#made it rlly hard for me to talk to ppl online

[nururu]

just fyi I turned off my discord notifications bc it's just..... overwhelming. and then I forget to check it... so like..... idk... message me on here if u need me to see a message.. still might not check it or respond tho... it's just so overwhelming for me idk how to manage all that. I have like 3 ppl on Tumblr I just haven't responded, like 5 on insta, and 3 ppl in texts, and then I just haven't checked my discord in like 4 days bc that's another can of worms. idk how ppl have the focus or time in the day to handle messaging ppl back so much... bc I know when I do then that person's gonna then respond to me again and I'll be busy at that point and then ignore them again for the next 3 days until I remember and then I feel like shit.... idk man I think we should just destroy the internet and write each other letters again.... it's all seriously way too much for me.

[wooziorgans]

Don't mind me asking I'm genuinely curious if you are a guy ( or so I assume from your pronouns) why do you only write f/m fics? Like is it for better audience or do you have lady parts down there? Like I thot you'd have at least indulged in one m/m fics but there are none in your profile so I was like curious bout it hope you don't feel offended by my language or question

ahh. i was waiting for someone to ask this eventually.

i am indeed trans (ftm), but it’s not something i really talk about online or at all bcs ive been fully medically transitioned for the last few years. any identity i assume online is just,, a man. the details don’t rlly matter that much.

generally speaking, i think writing f/m is a Lot better for audience participation. most of the ppl who interact with my posts are afab, but i don’t write f/m necessarily. i try and keep things as gender neutral as possible in the language i use. in full fics (the ones in third person) i use they/them for reader and i also generally try and keep things as neutral as possible. for example: using chest instead of breasts, things like that. but some things are hard to not gender. if im writing about clit stimulation then i have to describe the clit, yknow?

i think it’s more comfortable for me to write that way while also appealing to a broader audience in a way, bcs ive read my fair share of gn!reader fics, and they’re not really neutral. anatomy wise, i also know how things work a little better. i know how dicks work too, but im just worried about posting things like that i guess.

i do have m/m fics in my drafts. one of them is almost finished too. but i think there’s a lot of fear around posting something like that for me. on one hand, im worried about engagement in general. if no one reads it, why did i post it?

on the other hand, im worried about people thinking that im forcing a queer identity on someone. because even though im writing fiction, its happened to me in the past. ive abandoned whole fics because i had side m/m relationships, or i made someone gay and i got worried that that wouldn’t sit well with the masses.

to me though, writing in a queer character or relationship is so natural bcs not everyone is cishet. friend groups don’t really exist like that, especially w svt. statistically speaking, one of them has to be queer in some way (im not speculating any of their sexualities btw, but to assume that they don’t know queer people or aren’t queer themselves is a little unfair).

also just generally speaking, most of the asks i get revolve around afab ppl, and i try to write things as they are presented to me.

if people are interested in m/m fics, or queer themes, then by all means send them my way. i think ive just been,,,, a little hesitant bcs my account is still fairly new. but i would like it to be known that my account is a safe space for queer people. and if that upsets anyone reading this then do not interact.

this was a very important ask to get. thank you for asking.

[pbpsbff]

happy 1 year of r&r :)

i know it's a lil cringe to like. celebrate the birthday of a series on ao3 but r&r is literally my child. my baby. i birthed this series. and you all signed up for this when u started reading my fics thank u

soooooooo thank u guys for all the support i've received over r&r i know it's hard to stay a consistent reader when my posting schedule is entirely non existent but i am so grateful for everyone who's stuck around this long and been with me for this journey (calling it a journey because a year ago i did not have any sort of overarching plot in mind and now we're 17? 18? fics deep and so many things have happened and i'm usually just as surprised as my readers) it's rlly u guys that have kept me going this long

ANYWAY. i rewrote this like 500 times cause i hate being like. overly sappy on this account because it's way funnier to act like a celebrity with a huge ego, but real talk i am so proud of everything i've done w this series & what it's become in the past year

i've been posting my writing online since i was like 10, so we're going on almost 9 years now and i don't think i've ever ever ever received as much support for something as i have for r&r and something about that is soooo special to me??? idk it's just so nice to see a completely self indulgent series become so loved by others, especially since the only other fics i had up before gmm&m were a little more on the "i'm gonna write what seems popular right now" side???

like shoutout to everyone who was here before/around when i started the series because my account was so empty like. 2 fics and one gets updated every 6 months. r&r pulled me out of the trench i fear. it also cured me of my very horrible disease that makes me delete all my fics after 9 months and then completely disappear from a fandom so everyone say thank you r&r

but yeah idk where i'm going with this i'm very grateful for r&r and all the friends i've made and people i've met through it because i was very lonely before i rejoined tumblr and r&r was like. 90% of the reason i made my account

AND SPEAKING OF FRIENDS. thank u to

@spidergrotto & @sapoteylx for being the first ppl i met on here to openly talk about and support r&r which i thought was so so cool even if you guys have become my haters in the past few months i've known you :/ thank u r&r nation u keep me humble and miserable (and i am very thankful for our friendship i think some aspects of r&r would be very different if we'd never met)

& ao3 user classactical because you've been here since like. a month or two into the series i think and i always always always look forward to your comments because i feel like if you comment, i did a good job on the fic LOL thank u for sticking around for so long, even if ao3 has been actively working against you for a whiiiiile

there's a lot more i want to say and a lot of people i want to mention but that would take a very long time and i always feel weird tagging a lot of people in posts so just know if u read r&r we are kissing rn. or high fiving idk whatever floats ur boat i guess

but yeah anyway tl:dr happy birthday r&r i'm very proud of this series & very thankful for everyone who has read any part of it ever u guys are so cool and hot and have amazing taste and i'm taking your kudos and bookmarks etc. as you swearing your allegiance to me and promising me your undying support no matter what (legally binding btw) thank u guys

[angelfevr]

i dont think i want to post my art online anymore.

this was kind of a hard decision and i had thought abt quitting for Months, possibly Years, but yeah im putting my foot down this time.

i restarted this blog earlier this year bc i noticed my unhealthy attachment to the internet, so i wanted smth that focused on my hobbies bc that felt more productive in a sense. and it was, and it helped.

i just wanna say this isnt anyones fault, and while i cant control how ppl decide to respond to this, pls dont feel at fault or guilty or anything . idk how to word things eloquently esp not during an emotional moment

anyway i keep thinking abt curryswirl's post and how true it is ..

like its so frustrating having to post stuff like "hey!! i made smth" and how it feels (keyword: feels) like nobody cares enough to share it around w/ others . and no doing it privately doesnt count bc like.. u couldve spent energy making a comment to the op instead

overall i feel like theres more cons than pros. i hate having my self worth tied to internet attention/validation and i rlly dont think its a me problem . i think its a problem w the internet in general, how the algorithm (and ik tumblr doesnt have one so thats not the only point im making) favors certain ideas/trends, how u have to sanitize urself, market urself in a way that strays from what u truly want to do . idc that "eventually youll have eyes on ur posts" bc why cant it happen Now ? why do i have to fight to get noticed? its such a competitive nature and i hate it

so im done

ofc im still gonna use this blog and if u wanna talk privately abt my stuff and send asks and shit im cool w that, i still want to be in community w other writers and such . im just not gonna post much or at all. maybe lil snippets here and there, participating in writing/fandom events but thats it

if u read this far, ty . if u didnt, thats fine too ^^

tldr: im quitting posting art on the internet bc of the competitive nature of said internet and how it fucks with my mental health. so yeah

[askthedragonriders]

Good evening dragon riders. This question is for all of you. Life has been very overwhelming lately and loneliness is a very real thing that I (and likely many other people) have been struggling with. Sometimes forcing myself out of isolation can feel near impossible. How do you deal with this sort of stress? (If this question is a lot for you then it’s ok if you don’t answer. I understand).

good evening! this has been sitting in my ask box for a couple of months now at this point (maybe longer). i've finally reached it and i apologize for the wait.

i'm also sorry for not responding to this in character, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. i am just one person roleplaying as these six goobers and it's hard for me to have them have their own answers while i have my own separate experiences with the same issue and loneliness being smth that has been a part of my entire life until recently.

ik how you feel, anon. life gets overwhelming and you are alone or even with others you feel alone because there's just smth not connecting and putting yourself out there takes up so much energy with the added potential of it not working in your favor at all and it sucks so badly. it SUCKS so badly.

forcing yourself out of isolation is SO much sometimes. at my worst i couldn't even imagine it being possible that i could have the power to get myself out. i can only speak from my experiences and i apologize if it does nothing for you. i understand if it doesn't. we are not the same person, none of us are.

