#human pain and love and anxiety and courage

[asha-mage]

I just beat the Royal Academy section of Metaphor: reFantazio and I just. I had to sit there with the revelation that we've passed the point of 'this is a GOTY frontrunner for me' and have entered the territory of 'if this sticks the landing- and god I think it's shaping up to do just that- it's going up there with Shadow Hearts: Covenant and Final Fantasy X as one of my favorite video games of all time.'

[honey-tongued-devil]

↞[arcane preference] founding out you were injured in crossfire↠

Since I've created a Bluesky profile and wrote my thesis on Arcane, I'll be posting both old and new drawings there as soon as the time comes. I'm taking advantage of this little space to promote my other social account. honey-tongued.bsky.social Also, I've received both comments and requests, but Tumblr decided I couldn’t post for a week (my internet connection is terrible). I want to let you know that I appreciate them, and I'll get to everything as soon as I can. So, feel free to leave comments, feedback, or requests!

Jayce: 

- This is the worst news he could receive: he's a scholar, he has no idea how to handle these situations, and, most of all, he's forced to confront his pride.  

- Not only was he unable to protect you now, but what if it happens again? Even if he's there, he wouldn't know what to do.  

- What if there's a next time? What if it doesn't turn out as well next time?  

- His self-sabotage leads him to distance himself from you for a few days, not because he doesn't want to be near you while you're hurting, but because he's ashamed of not being able to protect the person he loves.  

- On the bright side, for even just a second, he remembers the original purpose of his research: making the city safe, helping people.  

- But on the negative side, with no one to blame, more than ever, the people of Zaun appear to him as beasts, second-class humans who can't be redeemed in any way.  

- When he finally gathers the courage to see you again, he tries to make amends for everything: for not protecting you, for not being able to, for allowing someone to hurt you, and for not being there during your recovery.  

- He'll literally do anything to be forgiven: every morning you'll find breakfast in bed, if it's cold at night he'll prepare a warmer for your feet, and despite his squeamishness, he'll personally tend to your wounds, even if it makes him feel queasy.

Viktor:

- He tries to help you in every way possible, even ignoring his own pain.  

- He feels sadness, regrets that you went out alone and ended up in such a situation. He can't help but imagine the fear you must have felt, the confusion, and the loneliness when the guards intervened, and you woke up alone in the hospital.  

- He may be a scholar, but first and foremost he's a man with a moral code, and secondly, he's from Zaun: if he has any work, appointments, or lectures, he'll skip them all, maybe muttering a few insults in his thick accent at the most insistent people, and make up for it at night.  

- Plans, ideas, codes, anything – but he won't leave you alone unless you ask him to.  

- He takes care of you meticulously, respecting schedules, bringing you meals in bed, changing your bandages until your skin heals, and you're able to stand on your own again.  

- He doesn't mind helping you – as a chronically ill person who refuses others' help, he's learned to do everything on his own, and he's almost happy that his skills can be useful to someone else.

Ekko:

- Is it something totally normal in the lanes? Yes.  

- Does this stop Ekko from panicking? No.  

- He's the one who finds you and brings you to the others, but he doesn't want, nor can he afford, to be seen panicking. So, he swallows his despair and tries to act as normal as possible while ten other people rush to help you.  

- His face remains expressionless as the most skilled remove debris, clean the wound, stitch your torn flesh, and bandage you, but his foot keeps tapping the floor with force and speed, revealing his anxiety.  

- When the others insist that it's best you stay in the makeshift infirmary, he tries not to protest, but suddenly every moment of the day becomes an excuse to pass by: to bring you stolen sweets from Piltover, to tell you about some expedition, maybe even steal a kiss or fall asleep leaning against your mattress.  

- It's an overwhelming fear, but the fear of losing you makes him unable to think rationally, and all he feels is how much he misses you, even while you're right there with him.

Vander:

- A crossfire from the other side of the river was already a big enough provocation to alert him and prepare to defend the city or, if absolutely necessary, to strike back.  

- But you, as an accidental victim, are a huge problem.  

- He doesn’t have the heart to pull away from you, and when he does, he can’t help but feel frustrated, angry at himself, knowing he hasn’t been able to keep his city under control like he promised—to you, to Piltover, to everyone.  

- He’ll ask for your forgiveness by kissing the scarred skin every day, even if you insist it’s not his fault, and if you remember even one of the faces, he’ll go and handle the problem.  

- Not with violence, unless necessary, but it’s not about personal justice; rather, it’s about protecting the other citizens of the alleys too.  

- Even after you’ve healed, he’ll insist it’s absolutely necessary to carry you everywhere you need to go, claiming a very good doctor told him so.  

- And the memory of the scar will be tiny compared to all the marks Vander has left on you.  

Silco:

- Private justice is absolutely the first option, even though you were an accidental victim.  

- He’ll call all his goons and associates for a meeting while you’re still bedridden, to see if they’ve heard, seen, or been involved in any armed conflict, and if he doesn’t get a face or a name from them, he’ll turn to the brothel, the house of all information,  

- Until he finds who hurt you and makes sure they can’t do it again.  

- Silco isn’t fazed by blood or open wounds, but despite having enough experience to handle it himself, at least on the first day, he’ll take you to Singed to make sure you’re in the best condition.  

- In the following days, he’ll take care of you himself, but he has pride, a façade, and little emotional communication skills, so he won’t openly show how worried he is, relying entirely on the fact that you don’t know about the murder of your assailant and remember nothing of the visit to Singed.  

- But the only reason you heal so well and so quickly is that, even if he doesn’t know how to express it, all the love he feels is poured into the care he gives you.  

Jinx:

- Flashbacks. So many. Too many.  

- At some point, she’ll even convince herself that she’s the one who shot you, leading to a complete breakdown.  

- She punches her head, scratches herself without realizing it, her nose bleeds, and her eyes are bloodshot.  

- It takes her a while to convince herself that she wasn’t the one who shot you, even though the hallucinations overlap images of you with memories of her armed, creating waking nightmares that feel increasingly real.  

- As much as she’d like to ask her father for help, even just to give you a cleaner room, she feels responsible and is too scared that if she stays away from you, you’ll forget her. That’s why she sets up a little space for you and takes care of you herself, though not always painlessly.  

- She’s pulled bullets out of her own body more times than not after missions; what might seem like dangerous, delicate work to someone else is almost routine for her by now.  

- Once she has a suspicion of who might have done it, she’ll make sure they learn their lesson. 

 

Vi:

- Anger.  

- Why were you out alone? Why didn’t you leave as soon as you saw the crowd getting too big? Why were you in that area?  

- But her anger is just panic pouring out like a flood, the fear of not being able to protect the one she loves twists her stomach, making her feel like she might throw up, like she’s dying inside.  

- None of those questions mean she blames you, but she doesn’t know how to feel, what to think, or even what to do.  

- She’ll do everything to help you—bandaging you, cleaning your wounds, staying silent and giving her full attention to make up for not being there when you needed her, even though that’s not true.  

- And when the scar forms, she’ll kiss it every single day, every single night, like a little ritual between the two of you.  

Caitlyn:

- Safety first.  

- She’ll be the one to assess how bad the injury is, and if there are any foreign objects in your body, there’s a good chance she’ll try to handle it herself, even though at first it might seem a bit barbaric.  

- She’ll give you the guest room and call the family doctor to make sure you’re okay, that you don’t need anything else, and she’ll take care of what’s necessary, even teasing you a bit to hide her worry.  

- "A bullet in the leg from being caught in crossfire? Very vintage, I must say."  

- What you won’t know is that she’ll quietly increase security, not in an oppressive way, but just enough to make both you and the other citizens feel safer.  

- Her family won’t get involved directly, but they won’t stop her either. Sometimes Cassandra herself will make sure her daughter finds the tray to bring up to you, though she’ll never be too open about it.  

- The perfect rehabilitation? Long walks in the villa’s garden, so you can stop for some cookies or tea when you get tired.  

Mel:

- Flashbacks, but less personal than Jinx’s.  

- Her mother would call her weak if she knew how it kills her to see someone barely scratched by crossfire, and that realization soon turns into frustration, which then becomes anger.  

- She tries to stay calm, but her voice sounds like she’s scolding you, and then like she’s scolding the servants, or anyone else who crosses her path.  

- Two hours of lecture if you’re lucky—why you shouldn’t go out without a guard, why you shouldn’t put yourself in dangerous situations, why the enforcers are utterly useless and can’t find anyone responsible, even though the fight was so intense.  

- She’ll focus entirely on the bureaucratic side because little Mel was never taught how to deal with strong emotions, and she’s definitely feeling them now but can’t afford that vulnerability, even though she knows you’re safe.  

- She won’t take care of you herself, but she’ll always stay in the room. Not because she doesn’t want to, to be clear, but because she wants you to have the best care possible and prefers to leave it to a top professional rather than her inexperienced hands.  

- In return, she’ll triple the amount of affection and caresses—more to calm herself than you, but you won’t be the one to complain.  

Sevika:

- She needs a moment.  

- She knows she has to report to Silco that there was a firefight, that someone is threatening the people, but part of her just wants to grab those responsible and crush their heads with her bare hands, doing both you and her boss a favor. Yet, another part of her doesn’t want to leave you alone or take you with her.  

- She knows how to handle these things; she’s lost an arm, and Silco’s goons often come back in worse shape, which is why she’ll take care of you herself, in complete silence.  

- She’ll wait until you’re asleep to place a water bottle, a glass, some painkillers, and some bread on the nightstand next to your bed. And when she’s sure you’re fully asleep, she’ll leave a soft kiss on your forehead before putting on her cloak and heading out to the Last Drop.  

- There, she’ll release her anger in a brawl or two, talk to her boss, and search for the reason why she feels so awful at the bottom of her third glass of whiskey.  

[eclipse-msoul]

MISFORTUNATE LADY

✙ Yandere Mafia Dark! Bat family X Reader ✙

Synopsis : You had the misfortune of catching their eye. Oh, why did you have to make such a stupid mistake? Now you could only cry , hoping for them to leave you alone.

Warnings : Stalking, murder, no care for human life, anxiety, non-consentual touching, Non-consentual drug use

Prev // Next

Chapter 1 :-

It was a dark and cloudy night. Clouds had filled the Gotham sky, making its inhabitants bear the dark and shadows in their full glory. In this city of everlasting twilight, sounds of muffling screams could be heard from one particular warehouse.

“ Tsk-” A figure groaned, boredom latched in his tone as he pierced a blade through his little victim's finger. The victim screamed in agony unable to stop tears from swelling underneath his eyes.

“ Fuck…” Jason cursed under his breath, his eyes narrowing in disgust as he stared at his victim wetting himself. He held his head feeling a headache overtake him. “ Oi replacement.”

No response.

“Little shit I know you can hear me.” Jason commented. A grunt was heard on the other side.

A man in his early twenties let out a yawn, his hand picking up a cup of coffee and bringing it near his throat. He chugged it down in an instant and let out an exhausted gasp. “ Don't scream at me Jay.” He sighed in his com before sharpening his eyes.

“Tell the Old man the fucker useless !” Jason retorted.

Tim pressed the mouse and several screens appeared in front of him. “Dick's got a lead to the traitors place. So it seems this waste of space is useless-” the computer screen zoomed at the victim mobbed and on his last breath with eyes begging for mercy.

Tim lazily sneered, lagging back at his comfortable seat.

“ Deal with him as you wish.” and the comm went off. Those words were all that was needed before red liquid splashed on Jason's face. He got up and went up to the table. Various torture devices were placed on the table - ranging from mild to painful ones.

Jason took out a handkerchief and removed the victim's blood from ruining his face. The moonlight highlighted his sharp green glowing eyes while he remained cold to the corpse rotting mere steps away.

He walked out the door and casually threw the bloody handkerchief on one of the guard's. “Dispose of the body.” he commanded in cold words. The guards bowed and went in while Jason took off on his motorbike Parker not too far away from the entrance.

He soon arrived at the Mansion. As soon as he stepped inside his room, a notification sound came on his phone. He took it out and his cold and aggressive eyes turned tender. A warm smile formed on his lips.

He quickly dialed the number and waited impatiently while the phone rang. Two rings and you finally picked up.

“ Hello?” You asked, your voice drowsy.

“Hello? Who is this?” Jason looked at his phone and couldn't help but think your furrowed eyebrows while you sat on your bed looked undeniably cute.

Jason snickered and playfully responded. “ Angel, it's me. ” He responded before, a loud sound of thug was heard followed by the phone going silent.

He looked at the screen to see you had ended the call and blocked him.

Again.

He sighed before falling back down on his bed. You sure loved to play hard to get. He thought before tiredness overtook him and he fell into a deep slumber.

On the other side, you were panicking - sweat formed on your forehead while you took several deep breaths. Your body was quivering in fear all while you tried to stabilize your breathing and sit back on your bed.

It took ten minutes before you could even find enough courage to get up. But you believed anyone would react the same way when faced with a situation like yourself. Others might even respond worse - you were still undeniably trying to keep a stable mind.

Why the hell was this happening to you?

You didn't know what sin you committed last month. It had merely been thirty two days since you had moved to this particular neighborhood in Gotham. Nothing seemingly different had happened in your seemingly ordinary life before things went stray.

You were going insane.

Snapping up to look at the sounds of several flashes you couldn't even cry. These bastards! What did you even do? How did you end up with psychopathic lunatics as your stalkers!

They weren't even trying to be subtle about their stalking either.

They were slow in the beginning- with your things going missing and not being present in the same place.

Then they started leaving notes.

And now this!

You wanted to hit someone! After all, what wrong did you even do? A loud sound of a message popping up was heard throughout your room. You gulped and stepped up to pick your phone from the table while you had just thrown it away.

XXXX-XXXXXXX

Cover your eyes and sit in your usual place.

You bit the lower end of your lips before sending a message of agreement.

XXXX-XXXXXXX

Understood.

