#Joker fears the IRS

[satoshy12]

IRS Agent Danny

IRS agent Danny

The Joker looked at his goons and screamed, " Do it faster!"

Batman, who came through the window, said, " Stop Joker!"

Joker looked at his goons and said, " You all don't stop packing, Bats! I don't have time for you. I have to pay up; otherwise, I will go to jail for tax evasion!"

Batman;" What? "

Joker: " The IRS sent their new agent after me again! I own them for 36.000.000 dollars, and I don't pay; they will come with IRS levy permits!"

Danny walked into the place and said, " So Joker?"

Joker smiled a not crazy smile:" Here you have it. Not one penny less or more. Now Batman, you can put me in prison."

Batman wasn't sure what had happened as the Joker left into the police car.

Bruce looked at the young agent; he looked pretty young, between Jason and Tim's ages, wearing a fur-trimmed brown jacket, tactical military pants, and a knife holder. He seems to be looking at a list.

Danny, looking at his list, says, " So, I talked with Bane, Oswald Cobblepot, Harvey Dent, Red Hood, Roman Sionis, Victor Fries, Hugo Strange, Slade Wilson, and now the Joker, other then well as Pamela Isley, who is in prison for tax evasion for 2 years. They all paid. I think I am done with Gotham, so Metropolis is next."

And yes, Bane paid taxes on the money he earned from his drug empire.

Danny turned his face to Batman and said, "So, Mr. Batman, I heard your electric Batmobile is around $US1.5 million. So we should have a talk about your taxes."

Bruce had no idea what happened, but he didn't like what was about to happen.

It ended with Batman sitting next to the Joker in the police SUV.

The Joker looked at Batman, not sure what had happened.

"I want my phone call; I need to call Nightwing. I have to pay my Bat taxes."

Joker:" Hahahahaha! Smartly, you didn't try to run away. We all tried, but well, we'd rather fight you than him again."

In Arkham

Ivy is kind of a pariah, criminals don't like people who evade taxes. As the IRS send then their special agent. So it was her fault he was back in Gotham!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G56VgsLfKY4

Danny's clothes are like RE4 Leon's clothes

[moonlightcycle571]

I need Joker to fear Captain Marvel so dam badly. Let me explain.

So we know how we, as a community, all accepted that Billy Batson / Captain Marvel is the most egregious Tax Evader of DC (for this who don’t know, there was a whole poll and our boy Billy won out of literally everyone, including supervillains).

And in the Batman Cartoon (and some comics), it’s stated that Joker is terrified of the IRS.

I think you see the picture.

Joker: I may be crazy enough to fight Batman, but I am NOT crazy enough to deal with the IRS

Captain Marvel: lol imagine doing your taxes

Everyone present: w h a t

*clip goes viral*

IRS Agent: So, Captain Marvel was it? According to this footage, you have no been paying your taxes

Marvel: prove it.

IRS Agent: What?

Marvel: to make me pay anything, you need to know who I am and what’s to pay. I got nothing to pay.

IRS Agent: that’s not-

Marvel: not even Batman knows who or what I am. For all you know, I could be living in a multidimensional rock situated in, quite literally, the middle of nowhere.

IRS Agent: …

IRS Agent: I- w h a t

*some time later*

IRS AGENT: YOU BORE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO LATE CC BATSON. SOMEONE WHO HASNT PAID TAXES IN 70 YEARS! YOU OWE US TAXES

Marvel: no I’m not

IRS Agent: Don’t try-

Marvel, holding the lasso of truth: I am not CC Batson, I don’t owe you shit. Plus he’s totes dead so can’t be me.

IRS Agent: DAMMIT

Joker: This mofo is crazy! Crazy? I was crazy onc-

*later*

IRS Agent, in Fawcette: why is none telling me anything!!!! You, Child, what do you know of your local hero?

Itty Bitty Billy Batson: lmao aren’t you that Agent harassing Cap

IRS Agent: it’s not harassment if he owes the government taxes

Billy: good luck taxing anyone in Fawcette lmao, magic doesn’t give a shit about that. Also we have different currency’s that just switches on random basis. So unless the government takes Drachmas, you’re cooked

IRS Agent, on the verge of tears: this has never happened before

Lex Luthor: WRITE THAT DOWN WRTE THAT DOWN

Bonus:

Billy: you know, I know someone who has been commuting tax evasion, tax fraud and more charges. His name is Ebenezer Batson. That’s E B E N Z E R and he lives just outside of Fawcette. Can’t miss him.

IRS Agent, who has a fridge with ‘CC Batson’ and is more than happy to get old man prey: thanks kid

Bonus 2:

Billy: Sweet, the IRS put my uncle in jail and the police gave me back my inheritance. Now to convert this into Fawcette currency (they will not be taxing this money)

Joker, visibly weeps

[nightingale-prompts]

Interdimensional Babysitter - DC x DP prompt

Danny used to be feared. He was respected. People coward before him.

Then he decided to help some heroes.

Now they casually call on him for help and advice.

Ir was a decent break from duties and being treated like a young bratty prince by the Observers when he wanted to make changes in the realms.

The biggest mistake was giving the Justice League a small portal to a pocket dimension Danny had made for relaxing and storing trinkets he finds on his adventures.

Currently, the Titans are using it as a clubhouse. Now the all the games have been moved, someone has been using his extremely rare (for humans to get) snacks are going missing and there was green fur on his weighted blankets.

Then there were the little ones. Robin and Superboy. They were the biggest pains Danny had faced yet.

Danny could be working in his observatory and reorganizing the path of stars when they barged in and asked for a new toy to play with.

Well, Danny called them toys but they were just tools he didn't need. The kids thought they were some epic powerful device.

Danny had given them a small pocket portal this time. It would let them add a new room to the pocket dimension and put whatever they want in it. It would give them whatever they wanted so Danny didn't need to be bothered.

Last time he gave them a portal cutter to let them cross dimensions. It should be fairly safe and child-proof since it was a failed creation that can only go to a limited number of universes. The danger there was limited to Saturday morning cartoons level. Not that they knew that.

Danny accepted that being allies with the Justice League meant lending a hand but babysitting was a step too far. He was an all-powerful cosmic being! Why can't he just help out on missions instead of being relegated to being the info guy or the helpful spirit that gives out the power boosts? He could handle doing more than being the planetary level protector that only does things when the entirety of the earth is in danger.

Then Superman and Batman had the nerve to scold him for not keeping an eye on the kids. How was he supposed to know they would send the Joker into a dimension populated by man-eating dinosaurs? Danny was sure it would be fine anyways. The kids had a good lesson on dinosaurs, kids love dinosaurs.

