#Janelle’s travels

[jmflowers]

spent a week in the woods kayaking and making fires and getting stung by venomous caterpillars

[canary-warrior]

Watched Totally Killer yesterday and you cannot convince me that Jamie and Amelia aren't Stevie and Janelle

A blonde girl who is determined to find a murderer and her genius best friend who is smart enough to invent time travel??? It's literally them in another universe

[zukkacore]

J2 wanted to be loved as a person on his own terms however he is like me in that he cannot deny that loving someone to the point of invention is very romantic

[nelc]

Hawaiian Shirt Guy, by Janell Jaquays

[thebossoft-blog]

[amandaanddonnie]

SISTER WIVES Maddie Brush Launches NEW PROJECT after Quitting Podcast

[dontcallittimetravel]

This Week’s Story!

[laurenairay]

I can't help it if I like it - M. Martin

Summary: Dhara Nicholls is just trying to make ends meet while working on her Masters degree. Enter Matt Martin.

This is my entry for @wyattjohnston’s summer fic exchange 2k24! My giftee is @comphy-and-cozy and I hope I incorporated everything we discussed. This is the second longest fic I’ve ever written on here and I had genuinely so much fun writing it! Definitely written with a lot of creative license, not only because Matt and Sydney are couple goals, but also because I completely fudged the season dates. I also modelled Dhara’s degree and work after one of my best friends, and her Sikh faith after another friend, so it is as accurate as I could make it without experiencing it all myself.

I hope you enjoy it C! And thank you to Demi for reading through the first half of this monster!

Words: 13.7k

Warnings: age gap, flirting, pining, extremely slow burn, implied intimate moment, some bad language, changed names of Matt’s irl wife and children

Title from Shotput by Still Woozy Lyrics used from Middle of the Night by Elley Duhé

~

Waiter/Waitress…

Bartender…

Tutor…

Barista…

Cashier…

Of all the things to leave to the last minute. Dhara usually prided herself on her organisational skills, but with her summer internship taking up most of the past couple of months, finding a part-time job to give her disposable income (and food, for that matter) for the final year of her postgraduate degree had slipped her mind. Rents had gone up quite significantly in the past few months, so anything extra she had last year was pouring directly into paying for her tiny apartment, and she needed to eat, damn it.

Unfortunately, now that it was already August, there was nothing truly suitable. She needed flexible hours, that was for sure – some of her data modelling work couldn’t just be stopped in the middle of a good coding flow to pick up a shift at a bar. And some of her classes were online this final year, so she wouldn’t find it as easy to travel back and forth to a job on campus. Tutoring could potentially work but it would involve a fair amount of planning and structure that she wasn’t sure she could commit to.

This was the worst timing. And she’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t ask her parents for help, not when she was so close to finally finishing her education. But what could she do?

“Hey Dhara!”

She turned her head to the side quickly, dark curls whipping over her shoulder, before she smiled. The familiar voice indeed matched one of her former dormmates, Melissa. They had lived on the same floor in freshman year at NYU, but with limited student housing, most of the friends on that floor had gone their separate ways into private renting. She’d lost touch with a few of those girls too, after they graduated from their undergraduate degrees, but those she still kept in touch with had carried on their education like she had – only Melissa and another of their friends Janelle had taken up postgraduate study at Long Island University – Brooklyn though, so it was good to see her familiar face outside of the occasional coffee catch-ups, especially after the long summer break.

“Melissa! Hi! How are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good, glad to be back in the city. How are you? Did you travel back to LA to see your parents in the end?”

“I’m pretty good too, thanks. And no, the internship offer was too good to turn down. My parents went on a few trips by themselves anyway, so it’s not like I missed out on too much time with them,” Dhara shrugged, smiling, “Now I’m just trying to get myself set up for final year.”

She loved her parents – really, she did – but she wasn’t as close to them as she had been growing up. The downfall of choosing to study far away from home. Dhara had barely been back to Los Angeles since she moved to New York when she turned 18, if she was being honest, and her parents valued her independence as well as her dedication to her studies. At least they could rely on video calls to see each other’s faces.

“Oh man, tell me about it. Shitty rent increases, right?” Melissa groaned.

“Exactly!” Dhara laughed, “I’m just trying to find something that’ll let me be flexible so I can graduate to the best of my ability, you know?”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Melissa sighed, smiling sympathetically, “I’ve got a couple of interviews at coffee chains lined up, but the hours are going to be brutal.”

Dhara grimaced. Yeah, there was a reason she wanted to avoid working as a barista unless there was no other option.

“Hey, you like kids, right?”

Dhara raised an eyebrow at her friend’s question. “I…do. I have plenty of cousins who have kids already, if that’s what you mean. Why?”

“A friend of my roommate works for a nannying agency. Completely certified company, really well paid, you can input your available hours into their website so they match you up, and they cater to a lot of wealthy clients. She told me they’re opening their books, but I’m not a huge kids person myself. If you’re interested, I could pass you her details?”

“Wait, really? Just like that?” Dhara asked, surprised.

It almost sounded too good to be true.

“Really really. The agency do background checks and would want to see your resume as well as do an interview with you in person, but I can’t see you getting rejected from this. You’re crazy smart and super competent,” Melissa shrugged, smiling.

Nannying. For a potentially wealthy client. There were a whole host of problems that could come from that, with both the parents and the children, but could the flexibility be worth it?

Then again, what did she have to lose?

“Okay sure, pass me her details and I’ll give your roommate’s friend a call,” Dhara smiled.

She could only hope this worked out in her favour.

~

Time was running out, Matt knew that much. There were only a few weeks before the season started up again, and it was beyond time for him to hire a nanny for his daughter. He’d been a single dad for two years now, his marriage ending mostly amicably. Sure, his ex-wife’s announcement that she was tired of following him around for his career had been hard, but not as hard as her second announcement that she was following her own career abroad. But she’d not contested anything he'd asked of her, and hadn’t made any unreasonable demands herself, so it was as clean as a divorce could be. Being solely responsible for the upbringing of their daughter Sarah was not something he’d been prepared for, not with his lifestyle. He knew he was lucky that his mom had been willing drop everything and move in with him after his wife left them, but it was time to let his mom live her own life – and for him to move on with his.

Hockey was his first love, nothing would change that. But his daughter Sarah had taken over so much of his heart that he was struggling with the idea of hiring a stranger to take care of her when hockey took precedence. But it was time – for all of them. In the end, he’d decided to go through a reputable agency that a few of the guys on the team recommended, but after three unsuccessful interviews Matt was just about ready to beg his mom to stay a little longer.

The first interview had started well. But it had quickly deteriorated when he realised that they weren’t as flexible as he needed. It was fair enough that the nanny wanted set hours – he knew his schedule was all over the place – but he obviously couldn’t offer that, so he wished them well and cut the interview short.

The second interview had started bad and gotten worse. He didn’t know if it was the way the woman smiled at him when he saw the elegant interior of the house or how she spoke of him being a single dad with a wide-eyed pity smile, but he didn’t like the vibes she was sending at all. He didn’t need a nanny that was more interested in him than his daughter. No, just no.

The third interview sounded promising on paper. The candidate had all the right qualifications and experience, but when it came down to processes and how she handled tantrums and tears? No way. He knew Sarah sometimes got upset when he was on long roadtrips – it was only natural – and there was no way he was leaving his daughter with someone who would punish her for showing understandable emotions.

So Matt could only hope that this fourth interview – his last for the day before he gave up and started from scratch – would finally be positive.

Dhara Nicholls.

When he’d first seen the name, he hadn’t known what to expect. Dar-Rah. That was how the agency lady had pronounced it, so he could only hope she was right – the last thing he wanted was to say the nanny’s name wrong out of ignorance. While he would ask for more detail during the interview, he knew the basics about her from the information the agency had sent over. Born and raised in Los Angeles, California, studied BS Computer Science at NYU, went on to study for a Masters in Computer Science at Long Island University – Brooklyn, and was currently in her final year for that. It was the flexibility that he was most intrigued by – and her apparent intelligence. He didn’t care that she didn’t have nannying experience outside of family. If she could take care of his daughter, make sure she was happy and healthy, that’s all that he cared about.

The doorbell rang right on time. Good start.

When he opened the door to greet her, Matt found himself freezing a little. He’d assumed that she wouldn’t be Caucasian based on her first name (as much as he hated assuming anything), but he somehow hadn’t been expecting the sheer beauty of the Indian woman standing in front of him now. At least he assumed she was Indian – and again with those assumptions. He would have to check for sure with some subtle questions because the last thing he wanted to do was act like an ass. But right now, her big beautiful brown eyes, smooth skin, glossy dark curls and sweet hopeful smile had his mind whirling. What was wrong with him?

“Hi! Mr Martin?”

Huh, a typical Valley girl accent. Not what he’d been expecting. Damn assumptions.

“Matt, please. Mr Martin makes me feel like my dad’s standing behind me,” he managed to force out.

The laugh that spilled from her lips sounded like music. He was doomed alright.

“Good to know. Matt it is,” she mused.

“Thanks, Dhara. Please come in,” he said, smiling warmly.

The way she smiled as he said her name let him know he’d said it right. Dar-Rah. Beautiful. No, he needed to be professional about this. He couldn’t let himself be bowled over by a beautiful girl, not when she was (hopefully) going to be employed by him. That wasn’t fair to her. Or to Sarah.

“Can I get you a drink? Water? Coffee?” he offered.

“Water would be great, if you don’t mind,” she nodded.

Matt quickly grabbed her a bottle of water from the fridge, before leading her into the living room, handing her the bottle as they sat down on opposite sofas. She was tall even in flat shoes, maybe 5ft10, and she looked around the room with a smile before her eyes landed on Matt. Captivating.

“Let’s start, shall we?” he said, trying to clear his thoughts.

Right from the get-go, she was impressive. Her upbringing in Los Angeles was very family-orientated, living near her father’s 3 siblings and all their children, her cousins. Her studies alone were remarkable but the way he could tell how passionate she was for her work was the most interesting part of all. He liked that she could be flexible with timings, happy to stay overnight in a guest room during roadtrips, and she was willing to work around her class schedule to even take classes from his house while Sarah was occupied with something she could still keep an eye on. It was more than he could have asked for, if he was being honest. It was all just a bonus that she was warm and genuine on top of it all.

Matt knew what he wanted the conclusion of this interview to be. Dhara was exactly what he’d been looking for, and he knew that Sarah would quickly accept her too. He could only hope that she felt like she’d been a good fit for them too.

“Is there anything else you wanted to know?” she asked.

“I think I have everything I need. I’m not going to lie, this whole process has been a struggle,” Matt admitted, “Trying to figure out who to trust my daughter with is the last thing I thought I’d be doing.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dhara said softly, smiling sadly at him, “Would you like me to take any preferences back with me to the agency? So the next person is a better fit for you?”

If he hadn’t been convinced about her before, he absolutely was now.

“You don’t need to take feedback to the agency, Dhara. Because I want to offer you the job,” he said, smiling.

Her lips parted slightly in surprise, before a wide grin spread over her face. Somehow the pure joy in her expression made her even more beautiful, if that was even possible.

“Thank you, Mr Martin. Thank you so much!” Dhara said happily.

“You’re welcome. You’re exactly who I was hoping to find for my daughter. And please, call me Matt, remember?” he mused.

“Of course, whatever you want…Matt,” she said, ducking her head slightly to hide what looked like a shy smile.

Whatever you want.

Now that was just dangerous.

~

Dhara felt like she was dreaming. Three days ago, when Matt had actually offered her the job, she’d felt like her head was spinning, and it wasn’t until she had the official contract sorted and signed with the agency that everything started to sink in. He was willing to be as flexible as she needed, in return for her being as flexible as he needed – it was a small price to pay to stay in the guest room when he was away for her to still be able to attend all her classes. The only thing they’d had to negotiate was her one in-person class every two weeks that she couldn’t do online that was outside of Sarah’s Kindergarten hours, which he’d arranged for one of his teammate’s wives to look after Sarah for a couple of hours until she was finished. And wasn’t that a trip, learning who he was. An NHL player. She was really going to be the nanny for an NHL player’s six year old daughter, and she could still complete her degree. Mindblowing. The only thing that was still sort of in the works were the Kindergarten drop offs themselves – she wouldn’t be put on the accepted pick-up person list until after a first week’s trial, just to make sure Sarah was okay with her. It was fair enough, but still nervewracking. Matt apparently had full faith that everything would be fine though, and had already given her all the details. Drop off was between 8.30am and 9am, and pick up was at 2.30pm – Matt was happy for her to work from his house on the days she didn’t have to go into campus, to save travelling back and forth, which she was absolutely going to take him up on.  It almost felt too good to be true, that everything was working out the way it was, but she wasn’t going to let such a good opportunity to balance work and her degree slip through her fingers.

When Dhara arrived at Matt’s house, having been given a brief introduction to Sarah before Sarah excused herself to the living room, she tried not to let the nerves get to her. Matt looked lighter, like a weight had been taken off his shoulders, and she could only hope it was partly to do with her. He might be nearly 10 years older than her, but he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever laid eyes on, that was for sure. Not that she’d ever tell her new employer these completely inappropriate thoughts of course.

“Now, I have some meetings and final pre-season things to film and so on at the rink today. I’m hoping it’ll all be done in a few hours but it’ll be a good little start for Sarah to get used to me and my mom not being around. I’ve already explained everything to her, and I think she understands the concept of a nanny and that it was time for grandma to get back to her own life in Canada, but if there are any major issues then please call me,” he said seriously.

