#It’s like what only 5 pages of writing
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I want to write, but life throws annoying assignments at meeeeeeee
#sandy blabbles#sandy updates#updates#Sighhhh#ok ok I can focus and do it#It’s like what only 5 pages of writing#Pathetic#my powers are great#(Hasn’t outlined the paper)#Ok I should stop procrastinating ;w;
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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.
Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen
A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death
#hellsing#alucard#kouta hirano#translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent#fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online#i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands#the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake#anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool#if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first#and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf#i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia#then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point#but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page#and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh#the hellsing brainrot runs deep#also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491#except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo#the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002#which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch#sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less#it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was#maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'
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hi I like gelato a lot
youtube
#ask#anon#hi anon. sorry that i used this opportunity to talk about the sims 2 console port#ive had this template made and didn't use it for much besides a few jokes to send to friends#but i think it's on par for Gelato to be this knowledgeable about one of his favourite games.#but yeah basically i grew up with the xbox version of Sims 2 and since the xbox was my brothers console. i didnt get to play it a whole lot#and years later i bought the sims 2 on PS2 and noticed a lot of slowdown on actions and stuff#and the golden bolt (i think thats their youtube name) did a video about the console ports of sims 1 & 2 games#and i was kinda confused hearing them talk about how the sims 2 only had one save file (on PS2) because the xbox version had like eight#and so that. paired with me looking through the cutting room floor page of the sims 2#i was kinda curious to see if the xbox version really performed as bad as it does on the ps2 version#because the golden bolt was also talking about that in their coverage of the ports#and so like again. there's only two videos on youtube that I could find of the xbox version#and the ones uploaded by IGN run on the ps2 version. because of the fucking button prompts they show on screen#anyway. so like thankfully one of the only other xbox videos showcased making a sim. and it's. so much fucking faster than the ps2 version#like on the ps2 version. you'd select a hairstyle. wait 5-10 seconds. and then the hair changes and you get the ui element to customize it#press cancel and you wait 5-10 seconds to revert back to your previous hairstyle#on the xbox version though? it's so much fucking faster#i haven't checked gameplay of the gamecube version but ik that speedrunners use specifically just that version of the port?#im not sure why only because i havent done the research to check what's better about the gamecube version#granted. i have to get around to getting an original xbox controller at some point to prove it for myself that the xbox port runs the best#i know it probably wont be perfect due to the disk having a few scratches. but its gotta beat my ps2 copy#im also curious to see how many save files i used. because im almost certain i used like 6-7 of them#just because i kept creating new story modes with almost identical alien sims with mohawks#in my last playthrough. i think i broke that tradition and gave my sim a flatter haircut. i also forget if i made him an alien or not.#i havent played it in a year due to getting my computer and it taking up the space i used for my crt setup#anyway. hi anon. sorry about that. im happy you like Gelato :)#i genuinely love him so much ever since Helper sketched him up. like she absolutely nailed it. literally couldn't ask for anything better#and writing up stuff for him has honestly made me love him so much more#thank you for the ask anon!! :)
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just a few little bits from the past few days
#both the word count screenshots are from the same day - just different sections of the text. so that was like 4000 words in#one DAY.. huzzah!! (< making up for the fact that I did 0 words the 3 days before that lol.. so its not actually an accomplishment ghjjh)#In renpy I think you can have multiple separate texty cody whatever documents and still jump between them so long as they;re#labeled properly. Rather than like... having one extremely long 60.000 line file where in some places youre in a menu within a menu#within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu jhbhj#But that was the way I started doing it lke 5 years ago when I actually made the base of everything so I feel like it'd be too much#work to change it all that dramatically now. But that means I cant just get the word count for the whole document I just have#to jump around to the few sections I worked on and highlight them to get the word count for only that portion#.. the one tiny fraction of the whole monster text wall. Though it is of course spaced out and organized into#clearly labeled sections within that because otherwise I have trouble discerning text on a screen. still.#Resuming a project that's been basically abandoned for 4-5 ish years is just always finding weird stuff like.. why did I do this that way..#why did I write that... why did I organize that in this manner... what the hell am I referencing in this note... etc. lol#Anyway... also......................cat with plum on his head.#everyone point and laugh at mr. plum head boy..!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:3c#I've been obsessed with Calico Critters' social media presence from afar (like how I mentioned one of my possible dream jobs would#be to be the person that sets the scenes and arranges all the toy animals at a tiny little table and etc. to take the type of pictures they#post on their facebook page and stuff) and I see all their photos of them posing the rabbits as if they're in a swimming pool#or on a nature hike or etc. etc. BUT I have never really seen them in person. Recently I was at a store (in a KN95 mask and not staying#very long still of course. wastewater covid levels are still high where I live (and most of the US truly)) and it just crossed my mind#to actually go to the toy section and see if I could find any....wow.... Its like meeting a celebrity.. the Latte Cats....#Of course I didnt buy them because they're like... very expensive?? like $25 - $40 just for one little pack of a few critters like#what is shown. but.... I still got to see them................ my beloved.. I want their outfits... T o T#Oh and then lastly just a pot of purple clover looking things. I just think theyre neat lol#photo diary
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A man and his lame-ass secret identity. Which is which? You decide.