but for me, the stress of it all would be me going to work or having to do smth and being like "you know what. just say hi to someone. introduce yourself." such as a coworker or a fellow student. it gets more difficult if you don't have scheduled things like that which generally require interacting with people and yea, it doesn't mean it'll guarantee the loneliness going away if you happen to talk to someone. i get it.

i've always been somewhat of an outsider and struggled in having friends bc a part of me liked keeping to myself but also i was afraid and stressed but it made me lonely and it just cycled. i was lucky my mom recommended i see a therapist bc she was worried & it ended up working wonders for me in understanding how i operate.

for dealing with the stress of it, sometimes it's as simple as slow breathing, sometimes it's setting tinier goals so it's not so daunting and going step by step, and sometimes it did end up being dealing with the stress head on and jumping in. sometimes finding someone online helped, sometimes having someone irl with me helped. what also helps me is remembering that being lonely will always be part of a phase. our feelings always have opposites. someone else across the world or even across the street is also lonely, either literally alone or at a giant gathering with friends around them. we are lonely together.

you will not be lonely forever and the fact you know you don't like being lonely and don't want to be lonely, even if the stress of coming out of isolation feels like so much, that's enough. it can make the difference. you might even end up not being lonely or fighting it in a way you never expected or didn't even realize because things sometimes just happen. it's what happened to me, i started seeing a therapist and got a new job and there i met my two best friends in the whole world who are some of the only ppl who make me feel happy and full. we don't talk all the time. we don't need to. we pick up right where we left off. i no longer see my therapist and have moved out and my life has changed a lot.

ik that it doesn't always work like that. sometimes you rlly do have to keep getting up, going out, and facing the loneliness head on. usually it'll be a mixture of it happening naturally and being a fight. learning to be comfortable in your own company and taking care of yourself can also be very helpful, and you gotta do that at your own pace. days will sometimes be bad and sometimes be good. it probably won't be noticeable or go as quickly as you hope it will.

i hope you are able to find peace, anon. you will one day see, looking back, that you aren't lonely. even if you still are some time in the future, i hope it's still an improvement from where you are now. i hope your situation has improved for you since you sent this ask.

i wish you the best

[l-tora-l-archived]

HELLO CUTIE WHATS UR MAIN BLOG, SHARE PLS XOXO

HIIII sorry for taking like ten centuries to respond to this but like tbh ;; Im quitting tumblr I think. (ALSO UNI PLS IGNORE THIS LOL ITS MAINLY FOR EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE I ALR TOLD YOU ID POST THIS HAHA😭🙏)

Mega explanation under the cut talking abt some of the trashy behaviour I've had to experience on this forsaken app over the years, but mostly how I feel about it so yeah if you don't care that's alr hope everyone has a good life, cause as I said I quit.

I deleted the new blog I ended up making bc this environment has never really been welcoming to me and I can 100% say that tumblr has actively made my experiences with practically everything irl AND online worse than any fruitful goodness it has or could ever bring. From putting my everything into relationships including comfort, support and psychological + therapeutic sessions for people even over ten yrs older than me (at times older) without even getting a single kind thought back, to the genuine rudeness of some people, to the (excuse my language) but half assed and crude responses I receive ... honestly the list is endless.

One thing I'm trying to get better at is to notice when my presence is clearly not wanted and act accordingly. It's just saddening that the one place where it's encouraged to be your true "nerdy" self, as the catchphrase of this site is, I am not allowed to be just that. I really do wonder what part of me is so incredibly intolerable or forgettable, that I am expected to practically grovel for even ten minutes of people's time - and that's with the closest people I know, forget abt ten minutes for regular conversation I can't even get ten minutes from the people I stood with through thick and thin with, even though I myself struggle really hard to be there and yet always am.

From now on I'll just say that no I will definitely not come back, I will also not use this account and if I ever DO come back it would probably just be a call out thread on SOME people who deserve jail time more than silly time on tumblr dot come /hj (but not rlly hj hahejdsj this is so srs and continues to impact my life after almost 2 years ... but ugh what.ever.😀👍). But I'm also a coward ngl so like that would never happen !

I would say "oh btw I have this account you can keep in touch on ! :>" but truthfully, I am so let down by how uninteractive, uncaring and exclusionary everyone is no matter how hard I try to do the best I can to treat others how I'd love to be treated, and how I basically am sweating to keep convos going, bc in truth I don't think anyone rlly likes me enough here or anywhere really to even want to talk to me in general, so I'll spare you all that. The proof is literally in the fact that I've amassed a sizeable following which I am shocked with, yet despite it all I feel so lonely bc nobody even bothers with me at all whilst ppl who just start out get 50 best friends in such a short time frame. I see I am not everyone's cup of tea.

I once thought maybe just maybe I could have a good time online just how everyone suggests that online is better than irl and it is a reprieve for some. Looks like I am eternally unlucky bc how is online on par or perhaps even worse than irl for me ? And make no mistake irl is atrocious to me too.

I do not mean this to be passive aggressive but I just want to communicate my thoughts. If I was being passive aggressive that'd imply that I knew that everyone here was capable of treating me as I wanted, as I have consistently treated my "friends" on here, as a reciprocated effort. But as this thread suggests, that was and can never be a reality for me.

TLDR // not coming back bc :

People genuinely don't care or don't put in any effort at all

Bullies (mean ppl way at the beginning of my account) + I am let down how everyone let TWO whole adults get away with being weird to a then minor (me) right in front of your faces

Very traumatised and uncomfortable being on this app to the point I can barely even socialise at all from the precipitating impacts.

Hope everyone has a good life.

[angelheaven7]

ok im gonna talk about an experience i had at a bookstore recently that drove me crazy.😭

so i went to a bookstore to grab an entomology book since ive been meaning to grab one for a while ,, so i went to the nature science section to look for the book and there were none (which was disappointing but not the point) so i found one book on bugs in the pet section and it was just a bug photography book and i was like that's rlly cool but i want a book with more info in it👍

so i had given up and was super anxious and upset cuz i was looking foreword to getting an entomology book for a while but whatev

so i went to the kids section out of boredom and there was a whole section on bugs😭i was rlly happy that i found insect books but they were all kids books which made me kinda feel humiliated because i had just recently started to unmask and open up about sharing my interests so seeing that the only thing about my special interest was in the kids section made me feel a little childish 😭

also seeing that things like astronomy, which kids are also into got placed in the formal science section but entomology is automatically amused to be a "kid interest"

obv im not bashing on the bookstore for putting insect books in the kids section like ik kids are interested in it too ,, im just sharing an experience that kinda made me feel babied as an autistic person trying to unmask and be more open about their special interest ‼️

so now i have a national geographic kids book on entomology 👍

it was the best one i could find that wasn't too childish but I'll read it knowing that the info got dumbed down for kids to read and just the fact that its a kids book😭😭

and i felt obligated to get it because i knew that if i walked out of the bookstore without an insect book i would go crazy, theres no other book stores near where i live, i prefer owning a book rather than going to a library, and its rlly hard for me to online book shop because whenever i go book shopping i have to read the first couple pages to make sure i will actually be interested and focused while reading it because of my a.d.d ‼️

i imagine this whole thing will just sound like me complaining or being over sensitive to non autistic folks but i hope other neuro divergent ppl will kinda get it😭

[starsdailyjournal]

Journaling for my mental health as an epic scene girl (not clickbait) Day 1!

