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[seinfeld-today]

George’s astrology-believing girlfriend sees something bad happening in his future. Elaine’s boyfriend has opinions about iphones v. androids. Jerry’s car gets broken into but only one thing is taken. Kramer distrusts ring cameras placed around the building.

All of the gum in Jerry's car is also chewed up and spit back into the container, leaving him to believe this was a targeted attack against him specifically.

[seinfeld-today]

Jerry gets accused of stealing jokes from Tumblr posts. George dates a Tumblr user and enlists the help of Kramer, who has been banned from Tumblr multiple times and still going strong, to translate his girlfriend's weird Tumblrspeak. Elaine deletes her Instagram account and moves to Tumblr, then complains that Tumblr isn't more like Instagram.

Kramer's list of account obituaries include

Account terminated after False Flag Callout Posts

Marked NSFW by mistake and never fixed

Account terminated after posting the photoset that has one of Elaine's nipples in it

Lost the password for an account with 40,000 followers

[seinfeld-today]

George has been trying to convince Jerry to watch and read yuri for years which Jerry's firmly against. Jerry's secretly been reading and watching yuri for decades because if George knows he would start claiming he caused it and Jerry insists he found yuri on his own. Elaine's company starts printing yuri and she has's firmly a yaoi enjoyer, getting frustrated when her coworkers no longer want to discuss yaoi now that they're printing yuri. Kramer and Newman have an argument for which yuri manga has the best anime adaptation and have to bring in an expert (Jerry, begrudgingly) to settle it, the last scene being George coming in and catching Jerry discussing yuri with Kramer and Newman.

Elaine being a Fujoshi is horrible for my psyche but also feels entirely in character.

[seinfeld-today]

Jerry continually gets the same ride share driver no matter where he gets picked up. George refuses to go back to Monk's after accidentally tipping the waitress 2%. Elaine tries to sell her old couch on Facebook. Kramer tries to get free food by impersonating a Michelin reviewer.

[seinfeld-today]

George spends the whole day trying to come up with the perfect 9/11 joke. Jerry dates a survivor of the attack, but his intrigue and queries get in the way of their relationship. Kramer travels to ground zero to try and find evidence of it being an inside job.

Somehow after hearing George say it, Kramer quotes him at Ground Zero, not thinking about how a crowd of First Responders would take a joke at the expense of their fallen comrades (Yes George would go there, you all know he would). Cue the typical gag of Kramer getting dragged down from a fire escape by a crowd of people that are about to beat his ass.

[seinfeld-today]

Jerry starts to use a bidet, but his girlfriend catches him throwing out all of his toilet paper, leading her to think he's letting it crust instead of wiping. George forgets his date's name and calls her Mohammed ("Jerry, it's the most commen given name!")

Elaine seemingly serves as the only sane point between either man, informing George in no uncertain terms how insensitive it would be for someone to assume your name (George doesn't see it as offensive at all as long as it's not happening to him, presumably because he's George Costanza)

[seinfeld-today]

George wins 10 thousand dollars at his parent's church bingo game, yet struggles to protect the cash from himself. Elaine tries unsuccessfully to cut Red 40 from her diet after reading an article about the potential side effects. Jerry tries online dating, but only ever seems to match with other men despite his preference being women. Kramer starts living full-time on the Fire Escape.

[seinfeld-today]

Jerry writes a new bit about 'the healing power of laughter'. His routine now includes a (hired) audience member getting out of his wheelchair declaring he can walk. It misfires and gets taken seriously.

Elaine has to write about Jerry's sneakers for Peterman which she loaths. She writes a jarring satire in hope it never gets into the catalogue, but it all goes over Mr. Peterman's head and he promotes Elaine for writing it. The article raises the craze surrounding Jerry to a higher pitch.

Kramer's new business venture is selling Jerry's belongings to strangers who "believe in his powers". He also does guided tours in Jerry's apartment.

George gets mad at Jerry for not willing to discuss the relative size of the salt shakers in each booth at the coffee shop. The next day he's at a store to pick up a bottle of carpet cleaner when the employee offers him a 33% discount if he introduces him to Jerry "the healer". George, out of vengeance, takes the offer and gives away Jerry's number and address.

I'm enamored with George's decision to doxx his best friend out of pure spite. 100% he would do that, that's a Pro Costanza Move right there.

[seinfeld-today]

George's cat becomes extremely over-affectionate after he returns from a long trip, to the point of interfering with his ability to do seemingly anything around the house. Jerry attempts to use a new shampoo after his previous brand was discontinued, but can't find a scent that his girlfriend likes. Elaine is horrified after rediscovering her old Tumblr account and realizing she was a "Pick-Me" in high school. Kramer becomes addicted to ordering meal delivery online.

[seinfeld-today]

(sorry, i thought you can submit random new episode ideas, but now i realised this blog is for current ones lol,. just ignore my last ask. sorry again)

This is a PSA! You've done absolutely nothing wrong, and in fact have interacted with this blog exactly as intended! Submissions and asks need not be explicitly "Modern", just fittingly Seinfeld. (We'll just say these are episodes bridging the gap between Season 9 and now)

:3

[seinfeld-today]

Jerry becomes enamoured by a photo of Newman pre-transition and becomes conflicted with his feelings

This specific ask has enraptured my mind ever since it arrived. I cannot think of anything meaningful to add to it, nor any additional plots to provide. It is a truly horrifying, yet deeply Seinfeldian premise and I must inflict it upon the world.

[seinfeld-today]

Your blog brings me so much joy!❤️❤️❤️

We here at Seinfeld Today thank you for the kind words. Our only goals are to bring joy to the people of the internet, and to bring to light the sins of a man named Newman. Preferably both at once

[seinfeld-today]

"The Jeep"

Elaine buys a Jeep and hates other Jeep owners giving her rubber ducks. Kramer tries to make a new gimmick to replace the ducks. George starts looking at Jeeps but everyone he talks to about it tells him they can't ever see him driving a Jeep. Jerry accidentally ends up the enemy of a local gang of Jeep drivers when they overhear him calling them "stupid and impractical" in a city like New York in an attempt to talk George out of buying one.

I think this episode would be the most anyone has thought about Jeeps since the end of WW2.

[seinfeld-today]

George attempts to circumvent the subscription fee for his car's heated seats. Elaine's new girlfriend rocks her world by asking not about her being trans, but if she's Emo. Jerry finds out he's being impersonated on TikTok, but debates leaving the account up as it makes him look good. Kramer becomes a gimmick barber.

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Idk what the other three are doing but George gets really into AO3

George becomes a fanfiction junkie, but finds balancing his reading habits with his job to be more than he bargained for (yes he will be reading on the clock.) Elaine proofreads a new manuscript at work, but is horrified to realize it's stolen fanfiction; HER stolen fanfiction. Kramer and Newman find themselves at odds over the "morality" of donating to Ao3, but both of their arguments are so terrible that Jerry can't tell who's on what side.

[seinfeld-today]

Elaine becomes frustrated with the ever-increasing prices while thrifting. Kramer attempts to exploit a loophole in the rewards program of a fast food restaurant. George wages war with his neighbors over the rules of the laundry room. Jerry's new anxiety medication forces him to rethink his diet.

[seinfeld-today]

George falls for a crypto scam posted by one of his favorite celebrities on Twitter. Elaine's smart toaster refuses to play nice with her wifi network. Jerry has mixed feelings on the new, "edgier" Superman movie. Kramer notices shrinkflation in his favorite Orange Juice brand.