#Kramer and Newman

[meowmoedotcom]

Kramer's Surprise: The Good, The Bad, and The Hilarious! 😂🐾

meowmoe.com

[als0als0]

[seinfeld-today]

More people start finding Jerry’s standup offensive. Kramer starts raising owls in his apartment. George’s girlfriend encourages him to chase a promotion at work, unwittingly urging him down a Macbeth-style path of corporate backstabbing and hubris. Elaine is upset that her friend got catcalled and she didn’t. Newman is revealed to have been recommending Jerry’s act to people who are guaranteed to hate it.

God Elaine would get so pissy about not getting catcalled, even though she hates it as a concept and would probably punch out any guy that did it to her. But if anyone is attracting catcalls, it should be her, damn it!

Also yeah Newman is the ultimate hater and he's so real for that (/j)

[rammy]

breaking news: dogboy and catboy make one kramillion dollars

[mugrootbeer]

CAN OF "MUG ROOTBEER" SPOTTED IN SEINFELD SEASON 08 EPISODE 16, "THE POTHOLE"

[misterparadigm]

*cue synth bass*

Had a lot of fun with this one. I'm particularly proud of Newman, and he was the fastest one to caricaturize. Only took about ten minutes.

Elaine took forever.

[ananke-xiii]

A dream, mine:

spn s13 but with cas alive and jack's a baby, dean and mary are in the AU and lucifer is still on earth. Somehow sam and cas manage to save jack and themselves from lucifer but now they're on the run and they are both questioning their life choices. Sam's like super pissed because he's been baby trapped by cas of all people and he's now stuck with an unhinged angel and a baby that's half his nemesis, a nemesis with which he shares the most unfortunate, most fucked up, saddest "profound bond" of all time. Cas is pissed too because he was handed the shortest (technically the tallest but shhh) straw by fate and ended up with the wrong brother, what's worst, he's now forced, once again, to re-evaluate all his millennia-long prejudices against all kinds of abominations since he's stuck sharing a car with two of the finest examples ever produced. Jack is just a baby which means he cries a lot, wants to eat, does his things etc and the crying alone is enough to send cas and sam crazy. Cas resents sam because he thinks he's using the angel with the excuse that he doesn't sleep so he can look after the baby. Sam resents cas because he went doing his hot girl shit instead of following his plan. Things reach a boiling point when they're in a gas 'n sip, sam deep in "newborn lore" on his smartphone, trying to understand what a newborn can eat out of gas station food, and cas's exasperated because "we can just wear a white coat, go to a hospital and steal breast milk". Sam snaps and he's like "what IS wrong with you, dude?" and cas is so done so he's like "tell me, sam, what IS wrong with me, sam?". Sam's not dean and he's not above recounting all the times cas has fucked them over, fucked him over, he literally uses his fingers to start counting everything that's just wrong with cas and he sure as hell starts by telling him how thick an actual angel of the lord, "the fucking angel of fucking thursday has no feel" (sam's words not mine), can be to save a person from hell without realizing that the soul's not there when he basically did the same thing for dean so "uh cas, explain this to the hand, CAS-TI-EL"! And cas finds out that, after all, he's not that bad at this feeling and being almost human shit cause he suddenly feels very in touch with his feminine side and he's ready to remind sam how thick can he be to think that god was speaking to him telling him to open the cage, like "what sam, just because amara was speaking to dean, you thought god would have spoken to you, to you, SA-MU-EL?" They're one step close to a catfight, neither of them is shy enough to prevent it, they both can and will grab each other by their hair and grip tight to raise themselves from this domestic hell. But they're in a gas 'n sip, whisper-yelling about angels, hell, souls and god and people begin eyeing them, the clerk reaches for the phone. They stop and realize that, in their current state, they're both two male presenting beings somewhere in their forties or in their vicinity with a screaming baby in cas' arms and one call away from child protection services . Things are not good.

