#It hurts so much i don't know what to do | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lucyvaleheart · 5 months ago

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fuck fuck fuck fuck everything hurts so much

ii. i need help i don't know how or why from who but i can't keep this up im in so much pain i can hardly think i can't move i can't pick anything up i can't hardly walk or. fuck

i don't know why I'm posting this please just ignore it

#i can't think hard enough to remember how to. Disable share i #ugh i hate this so much i hate it i hate it #i hate dealing with this so fucking much i can't do it #i can't take this anymore goddammit i can't do it im all alone here and i don't know how to ask for help i don't know how to tell when #someone is sick of me needing help i don't know #ffuck it hurts #It hurts so much i don't know what to do #hhhhhh #all i can do is chug medication that isn't effective and lay down and cry #i can't seem to stop crying anymore #i feel so weak and defeated and I'm so. Sso tired #Im so tired #.....pplease someone help #mmake it stop

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knightofleo · 2 months ago

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Angela Orosco Silent Hill 2

#in anticipation of the incoming remake #i tried my best to imitate the SH font but #silent hill #silent hill 2 #angela #angela orosco #theme of laura (reprise)#i've said it before but in spite of its occasionally clunky diction i think silent hill 2 is an unusually emotionally intelligent game #for any year and still today but especially so for where gaming storytelling was in 2001 #and for as many pitfalls a story like hers could've dipped into i think it particularly shines through with how they treated angela #not just choosing to depict victimhood as something that can be ugly and fractious and open quote “difficult” but then this #actively rebuffing james for trying to be a white knight and dressing him down for it too #“i know you mean well and want to help but this isn't a simple problem"#“and it's really hurtful and a bit insulting that you act like you can”#the switching to a first person view turning it into an address to the player as well #maybe even old videogame tropes too #“this isn't some princess in a castle kind of situation dude this is more serious than that”#it felt like a very deliberate statement about the depth and severity of a trauma like this #and in doing so showing it so much respect #then angela just leaves #and you never see her again #i really don't think it was to imply that it consumed her i think it was to underline what was just said #this isn't your problem to fix #this is where your part in this story ends #there's some strength in that

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months ago

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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #chilchuck tims #kabru #BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc #YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference

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lazylittledragon · 4 months ago

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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

#ramble #sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well #if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD #he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE #like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one #holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do #and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that #idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything #also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore #so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks #also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently #also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this #again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable #if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time

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silusvesuius · 3 months ago

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testing out drawing maormer 🪸🐚🪸 and a nelvas 🧣📜🩷 i'll ramble about maormer a bit in the tags

#tes #skyrim #my art #do you like my nelvas emojis🧣📜🧣📜 get it? scarf🤗 and scroll🤗 Everything hurts sofucking bad #anyways i talked about them wif my friend quite a bit i basically 'agree' w/ everything that is written about them && their biology in -#- canon; except tes is very much all Talk and no good actual visual presentation of what it's talking about #cus all of the maormer look like garboooo likeee what am i looking @#but since this is just a first test i think i'll keep playing around with their looks later; they are most close to altmer obvi in the -#- sense of how 'mutated' they r. however maormer are more gross looking for the typical human #they do have flat faces and alldat in canon already but i want them to just have nostrils and no real nose bridge #and they have no lips😝 they also have very visible gums. && have anglerfish teeth #what would be fur on other mer is just scales on them and is placed is scattered in the same places #i was thinking of making swimming most comfortable for them so i gave them more fins #they'd have them on arms and legs and the hair on the tail for them is just a big fin🐠#as for hair i'm thinking of them having none of it at all bcos it looks sooooo ugly on them it's very unnerving to see hair on fish #either no hair at all or something with a different texture. like slimy silky thin seaweed #or the hair that m*necraft striders have LMAO #webbed fingers is cuuuute they'd have webbed armpits like they're those flying rodents🐿 lol #i'd place their gills on both the neck and their ribs #whenever they wear clothes they tie their arm and leg fins up ; i think from birth they just stay in water until they hit puberty and -#- r able to actually walk around #another cute fact is that males and females wud look literally the same almost (women are flat chested too)#fish fish fish #maybe i'll rethink some stuff. i still wanna draw fish babies #but in reality i think even the mere existence of maormer is very pointless bc they don't really matter at all do they #tes lore is soooo overstuffed that's why i don't know anything about it my time is so valuable to meLMFAOAOOO #saw a typo in this sorry i'm just chill like that

