#JUST. COMMUNICATE. respond to my emails damn you

[bensiskos]

AUG

[alchemicalterror]

I'm going to be honest, I have no idea who you are, but you seem very nice! I saw that you're researching the human fear response- I'd love to hear more about your work if you have the chance!

It ain’t that weird to be surprised by anonymity at this point in my god damn career, you teenage pain in my…

… Ahem.

Hi. Uh, apologize for the informality of all this, I confess you caught me at something of a loss - it is not very often that I get asked after my research without some layer of presumption or prior bias coloring the inquisition, and the sheer novelty of the situation had me reeling this morning when I woke up to such a refreshing email.

If it's all right with you, I'm gonna just ramble a bit at the camera with my coffee, since where I started and where I'm at has gone a little bit off in the weeds, and stream of consciousness is really the most organic way to get this all down these days; transcript below.

My work with the human psyche is, yes, with the human fear response in a manner of speaking - but I am not so much studying how people respond to fear in and of itself, so much as I am studying the therapeutic benefits of using episodes of intense fear as a means of breaking through repressed memories, opening vulnerabilities surrounding trauma, and helping people with anxiety or other fear-related chronic disorders navigate the tangled nests of their own thought processes to help better identify the cores of their issues so that, when they are in a calmer frame of mind, those newly-identified and articulated 'problem areas' in their past or thought processes could be more directly addressed and worked on in a controlled and clinical setting.

I began this path of neuroscientific study back when I was in university about twenty years ago now, and upon graduation, I initially had quite a bit of grant money and backing from the scientific community to pursue this line of inquiry, though most of that has dried up due to some red tape incidents that, for the sake of this explanation, I'm not going to get into at the moment if that's all right.

However, the process has shown a lot of promise, and I have made a lot of headway even though I am now limited to pilot-study sized focus groups and self-funded research, and am forced due to circumstances to make do broadly with volunteers and short-term clinical trials rather than the years-long therapy treatment plans and relationships I had hoped to establish when I began this journey all those decades ago. Despite setbacks, the research itself has been moving at a steady, if rather slow pace, and has proven incredibly promising, and the few folks that have stuck with me for repeat exposure and study have made a lot of headway with the issues I've been trying to address.

I am not currently licensed to practice any of my experimental therapy techniques in a live clinical setting, so my work in outpatient therapy and clinical psychiatric work is not related to my research, and is more just work I do to pay the bills, as a man's gotta eat and pay his employee and feed his kid and whatnot, but I did publish a paper back in '94 before things went tits up at my original research facility y'all could likely find on my initial findings if you want to pursue the topic further.

If that damn thing's behind a paywall or something, lemme know, I got it around here somewhere. Never pay for knowledge that oughta be free.

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Fraturday everyone (oops, I'm late!) Back again with another round of the fic I've been reading this week. You can find previous rec lists here.

A reminder I'm here for all buddie/bucktommy/buddietommy configurations, and I'm always on the lookout for more henren fic to read, so please send author and story recs my way! (Feel free to self rec!!!)

15 June 2024

looking for shelter from the cold and the pain by @itsactuallycorrine is a post-7x10 summer fic, from Christopher's perspective. In which after communication is cut off and Chris is in Texas, both Eddie and Buck continue to send emails to keep in touch, and he reads them even if he doesn't respond. They get increasingly more confessional in tone. I really loved how Chris' understanding of them both as people and the revelations they share help him find peace, without glossing over the difficulties and pain caused. Hints of Buddie (and background Bucktommy break up) but mostly about realising parents make mistakes and growing up. A really lovely Chris voice. (Once you've read this one, go read this never would've happened in a catholic high school in which Chris comes home from an inclusive sex ed class with questions. Hilarious and sweet!)

your wings will find you heaven by elizabethgee a post-7x09 and 10 Buck vs Captain Gerrard fic (with Bucktommy) heed the tagged warnings on this one, it's dark and potentially triggering, but taken very seriously. Tommy is nervous when he hears that Gerrard is interim Captain. Buck thinks he can handle it. But things take a difficult turn, and Gerrard's ability to pinpoint and press on a perceived weak spot like caring for others means Buck's put in a horrible position. Cathartic and ultimately triumphant, I just want to give Buck a damn hug for being so brave.

like a bird stealing bread out from under your nose by @cal-daisies-and-briars 'If you’d asked Eddie back in May what rock bottom looked like, it was his son leaving him. That felt like it; everything ruined so entirely that there was no way to ruin it further. There’s always more to lose.' An Eddie Diaz breakdown fic, in which he self destructs and monumentally fucks up with Buck as well, but puts in the work to try and fix it. I particularly enjoyed the focus on Eddie reclaiming the joy in personal hobbies in this one, giving himself space and permission to be his own person.

odd man out by  @messyhairdiaz is an eddietommy focused buddietommy fic! Hooray! In which Eddie's self doubt makes him question whether it's all too good to be true and the triad relationship they've stumbled into is working for Tommy, so Buck convinces them both to go on a solo date. I really loved the communication and negotiation of this, and the lovely dynamic that they're working towards. Plus it's just delightfully flirty. Bless you poly fic, I'm smooching you on the mouth.

Got Your Six by @sonofatoasterwaffle oh god...oh my god. The buddietommy voyeurism BDSM fic. Literally the hottest version of Tommy? He plays them all like a symphony. 'After Buck has a bad experience with a dom, Eddie decides that if Buck wants to scene, he’ll do it with Eddie there to chaperone or not at all. Tommy decides he's cool with that if it means he gets to be the meat in their weird, codependent BDSM sandwich.' Just *chefs kiss* Eddie's down bad and Buck is the sweetest little sub in this, give him directions and show him off!

all the vices i can't give up by @theweewooshow is a smutty Bucktommy phone sexting fic, with an alternative getting together scenario (aka they're unapologetically horny about it.) Buck accidentally sends Tommy a picture of himself with water dripping down his chest, Tommy takes the bait. Things escalate! Lots of fun and very hot.

seeing you with him just don't feel right (you're giving me a heart attack) by @bellabrady based on THAT Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode - in which Buck and Eddie kill Captain Gerrard in the most hilarious way possible. The firefam banter in this is just absolute top notch. Glorious and so so funny. It's what he deserves.