Bro from my old and kind of dead Rwbystuck au.
The second drawing's colors aren't finalized, some even worse drafts below
Also poorly formatted for "ironic" purposes
#homestuck#rose's art#dirk strider#or as he is known in this au#Diederick Lalonde#I want to bludgeon him with a hammer#He was fun to design tho#bro strider#rwbystuck#Its an old au so i don't feel particuarly prompted to ramble unprompted but if you have an questions i'd love to answer them#theres so much unposted writing for this au#i wrote like 5 pages on this guy's history with cigarettes at one point and it was only the first half of his life.#what have i done with my life
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bruh idk what's the damage on all those spiteful writers who have to have a twist ending and change shit at the last minute when people guess what's going on. when someone speculates about an upcoming twist or catches on to what I've been doing I light up like the fucking vegas strip at dusk
#It takes all my restraint not to start spilling the beans on the little breadcrumbs i left and the cool plot thing I've developed in my head#Like!! You guys noticed that!! You picked up what I'm putting down!!#We're in this story TOGETHER and not only are you actively thinking about the thing I've created#We're on the same page!! You drew a conclusion about something I tried to hint about that I'm planning!#It's like we're solving a mystery together. Or doing an escape room#Where im frantically building the puzzles around you while you solve them#Idk it's just cool how we scream into the void about the stories we love and then another voice starts screaming back#Personal#Writing#And you don't get a whole lot of that parallel/simultaneous give and take between author and audience that much#Fanfiction is a medium of literature but it's also a community#I mean fan works in general but my experience specifically is in writing#And in studying literature as a concept and the history of new genres developing#Like somebody was the first person to come up with the rules of a sonnet (building on rules for previous poem forms)#And now everybody agrees what the general concept of a sonnet is even if there are variations#And I think it's cool that fanfic has developed its own subset of genres like drabble and 5+1 times xyz happened#The tropes and formulas for what makes a story. The shortcuts you take to get your reader on the same page with you (metaphorically)#And digital literature is its own developing field of born digital texts vs things transferred to a digital medium and necessarily altered#Idk fanfiction is just an interesting form of literature and community over a story#in a way that is more familiar to the literal thousands of years of storytelling that came before#As opposed to this modern day concept of IP and crackdown on taking someone else's idea and just playing with or engaging with it#Because if someone else touches it they could conceivably make money off the idea that Could Have Been Yours#And society is so ruthless that it's created a culture of selfishness and individualism just to survive#When we could all just be workshopping stories and playing with blorbos#the way hundreds of years of writers were playing with the idea of some dude named king arthur or the story of gilgamesh and enkidu#Before we had a concept of authorship necessitated by our capitalist society#Tags
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About to lose my shit over my shitty Algebra teacher cause i think he’s the devil incarnate cause he doesn’t respect kid’s 504 plans, there is this kid who may not always show up to class on time for some reason im not sure why but they try their best to catch up and work hard and they asked to send over and take the recent test they missed in a certain classroom and he was like “No you cant, you have to show up tomorrow in here to take it” when literally in their 504 plan says they can take it in that room no one can force them to take it in their classroom, but DOES HE CARE??? NOOOOOO. I think he was just trying to be tough or smth god knows what cause he has a huge ass power complex like dear god dude we get it you were a army guy but is yelling at teens really what you wanna do to feel that high of power again?? The kid then complained to the school and he got a ass whooping but sadly not fired and then the next day was pissed as hell and took it out on all of us 😍
