#asuka miyazaki

[lilium-dragomir]

[animehouse-moe]

Pride Month Week 4 Recommendations: Broader Horizons

I really wish there was more weeks in June so I could recommend more things, but we're nearing the end already, so I can't give every genre/aspect the attention they deserve. Though similarly, a lot of non BL/GL manga is missing from the NA industry, so sadly there's not a wealth of series to talk about. But! I hope that with the limited licenses we have, and the ones that I recommend, people will buy more of these titles and encourage publishers to bring more of them over! So, with only a little further ado, the recommendations for this week.

As I just said though, the further ado first. This week's charity is Outright Action International, a charity focused on LGBTQ human rights violations at a global scale

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon

An office romance with an incredibly fresh perspective? A series about a romance between two women that isn't overly sexualized? The check list keeps growing and growing with this story that explores the challenges in regards to romance for both the working women that lead this story. Hinako is all over makeup and the latest trends and trying to find a boyfriend, but can never convince herself that she's in love. On the other side, Sato is a woman who throws herself into work and taking care of her younger sister, never leaving another thought for the concept of love or attraction. But what happens when this pair that can't fit the normal definition of "love" cross paths?

It's a really beautiful story that keeps expectations low, and wonderfully explores the challenges of not just adult romance in society, but romance that exists outside the norms. Not just in regards to two women loving one another, but how they love each other. How they express it, how they struggle with it, what they feel is right or wrong with how they're with each other. It's an incredible story about exploring asexuality and attraction, and does so in a very heartwarming and positive manner.

Our Dreams At Dusk

Tasuku is a teenager that desperately wants to keep his sexuality under wraps, but struggles because of a crush he has on his classmate. Through his anxiety, and wandering through this new city he's moved to, he's discovered by "Somebody", who owns "The Lounge", a gathering area for LGBTQ+ people. Within this small community, Tasuku explores his own sexuality while learning about the experiences and challenges that others have faced.

I was recommended this story by a friend ages ago, and decided to pick it up without knowing anything. I read it all in one go, and then read it all again a week later. In just four volumes, this story explores so many different forms of gender identities and sexuality, and does so through incredibly beautiful metaphors, and endlessly important (though very realistic and potentially painful) interactions and conversations. If there's a single queer manga out there that people feel like they should pick up, it really should be this one.

Last Gender

Bar California is a space for people of all different genders, orientations, interests, and sexualities to gather and shed the forms that they carry through daily life in society. Whether it's to explore themselves, or enjoy a night free of inhibition, Bar California is frequented by many customers, and this manga details the stories of those patrons.

Similar to Our Dreams At Dusk, Last Gender explores a plethora of characters through uplifting, challenging, emotional, and unresolved stories. Repression and lashing out, working up the courage to tell your loved ones, finding the right person or experience for you, it's stories about the realities that LGBTQ+ people face in their lives, and the stress and emotions and challenges that stem from it. It's a very mature story, as it features nudity and sexual acts, but in doing so refuses to avoid the harsher reality of a lot of these stories. Because of that, if people want something that takes a deeper and more grounded look into LGBTQ+ people and communities, this is a great starting point.

Boys Run The Riot

Need I say more? This list wouldn't be complete without Boys Run The Riot. A harsh but incredibly powerful story about the journey of a high school student named Ryo, and their outlet through fashion to express themselves and their story.

It's poignant, it's very candid, it doesn't shy away from truth or issues within the LGBTQ+ community, and it brings the story into society. It doesn't separate Ryo's journey from what's around them, but rather allows their journey to build upon and grow alongside the other characters that form their friend group. It presents it as another story of this world, rather than something that's separated and isolated from what's considered "normal".

X-Gender

X-Gender is an autobiographical manga about the author's journey in exploring their sexuality and gender identity through their adult years, with a dash of comedy, and a healthy helping of adult content.

Relatively straightforward, it details their experiences in coming to understand themselves and who they feel the most comfortable as, and is really informative for both people that are in the process of questioning themselves, and those that lack understanding of these types of experiences. I think it's a really great look at a candid retelling of learning the ins and outs of sexuality and gender identities, and finding the labels and banners that someone is most comfortable associating themselves with, so I definitely think people should give it a shot.

And that's all I've got for this week. In the realm of manga that exists outside of BL/GL, there's a world of information to cover, and I'm super glad so many titles cover vast swathes of information. But at the same time, I feel like there's a very large vacuum in regards to these stories in "typical" settings. A lot are informative or autobiographical, and it's only outliers like Doughnuts Under The Crescent Moon, or the super outlier Boys Run The Riot, that the approach is fictional and more traditional. So I really, really hope that people will pick up these titles (and other similar ones not listed in this list) and show publishers that we want more of these types of stories!

