#LIKE I DONT DO IT ON PURPOSE IM JUST SAYING THESE ARE THE PPL I GRAVITATE TOWARDS. THIS IS PROOF
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i'm trying to watch a trans guy critique some video game trans rep bc i'm interested in hearing more trans ppl talk about it. but he's very. i'm paraphrasing here but "why would anyone ever in a million years want their rpg character to have top surgery scars. isnt that a constant reminder to you and everyone around you about how you were born" and "you don't work on transitioning. you just need hormone treatment and possibly some--"
#i get that some trans men need to fight themselves and everyone around them to feel ''man enough'' in like a semi toxic masculinity way#but its kinda tiring to hear ngl. im sorry you feel that way and i know not having been born cis sucks and i understand your emotions but d#you have to make them my problem. like idk i feel like my transition DID take work and#personally for me my top surgery scars are a positive reminder of how far ive gotten#when i pay them any attention. which is not very often#man im just existing not analyzing every part of my body at all times#yknow. some ppl sound like they watched a bit too much of a certain youtuber who was rancid about other trans men and talked about stuff li#like how theres a mens and womens way to flip your middle finger and stuff.#sight thats so besides the point#anyways i am open to hearing opinions that differ from mine and i want to do that but some people you just dont vibe with#leevi talks#obvs no hate to this creator btw. he speaks about stuff very well but some little word choices here and there rub me the wrong way#and he has good points so far i am intrigued of what he has to say i just needed a break to bitch so i can continue#edit: no this video isnt even good. like i dont agree with bioware but he sounds like hes just on purpose misunderstanding everything#so he has more stuff to get mad about for his video#is it ragebait
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.
you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.
and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.
you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,
I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3
#toy txt post#i wasnt gonna end this on that silly note. but then i had to#ugly#pretty#beauty standards#not saying its easy. not saying you have to do this#but like if youre tired of feeling insecure about your face your fashion. you gotta just figure out what you like and lean in#and you gotra recognize this shit is made up and subjective and arbitrary and you shouldnt be doing it for anyone else ever#i used to be insecure about a few features of mine that i feared made me Ugly. and then i Decided to try to find it pretty.#it sounds so stupid and made up but like literally i just. Decided. im pretty now. this is pretty. this shit is made up. why am i listening#to you. you dont know shit. im pretty now. AND THEN i decided. actually. im ugly on purpose now but not in a way that has much to do with#my actual appearance so much as my complete disregard for your opinion on my appearance. you gotta do it for you. you gotta dress for#yourself#ANYWAY#before anyone comes in with how beauty standards are often externally enforced via peer and social pressure:#yea bud im a human being on planet earth. im aware. thats why i said: as much as you are able. i recognize i have a number of privileges in#this regard that not everyone does. the way im given more space and freedom to dress like a little freak as a thin white person etc#but like i still had and have societal pressure to shave my legs and underarms to conform. theres societal and peer pressure to wear makeup#and i just. dont. the legs thing is less noticeable tho ill admit cos i also Hate Shorts but thats a whole complicated can of worms#which also involves i am not exposing myself to ticks like that are u insane#anyway. yea. the other magical thing about this philosophy of mine is that you also just dont have to. like you can just Ignore Me.#you can keep doing what youre doing and thats fine too#but genuinely if you struggle with insecurity about appearance you gotta just. this is the fake it til u make it shit#i decided im pretty now and it got easier to take selfies bc i was pretty then#doing art and exploring different faces for ocs and making them look different from the conventional beauty standards. also helped#and like dont get me wrong theres still shit im vain about appearance wise that doesnt matter. i still like to style my hair before i leave#the house etc. im still looking in the cave sometimes#but perhaps one day i will be as blissfully uncaring about ppls perception of me as a fuckin goby#anyway. anyway anyway anyway#if you do this things get so much easier. but you dont have to. i have no power over you
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anyway. not to do a 180 here, but it's gotta be so complicated for mitch marner, who loves to just be around people and in the center of his guys... to have his controversial dad come on these trips. like i'm sure everyone is An Adult and cordial about it, but there's no way it's a tension-free environment given paul's whole...... personality, lol. makes me sad to think about how the dads trip is not something mitch gets to look forward to as much as some of the others whose dads are so much chiller and just happy to be there and see the leafs and behind the scenes.
