#Like what was the point. Awesome. This is stupid.
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DNI IF YOU THINK GEGE IS A GOOD WRITER WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT.
#I'm losing my mind ''the ending was good'' ok Gege has one Obvious Disability character and he dees for plot#With minimal characterization beyond ''i wish I wasn't disabled'' which like. Could be fine if Gege put in OTHER WORTHWHILE DISABLED#CHARACTERS. And then the fact Toge is fucking put away after losing his arm and barely fucking comes up? And Todo is something but it's#Mmm feels Eeeeeeehhh to have one of 2 arm amputees come back and the one who gets to come back got Stronger Because Of The Prosthetic#And also. Misogyny from the fact Nanako and Mimiko basically only exist to make Geto sympathetic in some way#And are immediately disregarded after Geto's done with and never even fucking addressed. Nobara got fridges and unfridged#OH YEAH MAKI HAS SEVER BURNS BUT NAH THIS DOESNT DO ANYTHING REALLY. SHES JUST BURNED NOW. NO CHRONIC PAIN MOBILITY ISSUES ITS FINE I GUESS#and her burns just look like fucking tats instead of ACTUALLY SEVERE SCARRING.#And also just in general whatever the FUCK was going on w Ui Ui. That shit was treated like a joke and then fucking dropped.#Like what was the point. Awesome. This is stupid.#Anyway imagine if JJK was good. I wouldn't have had to read any of that shit or any of the fucking Sukuna slog#(idgaf Abt fight scenes in manga bc I straight up cannot process the Black/White visual info. This isn't usually that bad and is a me thing#But whatever the fuck Sukuna was doing was just stupid and BORING. I wish he killed himself)
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realizing i haven’t really been posting art much uh oh errrmrmmm quick here’s a leif and muse that I drew a couple days ago and then forgot about before I could finish it
smoochin his lil hand awww they make me ill 🥰
#why make a design for muse when you can just take muze and make her face blurry huh?#leif and muse make me insane. feral even. it’s not fair#I see a lotta people make muse taller than leif which is undeniably awesome but also#have you considered Short Angry Woman#stupid bright red moth……sobs……leif……….#worry not my pikmin peeps I will post pikmin again soon! I just need to! become normal!#hwocani be nromakwhen leifmuse is right here#…………….#bug fables spoilers#bug fables#bf leif#rrrgh *chews drywall* look at them go#bug fables muse#what’s her tag??#muse bf#leifmuse#is that the ship name#damn I gotta come up with somethin better. don’t really hardcore ship them outside of their canon relationship but like#yall let’s be more creative#how abouuuuttt#MOTHerpill!!!#YEAHHHH THATS IT#I’m so smart. this is just my stream of consciousness at this point#genuinely sorry for posting so much bug fables lately I need to get it out of my system#art#stupid moths get out of my head
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pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:
the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon
to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)
the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon
pretty much everything about that gible
blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)
boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen
pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character
#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit#the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league#but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle#i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/#that battling didnt even come up once#ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one#but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me#and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just#had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we#but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc#where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass#she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask#the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy#but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own#have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent#like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward#rewarding#imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show#as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all#was kind of a shitty move#like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th#which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself#by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!!#like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there#so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall#echoed voice