It didn't take long to find the binding cloth. You have done this several times, wrapped it around your eyes and tightened its hold on your face and sat quietly like a lamb waiting for its slaughter.

The sound of the clock ticking chipped away your anxiety with each second passing by. Your body sitting on the soft bed felt sore and cold. But you could do nothing but wait.

Finally sounds of light footsteps were heard. You noted there were two this time. Soon a large muscular hand pulled you up and entrapped you in a tight embrace. “Y/n!” A joyful voice soaked with honey was heard.

Your body stiffened uncontrollably while you tried to prevent yourself from breaking down crying.

“ She's looking more pale than usual.” you heard a small voice mutter. You didn't move, not even a bit.The one holding you replied in a concerned tone, “ You're right.” He moved his lips closer to your ear before whispering, “ Babe did you eat anything?”

Babe? This delusional bastard-

Your fist tightened and you replied hesitantly, “ Yes.” this would be enough wouldn't it? You didn't want to tell him or them anymore.

“ Lier.” The same soft voice from earliest rang closer to you. You could guess the woman (stalker) was close to your age making this situation more ridiculous. How could they do this?

“ Explain Cass.” The man holding you commanded.

“ She barely ate. She's been vomiting out all that she ate since morning.” And who was to blame for that! You wanted to scream but you kept quiet.

You heard the man sigh before out of nowhere he picked you up and gently carried you to bed.

Placing you back there, you felt something pushed near your mouth. “ It's fruit.” He spoke, trying to calm you.

“ Don't worry it's not drugged, eat some.We can't have you getting sick or addicted so early on.” You finally opened your mouth only to get tricked.

His lips touched yours.

This bastard-

You found it hard to breathe. His tongue tried to push into your mouth all while you tried to futilely refuse but in the end he won. His tongue dived deep into your mouth and exchanged his body fluids with yours.

He was devouring you like some monster. You felt so helpless and in pain. Finally after what was like forever he pulled out.

You pushed him away with all your might and stood up only to lose your balance due to an unstable supply of oxygen for you know how long.

“ Y-You tricked me!” You breathed out, your eyes still covered leaving you helpless.

Dick chuckled and met his sister's eyes. “ Couldn't help myself Love.” His tone was so no serious, it was like he didn't care.” You looked too adorable to miss out on.” He added, like it would make the situation better. You trembled.

He huffed and tendly brought his hands closer to you. Those large muscular hands pinched your lovely pink cheeks before moving near your neck.

He who stood behind you opened his mouth and bit into your neck. You let out a shriek only for your lips to be captured again.

This time by the woman named Cass.

You felt a small pill in your mouth and realized it was one of those drugs. But before you could try and vomit it out. The woman's tongue pushed it back of your oral cavity and you mistakenly swallowed it.

By the time both of their bodies separated from you, your mind was overtaken by an unfortunate state of paralysis.

You felt dazed which was followed by a big headache. Your body lost consciousness and was caught by the oldest Wayne son.

Cass observed Dick picking you up and helping you cover yourself with a blanket. “ She's going to be unable to move her hands or walk. .” Dick's body stilled before he lazily asked.

But Cass could tell his body language was tense. She was a master of it after all. “ What are you getting at?” Cass signed, “ Why give her that when we already have a tight lease on her?”

“ Cass Cass, my dear sister.” Dick placed a hand on her shoulder, “ We need to secure our treasure. If there's even a tiny possibility of her leaving us. Then I'll cut it down from the roots. The Wayne’s do not take chances.”

Dick spoke those words before jumping out from the windows. Cass followed right behind him but not before lingering another pitiful glance at your sleeping figure.

You truly were unlucky.

★★(TBC)★★

♛┈⛧┈┈•༶.・゜゜・.・゜゜・༶•┈┈⛧┈♛

SOOOOOO- What do you folks think? Interesting enough or should I make it more gore?

Any kind of feedback or even you saying hi to me. Motivates me. (Comment please my cuties)

Also Hope you guys enjoy and Thanks for reading 🩷

Tag list : @lilyalone , @kore-of-the-underworld , @oliviaewl , @hopingtoclearmedschool , @vanilliona , @transparentsublimesuit , @choas-with-feathers , @melvin333 , @of-poetry-and-dreams , @sharkcravingcables , @animegoddess15

[totallynotslothhh]

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

pairing: joost klein x fem! reader

word count: 3,824

warning: angst, cursing, fighting, crying, lil fluff

description: The relationship between Joost and y/n is on a precarious edge: caught between resentment, frustration, and anger, the two will end up in a fight that will further entangle their feelings, making them prisoners of memories and unspoken needs.

author’s note: I wrote this, and it took me a long time to get back into the rhythm of writing. I hope you like it! Just know that I’m thinking of writing a second part, I can’t leave you with this bitter taste. I need your opinions!!! Tell me what I should improve, if it moved you, and if you’d like to see more. Requests are always open!!!

big kisses!

(sorry if there are grammatical errors, I tried my best, English is not my first language!!!🙏)

part.1 part.2

——————————————————————

“I can’t take it anymore!” she shouted, exhausted, exasperated, misunderstood. Her hands were trembling, her skin was pale, her vocal cords stretched in a shiver of tension, cold sweat running down her forehead and over her frightened hands.

Tear… Joost saw them streaming down, carving paths along the face of the person, who stood before him, locked in a silent battle against him.

-person?-

-a simple person?-

No… she was the girl who had always given him a reason to keep going, in life, in music.

She was y/n. y/n, his beautiful girl, who for the past four years had taken care of him every single day, showered him with affection, held him close, had the courage to love him.

-four years?-

When did all that time pass? Weren’t we just eight years old a few memories ago?

Wasn’t it only yesterday that we were drawing our thoughts in the grains of sand? Running through the shimmering blades of grass and the wheat fields near our neighborhood? Weren’t we sitting in our elementary school desks, secretly holding hands? Wasn’t it just a few days ago that I was tending to the scrape on your right knee…the one you got when you fell off my bike. How stubborn you were, insisting so much on riding it, only to end up in a puddle of tears on the hard concrete.

-When did all these problems arrive?-

When the responsibilities came, Joost.

When you found yourself alone.

When you were diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

When you were overwhelmed by the attention of almost a million people, without anyone preparing you for it.

-what about her?- she, who? -y/n-

y/n, the pure, dream-filled soul I fell in love with. The person who stands before me now, yelling at me about our problems. She has always looked at me with those big eyes of hers, comforting me, making me laugh, showing me that life isn’t just rejection and pain.

She’s the girl who has always taken my hand, who, despite her own suffering, has always worried about me. Always. I don’t have a single memory of a life without her in it.

You know what they say? Sometimes, it only takes one person who can save you from the human desert present around you.

Just one single person can be your warm, woolen blanket in the coldest storms. One and only one person can make you hold on to the hope of being loved.

“What the fuck happened to you?!”

Another scream scarred through the thick silence that had settled between us. Between these two heavy shells that could no longer find the perfect puzzle piece to fit together and be able to complete their picture.

“Huh? will you explain it to me joost? stop looking at me like that and answer me! for once fucking time answer me!" The heavy step she took toward me made me hold my breath.

I was in my pajamas, but I felt anything but comfortable. It was as if the white tank top I was used to wearing was too tight for the emotions my chest held trapped; as if the soft red checkered pants were too loose to let me run if there was a need to run after the woman who had always been mine.

-Why am I acting like this?-

Because you’re afraid.

-Afraid of her?-

Afraid of being alone again. Afraid of facing that human desert around you on your own. Afraid of taking off the warm, woolen blanket just because it’s starting to itch. Afraid of feeling that fragile thread of hope snap in half, right as you’re trying to stay still so it won’t break.

-It’s my fault.- Mine? Is it my fault? Is it my fault that she is leaving me now?

when and how did I make her feels bad like this? what happened, wha-

“If you have nothing to say, I can leave.” Her voice echoed in my skull, finally pulling me out of the flood of thoughts pressing on my mind.

I had stood looking at her for minutes…long, sluggish seconds chiming in the clock of our house.

Looking at her. Looking at those eyes full of anger and disappointment. Looking at the tense expression on her face, her dry, parted lips, her unsteady breathing, the way her hands moved as she spoke. At how my oversized T-shirt hung off her frame, how my gray shorts looked even bigger on her.

Looking at her maybe for the last time in my life.

“Wait, please…” I said, my voice shakier than I had expected, it came out as a pained whisper. A tiredness repressed for months, months filled with arguments and hidden frustrations, all swallowed down just to keep from breaking.

I followed her with my eyes, then with my body: my anxious steps almost run after her, my tattooed hand reaching up to her wrist to make her stop.

She was going to our bedroom to get her belongings: to take her shirts, her pants, her perfume from the nightstand, her glasses, her bracelets, her rings. To erase her presence from that room that had never been cold, not with her essence, her presence, her personality.

“Oh, so now you speak!” she said, turning around with a bitter laugh that wished it could stay trapped in the folds of her throat, if only the situation had been different.

The feeling she felt as soon as joost's grip became firmer and more urgent was one of total loss.

Lost. That’s how she felt, realizing that the same touch that had always calmed her down from any panic attack taking over her body at three o'clock in the morning, was now holding onto her just to check if, despite the coldness, there was still a layer left for him to reach.

Him, who had always been her refuge in the darkest moments, who had always been the source of inspiration for her art, who had always been a constant presence in her life.

“I can’t lose you. You can’t leave like this.”

The plea in his hoarse voice was almost veiled, but it reached her stomach like a stab. Seeing his eyes fill with those same bitter, knowing tears stirred something deep inside her, something painful, something different.

-That is guilt.-

Yes, that is guilt. I couldn’t make things work between us. I couldn’t understand him.

My body moved almost on his own, making him lose the grip he had on my wrist. The guilt, the regrets, the anger toward him… all of it blurred together.

“I can’t keep going like this. It’s always the same story. We fight over stupid things and end up acting like children. Love isn’t enough to make a relationship work.”

A year ago, the problems between them had begun. A year in which their language had become completely different, incomprehensible to each other.

She felt sidelined, in the background, like she no longer truly mattered in Joost’s life. The lack of attention weighed on her chest like a boulder, feeding her insecurities, letting thoughts silently seep into her mind.

He felt overwhelmed, drowned by a new wave of popularity he didn’t know how to handle, burdened by a new responsibility as an artist. He felt like he had failed at that damned festival he had always held close to his heart, only to watch it slip through his fingers overnight. During that time, he couldn’t even be present and clear for himself, let alone for his girlfriend.

Silence and misunderstandings were the only thing left between them.

The two had met as children, at a playground, to be exact.

y/n was four years old, and Joost almost five. He was the one who saw her first, from a distance, while holding a soccer ball under his arm. She was alone on the swing, murmuring something to herself: a little song, one of those probably addictive cartoon theme songs.

-Why is that girl alone?- was the first thought that crept into joost's mind. And when he walked closer to the small, delicate figure of y/n, she looked at him with a curious gaze. There was something about her that in his eyes seemed curious. He wanted to know why she was alone, why she seemed like a lonely figure.

A lonely figure who, as soon as she saw that boy with messy, long, golden-blond hair, froze completely, thinking what such a seemingly sociable child wanted from her. But deep, conscious thoughts and complex psychology aren’t things that find a home in the minds of children.

It didn’t take long for them to become friends.

And so from being a loner, the now smiling figure of y/n had found a friend: a really fun friend in her eyes. A friend with whom to make up stories, to pretend they were warriors and end up rolling around on the grass until one of them got bored.

A pure, innocent friendship, typical of children, especially the most empathetic ones.

After some time, their families became friends too. They ended up in the same elementary school and discovered that they even lived quite close to each other, in the same neighborhood in a northern province of the Netherlands.

Needless to say, they spent their adolescence together as well: Time passed, words brought them closer, shared experiences even more. They watched their bodies change, their goals take shape and become clearer, their minds expand to new understandings about life, the world, human relationships. They had always been each other's reference point, especially in their worst times.

It was as if in the chaos of adolescence, despite everything, there was always one certainty. Namely their friendship.

y/n had a passion for art, for painting, and she dreamed of following that path into adulthood. Joost was her inspiration. He supported her, always softening her insecurities with his words.“Will you stop discrediting yourself so much? You know that’s not true. You know you’re good enough, you’re just looking for a way to sabotage yourself.” He would say it gently, brushing away the tears that had inevitably rolled down her rosy cheeks as she opened up to him on any given afternoon of a hot August, on the terrace of her house; the place they often found themselves throughout their teenage years.

y/n realized she felt something more at the age of twenty-two, when his words, his gestures, his touches, and his glances started giving her that wonderfully sickening sensation of butterflies in her stomach.

His lips, his mustache, his bright blue eyes, and his disastrously discolored hair were all she could think about during the day.

Meeting him had become the moment she looked forward to the most. Being with him was all she wanted to do and then, she would have spent entire hours wrapped in his arms, listening to him talk about new songs and the projects that excited him.

“What’s wrong? You seem off.” His curious voice, tinged with a hint of concern, echoed through y/n’s cozy room.

Joost wasn’t stupid, he could easily notice if something was not going right and it had been a while since he perceived his best friend to be increasingly distant and mentally distracted.

When their eyes met, a shiver ran down her spine. She quickly looked away, forcing herself to focus on the sketch she needed to finish for a commissioned piece on social media.

“I’m fine,” she said, did not expect her voice to come out in such an insecure way, so much so that she instinctively bit her lower lip.

“Bullshit. You know you can’t hide anything from me,” he pressed on, now with his gaze focused solely on the crumpled figure of y/n on top of the swivel desk chair.

Meanwhile, he was sprawled comfortably on her bed, his laptop open in front of him: not so much to work on anything specific, but more to search for inspiration or, more realistically, to dick around as he used to do on days like that, spent lazily stretched out on her bed.

“I’m fine, just a little tired,” she sighed, keeping her eyes locked on the tip of the digital pen she was using.