[haveyoureadthistransbook]

X-Gender by Asuka Miyazaki

goodreads

At 33 years old, Asuka Miyazaki realizes that they like women! Asuka, however, is neither a woman nor a man--instead, they're X-gender, which is a non-binary identity. Follow Asuka through the pages of this autobiographical manga as they record the ins and outs of their journey to finding love with a woman.

Mod opinion: I haven't read this manga yet, but I'd love to pick it up at some point.

[cranberrychan]

I read X-Gender vol 2! It's an autobiographical manga about an enby in Japan! This volume was less about gender and sexuality, and more about mental health and dealing with covid times. It was really good! I learned what anti-natalism is!

[arkumami]

[johnny--hoestar]

Went to window shop at Barnes & Noble today but ended up buying 2 manga: 1 called To Strip the Flesh by Oto Toda that is 6 short stories, with the longest one being about a trans man struggling with being himself or making his father proud (but it has a happy ending!) And another called X Gender, which is the autobiographical story of the nonbinary author, Asuka Miyazaki, who realizes at 33 that they are into women, and it chronicles their journey to find love with a woman and I'm just. Really glad that I can go to a book store and find manga that I can relate to, and that is tells trans stories. The fact that I can go into a book store as a nonbinary person and buy manga about a nonbinary person, written by a nonbinary person.... it's an incredible feeling, honestly.

[saotome-michi]

X Gender (性別X) by Miyazaki Asuka (みやざき 明日香)

Miyazaki Asuka identifies as X-Gender, the Japanese equivalent of nonbinary, but that label is not nearly enough to encompass the nuances of their gender identity, sexual orientation, and overall being. In a series of autobiographical essays, Miyazaki covers a range of topics from their body dysphoria regarding their reproductive organs, to their OCD and mysophobia stemming from their childhood trauma of seeing their father suffer in the hospital. Meanwhile, they continue to learn more about the LGBTQ community and struggle to find a partner they can perhaps live their life with, or at least some friends they can talk to, realizing some things about themself and Japan's LGBTQ scene.

I found this manga to be very interesting and finished it feeling empathetic towards Miyazaki as I felt there were quite a few similarities between us, and wishing the best for them moving forward. I should note that while the style of the art is cute and chibi-like, the actual content of the essays can be mature and pessimistic. Miyazaki is very honest and blunt about what they felt and did throughout their life and some might be put off by their thoughts and actions (tw: implied biphobia, fatphobia, among other things), but honestly given that this is an autobiography of someone who is still learning about themselves and about the LGBT community, while continuing to struggle with their mental health, I'm more impressed with Miyazaki's willingness to strip themself bare for the readers' critical eyes. This story is not meant to be the be-all and end-all of the X-Gender experience; instead, it's one individual X-Gender person's account of their life. It's not neat, it's not palatable, and it's not perfect. It just is.

[skylarkdragonstar]

This is a realllly old tweet I noticed two years prior.

Sae says here that she wants to do the Insomnia Race from Nemousu TV again. Not surprised to hear this since we all knows she has yet to fulfill her revenge to completely stay awake till the end after 2 attempts.

Interestingly, the members she would like to participate with her again are all graduated members, most of them being those who've previously tackled the same challenge in Nemousu TV in the past.

They include Kuramochi Asuka, Oya Shizuka, Kitahara Rie, Miyazaki Miho, Suzuki Mariya (who has never done it before. So it'd be pretty interesting to see how she'll do in this), Iwasa Misaki, Yamauchi Suzuran, Ichikawa Miori... and of course the one who successfully passed the challenge twice, Akimoto Sayaka.

Aw it's sweet that Sae wants her best friend to participate with her in this again. But an all OG version of the Insomnia Race? I'm all up for it!

And in response to Sae's tweet, you see several of those mentioned members' responses. From what I can understand, they seem to be interested too.

[bluelocksource]

Yukimiya Kenyū’s trivia (source: twt & Egoist Bible 1 & 2).

"Move aside, I don't have time!"

☆ Character's colour: Red orange.

☆ Weapons:

Dribbling and gyro shoot. (EB1) Dribbling, gyro shot, instant vertical strike. (EB2)

☆ Nickname: ‘1on1 Strongest Prince’.

☆ Birthday: 28th April.

☆ Current age: 18 (3rd year of high school)

☆ Zodiac: Taurus.

☆ Birthplace: Miyazaki Prefecture.

☆ Family: Mother. Father. Himself.

☆ Current height: 184 cm.

☆ Dominant foot: Right foot.

☆ Visual acuity: Not good, need glasses.

☆ Blood type: O.

☆ Starts playing football: At age 7 (suggested by his mother).

☆ Personal 50M run record: 5.91 seconds.

