#LISTEN MY PARENTS ARE LIKE THIS TOOOOO//

[a-prekliatyvlk]

"Ah! I can understand my late wife and I moved on very fast. Though that's how my son was born and I do love him so." He paused, a soft smile on his features.

"Though my late wife and I never really loved each other romantically times of course have changed and back then arranged marriages were a thing. Bah! You don't want to hear that old story." He offers up a smile, holding his hands out to Lyric. "Magic can help! My son is friends with some powerful witches they could help." He was going to help as well in anyway he could.

"Er, that's--- I don't really think I am..."

-> They put both hands up defensively, as if to create more theoretical distance from the concept.

"A date without meeting someone seems a little fast... Completely aside from that, I'm a dragon you know? Conception rates for egg layers aren't good."

[drunkdumbfucker]

Yearly reminder that yes, Jushiro is still enjoying his quiet days in the countryside as a retired Gotei 13 captain™.

he still lives in Ugendo because after all he was the one who built these quarters and there's enough room for all his family to chill at his side on random days now that they can barge in at any moment without any care about any third seat's wrath

and it's far away enough from the thirteen squad barracks that he doesn't feel like intruding, but if anyone ever has any need of his advice they can knock at his door or leave a note, even dozens of years after he retired

he's learned to bake pies.

tons of pies, tons of flavors, but tooooo many pies.

I'd like to imagine Jushiro with tons of nieces and nephews at his side, they're his most fervent listeners even though their parents have all warned them that he's full of shit. they won't believe anyone, Jushiro's the most serious and nicest of adults. (they're all at least 500+ years old but boy oh boy are they naive when it comes to Jushiro's quiet wrinkled smile and serene walk around the pond) and most of all he's the most generous of all (he gives so much food and stuff because the nieces and nephews all have kids of their own and oh my god those are the most spoiled)

if anyone visits Jushiro in Ugendo on any given day, there'll always be a kid bouncing on his knee, enamoured with the beautiful white braid resting on Jushiro's shoulder.

then somehow Shunsui will appear

"no no no I don't have any meeting my dearest!!!! what do you mean you have read my schedule?? haahaha it's a fake schedule anyhoo let me hold this wonderful face of a papoopeepoobaby!!!"

and yes Shunsui WILL appear at any given time! because Jushiro's grand-nephews/nieces are his own too and

Shunsui is Captain Commander but everyone knows he's been wanting to retire for years too, and it's always been about temporarily filling the spot Yama-ji left empty

and he's been more and more less here, slowly preparing everyone for the moment he'll step down. Everyone understands the situation. Who gives a shit about responsibility, nobility, logic? Shunsui's payed his debt to a thousand, and he shall pay it to the end of his days because one does not step down from being Captain Commander just like that. He'll always be there for the Gotei.

But all in all, everyone knows, it's all about Jushiro, and how even Jushiro pays away his debt by attending captain meetings or helping out squads in need of urgent back up or even holding classes at the Shin'o Academy. It seems everyone understands deeply how their origin can't even be found etched in stone, the first tales of their deeds have disappeared around drunken murmurs and apologetic rumors. Time set it all on fire, bits by bits. So much knowledge dusted away, and only the mirth in their glances will hold witness of such existence.

So of course, if any newcomer dares comment on the way the 13 Squad's former captain has no place in the current affairs of doing, because it's none of their business now that he's retired, of course they'll receive an informal spanking and will instantly be taught respect.

AND of course if anyone dares criticize Shunsui's laziness, they'll be laughed at because haha hahahahaha the Captain Commander's the least lazy person in the world so who the fuck are you to even say that??

I need the entire shinigami population to finally recognize that these two bitches are old and deserve some rest. They deserve to enjoy quiet days in the sun, eating juicy strawberries stolen from a sibling's garden, shutting off the entire spiritual realm's pressure so they can cloudgaze and pick at each other's perfect lips.

Jushiro's retirement's just an excuse for Shunsui to join retirement too.

I need them to spend so much fucking time babysitting everybody's kids because they are the best and they enjoy kids so much, it's not even a chore gosh oh my good look at this fucker Jushiro she's walking look look LOOOOK!!!!!!

and "ah I'm sorry my love you're feeling a bit tired let me hold her, is everything alright?" and yes of course everything's perfect because they're together and they're still alive and they can finally rest easy now that the Seireitei's safe and in good hands so no worries if Jushiro's a bit tired and will nap all afternoon because now there's no obligation for him to stretch himself thin. It's all good.

the kid will fall asleep too and that's it

[penny00dreadful]

OOOOOOOOH! You did the Steddie ask game tooooo.

If you don't mind, I have a few questions for you!

2: Favorite Steddie fanart artist? (Because I want to share the love!) 6: Ghost Eddie or Vampire(Kas) Eddie? Why? 9: Do you imagine they would have been childhood friends? WHYYYYY? :)

If you've gotten any of these questions from other asks, feel free to sub in another of your choosing or just strike the question completely. :)

I did do the Steddie ask game! Please send me as many questions as you want! 🥰

2. Favourite Steddie Artist?

Oh boy okay. There's so many! I follow so many and they're all so good?? Like how do make drawings look like that??? I could never. The skill! The talent! The way they make me feel things??? I'm obsessed but I have to narrow it down so I'll give you the three I follow the closest. @fernandesart @inklessletter @resande adore them all 🖤

6. Ghost Eddie or Vampire (Kas) Eddie? Why?

So I do love Ghost Eddie, I do. But there's too much opportunity for heartbreak there so I can only do Ghost Eddie when I get a happy ending because I'm ✨ sensitive ✨ 😅

But Vampire Eddie? 😳🫡

God it can be SO good. And it can go in so many different directions! Possessive, feral, unhinged, protective (all A+(within reason)) OR he could be soft, he could want to burn the world with his love, he could be a cute little rat man (or bat man) who needs taking care of, dedicated or loving and it's all magnificent.

Probably helps I've had a healthy interest in vampire lore for a long time and I keep trying to ignore that creeping spectre of that Dracula AU because I am DETERMINED to have my other WIPs finished first!

9. Do I think they would have been childhood friends? Why?

So like listen. We all know children are not biased. Children are blank slates (complimentary) and don't have the prejudices and issues adults have so I cannot see any reason why Steve and Eddie wouldn't be childhood friends.

If it was their decision.

I think Steve's parents (at least his fanon parents who knows what his canon parents are like) would take issue with it. I know people like Steve's fanon parents in real life and rarely will they say "I don't want my kid playing with him because he's poor or whatever" they KNOW that's not a good look, they'll say "I'm not a bigot BUT" so they'll go about it in other ways.

They'll be wary around the other kid because either that kids parents didn't do things the 'right' way; had the kid out of wedlock, never married, didn't pull themselves up by their bootstraps enough (gag), don't keep up with the latest fashion trends, their home looks old fashioned. Or maybe they have a criminal/alcoholic/addicted family member (whether they do or not is often irrelevant) and they seem to think it'll rub off on their kid (???)

So I think if Steve and Eddie did play together as kids, I unfortunately don't think it would have lasted long before Steve's parents steered him more towards people 'like them'

Thank you for the ask, my love! I hope I answered your questions. 🖤

Ask me Steddie questions!

[7ndipity]

Omggg really??, 🤭we do have a lot of cats too, we have adopted seven!! (Oh no it’s the seven again lol! Hahaha ) One is black and the second is a calico but tricoloured: mostly black (instead of white); orange and little white on her body 🤍🤍 and idk about yours but each of them have their own personality 🥹🥹hahahaha we love them so much!! I think we are kitties pals now

And 100 agreed with your opinion on Jungkook being a parent’s fave , my mom likes him tooooo!! Jsjsjsjsjjss what a random thing, seven explicit or the clean version?? What did you father think about it 😂?

Agh, the seven strikes again, lol!! We are most definitely kitty pals now lol!💜

We have a bunch between me and my immediate family, as well as looking after several neighborhood strays, and they definitely all have very different personalities! My lil boy tho is black and white with multi colored eyes and is literally one of the prettiest cats I've ever seen, tbh.

And I don't know if he's heard the explicit version yet(If he did, he didn't say anything, lol!) He just really likes Jk's voice and vibe, I'm hoping to get him into more bts stuff in general(he listens to some of their stuff, but he's more of a girl group fan? Idk)

[theuniverseawakens347]

Yal got my 3 bodies in three different areas so we are a house divided.

Like the establishment of the White House has its issues and the ppl clearly see it.

That’s this right now.

I got nipsey crossed over to help govern from another world higher dimensions over seeing the “let’s go” plan

I got Tristan T A B … governing the gang bangers llc

And I got me giving Yal parenting lectures on how when n where the whole world went wrong before I woke once granny lost gilbriona…

Modern family: right now it’s not a strong parent double house hold bc … welp dads on a business trip or better yet the “stronger” parenting tactic is away from the house so the kids will play…

Until me and Tristan link Lee will get it …

Some of yall already been hit up by ermias.. to KNOW IM NOT CRAZY… and THIS IS RRALLY REAL …

Other of you sooooo deep in greed and sin that “well I’m not doing the right thing til the dead man her husband and Alexis wallace walk into the library” …

NIGGAS IS TRYING TO SURPRISE ME… NOT YOU.

I AM UR SURPRISE.. NIPSEY AND MY CROSSED OVER FAMILY I NEVER GOT TO EXPERIENCE IS MY SURPRISE …

WHY WOULD I REWARD YA BAD BEHAVIOR!??

That’s let’s me know ya so …. Caught up in being spoiled you don’t care about anything else …

Like a bad ass kid

“I’m not admitting anything bc I don’t want to get in trouble”

UR ALREADY IN TROUBLE FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND BEING AND ACCESSORY TO CRIME…

I TOLD DIDDY LLC OVER TWITTER TUMBLR N INSTAGRAM THEIR TRIAL WAS COMING 10+ yrs to DRATH ROW … and those who turned in their shit immediately got their time frame… those who kept going without a fuck got death row…

Now they in a court room n diddy getting trialed…

ITS GON BE WHAT I SAID SWEETS.

….. mom and dad went on vacation and you got a babysitter watching over the kids…

Who’s the baby sitter who’s the parent in this case ?

Well just like my holy 3 it’s flows ♾️ … not on a Russian loop but like break down that analogie..

Baby sitter is left rules and reparmendations .. mom and dad tell kids be good ( Yal didn’t listen to the law) .. WE ON VACATION OR AWAY FROM THE HOUSE FOR X TIME… n you showing out for the baby sitter cause “ this bitch knew she don’t know me”…. So she tells you okay mom and dad not going to like that plz stop .. time out …

While texting mom and dad wtf you been doing while away.. ( it’s the same thing here those in the law office and court are working with the civilians who already turned themselves in willingly or got snatched up for being apart and their getting their trial sentencing etc there… the White House picking a new president kamala* WHILST going thru a branding … DC ASKED LEE TO GET ME N MY TRISTAN THERE PAULA BARTON .. KIMBERLY SIGNED OFF AND BOTH SAID WE PSYCHO AND CRAZY….so we hear PUBLIC EXOCUTION AND REBRANDING WHILE EDUCATING THE PPL… its NOT perfect and RIGHT OUT THE GATES I EXPRESSED IM NOT PERFECT THATS THE BEST PART OF THE COMING OUT PARTY… now we gay 😉 )

Mom n dad come home and welp… YA BABYSITTER “snitch” FACE TO FACE and ya get a punishment …

Over text it’s a place holder punishment but not the final thing ( that’s where I lose some of you)

Bc like …. Ex:

Babysitter : halo walking out the crib and I asked em stop cooking..

( why she keep picking Halle?? CAUSE DDG LOST N SCARED AS A NEW YOUNG DAD .. sold a “this will be fun we in it together” and NOW HALLE WEEDING n being reckless cause SHE KNOW SHE GET DEATH ROW and ain’t told the house and lying to her sister how much time they getting so the energy off … MOFOS IN THE HOUSE KNOW BUT ARIES AND HALLE N SOMETIMES TEE ( Chloe) BE ON WEIRD SHIT .. ddg mom freaking out it’s tooooo much emotion coming up w the passing of their brother and damn “my youngest son just had a child who NOT EVEN 1 YET AND THEY LIFE FEEL LIKE ITS FALLING APART AND THEY TRYING TO BE THEIR GLUE BEFORE THE INDUSTRY FAME AND HALLE STEPPED IN.. they divided between Chloe and tee and this YouTube ring … WHWRE IS THE ENERGY LIGHTER N BETTER .. MOMS TAKING ON A LOT .. she feeling like a single mom with 17 kids the way Yal got ppl over ddg it helps but at the same time you accessing a lot AND A CAREER CHANGE IN MUSIC … ddg caught between being a son dad … two his mom and his girl… Jess hilarious lala Milan lala Anthony Iman shrumpet etc .. ya got support groups ur understanding but UR ALSO ALREADY FOR GOD TO BE HERE ON EARTH… but I got mofos holding MINE BACK)

Ddg / mom* : well put em in their play pin w toys

( this just a bs example to get the type of bread down for the sandwich you pick your toppings how it fit to your taste buds … but we gon go fresh rolls)

( ddg got multiple wives ( it takes a village to raise a child THIS is why you talk n plan WITH your community ( family) before bringing in life ESPECIALLY when ya got fame on ya name and energy in n out ya house often)

Ddg+ mom back from wherever

“Thanks for informing us out side of what you texted me anything else ( I got baby cameras two ) we beed to know … ?

Baby sitter : no just the trying to cook and constant moving..

Ddg/ mom* : okay well thank you … I’ll see you next time … HERES UR EQUAL PAY IN MONEY .. ( or if shawty need some school supplies or a necessity within means… HOSPITALITY … equal trade services… NOT SEXX .. ya whore$.. not saying this ddg n Halle house issue w a babysitter but it is for them music videos… so like what ya do in the streets ya bring into the home … pornstars that’s a different meat )!

Punishment talk:

Ddg: “Halo I see ur a strong grown 1 yr old man.. but it’s dangerous cooking on your own right now… so for the next “punishment “ ( bc the crime WASNT THAT BAD) dads going to teach you how to cook something simple until you’re ready to start the more complex things .. and when you feel energetic we’re going to get you a treadmill to run ( or whatever in budget to get the zoomies out the way) .. “

Boom… Halle “ yeah. “ ( picks up baby to seem like she’s in agreement.. then does her own thing .. maybe go shower like man for beds)

….

I’ve been there w Daniel and neffi… we got a common denominator but two different ways of parenting WHILE IM TRYING TO PARENT MYSELF AND THE “other adult” ..

ITS STRESSFUL ..

THATS WHAT THIS SITUATION IS LIKE WITH THE WHITE HOUSE TRYING TO LOWER THE RATE OF BULLSHIT AROUND THE WORLD ( yara and Aja IM NOT IN POLITICS FOR THE PROPER TERMANOLOGY BUT I KNOW MORE ABOUT LAW AND RESTRUCTURING AND PARENTING ETC THAN YOU … THATS why ya jealous NOT JUST ME NOT GOING TO COLLEGE… colorist is surface… BUT MY BRAIN KNOW WTF YOU DOING BEFORE YOU EVEN DO IT.. Michell Obama Kamala … YA GOT DOCS ABOUT ME IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOR PROJECT BLUE BEAM OR WHATEVER BEN FRANK … AND YA STILL .. or was ACTING STINGY CAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT THE DARKEST TRUTHS ABOUT YOU AND THE HOUSE COMING OUT .. aja yara and ANY CELEB TRYNA PRESS THE ISSUE W ME .. like I said ur not getting fumbledor… UR GETTING WHAT CHALLENGES YOU TO BE A BETTER PERSON CITIZEN PARENT SOCIETY .. COMMUNITY NATION, - NATO )

Anyways for those making this shift easier appreciate you.. for those still “well I wana press two see” … LMAO IM STILL HUMAN.. GID GOT A TEMPER IN THIS HOLY BIBLE..

Someone need to slide social posting of my holy 3 how dat work in the Bible cause it’s NOT EXPLAINED ..

I’m trying to show you thru me ..

WE FIT IN EVERY CATEGORY YA NEED HELP W CAUSE ITS A RECKED STATE THERE .. then I got an EXTENSION OF ME .. that’s Lee family tree n business murder LLCs KILLED .. so I GOT MORE WHO CAME IN IN DISGUISE…

Like parenting ya parents work with you EVEN IF YOU DONT LIKE IT .. not saying everyone perfect but THEY BE TRYING and in hindsight when you get ur own child THEN YOU understand ur parents “mistakes” and why you as a kid was like “this unfair or why would they do that “ and parents be on some “damn I shud have done x y n z instead what would have happened then”… amber rose … you live in a “what if I did that instead” mentally with wiz choices .. and it reflects into ya life …

But parents do what they can til they get fed up n kick you out the house or take ya ps3 away …

This is like that … Lee and Paula Barton and Lauren London blacc Sam ( for a minute ) made it hard for me and Tristan to get to where we had to get to …

Lee n Paula king EVIL VILE LLCs ( well it would be IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM but fun for our narcissistic satanic characteristics to separate them for them into rehabs w no phone and kill more of their family so they’re distracted by pain.. and make them look like crack heads .. what did we do to cashay’s mom when the WHITE HOUSE MILITARY was calling for her back in the 90-2000’s … let do it two both then take cashay’s look alikes HER KIDS N COUSINs and have them DO METHod acting to deformation her name and character but harass her birth family and the White House where they won’t want her.. Paula you get Malik as he sees to do shit as Daniel and Tristan to piss pops off and dis own em.. now neither of them will be able to come into their Cinderella story OR the TMC inheritance left for their families …. And Lee did it two Howard nugent joint bank account … VIVICCA whitcheet helped two… badu but PAULA Barton Patterson Regina king … back when MY MOM DARNIECE WAS 16 HAVING BABIES THE INDUSTRY WAS RAPING HER FOR .. Aaliyah.. left eye career sneak diss .. coi lerary two me indialove Wilkerson to Barton… ya got history on repeat THE USA A STATE OF INSANITY… and Yal asking to get off the boat but not moving .. at this point FAST ENOUGH.. ITS A STATE OF EMERGENCY… ur moving at the rate for THE WORSE THING possible to take place … titanic.. ya jump WHEN THE BOAT go down and missed the opportunity of a life jacket and life boat… cause you scared )

[bigbarabelly]

IHAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TOOOOO

I need to figure out a lot in terms of timeline and what level of canon adjacent i want to go for, but I’ve been wanting to attempt a slow burn fic of that. How they get together and that process of easing their way into who they are as broken adults, naive in thinking they fucking know what they’re doing, but at the same time like painfully aware neither had a normal childhood and have no fucking idea what to expect if it were to happen. Potentially rewrite my one fic or just edit it into it for the long run.

I have a lot of thoughts about how he’d even handle the poor dude giving birth. Trying to be supportive but also it’s Homelander lmao. An impatient reactionary used to just killing and smashing shit to “fix” a situation, just panicking over having no control in the moment, and senses in overstimulation hell listening to Hughie just Go Through It. One panic and fear for another after the kid’s born because it’s the most fragile important thing on the planet now to him and he can’t afford to fuck it up. The mix of narcissism over what’s his and the remaining core buried deep that still has some real love and tiniest amount of selflessness in wanting to make sure they’ll both be ok in the long run without him. Mixing in with Ryan and everything too of what he knows, what he has, and what could be.

Just an incredible whirlwind of newfound gentleness and traumatized ocd gripping both of them in different ways while they go ITS COOL WE’RE OK ITS FINE and get into the groove of just being dumbass parents like everyone else. The first days of crying get less panic inducing and become more hesitant laughing and trading off who gets up in the middle of the night.

But man the buildup of dancing around each other almost like kids playing house? Hughie has the realest normal childhood despite the complexity of his single parent raising. But they still don’t know how to be adults together in a relationship. He can’t expect things of Homelander that he could with Robin or Annie that most people would instinctively know how to navigate by that age or with enough relationships experienced through trial and error. They say what they both think they’re supposed to, and kind of step back realizing the child’s play acting doesn’t replace the hard conversations in it’s practiced distraction.