Special Occasions by @pop-me Henren smut and feelings! 'After Buck comes out in S7E6, Hen and Karen reflect on their own first queer loves and intense, romantic sex ensues.' OP's tags promise romantic fisting and well howdy do they deliver! Love when Hen and Karen are celebrated as sexy as hell.

this is it ( the thing everyone's looking for) by diabolicaldean the latest in a collection of Henren one shots, this one is a sweet gentle fluffy piece that celebrate the Wilson family, with the soft place to land that Mara deserves. God I hope season 8 cuts them a break!!

a miserable pile of secrets by @glorious-spoon a post 7x09 fic, in which Buck and Eddie argue, and Hen lends Eddie and ear and gives some tough love. I really appreciated how much this lent into the messy thorny nature of fucking up and fixing things, and owning your mistakes. Hen's perspective is really well drawn.

Okay I'll stop here because it's getting long, but see you all next week!

[visage-of-hell]

Respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

Roleplayer name: Everyone calls me Yeen, cuz my online handle across a lotta places is usually "YeenQueen" or some variation of that, and my Twitch channel is called "YeenQueenGaming".

Roleplayer pronouns: She/Her

Muse name(s): Visage, but goes by "Vizzy" or "Viz" for short in most social situations.

Preferred communication: Discord, 100%. I literally LIVE on there when I'm not on here or in one of my games. Even take it on the go with the mobile app. I'm totally good with Tumblr IMs, though, don't get me wrong! My only beef with them is the fact that I often don't get notifications from it in real time. It either never pings at all or it makes the sound without the chat actually updating until I refresh the page. Fix your damn spaghetti code, Tumblr, for FUCK'S sake! XD

Experience: Honestly? I've been RPing in SOME form or another since my preteen years. Originally it was IRC chat rooms, then MUCKs (for those who remember those), forums, over email, online games (which I still do in WoW to this very day) ... and then it moved on to whichever instant messaging program was most popular at the time--ICQ, AOL Instant Messenger, MSN Messenger, Skype, and now Discord. I've been on and off with Tumblr across various fandoms for yeeeeeeears now. Since at LEAST 2014, as one of the earliest RP blogs I ever made was a Dhalish elf OC within the Dragon Age fandom.

Preferred roleplay type: Multi-para/novella style, 100%. I do NOT know when to stop, if a scene REALLY gets me going. I have hit the size limit on Tumblr posts on MULTIPLE occasions. I write third person perspective and that usually comes with a lot of inner dialogue and thoughts from the character's perspective in addition to reacting to whatever is happening in a given scene.

Pet peeves & dealbreakers: I always worry that I'm being elitist by saying this, but solid punctuation, spelling and grammar are all EXTREMELY important to me. I gravitate towards people with complimentary writing styles to my own for full RP immersion, so writing with people that deviate from that are just a no-go for me. I'm so sorry. >_< Also people who leave me to do most of the heavy lifting in terms of moving a scene forward. Gimme things to react to, to build upon, a sense of direction, y'know? If I'm constantly the one that has to keep the plot momentum going, I'm gonna burn out and lose interest FAST. Also people who use my characters like "props" rather than having real genuine interactions with them (be it as allies, enemies or something somewhere in between).

Best time to write: Late night, for sure. Not just because that's when all my creative juices flow the best but also because everyone's in bed for the night and I have zero RL interruptions to break my flow. If good ol' insomia has struck again, though, wee early hours of the morning are also probable writing times, cuz the same reasoning still applies!

Are you like your muse? I'd like to think I do a FAIRLY good job of keeping my OCs from coming off as self-inserts, BUT ... let's be honest--we all put at least a LITTLE of ourselves into our OCs, in SOME way/shape/form. I wish I had Vizzy's confrontational prowess and zero bullshit-taking attitude, and that I was anywhere NEAR as good in a fight and on the dance floor as she is, but there IS one thing she and I definitely have in common--the obsessive drive to escape. For me it's writing, gaming and crafting, but the motivation is much the same. It's always so much easier to just bury the pain and the bad under layers of good times and feel-good vibes than to actually CONFRONT that darkness head-on. Much like Vizzy, I try to but don't always succeed ... but I'd like to think that someday I'll have a much better success rate than she does. Eventually. XD

Tagged by: @doublejango

Tagging: @poisonedspider @cup-0fp0isonx @arachnoheaux @shattered-divinity @hcllsbigboss @radiomurdeer @voxuli & ANYONE else who wants to! <3

[botanikos]

Respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you’d like to get to know a little bit better.

Roleplayer name: Jude

Roleplayer pronouns: They/Them

Muse name(s): Stolas

Preferred communication: Discord doesn't gobble up messages, so that's truly the best place! However, I still try to answer tumblr IM's as well. I also have telegram if anyone wants it. . . . it's collecting dust!

Experience: Yikes, this dates back to when I was much younger, and before I even used the internet for roleplaying. I started off writing on pen and paper with my cousin and a bunch of friends. We would pass paper or journals back and forth, taking turns writing out scenes or responses from a variety of characters. Mostly, at those times, it was for Teen Titans, Naruto, Bleach, and a few others. I'm going to safely say that early high school was when I took it online, starting off on a couple of forums and chat rooms [ namely, Chatango ]. I frequently roleplayed via text message, email, and instant messengers. I still do this with like, one person via FB Messenger, lol. I occasionally roleplay on Discord, too.

Preferred roleplay type: I gravitate towards whatever my mood and energy seeks out. Unfortunately, I used to do things in a very organized manner, but that time has long since passed me. I am easily exhausted, distracted, and just. . . can't keep up! I prefer things with some substance, but I'm not strict on moving larger plots unless we've communicated it or have a larger goal in mind for our writing. I love just having fun and going with the flow! I'm open to most types, too, though I don't typically do single-liners unless it's like. . . me being goofy on the dash.

