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Guys! I'm back with am update! Woooo!!!! So things are gonna get real for Ellen here soon ^^ but I won't spoil too much :) enjoy guys!

Taglist: @exactlyelegantwizard , @xenoanamorph , @hoeia-strigoi , @arwenkenobi48 , @xanth420 , @serpentdeath , @landlockedmermaid77, @uncensored-aj, @mypackpride, @whisperingwillowe, @sasksdemorg, @emimuart, @fern-and-bone, @enchantedchocolatebars, @disneyvillainsinlove, and @muchwita

If you want to be added to the taglist, please let me know either via comments or dm ^^ let's goooooo!!!!

Exile: A Nosferatu Fanfic

Chapter 15

All this time, I never learned to read your mind…(Never learned to read my mind…)

Ellen didn’t really know what to do with that revelation. Surely Orlok wasn’t that selfish? Was he? Thomas…her Thomas would’ve put her happiness first. Surely he would have. Ehre stayed close to her, as he always did, offering whatever comfort he could. The wolfhound wasn’t leaving her side any time soon.

“There has to be a way to see him again. Even just for a moment, for a day…anything” she pet him, gently running her hands through his thick black coat, “In a world where vampires, sorcerers, and the like exist…surely then ghosts do don’t they?”

But ghosts mostly haunted the places they died in, didn’t they? If Ellen was meant to be a ghost, surely she’d be there? So many questions haunted her. What was the world like now without her there? Was Thomas okay? Did she really do the right thing?

“Ehre…I have so much doubt, so much uncertainty. What am I to do? This will torture me more than any hell could”.

The wolf hound's ears flattened. He didn’t want his mistress tormented, but at the same time, if she went back to the living world, there was a chance she couldn’t make it back. Then the master would be the most unhappy he’d ever been. It was a no win situation on either end. Even so, Ellen deserved to know what had become of her beloved. He’d go with her, as he always did. Ehre would follow her to the ends of all the worlds if it meant she was safe and happy…

And Orlok knew that too. The count was looking through a few old books, some of his occult texts and some historical accounts. He wanted to fix this situation with Ellen. And as he looked through one particular text, Orlok had an idea.

“The Aztecs used black mirrors, Obsidian Mirrors, to communicate with the spirit world…” he read quietly aloud as his mind started to work.

Turning to another open book, the count flicked his wrist, willing the book to flip its own pages to open to a page about black mirrors. Solomonari used them often for scrying, to keep track of potential targets. But other magic users found other uses for them. Among these uses? Portals to other planes of existence…

Orlok let out a thoughtful growl. He had an obsidian mirror…somewhere. He just hadn’t used it in ages, literally. Usually black mirrors were used by younger magicians who were still learning the scrying craft, or for those who were interested in finding out about other worlds and existential planes.

If a mortal magician could use them to enter spiritual planes, it only made sense that they could still work in the Otherworld for the same purpose. Orlok rose from his seat, Durere and Intristare looking up from their spots under the desk and by one of the shelves respectively. The wolf hound's ears twitched, curious as to what their master was doing. Orlok scanned his many old shelves, his sharp eyes looking for a particular velvet bag he hadn’t seen in a long time. One he didn’t think he’d ever use again.

A blue velvet drawstring bag with his family’s seal on it. He found it, dusty as it was. He plucked it in his long clawed fingers, and held it in his hand.

“Found you, micul diavol…Seems you still have one use yet”.

Ellen was in her room still, reading a book of poems her mother used to read her when Ehre lifted his head from her lap. The other master was coming, along with Durere and Intristare. She looked to the door before he knocked, her heart racing.

“Come in” she told him.

The Count stepped into the room, along with the other two wolfhounds, holding what looked like a small blue bag of velvet. Ellen eyed it and then Orlok curiously.

“What is that?” she asked.

“A way for you to see your Thomas again” he told her.

Ellen blinked in surprise. “Wait, you…you found a way?”

Orlok nodded. “I did”.

“And you’re letting me?”

“I am”.

“And you’re trusting me to come back?”.

He took a breath at that. “I am trusting that you will, but I will understand if you have no desire to” Orlok opened the bag and held what looked like a flat, polished piece of black glass in his hand, “suflet mic..Micul meu suflet…this is what is called an Obsidian Mirror, or Black Mirror. For centuries and across continents, these have been used as portals, a way to explore other planes of existence, spiritual and otherwise, by magic users”.

“Like us?” she asked.

Orlok nodded. “Precisely. I set an enchantment to this, all you need to do is think of your Thomas, and the mirror will open a spiritual path to him. You will have a day to make a choice. You can stay in the mortal world with him, or return to me here in the Otherworld”.

Ellen looked at the mirror and then at him. “You’re really letting me make this choice?”

The count nodded once more. “It’s entirely up to you at the end of the day, literally”.

“And if I don’t make one?”

“You will be trapped in the world of the living, as most wayward spirits are”.

Ellen carefully took the mirror, looking at him once more. “Thank you…for trusting me with this. Only a day, but it’ll be enough. I just…I need to know”.

Orlok shook his head. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me, dragul meu…Do what you feel you need to do. I will come when the day is over and await your choice. I will not push you to decide. It will be up to you”.

Ellen nodded, her eyes gentle. “Thank you. I’ll have my choice at the end of the day, I swear it”.

He bowed his head. “Of course. I will leave you to it…”

With that, he turned to leave with the other two hounds as Ellen sat on the bed with the black mirror. She pet Ehre softly.

“I’m going to see him again. I’m going to see Thomas…my Thomas…”.

She held the mirror in her hands, closed her eyes and focused on the face of her beloved, all that she remembered of him. Their home, their time together. Warmth overtook her, greater than she had felt in ages, and Ellen felt herself fall into the inky black of the mirror, feeling so small, so very insignificant, and yet…the warmth remained…

“I’m coming. Hold on Thomas…I’m coming back…back to you”.

As I said it's about to get real now yall! How will Thomas react? How is the world changed? Only time will tell...literally! If you wanna see more feel free to follow me! And as always like, comment, and of course reblog! Yall are amazing and I love you ^^ <3

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Iron God Chapter 68 [Ami]

In the weeks following her second ascension, Ami drowned in life. It was no small thing to feel again after so many years sapped dry by Valielit. She still felt as if she hardly had time or energy to process any of it, not with nearly everyone needing her help.

She let herself into the girls’ room and found them just as unnaturally silent as they’d been since the attack. Kolo sat up on her bed, white hair unkempt and blanket hanging loosely around her shoulders. She acknowledged Ami with only a brief glance. Lalek was asleep, shivering despite her blanket and the rooms’ warmth.

After a moment, Channei turned the desk chair to face Ami. “Hey. I got Kolo to eat earlier but Lalek still won’t.”

Ami nodded. “And yourself?”

“I’m fine,” Channei insisted.

“Mm-hm.” Ami cast a long, deliberate look at the bowl of untouched stew on the desk. “Well, Azvalath and I worked hard on that, so eat up.”

That caught Kolo’s attention. “How is Aza?”

“A little outta’ sorts, but who isn’t right now?” Ami went over and sat at the end of Kolo’s bed. “How about you? How’re you feeling today?”

Kolo stretched her arms out. “I feel like there are a million stinging little bugs under my skin.”

Ami took out her notebook and scribbled that down. “Any new pain?”

She shook her head.

“And mentally?” Ami asked.

Kolo raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

Ami leaned closer and softened her tone. “Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

Kolo backed up. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Well, considering what happened…” Ami pursed her lips. “It would be a first.”

Kolo turned away from her, shoulders tensed. She’d insisted day after day that she didn’t feel much different from before, and indeed, there was no physical sign to indicate otherwise. But Ami couldn’t fully believe that, not with what she’d already seen time and time again.

Monitor closely. She underlined those two words and moved on to Lalek.

Lalek’s eyes cracked open as Ami approached. She was shivering and sweating through her blanket, and her skin was deathly pale.

“Hey.” Ami pulled the blanket back. “Heard you didn’t eat. Is it still hard to swallow?”

“Yeah.” Lalek’s voice came out a thin croak. Her hand drifted up to claw at her bandaged neck.

Ami grabbed her wrist. “Don’t mess with it, dear.”

Lalek wiped her mouth with her other hand. “Sorry.”

“Hey, I just don’t want you tearing your stitches.” Ami dropped her tote next to Lalek’s bed. “I’ll check ‘em while I change your bandages, all right?”

“Yeah.” Lalek’s voice was still weak and breathy. She winced as Ami started to unwrap the bandages, but made a clear effort to stay as still as she could.

The sound of Channei sobbing made them both pause.

Ami tried to focus only on the task at hand, but it soon became impossible, and she snapped. “Channei, that’s enough.”

“I’m still not mad at you,” Lalek added, with all the volume she could muster. “Please believe me.”

Ami shuddered as she exposed the wound. Channei’s jaws with some animal’s teeth had ripped Lalek’s throat open, only sparing her life by sheer dumb luck or maybe some tiny fragment of Channei’s mind that had resisted Valielit. The stitches still held, but the skin around them was so red and angry it still looked like an open wound.

“How bad is it?” Lalek choked out.

Ami pursed her lips. “Hard to know right now.” It was a lie, of course. Lalek would be lucky to survive with permanent damage. But she couldn’t say that out loud, not now.

“Lalek’s never going to get better and it’ll have been my fault, right?” Channei snarled from across the room. “Right, Ami?”

Ami ignored her and rebandaged the wound. Lalek once again tried her best to stay still, but her face bore a clear grimace. She could understand Channei’s upset, but it wouldn’t help anything. She’d have to ignore it.

“Channei, you know that isn’t true.” Kolo stood up. “It wasn’t you, not really.”

“But that monster, she used me!” Channei slammed her fist into the desk. “She made me do things I would never do. She made me helpless. It was…”

“It was the most intimate and personal violation you’ve ever known.” Ami made eye contact with Channei and stated bluntly what they both knew. “I get it.”

Everyone’s eyes were on her, then.

“I put up with it for all that time first because I thought I could help her.” Ami shook her head. “By the time I realized there wasn’t even a person under that cute facade, I still figured it was better if it were me getting whittled down instead of someone else.”

Kolo grumbled. “Fuck that.”

Ami jolted. “What?”

“Fuck that!” Kolo threw her blanket off. “Did it save anyone at the end of the day?”

“You’re all still alive.” Ami’s brow tensed in a scowl. “Which is a shock, but I’ll take it.” She gathered up the old bandages and sniffed them. The smells of blood, sweat, fear, and an unwelcome growth tangled together in her nostrils. “Hmm, have you ever considered what horrid havoc some living things can unleash without you even knowing their existence?”

The question seemed to catch Kolo by enough surprise that her tone softened. “Huh?”

“Kolo, if you want everyone to stay alive, you’ve gotta focus your nerves where it matters.” She gave Lalek’s arm a pat and leaned in to whisper. “You know what I think?”