Today (sunday) I woke up at like 12:44 am or pm idkkkk but it was when the sun was up and like my dad had asked me to call him and since I have like ptsd I tweaked out but I brushed my teeth first because like I'm trying to get myself into the routine of doing that now. Anyway I called him and he just wanted me to like make my sister breakfast and put the food we made in the fridge but like he rlly freaked me out by just texting me "Call me when you wake up.". And he said he was getting us pizza which is now one of my least favorite things to hear from him (because of the c-a-l-o-r-i-e-s and because I'm really bad at expressing grattitude to him since we are sorta close (he is my bio dad I've known him all my life its complicated). But anyway I made my lil sister (10 yr old nerd) an awesome omelet with mozerela and sausage slices AND a cheese crust idk how to explain it basically I put cheese in a pan after I made the omelet and when it was still melty and not hard I put the omelet I already made on it and the I folded the whole thing when the cheese was cooked!! I bet it was yummy idk tho but anyway after that I scammed someone on adopt me (l-o-l) for like an fr panda, r sloth and nfr or nr hydra they got 20k rh diamonds tho soooo yk its fine!!! I was gonna scam sum more but like I got stuck trying to figure out how to use razer cortex (because royale high is so laggy on this dumb laptop) and I was stuck on that for hours legit untile dinner!! but while I was stuck on that my dad came home and gave me some chocolate which was nice but it also sucked because I CANT express grattitude its rlly hard for me bc I'm too grateful that I feel like if I tried to put into words the gratuity I feel I would spaz. BUT anyway I haven't eaten the chcolate yet (also its dark chocolate and if u dont fw dark chcolate ur ai generated) but I did eat 2 slices of this rlly oily garlic pizza for dinner just now! it was gross and I lowk cant stand that it's in my system (iykyk) but I can't do nun abt it BUT I am starting my fast rn and it should last this whole week!! So that'll make up for this but erm IDK ahhahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like talking abt eating but this is an honest journal... Should I add TWs?? Bc I rlly dont wanna I be sleepy at night which is when I'll be typing these out. Omgeee also like I've wanted to go back to being quarantine level chronically online 4ever now bc I love doing that in the summer but my dad has parental controls on all my stuff (including this laptop) so I cant go on disboard n stuff to find online friends to give me entertainment n stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!! but I FOUND A WAY YALL!! I'm just gonna be ROBLOX chronically online tho I am a robloxian already (since 2018) I want to be one of those ppl who are always on it yk (thats why I was scamming today n trynna unlag royale high) SOOO when I'm not studying I'm gonna be scamming and trading in royale high and adopt me!!! Maybe I'll try n make sum friends but rn I'm focused on the games I'm already planning on getting my dp from starpets n I have a decent halo + ltbs on rh n all my dream stuff besides 1 set n 2 accesories!! so like I'm prettyyy good but I wanna get REALLY good like those ppl who have 5 owls and 8 parrots lolz! And I literally love roblox and everyone who plays it (besides anyone with brainrot humor ironic or unironic idc) everyone else are so cool!!! So like yea and I have 30 dollars that I'm prob gonna use on robux I might try n get headless bc my mom pays me to do computer science courses and my dad pays me half of whatever my mom pays me!! Honestly I feel like journaling is sm fun rn i love talking but nobody ever listens screaming into the cyber void is so fun!!! Also I'm gonna likeeeee eat my chocolate after I shower rn probs and then my fast starts!!! ALSO omg halloween is coming up!! I'm def gonna be a vampire! If anyone enjoyed my journal tell me what your gonna be for halloween!! Omg if my journal/blog gets big I would call the ppl who read it bats!! that would be sosososo cooool ANYWAY FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dteamain]

why dont u explain to me why all the mods are acting so weird and vague about this when they could debunk it any time? Why the delay when karl was just online AS it was at its peak? Its not insanely hard to see why people believe it. And its not a crime to think it makes sense. U pull out all these phrases like "yall r moving like leaktwt" or telling people (rightfully) sad abt the idea of dteam getting treated like shit again that they're being parasocial and whatever, i think youre being overly critical over this situation, and saying stuff that doesnt make sense. "Leaktwt" my ass bruh, nobodys leaking shit, and its not up to you to police how people react to this information, be it positive, negative, etc. like just cool it and talk about other shit if u think its so fake! Leave ppl alone! This comes from a follower that rlly likes you but seriously! Why do u need to argue with anyone who might believe this stuff when you don't even know either? Why not just respect peoples perspectives and know that once this stuff gets addressed we'll have our answer?

At least tag ur talk about this or something, i like following you!

im not saying anything about people should or shouldn’t believe if the thread is true. im saying two things:

1. people who are celebrating these screenshots are being gross as they shouldn’t WANT it to be true that karl is being disgusting like that to dream team

2. people who since even before this shit came out are dead set on karl being the worlds biggest pos to the dream team based of only public information that they skewed in their favour are extremely parasocial especially because all of dteam have made it clear karl is their friend.

i am not denying the fact that it is extremely disgusting if the screenshots are true and im also not saying you can’t believe the screenshots

both the other anons were using their own personal discomforts they have with karl has cold hard facts that attest to his ‘behaviour’ and therefor somehow prove the screenshots true

the leaktwt comment was because they are literally using screenshots that could easily be faked and given with little to no context and stating them as fact as well as using ‘a friend of a friend of a mutual’ type of sources

[silkgonerough]

Astrology Observation/rants? #1

❤️I’ve noticed that people who have venus unaspected in their chart are incredibly attractive idk why???

👸Moon trine/conjunct venus is such a nice placement to have in regards to people in general but especially to the opposite sex. I feel like ppl tend to treat you more gently and kindly bc of it’s feminine energy. It gives a prince/princess charm to the natives mannerisms bc they’re so kind and warm! Men with this placement are kind of babied and seen in higher regards by women (especially older women!!) and the women are kind of protected and nurtured through men. This also goes both ways where women with this placement probably have amazing relationships with other women and the guys are that one friend who has a lowkey bromance with all of his friends lol,, It’s rlly hard to see these ppl in a malefic or fearful light.

🙎‍♀️Moon in Scorpio females have eyes that can pierce through your soul

💆Men with Aquarius venus and Capricorn Mars are top tier

👄Women with Scorpio venus are usually very pretty and sexy and known for their sex appeal if famous

💅Capricorn + gemini venus or rising women are really pretty and make great models

👯‍♀️Lilith in eighth house is considered a sex symbol placement (Brigitte Bardot, Elvis Presley, Angelina Jolie, Sophia Loren)

🤔I would say gemini and virgo risings are the hardest signs to identify because of their mercurial rulership and mutability unlike Pisces and Sagittarius where there are clear distinctions in facial features and physique because of the Jupiter/Neptune affect (long legs, round faces, prominent forehead and eyes) gemini and virgo can easily be dominated by other planets in contact with the ascendant or first house but both signs give someone a very youthful doll like glow

🧠People tend to shit on hard Saturn contacts but I find that with time they usually evolve beautifully and the aspect can become a huge benefic but only with hard work. Saturn is the only planet that rewards for perseverance and patience but it’s always worth it

🥰Leo and Virgo’s are actually really similar in what they expect from themselves and others. They both just want to be appreciated and considered important to those around them.

👩‍🦳No matter what signs are involved sun conjunct venus always has a very feminine and pleasent face usually with a prominent forehead,, they’re also rlly well captured in photographs!

🤳Mars square Neptune probably had a period where they may have read a lot of dirty fanficton or fantasized about weird concepts sexually

🌝Leo moons are WAY more of attention seekers then leo suns im sorry but it’s like their emotional well-being depends on the amount of attention they get whereas Leo suns don’t necessarily ask for it bc they just attract it naturally with their aura (this isn’t every leo moon ofc just the ones I’ve observed)

🤦‍♂️I think Virgo suns are more critical of those around them and how that affects who they are whereas Virgo moons tend to be more critical of themselves and how their actions affect their surroundings

🦵I’ve noticed Mars in the 1st house females are usually rlly toned and skinny with long legs

💃Mars in Virgo is known as being prudish or like a not sexy placement of Mars and I rlly beg to differ, I swear every person that the general public’s been obsessed with when it comes to being hot has this (Dylan O brien, Austin Butler, Idris Alba, Blake Lively, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Felton, Ariana grande, Johnny depp, Britney Spears?!! there’s so many more u guys need to get on this)

🥴Aries moons are all about talking the talk but I swear half the time are not walking the walk and when they do they’ve talked shit to about 6 ppl already and waited for like a week before telling u how they feel

🤡Pisces moons (myself being one) can be so fucking stupid when it comes to liking someone I swear. We tend to make excuses for them and cling to whatever image we’ve set up in our head on who they are. Once evolved though it’s way easier for us to see ppl for who they are off the bat without going through the emotional distress!

😒I can confirm that we attract whatever signs in our eighth house mines in Aries and I swear to god not a year has gone by where an Aries man hasn’t infiltrated my life

👗people who have venus in the second house are the definition of quality over quantity!! always dressed so well with the cutest jewelry. They’re style carries libra energy :)

🥺Aries sun men are some of the most sensitive ppl I’ve ever met!! I didn’t realize it at first but they’re rlly soft and uwu. I don’t know how to explain it but think of Eren from AOT or Natsu from Fairy Tail! They’re kind of like a cheeky kid you want to protect at all costs

🤝I think a lot of square aspects can work in your favor if there’s a specific trine or conjunct aspect that’s energy can balance it out once activated if that makes sense ? Like for example I have venus square neptune and I used to put myself in alot of unnecessary painful situation bc I had a problem with deluding myself when it came to liking someone. Yet I was always aware that the person was not right for me or the situation was toxic bc of my sun conjunct pluto. The Sun/Pluto aspect has kind of forced me to be more aware of the venus/neptune affect and I’ve grown a lot stronger through those painful plutonic experiences in love and I can see through other people’s intentions for what they are with ease. I think that sun/pluto helped cancel out my delusion by making me go through a lot of intense experiences to finally understand what I was doing and see things for what they were.