“I’m sure everything will be fine, especially if you’ve already talked with her, but I absolutely will call you if Sarah needs you. And please don’t rush home? You deserve to spend some time catching up with your friends. Team bonding, and all that, especially if someone suggests lunch. Sarah and I will be fine, I promise,” Dhara said firmly, but with a smile she hoped was encouraging.

Matt let out a shaky breath but nodded, and her heart ached for him. She could tell how much this was affecting him – it was obvious – but the whole reason for her being here was to make his life easier. She could do that, she knew it.

“Sarah, I’m going to the rink!”

She smiled to herself at the sound of fast-paced walking (not running inside the house was clearly a rule) and soon enough Sarah was clinging to her dad’s legs.

“Be nice to Dhara,” Matt said, smiling warmly.

“I’m always nice!” she said, pouting.

He just ruffled her blonde hair, nodding to Dhara with a shaky smile, giving Sarah one last hug before leaving the house. This was it – Dhara was officially responsible for the wellbeing of a child.

“I’m going back to colouring. You can come if you want.”

How generous. Dhara grinned to herself at the young girl’s candour, following her quietly through the house back to the living room where Sarah had a small stack of paper and colouring pencils laid out. Sarah seemed happy enough to thump back down onto the floor and continue with her drawing, silent but focused, and Dhara watched for a little while from the doorway. The most important thing for today – and the rest of this week – was for Sarah to feel comfortable in her presence. She’d never had any problems getting her cousins’ children to like her, so she could only hope the same gentle methods would work with this child.

Sarah didn’t seem to mind Dhara sitting down next to her, barely giving her a glance, allowing her to settle in quietly. So far so good. After a few minutes of Dhara watching her peacefully, Sarah slid a piece of paper over to Dhara, and looked up at her with blue eyes eerily similar to her father’s.

“I’m drawing a picture for daddy, to make him smile when he gets home,” Sarah said simply.

“That’s very kind of you. I’m sure he’ll love it,” Dhara said, melting on the inside at the sweetness.

Sarah side-eyed her briefly before seeming to deem Dhara’s answer acceptable.

“You should draw him one too. He likes my pictures so I’m sure yours will be fine,” she said, sliding over the colouring pencil box.

Kids. You had to love them.

“I will do my very best then,” Dhara said seriously.

Sarah just nodded, going back to her drawing with all the focus a six-year-old could. Dhara just smiled to herself, picking up a pink crayon to attempt to draw some flowers. This was a good start, right?

~

The first month of Dhara’s employment (and final year of her degree) flew by. Somehow, everything was going well so far. There were no dramas, no big issues, and her classes weren’t unmanageable with her new schedule. She could admit that it initially felt weird to be dropping a kid off at Kindergarten that wasn’t hers, especially so early on into knowing Sarah, but that first big smile her charge had given her at pick-up time made everything better. Like, genuinely her heart felt like it had puffed up in size – yeah that’s right, I made her smile – and everything had only gotten better from there. They’d even settled into a decent routine, to the point where Matt even joked that Dhara was becoming Sarah’s favourite person (apparently her bedtime stories were the best?) – and neither of them had even looked at her like she was crazy when she explained her work for her Computer Science Masters like most people tended to.

(“Daddy she’s so smart.” “I know sweetheart.” “I want to be as smart as Dhara when I grow up!” “Well then you’d better show me the new spellings you learned at Kindergarten today.”)

She’d only needed to stay an extra night in the guest room once so far for a roadtrip, which also felt weird, but Matt’s flight had been delayed so there really wasn’t another choice. Thankfully, he’d been there by the time Sarah woke up, so there had been no major tantrums, but the bedtime tears were still an experience she hoped to avoid as much as possible. After looking at Matt’s schedule, she knew exactly how many roadtrips he was going to be on, so hopefully she could come up with some ideas for what to do if that ever happened again.

There were many things she was learning in this new world of being a nanny.

She knew she’d be learning something new tonight too. It was the first game of the pre-season and Matt was in the line-up to play. Traditionally, Sarah always went, and tonight was no exception. Dhara had been hesitant to accept the ticket initially, content with dropping Sarah off with the WAGs she knew and picking her up at the end,  because she was quite literally just the nanny - but Matt insisted. He also insisted that Sarah wanted her there too, and how was she supposed to say no to that?

The plan would be that Dhara and Sarah would take the train over to the arena with plenty of time to spare ahead of warmups (so Sarah could hold her newly-made poster up against the glass), and then Matt would drive them all back to the Martin house – with the late timings, Dhara would need to stay late again. At least this time she had enough clothes in her overnight bag packed.

Nerves washed over Dhara as she entered the UBS Arena, but with Sarah chattering away, holding tight to her hand, it wasn’t too difficult to cover her nerves with a smile. She’d already met Kristy Cizikas – the teammate’s wife who covered looking after Sarah during Dhara’s class once every two weeks – so she would at least know one friendly face. Sarah led the way to the family suite, Dhara making sure her pass was clearly on display so no-one thought she was a fraud, and soon enough they arrived to a blonde-haired sea.

“Dhara! There you are!”

Kristy. Good.

She was thankful for the instantly-warm welcome – she was so out of her comfort zone that it wasn’t funny. Tonight really was her first time being thrown in at the deep end. At least she’d have a break soon to collect her thoughts when everyone in the suite (who wanted to) would head down to the ice for warm-ups. She could do this. She could totally do this. It helped that Kristy introduced her around the group, Grace Lee in particular making her feel at ease with her beaming smile.

The game itself was electric. Dhara mostly kept her eye on Sarah playing with the other kids in the family suite – you know, as it was her job – but by the start of the third period Sarah had fallen asleep on her lap, leaving her free to watch her first ever game of ice hockey with her full attention. Grace helped her out by murmuring along some of the rules and pointing out names of people that Dhara didn’t know yet, and she just felt herself getting fully entranced. She’d never seen anything so graceful and yet so physical. And the speed!

Dhara felt like a bit of an idiot for gasping when Matt full-body checked a player from the opposing team into the boards with a load crash, immediately throwing his gloves off to fight him, her eyes wide as Matt easily took him down to the ice. Fuck, that was hot. Why was that so hot? She could only thank her dark skin for hiding the worst of her blush as Grace and Kristy smiled knowingly at her. Whatever, they didn’t know anything. They could infer all they liked.

That didn’t mean her eyes stopped tracking Matt every second he was on the ice though.

“How was she tonight? Truly?”

Dhara smiled up at Matt, shifting a sleeping Sarah up on her hip as Matt unlocked the front door.

“She was so good. The way her face lit up when you saw her sign in warmups? She didn’t stop talking about it for ages. And she fell asleep on me during the third period so I just let her nap, I hope that’s okay,” Dhara said.

“Of course it is. I’m happy that she feels comfortable enough to do that around you!” he said, smiling.

She was too. She really was.

“I’ll put Sarah to bed, if you want to sort out your bandage?” she offered.

The cuts on his knuckles from his fight had needed a couple of stitches and would need to be cleaned then covered for at least one night, he’d told her that much on the drive home.

“You’re the best,” Matt said, nodding.

Dhara just grinned and headed up the stairs. It didn’t take her long to carefully lay Sarah down in her bed, pulling off her shoes before tucking the duvet over her. But as she slowly crept out of the room and gently shut the door, she could hear Matt cursing in the bathroom, and she frowned.

“Matt?” she whispered, trying not to wake up her young charge.

He cursed again, so she knocked on the bathroom door, and smiled slightly as he cursed in surprise and slowly opened the door.

“The bandage is caught on the dried blood in the stitch and I can’t get it off. Don’t want to rip it,” he murmured when her head poked around the door.

“Let me?” she offered, slowly walking into the room.

Dhara looked up at him through her lashes, holding her hand out, and Matt silently placed his hand in hers. His skin was warm, if a little callused, and it was all she could do to bite her bottom lip as she gently eased the bandage off his knuckles. Matt didn’t take his hand away as she reached for the cotton ball he’d already dipped in the cleansing liquid, allowing her to gently dab at the stitches until they were clean. The two of them stood close together, silent, only their hands touching, and yet somehow this was more intimate than she’d ever been with any man. It was intoxicating to be allowed to take this level of care with him. It was only when she gently pressed down the edges of the fresh bandage that she caught eyes with him once more, the intense blue making her breath catch in her throat, and she forced herself to break out of the moment.

Because it was a moment, and she didn’t know if it thrilled her or terrified her.

“That should be okay now,” she murmured, finally letting go of his hand.

“Thank you, Dhara. I appreciate it,” he said, voice just as soft.

Intoxicating.

Dhara just smiled, nodding her head as she slipped out of the bubble he’d unknowingly boxed her into, and stepped out of the bathroom with a racing heart. She needed to pull herself together. She needed to pull herself together, fast. Otherwise she was going to run the risk of ruining everything.

~

“So give us the details then.”

Matt took a sip of his beer, before frowning at Casey.

“What are you talking about?”

Casey shared a glance with Anders, who just smirked and shook his head incredulously. What?

“Seriously, what details?” Matt asked.

“About Dhara?” Anders prompted.

“Kristy and Grace told us all about meeting her at the game last week, how she was super sweet with Sarah and how much Sarah adored her. What really caught our attention was that they told us about her reaction to your fight. How her eyes lit up, how she gasped, how she was on the edge of her seat,” Casey said innocently, although the sparkle in his eyes was anything but.

“Shut up, she did not,” Matt grumbled.

Their words lit something inside of his though. It was just typical that they waited to interrogate him until they were all six beers deep at Casey’s house, Kristy and Grace having a girls night slash kids sleepover with some of the other WAGs, including Sarah. They were gossip vultures, the lot of them.

Did she really react like that?

He hadn’t been able to get that night out of his mind. The way Dhara came into the bathroom so carefully, like she was trying not to spook a horse. How she held his hand so gently, her skin surprisingly warm and soft. How her cleaning touch was so light that he’d barely felt it, how her ministrations hadn’t hurt at all. How her gaze had been so intense when they caught eyes that he’d felt his breath catch in his throat.

Matt hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that moment they’d shared, and it was driving him crazy knowing there was no way she was having the same thoughts.

But then again, if Casey and Anders were right, if Kristy and Grace were right, maybe she was?

“Bud, you know Grace wouldn’t gossip if she didn’t think there was some truth to it,” Anders mused.

He wasn’t wrong there.

“Dhara is my nanny. Sarah’s nanny. Everything is completely professional,” Matt said firmly.

“Everything is completely professional?” Casey prodded.

“Yes?”

At the hesitance in his tone, Casey and Anders grinned.

“I knew it!” Casey hooted.

“What happened?” Anders asked, eyes lighting up.

“Nothing! Literally nothing has happened. She cleaned the stitches on my knuckles for me because I couldn’t get the bandage off, that’s it,” Matt said sharply.

“Booooooo.”

“Seriously, don’t make it a thing. I don’t want her thinking that I’m some kind of creep,” he groaned.

“Now why would she think that, if you weren’t having creepy thoughts?” Anders teased.

Matt sent them both a flat look, making them hoot with laughter.

“Aww you have it so bad!” Casey cackled.

“You two are the worst. I don’t know why we’re friends,” he muttered.

“You love us,” Anders grinned, toasting him with his beer bottle.

Matt just stuck his tongue out in response, taking a big swig of his own drink. He needed to nip all of this in the bud. There was no way he wanted this to get back to Grace and Kristy, and then back to Dhara. Absolutely not.

“She is pretty,” Casey said, smirking slightly, “Kristy said her smile and her laugh lit up the whole room.”

“And Grace said that Sarah worships her, literally fell asleep on her without a care in the world,” Anders added.

They both knew his weaknesses so well. Matt groaned, tilting his head back, before staring his friends down.

“Enough, okay? Yes, Dhara is beautiful. And smart. And so beyond capable with Sarah that it isn’t funny. But I’m not going to be that guy, okay? I’m her boss and I’m not even going to consider crossing that professional boundary, understood? That’s not cool,” Matt said seriously, “I’m not that guy.”

“We know you’re not,” Casey mused, holding his hands up in surrender.

Anders just nodded his agreement. “We only tease you because we love you. And like I said, I wouldn’t have brought it up if Grace hadn’t seen something herself.”

“Just…don’t make it a thing? I don’t want to make Dhara uncomfortable around me. Sarah adores her and that’s all that matters,” Matt sighed, mostly in defeat.

“If you’re sure, then we won’t,” Anders said.

“But we reserve the right to change our minds later,” Casey grinned.

“Oh my god, get me another drink,” Matt groaned.

Seriously, the worst.

~

Sparkling lights, tinsel, and candy canes everywhere – it only meant one thing. Christmas was coming. With continuous snowfall and the way that she couldn’t escape Christmas songs anywhere, Dhara could hardly deny its upcoming presence, especially with how excited Sarah was getting. As usual, Dhara wasn’t going home for the two weeks break, and the moment Matt found out that her roommate was going home (leaving Dhara alone), he insisted that she came over to spend Christmas day with him, Sarah, and his parents.

(“Matt, no, I can’t intrude.” “No-one should be alone on Christmas.”)

He even tried to offer to pay her for coming over, with that she put her foot down. Christmas was Christmas, after all. In the end, they decided that, with her last class of the semester on the 19th, Dhara would stay over from the 20th to the 22nd, until his parents arrived on the 23rd. They would take over taking care of Sarah with Matt not getting home until late in the evening of the 23rd, and then Dhara would come back over on the 25th, leaving again in the evening of the 26th. It was a lot of back and forth, she could admit, but she’d never had someone in her life so insistent that she spend the holidays with them – and the fact that it was Matt? She couldn’t find it in her heart to say no, especially when he got Sarah and her puppy dog eyes on the case.

