#like before the universe said “yo you wanna have first-hand experience to help you write?!”

[dipplinduo]

Oneshot would be more immediate, otherwise idea would be saved for mintteashipping and wouldn't be used super immediately

Edit: didn't formalize the title SORRRYYYYY~ I AM TRYING MY BEST 💀🏳️

[scandeniall]

mirrors for friends ch//1

Pairing: TBD x reader (repost bc its not showing up in tags and ive had ppl check too sigh)

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Summary: Youre in a band, Mirrors For Friends with your college best friends Kuroo, Iwaizumi, and Atsumu. They're chaotic, your chaotic but you guys are on your way to the top together. Check a/n at end.

warnings: This IS multichapter. recreational marijuana mention. Everyone is over 21, tags will be added as needed but they're adults what do you expect.

wc: 1253

Inspiring playlists (updated as i find stuff) Apple music | Spotify

Ch. 1 // Mirrors For Friends: The Intro

The air was a mixture of sounds. Instruments being prepped, jokes being thrown, random conversations and the occasional song that played in the background. Just another day in Mirrors For Friends, well for everyone except for you. Earplugs in and an eye mask on, you’d been laying on the dingy couch since you arrived at the bar hours prior. Of course you just had to get a migraine on a day where your band had a show. It was about two hours to showtime, and you were just as good as dead. For once, you were thankful that you had your bassist, Atsumu to cover at least some of your vocals.

Atsumu, Miya. The youngest member remains a complete pain in your ass, but you couldn't see your life without him in it. He was the life of the party, and had been your party buddy during your early 20s. The one always down for a good adventure. You could always rely on him to tell you the honest truth, although it had taken a while to get past his overly blunt nature. Once you did, you saw the resident “pretty boy” for the dork that he was. The one who gets pouts whenever the conversation is moving too fast and he can’t think of a retort fast enough. The one who absolutely melted at the sight of food and would even share some of his brother’s famous onigiri with you. When he's not plucking bass strings he works as an assistant volleyball coach for the local high school. Your love for your band mate had eventually replaced your first meeting with the basest. A meeting than ended in you wanting nothing more than to wipe his stupid smirk off with your fist. You had just started your second year of university, completely minding your business until a stray volleyball made its way to the back of your head. Before anyone could even apologize, you’d manage to throw a few curses at the group of rowdy boys. Your future band mate had come over to apologize but ended it with “maybe you should've been paying more attention.”  After flicking him off you never thought you’d see him again, until you were formally introduced by none other than your drummer.

Hajime, Iwaizumi. The drummer of Mirrors For Friends. The oldest member of your quartet. There was only one year between you and him, but two years between him and Atsumu. Iwa, is the backbone of the band. The most responsible one, having taken care of a drunk you more times than you’d like to admit. If your feet were ever hurting, he’d be the one to give you a piggy back. He definitely looked the most bad ass of you all, with two sleeves of tattoos. Despite that he has a soft spot for the band. He's the most responsible of the band, but you learned that despite that nature, he knew how to have fun. He’d definitely supplied an underage you with alcohol before. When he’s not playing with the band, he's a tattoo artist, and has tattoo’d every member of the band multiple times. In fact, he was the only person you trusted to tattoo you. You’d met him midway through your first year of university, when he was an apprentice. Despite being 19, he’d already had a full sleeve and a shiny eyebrow piercing. In his attempts to calm you down, you learned that he was only a year above you. He was definitely more calming than the jerk that had dragged you to the tattoo shop in the first place. That person being your guitarist.

Tetsurou Kuroo, the guitarist of Mirrors For Friends. He was one of the first people you’d met in university where he ended up being your across neighbor. You’d had your door open in an attempt to get some air circulation in the stuffy dorm, when he noticed your guitar. Full of stickers, it looked used and he was curious. After, finding out the two of you had a common interest in music, the two of you became best friends. He’d ended up being the brother you never asked for. His teasing is similar to Atsumu, however he knew how to keep up. You two became nearly inseparable. He was the member you tended to confide in first, because it was just natural. The one always down to just vibe. You remember the many nights spent in private study rooms, just writing and talking music together. You quickly found out that his writing skills were incredible, not only that but he had the best ear for composing of any of your band mates. Some of your favorite pieces came from writing sessions with just the two of you. When he isn’t antagonizing your band, he works as a TA for a science class at your university. He decided about a year ago to go back to school for a higher degree in biochemistry.

Then there was you. Lead singer, keyboardist, and occasional guitar player when you felt like it. At 26, you’d been in the band since you were 20, and you wouldn’t change it for the world. You loved writing, you loved performing and you loved your boys. Even now when you could feel napkins that you had no doubt were greasy pizza stained ones being thrown at you. It took for the fifth one to hit your forehead to finally sit up, removing both your earplugs and eye mask. Groaning at the combination of fluorescent lighting and noise you shot death glares at your band mates. Who were all miraculously just standing next to one another, pretending to have just been doing nothing but talking. “Would you three do me a favor, and drive off a fucking cliff.”

“I told them to stop,” is what Iwaizumi said, but the smirk on his face said he played a role just like your other idiots.”

“Dude you threw the last one!” Kuroo chimed in.

“Yeah well Atsumu started it”

“What the fuck Iwa- selling me out”

If it weren't for the pounding behind your eyes you might’ve been amused and the usual bickering between the boys. Afterall, it was never serious. If only you could enjoy it.

“Would the 3 overgrown toddlers shut up.” Burying your face into your hand’s you felt the couch dip beside you in the now empty space, and another voice picked up from across the room.

“Yo- what's with the attitude today,” your bassist questioned. He had settled himself on a smaller couch, eyes narrowed on your miserable form. Once he heard the mention of a migraine, his gaze softened. “Tsumu, I’m gonna need to to sing a little more today alright. '' The younger boy nodded, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. He mentioned something about going to look for a pen and paper, so you two could outline a plan and to make sure you had a stool for tonight.

“You wanna go smoke? It should help a little,” the body next to you moved and you looked up to see Kuroo, offering a hand.. “It’s a spot in the shade out back, c’mon.” You took the hand and before you could head out your last bandmade stopped you.

“I have enough time to go pick up some Advil and maybe some caffeine. Don’t smoke too much, you know how strong Kuroo’s shit is. We still have a show tonight.”

“Don’t worry daddy Iwa, I’ve got our beloved lead singer. We’ll be fine.”

-----

a/n: alright so i’ve been inspired by samwrites Elixir (which YES 100000/10 recommends) AND sam has had an anon talking band au’s lately AND i saw a msby band au edit on twitter so i cracked out my keyboard.

ok but seriously, idk which guy im gonna end up doing so for now itll just be band dynamics, and then whoever sparks my interest or whoever is voted on after a few parts will win. I did a randomizer, got a winner and started but then started feeling the other possibilities. Anyways whoever is not the chosen ones its just friendship, no love triangles and shit. But whoever wins, just know I have a potential plot for ALL ((((im just too un-dedicated and busy with summer college courses to actually fully commit to all of them)))

lastly, this is me again experimenting w/ diff ways of writing so bare with me AND if anyone cares i could make a taglist.

[dobrikswriting]

Basically Strangers PT 2

Sorry this took so long!

Here’s part one!

I laid down in my bed the second I got back to my hotel. I glanced over at the clock.

5 AM.

I hadn't been to bed yet, I almost felt like the whole night I hadn't even been awake. I felt bad about leaving David while he was sleeping I just felt like it might be awkward in the morning. I feel like he's going to wake up and regret everything and I really didn't want to see that look on his face. I sent Zane a quick text telling him to call me the second he woke up and then I stripped down to just my bra and underwear before I laid down and finally rest my eyes.

"Y/N?" I heard as I felt a hand gently shake me awake. I blinked my eyes, my brain not able to process anything as I saw Zane standing in front of me. I sat there staring at him for a couple second before I finally realized that Zane and, by the sound of chatter, a few other people were in my room right now.

"Woah." I said softly sitting up looking around the room, seeing Matt, Carly, and Erin sitting on the couch in my room. "Hey? How did yo-"

"I pretended to be your husband and got an extra key." Zane said cutting you off.

"That's .... unsettling." I replied sleepily looking over to see the time. 11 AM, 6 hours of sleep would have to do.

"That's what I said!" Matt said, agreeing with me. "No way should it be that easy I'm going to do something about that. I'm writing a letter to someone." Matt said matter of factually.

"Okay sure, can we go get some food now." I heard a voice say, a voice I hadn't previously known was in the room. I leaned forward in the bed more and looked around the corner into the open hallway to see David leaning up against the door frame, looking at his phone. He looked up at me and smiled.

 "Nice hickies y/n. You ditched us to go have fun last night huh?" David teased, I felt heat rush to my cheeks knowing my face had to be bright red. I looked down and quickly remembered I had stripped down to basically nothing before I had fallen asleep, I quickly grabbed the blanket and pulled it up to my neck covering myself up.

"A bra is basically a bikini you're fine." Zane joked sitting on the edge of my bed. "We're getting breakfast get dressed." He said, not asking more demanding. 

David walked more into the room throwing me the robe that the hotel had left hanging in the bathroom.

"We'll wait for you to shower if you want." He added before sitting in a chair at the opposite end of the room. I could tell by the way Zane wasn't joking around and wasn't giving me shit, that David hadn't said anything about last night. I was thankful but I guess I had also expected that, David didn't seem like the type of guy to do that without talking to me first.

I smiled at him as I put the robe on and quickly went into the bathroom to shower and get ready.

--

I had gotten ready in record time and we were all on our way down to the car to get food. Zane walked up beside me, "Sorry I went too hard last night I was looking forward to having fun with you and I passed out so early." He said looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

"It's okay really, I still had fun." I replied genuinely, even aside from spending time with David I really did have a fun time with everyone last night. I was excited to see what the rest of the week would hold.

"Yeah I can see that." Zane said, referring to the light hickies on my neck. "Who did those you don't even know anyone here."

"I'm on vacation, let me live." I said brushing him off, not wanting to lie but not wanting to tell him the truth. He just gave me a look smiling and then walked up to say some comment to annoy Matt. We got out to David's tesla and all got in, I was surprised to see everyone getting in the back leaving the only open spot being the front seat. I slid in the seat, I could feel my heart beating extremely fast. I was nervous but also excited I felt like I was 14 and had just seen my crush in the hall or something. David made me feel different. I tried to pretend I was looking at something on my phone as I heard him get into the car and we started to drive.

"Why'd you leave last night?" He asked me softly, the music was loud enough that the others couldn't hear it while they were caught up in their own conversation. I looked over at him to see he was looking intently at the road, I had never seen a more beautiful side profile. His hair was messy but still perfect, and the way his mouth sat ever so slightly open with his tongue resting against his bottom lip, I felt like I should pinch myself because no way was this guy in any way interested in me.

"I just didn't want the morning to be awkward, if you..." I stopped for a moment wanting to word it correctly. "I mean I know you were drunk and I just wanted to give you a clean escape you know." I replied back quietly, changing my gaze to match his, watching the road go past.

"I don't want one." He said and I could see him look at me and smile out of the corner of my eye. I smiled but I kept looking forward, before Zane popped his head between us and had some remark to say about how hungry he was and David wasn't going fast enough. We rolled our eyes and continued the drive in conversation with everyone else.

After we had eaten we hung out at David's for a while. I was shocked at how included I felt, I felt like I had been friends with everyone for years. I was happy that things weren't weird between me and David. I knew nothing would come of the two of us, I was only going to be in California for a few more days then I would go back to my life as normal but I was so excited to even be able to experience a glimpse of this life, with these people. It made me wish I had moved out here when Zane did.

After a few hours at David's everyone was about to split up and do their own things, David had to get some footage for a brand deal, Carly and Erin were going to shoot a video with Jason and, Zane and Matt were going to film the podcast with Heath and Mariah. "Do you wanna come and film with us?" Zane asked not wanting to leave me alone for the afternoon.

"I was kinda thinking about doing something touristy." I said laughing at how lame I sounded. "Who knows when I'll be able to come back here." I added. Zane nodded and looked in thought hopefully thinking of a good place for me to go.

"Do you wanna come with me?" David asked overhearing me. "My brand deal is with universal studios, I have to go ride a new ride they're coming out with but we can definitely make a day of it. Amusement parks are good content." He said smiling at me.

"That's perfect thank you!" I said thankfully back to him. "You sure I wouldn't be intruding?" I asked. David immediately shook his head.

"I was supposed to take Jonah but he just ditched me last second so you're doing me a favor actually." He replied. I smiled back at him and gave Zane a quick hug as we all went on our separate ways.

I slid back into the passenger seat of the tesla and tried to contain my smile, I was excited to spend time alone with David. I knew from the vlogs that he was fun but actually being around him is a totally different story. He was so fun and nice and just a good person that wanted to do anything he could to make other people laugh. It was a nice vibe to be around. We started driving and I was a little nervous how to start conversation with him, so I was glad when he broke the silence.

"I hope nothing is awkward between us because of last night." He said looking over at me.

"Not at all. At least for me. I really enjoyed myself." I said smiling at him. He nodded and smiled at me.

"I have to be really careful about what I do and who I do it with. I have this image and if anything comes out of me actually acting like a 23 year old, the world goes crazy." He said running a hand through his brown his. "It was very off brand of me to do that but it felt really nice, like freeing." He said opening up to me. I hadn't realized how much pressure was on David to always do the right things and be the perfect guy, I couldn't imagine not getting to just do whatever I wanted and always having to worry about people taking things the wrong way.

"Well I'm happy I could help." I replied laughing. "It feels really good to be here. In LA, with all you guys. You are all so inviting and I feel like I'm apart of the group."

"You fit in really well, your personality is a good match. I bet by the end of the week everyone is going to be begging for you to stay." He said winking at me.

"Everyone?" I teased, making it a point to look him in the eyes so he knew I was talking about him directly. David just smiled back at me and laughed but I could see a blush creeping up on his cheeks. David then put the camera up on his dashboard and filmed us driving the rest of way, just jamming out to music and David filming a couple stupid dad joke puns from random billboards we went past.

I had never been to universal studios but I had been to multiple other theme parks and it was pretty standard to the rest. David and I filmed us riding the new ride, he introduced me as Zane's home town best friend and he was putting me through the test to see if I could make it in the vlog squad. We finished riding that ride and then rode a could more, on any ride that had a big drop or upside down turn David would grab my hand and hold on for dear life and I could my whole stomach fill with butterflies. We were both eating a churro and David was taking some pictures with fans when I finally glanced down at my phone, I was shocked to see so many notifications.

I opened up my messages to see multiple texts from my friends back home and one from Zane tell me to call him right away. I told David I would be right back and stepped into a quieter area to call him.

"Hey!" Zane picked up immediately.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Have you seen the pictures?" Zane asked.

"Huh?" Is all I said back in confusion.

"Look at my texts." He stated I quickly opened up my messages app and went to Zanes, he had sent me a picture of David and I standing in line at one of the rides. "Thats a little weird that someone took that buts what's the big deal?" I asked.

"The way he's looking at you." Zane said. I opened up the picture more and I could see that David was looking at me, I don’t know if it was in my head but there was something more there. I don’t think I had ever seen anyone look at me quite the same even if I couldn’t explain it. We just looked really happy and comfortable together.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I replied back though not wanting to make it a big deal.

"Yes you do. You know what I'm talking about and so will David when he sees that. It's a big deal because David can have some crazy fans and their really running with this one y/n. Most of the fans either don't want David with anyone or they want him with Liza, and this picture with him looking at you like that and those hickies on your neck it won't be long before they come for you." He said worried.

"I think you're reading too deep into it. We're just friends hanging out.”

"I'm not dumb. You didn't leave last night you hooked up with David. I heard you guys talking in the car." He said back, I felt bad that Zane knew I was lying to him, it just didn't feel like my place to tell David's business like that.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could reply.

"It's okay just be careful please, some of the fans can be ruthless." Zane said. I thanked him before getting off the phone, I looked through a couple of my messages, seeing they all had to do with the picture, people asking me what David was like and if I could have him follow them on stuff. I didn't reply to anything and I walked back over to David who was sitting signing something for a fan. He looked up at me and could tell something was off.

"What's wrong?" He asked after the fan had walked away.

"I'm just really hot do you wanna head out?" I asked. David just looked at me and nodded and we headed back to the car in silence.

We didn't say much the whole ride back to my hotel. David pulled up in a parking spot and turned to me. "Did something happen?" He asked me.

"You have to know about the picture." I said turning my body to face him as well.

"Yeah. I mean it's not a big deal it'll blow over." He replied. I unlocked my phone and slid it over to him as the notification kept popping up on my screen, follow requests and random DM's.

 "Maybe but it's a lot right now." I said. He looked over a couple of the DM's most of them were harmless but I could see him get uncomfortable when a negative one would pop up on the screen. I was surprised they had found all my social media accounts so quickly.

"I'm sorry." David said handing me back my phone.

"It's not your fault I'm just not used to this. I'm pretty unremarkable so my phone is never this popping." I said joking back.

"No seriously I should of never taken you there I knew it wasn't a good idea. I just wanted to. Last night I felt so free and good to just do what I wanted and not worry about what anyone else would think. It felt so good. And I wanted to do it again but that was way too public." He said staring at his hand. I felt my heart get tight, I had so much fun with David I didn't want whatever weird friendship we had to stop because of this.

"David I barely know you, but there is something about you that just makes me want to be around you and get to know you. I don't care about what other people think. I get it's a big part of your job, so if you want me to keep my distance to help you out I totally understand." I said, know he would agree and that would be the end to this thing that had barely even started.