🧛🏽‍♀️Going off of that I don’t care what anyone else says I LOVE MY PLUTO ASPECTS and trust me their pretty shitty (sun conjunct pluto, moon square pluto, pluto square asc). I’ve been put into some rlly crazy situations for only being 18 but I can go into the world with a lot more awareness of who I am and the people around me. I like the intensity they bring and the forcefulness of change in my habits and life. Pluto has made me a rlly strong person in terms of persevering through life and it’s challenges. I thank pluto for that.

👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏼👨🏾‍🤝‍👨🏻👩🏿‍🤝‍👩🏼I think one of my favorite placements I have that is also super favorable in others is Jupiter in the 11th house! This may seem kind of random but the amount of opportunities and cool experiences I’ve been given through my friends and social circles is something I’m soo thankful for🙏 Friendship and just being a friendly person in general is something I’ve always found luck and happiness in and it’s so rewarding to have so many ppl like and support u for who u are! Making friends with ppl online and making friends from friends is super easy with this placement as well💞

[ratmonky]

Out of Body Experience

Word Count: 4.9K

Warnings: semi-public

AO3 Link

[You matched with Maru!]

[Send Maru a message!]

Maru: Hey.

(username): hiii!!

Maru: You look cute in your pictures on your profile.

(username): omg you think so?? i’m really happy!! i thought you had a rlly cool bio,,, i guess i did the right choice to like your bio

Maru: Thanks. I was surprised to get a notification that we matched. You’re way out of my league.

(username): don’t say that maruuu~ i bet you look handsome irl

Maru: I don’t.

(username): hmm, wanna prove it?? >.<

Maru: I don’t know.

(username): don’t be shy!! ur bio said you lived in kyoto, wanna meet up this saturday?

Maru: You’ll be disappointed.

(username): i promise i won’t!!! i like meeting new ppl!!! besides if we didn’t click we can still be friends?? i feel like you and i will be close no matter what!!

Maru: Are you sure? We just met.

(username): yep!!! come ooooonnnnn it’ll be fun to hang out!!

Maru: Fine.

(username): yay!!! let’s meet in front of the train station!! ahh i’m so excitedddd i can’t waittt TwT

Maru: Me too.

(username): <3

[Maru: <3………….. (send)]

Kokichi paused and deleted the message.

Maru: See you.

~~~

Kokichi’s first impression of you was that you were naive and careless. You wanted to meet up with him without any hesitation, what if he was someone who could harm you?

He stared at his screen and at your pictures.

You were gorgeous, he had never seen someone as pretty as you. On top of all that you wanted to meet him.

It made him feel special, wanted even.

~~~

When a notification sound filled his ears, Kokichi immediately checked if it was from you.

(username): maruuuuu!!!! i missed u  ))):

He stared at the message and read it three times but didn’t quite understand why you would miss him.

Maru: What?

(username): i thought you’d text me but u didn’t,,, i couldn’t sleep cuz i was thinking about u

Maru: I didn’t think you wanted me to text you.

(username): )):

Maru: ?

(username): )))):

Maru: (:

(username): (((((:

Maru: You’re childish aren’t you?

(username): what about it q;

Maru: Nothing. How old are you anyway?

(username): old enough to drinkkkk!!!

Maru: Me too. Which Jujutsu college are you going to?

(username): ohh, hehe… i dropped out cuz it wasn’t my thing

Maru: That’s irresponsible. Did you drop because you couldn’t keep up with your curse classes or was it for some other reason?

(username): maruuuu stop talking about jujutsu with meee!!!

Maru: Then what should we talk about?

(username): about our date >.<

Maru: Date?

(username): did u forget already )):

Maru: Forget what?

(username): our date on saturday )):

Maru: That’s a date?

(username): TwT ur making me sad maru

Maru: I don’t understand it, we just said we’d meet up.

(username): this is a dating website for ppl like us ///:

Maru: You want to date me?

(username): idk anymore,,, seems like ur a heartbreaker and i feel like u don’t feel a connection between us as i do

Maru: Wait! Don’t jump to conclusions all by yourself! You don’t even know what I look like, how can you be so sure that you want to date me?

(username): i mean,,, we matched for a reason,,, i liked ur bio and wanted to get to know u better is that bad??

Maru: No. No, it isn’t. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm new to this sort of stuff.

(username): apology accepted!!!! ahhhh ur so cute,,, i can’t wait to meet u

Maru: Same here.

~~~

His classmates knew something was up. Robotic demeanor was gone and instead, it was actually a part of himself as Kokichi that was showing through.

“Mechamaru looks happy nowadays,” Kamo noted.

“It’s relieving that he shows us a softer side of himself,” Miwa added. “Makes me feel happy for him.”

“I wonder what caused him to become this way.” Kamo was talking to himself but Todo took it upon himself to answer.

“He has finally found himself a Takada-chan.” Todo grinned. “Reminds me, I never asked him what his type of woman is.”

There was a moment of silence before Todo walked out into the campus garden to make his way towards Mechamaru.

Mechamaru didn’t notice his presence as he was watering the flowers.

“Yo.”

“Todo. Did you need something?”

“What’s your type of woman?”

Caught off guard, Mechamaru dropped the watering can. “I… I think someone who’s kind and cheerful.” Someone who’s submissive.

“Like I guessed.” Todo held his chin between the knuckle of his forefinger and thumb as he hummed thoughtfully. “You’re as lifeless as your puppet.”

~~~

What did that suppose to mean?

Kokichi was just telling the truth.

Right?

~~~

Days passed until Friday came.

Kokichi talked to you almost every day and whenever he could. He seemed to enjoy your company more than he thought he would when the two of you first matched.

He woke up to your messages and went to sleep only after he texted you goodnight.

Today, he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his ribcage, he could hear his own pulse when it got too quiet and it was dead silent in his hideout… as always.

All he could think about was your date tomorrow. He had made sure to dress up Mechamaru nicely for the occasion and checked the weather report thrice so the date wouldn’t be ruined because of anything out of his control.

There was still something that made him extremely anxious. What if you didn’t like him? What if everything went terribly and you blocked his number?

He needed something to distract him from these negative thoughts.

Maru: Hey.

(username): maruuuu!!!! what r u doin??

Maru: Going to sleep soon, I think.

(username): without me (;

Maru: Never.

(username): i’m blushing

Maru: How are you?

(username): fine, i'm doing skincare tonight to get ready for our date!!

Maru: About that...

(username): ....

(username): are you going to cancel our date?

Maru: No! I’m just anxious about it.

(username): good cuz i’d block u

Maru: I don’t think you would.

(username): you don’t know me

Maru: Because you never told me about yourself.

(username): ^-^; haha yeah,,, so,,, what would you like to know?

Maru: Everything.

Without even noticing the passing time, Kokichi chatted with you until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

He learned everything about you. From the earliest memory, you could recall about your first interaction with a cursed spirit to your latest obsession with an online game about cute animals.

His eyelids were getting heavier, he texted you goodnight and how he was excited to meet you tomorrow.

When he closed his eyes, this time he managed to fall asleep.

~~~

You pressed your phone to your chest and kicked at your sheets. The excitement was eating you up, the butterflies in your stomach wouldn’t calm down either. All because of someone you met online a couple of days ago.

It wasn’t something new to you to meet up with people you met online but this felt a lot different.

Previous times, you had used different dating apps or social media websites to make friends but this was the first time you had used a dating website specifically for people who knew the existence of curses.

Jujutsu sorcerers often found it hard to find someone they could click with because of their field of work but this website had risen up to popularity from day one. Your old classmates from your jujutsu college wouldn’t shut up about it so you gave it a go after their insisting.

Maru was one of the first people you matched with on the website. In his profile, he had written about how he wanted to find someone he could be himself with and date them.