Somehow, travelling on the trains on Christmas Day wasn’t as bad as she feared, even with her overnight bag and holdall of gifts. It was only lightly snowing on her short walk to Matt’s house, so she wasn’t fully shivering when she knocked on the door but she was definitely glad that Matt didn’t take too long to open it.

“Hey, you made it! Why didn’t you call me from the station? I would’ve picked you up!” he said quickly beckoning her inside.

“I’m used to the walk now, and I didn’t want to disturb you,” she shrugged, unwinding the scarf from her neck.

“You would never have disturbed me. You’re…never mind, come into the kitchen, my mom’s making hot chocolate,” Matt murmured.

She left her bags in the hallway after taking off her boots, coat, and woolly hat, nervously following Matt into the kitchen. Why was she so nervous to meet his family?

“Guys, Dhara’s here!”

“Dhara! You made it!” Sarah cried out happily.

She knelt down to give her charge a big hug, grateful for the friendly face, before standing up with a nervous smile.

“I’ve heard so much about you – I’m Dawn,” Matt’s mom said, big smile on her face identical to Matt’s.

“And I’m Jim. It’s great to finally meet you,” Matt’s dad said warmly.

Was it really that easy?

“I’ve heard only good things about you too. Thank you for letting me join your family Christmas,” she said, smiling back at them.

“Letting you? I had to practically beg you,” Matt teased.

“Because I see you all year round – your parents don’t get that luxury,” she shot back, still smiling.

“I like you already,” Jim laughed.

“Drinks anyone?” Matt mused.

Once the hot chocolate was passed around, they made their way into the living room, Dhara having grabbed her holdall on the way with the gifts.

“I like your scarf, Dhara,” Sarah piped up, once she was settled on a big cushion on the floor.

Dhara’s fingers brushed over the lightweight blue patterned material draped over her chest and pinned in pleats at her shoulders with a smile. She didn’t usually indulge in her South Asian heritage with her outfits, but her holidays it always felt like a must. She might be wearing a casual plain grey sweater underneath, with light wash jeans, but the chanderi dupatta added a much-needed level of elegance – a casual but respectful outfit. Her mother had loved it at least when she called her this morning, and it was nice to know that Sarah did too.

“Thank you! It’s a dupatta – many South Asian women wear them in many different styles. I like to wear a chanderi dupatta, this lightweight patterned silk, over casual clothes to add a little something extra,” she said, smiling.

“It’s really pretty. Never seen you wearing anything like that,” Matt said softly.

“Thanks,” Dhara said, thankful her dark skin hid her blush, “I tend to only wear dupattas for special occasions. I don’t practice Sikhism as much as I did back in LA, and even then not nearly as much as my mother would’ve liked us all too.”

“Why not?” Sarah asked.

“Sarah!” Matt frowned.

“It’s okay, really,” she said, reassuring, “Well, my upbringing was fairly mixed. My mom’s parents came over from Punjab when they were newly married – my Baba Ji, my grandpa, is an Engineer. My mom and her brothers were born and raised Sikh in Los Angeles. Mom met Dad in university and they fell in love. The only problem was, he was Christian. Or at least, loosely Christian – and very white. While my mom didn’t care about all of that, because she’d fallen head over heels for him and him for her, her parents didn’t approve. She left home and married him anyway, and we haven’t really seen much of my mom’s side of the family ever.”

“But they fell in love!” Sarah cried.

“Culture and religion are complicated things,” Dhara said simply, smiling sadly, “my mom knew what she was giving up, she was very brave. She still had a lot of her friends in the community so she had that connection, and Dad’s family is huge and loud and welcoming, so she never felt alone. She raised me with a knowledge of Sikhism and the welcome to join her in celebrating any holidays I wanted to, but my parents left me to forge my own path, which I did. I have some contact with cousins on my mom’s side thanks to Instagram, so it’s not all a loss. I like to think I get the best of both worlds.”

She couldn’t have asked for more with her upbringing, she knew that. Dhara had been given the world, and been taught kindness for others always, and had an education that others could only dream of, and all the love she could ever want from her parents. She also knew that sometimes her mom struggled but that she had her husband, Dhara’s dad, to rely on for strength. Her mom truly was a hero of hers, and she could only be grateful for everything she’d done for her.

“Thank you for sharing that with us. It can’t always be easy, being so far away from your family,” Matt said softly.

“It isn’t always, no. But I’m following my passion with my degrees, and they understand that,” Dhara nodded, smiling at him, “Besides, we have modern technology, no?”

Matt and his parents just laughed, making her smile a bit wider.

“But Dhara, what about…”

“How about we give Dhara a break from interrogation and pass out gifts, hm?” Dawn mused, interrupting Sarah.

Dhara laughed, shrugging, Sarah just pouting.

“You can ask more questions later okay?” Matt said, glancing up at Dhara to make sure she was okay with that.

Dhara just nodded. The way he checked to confirm with her sent out butterflies she tried desperately to ignore. This was not the time.

As they all passed around presents, Dhara had been pleasantly surprised to learn that she had gifts to open too. She hadn’t expected anything from his parents but they’d still surprised her anyway, with a gorgeous earrings and necklace set that felt fancier than anything she owned in New York. Sarah had gifted her a set of pens and a pretty notebook (which she’d picked out herself, apparently) and she’d looked so pleased with herself that it warmed Dhara’s heart.

For Matt’s mom, she’d gifted her a set of Indian spices, because Matt had told her in passing that his mom liked to cook from all different cuisines – so she’d bought her cumin seeds, coriander powder, garam masala, turmeric, and green cardamom. Dawn had looked so touched when she opened them, giving Dhara a big hug that she hadn’t been expecting. Matt’s dad looked just as pleased by his craft beer tasting tour back home in Ontario, and promised to give her reviews of every single one.

Sarah had squealed in happiness at the book Dhara bought her. A Is for Awesome: 23 Iconic Women Who Changed the World. It was important for Sarah to learn about how powerful she could be as a woman, and from Matt’s smile he seemed to agree with her.

For Matt – she’d bought him a cufflink box.

“I’m always losing cufflinks on roadtrips. You remembered,” Matt murmured.

The way her heart fluttered. Wow.

“And now you have a place to store 4 sets, wherever you go,” Dhara said softly.

“Thank you, this is…I love it,” Matt grinned.

Well now she was a goner.

Her last gift to open was from Matt. Again she hadn’t expected anything from him – he was opening his home to her on Christmas, after all – but when she opened the instant camera, Fujifilm Instax Mini with multiple packs of film cards, her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest.

“Matt, this is…wow. This is too much!” she gasped.

“You’ve talked about wanting to preserve memories and I thought this would be a fun way to do it,” he shrugged.

A fun way to preserve memories. A whole ass camera. This was just like him.

“Thank you,” she murmured, smiling so widely at him that it hurt.

Matt just smiled helplessly at her in return.

“Can you tell me more about Sikh stuff now please?”

Sarah’s pleading interruption made her laugh, saving her from the explosion of butterflies in her stomach. “If your family don’t mind, I’m happy to tell you more about Sikhism, sure.”

Dhara looked at Matt and his parents, who all nodded and smiled at her. Well, here goes nothing. Time for a basic lesson in Sikhism.

“Sikhism was founded by Guru Nanak around 500 years ago in an area called the Punjab. That’s where my grandparents came from on my mother’s side, if you remember – Punjab is an area which spans part of India and Pakistan now, and they come from the Indian side of it. There are lot of different elements to Sikhism, but some of the main things that Sikhs believe are that your actions are important, and you should lead a good life. You should keep God in your heart and mind at all times, live honestly and work hard, treat everyone equally, be generous to those less fortunate than you, and to serve others,” Dhara listed.

“That sounds really nice,” Sarah said, smiling.

Dhara smiled back at her, heart warmed by the sweet words.

“It is, yes. I don’t attend temple, the Gurdwara, as much as I should, but it’s always really peaceful there. I always try to go for Lohri, the harvest festival in January, and I definitely celebrate Diwali in late October because my family always has, but there are many more holy days that Sikhs commemorate,” Dhara explained.

“Can you tell me about them?” Sarah asked hopefully.

Dhara glanced around the room, seeing Matt and his parents listening raptly, and nodded.

“Of course I can! Firstly…”

~

“Watch yourself, Matthew.”

Matt lifted his head from where he was washing up, seeing his mom standing next to him with a dish towel in hand. His dad, Sarah, and Dhara were all in the living room still, playing Go Fish, but Matt and his mom had moved to the kitchen to tackle at least some of the dishes.

“What?” he said, frowning.

“Don’t think I can’t see the way you look at Dhara,” she said pointedly.

Fuck.

Matt took a shaky breath and opened his mouth to protest, but his mom quickly shook her head.

“She is a lovely young woman with a bright future. Unless you can see marriage in the cards, then don’t mess her around. She deserves the best,” his mom said firmly.

Oh.

Oh.

“Yes, yes she does,” he murmured.

~

With Matt’s parents staying through until the 2nd January, the day before her classes started up again, Dhara had the full rest of the week to herself. The only thing she had planned was getting through work for her Database Management Systems class, but Dawn and Jim had insisted that she came to the game with them on the 28th. That whole evening had been so wholesome; it was clear exactly how much Matt’s parents loved and supported him, and to see his smiling face when they went down to see him after the game? Heartwarming.  Matt had also asked her to come to the New Year’s Eve party that Anders and Grace were throwing – his parents weren’t going to that, but he’d paid for them to have a nice dinner in Manhattan for their own celebration. Dhara almost said no to Matt’s invitation (because who was she to go to a private event like that?), but when he said that Grace had invited her specifically, she couldn’t resist. An invite from Grace Lee to her own party was not something that someone turned down. She knew she’d made the right decision when Grace texted her to say how excited she was that Dhara was coming, which made her feel like a little bit less of an intruder.

What was it with these people and forgetting she was literally just the nanny?

“You look nice,” Matt murmured.

“No daddy, Dhara looks beautiful,” Sarah said firmly.

Dhara laughed, ducking her head shyly just in time to miss the way Matt blushed. Her black sparkly long-sleeved bodycon dress was something that she kept on hand as the only semi-formal thing she had in her closet – so it was really her only option for the Lee’s New Year’s Eve party tonight.

“You’re right, my apologies Sarah,” Matt mused, grinning, “You do look beautiful, Dhara.”

Even if it was prompted by his daughter, it was still spine-tingling to hear Matt say those words.

“You’re too kind, both of you,” she laughed, shaking her head.

Matt just winked before kneeling down to help Sarah put her shoes on, leaving Dhara more flustered than she’d ever been in her life. Thankfully they didn’t have to wait long for the car service that Matt had insisted on, and soon enough their party of three arrived.

“Ah, welcome Martins and Nicholls!”

Dhara giggled at Anders’ booming voice, Matt rolling his eyes fondly as they entered the house.

“Thanks for having us,” Matt mused, handing over a bottle of very nice bourbon to his Captain.

Anders just grinned. “You’re always welcome, bud. Grace is in the kitchen making cocktails for the girls – we’re not invited to that, Matt, but you should definitely head in there so you don’t miss any good gossip, Dhara.”

“Oh, but Sarah…”

“Sarah can stick with me while we go and say hi to all her uncles before they get too drunk, hm?” Matt suggested.

“Drunk Uncle Casey is funny,” Sarah giggled.

“That settles it then!” Anders said cheerfully.

He pointed Dhara in the direction the kitchen and whisked Matt and Sarah away, leaving Dhara reeling. This wasn’t what she had expected at all – and now she was being shuffled over to the WAGs like she had any right to be there?

“Dhara! There you are! Grace is just finishing a fresh batch of mojitos – join us!”

She let out a shaky breath at Kristy’s happy exclamation, but followed her with a smile. She could totally do this. She could go with the flow, especially with Matt’s insistence, and she could just get back to watching Sarah after this drink, right? If Matt was okay with it?

In truth, nothing happened the way she thought it would over the night. While she did return back to watching over Sarah, all of the other WAGs with kids insisted they she took breaks to enjoy herself because they could all chip in to watch the kids. It did make her feel weird because hello, it was literally her job to nanny, but Matt’s happy face every time she took a break to socialise was too strong to resist. The main thing that struck her though was how much she stuck out like a sore thumb. Not just in terms of appearance – she figured she was going to be one of the only people of colour there – but just in terms of importance? Not even all the team was here – the youngest ones were off clubbing apparently, which made Dhara all the more aware of how intimate this gathering was. She didn’t belong here, not in this world. What was her life coming to?

She didn’t know if Matt’s presence helped either. All through the night he made she sure had enough to drink (she stuck to water or soda after that first lethal mojito from Grace) and enough to eat. He included her in every conversation, introduced her to people she hadn’t met yet, and checked in on her when she was watching Sarah. Every time she could see a couple of his teammates and/or the WAGs smirking slightly – but not in a mean way. And certainly not mocking her. It was confusing to say the least, like the lines were blurring without giving her any way to read the meaning of the situation, and it was all she could do to try to let it go. Matt was just being a gentleman, that was all.

When it came to a couple of minutes until the ball drop though, Dhara found herself squished onto a sofa in front of the TV that Anders was setting up, with Sarah fast asleep on her lap and Matt sitting down at her side.

“Champagne?” Matt said, holding out a second glass.

“I suppose one glass couldn’t hurt to bring in the new year,” Dhara mused.

She tried to ignore the way her stomach fizzled as their fingers brushed. Eventually, with just 30 seconds to spare, the living room was packed with party guests, Dhara essentially pressed fully up into Matt’s side. All she could do was remember to breathe, keeping her focus anchored on Sarah to distract herself from the warmth of his thigh against hers. It was intoxicating to say the least, and she was grateful at least for the noise of the room drowning out her thoughts.