Danny could have done way worse. The portal cutter didn't even give them access to parallel dimensions. Superboy didn't need to see the evil version of his father killing his friends and Robin wouldn't see Nightwing enslave the human race.

There is no pleaseing these people.

[call-me-strega]

Dc x Dp prompt #13: Hell to Pay

They say there are only two things certain in life: death and taxes. That’s why even the Joker doesn’t fuck with the IRS.

However, unfortunately for the Joker the other certainty is death and he has yet to pay his dues. Just like how he could only get away with tax evasion for so long, there are only so many times the Joker can dodge death.

Death is coming to collect, with interest.

And the Joker will have hell to pay.

~ A dark green cloud swirls over the city. From it, emerge three oppressive figures:

The one on the far left with flowing hair like white-hot fire. His vambraces made of (what appeared to be) molten glass stopped under his fingers, which then extend into into claws that seemed to drip lava. He had spiked obsidian pauldrons on his shoulders, fastening a luminous, stark-white cape to his shoulders. He wore a coronet of lightning and wielded a flail that appeared to be made of coal chains and a shrunken Red Giant star.

The second on the far right had a helm of dark iron wreathed in a plume of purple flame. His gauntlets and sword flamed with green hellfire. A pure black sheath seemingly made of void and a silver hunting horn were tied to his waist. He wore an armor forged of shadows and proofed with fear. He rode atop a mighty stead. An inky dark stallion with a curved horn and bat-like wings. His form was constantly slightly shifting depending on the angle which you viewed him making him appear larger and more slippery than he was, enhancing his disquieting nature.

The third stood in the middle, smaller but no less terrifying than her companions. Her hair was wild with movement, only just visible because it appeared as if someone had bound the winds to her head. She wore a tiara made of storm clouds and pearls. She carried with her a spear, the shaft crafted of amazonite and the tip of a clear quartz, almost reminiscent of sea salt. At her hip lay a whip made of a restrained gale and a sea glass knife. She wore armor that appeared to be Greco-Roman in origin: a chest plate made of some sort of coral-like material and a battle skirt decorated with metallic bronze feathers.

They slowly descent on the city, bringing down a sense of power and dread. They paused at the top of Wayne Tower, where the city's vigilantes had all gathered in an attempt to create and feasible plan of action to discern what these beings want. The young woman in the middle speaks and the wind carries her voice. She is not loud but it the whole of Gotham hears her words.

"Greetings, Heroes of Gotham. It is a pleasure to meet you. I am Spirit, Princess and Head Diplomat of the Infinite Realms. This is Samhain, the Fright Knight, loyal knight to the king,” she gestured to her right before switching to her left “and this is Prince Wraith, current General in Chief of the Realms. We come to you as the King’s Guard and entourage. We have official business in your city and wish to civilly notify you of our presence. The King will be arriving shortly and your cooperation would be great fully received.”

Batman moved forward to shake her hand and address the situation.

“I’m afraid that we prefer not to have unknowns operating within the city. Would you be able to tell us what business you have here? Perhaps we could reach an agreement?” Batman tried to negotiate as politely as he could. He did not want to risk offending the evidently powerful beings.

Princess Spirit’s smile sharpened as she thrummed her finger against her knife. She spoke again with an unnervingly pleasant tone.

“It appears you do not understand. We are not asking for your permission.” Her grip around his hand tightened. “ We are informing you.” She finished releasing his hand.

Batman withdrew his aching hand and regarded her with the beginnings of a protest on his lips. She didn’t allow him to speak.

“ This is out of your jurisdiction Batman. This is a matter of the Realms and the Afterlife. Whatever worldly rules or morals you wish to impose on those who enter this city do not apply to us. We will do our best to work within them, so as to appease you and to attempt to maintain a friendly relationship but in the macrocosm of the multiverse and afterlives you have no official power over us. Additionally, we have direct permission to operate here however we see fit from the City Spirit herself, Lady Gotham.”

Batman’s shadow seemed to fluctuated. His and his team's shadows moved from beneath them, closer to the Princess. Lady Gotham, though not manifesting, was making her presence and approval known. Batman could not deny what he was seeing. His team shifted uncomfortably behind him. He appealed to her once more.

“ I see that we can’t stop you. We don’t want to get in your way either. Could you at least tell us why you are here?”

She smiled as if telling a joke, “All will be revealed in time”

Suddenly, there was a loud noise that sounded like tearing fabric. The green clouds mixed with purples and blues and began to churn faster. The cyclone emitted a flashes of bright light. In unison all three of the King’s Guard lifted up from the roof and took place underneath the eye of the wind storm.

Spirit holds her spear aloft. With one swift, commanding move she slams the butt of her spear down, creating a platform out of solidified air.

Wraith bellows out smoke and ash onto the platform to discolor it. With ferocious and precise movements his claws to carve in a sigil, leaving a soft orange glow against the black and gray.

Samhain sheathes his sword and pulls his horn from his waist. He wills his dark stead to rear up as he blows the horn, letting out one loud prolonged cry.

The three warriors stand at attention and Princess Spirit calls the winds to project her voice once more.

“ Now introducing the Ruler of the Infinite Realms, High King of the In-Between, The Great One, The Benevolent King, The Peace Maker, The Guardian of Souls, The One with the Cloak of Stars and the Crown of Frozen Light, The Perfect Balance, Ancient of Space and Reality, The Infinite King: Phantom!”

With a flash of white light a figure appear in the center of the platform. Simultaneously, the three knights bow in reverence.

The King has arrived.

As the Heroes of Gotham regain clear vision they are met with a striking figure.

There stood a toned young man appearing both boyishly young, yet wisened and weathered. He had side swept hair the creeped to the bottom of his neck. His skin was pale with an icy blue tint. He opened his eyes to reveal they shone an electric green. Upon his head rest a crown made of a crystalline material, reminiscent of an aurora. He wore a navy blue cloak that had a rich purple hood lined with stark white fur. The underside displayed a shifting galaxy pattern. His under suit was the same midnight black as Samhain’s. He donned golden arm bands and a gold chest plate in style quite similar to Spirit’s. His hand were covered in snow white gauntlets that matched Wraith’s vambraces.

They all stood in awe, beholden to the almost divine figure.

The king sent them a gentle smile. It was warm and comforting yet sent a chill down their shoulders.