Meanwhile, dean is with mary, fake bobby and fake charlie having the time of his life in the fake purgatory copy that is the AU releasing all his decade-long repressed sexual energy toward a certain angel by killing angels with bullets made out of angel blades and knifing the occasional monster of the week that goes bump in the night. Things are good.

[westerberg]

This is a high quality Seinfeld meme I’m so impressed I have to share

[seinfeldtv]

[madssaunders111]

Help! | A Seinfeld x Saw AU (female!reader)

Characters: Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Elaine Benes, Newman, Adam Stanheight, John Kramer, Estelle Costanza, Frank Costanza

I’ve thought about making Adam an apprentice because the entire saw fandom imagines him as one. And his photography hobby is useful to John

Content: Torture, mentions and descriptions of death, stalking, swearing, violence, sexual themes, light clit stimulation, fingering

Extra info: You are in a situationship with Newman. I used Amanda's trap and I even added Bob Sacamano even though he doesn't make an appearance in the show. I also used the Angel Trap

Word count: 2942 words

Description: You are an accomplice of the Jigsaw Killer. When John moved his games to New York, another one of his accomplices, Adam Stanheight found someone worthy of being tested. As the trap is ready, John Kramer gives you the task to bring the victim to him in order to be taught a lesson.

~•~

It was late morning in New York City. You were walking through the city until you reached a building marked “Manhattan Meatpacking Plant”.

You walked in and saw Adam Stanheight standing with a camera. You approached him, and held your hand under his camera lens.

“Adam“

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Has John finished building the trap yet?”

“I don’t know.” Adam shrugged. “I’m only in charge of photography, speaking of, look who I found.” He laid multiple photos on the table of a man who was on the heavier side and wore a mailman’s uniform. Your jaw dropped in shock.

“Newman?” “Are you kidding me Adam?” You asked as you picked up a picture of Newman sitting in his mail truck with a diabolical look on his face. Another photo was him walking along a sidewalk holding a mailbag on his shoulder. Another one of the photos was him walking back to his apartment.

“That’s right.” Adam nodded as he placed his camera on the table. He snatched the photos on and placed them in an envelope. “You need to go to his apartment and bring him here.”

“No! No fucking way, Adam!”

“Trust me, Y/N.” Adam held your hands. “You can do it.”

“I’m sort of…in a thing…with him.”

“Like what, exactly?”

“Situationship, like dating…hooking up…but we don’t want to label our relationship.”

“Interesting…but confusing.” Adam picked up his camera again and walked to another room. You followed him.

“Wait, Adam! Maybe you could help me with bringing Newman.” You pleaded.

“Y/N…”

“Please, Adam!” You sank to your knees. “You can get Newman and I can distract everyone, like Jerry, Elaine, George and even Kramer.”

“Cosmo Kramer?” Adam scrunches his nose in confusion. “Is that actually his name?”

“Yeah…” You smacked the table in annoyance. “But please, Adam, help me!”

“Y/N!” John shouted from the makeshift hospital room in the plant. The room was depressing, lit by green lightbulbs, had a hospital bed and even medical equipment.“Yes, John?” You asked.

“Come here.” His voice was weak but still deep. Your legs shook as you walked into the hospital room. John applied an oxygen mask to his face every few minutes. “Tell me, why don’t you want to do your task?”

“Because…it’s not right John.”

“Tell me, Y/N, you’re loyal to me right?”

“Yes of course.”

“Well…you can do this…besides…he’s not innocent like you think.”

“How so?”

“For example, he harbors mail even though it’s a federal offense.”

“What else?” You asked as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“He’s also assisted in the kidnapping of someone else’s pet.”

“That’s nothing!” You ran your fingers through your hair in agitation. “Besides, the dog wasn’t hurt from what I’ve heard.”

“Well…John has given you a task and you should do it.”

“So I’ll end up in another trap? God I should’ve left you in that bathroom to die!”

“You’re such an asshole! Besides, Lawrence should’ve saved me!”

