#Just to be clear I don’t think anyone deserves to die for their actions

[thelesbianthespianposts]

saw a poll that asked if people supported the death penalty and did NOT like some of the comments so here

No nuance, if you don’t like any of the options, don’t vote

[teapartyprincess4two]

Y/n and Matt get closer when it's just them 2 in the house, and i was thinking Fluff and Smut like a lot of Smut. Maybe Matt is a virgin but Y/n aint so she teaches him???

End of the World- M. Sturniolo

pairing: fem!reader x Matt

classification: Zombie Apocalypse AU, smut, fluff, angst/sad (kinda? Idk it’s a mix of everything)

inspiration: request^^

warnings: 18+, MDNI, set in modern day, use of y/n, literal sex, slight cursing, zombies & general apocalypse stuff (death, lnives, guns, killing, blood, hunger, dehydration, etc.), kinda long

summary: No one deserves to die a virgin, not even at the end of the world.

—

If anyone would’ve told you two years ago that you’d be huddled around the hood of a car, staring down at a worn out map, covered in blood, you would’ve called them crazy.

Two years ago your life was convenient. Now? Now life was simple, all you had to do was survive. All the things you wished would disappear; homework, bills, work, none of them mattered anymore. But they were easily replaced with an even greater burden, a zombie apocalypse and the end of the world.

Two years ago you wouldn’t have had even a spec of dirt under your fingernails, yet here you stand covered in blood that isn’t yours, weeks worth of dirt and grime, and sweat dripping down your forehead. Your hair is pulled back into a ponytail, exposing your shoulders to the harsh Texas heat and further working towards dehydrating you.

Two years ago you wouldn’t so much as hurt a fly. Now you wouldn’t think twice before pulling the trigger if it meant you had a chance at survival.

Two years ago you didn’t have to worry about where your next meal was coming from or if your bedroom was secure enough to sleep in. But the world has changed and so have you.

It’s been months since anyone in your group has had a good nights rest or a warm meal. All you’ve done is run from anything that threatens to harm you. Although you’ve all managed to set up a temporary moderately safe camp within the woods, it’s been difficult to stretch resources that are already scarce.

Food, water, clothing. These are all things that you wish you didn’t need. Why? Because leaving camp to retrieve them is dangerous. But, it’s been 2 days since your last run, and canned goods can only last so long, especially when there’s mouths to feed.

Chris uses his knife to point to an unmarked location on the map, “Nick and I will head south. I saw an old water tower in that direction when we passed through, maybe there’s a town nearby.” He uses the back of his arm to wipe the sweat from his forehead before returning it back to the map, tracing the blade up a road.

“Matt and Y/n, you two try looking in this area. We haven’t checked there yet and if we’re lucky it hasn’t been completely ransacked. You might find something…” Chris pauses, taking a look at the group of people not far behind. They’re chatting, all of them wearing exhausted expression and filthy clothes. “…something to get the group through the next couple of days. We can’t stay here anymore, place is crawling with infected.”

Chris became the leader of your group easily. He had a great way of talking to people, of showing them that even though the world was ending, the glass was still half full.

“You want us to split up?” Nick whisper shouts, a clear alarm evident in his tone. “Remember what happened last time? We lost a third of the group!” Nick flails his arms in desperation, almost like he’s willing Chris to realize the stupidity of his actions.

Nick was reasonable and smart, but too kind for his own good. If he wanted to, he could’ve become the leader of your group and done just as good of a job as Chris, but Nick was too empathic to take on that responsibility. He felt the needs of the group and often was led more by emotion than by reason or logic.

“You think I don’t know that?!” Chris bites back.

You stand next to Matt, watching the argument unfold. This was typical for Nick and Chris, but it stressed you out every time.

“If we had more people, we wouldn’t have to split up. But we’re low on supplies and can’t wait around for food to magically appear,” Chris says.

“If we hadn’t split up the first time, we’d have more people,” Nick snarks, storming away. Chris groans, running his hand through his hair. This was much more responsibility than he could handle, but as the youngest, strongest members of your group it was up to you all to pull the heaviest weight.

“We’ll be fine. Y/n and I are always careful,” Matt finally chimes in, placing a firm hand on Chris’s shoulder to ease any tension. “Besides, that part of town is pretty deep into the woods. I doubt any infected will be lurking and if they are, Y/n’s good with a gun and I’m fast.”

“I’m fast too,” you chuckle, knowing that Matt is trying to make light of a dark situation.

“True. I just gotta be faster,” he replies, sending you a cheeky wink. You laugh, earning a small round of laughter from Chris and Matt in return.

Chris visibly relaxes, grateful that at least one of his brothers isn’t giving him a hard time. But truth be told, Matt didn’t agree with Chris’s plan, he was just smart enough to keep it to himself. He knew that doubt created fear, and once fear infected you, you were as good as dead.

That’s what Matt was good at, being quiet. It came in handy on runs like this, especially because he was so quick on his feet. It’s your favorite characteristic of his, he’s a good listener, he’s observant, and you know that you’ll be safe as long as Matt is with you.

“Alright. Let’s head out, we’re gonna lose the light,” Chris instructs, jogging in the opposite direction of the camp to begin loading up a few trucks with guns and ammo.

“You two can take the car.”

Matt mulls the idea over. A car would be faster, but definitely much louder. Noise attracts anything looking for its next meal, especially the infected, and with only you to cover him he’s not sure he’s willing to take that risk.

“Nah. We’re walking. The town’s not too far, we’ll make it back by tomorrow morning the latest,” Matt replies, tossing a rifle in your direction. You’re quick to catch it and just as quick to respond, “Are you sure? A car would get us there and back before dinner.”

He understands your concern, but he can’t risk losing you, not after all the losses he’s already suffered. “Just trust me,” he murmurs, the look in his eyes being enough to calm your nerves.

“Whatever you have to do, Matt. Just come back,” Chris says, slamming the trunk shut.

—

Leaves and dry grass crunch under your feet with every step. It’s late summer and the Texas heat has managed to kill everything left alive that wasn’t infected.

You’ve been walking for two hours, only running into a few infected on the way, managing to take them out with nothing but your blade. Matt hates using guns, in fact you’ve only seen him use them on very rare and necessary occasions. You never understood his apprehension, I mean it’s the end of the world for Christ’s sake, but you’ve never questioned him.

“Heads up,” Matt whispers, nodding his head in the direction of a gas station.

You follow his gaze. It seemed like an easy place to loot. Apart from the few rotted corpses that roamed the exterior, only parked cars litter the parking lot, most of them still connected to the gas pumps.

“We’ll go in through the back. There’s got to be dry storage there,” Matt says, crouching and leading you towards the back of the building. You hum in response, readying yourself with your weapon and following closely behind.

Your scent must carry because as soon as you’re within 10 feet of the infected, their attention is drawn to you. Their arms are limp at their sides and their walk is more of a stagger, but it always manages to get your blood pumping.

“Hurry!” Matt whisper shouts, reaching behind him for your hand. Soon he’s pulling you into the building, shutting it securely behind you and bringing his pointer finger up to his lips to instruct you to keep quiet.

“I’ll go left. You go right,” you mouth, beginning to walk the aisles of the store while ensuring to keep your back to the wall. Matt nods, perusing the aisles as best he can while his life is in immediate danger.

Infected bite and claw at the glass windows, snarling as they watch you and Matt like prey. Sometimes you wondered what their life was like before they were bit, but the second one is close enough to harm you, all sympathy leaves and you don’t think twice before unloading the clip.

When you’re sure the building is secure you put your knife away and grab a shopping basket, securing it in the pit of your elbow as you load it with as many supplies as you can. Chips, jerky, candy, canned food, oil, rags, water, any and everything you two can carry is being thrown into these baskets.

“How are gonna get all of this back?” You ask Matt, noticing the even greater pile he’s accumulated. He scratches his head, taking a look around for something that’ll help lighten the load.

From the corner of his eye he spots a few duffel bags. Matt grabs a few and motions for you to begin packing them with as much as possible. “If they get too heavy I’ll carry them.”

“Bet you wish we had a car now,” you chuckle, neatly organizing the duffel bags.

“Not when those things are staring back at me,” Matt says, shuddering as he looks behind his shoulder to see the group of infected that have pooled at the entrance of the building.

—

You’re carrying two duffel bags full of supplies, one weighing on either one of your shoulders. Matt’s holding three, two rest on his shoulders and he’s carrying the other in his hand. He holds the straps so tight that his knuckles have managed to turn white.

The both of you are exhausted from the strength you’re using to carry this supplies back to your camp, from the long trek up-hill, and the energy you exerted to take out at least a dozen infected.

You stumble on a rock, the weight on your shoulders making it difficult for you to fix your footing. “Hey, you okay?” Matt asks, examining you with his eyes.

“I’m fine. Just tired,” you wheeze, hunching over and supporting yourself with your hands on your knees.

Matt’s tired too, of course he is, but it’s not like you two can set up camp in the middle of nowhere while surrounded by infected. He remembers seeing a few houses further up the road, it’s not a long walk and if you can make it, you’ll be able to rest there until morning.

“C’mon I think I saw a neighborhood, just push through a little longer. We’ll rest there for tonight and pick back up in the morning, okay?”

He waits for you to catch your breath, rubbing your back and comforting you, but never once letting his guard down in case something gets a jump on him.

You take a deep breath, straightening up and adjusting the duffel bag’s straps on your shoulders.

“Okay.”

—

The walk to the neighborhood was much longer than you thought, and you were starting to wonder if you were lost.

“Are you sure this is the right way?”

Matt looks at you from behind his shoulder, subtly rolling his eyes before averting his gaze forward again. “You wanna lead the way, princess?”

The nickname makes you chuckle, mostly because you knew Matt used it when his mood was starting to sour and that only ever happened when he was hungry or tired. By the looks of it, he was starting to become both.

A small town comes into view just as you’re about to reply. It looks like you’ve stumbled across the Main Street, and as packed as it is with abandoned businesses and stores, a residential home is nowhere to be seen. “Didn’t I tell you I saw a town,” Matt snarks, a hint of sass laced in his tone.

You hum. “No. You said you saw a neighborhood. There isn’t a house anywhere to be seen. We might as well season ourselves for the damn infected to eat.”

A twig snaps in the distance. Your voices, although relatively quiet, have already worked towards alerting the undead of your presence.

“Shut up,” Matt grits, pulling you close to his body. You know better than to argue, instead pressing your back against his and unsheathing your knife.

Snarling and growling echoes through the town, bouncing off the buildings and making it difficult for you to pinpoint exactly what direction they’re coming from. That doesn’t stop Matt though, instead he uses the hand that isn’t holding a knife to grab your arm.

“Stay close,” he mouths, so inaudible that you almost don’t catch it. You nod your head, taking a fleeting look at your surroundings before following Matt through a back alley between a cafe and a gym (or what used to be a cafe and a gym).

The alley is a dead end, fenced off at the end with nothing but hungry zombies reaching through the metal rods in attempt to grab you. The old you would’ve screamed and cried for help, but you’ve learned to suppress your fear in order to survive.

You take a firm hold of your knife, stabbing it into the head of as many infected as you can. Quiet grunts emit from you and Matt as you clear the path, watching undead body after body hit the ground. For a second you feel sad, but only for a second. You don’t have time for trivial things such as emotions anymore, especially not when a trail of flesh eating monsters follows closely behind.

“Through here. C’mon,” Matt ushers, opening a door that leads into a gym. Although it’s safer than being stranded outside, the brick walls can only protect you for so long. You do a quick sweep of the room, looking for anything useful while also ensuring there aren’t any hidden surprises.