At the same timeeeeeeeee I’m super tempted to do some Boys Shenanigans and throw a wrench into their new domestic bliss and get Hughie kidnapped when the kid comes. Make Homelander prove to them he’s real about this and BEG butcher for help. Not that he’d have to cause it’s Hughie. His found family loves him and would instantly truce with the Supe to get him back safe and sound. Reinforce the seriousness of who Hughie is involved with and despite his feral animal redomesticaiton, Homelander still has a lot of enemies and they can’t escape everything they don’t want to think about.

But then once it chills the fuck out and he’s safe and everyone’s cooing over the new addition, there’s a hesitant extension to the truce. Homelander will never be a friend, but they can for the most part wrangle their apprehension and justified wariness for Hughie’s sake and because the beanpole has a real positive influence on the supe and that’s frankly easier than trying to keep killing him. Hughie’s humor and jokes rubbing off on him to eventually saying something not off putting when theyre all together and getting a real smile and chuckle out of them. Cause GOD RIGHT if Hughie had never experienced that first break in his childhood from his mom and had a normal life without Robin getting killed, and even then with Robin’s death, I agree. He’d be fucked up but still too optimistic and naive at the same time to fall for butchers shit. Less warped in his anger and leaning into the fact he’s weak and wouldn’t fall into that rush from the idea of revenge

I need to write some more hughlander bc while I love @bigbarabelly 's pregnant Hughie, I just wanna read/write him & Homelander before pregnancy & discussing kids (with all the excitement and anxiety that leads to)

Because with all the thing Homelander has been through (both in his childhood & then later finding out he has a kid) I wonder how he would react to actually having a new born.

and also Hughie, he's almost the only person in canon that has had a normal parent but he still got abandonment issues thanks to his mom (you can't tell me he doesn't, if he was perfectly normal he would have left Butcher long ago)

[bbeelzemon]

what average everyday Adult Things can a guy like me do, daily basis or otherwise, to Show My Parents I Am A Capable Adult And Can Move Out And I’ll Be Fine Please Just Let Me Leave

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 16

Pairings: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors Author’s notes: Thanks for the support! xx (also kinda personal but I just got accpected into uni?! Crazy!) 

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 16: Everything Goes According to Plan

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

January 30th, 1976

“Where’s my camera?”

“Be careful — Oi! Don’t step on me!”

“Ouch!”

“Shush!”

The squeaking of floorboards creaked throughout the small room as everyone kept on stumbling into each other, all fidgeting from excitement. That morning, they’d all woken up earlier than usual, decorating the room with streamers, leftover Christmas decor and a large banner that hung above the entrance of the doorway that read, Happy Birthday, Petals! (which was Y/N’s idea — she was very proud of the nickname). Even Mary snuck into their dorm, making everyone wear small pointy party hats as they huddled around Lily’s bed, circling her like vultures and raised their hands high. With a quiet count of three from Marlene, their hands lowered, hovering over Lily’s arms and legs, then shook.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” They bellowed.

Lily woke with a jolt; her eyes flew open as she let out a scream. Her back slammed against the bed frame while Toulouse swiped at them, specifically at Marlene and hissed.

Lily’s heart hammered against her chest and she felt the small prickles of needles subside all over her body. Her hand clutched her nightgown, attempting to even out her breathing. “You could’ve given me a heart attack!”

“Happy birthday, Lils!” Mary repeated before climbing into her bed, hugging her.

She grunted at the impact as a smile replaced her features. Her eyes hopped from person to person before landing on Y/N who gave a sweet smile which had Lily blushing as she averted her eyes back to Mary.

When the group realized that Lily’s birthday fell on a weekend, it left them giddy and beyond excited for the endless opportunities that lay ahead of them. Not only did it leave the entire group to have a small break from their ruthless studying, but they could thoroughly celebrate the day and have enough time to spare for any last-minute plans for the surprise birthday party that night.

“Get your arse up and get ready to start the day!” Marlene declared, already trying to tug her crimson blanket away.

Lily yawned, rubbing her eyes, “Do we have to? I’m tired…”

“Come on! Life is short! It’s time we make memories,” she cried, “You never know when you’re going to die! Would you rather celebrate your birthday as a ghost or six feet under?! I, for one, will not visit your grave.”

Lily rolled her eyes, getting up with a stretch. Dorcas moved to turn on Marlene’s record player, settling a record by Nancy Sinatra as everyone continued with their usual morning routines. Lily got dressed in her favourite long sleeve lilac dress, pulling on tights to prevent herself from freezing. Mary wore her usual gold eyeshadow and wore a red jumpsuit while Marlene dressed coolly in all black. Although, Dorcas decided to stay in bed, still recovering from her nasty flu.

“You look very pretty today,” Y/N told Lily while detangling her hair from the loose braid she had it in. She took a brush and hair styler, primping her hair to Lily’s usual style and placed a headband in her hair.

“I — I, er — thanks!” She replied somewhat flustered.

“No… problem — there! Finished!” She handed Lily a handheld mirror, letting her go over her appearance. Pleased, she turned around to the group.

“So, first order of business, what did you want to do today?” Dorcas asked before going into a fit of coughs. Marlene rushed up to her side and popped off a cork from a nearby potion for her to drink.

Everyone had been slightly worried. It had been four days now and Dorcas still wasn’t recovering from the flu despite the ad of magic and potions. Thankfully today she seemed to perk up, even just a little, but they worried she was pushing herself.

“How about we just stay here, with you? We can all up a Healer and —”

“No,” Dorcas coughed again, she waved her hands in front of her, “I’ll be fine. Don't worry about me. What do you want to do?”

Lily remained quiet for a moment and Y/N assumed she was going to suggest staying in their dorm with Dorcas again, but her eyes gleamed with unusual mischief. Her eyes hopped from person to person before landing on Y/N. “I want to do a prank and I think you’ll love it.”

Everyone’s brows rose. Lily, the goodie-two-shoes prefect, Evans and pranks?! Those two do not belong in the same sentences.

“Okay…” said Mary, nodding her head despite being confused, “We’re listening.”

Lily sat down on her bed, crossing one leg over the other as she motioned everyone to sit. “Do you think it’s possible if we can dye someone’s hair? Obviously, safely,” she used her prefect voice, “But do you think we can?”

A beat went by — that was strangely out of character. What happened to the Lily they knew?

“Yeah,” Marlene begins, “What colour are you thinking?”

“Orange — bright orange with a bit of green.”

Then, Lily turned over to look at her again, a ghost of a smile appearing that told Y/N that whatever she was planning was going to be worth it — especially if Lily out of all people, was going to pull it off.

“Someone's going to be sorry for calling me Carrots.”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

At breakfast, they arrived later than usual after they all planned out their prank. Marlene, who had been a part of too many pranks with Sirius and James, helped the most, while Y/N and Lily created a hair-changing potion using one of Dorcas’ old cauldrons — but unlike James, they stuck to a potions textbook with a reversal potion. Since it was Lily’s idea, she would be the one to slip the potion into Sirius’ drink. So, she tucked the vital into the sleeve of her dress, hidden from prying eyes.

They all huddled around her as they entered the Great Hall; their hands were pushed forward protectively, guarding Lily as if she were a celebrity being swarmed by adoring fans and they were her bodyguards. They paved her way from students while shouting:

“She’s declining photos at the moment!”

“Birthday girl coming through!”

“She’s a very busy lady! Out of the way!”

Lily kept on protesting for them to stop, hiding her face in her hands. As they reached their table, they sat beside the marauders while Lily made sure to take a seat next to Sirius. But, that wasn’t the end of Lily’s humiliation. Mary stood up, clapping to gain everyone’s attention. Once she realized what was about to happen she quickly got up, but Y/N and Sirius clapped a hand on Lily’s shoulder, shoving her back down on the bench.

They opened their mouths, singing,

“Haaaaapppppy birthday to you!” The six of them hollered before the rest of the hall caught on and started singing. “Haaaaapppppy birthday to you! Haaaaapppppy birthday dear Lily —” “CARROTS!” Shouted Sirius at the top of his lungs.

Lily kept shaking her head, blushing incredibly hard — even the tips of her ears started to turn pink. She covered her ears, attempting to muffle out the singing.

Y/N snapped a few photos of her, shoving them into her pockets.

“Haaaaapppppy birthhhhdaaaay tooooo youuuuuuuu!”

The Gryffindors and any Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs that knew Lily cheered loudly. A few teachers, like Slughorn or McGonagall, made their way over to her, congratulating her along with a few other of her friends from different houses. Well wishes could be heard, along with a few people even handing her cards too.

Even an owl came swooping by when she had her back turned, dropping off a small package addressed from her parents and her sister, Petunia.

Swarmed and distracted, this left the group to huddle together as they leant over the table, forming a small circle of sorts. James was excluded as he sat back and drank a cup of tea flicking through the Daily Prophet.

“Operation: Lily’s birthday party,” said Marlene, “Let’s go over what our positions are for tonight.”

Mary was assigned with Dorcas to decorate the common room while Remus distracted Lily tonight during their rounds. Marlene and Sirius were in charge of drinks and snacks, leaving Peter and Y/N to bake a cake and bring any additional food.

They all quickly pulled apart once the crowd around Lily subsided. She settled back down, nodding and faking a cough. This signalled to the girls as Marlene quickly roped Sirius into a conversation about a New-Maj band he liked; Y/N talked to James about the upcoming Ravenclaw and Slytherin Quidditch match which left Mary to distract both Peter and Remus.

When none of the marauders were looking, Lily popped the corkscrew from the vital and grabbed a bowl of muffins on Sirius’ left. While she lent over, the potion poured directly into Sirius’ cup and she sat back down, smirking to herself. Y/N gave a discreet small high-five to her as they waited.

After a few minutes, parched from his talk with Marlene, Sirius picked up his goblet and tipped back the drink. He took a large gulp, wincing at the taste as he pulled it away from his face, but returned to his conversation like normal.

For several minutes, nothing happened. The girls kept quickly glancing upwards to check out his hair, but nothing: still bleached blond. They sighed, dejected that their plan hadn’t worked and Y/N nudged Lily underneath the table and gave a small smile, trying to cheer her up.

Another ten minutes went by and only then did the root of Sirius’ hair begin to tint into a bright orange colour rather than his dyed hair. This caught the girl's attention, however, the rest of the marauders who were still engaged in their conversations, did not notice as their heads were turned away from him.

His hair rapidly turned into orange as the tips were tinted green. Sirius didn’t seem to notice until James laughed, quickly turning to him to tell him a joke until his eyes widened at his hair.

“Ugh — Padfoot?!”

Sirius looked at him bewildered at his worried tone and expression before catching his reflection in James’ glasses. By now, Peter and Remus looked at him, their eyes widened, leaving the girls to force down their laughter, showing false concern.

“What the fuck?!” Sirius exclaimed, running a hand through it. She’d never seen Sirius this panicked before. More than anything, he looked shocked and even a bit… happy? No — definitely not happy. He continued to chuckle nervously before fretting over his appearance. For once, his laughter did not bother her.

Students began to take notice, pointing over at the Gryffindor table while some even began gossiping with others about the prank. As soon as the bell rang, everyone got up from their seats while the marauders surrounded Sirius, trying to help him out. The girls, on the other hand, got up and ran out of the Great Hall, practically howling.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe I just did that! I did that! We did that!” Lily exclaimed in disbelief before taking a seat down at their usual hangout near the library. “Did you see his reaction?! Jeez! I see why they pull so many pranks now!”

Y/N was about to burst into tears. That was by far the funniest shit she’d ever seen before. Marlene was in a similar boat as she clutched her side. Her stomach hurt from how hard she laughed.

“Lily! You little minx!” Mary cried as flopped beside Lily, her head dropping into her lap.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Their day was jammed packed. They went skating on the black lake, hit up the library, walked around school grounds which ended up in a huge snowball fight. After a bit, they decided to take a moment to separate themselves to give each other a bit of space while Lily went to find Snape.

This left the rest of the group two hours tops to themselves.

Y/N walked over to Honeydukes, buying a bunch of Jelly Slugs and a couple of other things before dashing back to the castle; she needed to wrap all of her presents and she promised to help Dorcas wrap hers too.

Before she entered Hogwarts again, Y/N took a moment to herself and enjoyed the small moment of peace around her. The soft crunching of snow, the cold breeze and the stillness — how quiet it was — there was hardly a moment since the break that Y/N had felt the comfortable peace Hogwarts had to offer.

Stepping inside the corridors, the atmosphere suddenly changed with the torches ablaze and a constant bubbling ambience that never seemed to settle.

In the distance, to her right, she could hear distant shouting and a rush of footsteps nearing. Out of nowhere, James seemed to come barreling towards her.

“Whiskers!” He yelled, sending her a fast wink as he continued to run down the corridor, making a sharp turn. Then, Marlee popped out, dashing after James.

“Marls?! What’s happening?”

“Running from Filch — get him off my trail!”

“What did you do?!”

“Told me to cover up, so I hexed him — Potter called him a rent boy!”

“Are you going to miss the party?” She yelled as Marlene’s body kept getting smaller and smaller as she ran. Y/N began to panic, without Marlene, surely things would take a lot longer than planned.

“Like hell I am! I won’t be late!”

Marlene disappeared, shortly being replaced by Filch who ran in a strange mixture of running and hopping.

“Where did they go?” He breathed, bending down and clutching his knees. “I heard them over here, where are they?”

And so Y/N decided to have some fun. “Who?”

“You know!”

“Um — you mean the one with blond hair?” “And the boy with black hair!”

“Oh! Yes, I know who… What’re their names again? Severus Snape and —” she paused, trying to think of another blond person, “Ugh — Sirius Black?”

Well, he used to be blond.

“No! The Potter boy and McKinnon! Where are they?!”

“Hmm… Oh! Oh! I think they went,” she pointed outside to the thick, cold snowy path, “That way!”

Filch didn’t even question her and ran off. Laughing, Y/N ran away from Filch; the last thing she wanted to do was face his wrath once he knew she lied.

Opening the door to her dorm, Dorcas was asleep. She walked up to grab a nearby folded blanket and placed it over her body to keep her warm before starting working.

She cleared off a table, unfolding her wrapping paper and wrapped the sides before creasing them, taping everything down with a pretty bow.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Nobody had seen Marlene or James for the past couple of hours — they’d even skipped dinner which caused everyone to go into a state of panic. Without Marlene, Sirius would be in a lot of trouble completing his task alone.

The common room was filled with fighting in hushed whispers as Lily and Remus were set to leave for their rounds in a couple of minutes.

“I’m going to kill her,” Mary fumed, “The one day they’re not supposed to go mucking around, they pull this!”

“How about we find them —” “And lose the little time we have now?”

Sirius, in particular, was on edge, aggravated, as he turned towards Y/N, “Why didn’t you think of saying anything sooner?”

“Because I didn’t think Marlene and James would be stupid enough to get caught! Not today!”

He closed his mouth, his lips pressed into a tight line. Even he hadn’t expected them to be that stupid either — not today.

“Everyone, shut up. All of you! Why don’t we take a moment to breathe?” Remus said calmly, effectively shutting the entire group up. In moments like these, Y/N understood why he was a prefect. He breathed in and looked to Sirius, “You can do this by yourself, can you?”

“Course not, Moony. Have a little faith in me!” Sirius gave a tenacious laugh, although forced.

Remus’ eyes then flicker to Y/N and Peter, “This shouldn’t affect you, will it?”

They shook their heads.

“Okay then, we’ll continue as planned. I’ll buy you as much time as —” He quickly cut himself off as everyone’s ears perked up. They all heard it, Lily’s footsteps. With that, Y/N, Sirius and Peter weaved their way out of the common room, walking quickly to avoid Lily and Remus from catching up to them. Unfortunately, Sirius took the invisibility cloak before she or Peter had the time to ask for it.

They sneakily made their way down a flight of moving stairs, passing several empty corridors and made their way down to the kitchens.

Once they began working on Lily’s cake, Y/N instantly knew why Peter was assigned to the kitchens.

He instructed her most of the time, telling her which ingredients or utensils to find. Currently, she grabbed a metal ladle and watched as Peter churn the ingredients, watching as they blend into a seamless, smooth mixture. She sat back most of the time, baking and cooking was never something she was great at. 

Y/N rifled through the cabinets, searching for a cake tin. “Ah-hah! Found some!”

They were heart-shaped, rather than the usual circular ones. She placed them onto the counter before turning her attention to grease the pans and focus on making a couple of sandwiches.

“So,” she started, trying to make small talk, “Where’d you learn to bake so well?”

Peter went pink as he wordlessly flicked his wand; the cake tin and floated it into one of the pre-heated ovens and turned to make the frosting. “Erm — it was James’ mum, Euphemia, who taught me. She’s a great baker — honestly she’s good at everything.

“James and I grew up close to each other; we’re childhood friends. He never did fancy baking — liked cooking more and I felt bad he never wanted to help out Euphemia. So one day I offered to help and now whenever I’m at their house, I help around — like a tradition — and I do it in my spare time now. Helps clear my head.”

Just then, two house-elves popped in, each holding a cup of tea for each student. Y/N gave her thanks while Peter turned to talk to them, making them laugh and asking questions that seemingly were a follow-up from a previous conversation. A light dust of flour scattered the side of his cheek while he smiled with them. The more he spoke with the elves, the more Y/N grew fascinated.

Out of all the marauders, even beating out Sirius and James who were amongst the most popular students at Hogwarts, Peter was the most liked out of all of them, especially amongst her friend group.

He wasn’t James who at times was a bit too much and talked an awful lot. He wasn’t Sirius who was dramatic, nor was he Remus who was quiet and intimidating. Peter was just Peter — who was a bit skittish, insanely good at Wizard’s chess, bold enough to sneak into the Slytherin's common room all by himself and loved to bake, clearly was in the kitchens often enough to have full-blown conversations with the elves when most people would so much as spit on before walking away.

It spoke volumes of his character, especially since he was from a Pureblood family; bound to grow up entitled and look down to his inferiors.

She noticed Peter had quite a lot of friends, mostly women, always seeming willing to help someone in dire need whether it be listening, giving advice or comforting another person. It only made her recollect the time Peter had engaged in small conversations with her, seeking to make her feel more included. Like that one time he’d mentioned the Holy Harpies. Small, ostensibly insignificant, but contemplating it now; he'd been trying to make her comfortable — settled — welcoming her with open arms into his group; into the marauders and the girls.

Within moments, there was a newfound appreciation towards the boy.

The sandwiches they made, along with pork pies stolen, were stuffed into a bag, ready to be transported. Y/N boredly spun her wand between the length of her finger while Peter whirled around in his seat until the ring of the timer went off. The elves were already gone, zipped away into thin air as they grew tired with sleep.

Placing a cooling spell onto the cake to avoid the icing from melting off, Peter began layering on a thin layer of icing.

“What’s Lily’s favourite colour? Is it still purple?” He asked. Y/N gave a curt nod.

“Never been a fan of purple. One time I walked into my Grandmum’s room, she only wore purple knickers for my Grandad. Makes me shiver all the time — honestly, the woman traumatized me. S’pose it might be my Boggart.”

Peter also had a sense of humour.

While diligently working, she marvelled at his creation. A two-layer heart-shaped cake, decorated all in light purple icing covered the surface before Peter piped small designs and swirls onto it.

“Wow. I feel like I can barely hold my wand at times yet you —”

“My, my — what do we have here? Students out of bed?” A voice came from behind them. “Tut, tut, tut.”

The two craned their heads backwards where Peeves smiled and let out a squeal of delight.

“Peeves,” Peter began politely. He slowly set down his piping bag and put his hands up in a submissive, yet defensive manner, as if he’d encountered a feral animal. “Please — please, we’re doing something for a dear friend. Don’t get us thrown out.”

“What would happen if I told Filch about you,” the ghost responded in a saintly voice, but his eyes glimmered wickedly. He brought a finger to the side of his face, tapping his index finger to his cheek, thinking.

“What to do, what to do…”

“Psst, Pete, what’s happening?”

Nobody answered her. With Sirius gone with the cloak, it left her and Peter completely out in the open wishlist a ghost threatening them — not to mention the lie she told Filch earlier, there was no way she nor Peter were going to get out of this unscathed.

“Please,” he pleaded.

She looked at him, wide-eyed and started panicking. She repeated louder, “What’s happening? What do we do?”

Peeves then grinned largely and started doing large loops into the air. His cackling rang through the empty corridors, becoming progressively louder.

“Shit. Run.”

“STUDENTS OUT OF BED IN THE HALLWAY! I REPEAT, THERE ARE STUDENTS OUT OF BED IN THE HALLWAY BY THE KITCHENS!”