Lalek cracked one eye back open.

Ami dropped her voice even quieter. “I think your roommates have even worse manners than me.”

That elicited a wheezing giggle.

“I’ll be back this evening. I’ve got three instructions for you ‘til then.” Ami spoke a little louder so everyone could hear. “First, let me know immediately if there’s a new problem.”

Lalek nodded. Channei gave a thumbs-up. Kolo rolled her eyes.

“Second, Lalek, I know it hurts to swallow, but I need you to try your best to eat and drink on your own.” She sighed. “I don’t want to have to force you.”

“Yeah,” Lalek choked out. Her eyelids fluttered.

“Last, and critically,” Ami stood up and addressed all of them. “If I come back to find this room on fire, I’m roasting you over it for supper.”

The girls’ tension snapped like a rope pulled too taut. All three of them burst out in wild laughter. Ami caught herself chuckling too, in a way that felt warmer than anything had in ages. With that, she gathered up her things and left.

Once outside the room, she took another whiff of Lalek’s discarded bandages. When the unwelcome growth whispered back, her heart beat faster. She gleaned its taste for decay and its dislike of sharing. Another sniff and she knew its urge to spread, to conquer, and its fear of mold.

The last bit took her by surprise to hear again. Since her second ascension, she’d learned it from many an imperceptibly tiny thing, that a simple food-spoiling mold was to them what Kaosaan was to the minds of Ferash Therall.

Ami carried on with a slight bounce in her step, and she couldn’t resist asking what this pest knew of Kaosaan.

When she didn’t get any satisfying answer, her eyebrows furrowed. When it returned the question, she withheld all she knew and willed herself to focus. Find the invader’s enemy and snatch up its weapons to save Lalek. That was all that mattered.

Her eyes watered again. Irritated, she wiped them dry.

“Since when were you the one in control?”

At first, she thought the voice was in her head. Maybe some lingering nightmare of her treasured, hated Magpie. But when the voice carried on, she stopped near Xigon’s closed door to eavesdrop.

“Don’t forget where we came from, child.” The old woman’s voice dripped with vitriol. “I’ve treated you as my equal, but I don’t need to keep doing that if you don’t keep our promises.”

Ami backed into the wall. She’d never heard such chilling cruelty in anyone’s words, much less Qila’s.

“Do you understand, Xigon?”

Silence.

“Good.”

Ami tiptoed back a ways and timed her steps carefully, to make it look like she was just arriving as Qila stepped out of Xigon’s study. She reflected the old woman’s warm smile back at her. “Master Qila, hello.”

“Hello, Ami.” Qila waved. “You’re looking well. I’m glad to see it.”

“Me too.” Ami chuckled. “Ah, don’t let me keep you. You must be busy.”

Much to Ami’s relief, Qila nodded and left.

Ami clutched her stomach as it lurched with dread.

She tried again to focus her thoughts only on what mattered, but she rapidly found more than one thing mattered. And before she could protest, she caught herself shoving her way into Xigon’s study.

He sat at his desk, still and quiet, only a slight stiffness in his shoulders betraying any sensation. His eyes darted toward her, then back down.

“I have an idea for how to proceed with Lalek’s treatment,” she told him. “Kolo appears largely unaffected still.”

There was a slight twitch in his fingers. “You’re certain of that?”

“As far as I’ve observed.” Ami let out a sigh. “Master, what just happened?”

He straightened and turned to face her. Then she saw the thin red cut splitting his right eyebrow.

Ami took a deep breath. “Did Qila do that?”

Xigon’s expression stayed flat.

“Well, anyway, I…” Ami scratched her cheek. “Sorry. I don’t understand how it doesn’t hurt you at all.”

He blinked. “It does hurt.”

That rare candid admission was such a sharp blow that Ami’s eyes watered again.

Xigon leaned his elbows into his knees. “Don’t cry for me, Ami.”

“I’ve been bound up long enough, Master.” Ami wiped her eyes, seething. “I’ll cry if I damn well feel like it.”

She drowned in the flood of feeling until he wrapped his arms around her. It was a shock, how different his embrace was from Magpie’s. Not controlling her thoughts, only giving her refuge.

After a moment, he released her. “Your report on Lalek, please.”

The flatness of his tone made her erupt laughing even faster than she’d been moved to tears before. The growing pains of an untethered mind, how odd. “I’m concerned that she still has so much trouble swallowing.”

Xigon’s hand drifted up toward his own neck and he grimaced slightly, as if he were imagining himself in Lalek’s place. “Let me know next time you’re going to see her. I’ll come with you.”

Ami nodded. “You know her better, anyway.” She looked at Xigon’s cluttered desk. “You’re still reading that same old scrap-stack?”

With a slight spark in his eyes, he pulled the book closer to him. “Not quite the same, no.” He opened it and turned to the text’s last pages. “Can you read this, Ami?”

Ami squinted down at the page. Though she recognized the markings on the parchment as writing, it wasn’t in any language or structure she recognized. “Nope, can’t read a word.”

“That’s quite interesting.” He underlined a passage with his finger. “Because until very recently, I couldn’t read it either.”

Ami cocked her head. “Well, you mind reading me the first page, at least?

His fingers trembled over the page just long enough for Ami to notice, then he spoke in a tremulous voice. “Beneath, I saw. Beyond, within, with all wisdom and without reason. What the ghost-pipe whispers to the greenery withering above — receive these blessings, small one, and Her way is yours.”

Xigon locked eyes with her, then, and his gaze chilled her every nerve. “The first Sacrament She bestows is of the Sight. The hunters need no longer stalk nor lure, for their Sight draws them now from the deepest recesses,” he recited, clearly from memory. “Dread and death imminent shall compel the blessed, to dream only of the coming feast.”

Ami’s jaw clenched.

“It’s an odd thing to call the likes of us, is it not?” Xigon leaned back. “Blessed.”

Blessed.

Like it was some kind of gift.

“This was what Kiiri spent her last days writing. But it wasn’t a story of something old or something she made up.” He turned to the very last page, to an image of Kaosaan’s ravenous maw.

“This must be how she imagined everything comes undone.”

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Do you ship Ellen and Thomas?

I kind of do, as in I see the appeal of normalcy in Thomas that Ellen saw. And Thomas isn't a bad dude, far from. But honestly I don't think he was meant for Ellen. Not truly. He didn't fully "get" her if you understand, and that's fine. He was only a dude who didn't live in the world where he thought he did.

All this to say, I don't personally ship Thomas and Ellen, but I do see the appeal of the ship story wise. If that makes sense!

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https://www.tumblr.com/ashes-writing-corner/779406725322342400/will-ellen-see-thomas-again-in-the-story?source=share Closure as in her letting go of those two and getting with Orlok? I assume she and Orlok will be a thing / already are in a way in the end.

Yep exactly. This is a Lilac Fang story after all ^^

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Will Ellen see Thomas again in the story?

Yep! I'm trying to plan for a way to get her back to the world of the living, where she'll get to see Thomas again, and possibly even Von Franz again because I think if anyone would be able to see ghosts, it'd probably be him.

Orloks had his closure, now Ellen needs hers. It's just getting there that I'm trying to figure out ^^

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Hi guys! I'm back with an update for yall! ^-^ oh the story's far from over...faaaar from over! Been working on it when I can while also working on my book, so hence a delay in updates. At least I feel like there's been a delay in updates. Anyway! I hope you guys like it ^^

Taglist: @exactlyelegantwizard , @xenoanamorph , @hoeia-strigoi , @arwenkenobi48 , @xanth420 , @serpentdeath , @landlockedmermaid77, @uncensored-aj, @mypackpride, @whisperingwillowe, @sasksdemorg, @emimuart, @fern-and-bone, and @enchantedchocolatebars

If you want to be added to the taglist, please let me know via comment or dm! Enjoy!

Exile: A Nosferatu Fanfic

Chapter 14

You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs!)

The day was spent out in the snow, enjoying the clean, cold air of winter that felt oddly more cozy here than it ever did in the mortal world. Ellen began to notice something else: The Otherworld seemed to be reflecting them and their own moods and mental states. It was more than a place of memories, but of feelings and thoughts as well, like it manifested everything they felt.

They returned to the castle in all its warmth, another reflection of how they were currently feeling. A fur blanket was laid out in front of the fireplace, along with two warm cups of tea. Ellen recognized the cups and pot right away.

“Oh…these…they were my mother’s” she sat with him, her eyes soft as she recognized them, “They were passed down to me after her passing. I haven’t seen them in so long it feels…”.

Orlok sat next to her, holding the small cup in his much bigger hands delicately. His claw-like nails lightly tapped on the glass that made it up in an almost musical fashion. He looked at the cup and then at her.

“I can barely remember mine…my mother” he told her.

Ellen looked at him, a soft frown on her face. “I’m so sorry…What happened to her?”

“She passed away when I was a boy. Consumption I believe” Orlok answered, looking into the flames contemplatively.

“I’m so sorry. Mama passed much the same, of a severe fever. I knew it was going to happen…one of the few signs that you were right. That I wasn’t for humankind. I did wonder for a long time what exactly you meant by that when you told me”.

“Exactly what I said. You weren’t for humankind”.

“But how did you know exactly? Besides me…waking you?”

“Well that was the first sign of course. You’re powerful, suflet mic. More so than most people think. Not too many first time magic users can wake the dead”.

“I can imagine. What I don’t understand is how I was able to reach out to you…but not anyone else”.

“I think that has something to do with the Crossroads…do you remember it? That world between…”.

Ellen nodded taking a sip of her warm tea. “I was never able to access that again, no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to see what, who else was there. I had hoped to see my mother”.

Orlok looked thoughtful for a moment. “I believe our souls were always entwined, in some sort of alignment. Fate, or whatever higher power drew us in, they saw we were alike. Perhaps looking for the same thing”.

Ellen gazed at him, her eyes soft as ever. “What do you think that was?”

He turned to her, his own dark eyes gentle. “Someone to comfort us, to bring us some semblance of peace. Aggressive as I was, you did give me that”.

She nodded. “At least now I know the source of that aggression. I feel so stupid, now that I know it feels so obvious”.

He put his hand over hers on the fur. “You’re not stupid. Not in the slightest, dragul meu. You never have been. I just…didn’t tell you. Couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t feel like I deserved to feel that…that festering grief”.

Ellen entwined her fingers with his. “And now?”.

Orlok looked down at their hands. “Now I feel…different. Whole. Complete. Like I don’t have to let it fester anymore. I can feel how I feel and not be considered lesser for it”.

Ellen took his hand and brought it to her lips gently, unoffended by the texture of his skin against her mouth. “You aren’t lesser for having feelings, Orlok. You’re just…a person. And sometimes, being a person is hard. I think that’s what life has taught me. Just…being a human being is difficult”.