Joost thought she looked so beautiful, especially when she was drawing:

He loved watching her get lost in her work. He adored the way she sometimes let the tip of her tongue peek out between her lips while concentrating. He found it impossibly cute when strands of her hair fell over her face, forcing her to tuck them behind her ears.

If only he could have, he would have kissed her.

He would cup her face in his hands, those soft cheeks he always loved to pinch and kiss. He would feel their breath mix, the warmth of her skin against his, her fingers running through his hair.

He would have loved to let her know he desired her, but he was too afraid to destroy their friendship.

“Wanna play Mario Kart?” he suggested after spending a few moments trying to think of a way to cheer her up and help her relax: she was tired, and he was bored, there was no better solution than video games.

His proposal made her chuckle. She spun her chair around first to face him, then toward the TV in her room, positioned right in front of the bed. “One game, then I’ll get back to work,” she answered, giving in to those pleading eyes of his, the ones she could never say no to.

After all, what could go wrong?

She needed a break after almost three hours of concentration.

But that game of Mario Kart wasn’t just a simple game, a quick distraction from work. It held within it their first kiss, which happened completely spontaneously.

y/n had come second to all the tracks and at the end of the game, with a sigh, she went back with her back, lying down on the bed and abandoning the controller between them.

“I’m not playing with you anymore, you always cheat,” she mumbled in a sulky grumble, which only made Joost laugh as he teased her.

“Me? Cheat? Or maybe you just don’t know how to play?” he shot back provocatively, turning his head toward her lying figure beside him. He was still sitting with his legs spread out, the second controller resting in his hands.

She rolled her eyes with a chuckle and stuck her tongue out at him. It was hard to stay mad at him, even in a playful way.

His presence had become so comforting, so deeply woven into her life, that the little lovestruck smile on her face appeared almost instinctively.

It was a feeling that almost suffocated her.

As her thoughts spiraled, she didn’t realize how long their gazes had remained locked, just a few seconds too many.

Joost’s rough palm barely hesitated before reaching her flushed, soft cheek. He just watched her, his body now leaning in ever so slightly.

“I can’t stay mad at you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, without breaking the intense eye contact that made her heartbeat race.

It was a moment almost cut out of real time, it was as if their thoughts had merged.

-What if I can’t resist? I’d ruin our lifelong friendship, and everything would crumble under a wrong crush: wrong timing, wrong person-

in fact, he didn’t waste another second, he leaned in, pressing their lips together, finally tasting those soft petals that framed a smile so genuine that he would have painted it if only he had the skill.

A held breath. Closed eyes. The fear of having ruined something so vast and so fragile at the same time, all contained within that fleeting instant.

The Mario Kart theme played in the background, blending with the quiet sounds of their lips seeking each other again, once the initial hesitation and nervousness had faded.

After what felt like centuries, y/n pulled back slightly, her eyes opening immediately to search for answers to the questions swirling in her mind. She looked into his.

“Was this what’s been on your mind?” he asked, the only words that managed to leave his lips, still just inches from hers, now flushed and warm.

“Maybe,” she whispered, threading her fingers through his short, messy hair, gently gripping it. And when she caught the faintest hint of a smile on his face, she couldn’t help but smile, too.

A smile now vanished from the creases of her face, giving way to a disappointed and worried expression.

“I’m sorry, I know I’ve been absent lately-”

“Lately, Joost? Lately? It’s been a year since you touched me the way you used to, since your career became the only thing you see, since you stopped making me feel loved” Harsh, impulsive, trembling words spilled uncontrollably from y/n’s lips, the same lips that only ever found peace when they met their twin. Her body was tense, a bundle of nerves, brows furrowed in frustration.

“I’m sorry… y/n, what do you want me to do? Huh? Tell me! Tell me how I’m supposed to handle my career!” His voice rose in provocation, mixing with the sight of tears welling up in his eyes.

He was frustrated. She could feel it.

His hands clenched suddenly, his body pulling slightly away from hers, so different from just moments ago.

He couldn’t explain himself. He couldn’t find the right words. “Me!? If you don’t know how to handle your life, don’t ruin mine!” Her voice was even louder, sharp words cutting through the air, sharp enough to make tears fall from her own eyes.

Words so bitter they hurt her, too.

Their anger was pushing them toward a breaking point, a collision that would end in tragedy if neither of them took a step back.

“Ruin?” The whisper that left Joost’s lips was shattered, almost in disbelief.

-Maybe it was true.-

-Maybe this really was the last time he’d see her.-

“Do you really think I ruined your life?” He asked it with fear. Fear that the answer might be yes.

His eyes looked at her body language, and he saw her hand immediately wipe away more tears, the ones betraying just how much y/n’s strength was crumbling into a thousand pieces.

-Do you really think that?-

“You’re ruining it. The more time passes, the more I feel like we don’t fit together anymore… I-I have my art to focus on, and you have yours… Our worlds don’t intertwine the way they used to. Ever since you started working on that damn album, I feel like I’ve been pushed aside!” She crossed her arms, her voice weighted with the same frustration they had been throwing back and forth like a ball.

His chest tightened. He felt the need to defend himself.

“I never put you aside! And you know that! Don’t accuse me of things that aren’t true!”

The desperation in his voice was shifting, turning into anger.

Being accused like this? His ego was stepping in, replacing the guilt, trying to protect him from falling into a poisonous spiral he subconsciously knew would be dangerous.

It was a defense mechanism they both knew too well.

“I’m just telling you how I feel, but you’re so caught up in yourself that you refuse to accept it.” y/n muttered, rubbing rapidly the back of her hand against her cheeks, as if wiping the tears away would also erase the pain swelling in her chest.

Their bodies were so close, yet their minds had never felt so far apart.

“I’ve always put you first. You’re the one who never tells me how you feel, and then you drop something like this on me.” Joost stood in front of her, breathing hard.

She shrugged, then suddenly turned away, walking through the hallway of their shared home, heading for the bedroom.

“Oh yeah? So you’re just gonna leave!?”

He called after her, immediately following, feeling a new wave of fear wash over him, one that reminded him of how he had felt at the start of this fight. y/n’s movements were frantic as she grabbed the suitcase from beside the wardrobe.

She didn’t hesitate.

She unzipped it and started shoving in clothes, grabbing at random in the chaos of the moment. Joost stood frozen in the doorway, watching his girlfriend.

That suitcase.

The same one that had traveled the world with them.

The same one that had listened to their late-night conversations before every trip.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to fill the whole suitcase.” Joost’s voice, incredulous yet fond, reached her ears just as she was busy deciding between two pieces of clothing. She turned around with a smile, shrugging, knowing full well that he already knew the answer. “Babe…” He let out a small chuckle, stepping closer and finding her soft waist with his hands, his fingers brushing against the thin fabric of her shorts. “Come on, Joost, you know I’m indecisive. Why do you even care?” She placed her hands on his shoulders, locking eyes with his before closing them again, laughing softly as his lips and mustache brushed against her neck, tickling her skin. “I don’t care,” he murmured, warm voice against her throat, “but I already know you’re going to end up wearing the same things as always and then complain that you don’t have enough space for all the souvenirs you’ll want to bring home.” His lips left a trail of damp kisses along the curve of her neck. A sigh slipped past her lips. “You’re such a buzzkill,” she teased, threading her fingers through his messy blond mullet, tugging playfully.

-Is this really how it’s going to end?-

The tightness in Joost’s chest grew unbearable at the memory of their last trip. He couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“y/n…” His voice wavered, his face tensed, breath uneven.

“y/n, please…” he murmured, his words cracking under the weight of everything unsaid.

“Are we still friends, Joost?”

-Are we still friends?-

The question hung in the air, cutting through the cold stillness of the room, lit only by the soft glow filtering through the window.

She turned to face him, finding him in a state beyond wrecked. Her fingers clutched the fabric of one of her shirts, the one she had been about to toss into her suitcase.

“Are we still those teenagers who couldn’t go a day without each other? Are we still those kids who looked for reassurance in each other’s eyes over the smallest things?” Her voice softened: empty of hope but still full of feeling.

Joost’s dulled gaze remained fixed on the floor. He no longer cared to wipe away the regret streaking down his cheeks.

“Maybe we should break up for now,” she said, finality lacing every syllable.

“We lost ourselves trying to find each other.”

And with that, the final blow was struck.

Neither of them had stepped back.

And confusion had won.

————————————————————

[jungoowie]

GELBOYS สถานะกั๊กใจ (2025) dir. Boss Kuno

honestly, “gelboys” is simply a masterpiece, and i will never stop talking about it because there are no right or wrong actions, no right dialogues. sometimes, there is no joy or happiness at all. friendships are destroyed for the sake of relationships, and relationships are destroyed for the sake of friendships, and then everything falls apart together.

there are many tears, so much pain, but at the same time—an incredible amount of love, happiness, and support.

there is real, genuine friendship, the fear of losing the people closest to you, the first crush, awkward touches, the inability to express feelings, fears, detachment, attachment, anxiety.

and all of this is what surrounds or has surrounded us in our teenage years, what each of us, unfortunately, has to go through on the path to understanding ourselves, the people around us, and our lives.

sometimes, we fall in love with the wrong people. sometimes, we unknowingly destroy what is most valuable to us. sometimes, we make terrible mistakes because we love. sometimes, we are scared.

but all of this is what makes us human. all of us, completely different—sometimes incompatible, sometimes sad, or, on the contrary, happy.

sometimes, for someone, our happiness is pure sorrow—not because they hate us, but because they might have wanted to be our happiness but never could.

this show wasn’t created to make money or gain views. in reality, there’s nothing special about it, except that it is real, without a drop of fantasy or fiction.

it is what it is, and if you really think about it, all of us, in one way or another, are characters in this story.

some will see themselves in chian—the one who hopelessly loved someone who never loved him back. who tried a thousand times to move on but never could. who only hurt himself more and those around him.

some will see themselves in fomode—the one who loved someone still trying to find himself. who dreamed of being chosen but always remained a second option. who held on to hope even though he knew chian’s heart didn’t belong to him but to his doubts and fears.

some will see themselves in baabin—the one who never found the courage to confess his love to his best friend. who watched silently, hiding his feelings behind a smile, afraid that the truth would change everything. who endured the pain because staying close was better than risking everything and losing him forever.

there are those who will see themselves in bua—the one caught between two fires, unsure of where to go. who hesitated, got lost in his own emotions, unable to understand what he truly wanted. who took steps forward, but every choice only hurt him more.

but a part of this story is in each of us, even if you’ve never watched it and never will.

and that’s why i am endlessly grateful to boss kuno for such a raw and real story. even though it turned out to be painfully heavy, it is honest, and that is what makes it truly special.

[babyleostuff]

fight for my life | xu minghao

warnings | anxiety, depression and real life

author's note | this is very much self indulgent and i just want to say to every person that is struggling as well - i'm so proud of you and know that your life is always worth fighting for

Breath in. Breath out.

It never helped, but you did it anyway. There were seemingly hundreds of ways to calm your racing heartbeat, so why did nothing help then? 

There was nothing pretty about anxiety and depression - your greasy hair, eyebags, the unwashed t-shirt which you were wearing for the past week and dishes laying in your sink, waiting to be put in the dishwasher, proved the point that you were not okay. 

All you wanted was to slowly fade away, from the pain, from the disappointment - from everything that made you so miserable, because how were you supposed to be happy, when you didn’t even find comfort in that one place which always made sure you were feeling even a bit better. 

Minghao’s arms, even though they held you as they had done a million times before, felt strange, the usual warmth of his body feeling distant, his lips pressed against your forehead were merely an insignificant touch and the fabric of his hoodie icky against your own skin.

“I’m here,” a quiet voice that you knew so well - that used to sing you to sleep, laugh at your jokes and tease you with no end, whispered into your ear, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

“No matter what’s going in that pretty head of yours, I’m staying with you,” he whispered again, combing through your tangled hair. 

“Is he even real?” You thought to yourself. Because what have you done to deserve such an amazon human being, to be able to call him your boyfriend, your safe space and your best friend. Most people would leave the second they saw any symptoms of depression, but he didn’t. 

He stayed. 

“I’m sorry,” your own voice quivered, as you reached for his hand, trying to find a way to ground yourself, to get back to reality. 

The reality of your beautiful apartment, where you were laying on the sofa that you were fighting so much about before actually buying it (Minghao didn’t really like the colour, but he eventually gave in to your begging), the lit candles that stood on every surface possible, because it always calmed Minghao down, his paintings hung on the wall and pictures of him and the boys framed, never failing to make your heart feel a bit warmer. 

You knew how many good, no - great memories this house held, yet you couldn’t get yourself to focus on any of them. You knew how life worked, that it was like a sine wave, constantly going up and down. 

It just seemed that your down was bigger than usual. 

“You don’t even realise how strong you are, my love. How brave you are for fighting,” he held your body closer to his own. “You’re brave for fighting for your life,” Minghao whispered, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek. 

Maybe he was right, you weren’t sure. Because, what kind of a fight was that? You were laying in your bed all day, not being able to focus on anything more than your daunting thoughts, that seemed to destroy every single precious thing. 

“No matter how bad you think it is,” his calm voice broke the silence once again. “It is going to be alright,” he stroked your cheek with his thumb, his eyes holding nothing but love and admiration for you. Because to him, you were the most courageous person he knew and he was so proud of you. 

Mingaho could spend an eternity laying with you on that damn couch, holding you, stroking your hair, whispering into your ear - just for you to find your happiness again and see your beautiful smile on your face. Even the smallest one. 

“Trust me, eventually it will get better.” 

And that was what you were holding onto. 

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star

[zmrzeltm]

a study in . . not judging a book by its cover; finding one’s self after a series of traumatic and life altering events; an inability to find inner peace.