Peter grabbed the cake while Y/N swiped the bag filled with the rest of the food, piping bags and a small jar of edible decor. They ducked under Peeves, dashing out of the kitchens leaving a huge mess for the unfortunate elves to clean up the next morning.  

Peeves floated behind them slowly as he watched them run. Peter ran slower, trying to make sure he didn’t face plant into the cake while Y/N urged him to run faster.

“He usually helps us,” Peter grits out, “But he’s a two-faced git! Never trust him unless you’re doing a prank! Never!”

Just then, Peter lost his footing and tripped over his feet, letting out a half-shriek, mixing in with Peeves’ evil laughter. They sucked in a sharp breath, watching as the cake flew through the air but Y/N, quick on her feet, grabbed her wand, casting a quick non-verbal charm and watched as the cake and plate froze mid-air before the plate clanked down first, the cake following and settling ontop. She ran up to it, cradling and wrapping a protective arm around it to prevent the cake from dropping again. She called out for Peter to get up before he took the cake again, this time with a shout from Y/N to not drop it, before leading her into a secret passway down the corridor.

Peeves could be heard laughing maniacally down the hall before they both could hear Filch’s footsteps running towards his shouts.

Peter maneuvered through the passage while Filch’s voice became more and more distant as they continued to hurriedly walk. Lily and Remus’ shift was going to end soon and it would be a lost cause if they didn’t make it up to the common room.

They both turned sharply, about to exit before Y/N crashed into a shadowy figure, tripping but being caught swiftly by the figure. They cradled her head to keep her from falling, but the sudden scare caused both students to open their mouths to scream, loudly.

“It’s me! It’s me!” Sirius’ familiar voice runs out, waving a hand to shush Peter while the other was still on her back. Y/N felt herself relax and erratic heartbeat to calm. She’d never been so happy to see Sirius before. Until she realized that they were still touching and they both ripped away.

Her heart spiked, and she felt oddly light headed. Soon enough, her eyes then immediately went to his hair and held back from chuckling — perhaps right now was not the time.

“I came once I heard people shouting and I figured it was you two. You okay?” His eyes darted to her at the last part.

Perhaps her eyes tricked her, that she was too tired or bumping into Sirius too hard, but it felt like he’d been making sure if she was alright. Since when did Sirius care? Although, Peter didn’t seem to notice or he’d ignored the interaction entirely.

“F-fine,” he wheezed out, “Peeves… Peeves caught us while we were decorating the cake. We’re not done yet.”

“What time is it?” She asked.

Sirius placed his wand in his mouth while pulling out a silver pocket watch from his trousers. “Ten to ten.”

“We have time then.” 

Peter placed the cake down gently on a nearby ledge in the passage, causing Sirius to cast Lumos. Sirius kept a watch out, his head moving from side to side every so often as he listened for anyone or anything walking past them.

Pulling out the icing bags and sprinkles, Peter began to finish his work. He continued to create flowers as Y/N wrote on the cake (although with help from her wand), ‘Happy 16th Birthday, Lily!’ and then placed a couple of candles around.

As Peter continued to add his small touches, Y/N’s eyes drifted around, not landing on anything in particular but zoned in on the shining of Sirius’ rings. Her eyes slowly drifted upwards, studying him. The remainder of the full moon that recently passed spilled a muted milky light onto the stone floor and touched Sirius’ face. He wasn’t wearing his normal school robes but dressed in Muggle clothing. Black jeans, a nice sweater, notable messy hair and his body language was relaxed. This Sirius was tolerable, likeable even. She liked this Sirius — but perhaps it was because he finally wasn’t talking. This Sirius gave her an insight into what he was like aside from his annoying, bitchy self. Loose, wild, messy in an elegant way, confident — in his prime — looking for a thrill, sneaking around; mischief.

Suddenly, Sirius’ wand went out as he ducked down, huddling beside her and Peter.

“What —”

They met each other’s eyes, locking, as he brought a finger up to his lips which made her flicker down to look at them, quickly.

Their eye contact was brief, so brief, nonetheless, it contained a flurry of emotions too complicated for Y/N to process.

But being up close for those brief seconds, she was able to examine him — truly, for the first time. Her eyes traced over the singular scar on his face, hidden by his hair that made her wonder where he’d gotten it from. Soon the questions enclosed her mind like an overflowing river.

His small, unexpected gesture had been one of many which had been nicer and oddly thoughtful recently.

Sirius’ brain was written in cryptic code — so advanced and intertwined — too complicated for her to understand. She wanted to understand his actions.

Even if she didn’t like to admit it, Sirius had a depth that greatly attracted her. She had so many unanswered questions.

And since her brain ran a mile a minute, her emotions weren’t filled with that annoyance of ranger — no, for once she didn’t feel any kind of resentment towards him.

Maybe it was because they both had one goal in mind: Lily’s party and that working against each other during something as high stakes like this would fail a good friend of theirs. Or maybe it was that instead of her or him starting something — or maybe — maybe it was because the boy was so close to her, closer than they ever had been before. Or maybe it was the adrenaline that set every fibre of her being on fire — making her feel like honey-dipped in tea — or the odd thunderous throbbing of her heat spiking suddenly; Y/N grew warm all over.

It didn’t help that Sirius didn’t look angry either, but rather a sudden cognizance filled his gaze, looking both shocked and calm.

But quickly, she just chalked up her flurry of emotions to adrenaline or wanting to hex him — either worked.

For Sirius, he felt utter disdain as his gaze fixated on her. He was tempted to flicker down to her lips but her eyes, bright and filled with glittery stars, were enchanting. It scorned him — made his heart beat in an iambic pentameter, creating its own sonnet that would make even the most accomplished poets jealous.

He wanted to refuse her presence. Wanted to focus on anything but her.

But Sirius was a weak man. He failed. He always did.

Their eyes ripped away and they heard the familiar sound of footsteps and voices neared them as they spotted the familiar red hair and tall figure.

Their voices were slightly muffled.  

“— times have changed! You aren’t a second year anymore.” Lily chimed while they walked.

Remus shook his head, instead of flicking his wand as a dozen torches lit up in mere seconds. “Whatever you say, Red.”

She swatted at his shoulder while Remus ruffled her hair, his smiling becoming genuine.

“Seriously, I support it.

“Merlin, Evans — it’s not going to happen. Look at me!”

“Not with that attitude and you look more than fine!”

Peter shifted his eight onto his other foot which made an audible scuffle. However, it was so quiet that neither she nor Sirius caught on but Remus, whose head swirled in their direction, did. He took a deep inhale, a look in his eyes, confusion melting into realization — there and gone — as if he knew they were there despite being hidden by the shadows of the night. He turned his head once more and started walking faster while Lily skipped down, trying to catch up to him.

Remus Lupin was an odd one alright.

Nobody moved until they were positive they were gone.

The entire night had been a shitshow.

“Okay,” Sirius exhaled, he felt his entire body tense up, “Let’s get out of here.”

“Do you think the cake is okay?” Y/N asked Peter as Sirius tossed the invisibility cloak over their bodies, hiding them from onlookers.

“Bloody well hope so,” he grunted, “We didn’t get caught almost three times, freeze our arse, almost get a month's detention, and probably destroyed the kitchen for it not to be great.”

Without another word, they made their way back to the common room where everyone made a fuss about how late they were. Quickly, Peter placed any last-minute designs, Mary handed everyone small party horns, Dorcas put up last-minute balloons while Y/N and Sirius helped each other layout all the snacks and drinks — this time, civilly.

“God… How’d you even get this much? Me and Peter were in the kitchens and we couldn’t even get half of what you got.”

At this, Sirius smirked before collapsing into the plush velvet couch behind him, an exhausted sigh as he sank further in. But as soon as the smirk was there, it was gone as everyone heard the clicking of the portrait open.

“Hide — HIDE!”

All the lights were blown out as they all hid behind the couches — they heard quiet footsteps — someone shuffling towards the middle — footsteps getting louder — louder — and —

Sirius lit the entire room as they all sprung up and Y/N quickly held her camera to her face and snapped a photo as everyone shouted,

“SUPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHD —” “Godric fucking Gryffindor!”

“... I’m going to KILL YOU MCKINNON! POTTER!”

Everyone groaned in disappointment at James and Marlene’s arrival before they heard the faint sounds of footsteps outside of the portrait again. Mary yanked Marlene down, shoving her behind the couch along with forcing a party hat on her head and confetti in her hands. Sirius grabbed James by his red sweater and rushed him up the stairs before getting back into place.

“Told you,” Marlene whispered into her ear, “Wasn’t going to be late.”

The real Lily could be heard as she spoke excitedly with Remus. The portrait swung open — everyone waited before she stepped inside — they put most of their weight onto their toes, waiting to jump — Sirius’ wand was about to light up the room — Y/N held her camera — Dorcas and Marlene were going to throw up the confetti —

“Why is it so dark —”

“SUPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILY!”

Light rushed back into the room and Lily’s face lit up brighter than the sun. Mountains of sweets were piled into bowls while a small table was lined with drinks. Sirius outdid himself, seemingly raiding Honeydukes; there was taffy, Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, Chocolate Frogs, sherbet lemon, caldron cakes — plus the food Y/N and Peter had hauled from the kitchen; sandwiches, fruit, crisp (she made the mistake of saying chips in front of James and Marlene only to then be hassled by them for it) and pork pies.

ABBA played in the background, much to Remus’ demise as her purple cake sat in the middle on a table, all the candles lit. They all ushered Lily to blow out the candles while they all held wrapped gifts, cards and small gift bags.

“You didn’t need to do this!” Lily said, although there was a thankful look in her eyes, “This is too much! Thank you!”

“Anything for you, Evans!”

“You’re lucky we didn’t bring fireworks!” Marlene and Sirius grinned.

“You would have all gotten detention —” “Stop being a goody goody, not today, Lils!” Sirius slung his arm around the redhead.

Gifts went around; Lily had gotten so many cards from other teachers and students, handmade jewellery from Dorcas, Remus knit her a sweater with hearts, Mary and Marlene gave a joint gift, Peter bought her a small yet overly fancy tea set Lily had mentioned offhandedly before, Sirius gave her a first edition books she loved while Y/N gave her the gifts she bought from that old book store. Alice had even dropped by and given her a small package before heading back up for the night.

They all smiled widely at her and were thrilled to see her so happy. Y/N lifted her camera and took an abundance of photos throughout the entire night, before shoving them into the back pocket of her pants.

By the time everyone reluctantly returned to their dormitories, it was three o’clock in the morning and everyone was beyond tired, deciding it was time for bed.

“Night,” Dorcas called out. Marlene yawned loudly before falling into her bed, muttering out another round of happy birthdays to Lily. They were out the fastest — soft snores filling the room.

White specks seemed to blur through her vision as Y/N rubbed her tired eyes. She was about to call over to Lily, say goodnight, roll over and sleep before the creaking of her bed altered her to Lily padding her way to the bed. Y/N looked up at her, confused before scouting over for Lily to slip in, under her blankets.

“Are you okay, Petals?”

“Beyond perfect,” she replied with a wistful voice, “I’m so thankful. Thank you.”

Y/N chuckled, although she was a tad perplexed, “Y’know, it wasn’t just me who helped.”

“I know, but still. This birthday feels different from all the other ones I’ve had and I can’t help but think it’s also because of you.”

Lily Evans never ceased to amaze her. “Well, I hope you mean that in a good way,” she teased.

“Obviously!”

Silence fell around them before Toulouse hopped onto Y/N’s bed and settled himself between the two friends.

Y/N’s eyes wondered to the banner: petals... “What’s your favourite flower? Surely it’s not lilies, are they?”

Lily gave a small huff of amusement and shook her head, “No. Peonies or irises. What about yours?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll just say lilies for now.” She said absentmindedly before her eyes shot open. “Shit! I forgot —” Y/N reached over Lily and opened her drawer with the pouch of Jelly slugs before placing them into Lily’s hands. “Forgot to give you these.”

There was a soft look in Lily’s eyes and something Y/N couldn’t quite place. Her friend was acting quite strange.

“It feels like I’ve known you forever,” Lily says softly, her face flushed a rosy colour.

She stayed silent for a while, at a complete loss for words. Even a slight look of confusion crossed Lily’s face. 

“Yeah, you too.”

[eruhatesu]

Royalty au where the ioris serve the aristocratic gojo family. Utahime's father is the head servant, the most trusted servant of the gojos so his family is given special living quarters on their estate. They have to serve too.

Cue uta and Satoru growing up together. She finds him a little spoilt and annoying but still puts up with him because she knows that because of the sheltered environment he is growing up in he doesn't have many friends. (And he can actually be kinda funny sometimes but you didn't hear that from her). Satoru is obviously stoked because why not?

By the time they're teenagers he asks her if she wants to be his girlfriend. She is shocked at first because yes tho she had developed a teeny tiny bit of a crush on him now (just a little), the lowly daughter of a servant having an affair with the heir of the gojo family was an invitation for disaster. Her father could lose her job and her mother, siblings and she herself could get in trouble too. But Satoru promises her that they'll be careful and he will never let anything happen to her or her parents.

So yeah. Teen gouta secret relationship. Him sneaking out of his chamber in the middle of the night to meet uta in the kitchen. Both communicating with tiny gestures in the middle of clan meetings. Uta slipping past the numerous guards of the household to meet Satoru on the terrace of the house to console and listen to him rant about his family. The only other person who knows about their relationship is one of uta's younger sisters.

Many years later when Satoru is finally the head of his clan they are a lot more relaxed. She can move more freely around the house. And she doesn't have to pretend whenever she goes to meet him.

One day as she helping around the house one of his relatives makes a loud comment about how the head of the clan has scored himself such a pretty little arm candy and that he wished his nephew would loan him his concubine sometime. Uta is disgusted and uncomfortable and so angry but at the end of the day she was still a servant. And though Satoru was the head of the household he wasn't the only master she served.

She feels hurt, feels that she is not worth it and that being satoru's 'arm candy' would be only thing she will ever be. He notices the change in her behaviour and does a lot of digging to find out what was bugging her. Her sister lets him know about the whole incident.

The relative is dead silent the next time uta sees him, as though he had seen a ghost. She wondered with a wry smile as to who that ghost could have been. To her surprise, Satoru proposes to her only a few days later and makes it amply clear to her that he loves her with all his heart and has never thought of her as anything less than his soulmate.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you not only score yourself a husband but also become the lady of the house you used to be a servant in and give your own family a better life. Take notes from iori Utahime.

-mikki

MIKKIIIIII, missmams thank you so much again for the food.

I mean omfg I am very thankful for getting gojohime food in my asks and get to share it to everyone <3

I really love how you write like a whole fic full of juice in just a short drabble :3

The drama in this tooooo!! Gojo and Uta hiding their relationship is one of my fav tropes. I also love Utahime being able to stand on her own but a nice story where Gojo stands in for his woman is hot. Im loving Utahime's sister here too. She really cares about Utahime. And Im also thinking that she helped a lot on their relationship even in their early years since Utahime is so densed but Gojo is very eager.

Utahime's younger sister can be the mvp in their relationship and no one can change my mind hehehehe

[lucidia-sys]

Listening intently to your thoughts. Even if you don't, I love hearing others inputs and ideas, makes it more fun if I can maybe somehow smoosh em together with my already existing idea(s)

Yeah, I'd say so. But First Aid is more born a little later, about a month or five past when he first was fucked over by Tarn (in more than one way. I'm sorry I just. I had to). In my personal hc it doesn't take long for bitlings to really mature, so Aid is more of a teen by the time he's running around the Lost Light. I'm not sure of how to really use Damus. But my idea for the Tarnma that it was a one night stand that wasn't so one night.

Of course. Yeah. No. No WAY IN PITS is Pharma tell First Aid about where the virus came from. He never even told him who his SIRE WAS!! No way!! Everyone's on their toes and snappin at one another for sure. Imagine banging your babysitter, crazy (cuz later on I was kinda planning for Ambulon and Aid to date but I like the babysitter / close friend idea better tbh). I didn't really plan for Ambulon to die actually. I wanted him to stay alive. The death being saved for Getaway later on. But definitely Ratchet would try and say his shit. In my mind I feel like First Aid wouldn't exactly believe Ratchet at first, but piecing things together its baaaad. The mental anguish on this teenager is crazy. He would find it SOOO hard to hate Pharma. Really? His creator? The one who was always there for him? HIS MOM? No!! He couldn't have done that!!.... right? He would so be under the impression he's dead. He heard from Ratchet that Pharma fell to his death while being infected by the virus. SO he must be dead, because there was no indicator he was around anymore.

Their relationship is DEF really bad. I mean, he basically KIDNAPPED First Aid. He would HAATE Ratchet. Kidnap AND murder!? Nuh-uh no waaay. I can imagine Ratchet trying to form some kind of bond with Aid as his new apprentice or whatever. But no waaay, First Aid ain't having it!! He'd only really listen I think for procedures because yk, his mom taught him to be kind to those who are struggling, no matter the faction or siding or whatever. He misses his mom sm. I love the kitten analogy, its very accurate.

I haven't thought about Tyrest much either, BUT. What little I have is that Ratchet gets whats coming :3 Def sadness on First Aid and Pharma. Like!!! Mom and son!! Reunited!! Ratchet definitely gets whats coming when his ass gets removed from his body like a flower. Pharma lost his fcking MIND befause of Ratchet! HE TOOK HIS FUCKING KID!!!! It's very very obvious of how bad Pharma is doing since the last they saw one another. Pharma IS crazy. Unwell. Ambulon is still alive, just hiding because of what happened with Tyrest and Delphi. Got them strong ass mommy issues (me tooooo)

He got cursed with the WORST possible pairing for parents. At least Pharma tries to be a good mom. Tarn is just MIA. Like his ass is just GOOONE. And then Pharma comes fucking LOOKING for him. He'd grab him by his BALLS and make him take action. To help him find First Aid and be a good damn sire. Tarn did know about First Aid, met him only a couple times when he was still a bitling before Ratchet came to Delphi. He was fucking SHOOK. Like no. I don't jave a kid??? WHAT??? Nah. Nickel and Pharma would force Tarn to be a active father in Aid's life. I can imagine with the Megatron situation he'd be DEVASTATED. He'd lost his carrier, and now he could possibly lose his sire too. Aid would def try to stop Megatron, begging for him to spare his sire. Megatron would obvi be spooked. Like. tarn?? Have a kid??? This can't be right. But he isn't one to fight against a medic, even if he could crush said medic like a skittle.

AU IDEA

An AU. Listen. Vague posting till I actually get all the details laid out somewhat on discord. An au where Pharma is First Aid's carrier and Tarn is his sire. Tarn is NOT involved till later on and Pharma is a struggling single mom. Ratchet comes and fuckes everything up like he likes to do, and basically CPS's First Aid and takes him against his will. Pharma gets depressed and goes into denial about having a son till the events with Tyrest where they reunite for a while. And thats all im saying for now

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐠𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐩 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟏𝟔)

pt. 15

note: missed u baddies~~~!!! this chapter was so hard to write but i love how it turned out, hope y’all loved it tooooo ♡ 

playlist *new additions!*

word count: 7.6k

warnings: age gap, smut 

Absentmindedly, you picked up your phone on the end table beside you. It was positively buzzing with notifications, and you were a bit thrown off by the sheer amount of them. You furrowed your eyebrows as you skimmed through the notifications from the bottom to the top— you had a bunch of missed calls from your parents, more Snapchat notifications on your regular snap than ever, and a plethora of texts. 

You wondered if something had happened, chewing slightly on your bottom lip. Was everything okay at home? Did you post something meant for your cam site on your Instagram? A hundred various circumstances fled through your mind, but none of the situations you had made up could’ve prepared you for when you opened a text from Aaliyah with a picture attached. It read:

    - Attachment: 1 image

    - BITCH, THIS IS LITERALLY YOU!!!

     You sat up immediately, your stomach twisting nauseatingly as you looked at the image on your phone screen. You blinked a few times, rubbing furiously at your eyes like this was all a bad dream and you’d wake up in a few seconds. Because this couldn’t be happening. There was no way that you were looking at a picture of you and Steve that neither of you had taken, walking out of a restaurant you couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of right now. A sense of urgency flooding your veins, you nudged Steve harshly. He shifted in his sleep and put his arms around your waist, unaware of what was going on. 