“I suppose it is…Life can be so complex and yet its so fragile” Orlok tried to ignore the fluttering in his chest after Ellen kissed his hand.

She was painfully sweet, as she always was. Another reason to love her, as if he needed any more reason to. That was something he hadn’t thought of in a while: what exactly were they to each other now? Sure their covenant stated they were lovers but…was that what she wanted? If she had the chance to go back, to be with Thomas again, or even to see him, would Ellen take that chance? Would she leave him in this lifeless place? The temptation to ask was strong, but knew he had to resist for now. He wanted to win her properly, not just because they were bound.

He wanted Ellen to love him. Love him like she loved Thomas. Like he was growing to love her.

“You cannot love” she had hissed at him once.

“I cannot…yet I cannot be sated without you” he had replied…

Oh how wrong he’d been. How deep that denial ran. How foolish was he to think he could keep his heart from her, anymore than she could keep hers from him…

“Ellen…If I could…ask you something?” he looked at the flames again, not daring to look at her.

Ellen blinked. “Anything. What is it? Is something wrong?”

“Could you ever be…no, are you happy here? With me?”

She was genuinely taken aback by the question. Ellen wouldn’t consider herself unhappy here, especially not with him here too. But at the same time…

“I don’t think I’m unhappy but…I do miss Thomas. I wonder how he is. If he misses me. If…if he’s even still alive after…” Ellen looked down feeling ashamed, “I left him alone”.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty. He was holding you back” Orlok said bitterly.

“I understand you don’t like him, but regardless of whether or not he was holding me back, I loved him. I married him”.

“You married to get a semblance of normalcy. For a taste of what your life would be if you weren’t what you are” Orlok argued.

“Don’t throw that at me when you technically did the same thing with me. If you think about it”.

“That’s not necessarily true-”

Ellen turned to him with a brow raised as if to say “seriously?”. Orlok sighed and shook his head.

“I wanted to be free, suflet mic. Same as you did. But from the curse I was given. Sadly it required that I take you down with me. We were, are, bound. We always will be. We both made that choice”.

“Can I ask you something?” Ellen’s face went serene but with a curious edge.

“You answered me truthfully. Go ahead”.

“If the Covenant didn’t require me to die with you, would you have left me with Thomas?” she looked him in the eyes.

Oh…oh no he wasn’t expecting that. Would he have left her? Would he have just faced the sun himself, faced that finality alone? Perhaps it was a choice born from fear, or from selfishness, Orlok didn’t know. But he knew the answer…

“No. I wouldn’t have. You were always meant to be mine. And I would’ve made sure that pathetic mouse of a man would’ve known” he said with a growl, his hand clenching at the thought.

“I see…So my happiness wouldn’t have mattered to you?”.

“I never said that” he looked at her pointedly, shaking his head.

Ellen stood with a frown. “You said it indirectly. I’d give anything to see Thomas again…Even for a day”.

Orlok watched as she turned to leave, an ache in his chest where the warm fluttering once was. Dammit…dammit he had been so, so close…so damn close…

The count looked down at the tea cup he was holding. His long clawed hands trembled around the small thing. In his anger at himself, he threw it at a nearby wall. Again, whether his choice was born from selfishness or fear was anyone’s guess…

But he had not, would not have, faced the sun without her…

Never…

If you guys enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and of course reblogging! Please follow if you wanna see more! I post both fanfiction and original works ^^. thank you for your continued support and don't forget to be awesome! ^-^

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So I have an original story idea I wanna do at some point and I'd really like to hear what you guys think. If you'd read it let me know.

Basically it's a bit of slice of life story about a couple who moves to a new small city for a better business opportunity. The husband is a writer, and he's super sweet and supportive, loves his wife with all he has. The wife is a baker, and is starting her own Cafe and bakery. She's her husband's biggest fan and support, reads all of his books (from the first draft and beyond), and is all around loving and adorable! The couple has a secret: the wife is a werewolf and her man is human. The real reason they moved was to get away from her pack, who were expecting her to turn her man, but he doesn't want to be a werewolf and she loves him enough to respect his wishes.

A little bit of drama, Romantic comedy, slice of life, and supernatural all rolled into one...

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Me: (posts the most recent chapter of Exile)

My brain: so...about that Bloody Axe Wound fic...

Me: oh my gods brain, are we seriously still on this bullshit?!

Brain: yes! We need to plan for the future! The world needs to know about Butch and his hellhound girlfriend!

Me: .....

My brain: ^_^

Me: -.-

Me: I don't think the world is ready for that brain...

My brain: type it anyway! For the fun! Because you care!

Me: (utterly defeated) fine....

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Hey guys! I'm back with a new update for yall ^^ this ones a bit light hearted after all the heavy stuff but I hope you love it anyway ^^

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Exile: A Nosferatu Fanfic

Chapter 13

All this time, we always walked a very thin line. You didn’t even hear me out (Didn’t even hear me out…)

The next few days were spent in a sort of in between of emotions. It was both comfortable and awkward. How else was one supposed to feel when the object of one’s affection saw them at their most raw, their most vulnerable? But…Ellen hadn’t judged him for it. Far from it. She had been there helping, supporting, and caring. Orlok didn’t feel as haunted anymore. Lighter? Maybe…but not exactly. Close to it but not quite yet. Things were steady to say the least.

She once again went out on the grounds to spend some time with the dogs out in the snow. Ehre joined her, as always, his tail wagging happily as Ellen tried again to build a snowman. The world around her no longer looked so…barren. Sure color was fleeting still, but there was something that felt more bearable about it. This other world no longer felt so oppressive. She felt almost alive again.

One of the dogs surprised her with something she hadn’t seen since she was very little. Durere came out of what looked like the store house dragging something and Ellen recognized it right away: A sled that she used to ride around on, either pulled by the family dog or by her father. Going down hills on it was one of her favorite winter pastimes.

“Durere…where did you find this?” Ellen came over and pet the wolfhound before looking it over.

The sled was old, the paint was nearly gone, chipped off despite not having been touched in years. She remembered what Orlok said about this Otherworld. It was a place of memories, both good and bad. Which made her wonder…where were her bad memories? Most of the memories she found here were good ones, happy ones. Small things from her childhood and from her marriage with Thomas. Her life wasn’t all that happy…was it? Sure maybe compared to Orlok’s it was less tragic, but still…

It wasn’t that she was ungrateful for her good memories, but a part of her felt like she should be having bad memories herself. Be it from her parent’s or even her own death, reminders of Thomas and the life she wanted with him. Perhaps she had lived too short a time for seriously unhappy memories to manifest. It was definitely something to think of.

In the meantime though, she decided to hold on to the good she had. “How about we go sledding once I’m done with this, hm?” Ellen asked the canine trio.

The wolfhounds wagged their tails and barked happily. Ellen smiled and gave them all pets and hugs. They were good dogs, and she loved them a lot. Though she did in fact miss Greta a lot, she was happy to have the trio. So focused she was on the dogs she didn’t notice when Orlok came out in his usual large coat and warm hat, a hint of a smile, a genuine one, on his face.

“And what is that you found?” he asked, looking at the sled.

“Oh! Good morning Orlok!” Ellen greeted him cheerily, “Oh Durere found it. It’s a sled from my childhood. I used to go sledding with papa and our dogs every year when there was a lot of snow. Sometimes I’d ride around town while papa did business. It was so much fun!”.

Orlok raised a brow. “Hm…”.

“I know fun isn’t really your whole…thing. But…If we can find a bigger one, we can take the dogs and maybe go sledding together! They really want to do it”.

The hounds barked enthusiastically, their tails wagging as they nuzzled Ellen. They whined affectionately, and Orlok knew he was outnumbered. With an exaggerated irritated look, he finally relented.

“Fine...we’ll go sledding…”.

Ellen came over and kissed his cheek. “Thank you. Today I don’t want you worrying about anything but letting yourself loose. You’re not bound by the laws of our old world. It’s just us. No one will judge us”.

Orlok was just taken aback that she had kissed him willingly. Sure, she did the night before they both died but something about her initiating it just…damn. It made something in him warm and stir again. Ellen turned to continue her snowman, but held her hand, making her turn back to him. Orlok kissed her knuckles softly.

“Would you…maybe…like some help with that?” he dared to ask, after the last time…

Ellen smiled softly. “I think that’d be lovely. Thank you”.

He let her go and they started to work together on the snowman this time. This time, he was a lot more cooperative. Ellen noticed slowly that he was indeed beginning to loosen up, only using a little magic to help put the middle ball together. Grinning slyly, Ellen got an idea. She made a smaller one, and tossed it at his back. Orlok went straight back and glanced at Ellen, only for her to turn away, whistling an “unsuspecting” tune. The count raised a brow, knowing damn well she threw it.

“Do not start things you cannot finish, little sylph” he warned with a playful hint in his tone.

“I didn’t start anything” Ellen tried to keep herself from laughing, but was failing miserably with a grin.

Orlok flicked his hand and a perfectly round snowball appeared in his claws. “Are you quite certain of that?”.

Ellen giggled. “Orlok, don’t you-”

She didn’t get to finish as he tossed it right at her, hitting her side, not hard thankfully, as the ball turned to powder when it hit her. Ellen gave him a playful glare. Oh it was on now, absolutely. Ellen made another and threw it at him, hitting him in the chest.

“Face is off limits” Ellen set a rule.

“I can agree to that” he chuckled, “So that’s one and one…or are we playing until one gives?”

“Point system. If either misses we miss the point. More than once, you lose one”.

He considered that a moment but nodded. “The term is fair. Now…” Orlok made another, “Start running”.

Ellen laughed and got up to run, the snowman all but forgotten with this new game. The dogs ran with her as if they too were joining the game. And they were in their own way, chasing after snowballs as if they could catch them, which made them both laugh. Ellen missed this, this playfulness that made her feel alive again.

As they warred, they didn’t notice that something had started to bloom by the castle walls: A beautiful white flower that was rare from his home country. A patch of Carpathian Bellflowers began to rise and bloom in a hidden corner, despite the snowy conditions…

A shorty but a goody I hope ^^ might do a couple more light hearted chapters, give you guys some space to breathe and give these guys a chance to formally fall in love a little before going back to the living world in a little while ^^ if you enjoyed please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! Wanna see more from me? Please bless me with a follow! Keeps me going! Much love to you guys ^-^

[ashes-writing-corner]

Iron God Chapter 67 [Xigon]

Frenzied with the draw of an imperiled soul – of prey, he now knew –  Xigon had no more concern for himself. Even as his hands shook and his heart raced, he kept his focus. His body’s panic was a mere reflex, nothing worth holding him back. 

Then Kolo wrested the Rager dart from his fingers and jabbed it into her own neck.

It was as if the ground fell out from under him. Xigon threw himself down to Kolo’s side and tried to grab the dart back, but the damage was already done. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. Cold sweat washed over him. This couldn’t be happening. 