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makiswirl · 5 months ago

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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

#me.txt #jjba #i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me #ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish #i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused #i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking #popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a #pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom #every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw #joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly #or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt #equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his #praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so #peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes #around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute #i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early #jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's #completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a #flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy #i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable #i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter #jotaro kujo #joseph joestar #noriaki kakyoin #adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's #very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him #in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled

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sysig · 11 months ago

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Puts the “plates” in “Fellplates” (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Papyrus #Hurt Gaster! Do it! Maybe classic will get a shiver down the infiniteness of the multiverse!#I wonder if he'd actually do it to himself or if he'd get it put on him by someone else for the full dramatic twist haha #Who even would? Asgore from sheer force? Alphys?? Idk lol #It's just the irony for me for now ♪#Although to completely cover them there'd have to be four rather than two :0 Hmm #Alphys' gift of fingerless gloves was a lot less invasive hm ♪ But that's part of the fun #I don't mean to keep doing crossovers - quite anyway lol - but hmm could that be 2-P from Fellplates with so much empathy in his eyes?#I guess it's the question of if Monsters Are or if they are Made ♪ Personally I'm partial to the latter but I do still fall into the former #Well either way - the important part is a Papyrus that doesn't like what he sees! He knows how much those hurt first (or 2nd? pfft) hand #And then just some errant thoughts about the Lost Soul head style and Gaster's void scars - give 'em to this version why not #Does any Gaster remain unscathed? Would he even be Gaster in that case? :)#A smile behind the white glow and tired eyes ringed by dark scars ♪ Fellplates is fun because he always looks good when he's suffering #The void smoke is still quite fun to draw hehe

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myaatwins · 4 days ago

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so. i know this isn't nothing new and there's probably a thousand (far more eloquently written) posts about this but! in light of chapter 166 i just wanted to reiterate this once more.

the movie arc seems like it's supposed to be about other characters understanding ai. who was ai hoshino? what were her flaws, her hopes, her dreams? she wasn't a goddess–far from it–so who was the real ai, the person rather than the idol?

and it failed on delivering. so bad!!!!

sure we have a bit about ruby Starting to understand ai. nothing from aqua because who cares right. because if aqua actually came to understand ai how could we have the tragic but "hopeful" ending?

ai's dream was never to perform at the dome.

the dome was always ichigo and miyako's dream. ai, being the The Ultimate People Pleaser, just smiled and nodded–acted as if she were happy.

so it's really weird how performing at the dome was reframed to be ai's dream, the fate that she could never fulfill–but hey it's okay because ruby will!!!

there was no need for history to be rewritten and this actually just makes it seem (no matter what the actual intent was) that the others never did learn to see through ai's facade.

(also might i add that this is also harmful to ruby's character in the sense that she is not allowed to have her own dreams. it would have been perfectly fine for her to want to perform at the dome because it was what SHE wanted to do but. alas after a certain point of the story ruby is not allowed to exist outside of brocon jokes or to be anything other than ai 2: electric boogaloo)

was her dream for ruby to be an idol and for aqua to be an actor?

when ai said that she imagined a future where ruby was an idol and aqua was an actor she didn't say it because that was her dream.

personally i think that because ai was dying and she knew it would cause her children pain she wanted them to know that their futures could still be bright and that they should have hope!! i don't even think she gave it much thought other than that they looked happy and like they had fun performing!!! which made her happy!!!!!!!

but she never would have imposed that future on them. ai knew about the entertainment world and she never would have forced her babies to be a part of it unless they wanted to.

so what were ai's dreams? easy: for her loved ones to be safe and happy.

this. that's it.

so

"the future that mama [...] illuminated for me"

is it though? would ai have wanted this? would she want the man that she had loved–who she had known as a boy who was hurting and who needed someone to be there for him–to die as nothing more than a cartoonish villain? would she want ruby to have to pretend she wasn't miserable so she could fulfill ai's not-dream of performing at the dome? would she want her precious son, who she loved from the moment she saw him on the ultrasound, to die a gruesome, painful death, even though he so desperately wanted to live?

not in a million years.