     “Steve!” you hissed, your face burning. 

     He woke up relatively quickly, hearing the seriousness in your tone, sitting up against the pillow and facing you, his brows knitted together, muscles flexing as he supported himself on his arms. 

     “What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, leaning forward to see what you were showing him on your phone. 

You watched his expression change from one of confusion to one of concern as he began to grasp what had happened. But, instead of talking it out with you as you expected, he cursed under his breath and ripped the bed sheets off of him, getting up out of bed. You leaned forward, your naked bottom half getting exposed to the air while he pulled on some clothes and made his way out the door. 

     “Where’re you going?” you called out after him, and he didn’t even bother to take a look back at you as he marched out of the apartment, muttering,

     “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

You tried to catch up to him, but it was too late. He was gone, and now you were alone in this apartment which felt eerily empty without him now, your phone pinging with a new notification every few seconds. 

| | | 

     As expected, the headquarters were abuzz when Steve entered them. He had arrived in a haste, driving stoically on the busy New York streets, his mind racing just like the cars that zoomed past him. The first person to face him once he got inside was Bucky, who just gave Steve a sympathetic look and held the door open for him— Bucky already knew everything, he had figured it out a few weeks ago on his own. You and Steve had already dealt with that hiccup, and you had hoped (perhaps naively) that the situation with Bucky was just a fluke, and that nothing more like that would happen again. But you had been sorely mistaken. 

     Steve gave Bucky a nod, and they both made their way to the meeting room, where Steve already knew everyone would be waiting for him. Quite immaturely, he rolled his eyes at the fact that everyone was there. This matter was something personal, it had nothing to do with the rest of the Avengers, though technically it did, because Steve’s actions affected the rest of the team and  he knew that. But to his own credit, he had just woken up and he was already being bombarded with messages from PR and the rest of the team about this mishap. He had to compose himself before walking in, taking a deep breath and relaxing his clenched jaw. 

     “Are you insane?” was the first thing Steve heard when he walked in, no doubt coming from Tony.

Steve sighed, tucking his hands into his pockets, glaring at Tony,

     “Save the berating for later.”

     “Were you not thinking? Is this what you were doing during your time off?” Tony continued, his hands up in the air in a questioning motion.

     “Listen, Tony. I’m not here to hear what I did wrong. I’m here to solve this issue right now, whatever that means.”

     “You’re gonna wanna see this,” Sam said reluctantly, sliding a magazine across the table for Steve to see. 

     It was one of those ridiculous celebrity gossip magazines, and multiple pictures of Steve and you were highlighted on the front page. Steve prepared for the worst as he read the headlines: “Captain America with Mystery Girl?” and “Who is Captain America’s New Boo?” He opened the magazine to more unsavory headlines, and to his extreme dismay, pictures of you from your personal Instagram highlighted. 

     He raised his eyebrows as he read: “More on Captain America’s New Girl.” They had found your name, your age, and worst of all, your profession. Steve was seeing red as he forced himself to keep reading the salacious article which made you out to be a deviant with ulterior motives, abusing inaccurate phrases like, “an unemployed college girl turned porn star” and, “the face of Captain America’s midlife crisis!” 

Steve’s face burned white hot as he scanned the article, barely even registering the content and instead finding himself growing more and more angered by the inflammatory statements that were being made. 

     “That’s enough,” Nat finally spoke up, watching the expressions on Steve’s face grow more and more catastrophic.

She snatched the magazine away from Steve and shoved it across the table, folding her arms and glaring down the table at Tony. 

     “You okay?” Bucky asked, reaching a hand out to Steve’s shoulder. He could feel Tony’s angry glare focused on him, while everyone else gazed at him pitifully. 

Steve sighed, jerking his shoulder away from Bucky’s touch. He couldn’t even pinpoint his emotions, all he was feeling right now was rage. He was angry at himself, feeling like he somehow let this happen, even though deep down he could hear your voice telling him that he was doing everything right and that it wasn’t his fault. He was angry that now, your privacy and safety were on the line, and people who didn’t know a thing about you were making absurd assumptions about you. 

     He felt like yelling, punching something, doing anything to let out this anger so he could at least have some sort of vessel for this fury he was feeling. But he stood painstakingly still, trying to hear your voice over all the noise, your voice telling him everything was okay even though right now all signs were saying that everything was not okay. 

     “You have to deny everything,” Tony sighed after moments of awkward silence. “She’s your assistant and you were undercover acting as boyfriend and girlfriend, something convincing but not as exposing as that. And you’re getting your legal team to sue all these publications for false claims and defamation.”

Steve furrowed his brows, staring at Tony,

     “They aren’t false claims.”

Tony shrugged flippantly,

      “If you want everyone to think Captain America is sleeping with a porn star, then so be it. But it’s going to cost you if you think for a second I’m gonna let that slide on our team-”

Steve cut him off, losing the calming hum of your voice in his mind in a new wave of anger, 

     “She’s not a porn star, she’s a college graduate and the owner of an online brand and a sex worker, and that’s more than a lot of people her age can say, so don’t get brave because of these god damn articles, Stark.”

     “Listen, Cap,” Tony spat sarcastically. “I don’t give a shit who she is. The point is that in this case, your opinion on her doesn’t matter because everyone else is going to say whatever the fuck they want to say. And that’s bad for you, it’s bad for us, and it’s bad for her, if you care as much as you claim to.”

     “Don’t act like I didn’t think about this,” Steve lurched forward, slamming his hands on the table. “She’s more than just some girl to me. Don’t act like every waking second I didn’t worry that something like this would happen. Like, like I didn’t take every precaution I could, look over my shoulder every five seconds. I’m not as stupid as you want me to be, Stark.”

Of course Steve cared about his team and how this would affect the Avengers, but the last straw was the media coming for you, putting your privacy and your safety at stake. Your job and the details of your job were extremely sensitive, and you were just beginning to make a name for yourself in the real world. Steve honestly felt like this was worse for you than it was for him. He knew he had to take care of this first, for logistical reasons, but when he was done, he’d get right to you as soon as possible.

     Tony sighed, softening just a bit.

     “Listen. You know what you have to do. After the Accords, this… this isn’t the kind of attention that we need. Regardless of that, we can’t have this. You’re making a statement today, and you know what you have to say. PR’s already contacting the publishers of these bullshit articles. As for your little girlfriend, if we’re not careful, she could be in huge danger. You know the kind of people we deal with, and how fast they would swing at a chance to grab her when they think she’s unprotected. That’s exactly why you need to deny everything, and we’ll do all the damage control possible. Not that there’s even much we can fix at this point.”

      Steve glared all around the table, only to see faces of the rest of the members of the team looking up at him expectantly. He needed to explain himself. How’d he even get into this mess, what was he thinking, the usual. And Steve knew that that was his responsibility— as Captain America. As the leader. As a part of the team. Right now, he was just himself. Steve Rogers. And all that Steve Rogers was worried about was you. Regardless of what you said, the fact that you could be in danger scared the shit out of him, and also put him into this almost primitive, dominant mode. He needed to protect you. He didn’t care about reactions and rumors, he needed to make sure you were safe.

     “Talk later,” was all Steve said, turning out of the room and ignoring Tony calling his name. When he got into the car he slammed the door shut and began the drive home. 

      His mind was swarming with thoughts, about what this meant for his team, for his job, all the things he’d left unaddressed in the meeting room. He knew this wasn’t his fault, he knew that’s what you would say, but Steve wasn’t going to let himself off this easily. He was livid about the fact that the magazines and web articles had found you out so quickly and had posted pictures of you, giving away personal information about you and jeopardizing you as if you deserved it at all. So he drove home in a silent, fuming rage.

      By the time Steve came home, you, too were beside yourself with anger. You’d seen the posts your friends and family were sending you, and your social media was getting flooded with spam and comments from people who didn’t know the first thing about you. Some were downright cruel, others were oddly interested in this situation that was meant to be private all along. You hadn’t even called your parents yet or explained yourself to anyone, all you did was text them and tell them you’d get back to them later when you figured this all out. The only person you wanted to talk to at this point was Steve, and he wasn’t even there, nor was he answering his phone and you knew he had it on him. 

     The fact that he had seen the news and just left immediately, not giving you any sort of comfort or advice, not even beginning to work through this together, had you fuming. You knew that just like you, Steve had people to explain himself to and others to reach out to. But as far as you were concerned, you should’ve been the first person he talked to about this— he should’ve worked with you to at least talk about how to fix this before he just marched out the way he did. 

      You thought you had both worked past his eternal faithfulness to his job and the pressure to be dominant that he felt all the time, felt you had reached the core of the superhuman. But him leaving as promptly as he did only proved you wrong. You didn’t want to go through this alone, you wanted to go through this with him, as it was about the both of you in the first place.

     He came in and you looked up from your phone, where you were scrolling worriedly through the trending Twitter hashtag about you and Steve. Everyone was giving their unwarranted opinions, and you honestly worried how this would impact you— tons of information about you had been revealed without your consent, and it did not at all make you look good to the typical eye. 

     “Where did you go?” you asked him quietly, glaring up at him. 

He seemed to sense your anger and sighed, shrugging his shoulders in a resigned manner,

     “Headquarters. Had to sort some things out.”

     “Do you know how long I’ve been sitting here scrolling through pictures of me that are from my fucking cam site? Strangers exchanging information about me on the internet, seeing all this shit about us? And you just— just left? You didn’t even try to talk to me, Steve, honestly, what the fuck?” you snapped, your upper lip curling up angrily.

     Steve glided over to you, sitting beside you on the side of the bed and trying to get close to you. He truly felt sorrowful for leaving you alone, he wished you had known how much he wanted to talk to you while he was being berated by Tony. He only wished you had known how little he cared about the logistics because you were on his mind the whole time. 

     But he knew you were right, he had left without even trying to sort things out with you, left you to handle things on your own without even giving you an inch of support or telling you where he was going and what he planned for when he got back. 

     “You’re right, I’m sorry,” Steve apologized, his tone genuine, trying to catch your eye. He finally did, and even though you still glared angrily at him, he grinned at the fact that you were at least looking at him. “I should’ve been here for you, and dealt with all the other logistics later. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, honestly, angel. I didn’t… I didn’t know-”

He didn’t know that your image was being plastered around everywhere, that you were being unpacked by attention-seeking publications. Your safety and your privacy came before the reputation of his team, before all the logistics. That was all he had wanted to protect this entire time. You. Looking into Steve’s eyes, you could see that they were almost glassy, and you shifted from anger to concern quickly. 

     “Baby,” you cradled your arms around his head, frowning. “No, no, I’m… I’m being stupid, of course you have to handle shit with your job first, I should know that. I just wish we could’ve processed this emotionally first. Instead of separating from each other first thing.”

     “No,” Steve said firmly, pulling away from your touch and placing strong, grounding hands on your shoulders. “No, you are completely valid, and you’re right to be angry with me, doll. I should’ve taken a moment. That’s- that’s what we’ve been working on this entire time and you’ve been trying to teach me to step outside of my anxieties and all my duties. And I should’ve been here for you. I didn’t even take the time to comfort you. I’m sorry.”

      “Thank you,” you smiled softly, and he pulled you in for a hug, nuzzling his face in your neck. 

     This was the warmest you’d ever felt with him, just sitting there with him calmly in the midst of all the chaos, finding peace and stillness in each other’s arms. Anywhere else but in each other’s arms felt dangerous and uncertain, and now that you were here together, you were starting to look up. Everything was still shitty, but maybe together, things would feel less shitty. 

     “Listen, you’ll be okay. I’m sorry for all of this, I know what you’re going to say, but I know that I’m partially responsible. I just wanted to keep you safe, and, fuck.”

You chuckled quietly to yourself, your faces only inches apart when you brought your hands up to cup and graze Steve’s cheeks lovingly,

      “You still blame yourself for everything. You can’t control what these fucking publications do. You know that. And selfishly, the risk of getting caught is worth taking, if it means I get to be with you.”

Steve melted into your touch, but still there was that stiff part of him that wanted to blame himself for this mess,

     “We’re gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, doll,” he laughed wistfully. “But, you didn’t teach me for naught. Instead of pitying ourselves, we’re gonna work on this, right?”

You nodded with a smile, 

     “Yes, yes, exactly.”

Steve sighed before continuing, frowning as he remembered the hostile air in the office.

     “They told me to deny everything and get my legal team involved, but I…” Steve paused, feeling his anger and defiance resurge. 

     If they were going to expose you two, then so be it, it was true. If he didn’t tell the truth, if he denied all the “allegations,” he was just letting them win. He was letting them silence him, letting him think he was doing something wrong because he had found you, his happiness. And sure, your relationship was easy to publicize and critique because it was controversial for many obvious reasons— the age difference, the sensitive nature of your jobs. 

     But Steve didn’t care what they had to say. All he cared was that this didn’t push you apart. And if it meant telling the truth, he’d do that. The bombardment of rumors and questions would pass eventually. Nothing could soil the Avengers for long. If he handled this the way the public expected him to handle it— with some spineless apology or some weak minded statement, it wouldn’t be fair to you. Not when you and Steve were together. 

He continued,

     “I’m not going to. I’m not denying a thing. I’ll release a statement on my own… I’ll… I’ll tell the truth. I’ll get them to leave you alone and take down whatever they’ve posted about you. I don’t care what they have to say about us. Just… they can’t mess with you.”

     Steve’s fists balled up inadvertently in frustration and anger, but he was also feeling a surge of pride, courage. He didn’t have to deal with this the way everyone wanted him to. This was a personal matter, and even though it affected his job and his team, Steve had been through too much in the past few weeks to let the public play him the way they wanted to. There would be drama, and talk, but it would all subside as it always did. He’d always be Captain, and as long as he had a good heart and good intentions, and did his job right, he didn’t give a shit about what strangers had to say about who he was in love with. 

You blinked, shocked and puzzled by Steve’s words. This was like a full 180, you weren’t used to Steve rebelling like this. You figured maybe he was just worked up, and you didn’t want to be the reason he got in trouble. You knew he had his responsibilities, regardless of how you felt. You didn’t expect him to put you above everything, you knew he had to deal with matters like this in a specific way. You tried to calm him down,

     “Steve, you’re sweet. But you should go through with what your team wants. I mean, it’s what’s best, isn’t it?”

Steve cocked his head at you,

     “And keep doing this in secret? I mean, we can’t keep this up for long, doll, you know that. If I deny it now and the truth somehow comes out, that’d be even worse. I know my team is saying the opposite, but I think this is what’s best. The rumors, the gossip… it’ll come to a stop. What we have is stronger than that.”

You grinned, your eyes glossy,

     “I know, but I don’t wanna be the reason you get in trouble.”

Steve inched closer to you and cupped your face firmly with his hands, looking into your eyes,

     “You’re not. And you won’t be. Don’t blame yourself for a second. I’m taking care of this, alright? You’ve done so much for me and you don’t even know it. It would be a disservice to the both of us if I didn’t stand up for us. Don’t worry about me, don’t worry about my job. I was wrong to ever make you feel like that was your responsibility more than it was my own. We’ll be alright.”

     Steve was true to his word. As the day progressed and word spread even more, soon enough there was a statement to match the rumors. It wasn’t what the publicists or his fellow Avengers wanted to hear, but it was what he thought was right. And there was no reversing it. Later that day you sat on your laptop, scrolling through the recently updated articles on your situation. 

     Superhero Captain America, known to those in his personal life as Steve Rogers, admits that he has been in a private relationship for the past few months. Rogers and his team ask that their privacy be maintained and respected despite the shocking, unexpected news. At the time, Rogers and his fellow Avengers will not be taking any further inquiries about the matter, and they are taking this violation of privacy and security very seriously. 

     You breathed out a sigh of relief as you read the statement, mulling it over a few times in your head. All Steve wanted was to keep you safe and get as much information that had been revealed about you taken down. You weren’t quite sure what you were going to do from here on out— your sensitive profession had been exposed and this was something that would quite likely impact you for the rest of your life. 

     How could you be expected to be taken seriously to get a career when you had been trashed and defamed on the internet for your job? It seemed that still, no one quite understood sex work and that it was just as legitimate a profession as anything else, and you knew from the start that sex workers were looked down upon. You had done everything right— you used an alias, you didn’t give away personal information. And now, your face was plastered on gossip websites, with links to the very cam site you used. 

     Needless to say, you were stressed. But, you weren’t panicking. You were processing everything and it was all so overwhelming. In the grand scheme of things, you weren’t being nitpicky about the specifics. You had faith that you would figure this all out, that everything would be back to normal soon. Whatever that meant for your future, you weren’t sure. But you refused to lose hope. Not yet. You’d pick yourself back up from the ground and dust yourself off, just like you’d done so many times before. The difference was that Steve would be there for you every step of the way.

     Steve was out again handling important business. He’d talked to you before leaving and you understood that he’d have to be gone for a few hours trying to juggle this insane situation. In the meantime, you decided that since you had time, you’d call back everyone who had been bombarding you with messages and calls. Firstly, you’d call your parents. You dialed your dad’s number and he picked up almost immediately. 

You could hear him calling your mother’s name so she could talk to you too, and you heard her scramble up to the phone to talk. 

      “YN, what the hell is going on?” your mother asked, but she sounded more concerned than upset. 

     “We’ve been calling all day, we’ve been worried sick. Everyone’s been asking about you and we had no clue what was going on,” your father continued. 

You were surprised at their tone. Perhaps ever since your awkward dinner with them where you’d revealed what was likely your biggest secret, there had been a shift. You were surprised when they were so quick to accept you despite being so distant from you your whole life, being the root of your emotional issues. You sighed, rubbing your forehead,

     “Look, I know it’s a lot.”

     “Are you okay, sweetie? Be honest,” your mother pleaded, and you made a face,

     “I’m fine, it’s been a stressful day, but-”

      “No, I mean in general. We… we know we haven’t been talking much, but this… this whole thing, it’s-- we’re worried about you. You just go off to New York without saying a thing to anyone? You’re in some secret relationship with a man twice your age?” 

You understood their concern, but at the same time, you knew you weren’t being irrational by doing these things. Instead, you were doing what made you happy. This wasn’t a spontaneous, crazy decision. You and Steve were both extremely logical people, and you weren’t unstable just because you did this without anyone knowing. You had your reasons. 

     “Look, I… this is something I did on my own. I’m an adult and I’m doing what's best for me. And, obviously, there was a reason I didn’t tell anyone. I mean, he’s- he’s not just some random guy. And what we have is… you might not understand it, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me.”

     “I just wish you felt like you could talk to us.”

     “Yeah. Me too. Listen, I just wanted to call you to let you know that I’m fine. I don’t really know what’s next, but I’ll try to keep you updated, alright? Don’t worry about me, everything will be okay.”

      “What about all those posts about you? The things people are saying, it’s- and your safety! This is serious.”

     “Dad, I know. We are working it out, believe me. I’m just as worried as you are. I’m probably more worried. But you know what, I knew the risk in coming here, and I knew what I was doing. And I’m still glad I did it. Steve means so much to me, and I’m not gonna let this change that. But all that matters is that I’m okay. I just wanted to call you and tell you that.”

      “Well, we’re glad to hear that you’re okay. There’s just so much about you that we’re just now finding out, we have every reason to be worried.”

     “Yes, you do, and you’re right. If things were different… well. Anyways. I love you both, I’ll call you later,” you said, hanging up without waiting for them to reply.

At least that was off your plate. 

| | |

     The next morning, you woke up with Steve by your side, holding you in his arms. Needless to say, yesterday had been incredibly eventful, and by the time Steve got back home, there was nothing left to do except sleep the day off. It seemed as if your troubles were far in the past, considering how quickly everything had been handled. You had to hand it to Steve, he was the one who had to talk to so many people yesterday- legal teams, PR, his team members, just to clear the air. And of course, people were still talking about everything. But the initial shock and widespread reaction from yesterday was already beginning to calm down. It was still a bit dark in the bedroom, and Steve was still asleep, his arms wrapped around you.

     You stretched to reach your phone on the side table and started scrolling. There were still articles up and pictures of you up, but Steve was working to wipe those out to protect your privacy. You chewed on your bottom lip worriedly. Even after this was all over, you’d have to figure out what the hell you were going to do. Would you have to stop camming? Would you have to throw away all hopes of any other career as well? This was all on your mind.