It should have been him. Xigon was used to the worst. He could handle it, very well deserved it even. Kolo, however, there was no reason she should have —

No. Kolo was doing exactly what he would have done.

Nothing like a mirror to show something’s truly hideous, Qila used to say. 

He hunched forward, feeling heavy all of a sudden. The draw of prey tightened, Kaosaan’s breaths as hot and frantic as his own. He tensed every muscle and refused to move, refused to look away from Kolo as she finished what he had started.

Kolo’s fingers glowed fiercely white as she wrapped them around what remained of Valielit’s jaw, tipping the monster’s head up to meet her eyes. The girl’s expression wasn’t one of rage or passion, but of stone-cold focus. 

The creature tried to squirm away, but she held it firm and stared straight into its remaining eye. White flames and black ink curled around its mangled limbs. And it screamed.

In all his battles, had he ever heard a scream like that? 

The worst part was, when the abomination ceased to exist, the cry didn’t fall silent. It became Kolo’s. 

The blaze and the dark tendrils vanished with all traces of Valielit. Eternity burned up in barely a blink, without even a split second’s quiet.

Kolo crumpled to the floor, weeping bloody tears as she clawed at her own fiery eyes. She took a huge gasping breath and hazarded a look at Xigon.

“I want to go home!” Her voice came out warped, sounding half like her own and half like Vraelen’s. “Please, please…”

Xigon blinked away tears of his own. “You are home.” 

Empty words. He knew these halls could never feel safe again for anyone. Just as Qila’s embrace could never soothe him again. 

“I don’t want to die.” Kolo backed away from him. “Please, I can’t…I can’t…!”

Her words shocked him, a cruel echo. They shared this curse now. He kept his eyes on her even though it felt like staring at the sun. He felt he had no right to look away. 

Her pupils dilated and her whole body shuddered as he retrieved his crutches. Straining, he stood up. She flinched back and threw her fists up. “Stop!”

“Kolo.” He looked down at her small, trembling form. “Why?”

“Why what?” Her voice distorted more as she snarled at him. 

“I was going to take it!” He snapped, startled at his own emotion. “If you’d let me, I would have—”

“ —not stopped with Valielit.” Kolo cut him off. She took a huge strangled breath and half-laughed, half-sobbed. “And you’re gonna lose me now too, aren’t you? How does that feel?” 

As she spoke, his pulse quickened with the draw of looming death. Xigon swallowed hard, nausea dredging a pit in his stomach. “Kolo, the Rager.” He scorned the tremor in his own voice. “You have to destroy it.”

“Why should I?” Kolo backed into a corner and sat down. Her heat was still white-hot, but flickering now. “Maybe I want to disappear.”

Xigon came to her side and crouched down to her level. “If that’s true, why are you afraid?” 

“You should know.” Her head snapped toward him, and for a moment he felt he wasn’t being judged by Kolo alone. “Because you’re here.”

“Kolo, listen to me.” He softened his tone back into the illusion of calm. “I won’t tell you you’re wrong to feel whatever you do, but I’ll urge you not to repeat my failures.”

Her eyes glazed a little. He caught the back of her head as it lolled back, jarring her back toward consciousness. She gasped.

“And I’ll urge you not to let me remain the one in control,” he pressed. 

Kolo’s chin sank toward her chest, each breath she took a clear struggle. “What?”

There. He’d found the key. 

“There may come a day when I can’t block Kaosaan’s wisdom out any longer.” Xigon leaned down to whisper. “And I’ll need you to do what the Iron God can’t. Remember?”

She gave a barely discernible nod and choked out that she would try. Then she fell silent and crumpled against him. He caught her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Her eyes flashed purple, almost white, then squeezed shut as she fought an impossible battle.

Holding her, it ached how small she was.

His body screamed with pain as he lifted her up. Each step toward the kitchen door threatened to be his last. For her sake, he tried to endure it. He didn’t have much of a choice.

Xigon only made it as far as the hallway before folding to his knees. He sat there with her, offering what meager pain relief he could through his touch. He wished he could do more. She’d done so much for them. It wasn’t fair.

He waited for what felt like hours, but might have only been a few minutes, until someone else found them.

He looked up and Ami stood there, her soul now fully and impossibly bright. Xigon choked back a sob. Had that glow always been there, and so radiant under all that rot?

Ami adjusted her lichen-crusted hat and knelt down to Kolo’s side. “Thank you, Kolo. I’ll never know how to repay you.” She stroked the girl’s white hair. “Just come back to us when you’re done, all right? Come right back and we’ll be waiting.”

Ami’s eyes watered as she turned her gaze to Xigon. “Master.”

Xigon bowed his head. “Ami.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “For all of it.”

Xigon didn’t respond.

“I’ll take care of Kolo from here,” she choked. “I’ll make sure she lives. It’s the least I can do.”

He let Ami pull Kolo from his arms and watched them leave.

When he realized he could no longer feel the draw of anyone at the edge of death, his relief and exhaustion were so profound he fell asleep right there on the cold floor.

(I can’t, I can’t…)

That cruel echo carried into the dark with him, and for maybe the first time in his life, Xigon was aware of dreaming.

He sat at the edge of an ink-dark sea and dug his hands into eerily luminous sand. It flowed through his fingers, cold as ice.

By his side, the husk of the soul he’d taken stirred slightly. A skeletal hand clawed at his wrist.

“We placed it all on her shoulders, even though she’s so small.” Xigon locked their fingers together. “No wonder this happens. It’s what we deserve.”

[ashes-writing-corner]

Iron God Chapter 66 [Kolo]

CW: gore, body horror

 It was as if Ido’s shock had ripped her straight from her body.

Kolo listened, detached and apathetic, to the cacophony of her own screams. That pathetic girl couldn’t really be her. The electric rage couldn’t really be Ido’s. All this was, all it could be, was Valielit’s depraved fantasy.

Oh, Vali…why?

Ido’s grip released and she arched backwards, taking a huge gasp of air. Her limbs convulsed in fiery spasms. She writhed like a beetle on its back. Ido and another body tumbled over her. She heard the boy shriek in a voice that wasn’t his own, only for his new assailant to slam his head against the floor hard enough to silence him.

Kolo sat up and fought to catch her breath. Her vision swam; she couldn’t discern who was in front of her. Not that she might have believed her eyes in any case.

The voice was one that made her heart leap. “Kolo, are you all right?”

“Channei!” Kolo slumped with relief. “She didn’t get you, did she?”

Channei shook her head and glared tearfully at the still-stunned Ido. “That beast!” She stamped her boot into the wall. “I always thought Magpie was strange, but…what the actual fuck? How could she do this to him?” Her voice rose to a shriek. “When is enough enough?!”

Channei’s tears dripped onto the floor beside Kolo.

“She didn’t start with him.” Kolo swallowed the lump in her throat. “And she won’t end with him either. It’s me she’s after, I’ll bet.”

Channei crouched down to her level. “I don’t know what you’re planning, Kolo, but…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Fuck, I can’t lose you.”

“I’m sorry you got caught up in this.” Kolo gave her a sad smile. “But Valielit won’t be the end of us. I won’t let her.”

“Then I’m coming with you.” Channei’s hands clenched into fists. “And you can’t stop me, you hear me? I’m not laying you out for the gravebirds. Besides, that bitch had the guts to mess with Ido on my watch.”

The look in Channei’s eyes, that conviction to burn to ashes right along with her – it wasn’t something Kolo could bear to refuse. Her smile widened, though still grim. “I expected nothing less.”

“Wait, you’re letting me?” Channei’s voice quieted.

Kolo nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

Straining, she pulled herself up and leaned against the wall. Valielit wouldn’t make this easy, of course. She’d never been one to play fair.

A sliver of some lost time poked through, where she and Vali had played hide-and-seek in the forest around their village, back when nothing meant anything bigger. She winced.

“Hey, what’s this?” Channei ran several strides ahead and pointed down at a dark splatter on the floor.

Kolo came to look. It was fresh blood, still slick and creeping across the stone. Hand and footprints of a similar hue led onward from the spot. It was a gruesome sight, but Kolo couldn’t shake the thought that it was purposeful. Like Valielit was marking a trail for her.

Her eyes followed the stains as they crept up and along the wall. She stopped where a bloody handprint snatched the image of her eagle.

A handprint that looked different from the rest.

Kolo’s stomach turned. She looked at Channei and grew rigid. “Whose blood is this?”

“I think it’s Magpie’s?” Channei didn’t sound entirely certain. “I mean, I haven’t seen—”

“Makes sense she wouldn’t want to show herself, then.” Kolo looked at the handprints on the floor. “They’re all right handprints except for…”

A left handprint blotted over her eagle.

Her heart froze.

When she turned, Channei’s left hand snatched her by the throat.

“Hi, Kolo.” Channei’s lips pulled back in an unnatural grin. “Sorry. I just couldn’t resist.”

With one look at that smug, horrid smile, Kolo exploded. She grabbed her assailant in every ghost hand she could muster. Tears scalded her blurring vision. She threw the mockery of Channei against the opposite wall with a sickening crack. “Vali, why?!”

Bloody spit ran down Channei’s chin as her voice cackled.

“Vali, whatever I did to you…” Kolo choked. “Whatever I did, whatever I failed to do, whatever I forgot, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry anyone ever favored me over you. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”

Channei’s left hand flailed in the air as if it had a mind of its own. Valielit kept laughing through her puppeted body.

“Vali, please.” Kolo fell to her knees. “Just because our grandmother thought you were an abomination doesn’t mean you have to prove her right.”

“You think I still give a damn about any of that?” Valielit’s voice came loud and clear, but not from Channei. It seemed to echo from every direction at once. “You’re overthinking this. I’m hungry; that’s all there is to it.”

Kolo couldn’t tell what was true. Her grip on Channei slipped. Channei’s body lurched toward her. Another voice yelled.

A muscular arm came between them and knocked Channei back.

Lalek locked eyes with Kolo. “I’ll keep them off you. You’ve got to find her before it’s too late.”

Channei’s hands scrambled for Lalek’s throat, but Lalek lifted her head out of reach and pushed Channei to the floor, pinning her down under one foot.

“Kolo, did you hear me?” Lalek’s tone was frantic.

“Are you insane?” Kolo gasped.

“I’m the only one of us still unmarked.” Lalek stared down at the writhing form of Channei. “I’ll make sure they see the other side of this, but only if I can outlast Magpie. And to do that I need someone who knows her best. Got it?”

Lightning flashed down the hall.

Lalek threw an arm out to shove Kolo along. “Hurry!”

Kolo could hardly breathe. She charged blindly. Threw a ghost hand out to trip Ido and buy Lalek some more time. He fell like a doll from a torn pocket. She tried not to look at him.

She still glimpsed his face contorted in a hideous cry. Still saw his hands rush to shield his ears.