“Yeah, well he left you in there to die! He lied to you!” You stormed out of the building and walked through the street until you reached 81st Street, where Jerry Seinfeld lived.

~•~

As you walked up to Jerry’s apartment, Newman stood outside lugging a mailbag. He turned to you and held his hand up.

“Y/N..hey there.”

“Hello, Newman.” You trudged your feet to Jerry’s apartment.

“Did you hear about that man who went missing last night?”

Your eyes widened slightly. Adam did bring a man to them, and he is still alive, not for long.

“No, I haven’t.” You stood outside Jerry’s door and knocked. The door opened revealing Jerry on the other side.

“Oh, Y/N, hey.”

“Hey, Jerry.” Your feet slid against the floor as you walked into the apartment and to the couch where George sat. George placed your head on his shoulder.

“You look tired Y/N.”

“Just…work.” You muttered as you laid against George’s chest. It wasn’t exactly a lie…your “work” was being the accomplice of a killer.

“Heard you talking to Newman, what was that about?” Elaine asked as she leaned over the couch.

“Just about that man who went missing last night.”

"What was his name again?" George asked.

“My friend Bob Sacamano." Kramer walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He removed cold cuts and ate them.

“It’s horrible.” You muttered. “I hope the cops catch whoever did this.”

~•~

Hours went by and your eyes fluttered open.

“Where the hell am I?” You asked yourself. When your vision cleared, you were still in Jerry's apartment huddled on his couch. Your phone rang with a message from Adam. He texted: “Where are you Y/N? I got Newman in the truck, hurry.”

You let out an agitated huff as you left the apartment and ran outside where a truck sat. Adam sat at the driver’s seat and Newman was unconscious in the back. “Took you long enough.” Adam sneered.

“Why does it matter?”

“Maybe you had sex with someone else, someone that wasn’t Newman.”

“Okay, first of all, I didn’t, and secondly, I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, for four hours.” Adam turned the wheel and drove away to the Meatpacking Plant.

~•~

You and Adam lugged Newman's body into the building. Adam hunched over and placed the body in a wheelbarrow. "Jesus, he's heavy."

You rolled your eyes and pushed the wheelbarrow into a separate room that had a chair, a bear trap, and a body of a man on the ground. The same man who went missing the night before: Bob Sacamano.

You walked back to the makeshift hospital room and crouched down to the bed.

"Everything's ready."

"Good." John wheezed. "Good job Y/N."

"Is this trap...rigged?"

"No. I don't rig my traps. You know that."

"I just want Newman to live." You walked back to the metal table where various monitors sat. One of the screens featured Newman's unconscious body slumped in the chair with the bear trap on his head.

"You are so in love with him, it's actually funny."

"Shut up Adam." You sneered as your fist met his shoulder.

"Damn, relax. Don't get so defensive."

You paced back and forth as you saw Newman wake up on the monitor. Nerves fluttered in your stomach, nerves that made you feel sick.

~•~

Newman's POV

Newman's eyes opened in a room lit by green lightbulbs. He thrashed his head around in fear. His hands gripped the bear trap rested onto his head and jaws.

He whimpered and let out muttered screams.

"Mmh!"

A tv turned on beside him revealing a puppet's face.

"Hello, Newman." The deep sinister voice of John Kramer said. "i want to play a game."

"You don't know me, but I certainly know you. I've been keeping an eye on you, watching over you, like a guardian angel, but with negative intentions. You see Newman, you've done awful things, such as misuse of a mail truck, kidnapping, and especially harboring mail, which is strange because aren't you a mailman? Anyway, those are things that can easily be fixed by a prison sentence."

Newman wriggled into the chair as John spoke. The puppet's mouth moved with the message.

"You'll have sixty seconds to find the key, the key to your freedom, which is in the man beside you. Look to your right Newman, know that I'm not lying."

Newman turned to the right and saw Bob laying on the floor still and numb. He turned back to the tv.