Once you’re sure it’s safe, you motion for Matt to follow you with a head tilt. He locks the door behind him, barricading it with an old elliptical before following you into the next room.

You enter a changing room, lined with showers and lockers that were sure to have at least one fresh pair of clothes. You set the heavy bags you’ve been carrying down, sighing with relief as you stretch your shoulders. Matt does the same, joining you in rummaging through the lockers for a new, clean shirt.

A lot of the clothes is tucked away in backpacks, most of it being unflattering male clothing, but you weren’t big on fashion nowadays. “Here. Found this for you,” Matt says, tossing a white tank top your way. You hold it up in the light, “Cute. Thanks.”

You’re about to change your shirt, without any real warning for Matt, so he quickly looks away and fixes his gaze on the shower heads and tiled walls. His hands fiddled with an unopened bar of soap he found in one of the lockers. Matt doesn’t know why he grabbed it, it’s not like he had access to running water, but a man could dream.

“I wonder if the showers work,” he thinks out loud.

You stand behind him, wearing only your bra and underwear as you wonder the same thing. God knows you could both use a shower right now. “Hmm,” you hum, tilting your head in wonder.

“Only one way to find out,” you shrug, pushing past Matt and sauntering over to the knob. You twist it quickly, patiently waiting for even a single drop of water.

Nothing, just groaning pipes and a slap in the face for naivety.

“Guess they don’t,” you say, standing under the shower head and looking at Matt with a sad smile. He chuckles, and just as he’s about to give up too, hot water spurts out abruptly, hitting the back of your head and running down your spine.

“Holy shit that’s hot!” You gasp. In all the excitement, Matt forgets how inappropriate it would be to join you in the shower under regular circumstances, and throws his clothes off. You’ve somehow already managed to remove your remaining clothing and have started scrubbing at your skin with your bare hands, letting the water run down your face.

“Matt! Hurry before it runs out!” You say, waving your hand behind you blindly. He doesn’t skip a beat, joining you under the shower head and letting it relax his sore, aching muscles. The water draws an audible groan from his lips, bringing you back to reality. You were naked and taking a shower with Matt, someone who was a stranger to you before the end of the world.

Suddenly, he remembers the bar of soap still in his hands and he accidentally takes in your naked figure as he opens it. His dick immediately rises, a clear indicator that he’s enjoying the view.

“Turn around,” he instructs, running the soap under the water and lathering his hands up. You do as your told, immediately feeling his fingers tangle themselves in your hair as he massages your scalp. It wasn’t necessarily an in depth hair wash routine, but it would suffice for now.

Soon, you’re turning around and rinsing the soap from your hair before reaching for the bar and instructing Matt to do the same.

“Here lemme get you now.” You shuffle behind him, tip toeing to reach better. Although it was odd and unexpected, you were glad to be sharing this moment with Matt.

The rest of the shower is silent as you and Matt bask in the warm water that runs down your bruised and battered bodies. You try keeping your limbs to yourselves, save for the brief moments Matt’s erect member brushes against your thigh or butt, but it’s hard when there’s only one shower head. You want to say something, mostly because you’ve had a crush on Matt from the moment you met him and his group, but you don’t. This isn’t about pleasure, not in this world at least. It’s about survival and the second you forget that, you get hurt.

“Haven’t felt that clean in years,” Matt chuckles, shoving a shirt over his head. The shower seems to have brought his spirits up, providing both of you with a new surge of energy. Little things like running water meant so much more now, especially when you’re trudging through highly forested areas and fighting for you life on the daily.

As you’re about to reply, a loud bang echoes through the locker room, followed by the sound of shuffling in your direction. You’re putting your pants on, buckling them quickly as you try to keep quiet. Your eyes are wide in fear and anticipation, watching Matt for a signal on what to do next.

He doesn’t say anything, instead grabbing the duffel bags from before and darting his eyes towards the exit. Your gun, which you hadn’t used at all today, rests in your hand. Matt holds his as well. He’s on guard, raising the weapon close to his face as he inspects the area.

You follow behind him trying to keep as quiet as possible, fully expecting him to shoot whatever lurks behind the wall. But, as you near the exit, you see it.

Tense shoulders relax, lowering your weapon and sheathing it back into your belt. A squirrel sits on the cement floor, grooming itself and chittering away. You want to approach it, maybe even pet it, but Matt stops you with a hand to your chest.

Unlike you, he’d inspected the entirety of the situation and didn’t let himself become distracted by the first cute animal that crossed his path. After recognizing that it was a squirrel, he wondered what could’ve lead it into the building in the first place, causing him to check the window it entered through. A reanimated corpse stood right outside the window, dragging its feet as it paced back and forth in search of the fluffy animal.

“Let’s go. We’re done here,” Matt ordered, pulling you back towards the exit. And just like that, you were off to find somewhere to sleep, leaving the fluffy animal to fend for itself.

“Bye little guy.”

—

“Forgot how quiet and boring the world is,” you huff, slumping down onto the worn out mattress. Whatever energy the shower provided you was now long gone. You and Matt walked for another hour before finding the initial neighborhood you were searching for. And, after that, you spent another hour finding the perfect house and clearing all its rooms.

“Quiet’s nice,” Matt replies with a soft groan, joining you on the mattress. It sinks with his weight, the coils creaking as he becomes comfortable.

“You’re just saying that cause you want me to shut up so you can fall asleep.” You kick your shoes off and unbuckle your belt, letting it fall to floor with a soft thud. A smile tugs at Matt’s lips. “Right now yes. But in general, quiet’s good. Means we’re safe,” he replies, toeing his own shoes off.

Matt shuts his eyes, fluffing the pillow under his head and willing himself to finally get a full nights rest. This house is safe. He secured all the rooms, barricaded the doors, and his weapon is on standby. He can finally rest and relax. But, of course, your mind begins to wander and when your mind wanders, your words follow. “Guess you’re right… But quiet also means you’re not learning anything about the people you care about.”

A deep breath causes Matt’s chest to rise and fall. He doesn’t understand why you’re trying to be all philosophical at the end of the world. Nonetheless, he responds, “I know you, Y/n. I know you’re strong, I know you’re a kind person, and I know you have my back. I also know you’re annoying, but I trust you and I learned all that from watching. Sometimes you just have to watch people. In quiet. Can we sleep now?” He turns onto his side facing away from you in hopes that you’ll drop the topic and fall asleep.

You stare at his back. “Those are all things you learned about me now. I was nothing like this back then.”

Matt takes another deep breath. It’s obvious you’re in the mood to talk, maybe because you finally feel safe enough to keep your voice anything above a whisper, so he decides just to give in and turn your monologue into actual dialogue.

“Back then?” He asks. Matt shuffles on the mattress, now staring at the ceiling as your eyes remain on him. “Yeah, before everything went to shit. Before the end of the stupid fucking world when the little things used to matter. You know, like first kisses and picking the perfect outfit for a date with a cute guy.”

Matt picks at his fingernails, listening to every word that escapes your lips. When you put it that way, he really didn’t know anything about you. “Okay, so tell me about yourself then. Pretend like we’re not in a strangers house, in a strangers room, on a strangers bed, and tell me all about Y/n… Before the ‘end of the stupid fucking world.’”

You chuckle, preparing yourself for the vulnerability you’re about to put on full display, but now that he’s put you on the spot it’s much harder than you thought.

“Okay so… you already know my name. Hmm. My favorite color is pink?”

Matt scoffs. “That’s the real you? C’mon, you can’t go on this whole tangent about how you were different before and then say THAT.”

“Fine fine.” You think for a second. “I was a waitress at a hotel bar. Mixing drinks was easy, the customers were nice, my coworkers made the job tolerable. Mostly only worked weekends because I was at school during the week… I went to UCLA. Go Bruins!,” you let out a breathy laugh, “My siblings were going to visit me that weekend, the weekend it all happened. They had planned the trip for a long time and finally were gonna make the drive.”

Your mind goes to a dark place, the only thing anchoring you being the hand that Matt places on yours. You clear your throat before continuing, “I had a small off campus apartment. Cleared the living room out and everything for them. Even deep cleaned.” Matt squeezes your hand.

“College was fun while it lasted. My parents worked really hard to send me off. They threw me a going away party and everything, even dressed up my dog as the school mascot,” a small pause as you recollect your thoughts, “I had a puppy named Pig. Well he wasn’t a puppy, more like an old fart, but the name suited him. Named him after my favorite animal and because he had the pinkest nose when he first adopted him.”

You feel yourself becoming increasingly sad as you reminisce on what once was. “You know what? Maybe quiet is nice,” you laugh solemnly, wiping the tears that are rolling down your face.

Matt offers you a warm smile, thinking of something, anything, to get you to smile again. But he can’t help it, he’s curious, and since you’re already on the topic he wants to pry further into your personal life. “What were you going to school for?”

“Engineering. I’m shit with numbers, but I was pretty undecided so my parents just chose for me. Brandon would help me a lot. He was really smart… really sweet… But enough about me, tell me about you. Who was Matt before all this?”

Matt ignores your question, instead posing one of his own. “Who’s Brandon? Was he your boyfriend?” He cringes slightly, both at his boldness and at his lack of awareness of your vulernable, emotional state, but his curiosity keeps getting the best of him.

You snort. “Brandon? God no. He was my best friend, sure, but I was definitely not his type. Plus, I never had time for anything serious. I made time for the fun stuff, but never the commitment.” Matt couldn’t hide the relief on his face even he tried. A relationship status meant nothing during a zombie apocalypse, yet he found himself relieved to know that your heart didn’t belong to another.

“I’m sure you had girls swarming you,” you continue jokingly, poking Matt’s sides with a teasing edge. He makes a noise, something between a groan and chuckle as he runs his hands down his face.

“I take that as a yes?”

He hums, remembering the short lived internet fame he shared with his triplet brothers before shit hit the fan. “Some would say that. If you consider subscribers and followers as swarming girls.”

You visibly cringe, “Oh God. Were you one of those thirst trappers? Bet you went to influencer parties and vlogged your morning routine.” Matt laughs loudly, a genuine laugh, one of the few you’ve heard from him since you met.

“Rent was due, okay?” He replies between laughter. Soon you’re both laughing, bodies clumsily bumping as you clutch your stomach and wipe away tears. Your bodies are impossibly close, closer than they should be on a queen sized mattress, and you only notice it once your laughter dies down.

Your eyes have locked with his and your noses even manage to graze. Neither of you make an effort to look away or even to apologize for invading the other’s space. Instead, you do the unthinkable, the one thing you didn’t allow yourself to even think about doing even when he was naked in front of you earlier. You kiss him. You lean forward and close the gap, moulding your lips onto his.

Matt doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate the kiss. His hands find a comfortable resting place on your upper thigh and lower back, using the little energy left in his body to pull you closer. One of your hands lays on his chest while the other gently weaves its way through his hair.

The kiss is sweet and innocent, and it could’ve been over by now, but because you’re both so touch starved you separate for air and dive right back in. You moan against his lips, caressing the side of his face your thumb before moving so you’re cradling his waist. Subconsciously, as if on instinct, you grind down onto him, wanting to feel and explore him further.

Matt wants to go further, and he knows you know it too, especially with the display he put on earlier in the shower, but he’s a virgin who’s afraid to disappoint. So, he pulls away from the kiss and holds your hips in place with strong hands.

“I— Give me a second,” he murmurs, squeezing his eyes shut and gulping so hard his adam’s apple bobs up and down. Matt’s mind is racing, every possible outcome for this situation playing through his mind.