That’s why tomorrow, you had to be on your best behavior so he could be himself around you.

~~~

You were twenty minutes early.

It wasn’t your intention to arrive this early but whether it be the excitement to meet up with Maru or not wanting to make him wait if your train was late-

Wait, those were all connected.

Letting out a sigh, you checked your phone. Yep, still twenty minutes. Once you put it back in your purse, your eyes scouted around the station. There weren’t any empty spaces for you to sit so you were standing by a meeting point next to the maps, hoping Maru would see you.

Although you didn’t know what he looked like, you had put effort into how you looked today so you could impress him. Deep inside, you hoped he would take notice of your appearance and compliment you but some men were just too dense.

From the way he had started texting you, he gave you the impression that he was one of those stoic and dense men but as you started to get to know him better, he turned out to be quite a friendly person. Very talkative and caring.

You pressed a hand on your cheek, you were burning up. Geez, were you really blushing this much because of him?

When you told your friends about this date, they had told you not to have too many expectations about Maru. They believed you were being catfished but it wasn’t possible, you didn’t want to meet him because of his appearance after all.

“Um, excuse me-”

Startled, you lifted your head to stare at a… robot?

You stepped away from its way, thinking that you were standing in front of its charging station or something. How long had it been since you had gone out? Had robots already taken over? Or was this one of those public pranks?

The robot was staring at you even after you moved away.

“(username)?”

You lifted your gaze and looked at the robot with wide eyes. “M-M-Maru?”

It nodded, “Mechamaru.”

No, it wasn’t a robot. You could sense cursed energy oozing from it. More like a cursed doll. Nevertheless, you were speechless.

There was a long pause before you spoke. “Ah, I...” You looked around as if you were searching for an exit and anxiously clutching on your purse.

Great, you were going to make up an excuse and go away. Just like he thought you would.

“I thought I was going to meet you, not a puppet.”

“I’m here,” he said, static sizzling noise coming from him was like nails on a chalkboard. “I just can’t be physically here because of my condition.”

“You could’ve told me about it first… ahh, sorry.” You sounded more annoyed than you would have liked but quickly covered it up by bowing your head to greet him. “Nevermind, I’m (name).”

“Are we going to use real names?”

“Well, I’m not gonna call you Megaman.” There was a smile.

“Mechamaru,” he corrected. After a short silence, he added, “Kokichi.”

“Nice to meet you Kokichi, I hope we can get along well.” You bowed yet again.

“Why are you being so formal?”

“It’s cuz…” You pointed at him.

“What?”

“Well…” You used both hands to gesture his whole body.

“If you say it’s because I’m a robot or anything similar to that, I’ll go home.” He sounded serious, or maybe it was because of the static.

You pouted and leaned forward on your tiptoes, “If I can’t even joke around then I’ll go home.”

“I thought you were looking forward to our date.” When you blushed at his words he spoke again. “You look cuter than your pictures.”

“Ahh, you really think so?” You started walking and he followed after you.

“I do.” He was keeping a large space between the two of you, whenever you tried to walk closer to him, he would move away but now when you were caught in the station with the crowd who were going home after work hours, you had to stay close to him.

You were being pushed against Kokichi thanks to the crowd trying to walk out of the station and he didn’t complain about it. Kokichi didn’t look at you, he thought about the things he read on the internet instead.

‘If you want your date to consider you as manly, you have to invest yourself to talk to her.’

“Your dress looks cute.” Kokichi came up with ‘the compliment her outfit’ route, he had seen men flirt before, he could do it too.

He stared down for a moment to see your reaction.

Bingo!

You smiled brighter than the sun, you played with your hair to give him a playful answer. “Thank you, I wore this just for our date.” Your eyes shined with small sparkles in them. “I really like your collar.” You pointed at his face, not too close, hesitant to invade his personal space. I’m here with his puppet not him, you reminded yourself.

“Thanks.”

When the two of you finally exited the station, you walked alongside him.

“Where to?” He nonchalantly asked while you were looking around the streets.

“What about karaoke?” You gave him an inviting smile, “It’d be fun.”

“Whatever you say.” He wasn’t sure which way you were taking. There was the main street and Kyoto's red-light district, of course, he knew you wouldn’t be going there. “Which street are we going for?”

You pointed to your right, “The main street, there is a karaoke place I know.” Your smile altered when you noticed how this time when you walked together to cross the street, it was close, your shoulder touched his fake biceps.

“I’m not good at singing for obvious reasons.” Back in his bathtub, Kokichi said it in a joking manner but thanks to the cursed puppet, it sounded a lot as if he was annoyed about the idea of going into karaoke. He bit his tongue and cringed, waiting for your reaction.

“You can still try, can’t you?” You gave him the best puppy eyes you could. “For me?”

Kokichi blushed but you weren’t able to see it through Mechamaru. “Y-yeah.”

“Oh, I didn’t know robots could stutter.”

“I didn’t stutter and I’m not a robot. This is a cursed puppet and sometimes the commands I give are interrupted, that’s why I-”

“You’re so easy to tease just as I guessed!”

Kokichi covered his mouth with his hand, watching you giggle at him through his screen.

“Here it is.” Pointing at a sign, you grabbed his arm and dragged him with you.

While you were showing him the prices, he was busy staring down at your shirt. He could… he could see your cleavage.

“The menu says they serve alcohol at this hour! Ahh, the prices are cheaper than the last time too! We can share the tab-” You stopped yourself from talking. Silence brought him out of his trance. “Oops, sorry. You can’t eat or drink through Megaman, right?”

“Mechamaru,” he corrected. “No, I can’t… But it’s on me anyway.”

“You’ll pay?” Your eyes sparkled brighter than the stars. Your pouting lips and hand on his chest didn’t help.

Kokichi looked away, blushing. “Y-yeah.”

“Y-you’re the best!” Mocking his stuttering, you offered him a cute smile. Then you went on to drag him inside while telling him about how this place was the best karaoke place in Kyoto because they served desserts and your favorite cocktail. All the while renting a room for the two of you.

“Would you like to share with others?” The employee asked.

“No.” Your answer was instantaneous.

Behind the register, the employee stared at Kokichi and down at you. It was easy to tell he thought the two of you were a mismatch. “Your room is to the left, you can order through the smart tablet. Have fun.”

“Thanks,” you said before walking past the register. When Kokichi caught up with you, you turned around. “Did you see the way he stared? So lame!”

“Well, anyone would have stared if they saw a pretty girl next to a robot.”

“So, you’re accepting you’re a robot?” You grinned, opening the door to the private room.

“That’s not what I meant!” He didn’t know what he was expecting. From the way you texted, he should have known you were this childish and unable to have a serious conversation.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing.” He closed the door behind him as you were ordering as many drinks as you could. Once he noticed you were about to order the entire menu, he barely managed to stop you by taking the smart tablet away from your hands. “Hey, I’m not rich!”

“It’s cheap, trust me!” You pouted your lips again, reaching for the smart tablet he was holding above your head.

His stare found the menu and froze. It was cheaper than he had thought like you said. He had never been somewhere like this, nobody could blame him for it.

“Sorry, I didn’t notice,” he said as he handed the device back to you.

“I was showing you the menu earlier, you weren’t listening, were you?” Your smile widened, eyes squinting knowingly.

“I was listening! You’re talking way too much, I can’t keep up!”

You crossed your legs, continuing to add stuff to your order.

It got quiet.

Realizing what he had said was rude, he apologized.

“It doesn’t sound genuine.”

“It’s because I’m talking through a puppet.”

“Exactly.”

You weren’t looking at him. Putting the tablet aside, you leaned back on the soft cushions. The mood had changed. When you weren’t talking, it was too quiet.

Decidedly, he walked over to the karaoke machine and grabbed two microphones. He sat next to you, placing one of the microphones next to you as he reached for the tablet.

There were way too many songs in the system and he knew none of them.

Scrolling further, he found Takada-chan’s songs.

“You like Takada-chan?” you asked, noticing how he had stopped scrolling.

“No,” he replied. “My friend-” Was he really his friend? “My friend likes her, he won’t stop talking about her and all.”

“I like her,” you said. “I’ve been to her meet and greets many times but they’re always ruined by some buff dude who has the most tickets. He’s always at the events, kinda creepy but seems like he supports her. He once beat up some guy who insulted her.”

Kokichi didn’t say anything. He didn’t want that guy to be the icebreaker on his date.

“Creepy,” he uttered before putting the tablet on your lap. “You should sing, I don’t know any of these songs.”

“None of them?” You raised a brow.

“None.”

“You’re so boring,” you murmured, clicking on the first song you saw.

The loud music filled the room and his hideout. You tapped on the microphone, “Check, one, two. Kokichi is sooooo boring!”

Your laughter was the next thing that filled his hideout. He chuckled but it came out as a static noise through Mechamaru.

While you were singing, the same employee came with two trays full of drinks and snacks, he left them on the table before leaving immediately. None of you paid any mind as you were changing the lyrics to tease Kokichi.

“Are those really the lyrics?” he asked.

“Yep!”

Another giggle.

Too cute.

Very cute.