ᥫ᭡. background:

aesthetically astute, turmoil unraveling beneath the surface. syd’ feels a comfortability portraying a happy go-lucky personality - one that suggests nothing deeper could ever be bubbling inside - but that couldn’t be further from the truth. from the womb stability was never awarded to her. growing up with a father who served in the military saw her upheaved and moved around on a near yearly basis. hindering any chance at sustaining friendships or relationships of any sort; unfortunately a quality that followed her into adulthood. witnessing the effects of war on her father rattled her to the core, ptsd lash outs and a slow demise of the man she once knew left an ache she was sure couldn’t be matched, but life had a funny way of proving her wrong whenever she figured she had the answers. mere months before her 21st birthday, she tragically lost her best friend in the entire world - her older brother - in a terrible accident which catapulted her into what she could only describe as the depths of hell. amidst the pain, confusion and anxiety, the blonde done the only thing she was capable of . . busy herself and pretend it wasn’t real . . diving head first into any and all ventures she could possibly conjure up, being a dancer for the nfl, the nba, starting a fashion line, applying for the wwe - taking on ungodly amounts of work was the only way to keep her brain occupied on things that didn’t cause pain.

ᥫ᭡. relationships:

while spending majority of her life severely out of practice in the art of maintaining human relationships, it remained something she actively worked on. attempting to forge as many friendships as possible to make up for any lack of she had in previous years. intimate connections on the other hand didn’t come as easily, nor’ did they ever go as smoothly once off the ground. a chest that harboured a delicate heart, one that would melt into the palm of a man’s hand that treated it right, even just once - she craved to be loved. in every facet. to be protected from any evil that dared approach her orbit; unfortunately every man she ever allowed hold the remnants of her fractured heart ended up dropping it to the floor in multiple acts of betrayal, only adding further scars to its surface. penning it her destiny to only be worthy of a good time, not a lifetime to potential love interests. thus’ finding herself writing off any romantic relationship before it’s even begun. hence, the prioritisation of her friendships . . sydney put her friends on a pedestal and would sooner put her own self at a disadvantage if it meant making their lives easier.

muse connection list: ( 𝑢𝘱𝑑𝘢𝑡𝘦𝑑 04.19.25 )

ᥫ᭡. @ofviolentia : mox . . where to begin? another unexpected connection, absolutely. but one now syd’ simply couldn’t see not having in her life. what started as a mentor-ish relation, blossomed into a friendship with the occasional flirting, of course . . which led to . . well. other things. now? the blonde has somehow found the courage to hand over her heart to him to do as he pleases. busy and often clashing schedules means they don’t get to see each other as much as she’d like, but with an official title to their relationship, she hopes to navigate such obstacle with their best interests at the forefront.

ᥫ᭡. @livmrgn : liv is sydney’s chaotic bestie — and she means that in the most endearing sense. somehow whenever they’re together life just throws little curveballs to keep them on their toes. but they work well as a team and the jersey native is someone syd’ would take a bullet for . . whenever at an event, if both are there, they will never be too far apart.

ᥫ᭡. @chicagomxde : punk is sydney’s platonic soulmate, best friend, co-parent, fashion dummy . . an unexpected connection, but somehow it just works. you will find her supplying him with endless amount of dough goods every monday, whilst simultaneously stealing his baby dog larry at any given opportunity.

ᥫ᭡. @chaosxmadnessx : giulia and sydney made a fast connection upon her arrival in florida. offering to be a buddy of sorts whilst the former stardom superstar tried to settle in a whole new country. playfully dubbing each other ‘tuesday wives’ they typically spend every tuesdays together, activities range from lunch to roll abouts in the ring. a very wholesome connection.

[louellaby]

FORGET-ME-NOT

REPLACED!MC AU

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

W A R N I N G

May contain bad grammar, limited vocabulary, and OOC characters. Please mind that English is not my first language, and it takes a lot of courage for me to post due to my anxiety and paranoia.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

taglist: @books-and-catears @owl778 @yourlocalgrass @kaiserkisser @hhurric4ne @amberheavendremurr @yu-ulda @bk-4-trash-fire

PROLOGUE | CHAPTER I | CHAPTER II | CHAPTER III | LOUE'S LETTER | CHAPTER IV | CHAPTER V | LOUE'S LETTER | CHAPTER VI | CHAPTER VII | CHAPTER VIII | CHAPTER IX | CHAPTER X | LOUE'S LETTER | EPILOGUE

F I N A L C H A P T E R

「 Forget-Me-Not 」

"M—MC...?! Wh-What are you doing back here in the Devildom? Aren't you supposed to be in the human world?!"

Everyone's eyes were fixed on Soley as she tried her best not to panic at the sight of you. Then, she set her gaze on Lucifer.

He saw the expectant look in her eyes as she was clearly pleading for help. She wanted him to shield her with his body, just like how he protected her from harm multiple times before. She wanted him hold her tightly against him and stroke her head while he questioned you about your unexpected appearance.

But nothing like that happened.

Lucifer didn't move an inch.

"What am I doing here?" You repeated her question as if it was the most stupidest thing you've ever heard. "I am the proud owner of this mansion, you see. Of course, I haven't had it built myself. This was a gift from Dia."

The prince walked into view and stood to your right while his butler Barbatos followed suit and stood to your left. Diavolo had a smile on his face. It was you who put it there the moment you said you were proud of the property.

The three of you walked down the stairs of the hall balcony so you could face the others on the same level. "I haven't left the realm at all, Soley. You clearly didn't know your place, and you still don't, so I thought I could... help you see it."

"You were too wrapped up in your own fantasies about being the only one who's loved that you didn't even notice you were being brought straight into a trap."

"W-Wait.. you mean.. since when—"

"Did you really think they're here to celebrate your birthday after the way you treated their beloved family?"

"I hope you don't mean you." She spat, rolling her dainty little fists. "You're not their family. You're just a human they didn't care enough for."

You smiled in response. She was finally starting to show her true colours.

"You see, that's where you're wrong, Soley." You took a step towards her, an action that made her take a step back. The anxious look on her face fueled you, making you grin like a mad person. The brothers did nothing but watch. They were all looking at you, completely proud of their precious human.

"I've always been their family even before anyone knew it. They care about me more than they made you think they care about you. Remember that in this place, Soley, you're nothing but a powerless little ant surrounded by a group of children with magnifying glasses."

The more you approached her, the more she stepped back. Her mind kept racing, trying to figure out every step of your plan. Too bad for her that you're already at the very last step.

Because she was distracted, she tripped over her own feet and stumbled on the marble flooring, yelping in pain. By the time she opened her eyes and came to, you were already standing in front of her, towering over her helpless figure. You could all hear her breathing getting more desperate; it was echoing through the halls. As she trembled in your gaze, she failed to realise that she was already surrounded by the same demons who made her believe she was special. Mammon and Satan were right behind her, waiting for you to give command.

You held your staring contest with Soley, ending in her failure as she tried to hold back her tears. She tried to look around for a way to escape.

That's when she realised her situation.

"Y-You can't hurt me! Any one of you! I'm important to the Devildom!" She exclaimed, glaring at everyone but mostly at you.

You knelt down in front of her with an amused expression on her face and asked, "Is that so? Please tell me your worth in this realm."

"I'm an exchange student of Diavolo! He said that I'm protected as long as I'm in the Devildom!"

"And who were supposed to be your protectors, hmm?" You added, smiling warmly as if to mock her. She tried to think of something when she realised the very answer to your question.

"That's right, Soley. The Seven Rulers of the Devildom and the ambassador from the Human Realm. Those eight were supposed to be your knights in shining armour; to take care of your every need and protect you when harm comes. But... they can't really do all that when they're the ones hunting you down, now can they?"

Soley felt small. She tried to hide her furious trembling, but she couldn't. Even her own body betrayed her. As she hung her head to keep you from seeing her pooling tears, she croaked, "S-Since when have you been... been planning th-this..?"

Her eyes widened, her head tilted upwards, and all eyes were suddenly directed at the source of someone's laughter— yours. You apologised for the sudden giggle and stared at Soley's watered green orbs. "I guess I can tell you now since, well, we're all trying to be nice here."

"You're not being nice here at all, MC."

"Now, now, Soley. There is no need to point out the obvious. I'm about to answer your question, so it's best if you just shut up and listen to me."

Silence fell onto the girl. Her eyes were focused on yours, waiting for you to continue talking. You were amused by how cooperative she was being, so you thought to reveal what you had been planned from the very beginning.

"I don't have a good feeling about that human," Mammon mentioned once again as he kept pacing back and forth. The others in the room, his younger brothers, just ignored his pacing and gathered all their thoughts.

"Isn't it obvious?" Levi asked, which got everyone's attention. The demon didn't look up from his game console and just kept talking. "That human doesn't like MC, or any of us for that matter."

"Levi's right." The fourth-born leaned back on his chair and nodded along with his brother's comment. "It's certainly possible that she'll do something to MC."

"What?!" Beel panicked, almost dropping his food. His twin brother, who was resting his head on Beel's lap, woke up because of Satan's statement.

"Do you think she'll really do that here?"

"Hey, by "do something to MC", I didn't mean she'll hurt them. At least not physically." The six of them shared worried glances before someone entered the room. It was you.

"MC, did you..."

"I heard every word from the beginning, Satan, and I agree with you. Soley was jealous, and it was clear as day when I went out with her earlier. She tried to ask me for help getting along with you guys, and I'm warning you that she'll be hanging around you all in the upcoming days, maybe even for the whole year."

"What?! MC, you can't do that to us!"

"Yeah, we don't want to be stuck with her! Especially not for a whole year!"

"Guys, I need your help here. I need to show her that I'm not someone she can mess with. And certainly not someone she can replace."

"S-So, everyone— everything.. they were all—"

"—lies, yes." You cut her off with a nod and an amused smile. "Ever since that day, the day we last went out together, everything had been planned by me. Of course, I can't really take all the credit; all of the demon brothers, as well as Diavolo and Barbatos; they all helped prepare everything. It wasn't scripted or anything, but it was all done as it should be. Would you like for me to list them all?"

"No, ple—"

"First, the brothers making you feel like you were the most special person to them. I'm sorry, but in all honesty, they couldn't bear your presence. None of us could. I'm impressed that they managed to continue their act for almost a year."

"Of course, MC! We didn't want to disappoint you!"

"Thank you! I'm so proud of all of you!"

"Wh—

"Hush now, Soley, I'm not done talking." You snapped and continued counting with your fingers. "Second, the brothers made you think that I was no longer important to them by stopping to be around me. It hurt all of us, but it will all be worth it by the end of today."

"What do you mean by th—"

"I said, hush," you snapped again. "You're a noble lady, Soley. You should know better than to interrupt a higher ranking person." The girl's brows narrowed, but she held her tongue. You continued to speak.

"Third, the brother's overprotection. I mean, our overprotection of you. You know that we tried to keep you safe, right? Of course, we needed to do it for our plan to succeed. If you got in trouble with another demon, well... that would spoil our fun, wouldn't it?"

"Fourth, that farewell letter. Let me guess, you somehow destroyed it before any of the brothers could read it. Oh, but not to worry, I sent them a picture of it before leaving it to you. I needed to make sure it was believable enough. And it sure was when one of them thought it was actually real."

The brothers all looked with smirks on their face at the Avatar of Greed, who glared at the rest of them, but he did his best to keep quiet for you.

You scoffed in amusement the moment you saw the deep terror in Soley's face. You reached out and squished her cheeks together. Her body flinched at your sudden touch. "All of that, my dear, all of it— was just a bunch of planned lies. Do you know why? It's because no one, and I mean no one, could ever replace me."

With one look from you, Mammon and Satan grabbed her arms and pulled her up on her feet. She struggled to no avail. She kept struggling, and you just shrugged it off, getting up on your own feet and leaning in closer to her ear. With a low voice, you whispered, "Oh, and by the way, my favourite flowers are scorpion grasses. They're otherwise known as forget-me-nots."

You retreated your head back to see the horrified look on her face. "So please, Lady Soley..."

"... don't forget me."

「 CHAPTER IX | LOUE'S LETTER 」

[the-rad-menace]

I know that a lot has changed about how relationships between men are typically portrayed since 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea was written, but there's some real chemistry between Captain Nemo and M. Aronnax.

Like if someone wanted to do an adaptation and make it a romance, there's so much to draw on.

Aronnax upon meeting Captain Nemo:

"The second stranger merits a more detailed description. I made out his prevailing qualities directly: self-confidence—because his head was well set on his shoulders, and his black eyes looked around with cold assurance; calmness—for his skin, rather pale, showed his coolness of blood; energy—evinced by the rapid contraction of his lofty brows; and courage—because his deep breathing denoted great power of lungs. Whether this person was thirty-five or fifty years of age, I could not say. He was tall, had a large forehead, straight nose, a clearly cut mouth, beautiful teeth, with fine taper hands, indicative of a highly nervous temperament. This man was certainly the most admirable specimen I had ever met."

Aronnax and Nemo develop a relationship of great respect and admiration for one another - throughout the book, he seems reluctant to leave The Nautilus, while his companions are continually plotting their getaway. Aronnax even thinks that the worst outcome of a failed escape would be hurting the captain's feelings! 😩

"The idea of failure in our bold enterprise was the least painful of my anxieties; but the thought of seeing our project discovered before leaving the Nautilus, of being brought before Captain Nemo, irritated, or (what was worse) saddened, at my desertion, made my heart beat."

Captain Nemo brought Aronnax to see the sunken city of Atlantis. Just the two of them. Insanely romantic. And Aronnax's reaction to seeing the city is a desperation to know Nemo's thoughts and feelings in the moment.

"Whilst I was trying to fix in my mind every detail of this grand landscape, Captain Nemo remained motionless, as if petrified in mute ecstasy, leaning on a mossy stone. Was he dreaming of those generations long since disappeared? Was he asking them the secret of human destiny? Was it here this strange man came to steep himself in historical recollections, and live again this ancient life—he who wanted no modern one? What would I not have given to know his thoughts, to share them, to understand them!"