Pet peeves & dealbreakers: Automatic assumption of our characters knowing each other! Unless we have talked it over, or your muse is a canon character within the universe that he's interacted with, please don't do this! It makes me [ and Stolas ] uncomfortable!

Absolute dealbreaker - If you think Stolas is an abuser / disregard his being in an abusive relationship, my blog is NOT for you. I've made this clear a few times and wrote up a whole PSA for my portrayal!

Shipping - I've said it a few times, and I'm always willing to go over it for anyone curious, but my Stolas WILL NOT have any sexual or romantic interest in women. At most, if talked through with the other mun's, you'll get a little drunken flirtation. But there will be NO follow up. That being said, I can be a shipping whore [ affectionate ]. I love shipping! And if Stolas finds you attractive, then damn, he WILL flirt! However. . . . I will never just auto-ship with anyone, and I will be taking into consideration how Stolas would / wouldn't feel with your character. There needs to be some sort of interactions to base these things off of before we get into the big stuff. Again, though, if you see something that makes you tilt your head, it's probably because the mun and I have talked privately and are in cahoots with the idea!

Drama - Please don't pull me into it if it can be avoided. I am 30 years old, I did my time of tumblr dramas back in like, 2010. I am here for a good time, not a long time! If I gotta just up and leave, I will. Unless there is some serious shit I need to know, I will NOT be getting involved.

And one last dealbreaker. . . If you're treating this and your partners like there's a time limit, you definitely don't want to write with me! This is what I do for fun, to relax, to explore my writing abilities, sharpen them, and interact with people that don't exhaust me! So if you're going to put a time limit or anything of the sort on our interactions, I'm gonna' lose interest sooooo fast. Absolutely NOTHING I ever send or offer expires. You're also free to just delete it if you lost interest. That wonky ass 2am ask I sent you? Delete it if you don't wanna answer it!

Best time to write: The weekends, since I don't work. And, honestly, night time! It's when things are the calmest for me.

Are you like your muse? Do I gotta' answer this question? Yes, yes, I am like my muse. Stolas and I share quite a few similar qualities, both in terms of hobbies and interests, and emotional states. I have an excessive amount of plants, I love watching the stars, I have an unholy amount of books and love reading, I enjoy tea and intimate conversations. I've been in abusive living situations, I suffer from anxiety & depression, and while some people think highly of me, I think rather low of myself.

Tagged by; @strikers-saloon

Tagging; @flamesignite ; @witchysang ; @distortiism ; @lapetitemxrt ; @siriuslord ; & anyone else! Feel free to say I tagged you if you want.

[badlibbing]

Flight Rising Has A Banning Problem???

I don't know how many FR users are aware of this issue, so I thought it would be a good idea to make a post to spread awareness.

A few months ago, I lost access my own account, leading to this conversation with another player via Discord...

[1st Image ID]

Me: "btw I don't know if you're still active on Flight Rising but to make a long f***in story short I kind of got locked out of my account, so if my dragons seem to be starved that's why"

Them: "Oh they've unfairly banned a lot of users for funneling and such and dance around specifics for a few emails before saying that they ain't responding anymore"

Me: "It's actually a weirder situation than that (regarding mine specifically) but I don't have the energy to explain it"

Them: "Damn. But yeah happened to me, [Mutual 1], [Mutual 2], and several of [Mutual 2]'s friends, as well as other scattered instances"

[End 1st Image ID]

[2nd Image ID]

Them: "Yeah I made another account for no reason other than dragon-ifying OCs and sonas for the funni (because the dressing room needs an account and so does generally saving dragons). Not bothering with anything else because the email exchange basically boiled down to "hey so we banned you for account funneling, we found an account that solely existed to benefit you" "…what account?" "guess :3" And I don't wanna deal with that again. At best they gave a time period. And it was when I had a checklist of items for [Dragon] and [Dragon] in my channel. It was when I was receiving help for those items, I said all of that, and suddenly they were going "oh, well there was this other account during some other time, goodbye now"."

[End 2nd Image ID]

This is... extremely sus.

I can understand why FR might do preemptive bans on accounts with odd activity, but the way they seem to be refusing to help players get their accounts back is very strange. Are they actually that paranoid or just lazy? What's really going on here?

I want to know how many people have encountered this. If it turns out to be a widespread problem... I don't know, can we file a complaint to the team? This is bizarre and I'm not quite sure how to handle it, so we may need to put our heads together as a community to find a solution.

If your account is still active, try bringing this up in a forum post(s) to make the topic hard to ignore.

[finn-m-corvex]

Lightning in a Cubicle Pt. 1

Did I expect to see my silly little post about Jay being another boring office drone take off? Absolutely not. Hell no I didn't. But here we are and everywhere I look there's office Jay taking over the community person by person and I have no idea what I've done. So, what better way to celebrate my newfound stardom than to do what I do best and write?

Between my drawing today and suffering in pain (I've had twelve ibuprofen today, YIKES) I have put together this little thing. Who am I kidding? Nothing I write is little.

This is Part 1, don't know when Part 2 is coming out, but I hope everyone enjoys nonetheless! P.s. lemme know if anyone wants to be on a taglist for Pt. 2.

"Thank you for reaching out about this issue, Charlie. I will get back to you in two to three business days..." Jay was muttering to himself, carefully clicking each key as he responded to the email. He did not want a repeat of the incident where he typed 'fuck' instead of 'duck' to his supervisor. HR had hounded him for two weeks, forcing him to take classes on workplace etiquette and sensitivity lessons.

Jay hated their HR department.

After he finished the email, he made sure to include his signature and click send, reloading the page and checking to see if it actually sent instead of being banished to his drafts. It had happened to many times already. He smiled at the sight of his finally cleared inbox, happily ignoring the forms that he still needed to fill out and all of the paperwork he had to file.

God, how was it only Monday?