"However, if you don't, your jaws will be permanently ripped open. Here, I'll show you." The footage changed to a glass mannequin wearing the same bear trap. The timer ticked fast and the mannequin exploded in a mess of glass.

"That will be you if you don't get out. Now, let the game begin." The tv then turned off. He stood up and the tripwire to the timer activated.

He started to panic and walked over to Bob Sacamano after grabbing a scalpel from the table beside the chair. He crouched down and saw Bob's eyes open and widen. Newman stabbed until blood was everywhere and Bob's organs and insides were all over Newman's hands.

He pulled a key out and shakily shoved it into the bear trap lock. The timer was at 10 seconds before the trap unlocked upon contact with the floor.

Newman screamed and fell to the floor, his hands, face and shirt covered in Bob's blood. The door then opened a figure in a dark red and black hood approached him.

"Congratulations, Newman. You're still alive."

End of POV

~•~

Newman sat on a chair in John's makeshift hospital room in the Plant.

"Hello, Newman." John greeted.

"Easy, John." You said as you dropped your hood revealing your face.

"Y/N? What the hell?" Newman's jaw dropped in shock.

You stayed silent as John placed an oxygen mask on his face for a few seconds before removing it.

"I assume you and Y/N know each other Newman?"

Newman nodded. He looked up at you betrayed and hurt. "Y/N...why?"

"I don't have an answer for you Newman."

Adam walked in and placed his camera down on the chair beside Newman.

"Now, you have a chance to be granted full immunity and protection." John started.

"Like what?" Newman asked as he looked from John to Adam and then to you.

"Let me explain-" Adam said before you interrupted.

"Let me say it Stanheight, you're terrible at explaining things." You cleared your throat and faced Newman. "Basically, you can work for us, help us teach people, bad people, lessons and change their lives. Especially revenge, for those who have wronged you. What do you think?"

"Well...I...I don't know what to say." Newman dwindled his fingers anxiously.

"Well, you've been tested, you passed, therefore you're able to work for us." You said. "I was tested, Adam here was tested as well."

"Wait, how were you tested?"

"Same trap you were in. I even cut my jaw." You point to your jaws stitched with black thread. "I got cut severely, but I got a chance...John helped me."

Newman turned to Adam. "What about you?" He asked.

"I was in a bathroom, and I almost died because my key disappeared and I didn't want to chop my foot off. So I was left to die." He explained as he gave you a glare.

"Oh my God! I rescued you! I didn't have to!" You shouted.

"Y/N! Adam! Stop fighting!" John shouted.

Adam stuck his tongue out like a child and scooped up his camera. "Well, bye." He walked out of the room and left the building.

~•~

Adam's POV

Adam walked through the street wearing his camera around his neck like a necklace. He looked at his phone screen which had a picture of George Costanza. He was his next victim.

Adam went to the subway station that was headed to Queens. He knew where George's parents (and him) lived.

~•~

Your POV

"So, Newman, what do you think about our offer?"

"I..I don't know."

"Don't forget the immunity and protection." You whispered in his ear.

"I..I accept." Newman replied nervously.

"Good...you can help many others cherish their lives now."

~•~

By the time Adam arrived in Queens, the sun had gone down and the streets were completely empty and dark. He clutched his camera as he found the Costanza's house.

No lights were on indicating that either no one was home or everyone was asleep. He crept up to the side door and slipped right in, no lock, no dog, nothing.

Adam stumbled through the dark kitchen and found the living room. "Fuck." He muttered as he hit his foot against the couch. A woman's voice shouted. Adam hid in the closet and held up a gun loaded with tranquilizer darts.

Estelle Costanza, George's mother, ran out of her bedroom holding a bat.

"I'm armed!" She shouted as she ran around the living room swinging the bat.

"Jesus." Adam muttered under his breath.

"Damn it, Estelle, it's one o'clock in the morning, why are you up and holding a baseball bat?" Frank Costanza, George's father walked out of his room irritated and exhausted.

