#Loving him is quite painful

[villain-in-love]

I've mentioned him a bunch of times before, but generally tried to stay away, to avoid falling into my old obsession. However, it seemed that I'm back at my bullshit again, regardless of my efforts.

Anyways, allow me introduce you properly.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the myth, the legend, the man himself, the one that caused me so much heartache!

Fucking Xerxes Break

I am so going to spoil you his entire character right now because you need to know this information because from now on I won't shut up about him.

So, Xerxes. In this story, that heavily references "Alice in Wonderland", he represents both the Mad Hatter and the White Knight. He's an extremely weird mix of a cunning bastard, cinnamon roll, and grouchy old man, all at once. Xerxes Break is known by many for his eccentric behaviour and unparalleled fighting skills, being simultaneously the best and the most insufferable swordsman in the entire Pandora organization. Other than that, he's a loyal servant of the Rainsworth dukedom, and an important mentor figure to the main characters.

Most of the time, he acts like a clown. When he's not acting like a clown, he acts like a moody bitch.

He made a bunch of terrible decisions in his youth and is still dealing with the consequences of his actions, even fifteen years later. Break's past is dark and bloody, and he's not proud of it.

At first you might think that he's an untrustworthy manipulator with a few screws loose, but then throughout the story you realize that he's easily the person with the most common sense in this entire freakshow, as well as one of the very few people you can actually rely on. Also Xerxes has always been a better fighter than a manipulator.

In any case, just don't listen to a single thing Break says about himself – his actions often contradict his words. He tries to portray himself as a far more horrible person than he actually is.

He doesn't know how to deal with children, but he keeps accidentally adopting every child he meets. Claims that he doesn't care about anyone but himself, yet actually cares about everyone except himself. And if you dare to hurt people that are dear to him, I hope you already have your place at the graveyard reserved, because he does not forgive that... and because he's a former serial killer (bad decisions, bad decisions).

All that comes in a complect with sugar addiction, creepy ventriloquist doll named Emily, pride that blinds (ha!) him to everything else, thinly veiled suicidal tendencies, trust issues, massive guilt complex, undying devotion, obnoxious tendency to poke his nose into everyone else's business, and completely nonsensical fashion sense!

.......

Also he is quite literally rotting on the inside (what did I say about the consequences of his own actions?), then he loses his eyesight closer to the middle of the manga, and dies by the end of the story, right after finally realizing that he's actually not ready to die.

In short, this man is a walking disaster and I adore him with my entire being.

[lazylittledragon]

How was Astarion during Kits birth? I feel like he’d panic tbh

i think he would be his regular flippant self to hide that he was SHITTING BRICKS

[lion-writer]

Reincarnation Au where Kaveh and Alhaithem reincarnate into Aventurine and Ratio. Because I've seen a ton of comparisons between these two and Need a reincarnation Au badly.

They're so similar on a surface level, flamboyant blonde x tsundere scholar. Then you get deeper and realize just how different they are. Alhaitham is lazy, and doesn't care about others. While Ratio is passionate to a fault, he's dedicated his life to teaching, to spreading knowledge.

And on the other side, we have Kaveh and Aventurine, two blondes who have lived lives of tragedy, and have self esteem in the negatives but try to cover it up with a flamboyant attitude. We have Kaveh who binds himself to his ideals, suffering for their sake. While Aventurine is bound by others and by fate itself and as such isn't free to hold himself to such ideals.

But If they're so different, how do you get Kaveh and Alhaithem to become into Adventurine and Dr Ratio? You may ask. And the answer is quite simple. You just break them.

Once upon a time, there lived Kaveh, who lived with Alhaithem. And they were in love, not that most people were able to tell what with all the fighting. A lot of it was over Kaveh's bleeding heart, how he would sacrifice himself on the altar of his ideals. How he would give and give only to receive nothing but pain in return. And then one day Kaveh got sick, and died, slowly, painfully, and far too young, questioning if it had all been worth it.

After Kaveh dies, a month or a year, some amount of time later, a cure is found. And Alhaithem recognizes the researcher who developed the cure, maybe they asked for his advice only to be shutdown, or they had submitted their research application while he was grand sage only for it to sit on his desk for a month and get rejected. Maybe nothing would have changed had he helped them, but possibly a cure would have been discovered quicker. And that possibility haunts Alhaithem, that maybe had he cared, maybe if he tried to help, maybe Kaveh would still be there. But maybes won't bring the dead back to life.

Thus in another life we have Aventurine, who can't quite remember why he tried to do the right thing, but knows that it has been his downfall before. He has two lifetimes of evidence as that proves that loving something is the best way to lose it. But still, no matter how hard he tries, he can't help but care. At the very least, with this heart of stone he's tried his best to create, he feels closer to that voice he doesn't know yet can't forget.

While Veritas remembers loving somebody who Cared. Remembers losing them because he didn't. Remembers calling himself a genius only to be hated and alone. And so, determined to fix his mistakes, he makes it his mission to help others, he will not, can not, rest untill he has cured the universe of its ignorance . Even if he'll never be able to care as much as the smile in his memory did.