He watched you stop singing for a brief moment to chug down your third drink. Your cheeks were flushed red from the booze and your neck was sweaty, you kept fanning your hand towards your face.

His gaze focused on a particular sweat droplet on your neck and idly watched as it drizzled down to your cleavage before disappearing under the fabric of your dress.

Kokichi tried focusing on something else but he found himself unable to tear his eyes away from you. Every single thing you did was seductive. When you bit onto a small rice cake or the way your lips closed around the straw of your drink and how your cheeks hollowed when you tried sucking the last bits of your cocktail in your mouth.

The last drop had to be when you grabbed an ice cube from your drink and held it over the skin of your chest.

His hand pressed on his lower half. He was thankful he wasn’t physically there or he would have been labeled as a pervert. Under the soothing medical liquid, he had a problem you didn’t need to see.

You weren’t singing anymore but the music was playing nonetheless to suppress the silence as Kokichi was practically undressing you with his eyes.

“Heyyy, Kokichi~” you slurred, sitting closer to him. “You’re being too quiet!”

Taken aback, he spoke. “I’m not sure what to say?”

“Just talk…” you whined, putting a hand on his knee.

Oh, how he wished he could feel the warmth of your hand.

“Or better… Sing!” You held a microphone up to his face.

“I can’t sing,” he reminded.

“You said, you’d sing for meee~”

He blushed, taking the microphone from your hand. “I don’t know the lyrics.”

“It’s on the screen.”

Yes, the lyrics were on the screen.

He felt embarrassed, this was stupid. He wasn’t even actually in the room with you but he felt so nervous. His actual hands were shaking as he gulped.

When he started singing, you started laughing.

The static made it sound like he was an actual robot. Yet, Kokichi didn’t stop despite how tone-deaf his voice was coming through Mechamaru. He wanted to make sure you were having fun but the music stopped.

Both of you stared at the notification on the tablet, asking if you wanted to add another hour to your stay.

Had it already been an hour? Time was going fast when you two were having fun.

You looked at Kokichi.

He pressed to accept.

The music continued playing.

This time, Kokichi didn’t sing. The two of you started chatting about everything and anything until there was a lull in the conversation.

“Lemme see your hand,” you said, reaching your own towards him. He slowly placed his hand on your open one and you compared the size. “Wow, your hand is hugee, is your real hand this big?”

Funny, if not absurd. You were on a date with a puppet but you were getting turned on.

“It's the same size as my own hand.” His gaze dropped to his actual body. “At least one of them.”

“Can you feel that?” You intertwined your fingers with his.

“No.” He wasn’t looking and he didn’t need to look. The depressing realization that he was always going to watch people behind a screen and in this damn bathtub was starting to sink in once again.

“Can you feel this?” You were giggling.

“I told you, I can’t feel-” His breathing stopped at the sight of you pressing his hand on your breast.

“I wanna meet you, Kokichi~” Smiling enticingly, you sat closer to him. “It’s no fun when I can’t see if you’re blushing right now.” Your hand over his hand moved on your breast, the supple flesh jiggled under the front of your dress. “Are you blushing right now?”

“I am.” His answer was instant.

“You know,” you started, putting your free hand on his thigh and lifting your leg up on the cushion to face him. “I got all dressed up ‘cause I wanted you to lose your composure. You sounded so uptight and stoic. I wanted to see you lose it.” Tilting your head, you puckered your lips. “But you didn’t even come to our date.”

“I did.”

“Megaman did.”

“Mechamaru.”

“I wanted Kokichi to come.” You pulled his hand away from your breast and led it down to your stomach and even lower. “I wish you were here so you could feel how wet I am.”

“(name),” he said. “I can’t feel my fingers through Mechamaru.”

“Mm?” You placed his hand under the skirt of your dress. “But I can feel them.”

Kokichi’s actual hand started shaking in excitement as Mechamaru’s fingers brushed against your panties.

“Can’t I meet you?” Your voice was faint compared to the music but he heard it. “I wanna meet you.”

“You’ll be disappointed, I don’t look… normal.”

“You don’t look normal right now either.” Biting your lip, you moved against his hand. A soft gasp left your lips. “Yet, I’m so turned on right now.”

There were a thousand different thoughts invading his mind but Kokichi felt like he was hypnotized by your hips.

“Kokichiii, move your fingers,” you whined softly, your eyes hazy with lust.

“I need to see them,” he said. Back in his room, his own hand was pressing down on his growing erection. “Or I may move them wrong.”

“Pervert~” you teased, lifting the skirt of your dress up.

He didn’t say anything, instead focused his attention on your soaked panties. How long had you been this wet? From the moment you two rented the room or-

“Kokichi.” Your needy voice brought him out of his dirty thoughts. “You don’t have a cock under your pants, do you?” Your hand pressed against Mechamaru’s groin.

For the first time in his life, Kokichi felt his entire body jolt. Your vulgar way of asking was enough to get him rock hard. “No-”

“What a waste.” Sulking, you retrieved your hand. “But are you hard right now?”

“I… I am.”

A dangerous glint sparkled through your eyes. “If only you were here… I’d make you feel sooo good.”

Mechamaru’s fingers pressed against your clothed folds before moving along them. A soft moan left your lips and you balanced yourself on your hands.

“I look like a freak-”

“You keep saying that.” Your hips moved against his hand. “As if that matters to me.”

Mechamaru slid your panties to the side and spread your folds with two of his fingers, he carefully watched as wet strands connecting them together broke apart. Kokichi’s own hand was pumping his cock.

“What are you doing right now, Kokichi?”

“I’m putting a finger inside.” He inserted one of his fingers inside you.

“No, what are you really doing?” You bit your lip.

“I’m… I’m jerking off.”

Satisfied with his answer, you crossed a leg over his to settle on his lap with your back against his chest. Spreading your legs wider, you allowed him a better view of your wet pussy. Mechamaru’s digits slid inside as Kokichi moved his hand along the length of his cock.

Mechamaru’s other hand went to cup your breast over your shirt, making a moan escape your lips.

His fingers were reaching deeper than your own fingers ever could. The digits moved in a scissoring motion and curled against your gummy walls, pressing against the spot that made your vision blurry.

“Kokichi,” gasping, you squirmed on his lap, your back arched when his thumb grazed over your clit. “I wanna kiss you so bad.”

Kokichi’s hand tightened around the tip of his cock, he pulled the sensitive skin down to expose the pink tip and massaged it using his thumb. When his hand started moving along his cock again, the device helping him talk through Mechamaru picked up the clicking sound rather than the medical fluid splashing.

You moaned at the realization of what you were hearing.

The feeling of the metallic firm fingers stroking your clit made your hips buck against his hand. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, panting, you pressed your thighs together.

Mechamaru’s hand on your chest moved down on your thigh to hold you in place as his fingers inside your pussy started to vibrate. The sudden pleasure made you scream but the loud music concealed it.

Kokichi couldn’t breathe normally, his pulse had gone haywire as his hand was moving hastily around his cock while Mechamaru’s digits were messing you up.

“S-s-s-stop!” Your voice broke into a moan.

“Do you really want me to stop?” He barely managed to ask, his hand wouldn’t stop.

You shook your head rapidly, biting your lip.

Your walls clenched around the digits, sucking them in deeper. Kokichi’s own hand was moving faster than his heartbeat. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and his shoulders tensed.

He was close.

From the way you were shaking, he could say the same thing for you.

So, when Mechamaru pushed his digits further inside, the vibration got stronger and stronger until your legs shook. The pleasure that was building in your gut suddenly got released, shaking you to your core.

Kokichi followed suit, his cock spurted thick clumps of cum and they landed on his stomach, his bandages absorbed his seed.

By the time he caught his breath, he realized you were still on his lap.

Mechamaru had gone limp as he had gotten distracted because of his orgasm. He revived the cursed doll while you were trying to fix your dress.

You wanted to say something but you couldn’t find something to say.

To your rescue, the music stopped.

The tablet had the same notification from before. Informing you that the second hour had ended and if you wanted to rent the room for one more hour.

Kokichi leaned forward and pressed on the tablet to end the session.

“We’re leaving already?” you pouted your lips.

“You said you wanted to meet me.”

Kokichi watched as the brightest smile he had ever seen formed on your face.

After he paid the tab the two of you exited the building as he held you up with one hand because your legs weren’t functioning properly.

“The employee behind the register noticed your wobbly legs,” Kokichi said.

“You think so?” you whispered, cheeks and ears colored in bright red.

“He was looking, so, yes.”

“You kinda went overboard by using Megaman’s vibrator hands.” Your giggle filled his ears and he smiled to himself.

“It’s Mechamaru.”

[zhuhongs]

not to be like.. super candid but i feel like that this morning for some reason. im just really appreciative for all of you here especially during this time. (this is ok to read its just under a cut bc its long)