☆ Team before joining BLUE LOCK: Soranin / Kūnin High School Soccer Club.

☆ Motto: "Give your all in a single moment."

☆ Favorite food: Blueberries. “They’re good for your eyes.”

☆ Disliked food: Garlic. “I feel like my vision is turning yellow.”

☆ Favorite animal: Penguins. "I think it’s fascinating how they waddle cutely on land but extremely fast when they swim."

☆ Favorite season: Spring. ”Because I like cherry blossoms.”

☆ Favorite football player: Edgar Davids.

☆ Favorite music: ‘Phoenix’ by SEKAI NO OWARI.

☆ Favorite manga: Oyasumi Punpun.

☆ Favorite movie: Evangelion “The older version. Asuka’s sky burial was excellent, wasn’t it?”

☆ Favorite TV show: FOOTxBRAIN (TV Tokyo).

☆ Favorite celebrity: Yo Yoshida. “There’s something pleasant about a cool woman.”

☆ Favorite brand: Oakley (goggle brand).

☆ Ideal type: Someone who smiles a lot and watches over him.

☆ Hobby: Modelling.

☆ Mushroom shoots vs Bamboo shoots: Mushroom. “Because of its cute shape.”

☆ What goes best with rice : Shirasu. "Pickled egg and green onion shirasu rice are delicious. Why don’t you try it?"

☆ What makes him happy: Warm support.

☆ What makes him upset: “Someone beat me in 1on1.”

☆ What he thinks his strength is: The most competitive person in the world, and strict with himself.

☆ What he thinks his weakness is: “I am too strict with myself and not interested in other people’s business.”

☆ Favorite/Best subject: Science, Japanese, P.E.

☆ Dislike/weak subject: Art. “Drawing makes my eyes tired.”

☆ What made him cry recently: “I won’t tell you. It’s embarrassing.”

☆ Usual sleeping time: 8 hours.

☆ What he usually ends up buying from convenience store: Hot eye mask. “To warm my eyes.”

☆ Place he washes first when taking a bath: His forehead hairlines.

☆ Fixation: With ephemeral things like cherry blossoms, sparklers, etc.

☆ Number of chocolates received from previous Valentine: “I didn’t count. I only ate the ones that arrived at my agency, there’s lots of them.”

☆ At what age he experiences first love: At age 10. “With my friend’s 16-year-old sister.”

☆ The first time he got confessed to: “My friend’s older sister kissed me on the forehead. Got embarrassed and ran away.”

☆ What will he do if received 100 million yen: “I don't know. I’m not interested in money.”

☆ At what age he stops receiving presents from Santa: At age 12. “Santa seems to be excluding the middle school students.”

☆ What was his last wish from Santa: Running glasses.

☆ How he spent his holiday: Reading. “I like learning about the lives of famous people.”

☆ What will he do during his last day on Earth: “Thanking my parents for bringing me into this world.”

☆ Favorite historical figure: "Minamoto no Yoshitsune. He lived with glory and tragedy, a fighter."

☆ If he hadn't encountered soccer, what will he be doing:  "That’s impossible. God will definitely make me meet soccer."

☆ If he could only take one thing to a deserted island, what would it be: Glasses. "I can't see anything without them!"

☆ If he had a time machine, would he go to the past or the future: The future. "I want to know if medicine will be able to cure any disease."

Last updated: 1/11/2024

note: i want to apologize in advance for any mistake made in the translation!

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Evangelion’s influence on Makoto Shinkai

It’s no secret that one of the most popular directors in Japanese animation, Makoto Shinkai, has won over the hearts of many. Some consider him a “new Miyazaki” yet he prefers not to be seen that way and his style and way of storytelling is different. Nor is Miyazaki the only influence on his work as Shinkai considers a huge inspiration to be Hideaki Anno and his groundbreaking series, Neon Genesis Evangelion with EoE being one of his favorites. A lot of his works delve into similar themes of loneliness, longing for connections and adolescence that NGE tackled. Note that I haven’t watched all his films so some of this is based off what others have mentioned or argued but here are some examples of similar themes, characters or references I’ve spotted.

1. The worms in Suzume dissipate in a similar fashion to the Rebuild angels. They turn into a mass of red bubbles after the doors are sealed before exploding. The difference is the angels leave damage when destroyed. Suzume, like Shinji and Asuka, is another character who has suffered trauma from their mother’s death as did Mitsuha in Your Name and Hina in WWY. Mitsuha and Hodaka also have issues with their fathers like Shinji and Asuka. Both 3.0+1.0 and Suzume were made in response to the earthquake of 2011 and reflect the trauma left on Japan from that.