That's love, baybee.

In conclusion, kissing a man could have saved Captain Nemo.

[a-queer-seminarian]

hello, it is late at night as im sending this ask so forgive me if im a little bit all over the place but im currently struggling with how to feel and what to do. I've been going to a new church after being pestered by the people around me and today, i listened to the pastor preaching about loving others as a christian and felt happy to be there only to hear the last prayer as we were going home, specifically praying for israel and it broke my heart. I've been struggling ever since on how to feel.

I've seen too many pictures of sons, daughters, mothers and fathers fallen victims to their atrocities, heard too many stories of their vile actions that i just cannot bring myself to be alright with praying for israel while leaving Palestinians out of the conversation altogether, my heart breaks and i mourn and i want to cry. the pastor talked about expressing our love to God through tending to the sick, the hungry, and the naked and when they uttered the prayer, i think of the sick Palestinians children, the hungry babies, the people living in tents, they who spend hours waiting to get bread only to be bombed in line. i dont want to pray for the people dropping bone burning bombs on tents and burning babies. but i was made to pray so and i feel guilty of it. but also i feel guilty for not being able to be a person of forgiveness and compassion even towards the evil because i know we are invited to be kind even to our enemies but i simply cannot stand the injustice and the violent crimes being carried. and i feel so so lost.

i also dont know what to do, im riddled with anxiety, can i go to a different church instead? but what if people ask me why i moved church? i dont know how safe i can be to be openly pro palestine considering i am surrounded by people in power who are conservatively christian, i dont know if i can be safe around them. which also makes me feel guilty that i can not be as firm on my stance as i would like to be, i feel bad that i do not have the courage, i do talk about it when im at home with my family but with people outside i do not know if i am safe around them. but at the same time im afraid if i move to a different church it'll be the same heartbreak again when i find that they support the modern day israel. im so so lost on what to do and how to feel. i just dont want to be supporting such heinous things they're doing, even if that support is invisible to other people, i can not in my conscience pray for the well being of the oppressor while leaving out the oppressed like that. im sorry to God that i can not be as loving as we were called to be but it just breaks my heart to be in this position. im so confused on how to feel and what i can do. ive been feeling wrong ever since i got home.

Hey there. I'm so sorry you had that jolting experience that took you out of worship like that. I've had similar experiences at churches, where I'm feeling the Spirit, feeling Connected to those around me — and suddenly someone says something that pierces me through, that tells me "The people leading this place do not actually love with the love of Jesus; they withhold their love from the people he'd be caring for the most."

When I realize that, I realize I cannot be in community with that church — I have to worship somewhere I can feel safe enough to get vulnerable, and where my core values are shared so we can do good work together. (I am willing, of course, to worship with people who have flaws -- as I do -- and some differences of opinion from me, absolutely — but not ones who completely deny some people's humanity.)

So please don't apologize for not being "as loving as we're called to be." What I hear in your words, in your sense that praying "for Israel" without a single word spared for the immensity of Palestinians' suffering, is love — a love like Christ's love.

When you recognize the injustice of whose pain gets centered versus whose pain gets ignored and discredited, you are loving with the love of Jesus, who insisted that we look at the people those in power ignore; that we center those who are shoved to the margins, who are vilified, whose humanity gets denied.

When Jesus encountered a person who was actively suffering, he didn't pause to announce, "Don't forget, we must pray for the ones who put this person in this position!" He got right to healing them.

And when it comes to "loving our enemy," that never means letting them continue to get away with harm. Loving our enemies, loving oppressors, means praying that they one day recognize that what they are doing is harm — and when they do, giving them the chance to do the long hard work of changing.

This is love towards them because ultimately, their dehumanizing of another group of people dehumanizes them, too; they are destroying their own humanity by denying it to others who share the image of God with them.

I have to imagine that this church you attended prays for Israel not in that sense of, "May its government and its people recognize the evils of settler colonialism, of ethnic cleansing, of genocide and work to change." I imagine they see Israel as the "good guy" in this situation, refusing to acknowledge that what Israel is doing is genocide. They're Christian Zionists. And you are right to feel heartbroken, to feel like something is very wrong with what and how they prayed.

I understand your anxieties and fears. When it comes to people asking why you're changing churches, it's pretty normal to "shop around" when you don't currently have a church home; you can say that after a few visits, you've decided you didn't quite "click" with that church and want to see what else is out there.

As to worrying other churches will be the same — I imagine many will be. In general, more conservative churches will be more likely to support Israel, and more progressive churches will be more likely to support Palestine, but that's not always a for-sure thing, so here are other tips:

Before attending a church, check around its website (or Facebook page) to see if it has any clues — look through its calendar / events pages to see if they've held prayer vigils or attended protests for Palestine, or for Israel. If they have sermons posted online, check out a few; or if they post services online, skip to the prayer requests section of worship (usually pretty soon after the sermon) and see if they uplift any prayers for Israel or Palestine.

Wishing you well as you seek out community where Palestinians' humanity is uplifted and fought for. I'll be praying that the Spirit of Wisdom will guide you into right judgement and courage as you navigate difficult dynamics.

Finally, I'm pasting some links to other posts I think might help you as you continue to discern how you want to support Palestinians and what it means to love like Christ:

My Christian Zionism tag has more on the history of and problems with unquestioning Christian support for modern Israel .

My highest recommendation is Mitri Raheb's book Decolonizing Palestine for more on that topic in depth, along with fantastic arguments against the Zionist conflation between modern Israel and "biblical" Israel. You can read my thorough summary of Raheb's book here. .

I also recommend the book Safety through Solidarity: A Radical Guide to Fighting Antisemitism as a fantastic resource on how being anti-Zionist is not antisemitic and, in fact, Palestinians' and Jews' causes are intertwined .

If you would like suggestions for ways to help Palestinians — in general and as a Christian specifically — visit my resources webpage over here. .

I have a post that digs into Jesus' instruction to "love our enemies" — what they does and does not look like. It also talks about the problems with how Christians often interpret forgiveness. (And here is a second post that offers further reading recommendations on these issues) .

If you also struggle with feeling anger — like it's wrong for you to be angry — check out this post.

[loving-the-cambridges]

First winter date - Captain Rex - reader

Life day fic exchange 2023 @cloneficgiftexchange

for @dystopicjumpsuit I hope you'll enjoy this :-)

The police station, with its incessant hum of activity, was a world unto itself – a place where stories unfolded every day, some of hope, others of despair. In this world, Rex moved with a quiet authority, his presence both commanding and reassuring. Among the bustling corridors and busy desks, there was a sense of family, a bond forged in the face of shared challenges. Cody, his brother, was a constant figure, his leadership as steady as it was inspiring. Ponds and Fox, his other siblings, added to the familial atmosphere, each with their own unique strengths. Fives and Echo, his cousins, were the younger, more spirited members of this tight-knit group.

In this hive of activity, (Y/N) was a beacon of calm. As a victim counselor, her role was to mend the unseen wounds, to offer solace in the midst of chaos. (Y/N)'s arrival at the station had brought a new dimension to their work, a reminder of the human element in their often mechanical routine.

Rex had been drawn to her from the start. It wasn't just her compassion that captivated him, but the way she seemed to truly listen, to understand the pain of others and guide them through it. He had seen her soothe frayed nerves with just a few words, seen her bring a semblance of peace to tormented souls. And each time, he found himself admiring her more, the professional respect gradually intertwining with a deeper, more personal affection.

But expressing those feelings was a battle in itself. Rex was a man of action, not words. His emotions were a private affair, often hidden behind a facade of stoicism. Yet, with (Y/N), he felt a desire to open up, to share parts of himself he had kept locked away.

The winter evening was a symphony of crystalline beauty, the snowflakes dancing in the air like a myriad of tiny stars. It was on such an evening that Rex found the courage to ask her out. The ice rink, with its festive lights and the promise of shared laughter, seemed like the perfect place.

"Hey, (Y/N)," Rex started, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the ice rink tonight? Thought it might be a fun way to unwind."

(Y/N) looked up, surprise flickering in her eyes, quickly replaced by a warm smile. "That sounds wonderful, Rex. I'd love to."

The ice rink, aglow with twinkling lights and festive cheer, was a stage set for an evening of clumsy grace and laughter. Rex, with the effortless glide of a seasoned skater, approached (Y/N), who was clinging to the rink's edge like a lifeline. Her determination to spend time with her crush had brought her here, but her skating skills were as untested as a ship's maiden voyage.

"Seems like you've found a new best friend in that railing," Rex quipped, skating up to her with a playful smirk.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, her grip on the railing tightening just a tad. "Well, it's certainly more reliable than my skating skills," she shot back, her tone light but tinged with a hint of nervousness.

Rex chuckled, extending his hand towards her. "How about you ditch the railing for a while? I promise I'm a better partner than cold metal."

Hesitantly, (Y/N) took his hand, her heart skipping a beat. As they slowly moved away from her safety net, she wobbled unsteadily.

"Whoa there, are you trying to skate or are you practicing your penguin impression?" Rex teased, his grip on her hand reassuringly firm.

"Hey, I'll have you know penguins are very graceful creatures... on land," she retorted, trying to mask her anxiety with humor.

Rex laughed, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "Alright, let's focus on the basics. Just follow my lead and try not to mow down any innocent bystanders."

They began with simple glides, Rex patiently guiding her through the motions. Every time she faltered, he was there, his presence a constant source of support.

"You know, for someone who clings to railings, you're surprisingly adventurous," he noted, as she took a shaky glide forward.

(Y/N) grinned, feeling a surge of confidence. "I have a good teacher," she said, her voice softer, more sincere.

As they continued, Rex's teasing became a comforting rhythm, a playful undercurrent to their conversation. He joked about starting a skating school for the hopelessly uncoordinated, playfully suggesting she could be his first student. She laughed, the sound mingling with the crisp night air, her earlier apprehension melting away like snow in the sun.

They attempted a cautious turn, Rex's instructions interspersed with light-hearted comments. "Okay, now just pivot on your left foot... or just do a wild spin, that works too!"

(Y/N)'s attempt at a pivot ended in a whirl of arms and a near collision, but Rex's quick reflexes saved them both from a tumble. They ended up in a close embrace, her hands on his shoulders, his arms around her waist. For a moment, they just looked at each other, the laughter fading into a moment of silent connection.

"See, you're getting the hang of it. Soon you'll be out-skating me," Rex said, his voice warm, his smile genuine.

(Y/N) felt a rush of warmth, not from the exercise, but from the feeling of being this close to Rex, of being the focus of his playful yet caring attention. The evening was no longer about skating; it had transformed into a dance of words and laughter, a shared experience that spoke of budding feelings and the promise of more.

As they left the ice, their hands still joined, the night seemed to wrap around them, a blanket of stars and possibilities.

The transition from the ice rink to the bustling Christmas market felt seamless, a continuation of the evening's enchantment. Rex, still holding (Y/N)'s hand, felt an unspoken reluctance to let go, their fingers intertwined as they navigated through the vibrant maze of stalls and lights. The market was alive with the spirit of the season, each corner a new discovery, each sound a note in the festive symphony.

(Y/N)'s eyes sparkled under the canopy of Christmas lights, her gaze wandering from one stall to the next with childlike wonder. "Look at these ornaments, Rex! Have you ever seen anything so detailed?" she exclaimed, her voice a mix of awe and excitement.

Rex leaned in to look at the intricate glass baubles she was pointing at. "They're pretty amazing. You have a good eye for these things," he replied, his tone laced with genuine admiration.

As they moved on, (Y/N) couldn't help but shiver slightly, the cold finally catching up with her. Rex immediately noticed, his concern evident. "Getting chilly?" he asked, his hand instinctively rubbing her arm in a comforting gesture.

"Just a little," she admitted, a slight quiver in her voice.

Rex's eyes scanned the nearby stalls, landing on one that promised warmth in a cup. "How about a hot drink to warm you up? What would you like?" he asked, ready to fetch whatever she desired.

"Surprise me," (Y/N) said with a trusting smile, her eyes twinkling in anticipation.

Rex returned shortly, two steaming cups in his hands. He handed her a hot chocolate topped with marshmallows, the steam rising like a warm embrace. "Thought you might like this," he said, his eyes searching hers for approval.

(Y/N) took a sip, the warmth of the chocolate spreading through her. "It's perfect. How did you know?" she asked, her smile brightening the already illuminated night.

Rex shrugged modestly. "I just took a wild guess. Glad I got it right," he replied, his own cup of mulled wine warming his hands.

They continued their stroll, sipping their drinks and sharing laughs. Rex pointed to a ring toss game. "Bet you can't get three rings on those bottles," he challenged, his eyes gleaming with playful mischief.

(Y/N) accepted the challenge, her throws missing the mark but eliciting more laughter than disappointment. "Seems I'm as good at this as I am at skating," she joked, her laughter infectious.

Rex joined in, his attempts equally unsuccessful. "Looks like we're both in need of some practice," he conceded, his smile never fading.

Their journey through the market led them to a photo booth adorned with festive props. Rex, ever the instigator of fun, grabbed a Santa hat, placing it on his head with a grin. "Your turn, choose your festive disguise," he said, handing her a pair of reindeer antlers.

(Y/N) put on the antlers, striking a pose. "Ready for our close-up, Santa?" she teased, her eyes shining with mirth.

The photos they took were a series of silly poses and laughter-filled moments, each click capturing the joy and ease of their burgeoning relationship.

As they neared a group of carolers, their voices harmonizing in a timeless Christmas tune, (Y/N) felt a pull towards Rex, a desire to be closer. She leaned against him, her head resting gently on his shoulder. "I love this song," she whispered, her breath visible in the cold air.

Rex's arm found its way around her, pulling her closer. "Me too," he replied, his voice soft, his heart full.