“3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

As fireworks exploded across the screen and out the windows, and couples embraced all around the room, Dhara’s breath caught in the throat as she looked up at Matt to see him already looking down at her.

“Happy New Year, Dhara,” he murmured.

“Happy New Year,” she said softly back.

The intensity in his eyes made fire burn through her skin, barely softened by the champagne she poured down her throat. The way he looked at her…it almost felt real.

~

Dhara’s birthday was always a strange time of year for her. She never did anything massive to celebrate it, just casual dinner and drinks with friends and a phone call with her parents, but this year it fell at the end of January on a Saturday, at the end of Matt’s bye week. He had no other plans that spending time with Sarah anyway, so he gave her the week off to relax.

Relax, hah.

She had her thesis proposal to finish, with the final submission of the full finished thing due at the beginning of May, but she’d managed to sort out the data she wanted to use in the first half of January – so she was able to use her week off from nannying to finish the proposal. She holed herself up in her bedroom, surrounded by drinks and snacks, barely taking any breaks other than to reassure her roommate that she was still alive, until she submitted it to her supervising professor.

It was worth it, to feel like she’d accomplished something she was proud of.

Dhara emerged from her ‘coding cave’ the day before her birthday, her roommate shoving her straight into the shower while she ordered them both Thai food to celebrate. It felt good to have a little time to actually relax before her birthday, because before dinner and drinks with her friends, Matt had planned a surprise lunch for her.

She should have expected the restaurant he chose to be a fancy one. She’d never eaten anywhere so nice, not even when her parents came up for her undergraduate degree graduation.

“I have one more surprise for you,” Matt announced, just as he paid the bill, “if you have time to come back to the house with us.”

Sarah was basically wriggling in her seat, quietly begging please please please, and how could Dhara say no to that? All through the drive back to Matt’s house, Sarah was whispering to him and giggling away, making Dhara smile to herself. Seeing the young girl so excited made her excited – and after the incredible surprise Christmas gift he’d gotten her? She could only hope it wasn’t something crazy.

“Okay Sarah, you go ahead and open the door while I make sure Dhara isn’t peeking,” Matt said with a smile.

“What,” she said flatly.

Matt just smiled innocently, stepping behind her, and it was all Dhara could to do gasp as he gently placed his hands over her eyes from behind. Fuck.

“Door’s open daddy!”

“Okay sweetheart, why don’t you take Dhara’s hands and slowly guide her indoors,” Matt instructed, “if you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah sure, go for it,” Dhara laughed.

As if her today could get any stranger than this. So with Sarah’s small hands in hers and Matt’s large hands over her eyes (his cologne smelled so good this close, it was unreal), Dhara was slowly guided into the Martin house, taking heed of Sarah’s instructions not to bash into things, until she was standing in what she was sure was the rarely-used dining room. Matt and Sarah always preferred to eat at the kitchen island, but she knew where this room was. Why was she here?

“Ready?” Matt asked.

“Ready. I think,” Dhara mused.

Sarah let go of her hands at the same time as Matt removed his, and as soon as she opened her eyes, her breath caught in her throat. What the hell. In front of her, on the dining room table, were two computer screens, high definition and huge, with a docking station and all the appropriate wires to connect them to a laptop. To her laptop? What the hell.

“Matt…” she breathed.

Sarah just giggled at her reaction before skipping out of the room, leaving them alone. Leaving Dhara with her mind whirling.

“I know you were talking about how it’s easier to see your code side by side, and rather than doing the split screen thing you have been doing on just your laptop, I thought this would be more helpful,” he explained.

He remembered that from her rambling? He was listening?

“I can’t believe you bought me two computer screens. And a docking station. This is too much, Matt, really. I can’t accept them,” she murmured.

This was so personal – no-one had ever paid attention to her like this, and it was coming from him?

“Hey, no, this is important for you. For your work. I want to make sure that you have everything that you need to finish your degree in the best way possible – you’ve done so much for us and I just wanted to do this little thing for you. Besides, you only turn 25 once, right?”

“This isn’t little, Matt. And I’m just a nanny, I’ve barely done anything,” Dhara protested.

“If that’s all that you think you are to Sarah, and to me, then I’m clearly not doing enough to show you differently,” he said firmly.

The tone of his voice made her shiver in all the right ways.

“Matt, I…”

She trailed off at the intense look he was giving her.

“Happy birthday, Dhara,” Matt murmured, smiling softly.

It was all she could do to hug him tightly, sinking slightly into his chest as his arms immediately wrapped around her too. His shirt was soft against her cheek, that intoxicating cologne filling her senses, so much so that as she moved to break the hug, she impulsively kissed his cheek. Fuck. Dhara froze for a moment, stunned at her own audacity, but as she leaned back, Matt looked just as stunned – other than the pleased smile on his lips.

“Sarah! Come and say goodbye to Dhara so she can go out with her friends!” he called out, dropping his arms to let her go.

Dhara smiled at the sound of pattering footsteps, even more so as Sarah hugged her legs tightly.

“Dhara! You’re still my friend too, right?”

Be still her beating heart.

“Of course I am. I’ll be back here on Monday, ready for Kindergarten as usual,” she promised.

“Good. Happy birthday Dhara!” Sarah said happily.

Matt’s eyes never left her once.

~

With only a few weeks left until Spring Break, Dhara didn’t know where her final year of her degree was going. She knew she was going to use that Spring Break time to finish as much of her thesis as possible – and she knew she was going to be spending the whole week at Matt’s. Her new computer screens had stayed at his house as there was way more room for her to work there, and the couple of occasions she’d used them there for her classwork and he’d been home, he always smiled a pleased little smile like he was proud of himself for providing for her. It was…strange.

Everything was strange.

Since that kiss on the cheek, the dynamic between them had grown even more tense. Every stolen glance, brushed fingers, sweet smile, all felt like she was getting away with something forbidden. If anyone knew the illicit way she thought of Matt, she knew she’d burst into flames. And it wasn’t like she could be sure about how he felt about her either. Sure, he looked – but she was a beautiful Indian woman, and many men looked. It just felt different when she felt Matt’s eyes on her body, that was all.

She knew it was futile though. She was his nanny, nothing else. And she didn’t dare mess anything up with her employment now that she was only a couple of months away from turning in her thesis and finishing her Masters in Computer Science. She knew that she had to seriously start applying for jobs for starting in June, knew she didn’t want her years of hard work to go to waste – but it was so hard to decide exactly what she wanted when her head was spinning.

In a dream world, she’d have the career she’d always fantasised about, with Matt and Sarah by her side. But this was reality – girls like her didn’t get the career and the guy. She had to be realistic with herself, otherwise she was going to drown. She knew she had to stop indulging her daydreams and wake up – it wasn’t worth the inevitable heartache, as much as those dreams were nice to fall asleep to.

Still, when Spring Break arrived and Matt refused to let her nanny for him, rather than holing herself up in the bedroom of her tiny apartment, she holed herself up in Matt’s dining room, only emerging when Matt dragged her out to get some sleep or Sarah begged her to eat dinner with them. It was a weird but welcome change, to have people care about her wellbeing like that (her current roommate had her own weird work hours), so when she finally came out of her week of thesis writing and showered, she felt more human than she usually did after a data spree like that. It was refreshing to say the least.

“I can’t believe you spent your final ever Spring Break sitting at my dining room table,” Matt teased, handing her a plate of sliced apples.

Dhara stuck her tongue out at Matt as she happily took the plate, making him laugh.

“I needed to get my thesis finished as soon as possible so I can work on editing it and proving the data works. And I managed to get it nearly finished – now it’s just concluding it and all the weeks of editing to get done. Otherwise, all the hard work of the past three years will come to nothing, and I won’t be able to get a good job like I deserve,”

“Right, yes, of course. A job using computer science,” Matt nodded.

The way he said it though, and the way he looked like a kicked puppy, made her heart ache. “Matt, you knew I would only be able to work for you for a year. We talked about this, right from the start.”

“I know,” he said quickly, shaking his head with a smile, “It’s just going to be strange not having you around. You feel like part of the family already, and you know that Sarah loves you.”

Fuck.

“Matt, you’re killing me,” she murmured.

“Sorry,” he quickly said.

“No you’re not,” she said dryly.

“I am a little bit.”

Dhara huffed out a laugh, shaking her head. “I love systems analysis and the increase in importance of connectivity to keep up with modern systems within growing infrastructure, and I would love to work in something like that because it’s where my passion is. I just…I hope I can find something that takes a chance on a nobody like me.”

“You are the furthest thing from a nobody, Dhara. You’re incredible and talented and a beautiful person inside and out, and you deserve the best. Whatever you need, whatever I can help with, I will, okay? References, making calls, whatever. You name it and I’m there.”

Her lips parted in surprise at his supportive words, eyes stinging with tears, but she found herself smiling. He was such a sweetheart.

“That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me,” Dhara said, voice thick with emotion as she stepped forward to hug him.

She felt herself tremble slightly at the warmth of Matt’s hands on her back, even more so at the way he buried his face in her long thick curls, and tried to savour the feeling of his arms around her while she still could. How had their time together come to an end so quickly? How was this fair?

“Yeah, well, you deserve everything and more,” Matt said gruffly as he stepped back.

If only she could read his mind right now, to see what thoughts were running behind the complicated expression on his face, then she would do it in an instant.

“Thank you, Matt,” she murmured.

“You’re welcome. Make sure you start applying soon, okay?”

~

Network Operations Engineer – Madison Square Garden Entertainment – full time.

Submission – completed.

~

March.

April.

May.

His fleeting time left with Dhara was slipping through his fingers. The harder he tried to hold on, the faster the days flew by, until she submitted her thesis and the end was in sight. He couldn’t blame her for being excited – fuck knows he wouldn’t be sane after all the years of education she’d gone through – but he couldn’t stop the anxiety that built in his chest when he thought of how, soon, she wouldn’t be laughing and smiling and typing away at her computer in his house.

The Islanders had barely lost the first round of the playoffs, kicking and scraping to the last minute, and now with the whole summer stretched out in front of him, the thought of spending it without her was excruciating. But Matt knew he had no claim on Dhara, had no right to feel this way, no matter how she looked at him or smiled sweetly at him or that one time she’d kissed his cheek. She was everything he hadn’t known he’d wanted and needed, and now she was soon to be gone from his life forever.

He, Matt Martin, was completely gone for Dhara Nicholls, and he didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do about it.

“Dhara, come on, you’re not watching!”

Matt rolled his eyes fondly at Sarah’s petulant whining. “Sarah Dawn Martin, that’s not how we speak to our friends.”

He could see Dhara biting her lip to hide a smile as Sarah huffed dramatically.

“Dhara, please will you watch this with me? You said you would!”

“Of course, why don’t I just get us some more water each and we can settle in, hm?”

“Deal!”

Matt watched Dhara walk over to where he was putting together lunch in the kitchen, unable to stop himself smiling at her the moment she smiled at him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

She giggled, shaking her head at herself as she pulled a couple of bottles of water out the fridge.

“How’s it going in there with the Drill Sergeant?” he mused.

“Oh it’s tough, but I think I’ll make it out alive,” she grinned.

Why was everything so easy between them? Nothing had ever been this easy before.

“Look, I, uh…I was hoping to ask you something?”

Dhara raised an eyebrow with a bemused smile but nodded, leaning against the counter next to him. “Go for it.”

“So you know it’s my birthday on Saturday?” he started.

Dhara just nodded, smiling.

“Okay cool, so I know you have things to finalise this week, with administration at your university, but Casey and the guys and girls have organised a night out and I was hoping you’d come? So yeah, come out with us, please,” he said, cursing himself for rambling.

“Oh, thank you – I just…what about Sarah?” she asked.

So sweet.

“She’s having a sleepover with a friend from Kindergarten, I already sorted that,” Matt said simply, smiling.

“Well in that case, I’d love to. If you’re sure?” Dhara said, uncertainly.

“Of course I’m sure. I want you out celebrating with me,” he said firmly.

While he couldn’t tell if she was blushing or not, the flash of surprise and something else in her eyes satisfied something inside of him that felt distinctly feral. He really was losing his control around her, wasn’t he?

“Then I’ll be there,” she said sweetly, “You only turn 35 once after all.”

Matt just grinned.

Saturday night rolled around quicker than he’d expected. The WAGs had taken Dhara out with them to get ready – the full works apparently, hair, make-up, and manicures, all of which he paid for Dhara because it was last minute – and when the ladies finally arrived to the restaurant he’d booked out for dinner? Well, it felt like he’d been punched in the face. It wasn’t that her dark curls were glossy and teased to volumed perfection. It wasn’t that her make-up was flawless, full glam like she never did herself. No, it was the emerald green mid-thigh strappy silk dress she’d clearly borrowed from one of the other ladies. The dress was so dainty and unlike anything he’d ever seen her wear, close enough to a negligee that it sent his mind reeling. He knew she had a great figure already, and that her legs were long and toned, but seeing them like this? It was mindblowing. And, obviously, it had taken everything in his power not to drool or let his jaw drop.

Naturally he missed Casey and Anders smirking at their wives and receiving triumphant grins in response from Grace and Kristy. Dhara’s sweet greeting and warm hug made everyone else in the room disappear.

Still, after dinner and going to a couple of bars, they ended up in a night club nearing midnight, Anders having booked a couple of tables upstairs in the VIP area. The whole group had a couple of shots together, toasting Matt’s 35th birthday, before the WAGs all dragged Dhara off to dance with them. From their table he could just about see her in the middle of the dancefloor, looking like she was having the time of her life, body swaying and moving in a way that had his full attention. Captivating.