2. I haven’t watched these yet but both The Place Promised in Our Early Days and 5 Centimeters Per Second are said to be create a similar feeling or reaction from the audience as NGE. The former is very psychological and while more uplifting, still examines the main character’s anxiety and depression. Like EVA, some find it confusing and a bit difficult to understand especially the ending similar to EoE.

3. Weathering with You feels very EVA inspired in its themes and characters. The main characters, Hodaka and Hina, do remind me a lot of Shinji and Rei. I’ll warn people that I am a Shinji/Rei shipper so DLDR. They’re often compared to Homura and Madoka but I see a lot Shinji/Rei parallels too. The “Grand Escape” moment is a lot like the ending of 2.22, albeit with Hodaka actually succeeding at saving Hina. The character of Natsumi is also a lot like Misato in both appearance and personality. It’s questioning of how the older generations put all the burden on the youth to make sacrifices to fix problems like climate change is comparable to NERV drafting teenagers and sending them into a warzone against the Angels.

4. Garden of Words is another I have yet to watch but the relationship between the main character and his teacher is often mischaracterized as grooming or pedophilia, a bit like how some view Misato and Shinji. It’s a story of two outcasts coming together and developing an emotional connection. A “love story” but not a romance as one commenter describes. Yukino never returns Takao’s feelings due to their age gap yet the two save each other from falling into depression and their relationship is beyond sexual attraction.

Feel free to add more references or ways you think NGE or the Rebuilds have influenced Shinkai’s films. Disagree with some of these if you want since I know Reishin is a controversial ship, especially with Kawoshin being popular on Tumblr but that’s what I picked up while watching WWY. Both Anno and Shinkai’s works speak a lot to me as someone who’s struggles with depression. Suzume hit hard for me as an adoptee and Your Name showed me anime could be far more than a cheesy cartoon. Seeing people call Shinkai an “eco fascist” is baffling as that’s not what these stories are about. Both are groundbreaking directors in anime and have inspired a lot people, including me.

[lilium-dragomir]

[strawberryfairi]

“I loved you then…back when I knew you”

Synopsis: 💎 When your old high school best friend, and admittedly, first love randomly shows up at your door one morning after a bit over ten years apart, your memories of him that you once locked away comes flooding back. Are you open to hearing him out after all this time? (In other words…will you take your man back or nah?)

♕Pairings: Kazutora X Black Fem Reader 🤎 (ANYONE CAN READ)🛑Content: 18+ Eventual smut, Some grief, Some angst ~Crossposted On: Wattpad ONLY ~Updating WEEKLY

w.c. 2.6k💠 Released March 28, 2024

NOTE🧚🏾‍♀️✨: This chapter is so rushed and short fr I'm def not proud of this one, BUT due to this fact I'm doing a double post of chapters 9 + 10❤︎ You're welcome teehee.

Previous | Next Chapter Chapters Masterlist

CHAPTER 9; BROKEN

It's been a while now after finding out a bit of Kazutora's past. You were way too nervous to really ask him anything about it as you really didn't want to upset him and ruin your already blurry friendship.

You figured if he wants to share anything about it he will, in his own time.

Today was another one of those school days that were unbearably boring. Though it was actually a bright, clear skied day, the morning was quiet, everyone tired and sluggish from a weekend full of cloudy skies, and rain.

It wasn't until lunchtime that things finally started to get more...exciting for you and your friends.

"Are you deadass?!" You gaped at your friend Hanako-chan, along with the other girls at the lunch table.

"Yup! He asked me out last Friday after school! It was so cute; I couldn't believe it!" Her cheeks were dusty pink as she recalled the memory of her crush asking her out.

"Wooooow! I'm so happy for you, Hanako-chan." You smiled softly at her.

"This is the same guy that came to hang for Halloween, right?" Yumi chimed in, her brows slightly furrowed.

"Yeah! His name's Sora Kobayashi." She swooned hard.

"Oooo! Hanako Kobayashi kinda eats, you know? It's got a lil ring to it." You smirked devilishly, her face turned deep red as the other girls giggled.

"It's giving future husband!" Asuka-chan chimed in, a bright smile on her face.

Suddenly, some commotion going on towards the entrance of the cafeteria caught all of your attention, heads turning nearly in sync with each other.

It was Kazutora, who hadn't been here earlier today, strolling in casually with those two other guys you'd seen with him once before. You already knew what was going on as his eyes locked with yours. A charming grin made its way on his face as he approached you.

"Speaking of husbands...." Yumi murmured with a devilish smile, looking your way for a moment.

"Hey", he nodded towards you, "hey girls." He then acknowledged your friends to which they all smirked.

"Heeeeyyyy." They sang, dragging it out obnoxiously long.

"Ohhh would you look at that, suddenly we all have somewhere to go, right girls?" Miyazaki-chan cut in, clearing her throat and raising a brow so all the girls would get what she's trying to do.