For the first time that day, Jay finally had some downtime (as long as he ignored all of his responsibilities). He grabbed up his cup of pens, intending on linking them all together with paperclips to "ropen" and close his cubicle door. He snickered at his own joke; damn, he cracked himself up sometimes.

Calling it a door was quite generous, honestly. It was really more a spare cubicle wall he had stolen from his coworker Judy after she had gone upstairs for the day. The old hag didn't even realize that it was missing the next morning, only seeing that she now had a view right into her best friend Janet's office. Jay had haggled for some hinges from his buddy in the maintenance department, nailing them to his wall and attaching the stolen one.

He had just found his groove in making the rope when a shrill shriek echoed through the office. "WALKER!"

Jay jumped with a small gasp, panicking when a couple strands of his lightning leaked out. He was quick to get it back under control with his breathing, and he was filled with dread when he realized who had called his name.

Shitty Sharon.

"Yeah, Sharon?" he called back, poking his head out from the top of his cubicle. Just as he thought, Sharon was standing in the doorway to their workroom, face red with anger and hands on her hips. All the other ladies were staring at him as he made the walk of shame to the workroom, and Jay felt humiliated under their questioning gazes.

Could he go one day without being summoned like he was a lapdog? One?!

"I thought you were supposed to fix the printer." Sharon said shortly, and Jay was wondering who the hell he had pissed off in the chain of command to be the only man on the women's side of the floor.

It took everything in him not to scream. "I did fix the printer, Sharon."

"Then why the hell won't it print?! I don't have the time for this," she growled.

Neither did he. He had ropes to make. "Did you make sure it had ink and paper? Like I told you last time?"

"Why should I have to do that? That's why you're here, office boy," she said snidely, and god it was too early for this.

He chose to be the bigger person and check the printer himself, and what do you know? It just needed more paper.

"I'll put the paper in for you," he said, because he was not getting bad karma for being a bitch back to Shitty Sharon. She had hella connections with the company, and she would not hesitate to make his life a living hell. The last time he talked back to her, his water had gotten turned off for a week. He had to haul some in from the communal bathrooms just so he could take a shower.

Grabbing a fresh package of paper, Jay opened it with ease, avoiding giving himself a cut as he placed it in the tray. Closing it, he pressed a couple buttons to make sure everything was working right, and then it took all of his willpower not to scream when he glanced at the tiny screen with all of the functions on it.

"Sharon," he said, in the sweetest tone he could conjure at the moment, "why are you printing a thousand copies of this report?!"

"The damn thing wouldn't work, so I just kept clicking print!"

"You're supposed to call the maintenance department!" Jay yelled, throwing his hands into the air. "Or I.T.! Or me! Not print a thousand copies of the same paper!"

"Whatever," she said flippantly, turning away and walking back to her nice spacious office that should've been Jay's. "Just be a 'dear' and take care of it for me."

He didn't want to take care of it. Muttering to himself, Jay smashed the small buttons on the printer with much more force than necessary, cancelling the excess orders but making sure to leave one still open. While he would've loved to cancel all of them to force Sharon to click print again and come get it herself, Jay knew from experience that she would print out a bunch of the shit anyway and dump it in his office.

Jay started humming, readjusting the tie around his neck to give his hands something to do. He relaxed, fully intent on going back to his cubicle to goof around some more until he caught a glace at the clock.

8:50.

He had a meeting in ten minutes.

"Fuck!" Jay yelled, sprinting out of the room and straight for his workspace. He snatched up his briefcase and jacket, nearly forgetting his keycard before spinning on his heel to grab them. There was something he was forgetting, he knew it, but he didn't have the time to wonder what it was.

Slipping his jacket on, Jay didn't bother to keep the door from slamming shut behind as he escaped the suffocating atmosphere of the accounting department. He ran down the hall, pushing past other disgruntled employees with a quick apology. The elevators on their side of the hall were broken; he was going to have to use the ones by Public Relations.

His ever-wondering mind thought about convincing the decorating department to get them some plants as he hurried past white wall after white wall, only sparsely brightened up by a portrait of the board of directors or some fancy-schmancy paintings that Jay couldn't appreciate. What was wrong with some good ol' greenery? Some flowers here, a little fern there, maybe they would even let him go crazy and get a bonsai tree!

You know, if he ever got an office with a window.

"G'morning Jay!" his favorite security guard said to him, and Jay barely had time to wave to the man before he passed. If he was lucky, he wouldn't have to wait very long for the car to arrive on his floor.

The Administration was a beast of a building; you could see it from practically anywhere in Ninjago. With an impressive two hundred and fifty-four floors, it was the first true skyscraper that Jay could ever remember seeing in his life. Or what he remembered from it, anyway.

One of the reasons it had to be so large was because the Administration also housed all of their employees and necessities. The last fifty floors were dedicated entirely to apartments for the workforce, and Jay's own apartment was on level 275. Thinking about that reminded him that he needed to stop by the supermarket on floor 168 before he went home for the day. He had run out of coffee grounds the day before, and heaven knows he couldn't go on without those.

Jay's bad luck continued to haunt him when he skidded to a stop in front of the elevators, and the closest one to floor 67 was the one on 154. Someone must've been visiting the indoor aquarium. Jay wanted to go to the aquarium.

He slammed his hand on the up button, watching as the numbers along the top slowly counted down. Checking his wrist-watch, Jay saw that he had seven minutes to get to the one hundredth floor; this was going to be tight, but as long as there weren't any delays he should be able to make it.

And of course, because he's him, there were delays.

"How many stops do you have to make"?!" he exclaimed, watching as the damned elevator paused for the seventh time. He didn't have the time for this!

Finally, finally, the elevator stopped on his floor, and Jay pushed past all of the people getting off. He swiped his keycard, ignoring the female voice saying "Welcome, Jay Walker," in favor of urgently typing his floor number into the elevator's keypad, and it shot up into the sky like a rocket.