King Phantom began to fly down toward the center of the city, his entourage fell into step behind him. He hovered several hundred feet over Wayne tower and looked down at the city. He then spoke in a booming voice, his tone kind but commanding.

“ I humbly greet the Lady Gotham, her champions, and her citizens,” the shadows curled toward him appreciatively. “ I am grateful for your cooperation in our effort to rectify a great injustice. As High King of the Infinite Realms it is one of my duties to preside over the afterlife. To bring guidance, peace, and justice to the souls under my jurisdiction. Recently, it has been brought to my attention that there is a soul among you who has not only dodged death, but caused great strife to a vast number of souls who call for justice.”

On the roof of Wayne Enterprises Jason and Damian both stiffen, but remain firm in their gaze toward the king. The king looks out at the city and sparing them the quickest of glances. He continues onward.

“ The man formerly know as Jack Napier, now called The Joker. He has avoided death on many an occasion but his life should have ended moment he fell into a vat of chemicals. Since then he has sent hundreds more to the afterlife. He has long yet to pay his dues. That is why on the behalf of justice, restoring balance, and of my subjects I officially condemn Jack Napier.”

“Jack Napier, you have been allowed 24 hours turn yourself into our custody in order to be put on trial for your crimes in the Infinite Realms. Should you fail to turn youself in, we shall take that as an admission of guilt and acceptance to be punished for your actions. After the 24 hours are up, Samhain shall use his horn to summon The Hunt and we shall track you down.”

His gaze passed specifically over Red Hood, one of the Oracle’s drones, Nightwing, Signal, Red Robin, and Batman before he spoke his next words.

“All those souls who have been wronged by the Joker, both living and deceased, who wish to have a hand in their justice have been invited to join The Hunt if they so choose.”

The king lifted his hand, calling the swirling green clouds to his gather in his palm. The clouds swiftly rearranged themselves into a smokey timer hanging in the sky.

An impish smirk graced King Phantom’s face as he let out a malicious laugh and gave his final decree.

“ Your time begins now!”

[wonderjanga]

Gifts

Marvel gets a lot of gifts whether it be from heroes, civilians, or even villains.

Joker: “Captain! I have a surprise for you!”

Marvel: *confused as to why a Gotham villain is in Fawcett* “Uh… what is it?”

Joker: *hands him a trophy for the most taxes evaded* “You really are my hero. I hope to reach your level of fearlessness one day.”

Marvel: *looks super alarmed* “Thank you…?”

Joker fears the IRS and Marvel regularly evades them and doesn’t pay them. So, he gained the Clown Prince’s respect. Batman later came to confiscate the trophy in case it suddenly blew up and started spewing Joker Gas or something.

or

Marvel: *finishes saving a witch*

Witch: “Thank you, young man.” *twirls her hair* “Take this.” *casually just gives him a man-eating rose*

Marvel: “Oh!” *takes it and lets it nom on one of his fingers* “Thank you, miss!”

Witch: “No problem.” *flies away on her broom*

Later, he gave it to Zatanna who then plucked all the petals due to the petals being important in certain rituals. She let him keep the part that had teeth and he later threw it at Adam’s face much to the man’s obvious anger.

or

Marvel: “Batarangs are so cool!”

Robin!Damian: *immediately gives him a batarang* “I would like to see your skill.”

Marvel: “Sure. Wanna have a contest?”

Robin!Damian: “Of course. Whomever can graze the most hair off of Red Robin’s head without cutting him wins.”

Red Robin: “WHAT?!”

Marvel: “You’re on!”

Robin let Marvel keep a batarang after that whole fiasco of them running after Tim to see how much hair they could cut off.

[bibbityboppidi]

Batman AU where everything’s the same except when Jason comes back from the dead, he finds out Jokers fear of the IRS , declares himself legally alive, becomes an employee at the IRS and hunts Joker down for any tax fraud he can find.

[leafyeyes417]

I decided to create a masterpost or two with all the reblogs that I like in hopes that when someone sends out the “help me find that post” I can find it faster. It will be added to slowly because I do not have the patience to do it all at once. Also in no particular order of preference.

Keep in mind none of these posts are my works and I do not claim them as such.

If you see *** they are really good prompts with lots of reblogs.

Will be edited later, last updated: 1-28-25

Masterlists

Multi-story masterlists

dcxdpdrabbles

Hdgnj

Tu-turu-turah

Somnoir

Chaoticwriting

Specific Story lists

Jason is Catnip to Danny

Hyena Danny

Finally Getting Help

Wrong Robin

Badger Day

Man has needs

Almanac

Take out for Dummies

Danny is just some guy

Changling AU (part 5, other part links at bottom of post)

Fast Car Driver Danny

Haunted Car

Harmless Series

Don’t eat anything

Hero Tweets

Just a Bite

Batfam & Danny

Twitter AU

Single posts

Ellie-centric

Ellie realizes how dangerous Danny’s home is

Danny’s Rescues from the Infinite Realms

Green Lanturn & crew stuck in IR

Dead on Main

Jason courting Danny with a casserole

Overprotective Fenton parents shovel talk

Danny courts Jason by giving him wine cups made from the Joker’s kneecaps

Jason becomes a Ghost Summoner after giving Danny food***

Dream Lover***

Soulmate summoning ring gone wrong

Dead Tired

Coffeeshop accident

Dead Serious

Dead Silent

Danny kills the joker with his thighs

Danny on the run from the GIW

Superman startles Danny and gets a concussion***

Danny In Gotham

Sleepwalker Danny who escapes all traps

Unknowing Fae Danny works at coffee shop

Danny pretends to be a Vampire***

Feral McGee

Danny only gets a Vacation from work in Gotham

Danny seems like an Oracle of Delphi***

The GAV affected by Fear Toxin

Tucker streams while Danny does what Danny does in the background***

Danny is kidnapped(?) by Batman***

Danny gets hired for a money laundering front***

Portal is built in Gotham, not Amity

Naga Danny

Villain Danny

Danny’s obsession is twisted, forcing him to be a villain

Danny teaches heroes their mistakes by being the villain***

Adopted Danny (as in not Bio Fenton)