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i actually am like. reasonably extroverted. i just also kind of want to kill myself anytime somebody perceives me as a woman which makes doing literally anything feel like navigating the minefield of “is this dear friend who i’ve known for years who i’m not out to going to unintentionally and innocently say something that’s going to make me spiral for the next three days”. ALL of which could be avoided if i simply Was Out to people however if One (1) singular more person i know and care about says some truly insane bizarre and weird bullshit after i come out the way EVERY single person i have ever come out to in person in the HISTORY of my ENTIRE life has i am genuinely worried im going to snap in a way that will finally force them to put me in the psych ward
#rant#vent#im just so SICK OF LIVING LIKR THIS#why can i just NOT get over the like deep deep shame i have over being trans why is that normal fine and awesome for EVERYONE in the world.#except me. why why why why i am sooooo pissed off#i think 90% of it is just thag im deeply afraid that nobody is going to love me if im like Actually seriously myself in any capacity#which like magbe ill have to fucking swallow that for ever but holy fuck its like. what is the point.#im so sick THERE ARE THINGS I WANT TO DO AND I CANT BECAUSE THERE IS THIS STUPID BARRIER THAT J CANT MENTALLY GET OVER#i need to go kick trash cans about this or something jesus christttt#sorry its been a year since j actually managed to brute force make myself accept this and im just#i SHOULD be nicer to myself because it took me like seven years of deeply hating myself to even just MENTALLY accept this#but fuck!!!! why am i still in this situation!!!!!#love yourself challenge level impossible
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WEIRD OLDER QUEERS I LOVE YOUUU
#this is a general statement#but also opened up feeld after like two weeks and immediately matched with this guy* who i immediately thought just had an awesome vibe#(is it bc he reminds me of philip sallon maybe. it’s okay i know my own red flags)#i don’t actually know what pronouns he uses. something to ask tomorrow#they’re also really not that old ftr they’re in their forties it’s just the difference in experience i mean#feel sort of excited abt the idea of pursuing gay sex for the first time in ages they just SO immediately met me at my level and made me#- feel so comfortable#we’ll see what comes of it i have a good feeling but even if it doesn’t work out i feel more optimistic moving forward#just a very nice change of pace to go oh that person looks cool. oh we get to talk. oh they are cool#me & my ex are also gonna do something at some point. i know he wants to it’s just a matter of stupid scheduling#anyway. more to the point. I LOVE SEEING QUEER PEOPLE LIVING & BEING HEALTHY & THEMSELVES#ted talks
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people really love to conveniently forget trans men exist when they talk about feminism. or if they dont they make us out as also part of the problem as if we somehow are able to have the same amount of privilege as cis men. absolutely wild
#“not all men” is a valid statement because its fucking true#like guys. seriously. not every single man is evil#feminism isnt about putting men down its about raising women up to be equal and getting rid of gender inequality#sorry im seeing a massive uptick in people hating on trans men for being men lately and its fucking stupid#like yall are doing a great job at making me feel ashamed to be a man who likes men. awesome thanks guys#i dont normally make posts like this but its been rattling around in my mind for a few days now#its always put out like. all men (trans or not) are Inherently Evil and all women (trans or not) are Inherently Victims#which is absolutely the stupidest shit ive ever seen#and they also leave out anyone who doesnt fit into the man/woman dichotomy. and if they dont its always seen as woman lite#which is also stupid as fuck#not every nb/agender/other person is feminine asshole#anways. case in point. can we stop demonizing masculinity while also discussing the effects of misogyny and the patriarchy please.#because both of those things are very real and very much do hurt people#but im sick of people lashing out at trans men as if the problem magically doesn't affect us anymore because we are men#because guess what! newsflash! it affects trans AND cis men too!!#i shouldnt have to explain it should be obvious but like. im tired man#sorry ill forever be annoyed at women who just hate every single man who dares breathe in their direction because they COULD be an asshole#if you hate someone because of their gender no matter what gender it is i Do Not Trust You#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. replies are off cause i dont want to argue with people i just want to express my opinion
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thrilling sequel to my poll from back in January