Most of his coworkers had told him stories about how long it had taken them to adjust to the elevator's speed, but Jay had never had a problem with it. Part of him always wondered what he had done in his past life before he came to work for the Administration; there had to be a reason he didn't get motion sick, or how his reflexes were sharper than the blades in the shredder, or why he felt so uneasy whenever he saw someone swinging an object in his direction (like he was expecting an attack?).

There was also the lightning, of course, but no one knew that Jay had that. And no one could ever know. He didn't want to imagine the training that he would be forced to go through if the Administration ever found out about it.

If they didn't ship him off to Imperium first.

"Can this damn thing not go any faster?" Jay growled, tapping his foot against the floor in an aggressive beat. He was glad no one else was in the elevator with him.

Up and up he went, the numbers growing higher and higher, blinking red. 97, 98, 99...

100! and he still had two minutes to spare!

Maybe Mr. Harding would give him that promotion after all!

The doors started opening and Jay was out before they could finish, making a beeline for the door at the other end of the blindingly white hallway. He could feel the sweat staining his light blue button-up, and Jay just had to hope and pray that his jacket covered it up well enough to get through this meeting without his eagle-eyed boss noticing anything.

He knocked on the door, checking his watch and seeing that he had officially made it at 8:59. One minute left.

Jay slapped his corporate smile on his face when Mr. Harding opened the door, making sure to hold out the correct hand. His left, because Mr. Harding was left-handed and had a stronger grip; Mr. Harding also loved having the upper hand. "So good to see you, sir! I hope you're well."

"Mr. Walker," Mr. Harding said casually, but Jay could already tell that his boss was in a bad mood. Shit. "I believe I told you that I wanted you here at 8."

"Pardon?" that definitely was not what the email had said.

"I sent an email to you around 7:30 that I wanted you in at 8." Mr. Harding said slowly, and Jay quickly pushed down the ire that rose at the childish treatment.

Wait, 7:30? He had staff meetings from 7-8 on Mondays!

"B-but that's when I have my staff meetings," Jay explained, holding back from messing with the cuffs of his sleeves. Mr. Harding hadn't taken too kindly to his fidgeting the last time he had been in here. "I'm not allowed to check my phone during staff meetings."

"I expect you to read all of my emails, Mr. Walker," the man said firmly, his lips curling into a distasteful sneer. "You're lucky that I happen to be free at the moment. Now, would you like to step in, or do you want to wait another hour?"

Jay grit his teeth, swallowing his anger and shoving it down deep inside. "Yes sir, sorry sir."

This damn promotion better be worth every moment of this nonsense, or Jay was tearing the Administration down himself.

[booksinstacks]

I'm not saying I don't want to be alive but I'm also not not saying that.

Jk.

But seriously, can we talk about being a disabled university student because I literally feel like I am in hell.

Tell me why my emails about changing my timetable are being ignored?

Tell me why my literal DISABILITY SUPPORT ADVISOR has not responded to my last few emails? YOUR LITERAL JOB IS TO SUPPORT ME, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU? He could have quit his job for all I know. It's not like anyone in this place ever communicates with me.

How do I get people to listen to me and actually communicate with me? I'm serious. These people who are supposed to be helping me succeed are actively contributing to me having a mental breakdown because they aren't even competent enough to reply to their fucking emails apparently.

Being disabled is hard enough and comes with ridiculous amounts of admin already, without me having to send extra emails chasing people up every damn week because they haven't bothered to get back to me. I am sick of it. I am done!

No wonder so many disabled people drop out of uni or just don't bother going in the first place.

The support is ABYSMAL. It's there, but good luck accessing it. It might as well not exist.

I swear uni life must be a breeze for abled people because uni itself (my classes, the workload) isn't even the problem. My disabilities and the lack of support are the things I'm struggling with. If I weren't disabled I'd be doing SO WELL at uni rn. I'd be able to just enjoy my classes and get my reading done in my free time. And if people would actually respond to my emails and give me the support I need, maybe my disabilities wouldn't be making my uni experience quite so freaking hard.

But alas, by the time I've done my lectures and seminars and all the godforsaken admin that comes with being disabled, I have no energy to do the reading for my classes thanks to brain fog and chronic fatigue and of course the chronic pain which makes those other symptoms worse. That's not even factoring in the executive dysfunction and my inability to focus on things and all that other fun stuff that comes with being neurospicy.

If I could go back in time a few years, I'd tell myself not to bother going to uni. But I'm in second year now, and I might as well just make the most of it and do the best I can. I'm too far in to just quit. But the struggle is real.

[karinamay]

I got tagged by the wonderful @cinnamontails-ff to talk about fanfic so let's go

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 33 apparently? Damn, that's actually way more than I thought okay okay.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 198,622 (that's hilariously low again when looking at the amount of works)

3) What fandoms do you write for? BG3 currently, I used to write a lot for CR and Detroit Evolution

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Arms unfolding (Critical Role, Caleb/Essek)

Uselessly devoted (Critical Role, Caleb/Jester)

Something small (Critical Role, Dorian/Dariax)

Three is company (Critical Role, Caleb/Jester/Essek)

The one that got away (BG3, Astarion/Tav)

5) Do you respond to comments? I try to, I really love getting comments and having little conversations with everyone but I'm also terrible with keeping up with my email notifications.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Wrong place, wrong time (Detroit Evolution, Nines/Gavin)

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I almost always write happy endings honestly.. Tell her a story (tell her the honest truth) (Detroit Evolution, Ada/North) maybe?

8) Do you get hate on fics? I don't think I've ever had straight up hate, no.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, I'm very much a smutty oneshot writer, who occasionally branches out. What kind of smut? I don't know? Nothing extremely. Mainly F/M. The consensual kind. Good communication is a recurring topic. One of my most used tags is probably "dom/sub undertones"

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I don't have any crossovers up and I don't plan on writing any. The most idiotic fic I have up on AO3 is a fanfic based on the google translate butchered script of Detroit Evolution called Camp Cyberlife (Anatomy) that I fully just wrote as a joke for a couple of friends.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Also no.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? My all time favourite ship is Will/Elizabeth from PotC, but I don't read or write about that, they just live in my brain forever.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a WIP still up for a Detroit Evolution fic that I haven't touched in literal years, that I recently got a comment on. I reread it and now I personally am pissed at myself for never finishing it because it ends on a cliffhanger and I don't even remember what was supposed to happen.