Danny is Hal Jordan’s son

Harley asks Batman to take away her son

Harvey Dent is Danny’s bio parent

Danny adopted by Bruce Wayne

Danny distribution system

Danny makes a sales pitch to join the Batfam

Reincarnated Danny

They wake up as Talons

Reincarnation

Clockwork reincarnated as Alfred

Misunderstanding’s that end in chaos

High Danny mistakes Batman for Jack

Mis-text-derstanding

Summoning Danny

Number is not in service

Danny: Please get that stalker (Ra’s) away from me

Demon Twin/Brothers

Damian is normal by Amity standards

Maybe(?) his lost twin

Nyssa steals Danny

Danny undercover in Amity

Jazz decided she wanted a brother

Tim Twins/Brothers

Danny and Tim are half-siblings

Danny sleep teleports to another dimension

Jason and Danny are brothers

Jason is a Baby ghost, adopts babier ghost Danny***

Ghost King Danny

Danny needs to take care of the Lazarus pits

Danny finds out there is a Ghost LOA

Miscellaneous

Danny possesses the president

Danny takes Jason’s online cooking class

Danny forgot what is regular human

Jack was a hitman named Phantom

Ghost Calls

Danny & Jason have the same scars

Superman was supposed to wait for the JLD

Water Core Tim

Fenton Driving curse still applies

Danny asks Wonder Woman to make him a grave on Themyscria***

Kryptonite is actually trapped souls

Danny and self-fulfilling prophecy

Danny pretends to be a demigod son of Hades

Danny gifts Red Robin a jar with Ra’s eyes

Vlad Cloning Danny was actually a much worse offense, breaks oldest ghost law

Amity got put back in the wrong place after the Pariah Dark fight.

Jason involuntarily taken to the ghost hospital

Phantom Letters

Danny learns Astral magic

Miscellaneous Angst

GIW succeeds in shooting the portal

DPxMarvel

Loki falls through to the IR and is adopted by Danny

Pure DP (not crossover)

Danny was Eldritch the whole time

Danny gets sprayed with a chemical where he hallucinates the person he hates

Demon!AU (with Art)

[thesharktanksdriver]

Say what you want about joker, but at least he hate fascists.

Professional Evil doers have standards….they also fear the IRS lol.

[ryoalouette]

Low-key wonder that if Murder and/or Torture falls under some sort of tax law, would Joker not kill anyone out of fear of IRS?

[cyb-by-lang]

why not Isobu Runaround Seal? it's a pun, and as an added bonus, Kei can think it's literal tax evasion when the IRS is after someone. Also wasn't the Joker afraid of the IRS at one point?

Not a bad idea!

Longer bit re: Al Capone's downfall, the Joker and the fear of the IRS below the cut.

There's a whole Thing(tm) about the Joker being afraid of the IRS in at least one series. Reason being that when when you get charged with tax evasion, you can get Al Capone'd (sent to Alcatraz on an 11-year sentence) if the government can't figure out how to make other charges stick.

TVTropes version for digestibility:

Al Capone. His days as a Chicago crime boss ended with an 11-year prison sentence for tax evasion, the longest sentence ever given for the crime. Somewhat hilariously, the government couldn't make the case that Capone was a crime kingpin, but they could point to his lifestyle and spending habits and say he was earning money he hadn't paid taxes on. It was pointed out at the time that the government was consciously ignoring how Capone had earned the money (which they couldn't prove) and instead focusing on the fact that he had the money and owed taxes on it. It's also necessary to consider that when charged with other sorts of crimes, Capone usually got a "not guilty" verdict from the jury by having his men bribe or intimidate them. To make sure he couldn't weasel his way out of the tax evasion charges, the jury pool for his case was swapped at the last minute, and the trial was started before the jurors could be coerced.

The Joker has been skating by using a comic book's version of the criminal justice system to land himself in Arkham for years. He's sort of impossible to contain or permanently get rid of due to authorial fiat, so honestly I don't know what he's so afraid of...

Go and look up the Batman: The Animated Series episode titled "Joker's Millions" for the most iconic example.

[anti-the-glitch-bitch]

Word spreads around that the King of the dead is collecting his dues from those that thought they could cheat death. Villains and heroes are in a panic because let's face it. It's so easy nowadays to be resurrected.

Anyone associated with the magic/death magic/knowledge of the dead are being consulted on what to do and how you get out of this mess. Not everyone is rich and some are just barely scrapping by.

Cue to Joker who has an intense fear of the IRS. He may be a cold blooded psychopath but even he knows better to cross the IRS. The only time he's honest is when he's making sure to pay his taxes on time.

Word reaches his ears about the death taxes and how the King of the dead is coming after people and how there's an honest to god IRS setup for the dead. It sends him into a blind panic. He immediately starts planning this big heist to collect enough money to pay off his debut because if he can't go against the normal IRS then how the hell is he going to fight the dead kind?

Word spreads throughout the community that THE Joker payed off his entire debt early and that sends everyone into a panic because that crazy fuck is doing it with no complaints then everyone is screwed and better get with the picture.

DCxDP - Death and Taxes

Broke college student but also the Ghost King Danny looking at the stack of complaint forms in his inbox about people cheating death. In a stroke of sleep deprived inspiration, he issues a royal decree that anyone who has properly died before (I.e biologically dead, not just clinically dead) is still a citizen of the Infinite Realms, even if they were resurrected. And have to pay income tax to the Crown.

He establishes the Infinite Realms Revenue Service, recruits the ghosts of some meticulous accountants and sends them after all the assholes who think they can escape Death and Taxes. Starting with the worst offenders (ie those who have escaped death the longest/most often). Your tax bracket scales with how many times you died.

Just picture Ra's al-Ghul, in the middle of giving some speech to his assassin cult when this Phil Coulson looking ghost dude shows up behind him to "discuss the back taxes he owes to the Crown".

Every magic user worth their salt is suddenly swamped with messages from panicked villains and heroes who are trying to figure out wtf is going on and how to get out of this. Constantine is sweating bullets.

Danny hires Valerie to do mortal side "casework", because a, she's just as saddled with student debt as he is b, has worked fast food and knows how to handle asshole customers c, doesn't take shit from anybody.

Imagine Vandal Savage, Felix Faust and Red Hood awkwardly sitting in a waiting room with a stack of documents each, ready for their number to be called so they can dispute their claims. Being called in and utterly flummoxed at the unflappable, bored young woman at the desk who somehow has files on everything about you - birth record, death record(s), who you killed and when records... now declare your income as a crime lord/dictator/sorcerer, sir.

Meanwhile Danny is planning on how he can allocate the taxes to open a soup kitchen for Lunch Lady to work at and similar shit. He is determined to be a good king, dammit!

[alan-in-the-outernet]

The IRS does not like this, The IRS wants Mo. (fear the IRS, even The Joker fears them, above death. They are terrifying o-o)

All they wanted to do was math D:

[lovethesagefan]

CALLING!!!