#I wish I was kidding about the eulogy one. I really wish I was#decisions decisions. who to chose#the people I actually like…?? or the people who like me?#these are so stupid I love making them.#bbge polls#bbge.text#more info on each#bc I want to yap abt em#1 - PLEASE return my calls… this girl was so kind and gentlemanly and we had suchhhh awesome chemistry#she goes to an Ivy League so it could be she’s just hella busy w work not ghosting me#I hope it’s that I really liked her :’)#2 - I actually did ask him out. kinda indirectly . and casually. too casually bc now neither of us have brought it up again#he makes me so happy to be around 😭 it makes me kinda emotional#he’s just like… sHOCKING and endearing and never the same#I love him unfortunately no matter what. as a human#3 - SAME FOR HERRRR OMG :( my beloved.#no one has ever been kinder to me maybe.#‘British’ is a downside here bc that means v long distance and . also bc I thought it would be funny to count as a point against her lol#we met during the summer and I miss being around her every day#4 - OKAY. we TOTALLY have chemistry and NOO ONE has acknowledged it. but it’s THERE every time we talk.#and I’ve never really had that w somebody before in this way idk 🫥#I accidentally referred to her as my ‘partner’ when our party members were teamed up together to do something and it was probably FINE but#it sounded so romantic I got embarrassed asf#she can probably tell I like her I don’t think I’m slick 😭😭#and I feel like she might like me too? or we just get along real well I’m not sure#bc we get along like. REALLY well#5 - I stare at her all the time… she is stunning. she writes great poems. soft spoken in this incrediblyyyyy endearing way#I worked up the courage to talk to her n get her number for WEEKS!!!! and then. nothing lol#6 - he’s a great conversationalist… and I know he’s single….. but he also likes Quentin Tarantino like. abnormal amounts idk#shit . I’m out of tags. for the rest uhhh use ur imagination bye :)
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thinking so hard i accidentally invent concepts like "forgiveness"
#it takes me a long time to grasp things okayyy.#i put all my mental skill points into having a specific visual idea of what cognitive dissonance looks like. and poking the concept of it#with sticks. im like if a philosopher was stupid and awesome
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just got reminded of as long as the lemon trees grow and im STILL mad about that book
#julia.txt#was scrolling through my goodreads read books and its been a little over a year#but STILL#it couldve been SO GOOD#still on the more ya side but yk. genuinely not bad#but the stupid khawf plot point. EUGH#the rest of the book is so realistic and So Good at depicting that realism#that injecting something that basically feels Like Magic in there feels soooo out of place#and like. SHE DDINT HAVE TO DO THAT#hallucinations are something that exist in real life!! it would not be out of the realm of possibility for salama to experience them#so WHY make it feel weirdly magicky#giving her basically An Evil Spirit that follows her around and Gives Her Hallucinations was NOT NEEDEDDDD#and like . calling him khawf is so creative omg thats fear in arabic !!! so cool!! <- 🙄#AND THE WHOLE PART WHERE HER SISTER IS A HALLUCINATOON THE WHOLE TIME ????#its so 'it was all a dream' coded i could NOT take it seriously#AND. FREEKING#'if you leave I'll leave' is CRAZY#like i assume khawf is supposed to be a metaphor for mental illness#so what. mental illness Just Leaves once you remove yourself from a traumatic environment?? thats so awesome man#THIS BOOK PISSED ME OFFFFFFFFF#we have so few books about this topic WHAT WE COULDVE HAD
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love when people talk about pre-cazador astarion like he was this perfect angel baby that everyone loved as though he wasnt beaten to near death by a minority group.
#this is sarcasm in case you couldnt tell#like hey lets maybe. not ignore that part to make yourself feel better about liking him.#also love how the game kind of fucking ignores it too 😐#it gets brought up to explain his hate for the gur and then??? never gets brought up again. even when you meet the gur in act 3.#ughhh i am too white and too stupid to make an educated post about this#maybe i'll try to later. but if someone smarter than me could that'd be awesome#anyway the main point of this post is that what astarion was like and what he did before cazador doesn't matter anymore#(even though it probably should at least a little bit but shhh. but in the context of the story)#because no one deserves to go through what he and his siblings and his victims did
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Consider this a spiritual successor to my Re-Animator Youtubers post, but boy howdy do I love being part of niche ass fandoms that have a surface level audience of cishet guys in their 30s who’s experience with nuance in media starts and ends with knowing Raleigh wasn’t really the main character of pacrim. I’m fighting for my life in these fucking YouTube comments.
#guys really out here saying newt just like Charlie Kelly he think he smart but really he dumb#I’m begging on my hands and knees for the most infinitesimal crumb of media comprehension#please#please can we understand that just because newt gets beat up by his own technology on multiple occasions throughout pacrim does not mean he#doesn’t know what tHE FUCK HES DOING#ALSO if I have to hear one more guy say it’s ‘unrealistic’ to have a guy in this monster movie be really into the really cool and awesome#monsters I swear-#the whole fucking point was the fact that humanity got complacent and hubristic because we kept winning against the kaiju + newt already had#an intense fascination with the kaiju because he is neurodivergent and a biologist so it actually#makes perfect fucking sense for him within the societal climate to have this kind of interest in them.#like they had religions for these bitches. ofc some weird little gay guy was gonna get tattoos of them.#i can’t deal with them calling him stupid tho#these guys got what I like to call ‘iasip cisman brainrot’#they see Charlie Day in any piece of media and think ‘oh hey the guy from sunny’ and then their brain just shuts down#chronic inability to separate him from this ONE SHOW#it’s soooo fucking annoying#like I get it he definitely has a unique energy that kind of carries over between characters but like give the guy some damn credit#the bitch can act if you’d just LET HIM#anyway it’s midnight and I’m not in my right mind#goodnight y’all#pacific rim#pacrim#newt geiszler#newton geiszler#charlie day
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after the vehicle hunt has been a big flop (the few vehicles I was interested in drove terribly on the test drives :( and car salesmen waaaay highballing cars worths which is. A crazy thing to do when I can literally look up the average worth of a car in 2 seconds??) after going to so so many websites and irl dealers. i found a van I really really love the look of and it’s only like an hour away!! (vintage van-rv combo!! Small enough to not be insane on gas while combining my many years long obsession with having a small rv-like thing AND my nostalgia for my now gone first van…)
And the thing is actually low priced for its type… but insanely out of my budget still 10,000 more than what I have. It’s insane how much vehicles cost. This thing is like 10 years older than I am and it still costs that much?? Wanting a thing really bad will have u googling shit like what body parts can I sell legally 💀
#long time followers will recall back in 2019 me rv posting CONSTANTLY the yearning is so real#I never looked for class b rvs bc they are insanely priced usually but this one is considered cheap (which is still insane)#with my measly part time job it will be many many months before I have that money#by then I’m sure it’ll be sold which makes me want to cry#I’ve applied to other part time jobs so maybe I could work 2 remote jobs…I’m at the point where I feel like I’ve been running on a hamster#wheel nonstop and it’s not getting me any results like I feel very. stuck and impatient#it’s frustrating!! and what if I somehow save up and it’s not bought then it also drives like shit 😭#I’ve never really minded being cooped up but lately it’s driving me a little crazy#maybe I’m just bad at saving I don’t know. like I genuinely don’t know how anyone manages to make it like this tho#but no bank or credit union will give me a loan for it bc of how old it was (I checked Friday) even tho I have good credit :(#I feel like the first half of this year was so awesome and it’s just been going downhill so fast it’s really. discouraging#sanchoyorambles#anyway all that to say if possible I might donate plasma or something despite how squeamish I am#I hate money and I hate having to need it and how stressful it is to spend it on big things like a vechicle I hate it I hate it#everything should be free and easy forever#I’ll probably end up with a stupid boring little car that I’ll hate bc that’s what I can afford. but it’ll be fine if I slap a cute sticker#on it or something. I thought my van kinda sucked af first too despite how proud I was to have bought it#and I still got reaaaallly emotionally attached to it so! who knows what’ll happen#but yeah. can someone explain WHY class b rvs cost THAt Much it’s stupid . things I want should be a lovely little 1000$#car and housd should be 1000$ for me because umm I’m nice and I’m trying really hard? 😔🤨#and it is a luxury that I can even wait a bit to decide since I have a remote job. I’m grateful for that but I’m also going stir crazy#it’ll be fine I just need to whine and Lament#fellow adults that drive sometimes….are we feelin this pain ….car shopping is evil
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my tags on that went on for so long i had to go back and edit them to fit tag limit and i still had to delete a bunch of them. Its the autism it literally is
#funerary practices and the afterlife and body disposal methods and just. grief and mourning in general r like. My bigggg autism thing i dont#talk abt it a lot bc 1 i just Dont shut up once i get going 2 a lot of ppl dont want to hear abt stuff like that which is fine. kicked pupp#expression. i just find it very very interesting to see how different ppl grieve and whats considered like. Right and wrong when it comes t#care of the body yk. bc like. most/every culture has their practices and anything outside of that feels wrong to them bc its like. yk its s#pivotal idr the exact anecdote/story but caitlin doughty mentioned it in one of her books where like. there were 2 groups and one cremated#their dead and the other practiced mortuary cannibalism and both viewed the other as barbaric and it rly shaped how i view it like. yk. its#rly something so personal where even when the way someone grieves makes you uncomfortable its like. you cant force someone to grieve in a#way thats palatable to you. yk. for a rly long time washing the body and being with the body after death was a rly important part of grief#in like. usamerican culture its only more recently that it became wayyy less common w the rise of funeral homes and stuff. and obv for many#ppl that wouldnt be comforting but i think it could be for a lot of ppl..#my personal belief on it is everyone should be allowed to grieve and dispose of the dead As they want and that should be like. yk. theres#the nebulous term of Desecration which is legally rly difficult to define there r a lot of states where the law is 'if it would outrage#normal family values' which is just so fucking stupid obviously like. whos family. bc every single person has a different view on whats#appropriate yk... IDK. i think as long as its relatively safe for the living and as long as its not like. Against the wishes of the decease#like. if someone says they want a burial and then theyre cremated (not out of necessity like 4 financial stuff) im like. yk. obv theyre dea#but i think its important to honor their last wishes... yk. and that should go for like. If someone wants an open pyre cremation that shoul#be available... if someone wants aquamation etc. IDK. etc. like. another thing is with embalming while i wish it werent De Facto ppl r#railroaded into it i entirely disagree w ppl who say it should be wiped out entirely like. there r environmental ramifications 4 sure and i#love for that to be more like. talked abt... but embalming is rly important to a lot of ppl and idt its right to shit all over that. idt it#necessary for every death i personally dont see the point of embalming for like. a peaceful death with a quick funeral and theyre getting#cremated after. but ik like. for a lot of black families embalming is very important for like. a reclamation esp in violent or traumatic#deaths its very important to have like. a funeral with a viewing. and i think thats something that shouldnt be taken away from anyone ever.#even like. ik this is controversial but extreme embalming w/ posing and stuff as long as thats what the decease wanted like. i think its#awesome !! i Dont agree w taking the corpses of the poor or disenfranchised to prop up for art pieces Personally but like. there r ppl who#want to be displayed like that like. riding their motorcycle one last time or ummm. that posthumous concert that happened. i get how it can#seem morbid or wtvr but like. the families r happy with that its what those ppl wanted and it like. its a celebration of their life and#their interests and i think thats super important. BASICALLY.#ok tag limits coming so im cutting myself off for sure this time. but wtvr. i hope this makes sense to anybody else sorry i rambled. im ver#passionate abt it KJBADKJBDKJ
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this assay is so fucking fake......
#same one ive been working on for like 3 months. every other assay ive trained on took me a couple goes to get but ive done this one ~45x#and i keep getting 2 good runs and then 1 fail. which SUCKS bc i need 3 passes in a row to sign off on it#and its so sensitive that changing even tiny things like using a different brand same volume beaker. or a 0.5cm longer flea#anyway i had another 2 good runs this week so this was my 3rd but bc its a friday afternoon im tired as fuck and keep making dumb mistakes#like overstirring it + one of my samples leaked which is soooo embarrassing bc ive already had to ask for more before bc its taken me-#almost 50 fucking attempts already#anyway. hour and a half into prep and im at the most crucial time sensitive part which is pipetting thr enzyme into the substrate#and i manage to do it all w even time spacing (u have to replicate the exact same pace at the end of the timer or it doesnt work)#and then realise id picked up a different identical model pipette that was set to half the volume i was meant to put in FUUUUCK#by that point i was like fuck it im almost 2 hours in and nothing else to do the rest of the day. so ill work around it + see what happens#i figured well its half the volume. so if i add the same half volume again at the 5 minute mark and leave it for 12.5 instead of 10 mins#then itll hydrolyse the substrate to the same degree. IN THEORY in practice this stuff never works bc of error margins etc#bearing in mind this js like 30 seconds of thought bc it took me a couple mins to realise what i did#but the thing abt working in a lab is u make these split second decisions constantly bc everything is so time sensitive#so u have to be quick thinking on ur feet#anyway long story short got to the end of the 3 hour process. which i was carrying out v sloppily bc the chances of it working were-#slim by that point lmao. but lo and behold it was completely fucking fine. all cvs less than 5% and averages <5% of spec#which is awesome bc it means after THREE MONTHS and like. 45x3 whats that AT LEAST 135 HOURS OF FOCUSED TIME ON IT#not counting attempts i gave up on halfway thru bc id alreaady fucked them up bad#i can FINALLY sign off on it lmfao. but im just so mad like why does it play these mind games with me. it shouldnt have worked#whatever chemistry is such a fickle stupid science. anyway wahoo weekend time baby#gorgeous weather here + im gonna get pizza on the way home...... maybe life doesnt suck sometimes 😇#mutuals if ur still at work stay strong soldiers#.diaries
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today i return to the sea
#mine#its my last first day of school (until/unless i go to grad school but thats way off if it even happens)#the rest of these tags are all just going to be complaints so keep scrolling if you dont gaf#ok first complaint. my schedule is stupid and awful i think#winters schedule was weird too. but this one kinda sucks#the main problem i see is that both of my main classes are in the middle of the day so theres probably going to be people eating#(i have mis0phon1a)#so thats number 1. 2nd problem is that those classes also have the grading scale where u need at least 95 PERCENT to get an A. girl!#they are also both 400 level spanish classes so theyre just going to be kind of hard and annoying and a lot of work in general#the next problem is that my other class is actually not quite a class it is a teaching practicum. which i didnt even 100% want to do#but the certificate could be useful so im doing it anyway.#one of the guys in that class (i know some of the students already from winter) eats like a hog for like the first 20-30 mins so thats goin#to be miserable i bet. also at some point im gonna have to teach a lesson myself#which is scary and also frustrating because again i didnt even really want to do this. WHATEVER#ok what else. ummmmm#oh i think i might be unemployed LOL normally my boss would have done schedule coordination stuff like last week but i havent heard from he#at all. this is because we are government funded and the government does not want to fund us anymore -_- suck my balls#and my hog too. so money is going to be a concern which is especially awesome because ive already been trying to save up#becaues im moving out this year hopefully so im gonna need $ for that and for probably upgrades like i might get a new phone and computer#and stuff etc. and i live in an HCOL area so even though i literally just buy groceries my bill is like $294358939358/month#SIGH. also of course the final problem on the list is the behemoth of them all: i have to apply for jobs#i made a little spreadsheet to hopefully make the process easier. but its going to be agony lol fucking resumes and cover letters how about#i just kill myself now -_- and fucking interviews too. fuuuuuck you suck my nuts and dick and balls#i dont know how im going to cope iwth any of this LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and also as usual i have like no friends so its just me going it alo#alone* in this big awful spring. 2 and a half months of this.#i suppose i will need to go back to the dispensary.#fuuuuuuuuuck man
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Like everything is pissing me off rn
#it’s like my body recognized the unspeakable amt of random sadness didn’t fix anything so now she has to make me hate literally everything#the just like backseat background constant dysphoria over not having any e in my body is like. sickening it makes me feel awful#and I’m starting to really properly run up against the cost of hrt for the first time which is SUPER awesome too#and ofc there’s stress over this STUPID!! FUCKING!! ACTING PROJECT!!!!!#and that makes me want to kill someone#but there’s also stress about like everything else. and world situation isn’t doing anything#and also everyone around me makes me angry#and also everyone makes me angry.#like if anyone’s reading this genuinely go fuck urself u have no ability to help me and you’re really!! really stupid for thinking you have#ANY#idea what it feels like for me rn. and let’s be real you don’t have a solution either so what’s the point#i really really reeeaaaaalllyyyyyyyyy just want to rip someone’s throat out if I can be real#god i need to get any kind of sleep at all#EVERYTHING SUCKS. GENUINELY EVERYTHING SUCKS. ITS BAD!!!! ITS BAD!!!!!!!!!#i like actually want to cry#& every time i start thinking abt it contextually like actually I don’t have it so bad and all of these feelings are transient or whatever#i want to rip someone’s throat out even more#& ofc that anger also turns inwards but for the most part I can just call that as stupid and move on#but like: why the fuck am i treating a Tumblr blog where none of the readers actually care abt me as if it were a fucking confessional#i don’t even want to think abt sleeping bc i know thatll suck too I’ll have some horrible stress dream#god I’m gonna start crying again actually yall i fucking hate emotions can I be real
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