Then she heard it. This must have been what Aza and Qila had heard to make them bleed. On some primal level, she recognized the voice of Kaosaan and it made every fiber of her being writhe in horror.

Except it was calling her cousin and goddess.

Forgetting briefly where she was, Kolo fumbled and found a door handle. With hardly a thought she retreated into the room and slammed the door, silencing everything for a blissful instant.

Once her eyes adjusted, she found herself in familiar surroundings again. The kitchen cabinets she could never keep straight almost felt like old friends, as did the counters Qila always fussed about nobody keeping clean enough, even as she herself splatter-painted them with whatever…

Kolo looked over her shoulder. The door was still closed, everything was still quiet, but her gut squirmed.

Hardly daring to move a muscle, she extended a ghost limb to feel around.

Wood. Tile. Something sticky.

Footsteps ran past her out in the hall. Her heart jumped into her throat. She kept feeling around.

A scratched-up cookpot. Old frayed burlap.

Kolo squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to breathe too loud.

A rusty nail sticking out. That one rattly drawer handle. Cups stacked too high. Something wet.

 Breath. Warmth.

…Valielit, drenched in blood.

“There you are.” Kolo’s voice cracked.

Wet, skeletal, claw-like fingers emerged from the cabinet and grasped Kolo’s ghost limb in a macabre greeting. “Hello.”

The floor seemed to wobble beneath her. Kolo sank to her knees, took a huge shuddering breath, and choked out one word. “Why?”

“Why what?” Vali’s grip released, and she emerged fully from the cabinet. The full sight of her made Kolo double over in a heaving wreck.

Valielit’s left arm was completely gone, and her right arm was disintegrated to the point her finger bones jutted out like claws. Her face was fixed in a permanent skeletal grin, skinless jaw panting and salivating like a bloodthirsty hound. Her abdomen was a huge open cavity, spine and lower ribs exposed and glowing purplish. Her legs were mangled beyond recognition.

“Isn’t it beautiful, goddess?” There was a horrible scraping as exposed bone dragged along the tile. “Even when he rends my flesh from existence, my soul is only ever yours.”

Kolo remembered her own body and turned toward the door.

“I wouldn’t try to run away if I were you.” Valielit inched closer, streaking a trail of dark blood. “In fact, I would block that door.”

“Yeah?” Kolo’s jaw clenched. “Why’s that?”

“Can’t you feel it?” Her breath was hot on Kolo’s back. “Your master’s standing on the other side. All I had to give him was Kaosaan’s voice. If you open the door, he’ll do the same thing to you that he did to this flesh I’ve held onto.”

Kolo shook her head. It had to be a bluff. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to try and flee. She’d fled long enough. Instead, she looked straight into the disintegrated smile and asked. “And once your body’s all gone, what then?”

“I take after my sire, that’s what.” Valielit sank into a sitting position, bracing with what remained of her right arm. “Didn’t Grandmother ever tell you that story? I heard it a whole lot.”

Kolo pursed her lips. “No.”

“You know our mamas were sisters. Well, your mama was going to have a baby, and that baby was going to be a little goddess. My mama wanted a special baby too, but all her babies up to that point were born corpses.” Valielit chuckled. “Grandma said my mama got so jealous when her sister was pregnant that she let the Grinner infect a man and then impregnate her to bring me into existence.”

Nausea writhed in Kolo’s gut.

“The Grinner is a scrap of Vraelen’s pure disembodied will. Something about how he tore out his will with his heart, so he couldn’t become like Kaosaan or be destroyed entirely. But just like his heart…” Valielit jabbed a bone-claw into Kolo’s chest. “His will came alive. His will multiplied, his will devoured. It shouldn’t have, but here I am.” She jabbed again, harder. “Ripping Ami apart and sucking her dry was fun, yes, but she’s long since outlived her usefulness. Once my body is gone, I’ll reach the peak of all existence…with you.”

Kolo balled her hands into fists and raised them in a defensive stance.

“Yes, come on.” Valielit leaned closer. “Break me out right now, and I’ll be with you forever.”

Kolo glowered. “Like you were with Ami?”

Valielit’s head jerked to an unnatural angle. “Forever.”

As she hissed that word, one of her eyes rolled in a circle before coming undone. Blood gushed from the now-empty socket, streaking what remained of her cheek in thick dark red.

Kolo took a sharp breath. If she didn’t do anything, Valielit’s body would be completely destroyed soon enough, leaving that will she’d spoken of bare and hazardous. If Kolo tried to fight, it would only exacerbate that outcome.

Fuck. This was impossible.

Kolo curled into herself, pressing her head into her knees, lest Vali see her tears. This thing had crawled its way into what was supposed to be a sanctuary. Channei and Ido were probably ripping Lalek to shreds against their own wills. Azvalath wasn’t dying on the hunt but in the place where he should have been safest. Their masters who’d seemed so immense back then were both helpless now.

Her chest shuddered and she bit her tongue, still trying to stifle her sobs.

It all made her feel so painfully small. Like nothing she’d ever said or done really meant anything.

Would it be so bad to simply let her cousin win? If she could even call this thing her cousin anymore.

What remained of Valielit’s left hand dug into her upper arm, then crept up toward her neck. Crumbling splinters of bone brushed against her skin, scorching to the touch. She flinched.

In another world, she’d made Xigon flinch as he sat falling apart. She’d thrown out some grandiose talk about doing what their god couldn’t.

Wait, why was she thinking about that day now?

Perhaps it was the prickling sensation of his gaze landing on her back as the kitchen door opened. The thuds of his boots and crutches came to a halt right behind her.

When Kolo dared to look up, he let his crutches fall and lifted one hand to cover his eyes. With the other, he reached into his pocket and produced the talisman Kolo had given up.

Kolo’s hand inched ever so slightly toward it. Valielit must have pieced it together already, because her jaw gaped open and let out a howl in a voice far too much like Kaosaan’s.

Kolo fell onto her back, hitting her head as her hands flew to clutch her ears. Xigon moved above her. Her talisman fell to the floor beside her. Valielit cried long and loud like a holf. Xigon’s hand fell away from his eyes for the briefest second. The glimpse she caught was like looking straight at the sun. He covered them again just as quickly before grabbing something else out of his pocket.

“What are you doing?” she yelped.

In his hand was a cartridge of inky liquid.

“Rager, really? Don’t bother with that.” Valielit leaned over Kolo and laughed up at Xigon. “She’s mine no matter what you do.”

Rager?!

Kolo’s eyes blew wide.

She watched Xigon uncover his eyes again, now baring them entirely. They flared a violet-white that chilled her to her core. Far too much power amassed, ready to explode with or without that poison. As he detached the needle from the reservoir, he looked like he’d destroy the whole world right here and now if he could.

In some brighter time, she’d told him that because she’d never asked to be born, she didn’t need anyone’s permission to keep on living. The thing was, Kolo didn’t need it now either.

As Valielit sealed them together, Kolo flung a ghost hand up and snatched the Rager dart from Xigon. And before Valielit could stop her, Kolo stabbed it through her own neck.

She was vaguely aware of motion, of screaming and begging and how could you or something else pointless.

She ignored it all and destroyed without pity. Every last piece, body and soul, she annihilated.

[ashes-writing-corner]

Iron God Chapter 65 [Xigon]

The eyes of the king-snake follow the Sight, and to the mother-beast hearkens the fragile god.

_______________________________

The spell of Kaosaan's mimicked voice shattered with the excruciating reality of Azvalath crying for his master. As if waking from a dream, Xigon fell back down to his student's side. As painful as it was to see someone he loved in this state, it was also a relief to know he still had enough of a soul to feel anguish.

There was shouting and a crack of lightning somewhere in the distance, but it scarcely registered. The only thing he could see in the dark was Azvalath. Not all of him, though. Only the heat of his clinging life force.

Azvalath reached for him. "Master, please..."

Xigon saw his own hands glowing fiercely white as he closed the gap between them. When he held Azvalath, there was another compulsion. One he'd certainly experienced before, but never with so much clarity.

[swallow our pain, thankless, and grow cold]

With his entire being he could shield the helpless from Kaosaan's jaws, if only he accepted this blessing. He could hold Azvalath in peace forever, until there was nothing left of his soul to break.

The moment he recognized the idea for what it was, however, he let go of his student and turned away with a snarl of self-loathing.

He tried to stand up and walk away, only to find that he couldn't. The faltering life forces of his student – and of Ami on the other side of the door he'd commanded Rizval not to let him through – tethered him stronger than gravity.

Xigon thudded his fist against Rizval's door. "Rizval, any update?"

They thudded back. "All secure."

"Azvalath is down." Xigon leaned his head near the keyhole to try and listen through. "Status on Ami, please."

"Live." Ami's voice was a dull croak. "Rizval, in my right inside pocket there's a vial labeled B64. It's a greenish color. Give it to Xigon right now."

He heard a shuffle, then the door's middle slot opened and a vial dropped to the floor somewhere in front of him. Xigon reached out and felt around the floor until he found and grabbed it. "What is this?"

"Coagulant." He heard her drag herself a little closer. "Put it in his ears and anywhere else he's bleeding. Promise you, it'll help."

Xigon turned the vial in his hands until he found the top and popped it off. The solution was thick and burned slightly on his fingers. He didn't have to fumble in the dark long to find Azvalath's ears, thankfully, but the way he winced and whined made Xigon feel a strange phantom pain.

As promised, the bleeding stopped in a few seconds.

"Now Rizval, in my left inside pocket you'll find a cartridge marked Ld-R, containing what looks like ink and a razor-dart for administration." Her voice weakened as if she were crying. "Xigon, please don't use this unless you absolutely must."

The container dropped in front of him. It sounded heavier than the first. "What is it?"

Ami took a huge shaky breath. "Rager."

His hand halted over the poison. "Why would you give me this?" He clenched his fingers into a shaking fist. "What could possibly warrant using this?"

"When I first made Rager, I was hoping to use it on myself," she rasped. "I wanted to die in a blaze and take Magpie down with me. She never let me, though, 'cause she knew what I wanted."

Xigon's head and chest burned with a phantom agony as he placed his hand over the cartridge. Around it he could feel a string. Confused, he moved his fingers until they found something smooth and pointed.

Even without seeing, he recognized Kolo's talisman.

"Master?" Azvalath's voice cut through the dark. "Why doesn't Kolo have that?"

He shook his head. "I don't know why she'd let go of it." He pushed it toward Azvalath. "Can you get it back to her? I can't move from here."

"Why not?" Azvalath grabbed his hand. "I can't go alone."

Xigon shook his head. The so-called Sight Ami had described, the first scrap of wisdom Kaosaan had fed him – so long ago he'd mistaken it for his own power – it chained him where he sat, between Azvalath and Ami in their mortal perils.

He could carry Azvalath with him if need be. But Ami...Ami had to stay where she was.