#like. mitch loves his dad but what a fucking stressful situation#to have to Do ur Job.#to know the man u purposely dont discuss ur job with is in the crowd and#to also probably feel a sense of guilt bc he is the one that pushed u to get this far but. also. like.#this doesnt get to be some relaxing wholesome experience for u..... eveyrone else gets to jsut. Enjoy#but theres a tightrope to walk when ur parent is Like That#and probably not the most enjoyable person to be around for the otehr dads either like. god#idk maybe everythings fine and dandy and ive had too much time to think abt the clip from eysterday but !#knowing mitch doesnt wanna listen to his dads criticism abt his hockey.#having seen ppl say that toronto hockey circles are small and everyone knows what Pauls like..... its just#SIGH ! sigh#happy he did so well tonight tho. im so proud of him#anyway. love letter to mitch marner. i am always thinking of u#the delicate balance.... the way hes such a big advocate for mental health... ah yes
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#‡ ooc#tbd .#glares so hard it makes them explode#more sleep deprived than me#i need this image in a higher quality RIOT please....#gonna use the rest of the tags to just ramble#speaking of art im obsessed w i... like how in the hn splash for varus and talon... varus' bow makes it look like talon has angel wings....#the framing HAD to be on purpose come on......#i was saying to mars earlier i dont always. consider that other ppl read my writing and LIKE my talon or my writing for them#after mars said something sweet but does that make sense?? but i dont want it to seem rude or like i dont acknowledge that people like my#work or compliment it which people do and thank you <3#it is just. a surprise every time like OH RIGHT HI you like them to? camera cuts to talon sopping wet and brooding#i hope people do like my writing for talon and that i do them justice even with my canon divergence <:3c#ill be a little more active soon aheem.... moreso after this weekend u.u i might do a micless stream to jump back into drawing too idk
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serious moment.. what are ur favorite placements
- AQUARIUS suns/mercury specifically but aquarius stelliums in general i love
- LIBRA moons 💘💘💘💘💘
- GEMINI venus/moon/rising/mercury (i also like stelliums lol… y’all see why haechan crazy ass is my man?)
- taurus MARS/moons
- leo MOON/RISING/mars
- capricorn sun/mars/moon
- scorpio sun + MOONS they are so fucking intense like scaring the hoes a bit but im freaky so i like that
- i like pisces mercurys BUT ONLY IF THEY HAVE FIRE MOONS or otherwise very fire dominant charts or a lot of fixed placements cough renjun cough…
- aries sun. venus but too but they have to have a earthy mars. i forget aries mercury????
- and in general i really love fixed placements as you can see
#lol my ults are haechan seulgi lisa and johnny#haechan has a gemini stellium + leo(?) moon#seulgi has an aqua stellium and a pisces mercury but she obvi has fixed signs so her mercury is saved#other than her aqua stelli her moon is fixed too lol scorpio#lisa has an aries sun and a venus but she has an earthy virgo mars!#johnny is an aqua with a leo moon/mars and aqua mercury must i say anymore#LIKE I DONT DO IT ON PURPOSE IM JUST SAYING THESE ARE THE PPL I GRAVITATE TOWARDS. THIS IS PROOF
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very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out
"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"
thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms
#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves#the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs#im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect#i respect yall even LESS now#and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever#same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of#'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah#i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my#past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated#customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat#like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or#someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit#because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows#(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope#its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok#anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving#hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think#hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him#in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously#because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful#shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace#religion mention
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I'm glad the "Satire requires a clarity of purpose and target lest it be mistaken for and contribute to that which it intends to criticize" meme is getting critiqued in its usage because... While the sentiment itself is absolutely true... I feel like sometimes, perhaps, it's not a work of fiction's fault that you're personally bad at picking up on satire