He watched her on and off for the next half hour, switching between talking to the guys, sipping on his whisky and coke. But it wasn’t until Casey thumped down next down next to him and clapped him on the shoulder with a huff that he realised anyone had noticed.

“Come on man, just go down to the dancefloor and put us all out of our misery,” Casey groaned.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Matt frowned.

“You’re pining after Dhara and it’s driving us crazy,” he retorted.

“We’ve talked about this. She’s my nanny,” Matt said sharply.

“Yeah okay, like that even matters. I’ve seen the way you look at her and Kristy’s seen the way she looks at you, and it’s not like she’s going to be your nanny for much longer, right?” Casey smirked.

“Oh fuck you.”

“Fuck her.”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Matt all but growled.

Casey just grinned, clearly getting the answer he wanted, goading Matt just like he intended. Damn it, he really did know him too well.

“Love you too bud. Stop being a coward,” Casey just snickered, patting Matt on the shoulder, a clear indication to just get out of there.

And if the desire to dance with Dhara hadn’t won out, he knew he’d be scowling at his friend. Instead, he found himself drifting down the stairs from the VIP area to where he lasted spotted Dhara in the crowd, and soon enough he found her. She looked like a goddess: swaying from side to side, multi-coloured lights brushing across her brown skin like a Picasso painting, and he felt himself mesmerised. She turned her head slightly at the prompting of Grace, wide smile stretching across her lips when she spotted him.

“Mind if I join you?” Matt said, raising his voice.

“Of course not birthday boy!” Dhara said happily.

Matt stepped closer to her, barely registering the rest of the ladies grinning at each other and slipping away through the crowd to leave them alone. His attention was completely captured – Dhara’s hips swaying so close to him were a massive distraction – and it wasn’t until a familiar song started playing that he finally looked up at her face.

“I love this song!” she said happily.

Dhara turned her back to him, confusing him slightly, until she looked back over her shoulder expectantly. He knew they’d both had a fair amount of alcohol to drink at this point, but her eyes were clear enough – dance with me. He could barely control himself as he stepped up behind her fully, hands on her hips, pulling her gently back against him, the soft moan that sounded from her lips making him feel wild. Fuck, he could feel himself stirring where his crotch was pressed just above her ass, even more so as she continued to sway her hips.

“Come, lay me down, 'Cause you know this, 'Cause you know this sound

In the middle of the night, In the middle of the night, Just call my name, I'm yours to tame...”

“Matt,” Dhara murmured, looking up at him.

He followed his base instincts for once, staying silent as he used the grip he had on her hips to spin her around to face him, taking pleasure in the look of surprise on her face and the flash of lust in her eyes, swaying their bodies together again.

“…I'm wide awake, I crave your taste all night long, 'Til morning comes, I'm getting what is mine, You gon' get yours, oh no, ooh, In the middle of the night.”

“Matt please.”

It was all he could do to guide her quickly through the crowd to the edge of the dancefloor, to an empty spot against the wall, leaving them mostly in the shadow, the bright flashes of light illuminating them just about enough to see each other’s faces.

“Tell me to stop,” Matt murmured into her ear, hands threading into her thick curls.

“Kiss me,” she replied, lifting her head in challenge.

He didn’t hesitate to press his lips to hers, kissing her just as she’d demanded, his heart immediately soaring. Dhara moaned into his mouth, moaned again when he pushed her firmly up against the wall, kissing him back just as eagerly as her hands clutched at his shirt. It was like she melted against his body as he slid his tongue past her lips, fire zipping through his blood, his head swirling. Matt kissed Dhara over and over again, one hand leaving her hair to clutch at her hip, the silk of her dress driving him mad and doing nothing to mask the heat of her skin, and while the music washed over them, he wanted nothing more than to get her away from this crowded dancefloor and take her home.

Fuck, it was intoxicating how well she fit into his arms, how her body was moulded to his, how their tongues danced together as intimately as their bodies had done. In all the times he’d thought about kissing her, about holding her, nothing could compare to the real thing. Nothing could compare to this.

But he needed to know that it wasn’t just him, that she wasn’t just kissing him because she was drunk. He didn’t think he would survive that. The confused noise she made when he broke the kiss just about broke his heart though.

“Dhara, baby, I gotta know…”

He groaned, kissing down her neck, feeling like he was shaking apart at her soft moans.

“What, Matt?” she gasped as he nipped at her skin.

“You’re not…you’re not too drunk right now, right? You want this?”

“Matt, I’ve been drinking water throughout the night between drinks. I want this. I want you. I just didn’t know if you wanted me,” she said, shrugging with a sheepish smile.

She didn’t know if he wanted her?

He rested his forehead against hers, pressing her fully into the wall again so she could feel where he was half hard in his jeans. Dhara giggled, pulling him down into another kiss with her grip on his shirt, and Matt was all too happy to oblige her, knowing he’d never get enough of her now that he’d tasted her.

“It’s not just sex, baby, I swear. I want all of you,” Matt murmured, breaking their kiss again to suck on the thin skin behind her ear.

“You promise?” she asked softly into his ear, almost shyly.

“I promise,” he nodded, as serious as he could manage in this moment.

“Then take me home.”

“Yeah?” he grinned.

“Yeah, take me home Matt,” she grinned back.

~

Dhara woke with a soft groan, eyes feeling gritty and mouth as dry as an old sock. She blearily lifted her head, grabbing the glass of water on the side table and chugging it, body not recognising the weight of an arm over her waist until her head was a bit clearer.

An arm over her waist.

Over her bare waist.

Matt’s arm.

She let out a shaky breath as all the memories of the night before flooded into her head. Dancing intimately with Matt in the nightclub where anyone could see them. Making out on the side of the dancefloor. The two of them leaving the club without telling anyone, barely keeping their hands off each other in the uber back to his. Then a rush of lips and hands and teeth and bare skin, and waves of pleasure over and over again, crying out his name without a care in the world.

It was everything she’d ever dreamed over, and now, waking up in his bed with his bare body pressed to hers, it was her nightmare all the same.

She’d never acted like this before in her life. Never slept with a man she wasn’t dating. Absolutely never slept with her boss. What kind of trashy behaviour was that? How could he ever think she was worth his time if this is the way she acted the first time he showed interest? Fuck.

But she remembered his words too. How he checked that she wasn’t too drunk, that she wanted this. How he swore it wasn’t just sex, that he wanted her. How insistent he was on promising that it wasn’t just talk to get her into bed. And in between each of the many orgasms he brought her to, he checked in with her each time, making sure she was okay, just because that’s who he was.

He was Matt Martin, gentleman under a rough handsome exterior, and he wanted her.

None of that changed her insecurities though, how all of this was so out of character for her. Not to mention, she knew damn well that everyone knew what they did last night, why they left the club early, and wasn’t that mortifying? No, she needed some air, she needed to think. And to maybe put on some clothes she’d left in the spare room because there was no way she could wear Kristy’s tiny silk dress home in broad daylight.

With a shaky breath, Dhara gently picked up Matt’s arm, moving it off of her body, before slowly sitting upright. If she could just stand up without waking him it would be…

“Good morning. Going somewhere?”

Matt’s husky voice made her freeze, a wave of guilt washing over her, before she turned to face him, sheets clutched to her bare chest.

“I…I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing,” she murmured, more honest than she cared to be.

And if that wasn’t a metaphor for her life since she met him, what was?

He just frowned, sitting upright, and she couldn’t stop her gaze from raking over his chest, his biceps, his shoulders. Damn. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? Where should I start?” Dhara said, feeling a little hysterical.

“I thought we were on the same page last night,” Matt said hesitantly, “I thought we both wanted this.”

“We did,” she said quickly, “I did. But…you know this doesn’t make any sense right?”

“Why not? You like me, I like you. You want me, I want you. It’s simple,” he frowned.

If only.

“It’s not simple at all, Matt. Not for me. It’s one thing for you to have the hots for your young pretty nanny, but to actually hook up with her? And to say you want something more? People are going to think I’m a gold digger! That I trapped you! That I manipulated my way into your life!”

“Dhara, all of that is bullshit. I don’t care what people think. Anyone who dares to call you a gold digger is an asshole who doesn’t know us. Everyone who knows us knows it isn’t like that at all. You’ve already got a job lined up waiting for you with Madison Square Garden Entertainment Group and you only just handed in your thesis – like, you’re going to be making your own money so it’s not like you only like me for that, right?”

“Well, no, but…”

“And you didn’t even know who I was when you first interviewed with me, so it’s not like you planned this, right?”

“Of course I didn’t, but…”

“If you don’t want anything more than this one night with me then obviously I would accept that. It would suck and the last few weeks of you working for me would be really awkward, but damn Dhara, I want a future with you,” Matt finished, taking one of her hands in his, the other still clutching at the bed sheet.

He really wants a future with her?

“You do?” she asked softly, almost as if she didn’t believe it.

“Yeah, I do,” he nodded, smiling warmly, “I mean, I’m not sure what you see in me – I’m a 35 year old hockey player who’s nearing the end of his career, already divorced once with a kid who doesn’t have an off switch or a volume control, and I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life…but I just know that I want you in my life, however I can have you.”

“You’re the kindest, sweetest, most handsome man I’ve ever met, with a daughter who loves you so much, and you see me for more than the Indian girl stuck behind a computer screen. I…I never expected this, any of this Matt, but I want to try?” she said, biting her bottom lip.

The way his face lit up with sweet genuine smile made her heart soar.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me. I’m going to do my best to make you so happy too, Dhara, I swear,” he grinned.

Dhara huffed out a laugh, laughing properly as he tugged the sheet out of her hand and guided her to lie down again in the messy bed, sliding his thick arm over her waist to tug their bare bodies together, lying face to face in the most intimate yet soft way she’d ever lain with another man.

And in that moment, it didn’t matter that her career was just about to kick off while his was in its hockey-twilight. And it didn’t matter than he was 10 years older than her, a whole wealth of life experience that she barely had. And it didn’t matter what people would whisper about them, or what judgemental looks she was get, or that her mother had never met him, or even that none of this would ever have happened in her wildest dreams.

All that mattered was that he wanted her, in his bed, in his family, in his life.

“Can I kiss you, baby?”

“Yes.”

~

Tagging a few people: @jostyriggslover96 @misshoneyimhome @senditcolton @fallinallincurls @2manytabsopen

[the-virgoperspective]

The Signs As The Most Iconic Albums of The 2010’s (IMO)

Aries: DAMN by Kendrick Lamar (2017)

This album brought heat. Heat that could burn this planet straight to ashes. It’s confrontational, angry, fast-paced, and entirely innovative. There were levels upon levels upon levels to the songs that embarked you on an exhilarating auditory adventure. It’s an aries album! Specifically aries moon and ascendant (this is not a biased decision) because of how each house I feel is represented here. If you really listen to the lyrics and notice the flow of how Kendrick placed each song; there’s no question about it. It covers self identity, finance, communication, family, birth, love, death, travel, community, and the subconscious. It. Covers. Everything. There is a bold confidence here that almost seems like overcompensation for vulnerability/fear in some songs. It focuses on black on black crime, it goes back to its roots, and it’s downright funky (very aquarius in 11th vibes). It’s brash, bold, fiery, and energizing! I could go on about this album for days. It literally won 11 awards in one year! There’s just so much to it!

Songs I Recommend: BLOOD, ELEMENT, PRIDE, XXX. (FEAT. U2.), & DUCKWORTH

Taurus: Ego Death by The Internet (2015)

Sheeeeesh! This album is spectacular! There is such a romantic and smooth vibe to every single song; even the ones that aren’t particularly loving in its lyricism. The r&b/soul elements are alive and well here. The Internet brought the true feeling of that genre back with their own modern and homely twist to it. There is a lot of focus on devotion to another, strong love, physicality, situationships, the low key grind, and enjoying the finer things in life. It has a very venusian vibe but not in an airy way; more so steady and sensual. You can’t help but to move your body in whichever way feels most natural to this album. It’s rich, it’s svelte, it’s earthy, decadent, and simply smooth as butter. The taurus energy is just so strong here, esp taurus sun and venus, as there is a consistent and calming energy within this album. I heavily associate it with this sign because it also speaks to an element of hedonism, as there are clear indications of money/material belongings/love never being enough from life, but I’d consider that aspect to be an extreme.

Songs I Recommend: Gabby (feat. Janelle Monáe), Under Control, Palace/Curse (feat. Steve Lacy & Tyler, The Creator), Get Away, + Girl (feat. KAYTRANADA)

Gemini: Notion by Tash Sultana (2016)

If you have never heard of this artist or album, I implore you to give them a listen, especially if you are a lover of true musicians. This album is difficult for me to describe, mainly because it renders you speechless (which I find funny for a gemini album). It is very mercurial. Tash (this artist is genderfluid and goes by they/them pronouns) was groundbreaking with this album, with it only having a mere 6 songs, and they each hold a different tone yet carry the same message. Tash really shows how exploratory/changeable they are when it comes to various sounds and emotions throughout one song. This album is so varied, tantalizing, and profound. It’s even more mind blowing knowing they created all of these songs on their own and played every single instrument themselves. No joke. Bonus points for Tash being a gemini sun! The lyricism is also very powerful here, as they discuss topics of coming into oneself, paving new paths, and the ramifications of toxic love and habits. This album carries so much versatility and musical passion and that’s really all I can think to say. Such a fantastic introduction. Bravo.