The journey from the vibrant life of the Christmas market to the quiet streets leading to (Y/N)'s place was a mix of comfortable silence and soft conversation. The car ride, with Rex at the wheel, felt like a gentle deceleration from the evening's excitement, a gradual return to reality, yet tinged with a reluctance for the night to end.

(Y/N) sat beside him, her thoughts a whirlwind of emotions. The evening had unfolded like a chapter from a fairy tale, each moment with Rex adding another layer to her growing feelings. She glanced at him, his profile illuminated by the passing streetlights, a sense of warmth enveloping her.

As they pulled up to her apartment, the car's engine coming to a quiet stop, a sudden nervousness gripped her. She didn’t want the night to end, not yet. "Thanks for tonight, Rex. I had a really great time," she said, her voice laced with sincerity.

"Me too, (Y/N). It was... it was really special," Rex replied, his tone reflecting a depth of emotion that resonated with her own feelings.

There was a pause, a moment suspended in time, as (Y/N) gathered her courage. "Would you like to come in? Maybe watch a Christmas movie or something?" she asked, her heart racing with the boldness of her invitation.

Rex turned to look at her, surprise and happiness mingling in his eyes. "I'd like that," he said, a smile spreading across his face.

Inside her apartment, (Y/N) felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. She busied herself with small tasks, turning on the lights, taking off her coat, anything to calm the fluttering in her stomach. Rex followed her in, his presence filling the space with a comforting warmth.

"So, any favorite Christmas movies?" Rex asked, his voice casual but his eyes holding a hint of anticipation.

(Y/N) thought for a moment, wanting to pick something that would set the right tone. "How about 'It's a Wonderful Life'? It's a classic," she suggested, hoping her choice would prolong the warmth and closeness of the evening.

"Perfect choice," Rex agreed, settling onto the couch.

In the cozy confines of (Y/N)'s living room, with the final scenes of "It's a Wonderful Life" painting flickers of light and shadow, Rex and (Y/N) found themselves in a world of their own creation. Their confessions of feelings had woven a new tapestry of emotions, coloring the room with an unspoken promise of something profound and beautiful.

(Y/N) felt a whirlwind of emotions as she leaned into Rex, his arm around her, a gesture of comfort and connection. His heartbeat, steady and reassuring under her ear, was a melody that harmonized perfectly with the rapid beats of her own heart. The air between them was charged with a new energy, an anticipation of what was to come.

Rex, overcome with a sense of rightness and completion, looked down at (Y/N), her eyes lifting to meet his. In her gaze, he found reflections of his own feelings – a mixture of wonder, happiness, and a profound connection that went beyond words. The room, with its soft lighting and the quiet hum of the ending movie, seemed to fade into insignificance, leaving only the two of them, suspended in a moment that felt as timeless as it was fleeting.

As the closing credits rolled, the music a soft undertone to their shared silence, Rex gently tilted (Y/N)'s chin up towards him. Their eyes locked, conveying depths of emotion that words could never fully capture. The distance between them lessened, the magnetic pull of their mutual affection drawing them closer.

(Y/N)'s heart raced as she realized what was about to happen. Her nervousness was a fluttering bird in her chest, but it was overshadowed by a profound desire, a yearning that had been building throughout the night. She could feel Rex's breath, a warm whisper against her skin, the closeness sending a shiver of anticipation down her spine.

And then, in a moment that seemed both an eternity and an instant, their lips met. It was a gentle collision, a soft convergence of emotions and desires. The kiss was tentative at first, a careful exploration, but it quickly deepened, fueled by the pent-up feelings and the undeniable connection that had brought them to this point.

The world outside, with its cold winter night and silent stars, seemed a universe away. In that kiss, they found a warmth and a rightness that spoke of shared futures and whispered promises. It was a first kiss, but it carried the weight and depth of something much more, a symbol of a bond that had been forged in shared laughter, stolen glances, and unspoken affections.

As they finally pulled away, a breathless moment later, their eyes opened to a world that seemed brighter, more vivid.

In the aftermath of their first kiss, a silence filled the room, profound and comfortable, wrapping Rex and (Y/N) in a cocoon of newfound intimacy. The flickering lights from the TV cast a soft glow on their faces, revealing shared smiles and eyes bright with emotion.

Rex, his heart still pounding from the kiss, felt a clarity he had never experienced before. Looking into (Y/N)'s eyes, he found the courage to give voice to the feelings that the kiss had only begun to express. “(Y/N),” he started, his voice low and filled with emotion, “I need to tell you... I’ve fallen for you. It’s been building for a while, but tonight, everything became so clear.”

(Y/N)’s eyes widened slightly, a soft blush coloring her cheeks. Her own emotions, a tangled mix of joy and affection, bubbled to the surface. “Rex, I feel the same way,” she confessed, her voice a whisper of shared sentiment. “I didn’t realize it until tonight, but what I feel for you... it’s more than I ever expected.”

Their confessions hung in the air, simple yet profound, bridging any distance that had once existed between them. In that moment, they understood that what they had was special, a connection that went beyond mere attraction or companionship.

With a newfound boldness, (Y/N) leaned in for another kiss. This one was different from the first – it was a confirmation, a seal on the feelings they had just confessed. Their lips met with a gentle urgency, conveying years of unspoken emotions and desires. It was a kiss that spoke of beginnings, of a journey they were now embarking on together.

Eventually, they pulled apart, their smiles reflections of their inner happiness. (Y/N) suggested, “How about we watch another movie?” Her tone was light, but her eyes held a deeper invitation, a desire to prolong the magic of the evening.

Rex nodded, his heart still soaring from their exchange. “That sounds perfect.”

They settled onto the couch, (Y/N) fetching a cozy blanket which she draped over them. As she snuggled into Rex's side, the warmth of their closeness enveloped them, a physical manifestation of the emotional warmth they were both feeling.

As the opening credits of the new movie rolled, they found themselves less focused on the screen and more on the comfort of being in each other's arms. The movie played on, but their attention was on the soft sound of their breathing, the gentle rhythm of their heartbeats, and the warmth of their entwined hands under the blanket.

In the dimly lit room, with the soft murmur of the movie playing in the background, Rex and (Y/N) lay under the cozy blanket, a sense of complete contentment enveloping them. The outside world, with all its noise and haste, seemed a distant memory, irrelevant to the sanctuary they had created here, in (Y/N)'s living room.

Their confessions of affection still echoed in the space around them, a tender yet powerful admission that had changed the very air they breathed. Now, under the blanket, they found themselves in a world of their own making, a world where every glance, every touch, spoke of the deep connection they shared.

(Y/N) looked up at Rex, her eyes shining with unspoken emotions. In his eyes, she saw a reflection of her own feelings – a mixture of wonder, joy, and a profound sense of rightness. It was as if all the scattered pieces of her life had suddenly clicked into place, forming a picture that was more beautiful than she had ever imagined.

Rex, feeling her gaze, turned to meet her eyes. In that moment, words were unnecessary; everything they needed to say was conveyed in the depth of their look. He leaned down, and their lips met in a gentle kiss, a soft caress that spoke of new beginnings and uncharted futures. The kiss was a whisper of promises, a seal on the feelings they had just shared.

As they pulled away, their smiles were reflections of their inner happiness, a happiness that was as much about the presence of the other as it was about the connection they had forged. They stole another kiss, and then another, each one a celebration, a joyful acknowledgment of the journey they were embarking on together.

Lying there, with Rex's arm around her and her head on his chest, (Y/N) felt a sense of completeness she had never known. The sound of his heartbeat was a steady rhythm that seemed to sync perfectly with her own. Every so often, they would exchange a look or a smile, a silent conversation that spoke of shared joy and the comfort of being understood.

Rex, with (Y/N) nestled against him, felt a sense of peace that was new and profound. The weight of his past, the uncertainties of his future, all seemed to fade away in the face of this simple yet profound happiness. He kissed the top of her head gently, a gesture of affection and protection.

The movie played on, but it was merely a backdrop to their own story, a story that was just beginning. Every touch, every shared laugh, every quiet moment under the blanket was a brushstroke in the masterpiece they were creating together.

As the night deepened, they lay there, wrapped in the warmth of the blanket and the warmth of their newfound love. It was a feeling of complete rightness, a sense that, in this moment, in each other's arms, they were exactly where they were meant to be. The world outside could wait; what mattered was the magic they had found in each other's presence, the promise of all the nights and days to come, filled with laughter, love, and the quiet joy of being together.

[animehouse-moe]

Pride Month Week 4 Recommendations: Broader Horizons

I really wish there was more weeks in June so I could recommend more things, but we're nearing the end already, so I can't give every genre/aspect the attention they deserve. Though similarly, a lot of non BL/GL manga is missing from the NA industry, so sadly there's not a wealth of series to talk about. But! I hope that with the limited licenses we have, and the ones that I recommend, people will buy more of these titles and encourage publishers to bring more of them over! So, with only a little further ado, the recommendations for this week.

As I just said though, the further ado first. This week's charity is Outright Action International, a charity focused on LGBTQ human rights violations at a global scale

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon

An office romance with an incredibly fresh perspective? A series about a romance between two women that isn't overly sexualized? The check list keeps growing and growing with this story that explores the challenges in regards to romance for both the working women that lead this story. Hinako is all over makeup and the latest trends and trying to find a boyfriend, but can never convince herself that she's in love. On the other side, Sato is a woman who throws herself into work and taking care of her younger sister, never leaving another thought for the concept of love or attraction. But what happens when this pair that can't fit the normal definition of "love" cross paths?

It's a really beautiful story that keeps expectations low, and wonderfully explores the challenges of not just adult romance in society, but romance that exists outside the norms. Not just in regards to two women loving one another, but how they love each other. How they express it, how they struggle with it, what they feel is right or wrong with how they're with each other. It's an incredible story about exploring asexuality and attraction, and does so in a very heartwarming and positive manner.

Our Dreams At Dusk

Tasuku is a teenager that desperately wants to keep his sexuality under wraps, but struggles because of a crush he has on his classmate. Through his anxiety, and wandering through this new city he's moved to, he's discovered by "Somebody", who owns "The Lounge", a gathering area for LGBTQ+ people. Within this small community, Tasuku explores his own sexuality while learning about the experiences and challenges that others have faced.

I was recommended this story by a friend ages ago, and decided to pick it up without knowing anything. I read it all in one go, and then read it all again a week later. In just four volumes, this story explores so many different forms of gender identities and sexuality, and does so through incredibly beautiful metaphors, and endlessly important (though very realistic and potentially painful) interactions and conversations. If there's a single queer manga out there that people feel like they should pick up, it really should be this one.

Last Gender

Bar California is a space for people of all different genders, orientations, interests, and sexualities to gather and shed the forms that they carry through daily life in society. Whether it's to explore themselves, or enjoy a night free of inhibition, Bar California is frequented by many customers, and this manga details the stories of those patrons.

Similar to Our Dreams At Dusk, Last Gender explores a plethora of characters through uplifting, challenging, emotional, and unresolved stories. Repression and lashing out, working up the courage to tell your loved ones, finding the right person or experience for you, it's stories about the realities that LGBTQ+ people face in their lives, and the stress and emotions and challenges that stem from it. It's a very mature story, as it features nudity and sexual acts, but in doing so refuses to avoid the harsher reality of a lot of these stories. Because of that, if people want something that takes a deeper and more grounded look into LGBTQ+ people and communities, this is a great starting point.

Boys Run The Riot

Need I say more? This list wouldn't be complete without Boys Run The Riot. A harsh but incredibly powerful story about the journey of a high school student named Ryo, and their outlet through fashion to express themselves and their story.

It's poignant, it's very candid, it doesn't shy away from truth or issues within the LGBTQ+ community, and it brings the story into society. It doesn't separate Ryo's journey from what's around them, but rather allows their journey to build upon and grow alongside the other characters that form their friend group. It presents it as another story of this world, rather than something that's separated and isolated from what's considered "normal".

X-Gender

X-Gender is an autobiographical manga about the author's journey in exploring their sexuality and gender identity through their adult years, with a dash of comedy, and a healthy helping of adult content.

Relatively straightforward, it details their experiences in coming to understand themselves and who they feel the most comfortable as, and is really informative for both people that are in the process of questioning themselves, and those that lack understanding of these types of experiences. I think it's a really great look at a candid retelling of learning the ins and outs of sexuality and gender identities, and finding the labels and banners that someone is most comfortable associating themselves with, so I definitely think people should give it a shot.

And that's all I've got for this week. In the realm of manga that exists outside of BL/GL, there's a world of information to cover, and I'm super glad so many titles cover vast swathes of information. But at the same time, I feel like there's a very large vacuum in regards to these stories in "typical" settings. A lot are informative or autobiographical, and it's only outliers like Doughnuts Under The Crescent Moon, or the super outlier Boys Run The Riot, that the approach is fictional and more traditional. So I really, really hope that people will pick up these titles (and other similar ones not listed in this list) and show publishers that we want more of these types of stories!

[star-wars-writing]

First Winter Date

This was written for the Life Day Fic exchange for Tumblr Cloneficexchange for dystopicjumpsuit. Rex and OFC have feelings for each other, Rex asks her out to the Christmas market, they haven't put a name to it but anything can happen. first posted on @loving-the-cambridges

The police station, with its incessant hum of activity, was a world unto itself – a place where stories unfolded every day, some of hope, others of despair. In this world, Rex moved with a quiet authority, his presence both commanding and reassuring. Among the bustling corridors and busy desks, there was a sense of family, a bond forged in the face of shared challenges. Cody, his brother, was a constant figure, his leadership as steady as it was inspiring. Ponds and Fox, his other siblings, added to the familial atmosphere, each with their own unique strengths. Fives and Echo, his cousins, were the younger, more spirited members of this tight-knit group.

In this hive of activity, (Y/N) was a beacon of calm. As a victim counselor, her role was to mend the unseen wounds, to offer solace in the midst of chaos. (Y/N)'s arrival at the station had brought a new dimension to their work, a reminder of the human element in their often mechanical routine.