You sense his apprehension, plus it’s written all over his face. You never want to push his boundaries or make him uncomfortable. So, you do the only thing you can think to do. Quickly, you shuffle off of him and off the bed. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I just thought— today in the shower— I’ll sleep downstairs on the couch.”

You begin to gather your things, leaving Matt dumbstruck as he stares between you and his raging erection. If he didn’t speak up now, you were going to get the wrong idea and he’d miss his chance at a shot with you. Your face is red hot with embarrassment.

“Wait.” He reaches out and grabs your hand, gently pulling you back down onto the mattress.

Matt prepares himself for the vulnerability he’s about to display. He’s nervous, embarrassed, scared, and to top it off you’re the hottest girl he’s ever seen. And it’s not just because you’re the only one left either.

“I’m a virgin.”

Your eyes blow open in shock. “But earlier you said about the? I just thought?” He laughs at your inability to form a coherent sentence, but he gets the gist.

“It was hard to trust people when I was famous, especially girls. I never knew if they truly liked me or just wanted to have my name associated with them for the clout. But it’s different now, I know I can trust you. We took a shower together without making it weird after scavenging through old worn out clothes to find something slightly newer than what we had. You’re covered in the blood of monsters we killed to keep each other safe. You’re here with me when I have nothing permanent or safe to offer.” Matt pulls you back onto his lap, sitting up against the bed frame so your torsos are parallel.

“I should’ve said this a long time ago, but it’s hard to find the time when you’re fighting for your life on the daily… I care about you, Y/n. A lot. I’m not sure what to call it yet, but I care about you and I trust you. I trust you enough to do this.” You’re touched by his words, feeling their effect on your heartstrings and your throbbing core.

“I trust you too, Matt. So much more than you’ll ever know.” In that moment those words felt more real than an ‘i love you’ ever could. Matt leans forwards and kisses you, holding you by the neck. This kiss is different than the one from before, it’s needier and laced with lust.

His hands travel towards your tank top, tugging until he successfully untucks the fabric. You pull away from the kiss and lift your arms, allowing Matt to remove your shirt in one swift motion. The smile on his face as you slowly begin roaming your hands all over his body is genuine, filled with admiration, love and lust.

Your fingers beginning slipping his flannel over his shoulders, your mouth falling down to his broad shoulders to pepper kisses on the skin there. Soon, you’re both removing the rest of your clothes and Matt’s excitement has him flipping you over on the old, worn mattress. He gawks at the sight beneath him. You lay there completely exposed with only the soft moonlight that trickles in through the blinds to illuminate your body. Matt takes it all in, relishing in your beauty like it’s the last time, because in this world it very well might be.

A gentle hand trails from his stomach down to his penis, tracing the outside of his cock and watching intently at the way Matt’s eyes screw shut in concentration. It’s been so long since he’s touched himself and the sight of you alone is enough for him to combust, but he pulls himself together. You trace your thumb over the slit, coating his member with the natural lubrication that’s already spilling out before dragging his cock along your folds. Matt’s breath hitches at the new sensation, you already feel so warm and soft, he doesn’t know how he’s meant to last even one second once he’s actually inside you.

“We can stop if you want to.” Matt gulps, shaking his head feverishly. He doesn’t want this to stop, he’d never want this to stop, even if it hasn’t even really started yet. “No,” his voice is choked, “don’t stop.”

Your lip is caught between your teeth as you continue to guide the tip to your entrance, finally unwrapping your fingers from around him and instead wrapping your legs around his waist. Finally, Matt moves, sinking his cock into you slowly until he’s completely bottomed out. The initial feeling is euphoric, so euphoric in fact that his arms wobble as he tried to keep himself from collapsing on you. You love seeing him like this. A strong man who’d do anything to protect you, so weak and vulnerable from your touch.

His head finds the place where your neck and shoulder meet, forehead resting in the divot there as he slowly begins thrusting. Soft grunts and groans brush against your skin, sending shivers up your spine. Praises fall from your own lips as his tip continues to kiss your cervix, egging him further in helping you reach your climax. But tonight was about him, as long as the man on top of you convulsed with pleasure you’d be happy.

Matt’s hips snap against yours, picking up the pace as he chases his orgasm. It’s so close, right on the edge, and from the way he sounds and feels you’re close too. “Keep going, Matt. Don’t stop,” you moan, pulling him in closer with your legs around his waist. Matt whimpers your name, sucking and biting on the skin of your neck harder with each passing thrust.

“I’m gonna cum,” he grunts, words choppy and interrupted by pants and moans. All you can do is whimper in return, snaking a hand between your bodies to rub your clit. As soon as your fingers touch the sensitive bundle of nerves, your body goes into overdrive. Your legs are shaking, pussy fluttering around his cock as you grip his shoulders and moan his name. The feeling of your walls pushing and pulling around him, mixed with the way you chant his name, pushes Matt over the edge. His hips tremble slightly as he spills his load inside of you, his inexperience making it to where he’s unable to pull out before the wave of pleasure washed over his body.

Your bodies remain intertwined for a while, both of you trying to catch your breath. Matt reluctantly pulls out of you, relishing in the way your body chases after him. The mattress dips as he slumps into the spot next to you.

“Thank you.”

You turn to face Matt, a confused look on your face. You’re not sure where this will lead your relationship, but you never expected a thank you after sex, nor had you ever received one.

“Thank you?” You chuckle, curious to where the conversation was heading.

He hums. “Yeah, for not letting me die a virgin.” You can’t help the snort that follows.

“Well in that case, I guess you’re welcome. No one deserves to die a virgin, not even at the end of the world.”

Matt smiles again, a sight you’ll never grow tired of. He leans in for a kiss, pulling you close and keeping you there. The kiss is sloppy, mostly because you’re both exhausted from the days events, but neither of you dare pull away. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring or if there will even be a tomorrow, all you know is that this moment right here is real and you’d like to enjoy it for as long as possible.

“Get some rest, we have a long trip tomorrow.”

—

MASTERLIST

A/n:

Thank you so much for this request my sweet anon. I’m currently rewatching (binging) TWD and needed to get some zombie apocalypse type story out of my system, so I hope you don’t mind that I used that idea on your request. Also, I know you requested for the reader to teach Matt and I didn’t include really any of that here. I focused on the whole Virgin!Matt aspect of it all. Hope you all enjoy, sorry for not writing a lot recently :P I’m deep in the trenches of Daryl Dixon fanfiction right now so if u need me, that’s where you’ll find me (if u can’t already tell by my reblogs lolol)

ps, I didn’t go to UCLA so if that’s not the mascot don’t kill me. A quick google search told me that much

luv u all xxx

- L.A.M.B 💗👼🏻

—

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note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐 if your user is striked through, I wasn’t able to tag you :(

[midgetmoth]

I have realized somehing with the news of a possible Farmer Vic. I looked back at “The Box” episode, and rewatched a specific scene.

The lasso scene. I never really considered it, but Vic knows how to use that lasso very, very well. During the scene, we as the audience see this as a callback to the first episode Victim was introduced into. The video that showed him and his clone using the different tools to fight against their creator.

But this is very different with the context of how GOOD Victim is at using the lasso tool. He didn’t just learn to use it, he learned to master it. He snagged Chosen out of the air-

-and then brought him in. Closing the distance, pulling on the rope until-

-he tugged on the end and brought Chosen straight to him.

To anyone, this was a clear message to Vic’s capabilities with working with tools, but what stood out to me was the scene that happens immediately after.

Chosen starts attempting to flee from Vic, dazed and already pinned, and Victim?

.. He cracks the whip, showing his strength behind the hit, the anger. The camera then slowly zooms in on Chosen-

Its this slow, subtle rise in music that we suddenly understand what’s going on. Chosen knows who this is now, Chosen suddenly remembers exactly who this is.

Everyone has been joking about how Farmer Vic’s home is about to get nuked by fire in the next AVA drop, but if that is the context: Everything lines up.

Victim having a reason to hurt Chosen, Chosen not even remembering who Victim is despite destroying his home, Victim’s cold reaction to seeing the Dark Lord getting nuked by Second(Orange) in the scene where it shows his death.

Everything suddenly makes sense. Victim isn’t just attacking Chosen because he can.

Victim isn’t just getting his revenge on Alan.

He is shaming the god who hurt his friends. The animals, the sticks who took Victim in upon his first fall down to the lands he’s now stuck in.

He was casted by his god to die, but was saved by strangers. He was given a home with cattle and lamb, given food and comfort. For once in his life he was safe and free from pain.

Then Chosen and Dark came along, born from the same god that had casted Victim aside. The same god who now unwilling unleashed hell upon the lands.

Victim would have watched his new friends and family burn. He could have watched the horror happen right in front of him. He hates the hollows for what they did, reminding him of his past creator, of his past in general. Filled with grief and sorrows he wished to swallow down, but instead was forced to live with.

So he hatched a plan, one to be seen by us, but in my opinion? He’s already succeeded in half of his plan.

He has humiliated the so-called “God” “, “The Chosen One”, and “The Dark Lord” is dead. Two threats now no longer threats. Now all he needs to do is reach Alan.

.. but then what? What happens when the smoke clears, when Alan is gone? Will he return to his life before? Will he try to leave behind his men and venture on to finally find his peace? Will he feel complete or content with his decisions?

Will he finally feel okay to grieve? To cry for what he has lost? To hold the remains of what was his first real life? Will he feel remorseful to those he hurt along the way? Will he ever say sorry or forgive any who hurt him?

If you ask me, no. I don’t think he ever will say sorry or forgive anyone, and he has a right to. He was born to be nothing more then a Victim to other’s crimes. He was born to be nothing more then a Victim to other’s wrath. He never deserved to be hurt, he never deserved to be tormented by a god that should have loved him.

Victim deserved to be happy. He deserved to have friends, play games, venture to new lands, see the beauty of life and enjoy it. He deserved to be held as he cried, hugged closely when scared, and protected when threatened.

Victim, Vic, deserved to live, and not suffer.

but because of Alan’s actions, because of Dark and Chosen’s actions, he does.

and now it’s no longer Vic who’s becoming the Victim.

[colduncrustable]

the martin antis working so hard to make waves is so funny. like, you are very much allowed to like/dislike any character you please! but making it your whole personality or acting like you’re cooler for it is a little bit silly. you are not morally or intellectually superior for hating on a fiction character.

not to mention all of the characters in tma are very nuanced and complicated, just like real people (!), and erasing all of that to serve a certain narrative is a complete disservice to the entire body of work. jon and martin’s relationship was never meant to be easy, they first and foremost worked closely together as boss/employee, and in a workplace that was actively putting them in dangerous and horrible situations. the whole point is that they’re both super fucked up but they have each other anyway. they both have flaws, they both have gone through a great deal both with and without each other, but they found love anyway. the idea that the dynamic change in s5 is due to martin just being this villain is so wild? like he’s not a doormat anymore but he also loves jon so fiercely and stands by him over and over again?

jon hated him, jon ignored him, was verbally horrible to him again and again, literally sent him on a dangerous investigation and said if anyone had to die might as well be him, jon accused him of murder, screamed at him, jon was on the run, jon died. martin was his number one defender through everything, even when honestly? he didn’t do a lot to prove he deserved it. but martin was strong in his loyalty and did his best to be a supporter anyway. he picked up extra work, he thought of him kindly when no one else did, he mourned him, and he put himself directly in the line of fire for jon. for everyone, yes, but especially for jon, he says that. because after everything, protecting jon is still his number one priority.

it’s so important to his character that he isn’t s1 martin anymore—that he learns to be a real person who has thoughts and feelings and a backbone. jon wanted that, and does it not say something that they don’t work out until martin learns to have a little bite? there’s a difference between being a real complicated traumatized human person, and just straight up being evil, or an asshole. jon had to learn how to be a lot of softer things but martin had to learn how to square his shoulders and stick out his chin. they had different arcs, and that doesn’t make either of them inherently evil or bad. it makes them real and not perfect and very multilayered, yeah.

martin didn’t handle every choice or action perfectly, he made a lot of mistakes, and he never claims to be the best person ever. but jon also fucked up, a lot. it isn’t a competition or a comparison, that’s really not how that works. but they work because of their flaws. that’s a big part of them fitting together. martin represented the humanity they were saving, with all his good and bad. jon was well beyond that, and while that doesn’t inherently compromise his character, it does mean he’s viewed in a much different light.

