#Let him be angry and emotional in a way that is actually taken seriously by the narrative

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

Saw someone talk about how Tim Stoker is Lance McClain coded and this further proves my agenda that Lance deserved a revenge obsessed arc

[avocado-writing]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

*eats your words*

no but seriously, your writing has me kicking my feet when I’m supposed to be typing an essay 😞‼️ I was wondering if you could do some headcanons for the companions x monk! Tav who, when being confessed to, Tav responds with “it’ll pass”?

basically fleabag inspired 😍‼️ please and thank you! stay safe n warm 🔫

OH GOD HEARTBREAKING i tried to make it have a happy ending tho!!! enjoy! and I'm so glad that you enjoy my writing! (mild nsfw mentions)

writing as if you're saying this because you think you wouldn't be the best option for their future, one way or another, and want to try and soften the blow for them by replying like this. you only want them to be happy and you're scared it can't be with you.

Astarion

you cup his face, and the look in your eyes is so, so sad.

you think perhaps your simple nomadic lifestyle will not be enough for him. you love him, you do, but he needs someone more modern. more cosmopolitan.

when you tell him it will pass you see a myriad of expressions cross his face: sadness, confusion, anger... but finally, resolve.

he takes your hand in his, firmly.

"my heart. I know when things will pass, and when they won't. my love for you is not some trifle, a fashion to be abandoned like it would go out of style. I mean it. I can make my own decisions, and I have decided where I want to be. It's with you."

he reaches out to embrace you. you're surprised, but let him do it anyway, and you bury your face into his neck to hide your emotions.

maybe, just maybe, you were wrong.

you hold him tighter than ever that night.

Gale

you're worried he is too smart for you. that he will get bored of you, and the idea breaks your heart.

you tell him "it'll pass" when he confesses because you're scared.

seems actually offended that you'd tell him his love for you might be fleeting.

"there are things which will span the ages. stories, gods, heroes. my love for you is one of them. I do not confess that lightly. you are a beacon of hope in my life, love... and that will never fade."

goes on for some time afterwards about how committed he is and how much he loves you, until eventually you accept that he's not going anywhere.

bloody wizards, so good with their words...

fall asleep that night after having the most intimate lovemaking session, all about feeling each other's breath and heartbeats.

he is here to stay, forever.

Wyll

wyll deserves someone amazing. someone who could handle his life if he became duke, and you're scared you'll let him down.

when you tell him 'it'll pass' he is hurt, and leaves the conversation for a moment. you think perhaps it is for the best. you don't need this to cause any more pain.

but later he comes to find you and asks if he can have a private moment. you find out he wasn't hiding from you but preparing: he has a little intimate picnic set up where you can sit and be alone.

when you're comfortable he tells you about how deep his love is, how fate has thrown you together.

"there is nothing about how i feel about you that could pass. nothing."

to prove his point, he slips to his knee, and that is when he proposes.

you're overcome with emotion. you have to accept how committed to you he is, and work out if you deserve something as fierce as his love.

there are tears in your eyes when you accept. you never think his love will pass again.

Karlach

probably the hardest one to say this too. together, your future is so uncertain. it will be easier to break it off here rather than maim both of you.

gets angry. in fact, goes into a rage. tears up the surroundings, and for a moment you're taken aback--

but then she turns and she's sobbing, stuck at the midpoint between being apoplectic and brokenhearted.

"you don't get to decide that for me! you don't! you're the first person i've loved... I've touched... I've felt anything for, for a fucking decade! when i feel this, it doesn't fade! how dare you think about yourself like that? as if you're some sort of phase?"

eventually she calms down enough but bursts into tears instead. you go to hold her and she embraces you so tightly that the wind is knocked from your body.

"i love you. i won't leave you. don't leave me." her voice is tiny.

how could you ever say no? how could you ever doubt her?

when the two of you are in Avernus, you're reminded of this moment, and so glad she fought against it. you'd trade this away for nothing.

Lae'zel

would she want someone like you? long term? she's so brave, so fierce. what if you're not good enough? what if your relationship develops only for you to let her down?

she gets angry too, but quieter.

is furious that you would question her affection.

"githyanki do not give their devotion lightly. the fact that you think my love for you could pass makes me wonder how well you know me."

it turns into an argument where you try and explain your side, and she's angry at you for thinking this way.

eventually it descends into angrily making out. some fierce lovemaking. her saying how much she loves you, possesses you, between every bite and kiss.

you lie in the afterglow. she says she will not leave, and pretty much tells you that you won't either. you agree, and tangle your hand with hers.

Shadowheart

tries to hide how hurt she is.

yes, Shar is the lady of loss, but the idea of losing you... of not having you in her life? unthinkable.

you only tried to tell her it will pass so that, if she wishes to become a dark justiciar, she will have no lingering attachment to you after.

and yet...

it is blasphemy for her, but she refuses to let you go.

"no. i won't allow it. i can't believe this will fade between us. you are the most precious thing to me. stay."

you're weak for her, end up tumbling into bed, reconfirming your love for each other.

you never quite believe that this is forever until she changes her hair, embraces selune. then your heart is full of joy. and it is full of Shadowheart.

[radiant-reid]

just saw the post abt having to explain to spencer the talking stage then an actual relationship and how he overhears her telling someone she doesnt hv a bf maybe a blurb/fic on that idea?

Spencer steals glances at you every morning while you make your coffee and chat with Emily. It's so apparent to everyone what he's doing that JJ and Morgan have taken to stealing things off his desk, seeing how much they can take before he notices.

One day, when you're walking back to your desk you make a comment that has his interest piqued even more. "No, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment. I'm enjoying being single."

Spencer's heart sinks at your words, his mind instantly conjuring images of your dates. Dates that should mean he's your boyfriend, right? So why are you telling everyone you're single?

His head is spinning with confusion, and it's turning to anger pretty quickly. Are you ashamed to be with him? Surely if you're enjoying being single, that means you're dating other people or that you're not even interested in him.

He can't believe it, his emotions swinging from anger to sadness. It's unbelievable and you're breaking his heart.

Before you're even sitting down, Spencer's getting up and rushing to the bathroom to calm his racing heart rate before he has to be sick.

Your conversation doesn't even remain in your mind while you continue your day. What feels odd is Spencer freezing you out. Usually, on boring paperwork days, Spencer will tell you fun facts or dumb science jokes just to break up the repetitive work and horrific nature of your files.

He doesn't. Not a single comment comes your way, not even when you ask very open-ended science questions, basically inviting him to ramble about his favorite topics. None of it entices him.

His sarcastic remarks come just after lunchtime with a snappy attitude that irritates you. You're worried about him, firstly. Something must be wrong in his personal life to have him like this, but you can't help feeling a little angry that it's all being directed at you.

You were just starting to really like him and now he's turned around and shown you who he really is just because you're arguably who he's closest with. He's quickly becoming not the type of person you want to be with.

When you're the last two people in the bullpen, you realize you can't let him stay there all night. No matter how annoying he is, you're his friend, first and foremost, and he's clearly going through something.

So you approach him. "Hey, do you want to get dinner?" You ask.

"Not with you," Spencer replies coldly and totally uncharacteristically.

That's your breaking point. "What's wrong? Seriously, you've been horrible to me all day and I can't think of anything I've done to offend you."

Spencer sighs and it's weirdly more regretful than angry. "I... do you remember what you said this morning?"

You frown, unsure of what exactly he's referencing. "No?" Then you quickly add, "But I want to make things right."

"You said you didn't have a boyfriend." He feels pathetic saying it. The idea that someone like you would never be interested had been slipping from his mind, but now that concern is at the front of his mind.

You're only more confused then. "I don't."

"I thought I..." His cheeks flame up with embarrassment and he puts on a front of nonchalance. "I thought I was your boyfriend, okay? That's it."

Oh.

You wish you could have given Emily a different answer that morning. You would have proudly told her that Spencer Reid is your boyfriend, but you couldn't.

"You never asked me." You say softly, shuffling awkwardly on your feet.

"Did I need to?" He wonders dumbly, and it's very obvious that he's just unaware.

You shrug, explaining your point of view. "I thought we were still at the talking stage."

"The what?" Spencer asks.

"Like when you're just talking and casually dating, trying to work out if you're friends or if there's a romantic connection." You describe.

He nods softly before his heart sinks again. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot." You're easily the best thing that's been in his life for a long time, and now he's totally ruined it. If you didn't think he was too inexperienced before, you do now.

"You're not, not provably." You break the awkward silence and tension that's fallen over the room, making him chuckle a little. "And I like you, exclusively."

Spencer's frown is adorable but it's concerning large this time. "Really? Still?"

"Mm-hmm." You assure him. "As long as you promise to talk to me when something's wrong instead of icing me out."

He stands up quickly, nodding. "I swear and I'm really sorry." He promises you. "So would you like to go to dinner? As boyfriend and girlfriend?"

You try to suppress an inappropriately large grin. "I would."

Spencer doesn't hide his smile and he's awkwardly tripping over his bag and feet to meet you around his side of the desk. "Let's do it." He smiles softly at you, offering out his hand for you to hold.

You take it happily, walking to the elevator with him. "Let's do it, boyfriend."

[evilbihan]

Bi-Han was a good brother.

(original post here) I came back only to make this a seperate post so it shows up in the search and Bi-Han's tags again.

I think about this scene a lot.

People like to use Bi-Han's behavior here as an excuse to paint him as a bad brother and instantly assume that he always treated Tomas that way because of one mean thing he says to him in the entirety of the story mode, intros included.

It's almost like siblings never argue and say horrible things to each other that they later feel bad for. Personally, I believe this is the first time Bi-Han ever snapped at Tomas like that, for a multitude of reasons.

Smoke doesn't hesitate to talk back to Bi-Han, he doesn't seem intimidated by him at all. If Bi-Han were to really constantly put Tomas down and say hurtful things to him, he would be more hesitant to provoke him and avoid confrontation as much as possible. But he doesn't.

Of course, every individual is different but take it from someone who has grown up in an abusive household. If someone regularly insults you and belittles you, you're going to start walking on eggshells around them and that's not what Tomas does around Bi-Han at all.

Smoke's expression here displays hurt, anger and confusion. That's the face of someone who just got a reaction he did not expect. His body language would be different if he was used to hearing things like that from Bi-Han. He wouldn't look so surprised if he heard that whole "Lin Kuei blood" speech before. He also doesn't lower his eyes, doesn't flinch... nothing that implies Bi-Han ever talked to him like this on other occasions.

Kuai Liang's silence in this scene speaks volumes too. He doesn't try and defend Smoke, doesn't tell Bi-Han his words are uncalled for and he doesn't interrupt him either. I believe Kuai Liang was just as surprised as Tomas was by Bi-Han's sudden harsh reaction. Furthermore, there is literally no reason for him to step in.

Brothers argue, they get angry at each other. Anger is a normal human emotion and snapping at someone when you're angry doesn't make you a horrible person.

Let's talk about this scene next.

I feel stupid for even mentioning this take here because it's the silliest, most ridiculous and wildest thing I've ever seen but a surprising amount of people with flat-earther mentalities cling onto it, so even though it's obviously bs, let's debunk it once and for all.

Honestly, the first time I saw a post claiming Bi-Han kicked that rock on purpose to kill Smoke I had to re-read it twice because I couldn't believe someone would actually believe that and expect to be taken seriously.

If Bi-Han ever wanted to get rid of Smoke, he could have done so a million times already. He could have banished Tomas as soon as he became grandmaster.

He also could have aimed better.

Here's what actually happened:

Both brothers rush to the edge to check if Smoke is okay. Both are worried about him. If Bi-Han never cared about Tomas he wouldn't even have bothered coming over to see if he's still alive. He would have done the only reasonable thing in this situation, which is keeping an eye on Nitara who just attacked them.

Yes, the rock comes loose as soon as Bi-Han steps closer to the edge but that's entirely accidental and Bi-Han's surprised expression proves it.

You can see the exact moment his eyes say "Oh sh*t" because he briefly looks at the rock and instantly back at Tomas. He looks concerned, not pleased with himself like he just commited a clever murder attempt. He even reaches out as if to stop the damn rock.

He wanted to save Tomas.

It's disgusting how some people try to twist this moment into anything other than that.

Are we also going to ignore the subtle way Bi-Han puts himself in front of Kuai Liang, bracing himself while Kuai Liang flinches backwards during Nitara's attack?

What about the fight against Ermac? Bi-Han almost died, fought an insanely powerful being and his first instinct is asking his brothers if they're unharmed.

I've seen someone argue that he "only asks them if they're fine because he needs them for the mission" to which I say, they were fine. They literally looked fine, no blood on them, no scratches. Tomas didn't even go anywhere near Ermac and Bi-Han still checks on both of them.

We all know what happens next.

Yes, Bi-Han scars Kuai Liang as a way to punish him for his disobedience. Would a good brother do that? No, but a good grandmaster would. Is it fucked up? Absolutely. But again, Kuai Liang seems shocked, hurt and angry by what his brother did, just like Tomas before. Neither of them ever taught Bi-Han capable of something like that, indicating that while flawed, he was a good brother prior to his descent into madness.

When the fight starts, Tomas doesn't even try to step in. He only gets involved after Kuai Liang is injured. He wasn't expecting Bi-Han to go that far. It was a surprise to both of them because Bi-Han never once hurt them before.

As a side note, punishing his warriors for disobedience was certainly not something Bi-Han came up with himself, but rather something he was taught was acceptable by either his father or other Lin Kuei elders, but this post is meant to only focus on canon facts and what we see on screen so I won't elaborate on that here.