Songs I Recommend: Jungle, Synergy, Notion, Gemini, + Big Smoke

Cancer: + by Ed Sheeran (2011)

Ohhh my. This album still has my heart under lock and key. I had to give cancer (specifically moon and asc) this album because it’s just so delicate and so extremely precious. This album feels like drinking a warm cup of tea while wrapped in a blanket and it’s drizzling outside during fall. Literally. The water/cardinal element and energy is very present here. The way Ed put each song in order to flow so perfectly and cover nearly every emotion was just beautiful. The feeling in this album is very heavy and raw, discussing deep traumas, heartbreak, grief, and addiction; yet also focuses on the sheer joy/love of life and the confidence that can be found within it. This album screams cancer. Bonus points because Ed is a cancer ascendant! He really poured himself into this one and dug very deeply into his own heart. I just feel like this one isn’t debatable or even should be explained. It’s soft, saucy, simple, solemn, and comforting. Honestly, what more can I say? It’s just a perfect cozy album especially if you need a good cry or have been bit by the love bug.

Songs I Recommend: Lego House, Grade 8, Kiss Me, Give Me Love, + Sunburn

Leo: Electra Heart by Marina & The Diamonds (2012)

This is another one of my favorites. It’s timeless, satirical, and downright genius if you ask me. It has a nuance of impulsivity and pomp that is so electrifying; paired with heavy bass and powerful pop beats. It’s leo energy! One thing I have always personally associated with leo placements is power; not only career wise but in their movements, their way of life, and the way they carry themselves. This album was and is powerful! It has carried its popularity through two generations of teen/young adult populations and it’s going absolutely nowhere. I still see memes and references to it circulating! The lyricism is what stuck the most for me (personally) as the entire album is a reflection of what society expects and at times demands from young womxn. It is also a reflection of young womxn trying to figure out who they are, to find themselves, and trying to love. It demands you to look at societies’ expectations and how damaging it can be to a person, and that brings forth (imo) a lot of emotion and self reflection.

Songs I Recommend: Teen Idle, Power & Control, Primadonna, Sex Yeah, + Radioactive

Virgo: channel ORANGE by Frank Ocean (2012)

Oof. Okay, here we go. This album carried me through a lot and I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little biased. It’s difficult to describe this album and how it makes you feel. It covers so many things, loneliness, love, desire, addiction, nepotism, etc. Frank has a criticizing lyricism in some of his songs while also being extremely articulate in the delivery (huge virgo energy). There isn’t a single word that is sung or spoke that I don’t understand. This album is quite varied in feeling and carried a lot of mutable energy to me. It is very intellectual, calm, caring, engaging, and changeable. There is an anxious feeling to it as well and it showcases vulnerability in a way that is inviting yet compelling. You can tell Frank put an incredible amount of thought and time into making this album and that speaks so much for virgo placements to me. I’d associate virgo mercury and venus more than the others but they all still apply. Such a thorough and beautifully constructed album. It’s an A+ and always a classic.

Songs I Recommend: Sweet Life, Crack Rock, Thinkin Bout You, Pink Matter (feat. André 3000), + Forrest Gump

Libra: Mylo Xyloto by Coldplay (2011)

I already know I might get shit for this but let me explain myself. This is such a libra album mainly due to its strong focus on being with someone (companionship). There are many songs that focus on being in love and in a relationship. It also focuses on the beauty and pleasure of life and love, which is very venusian. This album takes you on such a beautiful auditory journey that you really never want it to end. It hits the highs and lows, as libra is not always all about love and light, as isn’t any other sign. The band touches on impulsivity, indecision, relationships, and the strength/health of those relationships. Despite its jovial sounds, they can be discussing such deeply poetic subjects. They can really make anything sound pretty; even ones that are really meant to be sad but are still so stunning in its delivery. Coldplay absolutely did something with this one, as it brings forth such an array of emotions and daydreams. Their music (imo) is made for movies (specifically romances or romcoms).

Songs I Recommend: Hurts Like Heaven, Princess of China (feat. Rihanna), Us Against the World, Paradise, + Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

Scorpio: AM by Arctic Monkeys (2013)

Let me start by saying that this is one of my favorite albums and I still have every song in my library, so obviously, I’m still obsessed. Which leads me to my next point, this album screams “be in love with me, obsess over me, tell me I’m yours and you’re mine” in nearly every song. The lyrics are a bit possessive, very detail oriented, and make many references to knowing something beforehand or finding something out that they already know (intuitiveness). This is scorpio through and through in my opinion. It’s dark, it’s powerful, it’s sly, and it’s captivating. Alex Turner and his leather clad band were honestly the cherry on top of their sound. They looked the part, with their smoldering gazes, gelled and curly classic hair do’s, and black and white filters in their music videos. They also blew up the alternative scene when it came to western style alternative music, so they had a very distinct sound that set them apart from everyone else. Verrrry scorpionic and yes, once again, I am still obsessed.

Songs I Recommend: Arabella, One For the Road, Do I Wanna Know?, Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?, + R U Mine?

Sagittarius: Tourist History by Two Door Cinema Club (2010)

Alright folks, this is another one of my favorites. This is an album that you can dance and/or lose your mind to. There are a lot of metaphors in the lyricism and TDCC did a great job of portraying their messages without revealing much; really leaving it up to you to interpret them in your own way. This album is hard to pin down (much like sagittarius) but focuses mainly on change, passion, independence, travel, taking charge, appreciating life, and appreciating the people you may encounter in your life. It has a very approachable and energizing feel to a lot of the songs and carries that jovial/jupiterian energy that is associated with sagittarius placements. This album has high energy songs and even the low energy ones still have a high to them; much like a rollercoaster. In my opinion, it’s a strong portrayal of the fluctuation of feeling and time, just with its melody and song. This one is very special to me for many reasons, but the biggest one is it just makes me so happy!

Songs I Recommend: What You Know, This Is the Life, Undercover Martyn, Cigarettes In the Theatre, + I Can Talk

Capricorn: Ctrl by SZA (2017)

What a beautiful album. This one I also had on repeat constantly and I know I’m not alone. SZA brought the subjects of internal pressure/expectations of the self and the huge importance of self-worth to the forefront here. It has a huge cardinal energy to it. This is such a coming of age album and focuses a lot on growth of the self and the heart. She really poured herself into this one. It feels very personal, like she is singing straight to you at times, and feels very down to earth as a whole. This album I associate with capricorn asc and venus more than any but I feel like it could apply to other placements as well. Bonus points since SZA is a capricorn asc herself! She used many sound bites of her mother giving her words of true wisdom throughout the album (saturn energy/wisdom from elders) that added a very familial aspect. This album got personal and was very suave and casual in its delivery. It feels like your closest homegirl made it just for you. She was so real for that.

Songs I Recommend: Doves In the Wind (feat. Kendrick Lamar), Prom, Go Gina, Anything, + 20 Something

Aquarius: 2014 Forest Hills Drive by J. Cole (2014)

Y’all, I had this album on repeat constantly in high school. This album is so well rounded and touches on some compelling wordplay; and it’s very poignant and intelligent. J. Cole touches on important topics that most rappers would find difficult or uncomfortable to speak on in their music. This album is very indicative of love/faith and the lack thereof within the self and the community. There are songs that are uplifting, nostalgic, introspective, and at times comical and sexual. There are songs that focus heavily on the rigidity of hyper-masculinity and how hard it can make someone, especially when considering their environment and upbringing. He touches on the hood lifestyle and mindset, growing up in poverty, being the odd one out, and struggling throughout life. This album is two sides of the same coin, casting light on the restriction of the mind, heart, and soul (strong saturn energy) and the beauty of healing. In conclusion, wow, this album opened me up in a way I didn’t think was possible.

Songs I Recommend: Apparently, G.O.M.D, A Tale Of 2 Citiez, No Role Modelz, + St. Tropez

Pisces: Hozier by Hozier (2014)

Where do I even start?! This album is absolutely everything and a bag of chips. It’s affectionate, it’s ethereal, it’s watery, at times lonely, and haunting. The pisces energy is so heavy in this album! It feels like you’re traveling through a forest in search of a lover from a past life; pining, crawling to the one you love. I heavily associate pisces venus with this album (esp with it being exalted in venus). Hozier’s lyricism is poetically profound and transports you to another time with nearly every song. This album has so many elements to it, paying homage to bluegrass, folk, r&b, and fables from his homeland of Ireland. He nurtures the themes of life and death, love and hate, and how they like to mingle with each other. The love he sings for is dreamy and purely devoted, with depth in its rhythm. It’s such a great album to use as an escape as well! This album is incredible and was truly a gift to us all. What an introduction, Hozier.

Songs I Recommend: Run, Cherry Wine, It Will Come Back, Work Song, + In A Week (feat. Karen Cowley)

☥ ombré divider by @cafekitsune ☥

[twnstr]

‘ [ … on the way to a scheduled fansign in seoul, ] five vehicles holding the members of teenstar, staff, security, and civilian drivers were caught in a collision on an active road. the crash site was a sight of ruin—mangled machinery and horrified screams. several civilians in the area were injured with a total of two dozen hospitalized on the surrounding streets alone.

as for the wreck, four out of five vehicles were unsalvageable. the sole car with the least amount of damage held a small family of four, all accounted for and hospitalized. two cars holding security detail were pulled out to safety by civilian effort. and as for the remaining two…

the van holding the members of teenstar only managed to account for four people. six people were in that vehicle.

and the civilian car, the one authorities have pieced together to be the main cause of the accident, accounted for three people. all three people were saved.

more details about the accident have yet to be revealed, as well as details pertaining to the wellbeing of teenstar and their traveling staff. ’

──── jung aeseon ( @ aeseonews ) of allkpop.

✶ ──── in 2020, teenstar’s explosive demise came in the horrible form of losing two of their members in a devastating car crash at the hands of a group of prominent sasaengs. after police investigation, it was found on one of the sasaeng’s account that they had been harboring immense rage towards teenstar’s leader, hyewon, who had been revealed to be dating a member of nct by dispatch just a year prior. upon arrest, the group of three were searched and found to have been plotting to ‘get rid of them all’.

sora and fellow member loua were sadly amongst the casualties in that crash, leaving the remaining members hyewon and janelle and their manager scarred both mentally and physically. the incident sparked widespread international outrage, led by the company and the remaining two as they demanded the three be brought to justice. in the end, all three perpetrators were given life sentences.

after teenstar’s end, twinstar would put their idol related activities on hold. hyewon and janelle were hidden from the public almost instantly save for the few updates they would make everyone few months. hyewon would attend one final event thanking the fans and the public for their extensive support before announcing the group’s official disbandment. janelle would make no public statement until one year after the tragic event, posting pictures on the official instagram page with a heartfelt caption that made immense waves past their own fanbase.

despite radio silence from the twinstar’s idol label since 2020, rumors of them reopening the label with active trainees began to circulate just late 2023, bringing the company’s name back into the spotlight.

[jmflowers]

Athabasca Glacier, Jasper National Park

[hpowellsmith]

THE EARTH HAS TEETH RO intro: Commander Roschin

The Earth Has Teeth Intro Post | Forum Thread

Full name: Serhii/Sara/Saba Roschin

Age: 39

Gender: selectable between cis man (he/him), cis woman (she/her), and transmasc (they/them)

Background: Roschin has lived in Rizhala all their life, apprenticing to the town guard in the footsteps of their now-older parents. Working their way up the ranks, they gained the attention of Warden Chura and impressed them enough to become one of the commanders of the guard. Nowadays they travel a lot, helping with local problems and recruiting people to join them in Rizhala.

Personality: outgoing, loyal, jovial, resilient

Appearance: mid-height, striking, and muscular, with smile-lines around their eyes and mouth. Loose and limber. Deep brown skin, curly black hair, and brown eyes.

Style: Male and female Roschin wear their hair long; transmasc Roschin wears it shorter and cropped. Transmasc and male Roschin have heavy beards. Their clothing is practical and attractive, with good quality linen shirts dyed with strong bright colours, a padded leather jerkin studded with metal reinforcement, and reinforced waxed-canvas trousers. Their cloak is lined with fur, and its clasp is embossed with the Rizhala town guard insignia.

At their best: warm, inspiring, courageous

At their worst: needling, careless, stubborn

You’ll like Roschin if you like… someone who’ll look out for you, who doesn’t take themself seriously while taking their job and missions very seriously, who’s settled in their role in life (for the moment), who’s a good leader

You’ll like romancing Roschin if you like… someone flirtatious, who will have your back and provide protection, who will boss you around if you’re into it, who may become staunchly loyal to you, with whom you can move fast if you want, who will always make it clear how they feel about you

A song from Roschin’s playlist: Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae

Face cast ideas: (bear in mind that this isn’t the be-all-and-end-all - feel free to imagine as you like) Uli Latufeku, Simone Kessell, Alex Tarrant

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics That Start With M (4) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three

magic in the hamptons (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Phil is bored with going to parties every weekend with people he doesn’t like. Bored of going to school for a degree he hates just to please his parents. Bored of pretty much everything in his life, until he meets Dan, an inscrutable college student, who shows him that maybe he can have the things he wants in life - he just has to be brave enough to pursue them.

Magic Shop (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: It made sense that Dan would need time to recover from the tour, just the same as Phil. It was logical reasoning.

How was he supposed to know? How was Phil supposed to know that it was, in fact, a bigger issue than he could imagine?

Magie De La Luxure (ao3) - Junebug1312

Summary: Lesson learnt, don't drink from mysterious hotel mini bars. Its a bad idea.

make a wish when your childhood dies (ao3) - tinydragon (tiny_dragon)

Summary: Things could be going better for librarian Phil Lester. He’s discontent with his life and his job when an episode of accidental magic lands him in a seemingly different world, which nobody else seems aware of other than the neighbour he never knew he had, Dan Howell. Together, they must find a way to return home to their ordinary cities and lives, but there’s something about Dan that’s strange, in that he seems eerily similar to Phil’s favourite childhood storybook character.

make it out when the sun is ruined (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: phil fainted. he's fine, but dan might not be

make it work (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: dan is on vacation at the bahamas, where he meets phil - someone who's in the same rut as him. they connect and swoon over how compatible they both are but realise they only have a limited amount of time to spare together.