he doesn’t care to actually help students at all, he just gives up on them if they don’t understand the first or barely the second time and tells em to basically fuck off and find someone else to explain it and i get it teaching is hard you might not be able to get everyone to understand BUT ITS LITERALLY HIS GO TO RESPONSE WHEN YOU DONT UNDERSTAND SMTH IN HIS SHITTY RAPID FIRE EXPLANATION WHEN HE JUST JUMPS FROM THING TO THING WITH NO VISUAL OR EVEN SENSE CAUSE WTF HOW DID YOU GET THAT ANSWER HELLO?? SLOW DOWN?? We were going over the study guide and he started doing a question and then realized half way it was “too hard” to do on the board so he gave up and kept going to the next question and a kid at my table who didn’t do that part pf the study guide cause they dont know how asked “Can you go over that please i don’t understand it” and his response was “im not going over it just to fill it in” and the kid said “im not asking to just fill it in im asking cause I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT” and guess what. HE DIDNT DO IT HE JUST IGNORED THEM AND KEPT GOING. YOUR STUDENT IS ASKING FOR HELP AND YOU AINT DOING SHIT. HELLO??? AND THIS ISNT THE FIRST TOME HE ALWAYS PULL THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME, GOD FORBID YOU ASK A QUESTION MORE THAN ONCE THATS TOK SCARY AAAHHHHH.
I hope all his classes fails and they fire his ass cause omg there has never been anything positive said about this man that isn’t from favorites/people who already are godly at math. The average student who’s had him HATES HIM.
Im really debating like cussing him out Thursday after my final cause i cant just walk away and act like it was a okay class no he needs to get fucking humbled at least see what he does is harmful and shitty and douchey. I dont care if i get in trouble im not gonna go down like this so many kids in that class have struggled cause of his ass not doing his job. And sure some of there are rowdy and sure some are a bit off task but that doesn’t give you the right to abandon them. If i ever kicked my own bucket he would be 5 of my 13 reasons why.
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#i wish upon his downfail almost daily cause like i feel like a death wish isnt good enough thats the easy way out#i need his ass to think and contemplate what he does and reevaluate his lfie#he needs to get off his fucking imaginary throne and look at what he actually does as a teacher#i know teaching is hard and now pays next to nothing but he just doesn’t do his job and if he wants to keep it shit better start changing#there are other teachers in the same topics that do swimingly not to compare but i have to for him#they are patient they give their kids resources like idk FULL WORK ON ANSWER KEYS#that was my biggest ick with him he never posted answe keys with the work hust answers#i know he probably did it to avoid ppl cooying but also screwed over kids who need to see what went wrong with their work#also minor complaint but he used the math textbook for ‘notes’ and YOU KNOW HOW SMALL THE SPACE IS YO WRITE IN THOSE???#WHY IS ALL THE WORK IN THERE WHY DO YOU DO THIS#HE SAID HE DID WORKSHEETS LAST HEAR AND I TOOM A SUGH OF RELIF THINK WE WOULD TO BUT NAHHH HERE IS THE GIANT ASS BOOK THAT WILL GUVE YOU#BACK PAIN AND ALSO IM NOT GONNA SAY PAGE NUMBERS IMMA SAY TOPIC HEADERS#WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT#Thats also a minor complaint but i knew shit was gonna be rough when he said the chapter names and not page numbers#so much time was lost trying to find the oage in the book#also kinda important not really but there were only 5 girls in that class including me#in a room of like 19#…IM JUST SAYING#he did treat my table a little shit which was coincidently all girls#coincidence? yeah probably but ya know.#he mostly ignored the girls unless they were the 2 kids at my table cause they actual spoke up#but he ignored them too so ya know#i may be over thinking it but if he did get fired for sexism ya know i wouldn’t be surprised#school if you’re reading this know that yeah im pissed at him and yeah i do want to talk in student services i think its for the best
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To get good at telling stories... writing stories... one must... practice by writing stories ;-;