"I feel the same way about you. Y/N when I said I don't do the having sex with strangers and bringing them home thing I meant that. I don't do that but there is just something about you where I feel like I can be myself." He said looking up at me. "I don't want you to keep your distance. We just can't be too extra about it but I do want to get to know you better." He added, we had slowly been leaning in towards each other and David leaned in more pushing his lips against mine. I kissed him back, I can't describe the feeling that rushed through my veins. He pulled back and smiled at me.

"Do you wanna come up?" I asked, wanting to continue spending time with him.

"I gotta go edit for the vlog tomorrow but I do want to see you, do you wanna come over later, everyone will probably be there you can meet the rest of the gang?" He replied.

I nodded and went to get out of the car, David placed a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in for another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate as his tongue found its way into my mouth. He pulled away and I felt breathless.

"I'll text you." I said trying to make it seem like I wasn't as giddy as a little school girl I said as I smiled back at David and got out of the car.

I couldn't help but do a little dance freak out as I got back to my room. I couldn't believe that David had any interest in me at all, I would never think someone like him would like me. It felt so good. I laid back on my bed as I was facetimed Zane to tell him what happened and have him help me decide how to handle the new found popularity I had.

[lostinshawnsmemory]

Figure You Out: Chapter 1 - Shawn x African OC

A/N: I’ve had the idea for this fic for a while but it wasn’t until @vnv21 mentioned in a post a few months ago that she wanted to see Shawn and an African OC that I knew that I had to write it being African myself. It took a while to get to this point and I wanted to thank everyone who helped.@rulerofnocountry who came up with the name, @bugheadfanatic, @sean-mendezzzzz, @shawnssnack and @justbeingoceana who read through it and threatened to unfriend me if I didn’t write it, as well as @shawnsvalentine, @thotmendes and @shawnase for showing interest in it, and @tisvanessa (tagging her again 😂) for designing the mood board. I hope you enjoy it and feedback is very much appreciated.

PS: Music plays a huge role in the story as well as the writing process. As the fic goes on there are going to be songs used that aren’t very familiar so at the end of each chapter, I’ll link the song(s).

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: The N-word is alluded to in a song title, but it’s censored.

MASTERLIST

Series Masterlsit 

Fic Playlist

“T! Are you ready? We’re going to leave soon and you haven’t had anything to drink yet!” Tolani was still doing her makeup while her new housemates were in the common room pre-drinking. This was their first outing as a house and while she would have preferred to do something else, everyone wanted to go out, so she was putting the final touches on her makeup and spraying her hair with some braid sheen.

She looked in the mirror one final time before heading out of her room. Her gold highlighter paired with the gold shimmer on her lids made her skin glow. The addition of a dark matte lip made her look like an ethereal badass. While she never wore makeup that much, she had to admit that she looked damn good when she put in an effort. 

“T!” she could hear one of her flatmates yell. Her name was Desire, the one person she’d spoken to the most, being the only other black girl in the dorm they’d formed a strong bond and it was nice to have someone that understood her at least a little bit.

‘Okay.’ she thought, ‘I can do this, I can go out there and socialise.’ As she walked down the corridor she could hear music in the kitchen, it sounded like an EDM track. ‘Not my choice of music, but it could be much worse.’ “Oh my gosh! You look stunning !” another one of her housemates named Nicole, exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen. Nicole was one of those girls that you misjudged when you first met her. She seemed obnoxious and stand-offish when they first met but Tolani later found out that Nicole was incredibly sweet. ‘A small girl with a big personality.’ “That outfit is perfect!” She was clearly a little tipsy, as Tolani was only wearing a black tank top, black skinny jeans under a black denim jacket and heeled boots. “We need to get you something to drink! What do you want? We have vodka, beer, tequila, gin and a whole lot of mixers.”

“Um, I-I’m not sure.” Tolani stuttered. While she knew what she liked and liked a drink every now and then, she didn’t want a situation where she found herself in an awkward position, given the fact that she didn’t know these people very well. Being in a dorm with 10 other people she didn’t know wasn’t her idea but that’s what university was all about, new experiences and while she was open to them, she wasn’t as open as everyone else seemed to be.

“I think I’ll just have a coke for now.”

“You sure?”

“Positive” Tolani replied with a tight smile.

Getting drunk after only being here a few days was not at the top of her list but she seemed to be the only one concerned about it. “You know, we don’t know much about you, other than the fact that your name isn’t actually T” Nicole turned to her. ‘Having people butcher my name isn’t fun’, she thought. Tolani hadn’t bothered telling people her full name seeing as Tolani Aderogba didn’t exactly roll off the tongue. All she’d told them was that it was a nickname when they asked her if her name was actually the letter T.

There seemed to be a friendly atmosphere, which was made friendlier by the large amounts of seemingly free-flowing alcohol. They’d moved in only in less than a week but she could already hear people drunkenly professing their love for each other. And while she knew they were all somewhat nervous to be in a confined space with people they didn’t know, she felt out of place. From what she could hear from snippets of conversation most people had grown up in and around Canada, there were people from Quebec, Vancouver and  Toronto and from what she could tell, she was the only international student in her house and that made her feel like an outsider. ‘To be fair not everyone has moved in yet, maybe there will be more people like me.’

30 minutes of small talk and one rowdy uber ride later, they were in line to get into the club “Chin up you look miserable” Desire gently elbowed her in the ribs. “You definitely should have had something to drink.” “Well now I can be the designated sober friend” Tolani joked, Desire was the only person she would consider her friend at that moment. Hopefully, that would change. ‘Maybe I should loosen up and have a little fun.’ Tolani thought as they walked into the bar. ‘I can have something to drink, that doesn’t mean I’ll get drunk and lose control.’

The club wasn’t very crowded but it took a while to find a table large enough for all 6 of them.

Tolani ended up sandwiched between Desire and one of her other housemates Kyle. “So, T” he turned to her when they were seated with their drinks “Tell me about yourself, I feel like I’ve only seen you in passing and I’d like to get to know you.” He said as he shifted closer to hear her over the music. “Oh,” Tolani replied, taking a sip of her drink. Desire has ordered her a Smirnoff ice, not her drink of choice. “To start you off easy” she joked.

“Well as you know my name is T, well not really but that’s what everyone calls me.”

“You’re not Canadian, are you? Where are you from?” He interjected. ‘Wow. He’s enthusiastic.’ She thought

“I’m actually from-”

“Wait let me guess you’re from Africa. I say that cause your accent is different”

At that point, Tolani was prepared to shut down the conversation.

“I am from Africa.” She said with thinly veiled irritation. “But there are 54 countries. I’m actually from-”

“Have you seen a lion before?”

‘Oh for fuck's sake. I’m not drunk enough for this.’ “Before I answer your question, I need another drink.” she turned and looked at Desire hoping my her eyes signalled that she needed to leave. Luckily her friend got the message.

“What was that all about?” Desire shouted in an attempt to talk over the blaring music as they walked towards the bar. “He asked me if I’ve seen a lion.” Tolani scoffed with an eye roll. Desire couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe he’s nervous when he talks to pretty girls.” She winked. “Haha very funny. Either way, it would be nice to have a word in.”

“What would you like?” The bartender asked. “Can I get a double Hennessy and Coke please?” She responded politely.

“Straight for the Henny I see?”

“Well, if I’m going to listen to Kyle ask me if I’ve seen lions I might as well drink something really strong.”

By the time they were seated, Kyle was deep in conversation with Nicole about their childhoods growing up in Mississauga, while Desire was flirting with a guy who had walked up to the table. Feeling a little awkward Tolani started humming, along to the songs the DJ was playing. As soon as he changed songs she couldn’t help but smile and she started absentmindedly rapping along to ‘Good Life by Kanye West, one of her favourite songs. There was something about Kanye West telling you to throw your hands up in the sky that made her feel free.

“And she got the goods

and she got that ass I got to look, sorry.

Yo, it’s got to be, cause I’m seasoned, haters gimme them salty looks, lawrys.

50 told me go ‘head, switch the style up.

And if they hate, let ‘em hate and watch be money pile up.”

One by one, everyone at the table turned to her as she rapped along and vibed to the song flawlessly. Soon enough everyone joined in encouraging her. ‘This is what I needed.’ Tolani thought to herself as she continued singing, getting louder with each line.”I go for mine, I got to shine. Now throw your hands up in the sky.”

When the song ended, Desire leaned close “We’ve got to get you on the dance floor.” Desire chanted in her ear. Usually, Tolani would decline bu the alcohol combined with the excitement had her smiling and turning to Nicole. “Wanna dance?”

“Of course!” She nodded enthusiastically.

The three girls made their way to the dancefloor where the DJ was playing Juice by Lizzo, the definition of a feel-good pop anthem. After that, the DJ played some dancey in EDM tracks and while Tolani would usually roll her eyes at songs like this, she was tipsy enough that she could enjoy them.

Soon she heard the familiar synth beat of a song that made her yell in excitement. Ni**as in Paris was a song that never failed to get her excited, whether she was at home reading a book or in a club, her reaction was always the same. She knew all the lyrics and she made sure her friends knew it.

“She said, “‘Ye, can we get married at the mall?”

I said, “Look, you need to crawl 'fore you ball

Come and meet me in the bathroom stall

And show me why you deserve to have it all!” Everyone at the club was screaming the lyrics and Tolani could have sworn the floor was vibrating with the force of everyone jumping.

By the time the song ended, the 3 girls needed a break. “How about we get drinks.” Tolani proposed. As Nicole turned to answer her face morphed into an expression of shock. Soon after Desire’s face had the same expression. It took her a few seconds to realise that they weren’t looking at her but at something behind her. Before she could turn around she felt someone lightly tap her on the shoulder. Tolani proceeded to turn around and answer the person who had tapped her.

The first thing she noticed was his height. He was incredibly tall, easily 6 foot tall. Even though she wasn’t short at 5 foot 7, he still towered over her. As she tilted her head slightly to look at him the next thing she noticed were his eyes. While she couldn’t tell what colour they were, but even in the dim lighting, they seemed to sparkle. He was smiling down at her, his curls falling onto his face. That face, she could have sworn she’d seen him before but she couldn’t put her finger on it. One thing she couldn’t deny was that he was good looking.

“Hi.” His voice was light and silvery. It had an almost musical quality. She didn’t really think you could find people’s voices attractive but here she was.

“Umm hi there,” Tolani replied cautiously. She didn’t have a lot of experience with guys coming up to her and didn’t really know how to react.

“Feel free to tell me to leave, but what are you drinking? Can I get your next round?”

Before she could consider her answer her friends already answered with a resounding “Yes she does!” in perfect unison. Tolani whirled to look at them. A look of complete bewilderment on her face. She was surprised that her friends were so enthusiastic about this particular guy buying her a drink. She was definitely missing something.

“Umm… yeah, I guess you can?”

“You don’t sound sure. It’s okay if you feel a little uncomfortable. I can go.” he smiled politely.

“No, it’s fine.” She answered. “I just need to talk to my friends real quick.”

“I’ll wait at the bar.”

When she turned around her friends were looking around expectantly. “What?” She asked defensively. “You don’t know who that is, do you?” Nicole asked, a shocked look on her face.

“I’ll admit he looks really familiar but I’m not sure where I’ve seen him before.”

“That’s Shawn Mendes. He’s an incredibly famous singer. How do you not know who that is?”

“It’s probably because he isn’t very popular back home.”

“Oh yeah!” Desire exclaimed. “I forgot that you’re not from here.” While she meant well, phrases like that stung. It’s made her feel less than, like she didn’t belong here. And seeing as she didn’t know Desire and Nicole that well, she wasn’t sure how they really felt about her.

“What are some of his songs?”

“Where do I start?” Nicole rambled excitedly. “In my Blood, There’s Nothing Holding Me Back, Lost in Japan, Stitches-”

“He sang Stitches? I love that song.”

“Yeah him! Now go to the bar and go talk to him.”

SHAWN’S POV

Shawn saw being home from tour as a godsend. While he loved playing sold out arenas around the world, he also loved that he was able to relax and spend time with family and friends and be something that resembled “normal”. Hanging out with friends usually meant going for drinks and this night was no different.

Getting into the club was easy. Being a celebrity had its perks after all. Soon enough they were all seated and had ordered their drinks. When they all got together, it was like they never left. Trading stories about life, tour, girls. Anything and everything.

During a rare lull in the conversation, Shawn found himself scrolling through messages on his phone when his head snapped up as he recognised the song that the DJ was playing.

His love for Kanye was well documented. He’d said multiple times in multiple interviews that he listened to Kanye more than most artists. So hearing one of his favourite songs off his favourite Kanye album elevated his mood further.

He looked up and noticed that he wasn’t the only one enjoying the song. Across the room, he saw a girl rapping along to all the words and while he couldn’t hear her, he could see that she knew all the lyrics and was having a great time.

She had dark skin, the colour of umber and as cliché, as it sounded, she seemed to glow. Her braids moved as she swayed from side to side a huge smile on her face. Everyone around her watching and eventually joining in and soon enough the entire group singing along to the chorus.

As cliché as it sounded, he couldn’t stop watching her either. He wanted to go up to her but decided that it probably wasn’t in their best interest. When he was pictured talking to girls they fell subject to scrutiny from all angles. Mostly from his fans and it could get rough. 

25 minutes later that all changed. Even though he was here to spend time with his friends, his eyes kept wandering to the other side of the club where she was one the dance floor with 2 of her friends. She moved with the ease and comfort of someone who danced frequently, perfectly on beat to every single song regardless of the genre. She clearly loved Kanye as evidenced by the way she way jumping around to Ni**as in Paris. While most people looked drunk and uncoordinated repeating lyrics they shouldn’t be, she looked like she was in her own world, completely lost in the song.

“Shawn… Shawn!” The voice of his best friend Brian drawing him back to the conversation.

“Yup” he answered absentmindedly. “Dude, just go talk to her. You’ve been looking in her direction all night man.”

“Is it that obvious?” he asked sheepishly.

“Yes. Now stop stalling.” And with that, he got up and walked towards her.

By the time he got to her, the song had just ended and she had her back to him. He heard her ask her friends if they wanted to get a drink. He also noticed her friends eyes widen in shock when they noticed that he was standing here, but she was completely oblivious till he tapped her on her shoulder.

He finally managed to get a good look at her when she turned around. The first thing he noticed was her eyes. She had eyes that were clearly very expressive albeit clouded by confusion. He face was framed by black braid that hung down to her waist. While he couldn’t make out more of her facial features he couldn’t help but stare at her lips for a few seconds, he wouldn’t immediately describe someone’s lips as kissable but that was all that came to mind. Her lips were full in a way that could only be natural and they were currently pouted as she looked at him.

“Hi.”

“Umm hi there.” Her voice was husky and he noticed she spoke with a slight accent but he couldn’t place it.

“Feel free to tell me to leave but I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink?” While he wouldn’t have been surprised if she said no, he was hoping she would say yes.

While she looked a little uncertain, her friends were the opposite, answering for her. “Yes, she does!”

“Umm… yeah, I guess you can?”

“You don’t sound sure. It’s okay if you feel a little uncomfortable. I can go.”

“No, it’s fine. I just need to talk to my friends real quick.”

“I’ll wait at the bar.”

As he walked towards the bar, he couldn’t help but smile. It only took a few minutes but she joined him at the bar.

“Hello again.”

“Hi. What would you like?” He asked trying to sound as calm as possible.

”I’d like to say surprise me but I’m not that confident in your ability to choose drinks” she said with a smirk. And that was when he noticed the dimples in her cheeks. “so I’ll go with a Hennessy and Coke please.”

Shawn ordered a Hennessy and coke for her and a reposado for himself. After the bartender placed both drinks in front of them, he took a sip of his and turned to her.

“So you like Kanye?”

“How’d you know?”

“I saw you when you were dancing to Kanye with your friends earlier.”

“Ahh! Well to answer your question, yes I like Kanye.”

The two talked about their favourite Kanye albums. Shawn telling her that his is Graduation. She told him that hers is My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Then the conversation morphed into a debate over which was better, both fiercely defending tier choices with much laughter.

“So I know you like Kanye a lot, but I don’t even know your name.”

“That’s because I haven’t given it to you.” She tilted her head to the side, almost as if she were sizing him up. “My name is T.”

His thoughts stopped dead in their tracks. ‘Her name is Tea? As in T-E-A?’ He thought before it dawned on him ‘No you idiot, she means the letter T.’

“T. As in the letter T?” He asked confusion lacing his words. “Does it stand for something?”

“It does stand for something but I haven’t decided if I’m going to tell you what it means yet.” She said smugly.

“Can I guess?”

“I can guarantee you won’t guess.”

Shawn then began listing every name he could think of that started with T.

“Tiffany”

“Nope”

“Theresa”

“No” she shook her head, braids swaying with the motion.

“Tyra”

“Not even close” she scoffed.

“What about Tiana?”

She chuckled and muttered something under her breath that he couldn’t make out. “I told you, you can’t guess.”

��Will you ever tell me what it stands for?”

“Okay,” she rolled her eyes playfully. “It’s…” she leaned close whispering in his ear “Tolani”

“Tow-lah-ni” he repeated.

She couldn’t keep in the laugh that exploded from her and had her banging on the table. He noticed that her dimples became even more prominent when she laughed. ‘Something to note’ he thought.

“Close enough.”

“It’s a beautiful name but I’m guessing that my pronunciation is off?”

“Way off, but I’ll forgive it. So now you know my name, but I don’t know yours.” She said with a raised eyebrow.

“Something tells me you do.” He replied.

“I do, but I want you to tell me.”

“My name is Shawn.”

“Shawn Mendes.”

“I’m assuming your friends told you?”

“They did. I probably should have known huh?”

“Not necessarily. It’s nice to talk to someone who isn’t completely starstruck even though I don’t mind that.”

“Ah, the pop star that wants to be normal.”

“Something like that.” He shrugged.

The conversation lulled, they both took a sip of their respective drinks.