Usually when a person say they have a "calling" or they received "the call", they are probably talking about the ministry. Sometimes, I wonder if I had received that call. If so, it probably was a wrong number. LOL! Nevertheless, I once received the calling to teach. I started out at Georgia State University as a business major. This is despite spending many an hour marking up my Mama's wall with stolen chalk from my teachers at Park Street Elementary. What interrupted my call was my father. He didn't think I should be a teacher. My mother was a teacher. He had two sisters who became teachers. Why he didn't think I should be a teacher, I can't say. So being dutiful (he was paying), I chose business, though I didn't know what I could do with a degree in business.

Math isn't my strong suite. In fact it's the Joker in my deck. I had Ms. Kohler in my Senior year. She was a good teacher, but the type who had a reputation to be feared. When she got mad, she would use the term, "Tinker's Dam". Now we gasped at the term thinking profanity, but it's a plumber's thing. Go figure. So any field requiring math would not be for me. Accounting 101 took a couple of tries and then Accounting 201 made me realized I might need to hang up the "call."

Without telling anyone, I changed my major to History. I told myself, if I was going to flunk out of GSU, do it doing something I loved. I was like Br'er Rabbit landing in the briar patch after being freed from the tar baby by Br'er Fox. I had finally answered my call.

When you are called to do something, it is easier to fulfill the mission. Yes, the pay isn't great. I wish I could hit a ball, but I didn't get that call. You are blame for everything that is wrong with society, yet not given the credit for improving society.

For 28 years, I was on that teacher telephone call. Well, the last couple of years I muted the conversation. I was burnt out and basically had enough. Fast forward five years later. The phone to which I thought was disconnected...rang. You hardly hear a story of a retired teacher returning to BACK to the field of battle. Even yet as a substitute teacher. That is the definition of someone who enjoys being inflicted with pain. Then on top of that...MIDDLE SCHOOL!!

I thought I must be crazy. I mulled over the decision over and over. The call got louder and louder. Teaching is the only thing I can do with any alacrity. I did work for the IRS before teaching and probably could still do something with the government, however, I took the teaching call first.

So for the second time in my life I find myself in a classroom. Not the main teacher, but a teacher still. I sometimes forget I am a sub...or supposed to be. As noted, I am being accepted as being cool. Today in Social Studies, after running an errand, Dr. W had the class sing the "Bell Ringer" song. You know music makes me move. So I swayed, moved, and started waving my hands in the air just like I didn't care. Cause I didn't! But the kids loved it.

I do not know how long this conversation will last. I do not know how much this call will cost me. I have a lot to learn. Education can change and yet be unchanged. I have students who call me "Friend" when they see me. I taught Smiley how to do the Vulcan greeting. I am sure he was sad when I wasn't in his class today. I wants to be in ALL of my class now. Getting the call this late in life I hope turns out to be the right move and not a crank call. I took the call and I there every day to answer.

[j0kers-light]

Sorry if you've wrote something like this before, but I was wondering how J would react if his bunny had a secret admirer/stalker. Maybe the stalker had been subtly leaving things for B but she never really noticed/cared so she never mentioned it to J. And I wonder how he would react if her stalker got bold enough to break in to her house one day. I can only imagine no one would be crazy enough to stalk the Jokers gf, so the stalker probably isn't aware of that lol. I hope this isn't to weird, and feel free to tweak the request if need be! :)

His Lighthouse: I Fantasize About You (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

I Fantasize About You - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

authors note:

Hey hi anon!!!! Please don't hate me, this ask dates back to November 2023!!!! Lemme explain 😫life happened. OMG I thank you for your patience also, thank you for unlocking stalker!content! I needed this more than you will ever know! I have not written something like this before so *rubs my hands together* I'm so excited for this out of my comfort zone challenge! I did tweak the request a little and I hope you like where I took it. Enjoy anon!!! Oh and the title is the song lol.

Once again forgive me for this extremely late request fill 🖤✨

taglist:

@blackreaderatrisk @clemdango04 @l3ejm @what-an-angel @darthjokerisyourfather @thatsnoteii @dollster @cheetahspy @kaidennnnn @urdariingdoll @motivation-idontknowher @ins0mniac-whack @spaghettificationandpretzels @reneisance @alittlesmartcookie @ninacutebee16 @carydorse @jaysmentalspace @she-could-never @that--thing @clowning--around

Let me know if you wish to be added to the official His Lighthouse taglist! Be alerted with any oneshots and main story updates! 🖤✨

Another vivid bouquet of flowers was left on the table in front of your apartment with an empty card. A little odd, however, they were gorgeous and smelled even better that you paid little attention as to how they got there.  

Morgana had you on a weekly (if not daily) subscription giving no reason to question their origin. There was always an arrangement of flowers right outside your door. So, when bigger lavish bouquets arrived like clockwork, you squealed and brought them inside all without a second thought as well.  

Unbeknownst to you, the excessive floral deliveries started months ago and increased in a desperate attempt to gain your attention.  

When you ventured out, you didn’t think much about your surroundings. There was nothing to fear when you dated Gotham City’s worst nightmare. That wasn’t to say you weren’t cautious, you just happened to overlook the finer details at times.  

Joker promised you the best security detail money could buy, and you trusted him. He always protected you why would he stop now? 

That special day was no different than any other.  

Joker was sleeping off his long night of terrorizing the city, so you were left to your own devices to run some errands. The sky was so beautiful, it stole your attention for a fraction of a second—long enough to make you bump into a stranger on the sidewalk.  

Your bag fell out of your hand and in the process caused the entire contents to spill out. 

“Hey! Watch it!”  

It shouldn’t have bothered you really. There were tons of rude people in Gotham City. The tone that was used urged you to grab your spilled contents before the person grew even more frustrated.   

The last of your things were shoved back inside your bag and you stood to try and clear the air. “I’m so sorry! My heads not screwed on tight today. Are.. are you alright?”  

You were a bit puzzled when you raised your head and locked eyes with a male. All of his previous ire had fizzled out into a blank, unreadable expression. He couldn’t look away if his life depended on it.  

“Um sir?” You tried to spark a conversation to no avail. You waved in his face; he didn’t even blink. Now this was a new reaction.  

Other people walking by directed their gaze to the odd man blocking the path. It was nice to not be the center of attention, yet this was starting to freak you out. He was still staring at you.  

You adjusted your bag on your shoulder. “Well um.. this is awkward. Again, I’m sorry. H-Have a great day?”  

Where was your supposed security at a time like this? At least the guy didn’t become violent but still, security was slacking on the job. You walked off and thought nothing else of the encounter.  