"O-oh yeah yeah! We're needed...elsewhere currently. See ya!" Asuka chuckled, making it so obvious they were leaving us alone on purpose. You sighed, discreetly rolling your eyes.

How y'all needed elsewhere during lunch...?

"Why'd you come to school so late? You dropped me off just to dip out then come back?" You questioned, your brows furrowed. He put on his signature cheeky smile, his eyes closed from how wide it was.

"Uh oh..." You deadpan, already knowing he was up to absolutely no good with that look. "What did you do?" You narrowed your eyes. He shook his head. "What are you doing?" You said next, your expression still the same as the intrigue started to rise more. He shook his head again. "What are you about to do?" This time your brow raised as there wasn't any other variation left that you could think of.

"There it is! I'm bustin' you outta here!" He says excitedly.

"You what?" A playful scoff escaping you as a small amused grin made its way on your lips. Kazutora grabbed your hand with both of his, pulling a bit so you'd stand out of your seat.

"Uh uh! I can't leave!" You pulled against him, trying to keep yourself planted.

"Yeah you can! I do it all the time." He shrugged like it was the most simplest thing ever.

"Yeah but you're not supposed to! And I'm not you!" You frown.

"C'mon goody two shoes, I'm kinda on a time crunch right now."

"No, I can't skip school! Bruh!" You spout rapidly, feeling a mixture of nervous excitement. It was kind of true that you were a 'goody' type of student. Never skipping school, always on time for class, and getting your homework done to the best of your ability was always your thing. Compared to Kazutora you probably were an angelic, perfect example student.

The idea of skipping has never even crossed your mind before, seeing as you figured teachers would worry and highly likely call your mom, which would then petrify her and have an entire S.W.A.T team level search party coming for you. It just wasn't worth it to skip. Besides, where would you be skipping to? For what?

"It's fine! You can miss half'a day." He chuckled, finally pulling you along towards the caf entrance.

"No, I'm serious! This isn't a good idea! I'm gonna get in- You cut yourself off with a gasp, feeling slightly disoriented as Kazutora abruptly pulled you towards him and casually flung you over his shoulder.

"Hey! If you don't put me down!" You blurted out frantically in English, making him laugh. "You're embarrassing me in front of all these-oh my gosh...." You facepalmed in defeat, watching as everyone laughed and took in the scene unfolding in amusement.

"It'll be fun, trust me!" He assured playfully, still keeping you perched up on his shoulder as he and his friends walked out of the school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kazutora had taken you all over the place today. First it was some street race that he took you to watch together. It was all kinds of older guys and even some your age, dressed in streetwear, smoking and driving really cool looking cars.

You were glad he'd taken you to your place first to change out of your uniform, it would've looked so awkward since everyone else was dressed so amazing.

You were wearing a cute black skater style skirt with a slit by the right thigh, sheer nude stockings and a white cropped top. Over the fit you had on a hot pink cardigan with your first initial stitched in the back, and white two and a half inch knee high, heeled boots. It was fully into November by this point, so the cardigan was much needed. It wasn't necessarily blending with the streetwear vibe, but you were still cute nonetheless.

Afterwards he'd taken you out to get food at this ramen place! It was here that you started to wonder if this was his way of taking you out on a date without actually saying it. He was all smiles the entire time, talking up a storm with you, and insisted on paying for everything.

Then you both just wandered around the shopping district, trying on all kinds of things and even clothes and accessories you didn't even like. He'd even gone out of his way to buy you something you liked a lot. These gold, medium sized hoop earrings with little faux diamonds embedded into them. To say you were overjoyed and flattered would be an understatement. Immediately the jewelry became your absolute most cherished item in your accessories drawer.

And now, hours and hours later, the two of you were off somewhere deep in the city, strolling into some random skyscraper.

"K, what are we doing?!" You chuckle, going along with things as he leads you to a basic looking metal door in the main entrance of the building. The door revealed flights on flights of squared stairs, an elevator on the right upon coming inside.

"You'll see." He replies vaguely, a cute yet mischievous looking grin on his face. The two of you went all the way to the top floor, heading to the door that leads to outside.

Instantly you were met with an astonishing view, other buildings, street lights, and the night sky all greeting the both you. It was almost a fully clear sky up above, thousands and thousands of stars along with the half moon shined so brightly. "This is beauuuutiful! We're so high up!" You beam, smiling as the wind slightly brushes past you, making your skirt and cardigan sway.

"I know. I come up here all the time." He says softly, walking ahead of you.

"Come on!" He urges, giving you a nod. Snapping out of your daze you catch up to him, the two of you walking near the edge of the building.