Before he was able to something she looked behind him and started to leave. “My friends are signalling. I think they’re ready to go.”

“Wait.” He grabbed her arm before she left. “Can I at least get your Instagram or something?”

She hesitated for a second, before asking the bartender for a pen. She scribbled something on the bar napkin and handed it to him. ‘@tolani.a’

“It was really nice to meet you, Shawn.” She said before turning to meet her friends.

Before Shawn left the bar he opened the Instagram app on his phone and searched for her, his thumb hovering over the follow button before tapping it. Then he locked his phone and placed it in his pocket.

[theblackandgold-series]

The Prince and The Boy

Chapter One: Still Tippin

A College AU

Texas Southern University (Houston,Tx)

Ship: Chiron x Erik Stevens

Warning(s): slight slow burn

Chapter 2 Chapter 3

It’s hot as shit. Chiron thinks as he makes his way across campus towards his first and only class of the day. The sun beats down on his neck, making the two minute walk from his car seem much longer.

He shakes his head as the music bumps lowly through his headphones, continuing his commute across campus. Sweats seemed like a bad idea now, but it’s cold in the buildings, so it balances out right? he thought.

Several people smile and wave to him as they pass, and he gives a small smile in return. After two years he’s still not used to people he doesn’t know acknowledging him. Girls coming up for hugs or waving at him, guys dappin him up like they know him, but he’s always polite enough to speak.

The introvert in him is uncomfortable with the attention, making him want to shrink in on himself and blend in with the crowd. He’d accepted the scholarship to TSU for one reason: he loved to run. He could easily do without the rest.

Track is his escape. He puts his heart and soul on the track. He stops thinking and just runs. His body feels free, and he is in his element. It helps that he has a competitive spirit by nature and loves to win.

He walks into the building that houses his Sociology class, the air conditioning immediately cooling him off. As usual he is one of the first students to arrive, taking his seat up front.

He mindlessly scrolls through his phone as his classmates slowly start to trickle in. Out of the corner of his eye he catches a glimpse of a fresh pair of Concord 11’s. His eyes take in  grey joggers, and a fitted gray TSU t-shirt.  Noticing the pecs that show through the shirt, he continues on to the mystery man’s arms. Damn. Arms stacked with muscles that seemed to be hand carved by Michelangelo himself. God had took his time with this man. His eyes finally made it to the man’s face, admiring his nice full lips and deep dimples.

Damn he looks good as hell. Who is he? Chiron thought and just as he began to put his phone down to grab his notes, he hears his voice, still scratchy and deep like he had just rolled out of bed. He stills, intrigued by how intoxicating he sounds. His mind imagines hearing that husky voice first thing in the morning, whispering all kinds of dirty things as he thru- He has to snap himself out of it… Chi... chill out. He says to himself and pulls his book and notes out so he can pay attention.

He gets one more glance at this fine strangers face briefly meeting his eyes, before the professor announces that class has started.

“Erik have a seat please, thank you.”

Erik…. Chi nodded, making a mental note to remember that name.

“My bad teach.” A smirk graces Erik’s face as he heads towards an empty seat in the back.

Today’s lecture focused on the damages of toxic masculinity which had Chiron intrigued but he wasn’t one to participate. Class went on as usual. Chi payed attention as various students talked, though none of them said much, causing him to tune most of the lecture out. It wasn’t until he heard that same intoxicating voice that he turned around, and he wasn’t the only one. he entire class had turned their eyes to him. His voice carried towards the front of the room, nothing but confidence exuding from him as he spoke.

“In this society, we as black men are condemned for showing our feelings, let alone admitting that our feelings exist. Our white counterparts demonize and denounce our humanity.”

The whole room went silent and Chiron nods. He agreed with Erik one hundred percent and was glad someone said it. The ignorant white man that he was arguing with however, was not. He was obviously heated, getting flustered as he responded. Erik laid back in his chair obviously amused, drinking his coconut water and slightly shaking his head. All eyes focused on him as the white man’s voice continued to elevate, his facing turning beet red. Erik waited patiently for him to finish, smirking the whole time.

“You’re singling out black men in this argument as though you're the only ones who experience toxic masculinity.”

“Nah that ain’t what I said at all bruh but go off I guess.” Erik says taking a bite of his waffle, “Might wanna calm down though yo face getting a little red”

“That’s what it sounds like to me. I was also taught that crying isn’t manly. It’s not exclusive to just the black community.”

“You’re absolutely right it’s not. However what is exclusive to the black community is the issues we have in addition to society’s skewed views of masculinity and how it pertains to black men. That aspect of it is special in my community due to the hundreds of years of mental, physical, and psychological hardships that you as a white man cannot and will not ever understand. So when I said what I said, I was speaking from my own experience because that’s the only one I know.”

“So I can’t speak from my experience? Our experiences can’t possibly relate?”

“Yeah you can speak your truth, just know that your truth can never compare to mine. And they won’t ever ever relate. That’s facts.”

A lone “Preach, my nigga!” was heard before the classroom was quiet. Most of the students  looking at Erik with respect and admiration while a few saltine crackers had a look of disdain. One thing was for certain, everyone’s eyes were on him and they all were listening. Especially Chiron.

He’s fine and woke? Too good to be true. Chiron thought as he gazed at Erik.

He continued to study Erik as the professor jumped in before the conversation could continue to escalate, the ignorant white student walking out once he realized he couldn’t win.

Professor Henderson brought everyone back and brought up the next assignment for class. A paper due in two weeks. Groans were heard all through class. Chi actually didn’t mind writing papers, he just hoped he had enough time to write between track and work.

“Class is dismissed, I will see you all next week. Have a good day.”

As everyone rose from their seats, Chiron couldn’t help but sneak another look at Erik. Before he could look any longer his phone dinged with a text about practice. In the time that he looked down to answer it, Erik had slipped out the back entrance, leaving Chiron disappointed when he looked up and noticed he was gone.

He sighed, playing his music again and walked out of class. Thinking about Erik as he made his way back to his apartment. He’d gone to the same class for the past two months and not once had he noticed the tall dreaded man. Now that he had, he was sure he’d never be able to forget him. Those dreads, that smile, his dimples, those wide shoulders, fuck, his eyes. Everything about him was captivating, everything about him left Chi wanting to know more. He shook his head as he tried to rid himself of these thoughts. Now was not the time.

Chiron was breathing hard as he rounded the edge of the track. His chest rising and falling as he made his way to get his bottle of water. One hand on his hip he clenches his eyes shut as he tries to rid himself of the image currently ingrained in his mind. All he could think about was Erik. He’d dropped his baton twice during practice. His head was definitely not on the track. Instead it was with Erik and those goddamn dimples. The way his voice sounded when he responded to that cracker, how confident he was, his voice unwavering as he spoke. He didn’t have to get angry, he believed in what he said so much that, he made everyone believe in him too. The power behind his eyes, it was clear he got whatever he wanted. What if he wanted me? Chiron thought. He’s taken out of this thought when one of his friends comes up to him.

“Aye Chi, what’s up with you today?”

“Nothin man.”

“Really? Cause you been actin’ real weird.”

Chiron shook his head, “Nah, I’m just a little out of it today. I’m good, though. Promise.” He takes another gulp of water.

“Alright man, if you say so. You going to the game?”  

“I don’t know, man.”

“It’s the homecoming game. You can’t miss it.”

Chi wasn’t trying to hear it. He needed to catch up on some work and sleep.

“Besides,” his friend continued, “You know Kayla gonna be there.”

Chi wrinkles his nose. “Kayla? What she gotta do with me going to homecoming?”

His friend sucked his teeth, “You know damn well she feelin you.”

“Nah, man. We just friends.”

“You tell her that?”

“Didn’t think I needed to.”

“What’s wrong with her? She fine as fuck. You not tryna hit that?”

Chi rolled his eyes and sighed. “Then why don’t you get at her?” He puts down his water bottle and starts packing his bag. “Look man, I’ll be there aite?” Chi holds out his hand towards Bryson.

“Aite nigga, see you later.”

Chi, makes his way to his car. He wasn’t interested in Kayla. She was cute, but she just wasn’t his type. His mind swirled with thoughts of the person who actually held his interest.

The October air bites at Chiron as he sits on the bleachers. He should have worn more than a sweatshirt and sweats to this game. He didn’t have much time to get ready though and he really didn’t even want to be there so he hadn’t given it a second thought when he pulled the TSU gear over his head. He’d walked into the stadium right as the fourth quarter started. This is so stupid. He thought. Why am I here?

His reason showed up in the form of a 6’3 Adonis. His breath was stolen from him when he saw Erik in his uniform, the number 12 etched across his back. Subconsciously he gripped at his thighs, doing anything he could to contain himself. Erik looked so damn good. How could a nigga he’s never said a word to have so much control over his body and mind?

Suddenly, he could see Erik above him, thrusting into him as his hands scratch down that broad back. He can feel the pressure of Erik’s body on top of his, the way he would give Chi everything he needed, and Chi would gladly take it all.

“Chi! Yo Chi!” Chiron is once again taken out of his thoughts. His head snaps in Bryson’s direction, his lips pursed. This is the second time his daydreaming has been ruined by this nigga. Can’t he just leave him alone?

“What’s up man?” They nod at each other, Chi still distracted. Bryson notices him clutching at his thighs. “Yo, you good nigga? What’s up with you today?”

Clenching his jaw, Chi shakes his head. “I already told you, I’m good nigga.”

Bryson held his hand up in surrender, “My bad, nigga. I was just making sure you aight, shit.”

Before Chiron can respond to Bryson, the crowd around him erupts into cheers.

“GO STEVENS!”

“RUN! RUN!”

Chiron looks toward midfield and sees Erik bobbing and weaving through his defenders. Damn he’s fast Chiron notes.

“He’s at the 30! The 25! The 20! He’s going all the way folks! TOUCHDOWN TIGERS!!!”

Chiron finds himself cheering with the rest of the crowd, but his eyes stay on the receiver. He watches as Erik runs over to the sideline, celebrating with his teammates as special teams set up for the extra point. He watches as Erik removes his helmet , dreads falling perfectly over those beautiful eyes. Chiron is frozen, staring at the deep dimples that accent his gorgeous smile.

That smile doesn’t go away as Erik’s attention is pulled away by his coach. Chiron watches as Erik bends over to hear whatever his coach is saying. He takes this opportunity to admire Erik’s blessed backside. He can imagine gripping that ass as the hips it was attached to thrust into— Dammit, Chi. You doin it again.

Chi was so caught up in his thoughts of what he would do if he was alone with that masterpiece of a man that he didn’t notice when the huddle broke. Now the ass that he was looking at was replaced by a crotch. His eyes made their way upwards until they connected with another pair of chocolate eyes.

He was met with a smirk and a raised eyebrow causing his face to heat, for the life of him he couldn’t look away. He sees Erik’s shoulders jump with what he assumes is laughter, before turning his attention back to the game.

Chiron continues to watch Erik as the final seconds wind down on the clock. His eyes glance at the illuminated scoreboard and smiles at the score. The game ends with a score of 24-14. Before making his way up the bleachers, Chi found himself seeking out Erik once more, hoping to get another look at him. His prayers were answered when he caught the very man he was looking for already staring at him. Erik gave Chi what must be his signature smirk before he is swept up in celebration by his team. Once he loses sight of Erik he decides it’s time to head home.

On his drive back to his apartment flashes of Erik pop into his mind. The way he talked that morning, the look he gave him at the game. He had an effect on Chi that he hadn’t experienced since his last failed relationship. It was overwhelming. He didn’t know what to do with himself, but he knew he had to make something happen.

tag: @wakandas-vibranium @bartierbakarimobisson @randomwordprompts @storibambino @theultimateblacknerdwithglasses @stressedgyal  @great-neckpectations @wakandan-flowerz @blackgirloneshots @panthergoddessbast @maya-leche @texasbama @killmongerdispussy @yaachtynoboat711 @hearteyes-for-killmonger

[layla256]

Key to Her Heart Chapter 3/52: Wants and Needs

A/N: Chapter 3! I was actually really excited to write this episode because I wanted to talk more about the different characters besides just Spike and Buffy, who were pretty much the main focuses of the last two chapters.

For reference, in the universe, Giles never becomes a Watcher because of his dark past. Instead he continues to study magicks while assisting the Council on a consulting basis only. We also get to see a bit more of SoleSlayer!Faith in this one.

I know a lot of people really like Faith, and I know she gets redeemed in season 7 and some in Angel, but funny story . . .

So I got to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer on rented DVDs from Hollywood Rentals, and yes, I type this knowing I’ve dated myself in the process. We didn’t have any kind of streaming subscription because my mom was scared of entering her card number on the internet, and the episodes only aired while I had dance class, so I only had access to the first four seasons of Buffy for years, and none of the seasons of Angel. Meaning that, from middle school until college, I never saw any indication of a redemption for Faith.

Now that I have seen everything, I don’t hate her nearly as much, but she still sets off a lot of red flags for me as a character, and I know I’ll never really get over those several years of thinking of her as the girl who took over Buffy’s body and slept with Riley using it. Then again, after watching seasons 6 and 7, I just generally don’t like anyone past season 5. They kind of become assholes.

The prompt this time was:

“You really think this is a smart idea?”

“Nope.”

“Good. I’d be concerned if you did.”

And that, to me, just reeked of the Angel-Plan. I should be posting the fourth chapter tomorrow at the latest!

. . .

Giles was totally wigging, and Buffy was worried. It’s not that Giles never wigs. He’s in a constant state of wigging, but there was something different about this panic-fest.

And Buffy wasn’t just saying that because he went to Faith instead of her. Either way, that seemed like a problem/conversation for after Giles was being hunted by the demon of the week.

“Look, B,” Faith said, brushing off Willow and Buffy’s concern with a wave of her fingers, “We’ve got this, all right? We’ve got a whole plan and everything. Once we get the big bad demon out of Ms. Calendar, it’ll jump to Angel who can fight it off with his own demon. Then it’ll be dead, your would-be watcher can play his Get Out of Hell Free card, and everything’s five by five.”

For a solid ten seconds, Buffy considered bashing Faith’s head in with a four by four. It probably wouldn’t stick (Slayer healing and all), but it would certainly make her feel better about the situation overall.

“And Angel’s sure he can fight Eyghon off?” Xander questioned, raising a disbelieving brow. “Doesn’t he have a big ‘I can’t fight my demon without curse-y help’ problem?”

This was apparently the worst thing Xander could have said because Faith was immediately in his face. “Angel’s more man than you can manage to be Harris,” she growled. “Way more. So just shut your breakable face and stay out of our way.”

“Not gonna happen,” Buffy declared, drawing their attention to her. “If it was just Rayne, I’d say go ahead, but it’s not. If Giles is involved, we’re all involved.” Stepping between the Slayer and her best friend, Buffy made sure her voice was firm and clear, almost mimicking her mother when she threatened a grounding. “There’s no version of this where we don’t get involved. Got it?”

Faith looked like she wanted to argue, but Amy cut her off. “Let them tag along Faith,” she sneered, looking down at Willow and Buffy over her nose. “See how actually protecting the Hellmouth looks for once.”

Big talk for a girl who got possessed by her own mother the year before, but Buffy wasn’t enough of a bitch to throw that in the other girl’s face. Just barely.

“They don’t need to,” Jesse complained, glaring daggers at Buffy. She held back a scoff. Frankly, she much preferred him glaring daggers than staring at her tits.

“I don’t care what you think,” Buffy growled. “That ‘would-be-watcher’ is our friend, and we’re not turning our backs on him and just hoping you three aren’t gonna toss him to the wolves to save your own asses.”

Faith scowled at Buffy, chest puffing up in aggressive arrogance. “Fine. Just remember this: your ‘friend’ got himself into this mess, and he came to me to get out of it.”

“Only because he didn’t want us in danger!” Willow protested, looking just as annoyed as Buffy felt, but Buffy put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. They needed each other.

In the end, everyone agreed to run home, lie to Mommy and Daddy, and make it back to the library for the main event.

Except Buffy didn’t go home.

. . .

 “Have you lost your bloody mind you stupid bint?” Spike growled, prowling carefully in the shadows of the refinery with a furious look on his face. “This close to fucking sunset an’ you walk to a demon nest like you own the bloody place!”

“Giles is in danger,” Buffy said quickly, pulling Spike out of his wrath. “Some Emo-thingie demon is chasing him and they’re main plan hinges on Angel beating it.”

Spike stood for a moment, blinked twice, and sighed heavily. Something he seemed to be doing often in Buffy’s presence. He held no malice for her pseudo-Watcher, but he was getting a little tired of this white hat that kept getting dropped on his head.

Still, it seemed the man cared for Buffy at least.

. . .

 Spike had been enjoying luring some idiot blonde named . . . Melody? Something like that. Name didn’t matter, just that she was stupid and full of delicious human blood. Suddenly though, his meal was out of his arms and a crossbow was pointed at his chest.

He looked up, expected the Slayer or one of her annoying little shit friends, but instead looked at the face of a furious Would-Be-Watcher. Rupert Giles looked like a bloody demon hunter the way he was decked out, not a hint of tweed in sight. Yes, he looked every bit the man willing to fight his own battles.

Odd for a Watcher.

“What the fuck are you planning with Buffy?” Watcher growled, tightening his grip on the crossbow.

Spike was honestly surprised. From his own experience with Watchers, he assumed that they weren’t even allowed to know a curse any worse than damn. More and more, this man was moving up in Spike’s esteem.

It didn’t mean Spike wasn’t going to kill him, but he’d at least do it in a respectful way.

“Ain’t got a problem with the girl Watcher,” Spike finally said, putting his hands in the air. “She an’ Red are fine by me. Know better than to piss off a couple of witches.”