Make It Work (ao3) - phiclets

Summary: Dan has been touring with his show We're All Doomed for months - the longest he's ever been away from Phil. All he wants now is to be back for Phil's birthday.

make me feel (ao3) - blossomsphan

Summary: dan discovers a new use for his walk-in closet

[title from make me feel - janelle monáe]

make me feel again (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Dan takes a walk after an argument with Phil

Make My Wish Come True (ao3) - sleepyslag (galacticneighbor)

Summary: Two years after the first heat they shared, Dan and Phil decide it's time to grow their family.

making sense of it (ao3) - graydar

Summary: He convinces himself that he’s not made to love. There’s a malfunction he can’t reach and there’s no fixing it.

Marigold (ao3) - Mysticallykai

Summary: When a haunting tune plagues Phil nightly, he turns to his family for help. But it seems like only he can hear it. Is he going crazy? Or is there more to the song than there seems?

maybe we were made for each other (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

Summary: One more station until he’s there, and Dan is sweaty and nervous with how much he wants to see Phil again, with how much he’s missed him, with how scared he is of the feelings being one-sided, despite everything Phil has said over Skype.

Or: the third time they meet.

Meant to be, we might be alright now (ao3) - lesbosz

Summary: Dan thinks about the cramped tour bus bunks and traveling the world again with his soulmate of 15 years.

medieval princess (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

Summary: “I’m going to fuck a baby into you,” he tells Phil, feeling absolutely wild with the image of Phil, pregnant.

Mine (ao3) - CloudyPhan

Summary: dan reminisces on his life so far in a quiet moment on the tour bus (mine by the 1975)

Mini Christmas (ao3) - cosmic_angel_writes

Summary: Dan and Phil’s mini Christmas

2024

misplaced (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Phil misplaces his favourite hat while on tour.

moments of envy (ao3) - starlightphil (adreaminthedark)

Summary: Dan’s never wanted anything as badly as he’s wanted Phil, so of course he’s had his moments of envy over the years. A ficlet written for anonymous on Tumblr who asked: "Dan trying to deliberately make Phil jealous (for whatever reason) and then immediately regretting it?"

move your body when the sunlight dies (ao3) - phegetarian

Summary: dan is cursed, phil is a witch.

and i can't do summaries.

my hands no longer an afterthought (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

Summary: “Phil,” Dan says, but then gets tongue-tied and leaves the sentence there, feeling ridiculous and like he’s eighteen and desperate to seem cooler than he actually is all over again, turning his gaze away from Phil because he can’t look him in the eye without giving something away.

Or: It turns Dan on when Phil buys things for him. It only takes him fourteen years to do something about that.

My Sanctuary, You're Holy to Me (ao3) - skygremlin

Summary: Sister Daniel isn't very good at being a nun, but she's stuck living in a convent because she's got no other plans. The church needs a new priest for Sunday mass, and the responsibility falls on her to meet him for the first time. Will he see through her false devotion?

Sister Daniel/Father Philip convent au (Sister Daniel's origin story)

My Secrets, My Needs (ao3) - scaryfangirl2001

Summary: Phil gives Dan a massage

mystery tour (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Phil wasn’t expecting to find a cute guy named Dan when he booked a Dodo Airlines trip to a nearby island.

[An Animal Crossing AU, where Phil lives on Pickle Island and Dan lives on Danando Island.]

[cloveroctobers]

MARI — summer prompts 🍋

A/N: I’m not gonna hold you…I was not fw her at the beginning of the series but she definitely grew on me! The little ✨ in me wanted me to write for Miss. Mari with a hint of enemies to lovers so here goes nothing. Please don’t let me flop, or I’ll completely remove myself from the fandom lmao jk.

PROMPTS from this list: 1.) setting up a slip and slide in their backyard + 2.) bonfire on the beach.

WARNINGS: probably language, guns, high schoolers being catty? + slow-burn?

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[July, 1995]

“Who the fuck invited her?” Mari glowers over her shoulder, after approaching her friends and teammates—well the teammates that she considered her friends anyways.

It’s Gen and Melissa who immediately follow Mari’s trail of eyesight to see the fresh meat on the team, Akilah and their ex-teammate, Cosima Chandoo stepping onto the patio.

Gen snickers, “she’s obviously Akilah’s plus one because we sure as hell didn’t invite that traitor.”

Melissa shrugged her shoulders, red cup in her hand as she took a sip and then swallowed, “wasn’t me. Word travels fast.”

Which was true, what was supposed to be a simple yellowjackets team only exclusive party, turned into maybe forty or more people in this open backyard.

“It was probably whacky misty,” Gen adds, lifting her chin towards the curly blonde who sat, awkwardly nodding her head along, as if she was in on the conversation between Lottie and Taissa.

Mari deeply exhaled as her eyes briefly close shut. The mere presence of Cosima being here, at her house on this humid day in July honestly frustrated her. She wasn’t allowed to be here.

“You could always kick her out,” Melissa suggested, “it is your house after all.”

“Which was actually supposed to be at yours.” Mari snapped at the blonde who raised her hands In defense.

Melissa frowned, “Hey, how was I supposed to know my aunt and perv uncle were coming up for a surprise pit stop?”

“Who the fuck makes a pit stop in New Jersey?” Gen comments.

“Clearly they do!”

“Where are they from again?”

“Pennsylvania.”

“…that makes sense. How sad.” Gen mockingly placed her hand on Melissa’s shoulder who snorted and playfully shrugged her hand away from her.

Mari was already stomping away from their conversation, face not only warm from the sun rays but also from the sight of Cosima who seemed to be all smiles with Laura Lee and Akilah.

“Oh hey, Mari!” Akilah waves as Mari pushes a smile onto her lips.

Her eyes flicker between the group of girls for a moment, between Laura Lee twirling her signature cross necklace, to Akilah’s chipper smile but still unease in her posture trying to figure Mari out, and finally Cosima’s comfortability in showing her face.

“Cosima was just telling us there’s a bonfire down at Huntingney Grounds,” Laura Lee tells the dark haired girl who kept her heated stare on the heart-shaped afro-picked girl, “I probably won’t be attending after this since I have a curfew but it’s a cool idea to end the day.”

No, the cool idea was having everyone here at her house enjoying the slip and slide she spent a good chunk of time putting together this morning by herself, while Gen and Melissa ate away the snacks they were supposed to set up.

Mari swallowed her irritation, “I know about the bonfire already.”

“Right because Danny was blabbing about it down at Wawa’s?” Cosima finally spoke, her usual hoarse tone made Mari’s eardrums itch.

Mari pushed her tongue into her cheek at this, “why would I know about Danny’s whereabouts?”

Cosima blinked, “Are you not dating?”

“We broke up. Weeks ago…and you would know that if you were still part of this team, which you’re not so.” Mari was smug as she said this.

Akilah tried to ease the tension, “well I invited Cosima since I didn’t want to show up alone. Is it just me or do you hate entering spaces by yourself? It’s just super awkward. I thought it would be okay?”

“Why? You’re her replacement.” Mari gritted, confused at Akilah’s thinking as the brown-skinned girl appeared almost like a gapping fish; while she looked at Cosima and Laura Lee for some sort of help.

Cosima smiled sweetly at Mari, hands clasped in front of her, “And you’re still a bitch.”

Laura Lee cleared her throat then, “Girls…let’s just continue enjoying this lovely day without the foul language please! Must this truly be a debate when we’re all on the same team?”

“But we’re not,” she interrupted with a point between herself and Cosima, “not anymore.” Mari was quick to continue jabbing at Cosima who simply sighed, “This is a team members event only and Cosima here quit on us a long time ago.”

“Yeah because I wanted to break three bones in my leg, which caused me to further suffer from a severed artery that also left me with a permanent limp. Do you hear yourself Maribela?”

“Don’t call me that!” Mari hissed while Cosima scoffed.

Cosima knew how much Mari hated going by her full government name, since “Mari” sounded so much better and it was short, simple, and cute. Sure it sounded different coming from Cosima’s lips, compared to her veteran father who commonly barked her name and gave—some might say, cruel orders around the house.

Cosima knew bits of this and still insisted doing so, just to get underneath her skin. Just like Mari knew quitting the team wasn’t something Cosima really wanted to do. Who really wanted to suffer a injury so bad in front of the entire school? Which allowed further permanent damage to be placed on not only your body but mentally? Yet here Mari was throwing old salt in Cosima’s wounds and she really wished she could help it.

Wished she didn’t have so much hate building in her heart but…majority of the time the words were flying out of her mouth before Mari can even process them.

No the two girls weren’t the stars of the team but the extracurricular activity was a bonding moment. They weren’t the best of friends before the team or even on the team but they were nowhere near as bad as they are now.

What changed you might ask?

Oh you know…A shared kiss in Cosima’s bedroom, had Mari’s mind all scrambled. (yes she was still very much with Danny at the time this transpired unfortunately!) Just to break apart right before Cosima’s mother came to the door, completely oblivious and informing Mari that her father was here to take her home. They never got the chance to talk about what happened that night because Mari decided to avoid Cosima like the plague in the hallways. She fought even harder on the soccer field and she only allowed herself to really feel crappy about it after seeing Cosima in shriveled up pain during the last two minutes of the game; when a thunderstorm rained havoc on them all.

It’s not like Mari didn’t feel like shit right after it happened in the first place! She couldn’t find the words to say as she collected her things, mustering up a half-assed wave as she quickly fled Cosima’s bedroom. She was completely confused because she’s only liked boys like Danny—and that wasn’t much to go off of. What was she supposed to do about her pretty teammate with a puff of tied back hair that floated behind her just from her simply standing? What was she supposed to do when she started to like the crooked smile that sat on the corner of her bow-shaped lips that tasted like figs? What was she supposed to do when she felt her intense stare from behind her in trigonometry?

What was Mari supposed to do about the girl that threw her for a loop? She remembers watching Cosima in pain and wanting to hold her hand but there were a lot of people crowding her and a lot of blood she couldn’t stomach. However that didn’t stop Mari from shoving some teammates out of her way so that she could keep her eyes on Cosima, hoping that her stare this time could provide some comfort.

She wasn’t sure if it ever did.

Then came the requests during English to make your own personalized cards for Cosima’s heavy healing journey and Mari knew she wouldn’t write something so basic. So lame. She had to do something better than anyone in their year, a huge card made from purple construction paper where she swirled and curled out Cosima’s name on the front of the page. While the inside she filled with lots of glitter and wrote her message in a pink gel pen.

That didn’t exactly feel like enough so with some of the money from Mari’s piggy bank, she went down to the crafts store to make a small goody bag. She grabbed some things she had a feeling Cosima would like, like shiny stickers—she originally wanted to get her a TLC poster but it wasn’t in the budget, bubbalicious gum, fun-dip, a piña colada lip smacker, a neon translucent phone enamel pin, a bouncy eye-ball she could throw at her wall, a feather pen, and a mini beanie baby that she could add to her collection on her bookshelves.

Mari paid attention to Cosima’s bedroom and that night they shared, so she hoped her goody bag made her feel somewhat better. Like maybe she could make up for running away with trying to ease Cosima’s painful moments.

“Okay…then stop talking shit about me and the team and we’ll all have a good time, got it?” Cosima stated, arms crossed as she stared down at Mari who trailed her wide-set eyes from Cosima’s glowing copper muscular arms to meet her stare.

Mari dipped her head, finding herself, as corny as it sounds, suddenly lost in the hues of Cosima’s eyes—which was better than staring at her lips of course! It seemed as if she was tongue tied as Cosima gave a tight-smile before glancing back at Akilah who was still shocked this was happening.

The slightly taller girl with a head full of hair, walked by Mari who allowed it for a couple of seconds, before she also turned to Cosima’s retreating form, “yeah, I’ll fall back…as soon as you leave my house so I won’t have to see your face anymore, traitor.”

“Mari!” Laura Lee exclaimed but Mari held up a hand to silence the blonde.

Cosima stood with her back to Mari and let out a humorless laugh. It was the same cycle over and over between the two and frankly, she was getting tired of this.

“Hey everybody! There’s a bonfire down at Huntingney Grounds if you’re interested.” Cosima called out to everyone, gaining their attention over some pop track.

The sun was just beginning to burn a deep orange, fading below the blue skies, which means the air would start to cool soon. It took about thirty minutes to get out to the park and longer by foot or moped, like the purple one Cosima commonly drove.

This new information got everyone talking which made Cosima shrug at Mari over her shoulder. Soon she brushed by Mari and whispered, “I’ll see myself out now. Later.”

Mari wasn’t sure if she wanted to mess Cosima up or kiss her in that moment. Maybe both.

Mari can see from the corner of her eye, some of her classmates and even the yellowjackets began to collect their things!

“Whoa! The best time to do a slip and slide is when the night falls. You guys don’t have to leave yet.” Mari spoke to a classmate who simply shrugged and carried on.

Shauna answered, “The mosquitoes also get bad when the sunsets and I’m allergic so, I pick the bonfire one hundred percent but…this was fun so thanks.”

Mark scoffed at the brunette before her eyes settled on someone else, “Jackie, not you too.”

“Jeff’s gonna be there and I heard Danny too.” The large eyed leader winks at Mari who can’t help but to scrunch up her nose.

“I don’t care about Danny!”

Lottie mutters as she makes her way by, “Why because he’s banging Stephanie now?”

Nat snickers, joint pressed in between her lips as she simply shrugs at the glare Mari’s sending her way, smoothing her damp fried bleach blonde hair back as she also makes her exit.