"Wait...don't go too far, K." You warn, feeling your heart drop slightly as he kept going. The two of you weren't so close where you could fall, but it was enough to make you just a bit nervous.

"It's fine, don't worry." He assures. "I brought you here 'cause this spot is really special to me." He says softly with a particularly warm smile.

Your heart fluttered wildly in your chest at his words, a small smile dancing its way across your lips. "I'm glad you took me here. I really like it."

"Y'know, I'm really happy I met you. I want you to know that." He continues, brushing his hand behind his neck nervously.

"Aaaw, I'm glad I met you too, K! You're my best friend." You admit softly, feeling your cheeks heat up as that's the first time you'd ever told him you felt that way.

"Actually, I brought you here 'cause...I gotta-..I gotta tell you something." He adds hesitantly, looking to the side a bit as his expression turns a bit pained.

This time your heart practically attempts to leap out of your chest. You purse your lips together to try and conceal the fully wide, glowy smile, clasping your hands together. Your little paper bag with your new earrings sat between your fingers. You might be joining Hanako-chan in the no longer single committee real soon!

"Yeah?" You murmur softly, biting your tongue.

Was he actually gonna go and confess his feelings?! Maybe that's why he came and took you out of school. He set up this whole thing just so you guys could end here, and he could ask you to be his girlfriend!

"Um..I don't really know how to say this..." He trails off, still not making any kind of eye contact with you.

"No, it's ok!" You assure sweetly, taking a step closer to him. By now your brows start to furrow a bit, slowly becoming concerned as his expression turns almost stony, and his eyes look hollow.

Maybe this wasn't what you thought it was...

"W-what's wrong?!" You press, placing a hand on his arm.

"I-...I may not..see you again." He finally mutters weakly, his eyes looking up at yours finally.

You blink, shaking your head a bit. Immediately your hand drops from his arm, looking at him as though he just went and slapped you across your face.

"What? What do you mean?" You question, your tone a bit sharper than you intended.

"I'm not gonna see you again. Not for a long time probably-

"What are you talkin' about? What does that even mean?!" You rant, feeling your heart start to crack. He lets out an exasperated, conflicted sigh, burying his hands in his pockets.

"I can't really tell you why, but after tomorrow...I just won't be able to see you again." He explains again, not bothering to expand any further.

"You can't tell me?! You brought me here just to say this?! To just drop me?!" Your chest rises and falls visibly as your breathing becomes heavier, an overwhelming amount of emotions starting to wash over you. Anger, confusion, worry, betrayal, even denial.

"I'm sorry." He replied barely above a whisper. You scoff at his weak response.

"You're sorry?! Sorry for what exactly, 'cause you don't seem all that sorry. What did I even do-

"No no, you didn't do anything! It's not even about you, I just have-

"So if I didn't do anything why are you doing this?! You took me out of school, spent all day playing nice, and brought me here just to tell me you're never gonna see me again, and you can't even at least explain to me why?!" You argued with a shaky voice. By now you'd already started crying, the tears streaming down your face like waterfalls.

"I promise I'd tell you if I could, but I can't." Kazutora says regretfully, a pained look on his face as he tries to reach for your hand.

"You can't or you won't?" You question sharply, snatching your hand away as you take a step back.

He goes silent, looking down and to the side, not even at least trying to answer you.

"Wow. So that's it, you just...say nothing." You scoff, shaking your head, looking over at him as if he were the worst person you knew. "I'm sorry..." He mutters monotonously. "I can't believe you." You grumble bitterly. What you really meant was 'I can't believe I actually fell for you'.

"Well I'm glad then, that you won't see me again, 'cause I don't wanna see you." You scowl, giving him one last look before storming off back inside the building, heart breaking even further when he doesn't bother to try and stop you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You'd went home and just cried and cried and cried all night until you fell asleep. It was so bad your mom could hear your sobs, bursting into your room to figure out what the matter was. You'd managed to tell her the whole story, crying into her chest as she tried to console you as best as she could.

The next day was the worst, the realization that what had happened last night wasn't a dream but very much reality made your heart break all over again. You were in so much pain, everything ached, and your head was pounding.

You didn't eat, you didn't turn on any lights in your room, you barely even spoke.

The girls had been blowing up your chat since yesterday, wanting to hear the 'tea' about how things went with you and Kazutora when the two of you ditched school together. You'd went and turned the group chat and individual chats with them on do not disturb. Honestly you were just embarrassed, feeling so stupid about the way you felt about him since it all blew up in your face. It's the way you really swore he was gonna confess to you, tell you he loves you and the two of you would just...who knows?

None of that even matters at this point? He doesn't want you around so any fantasies you once had before were all turned into pitiful ash in a matter of seconds. Your mom had told you last night that she believes he still cares about you and likes you, but he just went and chose to push you away 'cause he's not ready.