#im thinking about how i saw a person say futurama is bad because bad things still exist in the future#and its like. thats the point though?#the joke is literally the idea that if we never learn and grow from these problems as a society these are the hyperbolic extremes#that they would come to etc etc#do i think it was all well handled? probably not. it had a 14 year run im sure it fumbled lots of stuff and has shit that doesnt hold up#but i feel like dismissing it entirely based on just-#''but bad stuff happens. and i want the future to be better so this bums me out'' is just dumb LOL like thats literally the point#theyre taking the problems of today and making them into crazy hyperbolic extremes to mock them THATS WHAT SATIRE IS#there is a clarity of purpose youre just bad at picking up on it. NIXON WAS THE FUCKING PRESIDENT IN THAT SHOW FOR CHRIST SAKE#WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK ''AMERICA'S FAVORITE SUICIDE BOOTH SINCE ****2008****'' COULD MEAN?#idk. this site is bad media literacy r us why take it seriously. but i am. bc its frustrating#bc that quote on its own is sooooo good at explaining why some ''satire'' is bad and doesnt work#but ppl who dont know how to engage w media beyond a surface level have taken it and turned it into like#''this is bad bc i didnt get it'' ok. sounds like a you problem.#but posting this is scary bc im afraid itll be used for the other extreme .-.
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obviously late to the party on this like 9 years later and not saying anything that hasn't already been said but its sooo interesting going back and watching blind playthroughs of undertale bc its so funny how many of the people drawn to the game immediately fall into the very first pitfall set by it by being so unimaginative that they cannot imagine a game system existing that does not require grinding up levels even as they say to themselves they don't want to kill the characters AND the npcs reference the game mechanics TO them
#obviously its really hard to judge bc from my pov by the time i knew what undertale was in 2015 i already kinda knew how it worked#but its fascinating bc i only ever thought that people would choose to kill the monsters on purpose to get the no-mercy run#OR because they did it accidentally bc they encountered froggits before they got to the point where you are outright told that you can and#are encouraged to show mercy to anything with a yellow name#but ive watched a few people now who immediately get into the game and are somewhat engaging with the story? but on a completely different#level from using the mechanics of the game. theyre like “i dont want to kill this creature” on a story level but can't tie that to their#feelings of how the mechanics SHOULD work in their minds. the only game mechanics they know are Press Kill Button To Progress Forward.#so many of them are like “ahhh but i need xp tho... need to get to a higher lvl...” and its like... Why Exactly DO You Think That?#idk. its incredibly fascinating. its media literacy for video games. why do you think the fighting system and story are disconnected from#one another? so maybe ppl saying “aww this npc is so cuuuute” and then just kill them and im like. What do you THINK the ending is going to#be if this is how you think the game is going to be played? just unwillingness to attach themselves fully to the story. its soo interestin#gamers get away with a loooot when it comes to media literacy in the games they play#anyway alexa stream Conquest of Dread's decolonizing videogames video essay
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genuinely every post i see about taylor swift on here [or anywhere if we're being honest] is such a mind numbing train wreck to observe. like somehow we can't just be normal and it's baffling if i'm being honest
#boink#not gonna tag this cause#well#i mean this so light heartedly#like no bad blood (HAHAHA) if youre a fan or anything lol#i mean this about literally any post about her#like you get the most innocuous. normal post. but someone even SAYS HER NAME#and the notes are fucking insane#from her lovers (HAHAHAHA) and haters (HAHAHAHA) [every word is a taylor swift reference and im not even doing it on purpose]#i am personally in the camp that her music is fun but not that serious. like lyrically ok but not exceptional most of the time ig#and i dont know much about her as a person just her questionable plane usage and the fact taht she's literally a billionaire#i dont even have opinions abt her if im being honest it's just eeeeeevery time ppl talk abt her online its just fucking batshit crazy
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just fyi I turned off my discord notifications bc it's just..... overwhelming. and then I forget to check it... so like..... idk... message me on here if u need me to see a message.. still might not check it or respond tho... it's just so overwhelming for me idk how to manage all that. I have like 3 ppl on Tumblr I just haven't responded, like 5 on insta, and 3 ppl in texts, and then I just haven't checked my discord in like 4 days bc that's another can of worms. idk how ppl have the focus or time in the day to handle messaging ppl back so much... bc I know when I do then that person's gonna then respond to me again and I'll be busy at that point and then ignore them again for the next 3 days until I remember and then I feel like shit.... idk man I think we should just destroy the internet and write each other letters again.... it's all seriously way too much for me.