They both cling to a memory of the person they once loved, and try to push and prod pieces of themselves into that shape. Cause they'd do anything to see their partner again, even if it's just in the mirror.

Ratio remembers more of his past life, partially due to Adventurine attempting to suppress the memories of his childhood, and partly due to Ratio still desperately trying to not repeat his mistakes. Thus when they first meet, Ratio would despise Aventurine. It feels almost like looking at one of those face swap photos, an unholy conglomeration of somebody he regrets being and the face that haunts his dreams. Blonde hair in the wrong shade, mannerisms that are almost but not quite. Still he falls in love, slowly, begrudgingly, and hating himself for it.

On the other side, what little memories Aventurine has is mostly of a grey haired scholar with a tongue as sharp as his swords. And so Adventurine sees Ratio and can't help but compare the two. They're different, undoubtedly, but it would be so easy to ignore those differences and fall. But he can't, he can't lose yet another person he loves.

[deoidesign]

Happy EDS awareness month!

I'm a webcomic artist with EDS. be aware.

EDS affects many parts of my life. I have chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and I need to use a cane! I often find myself ruminating on themes of chronic illness in my work, whether or not I am intending to include them.

I already can't paint anymore, it hurts my hands too much... Anything that requires small details or precise motions will hurt me for days. I have a lot of grief around it. But working digitally allows me to still create!

I animate, I illustrate, I get to tell my stories. I have to go slow, take huge breaks (often against my will) and recover slowly. But, working in this space allows me the grace to do this.

So, I just wanted to share a bit of my experience with my audience, and say thank you for reading my work and supporting me! It means the world to me, and I hope maybe someone in my audience feels a little more seen through me sharing this. It causes me pain, but I love myself; and that includes my disability.

[npdclaraoswald]

I know literally the whole point of A Tale of Two Stans is that they're both wrong and have both hurt each other and they've destroyed both of their lives by not communicating, but. It is wild that not only both of the Stans but also parts of the fandom act like Ford falling through the portal was primarily Stan's fault when

1. Ford is the one who made the fight physical

2. Ford is the one who knows what all the buttons and levers do. Stan had no idea what was happening

[larsnicklas]

you must understand he is very dear to me

[cent-scratchnsniff]

here together

[fatedroses]

I offer unsundered Meteor and a bit of the strange giant winged man that likes to follow him around.

As per his namesake I plan on incorporating a lot of it into the ancient design, (besides the fact that I purposefully, visually, swapped how some of Dionysus and Apollo's traits are generally depicted). The majority of it is foresight and prophetic vision (and perhaps a bit of apollo's general misfortune), his past inspired by Ardbert to have grown up primarily as a farmer/rancher, the bardic inspirations and maybe a bit more the more I flesh him out.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I love Jiang Cheng and I hope you agree. The most tragic thing about yunmeng siblings is that JC and WWX really love each other the whole time… I like to think they can fix it someday

Someday perhaps....in the meantime, I bet he's loving having dogs run around lotus pier. As a WWX deterrent of course. No therapeutic reasons at all.

[birdricks]

ok heres this. how i interpreted his fears at least

[bylertruther]

he has all these feelings and he can't find a way to express them in a way that mike can understand..... will just wanting to be understood by one of the people he loves most in this world.... the king of his heart, his very first and best friend, and his first love.... he wants to be known and loved for exactly who he is the very same way that he knows and loves mike for all that he is, but he doesn't know how to say the unspeakable.... i can't see through ym tears right now

[good-to-drive]

I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions

(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)

[avirael]

FFxivWrite 2024

Day 22 - Return (Free Day)

A part of Rael thought that all of this was going to smoothly. Or maybe for once they were simply lucky. Not only had they been able to free Flame General Raubahn from Ilberd’s imprisonment, it also seemed as if Sultana Nanamo truly wasn’t dead. Not only were this very good news on its own but it would also absolve the Scions from all accusations that had been made against them - public or not.

Going back to Vesper Bay and the Waking Sands still felt peculiar and so did hiding Raubahn there, but Yugiri had assured them that she herself had checked if the place was safe and not watched by their enemies. The Au Ra had so far proven one of their most loyal and competent allies and so Rael didn’t doubt her words.

Neither did they doubt the information Yugiri and her shinobi had gathered this time. Given the possibility that the sultana had only been poisened and was just asleep, instead of dead, the most likely person to know how to wake her up would be the one who had administered the poison. Suspiciously one of the sultana’s personal chambermaids had vanished from the palace without a trace only a few days after the incident.

Now Yugiri had apparently found out that the woman was hiding at no other place than the Silver Bazaar. The mention of this name alone made A’viloh’s ears attentively shoot up. Rael could only imagine what the prospect of returning to the place, that now was the closest thing to a home for him, must feel like.

Raubahn suggested that, to stay unseen for as long as possible and also to fasten their journey, it would be best to take a boat from Vesper Bay, around Crescent Cove and past the Beaconhill Lighthouse to travel to the Bazaar. For understandable reasons A’viloh visibly didn’t like this idea. But of course none of the persons present - except Rael - knew that A’viloh had not only lived at the Silver Bazaar for about a year but also had been washed ashore there after a shipwreck and likely the most horrible time of his life.