You hated him, hated everything about him, especially the things you used to love the most. Even more so you hated the memories, the memories that would flash through your mind, plaguing and haunting you relentlessly every second of every day.

Each day after felt worse and worse, unlike what your mom had assured you of. Every day that you two didn't speak chipped off pieces of your heart. Everything reminded you of him, the stuffed bunny he got you, your own bed that he'd laid in with you multiple times, when you walk outside and he's not there waiting for you to walk to school together.

School was the absolute worst. You'd gone from Hanemiya-san's princess to Hanemiya-san's ex. Rumors spread all over like wildfire, and of course with Kazutora no longer coming to school people felt completely free to voice their opinions loud and proud. Of course your friends would come to your defense, but now all of you were outnumbered, so it didn't do much to stop anyone from talking their shit.

Finally, weeks turned into months, which turned into years.

It took two years for you to finally free yourself from the depression of being left by Kazutora, college being the exciting new beginning for you.

You'd decided to go home, back to America to really clean off your slate. You met new people, made new friends, though you kept in touch with all of your friends from Japan. It was rough though, talking to your friends in Japan, they'd always remind you of what you left behind....

[fandomsandfeminism]

Ok, so, I've sat on Evangelion 3.0+1.01 Trice upon a time overnight. I think I can talk about it.

First of all, much better than 3.33. As much as I love Kaworu and would watch all the content in the world of him, 3.33 is just convoluted rather than complex and almost relentlessly pessimistic.

Second of all, it's actually like 2 movies.

The first movie is "I'm so glad that Anno got to hang out with Miyazaki and recover from his depressive episode." (And make Shin Godzilla and generally just have a good time.)

Apparently Ghibli DID come in and actually animate a lot of the village scenes, which is great. I wasn't expecting a "a simple life with community and nature is worth living, even in the face of environmental calamity" theme in Eva, but damn, it worked for me.

Then you get to the second movie, which is "and now we have to actually end Eva." And it's...a bit of a mess at times. And it's a mess because it keeps switching between the highly metaphysical, metaphorical story and a Gurren Lagann style "shouting sci fi and Bible words" rule of cool story. One where everything is very symbolic and one where trying to read symbolism into anything is a migraine.

Like-

This? I understand this. That you can't reconcile with an emotionally distant and domineering father through violence. That just becoming a mirror of the parent who hurt you doesn't end the hurt? I get this. It went full Blazing Saddles finale and I loved it.

"And now we will turn the spine of the ship into ANOTHER secret Spear of Gaius and send it into the shadow realm of all creation and the tablet of nebekenezer and goliath and the arc of adams or something!" <- what. Does. That. Mean. What does any of that mean? When this stuff happens in Gurren Lagann, I can just sit back and be like "woooooah cool." And vibe and accept that sometimes giant robots just do giant robot stuff. But 10 seconds ago, all the crazy robot stuff was like, a metaphor. And now I have no idea what any of this should mean and it might mean nothing.

I can do both, but asking me to switching between them over and over what making me feel like I had simultaneously done too many drugs and not enough drugs.

As a side note- it's hilarious to me that in some ways this movie did the best job with the female characters of any Eva property. Asuka and Mari getting the best action scenes, and "Miss Lookalikes" farm arc? So good. But on the other hand, they made the ENTIRE CREW wear the fucking plug suits? And all the shots that are just right between their Betty Spaghetty thigh gaps? Pffffft.

[atmosphericradar]

I recently finished the first volume X Gender by Asuka Miyazaki. The Goodreads reviews for this first manga volume talk about how messy it is from a representation perspective, and how it's probably not a great introduction to gender and sexuality (especially anyone who might need a supportive voice in this regard: e.g. newly-minted trans and non-binary people, or anyone currently exploring their sexuality more than owning it).

My girlfriend found it for me when we were both browsing at a book store. I hadn't heard of the manga before yesterday, though I get the impression after reading Goodreads that there is someone recommending this manga to a general "weird in the gender" audience. I don't think this would have been a healthy read for me back in 2021 when it was first published, but I am not certain of that.

As someone who entered queerness at the end of their 20's, and still has a long way to go in terms of living my truth (publicly and privately), I found X Gender a refreshingly honest perspective. Many people early in their journey out the closet will consume tons of media (social or otherwise) featuring physically attractive, fashionable queer people. It's aspirational, and it often breeds jealousy and self-hatred.

In online spaces like Tumblr, so-called "baby queers" are told that this kind of "beautiful people" media creates unrealistic expectations (true!), but then turn around and produce tons of media featuring emotionally exceptional, unproblematic queer people. The aspiration never goes away, it just becomes a degree in gender studies and intersectional feminism. Physically idealized or mentally idealized, both media landscapes uphold lofty expectations.