#but i want to talk to ppl....#i dont want ppl to quit messaging me or anything#some days im normal and can respond#but most of the time it just paralyzes me#part of the reason is bc i dont know how to talk#going thriugh my bullshit and being half mute for a yr#and then isolating and keeping myself alive through doing nothing but dissociating and playing idol gsmes#made it rlly hard for me to talk to ppl online#bc i dont know ehat to say or how to talk#and im so scared everyone hates me#i need to see your body langusge and everything when we talk#or else im going to think everyone thinks im stupid and hated everything im saying#when ppl stop responding in group chats the moment i start talking in them?#it truly makes me think everyone fucking hates me and wants me to shut up#ive been so severely abused by 99% of the people i love/have loved#and my rsd is so bad#like so so so so so bad#and even still#ppl i love do things on purpose to make me feel insecure#and don't put an effort in to reassure me#so im just paranoid 24/7#the abuse i faced from ppl i love is something youd see in a horror movie#or some really fucked up book about abuse#its so disgustingly sinister and evil its no joke#its hard to come back from#i truly dont think i ever will#i know my friends love me and i know this isnt fair of me#but it's hard#my whole entire life#id think someone loved me and then theyd do ghe worst thing imaginable&then abandon me&tell me they hated me and i never even knew why
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we should try talking about how neurodivergent people approach other neurodivergency that is different from theirs/has stronger symptoms and how they treat that but idk if most of y'all are prepared for that conversation
#work liveblog.#like. for example#ive lost friends over my autism and adhd symptoms#when they themselves were adhd/autistic#but mine was weirder or more offputting or kore frustrating to deal with#but i didnt really know i was being like that til it all boiled over#or they just shift their treatment of me as if i am behaving like that on purpose to them#ans they dont really stop to think like#hey. maybe they just dont realise it. maybe i should say smth#or maybe this is just An Aspect of them that i either need to accept or i need to think over our relationship bc of how i feel ab it#or something like that#literally. just talk.#dont be aggressive dont be like 'you keep doing x or y and its so annoying stop it or else'#just. tell me what im doing. and how it makes you feel. like in a calm way#anyways ive got gripes ab how ppl treat me bc of my symptoms and how they differ from theirs#i get talked down to a lot and it seriously grinds my gears#or they get super frustrated. like man i know youre frustrated but so am i i have to live like this forever you can just leave#and never deal w it ever again. i cant#anyways. i am tired i didnt rest well last night
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promare fans were so intense abt how they thought gueira and meis felt abt galo but forgot the probably most realistic adult feelings of ‘this guys my friends boyfriend’. i know its not as Drama Filled as whatever ppl were tryingto do that wasnt in character (w lio and galo at least, we dont rly know enough abt guemeis but its safe to assume) but its kind of funny imo. at least at the start. untapped potential
#IMNOT SAYING THIS LIKE IM AGAINST THEM BEING FRIENDS OR ANYTHING AT ALL#BUT U ALL KNOW MY FEELINGS ON THE 'OVERPROTECTIVE GUEMEIS LIKE EVERYONE HERE ISNT A FUCKING ADULT' THING#also i thiink its rly funny if they start out like yeah that sure is our buddys boyfriend#we dont rly know him but he seems cool i guess. lio trusts and likes him and we trust and like lio so#LIKE IDK. HOW MANY OF UR OWN FRIENDS PARTNERS DO U HAVE SUPER STRONG OPINIONS ON#EVEN IF U DONT LIKE THEM VERY MUCH#but when u first start getting to know ppl its not like u Know. maybe someone rubs u the wrong way#but the overprotective towards their boss thing was so gbfhgbhhghf THESE MEN R ADULTS.#and its not like galo was w the foundation and gueira and meis like.. saw him working w lio#when they first met galo he was just the firefighter unknowingly aiding in their plan to get captured by FF on purpose#they probably didnt have super strong feelings abthim. THEN THEY SAW HIM LATER IN A CAVE. THRILLING#promare