Watcher obviously wasn’t buying it. “Ah, yes. That would be why you murdered the entire Frat house they partied at last night then. Angry you missed your intended dinner perhaps?”

Now that was a line crossed. Spike moved faster than the other man could see, knocking the crossbow out of his hands before slamming him into the nearby brick wall.

“Now you listen ‘ere,” Spike snarled, face deformed into his usual demonic visage. “Now, I like me a good slaughter. Screams every which way, blood soakin’ the soil. Get’s me all touch-y feel-y with the Brit deep down in me.” His mocking smirk turned into a frown, “But I don’ touch girls like that. Any bint comes to my bed comes willin’ or not at all. That’d be your boy Angelus’s schtick.”

The Watcher’s face, now red from a lack of air as opposed to anger twisted in disgust. “Not . . . my . . .” He didn’t finish, but he didn’t have to; the point was made clear enough.

“Ah, you don’ like the lad either then. Good, then you’ll understand.” He lessened his grip. The human wouldn’t be able to escape, but he’d at least be able to breathe. “I don’ do the ‘rape’ bit Angelus was so keen on back in the days. Don’t let my boys do it either. They know better.” He looked down, focusing on the water puddles at his feet. “Those bastards at the Frat should ‘ave as well.”

Suddenly, he released the Watcher, pacing in front of his gasping form. Spike’s hands clenched and unclenched while his fangs pricked at his lips. His demon howled angrily, demanding blood and retribution. More than had already been taken.

“Buffy an’ Red, they’re good chits, yea?” he asked, turning to stare at a shocked Giles. “Genuine good ones. Ya don’ see that shit often. Girls that strong or kind. Showed some kindness to a soulless shit like me. An’ what’d they get for it? Bunch of arrogant fuckin’ shits slippin’ ‘em roofies and—and—”

Spike couldn’t finish. Much like Buffy the night before, he couldn’t seem to get the words out of his mouth, seeming to find them caught behind his fangs. He kicked at the wall opposite the Watcher, watching the bricks breaking under the force.

It didn’t make him feel better.

Not like their blood had.

“They—” it seemed Giles couldn’t handle it either, staring at his knees in disbelief as he knelt on the filthy ground of the alley. “Those repugnant little cunts,” he finally ground out, knuckles white as he gripped his hands tight. “I’ll—”

“Whatever you wanna do Watcher, I promise I did it already,” Spike said, face fading back to his human image as he came back to himself, shoulder slumped and heart still heavy. “Every damn thing I could think of.”

Giles nodded, standing up and brushing his knees as that good, old British upper lip kicked in. “I’d best check on them then,” he said. Though his stance and face were neutral, the shaking in his voice belayed his true emotions. It seemed the git genuinely cared for the girls, unlike the actual Watchers of Spike’s past.

The two began walking away, Spike not feeling like a meal after having his stomach turn the way it did. “Thank you.”

The words stopped him. Spike turned around, shock on his face as he stared at the still neutral Watcher. “Wha?” he said, not understanding.

“I said ‘Thank you,’” Giles repeated, picking up his crossbow, but not pointing it at Spike. “You defended my . . . charges when I could not. I may not approve of your methods, but . . .” the words were left hanging in the air.

Watcher may not approve, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t grateful in the end.

 …

“How’s Peaches ‘sposed to help you lot then?” Spike asked, taking out a fag to pull on so Buffy couldn’t see his worried face. “He’s killed plenty o’ demons ‘fore. Sure even a poofter like him’ll be alright in the end.”

Buffy shook her head, not looking convinced. “Faith and her merry band of muck ups think it’ll be a great idea to have him get possessed by the demon and fight it back with his demon. You know, like a shitty WWE match that no one wants to see.”

Spike almost choked on the puff of smoke he pulled in, saved only by the fact that he didn’t need to breathe in the first place. “You really think this is a smart idea?”

“Nope.”

“Good. I’d be concerned if you did.” He threw his finished fag into a puddle nearby, biting the inside of his lip in thought. She was right to be concerned. Angelus couldn’t control his own demon, let alone another. Either he’d keep his own demon too far at bay and lose to the interloper, or he’d let it loose far too much, and Spike doubted that good ol’ Angelus was all there after a hundred years trapped with a soul.

“I’ll let them try, though,” Buffy admitted, folding her arms over her chest. “Faith is the actual Slayer. Even if she doesn’t act like it half the time.”

Spike snorted. The Slayer acted it often enough to get on his last bloody nerve.

“But I want you there, in case something goes wrong.”

He stopped and stared at her for a moment. Want. It was an odd word to focus on, one he rarely heard in reference to himself. Drusilla had needed him. Needed her Dark Prince to shield her from all the dark monsters that prowled their world, but she had never wanted him. No, she only wanted her precious Daddy. Anything she said differently, he knew, was either a momentary delusion or an attempt to placate him.

Buffy though—Buffy meant it.

“I’ll be there.”

 …

 Spike was almost disappointed to see his Grand-Sire manage his feat, pouting at the thought of a lost fight. Still, he figured this was for the best. Watcher was safe and sound, Buffy had been appeased by his mere presence, and the Slayerettes had no idea about Buffy’s “special friend”, meaning they wouldn’t be giving her any kind of hell.

Catching her eye as she carried a harried Watcher between herself and the Whelp, he gave her his signature smirk before sinking into the shadows, glad to see her smile in return before he disappeared from sight.

She hadn’t needed him tonight, and, deep down, he was sure both of them knew that when they’d come up with their little “Plan B”.

But she had wanted him there, and that was the important part.

...

The part about want vs need was added in completely last minute, but I loved it so I kept it. I recently had a talk with a friend about relationships and how some people prefer to be wanted over needed and vice versa and how that can say a lot about a person. 

Spike always seemed, to me, like the kind of person who would prefer to be wanted. In my headcanons, going to those awful parties was a requirement for both him and the hosts out of polite obligation. No one but his mother ever really wanted him around, meaning she was the only one who ever gave him positive affection. As a result, I think he spends the rest of his life and unlife chasing that dragon; wanting to  be wanted.

[violettemcon]

Circle’s end :: Jearmin College AU

SUMMARY:  Armin’s a welfare kid with a sordid past. Jean’s a prep school graduate living in the cushy upper middle class. Scholarships and the simple Privilege of the Rich grant them entry into the renowned Trost State University, and by the begrudging grace of Eren Jaeger, these two end up as roommates.

Author: azxrae 

Rating: mature 

Pairings: Jean/Armin + other side ships 

Chapters:6/28

Warnings: read tags on ao3

Read here

check out the first chapter below:

FRIDAY, JUNE 9TH: 3:19PM

Eren Jaeger peered at his best friend. Across from him, a rather distracted blonde was all but inhaling his steak burrito bowl. Delicate features wrought into what was presumed as bliss.

“How is it?” he asked with a grin.

“Mm—” Armin Arlert caught himself when he swallowed, a hand rising to cover his mouth while eyes widened in embarrassment.

“S’good.”

“Just good?” Eren chuckled tauntingly and dropped his own burrito into its basket.

The two had come to Chipotle straight after Eren and his mom picked Armin up from the train station. The blonde asked to eat there out of curiosity; they didn’t have Chipotle in Shiganshina, and he knew it was both Eren and Mikasa’s favorite place to eat. Armin wanted to experience the hype for himself.

That, and he was super hungry; he’d only had a bag of Doritos before the six-hour train ride into the city.  

“I’ve never brought anyone here who wasn’t in love,” Eren said matter-of-factly, “It’s like a rite of passage, ‘MIn. You come to Trost, you gotta eat Chipotle at least once.”

Armin fixed the brunet boy with a smile. “It’s yummy. Definitely some quality Mexican cuisine.”

Speaking with Eren face to face was certainly surreal but in the best way. It was nice not having to rely on a Skype call to get his attention for once. And those letters were always a hassle to keep exchanging. Of course, packed away in one of his moving boxes was a New Balance shoebox filled to the brim with each one he’d received from Eren, as well as Mikasa. Keeping the letters was mostly for sentimental value though; reading them over would’ve undoubtedly sent Armin right into depression.

He pushed his fork through his burrito bowl, trying to even-out the lettuce piled at the top.

“Hey, Eren?”

“Mm?”

Eren paused mid-chew. Beneath the table, the blonde poked Eren’s calf with the tip of his shoe.

“I really missed you… that’s all.”

The green-eyed boy’s gaze had softened. Clearly, he’d not expected Armin to get all emotional on him. But it was well-received – or at least it appeared that way by Eren’s smile growing and him poking right back under the table. 

“Aww, come on. You know I missed you too, ‘Min.” He reached across the table to give his hand a squeeze.

Armin was happy, but his bliss wasn’t what it could be, not when he had yet to reunite with the third of their trio. Mikasa was currently attending a dance camp another town over and wouldn’t be back until the end of the month. It was, to say the very least, unfortunate. Armin’s impatience to see her was becoming a nagging ache.

“I just wish Mikasa could be here…” The blonde puffed his cheeks out. “Feels incomplete without her, doesn’t it?”

Eren agreed with a nod. He tapped his phone’s screen and peeked down at the date. “But hey, only sixteen more days. And then ErenMikArmin will be back at it again.”

It was visibly difficult for Armin to keep his laughter in. Evidentially, Eren was still holding onto that ridiculous nickname he’d created for them in middle school. The blonde shook his head and rested his cheek on his palm, grinning.

“You’re the only one who calls us that for a reason, you dork.”

Eren’s lips turned into a grin of his own. He’d started to retort to Armin’s comment, but a call to his left promptly claimed his attention.

 “Yo! You on a date, Jaeger?”

Armin blinked at the unfamiliar voice. He looked over and up, meeting the questioning stare of a pair hazel-brown eyes – that belonged to a rather attractive boy if he should say so himself. This mystery boy had a smirk wiped over his lips, one that seemed to rouse irritation in Eren because he hopped from the stool the instant he noticed his presence.

The unnamed youth stood only an inch or two taller than Eren. He had dusty brown hair and a long face that one might compare to a horse if they were fishing for insults. But Armin thought he was handsome. Really handsome. He was clad in a pair of Adidas shorts and a muscle tee of the same brand. ‘Did he just come from working out?’ His limbs were thin, muscled and hung lean against his lanky build. Everything about his appearance was long.

“Fuck off, Jean. No.” Eren growled at the other male. “Did you forget my best friend was moving here in June? This is Armin.” He gestured to Armin with his hands.

This “Jean” character raised those perfectly-arched eyebrows – one of which had a barbell pierced into it – and tilted his head. “Oh yeah, Armin! That friend you and Mikasa talk about nonstop.”

There were faint hints of what was presumed as a French accent in Jean’s speech pattern, which was interesting.

Eren rolled his eyes. “He’s right here, dumbass.”  

Armin dabbed the corner of his lips with his napkin. He swung his stool around to face Jean and held out a small hand.

“Hello…. Jean, is it?” He smiled, hoping he wouldn’t notice just how shy he felt. “I’m Armin.”

The grin Jean wore broadened as he grasped Armin’s hand. Armin expected a callous feel but was instead greeted with soft, smooth skin. He noted the designer clothing he was wearing and suppressed a snort. ‘I bet he’s never worked a day in his life.’

“That’s me. Sorry, I was kinda rude, but it’s nice to finally meet you, Armin.”

Armin didn’t understand why he was suddenly so enamored by a complete stranger, but he was, and as he sipped his Cherry Coke, the boy felt his smile growing.

“You too.” He drummed his fingers on the side of his cup. “So, um, I’m amusing you’re French?”

Jean nodded. “Oui. Je m’appelle Jean Kirschstein,” he said it with a smirk, “My grandfather on my dad’s side is German, though. S’where the last name came from.”

“I highly doubt he cares about your lineage, Horse Face.” Eren clapped a protective hand on Armin’s shoulder, and the blonde playfully stuck his tongue out while biting back a giggle at the nickname.

“That’s for me to decide,” Armin said, “And I decide I care.”

Jean’s expression was triumphant as he peered at Eren. “As you should. Eren mentioned you’re staying here permanently, right? That means we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

Armin brought his drink up for a sip. He tried to put Eren’s scowl to the back of his mind, but it was difficult. The curiosity surrounding why he seemed to so intensely dislike him was there. But, knowing Eren, and with the bit of information he’d gathered about Jean, he couldn’t help but think it was something stupid.

“Maybe...” He cleared his throat and spoke up, “Maybe a lot more if... Well, are you going to be at Trost U in the fall?"  Jean had done well at making him feel comfortable enough to be more social. It was similar to the buzz a person got after having a drink at a party full of strangers.

“Ay, just so happens I am!” The words left him enthusiastically. 

“Really?” Amin lifted his head. “What’s your major?”

“Studio art. Yours?”

“Astrophysics.”

Jean whistled, clearly impressed. “Astro—? So, like, you wanna be an astronaut or what?”

“Um, no…” Armin shook his head, the corners of his mouth rising into a small grin. “I’d really like to just… study the cosmos and, in a perfect world, write books for NASA.”

The taller male was blatantly awestruck. “Cosmos? Sorry, I pretty much slept through astronomy in tenth grade.” He let out a sheepish chuckle. Armin didn’t understand how anyone could sleep through a science course (or any course, for that matter), but he didn’t speak on it. It would undoubtedly make him sound like a nerd. And, for some reason, he wanted to leave the best impression possible on Jean Kirschstein.

“It’s the universe, you idiot.” Eren returned to his seat and took another bite into his burrito.

“Eren, not everyone knows scientific terms...” Armin sighed.

“Yeah, Eren.” Jean punctuated the second syllable of his name. “No need to be a condescending ass.” When he looked back to Armin, his expression softened notably. “Armin, I’d love to talk to you about space one day. Though, it’d mostly be an info session since I don’t know much aside from the name of the planets.”

“Careful, Jean,” Eren warned, chuckling as he looked straight at Armin, “Armin might just take you up on that and talk your ear off. I know from experience.”

“Oh, hush.” Armin kicked the brunet’s shin under the table. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know a whole lot more about what goes on outside of our galaxy because of me.”

Eren didn’t even pretend the impact of Armin’s shoe hurt him. “You’re just proving my point, ‘Min. Once you get started about space, there’s no stopping you.”

“I don’t think I’d mind.” Jean leaned against the wall and crossed his foot over his ankle. “Yo, Eren, you bringin’ him to Karaoke Night?”

Armin’s attention piqued. He looked between the two boys questioningly.

“…Karaoke Night?”

“Yeah. Next Saturday. Our friends rented out a room at this sick karaoke bar downtown,” Jean informed him, “It’s a noraebang. A Korean karaoke joint. You should come since you’re gonna be going to uni with us. A friend of Eren and Mikasa’s is definitely a friend of ours.”

A sense of warmth settled in Armin’s chest at his words. Friends. He’d never really had many of those. Only Eren and Mikasa, and when they moved away Armin was, for the most part, alone. Sure he had his school peers, but he wouldn’t consider them actual friends. When it came down to it Armin spent a great deal of those years on his own. He never complained though. He always had his books and his grandpa, and that had been enough to sustain him.

Until now, at least.

“I’ll bring him.” Eren’s words brought Armin back. “Just so happens Armin's got an amazing singing voice.” The tanned boy shot his friend a smile, to which Armin blushed.

“Hey... don’t exaggerate."

Jean took a step forward when the line moved, but remained a close enough distance where he could keep his voice at a leveled volume.

“It’s a damn shame Mikasa’s still in Yalkell.”

“Dude.” Eren rolled his eyes at Jean for the second time that afternoon. “Let go of that crush already. As her brother, I can tell you she’s not interested.”

‘Crush?’ Armin’s eyes widened slightly, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit… well, actually, he didn’t know what he was feeling. He knew it wasn’t difficult to develop a crush on Mikasa, considering her appearance, and the fact that she was well…. Mikasa. Armin poked his tongue to his inner cheek.

‘I wonder… does that mean Jean’s interested in women? Exclusively?’

“Shut up, Jaeger,” Jean growled at him, “You know I left that shit behind ages ago. I was just saying, ‘cause she’ll miss Karaoke Night and it’s Squad tradition.”

“You guys… are in a squad?” Armin cocked an eyebrow in faint amusement.

“Yep.” Jean seemed proud to bestow this knowledge on him. “Consists of me, my best friend, his girlfriend, Eren, Mikasa and this little blond girl that looks freakishly like your female doppelganger.”

Eren nodded with a chuckle and surveyed Armin’s appearance. “Kris does look a lot like you, Armin. It’s actually weird.”

Armin took the final sips of his cola, huffing softly when he realized it was empty. He decided to focus on eating for the moment. He didn’t want his food to get cold. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jean push himself from the wall.

“Can I… ask where you’re staying, Armin? It’s kinda important.”

‘Why would my living arrangements be important to him?’ Both confused and curious, Armin licked away some lettuce from the corner of his mouth.

“Um…well, currently, I’m staying with Eren. But it’s temporary. I’d like to start renting a place in the student-housing district pretty soon,” Armin informed in his soft voice, waiting for Jean to elaborate on why he’d asked.

“Oh yeah?” The handsome boy inclined closer, interested. “That’s awesome news, because—”

“No.” Eren’s head whipped around instantly. “Don’t even suggest it.” He sent Jean a sub-zero glare, just as Armin’s brows raised in curiosity.

“Suggest what?” He blinked.

Jean crossed his arms and his lips fell into a smirk. The Apple smartwatch on his wrist lit up but he ignored it in favor of speaking to the boys before him.

“My best friend and I have been searching for a roommate.” His eyes were on Eren as he spoke. “We’ve got a pretty nice spread, and the rent’s hella cheap ‘cause it’s near campus.”

Armin could feel Eren’s hands grab his own, and he heard the growl he emitted, but he couldn’t help but consider it. It would be ideal to live with the Jaegers, but Armin was too prideful to lean on them any more than he already had. Being self-sufficient was more important to him than anything else. He would not allow himself to be a burden. 