Rex had been drawn to her from the start. It wasn't just her compassion that captivated him, but the way she seemed to truly listen, to understand the pain of others and guide them through it. He had seen her soothe frayed nerves with just a few words, seen her bring a semblance of peace to tormented souls. And each time, he found himself admiring her more, the professional respect gradually intertwining with a deeper, more personal affection.

But expressing those feelings was a battle in itself. Rex was a man of action, not words. His emotions were a private affair, often hidden behind a facade of stoicism. Yet, with (Y/N), he felt a desire to open up, to share parts of himself he had kept locked away.

The winter evening was a symphony of crystalline beauty, the snowflakes dancing in the air like a myriad of tiny stars. It was on such an evening that Rex found the courage to ask her out. The ice rink, with its festive lights and the promise of shared laughter, seemed like the perfect place.

"Hey, (Y/N)," Rex started, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the ice rink tonight? Thought it might be a fun way to unwind."

(Y/N) looked up, surprise flickering in her eyes, quickly replaced by a warm smile. "That sounds wonderful, Rex. I'd love to."

The ice rink, aglow with twinkling lights and festive cheer, was a stage set for an evening of clumsy grace and laughter. Rex, with the effortless glide of a seasoned skater, approached (Y/N), who was clinging to the rink's edge like a lifeline. Her determination to spend time with her crush had brought her here, but her skating skills were as untested as a ship's maiden voyage.

"Seems like you've found a new best friend in that railing," Rex quipped, skating up to her with a playful smirk.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, her grip on the railing tightening just a tad. "Well, it's certainly more reliable than my skating skills," she shot back, her tone light but tinged with a hint of nervousness.

Rex chuckled, extending his hand towards her. "How about you ditch the railing for a while? I promise I'm a better partner than cold metal."

Hesitantly, (Y/N) took his hand, her heart skipping a beat. As they slowly moved away from her safety net, she wobbled unsteadily.

"Whoa there, are you trying to skate or are you practicing your penguin impression?" Rex teased, his grip on her hand reassuringly firm.

"Hey, I'll have you know penguins are very graceful creatures... on land," she retorted, trying to mask her anxiety with humor.

Rex laughed, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "Alright, let's focus on the basics. Just follow my lead and try not to mow down any innocent bystanders."

They began with simple glides, Rex patiently guiding her through the motions. Every time she faltered, he was there, his presence a constant source of support.

"You know, for someone who clings to railings, you're surprisingly adventurous," he noted, as she took a shaky glide forward.

(Y/N) grinned, feeling a surge of confidence. "I have a good teacher," she said, her voice softer, more sincere.

As they continued, Rex's teasing became a comforting rhythm, a playful undercurrent to their conversation. He joked about starting a skating school for the hopelessly uncoordinated, playfully suggesting she could be his first student. She laughed, the sound mingling with the crisp night air, her earlier apprehension melting away like snow in the sun.

They attempted a cautious turn, Rex's instructions interspersed with light-hearted comments. "Okay, now just pivot on your left foot... or just do a wild spin, that works too!"

(Y/N)'s attempt at a pivot ended in a whirl of arms and a near collision, but Rex's quick reflexes saved them both from a tumble. They ended up in a close embrace, her hands on his shoulders, his arms around her waist. For a moment, they just looked at each other, the laughter fading into a moment of silent connection.

"See, you're getting the hang of it. Soon you'll be out-skating me," Rex said, his voice warm, his smile genuine.

(Y/N) felt a rush of warmth, not from the exercise, but from the feeling of being this close to Rex, of being the focus of his playful yet caring attention. The evening was no longer about skating; it had transformed into a dance of words and laughter, a shared experience that spoke of budding feelings and the promise of more.

As they left the ice, their hands still joined, the night seemed to wrap around them, a blanket of stars and possibilities.

The transition from the ice rink to the bustling Christmas market felt seamless, a continuation of the evening's enchantment. Rex, still holding (Y/N)'s hand, felt an unspoken reluctance to let go, their fingers intertwined as they navigated through the vibrant maze of stalls and lights. The market was alive with the spirit of the season, each corner a new discovery, each sound a note in the festive symphony.

(Y/N)'s eyes sparkled under the canopy of Christmas lights, her gaze wandering from one stall to the next with childlike wonder. "Look at these ornaments, Rex! Have you ever seen anything so detailed?" she exclaimed, her voice a mix of awe and excitement.

Rex leaned in to look at the intricate glass baubles she was pointing at. "They're pretty amazing. You have a good eye for these things," he replied, his tone laced with genuine admiration.

As they moved on, (Y/N) couldn't help but shiver slightly, the cold finally catching up with her. Rex immediately noticed, his concern evident. "Getting chilly?" he asked, his hand instinctively rubbing her arm in a comforting gesture.

"Just a little," she admitted, a slight quiver in her voice.

Rex's eyes scanned the nearby stalls, landing on one that promised warmth in a cup. "How about a hot drink to warm you up? What would you like?" he asked, ready to fetch whatever she desired.

"Surprise me," (Y/N) said with a trusting smile, her eyes twinkling in anticipation.

Rex returned shortly, two steaming cups in his hands. He handed her a hot chocolate topped with marshmallows, the steam rising like a warm embrace. "Thought you might like this," he said, his eyes searching hers for approval.

(Y/N) took a sip, the warmth of the chocolate spreading through her. "It's perfect. How did you know?" she asked, her smile brightening the already illuminated night.

Rex shrugged modestly. "I just took a wild guess. Glad I got it right," he replied, his own cup of mulled wine warming his hands.

They continued their stroll, sipping their drinks and sharing laughs. Rex pointed to a ring toss game. "Bet you can't get three rings on those bottles," he challenged, his eyes gleaming with playful mischief.

(Y/N) accepted the challenge, her throws missing the mark but eliciting more laughter than disappointment. "Seems I'm as good at this as I am at skating," she joked, her laughter infectious.

Rex joined in, his attempts equally unsuccessful. "Looks like we're both in need of some practice," he conceded, his smile never fading.

Their journey through the market led them to a photo booth adorned with festive props. Rex, ever the instigator of fun, grabbed a Santa hat, placing it on his head with a grin. "Your turn, choose your festive disguise," he said, handing her a pair of reindeer antlers.

(Y/N) put on the antlers, striking a pose. "Ready for our close-up, Santa?" she teased, her eyes shining with mirth.

The photos they took were a series of silly poses and laughter-filled moments, each click capturing the joy and ease of their burgeoning relationship.

As they neared a group of carolers, their voices harmonizing in a timeless Christmas tune, (Y/N) felt a pull towards Rex, a desire to be closer. She leaned against him, her head resting gently on his shoulder. "I love this song," she whispered, her breath visible in the cold air.

Rex's arm found its way around her, pulling her closer. "Me too," he replied, his voice soft, his heart full.

The journey from the vibrant life of the Christmas market to the quiet streets leading to (Y/N)'s place was a mix of comfortable silence and soft conversation. The car ride, with Rex at the wheel, felt like a gentle deceleration from the evening's excitement, a gradual return to reality, yet tinged with a reluctance for the night to end.

(Y/N) sat beside him, her thoughts a whirlwind of emotions. The evening had unfolded like a chapter from a fairy tale, each moment with Rex adding another layer to her growing feelings. She glanced at him, his profile illuminated by the passing streetlights, a sense of warmth enveloping her.

As they pulled up to her apartment, the car's engine coming to a quiet stop, a sudden nervousness gripped her. She didn’t want the night to end, not yet. "Thanks for tonight, Rex. I had a really great time," she said, her voice laced with sincerity.

"Me too, (Y/N). It was... it was really special," Rex replied, his tone reflecting a depth of emotion that resonated with her own feelings.

There was a pause, a moment suspended in time, as (Y/N) gathered her courage. "Would you like to come in? Maybe watch a Christmas movie or something?" she asked, her heart racing with the boldness of her invitation.

Rex turned to look at her, surprise and happiness mingling in his eyes. "I'd like that," he said, a smile spreading across his face.

Inside her apartment, (Y/N) felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. She busied herself with small tasks, turning on the lights, taking off her coat, anything to calm the fluttering in her stomach. Rex followed her in, his presence filling the space with a comforting warmth.

"So, any favorite Christmas movies?" Rex asked, his voice casual but his eyes holding a hint of anticipation.

(Y/N) thought for a moment, wanting to pick something that would set the right tone. "How about 'It's a Wonderful Life'? It's a classic," she suggested, hoping her choice would prolong the warmth and closeness of the evening.

"Perfect choice," Rex agreed, settling onto the couch.

In the cozy confines of (Y/N)'s living room, with the final scenes of "It's a Wonderful Life" painting flickers of light and shadow, Rex and (Y/N) found themselves in a world of their own creation. Their confessions of feelings had woven a new tapestry of emotions, coloring the room with an unspoken promise of something profound and beautiful.

(Y/N) felt a whirlwind of emotions as she leaned into Rex, his arm around her, a gesture of comfort and connection. His heartbeat, steady and reassuring under her ear, was a melody that harmonized perfectly with the rapid beats of her own heart. The air between them was charged with a new energy, an anticipation of what was to come.

Rex, overcome with a sense of rightness and completion, looked down at (Y/N), her eyes lifting to meet his. In her gaze, he found reflections of his own feelings – a mixture of wonder, happiness, and a profound connection that went beyond words. The room, with its soft lighting and the quiet hum of the ending movie, seemed to fade into insignificance, leaving only the two of them, suspended in a moment that felt as timeless as it was fleeting.

As the closing credits rolled, the music a soft undertone to their shared silence, Rex gently tilted (Y/N)'s chin up towards him. Their eyes locked, conveying depths of emotion that words could never fully capture. The distance between them lessened, the magnetic pull of their mutual affection drawing them closer.

(Y/N)'s heart raced as she realized what was about to happen. Her nervousness was a fluttering bird in her chest, but it was overshadowed by a profound desire, a yearning that had been building throughout the night. She could feel Rex's breath, a warm whisper against her skin, the closeness sending a shiver of anticipation down her spine.

And then, in a moment that seemed both an eternity and an instant, their lips met. It was a gentle collision, a soft convergence of emotions and desires. The kiss was tentative at first, a careful exploration, but it quickly deepened, fueled by the pent-up feelings and the undeniable connection that had brought them to this point.

The world outside, with its cold winter night and silent stars, seemed a universe away. In that kiss, they found a warmth and a rightness that spoke of shared futures and whispered promises. It was a first kiss, but it carried the weight and depth of something much more, a symbol of a bond that had been forged in shared laughter, stolen glances, and unspoken affections.

As they finally pulled away, a breathless moment later, their eyes opened to a world that seemed brighter, more vivid.

In the aftermath of their first kiss, a silence filled the room, profound and comfortable, wrapping Rex and (Y/N) in a cocoon of newfound intimacy. The flickering lights from the TV cast a soft glow on their faces, revealing shared smiles and eyes bright with emotion.

Rex, his heart still pounding from the kiss, felt a clarity he had never experienced before. Looking into (Y/N)'s eyes, he found the courage to give voice to the feelings that the kiss had only begun to express. “(Y/N),” he started, his voice low and filled with emotion, “I need to tell you... I’ve fallen for you. It’s been building for a while, but tonight, everything became so clear.”

(Y/N)’s eyes widened slightly, a soft blush coloring her cheeks. Her own emotions, a tangled mix of joy and affection, bubbled to the surface. “Rex, I feel the same way,” she confessed, her voice a whisper of shared sentiment. “I didn’t realize it until tonight, but what I feel for you... it’s more than I ever expected.”

Their confessions hung in the air, simple yet profound, bridging any distance that had once existed between them. In that moment, they understood that what they had was special, a connection that went beyond mere attraction or companionship.

With a newfound boldness, (Y/N) leaned in for another kiss. This one was different from the first – it was a confirmation, a seal on the feelings they had just confessed. Their lips met with a gentle urgency, conveying years of unspoken emotions and desires. It was a kiss that spoke of beginnings, of a journey they were now embarking on together.

Eventually, they pulled apart, their smiles reflections of their inner happiness. (Y/N) suggested, “How about we watch another movie?” Her tone was light, but her eyes held a deeper invitation, a desire to prolong the magic of the evening.

Rex nodded, his heart still soaring from their exchange. “That sounds perfect.”

They settled onto the couch, (Y/N) fetching a cozy blanket which she draped over them. As she snuggled into Rex's side, the warmth of their closeness enveloped them, a physical manifestation of the emotional warmth they were both feeling.

As the opening credits of the new movie rolled, they found themselves less focused on the screen and more on the comfort of being in each other's arms. The movie played on, but their attention was on the soft sound of their breathing, the gentle rhythm of their heartbeats, and the warmth of their entwined hands under the blanket.

In the dimly lit room, with the soft murmur of the movie playing in the background, Rex and (Y/N) lay under the cozy blanket, a sense of complete contentment enveloping them. The outside world, with all its noise and haste, seemed a distant memory, irrelevant to the sanctuary they had created here, in (Y/N)'s living room.

Their confessions of affection still echoed in the space around them, a tender yet powerful admission that had changed the very air they breathed. Now, under the blanket, they found themselves in a world of their own making, a world where every glance, every touch, spoke of the deep connection they shared.

(Y/N) looked up at Rex, her eyes shining with unspoken emotions. In his eyes, she saw a reflection of her own feelings – a mixture of wonder, joy, and a profound sense of rightness. It was as if all the scattered pieces of her life had suddenly clicked into place, forming a picture that was more beautiful than she had ever imagined.

Rex, feeling her gaze, turned to meet her eyes. In that moment, words were unnecessary; everything they needed to say was conveyed in the depth of their look. He leaned down, and their lips met in a gentle kiss, a soft caress that spoke of new beginnings and uncharted futures. The kiss was a whisper of promises, a seal on the feelings they had just shared.