#rant#i tell u what i think id have functioned well in a wrbnovel publishing format. but i dont think#any good sites for that exist in english as of yet? (i think theres one but its contract is Yikes i heard)#but just like. the idea of publishing chapter ever 1-2 weeks until youre done. maybe 20 chapters maube 2000. maybr you never finish.#most of the chapters free and maybe idk you make some advertizing money on ads viewed on your chapter page. or make the last couple extras#paid only idk. but the big thing? the point im getting to - sorry i got lost in the sauce -#my point is: you probably DO write shit at first. or write fine with some SHIT ARCS or rushed chapters to hit ur weekly updates#and 5 years from then youll look back and wanna overhaul some of those fucking stories (weve seen many a jjwxc writer revise later).#but wow will you have practiced writing a LOT.#youll have 100k 500k 1 million 5 million words worth of writing under your belt in a few years#and youll probably be a hell of a lot better at knowing how to make more chaptwrs on average interezsting and Building Consistently to your#main plot and arcs. you'll probably get much bettwr at raw scheduling of wriitng and pre-planning that works for you and structure mapping#youll have a much better idea of your personal strengths whrn you need to lean on them for a rough month when your story's turned#into a mess. youll value your own writing more (i hope) cause LOOK how much you fucking accomplished.#like. npss? dmbjs author? idk about others but i can definitely see the improvement in wriitng skill#between dmbj book 1 and the recent heihua book and mountain village book#(in terms of style in word choice. and goals for the story set out to be told)#i look at priest and newer novels by priest are as impressive as any literary novel ive ever analysed#(and older ones while i also love i do see their slightly rougher word choice and how some were executed a bit#more up and down/not as tightly)#i just. agh. i am :c feeling that ill probably write 200k words this year#and none of it will be as good as i want. but i NEED to write these first 200k#because the only way i get better. get to the way i want to write. is to make the progress of improvement with this first 200k.#ToT fun fact i wrote 170k words this year. WOW. and maybe 400k words of fanfic in the 4 years prior (so 100k words on average)#i know i am imptoving. i just gotta keep at it.#also? annoying i cant focus my attention lmao. 160k words is mkre than enough to finish a 1st draft novel#but me? i split those among like 20 projects this year. so the novel most written so far is still only at 40k#and im probably going to need 60k more words to finish it
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Ew, essays :[
I miss the old days of kindergarten when we attempted to color butterflies and ate erasers and glue
-🎁
I hated kindergarten
Essays may suck but at least now I'm not the weird kid in the corner wishing I had friends
However yes I absolutely despise essays with all my being... in fact!
Achievement unlocked: you somehow found a topic moshie hates enough and on a bad day to start them ranting in the tags...
Warning there are curse words, poor spelling, and caps locks
Sorry in advance
#asks#off topic#seriously tho i hate essays so much#one of them is already 5 pages and thats just the rough draft#i better get a fucking high pass on that shit or i will scream#shes actually making us focus on out writing process and OH HO.HO BOY IS MINE A MESS#I SWEAR ITS LIKE TRYING TO MAKE A SKETCH BUT YOU KEEP PAINTING CERTAIN PARTS BECAUSE IT HAS TO LOOK NICE#ONLY TO RELIZE OH WAIT MAYBE THAT DOESN'T GO THERE AND I SHOULD ACTUALLY SHIFT IT AROUND#OR MAYBE I COULD SWAP THIS TOO BE THAT LOOKS AWFUL AND IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE TILL ITS A RIVER OF BLOOD AND PAINT#AND SHE WANTS TO SEE MY ROUGH DRAFT??? HONNEY YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT READING THE MARIO SUNSHINE SPEEDRUN CATEGORY BACKWARDS THEN#UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE FUCK IM TRYING TO WRITE ITS WHY I HAVE TO WRITE IT ALL IN ONE GO OTHERWISE I HAVE TO LOOK BACK AND UNDERSTAND WHAT#WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE LOOKING THROUGH THIS MESS!!! OOOHH WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO ORGANIZE THIS WELL SHIT THATS GOING TO TAKE EVEN#LONGER YOU ALREADY GOT ME WRITING WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME STOP MUCH LESS MAKE ME SWITCH SUBJECTS TO ANOTHER ESSAY HALF WAY THROUGH OH BU#AND GUESS WHAT!???? ONE PAGE! DOUBLE SPACE! AND IM NOT GOING TO GIVEN GIVE YOU A DIRECTION TO WRITE IN JUST ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT WE LEARNED#IN THESE LAST TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS FUCKING HELL DO YOU KNOW HOW INDECISIVE AND FORGETFUL I AM??? MUCH LESS THE FACT KTS ABOUT ETHNICS#I DIDNT EVEN EANT TO TAKE AN ETHNICS CLASS I WANTED ETHICS I FUCKING HATE EVERY SO MUCH RIGHT NOW#LIKE YEA SURE I KNOW THEY'RE IMPORTANT BUT I STILL HATE ESSAYS and j know my teachers are trying their best...