“Wow, I’ll admit that sounds—”

“It sounds awful,” Eren cut in. “You’re not… really considering it, are you?” He looked to the blonde with pleading eyes.

Armin groaned, but he wouldn’t deny he looked horrendously adorable pouting at him like that.

“Eren…” He spoke sternly, but was sure to disarm him by taking larger hands in his own. “This is exactly what I’ve been looking for, and you know it. All that work I put in last year wasn’t for nothing. I’ve already saved up enough for a few months’ rent and I have a job. It’d be a good idea to put my finances towards something productive.” It had always pleased him to speak of things he knew would ultimately progress him in life.

Jean whistled again. “Sounds like you’ve got it made, Armin.” A taupe gaze shifted to Eren then. “I think he should at least come look at the place. It wouldn’t hurt.”

Truthfully, Armin was considering doing so whether Eren approved or not. His opinion mattered of course, but the boy was fully capable of making decisions for himself. As Jean had said, exploring his options couldn’t hurt.

“Jean, tell me more about the apartment, please.” Expectant eyes lifted to the taller male. 

Jean beamed, though he did seem hesitant when he stole another glance to his smartwatch. “How about you give me your number instead?”

The suggestion was unapologetically bold. Armin was stunned. He saw Eren grimacing out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean so I can text you and give you the details,” he elaborated, a sigh escaping after he said it. “I don’t think I can chat much longer, as much as I’d like to. Connie – that’s my best friend and your maybe-future-roommate too – very explicitly said he wants burrito waiting for him when he gets off work. He’s been texting me nonstop to make sure I don’t forget.” Jean looked up at the ceiling for a short while and then flicked his eyes back to Armin. 

“It’s weird, but for some reason, I’ve got a good feeling about you, Armin,” He said, smiling faintly, “We could FaceTime. And maybe I could give you a virtual tour?” Jean looked hopeful. Strangely, Armin found it to be kind of cute. He sunk his teeth into his lip and decided to focus instead on what his new acquaintance had said. A proposal for a new apartment on his first day in Trost. What were the odds? Honestly, it seemed a bit too good to be true, and Armin had always been rather pessimistic, (according to Eren at least – he’d just called it realism), but he supposed, for now, he’d go along with it. He could see no better choice but to do so, anyway.

Wordlessly nodding, he watched Jean retrieve his iPhone, unlocking the screen with his thumb. Armin quickly did the same and they exchanged mobiles.

“I can’t believe this,” Eren was saying as Armin’s phone chirped with a new text just an instant later. “You do realize he’s a fucking douche, don’t you?”

Armin huffed and looked down at the message. He punched in his contact as “Jean”, deciding he’d personalize it with an emoji when he got to know him a little better.

The taller boy seemed exasperated by Eren’s so very apparent repulsion at their exchange. Armin pocketed his phone and pushed his food across the table, walking around to sit next to him. He rubbed his arm gently.g

“I should probably go.” Jean stared at Eren momentarily, then he shot Armin another, smaller smile. “Nice meeting you Armin.” He began to walk backward towards the line, which had grown significantly shorter. “See y’all around.”

Eren waved his hand, and Armin returned the smile with an even brighter one.

“Bye Jean!”

Jean waved back before jogging off to order his food. When the smaller male turned back, Eren was staring at him with this smug, knowing look in his eyes.

“…What?”

“I saw that, Armin.”

Armin was confused. “Saw what?”

Eren reached behind him and held his nape, drawing him in so their foreheads were nearly touching. “You were giving that bastard googly eyes the entire fucking time.” He spoke in a low murmur.

“W-What?!” Armin practically squeaked and jerked backward, then remembered where they were and settled for a fierce whisper. “I was not!”

“You so were.” Eren’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You like him? Is that why you wanna room with him?”

Armin pushed his bangs out of his eyes, staring at his friend in disbelief. “No, I don’t like him. I just met him like fifteen minutes ago!”

That God-forsaken look persisted on Eren’s face, though. He swigged his Nantucket Nectar then returned his attention to Armin. “Do you at least…. think he’s cute?”

That was when Armin stopped short. He rested his elbows on the metal surface of the table, sinking his head into his palms dramatically. He really hoped that Jean hadn’t somehow acquired a superhuman hearing ability and was able to hear him from the other side of the restaurant.

“Maybe a little."

Eren scoffed, though he didn’t seem too surprised by this knowledge. “I really don't get that," he sighed, “How the hell can anyone find Jean Kirschstein cute?”

Armin was digging through what remained of his burrito bowl, avoiding eye contact with that intense, marble-eyed stare.

“From what I’ve seen, he seems to be… nice.”

Eren rolled his eyes. "That's just 'cause he has yet to rub his dickery all over you."

Armin curved his brow upward. “Why do you hate him so much?”

Eren shrugged. “I don’t… hate him. I’ve known him since I moved here and he’s in my circle of friends. Guess our personalities just clash sometimes.” He bit his lip. “Most of it's just playful bantering. It’s what we’re used to, I guess.”

“Oh.” Armin nodded thoughtfully. For a while, they finished up their food in silence. Armin reached into the shared bag of chips and dipped one into the guacamole.

“Yo, 'Min." 

He looked over at Eren curiously. “What’s up?”

The other boy leaned in a bit closer to him. His voice had grown quiet again. “If… if you do become his roommate,” He looked almost shy then – which was certainly a cute look on him. Armin bit back a smile.

“—you won’t start to like that bastard more than me, will you?”

The blonde blinked at the question. The notion of him liking anyone more than Eren was entirely ridiculous, and he should know that. Armin suddenly felt inclined to smack him upside the head for asking something so stupid.

“You’re seriously asking that?” Armin shook his head, poking lightly to the side of Eren’s cheek. “Don’t be ridiculous, you dummy. You should know by now. You’re the only guy for me.” His tone was playful but the words were deathly serious.

“Good.” Eren was clearly satisfied by the reassurance. He squeezed the boy’s arm gently.

“Let’s hope it stays that way.”

- - -

THURSDAY, JUNE 15TH: 2:45PM

Jean had been right when he said the apartment was nice. It had sufficient space, with three moderately-sized bedrooms as well as a living area, and an open kitchen with an island-bar to serve as a dining space. There was one bathroom at the very back of the apartment. Compared to a place not so close to campus, the rent was cheap. But it was definitely on the luxurious end of things.

Of course, the decision to live there was made quickly. After all the paperwork was finalized, Armin began moving his stuff in. The lot of his things that he didn’t immediately need was kept in the Jaegers’ storage, though, so the process seemed to breeze by. Armin wouldn’t deny he enjoyed spending time with Jean and Connie whenever they were hanging around the apartment.

It was all so surreal to Armin, and the feeling hadn’t worn off, not even on the following Thursday when Armin gripped his brand new key (wrapped in a Trost University holder) and fitted it into the lock of Room 305.

He paused when a hand touched his shoulder.

“Y’know, It’s not too late to change your mind and come live with me instead,” Eren said. The seriousness of his tone provoked the softest of laughs from Armin. Of course, he’d make such an offer when Armin’s mind was already completely made up.

“It actually kinda is.” He turned to smile apologetically at the other boy. He’d admit it was endearing how clingy he was to him, but Eren had to know this would be good for him. Armin had always craved a life where he relied minimally on the support of other people. Renting an apartment – even if he currently was sharing it with two guys – was a start along that path.

“But hey,” Armin looked up at him, “We can still see each other at school. And work. Remember that.”

Eren grumbled, but it was the truth. After his graduation Eren had been in dire need of a job, so his friend found work for him waiting tables at Olive Garden, a job Armin had for several months before he moved to Trost and was relocated.

“School doesn’t start until the end of August.” Eren pouted slightly. “That’s like a whole two months of not constantly being in each other’s presence.”

“We managed it before,” Armin reminded. He closed his eyes at the memory of those years spent without his best friends. He couldn’t be more thankful that they were going to the same university in the fall, honestly; there was so much lost time that had to be made up for.

“I don’t know how we did.” Eren took the liberty of opening the door while Armin swallowed down his anxiety. His eyes were immediately drawn to the side of the den, where Jean stood at his easel. His back faced them and he was singing rather loudly to some grunge song blaring from the kitchen.

“Yo Horse Face! Stop being a tool for a second, will ya?” Eren rolled his eyes and walked in front of Armin, tossing the overnight bag he’d been holding at the couch. The noise made Jean jump and spin around, nearly dropping his pallet in the process. He narrowed his eyes.

“Mother fuck— you’re early.” Sitting his art utensils on the stool, he wiped his hands on his smock and strode over. 

“I definitely was not expecting you to bring him, Armin.”

“I needed an extra hand. Couldn’t lug all this stuff over here by myself.” Armin smiled and surveyed the perimeter of the room. He set his bag of pillows down in front of him.

“You’re here alone?” 

“Yeah.” Jean looked down at his pillows, then back at Armin’s face. “Connie went grocery shopping.”

Eren laughed and leaned on the arm of the couch. “Connie went grocery shopping?”

“By that I mean he went to go restock our ramen supply." 

“Sounds more like him.”

The guy in question, Connie Springer, was their third roommate and also Jean’s best friend. Armin always thought he was short for his age – being the smallest in his graduating class and practically dwarfed next to Eren – but when he met Connie he was stunned. He could see why he was close to Jean though; they were both ridiculously dorky but in the most endearing way. That and he was really nice. Something told him he was the one that kept Jean in check most of the time.

The blonde ran a hand through his hair and joined Eren on the couch. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” He nudged him lightly with his thigh.

“Are you kicking me out, ‘Min?” Eren feigned a sob, his legs kicking up on the coffee table. “I’m hurt.”

Jean scowled at him. “This isn’t your house, Jaeger.”

“It’s not yours either, Kirschstein,” Eren said matter-of-factly, a small chuckle following. “It’s the landlord’s.”

“Aunt Carla said she wanted you back before three.” The softness left Armin’s voice, and he looked at his friend sternly. “You do remember that, right?”

“Mommy setting a curfew for you now?” Jean walked back to his easel and picked up his pallet to check if any paints had dried out.

“Fuck off, you bastard,” Eren hissed, “There are relatives over and she wants me there.”

Armin hoisted him by the arm and they stood together. “Go home, Eren.” He walked behind him, lightly pushing him towards the door. “I don’t want your mom flipping out at you.”

Eren turned to him and sighed beneath his words. “Fine, fine. I’ll leave. But if Jean does anything shady call me. I’ll be over like that.” He snapped his fingers on the last word to emphasize just how serious he was.

“Everything will be fine. Promise.” Armin smiled reassuringly at his friend and patted his arm. His eyelids fell when Eren began messing his hair, then he very lightly kissed his temple.

“I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay?” The blonde’s eyes opened again after a pause.

“Sure thing, Armin.” Eren poked the tip of his nose, not bothering to say anything to Jean as he left the apartment. Once he was gone Jean sighed dramatically and returned his attention to his easel.

“Good fuckin’ riddance.”

Armin only smiled at that. He knew Jean and Eren thought fondly of each other, despite the constant verbal abuse. That much was made clear when he looked at the pinboard of Polaroids posted above the TV. At the center was a photo of Jean, Connie and Eren that he presumed was taken a few weeks before at their graduation. Eren was in the middle and Jean and Connie both had their arms draped over his shoulders. All three of them had wide smiles painted over their lips. Armin thought it was adorable, but it did make him kind of sad. He’d graduated early so he never got to experience anything like that; all he’d gotten was his diploma in the mail and a congratulatory letter from the principal.

Armin sighed at the memory. It was in the past, so there wasn’t a need to dwell on it. He walked back from the door and crossed the room to stand a few feet away from Jean.

“What are you painting?”

The taller youth smiled, though his eyes remained on his work. “My parents’ anniversary is coming up. They spent their honeymoon in Venice so… I’m painting a Venetian cityscape.” he told him, “Y’know how there are those canals running between the buildings there? The hotel they stayed at was like that. I’m trying to recreate it for them.”

Armin craned to see the painting and was impressed. Jean’s artistic talent was far beyond his expectations. There was so much detail, and the portion of it that was painted was so vibrant. For that moment, Armin couldn’t take his eyes away. He admired it with a silent smile.

“Also,” he continued, “peonies are my mom’s favorite flower so, in front of one of the buildings, there’s a pot of those. See?” He pointed to the little flower pot with the tip of a long finger. Armin’s eye followed.

“Jean, this is amazing,” the blonde commended excitedly. “You’re so talented! And this gift… it’s so thoughtful! Your parents will love it for sure.”

Jean wordlessly eyed the piece. "You think?"

"Yes, I think,"  Armin said, nodding earnestly. 

Jean snapped his pallet shut and dropped his paintbrush into a cup of water. 

“Thanks, Armin. It really means a lot to hear that.” His tone was sheepish as he untied his smock and pulled it off his body. "Yo really have no idea." 

The blonde’s smile grew a fraction. “You’re very welcome, Jean.”

The taller boy scanned over Armin’s appearance for a second, then met blue eyes.

“So, uh… hey, I… made some iced tea earlier. Do you want some? I need another person’s opinion on the taste and Con’s not here.”

The offer made Armin nod with sudden fervor. Tea was his all-time favorite beverage, hot or cold. He didn’t think there was a time when he wasn’t in the mood to drink it, truly.

“I’d love to have some.” He tucked some hair behind a pierced ear. “Tea is, like, my favorite thing to drink ever.”

Jean peered down at him, chuckling. “Well damn. Armin. Now your opinion's gonna be biased.” He walked past him into the kitchen. Armin instinctively followed.

“I promise it won’t be!” he said while plopping onto a stool at the island counter. When Jean turned to him, Armin’s eyes held unwavering intensity. The idea of not having the tea wasn’t something he was willing to accept.

Jean chuckle grew into a broad laughter. “Shit… don’t look at me like that. I wasn’t gonna deprive you.” The assurance came gently. Armin observed him approach the fridge and produce a plastic pitcher when he opened the door. The taller boy had a tiny smile on his lips whilst pouring the darkened liquid into a glass he’d acquired from the cupboard.

“Here you are, my good sir.” Jean slid the tea over to him.

“Thank you.” Armin smiled and lifted the cup to his mouth. As he sipped it, he let his mind wander, and found himself thinking of Eren’s actions before he left. He knew his friend had a tendency to get overprotective, so the wariness wasn’t unlike him. Armin wondered if it was warranted, though. Something was telling him he’d get along living with Jean and Connie just fine, and he was an excellent judge of character.

But he knew there was something that could pose a problem if he let it. Jean happened to be the hottest guy he’d seen in a while. That was, to say the least, unnerving. Armin would just have to be thankful repression was one of his greatest talents. It was a sad thought, he knew, but there was no way someone so filthy was deserving of anyone.

Armin stared into his glass, hoping his features remained composed despite where his mind had gone. The blonde took another sip of tea to calm himself, suddenly remembering why he was drinking it in the first place.

“This tea is delicious, Jean,” the boy complimented, sending him a smile when he looked up. “It’s not too sweet or too bitter. It’s just right.”

At that, Jean looked something akin to a dog who’d just been told they did something right and received a treat for it.

“Yeah?” He grinned. “I’m glad you think so, Armin.”

‘He’s cute.’ It was becoming apparent that Armin wasn’t doing as well at controlling his thoughts as he’d like, but saying those things within the protection of his mind... That was okay. That had to be okay.

‘I’m completely allowed to think something harmless like that.’ The blonde rested his cheek on his fist and sighed to himself.

Jean seemed oblivious to the goings-on of Armin’s mind, which was fortunate. He smiled at him and poured a glass of tea for himself.

“So hey, after this, would’dja like some help unpacking?” he asked. “Pretty sure I’ve got an empty storage bin that’s perfect for under-the-bed space somewhere around here...” Jean lifted his tea up to his lips. “You can use if you like.”

Armin was prepared to deny the help even though he knew he needed it, but he made himself stop. The honesty of Jean’s smile was a little unsettling, as was how fixated the blonde suddenly became on watching the bob of his Adam’s apple whilst he swallowed his tea.

‘I really need to chillax. I’m not some rabid animal...’ Armin tore his eyes away. He remembered reading somewhere that victims of… what he went through often acted out in terms of seeking sexual partners. Armin may not have been doing something as extreme as that, but this effect Jean was having on him at such an early stage was definitely something to worry about.

“Yeah, sure thing,” he said despite the minor inner turmoil. He put on his most convincing smile and downed the remainder of his tea.

Jean beamed. “Awesome!” He too finished off his tea and carried both their cups to rinse in the sink. He was placing them in the dishwasher when Armin moved to grab his belongings from the living room, then together they exited the space and made for Armin’s bedroom at the very front of the hall.

[profoundgardenertree-blog]

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BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I know that when you're 25, your car insurance is usually lowered. Today someone told me if you're under 25 but over 18 and have a child, your insurance is the same as someone over 25. Is that true?""

How many questions are on the California Fire and Casualty insurance exam?

I am currently attending online classes at AD Banker for Fire and Casualty insurance. Does anyone have any idea how many questions are on the state exam?

What are some problems with mandatory health insurance?

In California, you are required by law to insure your car...so what would be some problems with similarly requiring that parents provide health insurance for their children? This pertains to minors only...what if parents were required to insure their minors?""

""RX8 or BMW Z4, who has the highest insurance?

Does the 2004 RX8 (lol used for racing) have higher insurance than the 2004 BMW Z4?

Need help with auto insurance?

For those of you that have a sports car, how much do you pay for insurance?""

Where can i get cheap insurance?

low rates? ???

How can I get the lowest car insurance payment?

I am 25. I want to buy a cheap car with one way insurance. thanks a lot

Do 'normal' car insurance companies insure exotic cars as well?