#i saw some. weird takes. and started itching to write this #now bear in mind that i am certainly no ai expert. also that i wrote this as a rant more than anything. also that i am three apples tall.#ai is just a character that you want to Talk about you know. like she is so fascinating i need to put her under a microscope and whatnot #also that goddamn. 'i wonder what kind of adults you'll grow into' hurts so much #anyways please forgive me for the incoherent yapping i am new to (this degree of) onk brainrot and don't know what to do #oshi no ko spoilers #oshi no ko #hoshino ai #ai hoshino #hoshino aqua #aqua hoshino #hoshino ruby #ruby hoshino

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dollypopup · 1 month ago

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hm. idk, maybe the reason Luke Newton isn't announcing new projects or posting any Bridgerton content is because some of you demons treated him like hot trash instead of a creative that you wanted more work from and he decided fuck it, this isn't worth the stress. you know, like a lot of creatives who get mistreated do?

like this is a man who went from couch surfing in a friend's house and bartending to make ends meet, deciding that the Bridgerton audition was the last one he'd do before he quit, to suddenly being recognized on the street because that last audition propelled him to star in a global show where fans who have zero media comprehension blamed him for his character's actions and literally stalked him at any hotel he happens to stay at. he went from being a dude doing musical theatre and shopping at thrift stores and recording random songs with friends and posting silly memes on Twitter to being harassed on his only social media page and his friends insulted and his partners bullied by his supposed 'fans' and anything he posts being so microanalyzed that he can't do a damn thing without someone coming out the woodwork screaming about how he's the WORST and won't he think of the FANS!?

like damn he can't have a girlfriend without being harassed, he can't travel without being harassed, he can't like or not like social media posts without being harassed, he can't post a fucking MEME without being harassed, he can't take a vacation or cut his hair or hold someone's hand or just live his life without being blamed for some bullshit or another. but yeah, okay, 'when will Luke Newton come back?' as if it isn't your fault he's AWOL now

#luke newton #colin bridgerton #polin #lukola #bridgerton #bridgerton has a bullying problem- from kanthony fans to benophie (i see y'all with your anti blogs and your mean opinions) to polin #y'all lukolas say you're fans but most of you are the ones microanalyzing and feeling entitlement to this dude #and you know what?#jakola #because y'all straight up sip the hateraid and lbsr rn and call a spade a spade: you don't know this jack (jake? idk and idc) dude #you don't care about his achievements and aren't fans of his 'work'#you just want your stand-in avatar nic to have male attention as if male validation is the end all be all of a woman's success #and you see luke as the stand in for all the men who hurt you in the past but like he is literally not doing anything and y'all will be mad #and project that he somehow hurt nic as well by 'rejecting' her for his girlfriend who you hate because lbr she's conventionally attractive #when NICOLA Is conventionally attractive TOO ffs #how dare y'all make me step up to bat for a white man this way #leave him alone #aren't you exhausted?#'he didn't like xyz social media post and his girlfriend gives me the ick and he's not posting and appeasing me and blahblahblah' shut up #like y'all shut down at someone so much as raising their voice at you or posting some mild criticism for your bad takes #but you expect a man who has openly revealed his ADHD and anxiety to be the punching bag for all your vitriol #because he's not living his life in a way YOU approve of? like who are YOU to dictate how someone does and does not exist on this earth?#do some soul searching #do i love Luke's acting and want more of it and for him to star in everything i wanna watch? of course #but rn i'm gently cradling his face going 'baby you should RUN' because y'all are the PITS #YOU are the problem #one day y'all will realize that

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dykedvonte · 21 days ago

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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like

-💀

It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.

If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.

Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.

He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...

#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it #already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus #he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans #like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects #like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend #pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years #with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to #realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia #from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h #he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is #giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he #because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough #that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing #damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b #stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons #are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou #his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause #it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his #friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus #cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken #that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go #you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a #condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin #they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #anya mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing

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transmechanicus · 7 months ago

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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.

#my stuff #i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks #like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy #hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control #can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone #so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks #im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better #i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up #cause i can see that happening #i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something #and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you #i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.

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backpackingspace · 3 months ago

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LISTEN I hope telemachus tries to lean on Athena every single time she shows up. It NEVER works. but he still tries. Because he loves her.