"Ami." He pulled himself to his feet and found the slot in the door. "You came to me for a reason. Come now and I'll give it to you."

"Master, what are you about to do?" Rizval's voice cracked.

He wasn't entirely certain himself. When he drew Respite from the sheath on his belt, he heard Azvalath gasp, and he knew exactly what it looked like. What it would all too likely turn out to be.

He couldn't deceive himself. Ami could very well die here, but on the off chance she didn't, she would finally attain what she'd been striving for. Either way, they wouldn't stay trapped right here.

He slipped his ungloved fingers through the slot. "Ami, come."

He heard a shuffle and a small pained cry as she hauled herself up, perhaps aided by Rizval. Then her fingers locked around his.

He bowed his head. "Hear me, Iron God. Should this child stray, bear her gently to the darkest shore. Your mercy is not lost to us."

"Pious bastard." Ami growled at him. "You know our god can't help us now."

He pursed his lips. Yes, he knew, but the motions still gave comfort.

"Thank you, Master." She gave his fingers a squeeze. "For giving me a second chance."

"Likewise." He breathed a heavy sigh. "Push your back to the door and hold still."

He heard unsteady footsteps, then Rizval said something he couldn't discern. He searched for Ami's heat under the dark writhing tendrils, and when he found it, he thrust the dagger through the slot.

Scalding blood gushed over his hand. He heard Ami gasp and saw her heat flare out like a shattered lantern.

Xigon could only pray it was Vraelen that caught her as she fell. He brought his bloodied fist to his chest and felt his own heart pounding, then a sensation like falling. Bright flares tormented what remained of his vision. White-hot, scorching...then blue.

A great blue eye, one that had long evaded him, now beheld him as it had soon after he'd first met Qila.

Xigon. I thought I had lost you.

Tears burned in his mutilated eyes. "It was you who abandoned us, Vraelen."

Why would you believe such a thing?

"Because Qila still cries for you." He took a deep shuddering breath. "And for me, Kaosaan fills your silence. Don't you know, all the curses she forces me to swallow?"

Xigon, I've tried. The eye glistened. I have tried to reach you for so long. But even when I can reach you, there is little I can do. Kaosaan is far beyond me.

Xigon swallowed hard. A vague sensation of warmth coiled around him, almost like a gigantic hand.

If you were so desperate for me, you would follow the lead of Qila and Sothyrion, and you would do all in your power to restore me.

"It's not you I want." Xigon practically spat. "I tell my order they will do your work in your stead. And I have far more faith in the least of their abilities than I ever had in yours."

He thought he saw the Iron God flinch, and it gave him a strange satisfaction.

"And with Kolo, that dream may be feasible for the very first time." Xigon lifted his chin. "We have more of a chance than ever before."

Tell me, Xigon. A chill spiked through the air. Has that ever been your true intent?

Of course the blue eye would see straight through him.

"They can't know otherwise, not until they absolutely must." His head sank. "It would break them."

You expect them to stand and fight you if or when you succumb entirely to Kaosaan's will. Vraelen laid Xigon's vilest hope bare. Shame on you.

Something warm pressed over his eyelids.

I've got Ami. Take care of Qila for me.

Xigon opened his eyes.

He could see again. He was back where he'd stood before. All was quiet. The tug from Ami was gone.

With one chain broken, he turned to his other. "Azvalath, come." He extended his arm.

Azvalath latched on for dear life. The younger man's trust was somehow more painful than anything Qila had ever done.

['round and 'round the king-snake chased himself, 'round and 'round for centuries]

[ashes-writing-corner]

Iron God Chapter 63 [Dakko]

Before he knew the danger they were all in, Dakko had almost felt well. What was supposed to be a brief visit with Rizval about his new boots giving him blisters turned into half a night as they both either lost track of time or stopped caring about sleep.

Rizval bent over a workbench, focused intently on what they’d insisted wasn’t just a pile of sand. Dakko watched them scrutinize individual grains of not-sand and tested their patience. “When do you get your arm out of the sling?”

Rizval hissed. “Shh. I’m busy.”

“You’re always busy.” Dakko straightened and bent his fingers a few times; they were freezing up for no reason.

No response.

“But you make such amazing things,” the boy added.

Rizval’s mood brightened in an instant. They smiled with their oddly pointed teeth. “Thank you.”

Dakko chuckled. “Why are your teeth pointy?”

“Rearranged the fifteenth and twentieth elements’ crystallites a bit.” Rizval looked up. When they saw confusion on Dakko’s face, they sulked a little. “I mean I made them grow like that.”

“Huh. Interesting.” Dakko rubbed his left hand and felt ice cracking under his skin. “So what exactly is your power?”

“I don’t actually create matter.” Rizval dug their nails into the not-sand. “But if crystals are like clay, I can sculpt them.” The dark grains became something like glass under their palm. “And more importantly, I like doing it.”

“I like it too.” Dakko fed another compliment and got another immediate smile. “Thanks to you, I can walk so much easier now.”

“Of course, kid.” Rizval looked down at Dakko’s feet. “I hate that you’re missing toes, but I liked that I could fill in the gaps.” Then they stared up at his face in sudden self-awareness. “I’m sorry, that sounded really strange.”

“You like that you could solve a problem?” Dakko suggested.

“Yes! That’s it.” Rizval smacked the workbench. “It feels great to be helpful, y’know?”

“Which you are.” The boy moved to stand next to Rizval. “Doesn’t matter how strong or smart you are if you’re not helping, right?”

“Heh, yeah.” Rizval shrugged. “Y’know, I like that. I used to feel bad that I couldn’t keep up with the pack. If I push myself too hard I drop like a rock. Something about my heart not working well under pressure, Master Xigon said.” They ran a jittery hand over their chest. “But you know what? I could never leave my room and still be the most helpful person here.”

“I’m with you there.” Dakko winced as he rubbed an especially sore spot on his hand.

Rizval noticed the motion. “Your hand all right?”

“It’s hurting.” The boy pulled it back toward his pocket.

“Hey, may I see?” Rizval beckoned. “I have an idea.”

Dakko extended his arm, trembling, to rest his hand on Rizval’s workbench. Rizval unfastened the wrist brace, revealing angry lesions bristling with frost. Dakko flinched and turned his head away. It hurt more when he looked at it. His teeth clenched and chattered.

Rizval hummed. “Yeah, that’s bad. Here’s what we’re gonna do.” They snapped their fingers. “Look here for a second.”

The boy seethed. “Do I have to?”

“Just thought you might be interested.” Rizval picked his hand up as delicately as possible. “I’ve been working on a material that can warm your joints as well as stabilize them. Wanna try it out?”

Dakko nodded. He couldn’t form a coherent sentence in his mind or his mouth. It was so confusing to be tended to like this. He kept wondering where the catch was, what his end of the deal was supposed to be. That there was no exchange to begin with…he couldn’t wrap his head around it. But here was Rizval, someone with nothing to gain from him, seeing his need and meeting it.

Rizval’s fingertip brushed along a scar on his wrist.

Dakko looked back. Rizval’s eyes were wide and their mouth hung slightly open. “Hey, when did you kill someone?”

The boy blinked.

“Dakko.” Rizval’s tone grew deathly serious. “What happened?”

He opened his mouth and then shut it again. How was he supposed to respond? Should he not have done what he did, back in the clutches of a woman who thought she was saving him when he was the real monster?

So he took the least responsible route and deflected. “What happened to your shoulder?”

Rizval seethed. “Accident.”

Dakko shook his head. “I think one of those kids shot at you on purpose.”

“No!” Rizval smacked the workbench. “That is not what happened. Spreading a rumor like that could get those kids slaughtered for something an adult they trusted made them do. Do you understand?”

Dakko flinched. Then he took a deep breath and bit his lip. “Even if that adult…happened to freeze to death a little while ago?”

Rizval raised an eyebrow. “...the fuck?”

Dakko squeezed his eyes shut.

Something clicked under Rizval’s fingernails. Then they handed his wrist brace back. “Try this out.”

He put it back on without a word. It fit perfectly and soothed the cold ache. He tried to muster any word of gratitude, but managed only a shaky smile. Hopefully that was enough.

“I’m not mad at you,” Rizval clarified. “Just don’t wanna see you get eaten up like the rest of us. You come right back if you need anything at all, you hear me?”

The boy gave a tearful nod. “Yeah.”

As he was about to leave, Dakko paused, fingers trembling over the doorknob. He heard people yelling down the hall. Loud footsteps. Something like a wild animal shrieking. Sharp cracks almost like lightning.

Warily, he turned back to Rizval. “What’s going on out there?”

Rizval squinted, then came over to listen. Their eyebrows knitted into a confused scowl. “What in the…?”

They nudged Dakko aside and cracked the door ever so slightly open. The yelling grew clearer, and what they heard was nothing short of shocking. Dakko made uneasy eye contact. “Is that Xigon?”

“Holy shit.” Rizval grew pale and shut the door hard. Then they bolted it and scrambled to drag a chair in front of it. “Dakko, this is really bad.”

“Wait, why?” Dakko glanced around. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Rizval admitted. “But if Master Xigon ever raises his voice, that’s beyond serious. And –”

An even louder crack made them both jump.

“That,” Rizval took a shaky breath, “is…um, the sound of him destroying matter. In plain terms, we are absolutely fucked.”

Dakko’s eyes grew wide.

“We’re not next. No. He’s trying to protect us. From what, though?” Rizval leaned their head on the door. “Can you hear anything else?”

Dakko cupped his still-stiff hand behind his ear. The two of them listened for several minutes that dragged on forever. It was silent except for their shaky breaths, but neither of them dared move.

Not until someone slammed their fist on the door and yelled for them to open it.

Dakko took an unsteady step backwards. Rizval scrambled like a mouse from under a boot.

Whoever it was heard their movement and ordered them again, fiercely. “Rizval, let me in now.”

Dakko realized with a start it was Xigon. It panicked him to hear the master anything but dead calm. Sheepishly, he turned to Rizval. “Are you going to?”

Rizval shoved the chair away and opened the door just long enough for Xigon to throw himself through. Then they rushed to lock it again. “Master, what’s happening? Why do you have –” Their face went pale and they clamped a hand over their mouth. “Ami?”

Xigon had crumpled to his knees. Held loosely in his lap was the monstrous poisoner, but not so monstrous-looking now. Ami’s shirt was stained a shade darker and clung wet to her skin, save for the ragged gashes ripped through it. It looked like she’d been mauled by a starving wild animal. But that didn’t horrify Dakko nearly as much as her face – her skin drained ghastly pale and tearful eyes fighting to stay open for fear of never seeing again.

He’d seen that face before. It wasn’t any easier now.

Dakko stumbled. His head seemed to fill with ice water. He sank to his hands and knees. The floor blurred in and out. It was all he could bring himself to stare at. The floor that might have just as easily been the ceiling…

In the fog he inhaled his own spit and coughed, jarring himself back to clarity.