16) What are your writing strengths? The thing I've been complimented on most across all fandoms is characterisation. I take a lot of care finding the voice of the characters I write, and from people's reactions that seems to work very well.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Pacing. Pacing is hard.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's hard to not have it be confusing. I've thrown in a few words in a different language here and there a few times, but never more than that. I think there's definitely a place for it but it's hard to do it well.

19) First fandom you wrote for? Oof, um. I think that somewhere in the dephts of ff.net there's still a fic of mine for the shadowhunters universe that exists.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written? Recently probably The one that got away. That one is a little special to me because the Tav in there is a character very near and dear to my heart. Besides that I'm actually really really enjoying working on my current multichapter (with the most obnoxiously long title) High heeled heroes & reluctantly righteous rogues (BG3, Astarion/Tav).

[elialys]

hiii ambre, no need to respond (srsly) but I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry to see people communicating in bad faith in your inbox and for making you feel like you’re being surveilled because that’s just deeply disturbing behaviour. you’re amazing for responding to them with the level of patience and kindness that they wouldn’t even think to afford you.

and you probably know all of this already! but seeing all that drama on my dash reminded me of some bad experiences so I just wanted to drop a message to say that I’m so impressed with the way you are handling it, even when you didn’t have to, and hopefully throw some positivity into your inbox? :3

hope you have a great rest of the day, and here's a quick boop to swat the negativity away!

Thank you so much for the positivity in my inbox, lovely, it's definitely appreciated ❤️ I actually DID have a great day, I finished the second draft of a chapter I'm actually happy with and excited to share (with me 3 lovely readers 😂🥰), spent the afternoon with my favorite 3 year old after 2 weeks away and he told me he loved me, and then I got an email confirming I was officially getting an interview for the school I'd like to study in next fall, so all and all, pretty damn good!

I know I'm probably giving those anons more time/energy/patience than I should, given their attitude toward me, but what can I say, I believe people can all be good and nice to each other, as long as we communicate like adults. Wishful thinking certainly, but ah well.

[deuce-t]

Another email about my account being terminated two days ago has been sent. A few people have recommended using an email different from the one connected to the account (tumblr tells you to use the one connected to the account but many other people who had their accounts wrongfully terminated said staff only responded when they used a different email) I will give them a few more days before I try again.

What is the point of having the option to appeal a termination and ask why a termination happened if staff does not reply?

If I can’t get my blogs and my account back I at least want to know what of my content (that has never violated community guidelines) caused my account to be terminated. I damn well know my account activity didn’t look like a fucking bot so unless staff is just instantly terminating any account that’s reported as a bot they better have a damn good reason for terminating an account that followed their goddamn guidelines.

[cognitiveleague]

Cut for work venting / length / sleep deprived ADHD run-on sentences. Basically just using Tumblr as a journal for stress relief since I’m awake

Goddddd it’s past 3 AM on a damn Saturday and I’m trying so hard not to spend half the weekend trying figure out any response to an upset client’s most recent email other than like.

“Hon, I think you may have mistaken my polite tone and commitment to engaging with you in good faith with decency and transparency for some kind of inclination to bend over backwards if a client is not happy for any reason? But I think my colleague and I have both been pretty straightforward with you about what kind of help we can and can’t offer in this situation and Karen-ing about it at this stage isn’t going to change that, especially since we have legal obligations to your insurance company to actually charge you what they have put toward your deductible costs for this year, so instead of stamping your feet about not being happy with the cost (which I *understand* is a lot and we’re all broke and tired and it hurts, and which I fundamentally believe a just world shouldn’t place on the patient, but we live in the world and the country we live in for now and you are older than my thoroughly grown ass so we are both going to have to be adults and deal with that part) please fucking work with me here so Incan at least give you all the patience you need and the assurance that your credit won’t be affected as long as you stick to some type of payment plan or at least keep in communication with us about any issues with the plan, or it WILL become my job to send your case to a collections agency, which exists to try and get your money without giving any kind of a fuck and will ABSOLUTELY both add 20% to your already difficult to bear balance and immediately report the debt to credit agencies without batting one goddamn eyelash, and under no circumstances do I want to have to do that any more than you want me to so please help me have another choice in the matter”

Or, less charitably, “oh my god I’m so sorry, I thought you told my coworker you were upset to receive a bill for [pre-expected write off amount] because you were confused, but if you ‘already know how to read a statement and know the actual balance is [much smaller amount] and that’s what [you’re] upset about’ then you must just have been trying to intimidate the entry-level worker with the wrong number on purpose to see if you could guilt her into doing her job wrong and getting in trouble for you, my bad!” or “look, it sucks, but management is not going to view the one mistake that was made on our end as one on the scale where it would be appropriate to respond by lowering the balance significantly, like if I stuck my neck out even further than I already have for you there’s a slim chance I could get you a small courtesy write off but it’s not too damn likely and would be small enough to feel like more of a slap in the face than just saying ‘no, the balance is correct and I’m afraid it isn’t something that’s negotiable at this point’ , and since you’ve been sort of a dick to my colleague and me so far (because you seem like the kind of person who thinks it’s appropriate to throw a fit at underpaid employees until someone kisses your ass and pretends the client is always right, but unfortunately for you my instinctive reaction to rudeness is not to kiss ass, it’s ‘oh that’s how you want to play? Let’s fucking dance, then, asshole’), I’m not sure why I should waste more of my limited time and annoy my bosses for the slim chance of a small change that would still leave you furious and dissatisfied anyway”

or “I think there may be some kind of error on the alleged list of practices your surgeon gave you for the mental health clearance, because if the other practices can actually provide this evaluation at the out of pocket price point you insist were on that list, I will eat my fucking hat. Like at this point it’s cost our practice more than that much to buy the blank forms needed for your evaluation, submit them for you, and pay me personally (even at the mildly insulting rate I get paid) for the amount of work hours I’ve spent reviewing your case, talking to office management to see where I could get them to compromise for you out of the goodness o my heart, and making sure my colleague’s and my own responses to you have all had the right balance of ‘compassionate and polite but setting clear expectations for what’s realistic to be asking at this point’ and you haven’t even paid us a damn cent of it yet?”