     Suddenly, Steve’s hand was wrapped around your phone, pulling it out of your grasp. He sighed sleepily, his voice still groggy and deep, 

     “What’d I tell you about that?”

     “I know…” you pouted, turning to face him. His eyes were closed, but you knew he was listening. “Shouldn’t keep looking for updates.”

     “Mm,” Steve hummed. “You’ll be alright, YN. I’ll make sure of that.”

     “Promise?” you asked.

     “I promise.”

That was all the reassurance you needed for now.

     Eventually, you both woke up and got ready for the day. You weren’t doing much of anything, since you’d have to stay low for a few days. But it meant you got to be in each other’s company all day, so you weren’t exactly complaining. You were laying in between Steve’s legs on the couch, your head resting on his chest. 

     Today was supposed to be your last day, but due to recent events, there had been a change in plans. You would probably stay here until this all settled, then go back to Cali and deal with business back home. Luckily for you, your friends were supportive all the way. They were astonished and shocked of course, but incredibly happy for you. They’d be there for you just as much as Steve would. 

     “You okay, doll?” Steve asked, and you glanced up at him.

     “Good as I can be. Are you okay?” you asked.

     “Better than yesterday,” Steve chuckled, his blue eyes glimmering. “My team is still working on taking down any private information about you, by the end of this week, we should be all good-”

     “Steve,” you flopped over, straddling his legs now. Instinctively, he reached up to caress your arm and your thigh. 

     “Hmm?” he hummed, looking up at you. 

     “What happens after this? I mean, as far as I’m concerned, any hopes of getting a serious job are kind of fucked now.”

     “That’s not true,” Steve furrowed his brows, frowning. He didn’t want you to feel like this incident would mess up your whole future.

     “Steve, I majored in environmental policy. That’s like, government job type shit. I have to be someone who’s reputable. And I don’t know many people who are looking to hire a porn star sugar baby. I mean, that’s what everyone’s been calling me.”

     “But you’re not that. And once we clear up all this, I promise you, no one will think that about you. you’ Besides, Stark Industries is always looking for people like that, you could work for-”

You put your finger to his lips, shaking your head with a small smile,

     “Ah ah ah. You know I like to do things myself.”

You didn’t want to just beat around the bush and take the easy way out of all this. You liked knowing that you were accomplishing what you were accomplishing all on your own. If you worked for Steve or his team, it would just feel like giving up.

     “I know, and I love that about you. But why make things so hard on yourself?”

You shrugged,

     “I don’t see it like that. I see it like… like making my own way. You know? I’d probably be set for life if I worked for Tony Stark. But… I don’t know, it’s just a thing I have. I like to get it myself.”

Steve sighed slowly, shaking his head with a sly smile. His girl, such a go-getter. That aspect of you was honestly a turn-on for him. You didn’t want anyone to be able to say they did something major for you, and even though there were flaws within that ideology, he had to give you credit where credit was due. You were a hard worker. You liked to do things on your own and know that you were where you were because of your own discipline and hard work. Not because your boyfriend had recommended you.

     “You are something else,” Steve shook his head.

     “Mm hmm,” you grinned knowingly, stretching your hands along his chest. 

     “Listen, I can’t predict the future. But I will be there for you. And I know how much you like to hustle and do things on your own, but it’s good to accept help sometimes, doll. And I want to help you through this. Don’t think the worst of everything. You’ve always managed, even in the worst of times. This is no different. No job you apply for is going to try to judge you, I can guarantee you that. I’ll make sure of that, no matter how much you try to stop me.”

You scoffed, smirking,

      “You’re such a guy.”

      “I do it for you.”

Accepting help. Maybe Steve was right. Just because you accepted someone’s help didn’t mean you hadn’t done something on your own. And when it came to something like this, you needed all the help you could get, even if you didn’t want to admit that. It didn’t make you any less of an independent woman. 

| | |

      You woke up to thousands more follower requests the next day as you ate breakfast sitting at the kitchen counter. Steve was at the stove, finishing up his own plate, and you were chewing your eggs pensively as you scrolled through your Instagram. Ever since the day everything went down, you’d been getting a lot of attention. Most of it was honestly unwanted. Magazines you actually read were DMing you, asking to interview you, wanting the inside scoop on “the life of Captain America’s girlfriend.” You didn’t pay them any mind, because that was attention you didn’t want. You cringed to think of yourself being interviewed by a reporter about personal matters for fifteen minutes of fame. 

     But the attention wasn’t all bad, and now that you thought about it, maybe your future wouldn’t be so scary. Whether you liked it or not, you were almost like a celebrity now, and celebrities always had their scandals and their speculations, and they still got booked. Maybe this was meant to be, to steer your life in a different direction. 

     It didn’t seem ideal, and you didn’t even want fame. You certainly didn’t want to be known as “Steve Rogers’ girlfriend.” If you knew one thing, it was that you were going to make a name out of yourself before people tried to make one for you. Now that you were thinking about it, you could honestly seize this opportunity. 

     Even the sales for your clothing brand had hiked up since that day. People actually took an interest in what you had to offer, and you’d rather they take an interest in that than your personal life. You had no real interest in becoming some mystical figure or some it girl who was on Steve’s arm. You were just a regular, hardworking girl from California, and you wouldn’t lose sight of that. But if this was going to happen, you were going to take advantage of it. 

     “Steve,” you said his name, and he turned to face you, putting his plate together.

     “Yeah?”

     “Look at my Instagram,” you pointed your phone screen towards him and he squinted. “All these follower requests. And I keep getting orders, this is insane.”

Steve grinned, beaming. He was glad that something good was coming out of all this for you. He knew you didn’t want or like attention, but this went to show that all eyes on you wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He knew you knew how to flip it and turn it into something beneficial for you. You weren’t the kind of girl to bask in attention just because. You would make something out of this. 

     “I’m proud, YN, honestly. You know that’s all you, right?”

You chuckled, shaking your head,

      “Kinda crazy to wrap my head around. I don’t wanna be this sensationalized person or this public figure, but, fuck. This isn’t at all how I imagined my life going. I could make something out of this. It’s such a turn around, but maybe it was supposed to happen.”

     “I’m sorry about all this unwanted attention. But if I know you, you’ll make it work.”

It was interesting, this unwanted celebrity. You had to accept that people would start to know you. You could capitalize off this and highlight your brand, make people pay attention to that instead of your private life. You could even put your studies to work and create an environmental company. You wouldn’t just work for Stark Industries, you’d create an industry of your own. Of course, this was all in theory, and you had to gather yourself before you did those things. But the fact that this was possible just because of some unwanted attention reminded you that you could always flip a bad situation into something ten times better.

| | |

     “Fuck, Steve, I can’t,” you were panting heavily, sweat dripping down your forehead as you grasped onto his biceps. 

      Safe to say, since you were laying low and there wasn’t much to do, this was a very reliable option, every time. Now that the stress of the past few days was winding down, you were finally able to focus on what you had both been neglecting, which was each other’s bodies. Every time Steve was inside you, it was as good as the first time, if not better. You’d been going at it for hours now, partially because Steve didn’t have anything else to do and his endurance was ridiculous. You almost wanted to slap his pretty face for being able to go so long like this, drawing out your pain and your pleasure so effortlessly, only to kiss his cheek afterwards. 

     “Yes you can, doll, I know you can,” Steve said, not nearly as breathless as you were— it was safe to say sex with Steve was a workout. “Come for me just one more time.”

     “Mm,” you whined, lifting yourself up with the help of Steve’s hands clasped beneath your shaking thighs, feeling him shift inside you. You cursed, biting down on your lip and glancing down at where you two met with your brows wrung together. 

You were a mess. Both you and Steve had already came multiple times, but Steve wasn’t in a rush. He was honestly handcrafted by the devil. And since you were together, Steve had grown so much more confident. You switched in bed, sometimes you took the lead and sometimes Steve did, and sometimes it wasn’t about who was in the lead. But right now, Steve had you about to beg for mercy. 

     “Fuck, that looks so good, just watching me stretch you out like that,” Steve groaned, his eyes lowering to watch you slowly drop up and down on his cock, which was coated in your slick arousal. “You like this? Riding me for hours, coming over and over again on my cock?”

You shuddered with an almost humiliating moan, nodding your head because you weren’t able to speak. But Steve wasn’t letting you off that easy. He gripped your jaw with his hand, prying your mouth open.

      “Use your words,” he said, nodding slowly and mouthing ‘yes.’

      “Yes,” you stuttered out, feeling as Steve pulsed inside of you. You sounded ridiculous, pathetic, and you knew you looked absolutely filthy in the best way possible. You began to ramble. “Yes, yes, I love when you take me like this and— fuck— force me to come for you.”

     “Mmm,” Steve hummed like he was taking your words into consideration, mulling it over in his mind. “Yeah. You love this. You look so pretty like this.”

Pretty wasn’t the word you’d use to describe it. It was messy. You were practically drooling, and your body felt as exposed as it had ever been. Steve’s own cum from the previous times he came was pouring out of you each time you slid down onto him, and you were incredibly wet still. The sound your bodies made meeting was almost criminal. You were hot and sticky and sweaty and still somehow ridiculously gorgeous to Steve, and you looked even better when he was torturing you with pleasure. 

     You gasped raggedly when Steve had the audacity to bring his fingers down to your clit, those thick, unforgettable fingers that he used to stretch you out every time before you took his cock, rubbing harsh circles against your sensitive clit. Your whole body seemed to shudder, and Steve chuckled lowly, not even trying to hide the smirk that appeared on his face. Oh, you would so be getting him back for this. 

     “That feel good, doll?”

     “Fuck,” you whined, your hand flinging to his wrist to keep his fingers there doing the same motion. 

      Your body seemed to tighten and coil up, your eyes squeezing shut before you let go, and before you knew it, you were cumming on his cock. Or more like squirting, the way it seemed never ending and made your whole body convulse. Steve groaned as you soaked his torso and his legs, stilling yourself on his length and riding your orgasm out. He must have come inside you a few times while you were squirting. Wet tears, the good, hot kind, were forming down your cheeks as you come for what feels like the hundredth time in the span of a few slow, tantalizing hours. 

      “There you go, darling, I knew you could do it,” Steve finally pulled out of you, still hard against his stomach. He reached up and wiped the tears off your face. “Now do that again on my face.”

Fuck. You’d get him back another day.

| | |

      “Oh fuck, right there,” you sighed in ecstasy. 

     Steve’s hands were kneading into your back with expertise. He seemed to know just what he was doing, relieving all the tension from your spine and shoulders, and god knows you needed it. It had been about a week since the news came out, and everything seemed much less urgent now. 

     Reports about you two were dwindling, especially because you had stayed lowkey and didn’t flaunt your relationship about town. But it was almost freeing that you had the liberty to do so now, even if your relationship had been unfairly exposed. At least now, you could go out together without wondering if you’d get caught. 

     Steve chuckled and finished up, rolling off of you and facing you on the bed, his eyes glittering as he smiled at you. 

      “You know,” you started, reaching your hand out to stroke his cheek. “I’m kinda glad this all happened. Is that selfish?” 

      “No,” Steve grinned, shaking his head and reveling in the touch of your hand on his cheek. He grasped your wrist, gazing into your eyes. 

      These past few months had been such a whirlwind for the both of you. The both of you were doing things that surprised you, that made you endlessly happy. Steve had never felt more grateful for anything or anyone in his life. You helped him grow, and he did the same for you. He couldn’t see his future without you, and he didn’t even want to imagine it. He knew you were irreplaceable, he knew this was meant to be. Your odd circumstances and the unconventional way you met seemed to emphasize that truth. There was a reason why he had been so blue without you, and there was a reason why he had come back. Deep down, he knew all along that it was worth it, that you were worth it. Nothing else had ever been so clear to him, especially in that moment, gazing into your deep, warm eyes. 

His heart blossomed with that irrevocable feeling, and before he could stop himself, the words were bubbling out of his mouth, 

      “I love you.”

You didn’t have to think, didn’t have to second guess yourself before you replied. You knew it all along, it was just a matter of time before one of you actually said it. And now, after you’d been through so much together, after you’d taught each other so much, and healed from so much as a collective, there was no reluctance. You weren’t scared to admit that it was true.

      “I love you,” you said, with a soft grin and a dreamy look in your eyes.

You didn’t know how long you stayed there together, looking at each other and kissing and holding each other, but it was enough time to make you forget the world. 

ayeeee!!! as a bonus, i’m including this lil thing i made, it’s supposed to be what i imagine moonrose’s IG to look like! the pictures are not her faceclaims, they’re just black women that i imagine moonrose to look like LMAO but she’s free to look like whatever u want her to ♡ this is her aesthetic!!

ENJOY! new chapter soon hopefully!!!!

tags added later ♡ 

[osita-iza]

First Choice

Tanaka Ryūnosuke x Reader

Soulmate AU: You have a matching mark as your soulmate in the same place on your body, marking the link between the both of you.

Being Kiyoko's cousin comes with its own set of challenges. Everyone's eyes always drift to her. Just because it’s been having your whole life doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when you see Tanaka’s eyes drift to her too. 

“You weren’t sure what was worse: the pain of knowing him or the pain of not knowing him” 

Genre: Mix of fluff/angst

Word count: 12.2 k

A/N: I've only watched the anime, and I'm only on Season 3. Sorry if any of this goes against canon tooooo much.

You loved Kiyoko. Both your parents and hers were always busy running the family shop. She was the older one, and you called her your older sister more than your cousin. You wouldn't trade her for the world.

That being said, it wasn't long for you to realize there was a difference between the two of you.

The difference being Kiyoko was gorgeous, even by kid standards.

Her looks and maturity gathered admirers at the playground by the time she was in third grade. The boys in her class would race each other, proclaiming that the winner would be the one right for Kiyoko. She never gave them the kiss on the cheek they wanted, but she giggled with them, racing them herself.

You were six, and you didn't mind that Kiyoko got attention. You got to play with her, and her attention automatically meant that you both got to play with more friends. She was running laps around the playground with some boys in her class, an almost daily occurence. But this time, you had your own friend. He was seven, which made him a big deal in your class. And he chose to play with no one but you after school.

You were playing the wonderful game of 'dig a hole', talking about dinosaurs when you realized he had stopped digging. You looked up, seeing him stare at something with an open mouth. You furrowed your eyebrows, following his gaze. He was staring at Kiyoko. "Why are you looking at her?" you asked.

"She's really pretty!" he practically yelled.

You tilted your head. You knew that. You still didn't get why that meant he had to stare at her. Lost in thought, you missed Kiyoko and her friends walking over to the pair of you. "Hi, y/n." She smiled. "Sorry for leaving that long, the race took a long time."

"You know y/n?" your friend asked, and you giggled at how his eyes shined.

Kiyoko nodded. "She's my cousin. Are you a friend of hers?" He nodded excitedly. "Well, it's nice to meet you then," she said.

You stopped giggling when you realized your friend was ignoring you in favor for trying to talk to Kiyoko. You finally gave up, choosing to dig your hold by yourself until it got dark, when Kiyoko suggested you both go home.

It was after that day that you began to notice more differences. How your grandparents always gushed over her and pinched her cheeks. How they gave her fancy dresses and hair accessories. Your grandparents loved you, you knew that. But you didn't garner the same attention that Kiyoko did.

Even as a child, you knew it wasn't her fault. That it was a roll of dice of life that decided Kiyoko's fate of being pretty. She was far too nice for you to be mad at her.

But it made you press your hand against the back of your shoulder, where your soulmate mark resided. And you hoped and prayed with all the might that a six year old could muster up only one thing: That your soulmate would give you more attention than Kiyoko. That their eyes would drift and focus on you and you alone. That, for one second, you would get the spotlight that had always followed her.

                                                              =

Kiyoko leaned against the wall as she watched the boys practice. The squeaking shoes and shiny floors reeling her into a relaxed state after hoe much time she spent there. She was relaxed as she watched Tanaka land from his spike. Relaxed as he pulled off his shirt, far too used to this quirk of his to blush anymore. 

But her body tensed up as her eyes caught sight of the black mark that decorated the back of his shoulder. She had seen that sign before. 

She took baths with you as a kid for Christ’s sake. 

That was your mark. Everything was exactly the same. 

She didn’t explain why she dragged you to practice the next day. Kiyoko told the Coach that she didn’t like the idea of you walking home alone, but you knew she didn’t actually have a problem with it. But you loved Kiyoko, so you went along with it. 

You went along with it as she told you to stand against the wall and to focus on one player specifically, despite your protests of not wanting to be hit with a ball. But you listened and focused on the player with a buzzcut. You recognized him as Tanaka. He wasn’t in your class, but his energy was so big that you were pretty sure everyone in your year knew of him. You had laughed at some of his jokes in the cafeteria or as he walked down the hallways but had never talked to him. 

As you watched him run across the court, hitting spikes aggressively, you had to admit- he was handsome. You didn’t find many guys attractive, too scared to get your hopes up. But it was undeniable. The way he scrunched up his face when a spike was blocked was cute. His focused glare was hot, along with how he slammed his hand against the volleyball. 

Then, after finally hitting a spike and relishing in how its slam against the floor echoed across the gym, he ripped his shirt off. Your eyes immediately focused on the back of his shoulder. And you could feel your soulmate mark burn against your skin as you stared at his. 

Your eyes shot up to meet Kiyoko’s gaze, which was focused on you. With a burning chest, you walked over to her with wide eyes. “That’s why you asked me to-” 

“Yes, but we can talk about it later,” she whispered. Her eyes glancing over to where the boys continued playing before her eyes focused on you with a small smile. “It was really hard for me to not say anything though,” 

You sighed, biting your lip as you sat down. Now your eyes were following Tanaka without you meaning to. That was your mark; you knew it without a doubt. 

And that was how you noticed that, while you were looking at him, he was looking at your cousin. 

Ignoring the growing rocks in your gut proved to be a pointless feat as he looked to Kiyoko with a big smile on his face. You had gotten used to it; everybody’s eyes drifted to her. At the same time, there was a small part of you that wanted your soulmate to be different. The fact that he wasn’t different... 

You shook your head, as if to shake the thought out of your head. Finally, their practice ended. You helped them pick up the stray volleyballs, tossing them into the cart. “Hey, you’re Y/N, right?” 

“Yeah?” You looked up, breath catching in your throat as you made eye contact with him. 

“I’m Tanaka Ryu.” He smiled brightly as he tossed another volleyball towards you. You caught it, throwing it into the cart as he got ready to throw another one towards you. “We’re in the same year.” 

“Yeah, I’ve seen you around before,” you replied. You were acutely aware of each beat of your heart. God, how did your friends have a new crush every week? Maybe you should ask because you felt like you were going to die right now. 

“Why didn’t you talk to me then?” Tanaka tilted his head. 

He’s like a confused puppy. You rolled your eyes with a small smile as you grabbed the cart, ready to push it into the supply room. “Well, why didn’t you talk to me?” 

You expected him to go off with his friends, but he followed you as you walked. “You have a point,” he said, opening the door for you. You smiled at him as you pushed the cart to what looked like was the correct spot. “I guess I’ll have to talk to you more often.” 

“What? Why?” 

Tanaka smiled at you as he stepped back and out of the supply room. “Well you’re cute and nice. Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?” 

You were alone in the room, surrounded by volleyball nets and practice jerseys, as your mind struggled to catch up with his words. “He’s really blunt,” you mumbled to yourself, still not sure if you were breathing, as you walked out of the supply room. 

Kiyoko smiled at you before waving to the team before walking out the gym with you. The pair of you got a couple of steps before you heard a loud yell, and you were sure of who was yelling. “Kiyoko! You forgot your jacket!” Tanaka shouted. You stopped as Kiyoko grabbed her jacket and thanked him. “I-it’s no problem, Kiyoko,” he said as his face turned rosy, “I didn’t want you to get cold.” 

He was blushing for her. She nodded at him before she grabbed your wrist, pulling you to keep walking home with her. 

A silence fell over the two of you as you walked before Kiyoko asked, “So, what do you think of him?” 

Tanaka was blunt, you answered to yourself, but he was also into Kiyoko. Instead you said, “I don’t know,” 

“You don’t know?” 

“He’s nice but...” The words caught in your throat. They would just make Kiyoko feel guilty. Finally you sighed, “I just don’t know if we’re compatible,” 

“Get to know him,” Kiyoko said, grabbing your shoulder. She had never been this insistent with you, and it made you feel worse for wanting to avoid him. “I’ve spent a lot of time with him, and I think you could really like him,” 

“I’ll try,” you said. 