“Valielit has launched her assault. I suspect Qila has already been compromised,” he heard Xigon say. “Rizval, I need you to secure this room for the safety of anyone injured.”

“Where’s Ido?” Dakko whimpered.

Xigon turned to the sound of his voice. Then Dakko noticed his eyes for the first time and it made his stomach lurch. The master’s eyes were mutilated into blood-weeping pits. The occasional pulse of violet flared through like light from a broken lantern, but the sight seemed gone.

His words were far from reassuring. “Valielit must believe I can interfere with her nature in some way. Otherwise she wouldn’t have gone for my eyes first.”

“Fuck.” Rizval stormed across the room and kicked a stool over. “We’re dead!”

“I’ve made new eyes before. I’ll do it again.” Xigon held his hand up. “Right now, I need you to listen.”

Dakko couldn’t bring himself to pay any attention to whatever orders came next. It wasn’t as if he could fulfill them anyway, small and feeble as he was. So he simply covered his ears and stared, as if torn from his body, at the face he’d seen in his worst nightmares.

Ami stared back. Then she glanced up at Xigon, then back at him. Her hand slid toward his knee.

Dakko looked down. Was she seeking reassurance from him of all people? Or was she, of all people, trying to reassure him?

Warily, he uncovered one ear and pressed his icy hand over hers. Her fingers twitched like an insect’s legs. He shivered and leveled her a glare. Yes, he’d seen this before – but it had all started with her. His grief, his pity, and his rage all tangled together like worms under rotten wood. It was hard to say where one ended and another began.

Ami seemed to see straight through him. The tiniest, bitterest smirk played across her blue-tinged lips. She mouthed something only he could hear. “You’re still stuck, aren’t you?”

He half-wondered if he’d imagined her voice.

“In any case, Rizval, you’re not just keeping Valielit out. You’re keeping me out.” Xigon sounded far away even though he was right in front of Dakko. “Be strong, you three. Don’t go out.”

He laid Ami on the floor and stood to leave. Her other hand jerked almost reflexively after him. Rizval followed him to the door and said something else. Dakko didn’t pay any attention. Not until Rizval came back to his side and gave him a pat on the back. “Deep breath, kid. Want a blanket?”

Dakko nodded.

Ami lifted her head slightly. “How’s your shoulder, Rizval?”

“It’s—” Rizval reached for their shoulder and then squinted. “Such a strange thing to ask right now.” Then they went to grab a blanket and tossed it in Dakko’s direction.

Dakko snatched it out of the air and cocooned himself in it.

“You know what else is strange?” Ami locked eyes with Dakko. “I can actually tell the whole truth now.”

The boy cocked his head.

“Magpie was never my friend. She was draining me to strengthen herself, all that time.” She laid her head back down and stared up at the ceiling. “And she made it so I couldn’t say or feel anything too loud, anything at all that’d point to her as the source.”

Dakko sat in silence for a moment.

“Didn’t kill me, of course. Don’t think she ever wanted to.” Ami sighed. “But the one thing I could never, ever stand was being helpless. And that’s what she made me.”

Dakko rested his head on his knees. “All her fault? I don’t believe that.”

“Of course not.” Ami looked back at him. “What happened to your old man, Dakko? That was all me.” She pulled her hand away from him. “At the end of the day, everything you went through was because of me.”

The boy looked away. “I don’t believe that either.”

“Well, then…think you could ever learn to live with me?” Ami gave him a faint smile.

Dakko closed his eyes. “First, let’s survive.”

[ashes-writing-corner]

Iron God Chapter 62 [Kolo]

While Kolo struggled to grasp her predicament, the holf lay quiet by her side, newly deep red eyes eerily staring.

Once she'd caught her breath, she turned to stare back. The beast watched her, still unblinking. His huge, tufted ears shifted slightly to follow her movement. The wind dusted his cryptic fur with snow and spruce needles.

Kolo walked to his other side. Slaaek's eyes and ears followed her.

She reached out with a ghost hand to touch him. He was dreadfully warm.

Slaaek pushed back against the contact, lips parting ever so slightly.

"Death is the ideal outcome for the likes of us, you say?" Kolo took a deep breath. "I don't know where you got such a rotten idea."

One tufted ear twitched. You're so loud.

"Well, you tell me." She extended another ghost hand and grabbed his ear, making him jolt. "Where did you get such a rotten idea?"

Slaaek got to his feet. A low growl rumbled deep in his chest, one Kolo didn't hear so much as feel in her bones. She fought every fiber of her being to stay put, not to run or even flinch.

Maybe she flinched anyway, because the holf's horrid eyes seemed gloat. It's not my idea, i'iba. He leered down, breathing hot and fast down her back. Sothyrion told me so as he guided me toward you. He actually didn't want me to pass it on to you.

Kolo tipped her chin up and straightened her posture. "Why's that, huh?"

Everyone needs you. Slaaek's head twisted at an odd angle as he read her expressions. Isn't that right?

"I keep hearing that." Kolo started walking at a slow but steady pace back toward the bluehole. "And no one's ever really straight with me about why."

And what answer would satisfy you? Slaaek hung his head over her and took shaking steps on legs that clearly didn't see much use. What would someone have to say or do for you to change your mind about anything?

Kolo ignored the beast and pressed on.

Where are you going? The holf's heavy paws crunched over ice and rock. Sothyrion sealed all the blueholes. I already said so. Are you deaf?

"If I am, it's only because I had to survive you." Kolo scratched at her right ear, which all of a sudden hurt so bad it filled her with fiery rage.

How very clever you were, i'iba. Slaaek's nose nudged at her back and took a deep sniff. You smell like our god. His breath was hot on her neck. Nice smelling.

"Back off me." Kolo tried to speed her pace, but the increasingly rocky terrain as they drew nearer to the shore practically guaranteed a broken ankle if she ran. She managed to climb up onto a higher rock, giving her a clearer view of the now completely frozen lake.

Nice smelling. Slaaek pushed the idea again. I want our god. We all wish!

She squinted. The glare from the ice sheet was like looking straight at the sun. Or maybe like a god's eye. "You told me your song was a lullaby of wishes for the heart before it stops."

The holf let out a long, low drone.

"I'll bet Sothyrion wishes for our god all the same." She closed her eyes and wiped moisture from them. "Let's see if he hears you."

Slaaek came to sit beside her, panting heavily. The fact that a short walk had left him so winded made him seem so much less frightening. They looked at each other and made eye contact, perhaps both recognizing the absurdity of their situation.

The holf's lips drew back in what looked almost like a smirk. Cover your ears.

His heavy head turned to face the frozen lake, and his jaw opened frightfully wide. Kolo pressed her hands over her ears, but kept her eyes firmly on the beast. "Do it now."

Slaaek closed his eyes and folded his own ears shut. His nostrils flared, drawing in a deep breath, then he sang.

Even with her ears covered, it was extremely loud, but Kolo heard it for what it really was. One simple idea repeated over and over in dulcet tones. I will show you what you seek. I will show you what you seek.

It was simultaneously the most horrifying and beautiful sound she'd ever heard.

Slaaek screamed out his lure until he nearly passed out breathless. When his voice trailed off, the silence it left was earsplitting. But it didn't last long.

A jagged crack split the ice with a sound like thunder, and an immense serpentine head burst up through the frozen water with a howl.

Ice fell from Sothyrion's horns and jagged teeth. His yellow eyes squeezed shut and he coughed, showering the ice with metallic dark fluid. Then he turned and saw who'd really called him, and he gave a deep growl.

Kolo froze in instinctive panic.

His head disappeared below the surface. Cold wind swept off the bluehole. So cold it hurt to breathe. She shivered and cursed herself for feeling fear now of all times. I'm not afraid.

You should be, she imagined Azvalath saying. And she cursed the voice of reason for sounding like him.

Sothyrion burst through the ice right at the water's edge.

Kolo jumped and tumbled backwards off her foothold. A chunk of ice hit Slaaek straight in the face, knocking him back with a yelp. And the water spirit glared down at both of them, practically boiling with fury.

"You would dare to invoke my father, now of all times?" Sothyrion hissed. Blood and tears dripped with the ice water from his face. "You know not where you tread, Kolo."

Kolo shielded her eyes as he breathed down on her. "No, I don't," she admitted. "And I'm sorry I don't understand. Will you help me?"

Sothyrion's head lowered down toward her chest and he took a deep breath. "Help you?" His expression hardened. "What could you ever need from me?"

"Let me through the bluehole. I need to get back to Styzia." She moved her arm and tried to sit up, but found herself too shaky. "They're my only chance, and I'm theirs."

"My mother had me seal the passages," he told her, unswayed.

Kolo swallowed hard and grasped where her necklace used to be. "Mothers don't always know best."

Slaaek crawled toward Kolo, stones clattering under his weight.

"I see how it is." Sothyrion glowered between the holf and the white-haired girl. "My mother, wiser than us all – tells me to hold my walls strong, because she fears something or someone for once in millennia, and you expect me to take the word of naive little insects over hers?" Wisps of mist curled from his breath. "Please, little ones, give me some reason why I shouldn't crush you."

"People your mother loves are going to die if you don't let me through." Kolo sat up, finally. "Hell, Qila herself might die. Let me through and I won't let that happen."

Sothyrion's eyes narrowed. "My mother will survive." His golden irises darkened as if soaked in violet ink. "And it's not as if she can do what's right and kill the ones she's gotten attached to."

"Oh, so it was your rotten idea all along, huh?" Kolo stood up, fear giving way to rage. "We deserve to live!"

"No, Kolo." Sothyrion's teeth bared. "My father's semi-mortal descendants are a necessary sacrifice. Your presence here holds him back. He cannot be replaced." A huge, webbed hand reached toward Kolo, sharp claws pulsing white. "The ones who come back, the Ferash Therall, should have one focus only. Clear his way back to us."

"Then why haven't you done it yet?" Kolo's voice rose to a scream. She wrapped her arms around herself, desperate to contain the growing terror that ripped through her and remain steady. "Why won't you kill me, if that's really the ideal outcome?"

Slaaek stirred somewhere behind her.

"Because I don't want this to be the truth." Sothyrion's eyes glistened with tears. "But it's the way things are."

The way things are. Kolo used to hear that a lot, when she was smaller and still so angry at the unfairness of the world. Always meant to instill some helpless feeling that anger wasn't worth it. Accept the way things were, and never aspire. What were ideals if not a vice?

But that anger all culminated now. And as Sothyrion's hand swung to strike her, she met it with all her unseen ones.

He froze up. Clearly, he hadn't expected resistance, and clearly it rattled him.

"Let me through!" Kolo yelled at him again. "The way things are isn't how they have to stay. Even the Iron God said as much!" She pushed forward, pleading now. "Don't you believe him?"