bc like.. ive always been rlly bad with others but being online ive made so many friends in a way thats so easy and not painful unlike in person where im half the time okay and half the time just painfully awkward that like, being here and making friends and talking and being in servers and group chats has helped me become better at communicating with others that's actually translated to my real life and i just rlly want to thank everyone ive ever talked to on here. like i tell my irls abt my internet friends and funny thing that happen and a lot of my irls just look at me like 😐😐😐 i know they view internet friwnds are like "friendship lite" or like communication training wheels but like... so what? so what if its "not as real" its still better than nothing. if i didnt have that for all these months alone, id be so much worse socially its not even funny. bc its hard to bridge the gap from isolated to connected so who cares if u take a middle step via the internet? why have such an all or nothing approach? who cares if the internet is fake? is it better to be isolated irl too and then just have nothing. i dont think thats rewarding either. and honestly, hmm i rlly do think if i knew a lot of u irl we would be good good friends. and i always hesitate with saying things like that bc ive had instances of just talking to ppl via discord or smth and it was awkward. it was weird and there was no chemistry. i feel like both of us were let down by the other. so im like terrified if i were to meet anyone here irl it would never be the same but like, who cares?! does it need to be the same? whats wrong with only communicating like this. a connection is still a connection no matter what format. and if that day comes and i meet someone and its not the same, okay then i move on. its not a big deal. not every connection is perfect. but putting yourself put there in order to foster good connections is worthwhile. and sometimes the most worthwhile ppl you have to work hard to know. its okay. its okay. we all get there. one day i hope to have a fun coffe store deep conversation with some of u and it would be good and if not, oh well!! im glad for what i have now, its made me a better person!! i hope some of you can say the same about me. thats all that matters. that we could, even for a moment, touch each others lives in a positive way. take care always. i know i dont know most of you. i really dont. but i still regard all of you fondly. may fate do what it will!!

[muwur]

haikyuu x otome: masterlist |  prologue

» synopsis:  a haikyuu x reader au where you, the player, are bound for university in a metropolis several hours away from home. hope and excitement are replaced with dread as you come to realize that juggling life as a student and a part-time employee takes a toll. from demanding classes to a ruthless manager, life just can’t seem to give you a break. that is, until you meet a certain someone who reminds you how to live and follow your dreams. somehow, when you’re with them, time stands still. maybe things are finally starting to look up. if only you could stay in those moments for just a little longer. 

» disclaimer: i do not own haikyuu or any of the pixels in this post (i simply made collages out of them)

edit: it’s been brought to my attention that another HQ writer may have written something similar to this idea in the past and I was unaware. Though I haven’t seen this particular type of thing written yet, I don’t mean to claim this event idea as my own bc I feel a lot of events that ppl put up may have some overlapping themes n such (tho this idea would def be more specific and be cause for concern of plagiarism) and bc I would never want to steal ideas/not ask other writers first/not credit other writers (that’s not cool fam). If you have any issues with this event, pls bring them up w me, and if you know any other writers who’ve done smth similar, pls share w me their URLs! thank u for ur understanding :) I hope u can still enjoy haikyuu x otome :’)

» how to play:

I. you can refer here for the general rules of my blog. also, for this event (and it’ll say in the descriptions below), i’m only accepting one character per request. also the word count limits i wrote here may change as im getting started on actually writing requests lol

II. essentially a collection of x reader one-shots, drabbles, and smaus in which you are a busy college student whose only break seems to be spending time with friends who actually get you or the 15-minute lunch break during which you get to ignore annoying customers

III. since this is otome-inspired, i have several options you can choose from. these options are essentially types of requests:

» everyday is a new start 

» drabble about how you meet the character of your choice  

» it is not guaranteed y’all are gonna gel (get along) when you first meet,, warning: if the character is usually a bitch, i may write them as one LMAO jkjk but fr

» usually light, fluffy, and/or silly

» hmm tbh,,, idk word count,,, probs anywhere between 700-1k words (i edited this word count after writing my first thing bc HNNN)

» the only characters you can’t request this for is yamaguchi, tsukki n hinata,,, bc you meet them in the prologue AHAHA sry it’s nothing too spaicy since it’s just in the intro

» it’s all in the little things

» one-shots about normal, daily interactions with the character of your choice

» in other words, these include what can go on in a day in the life of y/n and the character of your choice (after they’ve already met). in the city, the possibilities are endless

» give me a word (or several, cuz writing is hard lmao. also legit any word, like ‘orange’ or ‘nostalgia.’ i may choose only one or do a combination from your list :3) as a prompt and ill somehow make something of it lmao

» medium relationship development + exp

» 700-1.5k words

» hmmm what should i get today?

» very short drabble with a character of your choice about various scenarios and thots i have in my head

» a complete surprise, totally random, may have no context

» may be serious, fluff, crack, etc. 

» if u choose this u basically told me ‘surprise me’

» 100-300 words, depends on my mood

» when i see your name pop up on the screen, i can’t help but smile 

» short smau with a character of your choice 

» fluff or crack, ur choice or leave that up to me (if unspecified, ill just flip a coin)

» you can either give me a word(s) as a guide or leave the topic of convo up to me

» 2-4 panels

» you’d be surprised how much can happen in a day 

» BMO has nothing to do with this, i just found a cute pixel of him

» spaicy relationship development, the scenes in which you actually make progress in the game

» one-shot with a character of your choice

» order from the following:

» macaron: when they realize they’ve fallen for you

» banana bread: when you realize you’ve fallen for them

» iced americano: when they feel a tinge of jealousy 

» hot chocolate: when they see you crying  

» matcha latte: when they have a longing to be around you

» cupcake: love confession (may be intentional or accidental)

» major relationship development + exp + sometimes confusion

» 1-2k words

» these will probs take me longer

» all good things must come to an end

»  not as angsty as those bolded words above sound,,, unless you want it to be >:)

» drabble or one-shot with a character of your choice. the final interaction before finishing the game

» you have three options: good end (fluffy, romantic & the like), bad end (angst), or crack end (surprise)

» word count will be super variable, from 300-1.5k words

IV. this forces me to write one-shots, drabbles, anything but hc’s, and also forces me to limit my word count. that said, this will take me a hot minute, y’all. word counts may change too bc i am,,, indecisive n untalented AHAHA

V. search for ‘haikyuu x otome,’ ‘haikyuu x otome special,’ ‘haikyuu x reader otome’ tags! i will tag each work under these c:

got it? have a request for me? send me an ask or submission! 

request example: ‘start new game with akaashi’ or ‘love challenge with yachi in the empty lecture hall at night’ or ‘continue story with noya. words: tired, mangoes, music’ 

feel free to ask me if ur confused about anything and have questions! thank you so much for reading <3 im excited for this heh

inspired by recent haikyuu otome teasers i keep seeing online and the fact that i dropped my summer class and am taking on personal projects (like painting my room LMAO i gotta manifest my inner buff daddee ushi to move shit in my room bc i kid u not everything is rlly heavy in here. and i also delved back into otomes on my phone,, does anyone else play midnight cinderella or mr love LOL talk 2 me)

haikyuu x otome masterlist

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

[pocmuzings]

hi g! i am an admin of an rp and i really strive to make it as inclusive as possible so muns of all fcs feel welcome. i'm curious to know, when you are looking for an rp what do you look for in terms of admins making it inclusive? this isn't meant to be pointed at all, i am just genuinely looking to improve!

i feel like i answer this a fair bit , and honestly my answers don’t change too much ? there’s a plethora of things u can do , and by no means  are these definitive . these are things ive noticed make me feel more included , or Safe to join a rp . speaking as a woc , and somebody in the Cursed tz . .

if ur an admin ..  u should absolutely be playing a diverse character . please for the love of god . u should be the example of what the rp is about and what u wanna see . if ur char is just a cis whitey . . that just doesnt cut it for me ! thats not what i wanna see in 2021 !

when asked for most wanted fcs . . really name some ‘ unpopular ‘ fcs . aka faceclaims of colour . faceclaims that are gender diverse , body diverse , religiously diverse , different able bodied , etc , etc , etc !!! put these fcs in the forefront ! push for them ! strive to see them !

if somebody joins ur rp as a ‘ non popular fc ‘ aka . . a fc that isnt a whitey , or like . .zendaya . pls put in extra effort to plot and rp with them ! pls pls pls. because i guaranteed for the most part , especially in an established rp , they will be ignored otherwise ! if ur rp is super inclusive ooc , then this most likely wont happen , but also . . most rps arent super inclusive ooc lets be 100 here . 

either write skeletons for chars that are DIFFERENT and ‘ challenging ‘ to some , or ENCOURAGE these characters to be written . write more smooth talking business men who are indian ! write characters who are hard of hearing ! write characters who wear hijabis ! who are ethnic but have great relationships with their parents ! write characters who are in wheelchairs , or are sexy and confident in their plus sized bodies . write characters who are black women who are soft , but still strong . write gentle black men . write a  trans man , write a nonbinary god , etc , etc . defeat the stereotypes ! turn them on their head ! there are guides ! there is so much out there ! we can create the world we wanna live in , so why fill it with boring white cis , hetero normative ppl ???