In a twisted way of a peace offer Bi-Han still offers a hand to Kuai Liang after scarring him and actually expects it to be accepted. He wants his brothers to join him, he wants to share the glorious future he has planned out for the Lin Kuei with both Tomas and Kuai Liang. Yes, he may be in the wrong but he wants them both on his side.

He wants it to be them against the world. He never intended for it to be him against them.

So far, that's it for the story mode.

Sadly, we never got to see what the relationship between the brothers looked like before Bi-Han gave in to corruption but the intros give us a pretty good idea of that still.

Mileena: "My bond with Kitana can't be broken." Scorpion: "I'd once thought the same of mine with Bi-Han."

They used to be close. If Kuai Liang really thought his bond with Bi-Han was unbreakable, there must have been good in Bi-Han before his frustrations led him to make all these bad decisions. Had he been some kind of abusive monster as the fandom constantly claims, they would have never been close to begin with. The brotherly love between them might be gone now but that doesn't mean it was never there.

Smoke: "Are we to be enemies for life?" Sub-Zero: "Unless you submit, Tomas."

Tomas doesn't want them to be enemies. Yes, he says Bi-Han has always been cold with him in another intro, but cold does in no way equal cruel or abusive. Bi-Han had valid concerns about Smoke's loyalty to the Lin Kuei when Tomas lost his family because of the clan. If anything, Bi-Han not trusting Tomas only shows he was protective of the Lin Kuei and worried that Smoke would end up wanting vengeance one day.

If Bi-Han ever hurt Tomas before, Tomas wouldn't be going out of his way to reunite the brothers, even asking for Liu Kang's help to do so. He says he can't forgive Bi-Han for letting their father die and yet he wants him back in his life. If Bi-Han had always been a bad brother why would Smoke want him back? Shouldn't he be relieved it's just Kuai Liang and him now? Instead, he's heartbroken that Bi-Han and him are now enemies.

Sub-Zero: "Resist me, and there will be consequences." Smoke: "And to think I once idolized you."

Tomas used to look up to Bi-Han. Who would look up to a genuinely horrible person? Absolutely no one. And for Bi-Han's part of the dialogue, he keeps warning his brothers, telling them to submit, to stand down, to not resist or try to fight him. It means he, too, doesn't want to fight them or hurt them.

Scorpion: "A shadow's fallen on your soul." Sub-Zero: "No, brother. I've seen the light."

What more do you need than this bit here as proof that Bi-Han didn't always use to be like this? Shadows only exist where light is present too. There must have been light in Bi-Han before said shadow corrupted him.

Both Kuai Liang and Tomas only resent Bi-Han for two things. Letting their father die and breaking his oath to protect Earthrealm. Nothing else is ever brought up.

At this point I think it's safe to say it's canon that Bi-Han was never abusive or a bad brother towards either Kuai Liang or Tomas.

That's it.

No headcanons, no what if's. No bullshit, just facts.

The only time Bi-Han hurts Kuai Liang is after he reached his breaking point and snapped and they're both equally ready to fight and hurt each other by then. Kuai Liang is even the one who draws first blood. Does that make him abusive too? Not at all.

[misteria247]

I think one of the many reasons I like the TimmyJimmy ship so much is because Jimmy is like a positive influence for Timmy. Jimmy represents a brighter tomorrow in a way. That despite everything that Timmy's come to accept about himself and believing that he's essentially a bane of everyone's existence, for some reason Jimmy wants to be around him. Like imagine-

You're Timmy. For years you've been essentially told that you're not wanted. That your personality is annoying and unpleasant, that you make everything worse just by existing and breathing. That no matter what you do, everything goes up in flames. Your parents make it known that they'd rather do anything else than be around you. That they only find value in what you rarely offer. The kindness that you display often times backfires or gets taken for granted. Your friends, while they care, clearly prefer each other's company over yours. Literally the entire world is hellbent on reminding you that no matter what you do, someone's gonna be angry at you or just not give a fuck. The only good thing in your life is your adopted fairy parents who love you to bits and pieces. And it's because of them you still continue to do your best even though some days you wanna say fuck it.

And then one day you meet this boy from another universe.

He's smart, a bit cynical and can be rather blunt and for some reason he rubs you the wrong way at first. But once you both start to get to know one another, you find yourself enjoying his company and to your surprise the feelings mutual. You tentatively enter this friendship with him, excepting the other shoe to drop. For him to reveal his "true" feelings towards you. For him to finally become sick of you. You wait and wait and yet......

He never does.

Before you realize it, you're apart of a team involving a ghost and a sponge, with this genius being the leader and you being the muscle. You grow close to them, and over and over again you're forced to entertain the idea that maybe you are worth the effort. This boy includes you in his plans, and takes your words seriously and let's you into his lab. You're the first person he goes to, and he's always willing to explain his inventions and the science to you even though you don't understand. And when there's fights and you think that this is it, that he's finally had enough.....

He throws your expectations right out the damn window.

Over and over and over again he takes everything you'd learned over your lifetime and burns it to the ground. He sticks with you through thick and thin, and is willing to stay with you because he wants too. Slowly making you begin to actually be comfortable in your own skin. To let that side you're always keeping quiet out more. And then one day you look at him, you see him smiling and laughing at some joke you said and you see the light and mirth in his gaze, the sincere emotions that you bring to him just by being yourself. And it's then you realize that maybe you can have good things in your life. That there's truly a rainbow at the end of every storm. That when you look at him, you feel like spring.

Just ugh they make me insane-

[orbmanson7]

Why Logan is Trapped by the Narrative: A Quick Analysis on the Effects of Thomas' Black-and-White Thinking

Why is Logan so caught up on not being seen as a joke?

Why does he care so much about what Thomas and the others think of him?

Can't he just be Logic without having to deny he has feelings, without constantly filling only the roles of exposition in the show and the voice of reason for Thomas?

Well, here's the thing: Logan is trapped by the narrative.

Thomas' perception of the narrative, to be exact.

Think of it this way - you know how so many people argue that we can't have a female president in the US because she would somehow be "too emotional" to handle the position properly?

While complete nonsense (at least in comparison to plenty of emotional decisions men can make, too), the point is that people see the role of a president as someone who is calm, collected, and in control. They know that person will have to make very important decisions, so it's believed they need to be someone who is informed and level-headed.

Similarly, if you were to hire a lawyer, only for that lawyer to constantly get angry and loud and scream at people when someone argued with them, would you trust them to be able to do their job properly?

If you went to the doctor, only for your doctor to cry and sob with empathy for you, only offering up niceties and positive words instead of factual information to improve your situation, would you ever go back to such a doctor or trust them to help anyone?

People perceive certain jobs and roles in very specific ways.

It's not that a lawyer can't get emotional, but they need to understand how to keep their calm when they are doing their job. It's not that a doctor can't have empathy and care about their patients, but they need to not let it interfere with their work.

People tend to see the world as more black and white than it actually is. We perceive people for their roles, not as the multi-faceted folks that they truly are.

Just because you see a coworker who's always quiet and reserved doesn't mean they are like that when they go home. Just because your teacher is strict and quick to find faults doesn't mean they are like that when they're on vacation.

Often, people think someone can only be one or the other, not varying shades of both and more. But even people we know very well can have aspects that we don't know or understand.

Logan exists within shades of gray, removed from those arbitrary constructs society holds but still required to operate within them because of Thomas.

This is why he has to insist on being heard, being taken seriously, not making mistakes.

Because everything relies on Thomas' perception of him.

If Thomas doesn't find Logan reliable? He won't be reliable.

If Thomas doesn't trust him when he tells him the truth? He won't be trustworthy.

If Thomas thinks Logan is wrong about something? Then Logan will be wrong.

It all comes down to how Thomas' mind perceives everything, and Logan is always, always torturously aware of that fact. Thomas is human. He has a lot of black-and-white thinking that he hasn't challenged just yet.

It's because of this that Logan knows he can't mess up, because then Thomas will see those mistakes as him. He will be identified in that way.

We see this with the other sides a lot, too, by the way.

Patton isn't taking seriously even when he has good suggestions because he's always telling jokes and relying on feelings. But Morality is something important that should be listened to and taken seriously at times, as it's meant to guide your actions.

Roman is reprimanded a lot for arguing and yelling at others, but he is constantly fueled by passion. He's built to stand up for what he believes in, even if he's wrong or making an impulsive decision in the moment! Tampering down that passion would prevent him from expressing the Creativity that he embodies!

Virgil's entire role is to scare Thomas into not doing things that could potentially hurt him, so Thomas perceived him as scary and villainous for a very long time. But without it, Thomas could easily get hurt!

The same can be said for Janus and Remus, too. They initially come off as villainous, bad, and evil, despite their actual purpose and intentions, only because Thomas has perceived them and their roles in that way.

Logan cannot make mistakes because then he'll be seen as unreliable or wrong. He can't display emotions because then he'll be seen as emotional, compromised and unable to make unbiased decisions. He can't be seen as a joke or not taken seriously, because then Thomas' perception of him as a voice of reason, as someone with valuable knowledge, as someone he can always trust to tell him the truth...that will all be gone. It will warp Logan into something that he's not, so he has to maintain those rigid guidelines as much as absolutely possible to remain in his position.

Does this mean Logan really can have emotions? Can he enjoy silly activities or a good joke? Yes, of course he can.

But it needs to be kept separate from his role as Thomas' logic.

And this is where the issue arises. Because Thomas wants his sides to constantly act as their own characters, this puts a lot of spotlight on Logan even when he is in private. He can't be perceived at any time as someone Thomas can't trust or rely on, so his role as Logic invades the other part of his existence, too.

If a lawyer was stoic and formal even at home with their family, their family would probably find them odd, and the lawyer would probably feel stressed about being completely unable to ever unwind.

If a doctor could not show empathy even to their own children, relying only on facts, unable to comfort them because their coworkers could see their every move and they couldn't risk being seen as emotional for even a moment, the doctor would likely have a very stilted relationship with their kids, unable to connect with them in the way they want.

For Logan, he has to remain a reliable, unbiased, unfeeling Logic at all times because he is constantly being perceived as such.

Because it's all about who's watching and what's expected to be seen.

Logan wants to be more than his role as Logic, more than what is expected of him. But he knows the consequences of him trying to do so could harm Thomas in the long run, leaving him without a much-needed voice of reason.

So he's not going to let that happen, even if that means he has to hide away all the parts of 'Logan' that don't quite fit what Thomas expects of him.

Because Thomas needs him to be Logic a hell of a lot more than he needs him to be Logan.

[seraphirism]

what happened at the end of chapter 4?? im not really updated anymore due to busy schedule :/

hii, and I’d be happy to explain (*^^*)!

readers, please be aware that there are spoilers below (of chapter 4 and “wish upon a black rabbit” or 黒兎に願いを込めて event story) so proceed with discretion!

I tried my best to condense it but I wasn’t sure how far you had read, plus the story following part 3 of chapter 4 till part 5 is completely connected (in a way that you wouldn’t understand one part if you didn’t know the previous part) so I gave it my best shot! I’ll include a tldr at the very end so you can read that if you want to avoid the barrage of text; I went kinda overboard?

in chapter 4, as we know, Boschi’s demon took over him; he lost control to it. but unlike the case of Bastien, Haures and Lato where they lost control because of an emotional outburst (caused by extreme despair or rage), Boschi gave control to his demon on purpose.

(just in case if you don’t know/remember why, let me give a brief summary!)

Aruji and the second floor butlers were sent over to guard the Seirans/セイラン, a noble family in the East. this was after kidnappings and attacks were done by an unknown assailant (the white headed, elf looking guy). the stranger was specifically targeting nobles associated with the Sardis family.

while they were there, the butlers were at the same time investigating if the Seiran family had been in cahoots with the Sardis family (you know in, child trafficking and experimentation).

earlier in the chapter Boschi revealed that around 300 years ago, his mother and grandmother (who was actually his nanny) were killed on the orders of Seiran family. (that was a long story; if you want me to explain that, please send me another ask, I’ll do that separately :D!)

then skip to a week later, while Aruji and the butlers were staying at their residence (and doing their guard duties) the elf guy kidnapped the head of the Seiran family. Boschi decided he and Ammon would protect Aruji and the wife of the head of the family (while they stayed in the Seiran family’s residence), and Haures and Fennesz would leave to search for the head of the Seiran family with the help of his guards.

elf guy was targeting the families associated with Sardis. that’s because a large group of his people/compatriots went missing/were kidnapped; he suspected the Seiran family was involved with it (due to their association with the Sardis family that were publicly exposed to be carrying out human trafficking. )

it is later revealed that the Seiran family was responsible for that, in particular the wife of the head of the family (because of her twisted obsession with beauty; you’d need a separate post to understand her). she was later injured by Seraphim and killed by elf guy. unfortunately for elf guy, his people are then taken by Seraphim and Cherbim.

then Chrone/スローン attacked Aruji, Boschi and Ammon whilst this happened. however this time was different; instead of trying to kill the butlers, he was attempting to kill Aruji (so the butlers would become seriously upset/angry and thus fall under the control of their demon, fight Chrone in that state to see how strong the butlers really are. (his mission was to access the full strength of the butlers).

whilst fighting, Boschi loses his prosthetic arm protecting Aruji.

(boschi’s demon is called Zaebos/ザエボス by the way!)

Zaebos offers to give Boschi all his power for this fight (basically unlock his full potential) if Boschi agrees to give up his life to the demon (i.e die) by the end of the fight. their whole talk and meeting happens in Boschi’s subconsciousness. Boschi agrees after he loses his prosthetic arm, the incident acting as a trigger.