I've gone to multiple popular car insurance agencies websites and tried to get a quote for a Lamborghini, but in the drop down menu there is never an option for it. I'm beginning to wonder if they even do insure these kinds of cars?""

MAZDA3 with insurance questions?

u think i'll be charge high cost of car insurance by getting mazda3 sedan..im 18 first time driver and a female i live in san francisco. and how much is mazda3? like with the taxes and everything?? serious answers are greatly appreciated. i want to stay under $20k

What v8 is cheap on insurance for an 18 year old?

I'm an 18 year old guy on my parents' insurance and I have a 2003 Mitsubishi lancer that's probably not going to last me that long so I am looking for another car. I would like a v8 because I like the sound and I want descent performance but I don't want it to be too much on insurance. I was thinking about a Lincoln ls v8. Does anyone have any other ideas? Thanks.

Can anyone give me any insight on approximate costs for cars/car insurance?

In defense of my ignorance, I'm only sixteen, and I'm trying to figure out how long it will take to save up for a car/driving school/insurance/all that stuff. And since I don't actually have a car yet, I can't get a quote on insurance. Also, I realize that every case is different, prices vary, and it's next to impossible for anyone to give me a definite answer, but all I'm asking for is approximation. Things I need to know: -Sixteen, newly licensed, about how much per month for insurance? -In your opinion, what's the best/cheapest insurance provider? -About how much is the cheapest that I would be able to buy a used car for, assuming I'm not picky in the least about anything besides it being one that actually runs, where I won't have to worry about all kinds of repair costs? I know this is kind of ridiculous, as no one can give me an official answer, but all I'm asking for is approximation. (: Thanks in advance. If I've forgotten any fees that come with car or insurance buying, feel free to educate me? THANKS TONS.""

Whats the cheapest car to insure when your 17?

im 17 years old and learning to drive a manual. im looking round to see what car is the cheapest to insure. i don't mind the make and model of the car. i was wondering if you could give me ideas on the cheapest car to insure, for both manual and automatic. thankyou.""

What cars has cheap insurance?

i no the tato nano is gonna be cheap but that is not in Europe yet so any suggestions

Is it necessary to buy rental car insurance even though i have my car insurance policy with me?

i have a car and have taken...if i take a rental car , then my auto insurance...""

How to get cheaper insurance?

I was just wondering, what insurance companies are looking at, like if you are older the insurance is cheaper, if you got no claims benefits, car engine and make and is there anything else that reduces car insurance price? If you haven't got a car but hold a license for like 2 years is the insurance going to be cheaper as well?""

Is this a legit website to buy a schengen travel insurance?

http://www.mytravelvisa.co.uk/2/index.php   Hi there I was wondering if this is a legitimate website to buy my Schengen Travel Insurance? Will it affect my application if I buy travel insurances from unheard companies?

Should I drop my comprehensive insurance to liability only on my car?

My van is from 1999 and it is paid off. The only thing is I am not confident in my driving skills. I have enough money to buy another car though. I have 130,000 miles on the van. I was going to drive it until it falls apart or starts costing me too much money in repairs.""

About bussines car insurance.?

I have plan to be selfemployed(car mechanic) and I wanna use my own car for my bussines proposal.So what kind of insurance i need to buy? I have problem to choose between trade insurance and bussines car insurance. Sometimes I will need to use my customer's car to pick them up to garage, but mostly I will use my own car and I wanna put advertise sticker on my car with my contact details. (one time i was stopped by police and I had before adverise on my car without bussines insurance, but they let me go and I had to take the stickers off) Have you any idea about which insurance is better? Many thanks""

Does having a 2 door civic make my insurance go up vs 4 door?

im 16 buying a civic. i like the 2 door civic coupes. if i buy a 2 door civic, will the insurance be higher than if i buy a 4 door civic?""

Insurance companies will have 32 million new customers because of Obamacare. How is this socialism?

The Affordable Care Act was modeled after a Republican health care plan by the Heritage Foundation and was first implemented by a Republican governor. All this bill does is makes sure that insurance companies have 32 million new customers. I could understand if you called Single Payer socialism (which I highly support), but calling Obamacare socialist is pretty stupid.""

What could happen to me if i didnt tell insurance company?

that i was done for drink drive 3 yrs ago... wana apply for my licence back have checked insurance and said i have a drink drive conviction will cost 1,790....when i dont say then it costs me 400 quid... what do i do and what can happen and how wld they find out and who can find out..... thanx all in advance x""

Who makes the best affordable medical oxygen concentrator?

portable preferred

""Insurance rates for a 21 year old male, CA?""

I got my license when I was 19. I've been driving for two and a half years and barely found out I am not on my parents insurance. I was planning on buying a brand new car but I am now worried about insruance rates. I know they'll be high, but how high. I know insurance rates are based on age and experience. Is it likely I will be charged more because I have never been insured? Last time I checked for insurance I got calls for about 5 weeks straight. This time I don't want to give out any personal information. My question basically is will never previously having insurance before affect my rates?""

What is the average cost difference between full coverage insurance and liability insurance?

approx how much difference that is, like are we talking about couple hundreds 300-600 or alot more than that? thank you""

How does a 18 year old buy a car without a license or insurance?

I want to buy this camaro from this guy because he wants to sell it because he has two cars but I have not took my drivers test because I work so much and I do not have auto insurnce. I want to buy the car so it can sit in my garage until I get my license then I can register it and stuff. Like is their any paperwork or legal processes I should know of because In my mind I just think I can Get my uncle to drive me out there and give the guy the money in return he gives me the keys and my bro drives it to my house or does it need to be towed?

Can anyone recommend good a rental Insurance for California?

I'm new to this country and trying to find rental insurance is proving to be a bit difficult. Along with the standard earthquake cover everyone seems to offer, I need it to cover expensive jewellery / 2 bikes and accidental damage to lap top or a pc if possible. I have tracked down one potential AAA Insurance, does anyone know if they are any good? Any help much appreciated.""

How much for car insurance for a 2002 nissan xterra?

I'm thinking of purchasing a used 2002 nissan xterra and would like to get some feedback regarding the insurance rates for this car.

How can I find cheap car insurance?

I have a policy with RBC. They just jacked me up by 400 a year....

American auto insurance?

hello im livivng in ireland and over here we have a disc that is dispayed in the windscreen of our vehicles for our insurance policy but what way does it work in the usa? is there a disc to be displayed?

Car Insurance(state farm) hit & run accused of hitting a object?

i was driving on the freeway tunnel(day time) when i noticed the guy driving on my left-side merging into my lane and struck my right fender,so when i get to the end of the tunnel to wait for him the guy simply drives off.I then call my ins and claim a hit & run etc. i gave them the details they say they'll fix it.3 months later i come to find out that they are claiming it's my fault that i hit a object or a guard rail or wall how can i go about this and fight it.the rep that help wasn't any helpful at all she said she re email a letter stated it was my fault and how to fight it. any help will b appreciated !!! i also i asked the lady if i can show pics of a cars that have been into collision with object i even told her it would be pics of my car(not actually my car) but u know what i mean she said they only go off what they see""

Which Health Insurance Benefits do I choose?

I am finally eligible for health benefits at work. My wife has recently decided to attend school, so therefore I will have to include her in my benefits. With so many to choose from, I wanted to find out options. To skip the PPO, since it's overpriced at my job, I will list several I am considering. First, we are both healthy couple, we are on our early 30s, and planning on having kids, so maternity has to include. My work offers AETNA California Small Business group plan. Here are the following I am considering.... 1. HEALTH SAVINGS ACCOUNT (HSA) - Really considering due to the tax advantage, but you have to select a high deductible heath plan (HDHA). We have HSA $3000 deductible, HSA $2500, HSA $2000, and HSA $3300. 2. We also have HMO with co-pays ranging from $10 to $50 3. Aetna Value Network (AVN) HMO with copays $10 to $50 With so many selection, my head is starting to spin. So if someone can enlighten me the deductible they chose if you are planning to have kids and also saving tips on selecting the health benefits that would work for a couple. Considering with high prices on health insurance, I am luck enough to have a decent company that can provide fair prices.""

How will my insurance handle a guy that hit someones head in my car?

a guy hit someones head into my car and says he wants to go through insurance to pay for it. I had nothing to do with it, I just happened to be there, but theres a good sized dent. Is this going to make my rates go up? i took it to get an estimate and was around $450""

2003 350z or new altima coupe? (insurance costs)?

I'm an 18 years old male. What's the smaller of the two evils and by approximately how much? The 350z would be the enthusiast trim and the coupe would be S trim. Both automatic

""How much do i have to pay to cancel my auto insurance, if the vehicle is parked?""

My vehicle is currently parked and has parking insurance, this vehicle has been parked for over a week now, but i currently found some cheaper insurance and i would like to cancel my insurance, how much will it cost me to cancel it.""

Ways to make car insurance cheaper?

I know this question or something similar has been asked a lot but i'm 18 and i've just passed my driving test and i'm looking for insurance. I have 2000 saved up and all the quotes i've been given are around this, I know i'm not going to get it much cheaper than this. Does ringing up the insurer and saying you've been given a cheaper like for like quote etc. work in getting the price down? And what companies are recommended for younger drivers? Thanks :)""

Will insurance still able to view my previous ticket record and raise my car insurance?

I got a ticket in April of 2004. I paid the fine and went to traffic school. Just two days ago, i got a ticket for speeding (48 at a 35 limit). 1) will I still able to go to traffic school for this ticket? (I'm in CA, my friend told me we are allowed to take traffic school if it's over 18 months since the last citation, is this correct)? 2) i read some yahoo answer on car insurance and someone is saying the insurance company will still able to view the previous citation and raise the car insurance if we get the second citation within 3 years of the 1st one. the point will be unmasked for insurance company to see. is this true? 3) if it is true, does that mean even if i'm able to go to traffic school for my second citation, the insurance company can still raise car insurance for my 1st citation?""

My son wants to buy a car. Can he use my car insurance?

My son wants to buy a car but he is only listed as a household driver on my insurance policy. He is 23 years old. He lives with me in Pennsylvania. Must he have his own insurance to purchase a car?

How much would insurance be on a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT for a 16 year old boy?

I'm getting my license soon and was wondering how much insurance rates would be for a 16 yr old boy with a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT

How much health insurance in Alberta and Car insurance?

Hello, I'm planning on moving to Canmore, AB after I'm done school and I'm just wondering how much Health insurance is monthly and how much car insurance is monthly? I would be very greatful if someone could help me out here :) and if you know anymore details about this kind of thing that would be great also! Thank you! xo""

""How much is the average cost of car insurance in ST Thomas, VI ?""

How much is the average cost of car insurance in ST Thomas, VI ?""

What is the best place to buy whole life insurance from?

I want to buy life insurance for my 47 year old husband and my 9 year old son. There are so so so many companies out there. What are some of the better names that are not schemes ?

Is this a legit website to buy a schengen travel insurance?

http://www.mytravelvisa.co.uk/2/index.php   Hi there I was wondering if this is a legitimate website to buy my Schengen Travel Insurance? Will it affect my application if I buy travel insurances from unheard companies?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/discovery-insurance-quote-antonio-wilson"

[daqtranscripts]

DAQ Ep. 0 Transcription

Ep. 0 Transcript: Setup and Table Talk.

Begin:

Opening theme:

This show is part of the trans podcaster visibility initiative.

[THEME MUSIC — WRITTEN FOR THE SHOW BY SOPHIE]

Sophie: Hello everybody and welcome to Dungeons and Queers, where the stats are made up and the rolls don’t matter. The gender rolls!

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: Ooohhh boy.

Mara: Christ, alrighty.

Sophie: That’s the kind of show this is gonna be.

Credence: Oh God, what have I done.

Joe: I'm already stoked, bring out the puns.

Sophie: Welcome everyone. To Episode... I was gonna call this the first episode but it’s kind of Episode 0, as it will be indicated. Because our story isn’t actually starting in this episode. This is gonna be a lot of table talk about our characters and a little bit about the setting, but we’re not gonna get too much into that until the first episode because we're kinda just playing in the standard classic D&D world. There's no big “Oohh well there’s airships and there’s zeppelins!” There’s not as much to cover about the setting. But I wanted to get into some stuff about kind of who our characters were and that way we're not sitting there running around going, “Wait a second, who’s that person whose name starts with ‘L’? Which player is that?” You know, junk like that. So I think we’re gonna go around and introduce ourselves and introduce our characters. I’ll go first. Because, uh... That’s my sentence I guess, it’s my privilege.

Mara: I was gonna say, if you’re not going first, we’re fucked.

Sophie: Yeah. Yeah. My name is Sophie. Sophie Lastnameredacted. I am the person who is going to be running the Twitter and doing the editing for this. And doing some transcripts for d/Deaf and hard of hearing people. And doing a bunch of other post-production work for this. I write music for the show. It’s kind of my baby. I also do the PolyAM Radio podcast where we talk about polyamory and unconventional relationship styles and advice for them. A young queer/trans approach to polyamory is kinda what we take and we’re pretty good we have been doing that for a few months now and we thought we would start a D&D let’s play/real play, whatever you call it, podcast. You know kind of like PolyAM Radio we wanted it to be explicitly queer and explicitly trans because there’s a million D&D podcasts out there, but whenever I start a new D&D podcast I always have to worry about “Oh is there going to be some transphobic joke? Is there going to be good representation? Probably not.” You know so I figured by doing it this way and being like, “Yo we’re queer as fuck—”

Mara: Right from the get go!

Sophie: Yeah, right from the get go, not only would we attract a very specific audience, but would also maybe set some people at ease and uh just be kinda upfront about where our experiences lie. Everyone on this podcast is trans and we’ll get into that. I think I already said it but my pronouns are she/her/hers, again my name is Sophie Lastnameredacted, if you want to get in contact with me you can send a Tweet or an email to the PolyAM Radio Twitter, which is on the cover art for that podcast, or the Dungeons and Queers Twitter @DAQcast, and I also just wanna mention if you want to get an NPC named after you on the show, Tweet about the show using the #dungeonsandqueers, just spell it out all like that, and you might get a character, an NPC, named after you. And I’m looking for NPCs… I have NPCs in my head that I want to name so help us out with that because we don’t have the money to pay for advertising and I think this is a fun way of doing it. So yeah, I don’t have a specific character to talk about since I’m going to be playing a million NPCs and I’ve crafted the world we’re going to be playing in here, but I’m very excited about it, and for the purposes of this game, I am God.

[LAUGHTER]

Mara: “My name is Sophie and I’ll be playing the role of god.” [CHUCKLING]

Sophie: Yeah.

Joe: Finally!

Mara: “I am the LORD, your God,”

Sophie: [AS GRIFFIN MCELROY] “My wife!”

Credence: “No one may roll the dice but through me!”

Sophe: Probably someone is going to listen to that and think it’s a Borat joke, but in fact, it was a My Brother, My Brother and Me joke… It just becomes self-referencial for them

Mara: Like the Chilean miners. [LAUGHING]

Sophie: Yeah, I’m gonna edit all this out…

[LAUGHING]

Credence: Okay but my joke was really good! I wasn’t stealing that one, I’ll have you know.

[LAUGHING]

Sophie: So! Let’s move on, who wants to go next?

Joe: Okay me! I’m Joe Alias, I will be playing the character of Defiance. My pronouns are they/them/theirs, Defiance’s pronouns are they/she. Defiance is a cleric, a Tiefling cleric, which...that goes together well.

[MUFFLED CHUCKLING]

Sophie: Well, and talk about the prestige class you’re planning on going for when you get there!

Joe: Well I’m gonna be a war cleric, so...I guess I’m not sure what else to say about that.

Credence: How much— Er, Sophie, how much do you want us to talk about our backstory, kind of personality of our characters, like, to you want us to get into that right now or would you like us to wait until we start playing because I agree with Joe, I’m not sure how much you want us to say…

Sophie: I think we can leave most of the backstory, talk about maybe alignment not that we’re going to be adhering to it super-strictly, I think that all characters can be pushed to do certain things under certain circumstances. For those of you who read the Star Wars expanded universe books there’s literally a book in which Darth Vader stops Emperor Palpatine from killing a bunch of Twi’lek orphans and shit like that, and so like even your classic Lawful Evil character or something like that can do all sorts of actions. But I think it’s important for people to know at least, or maybe not important but it’s trivia they expect to hear and I don’t want to disappoint in that way. So talk about alignment and then talk a little bit about their personality and maybe just like very trivial things about their backstory because I didn’t want you all to know anything about each other’s characters while you were making your own but I think it’s kind of time to shed light on some of that. But if there’s any big things you want to keep as twists for the character, especially if you’ve already told me and we’ve talked about it, then you can omit that information here, stuff that’s plot interesting, but things that are just like “Oh, that’s just about my character” and stuff like that I think would be cool to have the audience hear and to have you all hear.

Credence: So, should we note here, like, you wanted us to meet our characters for the first time this isn’t one of those setups where we’ve done a bunch of odd jobs together and stuff, so…?

Sophie: Yeah this isn’t a pre-existing team, these characters don’t know each other yet and they’ll meet pretty much right away during the first episode.

Credence: Right, so we’re not showing our whole hand as far as who our characters are in part because it’s going to be narratively interesting for us to get to know each other’s characters and background and all that.

Sophie: Yeah, yeah exactly. Okay! So why don’t you tell us a little more about Defiance?

Joe: So you said I should start kinda with what they look like?

Sophie: Yeah, talk about what they look like, talk about their alignment, talk about a little bit about their backstory, you know in this case your character has a reason behind their name maybe you wanna talk about why their name is ‘Defiance’?