“Wouldn’t it be smarter to split up?”, Rael suggested. “If A’viloh and I travel over land, just the two of us, we could certainly stay undected. This way we could approach the settlement from both ways at the same time and make sure our target doesn’t get away.”

Nothing would happen to the Miqo’te of course on a simple boat trip from here to the Bazaar and he probably could not hide from this phobia forever but in this case Rael didn’t see any reason to make him unnecessarily uncomfortable. Besides, the reason they had brought up was in fact a good one and so it was decided that just as Rael had suggested the two of them would travel over land while the rest of them would take a boat. They would keep in contact via linkpearl and make sure both groups were safe and would arrive at the same time.

As expected their journey went without issues. The area was sparsely populated apart from Vesper Bay and Horizon but even there weren’t too many guards present and they passed without being recognised.

“We should speak to Kikipu first.”, Rael suggested as the two of them walked towards the settlement. “I am sure she knows best about everything happening at the Bazaar.”

Vehemently A’viloh nodded and if his tail hadn’t been hidden by his coat, Rael was sure it would have excitedly wagged back and forth. As they walked into the settlement Pipin approached them from the harbor side and decided to keep an eye on the gate, while A’viloh had already spotted the small Lalafell woman with the lavender colored hair.

“Hello…”, he said shyly as they stepped toward her, almost as if he felt bad for having vanished for so long without a word.

Surprised she turned around and looked up to the familiar voice. Upon seeing the Miqo’te in his disguise, which obviously did nothing to hide his identity from her, the surprise on her face turned into a mix of disbelief and relieved happiness.

“A’vi? Is it really you?”, she asked quietly.

The Miqo’te knelt down, pulled back his hood and apologetically smiled at her. “Hello, Kikipu.”

Instantly the Lalafell raised her hands to her mouth and her eyes got glassy. “A’vi! My boy! I missed you so much! I was so horribly worried something could have happened to you.”

A’viloh leant forward, hugging her tightly and she returned the hug in equal manner. “I missed you too! And I am so sorry I left without saying goodbye or at least sending a letter. Believe me, I thought about it. But I feared it would only put you in danger…”

“In danger?”, Kikipu asked a little shocked. “So something happened after all? There were rumours about turmoil in the city that day you visited the festivities at the palace.”

“I can’t explain everything now, but I promise that I will soon. Just know that whatever you heard about us is nothing but lies.”, A’viloh pleaded, holding her tiny hands tightly in his own.

“I thought so...”, she said and nodded firmly. “A few days after the festivities strange, unfriendly men in blue uniforms appeared here and started asking questions about you.”

“The Crystal Braves?”, A’viloh asked alarmed. “Did they harm you?”

“Harm me? You think I let anybody bully me?”, the Lalafell laughed. “I said you weren’t here and told them to get lost!”

A’viloh chuckled. “Yes, I can imagine that.”

“But why are you here now?”, Kikipu wondered.

“We are looking for a midlander woman, who was one of the sultana’s chambermaids. It is possible she is to blame for what happened at the palace that day.”, A’viloh explained and added, “But I promise, we only want to talk to her.”

“Meriel?”, the Lalafell asked surprised and A’viloh nodded. “Yes, that was her name!”

„I admit she seemed troubled when she returned from the city but I never would have suspected her to be involved in something bad…“, she seemed seriously unsettled by this news. „To think that maybe you got in trouble because of her… Oh, what a fool I was!“

„No, don’t blame yourself.“, the Miqo’te comforted her. „You did nothing wrong. I know you would never turn away someone needing help.“

So far Rael had only watched and it had been truly heartwarming to see the two of them reunited, but during the whole time Rael had also scanned the rest of the town, watching the others questioning some of the remaining villagers and keeping an eye out for their target. Rael preferred to find the woman in question before she noticed the unusual visitors and decided to flee.

„Can we speak to Meriel though?“, Rael asked impatiently and Kikipu hesitantly nodded and pointed towards one of the buildings. „She lives there.“

Once again A‘viloh hugged her.

„I promise we will speak later. But this matter cannot wait sadly…”

Kikipu smiled and patted his head.

“Just don’t vanish again without a word.”

[demonbarberofbeepbeep]

morning toddheads

[asha-mage]

I just beat the Royal Academy section of Metaphor: reFantazio and I just. I had to sit there with the revelation that we've passed the point of 'this is a GOTY frontrunner for me' and have entered the territory of 'if this sticks the landing- and god I think it's shaping up to do just that- it's going up there with Shadow Hearts: Covenant and Final Fantasy X as one of my favorite video games of all time.'

[cent-scratchnsniff]

almost forgot about this. made as soon as i finished reading day 48 and booted down my laptop . good god. not quite sure what happened with this. it was something to the effect of 'oh. god he really loved didn't he.' in full force AGAIN. the parts of banging on the door, doors in general, just carmen as a whole other thing, the yelling, the want to die to sink to be forgotten. yeah. that was a trip. carmen... i know you meant well with your words but he took it LITERALLY......