"Someone's in the house."

"You're hearing things, now come on, back to bed." Frank led Estelle back into the bedroom until a dart shot into his neck knocking him unconscious.

"Frank! Oh God!" Estelle shouted before Adam shot a dart into her neck knocking her unconscious as well. George ran out confused as he looked down and saw his parents laid unconscious on the floor.

"Mom! Dad! Oh, God!" George shook them hard. A dart shot into his neck and he fell unconscious.

"God damn," Adam muttered as he dragged George out of his house and to the truck outside. After Adam drove away, he arrived back in Manhattan half an hour later.

~•~

Your POV

You sat in a room in the Meatpacking Plant furnished like a bedroom. Your head lay on the bed while looking up at the ceiling. Newman walked into the bedroom and sat down near you.

"Hey, Y/N."

"Hey, Newman." You sat up and looked down at the bed avoiding eye contact with Newman.

"So, how long have you worked for John Kramer?"

"A while."

"Ever since...your test?"

You nodded. Newman held your hand tightly.

"Hey, look, I won't tell anyone. And plus, I think you're pretty badass in that hood." Newman smirked.

"Really?"

"Of course. It definitely makes you attractive even though you're the apprentice to a serial killer." Newman leaned in and kissed your lips softly.

"Ohh, Newman, what was that for?"

"Because...I think I'm crazy for you Y/N."

:Are we labeling ourselves?"

"Yes. I want you so bad Y/N. You have no idea." Newman leaned back in and kissed your lips harder.

"I need to give in." You kissed him back and hopped on his lap.

~•~

Adam's POV

Adam pulled the truck into the back of the building and dragged George's body in. The same wheelbarrow he used on Newman sat near the back entrance.

George groaned in his unconscious state. Adam lugged George to a separate room where a harness sat. He placed George in the harness and dropped the key in a vat of acid. He left the room leaving George alone.

~•~

George's POV

George woke up in a dark room lit by green lightbulbs. He looked down and saw fishing hooks pierced into his ribs.

"Oh God!" George shouted as he thrashed around the harness. 'What is this? Get me out!"

The tv beside him turned on revealing the same ventriloquist puppet.

"Hello, George. I want to play a game." The recording started. "You're here because of what I've seen and what you've done. And I'm not happy about it. Imagine pretending to be handicapped just to use a better bathroom, pushing adults and children so you'd get out of a fire first, and especially killing your fiance by buying toxic envelopes. Honestly, prison won't change you, but this experience certainly will. You will have a minute to get the key from the acid, but be careful, the acid can dissolve the key in seconds and then you'll be stuck. If you don't get out, your body will be ripped and you will be dead. Let the game begin." The tv then turned on and a timer on the wall started ticking down from 1 minute.

His hand hovered over the acid tank before he shoved it in.

"Ahh!" George screamed loudly as he gripped onto the key. He then dropped it. "Oh, Goddamn it!" George reached back in and finally got hold of the key.

He stuck it in the lock and waited for the harness to open. When it didn't open, George panicked more.

"Help! Help!" The timer ticked down to 20 seconds. The faster the timer went. the more panicked George got.

The timer went down to 0 and George let out one last scream. The hooks ripped his ribs out and suspended them above him like angel's wings. George's body limped and everything went quiet.

~•~

Your POV

You and Newman were in the bedroom kissing and pleasuring each other.

"Oh, Newman!" You moaned into his ear.

"Oh, Y/N. You're not ready for what's about to happen." Newman placed his hands on your pants and pulled them down revealing your panties. "Oh baby, you look so beautiful and ready."

Newman rubbed his fingers in between your legs slowly and then increased the passion. "You like that baby?"

"Y-yes." You moaned. "Your fingers are so thick."

"You're already so wet." Newman whispered in your ear.

"W-we can't do this."

"Of course we can baby. I know you're in love with me."

Newman slid his fingers into your panties and started moving them within your inner walls. "God damn, so tight."