(he realised he and Ammon couldn’t defeat Chrone by the time Haures and Fennesz would arrive and Aruji could lose their life.).

before fully losing control to his demon (like how Bastien and the rest did), he gives Ammon a warning. then he attacks Chrone. in the end, both Ammon and Boschi managed injure Chrone enough for him to agree to leave when Seraphim asks him to (since they got an idea of how strong the devil butlers are under the influence of their demon.)

but Boschi, having lost complete control to his demon side, now attacks Ammon. Ammon, having trained with Boschi for years and years on end, well aware of Boschi’s moves and what was Boschi’s weakness in a fight (—he gets exhausted easily and rapidly loses energy to fight.), exploits this. Boschi collapses in the end, Aruji comes over and does their whole usual going into their “heart”.

this time though, when Aruji goes there, Boschi was chained to a throne (I think it was a throne?) and asleep, and Zaebos (who has the form of a leopard by the way) appeared and told Aruji that it’s no use trying to awaken Boschi because he had promised his life to him in return for power.

Aruji tries their best (which was a very emotional scene by the way, the way they kept calling out for Boschi despite Zaebos telling them that Boschi is gone for good 😭) and Boschi finally manages to hear their voice (he was in a dream-like place with his mother and grandmother, possibly passing over to the other side/about to die). he comes back and tells his demon that while he did promise to give his life to the demon, he did not specify “when” he’d give his life up (that was such a move on his part, our king ✨). so long story short, Boschi promises to give his life up to the demon when Aruji dies in the future (so he’ll die when Aruji dies.).

next thing you know, he manages to wake up with Ammon collapsed at his side. Fennesz and Haures arrive with the master of the Seiran family (who they found on their way back in a bad state). His wife, Falin is dead. there will be trials in the East to implicate the Seiran family officially.

there’s a whole mess going on with Eastern Lords Alliance but Finley will attempt his best to settle the situation; he also adds that the butlers may be asked for their assistance in the matter of finding the stranger (mr elf; please devs, give him a name already or I’ll—).

[also, I nearly forgot to add; mr elf is being suspected for the crime of killing Falin, the mistress of Seiran family since she was killed with a sword and the public believe angels would not use swords to kill, rather their light/power. in actuality, he attempted to end her life with a quick blow of his sword instead of leaving her to bleed to death from Seraphim’s attack which was from a sword.

the angels use swords now too by the way ✨ like yay, their powers weren’t enough.)

then, we’re back at devil’s palace (yay! our visit was more than a week long, less than 2 weeks, if I’m not wrong). Aruji and the second floor butlers get some much needed rest. Boschi shows Aruji their new prosthetic arm (which was made from the material of his old prosthetic arm.).

he seemed much more at peace now (but we later learn in the black bunny festival [黒兎に願いを込めて] event story that losing his prosthetic arm did trigger his memories of losing his actual arm, so now whenever he spars he gets flashbacks of Chrone cutting his prosthetic arm off. those flashbacks make him freeze up while fighting. for this reason, he trains a lot more to get over this, than he did prior to this incident.

anyhow, that event story and his card story sheds light on to boschi’s state right after chapter 4, in a bit more detail.).

lastly, Berrien visits Belen and says he hopes to be able to save Belen someday.

i read the story about 2 weeks ago; though, there’s a huge chance i might have gotten something mixed up/wrong. so feel free to correct me in the comments or send me an ask! there’s also a lot of stuff i left out because i was afraid it would get too long (it still did 😭) like about:

a: Falin/フアリン, the mistress of the Seiran family, who i’d say was the most interesting character in this chapter. i could write paragraphs upon paragraphs about her.

(i love the writing of aknk but i also believe they could have given more information on Seiran family and how they came to be what they are. They have a lot of potential for a follow up event story or even a side story. I hope in a side story we get more information or maybe in the next main story?)

b: Boschi’s past; we got a lot of information about his life and, how after everything he came to meet Berrien and became a butler.

c: Ammon! we got insight into his thoughts and feelings from when Haures became demonized, and how he feels inferior to the other butlers, how he puts less effort into training because he feels he can never reach the level Haures and Boschi are on. And so on!

d: i also skipped explaining the first two parts and a bit of part 3 of chapter 4 since you asked for the ending; (but that involved Berrien, Belen, Lono and were not exactly relevant to what happened with Boschi and the ending of chapter 4.).

Tldr: Boschi loses control to his demon after losing his prosthetic arm, he manages to defeat Chrone with the help of Ammon. Aruji brings him back from the control of his demon though ultimately he will have to give his life up to his demon the day Aruji dies. there’s investigation going on into the Seiran family, the stranger (mr elf) and his identity. his people (from the valley) are still missing because Cherubim and Seraphim took them. the butlers might get a request to aid in the investigation of mr elf.

i hope this helped (^^)! feel free to send another ask if you’re confused about something or want further explanation; i like talking about aknk so it’s no trouble for me. i hope your schedule eases up a bit, please remember to take breaks and eat/drink — have a wonderful day ✨!

[thefandomenchantress]

So. The Ace culprit theory.

I’m sure my stance on this is not surprising. Am I aware there is some evidence for it? Yes. Will I also ignore said evidence due to extreme bias? Also yes.

No but seriously. Does the Ace culprit theory hold water? While I’ll bring some of the most damning pieces of evidence up in this post, I also want to analyze if the Ace culprit theory works thematically. Or at least that’s the goal.

Okay? Okay. Let’s get started.

First things first, this motherfucker:

The Tape

As anyone who’s seen an Ace or Eden culprit theory is most likely aware of, the tape disappears from the background in this scene.

Not only that, but it can’t be a mistake. Later, Rose and Teruko can’t find the tape, even though no one has been to the gym that morning besides them. That means one of these three must’ve taken it.

Which means our only potential culprits are Eden, Ace, and Teruko…Or I guess one of them could be an accomplice who helped the real culprit. Either way, who is most likely involved in the murder?

Well, we can take Teruko off the list. Not only would it make almost no sense to kill her off right now, but she was standing the whole time and never bent down to grab the tape. If she did, it would’ve been extremely obvious to the other two and they would have said something about it.

Eden makes a lot more sense. She was shoved to the ground as it disappears, so while she was on the ground she could’ve grabbed it without anyone noticing, especially since Teruko is distracted by Ace and Ace is distracted by Nico almost murdering him. She was also already on the second floor and possibly planning her murder/setting some of her plans into action before this happened.

But Eden’s not the focus of this post. What about Ace? Can we justify why he would’ve taken the tape?

In my opinion…Not really?

See, if Ace took the tape, it would hinge on the idea that, while bleeding out and mostly unconscious, he decided he would need to commit a murder. After all, he was almost just killed and if he doesn’t act fast someone could try to murder him again. This isn’t a bad idea, per se. But I just can’t believe it.

After all, as Eden and Teruko walked in, we know Ace must be unconscious, (if we assume Nico is actually trying to kill him, which I do), since Nico is approaching him and presumably getting ready to make the final blow with the wire they’re carrying. If Ace was conscious, he wouldn’t be just sitting there accepting his fate. So that means that in the minute or so of Nico leaving and Teruko investigating, Ace would’ve had to have woken up and made enough of a coherent murder plan to know he would need the tape.

While Ace isn’t as braindead as the DRDT cast assume, this still seems like a bit of a reach for a character who lends to not think things through, especially when he’s bleeding heavily and emotions are running high. But hey, characterization is pretty subjective, so I won’t go too deep into this. Who knows, maybe Ace is a murder-plan-making genius.

But if Ace was planning a murder in order to escape the school and not get killed like he almost just was, then he would have known he needed to pass a class trial. Meaning he shouldn’t be publicly declaring he’s going to murder Nico, since if people know he was the one who murdered them, he would be executed. So if this theory were true, Ace would’ve had to have been lying about wanting to kill Nico and going off to do just that.

But if Ace was just pretending to want to kill Nico un-secretly, then why? He would need to act angry at Nico in order to not be suspicious, since that’s what he would normally do, but he doesn’t need to pretend to try and murder them to sell his act. If he took the tape and the other two saw, it would make sense for him to use “I’m going to kill Nico with it” as an excuse. But if he did steal the tape, he did it secretly, eliminating that option.

Okay, but what if we go with the theory that his plan at the time was to kill Nico with it, then plans switched and he decided to use it to kill someone else? Well, that would still leave the question of why he sneakily stole the tape. He already announced he was killing Nico, hiding the ‘weapon’ he planned to use wouldn’t do anything. Also, tape isn’t exactly a top-tier murder weapon.

All this is to say that I just can’t see why Ace would’ve acted the way he did if he was planning a murder already. Stealing the tape as he was bleeding out is the only way Ace could’ve gotten his hands on the tape, and therefore the only way he could’ve set up the murder contraption. And if that’s the case, I just don’t think it makes enough sense to me for me to believe it.

Next piece of evidence:

Arei’s crime scene

This murder method appears to be…Weirdly complicated? Especially for a chapter two case. The culprit would need a good reason to complicate their plans like this. After all, the more preparation and supplies need for your method, the more evidence that’s left behind.

The Ace Culprit theory offers a good explanation for all this. The more complicated (or clever) the murder method, the less likely it is that people are going to assume the class idiot is the culprit.

I do think this is something I…Can’t really refute? Presuming Ace somehow got his hands on the tape, maybe he had enough time to think of this plan. I can’t know for sure he didn’t.

So let’s move on to something else.

The theme(s) of Chapter Two

The most obvious title/theme of the chapter is ‘All That Glitters’, coming from the saying, ‘Not all that glitters is gold’.

At first, I thought of this as a simple, ‘people aren’t what they seem’ theme. In that case, Ace fits, because the character who’s seen as dumb and cowardly killing someone is such a clever way would be unexpected.

But I don’t think that’s quite what the saying the title is referencing means. It’s more along the lines of something not being as good as it seems. Gold is valuable, but not everything that looks like it is.

And in that case…Yeah, it doesn’t quite work for Ace anymore, since no one saw Ace as good or valuable to begin with, or at least a good majority of the cast doesn’t.

Eden, Levi, or Hu, the top murderer choices from what I’ve seen, all make more sense. The person people thought was good, and who cared about/wanted to protect everyone there, was plotting to kill one of them. Their friendly demeanor, (or in Levi’s case attempts to be friendly), misled people into thinking they were good when they weren’t…Or at least they weren’t once they were pushed to the brink.

There’s also the secret title/theme, A Good Person. This one also doesn’t quite extend to Ace, besides the fact that he and Levi are pretty interconnected. But his and Levi’s connection alone doesn’t quite prove anything. Levi never speaks to Ace about being a good person, at least from what we’ve seen, and something like that doesn’t seem to be on Ace’s mind.

Levi and Eden, however, are both major players in the notion of a good person, because of their talk at the beginning of the chapter. You could make it work for Hu, too, but I’d say she’s more looking to be a useful or reliable person than a good one. But close enough.

All in all, I don’t think culprit-Ace makes much sense, logic-wise or thematically. Especially since, at least to me, it doesn’t feel like his story is supposed to end here. That’s just how I feel, though.

If you want to bring up any other pieces of evidence, or why you think Ace is the culprit, I’d love to hear it! Since Ace is my favorite, there’s always a chance I accidentally overlooked a key piece of evidence while trying to prove his innocence.

[thursdayinspace]

🌙, ☠️, and 🌸 please!

🌙 sleep headcanon

so, i have this headcanon that mulder realizes at some point that the best way to get a good night's sleep is to have scully nearby. it starts with the late-night phone calls. when his mind is too busy for him to get any rest, he calls her, and afterwards he can sleep. he thinks at first that it's because he got all his thoughts out. but then it also happens when his mind is not racing. it seems it's just her voice in his ear or the knowledge that she's there on the other end of the line. he's just so fucking lonely. and that feeling hits so much harder at night. and she makes him feel like somebody really actually cares about him. but he feels bad about waking her up all the time, so he starts coming up with all kinds of excuses to spend the night on her couch, or have her stay over at his place. just having her there makes him feel better. she figures it out eventually, why he's finding ways for them to spend the night in the same place, and decides he can't sleep on the couch all the time, so that's how they end up sharing a bed regularly before they ever even kiss. just for comfort. just so he can fall asleep to the sound of her breathing and feel that he is not alone.

☠️ angry/violent headcanon

I think scully has a hard time with anger. like many women, she has definitely been told not to be hysterical when she showed the smallest sign of being upset. she has definitely been accused of being too emotional, or been told to calm down when she just made a perfectly reasonable observation. so she tends to bottle it up as well as she can. becoming comfortable enough to let it show when she's angry or upset is a process. and i think arguing with mulder helps with that. being taken seriously by someone she respects so much helps her to connect with her anger as well. to take her own emotions seriously.

🌸 Sex headcanon

uhh which one . . . okay, headcanon that on days where they don't have to work, scully likes being woken up with sex. mulder's head between her thighs or his fingers inside her before she's even properly ready to form words in the morning. sometimes he'll get her off but not himself, he'll go and make breakfast instead and then they'll end up in bed again for another round. now i want to write that fic.

ask me about headcanons!

[ashes-writing-corner]

I know, I know, I said I wasn't gonna write fanfiction in the month of November. I kinda lied.

Look season 2 of Moon Knight has been announced and I am a sucker for any and all things Oscar Isaac and the moon boys. That all being said, please enjoy this Jake Lockley and Steven Grant angst fest! If it gets enough likes/reblogs/comments, I'll do a part 2 with Marc. He was supposed to be in it but I ran out if time to write more.