#Epic the musical #Wisdom saga #Slight spoiler for wisdom saga #MY FAVORITE MOMENT WHEN TELEMCHAUS TRIES TO LEAN ON ATHENA AND THEN FLOPS THREW HER #I LOVE IT SO MUCH #He does it every single time #Headcanon that he does this with penelope all the time #And then (ironically more) cationously with odysseus later #This is just how telemachus shows affection so of course he does it to athena #Odysseus:...child you know she's not really here right? You've gotten concussions from doing that quit it #Telemchaus: but 🥺🥺 what if I stop an Athena thinks I don't love her anymore 🥺🥺😭#Odysseus: visibly having a flash back to how Athena treated him at 20 (bodily yeeting him Into the palace wall for funsies #To teach him about sneak attacks). Kid I promise she does not care #Athena: trying to stroking telemachus's hair muttering to herself gently gently were going to be so gentle this time. Just like we practice #Athena: It's okay telemachus we just have to teach you how to fall properly so you don't get hurt I love your leans #Odysseus: losing his goddamn mind he's NOT jealous of his son he's NOT were was this when Athena was training him as a child???

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lady-harrowhark · 12 days ago

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lol not me crying because someone from my program texted me to ask how i was doing and that they hadn't seen me around in a while

#i don't really have any friends here so even getting a text makes me 😭#like i have 'friends' in the sense that i like most of the people in my program and i'm reasonably certain that almost everyone likes me to #but we're not close and we don't spend time together or anything #all of the people that i was closer with aren't in the program anymore and live elsewhere and they just don't stay in touch #and like i do just get very frustrated because in all of my friendships where one of us has moved away #or even when we're just like at different jobs or stuff so we don't see each other much anymore #i've tried SO HARD to stay in touch and aside from ONE person it always fizzles out despite my best efforts #and i don't think it's anything to do with me or them per se #but just sort of this broad dynamic of how our general society conceptualizes and (de)prioritizes friendship #which isn't what *i* want for *my* friendships #and there's also this dynamic of like. almost every single person in my program has a partner. and i do not.#and like blah blah blah amatonormativity etc #i try really hard not to let my brain twist it all into anything more hurtful than what it is #i know that's life and we're in grad school and everyone's busy etc etc etc #but it does really wear me down to be so alone and lonely literally all of the time #and to end on a lighter note: thank you to all my tumblr pals for being such great pals 🥹 you are so loved and appreciated 💛

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lazylittledragon · 5 months ago

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i keep trying to think of funny/poetic ways to talk about all the things i'm feeling right now but i honestly can't so. i'm really sad about what happened with my partner. i know he was an inconsiderate prick about it and that i didn't do anything wrong and i couldn't have prevented it but i'm just really fucking sad.

#ramble #i think knowing that he was awful and that it wasn't my fault should make all the sad go away actually #i'm in such a weird fragile state right now that last night i looked at my flip flops that are still covered in mud #and i just started crying bc last weekend he carried me over the mud so they wouldn't get ruined. KNOWING he was going to do this to me #sorry i try really hard not to overshare but i don't want to keep bothering anyone in my actual life about this and idk what to do #when it happened it didn't hurt this badly and i just assumed i would be fine #idk i think it's just sunk in how much of my future i don't have anymore and that's like #a bit scary #because i was Just calming down and thinking maybe i would be ok in the long term and now it's all gone #i'm in that weird place between desperately wanting him back and plotting where to bury the body parts #i'm also mad bc i wish he'd left me before the festival. there were SO many gorgeous metalhead trans girls that i could've kissed

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fisheito · 2 days ago

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Typing "capsaicin snake effect" into the search bar so i can figure out if yakumo can eat spicy food