Or “look, I owned up to the one small contributing mistake on our end in the interest of being decent and honest to you and being able to grant you SOME ground in compensation, and I really do get where you’re coming from, but in total fairness here, even the least competent member of our billing team on a bad day would have easily caught that and cleared it up for you before services took place if you had made any attempt to ask *us* (the people whose job it is to know jack shit about insurance) what it was going to cost prior to your appointment, but what you did was wait until you were already in session and then ask the guy who, I cannot stress this enough, is a wonderful person who is great at the things that are his job but has a doctorate and decades of relevant experience in *psychotherapy and psychiatric testing*, not any sort of financial field, and works for a practice where someone else handles the accounting and insurance stuff for him, so why the fuck would *he* have been able to instinctively notice that the numbers looked wrong the way we would have in the 5 seconds of your appointment time he could spare to check on them for you???????? How was asking *him*, during the appointment, ‘doing your due diligence to research the costs in advance and make an informed decision’, you absolute turnip?????”

[cheemsitz]

Hello, Teacher Crush Community. Unfortunately, I am back because I graduated high school in June, and I'm still in absolute agony.

This is a long post, so I will continue this under the cut

So here's a moment from our last day together that replays in my head and makes me feel super shitty.

For reference, he was my guidance counselor. If anyone else feels as if that’s relevant to know lol

We were hanging out in his office, and I made some stupid jokes. I forgot what the joke actually was, but something along the lines of me in a dangerous situation???? But he didn't humor me and told me that he hopes that I'll be okay and that he cares about me, etc., and at the end of that, he told me he loved me, and I hate thinking about it. I hate that I still think about it because I never told him that I loved him too, and I really wanted to, but I felt embarrassed.... ashamed? As if I didn't deserve to hear that, it shocked me that someone chose to love me; it wasn't obligated love from a family member or anyone else who's expected to love me; he chose to love me, and he said it unprompted, and I didn't say it back, and I tried, but the words got caught in my throat, so I just ended up sighing in response and making another stupid joke.

I hope that my (lack of) response didn't make him think that I didn't care, but with the little logic I have left, I know he probably didn't take it that way. I was joking with him one day, and he said something so lame while we were playing Mario Kart, so I told him, "I hate you," and he just responded, "No, you don't." So a part of me knows that he knows I care for him, and he knew I was upset to leave him well before I graduated anyway, and he would tell me, “What am I going to do without you?” SO DAMN! I NEED TO STOP GETTING IN MY HEAD! AND BEING SO DUMB!

To end this post on a positive note, he actually emailed me last week, and it's dorky and lame, but it's (unfortunately) funny to me. They’re heavily redacted, just out of respect for other people who are mentioned, and a few aspects of my personal life. Also, I think it’s worth noting that the subject of the Email is “Punk Bitch.” LMFAOOO

[hislittleraincloud]

Yes to all of it. We oldies remember the days when we actually owned the programs we used instead of renting them off of the websites. Because that's what it is...we are forced to rent and keep paying rent on shit like Adobe Photoshop/Illustrator (and even our own damn simple functionality of connecting our computers to the internet. I was horrified to find that I couldn't just connect without the fucking cloud shit saving every little thing that I did ("OneDrive" SUCKS SO MUCH!).) As if we don't pay enough rent as renters, or even homeowners who RENT the fucking equipment in order to get internet service (with the fucking rental fee for the fucking modem).

This is fucking greed

It's FUCKING GREED.

My 81yo father is a graphic artist (as well as a microbiologist and botanist) and he's complaining that his Photoshop doesn't work now. I told him that he needs to download the legacy CS2 (or 5 or whatever it is) and use that for free since the Adobe mfs are charging people rent now. CS2 is what I use. I OWNED THE DISK. Anyone can find the program online somewhere, find an old password crack, and get in.

When I was dirt poor and just getting my first computer out here on the West Coast, it came with a shitty Adobe program that was LIKE Photoshop; not as extensive (PhotoDesign? I forget what it's called now), but it still had layers...it was kind of like MSPaint but with layers and 50% more functionality. It was somewhere between Paint and Photoshop, but it worked just fine bc I could create the same things that I could if I had PS.

I wrote some pretty raunchy ABC Daytime Soap fic back in 1999 (the sex in there would put everything in Afterburn to shame). And I mean stuff that WOULD get me on the antis Wanted Posters. I used that shitty program to make the headers (yes, my fic had headers BACK THEN). I don't remember what website hosted them but it was one that accepted adult-oriented NSFW things/fic...it was an NSFW web host, if I recall I was formatting and FTP'ing it all and had a little website. I was even chatting with Catherine Hickland about getting her own website up and running because I was such a fan boy and back then it wasn't too weird to communicate directly with celebrities (I emailed Kate Mulgrew in 1997 because I found her Paramount address somehow, and she freaking responded to me 💀). Cat had no idea I was writing dark smut though, thank the gods. But anyway, I made all my headers, buttons, character bios, etc. with the free program that came with the printer and the headers looked no different in quality than the headers I make today. 1999 or 2024, just give me a simple program with layers and fonts and I'll make it work.

Ignorance is a product of laziness, not limitation. (Thanks, Cairo.)

Download legacy programs that you can get to work. Use them, and stop paying rent to The Man.

It should be illegal to require that any device or software connect to the internet just to run. I shouldn't need to log in with microsoft to open any of their programs on my local computer. All games should be playable without access to an online server. All media you pay for should be downloadable to local disk as a raw file and if they don't like that because they know you'll share it and upload it, tough shit. They took your money already, they'll live.