(meaning i think jon’s sins are seen very very different to martin’s.) (to be clear i think both deserve to be looked at critically, but hating either of them devoutly seems sort of silly.)

i’m not sure how you can listen to tma and all the ways it dissects and reflects on humanity and turn around and run blogs or make posts in the fandom about how you hate one of the main characters for being all of that.

jon never would’ve made it through without martin, even if martin wasn’t the key to everything, he was the reason to push through and not give up. martin is why jon didn’t go full monster mode, why he held onto who he was and his humanity, even with the whole ‘kill bill’ thing. martin gave him a reason to keep going, to try, to care so deeply. obviously there were other factors but jon says it himself, martin you are my reason.

if you can’t handle the fact that martin isn’t a grade a soft boy by the end of the show that’s a lot more about you than it is about him. he grew and maybe not always for the better but he could be a real person for jon instead of some kind of mirror or blank slate to be reflected on. i genuinely don’t understand how he can be misunderstood so deeply.

they’re both fucked up ! and if they are alive Somewhere Else you bet your ass they’re having long talks and going to therapy and fighting and making up and pacing the floors and figuring it all out together. it isn’t clean or easy or necessarily enjoyable all the time, but humanity isn’t either, love isn’t either. they went through unimaginable trauma, and expecting either of them to be holding it together any better than they already are is wild. context, it’s important. but let’s not turn multi-dimensional characters into flat one word answers.

it’s very human to like and dislike, love and hate based off of bias and experiences and perspective. but also opinion does not make fact. everything is relative, everything is subjective, everything everything everything. it’s an open discussion yada yada idk i’m just screaming into the wall about all the nonsense.

and beyond all of that, discourse is so useless. criticism and constructive conversations are really really important but discourse is pointless! oh you ship these people? well that inherently threatens my ship! oh you like this character that i hate? well that makes me feel invalid for hating them. like what you like, hate what you hate, have your feelings. but if you post shit on the internet you will get people who disagree, sorry, that’s how it is. partaking in little arguments over who is right or wrong when it doesn’t actually have to do with anything harmful or unhealthy makes no sense though. posting on the internet about all the hate you have in your heart when the world is already so full of it doesn’t actually do anything but add more bad to an already very large pile of bad.

things can be discussions not arguments sometimes, i promise. it’s not always tooth and nail, and let’s not forget, most of it is over things that never need to be fought over.

[completeoveranalysis]

[5]

Caught up in the moment I forgot to comment on Fai’s open affection in holding Lava Lamp’s face before, so here it is again. HEALING. 

I'm obsessed actually that the response from both of them was PHYSICAL. Lava Lamp expected them to physically attack him, and he would have accepted that, and they DO respond physically but turn it around into an affectionate gesture instead.

Something about the fact that Lava Lamp, with his guilt and self blame, opens himself up to destruction, but Fai and Kurogane (the people he thinks deserves to kill him the most) use the language he's expecting to show him the opposite of his expectations. They don't hate him, they love him. They don't blame him, they're on his side.

Obsessed with this inversion.

Meanwhile Fai manages to reassure Lava Lamp, tease Kurogane, AND explain their thought processes all at once. 

Because ONE of them needs to be able to communicate clearly with words, and it's certainly not the other two!

OOH YES HERE WE GO. 

Fai summarised it much faster than I could ever.

Please add me to the list of people that Fai needs to save through his short and clear explanations.

Fai includes Lava Lamp’s guilt as something too much for him to be fairly assigning to himself. To assume that HE ALONE is responsible for every single bad thing that has ever happened IS far beyond the limits of logic, and to let yourself feel guilty for Everything Ever is an unfair price to put on himself as well. Fai’s kind smile goes miles towards showing that they personally know all the tragedy that has happened since the events Lava Lamp began, but if THEY don’t blame Lava Lamp, then he shouldn’t either.

AND THEN WE GET TO KUROGANE EVERYONE SIT DOWN

Kurogane admits that he would probably make the same choice. 

BECAUSE HE DID. 

Or at least he did a very nice parallel to it, if not quite on the same scale. 

In Acid Tokyo, Kurogane was faced with the choice of following Fai’s wishes and letting him die or breaking the rules to save his life. I'm not sure if this is officially labelled a taboo by the text, but removing someone's say in the matter and turning them into a vampire against their will certainly feels like a taboo at the very least.

Either way, Kurogane chose to break the rules to save Fai. (And his wording here specifies that he had already decided to "protect" Fai BEFORE that moment as well, which I love endlessly yes please. Even before the Acid Tokyo climax Kurogane had already included Fai in the circle of people he loves)

Kurogane paid the negative consequences of his actions too. But he still did it, doesn’t regret it, and would do it again. So his choices are analogous to Lava Lamp’s. 

Fai is the same. When Evil Wolverine offered him a deal that went against the laws of the universe (bringing someone back to life is certainly a taboo), Fai took the deal. He went along with Evil Wolverine’s evil plan in order to save his loved one - it just didn’t pan out all the way. 

So, all three of these characters WOULD and HAVE made the same call on this exact topic. Break a taboo, save your loved one. 

So if ANYONE was going to relate to Lava Lamp, it’s these two. 

And it helps that they also love him. 

[savagewildnerness]

OK, Here we go: S2E7 - I could not prevent it:

SPOILERS

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...

...

...

Random train-of-thought thoughts...

The thing that I find most difficult is that in the books you know nobody deserves death & you know when characters are justified or not justified in their actions or inactions.  But on the TV show I just feel increasingly all-at-sea, especially regarding Lestat seeing as we haven’t had any thing from his own perspective yet and it is just A Lot.

For example, in the books, Lestat does not deserve to die, but Claudia is 100% justified in murdering him… but Louis’ inaction is not entirely justifiable, though it’s understandable and Louis’ passivity and his regret at this is the hinge of the entire novel!  You can understand why Louis has anger towards Lestat and Lestat towards Louis and you understand that the love is more powerful and they always both loved each other.

And you know what characters want: Book-Armand wants Claudia dead from the first second he sees her; Armand & Lestat both want Louis alive more than any thing & Lestat doesn’t want Claudia to die, though if it were the only way to spare Louis he’d do any thing.  And book-Lestat is in an incredibly fragile place both mentally and physically even BEFORE he arrives in Paris.  Book-Lestat literally couldn’t have done the trial the way we saw in E7.

But in the show, all the stuff around memories mean it’s unclear exactly what anyone wants or deserves or is justified or not in in many cases. And sometimes it’s opposite.  Lestat truly does deserve death in the show to a degree he doesn’t in the book at all, which is SUCH a huge alteration.  If you haven’t read the books I can’t articulate the difference it makes.  The fact that Lestat has done absolutely nothing to deserve death in the book HANGS OVER all of the pages where Lestat is not present.  It hangs over Louis and obviously it hangs over the trial!  Louis isn’t thinking about Lestat all the time in the book because he knows he loves him anyway despite everything as Louis hasn’t realised that yet and is only starting to realise it.  He just knows he feels some thing and he knows Lestat was wronged and he misses him.

On the TV show I find it unclear whether Armand actively wants Claudia dead and if so, why?  Or to what degree he needs it?  I can see Lestat doesn’t want to be at the trial, but it isn’t clear whether he could not bear to see Louis die from this episode.  Santiago, confusingly seems to care more about killing Claudia than Louis which makes zero sense…. And I don’t understand the why of everyone.  The clearest character is Madeleine, who simply loves Claudia & that’s it. 

I hope it can all become clearer, but I don’t feel 1 episode is enough for that…?

More notes:

Anyone know what Santiago says to Madeleine?  Clearly hypnotising her, but what does he say?  And why is she hypnotised.  Just because she is irrelevant, so to keep her quiet?

Why would Santiago want to torture Claudia pre-trial more than Louis?  He absolutely despises Louis more!  So it doesn’t make sense to me why it’s Claudia who’d be put in the rat box?

“With additions made by The Vampire Lestat de Lioncourt” added to the play script.  How is this achieved?  Lestat’s telling?  Invading Lestat’s mind?

Incredible acting by everyone

Why did Santiago just go with the audience’s decision for banishment?  

Some kind of DreamStat in Dubai?  It felt that way…

Let’s talk Lestat:

I had expected something similar to Armand’s E3 story-Lestat: a very twisted version so was pleased this episode isn’t that.  Lestat sometimes seems very much his real-self… and at other times he seems like he does’t know what he’s doing… but the times he is his real-self, why doesn’t he scream about the fact that Louis is about to be condemned to death here!?!?!  I mean…. It is exquisite the way Lestat first looks at Louis, with no mercy… then turns away, a broken thing - the acting by Sam.... but like... is Armand in his head the entire time and we just don't know it yet? Some of it must be from Lestat's own volition or he would not be able to go off-script the way he does. The trial feels very different to the books.

It’s an odd mix of what seems very true and what seems total lies - there’s enough of real-Lestat that it feels real a lot of the time, but then it’s a weird mix of sincerity and insincerity crushed against each other and it’s hard to feel from when you can’t entirely tell the boundaries of this…

Lestat’s first speech is obviously scripted and it feels like Lestat is on autopilot almost.  When he says “It’s a story of love, not butchery” I already can’t tell if that’s scripted or if it’s Lestat going off-script?  BUT pointing out Armand’s influence on Nicolas’ death must surely be off-script?

After the “Come to me” bit, where Lestat displaces what he did onto Louis, which is clearly a (scripted) lie Lestat tells, we see Armand looking some way, then Lestat sits & looks exhausted/devastated… I wonder if Armand is mind controlling Lestat there to get him to say that? But it’s very confusing as at other times Lestat is clearly sincere & even goes off-script to be sincere, so it is quite confusing what we are/are not supposed to question…. I also noticed Sam mouths the words of Lestat’s Nicolas story along with Lestat speaking that, so he must have written that part of the script….

Obviously the take down of the homophobic soldier was incredibly satisfying…

I am reminded of when Claudia said the best lies contain truth, but it’s a lot.

At least Daniel knows Armand isn’t telling every thing truthfully…

So!  Let’s get to my least favourite thing - The Drop.  I believe the drop happened after this episode.  I do not see any way it didn’t.  The fight was pretty much as I expected inside.  Though Louis said crueller words than I expected, I guess.

But it seems to me the writers have decided to lessen Lestat’s responsibility in making Claudia, but to up his wronging of Louis - Louis who Lestat NEVER WRONGED!

While in themselves, these changes could be perceived as minor, the impact they have on the characters is massive.

