#Literally I am sick and have a fever

[lesbianslugreaction]

Guys, guys, guys. You don't get it

THE CAPTAIN ASSOCIATES HAVERS WITH WAR, WHEREAS HAVERS ASSOCIATES THE CAPTAIN WITH PEACE

Like, listen: The Captain has always seen their relationship and his feelings for Havers through the context of war. War is the reason they met, the only reason he ever got to know him. And the societal war, the discrimination against queer people, is what keeps him from acting on his feelings. To him, being with Havers feels like fighting two wars at the same time: the very real one they're facing, where they might die any moment, and the more emotional war, the thing that forces him to repress and deny his love for Havers thanks to society's expectations.

Furthermore, the fact that he never fought at the front haunts him. Havers did, though, and the Captain feels like he's broken for not "really" fighting in the war. He feels embarrassment, guilt, and shame because he never got to follow Havers to the frontlines, never got to prove his worth to him. At least, that's how he sees it.

Havers, on the other hand, sees his relationship with the Captain through the lense of peace. Their time together at Button House was undoubtedly the most peaceful he felt during the war. He fights at the frontlines, get injured there, and doesn't see the merit in experiencing the horrors of the frontlines, contrary to the Captain. To him, their relationship is defined by peace; after all, it's only after the war ends that they're reunited. Sure, it ends... badly, but it's peacetime nonetheless, and Havers gets the chance to see his love again. He gets to hold his hand, he gets to connect with his Captain for the last time and he is able to say goodbye in relative peace. A mercy he never had at the frontlines, surely.

Thus: Havers is grateful the Captain wasn't hurt by the war the same way he was, whereas the Captain thinks they should have fought together at the front. Havers was broken by the war, and his Captain was broken by never experiencing it. But maybe they can find peace together, wherever they may get the chance to meet again.

(I hate it here. I am screaming, crying, writing a fic etc. etc.)

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Update 2: the germaphobia didn't win bc he sneezed so hard he cried kinda and I can't not hug the people I like when there's tears so that's where we're at now lmao I'm literally so fucked but at least I'm not doing anything the next week 😭 checked him over since caution has been thrown to the wind, dude for sure has the flu but I'm hoping I can dodge it bc I got vaccinated so fingers crossed there. Ran out of tissues, so he's resorted to napkins and his jacket which isn't nearly as hot irl as it is in fic, but this is what it's come to 😔 also he's gone through three more masks and I'm lowkey scared he's gonna run out of those too 😭😭

[lorenzo-waterman]

Gotta love how I don't experience a gradual increase of symptoms when I'm sick, it just hits me all at once like a freight train

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[witchwhaat]

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[whumpy-wyrms]

yk i was having trouble writing tllr chapter 12 because Dew is sick with a fever in the beginning and i just,, idk felt uninspired or something because im not the biggest fan of sickfics or whatever

well now i’m sick with a fever and it’s helll so sorry Dew im gonna have to put you through this now my bad 👍👍 at least i am now inspired

if this post makes no sense it’s because my brain hurts and i’m tired 👍👍👍

[ducktracy]

i am literally so mad that i have waited years to write this review of Daffy’s Southern Exposure and when i finally do i get the worst cold i have had at least within the past 5 years and am too sick to write a substantial amount. like come on. COME ON! i would almost rather it be COVID because that’s at least a valid excuse!!!!! sorry this post nasal drip made me nauseous and then i got mad that i was nauseous because i also had a bad stomach bug two weeks ago that also prevented me from writing. needless to say i hope you all enjoy the review when it’s out because my goodness it is giving me a hard time. thank you for your patience again 😤🙏

[xviruserrorx]

I really hate having to depend on people to get very very important things done

[girlivealwaysbean]

sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg

[shiroxix]

I need... my potions...

[gojoest]

can’t help but think about gojo going through megumi’s childhood pictures with you watching over his shoulder, and he’s sitting and fidgeting, his baby fever up in the skies and him wondering what your baby would look like and how he should ask you for one

[withacapitalp]

Being a baby in the tags lmao ignore me

[flintstill]

God I loved that in my neighborhood back where my lease is that the grass gets mowed at like 5pm or a bit later

Fuck ye outside my window I’m trying to go back to sleep

[zevrans-remade]

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[definitelynotnia]

I'm sick.

fuck this shit

[machinedramon]

I have three phases of Sick that I really hate

Main Phase: I have a fever and want to die. that's about the whole of it.

Nostril DDOS: I cannot breathe out of one of my nostrils (why is it always the left one??) and I am mildly inconvenienced by it and nothing will convince all of my mucous in my sinuses to maybe not try to use the same door all at once.

Tonsil Betrayal: the lymph nodes in my throat are swollen and irritated and send me into coughing fits that trigger my gag reflex. there is nothing to be done except huff chloraseptic and hope for the best.