#it's telling me that primarily mammals are affected #and the few times they tried it on snakes #it didn't really do much except mess with their processing abilities a bit #so what you're saying is that yakumo will primarily not be affected by spicy food.#but maybe with super spicy things #he might get a lil loopy? a lil nose clogged ? a momentary distraction? but no pain #if yakumo's tears are mala sauce then it only makes sense that he can eat mala amirite #mammals are the ones who suffer huh.........#i am imagining the yokai trio eating some hella spicy food #yakumo is eating unaware of the presence of capsaicin. he's happily describing the textural and flavour profiles of the dish #garu is a lil confused. this food hurts a bit. but it's still tasty so... gotta keep eating.. OW drink milk? THEN EAT MORE! YEAH!#kuya is OBLITERATED #for all we know the version that kuya got could have only been seasoned with a bit of black pepper #but old fox scrunches up his entire face as soon as it hits his tongue #and he slams the dish into the trash (with dramatic angry flair) like he's a veteran judge on a cooking show #garu WILL eat that thing out of the trash if you don't stop him #if rei is more bird than man then he won't be affected either #i'm gonna go ahead and think even if he IS more man than bird... he'll still be unaffected.#rei probably eats toxic waste akin to blade and garu levels . he is beyond human. he has experimebnted beyond Mortal Stomachs #blade is in the corner crunching on what you THINK is a candy apple. but it is not that. it is an orb of molten glass #(blade's spicy food is hot metal? yeah. he'll eat that capsaicin like it's nothing. give him an orchard of chillis.)#(actually. maybe don't. because the next time eiden sucks him off there gonna be some COMEDIC consequences)

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a-tale-of-legends · 5 months ago

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( random conversation I thought of, not sure if it's something that I would consider canon. Might be ooc for characters)

Blue: Aaaaand that's everything that happened today! Which.... isn't a lot but whatever.

Red: ....

Blue: .....( Leans back) Sooooooooo. How's things for you? You haven't, ah, really said much since you came back down Mt. Silver...( Tries to perk up a bit,forcing a smile) You're usually such a chatter box, you know?! Gotta be something interesting for ya today, right?

Red: .....

Blue: ........( Grimaces slightly, still trying to keep smiling. His voices lowers, as if the whole world would hear if he goes any louder) Come on Red, you- throw me a bone here, something-

Red: ( his eyebrows furrow slightly) .....

Blue: ( immediately back pedals) O-only if you wanna, I don't - you don't - ( he sighs, exasperated) Green? H-have you at least talked to Green?

Red: ( he flinches at that. The punch to his face still fresh in his mind. It was a year ago. And even so-) .....

Blue: ( he should back off. He really should-) Your mom? Have you at least talked to your mom?

Red: ( that causes him to outright glare at his....friend? Rival? Babysitter? What are they now? He doesn't know. But he doesn't like this conversation.) . . . .

Blue: R-right! Right, of course you- ( he takes in a breath. Why does he feel so sweaty.) Sorry. Sorry, that was just- Let's just forget I said anything, yeah?

Red: ( his glare softens, looking at his....whatever they are to each other, with concern. He doesn't know if he'll get used to Blue Oak apologizing for anything ever. He raises his hand to sign-)

Blue: ( he raises his hand before Red does, eyes pleading) Let's just forget I said anything, okay? ( Please )

Red: ..... ( He lowers his hand. He hates the look blue is giving him. He blames himself for it, as always) ( Okay )

#so. okay.#the idea is that this is red post mt. silver. maybe like. a few weeks in?#red is struggling to readjust and blue is being. very cautious about his friend. perhaps too much #blue wants to help but doesn't know how. doesn't want to overstep. doesn't want red to run away again bc he scared him off #red doesn't know what he's doing. he's scared. he doesn't know what to think of others. green punched him a year ago #and Blue is acting weird ever since he got back down #he doesn't even know if they're rivals anymore. if they're still friends #( blue n green both have visited red on the mountain for a year before he finally came down )#( of course they're still friends. they want to be friends again. but red latches onto their rage and hurt and uses it against himself)#Red and Blue even back in their old rivarly prided themselves in being able to understand each other #no word necessary. that just got each other.#but now thar connection seems to be....lost?#they don't know how to talk to each other. too scared to do so.#so there's cases like these where Blue is trying to push but not wanting to ruin things ( more than he already has)#and Red who is beyond scared to really. have these conversations even if he hates seeing Blue like this. with him specifically.#and they both just agree to. not talk about it. ignore the pushing. for now anyway #again i'm not entirely sure if this is the direction I want for these two post mt. silver #but this conversation came to me so ( shrugs)#r rambles #legendverse #reguri #trainer red #trainer blue #rival blue #tldr of all those tags: red and blue are teens who don't exactly know how to communicate and navigate their feelings just yet

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