“Good. Then you’re coming to practice again tomorrow.” You considered fighting Kiyoko on this, but the idea of seeing him again did excite you, so you just nodded along.

                                                              =

You were thirteen when you finally met someone that made your heartbeat speed up. Your best friend promised you over and over again that he must be as head over heels for you as you were for him. A small part of you believed her when, unprompted, he offered to walk you to the park on his way home, knowing that you went that way yourself. 

With wide eyes, your friend smiled and threw you a thumbs up before she ran off. Your hands were fidgety, continually messing with the straps of your backpack as you two talked. Your friend's words echoed in your mind as you began approaching the park’s picnic tables. Your chest hammered as you gained the courage to look at him. 

And just like when you were six, you noticed he was staring at something in front of you. After following his gaze, you saw Kiyoko... just like when you were six. 

Your gaze shifted over to him, and you could see the awe in his eyes. He never had that look when he looked at you. “I should get going. My cousin’s here,” you mumbled, breaking away from the stride you had with him. 

“That’s your cousin?” 

You glanced back at him, and the excitement was evident in his eyes and voice. Your intestines tangled up and fell to the bottom of your stomach as you stared at him. “Yeah.” 

“She’s really pretty,” he said. 

“Yeah... She is.” 

“What’s h-” 

“See you later,” you rushed out and walked away. 

Kiyoko grinned at you, standing up from the table, and she began walking home with you. “How was your day?” 

As you stared at her, you wished you could be mad at her. You wished that you could feel a white hot anger towards her. Find her soft and sleek voice annoying. Find her symmetrical face overrated. Find the way she kept her thoughts to herself aggravating. 

Instead, your gut just dropped five more levels. Kiyoko was Kiyoko, and you were you. And Kiyoko got more attention. This was just the way things were; that fact alone stabbed you in the heart over and over again. 

“It was good. I have to work on my book report today though,” you muttered. 

She nodded, walking with you to her house to wait for your parents to be done with work. You nodded along as she spoke, each word and step acting as another knife in your heart. 

                                                                = 

You became a regular at the volleyball practices. Ukai had accepted you as an unofficial assistant team manager to help Kiyoko and Yachi. The team accepted you in as well, always welcoming you and bringing you in on their activities. Kiyoko would argue that Tanaka was more welcoming and excited than the rest of the team; you would argue that he had the same amount of excitement that the rest of the team had. 

One thing you couldn’t argue that Tanaka was the one who spoke to the most now. You weren’t in the same class as him, but he would talk to you in the hallways and during breaks. You had to admit that Kiyoko was right- he was really nice. He was also funny, caring, and energetic. You both were a regular part of each other’s day. 

Except for this day. You had a case of food poisoning, so your parents insisted that you stay home for the day. Usually you were the one asking to stay home, but the one thing they disliked more than you staying home was leaving work in the middle of the day to pick you up from school. 

It was around noon- lunchtime- when your phone buzzed with a message. 

Unknown: Why aren’t you at school???

You furrowed your eyebrows before typing out a response. 

Y/N: Who is this? 

Unknown: Oh shit sorry! This is Tanaka I asked kiyoko for your number when I saw you weren’t at school 

Unknown: Hope that was okay!!! 

You rolled your eyes with a smile on your face. Of course Kiyoko gave him your number. 

Y/N: It’s fine don’t worry about it. I got food poisoning so my parents made me stay home :/ 

It took maybe two seconds for you to get an answer. 

Tanaka: I’m sorry! I hope you’re feeling better 

Tanaka: I can bring you the work you missed if you want me to? 

A warmth spread through your chest as you read his message a couple of times. It was such a simple thing to offer; something he would probably offer to do for all of his friends. Despite knowing that, your heart rate sped up at the idea that he cared about you. 

Y/N: If it’s not out of your way then I would really appreciate it. Don’t feel pressured though! 

Tanaka: Of course I will! What’s your address? 

Y/N: Just let me know when you’re on your way beforehand or else I might be passed out lol 

Y/N: Here’s my address... 

Why was this so exciting? He was just going to drop off a couple of worksheets. It wasn’t that big of a deal. 

Tanaka: Okay I’ll come by after schoo!! 

Y/N: Thank you again <3 

You groaned as soon as you hit send. You always sent hearts to your friends; it was a habit. Yet this made your stomach drop. You set an alarm for the end of school, trying not to think about why you were preparing to get ready for him. 

‘Why the hell did I send that damn heart?’ You rolled your eyes, pushing your face into your pillow to muffle your complaining. Tanaka wasn’t the type to overthink that kind of thing, but it still made you want to curl into a ball. 

You didn’t know that Tanaka was blushing at his lunch table as he stared at his phone screen. You didn’t know that he stuttered out an answer when Nishinoya teased him about it. But you also didn’t know that he had asked Kiyoko for your number weeks ago, and that he had been stressing over how to start a conversation with you for weeks and had jumped at the opportunity to finally message you today. 

Tanaka had no idea how you felt about him; something that he agonized over pretty much every night now.  However, whether or not you liked him right now, he was determined to make fall for him in the future.

It was with this plan in mind that he went to the convenience store and got all of the healthy food you should get when you're sick. It wasn't until he was walking to your home with the bag in hand that he began to question if this was a normal thing to do for someone that you had barely become friends with. Probably not. 

He exhaled through his teeth, stopping in front of your house to slap his face. It was too late to turn back now. He was already pushing it with Ukai by being late to practice. Plus, if he didn't give you this stuff now, he would've wasted his money. Tanaka knocked on your door, sticking his hands in his pockets as he waited for you to open the door. 

"I'm coming!" He heard you yell from the other side of the door before it opened. Your hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, strands escaping into the front of your face. There were bags under your eyes, and you were still dressed in your pajamas. 

Tanaka would've said you were the most beautiful person he ever saw in that moment. 

"Oh my god!I feel asleep. I'm so sorry," you rambled out, bowing your head for a moment before you saw the bag in his hand. "What's that?" 

He was pulled out of his focus on you, rubbing the back of his head as his cheeks warmed up. "Oh, I got you some stuff that I know helps me when I'm sick. I figured it might help since you were home alone." 

You tried to control your racing heart, before you smiled at him. "Thank you so much! You really didn't have to do that," you said. 

"Hey don't worry about it. I was just worried about you is all," he responded. 

You stared at him for a moment, not sure how to respond. He went to the store and bought stuff for you just because you were sick? How were you supposed to respond to this? You were just overwhelmed with the care he was willing to show you. 

"Um..." Tanaka spoke up. You winced; you took a little too long trying to thing of an answer. "Sorry, you caught me off guard. Please come inside," you said, stepping to the side and opening the door. It was when you felt the breeze from outside that you realized you were wearing a tank top- meaning your soulmate mark was exposed. 

"Thanks." He smiled at you, sliding his shoes off. Tanaka began setting down some of the convenience store items onto the table. There were plain crackers, bread, ginger ale, and water. You kept your front facing Tanaka as you closed the door behind him, crossing your arms and stepping sideways to face him across the table. 

"You bought me bread?" You raised your eyebrows as you picked up the loaf. 

Tanaka furrowed his eyebrows before he chuckled. "Uh... I was just thinking of stuff my sister told me is good to eat when I throw up- didn't really think about what you might actually not have." 

"Are you supposed to just eat straight bread?" Tanaka nodded. "I didn't know that. We have bread here though, so you can bring this to your house if you want,"

 "Okay," Tanaka cringed as you handed him back the bread.

But then you smiled back at him. "It's still a really sweet gesture though. Thank you so much, Tanaka," 

His entire body relaxed at your words, and a smile slotted onto his face. "Don't worry about it!" 

You reached over to your backpack and grabbed your wallet, taking special care to keep your front towards him. "How much did everything cost?" 

"No, you don't have to pay me back." 

"I feel bad." You frowned. Though you weren't sure if you felt bad because he paid or because hiding your soulmate mark at the moment made you feel like you were lying. It was one thing to not tell him when you had your uniform on; it was another to be aware of the dark mark resting on your shoulder and keep him from seeing it too. 

"Don't. It's my gift to you," he promised.

Him being nice was also not helping that guilt. 

It would be so easy to tell him the truth. You would just have to move your mouth into the correct motions and voice out the words 'I'm your soulmate'. You've been talking since you were a toddler. He was Tanaka. Yeah, maybe you wouldn't date, but you could be friends with him like you already were. 

Who knows maybe he would want to...

 As soon as your hope came up, so did the memory of him and Nishinoya running up Kiyoko, immediately crushing those hopes. You sighed at the thought, frown deepening.

 "Hey, are you okay?" Tanaka asked, going to step closer, looking you over for any signs of nausea.

 "I'm fine!" You tensed up as he came to your side, turning yourself and pushing your shoulder back slightly. You didn't miss the way he pressed his lips together, making the guilt sink deeper into your gut. "Are you sure I can't pay you back?"

Tanaka's eyes lit up, making you somewhat suspicious. "I don't need money-"

 "Okay..." 

"But I could use a tutor." 

"A tutor?" You squinted at him. 

"Yeah. I overheard the Coach say if we're not passing our finals we can't go to some training thing. Right now... Let's say that I wouldn't be able to go," he confessed with a laugh. 

If you spent more time with him, this guilt would probably get worse. The fact that he liked Kiyoko would hurt you more too. But if you didn't, well, you wouldn't get to spend time with him. 

You weren't sure what was worse: the pain of knowing him or the pain of not knowing him. You weren't sure if there was a real answer. 

"Please?" Tanaka asked, "I'll be a good student for you," He put his hands in a prayer motion and pouted his lips dramatically. 

And it's because you have no answer to your question and his pleading soft eyes that you said, "Of course I'll tutor you," 

Was there ever really a question of you accepting? You weren't sure if you knowing him would hurt you, but you knew hurting him would hurt you too much.

"Yes! Thank you so much!" Tanaka yelled, pulling you into a tight hug. You were frozen in his arms, just feeling his warmth, before he pulled back. "Sorry. But still thank you!" 

You smiled at him. "It's fine I just wasn't expecting it." He stared at your face, and you weren't sure what he was looking for. He opened his mouth to speak when your eyes widened. "Wait! You have practice today." 

"Oh, I told Nishinoya to tell Ukai that I was bringing your homework for you. Figured it would buy me some time," Tanaka replied. As if he was barely remembering his original reason for visiting, he reached into his bag and handed you a small stack of papers. "I should probably be heading out though," 

You bit your lip, watching him put his shoes on and reach for the door. "Thanks again, Tanaka," you called out. You cringed as your voice rang out a bit too loud than the small space between you two warranted. 

"Don't worry about it- really." Tanaka grinned. "Take care of yourself! Practice is boring without you," he said. With that, he shut the door behind him. 

You stared at the closed door for a moment, finally sitting down at the table with a sigh. Did your stomach feel weird because the bad chicken you ate was eating you up, or was it the guilt? This was too much. No, he was too much- affected you too much. 

Maybe soulmates do mean something. You always wondered if they were overrated- a tradition that didn’t mean anything. However, there was definitely a pull towards him you had never felt before. A pull that took over your whole body and mind. You couldn’t think clearly when he was there, but there was an emptiness that filled you up when he wasn’t there- maybe thinking clearly was overrated. 

As if on cue, Tanaka's voice yelling out to Kiyoko echoed in your head. That, having a boy fall for her in front of you, was something you had felt before. That was a feeling you were accustomed to; a feeling you swore you wouldn't deal with in a relationship. 

And you decided that that meant something too. 

                                                                =

You were five when your kindergarten teacher told your parents that she thought it would be a good idea for you to skip first grade. It took exactly a couple of hours for your parents to not so subtly brag about it at the family dinner that night.

You remember how your grandfather's eyes shifted over to you, and they shined as he smiled. "That's amazing, Y/n!" He cooed, reaching over the table to pinch your cheek, "You're so smart,"

The pinch of your cheeks didn't hurt. You weren't embarrassed as both your grandparents gushed about you. Instead, you smiled so hard it hurt your cheeks, looking down so your hair would cover your face.

How was Kiyoko able to deal with them doing this everyday? You couldn't look up the whole night, but you loved hearing them say your name so many times. That night, your grandmother pulled you aside, praising you and telling you to keep working hard.

It was after that day that you began working harder in school. That decision that led to you getting an ounce of your extended family's attention.

As you got older, you got less attention for your intelligence from them. However, your parents always complimented you when you brought back a good test score- no matter how many times you brought back an 'A' before.

You didn't mention your grades to anyone, but you did sometimes leave the rally good assignments or tests out at the dining table when you knew one of your grandparents would come over.

And it still felt nice when your grandma would gasp at the paper and gush about how she had "such a smart grandchild", smiling at you the entire time.

                                                             =

You sat in the back of the library, body hunched over the math test that was handed back the class before and breathing in the scent of old paper. Tanaka had agreed to meet up with you for a study session during lunch. You knew you should be reviewing the material you knew he would have questions on, but you were too preoccupied with the score on the top of you math quiz to focus at that moment.

65

You got a freaking 65.

It was only one quiz. Your teacher let you do retakes, and you knew she would help you review beforehand. Even if you bombed the retake too, you were pretty much guaranteed to get an A for this semester based off of your past tests.

You knew all that, but the tears still burned in the corner of your eyes and throat. You had stayed up late so many nights working on this unit. And you were still only a couple points away from failing. Struggling in itself wasn't exactly rare for you, but struggling at this level was.

"Hey, Y/N! Sorry I'm late, I stopped by the vending machine for some snacks-"

You looked up, quickly rubbing at the tears on your face. "Oh, hi. Thanks," you mumbled.

He frowned and practically ran to the seat next to you. "Hey," Tanaka said, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," you answered, pulling out the papers you had worked on with Tanaka last time intentionally covering the math test. "I'm just being dramatic. We should focus on your studies."

"How am I supposed to focus on studying when I just saw a girl crying?" He dragged out, "I'm a gentleman, Y/N,"

You rolled your eyes. "Tanaka..."

"Seriously-" One of his arms shifted to the back of your chair, ghosting over the back of your neck, and he leaned in closer, "You can tell what's wrong. Even if it's not a big deal, it's bothering you,"

Tanaka's strong gaze was completely focused on you. Despite it just being the two of you in the back of the library, it felt like a hundred people were staring, even though it was only him. You opened your mouth, ready to deflect again, when he tilted his head a few degrees to the side; his gaze never leaving yours.

As if that action alone was the key of your heart, you relented. You grabbed at the edge of your math test, pulling on the page to place it at the top of the stack. You didn't look up to meet his eyes again, but you could feel his gaze burning into you. His hand entered your gaze to reach for the paper, pulling it closer to him, so he could get a better look at it.

"I'm sorry. I know how much work you put in," he muttered. Those words crumbled the walls you had been trying to keep up, and you covered your mouth to keep the volume from echoing in the silent library. The hand that was on the back of your chair lowered to grip your shoulder tightly. "Hey, it's okay,"

"It's just-" You sighed, never putting these feelings into words before. "I'm supposed to be the smart one, ya know?"

"No, I don't know." He let out a chuckle as the crease between his eyebrows deepened.

You took a deep breath. This was something that you had never told anyone before, and it felt like you were exposing everything that encompassed your soul to voice it out loud. "Me and Kiyoko are practically sisters. When we were younger, if we weren't in school, we were with each other. Even as kids, everyone knew that Kiyoko was pretty. At Halloween, the kids would always give her the best candy when we traded. Everyone wanted to be her friend. My grandparents gave her so much attention, and so did everyone in the world," you rambled out. You glanced at Tanaka, and he nodded for you to continue. "And then I got to skip a grade in school, and suddenly people paid attention to me. I remember my grandma took me aside when she found out and she told me-" You leaned closer to Tanaka, looking him in the eye. "-You're smart. If you work hard, you could make anyone listen to you. They won't have a choice but to at least listen to you,"

Even though you were still emotional, you couldn't stop the smile on your face as you thought of her words. You sighed, feeling nauseous. "I know that failing a math test doesn't mean I'm not smart. I know grades don't really measure that but-" The tears were coming back again. "There's a part of me that is... terrified that if I'm not the smartest one in the room, no one will have a reason to listen to me anymore,"

"I'm..." Tanaka's mouth opened before closing for a couple of moments. "I've never had a class with you, but I knew you were smart the second I met you,"

"What?" You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Everyone can see that you're smart just by you existing. Hell, me, and everyone, can see how amazing you are just by you existing," Tanaka said. His eyes darted around the room, looking everywhere but you. "You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. People that are worth it will listen to you anyways,"

You believed every word he said. Tanaka was able to tell the voices in the back of your head to just shut up, even if it was just for a minute, you had to admit that it felt nice. "Thanks."

Tanaka smiled at your acceptance. His already crimson cheeks somehow turned redder before he spoke, "Plus, you're really pretty too," he whispered, as if he was afraid of you hearing him, despite saying it to you directly.

You became aware of his hand that was still resting on your shoulder, and you realized it was resting right on your soulmate mark. This was wrong.

His eyes drifted down to your mouth, and that was all it took for your heart to begin racing. You leaned in closer without realizing it, and Tanaka mirrored your actions. His breath fanned over your lips; all it would take was angling your head for your mouth to meet his. A small angle, and you could finally experience what you had imagined so much at night ever since you met him.

This was wrong.

You leaned back a bit, just enough so you couldn't feel his breath anymore. His closeness was making your mind haywire, but you refused to leave his close embrace. "I should tell you something."

This was wrong. This wasn't right if he didn't know.

Tanaka raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to continue. You opened your mouth to speak when footsteps coming closer caught your attention. The incoming person's presence pushed the two of you away. His arm abandoned your shoulder as you both began staring at the papers in front of you.

The first-year ignored the pair of you, instead focused on the shelves. They mumbled to themselves for a moment before grabbing a book and walking back towards the front of the library, completely oblivious of the moment they walked into.

You sighed, realizing what you were about to tell him. Him finding you smart and pretty didn't mean he liked you. It meant he was a nice person. It meant he was one of your friends; any of your friends would have said the exact same things. Just because it felt different didn't mean he meant it any different.

"What were you going to tell me?" Tanaka asked, turning to you with still burning cheeks.

You wondered if he did mean it any different. None of your friends would have leaned in to kiss you. But none of your friends was as open about wanting a girlfriend as he was.

"I don't remember." You forced a laugh, and both of you knew it was fake. You grabbed your pencil before looking at him. "What did you want to go over?"

Tanaka stared at you for a moment or two before a frown settled on his face. You wanted to make it disappear, but you were utterly lost on how. He reached for a spare piece of paper. "Uh... I was confused on the second section a bit." " That stiff tension didn't leave until lunch ended. You went to class, and Tanaka usually walked with you between classes. You noticed that he wasn't there that time, and you tried to convince yourself that it didn't bother you.

"Y/N!" you heard someone yell, and you smiled as soon as you recognized the voice. He stopped next to you with a dramatic sigh. "You didn't wait for me! I had to run!"

"I'm sorry. I thought you were busy with something," you said, pressing your notebooks against your chest as it hammered. "I'll wait longer next time, okay?"

He stared at you for a moment with a bright smile. "I'm counting on it!"

If it was anyone else, you would've rolled your eyes at their yelling. Since it was him, you couldn't stop smiling. You both acted the same, but you felt different. Instead your soulmate mark seemed to burn with every word you spoke to him. It really did hurt to talk to him, but you couldn't imagine not talking to him.

                                                            = 

You grabbed your bag and stood next to the gym doors, waiting for Kiyoko to get back from the storage closet. Hinata and Kageyama’s shoes squeaked against the shiny gym floor as they continued practice, while the rest of the boys were packing up. Nishinoya yelled from one of the corners where they kept their gym bags were, "Y/N! We need a girl's opinion,"

"What are you talking about?" You asked, stepping closer to where Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Sugawara were sitting.

"Do you think soulmates are a big deal?" Nishinoya asked.

You rose your eyebrows, trying to ignore the nausea that grew in the pit of your stomach. "What do you mean by big deal?"

"Like do you believe that being someone's soulmate means you're meant to be?" Suga clarified as he zipped up his gym bag.