know what ur gonna do with ur characters , plot wise . if ur rp has a plot , thats fantastic ! but . . u probably have to carry that momentum . ppl join ur rp bc they probably LIKE the plot and wanna explore the plot . so how r they characters gonna be involved ? whats their part in it all ? how will it help them develop ? what plot drops / tasks / events can u host that will make ppl do more with their chars and be more active ? 

don’t have an ooc chat . just don’t . please . they’re so cliquey , they literally always are . those who like ooc chats are usually the ppl who r cliquey , im being honest fjknfjn . there is no point in having an ooc chat , really either . ppl can add each other on discord at any time , for free , if they want .

have clear boundaries . what can and CANNOT be rped . what fcs can and CANNOT be used . have a very very clear line . no lazy ‘ no taboo plots ‘ or ‘ no big plots without talking to admins ‘ ‘ no triggering topics ‘ ‘ no deceased fcs ‘ . no . u need to get in the nitty gritty . u need to ensure ur harbouring and keeping a safe space for those entering ur rp

be friendly , as an admin . be firm . but also , be very very open and candid and honest . if something goes wrong ? its so fine , and honestly v human , to post abt it ! if there’s drama ? its rlly good to address it and talk abt it amongst ur rpers . listen to ur rpers , if theres a problem . create open communication . maintain it . show that u care and want to help , when u can help , whilst also maintaining ur own sanity !

advertise ur rp for different timezones ! if ur entire ooc list is just rpers in the united states . . look .  nothing wrong with it , but firstly , make sure everyone in the rp doesnt think america is the whole world ( the rpc  / america rlly thinks its the whole fucking world sometimes ) . this means , dont make fun of ppl for spelling things differently ( honestly im  just australian and this guy once made fun of me for spelling it as ‘ offence ‘ not ‘ offense ‘ . like . . ok im not american . the whole world isnt america kjfnjf ) . this doesn’t mean u need to be online at bizarre hours or ruining ur sleeping pattern , but try and get an admin thats in a diff timezone to help cover things ! or just make sure ur rlly advertising ur rp at allll times of a day . including when us ppl are usually asleep ! try and encourage other muns in other timezones to apply ! and when they do apply , pls try ur best to include them and make sure theyre not left out of everything !

theres probably a lot more but this is what first comes to mind for me , personally . this are usually my ‘ green signs ‘ ( go go go ! ) for a rp ! when i see this stuff on a main , or by an admin . . i feel very Warm n fuzzy . 

[inkykeiji]

Heya! Not a new follower but I never really had the courage to send anything thru your askbox (: i just wanted to say that i really love your works and love the age gaps! Reason why im saying this is bc of one ask i saw and also bc my bf is seven years older than me and literally everyone we know gives us tons of shit for it. Last week he broke down abd told me we should break up bc he doesn't want me to go thru all that bullshit for him. I'm gonna be 21 in late december and he turned 28 in early September and one of my now ex friends sent him a card saying "happy bday old geezer go fuck someone your own age". We'd been together long distance ever since I was 19 and this year he finally managed to move in my town. When we were long distance it was easier to deal w these comments but now that we can't even go out bc we'll bump into someone we know is fuckin awful. Is our relationship really not okay? I have my fair share of traumatic experiences and his family situation is actually pretty similar to Touya (he introduced me to bnha bc he really connected with dabi and before that shouto for slightly diff reasons) but like, idk my therapist says she doesn't think my traumas are influencing me to be w someone older (i cant explain it any better bc it would ve too personal) but yea I'm just so fucking scared and worried and even though your works are helping both of us it's still so hard some days. If we break up I'd rather it be bc we just don't click anymore, not bc someone doesn't like that he's seven years older than me. What do you think? Are we really doing the wrong thing by being together? Is he a bad person for bejng with me when i was 19? Weve always been fully aware of our age difference and didn't just jump in the relatiinship, we rlly talked about it cuz we know we shouldn't fall back on ppl who have too much going on to help us and for us to help them if that makes sense so why is it so bad? Sorry for this long depresing ask i just dont know where else to say it without feeling judged..

hello anon <33

first off, i want to begin by saying that i'm super happy to hear that you can find comfort in my work; that means so very much to me <3

oh gosh anon babie i am so sorry this is causing you both so much stress and anguish!! i have a lot to say so please bear with me, my response will be long!!

first of all, in my opinion, as long as your relationship is healthy and you both are happy, then it is absolutely NONE of anyone else's business. you're both adults. you both took the time to seriously think this out and made an informed decision. no two relationships are alike; they're all unique and they all depend on the participants in the relationship, you know? age gaps aren't always inherently BAD. they can be, but almost anything 'can be' bad (ie too much coffee can be bad for you, too much time spent online can be bad for you, etc.). circumstances and nuances and all of those little details matter A LOT, and they will vary greatly from relationship to relationship depending on a variety of factors. i think that there are so many people in our contemporary world that so desperately wish that moral matters such as these were easily definable and neatly categorized to fit into these tiny little boxes of GOOD and BAD when in reality morality is so extremely grey.

for example, the relationship between, let’s say, a 21 year old student and her 28 year old teaching assistant, or a relationship between a 21 year old worker and her 28 year old supervisor would have a more substantial power imbalance than the more simple imbalance in your own relationship which, based on the information you've given me, seems to ONLY pertain to the age difference. now, those examples i gave above don't automatically make those relationships BAD, it just means that there is a bigger potential for misuse of that power, etc etc. my point here being that there are SEVERAL factors that would influence an abusive or toxic misuse of that power, not always solely the age difference itself. does that make sense?

i think that card your ex friend sent him is incredibly tasteless. once again, your relationship is absolutely none of their business. also, if you've discussed this with your therapist and they don't think that it's harming either of you, i think that's a good sign!

i think it's also important to keep in mind that everyone will have different opinions on this situation, just as everyone has their very own set of morals and opinions and beliefs. everyone will have different feelings and 'truths' towards it. but your opinion doesn't have to align with theirs. YOU know your relationship best. YOU know what is true for your specific relationship and what isn't. just because one person doesn't agree with your relationship or thinks it is somehow 'wrong' doesn't mean it IS. there are plenty of people who think the content i create is 'wrong', and their opinions are fine and valid, and they're allowed to have them. i, however, 100% disagree with them, for several reasons. and that's okay, we can agree to disagree, and move on with our lives. 

i think what i'm really trying to say is: COULD an age gap contribute to some sort of misdoing (ie abuse) in a relationship? sure. does it ALWAYS? no, not at all. COULD a relationship with no age gap experience the exact same misdoings? YES, absolutely. there's so much more that goes into an unhealthy/bad/toxic relationship; so many other factors, you know? an age gap is just one of those things that COULD *potentially* be a singular factor, but is in no means and by no way ALWAYS a factor, or is this ALWAYS the case.

i totally get what you mean when you say you’d rather you break up because you don’t mesh well, NOT because of what others think of your relationship, and i agree!! i think it’s super sweet that he’s so considerate and is worried about what you might go through due to the judgemental people you’re surrounded by, but if you think he is worth the suffering, then tell him so! to answer your final questions: no, i do not think it’s wrong for the two of you to be together: this is a consensual relationship between two adults. i most definitely do not think he is a bad person; what would make him a ‘bad’ person are his INTENTIONS. if he got with you at the age of 19 with the INTENT to use the power imbalance an age gap may sometimes present to HIS advantage, he’d be doing the wrong thing. if he was manipulating you and using your inexperience or naiveness against you, he would be doing the wrong thing. do you see where this is going? his intention matters a lot more than the seven year age gap, in my personal opinion.

at the end of the day, it's your decision, and your morals, and your relationship. i can only offer you my opinions here, but you in no way have to agree with them, you know? it isn't my place (or anyone else's!!) to tell you whether or not your relationship is 'bad'. that's up for the two of you to decide. ultimately, i can only give you my thoughts based on the information you’ve given me; i don’t know either of you or your relationship, but YOU DO!! work together to make an informed decision based on the unique details of YOUR relationship, and try not to care what others think. there will always people who disagree with you, no matter what you’re doing, no matter how good you’re striving to be, and honestly that’s their problem, not yours. what matters is that YOU know the truth.

i hope this all makes sense anon, and i hope it helps a little <3 these are my personal thoughts on the issue!