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gatekeeping weirdness now? yall have the energy for this? silly goose behavior(derogatory and dismissive) for sure
#toy txt post#ive seen 2 posts today im not interacting with#one was less bad but still#the other one was hilariously bad#im vagueing it#it was like wah! fucking POSERS are PRETENDING to be weird by ACTIVELY pursuing interests and hobbies that make someone considered weird!#and having dyed hair! bluh! always with the dyed hair hate like really. its not For you but die mad i guess.#anyway if youre that concerned about other ppl actively pursuing hobbies that get them labelled weird (for i guess. the purpose. of being#percieved as weird? whether or not they enjoy the hobby? fascinating behavior if so. pretty weird even id s-*gunshot*#anyway if youre that concerned about that vs like idk....whatever 'organically' weird ppl are. in contrast to that. i gotta say#im no expert but that does sound like maybe you are in fact the poser bro. also this is so fucking funny and stupid god#first of all. pretending to be weird by displaying interests in weird hobbies and fashion even tho deep down im a normal fucking square and#i just hate these weird hobbies and aesthetics so much but like listen i Gotta. for the Weirdness Clout(tm). definitely a thing that#meaningfully exists and makes a ton of sense to measure someone against#dont you know youre only a true weirdo if you dont have any interest in looking like a freak and putting effort into your weird freak#aesthetic. what insane fucking discourse.#like first of all dumbass this shit is made up. normal isnt real it doesnt exist. normal people are fucking weird. weirdness is normal#weirdness is also a construct that is defined in opposition to the unachievable normalcy. many ppl are for the most part 'normal'#with little regular quirks and then there are every so often weird freaks who are very much outside of normal#and thats generally fine although society generally does punish those who do not strive for normalcy. you are supposed to try to appear#normal at all costs or you are punished. etc. its late i just got home from work im not getting into this more#tldw(too long didnt write): yall gotta chill you got your head way too far up your own ass if you are legitimately concerned about#'normal' people 'pretending' to be weird. thats not a problem its fine calm down holy fuck.#also. also. to the less bad one:#'you cant all have been weird little girls' are you accounting for the selection bias of this website targeting the deomgraphic of ppl#who were weird little girls? chill. its the weird little kids grown up to be weird little adults website and youre shocked? really?
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ppl on here and on twitter got really weird about the ear flicking scene. kind of disregarding that shiv was acting like a 6 yr old and then that he retaliated also like a 6 yr old. we actually have no idea what their dynamic was like before the events of the show and i think this was a peek into that. shiv is a little mean to him and he’s a little mean back but his type of mean is very weird (barnacle??) and that weirdness itself might have been intriguing to shiv at some point. her own little meow meow who makes really weird comparisons and references to things she’s never heard of or cared about.
#a lot of ppl more familiar with jesse armstrong's work said the scene was very peep show to them#and i dont think a lot succession viewers are familiar with peep show ( such as myself)#saying that tom was being abusive is inaccurate imo#and then painting shiv as an idiot for falling into old patterns by accepting this 'abuse' by asking him to dinner#is also really fucked up?? and ignores shiv's accomplishments in the episode#she is on a high actually#and is back to plotting and scheming#she's asking him out to dinner bc 1) shes feeling good 2) misses him and 3) for scheming purposes perhaps#she wants to get rid of cyd and put him in her place#like im sorry but shiv and tom do love each other#she herself admits that she hurt him first and then he hurt her#she knows theyre fucked up#the ear flicking wasn't what some viewers think it was#especially when we've spent 4 seasons with tom and he's never hit anyone except greg with water bottles#anyway this is just my opinion#goodybye
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#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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