TW: mention of the thought of self harm, somewhat accidental self harm, possible oocness, and probably very badly translated Spanish (yes, I used Google translate sue me....seriously don't I have nothing XD)

Perfect Little Punching Bag

Love.

Hate. 

There was always such a fine line between them. Was love always so fickle? Was hate always so non linear? Not helping matters was that all too often, the two emotions blended in a painful mix for him. 

It used to hurt. It used to hurt a lot…

At least Steven had been sold some kind of illusion that someone gave a rat's ass about him. Happiness based on a lie was no way to live, sure, but he had it. He believed someone cared about him, the person who was supposed to care for them the most. 

The same person he was created to protect their body from: their own mother. 

The two had their roles, and while they were close, they never actually met. Steven protected Marc Spector's heart, as in the center of the innermost feeling. Jake was created with no such blissful delusion. No. There was no comfort, no care for Jake Lockley. He was created to protect the physical body from all means of harm. 

When Wendy screamed, he would hear without truly listening. When she whipped or beat him, he'd feel it without reacting. No. He could not, and would not, let her win. Although his young throat would burn with the urge to roar and fight back, at the time he knew he stood no chance. He would lay there in the aftermath, wide eyed, his back and everywhere else burning and welted. But she did not win. 

She never won when it came to Jake. She did not see his tears. She wouldn't ever see them. And if she didn't, no one else surely would.

Where had he found his first blade again? Oh yes, he had taken it out of one of Marc's old pencil sharpeners. Jake had snagged the smallest screwdriver he could find so he could take it out. After every beating, every screaming session, when Jake felt strong enough again, he'd lift the rug in his alter's bedroom and carve another tally into the floor. Jake didn't know why he had kept track, there wasn't a point, but even now, he kept track of the many times he won, the times he cracked but never shattered. He had thought of using the blade several times on himself, but knew that would go against his purpose. Why cause more damage to a body he was supposed to defend? No, no…the floor was covered under that rug with evidence of his wrath.

Hate was an easy emotion. He was born in and from it, molded by it. If he felt it most of the time could he really call it hate? Hate at his abusive mother and enabling father. Hate at his alters for their closeness from which he was excluded. Hate at the world for molding him into this…this monster. He understood this was his lot in life, to be this hated and hateful monster, and for the longest time Jake never objected. It was his job in life and in the system. He knew his place. 

But overtime, it began to slowly take its toll. 

Jake was all too aware of the hole in his heart, if he could even call it that anymore. It was more than that now. A gaping, bloody maw that roared to be fed or else it would consume him. It was why he did what he did as brutally as he did it. Feed the maw, kill the pain inside. That was the deal. But no matter how much he did, or what he tried, it would come back with a vengeance eventually, angry at its suppression and hungry all over again. Longing consumed him, and icy loneliness gripped at his heart. It was bearable, but only to a certain extent. Again, it was his lot in life. 

But then Marc met Layla, falling in love. Oh Jake hated him for that. Marc had the nerve, the gall, the AUDACITY to attempt to be happy while Jake rotted in the excess of HIS despair?! He could stand it when one of his alters was happy. He was okay with either Steven or Marc being happy but not both of them at the same time! How was that fair?!  Even if Steven's happiness was built on illusion, he still HAD it. He felt a semblance of it, a taste of it. 

But there was no such thing as that for Jake Lockley. Never. He wasn't created to be loved. He was never meant to BE happy. He was the monster Marc created for his own darker tendencies, a way for him to subdue his conscience to do his mercenary work. 

Sometimes, Jake would think about trying to approach one of or maybe both of them. Jake would imagine it, talking himself up a bit, trying to think of what he would tell them, and hope that the two alters would find something in him worth accepting.  But oh no Khonshu couldn't let that happen. The moon god poured poison in Jake's ear, which dripped slowly to the maw in his heart…

“Do you really think those two idiots care about you? If they did, wouldn't they have freed you in the Duat? Wouldn't they have added your heart to the scales to be weighed? Wouldn't they have gone back for you? You know exactly how they would react” Khonshu pointed out and would fill Jake's head with horrid illusions of their reactions. 

Steven was always afraid of him, no matter what he tried. Marc was disgusted most of the time, and unsympathetic, like a cold and uncaring master kicking his dog. Well, a kicked dog could only take so much before lashing out, seeing enemies everywhere. The moon god had succeeded in turning Jake against the other two…

Or so he thought. 

It was in a deep state of meditation that he was found. In the darkest corner of Marc Spector's mind was Jake Lockley's own personal hell, his domain. No longer in that damn sarcophagus, it was replaced with a dark room, a small closet more like, with tally marks all over the walls. Countless numbers of them. Jake couldn't keep track of them anymore. 

Some ‘victories’ they were indeed.

Of the alters, it was Steven who found him first. Sweet Steven Grant with his damn heart of gold…why did it have to be him?! Sitting in that corner, wallowing in his despair, with the maw begging to be fed again. It was always so damn hungry now…

Steven looked at the wretched place, concern etched into his features. But he knew they both needed answers. Who the hell was this and what did they want? There was blood all over the floor and tally marks carved in all four walls from floor to ceiling. A shadow sat facing a corner, uncaring about the horror around him. A single light bulb on a string was the only light in that room and it was dull, fading. It looked like something out of a horror movie. Steven trembled as he approached the shadow in the corner. 

“Hey…hey there, you okay?” He managed to speak out despite what he was looking at. 

Jake let out something that sounded like a growl. “Salir…”. (Go away)

“I'm sorry wha-”. 

“Get out…¡ahora!”. (Now!)

“Whoa! Whoa…whoa….okay! Someone is very protective of their space-”. 

“Salir! No volveré a preguntar!” Jake found the small pencil sharpeners blade close by. (Get out, I won't ask again!)

Steven squinted trying to figure out what it was he was holding. “Okay first of all, English please, and second, I have no idea what that is but I'd appreciate it if you put it back. I didn't come here looking for a fight” he said, trying to keep his voice stable and somewhat gentle. 

“Go away, Steven. This isn't where you belong…”. 

“If I dare say it, you don't belong here either”. 

Jake scoffed. “I'm a part of this too”. 

“What do you-no! I meant you don't belong in here you big doofus!”. 

He hardly gave any mind as he walked along the bloody floor to approach Jake, still facing the corner with the small blade in his hand. Steven felt this oddly familiar feeling with this shadow, this thing. He looked at all the tally marks, and gently brushed his hand against them. 

“What are these?” Steven asked. 

“Victories…” Jake answered, though he didn't dare look at him, not directly. 

From his peripheral vision, however, he could see the man with a softer version of his own hardened face frown, his eyes soft with sadness, not fear. Why wasn't he afraid? Khonshu said he'd be afraid! 

“Victories over what?” He asked, “cause from where I'm standing this doesn't look like victory”. 

“Would you prefer if I said they were kills?” He asked  in kind, keeping his tone dark, even if inside he was trembling. 

The maw was quiet. Deathly so. 

“No…no i think we can stick with victories for now” Steven answered and looked around nervously, unsure of what to say. He decided that skipping the limbo would probably be the best way to go. 

“Are you a third one? Are you like me?” He asked. 

“Podrías decirlo…” Jake replied bitterly, his hand clenching around the blade, not caring about its sharp sting. (You could say that)

Steven frowned. “I don't like the sound of that but I'm assuming that's a yes…and a very angry one. Hey…you don't have to stay here, you know that right?”. 

Jake scoffed, attempting to ignore the pain in his palm. He wanted to turn the blade on Steven, to at least give him a taste of his pain. Maybe it would even piss Marc off enough to get his attention! Oh…wouldn't that be fun? Because as much as he despised and envied Steven, he absolutely hated Marc for his wretched existence. And hurting them both would feel amazing in the moment... 

“This is where I belong” he answered simply. 

“Who says?” Steven asked, “you don't deserve this. What's your name?”. 

“It doesn't matter”. 

“It matters to me, and it definitely matters to Marc-”. 

Jake scoffed louder at that. “He doesn't care about me. He doesn't give a damn about me. Nadie hace…”. (No one does) 

“That's not true! He just doesn't know about you! Look, if I can get us all here at the same time-”. 

“Not on our life! It's bad enough you're here!”. 

Steven frowned deeply at that, looking quite hurt. “You didn't want us to find you, didn't you? Why?”. 

The look on the alter's face was bitter and angry. His eyes, one brown and the other a deep red, were sharp and could cut deeper than any knife. He looked so much like them and yet was so distinctively different. Something in him looked…tired. Tired and sad. Like all he wanted to do was rest. 

Despite everything, deep down Jake didn't want to hurt either of them. Looking at Steven now, it made that long suppressed longing come back in small waves at first. Years of telling himself he didn't care about their approval, their “love”, came back to bite Jake in the face in the most vicious way. 

He didn't hate his alters.

No, in fact, something in him loved them, which was why he still did what he was meant to do. 

So no, hate wasn't what he felt. 

To his surprise, Jake realized that he didn't hate them. What he felt was envy, a deep seated, rooted jealousy aimed at them. Sure there was some resentment there as well, but envy was definitely the stronger of the two. Since their excursion to the Duat, this envy had only grown, the roots taking a stronger deeper hold of Jake's heart. He was jealous of the bond they shared, even if it seemed out of whack in the beginning. When they all took down Harrow together, despite having done most of the work, he wasn't included in that victory. Since then, Jake had been a shadow on the outskirts of their peaceful life…

“A stress ball…”. 

Steven looked confused. “What?”. 

“You asked Marc if you were some kind of stress ball or something not too long ago…”. 

Steven looked at him and squinted. “Wait…the Duat? You were there? Hold on a minute! Was that you in the other sarcophagus?! The one trying to get out?!”. 

His nod hit Steven like a freight train. They had left him there. They abandoned him. 

“I'm so sorry. If I'd known-”. 

“Be lucky you were that. An emotional fucking stress ball. At least you were fed an illusion she cared about you”. 

Steven's hurt turned right away to offense. “Excuse me?! You think I liked learning about that?! I feel like the truth-”. 

“If you knew the truth you would've never survived-”. 

“I survived just fine thanks! If there's something you wanna say then say-”. 

With the utmost viciousness he could muster, Jake hissed back: “Te odio!”. (I hate you!)

Steven almost flinched back. He barely understood a lick of Spanish, but judging from the harshness of his tone and the anger on his face, it didn't take a genius to know what he meant. Not helping matters was the sadness in Jake's eyes. More than anger, more than bitterness or envy, he was just sad.

“I don't hate you” Steven told him, “even if you hate me” he put a gentle hand on Jake's shoulder. 

Jake brushed it off, trying to keep his angry and hateful glare. Steven wasn't falling for it, as he again put a hand on his shoulder.

“I don't hate you” Steven repeated, “a little wigged out but…no, I don't hate you. I want to help you, and I know Marc does too-”. 

“He. Doesn't. Care. He used me as his shield! I'm nothing to him! I'm just a…a punching bag. That's all I've ever been!” his voice broke, as his sadness took a hold, “just a perfect little stoic punching bag!”

It wasn't fair. It wasn't! He deserved to be loved, at least just a little. He deserved to have a life outside this hell his alter condemned him to. He'd do anything for it, to be more than just…well…this! He dropped the blade from his hand, hissing in pain as the cut was deeper than he thought it would be. It fell to the bloody floor with a soft clink and Steven was quick to kick it away before Jake could grab for it again. The softer alter hugged him tightly, the same one the moon god told Jake would be afraid of him, catching him entirely off guard.

“No more…none of that. It's gonna be okay. I'm here for you…I'm here” Steven hugged him tightly, a hand going through the others hair. 

Jake clung to him like a man drowning, like Steven was his only support. Then it got worse: the tears came. Tears of anger, sadness, envy, and frustration, it was a horrid mess of emotions. Ones he didn't like feeling, ones the maw threatened to swallow him in. His body wracked with sobs as Steven hugged and comforted him. 

“I'm so sorry…we never should've left you. We didn't-”. 

“You didn't know, I know. I was…I was s-scared”. 

Steven looked confused. “Scared? You?”. 

“Something-something like that” he managed to say, “I just wanted…something. I-I don't know-”. 

“It's alright. You don't need to tell us yet if you don't want to. I'm glad I found you” Steven parted from him briefly, “never did tell me your name”. 

“Jake…my name's Jake”. 

“Jake” Steven smiled warmly, “well…we gotta see about getting you and Marc in the same close headspace”. 

Jake shook his head. “I can't. He won't…he'd never accept-”. 

“None of that now. Look at me. I'm not a stress ball. You're not a punching bag. It's gonna be okay. We're a part of each other”. 

The softness of his tone and his reassuring words tore down what was left of the wall around Jake Lockley's heart. A wall he'd been building since he formed in Marc Spector's mind, many were the times he wished he could take it down without fear of rejection. 

“Don't be afraid. We'll talk to him” Steven assured him, “he's gotten a lot better at listening”. 

His nerves were a bit fried but Jake nodded. “Alright…I trust you”. 

He could only dare hope his trust wasn't misplaced…

[bluuedraws]

Fight or Flight

Chapter two

Xelqua blinks open bleary eyes to the muted light of dawn. Shades of pink and orange faintly light up the dim cave around him, cool stone pressing against his bloody cheek. With a groan he slowly sits up, feathers rustling and shifting behind him and glowing in the morning light. His body aches all over, his cuts smarting, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He…

He’s actually here. Actually in a world, a player’s world, and he’s not Watching. He’s sitting in the cave, and he’s actually touching the stone. Xelqua traces a finger against the rocky surface, numb shock spreading through his chest. He relishes the feeling of smooth stone against his shaking fingertips. Rocks roll over beneath his touch, bits of dirt and gravel caught up in the sweeping movement of his hand. His gaze flicks upwards and the cracked walls are filled with moss and greenery, flowering plants and vines snaking their way up the sides of the cave.

It’s beautiful.

For the first time, the full weight of his situation crashes over him. The realization sends him reeling. A strangled sob escapes his throat and he clutches his mouth with a shaking hand, bent over and trembling. He feels strangely light, and a mixture of strange emotions clashing together inside of him. Another sob escapes, and he squeezes his eyes shut as the tears begin to fall. He stays there for a long time, hunched over and sobbing against the wave of emotions, body shaking with the force of his tears.

When his breaths finally slow and his eyes blink open once again, the muted hues of dawn have been replaced by the bright light of day. Xelqua takes a shuddering breath and slowly straightens, quivering wings tentatively stretching out behind him. He needs to do something, to move, he can’t just sit here forever. He can’t allow himself to be overwhelmed like that again. Shame bubbles in his chest at the weakness he’d just displayed. He’s lucky his stupidity didn’t cost him his newfound freedom. Anyone could have stumbled in on him, could’ve taken him out easily. 

He won’t make that mistake again.

Okay. Oh man, okay. J-just… just calm down. Let’s think about this logically.

He takes another shuddering breath, forcing himself to calm down. He needs to focus. His fingers tap against the ground in a strange rhythm he doesn’t quite recognize, a nervous, repetative movement. His teeth gnaw at the inside of his cheek, eyes flicking back and forth nervously as he scans the area around him for any signs of life.

Just start with what you know.

He’s in a beautiful, strange world, no doubt being hunted by Them, and he’s seriously injured. There is every possibility the players on this server know of his arrival, and are hostile. Xelqua doesn’t know if their Admin recognized Watcher magic during his forceful entry to the server, but they must suspect he’s not a normal player. No normal player could claw their way in the way he had.

More than likely, everyone is his enemy. More than likely, everyone wants him dead.

All in all, not a good start to his new life.

Xelqua flinches as the pain in his chest flares up again. He looks down at his torn robes, stained with blood and hanging in shreds of dangling fabric. Right. There’s another problem for him to deal with. Usually, he’d just wave his hand and heal himself no problem, but he can feel how low his magic has gotten. He’d used the last dregs of it in his escape, and what remains he should save for emergencies.

Looks like I’m healing the old fashioned way.

There's moss in the cave, the soft and absorbent kind that springs back into shape after you touch it. Xelqua peers closely at its code before deeming it clean enough to be used. A few moments later, he’s fastened a makeshift bandage across his chest, vines holding the moss in place over the angry red slashes. Feeling slightly better, he raises himself up slowly, leaning against the wall for support. He’s shaky from blood loss and there's a pounding ache in his head, but he feels well enough to start gathering resources. Staying in this cave forever wasn’t an option, as much as he wants to lay down and never get up. If he wants to survive, he needs proper shelter and food. A couple careful steps later and he’s standing outside in the sun, blinking in the bright light. Raising a hand to shield his eyes, he spots a patch of berries growing amidst the greenery. The sight of them brings a small smile to his lips, and he stumbles over, bending to pick the delicate berries and carefully placing them in the folds of his cloak. He places one on his tongue, relishing the flavor as the sweet juices fill his mouth. It’d been so long since he’d tasted something, anything, as flavorful as this. Holding the precious berries close and taking care that none fell out of his makeshift pouch, Xelqua shakily makes his way back to the cave and deposits them in a corner. Just that little bit of exertion has him quivering, and he sinks to the ground once more.

This is gonna take forever…

.

.

.

.

“Scar, what are you doing?”

“Aah!”

Scar jerks up from his kneeling position in surprise, bonking his head on the table above him. Wincing, he slides out from under it to find a very confused Mumbo standing in the doorway. His friend is dressed in his usual suit and tie, looking as dapper as ever. His usually perfect hair is a little messier than usual, a testament to how anxious he’s been since Xisuma’s announcement. Scar himself had been feeling a little nervous, but more than that he was curious. It wasn’t everyday some mystery player broke into your server.

“Oh, why hello there Mumbo! I didn’t see you come in!”

Mumbo just stands there, brow furrowed in bewilderment as he stares at the man still sitting on the floor. 

“…Evidently not. Why are you down there?” 

Scar casually picks himself up and leans against the wall, blowing a strand of hair out of his face and smiling widely at his friend.

“I was petting Jellie, of course! She didn’t want to come out from under the table, so I had to go to her.”

The cat in question pads out into the open, shooting a death glare at Mumbo before hopping onto the couch and beginning to groom herself. Scar smiles and gives her a quick scratch behind the ears before turning back to his friend (who was looking at him quite strangely). 

“Anyways, welcome to my humble abode! How can I help you?”

“You’re joking right?”

Scar blinks. “Uh…”

“Scar, it’s our turn to patrol. Did you not check your console? Xisuma told us, like, an hour ago!” 

“O-oh, uhm…” He stutters, scratching at the back of his head. “…yes?”

The truth was, he’d been lying in bed for the past hour, gritting his teeth and trying to ignore the aching pain in his legs. They’d been giving him trouble all day, and the painkillers he usually takes just hadn’t been cutting it. He’d had to resort to using a little magic to ease the pain. Even now they ache a bit, feeling weak against the magic-infused braces wrapped around his knees.

Mumbo sighs in exasperation, fingers pinching his very furrowed brow. “Well, we need to get going. Keralis and Ren just finished up, so we’d better get there quickly.”

“Fine, fine! Just let me grab my stuff. I’ll be quick, I promise!”

Quickly grabbing a backpack and filling it with various supplies they’re probably need, Scar slings it over his shoulder and follows his friend ourside

A few minutes later, the two are flying over Hermitcraft, elytra strapped securely to their backs. They touch down in a meadow, just on the outskirts of the main part of the server. All seems fairly quiet, apart from a few strands of birdsong here and there and the buzzing of insects all around. All in all, it’s a lovely summer day. Scar turns his face to the sun for a moment, relishing in its warm caress before re-focusing turning towards Mumbo.

“Sooo… what do we do now? Just walk around and look for some weird player none of us recognize?” Scar asks, looking around the empty clearing. 

 Mumbo shrugs, fiddling with his hands as he glances around nervously. He looks pretty out of his depth, unsure of how to go about the patrol. Scar feels a stab of pity for the man. Mumbo rarely fared well with unpleasant surprises, and it was impressive he was managing so well. Still, it was probably best not to push him in this state.

“I mean… I guess? X told us to just keep an eye out, and to not engage with it if we do see anything.” He hesitates again, obviously unsure. 

Looks like it’s up to me to take charge! 

“Alright, sounds good! You go left, I’ll go right. See you in a bit!” 

“W-what? Scar, wait!”

Scar’s already halfway across the meadow when Mumbo catches up to him, grabbing his arm and bringing the man to a jerking halt.

“Scar, the last thing we should do is split up! What if this thing’s hostile?!”

“….You know, that’s a good point.” Scar chuckles and turns back to Mumbo, swinging his arm around his shoulders and leading him into the forest. “Guess it’s probably best for us to stick together, huh?” The redstoner gives a large sigh of relief, and allows himself to be pulled along. “I swear, sometimes I think I’m the only sensible one.” He mutters under his breath. Scar just chuckles.

A couple hours of trudging through brushy foliage and ducking under low hanging branches later, they’ve travelled nearly halfway around the server. Both are panting hard, and Scar can feel his knees slowly beginning to give out. With a groan he flops to the ground, hanging his head back and taking a moment to breathe. Mumbo sits down beside him. “You seem a little tired.” 

Scar huffs. “I don’t know what you mean, my dear Mumbo. I think you’ll find I’m doing perfectly ah-may-zin!” 

The other playfully nudges his shoulder, chuckling at his performance. “Well you could’ve fooled me, what with all that gasping and panting I heard.”

“Wha-! I would never do such a thing!” He gasps in mock indignation, hand over his chest and eyes wide. Both are giggling like little kids, trying (and failing) to stifle the noise with their hands.

“Sure, sure. Here, take some water Mr. Athleticism. Maybe it’ll help with your lying skills.” 

Scar takes the bottle from Mumbo’s outstretched hand, shoulders shaking with laughter. He tips his head back and lets the cool liquid soothe his dry throat, cold and sweet and absolutely delicious. With a sigh he holds the bottle back out to Mumbo, mouth open to give his thanks when he spots the flash of movement behind him. Scar freezes, eyes trained on the thick leaves of the forest. Was that just the shadows of the leaves against the ground, or was someone there? A shiver runs up his spine as he senses… senses something odd, something out of place.

“You gonna give me that back anytime soon, mate?” Mumbo chuckles. 

Scar just stares.

“...Uh, Scar?”

“There, in the trees. Look.” Scar breathes, completely still.

Something is definitely there, he can tell. A figure is moving, gently rustling the leaves and hopping from branch to branch with a cat-like grace. He and Mumbo sit there as if frozen, breathless and staring. The foliage is too thick to make out much, the leaves shrouded in shadows. Scar squints, straining to make out something, anything notable. He lets out a small exhale before starting to slowly draw on his magic and weave it into his vision. A cold, tingling sensation grows in chest, spreading and growing through his body. His vision sharpens, and suddenly everything is clear, spread out before his eyes. And then shock spikes through Scar’s body. He can’t breathe, his chest is tight and he can’t stop staring at… at whatever it is.

Looking through the lenses of his magic allowed him to see the world as it truly was, to see the magic flowing though everyone and everything, pulsing like a beating heart. And from the forest comes the brightest surge of pure magic Scar has ever seen. The light is blinding, forcing his eyes closed and his head to turn away, to hide from the pure power radiating out towards him,

“Mumbo!” Scar manages to gasp, reaching out and clinging desperately to his friend, his whole body shaking.

“What? Scar, what’s wrong!? What did you see?” Mumbo’s panicked voice seems distant to Scar, but he manages to crack one eye open against the surge of power. He blinks once, then again. The magic is gone, the figure vanished along with it. The whole thing must have lasted only a second.  He stares into the forest with unfocused eyes, until Mumbo’s voice draws him back to the present. 

“Scar! Scar, can you hear me? What’s going on?!”

“S-sorry, sorry! I’m good now.” His voice is a little hoarse, and he clears his throat before raising his head to give a weak smile to his friend. Mumbo seemed to visibly relax, breathing a shaky sigh of relief before fixing him with an angry glare. “Well then, what on earth was that you absolute spoon?! Just felt like freaking me out for no reason?”

“Sorry…” he muttered again. “But I… I saw something in there, something really really powerful…”

He slowly picks him self up until he’s standing on two shaking legs, leaning against Mumbo for support. He looks back at the tree line. Everything is quiet, still. No magical presence anymore. 

“I think we found it, Mumbo.”

.

.

.

Xelqua was in trouble.

He was in really, really deep trouble, actually. His heart is pounding against his chest almost painfully as he frantically flaps his wings, ignoring the aches and pains that spike through his body with every movement. He’s soaring high above the clouds, well out of sight from anyone below. God knows where he found the strength to fly, but he suspects pure panic had quite a lot to do with it.

Oh, I’m so stupid! Stupid stupid STUPID!

He wants to yell, to scream, to cry, to hide away in his cave forever and to never do or feel anything ever again.

How had he been so careless? 

The excitement of the new world had gotten to him, despite his anxieties and many, many problems. He’d wanted to explore so badly that even his weak body wasn’t enough to deter him. He’d promised himself he’d be careful. No one would see him. Besides, it seemed necessary to explore his new home a bit. He’d need to know the basic lay of the land, so he could survive until his magic returned and he could escape into a single player world.

He’d thought he’d been doing well, up until the tingle of foreign magic began to creep up his spine. He’d turned to find two players watching him, fear in their eyes. Xelqua had panicked, had drawn the last dregs of his magic into his hands and wings in preparation to fight, kill if necessary, he just could be caught, wouldn’t go back, he couldn’t-

But then one of them had fallen back, collapsing into the other with a gasp. He’d taken the opportunity to run, launching himself into the air when he was sure he was far enough away not to be seen again.

And now he was here, high in the sky, probably with a manhunt out for him at this very moment. Oh, he was screwed. He was absolutely screwed.

He dives down into the forest, shooting past the hanging vines and flower and into his cave, landing with a thump! on the floor and shaking from head to toe.

What do I do what do I do what do I DO-

He jerks back and forth, unsure of where to go and battling with the two warring ideas in his head. The first is obvious: Attempt to run again, use the very last of his magic to force his way out before the players caught him. A full watcher wouldn’t be scared of mortals, could destroy entire world with a wave of their hand. But Xelqua isn’t a normal watcher, and with how weak he’s grown he doubts his abilities to take on a whole server. Which is why he needs to leave, to slip into the void and-

and-

And then what? He’d be immediately on Their radar again. The void was the Watcher’s domain, they knew everything going on in there. Xelqua doubts he’d have time to even attempt to jump to another world before they caught him, and that’s just assuming he had enough magic to do it. That wasn’t going to work.

Option two wasn’t looking much better, though.

Do I stay and risk being captured by a server of players who despise what I am and would love to be rid of me, or do I leave and practically guarantee going back to Them?

He hates both options, but he can’t deny that one is sounding much better than the other.

Even with a posse of players constantly snapping at his heels, even being forced to run and hide for centuries, even with the aching wounds covering his body that weaken him even more, he knows he’d rather endure this than go back.

He won’t going back.

He refuses to keep hurting others for his own selfish needs.

Then I guess I’m staying.

After the panic begins to die down, Xelqua spends the next day hiding his little cave, working his fingers to the bone as he weaves vines and flowers to cover the rocky entrance. With any luck, this would be enough to keep him hidden until he had the strength to find a proper hiding spot. For now, he’s content with spending the days in his cave, munching on sweet berries and staring at the walls. After years of never ending white marble structures and pathways, he still finds everything fascinating. The colors and textures are all so vibrant that he spends hours just memorizing every part. Some moss is piled in the corner, a decent bed for him to sleep on. It’s soft, softer than anything Xelqua has felt in a while. It feels like a luxury.

Everything is… honestly, not too bad. Things could be a lot worse. So much worse.

The was one problem, though.

His wings were bit of a mess. They itched horribly and kept twitching, and he was in a constant state of discomfort.

He did his best to ignore it, not wanting to do anything other than sit and stare at the mossy wall.

The constant itching is starting to drive Xelqua a little mad, though . It’s always there, ever present in the back of his mind, constantly reminding him of his feathery limbs slowly falling into disarray.

Itchy itchy itchy ITCHY ITCHY ITCHY-

“Gah!” 

Xelqua flings himself backwards onto his makeshift bed in his frustration, wings flaring out behind him and twitching in discomfort. They need preening desperately, but Xelqua just hasn’t had the energy to sit down and do it yet. Well, excuse him for being a little preoccupied lately. Self care was hard to remember when hiding from a whole server full of players.

Ugh… It’s gotta be done though. Stupid wings and their stupid preening…

He sighs and reluctantly sits up. Better to get it over with now, during this rare moment of peace. He curls his right wing around his body, brushing his hand against the soft feathers. Carefully, he begins the long, arduous process, delicately straightening every feather and picking off the bits of dirt and grime that have collected in his week in the overworld. It feels good, a comforting chore that Xelqua is glad he finally started despite his complaints. He hasn’t looked at his wings in a while. There were no mirrors here, at least none that he had access to. He’s surprised about how… normal they look. They’re still the dark purple that all Watcher wings are, tipped with lighter purple that glows in the dim cave. But no longer do they have the strange sheen coating them, as if they’d been dipped in liquid magic. No longer were the feathers heavy with power, weighing him down with every step. Now, they’re soft and dull, filled with dirt and twigs and looking very messy. No longer the perfection they were meant to be. Xelqua’s not sure how he feels about that. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts (he realizes he does that a lot), he huffs, annoyed at the mess he has to clean up. It’s like there are clumps of dirt under every feather, bits of grime nestled into every crevice. Xelqua can’t remember the last time his wings had been so dirty. During his time with Them, everything has been so pristine and perfect he’d rarely ever needed to preen. And on the rare occasions he’d had to, it’d been a simple matter of straightening out a few feathers. Over and done with in a matter of minutes. 

The last time his wings had been in such a state was…

Well.

It’d been a long time ago. 

Xelqua’s throat tightens as he remembers the delicate fingers that had once caressed his wings, practiced strokes that had rendered him helpless against their touch.

That had been during Evo…

His breath hitches in his throat, fingers tight against his curled wing. He feels the tears begin to form, and he blinks quickly to rid his eyes of them. He doesn’t have the right to cry over them, to take even a second to mourn. Not when their deaths were his fault.

No, he deserves far worse than what he has now.

The memories are threatening to overtake him, a wave of despair and guilt he isn’t sure he can overcome. His teeth clench, grinding against each other as he focuses on one spot on the floor, taking note of every particle of rock and dirt that speckled the floor. His heart is racing and hurts more than he ever thought possible, and he doesn’t know how long he can stave off the tears. With a strangled sob, he shoves the emotions deep, deep inside of himself, crumpling them into a tiny little ball that rests in the pit of his stomach. He stills, hurting, but the pain is more concentrated now, a focused pressure instead of the whole body ache he’d been feeling mere seconds before.

 He takes one long, shuddering breath, then another. He feels his wings shaking above his head as he blearily opens his eyes, peeking out from beneath the canopy of feathers. 

I’m so stupid.

Xelqua raises a shaking hand and presses it against his face, shutting his eyes.

So fucking stupid.

He keeps letting his emotions get the better of him. Keeps breaking down at the most random times. It’s so stupid, he’s so freaking weak. His laughter fills the cave, a jittery, echoing noise that he couldn’t stop if he tried. His hand drags down his cheek as the laughter shakes his body, leaving red scratch marks in its wake. 

Oh, for fucks sake…

His wings are still dirty, still itching, still a constant reminder of Them, permanently attached to his back. 

He knows they’ll fall into disarray if he doesn’t care for them. He knows he needs to, for his own safety.

He knows.

He leaves them be.

Hope you all enjoyed! <3

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[air--so--sweet]

Spoilers The Umbrella Academy Season 4 episode 4 spoilers

Oof, so I know that Klaus working as a medium for the Mother's of Agony in exchange for drugs is taken from Hotel Oblivion, down to letting a ghost possess him and having sex with his widow, and her looking for the money, him lying about it and it all culminating in a shootout that kills everyone (that last bit goes down slightly differently in the comics but that's more or less what happens). I also had a sneaking suspicion that this was the Klaus working as a medium plot we were going to get, rather than the alternative option which was his psychic shop in You Look Like Death.

All that said, holy hell was that dark. I've wanted the show to treat Klaus' addiction and life on the streets with the depth and seriousness it deserves and I mean we got it, but God that was dark. Like, while I knew about the widow plot from the comics, I initially thought they were using Klaus' mediumship as a metaphor for sex work (something which it is likely Klaus could have engaged in as someone who lived on the streets) and then very fast it became clear that it was in fact actual sex work. And I'm not saying the show shouldn't have done that, as I've said I wanted them to fully explore Klaus' addiction and destructive tendencies, I much prefer this to it being ignored or dealt with comedically, but god it just hit very hard. And then for him to be buried alive by someone who knows he's immortal with the intention of leaving him there for several years to break him... I don't know what I'm trying to say. The show needed to address Klaus' addiction and self destruction head on, they are doing that, and I'm glad they are and I'm glad they've chosen to fully engage with the darkness of that rather than try to lighten it with humour, but it was somewhat unexpected and that made it tougher to watch I guess it what I'm trying to say.

Also, firstly, shocked that my theory that Reggie killed Ben and then altered the kids' memories was correct (I mean a lot of it was wrong but the general thrust of it was correct). I've seen some people saying they didn't just want Jennifer to just be some girl that Ben had a romantic relationship with and Ben died trying to save her, and I'm not sure how they will feel about the romantic elements of the story but I really like how they've done it.

Yes, because they're being pulled together by the particles within them, so it's not just romance but also because it makes sense for the character of Ben. He is traumatised due to an abusive childhood that lead to abusive family dynamics in adulthood,and probably has never even seen a healthy relationship, never mind had one. On top of that, he lost all his family in a short amount of time, realised his father had raised him to die, lost the academy by which he defined himself and determined his worth, and then went to prison which I imagine added some more trauma. All of which is to say, Ben at this point in his life is lost and floundering, he has people willing to be his family, but he see expressing any kind of genuine emotion or showing vulnerability as weakness and so he continues to build up these walls and hide behind an angry, abrasive and uncaring exterior, underneath all of which he's actually still a frightened little boy who just wants to be seen and understood and to be loved.

And then he meets this girl that he has an connection with and feels drawn to in a way he's never experienced before. He literally can't stop thinking about her, isnt5 what they always talk about in romantic movies and the lije, as a sign of love. Also, she understands what it's like to lose your family to feel completely alone in the world, to be given up by your biological parents and not know why they didn't care enough about you to keep you. So, yes, the particles inside them attract them to each other, but more than that, Ben is just the right mix of lonely, and desperate for connection and affection, to mistake this for falling in love, and being fate. Their story isn't a romance, it's about trauma, and loneliness and how, if you've never experienced healthy love, it can be easy to mistake shared trauma and toxic dynamics for love. This isn't about Ben being in love, it's about Reginald Hargreeves breaking his children so badly they go on to cause the apocalypse.

Because just like Viktor, if Ben hadn't been abused by Reginald, and made feel he was less than (because let's remember he was Number One, and then was demoted, with a huge portrait of him hung to shame him and act as a warning to his sibling), made feel like he could never be good enough for Reginald to show him some scrap of care for him, then he wouldn't be this position. I mean it's also why Viktor thought what he had with Harold was love and why he fell for his manipulations. All Reginald needed to stop the apocalypse was to love his children and that's the one thing he couldn't do. How fucked is that?

[rokramble]

Counterpart's Conundrum - a kinda Dark Links meet AU, with bonding, attempted murder, shenanigans and Ravio :D

Or a time traveling nightmare camping trip that Ravio was accidentally invited to, and now everyone has feelings and gets to learn about morals and personhood or some shit. It's very funny to me, so expect the vibes to be closer to a crackfic taken seriously right now.

Also I added totk fake Zelda, because that idea was also very funny to me. <3 I'll put a few details below.

I only chose dark links/shadow links we fight in the games, so there's no SkSw, BotW, MC, WW, or even TP darks (i'm sorry TP). What we DO have are:

Dink - OoT. his name makes him sooo mad, but it grows on him Malachite (aka Mal) - ALttP/FS Azurite - ALttP/FS Garnet - ALttP/FS Amethyst (aka Grimace) - ALttP/FS. yeah there's 4 of them, they're feral Dave - OoA. his placeholder name got stuck </3 he's silly like that, also an annoyance Shade - ALBW+TFH. knows politeness and manners, has decided they're optional, he is down to fight at all times Guard - TAoL. his morals are your morals your majesty ^_^ Gray - FSA. heavily based on the manga. still figuring out feelings Onyx - ST. he's like if a soot sprite from totoro had no fear and could maim you Summon - HW. he is such a violent, angry person but the devotion is insane + Delta (aka Marionette/Mari) - TotK phantom puppet. almost had matching names with Dink, but the guys respect/love her aura of bloodlust way too much for that. + Ravio - ALBW. he's not even slightly evil, did not get himself into this situation and is having a very hard time getting himself out.

The 'how' of their meeting is something or other—some residue of Ganon or Demise's influence, like grease on the timeline if you will—got the brilliant idea of recreating and gathering dark reflections of the hero from previous plots. It misunderstood who Ravio was since Lorule is/was a 'dark world', and thought Delta deserved the chance to actually attack people.

It then used whatever power left to give them an item for time travel. But the ganon grease didn't secure the full group's loyalty, so now they've been let loose on the timelines to track down and kill the Links their own way, without order, with only Ravio and Gray to stop them.

At first it was just about keeping the peace and biding time to escape or take the group out, but after seeing some of them learn and change Ravio is attached and Gray kinda wants to show them the world. It's really a conundrum.

To end it off (I'll probably make even more detailed posts another time), some funnies that came about in the planning stages of this:

Ravio: *accidentally found families your evil doppelgangers*

Delta: what do you have there? Ravio, drink in hand, trying to hide a Link behind him: an evil root beer

Gray, back in his time, kicking Link's door open: LINK HOLY FUCK

Gray: if i had a rupee for every time a violet boy lied to gain my trust and double-crossed me i'd have two rupees. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

Gray: what is it with violet bitches and going undercover?! Ravio: I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE

Mal: this is my emotional support cold bastard Azurite: this is my emotional support slippery bastard

Shade: you should be addicted to shutting the fuck up Dave, signing: you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid

Onyx: (⓿_⓿) Onyx: (◕_◕) Onyx: (◉_◉) Summon: stop Onyx: (ㆆ_ㆆ)

Mal: what do you have?! Dink: A BOMB Mal, Ravio and Shade: NO! Azurite: oh my darkness why does he have a bomb? (Gray did it)

Dink, young adult: i'm having a midlife crisis Gray: aren't you like, five? Dink, young adult?: i'm eleven so shut the fuck up

Delta, referring to the darks: my henchmen

"Wow these people are so weird, thank Ganon I'm the only normal one" - pretty much all of them

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 26)

The real action begins today, and we'll start to build up towards false climax to this story. This arc is long, and we'll undoubtedly jump around a bit, though less than in Natsume's version. Though it might seem like love would take a backseat in such a stressful arc that all takes place during one night, that's entirely not the case!

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Chapter Ninety-Six

We rejoin Mikan after the events of the last chapter, her head out her window, watching Natsume leave, concerned about both him and Tsubasa. 

Then, it’s the next day, and Mikan is at school like usual, getting back into the swing of things. She sees Narumi for the first time since she stole Persona’s alice from his arm. She rushes to embrace him, emotional to see that he’s okay after that whole ordeal. Like I said, there’s a theme of potential and real loss in this arc, with the threat of Mikan’s loved ones being taken from her. Each person she doesn’t lose is a relief, and I think that her concern about Tsubasa and Natsume added to the emotions she feels here. At least she won’t be losing Narumi-sensei.

But he has something to tell her, something that will have to wait until after classes. He asks her to hear him out and take him seriously, and by that alone Mikan knows that whatever he has to say will be important. But she trusts him, so she smiles and agrees easily.

The tie back to the letters chapter at the beginning; him requesting trust and her giving it easily. I don't know.

The sad thing about this little period of time now is that Mikan knows she’s on thin ice, that she could fall through at any minute. She’s aware that things have been changing and that they are due to come crashing down soon. Everyone else is planning around her, and with zero coordination, with Yuka and her posse planning one thing, Narumi something else, Natsume trying his best, Hotaru and Ruka keeping their own secrets, and the ESP planning on taking her for himself. When it does all crash, Mikan is swept away and overwhelmed by it all, understandably. For all of her anxiety about what’s to come, she is by no means prepared for any of it.

After class, Mikan is in a hurry to see Narumi again to hear him out like she agreed, but she runs into Luna, who uses her alice to cause a commotion regarding gossip about Mikan having the stealing alice. It escalates when rumors start that Mikan is actually Yuka’s daughter, related to someone who was a traitor to the academy and stole the students’ alices. 

This is more than just bullying--Luna is trying to trigger Mikan into using her stealing alice to protect herself. Though her friends are already trying to do what they can to protect her, Mikan is still put on the spot, forced to confront nasty rumors about her parentage, alice, Tsubasa--

And it’s when they insult her favorite senpai that Mikan gets angry enough to finally act. Although she sure didn’t like being insulted, it’s only when they start trash-talking Tsubasa that she gets really pissed. (It’s very sweet.)

Though Mikan doesn’t get the chance to actually do anything because Misaki-senpai is there again, beating the bullies up and dragging Mikan away to safety.

Heart-wrenching!

“If Tsubasa was here, he’d surely do this,” she tells Mikan, and Mikan is touched to be so thoroughly loved and cared for, to have a reminder that Misaki-senpai and Tsubasa both care very much about her and that she has allies who will protect her no matter what.

But they don’t get far before one of the Luna-controlled bullies reaches his hand out to hurt Misaki with his alice. Mikan doesn’t have a choice this time, because she always does what she can to protect the people she loves, so she nullifies his alice. 

This scene in particular highlights Mikan’s protective nature and her willingness to do anything for her loved ones, in this case Tsubasa and Misaki, who always look out for her. This is her way of sticking up for them for once, to pay back the endless support they always give her. Last summer, Mikan wanted to be the kind of person who could sacrifice things for the people she cared about, who could protect someone she loved. This summer, that’s exactly what she does, starting with protecting Misaki.

She tries to defend herself but she gets taken away anyway, grabbed by the fukitai to the ESP’s office. They don’t care that she didn’t really use the stealing alice. They don’t care that she acted in self-defense. There’s no Goshima tricks here, nobody to swoop in and lead her back to safety. This time she’s caught for real. The dominos are falling.

 She has a lot of friends who are concerned about her, naturally, so a fight will start to build up without her, but for her. In the meantime, Mikan is taken to the ESP’s office, who has been patiently biding his time for this very moment. He’s waited a long time for a chance like this, so he seems deceptively pleasant, smiling at her as he welcomes her to the DA class. His hand was forced, apparently. He wanted to take a little more time, but his enemies were about to start making moves, so he had to act before them. 

The cat’s out of the bag: Mikan’s stealing alice is revealed and she’s now in the snake’s den, the worst possible people now know her secret. The DA class, Persona, and Luna are also there to welcome her, though everyone remains quiet except for the ESP, because this is his show. Everyone else in the room is nothing more than a pawn. 

But being your favorite isn't usually that great, is it?

Narumi rushes into the room right as Mikan and Luna are fighting, apparently in an effort to demonstrate the stealing alice to the ESP, who is watching with glee. Apparently, Mikan made a fuss when she was brought in, and why shouldn’t she? She’s not the type to tolerate mistreatment and even if it was an authority like the ESP, she’d stand up for herself anyway. 

(And then the ESP praises “the girl [Narumi] brought into the Academy,” and how devastating for Narumi, who had been acting in his self interest when he first enrolled Mikan without knowing that only a year later he’d do his very best to get her out of the school, realizing too late the mistake he had made.)

The ESP’s ecstatic reaction to watching Mikan steal Luna’s alice is pretty disturbing. We can see from just his laughter that Mikan would not be having an easy time in the DA class (not that any DA kids do…), especially since he called her his “favorite.” It’s always the favorites that are given special treatment… and that are treated the worst at the same time.

Luna is furious that she’s been humiliated in front of the principal and demands that Mikan return her alice, and then Nobara is commanded to capture Mikan with her ice alice. 

It feels like a helpless situation, and the ESP even confirms it. No matter how hard Mikan fights, she can’t escape this fate. It’s the end. This is her new life. Nobody will help her. Not even Narumi can do anything anymore. It’s done.

Luna attacks her, and it does feel hopeless, like the ESP might be right, that nobody can help her and that she’s doomed.

But then Luna’s hair suddenly catches fire and Mikan is pulled away from the immediate danger by an unlikely ally--Hayate… who isn’t actually Hayate, but rather Natsume wearing a wig.

How ridiculous that they didn't even notice "Hayate" was just Natsume in a wig. Do they just usually pay that little attention to Hayate that he could be Natsume in a wig most of the time and they'd never pick up on it? Little Hayate musings.

Chapter Ninety-Seven

Mikan stares at Natsume’s back because he is once again surprising her, countering her expectations. He’s there to protect her, to save her, to keep her from that doomed fate. Apparently, the ESP even tried sending Natsume on a mission to keep him away from this scene, but he’d managed to sneak his way in anyway. 

And Mikan asks why he’s here and is obviously confused and overwhelmed.

Narumi, a teacher, couldn’t help her.

Why should Natsume be different? He’s just a child. What can he really do? Just by standing there? Can he do anything? Does he even know the trouble he’s about to be in? There’s no way to escape. He’s just doomed himself along with her.

All valid points.

Until Natsume starts talking.

“Shut up.” Off to a great start. 

And the mask is off this time. Natsume’s not hiding behind a teasing pretense anymore. He has no reason to hold back anymore, so now Mikan has to hear the truth, what she has wanted Natsume to say during the Sports Fest, what she was afraid he would never feel. NO MORE PRETEND.

Natsume is not just rebelling, he’s rebelling for her, not any other reason. Because he loves her, and he says so, in front of everybody, in front of her. He makes a vow of protection, and Mikan can only stare.

Confirmation, Mikan!

And if we don’t get Mikan’s responding thoughts to that, it’s because we never do. Just “Natsume…” That’s all she can say to herself, to us. My theory is that hearing it right from his mouth was such an overwhelming shock, especially when combined with everything else going on, that she doesn’t have the mental capacity to process his confession, something she might not have been able to process on a good day anyway. We know how repressive she can get.

Mikan avoids all thoughts that make her uncomfortable, that freak her out, that confuse her, that put her on the spot. Natsume’s confession does all of that when she’s already thoroughly uncomfortable, freaked out, confused, and on the spot. So she doesn’t respond and she doesn’t even say anything to us that might suggest how she feels about hearing the confession. We can only guess, and my guess is that she’s OVER THE MOON to hear it.

After the Borrowing Race, Mikan really wanted the masked person to be Natsume. Her biggest concern was confronting him about it, but she was going to. And we know that she was devastated when Luna said Natsume was watching from afar. She didn’t think about who else it could be, just that she was upset it wasn’t Natsume. Because she wants Natsume to love her and always has. He’s telling her--and everyone else here--that he loves her now, and I can’t imagine that it doesn’t make her happy to know that after everything, she was right all along.

Natsume uses his alice and it’s clear he’s gonna try to escape with her. Nobara is commanded to stop Natsume’s flames and keep them from running away. Mikan and Nobara have always had a deep connection, bonded by feelings of uselessness and insecurity about their alices. Even though they’ve only met a few times, Mikan cares deeply about Nobara. And now Nobara is the only person who can help or stop her and Natsume from escaping. 

So much happening at once!

Mikan always thinks of herself as useless, and it’s sad to see her have such a low opinion of herself when she makes such a difference in people’s lives just by being kind, by seeing the value in others, by making friends indiscriminately. If Mikan weren’t so kind, so friendly, so sweet, Nobara might not have acted in defiance against Persona. 

Mikan knows that Nobara will be in trouble for assisting them, but they can’t linger, so they escape with Narumi, though Luna follows for a while, still trying to get her alice back. 

Natsume and Mikan run while holding hands, Narumi accompanying them. Mikan is preoccupied with the chase and with concern for Nobara, who put herself on the line for her. Yet again, Mikan can’t linger on any one thought because something else is always happening. They’re being attacked, then rescued, then separated from their classmates who rebelled on their own at the same time, separated from Hotaru--

How is Mikan supposed to be able to think about anything when everything is happening all at once? I think it makes sense that Natsume doesn’t get a response or even acknowledgement of his feelings right now.

They keep running, and Natsume uses a lot of his alice fighting off enemies, until he suddenly collapses and there’s one more concern added to the mix. Natsume brushes it off, but Mikan is obviously concerned about his condition. He tries to get Mikan and Narumi to go on without him, but Mikan won’t hear it. They couldn’t take Nobara or their friends along with them, but she won’t leave Natsume, especially in this condition, to be fodder for the fukitai while she runs away.

And Narumi plans around it anyway, switching places with Natsume, as he should since he’s the adult and a teacher whose job it is to protect his students. He’ll keep the fukitai busy while Natsume and Mikan escape. Mikan doesn’t really like this option either, hesitant to leave a loved one behind, but Narumi is an adult and he seems to know what he’s doing, telling them they’ll meet again at the Hana Hime Den. 

It’s finally time for Narumi to tell her what he’d meant to say earlier: he wants to run away from the school with her.

He’s making sense. The school’s not safe for either of them anymore. He’s an adult who has already made the arrangements for an escape, transportation, and housing outside. He’s a teacher she loves and trusts and once even called “Dad.” He doesn’t expect an answer right away because of how harsh the prospect is, but he insists she considers it--a hard ask since she hasn’t had much time to consider anything--and he runs off.

Mikan is forced to cope with a lot of choices tonight, and this is just the first of a long string of them. She might have to leave the school, leave all her friends, leave Natsume.

She's always counted him as separate, but that's as much confirmation that she loves him too as we're gonna get for a while.

I think it’s interesting that Natsume is a separate part of the equation. She still doesn’t reveal much with her thoughts, but the little hints we get are a good insight into how she’s feeling right now. Mikan has, as we’ve already discussed, always viewed Natsume as “different.” The feelings she has for him are unique and this uniqueness has always confused her. He never fit the role of “friend,” the way her other classmates did. For a time, “partner” was the convenient label, a connection in nothing much but name until it was a connection that couldn’t be named, especially when the “partner” label was taken away. Now Natsume is just Natsume, in his own category. 

So Mikan doesn’t want to leave her friends, her classmates, her senpais, her teachers… her Natsume, who is his own thing.

Chapter Ninety-Eight

Though Mikan doesn’t want to leave Narumi on his own, Natsume is tugging her along anyway, asserting that Narumi--the adult--can take care of himself. Natsume dutifully takes her to the Hanahimeden as agreed and Mikan can only think about her concerns for the friends she’s been parted from. The pursuers seem to be gone, so it’s just the two of them now, Natsume holding onto her hand. 

Mikan is taken out of her preoccupations when Natsume finally speaks, asking her if she’s really gonna leave with Narumi. He doesn’t really wait for her to reply either, telling her that he wants to take her hand and escape with her himself, if only he were an adult. That’s the only reason it’s not the two of them leaving right this second: they’re both helpless, powerless children.

Natsume doesn’t usually say such sweet things. Mikan has been recently confronted with Natsume being oddly honest and open with her, telling her how he feels. He has nothing holding him back anymore, after all, so why not be honest? Mikan still hasn’t responded to his love confession, and this is just an extension of that same feeling: I love you and I don’t want to leave you.

There's so much going on here...

She tears up and looks at his back (like always, like always, like always--because even if he’s honest, he always confesses these things with his back to her). All she says is “Me too,” because she has her back to him too (metaphorically). She can’t say more than that. “Me too,” to all of it, without saying all of it. She’s still not ready to say it, to think it. “I don’t want to be separated; I don’t want to let go of this hand,” is something she keeps to herself. She’s just echoing his own thoughts, and that’s important because there’s no point tonight where her feelings don’t perfectly match his. He doesn’t want to pass her onto someone else? She doesn’t want that either. What else has he said tonight? Whatever it was, she feels it too, but “me too,” is all she can say for now.

For now.

They’re brought in to meet Himemiya, who shares instantly that Hotaru will be sent out of the school for a couple years on a trainee program and that Ruka, who is labeled as a leader of the rebellion, will be seriously punished for his role. Both Natsume and Mikan are confronted by the collateral damage of their standing against the ESP, with Himemiya asking if Mikan is prepared to face the consequences of her actions. I think that’s a fucked up thing to say to a child, but whatever. 

What’s the alternative here? Going along with the status quo here means allowing the ESP to use Mikan as he sees fit, something nobody can tolerate because it means returning him to full power and living forever this way. But Natsume didn’t tolerate it because he knew Mikan would be terribly abused if she joined the DA class, and though no teachers cared about him getting abused, he would step in to help her. 

One thing I've learned from writing this essay is that I really dislike Himemiya, LMAO.

What’s the alternative, Himemiya? Fuck off.

Chapter Ninety-Nine

Shortly after this needless and cruel conversation with Himemiya, Mikan reunites with Hotaru, who was rescued by Hayate. They hug and finally Hotaru addresses her transfer, something she’d kept to herself for a while. 

Hotaru completely refutes Himemiya’s nonsense about this being Mikan’s fault. Hotaru doesn’t blame Mikan, so Mikan shouldn’t blame herself. Everyone rebelled because they believe in Mikan, because they want to support her and what she stands for. Hotaru is Mikan’s best friend. She’ll always be in her corner. 

Just like Natsume was being honest, it’s Hotaru’s turn. For all of her acting like Mikan is a nuisance, she’s treasured every moment they shared at the academy. Whatever happens going forward, it’s not Mikan’s fault. She asserts that this separation is temporary and different from last time. They’re communicating about it now, for one, and Hotaru knows it won’t be forever. They will definitely see each other again. 

I like how Himemiya says that nonsense and then everyone afterward just quickly rebukes it.

And Mikan agrees, but she wishes none of this had happened, that they could go back to the way things were, so she didn’t have to be separated from Hotaru, so she could grow up with her and live a normal, happy life by her best friend’s side. It’s a similar wish to the one she had for Natsume. Not wanting to be separated. They’re both precious to her, and the main driving thread here is the strong wish that there was no need for a rebellion, that there was no danger to run from. 

Again, the theme here is loss. First there was Natsume, a false alarm, then Narumi, saved in the nick of time, then Tsubasa, still a mystery. Now, both Hotaru and Ruka’s fates are up in the air and Mikan is faced with the sudden reality that she might lose the people she cares about most. The ESP’s Christmas warning feels more potent than ever. Nothing is safe.

Mikan’s attention is brought to one of the alice stones around her neck, particularly Sakurano’s, because she’s “resonating” with him, meaning that he’s calling for her. One of the alices in the stone is teleportation, and by holding onto each other, Mikan, Hotaru, and Natsume can all be teleported to wherever Sakurano is. 

Himemiya says one more cryptic thing before they disappear: “Say hello to your mother for me.” 

Poor Mikan gets so much strange information at once, little vague comments about her mother, Hotaru leaving, Natsume loving her, Narumi planning to take her way--all so much at once. It’s hard to keep up with it all, so she can’t linger when they end up in the High School Principal’s office, facing Sakurano, Subaru, and Narumi, who is safe after all. Nodacchi then teleports with Ruka in tow, so the four are finally reunited. 

I think we can all agree that we should've had more of them as a friend group instead of just a group of people who are all in love with Mikan, only tied together by that fact. The latter is kinda boring to me, not gonna lie.

Chapter One Hundred

Hey guys. We’re officially at the very long part of the manga where things get technical and lore-heavy, with emphasis switching onto the past, and then in a more broad sense, into “running away” and escaping, which… is fun and all but not fun to analyze for me. SO, just like with the Natsume version of this essay, I might not have many things to say about each chapter. Thanks for understanding.

Mikan is meeting her uncle for the first time, the man behind the curtain who has been pulling the strings to protect her to the best of his ability the whole time. (I can only imagine how irritated he was with Narumi for bringing her in to the ESP in the first place.) He also breaks the sad news to her that her father passed away before she was even born. But there’s no time to have a chat about it. This is a dire situation and Mikan needs to get out of here and to safety immediately, specifically with her mother, Azumi Yuka. 

This is a shock to everyone--Narumi isn’t happy to hear this--but Mikan just got several bombs dropped at once. One, her long-elusive mother was Yuka, who stole her friend’s alice and was involved in another friend getting shot with a poison bullet. Two, she’ll be escaping with this person, and not Narumi or Natsume or anybody else she knows, and spending the rest of who knows how long with Yuka on the run. Third, these arrangements were all decided for her without any of her input.

It’s all connecting. Her mother, that woman, the Z member… 

It’s a lot to take in, as if she wasn’t being confronted with enough shockers. 

You don't want to? That's not something they're really prioritizing, Mikan. That's not something they ever prioritized.

Mikan pipes up that she doesn’t want to run away with Yuka, a person who for all Mikan knows has done nothing but damage. She also doesn’t want to be the only one protected and looked after. Her friends are in danger too!

But Himemiya is even further rebuked (why did she say that? So shitty.). This whole endeavor isn’t about protecting only Mikan. Everyone would be in danger if the ESP got his hands on her. Mikan is a weapon the ESP can’t be allowed to have access to. She isn’t expected to understand right away, but she is expected to comply, and that’s where her friends have issues.

Natsume complains that Mikan shouldn’t just be lectured; just because they’re on the same side against the ESP doesn’t mean the kids will cooperate with them. In his mind, they’re a unit, the four of them, and they won’t just obey blindly to everything the adults say. He didn’t rebel just to fall into line again with a new set of adults. That means a lot to Mikan, to have this group of people who are primarily interested in her safety and well-being, whereas the adults in the room seem to be more preoccupied with the greater good. 

He demands they be properly convinced, so that even he could agree to allow Mikan to go with Yuka. Ruka chimes in with something similar, that Mikan has been through enough and should have a say in what happens next. 

“The one who will choose is Sakura, not you adults.”

I think Ruka taking his future "rejection" so well is tied to his utmost respect for her agency that he demonstrates here. She has the right to choose and he will always respect that. Any and all fanfic that have Ruka behaving in any other way are grossly misinterpreting his character.

This is a pretty important line, in my opinion, because it relates to how important it is that Mikan has agency in this situation. For most of the manga, Mikan has been oblivious to everything. Narumi personally withheld her alice from her until she underwent a dangerous and unnecessary entrance exam. She was enrolled without knowledge of what she was sacrificing, namely contact with her grandpa. She was unfairly targeted and then wasn’t even given information about why she was targeted. Though multiple people already knew that Mikan was Yuka’s daughter, this information was kept secret from her. Her own stealing alice was kept a secret from her for months before she figured it out on her own. She was after that told to keep it a secret too, without being given an elaboration as to why. Mikan has for most of the manga been an unwitting puppet, kept oblivious to things that directly concerned her, for the sake of the greater good.

Mikan hasn’t had agency up til now. She hasn’t been allowed to make her own informed decisions. She’s been lied to and manipulated, particularly by adults who think they know what’s best for her. This moment is important because her friends are standing up for her, claiming that she should have the right to choose what she does next. She should be given all the relevant information and allowed to make a decision for herself. For fucking once.

Agency is such a huge part of Mikan’s story that it genuinely sickens me when people brush it over, including Higuchi Tachibana herself. Mikan’s agency is important in lots of ways, particularly regarding her life and what she does with her alice and school life, sure, but her love life is a part of that as well. And I feel like Mikan’s feelings and choices in regards to romance are frequently disregarded or even not considered at all, and I have a huge problem with that.

The one who will choose is Mikan, thanks! (And she does!)

I get a little antsy from here on out when it comes to this story, but we'll carry on, because there's nothing else to do.

In any case, the HSP agrees to this, telling Noda to take the kids on a trip to the past to find out more about Yuka. They still don’t have time to discuss it in depth, so this time traveling will be a compromise. After Mikan has seen everything she needs to see, she will be able to make her own decision for what comes next.

Conclusion

Poor Mikan gets confronted with shocker after shocker in this arc and all in one night with very little time to process anything. The fact that she'll somehow get around to addressing the love question tonight with everything else going on is actually impressive! But not yet. Next time, we'll delve into Yuka's backstory and how it affects Mikan.

I always find these initial chapters before the Time-Travel Arc pretty fascinating from an analytical stance, and there's a lot to say about everything here, but the chapters afterward get a little less so. Thus, less consistent analysis. I will do my best!

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[vulturereyy]

5, 6, 30 and 44 for Chivalry verse Hegemol? For the character asks

Thank you for the ask !!!!!

5. Best personality trait

Hegemol's best personality trait... Is probably his patience and willingness to listen. Old knight has lived five lifetimes over at this point, and he's seen and been through a lot, but that doesn't mean that others have not. With his extended lifespan has come a far more relaxed sense of time, where he knows it's alright to sit and hear someone out. And with his age, he's learned that many times, the best option is simply to let someone actually experience their emotions than try and fix them instantly. He lets people be ugly, and gross sob on him, and throw things, and break things, and be angry with him if they need to be. He has all the time in the world to help fix the problem. Best to let the catharsis through first.

6. Worst personality trait

Hand in hand with above, Hegemol's extreme sense of protectiveness can get in the way of things. Especially when it comes to his squires. He can occasionally get so overprotective that he will pre-emptively try to protect them and do what he fully believes would be in their best interest. But sometimes, that turns out to be wrong. I guess to add on to above, he is also very, very genuine about admitting when he is wrong, and working with the person that he's wronged on their terms.

30. Sleeping habits

Lol. Lmao. What sleep? In all seriousness, poor Hegemol is never well rested, especially not while he served as a knight. He's late to bed in order to spend a precious few hours with his nocturnal husband, and very early to rise for his duties. Hegemol lives off of midday naps at any moment he can take them, partially because he seeks them, and partially because if he doesn't take them he will keel over. He has absolutely passed out on more than one occasion in the war room or otherwise. Hegemol overloads and overcommits himself on his duties, especially near the fall of Hallownest, as everyone else is also already doing so much. He would much prefer to make himself the sacrificial lamb than see his other knights weary with fatigue as he is on the inside. I actually answered an ask a while ago that details Lurien and Hegemol's schedules, if you're interested :> In current time of the fanfiction though, while he's in Mato's care? He loves to sleep. He doesn't quite have as much choice given how much he has to recover, but as long as he isn't plagued by nightmares (which is often)... He is so cozy in the nest Mato has made him, and he never wants to leave it.

44. Their happiest memory

This one is HARD! Chivalry Hegemol is an EXTREMELY sentimental sap of a man, it's very, very hard for him to choose just one. The first one to come to mind, however, would have been him and Lurien's 'wedding.' They had no ceremony of course, given the secretive nature of their relationship- but Hegemol spent months learning the Damselfly courtship dances and rituals in a way that he, a beetle, could perform them. He did this mostly alone, but with the occasional assistance of Aedmond, my Lurien's butler. On a night where the Pale King had left the palace on a diplomatic excursion, the two of them snuck into the emptied royal ballroom, and danced. This was their wedding. They could have no rings, or trinkets of each other, or audience - but this was their night, with Aedmond providing music through the stage piano as quietly as he possibly could. Hegemol definitely didn't tear up through most of it. The second memory that comes to mind would have been the knighting of his first squire, Sir Gytha. Gytha was a very troubled young beetle, and her journey to knighthood took almost twice as long as any other squire he's taken since. But she is where much of his patience and willingness to let others actually feel out their emotions comes from; she is the foundation. Hegemol himself didn't have that great of a time with his time as squire. In fact, his knight, Dame Ludovic, actually messed him up immensely in terms of self worth, self esteem, and sense of purpose. To Hegemol, Gytha's training was certainly his messiest -- but it also served to put his foot down and stamp it in Ludovic's face, that her legacy died with him. He refused to continue her cycle, and he and Gytha both are far better off for it. And yes, he also bawled under his mask at Gytha's knighting ceremony. He could barely deliver her oaths to her because he was trying not to be choked up.

[winns-stuff]

LO CONFESSION:

I won’t lie, about the reveal of the fastpass with Hermes and Persephone with Apollo coming back I really had a hard time feeling anything about it. I hate to even admit this because I understand about why this should’ve been a bigger moment and why I should at least be excited that Apollo is finally being dealt with I find myself lacking in all emotion about it.

Now before I say anything I wanna clarify that in no way am I saying “I don’t care that Persephone is confronting her abuser”, that’s not what I’m trying to say at all. I am glad that he is being dealt with and hopefully this time it will be by Persephone’s hands and Persephone’s hands only because I feel like since her trauma is so overlooked by the comic this could really be her chance to literally take it back and be in full control of it. I’m happy that he’s finally being addressed and I hope that the comic actually punishes him and not just let him off so easy like they’ve genuinely been doing this entire time. And what I mean by that is that Apollo literally has no consequences for anything, every time we’ve seen Apollo he’s gotten away with things and I can understand if the narrative writes it like that on purpose so that it’ll be realistic but at the same time it doesn’t feel like the narrative itself even wants to deal with him. His character gets slaps on his wrists not because it’s intended to but because they want to move onto something else, for the trauma he’s caused to be this great it doesn’t actually feel like it’s important and I hate that.

But back to my main point about Persephone and the red eyes. First off I just want to say that they should’ve just kept the red eyes for wrath and anger, I really do think it would’ve been more impactful since we know that that’s the only emotion that comes with it and this would be an amazing time to be furious. Second, I wish Persephone would actually look pissed off when the red eyes come on I hate that she’s always smiling and in a way yeah it could be creepy and unsettling but I just wish to see more range with it but that’s just a personal nitpick. Third off is I have a hard time taking them serious now, the comic has used Persephone’s red eyes and her anger in general as a joke so many times it’s hard to convince myself that this is actually something that won’t be taken as a joke. As much as I have hope that there won’t be any jokes made or implied both during this confrontation and after it I already know that LO has a very hard time taking itself seriously so I wouldn’t be surprised if jokes would be made even when it’s nowhere near necessary. Fourth is I feel like there was little to no build up to this whole thing, I don’t feel like this is what I’ve been waiting for and I don’t believe that this is even a big moment. There’s nothing satisfying for me about this confrontation and it genuinely upsets and disappoints me entirely, I feel like they’ll be no resolve or the resolve will just be very rushed and underwhelming which is annoying to me because I would like to see this situation finally have importance and be acknowledged as important by this comic.

I know how serious this conversation is and everyone else in the fandom does as well but I hate that the comic acts as if they have no clue why this whole thing is important. I don’t want jokes being made, I don’t want light atmosphere, I don’t want “funny faces”, I don’t want anything that would take away from the scene. I want this scene to be powerful and I want them to deliver true justice to Persephone not half ass it like they always fucking do. Which is why I’m writing this confession, I want all of these things to happen but I know more than anyone that I’ll be disappointed yet again by this comic. I know that they won’t give this situation any integrity or respect at all and I know they’ll treat it like it’s one big fucked up joke because they always do, and I’ll be the one left angry and upset because once again LO has failed to deliver what it’s promised to fans for the 1000th time.