"Why?" Sothyrion growled. "Why would he put you before me?"

"I don't know." Kolo pinned his claws to the ground. "He's abandoned far too many of us. But I won't, you hear me?"

I hear you.

Slaaek's mouth opened frightfully wide. His eyes fixated on the small human.

Kolo shivered.

We all need you. His nostrils flared. You are all we need.

His song spilled forth again, but the tune had changed. Now it told of a different yearning.

Only you. Only you. Only you. Awaken.

Kolo glared up at Sothyrion. Her heart pounded with terror and determination alike. And he looked back at her with tears.

She'd seen those same tears in so many eyes. Grandmother praising her like some idol. Valielit crying for her goddess. Xigon asking her how a god could die and leave them here. Channei's aching admiration. Azvalath's impossible hope.

The Iron God himself entrusting her with an infinity of prayers meant for him.

"I'll do what he could never do." She pressed a shaking fist to her chest, to the heartbeat that wasn't solely her own. "I won't abandon us."

Then she strode out onto the ice. The water spirit and the holf watched her as if she were larger than both of them. Impossible strength carried her.

She ran until she slipped and slammed her knees into the ice. The impact made her bite her tongue. Kolo spat out blood and gasped. Her reflection spat and gasped right back. Tiny, weak little thing. No fitting image for a last hope.

She gathered all her force, every unseen hand she could muster, and punched through that fragile image.

The ice shattered like thin glass and plunged her into the deep cold.

An eerie light followed her down. She heard a deep voice whimper. "Mother mine, forgive me."

And Sothyrion cradled her close, bearing her through. After all the anguish he'd cried out, his trust was the heaviest weight to carry. 

[ashes-writing-corner]

Do you have ao3? Also, do you prefer to write original work or fanfics more?

I do not have an AO3 actually. I've had it recommended to me but I hear the process to get on it is annoying and I'd rather just post my stuff here.

As for which I prefer writing more? That's difficult because I'm doing both currently. It largely depends on what I'm writing. Currently it's fanfiction because I get more recognition

[ashes-writing-corner]

So sorry for the late update guys! This week has been crazy. Most of it was spent prepping for a concert. Hopefully this makes up for it ^^

Taglist: @exactlyelegantwizard , @xenoanamorph , @hoeia-strigoi , @arwenkenobi48 , @xanth420 , @serpentdeath , @landlockedmermaid77, @uncensored-aj, @mypackpride, @whisperingwillowe, @sasksdemorg, @emimuart, @fern-and-bone, and @enchantedchocolatebars

If you'd like to be added to the taglist, please let me know ^^

Exile: A Nosferatu Fanfic

Chapter 12

So step right up. There is no amount of crying I could do for you…

It was inevitable. Orlok knew it. So did Ellen when she heard about what the room with the locked door was. He stood outside of it, holding the little bear in one hand. He hadn’t set foot in that room in literal centuries…not since…

“Orlok…We don’t have to do this” Ellen held his free hand as the wolfhounds approached, “If you aren’t ready-”.

“I never will be” he admitted with a sigh, holding her hand in return, “I just…have no wish to do it alone”.

She looked at him with soft, tender eyes. This was going to be hard, but it was like taking out a thorn. It needed to be done or it would continue to fester. Ellen lifted his clawed hand to her lips, kissing each knuckle softly.

“I’m with you. I won’t leave you” she promised him.

Ehre, Deurere, and Intristare whined softly, nuzzling their master’s legs as if to encourage him. Orlok set the tiny bear back in his coat pocket, taking a deep breath. It almost made him feel like wheezing again. This wasn’t going to be pleasant, but he knew he needed it. Ileana deserved it. Ellen held his hand tighter.

“I’m right here…” she assured him.

Orlok nodded and looked at the door. He waved his free hand gently, willing the door to unlock with a soft click. And yet to him it may as well have been a crack of doom. The door opened slightly, as if beckoning him inside.

“It’s time. Me and the dogs are here for you” Ellen kept a hold of his hand as he slowly opened the door.

It was a nursery. A very ancient one that looked like it was frozen in time. The wallpaper was chipped, the furniture dusty and untouched. Toys, both soft and wooden, all hand made, sat unused, unloved, along the walls. A veiled cradle lay empty in the center of the room. Orlok stood, frozen, his eyes dark with what could only be described as fear. Nothing scared him, but this…this was something else.

Perhaps fear wasn’t the right word. He looked around the room, unblinking, hardly moving, taking it all in. This was his little daughter’s room…where he’d been hearing her cries from for so long. But yet…it was empty and eerily quiet now. Orlok took the bear from his pocket with a sad sigh.

“Doar o altă fantomă…” he said to himself with a hint of anger, hurt, and disappointment.

Orlok knew what he was hoping to find. He had hoped somehow, some way, his little one would still be here. He knew it was impossible but something inside him had hoped, really hoped, Ileana was here with him.

She wasn’t.

She was gone.

Nothing.

Nowhere…

Ellen watched from behind as his fear turned to anger, to disappointment. The vampire shook under the weight of all these emotions, his fists clenching and unclenching. He growled, a sound that made her very heart shake.

“She’s not…here. Why…is she not here?” he asked, his usually strong voice broke, “Why?! I’ve heard her! Heard her cries! She was here! She had to be!”.

“Orlok…she’s gone. She’s been gone for centuries-”.

“I know but…she…she was here. I heard her. It couldn’t have possibly been in here” he touched his head, “I heard her…”.

Ellen frowned and approached him gently. “You said this place was a world of memories, Orlok. Maybe that’s what it was. Good and bad memories. Ileana’s memory was both. You loved her but the memory of her death-”.

“I will never see her again” Orlok lamented, cutting her off, “Her or Mirela! I went through all of this for nothing!” he shook in anger and sorrow, “They are nothing now!”

“No! They are not nothing!” Ellen objected, her tone a tad harsh, “They are your family! The people you loved, your wife and daughter! Will you disrespect them in a such way as to say they are nothing?! You loved them, and they loved you! That’s why this place, and the memories in it, mean so much! It wasn’t about her death! It was about the short life she had. Ileana may have been a baby, but love is the natural condition of all people, we’re born with it and molded by it!”.

She came over, turning his face towards her, and she almost pulled back. Thick, ink black tears ran down the vampire’s face. All in his dark eyes was pain. It was a deep seated pain she had never seen in any eyes before, not even in her father when her mother passed. Orlok took a few breaths, his whole body racked with his emotions.

“My girl…my sweet little girl…I failed her. I failed her…and now she has forsaken me” he shook his head as if not wanting to believe it.

“No, no she hasn’t. A daughter is a daughter her entire life, no matter how short a time. And you are her father, no matter where she is now” Ellen put her hands gently to his face, “Your memories are what make this room what it is. This doesn’t have to be a place of torment for you”.

“She died in this room, alone, looking for me” he countered.

“But that’s all you’re thinking of. You have good memories in this room as well as the bad” Ellen let him go and looked around the room, “You told me you made that little bear for her. Did you make the other soft toys too?”.

“Mirela made most of them. Watching her was what inspired to…to make it. I…wanted to try to do it without magic” Orlok admitted, “She never got to play with them…”.

“But you and Mirela made them together. You made this nursery with her, didn't you? Everything in this room was designed by you and her. You put love into this room and I think that’s what you need to focus most on. Yes, tragedy happened, but do you really think your wife and daughter would be happy with you only remembering the tragedy and not the love you had for them?”

He hated to admit it but Ellen had a point. He knew Mirela would be disappointed. Disappointed that he hadn’t spoken her name in centuries. That he only focused on the tragedy of them and, as Ellen put it, not the love between them. Perhaps if he had, none of this would’ve happened in the first place. He never would’ve perhaps become what he was now.

“I did this to them. I have no right to mourn them” Orlok told her, “Does a murderer mourn their victims? Does he have a right to?”

Ellen held his hands. “Look at me…Liev Orlok, look at me!”

Her tone struck him harder than anything. He couldn’t deny her. He dared himself to look at her, seeing the sheer determination and care in her eyes. Ellen released his hands and held his face.

“You. Did not. Do this. To them. You hear me? This wasn’t your fault. You have ever right to grieve. Every right. And I hope you know, I’ll be here. I’ll be here grieving with you. I didn’t know them, but I understand the loss and I sympathize with you. I really do. I’m not your enemy, I never have been. I want to share in that grief with you, Orlok. But I can’t if you don’t express it, voice it”.

He tried to fight it. Tried to fight back the now painful sting of sorrow. His eyes stung. He thought he was done shedding tears. He was dead. What tears could he shed? But what else could he do to grieve? Orlok shook his head, attempting to stop it, trying to get out of her hold. But Ellen, gentle as she was, held firm. Just like the morning they died together. This was how she wanted it to be. She moved her hands away and threw her arms around him, her eyes watering.

“Please…Please, Orlok…for them. For me. For yourself” she pleaded through compassionate tears.

Orlok couldn’t fight it anymore. It was too much, too intense, too deep. He let out a pained roar like cry, all too similar to the one he let out when he saw the sun for the first time in centuries. But this time, it was far more human. A sound Ellen was too familiar with. At that moment, Count Orlok wasn’t a monster. Just a man who lost everything and couldn’t bring himself to grieve over it all. A man who lost all he loved, blamed and hated himself for it.

The pair crumpled to the floor of the nursery, holding each other as they both cried. Him for all he lost, and Ellen sympathizing. No one deserved this. Not him, not anybody. Ellen held him as best she could, the wolfhounds also surrounding them and whining softly as if they too grieved with their masters. He clung to her like a man drowning. In a way, he was. Drowning in centuries of grief, centuries of being unable to mourn. Centuries of loss and loathing. Orlok hated himself, well and truly hated himself.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, Micul Suflet-” he started, his head against her shoulder.

“Shhh…I know” Ellen kept a hold of him, “I know…Let’s just stay like this a little while. Stay in here”.

Orlok nodded. That was fine. This was okay. As long as she was here, he was alright. He kept a hold of her, letting out a few quiet sobs as she held him. The poison was finally being secreted and shed at long last. Here in her arms, he could mourn. He could be the man he was with Mirela, the one she loved…

Damn I put him through the wringer XD. Anyway I really hope you guys liked this update! I loved writing this! Don't worry we'll be focusing on Ellen stuff in the coming chapters...and we may or may not be going back to the living world...but we'll see! Thank you for the support! Please consider liking commenting and reblogging! If you wanna read more of what I got please follow ^^ I got more first planned for the future! Bye guys ^^ <3

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I made these as a way to compile all the geographical vocabulary that I thought was useful and interesting for writers. Some descriptors share categories, and some are simplified, but for the most part everything is in its proper place. Not all the words are as useable as others, and some might take tricky wording to pull off, but I hope these prove useful to all you writers out there!

(save the images to zoom in on the pics)