#but jeese ethnics is such a difficult topic because on one had yea i relate to what these people are going through im part of the LGBT#are statistics are very similar but im also bery much a white person and not openly trans/non binary i dont want to look like some stuck up#white person going oooo look at the poor minorities i can TotAlLy relate and now im going to talk about me#because im genuinely scared of coming out idk whos accepting and whos not at least online im safe and can block people...#jeese im sorry for the rant i shouldn't have gone on that much less my art blog#this is supposed to be a positive blog but i just need to put this somewhere or i feel im going to cry out of frustration im sorry#rant post#system#oops moshie got emotional
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now that i've moved on to reading les misérables aloud, i'm still having the same problem i had with le comte de monte-cristo (i.e., le procureur du roi continues to dog my every step), but a new issue has arisen, viz., i'm only 60 pages in and i've already gotten so choked up with emotion that i've had to stop reading two different times. and all that's happened so far is hugo has been giving background on the guy who will eventually let jean valjean steal his candlesticks. we have not met even a single major character yet. heh heh. i'm in danger.
#today i got to '''Qu'est-ce que vous venez me demander?' 'Votre bénédiction‚' dit l'évêque. Et il s'agenouilla'' and was like#do NOT start sobbing right now is2g keep it together woman#this is level 1! we are on level 1 rn! out of like. at least 5 levels!!#you are not allowed to cry on level 1 or we will be here all fucking year. this is easy mode! it only gets worse!!!#the other time was when he got on the gallows with a prisoner who was being executed#and talked to him as he was being guillotined. jesus. that was probably at least a level 3 though so i allowed it#but i can't be making it a habit. i'm reading 20 pages a day and i can't be crying every day from this!!!#Il monta sur la charrette avec lui‚ il monta sur l'échafaud avec lui.#L'évêque l'embrassa‚ et‚ au moment où le couteau allait tomber‚ il lui dit:#<<<like no matter what he says to the guy that's a guaranteed TKO hugo. what the fuck. il monta sur le fucking échafaud avec lui!!!#au MOMENT où le couteau allait tomber jesus FUCKING christ dude#and the way he's wearing all his ecclesiastical vestments and the crowd is seeing him embrace this condemned man#holy shit#it is so hard to read hugo because on the one hand i resent my emotions being manipulated but on the other hand#he embellishes and dramatizes but the dude is just writing about the kind of shit that was actually happening#people were condemned to death! people are still condemned to death!#idk if a bishop ever got up on the gallows with a guy about to be guillotined and talked him through it but it's not outside the#realm of possibility. if it didn't happen it could have happened#les mis#my posts
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getting motivated to work on that kaokana fic finally and i have added like 1k this week.... so much progress for me i'm so happy
#not writing#shay speaks#not guaranteeing the next chapter will be soon i'm still unsure#of when i want to end this one and start the next#but this one is only like.... 2k words right now?#okay google docs says its 1.4k words rn so yeah#we are making progress i'm hoping to get 4k or so at least before i decide to start ch4#and then i have to edit it and all that jazz obviously.... but augh i'm just happy to be working on this again#and i edited my bb fic a lot today since my beta has given feedback on like 7 pages of that#AND i quit my job at joanns so i should go back to working only 5 days a week instead of 6#and maybe i can get more motivation to write. i think part of why i'm writing more is the fact that i qui t aamfpdiosd#i am already feeling better knowing there is an end in sight to these 6 day weeks#my boss was chill about it she understands and i'm not going to like#slack off just bc i put in my 2 weeks#but yeah. thats my life update ig mapsdfiomsdpifodjs#big bang fic is looking very nice so far after edits and i'm excited to get that out#again its probably going to be split in two idk if i want to try and finish it before whenever i end up getting to post#mostly cuz like. idk i'm probably still like 4k out from finishing it and noooooo thank u. maybe another day#it's at the word count minimum though thats what matters