As they pulled away, their smiles were reflections of their inner happiness, a happiness that was as much about the presence of the other as it was about the connection they had forged. They stole another kiss, and then another, each one a celebration, a joyful acknowledgment of the journey they were embarking on together.

Lying there, with Rex's arm around her and her head on his chest, (Y/N) felt a sense of completeness she had never known. The sound of his heartbeat was a steady rhythm that seemed to sync perfectly with her own. Every so often, they would exchange a look or a smile, a silent conversation that spoke of shared joy and the comfort of being understood.

Rex, with (Y/N) nestled against him, felt a sense of peace that was new and profound. The weight of his past, the uncertainties of his future, all seemed to fade away in the face of this simple yet profound happiness. He kissed the top of her head gently, a gesture of affection and protection.

The movie played on, but it was merely a backdrop to their own story, a story that was just beginning. Every touch, every shared laugh, every quiet moment under the blanket was a brushstroke in the masterpiece they were creating together.

As the night deepened, they lay there, wrapped in the warmth of the blanket and the warmth of their newfound love. It was a feeling of complete rightness, a sense that, in this moment, in each other's arms, they were exactly where they were meant to be. The world outside could wait; what mattered was the magic they had found in each other's presence, the promise of all the nights and days to come, filled with laughter, love, and the quiet joy of being together.

[scarlettoceaneyes]

My Light- Embry Call fanfic

Chapter 1-Emily

"Emmett. Stop. Seriously!" I begged as he was trying to see how high he could throw me and succeed in a safe catch without me falling in the snow. As usual, he overestimated his ability to truly catch me safely, leaving me with a broken wrist, three broken fingers, and an incredibly powerful urge to kill him again. Dad (Carlisle) fixed it up and declared it would be perfect within a few weeks since it was not as bad as the bruising and swelling seemed. Either way, anyone can imagine I was ecstatic to leave our cabin in Denali and get away from my brother. He always gets this way when he knows I am fixing to leave for more than a few hours....okay when he knows I am leaving. He isn't so bad if I can sneak away. If strangers didn't know the truth about my family, they would think either he was seriously overprotective or down straight weird. I can't deny either of those assumptions, but in reality he is actually simply jealous. Jealous of my friends in La Push. He gets nine months of the year with me, he can deal.

He quickly changed his tune once mom was involved. I for one was glad for the repreve from his constant whining about me leaving. Each year I believe it actually gets worse. I wonder if his problem is that I am 17 and it is my last summer in La Push until it is up to my choice. I graduated high school finally, but the agreement was that upon my 18th birthday I can make that decision, among others that I have been blocking out of my brain for several months now.

My birthday is in August. The end of the summer. Normally I look forward to it with a bonfire at the beach to send me off until the next summer. A slew full of last are coming and my anxiety is getting hard to manage. Jasper is struggling to control it at times too. He is pretending to not be worried, but I know his facial expressions. He is. I think part of it is Embry. It's always Embry. We aren't dating and he seems more distant as the days go. Yeah, we text all the time, but the calls are awkward lately. I like to pretend it is his way of getting up the courage to ask me out, but mostly I think it is because he is interested in another girl. The guys promised he wasn't, even Billy randomly texted me one day to tell me to quit worrying, I am still all he talks about. Then why can't he talk to me? Better yet, ASK ME OUT!

Reality is that if he doesn't, I have to confront him at the end of the summer. Jacob and Billy are determined that he will because they claimed to have a plan. Three months doesn't seem like enough but as always June 1-August 31 will be his time slot. Quil is looking forward to "Embry confessing his undying love". That was one text at 3 am followed by a series more with phone calls waking me up to ask if I received them. Quil 3 am bud. Funny enough all the guys were up playing video games and Quil didn't want Embry to see the messages since last time Embry gave him a black eye. It was rough housing as Billy called, but it started from Embry's embarrassment. He claimed he was working on it, but the entire La Push community wanted him to work faster. 12 years was long enough. Jacob really enjoyed telling me that story in deep details. He knew I would've asked. Jacob enjoyed spreading the news.

I had another reason for needing to know his feelings. I was madly in love with the guy since we were 5, but I wanted to move there. I made my decision the day I met Embry. I wanted to be human because he was. What if I had both options because he didn't want me? I could visit them and just say I moved away after a while. There is always a way to fake photographs of me aging with a fake family or something. Thinking about the pain, I didn't want to find out how it felt or if I was brave enough. I loved chocolate too much too and waffles. Five Guys burgers always were our favorite spot right outside of Forks. Okay the food is enough to stay human. That is something I can always lean on, I can hang with the guys- food trips, summers in La Push, late night sleepovers. I mean it is kinda inevitable since I live at Billy's house, although there are open door policies and his room is between Jake's and mine. Billy trust us, fate however gave me that deal of a sleeping arrangement since the guest bedroom is the first one you come to. It is also right beside the living room where the guys usually all sleepover for more room to sprawl out. My mother is more than happy with this arrangement. As we became teenagers, she became even more overbearing at times. Besides the boys part, she is in my corner and takes my shenanigans all in good humor. Except broken anything.

"SHUT UP! You KNOW I go every year. I don't understand why this year makes as big of a difference to you and the way you are acting." Emmett stared at her, not knowing the words to choose to where she could see that La Push isn't the place to spend her life. Esme gave Emily a look for shouting, and told Emmett she has had enough of him today with the incident that resulted in my injuries earlier that day. Also, he is not the dictator of where I live, when I travel, who I see or marry since I am almost an adult. I do. "I just think a cruise to Antarctica would be a better way to spend your summer. Ouu what about a trip to Africa and we can see great white sharks? I'll even promise not to use you as bait or shove you out of the cage if you go cage diving! Please Emily don't go". I literally asked mom if there was blood pouring down my ears since I think he had finally busted them. "Emmett, I am not married to you so stop acting like it. I know Rose said she would trade you for a new handbag but she was kidding. I wouldn't share a cabin on a ship because knowing you, you would jump off the top deck just for fun knowing the water won't cause hypothermia and I would have to explain why you aren't dead yet without laughing cause you actually are. You would use me as shark bait even if you promise. You been obsessed with Megalodon for years now." Emmett opened his mouth to continue with more absurd reasons that I knew had no backing as his promises would not be as wonderful as he made them sound.

Esme shot him one final look making him get the hint to walk away, then turned to me. "I know about Embry. Don't let a guy change or make up your mind about anything, including Emmett. He is a spoiled baby." "I heard that!", he called from upstairs. At a normal voice Esme replied, "Good, you were meant to. Now stop interrupting!" I rolled my eyes and she continued, much to my embarrassment and honestly a little annoyance since I wanted to keep him a secret so long from them all. "I know the end of the summer brings many choices. Do what you have been looking into if you want or anything else. Your dad and I stand behind you as long.." "....as long as I am being a kind person making moral choices based on high standards for happiness without settling. Yes mom I know." I appreciated the fact that she didn't let the secrets that I have been looking for a home in Forks to start my career. Every summer since I was 12 I have helped out at the bakery and some of my original recipes are still featured on the menu. I have been offered a job upon becoming 18 as the manager of the whole bakery, including full discretion on the menu offerings, catering procedures, and even starting a delivery service for smaller everyday orders. The problem with that is that we don't make to order unless it is scheduled weeks in advance. Right now, trying to have a system that updates on my daily inventory to customers in real time is not worth the time and money it will cost to get started.

The issue I am currently having is really starting to get annoying- Emmett. I want to tell everyone my dilemma and talk it out. He can't change Embry due to Billy's conditions, but he thinks he has leverage to control me for this decision. I know open hearts, minds, and ears will not be there. Something will be broken trying to control his anger. There will be a total stand-off with him and everyone on my side for weeks maybe years. He won't handle it well. What I am not understanding is why though since he knows he can move back to Forks. Billy always claimed it was something with the elders, nothing to be worried about that made that decision. He would never claim his opinion either way suspiciously, but did say he was following their wants and wishes from the past. I also know something very bad must of happened to make it to where he knew about my family and to make them stay away. I will be 18 at the end of the summer and I just wish we can all move there together. That way within 30 minutes pending weather and traffic I can go see both of my families. Whenever I bring it up though, he gets a weird look on his face and walks away. Obviously he is hiding whatever his reason is.

Embry's romantic feelings will determine my decision. I am not going to look into the eyes of someone who I professed my love to and did not receive theirs in return for the rest of my life. I think I would rather melt into oblivion of shame and embarrassment elsewhere, preferably warm and sunny. I guess since our flight is tomorrow we can let the 3 month countdown begin, as Quil decided to text me again at 3 am.

[astudass]

The world, as I perceive it now, aligns perfectly with its intended design. Everything rests in its rightful place, orchestrated by the cosmic symphony. Yet, it is the human mind—the wild, untamed animal within—that casts a veil of chaos and anxiety upon this intricate tapestry.

Emotions and feelings persist, but my perspective has shifted. No longer do they hold dominion over me. Instead, I find solace in a simple mantra: “It’s all okay.” These words, when spoken or contemplated, serve as a gentle reminder—a comforting whisper—that everything unfolds as it should. Balanced, harmonious, and part of a grand cosmic joke.

Life unfolds in a series of moments—some gentle, others jarring. Yet, through it all, there exists a quiet mantra: “It’s all okay.” This simple phrase, whispered to ourselves, holds profound wisdom.

Stubbed your toe? It’s all okay. The pain subsides, and you continue your journey.

Received an unexpectedly high bill in the mail? It’s all okay. Numbers on paper don’t define your worth.

Navigating a heartbreak? It’s all okay. Love’s ebb and flow shape us.

Car broken down on a deserted road? It’s all okay. Perhaps this pause holds hidden purpose.

Even in the gravest moments—like a loved one’s final days—“It’s all okay.” Not because suffering vanishes, but because we glimpse a cosmic truth. Beneath the waves of emotion, an inner knowing emerges: This is part of the grand design.

Life, simultaneously meaningful and inconsequential, dances on the edge of existence. Once, this paradox would have haunted my nights, but now it brings tranquility. I’ve surrendered to the divine plan, trusting that it will unfold regardless of my worries. So, with a cosmic grin, I embrace the mystery and say, “It’s all okay.”

Being spiritual entities in animal bodies, the main principles we must remember are:

Honesty

Hope

Surrender

Courage

Integrity

Willingness

Humility

Love

Responsibility

Discipline

Awareness

Service

Studying various religions and practices always leads me back to these fundamental truths. They echo the wisdom imparted by parents, kindergarten teachers, and institutions. As though creation planted all these hints along the way, unfortunately, when we try to take control, we often miss the subtle cues. The road to understanding may be complex, but in hindsight, it’s a straightforward journey from point A to B—a path that was there all along.

May the cosmic giggle continue to weave its magic through your days. For those interested in more please come back next time! I will start updating this blog once a week. Thanks for stopping by.

– Astu Dass🌟✨

[crackednailsandsplitends]

Living With Chronic Illness: Why it’s important to accept the pain

Living With Chronic Illness: Why it’s important to accept the pain

Living with chronic illness and chronic pain, such as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) is a daily battle that is all-encompassing. The constant struggle to manage pain, navigate daily activities, and maintain a sense of well-being can be overwhelming. For me, accepting the reality of living with chronic pain was a crucial step towards finding peace and improving my mental health and overall wellness.

Accepting

Enduring daily pain is a challenging journey, but learning to accept it is crucial. It requires a significant shift in mindset and a willingness to acknowledge and face the challenges that come with chronic pain. Initially, the instinct was to resist, deny, or even fight against the pain, hoping for a cure or a quick fix - whilst also hanging on to false hope. However, I have come to realise that true healing and progress can only begin once we accept the pain as a part of our reality.

Acceptance does not mean giving up or resigning myself to a life of suffering. Instead, it involves acknowledging the presence of pain without judgment or resistance. By accepting the reality of chronic pain, I freed myself from the emotional burden of denial and the constant struggle against an unchangeable condition. This shift in perspective led to a sense of inner peace as I released the anger, frustration, and grief that come hand in hand with chronic illness.

Mental Health and Wellness

Acceptance is also essential for mental health and overall wellness. When you are constantly fighting against the pain or wishing for a different reality, you create additional stress and emotional turmoil for yourself. This exacerbates the physical symptoms of pain and leads to increased feelings of anxiety, depression, and isolation.

By learning to accept the pain, I can redirect my focus and energy towards more positive and productive activities. Instead of being consumed by thoughts of pain and suffering, I can concentrate on strategies for managing pain effectively, seeking out support from healthcare professionals, and engaging in simple activities that bring joy and fulfilment. Acceptance allows us to reclaim a sense of agency and empowerment in our lives, despite the challenges we face.

When it falters

Of course, there are moments when acceptance falters, and the weight of chronic pain feels unbearable. It is natural to experience setbacks and moments of doubt along the journey towards acceptance. In these times, it is important for me to practice self-compassion and patience with myself. I have found that acknowledging and allowing myself to feel the difficult emotions that arise can be a powerful tool for healing and growth. By accepting the moments of struggle, I can reset and remind myself that pain is a part of me, but it does not fully define me.

A Continuous Process

In my own experience living with chronic pain, I have learned that acceptance is a continuous process that requires ongoing effort and self-reflection. It is not a one-time event but a daily practice of choosing to embrace our reality with courage and resilience. By accepting the pain that is now a part of me, I have been able to find moments of peace, strength, and gratitude amidst the challenges.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, learning to accept chronic pain allows me to move forward with my life, focusing on the things that matter most to me. It is a transformative journey that requires patience, self-love, and a willingness to embrace the complexities of our human experience. While the road to acceptance may have its twists and turns, it is a path worth taking for the sake of my mental health, wellness, and overall well-being. Acceptance paves the way for a life lived with intention, purpose, and resilience in the face of chronic pain.

About me

I am a married mother of four children, in my mid 40's. I run a small business and enjoy writing, which is why I blog. My blog focuses on my experiences of living with chronic illnesses and disabilities such as ME/CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia.