#that was a horrific time for me
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arcane season 2 really happened. it’s all out and it’s over and it can’t be changed
#forever upset over s2’s fuck ups#especially over vi and her arc and all of her relationships#it could’ve been so great and i’m forever going to mourn what we could’ve had#sorry for being dramatic but like#s1 changed my life#i hate when people think you hate the entire show just for having critiques#like you don't even know what this show and these characters mean to me bro#anyway#i’m fucking sad#no i never thought this season would go 100% how i wanted or expected#but i never thought i’d be seriously disappointed with most of the writing#to the point where i wish they never continued it#which sucks#s2 you will never be her… but whatever. (it’s not whatever) (i’ve lost 98472 hrs of sleep over this)#every time i see anything s1 i want to cry#baby... you deserved so much better#lastly#i can't believe it's over#besides the leak issue the hype leading up to the release was. SO fun#it kept me going every day#i can't cope with my life problems anymore by being like 'well at least arcane s2 got me!'#'at least arcane s2 was awesome and well written and just what i hoped and more!'#fuck my stupid life#nostalgjc talks#no but . i'm okay now#compared to how i felt directly after act 2 and 3#that was a horrific time for me#i've settled with this loss :(
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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i love gale so so so so much
but fuck does his initial reaction to the player beaming romantic thoughts into his head via weave make me wanna peel my skin off
don't get me wrong, it's cute, he's cute, i love it, its such a sweet bonding moment and I scream- but also when he has that initial shock and embarrassment before the elation settles in, it makes me want to die and that's not a criticism of him or anything because that is a very realistic and understandable why to respond even if he is genuinely interested but just didn't expect it
but as someone who is also very fucking awkward and rejection sensitive my immediate instinct every time is "Okay, swing and a miss, thanks for having me- gonna go kill myself now."
and I know he immediately goes like "No, no, I really like that- I really like this."
but realistically my ass would have already been jumping off the nearest cliff, like- all i heard from that narrator was the word embarrassment and I blacked out from shame, goodbye cruel world, here lies Snark, dead from wanting to hold a wizard's hand
#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3#baldurs gate 3#again this is not me being critical#gale is my boy and i romance him every time and is romance is very well written imo#but also there's that awkward like split moment where it feels like you just made an idiot out of yourself and that's all it takes for me#immediately nearest cliff and im gone#this is purely a me thing im a big sensitive wittle baby and that scene is both so earnestly sweet and beautiful and horrifically awkward#which is just kind of what love is i think
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I've been binging Batman Beyond recently (Terry ily so much) and thought about how- bc of the JLU twist which I think isn't even canon to the comics BB verse but shhh bare with me- he'd technically be Damian's half brother??? Which is just so ridiculously soap opera to me. I need them to interact in a silly time travel adventure so bad you don't even understand (ID in alt)
#dc comics#damian wayne#terry mcginnis#batman beyond#batman and robin#mine#also feat the mild damian uniform redesign i like playing around with. it's fun i like her. i love u classic robin colours#the backstory for this image in my mind is that Terry knows of Damian/has maybe met him#in the future (whether we're going w the rebirth ''damian rejoins the league'' angle that i. don't love conceptually but can't judge-#-bc i haven't read. or if we go w/ some other potential future route for damian) and Terry is like. experiencing whiplash at meeting him-#-as robin. like you are 5 feet tall why r u so bossy. where is your dad good god. this is why i don't have a robin (?this is pre matt-robin)#but Terry's in an unfamiliar time trying not to cause a paradox so he puts aside his indignitude(?) at being bossed around by a kid#just long enough to make sure nothing goes horrifically wrong. hence this image takes place#<- i could've been a lot more eloquent explaining this but it's very late and i should've been asleep ages ago#anyway. absolutely crazy to me that Damian has had multiple flavours of secret brother plots and terry is a potential addition. rip damian#(also in my ideal future damian took up the nightwing mantle (EVERYONE READ NIGHTWING MUST DIE!!!) before retiring(#idk what his future career is. lowkey hes a webcomic artist in my brain but that's so horrendously self indulgent i can't condone it#also i decided to try my hands at lineart again. evil. how are you so stiff looking and difficult to do. waughh#anyway if things look weird. no they don't
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nine!simm!master
#horrific: the time war turned you into your own worst enemy#this version of the master would be so full of rage it would be Actually fucking scary. i think simm!doctor woukld piss himself#can you guys choose if his doctor would be simm or ten?#my art#doctor who#ninth doctor#simm!master#the master#swap au#fanart#dw#also new pfp for me i think
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every day i wake up and thank mxtx for publishing novels with three of my favorite things: soft gay men, excessive violence, and gut churning psychological horror
#i dont know if they would actually count as horror but they do to me#several times in tgcf i had to put the book down and process the horrific shit i just read#and thats my favorite thing in media!!#.text#mxtx#mdzs#tgcf
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[ cw: experimentation / slight body horror implications / ]
Every time I think of the “Bad Hair Day” episode, I’m always a little thrown off by how off-putting it is when looked at from a distance. Like, in that episode Leo is just wanting time to rest for once. That’s it. He just wants some rest and relaxation.
And he’s so desperate to get it that he makes a deal with some random guy to basically uh. Be experimented on. In a way that definitely doesn’t seem all that pleasant in the process!
But hey, at least it works out well and Leo’s happy with it, right?
Then, finally thinking he’s getting the rest he worked for, he instead essentially becomes a host for a parasite that is embedded into his skull. And gets blamed for the actions of the adult that took advantage of his wish for rest.
Like????? I can’t help but feel just a touch of horror at the theming here. Leo just wanted a trip to the spa…
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#nah i talked about it before and i think others have too but this is still an oof moment to witness#my poor boy wanted to SLEEP#i don’t dislike the ep tho it’s genuinely a fun time if you don’t think about the kinda horrific theming#don’t mind me just being unnecessarily angsty about random comedy episodes
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more dreamling dad au bc thats just what i do now apparently i like lazy afternoon naps and so do our boys
#dreamling#hob gadling#dream of the endless#morpheus#the sandman netflix#sandman fanart#a few people have asked me what the babs name is#ive been calling him Kian#and he gets jealous of Nightmare and wants to be scary too sometimes so his dad made him that horrific onesie#to kian's exact specifications thank u#my art#its important to me that people know kians got dreams dark hair and flair for dramatics but#hes also got hobs big dumb sunshine brown calf eyes that he flashes to get his way bc he also has hobs effortless charm#i also headcanon as he gets older he secrets handfuls of sand into his pockets from EVERYWHERE bc he wants to be like his dad#and hob has to be the sand police and has to make kian turn out his pockets on the doorstep every time they come home from anywhere#bc theres only so much vaccuuming even an immortal man can take#and kian does so but petulantly and while sporting dreams patented Imperious Pissy Face#they have a rule that kian is allowed to stomp as loudly as he wants to his room but isnt allowed to slam doors#in this essay i will-
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GILLIOB😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#THATS MY SON#im on ep 102 but i doodled this during 97…#killed me btw#ep 97 was fucking crazy#twt saw it first#anyways the black sea is horrific#i cannot believe this is the first time im posing gill art when ive been listening to riptide for 3 years#im in my jrwi binge arc#jrwi#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#jrwi gillion#gillion#gillion tidestrider#gillion fanart#just roll with it gillion#just roll with it#just roll with it fanart#fanart#my art#art#digitalart#doodle#tagging sucks
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Honestly, the "gay voice" and the "tranny voice" are both so fucking beautiful and stunning. Frankly, those are the voices I would rather hear than somebody who is complaining about the way queer people exist and speak. Those voices are what I want to hear serenaded to me, to hear express joy and pain and love, and hear exist. Those are the voices that are most gorgeous.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#watching a video by somebody with a 'gay voice' and it's refreshing. like a pitcher of ice-cold lemonade on a 100°F/37°C afternoon#it's just weird because people who complain about 'stereotypical' queer voices act like it's a crime???#like its a genuine horrific experience that somebody has a voice that is deemed 'stereotypical'#i was a section leader with a guy with THE gayest voice and i adored that his gayness bled into the way he spoke#i just loved the idea of being So Understanding of yourself that you let it overcome you#and at the time i was starting to internalize so much transphobia and homophobia...#...and i prevented myself from existing so boldly. part of me envied him for his unapologetic gayness#i thought that kind of openess wasn't to be afforded to me because i hadn't earned it
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im not back yet im just showing these here before pride month ends. reminding you guys that im the deadsilent ceo. HAPPY PRIDE from a non binary aroace lesbian
#brawl stars#brawl stars fanart#brawl stars art#brawl stars mortis#deadsilent#gray x mortis#mortis x gray#chester is the baby LMFAO#the website for tumblr is seriously so painful to use but im getting there#ive been kind of Out of brawl stars lately bc of me personally distancing myself from the horrific fandom#but im back on my grind#ALSO berry and clancy are wonderful thanks fernada for your banger brawler designs every time
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i think Ingo deserves to be angry. (seeing red, if you will) (for day 28 of Sept-Ingo: red)
#submas#ray's art#month of ingo#sept-ingo#subway boss ingo#gliscor#pokemon arceus#just the idea that Someone knew of ingo's problem#lost in time and space#even maybe had the power to do something about it#but looked at him and decided it wasn't worth the effort?#that he did not deserve to know where he came from? if he had a family?#sat back and did nothing#shoving a child into a horrific situation where their life as on the line daily...#yeah.#i think ingo would be mad#i think he would want to battle it#i think he would want to look at God and say#i defeated you. now send me Home.
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Choo-choo! We've almost reached the likes goal on the reblog game!
Please be mindful of future likes for this game!
Now then get ready for departure soon! All Aboard!
For this post
Thank you everyone so, so, so, SOOOO MUCH!!! I set an incredibly difficult goal for this honestly, and yet you all helped it be reached!! I appreciate it so much, thank you!!
Unfortunately however, the next part is not finished yet. I was planning to have it finished and ready weeks ago, but I became severely sick and have been unable to finish it to have it ready for this wonderful moment :( I’m so sorry. And I am still pretty bad off, and I’m unsure how much longer it’ll be like this for me.
But!! It was still pretty far along when I had to stop. A lot of it is done. And I have tried to make it up to everyone by making the part extra long. And it is becoming more lighthearted and about comfort now, the next choice to make falls into that ^^
ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU EVERYONE!! It means a lot to me to see that people are actually commenting on the comic and celebrating that it has reached its goal. It means a lot to see that people care!! I am so excited to get the next part out to you guys and to continue on this once again!! ^^ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
#wayward’s asks#this is also why I have been gone again unfortunately#I talk about my general health below in case you don’t wanna read that#my stomach has turned on me and I’m unable to eat anything without horrific pain#it is like my gastritis from last year but doubled now#not eating has left me exhausted and I am sleeping a lot right now#but unlike last year I cannot afford to lose anymore weight#so it’s been a lot harder this time around#that’s why I’m not around a lot right now anywhere really#I am trying to fix it and make it better but it has steps and it’s taking time#I’m so tired of being tired and nauseous#so thank you for your patience#I really appreciate it#I see my other asks and I’m so sorry i haven’t gotten to the#them#but I wanted to respond to this and not just leave this here#because I do really appreciate everyone’s collective efforts a lot#thank you
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there is nothing quite like stepping out of one's workplace expecting the darkness of a november 7pm and instead being faced with the most delicate glittering you-have-just-entered-narnia SNOWFALL
#news from the cupola#I work in a basement and thus was expecting the Damp Drear of the weather earlier in the day!#it's snowed off and on a little earlier in the month but never enough to properly stick#but for the moment it is STICKING and I am DELIGHTED#butler fetch me my horrific wintertime playlist. good king wenceslas time.
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id like to thank ninjago episode snake jaguar for everything but nothing all at the same time
#alek art#lego ninjago#ninjago#sensei wu#ninjago wu#zane julien#previous master of ice mention#2024#(going to do this everytime) FOR CONTEXT : dr juliens 1st death and garms banishment took place in a similar time frame#so wu wouldve been young when he met zane for the first time#also i am very aware zane is ooc here ! prior to getting his powers and them actually settling in his body and mind.. he was a bit of a#jackass in my eyes. we see bits and pieces of zane snark in the series itself BUT like. dr julien described zane as acting different post#getting his powers. and we know elemental powers can mess with how someone behaves. kai being a hot head... so yeah#really wise whimsical old man stuck in the body of a 19 year old#VERSUS#egocentric grown ass man with no friends who lives in the woods and is a robot#they become friends. zane calls wu 'kid' every sentence#i forgot that wu doesnt visit zane often in canon. uhhh basically in my version bc avg zane fan thing to change canon: wu goes to dr julien#house and sees zane. he knew ice had 'gifted' zane his powers and how that could really fuck up a person. he shows up everyday for a week o#two and him and zane talk while zane swims or cuts wood or whatever. wu says their house is in the way of his walking path as an excuse#eventually wu stops showing up and dr julien passes and life goes on as we see them in canon#does rhat make any sense at all ? probably not i have a horrific headache#uhh at the time of writing this we are on s7 (on rewatch) so if anything changes ill lyk . lolsies#ask me about them please
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