[hersheythecure]

I almost lost today.

988

Called them and they sent a live counselor out to me. I went to a pace I feel safe and that's a Cafe. They met me there.

It was so hard. Getting to that point. I haven't had suicidal ideations In a while. But this is the season that they show up. Especially with everything we have going on.

I was so scared. I have to fight Frantic who's tye trauma holder for everyone. She feels like all the trauma in our nervous system and each separate part is an extension of her. The visual is insane in my mind. They're all hurting. But one thing for sure when she sends me that it's because we need help that is nowhere in our vicinity. It's when my brain realizes if we don't reach out we're going to take our life. She's combating the trauma alters who's adolescent outlet is death.

We literally have Noone. Lmaooo

All the questions. Were. No. Who can change your tire or take you somewhere? No one.

Who can you call? No one

Who can you ask for money from ? No one

Is there anyone here that you can ask for help? Nope

Any relatives? 2.5 hrs away so nope

I literally said roadside assistance is who I'd have rk call. Atleast I can afford that right?

If I was broke I'd be dead as fuck. Thank you brain for securing our Financials.

It's sad that if you're broke youre just dead. Buttttt 988. Please no matter how broke you are reach out. It's free. Verify. If you need them to email you that it's free have them do that. They sent two ladies out to meet me. Get my history and provide support as well as resources. Ones the VA doesn't even have or give. Smh.

I explained my symptoms and what I need. What is happening in my life. And where the stressor are.

My mom is not the person to call when I'm suicidal due to the inexperience with mental illnesses and disorders. But she's the only one that answered which I'm still so fortunate that she did. Almost took me out though. She made me feel like everything I did was wrong in relation to coparenting. Even when my social worker said otherwise. It sucks I can't count on my family for the advice i need because they don't have the info to respond In a supportive way. It suckssssss. I realized that my family was causing conflict in my mind. They have such a power over my mind because they are my ONLY support. The pull is strong. On my parts. But something the counselor said helped. Isolating yourself and cutting yourself off like Caribbean and black people encourage is actually the opposite and causes more harm. You cannot heal in isolation. And now I have to just he by myself mentally. I can only get support on a level I don't need it. I can't be myself or explain my pain because I can't pray this away. Wtffff. I just want healthy balck and Caribbean people who've dealt with their mental health and can give me advice. Damn. But that's not many per what? White supremacy.

And I'm glad the white counselor stated the disparities between black communities and mental health.

I am so exhausted. So exhausted. But so glad they sent someone to help me. Too much emotional stress. And no support. Online is nice when I'm not in distress. But like a bitch need a hug and I git no one. I remember when I was religious and I'd beg God to come down and hug me. To take this pain away and you know what, he didn't. And here I am feeling the same without believing in any God. Definitely shows me it's all just fluff. Words.

I am alive.

I am hoping to get some emdr. It'll help manage the symptom that is dissociation.

Im not dying.

I always go and check myself in if it feels like my body is being hijacked to suicide. It's happened before. But I'm better at detecting since having my son. He really saved my life.

[hiding-in-my-blanket-fort]

.

Something I’ve been struggling with lately is the demand to stay in constant communication, and if you don’t, you’re deemed a demonic avoidant who ghosts people.

I grew up in the 90s, homeschooled, with no phone of my own, using dial up internet. I emailed a few kids I was friendly with, but that could be done when I had the time for it. I wasn’t expected to respond immediately.

Saw a video today explaining “proper communication”: a “good morning” text was necessary daily and if they couldn’t maintain conversation throughout the day, they were required to send another text, saying they were busy for the day so if you don’t hear from them, that’s the reason why.

And I’m seeing that sentiment A LOT.

Started chatting with someone online - just the “how are you?” stage!! - and he got anxious, thinking that I had ghosted him because I hadn’t responded in 12 hours. Like…no? I just slept, grabbed some food, and got ready for work.

Another person got irritated that I wasn’t responding to texts fast enough and I explained that I had low spoons (which is true). He said that wasn’t an excuse and I could find *some* energy to text back.

It’s ironic because it seems to create this hyperbolic extreme of intense, constant communication, or no communication at all and loneliness.

I’m 33 years old and I would like to try and develop a friendship. Just one. I had shitty friendships when I was growing up. I haven’t had a friendship in long time now. And it would just be nice to like…go to the movies with a friend, which I’ve never done in my life.

But when I encounter stuff like this, I literally physically cannot maintain it. And it’s frustrating because I WANT to. I want to foster relationships that are healthier than my dysfunctional family dynamic.

But I’m introverted. Socially anxious to the point that I get a tension headache after two hours of socializing and I’m wiped out for the rest of the day. I’m 99% sure I have anxious avoidant attachment issues thanks to childhood trauma bullshit, so that probably factors in. I didn’t have my own space growing up, I was constantly “on” to raise my siblings, or play caretaker to my emotionally immature parents. My mother insisted we were all glued at the hip, so we always had to do everything together, or not at all.

And I would just like some adult breathing room at this point. I would like to socialize without explaining where I am or what I’m doing every minute of the day because someone wants to know why I’m not giving them attention ALL the time.

At my last job, there were two co-workers who had notifications going off on their phones constantly because of group chats they were in. I’ve never been in a group chat thing, but just listening to it was enough to make me stressed. How does anyone have the energy to stay in contact that much with people??? Don’t you get tired? Don’t you want time alone to yourself?

I NEED time alone to recharge. I always block off Saturday so I can disconnect. Otherwise, I feel very drained. It feels like there’s this endless like…”white noise”…in my head.

I try to remind people - repeatedly - that I have low spoons, I need time alone, etc. But it goes in one ear and out the other. In the next breath, they want to do a movie marathon all day. They want to know why I’m not texting them back faster.

It makes it harder to socialize, and socializing is already pretty damn hard. And it gets discouraging because I know before I even start that I can’t meet the demands other people claim is “bare minimum”.