X Gender attempts to honestly depict an imperfect human being's life experiences. The main character isn't a beautiful, charismatic androgyne who charms people with their quirks. They aren't a saintly therapist who lives above the gendered anxieties of their culture. They're a nerd in their 30's living with their mom, who is still unpacking their trauma and gender and sexuality. They have uncommon, perhaps unkind views on relationships and families. They burnt social bridges, and have few close friends. They're bitter and anxious and self-centered. They have a fraught relationship with sex and with their own body.

This is not the story of someone who has their life in order (if it was, it would probably center the character of the General). But a lot of queer people online don't have their lives in order either! We live in a messy world, where coming out as LGBTQ commonly makes someone's life very disorderly! The pressure to be presentable, to be desirable by whatever metrics, is intense. I constantly worry that I'm not "being queer correctly", like I need to earn the privilege of being nonbinary. Reading a story about a realistically flawed person - that never once questions their own non-cis gender despite their society and their personal issues - is validating in ways I've as-of-yet rarely experienced.

Ultimately, I agree that this manga isn't for queer kids fresh out of cis-het society. It's probably not for a lot of people! There are almost certainly better English-language texts out there explaining the Japanese queer scene. But this manga does say "anyone can be queer, even someone you might find objectionable" without wavering. And that was important for me to hear.

[rosemirmir]

9 People You'd Like To Know More

Tagged by @stickers-on-a-laptop! Thanks so much for the tag! :D

Last song: Arcadia of My Youth by Teppei Shibuya

Currently watching:

Kamen Rider Kuuga: Extremely good. The fear and the pain is real.

Ohsama Sentai KingOhger: I've been really enjoying this one. Jeramie my beloved.

Kamen Rider Geats: Hard to believe this one is ending so soon! Time has flown by.

Choukou Senshi Changéríon: Seeing in a group watch, and what a show it is.

Ultraman Blazar: I love Blazar, he's such a creature. This one is really fun so far.

Choujinki Metalder: Another groupwatch show. My soul needed some showa toku. I will do anything for Ryuusei.

About to start: Kaiketsu Zubat will be what I see next after Kuuga is done!

Just finished: Bakuryuu Sentai Abaranger: Also saw in a group watch. I am very fond of this one. What a time and what a show. This one gave me more brainworms than I originally saw coming.

Having seen both this and Faiz now, its unreal to think about how these two shows made up the first Super Hero Time block. Wild.

Currently reading: I'm beginning to read the first volume of X-Gender by Asuka Miyazaki!

Current obsession: Deep in the tokusatsu hole, with no end in sight. (Leijiverse brainworms are also always present too.)

Tagging: @nattobees @insecateur @pelopides @ankhsapphic @jounouchis @theordergrande @matadorofheart @toohotchai @carmypen (Do it if you want!)

[queen-vv]

'get to know me' type game

Tagged in spirit by @hikari-ni-naritai (I just felt like doing it ;p)

Top 3 ships at the moment: tbh I don't really do ships *that* much but I've been very into my ffxiv ocs lately! Asuka X Y'shtola, Mei X Everyone except Magnai... And also there's Alpha X Kokone from Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou as well!

First ever ship: Again I don't think about ships all that often, but I'd probably say my first was a combo of every gay ship in Evangelion lol

Last song: I was listening to a Tekken 6/7 mix earlier, and finished it with 'Connect with you/Balteus theme' from Armoured Core 6 ^^

Last movie: Ooh well I recently got a really cool book of Hayao Miyazaki sketches of planes and tanks and boats for Dengeki Hobby magazine, which included an alternate comic version of Porco Rosso, so I went and watched that again!

Currently reading: I'm intermittently reading so many things at the moment, but I'll just say the most recent which is a fan translation of the Gundam Advance of Zeta novels. They're not the best and a bit ideologically sketchy, but they're a decent time and they contain my fav gundam mobile suit designs in the whole extended meta franchise.

Currently consuming: I'm guessing this means food and drink, so the most recent thing I ate was a Tesco chocolate chip muffin!

Currently craving: Ough I'm really really craving miso ramen... So hearty and warming and delicious...

Last thing searched for for art/writing purposes: Ooh well the last thing I searched for was the KV-2 tank, a ww2 era heavy tank from the USSR with a stupidly huge turret, which further lead to research of other huge soviet tanks like the multi turreted SKM and T35 projects! All for a project I'm sketching and writing about giant tanks crewed by cool girls, inspired by the aforementioned Hayao Miyazaki sketch collection and from recently watching Girls und Panzer lol

Ok and uhhhh who to tag... I'll shoutout @fishing-lesbian-catgirl and anyone else who'd like to! Feel free to not if you're busy though lol