You never noticed that the man was still staring at you in a trance nor how his focus shifted from your retreating form, down to the open notebook you left behind on the ground. He picked it up with great care before skimming over the page.  

If he thought you sounded pretty stuttering out an apology then your literary voice was that of the gods.  

Page after page you dabbled in poetry while venting your feelings. It was a goldmine, a deep dive into your small little world and Tom couldn’t be happier to jump in. 

He quickly found a bench to sit and immersed himself in your handwriting all the while giggling at your light-hearted poems and frowning up when you lamented about some guy. Why was someone as beautiful as you hung up over some loser who didn’t give you enough attention? It wasn’t right! 

You were kind, smart, with a beauty that was simply otherworldly! You deserved someone better, you know.... like him.  

He continued to read every entry, even the ones that you wasted on the scumbag you claimed to adore. You didn’t sound in love. Tom could tell by your penmanship. The pen was clawing at the page, heavy with anger, unlike the previous words that floated across the lines. 

If you were in Tom's life, he would devote every waking minute of it to make you happy. If only he wasn’t an idiot that got tongue tied in front of beautiful women! He foolishly let you walk out of his life.  

You, a bright ball of sunshine with fluttering lashes, alluring perfume that clung to your dewy skin, and your voice that enunciated the words, “H-Have a great day?” Tom wished he could’ve recorded it to play on repeat for the rest of his life. Gah!! If only he wasn’t a loser then he would have your name, your number, you...  

Now all he had was your notebook but the moment he turned the page and met empty lines—his stolen time came to an end.  

It wasn’t enough. Tom wanted to know more. He wanted you.   

The arriving bus caught his attention and with it, his harsh reality. It was time to go back to his boring life without you in it. The right thing to do was to throw the notebook away. There was no way he would bump into you twice in one lifetime to return it although a selfish part of him wanted to keep it. If he couldn’t have you, at least he’d have the words you left behind. Tom stood up and closed the bound book with a sigh. Then a lightbulb went off. 

He opened the cover and much to his relief, property of Y/n L/n. Your last words spoken to him rushed back, “H-Have a great day?” 

He clung to your words not because you sounded so pretty when you spoke, but because they held weight. Your work was too perfect to throw away. Tom clutched your notebook to his chest and thanked the heavens above.  “I will... Y/n. I will.”  

Was it wrong to Google your name? No, because it was already public knowledge. You chose to share this information with the world and he wasn’t doing anything wrong by consuming every single bit of information provided.   

There was no harm in a little online stalking. You were a successful author and very proud of it judging by your official website and various social media accounts. You honestly were in the wrong for sharing so much! It’s like you wanted people to know everything about you. 

He would have to talk to you about that in the future. All he wanted was a closer look behind the scenes of your life and you certainly didn’t disappoint. Tom was more than a fan; he was your lover who wanted to know everything about you.  

It wasn’t weird that he religiously checked your socials every hour and it wasn’t creepy that he liked every update you made no matter how insignificant it was.  

He memorized your voice, the way your eyes twinkled when you smiled, (ughhh he wanted his kids to have your eyes!) and the way you always stared straight into the camera—straight into his soul. You were talking to Tom and no one else. He loved how loyal you were.  

You were just so hypnotizing that the days blended together stalking you. It was second nature to him.  

Tom had studied your daily schedule and tracked down your editor’s office within weeks. It took him a while to shake off your security but one day he was lucky enough to see you. And what a joy it was.  

Meeting you once would’ve been enough to last him forever. Twice was a miracle because seeing you again gave Tom the strength to continue.  

He was doing the right thing loving you. That was his purpose now. He ducked behind a bush as you stepped out of your car and walked into the building. You looked so heavenly—a beautiful thing that he could never approach.  

His mind couldn’t even fathom being face to face with you again. 

What would you think of him if he stepped out into view? What would you say if he professed his love to you and took you away?! Just imagining the encounter gave him anxiety. No, no it was best if he stayed in the shadows and didn’t make a fool of himself.  

He could love you from afar. That was the lie Tom told himself. He was greedy and all he wanted was you.  

One visit to your editor’s office turned into two, then eight, until Tom found himself predicting the exact days of the month you would visit Cindy. That was your manager’s name. A beautiful, kind lady—but not as beautiful as you! She was simply a tool to get closer to you, his one true love.  

Tom pretended to be a potential client just to gain access to Cindy’s office. You spent so much time there; it was a literal dream of his to see why. Cindy urged Tom to sit, and he tried so hard not to burst into tears when he sat down in your seat. 

It was still warm or maybe that was his imagination playing tricks on him.  

He could smell your perfume in the fibers and he felt like an addict trying to catch another whiff. You breathed in the same air that he was currently inhaling, and his lips tingled with desire from the thought. Technically you were with him, and that delusion made him overly confident.  

These small moments with you were never enough. Tom still needed more. 

Was it wrong to hack into Cindy’s servers and access your personal file? No!  

Tom was an onboarding client, and he had every right to test out the company’s cybersecurity. It could use some work if he managed to breach their database, but it was worth the hassle. Tom got his hands on your info, and he could’ve died a happy man then and there.  

Your address, phone number, stipulations for your contract, your blood type, gods... even your favorite color!!! If he could think of it, it was there and now it was all his. Tom didn’t know what to do. He had everything he wanted... except you. 

So that’s exactly where he went.  

Based on your Thursday week two schedule, you were out eating brunch with Morgana. She would suggest shopping and because you liked a post from Gucci two days ago, and another from Sephora this morning, the two of you would be gone for majority of the day. It gave Tom all the time in the world to break in and familiarize himself with your place.  

He was ready to take this relationship to the next stage.  

If your apartment didn’t meet his standards, then you would move in with him. You might not know it, but you already had a key to his place. But after parking in the underground garage, Tom quickly realized your place was better than his.  

Security at your building was tighter than Fort Knox. He did find it odd that an author had such a heavy security presence but he wrote it off due to you being a smart woman being cautious in Gotham City.  

They were doing a fine job keeping you safe so he would let you keep them after the two of you got together. Well, in Tom’s mind, you two were already engaged but he didn’t want to scare you by moving too fast. He brought flowers today to celebrate the good news and he couldn’t wait to shower you with more in the future.  

However, there was one feature of your building that he hated. How did you coexist with your noisy neighbors?  

They were so overbearing asking how his day was, what floor he lived on, if he was coming to the next tenant meeting—yes.. but ah!!! Couldn’t they see that he was delivering flowers to his wife and wanted some privacy?  