"I think being someone's soulmate just means that you and them will always have a deep connection. I don't think it means you have to be with them in a romantic way," you said, purposely avoiding Tanaka's eyes, "I wouldn't want them to date me just because I'm their soulmate,"

Suga glanced over at Tanaka for a moment before asking, "So if you were in a relationship and then met your soulmate, would you break up with them?"

"I don't know," you shrugged, "I don't think so. It would take a lot for me to open up to someone in order to date them, so it would take a lot for me to break up with them just because I met another person,"

"Even if the other person was your soulmate?" Tanaka asked.

You looked over at him and noticed how his lips were drawn in a tight line. "Well... even if someone is my soulmate, they're still a new person to me. If I met my soulmate and we immediately started dating, I'd also wonder if they're with me only because I'm their soulmate. I'd rather be with someone I know and trust than drop someone just because I was born with a birthmark," You squinted as Tanaka nodded. What the hell was going on with him?

"That's what I was saying!" Nishinoya said, clapping the back of your shoulder, and you tensed up as his hand made contact over your soulmate mark. "I was telling that to Tanaka!"

Suga smiled turning to Tanaka. "See? A lot of people date non-soulmates now. They even choose those relationships over their soulmates sometimes."

"Yeah, I know you're right," Tanaka nodded and turned towards Suga, "I don't know. Everyone in my family married their soulmates. One of my aunts even left a guy she dated for years because she met hers, so I'd hate to get to know someone only for them to choose their soulmate over me,"

"Wait-" Your voice made Tanaka turn back towards you, and his eyes widened as if he forgot you were there. "-Are you into someone, Ryu?"

"I... uh..." Tanaka stumbled, and Nishinoya chuckled from your side.

So that's a yes.

You forced a small smile on your face. "Whoever it is, you should ask them. Anybody would be lucky to date you," you said, "Plus, my parents aren't soulmates, and they're still married,"

"So you would date someone that's not your soulmate?" He asked.

You nodded, refusing to say the words you actually wanted to verbalize. "Of course. Especially because I would never date someone just because they're my soulmate. If I loved someone, I wouldn't leave them for anyone," you said, "I just want my soulmate in my life; it doesn't matter how they're in it,"

"You're talking as if you've met your soulmate," Suga said. You tensed up, acutely aware of the fabric of your shirt rubbing against your mark.

Kiyoko walked up, throwing her backpack onto her shoulders. "Are you ready to leave, Y/N?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," you rushed out, your body relaxing as you turned towards Kiyoko. "I'll see you guys later!"

Sugawara and Nishinoya waved, and Tanaka nodded bye at you. You crossed your arms as you began walking home with Kiyoko. "Are you okay? You seem tense," she said.

"I'm fine, just tired," you smiled at her for a second before you looked forward again. She definitely didn't believe you, and you knew that. Despite that, she didn't press forward instead walking forward with you in silence.

Tanaka liked someone else, to the point where he was talking about it with the team. You knew Tanaka. Once he was set on something, he wouldn't stop, so you knew it was only a matter of time before he asked her out.

What if it was Kiyoko? Actually, you were pretty sure it was Kiyoko. That would suck. You hated the idea, but you were still hopeful he'd listen to you. All you wanted was him to be happy and in your life.

Because you had made a decision, it hurt a lot more to not know him.

                                                            = 

"So you've been hanging out with Tanaka a lot lately," your best friend, Rika, said as she grabbed a chip from the bag you were both sharing. You and her were sitting at a table that was outside on school grounds. It was one of the few times you weren't shadowing the volleyball practice, instead choosing to spend time with Rika and work on your English project together.

You rolled your eyes, a smirk on your face betraying your true feelings. "Yes... We are spending some time together."

Rika froze tracing the pencil marks on your posterboard to look up and raise her eyebrows at you. "Is that it? Just spending time together?"

"What exactly are you fishing for?" You chuckled as you grabbed another marker.

"Oh, don't play dumb with me!" She shouted, laughing the entire time.

"I'm not playing," you snapped back with a smile, "Please tell me what you're implying,"

You took your eraser and began working at some of the pencil marks Rika had already traced over. She pouted from the other side of the table. "Fine. Just tell me how many times you guys have slept together."

You reached over the table to hit her on the arm, making her cackle. "We haven't done anything for your information!"

"Okay, how many makeout sessions then." She shrugged with a Cheshire cat grin.

"We're just friends."

"Oooookay." Rika rolled her eyes. "You do not look at your friends like that. And if you do look at your friends like that, I am very offended that I do not also get those loving and longing looks, and I want my apology right now."

You smiled before sighing. "You're gonna be mad at me, but you have to promise that you wont' utter a word of this to anyone," you said, leaning forward on your elbows.

"Of course," she said.

"So sometimes Tanaka will take off his shirt during practice when he does something really good," you muttered, "I've seen his soulmate mark... He's my soulmate,"

Rika smiled and looked like she was about to jump up and down. "Oh my god! That's amaz-"

"I haven't told him yet."

Her face immediately dropped as you finished your sentence. "What the hell? Why wouldn't you tell him?"

"I think he likes Kiyoko."

"I love you so much Y/N," she said with a shake of her head, "But god damn... You think that every person on the planet has fallen head over heels for Kiyoko!"

You frowned and shook your head. "Him and his friend literally flirt with her all the time during practice and games."

"I've literally told you that you're so hot I want you to get me pregnant," Rika deadpanned, "But trust me, I see you as nothing other than a friend,"

You chuckled. "I know, but it's different because we both know there's no chance of anything like that happening."

"Maybe him and Kiyoko both know that there's no chance of anything romantic happening between them too," Rika suggested. She grabbed another marker and began filling in some of the drawings on the corner of the poster.

A gust of wind came, and you put your hand on the poster to keep it from flying away. "I get what you're saying," you muttered, "I don't know... I've seen how he talks to her,"

"And I've seen how he talks with you," Rika retorted, "Besides soulmates are a big deal. He's not just your soulmate; you're his,"

Guilt exploded in your stomach at her words. "He did tell me all the couples in his family are soulmates," you muttered. Even if he was considering asking someone who wasn't his soulmate out, you knew that it must be a big deal if he was having discussions with the team about it.

Your parents weren't soulmates, but you watched movies- you knew that soulmates were a big deal. It was a big piece of information, and you knew you were wrong to not tell him.

"I don't know why I can't just tell him," you muttered.

"I know," Rika gave you a small smile, "But the longer you don't tell him the worse it's gonna blow up in your face. And the worse it's gonna hurt him,"

"I should tell him," you sighed.

Rika nodded. "You should tell him."

Just as she finished, Tanaka came into view, still in his gym clothes and sweat rolling down his face. "Hey!" He practically yelled as he stood next to the table. "Are you ready to go or do you need more time to..."

"We're good," you rushed out with a smile. You turned to Rika, and the smug look on her face made you instantly regret it.

She smiled. "Pretty excited?"

"It's a tutoring session," you answered.

"Sure," she deadpanned with a smile, "Wanna meet up during lunch tomorrow to finish this up?"

"Sounds like a plan," you replied grabbing your bag and standing up, "Bye,"

"Bye!" Rika called back before winking, "Be safe!"

Your heart went into overdrive as you understood the real meaning of her words. You sent her a pointed look before Tanaka replied, "Be safe too!"

He's so innocent, you thought with a shake of your head before you both began walking to his house.

                                                             =

Your body felt light as you walked to the gym, smiling when you heard the distinctive squeaks of shoes and huffing of the players. The floor was shiny and smelled of lemon from the janitor's cleaning of it over the weekend. Practice hadn't officially started yet, but some of the boys were already warming up. Ukai was muttering to himself and making notes on his clipboard.

Tanaka stopped stretching for a moment to walk over to you with a smile. "Hey, Y/N. I didn't see you at lunch today."

"I was working on an essay. My teacher offered to give me feedback before I turn it in, but I had to give it to him today," you said.

"You didn't eat lunch, did you?" Kiyoko's voice cut through, and you tensed up as you turned to her with a small smile.

"No, I ran out of time before I could," you muttered. To anyone else looking at Kiyoko, they would think she was stoic. To you, you noticed how her eyes squinted and her jaw clenched just a minuscule.

She let out a breath. "It's not healthy."

"I know, don't worry," you said, "I'm fine,"

"You've been skipping meals in order to study a lot lately, haven't you?" Kiyoko asked.

Tanaka raised his eyebrows. "Is that true?"

"I've been busy with school this week," you defended, looking between the two of them, "I'm fine, really,"

Kiyoko tsked before walking over to her gym bag. Tanaka cleared his throat, making you focus on him. "You really shouldn't skip meals. It's not healthy. You're gonna burn yourself out," he said with a frown.

"I'm sorry," you replied with a tight smile, "I honestly didn't even realize I was doing it,"

Kiyoko showed up at your side with a bento box and a pair of chopsticks before shoving the items into your hands. Your eyes got wide and sparkled. You weren't paying attention, but Tanaka smiled at your reaction as his own eyes softened.

"Is this your special bento?" You asked, and Tanaka's heart lifted at the wonder in your voice. Kiyoko simply nodded. You threw your arms around her. "Thank you, Shimmie!"

"Shimmie?" Daichi asked as he took a sip of water.

Kiyoko pulled back and placed her hands on your shoulders. You smiled at her as she led you over to the gym doors. You asked, "What are you-"

Without a word, she pushed you out of the gym. "Skipping meals is not a good habit. You can come back in after you have completely emptied that box," she said before shutting the door.

You stared at the door with your jaw dropped before you shouted with a giggle, "You're a bully, Shimizu!"

Inside the gym, Tanaka glanced at her as she zipped up her bag. "Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

She glanced up at him, staring at him for a moment with a stoic face. "Y/N does this every year. If she stayed in here, she'd probably get distracted and forget to eat again," she said as she stepped closer to him. She sent Tanaka a pointed look, but he wasn't sure what it actually meant. "She's smart, but she doesn't take hints well. You have to be blunt with her sometimes to get what you mean,"

"Uh... yeah," he muttered with furrowed eyebrows.

She looked at him for another moment before Ukai called to her.

Meanwhile, you were sitting in front of the gym, eating the bento box Kiyoko made for you- full of your favorite things. She made it for you every finals week. She must've been really worried about you if she was making it right now.

When Tanaka's eyes drifted to you later in practice, now with an empty bento box, he saw how your smile seemed brighter. He took a sip of water and overheard you thanking Kiyoko and promising to take better care of yourself. He couldn't hear Kiyoko's response, but it made you giggle, and Tanaka felt the same excitement you get as you hit the drop on a roller coaster.

As if you could feel his gaze on you, you looked over at him from across the gym before smiling. He smiled back widely, feeling the heat on his cheeks. He had crushes before, and he was always afraid of looking dumb in front of them. But he didn't care if he looked dumb as his smile got wider. You furrowed your eyebrows at the gesture, still keeping your smile as you mouthed, 'What?'.

Tanaka shook his head with that dumb smile; his heart forcing him to break the gaze and look at his bag. Daichi cleared his throat as he put away his own water bottle, making the second-year look over. "It's none of my business, but I'm pretty sure she likes you too."

"I-I don't know what you're-"

"Of course you don't," Daichi interrupted with a chuckle as he stood up, "But I think it'd be really dumb of you to not tell her soon. Heard some third-year has his eyes on her,"

"Really?" Tanaka asked with wide eyes, following the captain back onto court.

Daichi smirked and glanced over his shoulder at Tanaka. "No, but your reaction shows that you can't handle the idea of someone else."

He walked away as Tanaka froze before glaring at him. "Hey, that's mean!" Daichi shrugged at the accusation as Ukai started the next drill. 

Tanaka realized his eyes were always drifting to you, and he realized Daichi was right. He wasn’t sure if you did reciprocate his feelings, this pull towards him, but he knew he couldn’t handle you being with someone else. Not if he could stop it. 

Not if you could be with him. 

                                                                =

You sighed as you stepped off the bus, stretching your legs immediately. You enjoyed going to their games, but the ride over always killed you. You grabbed your overshirt with Karasuno's colors on it, fanning it, and sighed as cool air began to hit you.

"Hey," Tanaka's deep voice pulled you out of your moment, "I have something to tell you," Your hand holding onto your shirt froze. Tanaka looked down at your shoes and groaned. "Man, this is really hard to get out."

You sighed and crossed your arms, feeling your intestines tangle up. You had no idea what he wanted to say, but you felt guilty every time you looked at him. It wasn't right. "I have something to tell you too," you said, voice croaking through your dry mouth.

He furrowed his eyebrows, finally getting the courage to look up at you. He opened his mouth to speak when Ukai cleared his throat, getting the team's attention. As he began listing the time of the game and other details, Tanaka whispered to you, "After the game, yeah?"

You looked at him, focusing on how his jaw was clenched. "Yeah, that's fine," you muttered.

You were tense the entire game as you watched with Yachi and Saeko. Yet you were still cheering with them. Watching Tanaka now reminded you of the first time you met him. Even as someone who had never played the game, you could tell that his technique was improving, and it made your heart light up as you remembered all of his ramblings about practice.

He was working so hard, and it made you proud that it was showing.

The crowd around you cheered as Tanaka hit another spike perfectly. He glanced up at you with a grin. You smiled back at him with a thumbs up before an elbow hit your side.

You whined as you looked up at Saeko's Cheshire cat grin, "I saw that."

"I don't know what you're talking about," you muttered, avoiding her gaze and focusing back on the game.

"Oh, please." Saeko rolled her eyes with a loud sigh. "I've seen your guys'study dates." She put air quotes around study.

"We do study," you retorted.

"You also flirt the entire time," she chuckled before she looked over at you, "Don't worry. I think you're good for him,"

Your head whipped over to look at her before you could even question about how that action would look. "You think so?"

Her eyes softened as she shook her head with the same smile. "Yeah, I do." Before you could question her further, the boys scored another point, making Saeko jump up and clap loudly.

Your eyes focused back on the game. Your legs bouncing as you sat on the bleachers. It was match point, and you could feel their confidence as the referee blew her whistle.

Although it took a few minutes for them to score the point, it felt like a couple of seconds. You yelled cheers with Yachi and Saeko, about to stand up when you felt something cold and wet run down your back. "Oh my god," you flinched, turning around to see a five year old fallen over the bleacher behind you, his soda cup open.

Your overshirt began to feel sticky as the soda seeped into the fabric. His mother grabbed his hand to pull him back to his feet. "I'm so sorry," she said, "He got excited when they won and tripped and-"

"It's fine," you replied, pulling your overshirt off, "I'm wearing something underneath. It was an accident,"

The mother gave you a relieved smile before she tugged on her son's hand. "Apologize to her."

He looked up at you with a deep frown as he squeezed his cup. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you smiled, "I know you didn't mean to," You turned to Yachi. "I'm going to the bathroom to rinse this off. I'll meet up with you and the team later, okay?"

Yachi's eyes widened, too consumed with the win to even notice the interaction. "Yeah, I'll let them know."

You thanked her as you walked away, trying to remember your way to the bathroom. You sighed as you went into the bathroom; it was full of people using the bathroom after the game. You turned on the faucet, running it underneath the cold water.

Meanwhile, Tanaka was cheering with Nishinoya and Hinata. He looked around for you- the adrenaline coursing through his veins making him want to pull you close. He felt like he was on top of the world. He felt like the kind of guy that could look you in the eye and confess.

"Where's Y/N?" he asked as Saeko hugged him.

Yachi rose her hand to get his attention. "She went to the bathroom. A kid spilled his drink on her so she had to wash her shirt."

Nishinoya hit Tanaka's arm. His eyes glowed. "Dude! You should go and give her your jacket!"

"Give her my jacket?"

"Yeah!" Nishinoya was practically jumping as he explained his idea. "You give her something of yours to protect her from the cold. And while she's thanking you- Boom! You ask her out!"

Saeko rolled her eyes as she listened to the boys, but Tanaka's smile just got wider. "You're a genius!"

"I know," Nishinoya shrugged his shoulders.

Tanaka looked at Yachi. "Where are the bathrooms?" She muttered out directions, and he was off. He sprinted towards the bathroom, panting as he stopped nearby, barely missing the line of women waiting outside. He was bouncing as he waited.

Then you stepped out of the bathroom, squeezing some of the spare water out of your shirt. Your hair was pulled up, and you were left in your tank top. Tanaka smiled at the sight of you, still not used to you dressed in casual clothing. You stood in the hallway, looking around as you tried to remember the way back to the bus, and he stepped closer towards you. You turned to walk forward, turning your back to Tanaka.

His mind went blank as he stared at the mark etched onto the back of your shoulder. Tanaka couldn't think at all; his feet moved forward. He reached out and touched your shoulder, making you jump and turn around.

You relaxed as you met his gaze, a smile appearing on your face. "You scared me," you laughed, "Couldn't wait ten minutes for me to get to the bus?"

"I heard your shirt got messed up. Here's a jacket, so you can cover up," he mumbled.

"Thanks," you said as you grabbed the jacket, pulling it on quickly. You furrowed your eyebrows at his facial expression. "Hey! You should be smiling. You just won a game!"

"Yeah..." he muttered.

You squinted at him. You grabbed his wrist, pulling him out of the crowded hallway and towards the wall. He followed you without protest. "What's wro-"

"You're my soulmate."

Your blood ran cold at his words. "I can ex-"

A bright smile appeared on his face. "We're soulmates!" he yelled, catching some of the strangers around you to glance over at the pair of you.

You smiled back and rolled your eyes as he began bouncing with excitement. You reached out to his hand to pull him back towards the wall, clearing the way for people walking in the hallway. "Tanaka, calm down, you're making people look over."

"Let them look!" he retorted with a smile before he furrowed his eyebrows, "This is amazing! This is a big deal! How are you not freaking out right now?"

The small smile you had on your face vanished. You sighed as your stomach began twisting itself. "Um..."

"What?" he asked.

You knew he would probably move on if you didn't mention it. He would probably believe you too. You could move on, and he would never have to find out. However, the guilt was already overwhelming you as you thought about it.

"I already knew."

His eyes widened, staring at you. "You already knew?" You nodded. "How long?"

You pressed your lips together. His stoic expression wasn't doing anything to calm you down. "Since the first practice I visited."

"That was months ago!" Tanaka said. His frown deepening as he scoffed.

"I know," you said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

You sighed. Tears were burning in the corner of your eyes as you shook your head. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" he repeated, drawing out the words.

"I'm sorry," you said, voice choking up. "I should have told you sooner. I was going to tell you today, believe me. It's what I was going to tell you-"

"I-I-" Tanaka sighed, looking away from you. "I need some time."

"Tanaka-" You reached for his hand, but he pulled it out of your reach. You sighed, crossing your arms as the crowd in the hallway passed around you. You stepped into the hallway, tears burning as you walked back towards the bus.

Yachi smiled brightly at you. "Isn't that Tanaka's jacket?"

You glanced down at it, pulling the fabric around you tighter. "Yeah, it is." You looked over as Nishinoya's laugh, catching sight of Tanaka. His face was stoic as he listened to the boys talking to each other. Yachi spoke up again, "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you blurted out. Yachi nodded, but you knew that she didn't believe you. You sat next to her on the bus, and you listened as she rambled about her ideas for the next fundraising poster.

You kept glancing over at Tanaka, who was sitting with Nishinoya a few rows in front of you. Even from that distance, you could tell that he was still upset. Knowing that you were the reason he was upset made you want to burst into tears.

Which is exactly what you did when you got home and laid in bed.                                                              = To say you were miserable over the weekend would be an understatement. You texted Tanaka an apology, but he didn't respond.

The radio silence was killing you the most. Every time you were upset that he would never love you the same way, you would tell yourself that he would at least be in your life. That losing him entirely would be worse than him not loving you.

And here you were- losing him entirely.

Kiyoko definitely noticed the change. She had asked you multiple times what was wrong but didn't manage to get any information out of you. Kiyoko was a protective person, and you didn't want your hurt feelings to make her have any animosity towards Tanaka. Mostly because you did know that it was your fault.

You were both excited and terrified at the idea of going back to school when Monday came around. The thought of seeing him, even if it was just a glance, seemed like a saving grace. This was the longest you'd ever gone without talking to him since you met, and you felt like you needed to see him in order to calm down your mind. However, you had a gut feeling that he was still upset. And the idea of him turning down talking to you felt like it would break you in half.

He was the first, and only, person you had ever opened up to you on such a personal level. The fact that he felt betrayed by you hurt you to your core.