Joe: Sure sure, okay so like I said Defiance is a Tiefling cleric and they’re Chaotic Good, which I thought that was maybe a fun and challenging thing to play, considering the fact that they follow the Triad, which, for those of you that maybe don’t know, is the union or alliance of gods Tyr, Torm, and Ilmater who, two out of three of them are Lawful Good war deities, so that’s always fun. But part of the reason why Defiance follows those three gods is just because they actually grew up in a diabolic cult to Zariel, who is one of the archdukes of hell.

Credence: As you do.~

Joe: Yeah, you know. And so they kinda grew up in this very Spartan-esque sort of culture. When Defiance was a teenager, they had done very well in their training so far and was kinda given their own small group of, basically, stolen children to mold into their own small little war band and Defiance kind of realized the hell that they were put through as a young child, they were about to be expected to do that to these children and Defiance refused. It just seemed wrong. So they kinda got thrown in the brig for that. And at about the same time kinda as a rescue mission sorta thing a small army from outlying villages led by a priest of Tyr came and kinda ransacked the place so Defiance decided...well, was very impressed by this, and decided to join him and learn from him ‘cause everything they kinda grew up to believe just didn’t jive, so Defiance decided that that act of disobedience, that act of doing what they felt was right despite everything they had been taught growing up, was kinda their defining life moment and chose the name Defiance instead of the one that they were given and went and learned about the gods and selflessness and service, that sort of thing...while utilizing the fighting, the soldiery, that they learned before, but adapted it to actually help people...so yeah.

Mara: Shit yeah, they sound pretty cool!

Joe: Yeah!

Sophie: Yeah that’s a baller character.

Joe: Oh thanks!

Sophie: I know that despite the fact that you picked a cleric you had some reservations about playing a cleric just because of past experiences you had with asshole DMs being like, “Well that’s not how you play a cleric!”

Joe: Oh hell, I could go on and on and on about that. This is actually… So the second character I ever played in my whole D&D career was a cleric, but I didn’t play it to that DM’s specifications and that person, and they actually told me, my partner by the way, who was the DM, told me, “Never play a cleric again.” So about 13 years later here I am, trying out a cleric again.

Credence: And you’ve literally named them Defiance! So…!

[LAUGHTER]

Joe: Oh I didn’t even think about it that way!

Mara: How’s that for symbolism?

Joe: So I’m excited.

Sophie: Right, so I just I thought it was really interesting ‘cause when you came to me and said, “I think I’m going to play a war cleric,” the character that I envisioned in that moment was very different from the one that you just pitched, and I like yours way better. Because I was thinking, as I think I told you the other day, “Oh, like an army priest,” like a fire-and-brimstone kind of…

Joe: Right.

Sophie: It’s just very much not what that character is, and frankly, I think you’ve come up with something a lot more interesting.

Joe: Well see I hope I can give the character concept some justice at the very least just ‘cause I decided I wanted to play a cleric and it had been a long time since I had played a cleric and sometimes it’s difficult, the idea, well, for me, getting the idea of being good and...war, I suppose…and trying to figure out how those two could possibly work.

Sophie: Well and I think that’s a character, pardon me, I think that’s a conundrum not just for you, the player, but probably for Defiance, the character. That’s going to be, I mean I think most good D&D characters have some sort of question that they’re trying to answer about themselves as they get played. I think that that’s an excellent question and I don’t necessarily know that it’ll get answered. I think that probably Defiance will come up with an answer but probably not a definitive one that everyone will be happy with and I think that that’s just the nature of the question.

Mara: That’s how it go!

Sophie: Yeah, people don’t think it be like that—

Sophie and Mara: —But it do!

Joe: But it do.

Sophie: Okay! Is there anything else you wanted to say about Defiance or should we move on?

Joe: Uh just as a brief description — Defiance is kinda of average human height, purple skin kind of, like, indigo hair, red eyes, all that fun stuff.

Sophie: Horns and tail or no?

Joe: Yeah horns and tail, the horns are kinda like cool ram horns.

Credence: Nice.

Joe: All the better to headbutt people with!

[ASSORTED LAUGHTER]

Sophie: I could die happy feeling like I actually achieved something in my life if, at some point, we get some fanart made.

[EVERYONE AGREEING/CROSSTALK]

Credence: Don’t jump the gun!

Sophie: No no, I know, I’m just saying if someday some fan artist comes to us and says like, “I made this!” I’m going to have a literal aneurysm over it! I’m not going to be able to handle it because it’ll be like, “This is too wonderful!”

Mara: Affirmation!

Sophie: Yeah yeah!

Credence: Which, for me, I guess I would also wanna say that I encourage folks to...yeah I might imagine my character looking like this, but like, go at it! Half the fun of this audio medium is you can decide what these characters look like yourself. I mean like, obviously, Joe, you’re going to play Defiance in a way where this is how you imagine what they look like, but I always think it’s really cool that in this kind of medium, you, as a listener, get to decide what you envision these characters to look like.

Sophie: Yeah absolutely. And I’ll be very upfront this: there are going to be, in this world, some Easter eggs. Probably not things that I’ll put right out there, things that, if you get lucky and ask the right question, you’ll find out that are nods to TAZ, The Adventure Zone, which is, in my opinion, probably the greatest tabletop roleplaying podcast out there, it’s the one that got me into not only podcasts, but tabletop roleplaying games, and I think their attitude toward their characters is excellent, which is basically that “We came up with these characters, we don’t own these characters. They belong as much to the fans as anything.” So you know, we’re a bunch of white folks and Joe, you see Defiance as purple but if you hear to this podcast and say, “Well, I think Defiance is Latinx,” you’re not wrong, that’s not… We’re not gonna be like, “But the character looks this way!” I think it’s awesome that you’re taking this character and giving it a life of its own beyond our, you know, shitty podcast.

Joe: Yeah hell yeah, like I just give my description of how I see Defiance in my head. Like if you, person listening to this, have a different idea of what they look like, like, please, please do, go wild!

Credence: Yeah like honestly, if we get fans, I will throw all of my character at you and be like, “It’s yours! Have her! Please make her beautiful!”

[ALL AGREEING]

Joe: Ram horns though.

[ALL LAUGHING AND AGREEING]

Sophie: It’s like Magnus’ sideburns, there are some things that are just inalienable.

Credence: Some integral features.

Sophie: Yeah, so who wants to go next?

Mara: I will go next! Hello hello, dear listeners, this is Mara Fakelastname, I use they/them/their pronouns, you probably know me from PolyAM Radio, you might not, but if you want to go check that out, I’m a frequent co-host and I think it’s pretty great. I am going to be playing a gnome bard and this is only my second D&D campaign ever. I got into D&D not entirely through my own choice! I was listening to The Adventure Zone with Sophie and I was like, “Oh, I don’t think it’s for me, I’m not really good at roleplaying stuff,” etc., etc., and I was at a local hobby store with her and she was looking at dice and I saw a set of dice that were pink and black and I was like, “Oh fuck yeah, I wish I was playing because, like, pink and black dice!” and Sophie was like, “Well, if I buy you the dice will you play?” and that’s how I started playing D&D.

[ASSORTED LAUGHTER]

Sophie: You made it sound like I coerced you into it!

Mara: Yeah, right?

Sophie: My exact words were, “Well, I’ll buy you the dice if you want them, but if you’re gonna have dice, you gotta play the game.”

Mara: Yeah so it was [LAUGHING] so it just wasn’t entirely my own idea.

Credence: In true rogue or bard fashion, you were seduced by pretty things.

Mara: Yup! Yeah, and I think that’s like, 98% of the characters I’ve played so far…! Um, so, in this campaign, I am playing a gnome bard, whose full name is Ellywick Faelover Wandfidget the Ambiguous, um, but we’re probably, for ease of mouth, just gonna call them Ellywick. They use they/them pronouns. And—

Joe: If you don’t use that big, beautiful name at least a couple times, I’m gonna be a little disappointed.

Mara: Oh, God, yeah! It’s definitely gonna be like...name drop. Because… For people who are very into the lore, gnomes are very into names, and so to get a little into their background but not too far, ‘the Ambiguous,’ they’re a very androgynous character. Feel free to imagine them however you want, because I kind of suck at imagining characters. But the ‘Faelover’ part, they spent a lot of time with the fae. And, uh, it was funny, because when I was talking to Sophie about this name choice initially, she was like, “Oh, well that’s really interesting that they chose to call themself ‘Faelover,’ because, like, all gnomes love the fae, so they must really love the fae,” and I was like, “Oh, yeah!” And then it kind of hit me, I was like, “Oh, we could make them a bit of a ~dirty boi,~ like, go with Faelover, like, hohoho, they fucked some fae in their time.~” So that’s where that comes from.

[SNICKERING]

Joe: Like you do!

Mara: Ellywick is a very, like, will-try-to-seduce-anything-that-moves type of character. So that’s gonna be interesting and funny. They’re overall just very hedonistic and capricious, I think their whole kind of desire for travel is like, they wanna bring creativity into the world, and they wanna see what other people are out there doing, you know. They’re very...whimsical, I guess would be how I would put that. [clicks tongue] Oh… What else to say about Ellywick…

Sophie: Could do ideal/bond/flaw? I’d have to go back and make Joe say Defiance’s, but...

Mara: Well, I don’t wanna talk about their bond, because that gets into the story.

Sophie: Okay!

Mara: Um…

Credence: What about their alignment?

Mara: Oh yes! Yeah! They’re… They are Chaotic Neutral, because I think that just kind of is what fits them personally best. They’re just kinda...seein’ what’s out there and doin’ what they do. Doin’ who they do. [LAUGHING]

[SNICKERING]

Sophie: Like they do!

Mara: Like they do! Um… But…

Sophie: Every DM… Everyone who’s ever DMed out there just, like, took a moment of silence for me because there’s not only a Chaotic Neutral in the party but there’s a fucking bard, which...both of those are just game-breakers.

Mara: Well, I just…! I can’t help it! I don’t like a lot of the archetypal characters. That’s just not my particular cup of tea? But, so, I’m gonna have fun playing my bard. Their ideal… I kind of already said it, but they want to release more creativity and bold action into the world. And their flaw: they are a sucker for a pretty face. Like, I think anybody could make googly eyes at them and they would be like, “OOOKAAAAYY~!” So that’s...that’s kind of Ellywick’s flaw.

Sophie: I think we can talk about bond, I just need to say one thing about the setting quick. Basically, how this story is gonna be starting is that, um… Some of the main characters — some of the player characters are going to have been captured in an orc raid and are at an orc, like, prison camp type thing. And that’s where their story finds them. Um… So, do you wanna talk about your bond?

Mara: Yeah! Um, so, as a bard, Ellywick plays a lot of instruments. They’re an instrumentalist and a singer, and they were only able to conceal their pan flute on them, but they also play the lute as well, which was given to them by the fairy queen Titania as kind of a “wow, you fuck good” kind of a gift...

Joe: NICE!

Mara: [LAUGHING] So this lute was stolen from them, and obviously this lute means a lot to them, so… Their whole bond is “I’m gonna get that fuckin’ lute back if it’s the last thing I do!” And I think I just, you know...dropped us into the “explicit” tag area… [CHUCKLING] Sorry!

Sophie: Oh, we were gonna be there anyways. And I think I wanna emphasize for all of you, that’s not something that needs to or even is going to be possible to have happen in this arc. The first arc is titled ‘Alpine Escape.’ And y’all will have to make a quick exit or things will get bad very quickly. And you can choose to hang around, but I’ll be honest, it’s going to get bad very quickly if you do. So, you know, your bonds and stuff like that are things I’m using to drive the story forward for later arcs and stuff like that. So for what that’s worth… Uh, uh… I’m sitting here, like… Defiance, no. That’s not right. Joe, tell me about Defiance’s, um… Like, ideal/bond/flaw.

Joe: Um… Well, I-I did take the acolyte background just ‘cause I, uh… It seemed like it kinda, more or less, fit the best. Well, their ideal is charity — “I always try to help those in need, no matter what the personal cost,” um… Their bond is, um, “Everything I do is for the common people,” which, I actually had a really hard time choosing between that one and, um, there was one other one that says something like, “I owe my life to somebody who saved me after my parents died or something like that,” which is sort of true, but not quite. And flaw — “I am suspicious of strangers and expect the worst of them,” which, uh, it seems a little bit misanthropic or something, but part of it just has to do with the fact that they’re a Tiefling and they tend to, uh, be outcasts anyway, and it’s kinda owing partially to having grown up in the kind of culture where everybody’s out to get everyone else kind of literally, just to prove some sort of dominance, has left that kind of mark on Defiance. So even though they try their best, they’re still...they have trust issues.

Credence: I think that’s fair.

Sophie: Yeah, I like that. Uh, Credence, why don’t you tell us about Lazza.

Credence: Alright! Well, my name is Credence. Or, uh...Credence...it has nothing to do with Clearwater Revival. Um… Yeah, I get that a lot. And my pronouns are he/him or they/them, ah… If you have listened to the episode of PolyAM Radio about long-distance relationships, I was a guest host on that with Sophie, so um, if you’ve, like… “I recognize that queer-ass voice!” That’s where you recognize me from. Um, and I’ve played D&D a lot while I was growing up, this is the first time I’ve swung back into it in over...probably, mm...seven years? So this is gonna be interesting. And then I will be playing the character Lazza. She is a half-orc barbarian. And her alignment is actually Lawful Neutral, which, um...I will try to justify even though, yup, half-orc barbarian. Um, and her class focus as a barbarian is ancestral guardian, and that’s where a lot of her, um, kind of character development and impetus is generated from. So the ancestral guardian path allows her to have a unique connection with her, like, um, her...clan. Like the ancestors of her clan. And she can praise to them, and they can give her guidance, and that’ll provide some pretty cool features later on in the game, but it also just informs who she is. So, like, as her bond — her biggest bond are her ancestors and that is also tied up with her ideal, which is to — she wishes to live in honor of her ancestors as a proud and honorable warrior, so she’s interested in keeping her ancestors happy with the path that she is walking down. Um… Her other bond would be her father, and she’s never actually met her clan, but as I guess I’ll get into in the story, as that unfolds, but in the abstract, she has a bond with her clan whom she is still trying to find. Her flaws, um… Like, her major flaw, is that she’s kind of afraid to be alone, and obviously, she’s kinda got a tough exterior, so she doesn’t let that show very often, but it does make her, um...it does make her not always listen to what she knows is her truth as far as what her ancestors are encouraging her to do and how to be an honorable warrior, which is, like… Pretty evident based on where she starts off the game, as far as, um...the, um… Sophie, did you mention that they’re all trapped in a raiding, an orc raiding party?

[CHORUS OF CONFIRMATIONS FROM ALL OTHER MEMBERS]

Credence: Okay! So yeah! At the beginning of the game, Lazza is actually in this orc raiding party, and because of her fear of being alone and stuff, she ended up getting in with a bad crowd, so yeah. That’ll be interesting. Her other flaw is that she is incredible superstitious.

Mara: YES.

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: So, it’s to the point where she, like, she will not sleep within ten feet of a magical object, all wizards are tricksters and not to be trusted, if an elf looks you in the eye they’re trying to read your mind, never listen to a bard’s song all the way through because it will bewitch you into dancing yourself to death…

Mara: Shit!

Joe: Uh-oh…!

Credence: Yeah.

Mara: They’re gonna have a hard time getting healed.

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: We’ll see. Yeah, she’s definitely a… She has spent a lot of time in isolation, and so she hasn’t met a lot of different people, and she’s kind of grown up listening to all these stories about, like, how… Y’know, gnomes will try to steal your teeth in the night…

Mara: [LAUGHING]

Credence: So she’s got all these superstitions and she doesn’t have a lot of access to the outside world just yet. So she’s still trying to work through that. So she’s gonna be a little suspicious and superstitious of...about the party and others.

Mara: Especially Ellywick, god damn!

Joe: Uh-oh…

Credence: Yeah, especially…

Joe: It’s gonna take some time…

Credence: Her dynamic with Ellywick is gonna be very, very interesting.

Mara: Watch your teeth… [CACKLING]

Joe: Aw, jeez…

Credence: Well, and she’s very protective of her tusks, because she has very nice lower lip tusks that she takes good care of. She puts rings on ‘em.

Joe: What? Really?

Credence: Yeah!

Joe: Neat!

Credence: She really likes her tusks, and the only—

Sophie: No, not really, Joe, this is a fantasy world and you’re already lost?

Joe: No, I just… I never even thought of that! That’s pretty boss! Like, where does the story end and reality begin? Ahhh!

Credence: Too deep! But yeah, the only other thing I guess I’ll say about Lazza’s appearance is that, um, she keeps two different totems on her at all times. She, like, wears the feathers of a roc that her father slayed — rocs are like these ginormous eagles in the canon of the Dungeons & Dragons world — so she keeps those feathers in her hair as a remembrance of him, and then she always has a little pouch filled with three different semi-precious stones that she uses to commune with her ancestors. And then...yeah! That’s all I got!

Sophie: Okay! I love it! Um, we’re probably gonna call this “Episode 0” here, and we will… Basically how this is going to work is we’re gonna record a couple episodes today, and then at the very least, Episode 0 and Episode 1, which should be dropping at the same time, but we’re gonna take a break to stretch quick and wipe the Cheeto dust off our faces—

Mara: [LAUGHING]

Joe: YOU GOT ANY MOUNTAIN DEW?!

Sophie: Yeah, and do some other necessities. But we will be right back, and you can listen to the beginning of our story in the next episode, so thanks!

[OUTRO MUSIC]

[canvasandsketchbook]

FOR.WARD.

I am interested in so many things in world. I adore too many things, I suppose. For me, BW effects create stories, but so do monochromatic scenes and colourful pictures. One thing that you need to do, is choose. When you choose, you define path, you declare commitment. Ain’t it sounds hard yet pretty?

Inside this immature mind, I am still arguing about life, where should I take it, what ingredients I need to prepare to make deep departure. dude, everything. 22 yo doesn’t even make you feel stronger or smarter somehow.