As I say, I do believe the drop happened now.  That off-script apology - I do not see it being taken back or not being real.  That definitely wasn’t Armand making Lestat say that on stage, and in Paris Armand’s book-canon Lestat-drop wouldn’t have happened yet.  The whole feeling of it felt 100% real and a genuine apology.  It is what it is, but for me in terms of the writing it is 100% a mistake because it is a misunderstanding of the essence of Lestat.  Lestat would not do that to Louis.  Specifically, to Louis.  I cannot say it is in any way even in the spirit of Lestat.  And it seems very odd the show is including it because actually they’re emphasising the relationships more than the books so it matters even more in my opinion!  But, I accept that Lestat dropped Louis on the show.  I see no alternative scenario.  The implications of it will carry through Loustat’s entire relationship though and I do not like it.  The ending of Queen of the Damned, if they go with it as written will be SO different in feel as well, which even though that is so far away, makes me sad to even imagine how different it must feel already.

I get why there is an alteration with Claudia due to her being very different from in the books… but in the end I feel this episode should have been all about Claudia and I didn’t think that much about her or feel that much from her because there was so much else I was trying to work out, I suppose?  The biggest feeling was Madeleine choosing her, which was beautiful.  But not big enough.  Claudia deserved more.

Preview for next episode shows Louis seeing Lestat locked up AFTER the trial and with the fire gift, presumably going to kill him.  At first I was panicked that Lestat would *only* be seen locked up after the trial (and I am sure that’s what Armand will tell Louis), but we saw Lestat in that trailer in a different outfit, so we must see him pre-trial locked up too.

Yeah… my brain feels fried.  I did think Lestat would be painted more-the-villain than he was.  But the way things were it feels very confusing.  I couldn’t even guess what percentage of that trial was exactly as it happened and what percentage not…

But anyway, the episode was beautifully acted...

[imagionationstation]

Hey again…I have more ideas for the 2012 Donnie raised by BM au thing, (If I’m being annoying w/ this tell me to stop and this’ll be my last ask about it.)

Hey again…I have more ideas for the 2012 Donnie raised by BM au thing, (If I’m being annoying w/ this tell me to stop and this’ll be my last ask about it.)

Rich, self-centered, spoiled brat who’s never been told no. Ever.

he’s rude, thinks (knows) he’s smarter than everyone else, doesn’t expect consequences for his actions, expects to be waited on hand and foot (probably cuz he has been by hotel staff), etc etc

the whole nine yards. He enjoys the battle nexus fights. He finds them a bit inhumane but…why should he care? They don’t impact him at all.

He does get better after meeting Leo and Splinter and stuff.

Idk, I think it’d be funny lol

— ♊️

(Sorry this took so long!)

Relates back to this Ask which has links to other Asks.

Rude? Yes. Stubborn? Yes. A bit narcissistic? Unfortunately.

Incapable of understanding that the world does not exist to serve his every whim? For a while, yes.

Well, he has been told no. But only by one person. Big Mama.

His entire life it was made very clear who controlled everything. His meals, his attire, his routine, his likes and dislikes, his studies and his hobbies- everything is a gift, and he’s eternally grateful.

Why shouldn’t he be? She’s given him everything.

He deserves as much as she’s willing to offer.

It makes him feel small, sometimes. Being so utterly dependent.

Donnie makes up for his insignificance by leaning on the one thing that she can’t control. His intelligence. His genius.

His ego is his wall against the insecurities that she’s programmed in. Something else that she intended, because very few people can tolerate him and his pride. And even less people can understand his interests and his rants. He is unintentionally isolating himself.

And that’s just fine with her.

See, now this is where our opinions separate.

I can’t imagine any kind of AU where a 2012Donnie is chill with a murder arena. I could be convinced that he’d kill because of loyalty or to protect his family, or even just because he sees it as the only way to survive. But this is senseless.

It’s a place where a great number of Yokai walk in while expecting most of them not to walk out. It’s a choice to walk into a situation where the rewards are a heavy payment and a champion title, and the price is their life. He doesn’t understand. There are so many other ways to get that kind of cash. Stealing, for instance. Fraud, with the right skills. Plain old scamming gets the goods.

He knows how smart he is, but he thinks this should be basic information. Even the most brainless of oafs know how to steal. So why would anyone in their right mind fight in the arena?

It confuses him. Him, Donatello, the genius. And he hates it.

He’d rather die than admit to anyone that he isn’t able to comprehend. So he simply pretends that he does when he’s working in the arena or brought to be shown off at Mother’s gatherings. He listens to what the others say and he repeats it as best he can.

He just doesn’t see why anyone needs to stoop to that level. It’s gory and disturbing and completely senseless. So much blood is spilled for a crowd of Yokai who cheer when faced with a life lost. It’s horrific, brutal violence that so many Yokai seem to crave.

It’s why he’s so interested in Raphael.

Yes, Raph fights and, yes, he kills- but not once has he needlessly splattered blood. Not once has he ripped a warrior apart or continued to harm after a life is lost. He doesn’t celebrate his victories or appreciate the roars of the crowd. He gives them just enough flair to keep them happy, and he does what he came to do.

It fascinates Donnie to no end. That he’s so much different than the other Yokai. That he doesn’t slaughter merely because he can, sparing his opponents lives even when the crowd calls for a bloodbath. Unless Big Mama gives the word, he is firm in mercy.

He only ever glares out at them, daring a single member to come make him take that life. Donnie secretly thinks that he hates the crowd more than his opponents.

When he fights, he’s holding back. It’s incredible to watch.

A small part of him itches to know what that’s like. To have that much power and skill and to be able to use it without bloodthirsty intent. Was it possible, to learn how to fight, but not become savage?

Of course, he never openly speaks to his Mother about any of this.

Eventually, Splinter and Leo do clear the air. Donnie finally gets to understand why he dislike the arena and why that was actually a good thing. He’s still struggling to understand that his Mother isn’t the saint that she appears, but the answer satisfies both his ego and consciousness. It helps him sleep at night.

At least, it does until he actually fights in the arena.

Then his nightmares take a different turn.

[blooming-gwens]

Hi Meg, I hope you are doing well! Your fic is excellent btw, extremely well written, congratulations!!! 💕 You know, thinking about her, I remembered the fact that haunts me to this day, which is how much of a self-sacrificial person Gwen is and how this bleeds into her relationships almost like a love language, and her relationship with death like Gwen becomes more relationship with death as a spider woman, for those she loves. Like, in the collider, she knew those spiders for 3 days at most? And there she was ready to take Peter's place and die on Earth-1610 to make sure he returned safely without even thinking twice. Maybe as a way to save one Peter since she can't save hers and that Earth's (because man we don't talk enough about how she was taken a week before the whole mess exploded and Gwen saw another Peter die!). She would die for the one she loves in a heartbeat and I'm afraid of how that might come across in Beyond. She would die for her friends, for Miles' family. Between saving the multiverse and ensuring that Miles returns safely no matter what the cost, I fear that my theory that she really dies at some point in Beyond (even if she will come back, I'm sure) is becoming more and more real. Because I'm sure that girl can't handle losing anyone else. And Spider-Man dances with death as much as Gwen Stacy.

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! Listen, I’ve had extensive conversations surrounding Gwen and her altruistic nature. She has fully devoted herself to being Spider-Woman that there comes a point where her own identity without the mask is smothered by all the burdens she carries between losing Peter, being wanted for his murder, and her Dad leading the hunt... That’s uh…that’s a lot for a child to carry all by herself.

After all that, there is no room for herself to exist peacefully, so when she is just Gwen Stacy, she throws herself into school work, the band, but all that comes second to none the moment Spider-Woman is needed. She’s clocked in 25/8 to being the hero she thinks Peter deserved that night. She is fully devoted to serving and protecting…even if it doesn’t clear her name. Because she is good, and she knows she’s good! She just…has to convince others to believe it (baby girl you don’t have to convince anyone) All that to say, I maintain that she was willing to stay behind that night instead of Peter B for two reasons(listed in order of relevance):

One: It was her obligation to protect everyone(specifically Peter B, because despite her claiming she was no longer affected by the notion that PB is an older variant of her Peter, there were still nibbles of clues alluding that she wasn’t as unbothered as she came across. Because Gwen is excellent at masking her feelings and instead conveys them through action).

Two: She may have felt there was nothing worth returning to.

Oof that’s a devastating pill to swallow.

With all my yapping aside, i totally agree with you!! I don’t think it’s far fetched to assume they will carry out Gwen experiencing her canon event, however, I’m hoping they will turn this fall into her true leap of faith. I have had some great talks with @civilizedyawp about this(his hc lives rent free in my head), and he has some interesting predictions that I hope will come true, as it will be a very satisfying execution (bc we are all traumatized by TASM’s Gwen let’s be SO FOR REAL)

When the time comes to save the ones she loves, cares about, and cherishes, her life is the minimum price she is willing to pay. She is a protector at her core (everything she did in Atsv was silverlined with the intention of protecting Miles)Her heart is so, so big, but her self love could be bigger imo. I’m hoping that’s something Miles and Gwen can awaken together as it’s something they both seem to struggle with (something something they are the same something something in the important ways)

Anyways, very excited for the next movie and I’m trying not to have expectations bc I know whatever we get will be phenomenal.

Thank you for your kind words about For Everything! I’m grateful you always wanna come yap with me 💕let’s do it again soon, yeah?

[galaxymagitech]

Don’t know if anyone still cares about spoilers for this, but…

SPOILERS FOR TEEN TITANS (2003)

So I finished TT03 season 2. And cried. I was NOT expecting a teenager to die. When Terra defeated Robin, I thought “this can only end in a last-minute heroic sacrifice.” But it still took me by surprise that she was actually just gone. They make her a gravestone and she never comes back as Terra. It was shocking.

I tend to see most characters in the most sympathetic way possible, and that applies to Terra too. She did terrible things and she knows it. She made really bad, perhaps irredeemable, mistakes. But she also didn’t deserve the way her story went. Doing bad things and experiencing bad things don’t cancel each other out. Being hurt doesn’t justify hurting people, although you can certainly experience empathy for someone like that. But also—just because someone, especially a 15/16-year-old teenager, hurts people doesn’t mean it isn’t sad when they get hurt too.

Looking back on Terra’s story, I don’t know what the Teen Titans could have done differently. Fixing one mistake would’ve just delayed the inevitable. Slade was cunning enough to manipulate Terra and unlike Robin she didn’t have an established support system—Slade got to her before she could build one and undermined all her successive efforts. Terra says she’s looking for control, but I don’t think she’s right about herself. If she wanted control then she would’ve left Slade as soon as she got control over her powers. I think she was looking for safety and she considered herself a threat. She wanted to feel protected and secure, after so long on her own, and Slade offered her the opportunity to take the storm inside of her and channel it outwards. He offered her a place she didn’t have to fight him for, and Terra had never had that before. The Teen Titans couldn’t give her what she needed—and neither would Slade, but you can see why she thought he would. And Terra keeps repeating that she’s in control, that she wants this, as if trying to convince herself, and it was honestly horrifying to me.

I don’t want to take away Terra’s agency here. She was manipulated, but she still chose to betray the Titans. She isn’t a good person. But I don’t think she’s a bad person either. It’s not a dichotomy, it’s a sliding scale. She was just a person and she was trying but it wasn’t enough.

And Terra was a kid. She was a teenager who was lost and confused and scared and made the choices that seemed best to her in the moment. She changed her mind again and again. She gave up the best thing she ever had. In another world, she could’ve been happy. She could’ve even been “good,” maybe not in the profoundly heroic person at heart way, but in the “doing good things” way. If Terra hadn’t had out of control superpowers, if Slade hadn’t noticed her, Terra wouldn’t have turned “bad.” If she’d gotten a normal life, she wouldn’t have been “bad.” Terra was just as deserving of a good life as a normal person.