As Newman continued pleasuring you, just as you came, Adam ran into the room.

"Oh damn, sorry," Adam said as he hid a smirk on his face.

"What do you want Adam? Is the game done?"

"Yep." Adam walked away and closed the door.

You slumped down with Newman on top of you. He leaned down and kissed you.

"Well, wasn't that exhilarating?" Newman asked.

"Yes." You said as you kissed him back.

"Good." Newman smiled. "By the way, I will be the best apprentice you've ever seen." He held your hands tightly as he kissed them. "By the way, what game is Adam talking about?"

"Oh. George was placed in a trap, and judging by the air, he did not make it out."

"Damn, George Costanza?"

You nodded.

"Police will have a field day with these strings of missing persons cases." Newman smirked as he gave you one last kiss. "Besides, we should relax and wait until the next game."

[cryptoriawebb]

So I dunno how many of you have seen the new Magic the Gathering Doctor Who collab, but it’s a thing and it’s truly beautiful, speaking as a long-time (but admittedly outdated) fan of the series.

That said, I was talking about it at work the other day, and one of my coworkers, who knows nothing about Doctor Who, decided the tenth Doctor looks more like Seinfeld’s Kramer in one of the commander decks😂😆

This then spawned a ridiculous crossover conversation about which character would be in what role and this is what we came up with:

Kramer - the Doctor. Just picture Kramer saying “it’s bigger on the inside, Jerry” in that strung out way he has about him and you’ll understand why this is the best idea ever😂of course he has the Sonic screwdriver that baffles him every time he uses it.

Jerry - The Doctor’s bewildered and cynical companion. “What is the deal with these Daleks??”

George - probably a Cyberman who still possesses enough sentience to break the fourth wall and complain about being a Cyberman in this crossover.

Elaine - the huffy immortal human time traveler from the 51st century. Will have strong words for the Doctor and his companion if she ever sees them again😤

Newman - Davros. Nuff said

[seinfeld-today]

George has been trying to convince Jerry to watch and read yuri for years which Jerry's firmly against. Jerry's secretly been reading and watching yuri for decades because if George knows he would start claiming he caused it and Jerry insists he found yuri on his own. Elaine's company starts printing yuri and she has's firmly a yaoi enjoyer, getting frustrated when her coworkers no longer want to discuss yaoi now that they're printing yuri. Kramer and Newman have an argument for which yuri manga has the best anime adaptation and have to bring in an expert (Jerry, begrudgingly) to settle it, the last scene being George coming in and catching Jerry discussing yuri with Kramer and Newman.

Elaine being a Fujoshi is horrible for my psyche but also feels entirely in character.

[baenyth]

Seinfeld Episode where the Main Cast are all Danganronpa Fans

Jerry has just finished Danganronpa IF, and gets into arguments with Newman over Mukuro's redeemability, the canonicity of Killer Killer and Danganronpa 3, whether 2 or V3 was the best game, if Miu is worse than Teruteru or not, etc. George writes a Harukaito fanfic and is upset when the only attention he gets is from Omota for the smidgeon of Kokichi flirting with Kaito he included. Elaine is troubled with her boyfriend because he's a Gundham kinnie while she's a Mahiru kinnie that ships Hinazumi and Sondam. Kramer wants in on the new Danganronpa, to the point where he takes a plane over to Japan. At the end of the episode, multiple V3 characters enter Jerry's apartment like Kramer does and tell Jerry and the others to turn on the TV, revealing that Cosmo Kramer, the Ultimate ??? is one of the new contestants on the freshly-announced Danganronpa Neo. Cue laugh track and bass riff, and sign off.

[stopfunkinwmyheart]

[meowmoedotcom]

Kramer & Newman: Welcoming Our Adorable Kittens! 😻

meowmoe.com

[newman5eapartmant]

I'm avoiding Bab's. Things didn't workout with us . Specially when Kramer found out 😅