Monday, you were broken in half. You didn't realize how much you were used to walking to classes with him until you watched him walk in the hallways with his own classmates. You skipped going to practice that day, telling Kiyoko that you had to study for an upcoming test.

Tuesday, you felt like someone was trying to tear your heart out of your chest. There was a dull ache in your body as you walked to class, glancing at him for as long as you could before going inside your classroom. It had now been four days since you last talked to him- four days of crying and hating yourself. So you decided to try to go to practice and talk to him before or afterwards. Your hands were shaking as you walked to the gym. You pushed the gym door open slowly. It was weird to be this anxious stepping inside when you've spent countless hours in here. You looked around when you saw Kiyoko and Tanaka talking to each other. You clenched your hands into fists until your nails were digging into your skin, hoping that the small amount of pain would keep you from crying yet again. Assuming Tanaka's feelings was what had gotten you into this mess, but you couldn't help it as he stepped closer to her. "Hey," Hinata practically yelled, "I didn't see you yesterday! I'm happy to se-"

"Can you tell Kiyoko that my parents wanted help with the shop, so I'm leaving early today?" you asked.

He froze, before nodding with a frown. "Yeah, I can. Make sure to drop by soon though!"

"I will!" you called back, already turning around for the door. You didn't see how Tanaka's head shifted over to you at your voice.

Kiyoko cleared her throat to get his attention again. "I don't know what happened with you two, but my cousin has been miserable for the past couple of days. You have too. Whatever happened, make sure you fix it."

Wednesday, you were a ball made out of anxiety and nausea. After you got home and cried until you had a piercing headache, you decided that it was you that hurt Tanaka, which meant that it was your responsibility to apologize and explain. You stopped him as he was going to lunch, grabbing his wrist the same way you did that day after the game. His eyes widened as he looked at you. "Y/N-"

"Please just let me explain," you said, ignoring the confused looks Suga and Nishinoya were sending each other as you two talked to each other.

"I-" Tanaka sighed and clenched his jaw before letting out a deep sigh, "I can't."

Your hand dropped, falling to your side. "What do you mean?"

"It's a big deal," Tanaka said, frown deepening as he saw your eyes begin to shine. "I need some more time before I..."

He didn't finish his sentence, and you didn't ask him to. Instead, he turned around and walked to lunch with his friends, dodging their questions. You went into the bathroom and wiped at your face, taking a deep breath to calm down the overwhelming pressure to hyperventilate.

Thursday, you were more frustrated than anything else. You understood Tanaka better than you understood yourself. When you saw him in the hallways, he wasn't smiling like he used to; you were lucky if you saw a smile from him at all. Kiyoko had casually (but you knew she did it intentionally) mentioned to you that Tanaka was more aggressive than usual in practice. You weren't sure if he was as miserable as you were, but you knew that he was hurting just the same.

Tanaka was sitting at a table in the courtyard with Nishinoya, Hinata, and Kageyama during lunch. You took a deep breath as you walked across the lawn towards the table. Hinata and Nishinoya kept talking, but you could feel Kageyama's eyes on you as you stood next to where Tanaka was sitting. "Y/N-" Tanaka started.

"Is this silent treatment making you feel better?" you asked. You took deep breaths in order to try to keep your emotions in check enough to talk.

Tanaka furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"If it is, I'll leave you alone till you want to talk to me," you said, "If not, then please let me talk to you,"

Tanaka stared at you for a moment before he stood up. "I'll be back," he muttered to his friends before he walked past you and towards the school. You followed him into an empty hallway. You leaned against one of the walls as he stood in front of you. It was silent for a couple of moments before he spoke up, "So what do you have to say?"

You had always heard some people say that Tanaka was scary, and you didn't understand that until now. You didn't think he was scary, but his anger was definitely intimidating as he stood in front of you.

With a deep breath, you said, "I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. I should have told you the second I found out. It wasn't fair, and you had a right to know."

"What was the plan? Were you just going to move on and let me think I never met my soulmate?" he asked. His eyes were rich with anger and hurt.

"I kept meaning to tell you, but I chickened out every time." You shook your head. "I was planning on telling you after the game that day. That's what I was talking about when I said I had something to talk to you about. I didn't mean to keep it to myself for as long as I did,"

Tanaka stared at your face for a moment before he sighed; his shoulders relaxing as he did. "Did you want someone else as your soulmate?"

Your eyes widened, and words fell from your mouth without thinking. "No. No. No. I never wanted that. I'm glad you're my soulmate."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" he exclaimed, hurt highlighting every word.

"I-" You sighed, taking a moment to collect yourself. "I thought you liked Kiyoko."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would you think that?"

"I saw how you and Nishinoya talked about Kiyoko at the first practice, and I thought it was obvious," you said, tears finally escaping your eyes. "I've never had someone look at me and look at Kiyoko and then choose me..." Tanaka's eyes widened as he took in your words. You sighed. "That doesn't mean that it was right for me to keep it from you. Soulmates are a two-way street; you should've known,"

"Do you still think that I like Kiyoko?" he asked slowly.

"I-" You opened your mouth but you shut it when you realized you didn't want to say the answer. He sighed, remembering Kiyoko’s words; you needed things to be blunt sometimes. 

Tanaka took a deep breath. "Ya know, I've had a crush on you since we were first-years."

"What?" 

"I bumped into you in the hallways, and I've liked you ever since," he said, "When Kiyoko brought you to practice, I was just so excited to get a chance to talk to you. I saw it as my first chance to actually make a move. To understand why when I look at you... I don't care what anyone else in the world thinks.

"I liked you way before the soulmate thing was even involved in this," Tanaka continued and stepped closer, "You're my first choice." Your breath hitched as you took him in. His eyes were shining with the same passion you had only seen him have while he was on the court. As if he would fight anyone that disagred with him. "And I will always choose you first. No one else is even an option,"

You were frozen as you two stared at each other. "Tanaka-"

"I will tell you that a hundred times a day if that's what it takes," Tanaka said, "Because it's the truth, okay?"

You grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer to you, making him trip in the process. His arm reached out and slammed against the wall next to you to keep himself from falling against you. Your mouths slotted against each other. His cologne and the soft fabric of his shirt invaded your senses as your lips moved against his.

You were wrong. It wasn't a glance at him that cleared your mind; it was having him against you like this. Having him take you in and tell you that it was okay- you were okay. Tanaka's hand traveled to your waist, bunching up the fabric of your shirt as he deepened the kiss. You gasped against him as you were pressed further into the wall. His lips were soft, contrasted by his harsh movements against you. Tanaka was gentle, but he wanted to prove to you that he wanted you. That you could trust him with yourself.

The guilt that had lived in you for months dissolved into excitement. The pull towards him that you had repressed for so long, that need, finally being pushed to the surface was refreshing. It felt like you were drowning before, and this was the first breath of air you took in after he pulled you to the surface.

You sighed as he pulled away, panting as you stared at each other. He stayed close to you, lips ghosting over yours, sharing the same breath as you. "You're my first choice too," you whispered.

A bright smile appeared on his face as he stared at you. He leaned in closer, capturing your lips in a small kiss, leaning in to capture them as soon as they were released. As if he cared more about kissing you than breathing.

When the bell rang, finally pulling you away from each other, he intertwined his hand with yours. Smiles on both of your faces as he  walked you to your class. And those smiles stayed on your faces as you both went into the gym. You tried your best to ignore the congratulatory pat on the backs he got as the team saw your connected hands. But you smiled when Yachi began pestering you with questions. 

A promise made between the two of you, one without words. He would remind you of your worth every second of every day if he had to. 

And you would believe him.

[cardigantaylor13]

thank you so much for tagging me!! @forthisone so lovely <3

Last song: I was listening to helpless from Hamilton in the car!! theater kids rise. but in all honesty, that song makes me so unbelievably happy. it just makes me smile. also phillipa soo can run me over and I’ll thank her. let her play a disney princess challenge.

https://open.spotify.com/track/54Sc7mZQ1RM03STpk4SfaA?si=V17taEfATHSjSCkqhe1_eg&dl_branch=1

Last movie: I cannot for the life of me remember what movie I watch last week??? it’s embarrassing. but the last movie I remember watching and enjoying was the map of tiny perfect things!! I really loved it, if you haven’t watched it yet it’s worth a try!

Currently reading: Emma, by Jane Austen. I watched the 2020 movie last year and I absolutely ADORED it and then I got a volume with all of Jane Austen’s works for my birthday, which I hadn’t had time to read until now. I was gonna read sense and sensibility first but I was too excited to read Emma so I skipped it right over to that one. so far I’m really loving how faithful the movie was to the book?? some lines they quote word for word, I kid you not. but yeah, I’m loving it! I think I might have to pause the reading tho, because I borrowed Anne of Green Gables for a friend and I have to give it back back I haven’t even started it yet skfjdkfk

Currently watching: just finished Sweet Tooth today! I watched the trailer and it seemed a little tooooo weird for me, but my parents watched it and told me I should. I ended up really liking it!! solid four stars. and gus is the cutest child I have ever SEEN I want to adopt him pls. and the music is beautiful, I was mesmerized by every single one.

Currently craving: pancakes and maple syrup. (gus loves maple syrup in sweet tooth so I think that’s where this is coming from lol) but where I’m from maple syrup is SO expensive and I can never buy but I want it so bad. :(

I’m gonna tag @drowsyswift @alinastracker @alinaoretscv and @evanpoters! but do it if you want to <3

[houseforarmys]

Namseok fighting over Seokjin just to end up falling w eo and Seokjin as well asffjkl

ksksksk bad boys namseok fighting over seokjin i'm sorry i have tooooo two fluffy soft bad boys tho ehehehhe

pairing: namjinseok

genre: angst with happy ending 

warning: mentions of nsfw content

"hey, seokjin," namjoon sat by his side, and the called man could only drop his book, having marked the corner of the page he was at, and looked at him. "what? you were too into it and i bothered you?"

"kinda. everything good, namjoon?"

"yep, just saw you alone and thought of joining you,"

"i wasn't bad alone though. but thank you, i appreaciate the thought," he said, with a smile.

"so how's your day?" namjoon asked, and seokjin was sure he didn't care at all about what he'd say, but he still rambled anyways.

"he's probably not even listening to you, hyung,"

oh great, seokjin thought. it wasn't that hoseok was bad, and neither was namjoon but that? having them together? couldn't end well even when trying.

the two males had nothing in common than the fact that both liked seokjin, and he didn't even know they liked him for. for sex, more, fun, to just tease each other. he didn't even want to know.

"i'm with him, can't you see?" namjoon said and seokjin was already apologizing to the people around them.

"let's head out, you wana cause a scene, fine. but not in the goddamn library," seokjin's firm tone made both shut, eyes focused on seeing how the eldest tidied up.

it took three staircases down to exit the building and right when the light hit namjoon's face, he talked.

"jung, you don't get to fucking step in our conversation. hyung was enjoying it, you claim you like him so much and then what? you pull that shit?"

"before you even say anything back," seokjin said, finger pointing back at hoseok. "i'm tired of your bullshit. both of you. you wanna fight and play as if you two don't like each other? cool, fine. but fuck off, don't add me in your stupid game because i'm tired of being back and forth,"

"we don't have feelings for each other," hoseok scoffed.

"yeah, sure. you say that as if there aren't rumours of you two having fucked last week,"

"rumours are fake, hyung," namjoon replied.

"yeah, sure. but when taehyung, my fucking brother, tells me you two had that kind of fun in my parent's bed in the party he made, i trust him more than anyone else. i'm just sorry i had to finish that shit project with yoongi, because if i had seen you two like that, i would have slapped both of you,

you think it's fucking funny to play with me like that? kiss me here, kiss me there and then never make a move and keep fighting for me as if i'm a fucking toy? if you haven't realized i kissed you both back! haven't you fucking realized past that? i guess not since you two were too busy with each other's tongue down their throat. i'm fucking tired, leave me alone. it was fun before, but now it just hurts because i like you two, and you are just using me,"

"we only fucked once!" hoseok said, and seokjin heard enough to turn around sharply.

"and you played with me how many times?" at the lack of answer, he smiled darkly. "right,"

"hyung, wait!"

but seokjin was already too far.

"we fucked it up,"

"we surely did,"

hoseok didn't know who to bless when yoongi allowed them inside his house, where seokjin had been staying ever since the argument happened. namjoon just thanked the guy in an ashamed whisper.

with a shy knock on the bedroom's door from hoseok's hand, namjoon opened the door and stepped in first.

"what?" seokjin's voice was strict, wet too and it broke their hearts.

"we're sorry, we didn't mean to harm you like that, we've talked and-"

"ha, i get it now it's the moment when you say you want me back and all, that you can't believe what you did. and then it all goes back to normal, me getting hurt,"

"no, hyung. hoseok and i we've talked, we want you to join us? it sounds... weird, i guess. but we started dating and we want you in, please?"

"you two, dating? i doubt you'll last," seokjin said and hoseok actually laughed.

"we wanted to try. we fucked but we never knew what it meant, or if it meant more than what it was. we just wanna see what we get out of it. but we'd both loved if you helped us discover more about ourselves,"

"hoseok, i'm not in the mood to risk my sanity for you two to figure out if you're in love or what,"

"well not just that," namjoon said. "but what if it was to also know our feelings for you? we missed you, hyung. please, give us a chance. snd before you say it, yes i know yoongi hyung can and will stab us if we hurt you, but we don't plan on it. so please?"

"one week. if by the end of that week you've failed at showing me that you really are trying for me too, you guys are done with me,"

"one week," hoseok repeated with a smile. "fair,"

it actually took five days for seokjin to lower his shoulders whenever he saw the other two. in those days, he had been heard and namjoon said that had been done before but maybe he was too busy thinking of bad scenarios to notice it. whatever it was, seokjin smiled with the other two.

when hoseok and namjoon started a food war at home, or when they fell asleep on his chest, they were ideas that were never supposed to happen. but they did, just like their first shared kiss, namjoon's lips on his when they were looking at the stars and hoseok's right after his lips had been previously kissed. he smiled to himself hoping it would last more than just few weeks. (it did.)

[flowerslightning]

The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.

[bee-cried]

A better music post

I'll tag this one with music or sumn so it doesn't get lost in the plethora of tags I have.

The last time I tried to make a music post for my oc's everything was rushed and disorganized, but since today I'm in a writing mood, I'm going to try to make this post a lot more coherent.

I'm going to go down my playlist and pick a few songs to share (trying not to spoil my story in the process.) So, the earbuds are in and my hand's are ready.

Let's go!

Billy Joel, Vienna- Just re-added this song back to my playlist today, but when I heard it again I was like, 'oh my jeez. This song is to Dylan." Poor guy is always overworking himself as the leader of his team. Kid doesn't take the time to be a kid v_v

Stevie Wonder and Ariana Grande, Faith- Yeah... animated motion picture soundtrack music. This song is for teenage Lillian. It's her being a heart throb with Stevie wonder impressing the ladies. Lmao don't ask how she was able to be in a song with Stevie wonder. She's a well known hero so it's possible. Also, unimportant detail but I imagine her in one of those like groovy jumpsuits from Austin powers lmao. "Groovy Baby"

EARFQUAKE but only my voice, SQUALAY- I already explained that I imagine Justin singing this. The pitchiness of the main vocal is so much Justin to me lmao. In my head he's goofing off with his cousins, and they all just decided to come together to sing this one night. they were supposed to be chilling, but oh well I guess lol. It's one of those "the boys at midnight' things. Y'know... like that meme.

I feel like I should mention that Justins cousins are African American (His adopted parents Nicole and Derek are African American) so when things like this happen, it doesn't matter, everybody is just being goofy together.

Anything but Ordinary, Avril Lavigne- IS IT ENOUGH TO LOVE, IS IT ENOUGH TO BREATH Yeah, I know I had this as a song I imagined with the blues during a blues daydream, but I also imagine either young Savannah or young Lillian singing this at a karaoke (more Lillian because she's more 'randumz quirky') And they are leading a crowd in the song. Yay <3 (The ending with the back vocals is just tooooo perfect.)

Back Door, STRAY KIDS- Hey! It's Kpop. Hello, kpop. I listen to so much kpop because it's the perfect montage/dance music. This is a montage of the girls being really cool. They are badass. This is more for Jenna though. She is verr badass. Perfect song for her fighting ego.

ANY SONG, ZICO- Justin because it's his vibe when he is a teenager. More laid back. Hey, I should really listen to the lyrics of this song because I have no idea what this song is about, but in my head, I imagine Justin is working in a restaurant and he's singing about trying to impress this girl he sees there but his boss is like 'Nah back to work kiddo.' So there is a lot of silliness of him trying to impress mystery girl despite his current situation.

Only problem is it doesn't sound vocally like Tennage justin :(

Can I Have This Dance, High School Musical 3- HELLO CHILDHOOD MOVIE. oh my gosh I was so in love with high school musical and Hannah Montana as a kid lmao. Anyway, I imagine this being a song soft, teenage Lillian is singing to Lyle because Lyle wants to dance with her after finding out she is the lead in the school musical and has to kiss another guy. Lyle isn't singing the male part though because to him well, 'singing is gay.' I dunno. It's too feminine to him. It's like dude, you're out here doing an entire waltz in the summer rain with a chick. How straight do things need to get. ((2024 Bee here to say, no... Lillian would totally not fuck with some insecure homophobic Goomba head, street puddle lapping broke bitch who says some weird incel shit like "I don't sing, that's gay!" Atleast not Lillian today. Sorry about that. I hadn't agreed with Lyles take whilst making this post at the time, but I wanted to showcase the complexities of morally gray characters, which lyle is. Didnt really pull it off. 🚩🚩🚩))

How's it Going to Be, Third Eye Blind- This is not canon to my story at all. In the past weeks, I have been daydreaming a lot about Loomer AKA the ship that can never happen. I'll explain this in another post but that part where 'I wanna get myself back in again' is when Lillian and Boomer kiss.

i Just-

🏃‍♀️💨 sORRY

Permission to Dance, BTS- I don't care how mainstream this song is, this is perfect music for the people of Turmoil to put together video clips of their heroes being wholesome and saying thank you collectively. It will play on every Billboard and Television. The world will know how much Turmoil appreciates its heroes.

Everybody Dies, Billie Eilish- Is this spoiling? Teenage Bella and Jenna get your sad asses outta here.

Industry Baby, Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow- Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. BELLA-

Everybody Loves Me, One Republic- This song is dedicated to Justin, Manny, and Collin. I imagine it as an animation meme so it's very colorful and artistic (?). But yes Turmoil loves their skater boy, Sweetie pie and Goofball nerd.

DO or NOT, PENTAGON- Yay! More kpop! But I made a bit of an animatic on my youtube that uses this song >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vki0koOR8Y4 IT'S AN AU. And yes that is Lillian and Dylan. I will talk about the AU I was working on one day, but it was extremely bubbly and magical. Magical school girl shenanigans yee haw.

***SKIPPING RAPIDSONGS EDITS/REMIXES I MAY OR MAY NOT COME BACK LATER TO EXPLAIN***

AFTER SCHOOL, WEEKLY- Okay. I love this song. It's so happy and bouncy so naturally, I would imagine a montage of the girls getting into adventurous mischief together that's cut way too perfectly in beat to the music. It sort of play's like a sitcom intro that's running too long in my head lol.

Shake it Off Mariah Carey- "I GOTTA CHICKEN ROOOOLL". My mom likes to remind my siblings and I that when we were younger we used to sing 'I gotta chicken roll' so one day I was listening to the song and I was like 'man it would be hilarious if the team sung this for fun as a group.' So yeah. It's Lillian leading the group as they sing Shake it off and man Lillian know's how to hit those high notes, she should invest in that.

But I imagine this scene with them being 12, the only people who aren't really all that invested are obviously Jenna and Dylan, but then a part of my brain was like 'EFF THAT. THIS IS A FAMILY THING, AND YOU'RE GONNA PARTICIPATE DAMMIT.' So Dylan is also goofy on a good day and Jenna...

she a tough cookie just give her time guys.

***

So there, 15 songs from my playlist. That was a lot easier than the other post I made :D

Hey, y'know you're really blessed when you can take a day off of work to do stuff like this. In actuality, my mom just came home from the hospital and I was not able to sleep at all before going off to work. Obviously I don't mind. But money is money o-o