So I found myself with literal tears in my eyes over an animated TV show, because it just sucked so much that Terra’s story ended up like this and this was way darker and more horrifying than I expected.

Some of this goes for the comics character too. I think she’s genuinely a bad person in the comics, and a lot less sympathetic. But also—without getting into the specifics—her life really sucked. She did bad things and bad things happened to her. Deathstroke manipulated her, and although it was clear that she’d kill people/be evil on her own, the way her story went was really sad. And of course she’s still responsible for her own evil actions, but…any time you’ve got a teenager whose life is like that, whose mind is so messed up that killing people seems like a good idea, it doesn’t matter where the blame is assigned—it’s a tragedy.

I can’t help but have sympathy for Terra, in both forms. Because no matter how awful she was or how many cruel things she did, she was a kid and her story was sad.

(Me: Terra is a kid! 15 or 16 years old! A kid!!

Also Me: I’m…practically an adult.)

[passthroughtime]

well, aren’t you fucking stupid then

it amazes me how in LJ yagami is ready to save everyone and everything from the powers that be, UNLESS it’s kuwana. one might argue he’d learn something from okubo, but nooooo. granted, it’s not that simple of an equation (okubo’s “i didn't do anything” vs kuwana’s “i did it and feel no remorse”), but... yagami STILL struggles to see nuances of this particular situation.

and that’s ridiculous, because in any other case he’s more than ready to give a person another chance (to be heard/understood/supported/idk)

taking the school stories into account isn’t fair, but giving up on itokura never crossed yagami’s mind, even though she hurt seven people just because she was petty. he hopes that this isn’t what she wants deep in her heart, but is ready to let go if it is really. he talks to her, gives her the chance to accept his help and get out. he happens to be right, she doesn’t want this life. good for her. thank you yagami.

when he suspects sawa may be involved in mikoshiba’s murder, he still gives her a benefit of the doubt (after all, the screenshot above shows how he feels about her being connected to both murders, he just doesn’t want to jump to this conclusion because he knows her). he still goes and confronts her ofc, begs to make things clear, and after runs to her apartment when something troubling has suddenly happened that keeps her away from him, without thinking it can be a trap.

funny little tidbit in the main story as well:

who they are? idk! why does yagami suggest they don’t deserve to be punished? idk again! he’s just being a good guy i guess! (though i honestly think the last words should’ve been directed to kuwana. they always felt out of place to me, why would yagami think public security even has a use for that random dude? but kuwana... yet he can’t say that to his face for some stupid reason.)

kusumoto is a tricky one, because yagami blames both her and kuwana, but here’s the thing. he tries to convince him before he tries to convince her. time and time again yagami has the exact same conversation with kuwana, and only once with kusumoto (that’s undestandable though, BUT he pressures kuwana more in intensity time and time again vs the only chance he has with kusumoto).

an interesting thing here is what they are about to lose if kawai’s murder comes to light. kusumoto herself says it best:

kuwana will be tortured (to death), kusumoto’s political actions will be controlled. fair. the exact same.

btw she’s not the first one to tell yagami that kuwana is in grave danger. hell, yagami himself says (repeats) that to others.

but when kuwana says it to him, yagami suddenly doesn’t want to listen and doesn’t care that kuwana most probably going to die if he is about to go to the police (most obvious example of this exchange is shown before dig in your heels fight). which is kind of ridicuous, and may be the writers’ oversight, but i prefer to think that it is to show us how stagnant yagami’s beliefs may sometimes be.

yeah. tell me more. he literally says “i can excuse ANYONE but i draw the line at kuwana”. that is also considering that he still can save kuwana’s life, as opposite to emi and sawa. getting the truth of sawa’s murder out is retribution.

so, yeah, i believe that for the most part, his approach to justice is closer to punitive aspect than restorative, hence those all “i get how you feel, i know so well that it scares me”. yagami’s main problem with kuwana is that the latter decides himself what’s the right thing to do. it blinds him so much that he doesn’t care about what happens to kuwana after he surrenders to the police.

...to be fair to him, this is true only until the last cutscenes of the game.

this includes kuwana. i don’t care if i’m being delusional. it just does. the point here is that kuwana’s life is worth more than the justice system which is tend to be broken and redefined in the state that it is now.

...that’s not the point of this post though, so i’ll just shut up.

the whole “coming clear with your crimes” thing would work if both kuwana and kusumoto do that, simultaneously, not just kuwana. and yeah, yagami talks to them both, though in the end, kusumoto's confession seems to be enough. because for public security, kuwana is valuable as long as kusumoto’s secret is, uh, a secret. as well as he can’t be used as a scapegoat for soma’s crimes anymore, thanks to mafuyu and takano’s efforts to uncover this whole PS mess.

yet, yagami pressures kuwana the most. as if he’s not just a tool in a large-scale political game lol, and if his whole role in it wasn’t obvious to yagami from the beginning.

or what, he thinks if he was able to put himself in danger while investigating AD-9, and survive through it all, then anybody else can do it? kuwana is much more defenseless than yagami was, there’s nothing that would’ve protected him, or at least avenged the memory of him in the worst case scenario,

it fascinates me how yagami just... ignores the very real threat to kuwana’s life and his obvious insignificance in the grand scheme of things. idk. maybe yagami used kuwana more as an outlet for his frustration, but wow, that was fucking cruel of him to keep repeating to kuwana to go kys (sorry.)

during the boat’s scene, we can see in real time how yagami’s belief clash with each other: he knows that kuwana is about to be silenced for the greater good (the fate unfair to anyone), but kuwana is also a serial killer and that very kind of scum (who brushes away the consequences of his crimes) which doesn’t deserve to be saved.

^ i love this moment, how yagami still can’t figure out how to feel about him.

and then kuwana proves that he’s not, in fact, the kind of a person yagami despises, and the scales tip in his favor. yay. but kuwana is still a serial killer with no remorse to which he seems “deserving” of his justice. nay (?).

although, the problem is solved when kuwana uncovers his crimes. maybe, he won’t kill again, because going public with the reasoning behind them is good enough of a lesson (hard maybe).

but i think it’s beautiful, you know, in the end how yagami ends up losing his judgment of people, and that’s all just because of kuwana.

yes, it is a shippy post after all.

[prettyputrified]

I watched the film again today because of a discussion in @bootleg317 ‘s channel server, so without further ado here’s my

ABCs of Death rankings

No particular order in each category I wrote each blurb as I watched :) spoilers ahead

Loved

G (drowning is such a horrific way to go, you may disagree but this is a horror short to me. We know how it’s going to end from the beginning and we can only watch, we don’t know why he’s doing this and we can’t help. All we know is a surfer has chosen to end his life the way he loved to spend it, his surfboard sticking out of the water as his headstone. Beautiful)

H (nazis get the bullet even ones that make my pp hard RAHHHHHH LETS GO INGERLAND)

I (the cultural context of this one is incredibly important and it is undeniably horror, a very real horror. It is unfortunate that it requires some background research to truly understand but I say that the not because I know many people won’t do it. Raw in its purest form. The violence against women it’s meant to touch on is given a blind eye, you can’t look away now and that is the point. I actually thoroughly enjoy its place sandwiched between two ridiculous shorts.)

P (I understand why people would skip this one, truly I do so no hard feelings to anyone who doesn’t like it. It’s part of a genre of shorts in this film which I would describe as “the real horror is being a woman” which honestly has so much to pull from. A mother’s love knows no bounds.)

S (s is for SO FUCKING GOOD, the contrast between the campy outlaw action film and the true reality at the end? beautifully executed)

T (an amazing short by an amazing animator, he utilizes his medium so well. I can’t say much without totally spoiling it but another good juxtaposition between fear and reality. The gore and body horror was amazing, we need a little green in our red)

X (it was so wonderful to see so many aspects of the lived experiences of fat women explored, people can pretend that it doesn’t happen but it’s all very real and it damages you down to your very soul. To be treated like a zoo animal that no one wants to look at but everyone wants to sneer and gawk at. So full but so empty. I understand her completely.)

Z (ok listen I know lol but this reminds me of how people describe Tokyo gore police which I’ve yet to watch, the political metaphor done with over the top surrealist horny is amazing. By far my favorite of the Japanese shorts.)

Alright

A (better than I remembered, really really interesting concept, lackluster execution)

D (I actually really liked the execution of this one and its twist was very heart wrenching, horrific for this man? Yes horror? No)

Y (the 80s feel was super intriguing, it’s metaphor is clear and executed really interestingly. I get the sense maybe the director was discussing their own experience through art but not in an inaccessible way. Honestly nothing bsd to say! I think the only thing keeping from the top category was the goofy kill. This isn’t a bad category just not my absolute favorite :))

Meh

B (boring, scaring a kid is a dick move but I don’t think they deserved to die for that)

F (refused to watch this one all the way through again, but I respect that it’s unapologetically Japanese lol)

L (I honestly struggled to come up with something to say for this one or where to even place it? I guess I’m a little desensitized. It’s an enjoyable watch for what it is and as usual I love the Japanese freak and the little surreal details that were lingered on. Plus 1000 aura)

N (a fun little short!)

V (I think this director should have saved this and maybe made a full movie, really interesting concepts all around and a clearly high ass budget)

Not a Fan

C (snooze, this is one of the ones where I do agree killing someone doesn’t make it a horror short)

E (snooze part 2, couldn’t even watch this one all the way through)

J (a good time but not what I came here for, wasn’t enough for me to give it a second watch through this time)

M (again, horrific for the person in the situation? Yes crossing in to horror? No. Loved the main actresses aesthetic)

O (idk man even I can’t read in to this one enough to come up with why it possibly ended up in this film, the visuals are fun? that’s it. I had to skip it)

R (man I wish I could like this one more, the body goop and concept isnt fun enough to make this in to meh and it’s just missing something. Some context??? Please)

U (imagine if they made a vampire movie really short and boring and didn’t utilize the concept at all)

Just Put The Fries In The Bag Bro

K (stop it.)

Q (tedious, pick up a dictionary)

W (whyyyy did we get TWO shorts around the concept of the director being uncreative and objectifying women)

[madarasthicc]

Severed Ties: To Die Alone

//art work by @kankuroplease I just love this one so much!!! God the feels. Ages in this chapter: Tajima 42, Madara 20, Kuro 17, and Izuna 14. Im thinking of doing a lil piece of Tajima as he’s dying but idk yet.

Now at the age of twenty Madara was used to death. Having lost half his family, and many of his comrades, it wasn’t anything new. He faced death during battles, faced death carrying the fallen back home. Nothing in a shinobi’s life was guaranteed but eventual death. It was certainly a dark outlook on life but a true one. Hidden at night he still couldn’t help but think of aspiring dreams of peace and a village of clans. But he no longer had anyone to voice these thoughts to. His thoughts often then drifted to Hashirama, who he still saw but now on opposite sides of the battle field.

Madara stood in front of his brothers. They both still looked so young - only seventeen and fourteen. He began to adjust Izuna’s armor; he still needed to grow into it to really fit. Thankfully they were with his squad, at least he could keep an eye on them. He was about to speak with them when he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. It wasn’t often someone caught him off guard and no surprise it was his father.

“You fuss over them too much.” Tajima said firmly, a frown on his face. “They’re old enough to battle, they don’t need you mothering them.”

“Seeing as I practically raised them, I think I’m allowed to fuss.” Madara grumbled under his breath. He and his father never quite mended their relationship the older he got. Things were said, physical altercations between them lead to a deep disconnect. Tajima had grown cold compared to the man Madara remembered him being before his mother passed. It was hard to connect who he used to be versus who he had become. Plus he didn’t think his father really ever forgave him for putting him in a genjustu when he had been sixteen.