“Okay you know what, all of you can get out then. See if I care!”

“I’ll stay and help you clean up.” Misty offered, making Mari’s icy stare turn to the glasses wearing teen.

“Ohh no, especially you. Get the hell outta here!” Mari pointed at the front as Misty flinched and began to speed walk away.

“You’ve got a nice way of treating your teammates Mari, really! Keep up the superb job and you may just be our new captain soon.” Vanessa’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she made her way by with a laughing Taissa.

Who also sent double thumbs at Mari.

Which earned both girls a nice middle finger.

She couldn’t believe everyone just decided to bail on her right now! All thanks to Cosima.

That bitch.

“Uh Mari?! Your dad’s back.” Melissa informed, now standing by the patio, hand scooping up another cheese doodle.

Mari’s eyes increased in size, bigger than Jackie’s as she began waving her hands around at the remaining guest. “Everybody out! Run!”

“Run? Can’t we just powerwalk our escape?” Taissa asked, arms crossed behind her head.

Gen immediately shook her head, tossing the red cup to the side, “you haven’t met Mari’s dad, he’s crazy! You better run.”

The way she was whispering was almost as if Mari wasn’t in ear-shot. The panic on her face was evident but Gen was definitely not the person to go to as a source of comfort as she fled the scene.

As the older man approached the screen door, Melissa let out a scream as she took off running around the side of the house, orange puff long forgotten in the grass. Mari felt her heartbeat in her ears, her breathing halting, the sun still warm on her skin. Her dark eyes settled on her dad, yanking the door to the side, shotgun in one hand as he stepped out onto the patio, surveying his sorta trashed backyard.

“Holy shit! Is he gonna shoot us?” Vanessa’s eyes were now wide as well.

Mari swallows the lump in her throat as she almost waits for her dad’s eyes to find her’s.

Taissa shoved Mari forward to lead the way as she mumbles, “We’re not sticking around to find out. Go.”

She stumbles a bit, being pulled from her trance as she focuses on getting her legs to operate correctly, stepping into a light jog with the two girls that followed after her, eyes occasionally glancing at the wild man at the door.

“Maribela! I see you! Get your ass over here, now.”

With tears burning her eyes, Mari dares a glance at the man—almost stopping but it’s Vanessa’s turn to grip her wrist and drag her along.

“Maribela!” The man continues to yell, gun aiming and ready to shoot.

And so he does, directly at the neighbors trashcan, by the girls ankles; setting off the neighbor dogs to bark at the noise.

“We can run now.” Taissa yelled, now leading the way as the three girls ran at full speed to the front of the ranch styled home and to her pale gray Nissan stanza.

Vanessa shouts, “Open it!”

“I’m trying!” Taissa shrills, finally getting her key into the door before she flings the door open to mash on some buttons, “It’s open!”

Which is enough for Mari and Vanessa to pull on the doors and hop in. It’s seconds before Taissa starts the car and pulling away from the curb and far from Mari’s household.

She looks back, seeing her father standing in the middle of the street as she retreats and she knows that this is only temporary.

“So are we gonna talk about what just happened or?” Vanessa pries as she peeks at Taissa and then stares hard at Mari, who just hopes she doesn’t start bawling in the backseat.

Taissa can see Mari has her attention on the moving scenery of the city and the way the palm of her hand is pressing into her mouth while the other is clenched is enough for the situation be dropped. Although it seems like Vanessa isn’t ready to let it go, saying this exactly to the driving long haired curly teen, the look Taissa sends the redhead is abundant for Vanessa to take the hint as it dawns on her that this is Mari’s normal.

The drive to the park is tense and the radio, which Vanessa has taken complete control over, only seems to be talking, which the girls were not! instead of playing music. She begins to search Taissa’s car for CD’s and at least some cassette tapes but comes up short much to her disappointment.

The girls at the front of the car have a bit of a bicker at that but eventually quit down to either listen to radio hosts or static. The static ended up being more soothing to Mari than the voices, believe it or not.

By the time the girls pull up to the park, the sky bled navy and the fireflies flickered yellow. The air smelled like fresh grass and burning wood as a slight breeze picks up now.

Mari’s holding the sleeves of her golden mustard yellowjackets hoodie, almost peering around to make sure her father didn’t trail after them in his pickup truck. Vanessa lightly nudged her with her shoulder, making Mari take a sharp inhale.

“Hey…let’s go.” Vanessa gently suggests as they circled around the car to where Taissa stands.

Taissa is eyeing Mari and Mari almost wants to snap something at her but the look in Taissa’s brown eyes is not judgment. Vanessa leaves the two behind as she almost prays there’s more booze at the bonfire after what they just witnessed.

Taissa falls into step with Mari, heading up the incline on the sidewalk to down the hills where the bonfire sat.

“…thanks for getting me out of there.” Mari says quietly, “and…I’m sorry he shot at us.”

Taissa nodded at the younger girl, “Don’t mention it.”

And Mari waits for Taissa to fill the air with questions such as, “Is he always like that?” “How can you live with someone like that?” “Has he ever actually hurt you?”

But they don’t come as Taissa only offers a small smile in understanding. She knows that if Mari wanted to speak further on it, she would. It was clear she was holding onto a lot and maybe she wasn’t the person she needed to talk to about this and that was okay too.

Taissa’s just glad no one died tonight.

Mari finds a empty spot on a log, pressing her elbows into her bare thighs as she looks around the park. Everyone is mostly spread out, a few faces she recognizes from school and her slip and slide and others that probably went to the community college here. She sees Jackie sneaking off with Jeff hand in hand, Gen seems to be dancing away with some guy she’ll ask her about later, Melissa is laid out on the floor in front of a log with her trucker hat covering her face, Shauna is seated on that log behind her almost glaring at the fire—probably pissed Jackie just ditched her, and lastly Mari sees Danny with his hand resting on Stephanie’s hip by a tree as she’s all cuddled up to him.

It makes Mari want to vomit at the sight. She thought she was in love with Danny but honestly he was just there to pass the time outside of school and soccer. There wasn’t much of connection there in the first place, he was just this goofy kid that was good at Math and had beautiful teeth.

There was no spark when they kissed but it felt nice to have him hold her and just to say that she had a boyfriend. That was about it to be honest.

She turns to her left then, spotting Cosima staring right at her. Mari rolls her eyes then, turning her attention back to the fire, assuming she probably looked like Shauna right about now.

A wave of something floral but citrusy hints her nostrils as someone sits down next to her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mari frowns as Cosima plops down beside her.

Cosima doesn’t answer right away but when she does, it doesn’t ease Mari’s irritation, “just sitting and enjoying the fire, what does it look like?”

“Yeah okay but you can go back and do that over there,” Mari huffs, sneaking glances at Cosima who was finally able to hold her stare.

“Nah, I think I like this spot much better.”

“Because you’re pissing me off?”

“A little bit,” Cosima smirks while Mari can’t help but to breath out a laugh of her own, “it’s kinda fun.”

“I’m sure it is for you,” Mari responds, “Ruining my party just to come to this…snooze fest instead.”

Cosima tilts her head to the side eyeing Mari’s semi-dry hair that waved at the ends due to the sprinklers, “your party was dying down anyway and Akilah and I saw your dad earlier before we got to your place.”

“What? Did he say something to you two?” Mari rushed out, suddenly worried.

Cosima shook her head, “No he didn’t see us. I knew he would be heading back home soon.”

Mari listened to what Cosima was saying to her just then. It sounded like she actually looked out for her in a sense and Mari wasn’t sure how she should feel about that. So she broke eye contact to stare back at the swirling flames.

The teen felt something placed on her kneecap while she dazed off into the flames. Blinking she glanced down to see a cube of something in a wrapper. Mari was hit with the sweet smell of strawberries as she brought it up to her eye sight before she looked over at Cosima who winked.

“Bubbalicious?”

“Uh huh.”

“Watermelon is obviously better.” Mari comments but that doesn’t stop her from unraveling the pink gum to toss into her mouth.

Cosima snorts, “you would say that.”

The small laughter lines appear by Mari’s lips then as she chewed and Cosima can’t help but to focus on them. How they curve into their own miniature smiley faces by the sides of her lips and her little mole on the left. She almost wants to place her fingertips on them, liking that there was a smile on Mari’s face for once tonight. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t want to be further rejected.

“Well you try and enjoy your evening, Mari.” Cosima pushes herself up from the log.

Standing, Cosima briefly stares at the fire for a moment but also wants to enjoy the company of Mari for a few seconds more—no matter how much they clashed.

Just as Cosima turns to begin limping away, Mari lightly reaches a hand out to press her clammy fingertips against Cosima’s warm ones. The touch is short but enough for Mari to feel Cosima begin to squeeze her fingertips back.

Cosima stared down at Mari, awaiting for what she says next.

“I’ll try my best,” Mari whispers, dark eyes almost shining as they look up at Cosima, “…You have a better one.”

“We both know I will.” Cosima teases while Mari rolls her eyes and let’s her hand rest back in her lap.

And with that it’s Mari’s turn to watch her old teammate walk away.

Once seated, Mari can’t help but to keep her eyes on Cosima, ember flames illuminating her skin as she chats away with a smiling Akilah, who notices Mari’s stare. When Cosima turns to catch Mari’s eyes again, she can’t help but to ponder if they could be something better…together.

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Continue along with my summer anthology prompts here.

[delinquentbookworm]

🌤️ 🌈

Ahh thank you for sending this Janelle! It took me so long to reply because you picked something soft and fluffy and basically none of my WIPs had anything like that. This is the closest I could find, it's from the Jace Hireling AU fic that I've been playing around with, and it's the night before Jace is supposed to leave to go with the Bad Kids.

There's a mention of sex, but nothing explicit.

"You saying you won't notice that I'm not there?"

Porter sat on the bed, watching Jace as he pulled the most practical, durable items of clothing he owned from the wardrobe and tossed them onto a pile. A pair of Mage Hands picked them up and folded them up, stacking them into his oversized adventurer's backpack. “Alright, so, I've got clothes, then I'll need to pack spell components, I'll need my backup focus… Oh, I should probably take some Devil's Honey with me too, just in case they ask about Arianwen.” Jace was murmuring, mostly to himself.

He wasn't looking Porter's way, wasn't doing anything particularly alluring. He wasn't wearing anything particularly revealing, either. Sure, the yoga pants were tight, but most of his body was obscured by the oversized, chunky knit sweater that he'd stolen from Porter, covering him up from his neck to about mid-thigh. And yet. And yet. Porter had never felt so enchanted by his little elf. Maybe it was the knowledge that they were going to be apart for the next few weeks; maybe it was the knowledge that Jace was doing something incredibly dangerous all on his own, just to help Porter's plan succeed. Either way, he couldn't just let this moment pass by. Porter pushed himself up from the bed and crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Jace from behind and planting a kiss on the top of Jace's head. He pressed his face against Jace’s curls, taking a deep inhale, smelling coconut and lilac, and all those ridiculous, expensive products his little elf put into his hair. Jace was such a pampered, pretty little thing; the thought of him roughing it and living out of a van for a couple of weeks straight was honestly kind of funny. Porter almost didn't know how he was going to cope. “Porter, you're making this kind of difficult.” Jace said, unable to walk away from the wardrobe to do anything else with how Porter was holding him. Despite his words, his voice was light, the annoyance clearly just for show. “Shouldn't you be packing too?” “I’m gonna miss you, little star,” Porter said softly. It was more sentimental than they usually were with each other, but even so, it didn't come close to capturing how he actually felt about his little elf. Not that any words ever would. Not that Porter put that much stock in words anyway. They both knew how easy it was to lie. Actions were better, actions were real.

Porter began to nuzzle at Jace's pointed ear, pressing chaste little kisses along the shell. He wasn't chasing the kisses with tongue, wasn't grazing Jace's skin with his teeth. He wasn't trying to arouse Jace just yet. He just wanted to live in this moment for a bit longer. “It's only going to be a couple of weeks. And you're going to be busy with Copperkettle’s lot the whole time. You'll barely even notice I'm not there.” Jace said breezily. It wasn't exactly what Porter had wanted to hear, and he let out an irritated huff. 

"Dunno. I might not. We're going to be travelling all round, who knows what kind of big, handsome strangers I might meet. We're only monogamous in Solace, right?" Jace said. Porter knew he was joking, he could hear it in his voice. The words still pissed him off. He'd been trying to say something real, and Jace was just brushing him off, acting so damn cavalier.

"Very funny, Stardiamond." Porter growled, letting go of Jace only to spin him round, to force the little elf to look at him. Jace's eyes were wide, all feigned innocence, as if he hadn't known exactly what he was doing, as if he hadn't been riling Porter up on purpose. "You know damn well you're mine."

He lifted his little elf up and tossed him bodily onto the bed, climbing on after him. As he was fucking Jace, he made sure to suck hickey after hickey onto his neck, marking him up, making it clear to anyone who looked at him that he was claimed. One day Porter wouldn't need to use anything as primitive as bruises, one day there would be something much more permanent on his little elf. But for now, this would have to do.

After they both finished, in the quiet that followed, Jace curled up next to Porter and rested his head on Porter's chest. He ran his fingertips over Porter's stomach, idly tracing little abstract shapes along his skin, and once again, Porter wished he had his own kind of chronomancy, just enough to stretch this moment out, let it last a little longer.

"I am going to miss you, little star." He repeated, needing Jace to know he'd been sincere the first time he said it. Jace looked up at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Listen, we've both got our crystals. And I've got Sending. We'll still be in touch. I'll keep you updated on everything that happens.” Jace said, leaning up to give Porter a soft, lingering kiss. “And... I’m going to miss you, too.”