Wife. Even Tom was getting ahead of himself. You haven’t met his parents yet! Regardless of your title, Tom sighed in relief when he stepped off the elevator and proceeded to get goosebumps.  

He was on your floor.  

Past that black wooden door was where you ate, showered and slept. You were the most vulnerable version of yourself at home and he was blessed with the rare opportunity to see it with his own eyes.  

His hands were sweaty, his ears were ringing. Tom was a ball of nerves, but he needed to do this. He needed to be close to you and this was the only way.  

He could only imagine your surprise when you came home and saw him waiting for you with a vase of flowers. You would be so happy, so emotional that you would kiss him senseless and beg for more—but first, he needed to muster up the courage to step inside. 

He could do this. Just pick the lock and wait for you to come home.  

With his mini pep talk spurring him on, Tom’s hand hovered over the brass doorknob, but all that confidence dissolved when he heard the elevator ding.  

An elevator was on its way up.  

Cue his panic. You were supposed to be gone for the rest of the day! You never deviated from the norm, why start now? Tom panicked as the floor indicator inched closer and closer to twelve. He didn’t know what to do, nothing was going according to plan. He was so unprepared! How could he surprise you like this?! 

There was no time, all he could do was set the bouquet of flowers on your hallway table and rush towards the stairwell to escape.  

His heart was in this throat when the gilded doors opened, and your stiletto heels stepped out. Tom knew he stopped breathing after being hypnotized by your presence.  

You were talking on the phone as you fished out your keys, blissfully unaware of the man behind you wanting to jump your bones. “No worries Morgana. I’m just glad you’re so flexible and worked them into your..” 

Your focus drifted away from opening the door to the fresh flowers on the table.  

They weren’t there when you left this morning and J didn’t do anything stupid to have apology flowers delivered to you. Tom gasped when you bent down to smell them. A small smile spread across your face far brighter than the sun. You liked them! He knew you would! They were your favorite! 

You unlocked your door with a twist of your wrist. “Thanks for the flowers, Morgana. Yeah, we can go out tomorrow if you’re free.” 

Tom’s hopes died as you stepped into your flat and closed the door. You thought the flowers were from your friend, not him.  

Of course you did, she’s a florist.  

He had the urge to bang his head against the wall. How could he be so stupid? He had half a mind to follow you inside and make you apologize but he didn’t want to overwhelm you. It sounded like girl’s night was postponed until tomorrow and you needed some time to yourself.  

He would stop by next week with more flowers (perhaps if he was brave, with a card attached) and surprise you then. With that in mind, Tom left your apartment building with a game plan. 

One that did not pan out.  

Every time he dropped by you were either busy, not at home, or he would be forced to leave the flowers and bail before being caught. He got the impression that you were a loner, yet you had company over all the time. Tom had no time to be alone with you and that frustrated him.  

He went home every time disappointed. When would he get the chance to see you again? Did you miss him the same way he did? Were you lonely without him?  

You wrote about feeling alone before in your notebook, he had no doubt that you still were. If only he were there to console you!  

Only he could make you feel better. He’d worship you properly if given the chance but every attempt to see you was ruined. You would have to be patient it seemed. The thought of you lying alone in bed thinking of him made Tom feral. Did you touch yourself like he did, wishing it was him? Was it enough? Did you crave him too?  

Did you write about your love for him in your new notebook the same way he wrote about whisking you away in his? If only he could get you alone then you wouldn’t have to suffer anymore!  

Tom was getting restless as the weeks turned into months with no luck. Security seemed to be tighter than ever and he was only able to drop off flowers at the front desk, using Morgana as a cover of their origin. Tom’s attempts at affection were useless if you thought they were from a friend however he didn’t have the confidence to add a note just yet.  

He didn’t want you reading his confession off of a card. He wanted you to hear it straight from him and that meant being face to face— an impossible feat.  

Tom wanted to be inside your home, surrounded by your love, when he said ‘I love you.’ It’s all he dreamed about amongst other things.. 

It was a sheer miracle that he finally got the chance. He waited so long to see you! 

It was too good to be true. No one was at the front desk and no personnel was guarding the lobby or the elevator. Security was lax than it had ever been. Tom didn’t hesitate; he boarded the lift and pressed the twelfth-floor button in excitement.  

This was the day! He would finally get to see you again and this time, he wasn’t letting you go.  

He knew it was Friday and the last week of the month which meant you were scheduled to come home around eight pm.  

It was fate, it had to be to allow this to happen.  

Tom honestly didn’t care that he was empty handed today. In his mad dash to your place (fueled by utter desperation) he didn’t buy any flowers. All he had was hope— and hopefully that would be enough for you. Once he took you away, he would buy you anything you wanted to make up for today.  

He just needed to get you alone and everything would be alright.  

The elevator announced his arrival to your floor, and he made quick work of the front door lock—practically breaking it in his excitement to gain access to your home.  

Finally, he was granted entry and your apartment was everything he thought it would be. He could feel you in the air, see your personality hard at work in the décor, and he could smell you all around. It almost made Tom faint. He was breathing heavily as he roamed your place, moving and touching everything he could see.  

He got high off your presence lingering in the air. Everything here was a piece of you and he quickly became overwhelmed. It was all too much. The living room couch, your soap in the bathroom, the blanket thrown over the bed... your bed.  

He only dreamed about it yet here it was. Tom’s eyes fluttered shut with a moan as he sank into the covers—completely immersed in you.  

He couldn’t wait to make love to you on this bed. He couldn’t wait to wake up every morning seeing you nestled in the sheets, staring at him with love, no doubt remembering the night before. The way you would say Tom’s name and smile at him fondly? Ughh he couldn’t wait. 

Tom didn’t hear the front door opening and closing during his delusional fantasy. He was too busy reaching a hand down his pants when he heard an odd clicking noise in the background.  

His eyes popped open and his scream caught in his throat at the sight of The Joker standing over him. 

“Well... well! WhaT have we here?” Joker shook his head while flicking his army knife open and close. “What a uhh.. un-pleasant surprise.”  

When Joker’s goons informed him that someone was stalking his Bunny, he laughed because who was crazy enough to do such a thing? 

Granted no one knew that you and Joker were together save for a select few, still! It was the audacity that annoyed Joker. He didn’t expect someone to do such a thing.  

Joker almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost.  

Joker had known about “Tom Dobbs” from the beginning. The day Tom followed your social media account and started spam liking everything, he was put on Joker’s radar. Every pathetic attempt at gaining your attention, every visit to your editor’s office, to your apartment, and following you around; Joker knew.  