“Don’t think you can sass me.” Tajima hissed. “They are grown men, shinobi for the Uchiha. They don’t need to be mothered by anyone, least of all by you.”

“I’m just ensuring they’re ready.” Madara huffed, turning to fully face his father. “You’re the only one making a fuss over it.” He pointed out, looking around to see the rest of the shinobi paying them no mind.

“It’s not your job to fuss over them like their mother. Your job is to lead them into battle.” Tajima said, his voice was clear with his disapproval of Madara’s actions.

“And that’s exactly what I plan on doing. But I’m not going into a battle knowing they’re not fully prepared.” Madara said, hating they were just going in circles at this point. This back and forth bickering was grating on his nerves. “You’re just itching to start a fight with me, no matter what I do or don’t do. Maybe you should focus that energy on the battle ahead and not on fighting with your own son.” Madara said, waving him off and turned back to his brothers.

“You do not turn away from me until I dismiss you.” Tajima grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back. “I am your father and your Clan Head, you do not just walk away from me while I am speaking with you.”

“You’re my Clan Head, but you’re hardly my father.” Madara hissed, crowding right into Tajima’s space. He wasn’t much taller than his father but was wider than the older man. “I will do as I please, seeing as this conversation is over.” He said, again turning away from him. Both Kuro and Izuna were watching closely, soon others were watching the interaction. Again Madara was about to speak to his brothers when his head was yanked back - his father had snagged a fist full of his hair and pulled.

“I have had enough of your disrespect.” Tajima growled, forcing Madara to face him. “You will show me the respect I deserve as your Clan Head and as your father. Do you understand me?” Madara gritted his teeth as his father shook him by his hair. Kuro held Izuna back as they stood and watched, neither knew what to do. Sure things got heated between Madara and their father but never quite this bad. And especially not in public like this.

“Fucking make me.” Madara sneered, face splitting into a feral grin. Once his words sunk in his father’s face turned a lovely shade of red and then purple. Tajima raised his fist with every intention to rain it down on his son’s face. Madara kept his dark eyes open, focused on his father’s waiting for the hit to come. When suddenly someone pulled them apart.

“Perhaps it is best to continue this after we’ve returned. No need to waste your energy when we have an enemy to worry about.” The man, Hiro said to Tajima, looking between them.

“We will continue this when we get back.” Tajima hissed, stalking off to his own squad before they took off.

“Must you antagonize him at every turn?” Hiro sighed.

“If he didn’t insist on being such a bastard, no.” Madara huffed. “He is who is in the wrong most of the time.” He pointed out, shaking out his hair. His father had gotten quite a grip on it.

“Mind how you talk. He is still Clan Head, talk like that and people will think you’re thinking about staging a coup.” Hiro said, eyeing Madara closely.

“That is dangerous talk indeed. I have no intention of taking the clan over. Not anytime soon.” Madara said firmly. “Father is only forty two, he’s got plenty of years as Clan Head ahead.” He pointed out. Now that people were beginning to disperse, squads one after another were taking off. They didn’t have a lot of time. One last look over his brothers and he deemed them ready. They took off with the rest of their squad, he put all thoughts of his father behind him.

—

They arrived back at the compound by nightfall. The battle had been a nightmare. More so than normal. He had lost sight of Izuna for a time, thankfully not for too long. But it had been long enough Madara thought he was going to have a heart attack. The thought of what his mother must have suffered came to mind when he thought he had lost Izuna.

It had been a losing battle, they lost a decent chunk of land and part of the river they normally used as their border. But other than that, his own squad had fared well enough this time. He stood at the compound door watching as shinobi began to enter. Those wounded were taken to the medic tent, while the dead laid so they could be identified. It was strange he hadn’t seen his father yet. His dark eyes shifted red to watch each man and woman that came through the gates.

Finally he received the news that father had died and it sent him reeling. His strong and fierce father laid low by some unknown face. Apparently some unknown clan took advantage of the confusion during the scrimmage. At least that’s what reports coming in were saying. It was hard to believe his father had let his guard down enough that someone had gotten the better of him.

Gathering together, Madara led the men back to the battle front to collect the wounded and dead that hadn’t been brought back initially. He felt an odd sort of detachment seeing his father like this. He laid in a pool of his blood, stabbed through his back and into his lungs. There had been no one at his side, most of his men either dead, dying, or retreating from the losing battle.

He just stared down at the body of his father before someone nudged him. It was quiet as he and another carried his father’s body back to the compound. His dark eyes set ahead, only thought of moving one foot in front of the other. He had no parents left. Mother was gone ten years earlier, and now his father was gone in a single moment. He couldn’t help but think of the last time they had spoken - it had been in anger. He couldn’t even remember the last time he and his father had had kind words for each other. He should have felt sadder than he did. But he supposed the father he had loved as a child died with his mother.

His brothers were somber when he told them the news. Neither showed much emotion. It wasn’t much of a surprise. Their father had been a changed man after their mother had died - Tajima hadn’t been the kind and loving man he had been before. Even after the confrontation between himself and his father, Tajima was still distant with them. But thankfully had saved all his aggression for Madara. He had thanked the gods above for small miracles.

It wasn’t until he was back in the safety within the compound’s walls that it brought on an even more startling revelation: he would be Clan Head. Twenty was young, he felt too young to be a Clan Head. But there was no one else to take his father’s place. Even those who held more experience than he, weren’t close to his raw power. He and his brothers had climbed through the ranks over the years. He was seen as one of the most powerful, Kuro wasn’t far behind him and Izuna showed so much promise at his age. It was only natural that the clan would look to him. Kuro was only seventeen, and Izuna was just now allowed on the battlefront at fourteen. It had to be him.

—

It was that coming spring that Madara was named Clan Head of the Uchiha. It wasn’t a celebration as he imagined- this should have been for Myoko. It’s what he had always pictured as a child. Seeing Myoko take the mantle of Clan Head. Even after her death it wasn’t something he dwelled on. His father had a number of years ahead of him, strong in both body and mind Madara never imagined taking over at such a young age. Honestly he never pictured seeing his father dead. He always felt so larger than life

What’s more, it felt like a second funeral for his father rather than celebrating him ascending to leader. It was by far one of the most somber events within the compound. Congratulations felt hollow and forced. Not that his clan’s members thought he would turn out as a poor leader but Tajima had led them for fifteen years and now he was gone. Far sooner than any had thought. Far too soon for Madara liking.

Sitting in on a council meeting was nothing new. After Mykoto’s death he had begun to join his father at these events. But it was strange to be sitting at the head of the table instead of to the right. Which now seated his brother Kuro and next to him Izuna. It felt surreal to have every dark pair of eyes on him now. He had to lead his people. Not just in battle but their day to day lives. Being a leader meant so much more and he wished he had his father, or even his mother at his side for help. So much more than went into being a Clan Head than he had imagined - it wasn’t just about battles and strategy. He had to think of food, supplies, clothing, home repairs, distribution of land among farmers, readying for winter and hardships ahead. So many more things than he ever expected now thrust upon him with no warning. He held his breath unsure how he could even think through all this, much less breath.

“Madara-sama?” A councilman said finally getting his attention. He wasn’t sure how long he had been staring off into space.

“Yes, sorry, let us proceed.” Madara said after clearing his throat. The title felt too large for his shoulders, he suddenly felt like a child all over again. He forced himself to breath and picked up the meeting agenda. And so his duties as Clan Head began.

[a-student-out-of-time]

If you want a more analytical take on ‘Queen of Despair’ from me, personally I feel like the reason LINUJ went ‘BTW these two are terrible people’ in the narration is because Iroha’s and Syobai’s actions fall into ‘Pay Evil unto Evil.’ territory. Like oh no they are scamming people that’s bad. But…they’re scamming Despairs who are basically demons incarnate so they basically deserved to get all their money stolen. I feel like he was trying to avoid people developing that mindset. (1/2)

//That’s a different take and one I can see working

//The thing is, while it’s a problem both have as writers, I think LINUJ is actually worse than Kodaka in that respect. While Kodaka doesn’t really present a nuanced view, he at least lets the events of the stories and actions of the characters largely stand on their own. He presents the conflict in extremely good vs. evil terms, to be sure, but that’s more of a lack of nuance

//LINUJ has the problem of being able to present a more nuanced view, then backpedaling and specifying who was wrong, that they’re bad people and that we shouldn’t agree with them.

Some examples:

Kizuna finds out that Yuki and Akane were the masterminds and tries to kill them despite both of them being amnesic of their identities...oh, but she’s a gold-digger and a bully, so we can’t say she was doing the right thing

Syobai was abandoned by his parents in another country, nearly sold into slavery and had to get by through selling whatever he could to survive. Despite becoming a cold-blooded survivor, he still has a sense of honor and takes a stand in favor of helping the others over saving himself...oh, but he’s still human garbage, so we can’t like him.

Kokoro is a genius with Alexithymia who wants to study human emotions, and while she has some darker qualities to her goal, she still has a caring and compassionate side and it was that lack of emotional understanding that sadly got her killed...oh but she’s also an abusive mother and nothing anyone did could’ve gotten her to change.

The Voids are a group of scared, lost, desperate children who are seeking out the power of Utsuro because it’s the only thing that’ll allow them to survive once their Divine Luck flips, and they’ll either return to their old lives or die...oh, but they’re still the masterminds of the game and thus deserve every bad thing that happens to them. They’re fated to die regardless of what anyone does.

//And that’s not even touching on the fact that he completely rewrote his plans for Kanade because of V3′s third chapter, and then talked about how her entire character now revolves around her her creepy obsession with her sister, and how nothing anybody did would’ve changed how she turns out

//I know LINUJ has a very different view on human nature from me, and I’m not gonna say he’s wrong. I’ll stick to my views on storytelling and just say that I don’t much care for stories or authors that feel the need to spell out who you should and shouldn’t be rooting for

//It almost feels disrespectful to fans of those characters if you tell them that they’re wrong for liking them and sympathizing with them, and it exposes a sort of narrative insecurity where you feel like people won’t grasp that what they did was wrong. Not to mention the idea that none of them would ever change, which...I mean, I don’t want to get into it, but that’s not a take on humanity I agree with either.

//Kodaka, for all his flaws as a writer, at least is willing to let people like villainous or morally ambiguous characters, and doesn’t go out of his way to tell you who’s right or wrong, or that they never would’ve changed no matter the circumstance.

//But most of all, it’s a disappointing case of show, don’t tell. If you want me to believe that these characters were bad people incapable of true growth or redemption as people, it’s up to you as the creator to make that abundantly clear in the story itself and not just their character sheet or a Q/A

//Some details can be left as author’s notes, but when it’s core to them as characters or the stories, you need to bring your A-game and make that obvious within the narrative

[notetaeker]

I'm confused, did your post about karma mean that you think civilians deserved to be murdered in Israel because of their government?

No of course not omg May God forgive me if anyone took it that way and I’m going to go back and change the wording to make it more clear.

Civilians NEVER deserve to be murdered ever. Under NO circumstance. Not Israeli civilians, not Palestinian civilians. I know there are many Israeli civilians that are against their governments policies, and that netanyahu’s approval rating in Israel is super low right now. In my post about Karma, I said it’s people who are corrupted by money and power to the point where they think that rules don’t apply to them anymore (which doesn’t include civilians).

I referring to the people who are in power but are doing nothing, not calling for a ceasefire or trying to get the violence (from both sides) to stop. This comes from my own frustration of my own country fanning the flames instead of trying to put out the fire. So many countries have relationships with Israel, especially countries with power (like the US) and can easily be like listen you are going too far, but they aren’t!