Enough for the prologue. Long story short, I’ve got to experienced working environment in my first ever office, an interior contractor company. Here, I eventually learn plenty of stuffs like how to manage a project from the beginning, its procedures, administrations, all about dealing and stuffs, even dealing with people (you may have no idea how differ people are, even if we are from the same environment). 

Here, I don’t think I’m gonna expand every itsy bitsy of bitter sweet story in here (in fact, there were not so many stories to tell tho. I was only there for only several months. What to expect?). This post is dedicated to the knowledge I earned, with the support from my working colleague. Such beautiful people, mind nothing but helping others (and finishing the projects, ofc), especially for those from project engineering and support divisions. Each individuals has their own unique character. They work with their own style. Some are sophisticated and organised, some other (such as me) HELLA MESSY. 

Working there, was a profoundly nice experience (did I said it like twice now? nvm). I tried to lean on no one (ended up asking even the smallest most stupid questions to anyone near me all the time), and be innovative, creative, and focus whatsoever. Most of the time I did pretty well tho. Yet sometimes, I look around and my imagination’s taking over. There, there, baby, I lost my focus. 

What’s filling my imagination? Dreams. Intention. Creative works. Researching. Writing. Reading. Creating. They kept pushed me away from screen and lurked beneath my skull. This might sounds too naive but I just feel like staying behind the screen for hours working with no free sketchy lines and urban exploration was (is) not really my thing. I am a goofy girl. I jumped around blatantly wondering how could people mind their own business without being interrupted by what’s going on outside and curiosity about complicated things in our social environment. They are so into what they are expected to do. I appreciate that. But I just can’t see it in me. 

My dream is to stay in the creative division, not particularly an architect (at least not for now), but I love designing, learning, analysing, and be a part of planning alongside with conducting. I am keen on managing pretty much everything. I want to have a gallery on my own. For sure, I was not gonna say that my previous working environment served me nothing, but it’s just me who happened to have less interest in what I was doing. Some others make it tho, to sit down nicely and be a part of the circle. So when I resigned, I was in between relieved and afraid. Afraid of always being unsatisfied and not wanting to sit down for a minute to learn about my peculiarity. But in the other hand, I feel like I should not disappoint more people in the future. So I went out, and hopefully would find what I really want in life, and how to get there. Like the GPS. Most importantly, I’d like to continue my degree, just because I need more time to learn and think about the world. And I need the media that could cover my intention.

I want to elaborate my gratitude to each person that I am close with, or help me quite as much in my office.

From the very beginning, I was supported and helped by a woman sit beside me, Mba Maya. At first our interaction was just me asking details of our job desc. I even asked how to use softwares we are gonna use almost everyday (don’t judge, I just don’t know whether I would have enough time to learn about it alone). So she taught me pretty much most of the things we need to do. But as the hype went by, she’s just as hilarious as I never thought she’d be. I mean, kinda cray but still in line. We played songs (from rock to ballad to hipster musics) and all. Brutally laugh on jokes about people and ourselves, and so forth. The list is pretty long tbh. At the end, she resigned before me tho, wanted (wanting) to prepare also bigger thing in life for her. So, yeah.

The second is the girl sitting next to mba Maya, her name is Mba Karis. She’s also from the same division, engineering. She is one of the few that is able to do more than what the others could do, could understand. Her experience in this place is a bit longer than the other. Not only me, sometimes other colleagues could refer to her when it comes to work. So, yeah, very helpful. Instagrammable fash-sesh I could say. Her daily outfit is always on point (ya ga mbak?) with a hint of something that’s always different. I mean, I’m so average in this and she was like, Pinterest. She’s befriend with like the girls squad in our office. Mba eti, mba fina, mba weni, mba yani. A glimpse of their character is that they already stay together since the beginning of their career in here (Lucky guess, I promise). They are a group of young women who are active, pretty much loud about themselves, play hard work hard kinda ladies (could stay all day-most nights-several weekends to get their work done). 

Next, mba Emir. She sat behind me. Meddok, that’s what I could say. I sometimes laughed because of her saying, but it didn’t seem like she even know what’s funny. She’s in the same team as me. So worked with same PM. I sometimes refer to her too, regarding the formats and standards required for our team. She’s now expecting her first child, and I hope that the baby’d be awesome! Good luck Mba!

Mba Mona. The first one to catch up with me after mba Maya. We interact pretty much about things. In my first several weeks, I tend to grab a lunch with her, bu Novi, and Kak Dimas. They seemed like they already explored the surroundings, especially for the food. Ayam dishes from here to there (once we should take angkot to get by, because of the distance), and so food. She, and bu Novi and Kak Dimas are nice too. The 3 sat nearby me, so they are also the victim of my noises and hyperactive motions. For this, I’m gonna say I’m sorry. Love you all, xoxo. On my last day, I got this froggy cup filled with tamarind candy from Mba Mona. TOO CUTE TOO LOLLIPOP! Thanks mba! (still can’t manage to eat them all ‘cause I often forgot to eat sweets).

Moving on, I should mention Bu Heni as the woman whom I always bother. Just. bother. Everything she did was tickling and I know i shoulda be more polite, but damn, I was never be the one who behave. I mean, I do behave in most days, but I giggle at things I know I couldn’t handle. Don’t judge, I ain’t crazy. It’s just me. Anw before I went too far on the description, I wanna thank her for giving me lovely broken necklace bracelet that looks fancy and cool in my wrist. I keep it in a safe place, I promise. I wear it too, sometimes, when the occasion is right. Bu Heni is a drafter, just like bu Novi and Kak Dimas. She’s all about autocad and drawings. Sometimes she’s mumbling global hits song, to help her focus. She wore headset most of the time. Young in mind.

Mba devi is also one of the most loyal employee. She does them all, supporting the PM so very much. I handed one of my project to her, and I hope she’d be okay. PROOOOOOOO *echoes*. One note, she’s also a friend of mba Maya, graduate from the same university, same major. So they went out together quite a lot.

Other than the above, there’s Bu rini (the head of engineering division), bu dian (also from engineering), bu siti (head of support division), pak ari (engineering, sit across across across me, so we seldom interact but when we talk, we fool cause we just can’t be serious), pak Iwan (sit next to pak Ari, anggota grup nasyid or islamic musical kinda thing. Gimana pak? HP nya udah di service kan ya?) and pak Johan. So many things I could actually say about them, but this post is too long already and I got too many targets to catch for now, so I couldn’t just express my gratitude to all one by one. Sorry, and thank you!

WELCOME, TO A VERY DIFFERENT SESH. YOU ARE ENTERING THE GATE OF LADANG PAHALA GGS. THERE WILL BE NO DESCRIPTION ABOUT THE PEOPLE BUT I HAVE PLENTY SHIZ MEMORIES AND PICTURES THAT COULD EXPRESS MY LOVE AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM. WE TALK TRASH BUT ALSO DREAMS, TALK WISELY ABOUT SOMETHING NOT WISE AT ALL, WE LAUGHED ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE NOT FUNNY. WE SMILE LIKE HOW WE SHOULD BEHAVE, BUT WHAT’S ON OUR MIND AND FACIAL EXPRESSION ARE NOT QUITE RELATED SO.........I MEAN, WE ARE NICE AND ALL, NOT TOO MENTION THAT WE NEVER PUT OTHERS DOWN. WHAT AM I SAYING I JUST MISS Y’ALL SO HERE’S PICTURES OF MOST OF US.

p.s : My phone had been unintentionally reset so there were only several photos remained.

[lalobalives]

*An essay a week in 2017*

I’m three essays behind, well, two with this one, but as I learned while doing this challenge last year, sometimes you have to cut yourself some slack. I’ve traveled three times over the past month, twice on a plane. Minneapolis, Minnesota; Portland, Oregon; Washington, D.C. So yeah, you fall behind sometimes. Life happens. Be gentle with yourself. Push yourself but not to the breaking point. Just remember to write. Produce. If you want to catch up, cool. If not, then just start where you are. Remember what Daniel José Older says in his essay “Writing Begins with Forgiveness”:

Here’s what stops more people from writing than anything else: shame. That creeping, nagging sense of ‘should be,’ ‘should have been,’ and ‘if only I had…’ Shame lives in the body, it clenches our muscles when we sit at the keyboard, takes up valuable mental space with useless, repetitive conversations. Shame, and the resulting paralysis, are what happen when the whole world drills into you that you should be writing every day and you’re not.

Onward…

***

I’ve been churning this excerpt from Chapter 7 of my memoir in my mind since I got back from Tin House. It’s about the trip to Turkey in the spring of my 8th grade year that convinced me that I was ready to go to boarding school.

The day we left to Turkey, we had to meet a bus outside the school where we had practices. We were there before the sun rose, me and my mom and the other 15 kids and their parents. Then bus took us to JFK airport for our flight to Switzerland, where you could see the Alps from the airport, then on to Ankara. I held onto mom the entire bus ride to the airport. I barely looked out the window. I buried my face into her arm, inhaling her, the aroma a combination of Avon’s 24 Hour deodorant, Newport cigarettes and Estes Lauder perfume. When we arrived to the airport, I didn’t want to let her go. I cried as I watched them remove the luggage from the storage beneath the bus. “I don’t wanna go, mommy.” She hugged me tight, then cupped my face in her hands and said, “Go see the world, Vanessa.”

This was the first time I’d traveled anywhere without my family. I remember walking through Ankara with my host sister Asli, a blonde haired, blue eyed girl my age, who lived in a high rise condominium. From the windows in the apartment, you could see the entire city, the buildings with huge banners of the national hero Ataturk flapping in the wind, and the green covered mountains in the distance.

They had a live-in maid who I rarely saw. One day, I walked into the bathroom which was the size of the room I shared with my sister in New York. Asli’s period soaked underwear were in the tub. When I asked her to move them so I could shower, she sneered at me, “That’s the maid’s job.” One of the few times I saw the maid was that day, as I watched her grab the underwear and rinse them before taking them, still wet, into her room through a side door in the long hallway.

One day, towards the end of my weeklong stay there, Asli took me to the markets to go shopping for souvenirs. I cringed when I saw her push past an old woman who was begging for money. The old woman didn’t say anything. She just held out her hands, cupped in front of her, her fingers curled in awkwardly, head down, pleading. She reminded me of my great grandmother Tinita with her deep wrinkles and skin brown like the frijoles she shelled in the patio every morning. I gave the old woman all the change I had in my pocket. The women turned her eyes up to look at who had given her enough change to fill her hands. Asli pulled me away before I could meet those eyes.

I can’t remember the exact moment when I knew I was ready to leave Brooklyn, but I came back knowing I was definitely going to do it: I was going to boarding school. ~A Dim Capacity for Wings by Vanessa Mártir

Lidia Yuknavitch asked: what’s the story behind the story? The writers in my group of six asked: what was it exactly that made me decide to leave? What was it about this trip that did it for me–made me say: Yes. Me voy. I’m out?

I’ve felt that acrid taste in my throat since that day way back in 1989. It was in Turkey that I first learned shame. Shame of where I was from. Shame for being from the people I was from. For being poor and brown and from the hood.

***

While at AWP last week, I went to a lecture by Jacqueline Woodson, the insanely prolific and generous writer who has won so many awards and accolades, it’s ridiculous. But she’s also earned every single one. She’s written 32 books. Thirty-fuckin-two, yo. *pause for effect*… In her most recent book, which I devoured and just love love love, she wrote about the Bushwick, Brooklyn she grew up in in the 70s and 80s. During her lecture she spoke about how in her research, she only found tragedy when looking for stories of the neighborhood in that era. She said she wanted to honor Bushwick, that neighborhood that shaped so much of who she is.

During the Q&A, I thanked her for writing about our hood. She asked where I was from, and it turns out we grew up just blocks from one another. I asked: “How did you get past the shame that is imposed on us for being where we’re from?” She said: “that shame grew to rage.” She knew she didn’t learn that rage at home. At home she learned love and pride and hard work. She learned quickly that that shame was from the “outside gaze,” and that was how she was able to transform it to rage. “Who was that person who made me feel that shame?”

My heart flashed to the last time I let someone make me feel ashamed of where I’m from.

It’s raining out. A cold early spring day. It is night time. We are on our way back to my small one bedroom apartment in uptown Manhattan. We have just left a poetry reading. A friend and her husband are staying at my place for the night. We are talking about how she has always wanted to live in NY. They are talking about the possibilities. Where could they live? Where should they look if the opportunity presents itself? He is listing the things he needs: sufficient space, an office, a living room, a washer and dryer. The list goes on. Then he says: “I don’t want to live in a dump just to live in NY.” My insides crumble.

I am a single mom. I live in a one bedroom apartment with my daughter. It is mine. The lease in under my name. It is the apartment I moved to in a neighborhood I love, close to my aunt, to help facilitate the writing life I am building for myself. I cannot afford a two bedroom. I can’t afford a building with a washer and dryer in the basement, much less an apartment with such luxuries. I am happy to get an apartment within my price range in the quieter side of the hood. I give my daughter the bedroom because girls need their own space. I learned this when I didn’t have my own room until I was a first year at Columbia University. I am proud of what I’d accomplished, on my own, a single mom who has recently quit her full-time editing job to live this writing life. All that pride comes crashing down when I hear that word: “dump.”

I feel small. Smaller than he probably intended. It probably isn’t a direct attack on me, but it sure feels like it. I know the smugness of class privilege well. I learned it in Turkey and I learned it in boarding school and at Columbia and in corporate America and in so many places.

This man grew up in privilege. His parents are college professors. He grew up in a house in the burbs. In my mind it is a two story brick beauty with a manicured lawn and even hedges and rose bushes. The kind of house I would walk by in Wellesley, MA, where I went to boarding school, and imagine the family that lived there. So different from me and mine.

This man does not have college debt. He now lives in a house he rents for his family. When he’s struggled to pay the bills, his family has chipped in. They send care packages with his favorite treats. He can say that he will not live in “dump” just so he can live in New York. He can do so and not understand how hurtful that is. He can say that and not get how accomplished I felt (and still feel) for creating this life for myself, by myself. He does not get how that could feel good or fulfilling to anyone. All he sees is a dump.

I see freedom.

***

In Ankara, I saw myself in that maid when she picked up those period soaked panties. I could relate more to her life than I could to Asli’s. Asli who lived in a high rise condominium with a view of the city from every room. Asli with her own bedroom that had space for two beds, one that I slept in. Asli with her Guess jeans and Benetton sweaters. Asli who stared at me then to her mom when she discovered I hadn’t brought her a gift from New York. I never did tell her that I couldn’t afford to.

I understood the maid’s slumped shoulders and downcast eyes. I understood why she hid. I knew my hometown probably looked more like hers than it did Asli’s.

I saw my greatgrandmother in that old woman begging in the street in the market. I’m still haunted by the fact that I let Asli push me away when that woman looked up to see who had filled her cupped hands with change.

And so it was in Turkey that I first felt shame for being from Bushwick. The rubble for blocks. The crack. The trash strewn lots. The poverty. The hunger.

In Turkey I realized I didn’t just want to get away from my mother and her abuse. I wanted to get away from Bushwick. From home. I wanted to see a different world and be part of a different world. I wanted to not feel what I felt when I saw that woman pick up those period soaked panties. When I saw Asli sneer and say, “That’s the maid’s job.” At 13, the only way out from that suffocating feeling was to go away to boarding school. I didn’t realize that that experience would break me in an entirely different way…

That outside gaze is a mothafucka. It will break you. It will teach you shame…and then you learn to transform that shame into rage.

***

While at AWP, I went to a reading in a tunnel. One of those abandoned metro stations that has been converted to an art space. One wall was graffitied up with some dopeness in bright colors and hues. I was mesmerized. Then I noticed the opposite wall where someone had written in large letters: There are no female graffiti artists in this exhibit. Women had begun to draw and write messages in marker. I wrote:

“Carry rage in your jaw. Don’t let them take it from you. That and love are your arsenal.”

***

I had a sister friend at AWP who kept telling me she didn’t belong there, amongst all those writers and poets and wordsmiths. This woman’s work is phenomenal. I can’t count the times her poetry has taken my breath. I’ve even teared up a few times.

She’s from Bushwick, like me. She’s unmothered, like me. In her, I see so much of myself. She said I had that shit down. That I could walk into any place like I belonged there. I said: “I had to teach myself how.”

Today I sent her a Muhammad Ali quote: “I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.”

I remembered how I felt at Tin House last year. I remembered how out of place I felt. I remembered that I didn’t feel that I belonged there. I thought of that so many times at my second Tin House workshop a few weeks ago. I thought about it as I stared at the ocean out my window. The Pacific crashing on the shore. The waves that started so far off the coast. The whale fin that came up off the water that last day. I knew I belonged there this year, just like I knew I belonged at AWP, just like I know my sister-friend did.

But remember what I told you: that outside gaze is a mothafucka.

***

While at AWP, I gave myself permission one morning to stay in bed until noon. I caught up on Grey’s Anatomy and watched a bunch of nature shows. During one show on the tundra, I learned about the arctic woolly bear moth that spends fourteen years freezing and unfreezing. It spends nearly 90% of its life frozen. It feeds voraciously during the brief summer month of June before it freezes again. Then, in its 14th summer, it weaves a silk cocoon where it morphs into a moth.  

This moth lives at the edge of what is possible. It lives a stop-go life for up to fourteen years to build up the resources it needs to finally pupate into an adult moth. It takes that moth a lifetime of fourteen years to get its wings…

We can all learn something from that little moth.

Relentless Files — Week 58 (#52essays2017 Week 5) *An essay a week in 2017* I’m three essays behind, well, two with this one, but as I learned while doing this challenge last year, sometimes you have to cut yourself some slack.