contact recently with graduation coming up#its just#all hitting me suddenly that all this amazing stuff is gonna end#idk how many of these people ill be able to keep in contact with even though I really want to#life just doesnt always work out and i know that but it doesnt make me any less sad#i still have one day left after today so im gonna try and enjoy it#i just got hit with all of this all of a sudden and i cried over it earlier even thiugh ive been trying not to cry about all of this yet#idk i feel like my thoughts are really jumbled#everythings just changing all at once and its really scary and hard to come to terms with#after monday ill never be a kid again. ill have college and real adult responsibilities#:/
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Kindest Girl I Knew (Went Out For a Run)
#tw car accident#tw death#hexy posty#in 5th grade i met a girl that was really nice. she was kind to everyone. even the “losers” and people she wasnt friends with#i was somewhay friends with her. in the same way the almost anyone was friends with her. i hung out around the same people#i knew her and had classes with her through 8th grade#we ended up going to different highschools#a couple weeks ago i was told about a road closure due to a car accident and avoided it when i went to work that day#later that night my mom asked me if i knew a specific girl and she informed me that she was involved in the accident. that she had been hit#she had died in the hospital only hours after she was hit#when my mom got home that night we cried and hugged for hours over a girl that i barely knew#she had only gone out for a run on a sunny day and she got hit by a car.#when we graduated highschool she was voted as the “kindest student” for senior superlatives#every memory i have of her is of her smiling and happy and kind.#she was 18. she was my age. she couldve been anyone else. but it was her#she was waiting at the intersection and a large truck with a trailer attached hit her and the tree behind her#she was alive when she was brought to the hospital in critical condition#people have been putting flowers and gifts and candie and such by the tree that was hit. theyve been holding memorials at that tree.#i went to that tree a couple days after and brought flowers#i felt like an ass. sitting and crying over a girl that probably didnt remember i even existed#i prayed for the first time in a long while#she was so damn kind to everyone#even now. weeks after the accident. i still see flowers and candles at the tree when i drive past it for work.#i still turn down my music when i drive past that corner#hexy venty#hexy arty
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god it literally doesn't get any easier
#we're at 1 year now. im. so tired of feeling miserable.#stopped antidepressants bc they just made me feel worse. haven't got therapy.#what's the point anymore. at this point it's obvious that it's not going to get better.#i sleep at 5am every morning and wake up at 1pm. there's a wound on my arm that hasn't healed since december. i don't feel real anymore.#i haven't been out and talked to anyone since early january. i just sit inside and play video games#i haven't exercised since early december and i look like shit#i feel like my ability to enjoy life has atrophied. it snowed in december and i felt nothing. i got a first and felt nothing.#im talking to old friends again and feeling nothing#the only consistent thing is that after the end of another day of feeling very little i crawl into bed and am miserable for hours#until i can fall asleep to the dawn chorus#ive graduated uni. i should feel like i have something to show for any of this. im lying in bed mourning myself while im still breathing.#this is all there is and it's worthless
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thinkibg. ...
#random thoughts#guess what motherfuckers it's blue man time#god they should have done a rickdonald's#mcorty's? rickdonald's holds a special place in my heart but then again... m...#anyway a mcdonald's in the citadel stuck in 1998#staffed fully by morties and ricks and 1 (one) rando#some guy who some rick thought was The Best mcdonald's employee (always made fresh coffee and tolerated his drunk midday ramblings) so he.#kidnapped them. and put them in the rickdonald's#i call them The Employee#their life hasn't really changed all that much aside from all the customers and employees looking identical#they're a community college graduate who's distant from their family. slowly stopped talking to their high school friends#and didn't make new ones in college. probably depressed. suicidal in a 'i wish i could just stop existing' way#they can't quit the rickdonald's job because what the fuck else would they do. can't leave the citadel#because where the fuck else would they go#kind of a metaphor for how capitalism forces us to fight for our own survival and traps us in a cycle while we slowly die#mostly me dunking on how shitty mcdonald's is#sometimes they get dragged into adventures with random ricks and morties#most of the time it doesn't end well#i imagine them being introduced in an episode which introduces the rickdonald's as a brief gag#and then there being a comic which goes into the day to day life of The Employee#with the first third-ish being pre-taken life#the second third-ish being post-taken life (with some panels being basically identical to emphasize how samey their life is)#and the final bit being the og rick being like 'oh fuck uhhhh yeah let's put you back bud' because that rick just found out what he did#and now they're back in their original dimension! after having been missing for like. five? five years?#the final FINAL bit being they were a missing case!!!#i imagine the rick spat them back through a portal at the mcdonald's which he took them from#and that would be where the comic ends!#post-being spat out at a mcdonald's life would be VERY different for The Employee#you can either go the 'they reconnected with their family and lived with them until they got a new job and apartment' route#or the 'they became a homeless drifter and were eventually taken in by rick and morty when morty guilted rick into it'
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I wish that I was more
#sad hours at the huskin bee#personal#graduating soon and the animation department is collecting photos of everyone in the drive#and seeing all these group photos of everyone in the program makes me realize how distant i am from them#and how close knit everyone else has become...#ive never been good at making friends and within like the first few weeks of school it was like everyone got to know each other#and the few friends i made in the program left after the first year#i wish my social anxiety wasnt so bad i tried harder to make friends in college#also i have an essay due on monday and i might just not do it#or itll be really half assed#ive been doing well so far in that class so if i dont do it i think the least id get is a C#idk maybe i can still make friends w these ppl after college somehow but itd still feel weird bc i had a completely different shm experience#than they had#ahhhh#i can imagine a future reunion where ppl will talk to be about old drama that was big among this giant friend group#that consists of most people in my year that ill have no idea what theyre talking abt#bc im never in the loop abt anything ever lol#this actually happened at my hs animation reunion except i actually knew and talked to most ppl in that class#i wasnt like super close to most of them but i had a few closeish friends#and i know one of those friends probably werent/arent in the know#also like i did hear abt relationship drama back in the day bc gossip spread p easily#anyways i was told completely new information abt someone getting stalked back then so thats wild#and apparently there was a super handsome guy in our class that i for some reason have zero recollection of#point is i be the last person to know something and if i know smth then everyone probably already knew#which is annoying. i wanna hear gossip too. even in my own family my sisters will tell each other and our mom about shit that went down w#their friends or our cousins and i only hear abt it when im in the room#so i end up hearing a lot but never directly and sometimes not in full#man i shouldve gone on more college field trips#shouldve done a lot more in life that my insecurities get the way of#tbh i genuinely think i might have a form of undiagnosed anxiety; tism; or some other mental disorder
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