The post was also about the actual people involved who are, with their own hands, deploying missiles and air strikes and proudly telling the world that no Palestinian civilian is innocent and how they are animals, and how they should each be individually tortured. It’s about the people in power in Israel who know they have created an apartheid nation in which they control every aspects of the Palestinians lives and yet have the audacity to broadcast to the world that they are merely defending themselves. The people in power who won’t even care that they’re own civilians are being endangered by their actions

It was about everyone that has the power to do make it stop instead making this situation reach the horrible point it has, with literally thousands of people dead on both sides. At this point who knows how long this horrible thing will continue. For weeks? months? And they are all just letting it continue like that when they have the power to stop it? While thousands of innocent people continue to die? It makes me feel so helpless

[guhamun]

THE FACT THAT JIYAN paused told Calcharo that what he was about to say was going to make him want to groan. It was the other’s small, nonverbal way of warning him of what was about to pass those lips, and he wasn’t quite sure he was ready to hear it even with that in mind. When Jiyan said he could think of over an hour and half going on about all the things he liked about the mercenary leader, he meant it. Finding the good in another even when they weren’t certain such things existed in themselves to begin with was what Jiyan was good at – eerily so. He had thought it just words to make another feel better a long time ago, later coming to learn that everything he said, he meant. It took a great deal of effort for him to not glance away from the other again, everything that slipped from Jiyan so heartfelt that he didn’t know what to say to any of it. ‘One of the greatest men’ they had the luck to meet, they said…

     Didn’t they think too highly of him? Everything else that was said mirrored his own thoughts in a way. Not completely, no. It was just close enough that his brows furrowed a little once again. There was something…comforting…about being around the other man. That wasn’t a feeling that had sprung up overnight. It was one that was nurtured and grew slowly, oh so slowly, over time. Distrust became cautious neutrality, and then from there, it had blossomed into what it was now. No matter how much his mind had tried to deconstruct Jiyan’s actions and words to see any hidden meaning beneath that pleasant smile and those bright eyes, he hadn’t been able to find anything.

     Nothing at all.

     ❝I think only you would have a mindset like this.❞ He sighed, sinking a just a little further into the waters. Sometimes this man made no sense to him, and yet, somewhere in Jiyan’s mind, he made perfect sense. As his own words left their own mark, there was something amusing in the fact that neither could wholly accept what the other was saying. Calcharo didn’t think he was worth being a lover to anyone, and then there was Jiyan who too felt as if he would be the worst choice for any who sought something more from the famous General of Huanglong. Though their reasons were not the same, it seemed they were not at all different in this regard either. Calcharo because of who he was and how a mercenary’s lifespan was often short, and Jiyan, a soldier, whose life could just as easily dissipate. He could die tomorrow, a week from now, a year.

     As could Jiyan.

     Unlike him, however, he would make someone happy all the same. That was where their similarities ended. ❝There are many Rangers who have opened their hearts to someone else even while they were duty. Both parties are prepared for what could happen, have probably discussed it, but it is that happiness, even if fleeting, that matters to them.❞ A pause, such lasting but a moment. ❝Don’t deny yourself the same things you encourage in your Midnight Rangers. That would be hypocrisy, and none of them would feel comforted to know that their general would sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of a promise. It’s fine to be selfish sometimes. To want things. To reach for it. To hunger for it. No one would think you lesser for that.❞ Because Jiyan was human like everyone else and deserved the same things they had as well. He wasn’t some stalwart wall back in Norfall Barrens built to withstand attacks from TD after TD.

      He was a living, breathing soul.

     Anyway…Calcharo had said far more than he intended, a bit unused to having such…talks. Since it was clear that his present company was starting to feel the effects of the water judging by that trailing off of words, himself included in how he was tempted to close his eyes, he saw this as a good place to stop their discussion for the time being. Of course, he could have cooled off and returned, but there was very little reason to. Pushing himself up, he reached to wrap his towel around his waist before stepping out of the water, careful not to slip. ❝We should head back to our room for the night. I think we’ve enjoyed these waters long enough.❞

Thin eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the offered explanation. Calcharo asked him because... his knowledge was limited? How did that make any sense? While he understood that a 'fresh' opinion could be useful to see things from a different perspective and consider possibilities one didn't consider before, he doubted that such could be applied to this topic in specific. Calcharo didn't say anything else on the matter, so he didn't ask about it.

That initial confusion was quick to disappear from his features at the question that followed, soon replaced by a kind and warm smile. A part of him was tempted to simply reply, 'Why wouldn't I be happy?' and laugh. But that would be of no help, and he knew that Calcharo preferred straightforwardness, even though they were quick to regret it as soon as he spoke up. "There are many reasons. I think I could easily spend half an hour or so listing them all, but please give me a moment to think of the most relevant ones." That was the 'warning'.

Jiyan leaned back to rest his back against the smooth surface of the rocks and, after a while, he began talking. "You're one of the greatest men I have had the luck to meet. You're a man of your word, and I know I can count on you, whether it's a professional matter or not. I enjoy and look forward to your company, your presence makes me more talkative than I intend. When I'm with you... I feel like I can be myself, show you parts of myself even I forgot about. You're constantly on my mind, and I often find myself mesmerized by your handsome visage." He was tempted to expand on that last admission, but it wasn't the moment to go off on a tangent. "So, is it not normal to feel flattered and overjoyed when even strangers think that you're the lover of someone like that?" It was pretty amazing how Jiyan was able to say all these things without a hint of embarrassment or self-awareness.

But, while it was easy to speak his honest thoughts, it wasn't as easy to hear Calcharo's. "Calcharo, I... When you say things like that, it gives me hope. You make me wish for things I shouldn't even dream about... But, I'm afraid that, even though your words flatter me, you're deeply mistaken. I would make a terrible lover. My work and the Midnight Rangers will always be my top priority until the threat of TD and the Lament is no more. And, even though I promised to live to see that day, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to keep said promise." He couldn't offer his time, dedication or future. Most would agree that there was nothing 'lucky' in loving someone like that, only pain, stress, and disappointment. In fact, he would argue that it would be more akin to a curse than anything else.

"Please don't let your judgement be clouded by our..." How long have they been at the sagaci springs? He was starting to get dizzy. A small sigh left his lips. "It truly is unfair how fast time passes when I'm with you."

[thegirl20]

Wow. Lot of feelings about the KCFH finale, eh? Here are mine, for what they are worth.

Okay, let’s address the biggie straight away. I was telling myself all week that it would be fine if they didn’t kiss and they didn’t need to kiss for me to know that their love story was the thread that tied everything together. (All the while secretly hoping they’d kiss and fearing I’d be devastated if they didn’t.) What surprised me was that I was right and that they didn’t need to kiss and I wasn’t devastated. They have all the time in the world now to have fun, explore their feelings, and develop a relationship that’s not in the shadow of abuse and mistreatment. Where they’re both sure they’re not running away from anything else, but running to each other on purpose.

I absolutely loved that Patty broke up with Tammy and told Neil to leave before she knew Allison was back. Patty finally made choices for herself, for her own happiness, independent from Allison. She decided Diane was wrong, and not wanting to be alone isn’t the same as wanting to be with someone if that someone isn’t right. 

Both Tammy and Neil ask her what she wants, and she doesn’t really have an answer other than ‘not this’. And that’s okay. Because I feel like Patty is only just learning to even examine the part of her that might want something more or different.

In the early eps, she said that pretending things will change is how they sell washing machines. When Allison asks her if she wants more, she says ‘Everybody knows what their life will look like in 10...20 years’ but she stumbles over the 20, like she’s hearing that number and realising what it means. 20 years of being with those stupid boys doing their stupid things. 

Sam tells her that people don’t change (they made Sam a bit one-dimensional for my liking, but that’s a small gripe) and she says that Allison has changed. Allison took action and made something happen. And Patty can too.

I understand, and I want you to be happy. But I can’t uproot my life just to make you happy.

That’s such a big step for Patty, who spent her life doing things with the guys she didn’t particularly like. Or tried to like things Tammy wanted her to like. Patty is going to be happy on her own terms now, and that feels so cathartic to me. Patty is ready to live her life now, and she did that by herself, without anyone needing to ‘save’ her.  She saved herself, and now she can die alone with Allison however she wants to.

And Allison. Allison did exactly what Patty said she couldn’t do for Tammy. She uprooted her life to make Patty happy. It didn’t work, obviously, and she learns that for sure when Tammy shows up talking about her acting like a widow waiting for her dead husband to return from sea.

Allison tried to run away from her life, to achieve the life she thought she wanted - the idyllic little town with a nice job, time to read with a cup of tea, a 'friend’ with a brother who is actually useful. But everything feels off. She’s palpably uncomfortable in every scene we see her in. She can’t settle, she can’t relax. Her sense of humour is too dark for the new friend. The new apartment isn’t perfect. (Not sure what the open window metaphor was - that she couldn’t completely close off the window to her old life?)

And it all comes back to what she thinks she ‘deserves’. She doesn’t deserve to go back to Worcester. When the new friend scoffs at this idea, it’s clear to us that it’s not the city Allison thinks she doesn’t deserve, but Patty. She’s drinking beer, she’s playing with Patty’s lighter, she’s homesick. She’s not homesick for her house, or Kevin, or her job. There’s only one reason that we know of that she wanted to stay in Worcester. And only one reason that would draw her back.

And to go back, she needs to address her problems directly. And that means confronting Kevin. I have to admit I was dreading seeing Kevin in the real world. The lighting and camera work were creeping towards it all the way through this episode and I was really scared of what would happen. When the audience gasped and then cheered for Allison, and that was the turning point, that was really effective. As soon as he’s not being seen in the right light by the outside world, as soon as she’s making him look bad, he turns.

It was really unsettling to see him angry, and swearing. To see his facade drop so completely and for it to be clear that he was very aware of the impact of his behaviour, and that it was intentional and malicious.

(Interestingly, Eric Petersen talks in this interview about how the small audience they got in to react to the sitcom, who weren’t seeing the drama bits, were on Kevin’s side by the end of the first season stuff. That kills my soul, but doesn’t surprise me all that much.)

Allison walking out of that house has as much power as any scheme to kill Kevin, or fake her own death. She took back her agency, did a frightening thing, and came out the other side. Like Patty, she took action and made a change to her life so that she could live it the way she wanted. And I am happy for her.

I feel like it’s obvious they thought they would have more time to tell this story, For me, Allison’s decision to return could have been explored a little more. I think we saw more of Patty’s process to get to where she wanted to be, which was easier to do because Patty had people to talk to and react to, whereas Allison had nobody. But a bit more time spent on probably all of the elements in the finale would have been of benefit.

(That said, I wouldn’t have wanted a season 3 that was just Allison being isolated and uncomfortable for multiple episodes. The core of the whole show is Allison and Patty’s relationship and I did miss them being in close proximity in this episode, even if everything they did was laden with their feelings about the other. So multiple episodes of that wouldn’t have been fun.)

And it all ended where it began. On the charred remnants of the porch where Patty and Allison first realised they liked talking to each other. Through domestic abuse, drug dealing, attempted murder, cop girlfriends, high school boyfriends, fake deaths and real deaths, they ended up where they needed to be - with each other.

I get why people wanted them to kiss, I really do. But I feel like we saw them getting to the starting point. What they do from here is up to them - for the first time, truly up to them. 

(This got way too long but I forgot to mention above that my favourite bit of the episode was Patty telling Sam that Allison is her favourite person. Patty who is so guarded with her feelings just put that out there into the world because some things are too big to keep inside.)