You were never in any danger. Joker allowed Tom to think he was being sneaky. He let this piece of trash fantasize a life with you for months just for the laugh and giggles. It was amusing to watch his “competition” fail at courting you. He knew Tom would slip up and surprise surprise. He was so predictable  

J honestly thought it was cute. Tom reminded Joker of himself in an alternate universe.  

The two men were so alike, being completely and utterly in love with you to a concerning degree but it wasn’t entirely their faults.  

It was easy to love someone like you. Your beauty, your brains, your heart—they all were a beacon to people like Tom and Joker. One small kind gesture meant the world when everything in your life was grey. You had a natural light that shined in the darkest of rooms and you made things feel good.  

Joker understood why you attracted people. He didn’t blame you for having a stalker or two, but it was his job to eliminate them.  

There was no such thing as competition for your love. Joker was your only stalker, only he could be obsessed with you. 

People could admire you from afar but the second they entertained the thought of being with you—Joker had no other choice but to erase them from the picture. If Tom had understood his place, this wouldn’t have happened.  

“A pity it had ta end like this Tom.” Joker teased.  

He locked the door and watched your stalker try to find another escape route. There weren’t any but the illusion of escape helped the victim cope better. The sad reality was that Tom was dead the moment he thought you were his to love.  

“Your devotion... your uh dead-i-cation to my Bunny was admirable really. It almost rivaled my own.” Joker added.  

Tom paused in his desperate attempt to flee.  

Joker’s Bunny? You were dating this literal clown? No, that was impossible. You were too perfect for a man like The Joker and too smart to bend to his will. He must’ve threatened you into submission. You were a victim! Where were you now? Were you in any danger?!  

In that moment, Tom’s life didn’t matter, but saving yours did.  

He stood no chance against The Joker but he would die trying in order to save you. “What have you done to Y/n? S-She’s not yours!!” He shouted. 

Tom wasn’t expecting The Joker’s sinister laugh to bounce off the walls. It made a bead of sweat trickle down his back. He would receive no answer despite his brief act of heroism. 

It happened so fast, there was no time to react. The Joker had a firm grip around Tom’s throat with a knife digging into his gums.  

“Oh, Tom ol’ buddy of mineeeeee. Ya see, you and I aren’t so err.. different. Ya see.. we both aht aht! Hold. Still. We both love Y/n. Yeah, we do, except she doesn’t know you exist! Haha, but as for me?”  

Joker paused for dramatic effect and started applying pressure when Tom started squirming too much.  

A little cut on the cheek wouldn’t hurt anybody but not too much, Joker wanted Tom alive to hear the next bit. The truth would hurt more than what Joker planned to do.  

“Y/n. Loves. Me. Back. Y/n is mine just as much as I am hers. That’s what makes us diff-er-enT, Tom. You get off to the thoughT of making love to her one day—I get to f__k her whenever she wants me to. I get to love her. I have the pleasure of being her everything. But you? No no no no yooo~ooou. You will be nothing to her.” 

Joker was ready to end this quickly. Just a simple ear to ear blade motion and a little twist and hopefully no blood would stain your original hardwood floors. That was the plan but since when did you ever follow orders? 

Like a stroke of bad luck, both Tom and Joker heard the front door close, followed by your melodic voice calling out. “J, I’m home! Are you here?”  

Tom tried to react but Joker was faster. There wasn’t much of a struggle, but Joker knew your natural curiosity would rear its ugly head if you heard something abnormal. If only you stayed out shopping as originally planned!  

Joker couldn’t give away his position. If you saw this darker side of him, the bond he worked so hard to build with you would shatter in a matter of seconds. You couldn’t see this, see him like this.  

Joker had no other choice than to go off script. A shame Tom wasn’t playing along. The guy was trying to make any noise to gain your attention. Joker wasn’t having it.  

“Shut. UP! Y/n doesn’t need to see... this.” Imagine his surprise when Tom fought back and elbowed him in the stomach. 

Tom broke free and was headed towards the door when Joker’s instincts took control. He was tired of playing games. He entertained this fool for too long. Tom was a full blown threat that had to go before he ruined everything Joker had. Joker couldn’t lose you, not over something like this.  

Everything was a blur but three quick jabs to the jugular got the job done. It was messy, and the body falling to the ground was loud, and Joker knew you were coming to investigate after hearing it.  

Somehow he rolled the body under the bed in enough time (he’d replace your blood stained rug later) yet there was nothing to do about the evidence staining his own body. He would just have to wing it.  

You burst through the door and gasped at the sight.  

You never seen Joker look so defeated. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at his bloodied hands, lost in thought. This was the part of being Joker’s girlfriend that you dreaded the most.  

You tend to overlook the darker side of his profession and pretend that it didn’t matter but seeing the man you loved in such a vulnerable state made you jump into action. Joker wasn’t perfect, but you still loved him and right now, he needed you. Joker needed his Light to drag him out of whatever darkness he created.  

You kneeled in front of J (ironically inches away from Tom’s rapidly cooling body) and cupped your lover’s face in your hands.  

“Joker? Joker I’m right here. Whatever it is, it's okay. I'm right here.... I’m your Light, remember? Come back to me please. L-Look at me.”  

It was the magic word and twin pools of pine bore into your soul.  

You didn’t notice it, but Joker’s hands were shaking as they hovered over your skin. He didn’t want to taint your body with his dark deeds yet he needed to feel you.  

You noticed J’s hesitation and flashed him a smile, “It’s okay Joker, you can touch me.” You guided his hands to hold onto you as you helped him stand. Thank goodness you were so concerned about him and not on the small pool of blood leaking from the bed.... Times like this Joker loved how dense you were. It made keeping secrets from you so easy.  

“Let’s get you cleaned up, J. C’mon on.” You smiled.  

Joker meekly nodded and let you guide him into the bathroom. It took everything in him not to grin. He tried to warn Tom. You were Joker’s, no one else’s. He’d do anything to keep it that way.  

[zariahthewitch]

The only thing keeping Gotham's villians safe from Alfred is Batman being alive at the end of every night.

Also The Joker only fears two things....

1) the IRS

2) Alfred with a shotgun and a dead Batman

Booster Gold #12

[ladynighthaunter]

Even chaos itself fears taxes. They are crazy enough to go against the entire galaxy. But the IRS? No thank you.

Nice Joker quote.

But yes, taxs are a thing that can ruin anyone's day... Just look at the Astral Claws, fucked them over hard.