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it's supposed to be 85° tomorrow are you fucking kidding me
#IT'S DECEMBER CAN I GET A COOL BREEZE AT LEAST. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MID 50S MONTH. GIRL.#i have a big presentation tomorrow and i don't have time to wash my hair so dressing nice was my only option but my only nice school tops#are sweaters. what the fuck do you mean 85° in december i'm going to kill myself.#girl the dead week stress is becoming dead week apathy i already know i'm failing a class and i have until like friday to write a 5 page#paper with no prompt and pray my prof is feeling merciful enough to accept it even though it'll be late#i can feel myself shutting down and i won't be able to explain myself to my parents or my family at the holiday shitfests but! might be#getting diagnosed in the nearish future if 1) my new dr believes in adhd and 2) i can convince her i have it so fucking bad#sorry gang i feel like i do this every finals season but oh? my god am i having a genuinely bad time <3 also i sprained my ankle last night#and it hurts So Bad today so i'm hoping if i limp into class and also up to the front tomorrow they'll grade me easy#i do have to finish my fucking slides first. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh.#a post
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i only have two more papers to write for this professor and then im done forever
#babbling#i have to write other papers for other professors#and they are arguably much harder to do because we dont get lectures that give nearly as much to note#but once im done with these papers im done with writing for the semester and thats pog#and also the other professors are not english professors so they arent really that hard on grammar or anything#they just want deep analysis and i have no issues there#the only time i got points docked was because i fell just under the 5 page requirement#and that was because i procrastinated but also because i didnt know what else to say without repeating myself#im fucking rambling sorry#im just relieved :)#and the other two papers dont have due dates#besides like the literal end of the semester lmao#the end is in sight and i wasnt expecting it so soon
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just counted how many pages ive written in my notebook for my contracts class and it was 52 pages 😭 i just finished week FIVE 😭 i only have 32 pages left…….
#michelle speaks#luckily it’s a 5 subject notebook and for the 5th section i only wrote my orientation notes so i can use that if i have to#but like i’m not sure i won’t use all the pages for my other classes too……i might end up needing several one subject notebooks too 😭#this is what i get for writing all my notes by hand but idc. i will not learn it if i type it.#anyway just letting you all know i am enjoying my friday red bull 🥰
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reading ur own fics as a self-soothing, self-indulgent, coping mechanism ✌️
#ngl been tearing through not just my OWN marchly fics but my marchly bookmarks too#but.... I have read like all my own fics too.....#there's only like 5 pages of fics. I've written 4 fics myself. wish I could write now more than ever.#would be nice to have ANYTHING else to focus on. even for a little bit.#I know EXACTLY what it is abt this ship that makes it one of my all time best comfort ships#but it would be a novel length mess if I elaborated 🤷♀️ it's just like... the ONE man.#Them. They. Forever.#I'm rambling like a crazy person now time to stop. probs take more meds.#erin explains it all
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i lied i havent already given up i actually tried so hard and believed i could do it
#help the emotions finally awakened amd are tormenting me right now#why doesn't hard work pay off :(( for what i was wasting so much time#the worst part is that i was on the lost position from the start#became i always do small errors when counting like I'll write 3 instead of 2 then read it again 5 times to check and i won't notice the#mistake i don't know why#so when the task requires only the calculation result and not the method and calculations that took a whole page it's the end game over#its not fair#i dont know if im more sad or angry at this point
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