#Internet etiquette

[fixing-bad-posts]

My toxic trait is believing that you can respect people. and don't even be an ass ♡

[bebx]

btw you have the maturity of a six-year-old if you think people who blocked you "lost" or "couldn't take the heat" or "were scared", etc. this is internet, love, not an elementary school. we're all adults here. if we see something that annoys us, we click the block button. and that something that annoyed is no longer on our minds. we're not "scared", we're protecting our mental health and our peace of minds. blocking you is not "running away from a fight" (lmao what fight???), blocking you is actually "throwing the trash away". it's mundane and it's normal. it's what adults who aren't interested in petty drama do.

[queen-anarchy-666]

Okay so apparently kids these days don't know how to be safe online because their parents are fucking stupid and don't know anything about the internet!!!

So I'm gonna tell you teenagers how to be safe and not get abused because there is no shortage of predators on the internet. I'm gonna go from super basic things you can do to keep yourself safe to more specific instances where a predator may be trying to groom you that you can recognize. Remember though; if you are abused or have been abused it is not your fault. You deserve protection and you deserve respect as a minor, regardless of how you spend your time on the internet. Victim blaming helps nobody but predators, but there are ways you can protect yourself, even though you shouldn't always have to.

Basic tips:

DO NOT SHARE YOUR REAL NAME

DO NOT SHARE YOUR AGE

DO NOT SHARE WHERE YOU LIVE

DO NOT SHARE PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF

DO NOT SHARE PHOTOS OF YOUR HOUSE

IT IS OKAY TO BLOCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT, REGARDLESS OF THE REASON.

Don't sacrifice your safety, comfort, or peace of mind just for someone else's feelings! Especially a stranger! Also, if you think something is off, it probably is. You need to trust your gut. SPEAK UP! Tell a trusted friend, sibling, or adult! I'm sure you've heard the phrase "silence is violence" -- this phrase goes for abuse as well! Unsafe people want you to stay quiet so they can continue to harm you or others. It is not inherently problematic to have friends who are adults, in fact it is healthy and helpful to have friends who are older than you, however we live in a world where you cannot trust many adults, so you need to be cautious of adults you encounter at all times, including ones you know well or are well known by others. It is also not inherently problematic to be asked many of the questions above, but it is important to ask yourself whether or not you want to give that information to the person asking. If not, simply tell them that you do not give out that information and redirect the conversation, or block if you feel uncomfortable.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT INSERT YOURSELF INTO ADULT SPACES.

I know it is tempting, especially with the way hormones effect judgement and your emotions, and we all want to be included, but inserting yourself into spaces you know you should not be by lying about your age is incredibly unsafe and leads to horrible situations that aren't always easy to get out of. This includes adult fandom spaces, websites, searching adult topics, NSFW blogs or accounts, and even group chats. Even if your friends invite you to these spaces, it does not mean you should neglect your safety to be accepted. It's okay and encouraged to say no. You will thank yourself when you get older!

More Specific Tips:

YOU SHOULDN'T PUT YOUR MENTAL ILLNESSES OR DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES IN YOUR BIOS ON YOUR ACCOUNTS.

Awareness and solidarity for mental illness and disabilities is very important, however predators are more likely to go after people who may have a more difficult time discerning what is normal and what is not in social situations, especially when speaking to an authority figure like an adult. Do not make yourself a target by listing the ways you struggle with social cues, understanding rules and safety, or communication. It is okay to seek solidarity, but there are predators seeking out disabled and mentally ill youths to abuse.

DO NOT OFFER INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL ON THE INTERNET.

It is dangerous to release information about your whereabouts in any capacity on the internet, especially your school where you are doubly putting your peers and classmates in danger as well. If you come into contact or into the orbit of a predator that is bent on finding you or meeting you, your school is a public place where one may feel brazen enough to pretend they know you. Even if other kids are doing it by posting fight videos or even innocent videos, doesn't mean you should.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE INSISTS THEY'RE A SAFE PERSON DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE.

People lie on the internet all the time, including in some really bizarre and meaningless ways, but there will always be people who lie to get closer to someone to make them a victim. Just because someone tells you they are against abuse or even if they advocate against it does not mean that they themselves are a safe person. Predators will do anything they can to get you to trust them, and while predators are usually very pushy and want things to go quickly, some will take their time to groom you.

!!!!BIG RED FLAGS!!!!

IF YOU SEE ANY OF THIS BEHAVIOR, RUN! BLOCK AND REPORT PEOPLE WHO DO THESE THINGS FOR YOUR SAFETY! IT'S NEVER WORTH STICKING AROUND THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE!

THEY CONTINUALLY SEND YOU SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL, INCLUDING FANART, FANFIC, AND VIDEOS.

THEY TELL YOU AGE IS JUST A NUMBER, OR LOVE HAS NO AGE.

THEY EXPRESS THE OPINION THAT MINORS CAN CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY.

THEY CONSTANTLY MAKE "JOKES" ABOUT MINORS IN A SEXUAL WAY OR ABOUT BEING ATTRACTED TO MINORS.

THEY EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING "LEGAL" AT THE AGE OF 18 OR FIXATE ON AGE OF CONSENT LAWS.

THEY GET ANGRY AT YOU FOR SETTING A BOUNDARY OR IF YOU MENTION TELLING YOUR PARENTS.

THEY ENJOY "LOLI" OR "SHOTA" MATERIAL OR ENTHUSE ABOUT THOSE TYPES OF CHARACTERS.

THEY CALL YOU PET NAMES THAT YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH, EVEN WHEN YOU TELL THEM NOT TO.

THEY ASK YOU HIGHLY PERSONAL QUESTIONS ABOUT SEXUAL ACTIVITY, YOUR PERIODS, OR MASTURBATION.

THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE MATURE FOR YOUR AGE, OR THAT YOU'RE NOT LIKE OTHER KIDS BECAUSE YOU'RE MORE ADULT THAN THEY ARE.

THEY ASK YOU TO SEND PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF DOING SEXUALLY CHARGED THINGS, WHICH INCLUDES DANCING OR STRIPPING, OR SPECIFIC PARTS OF YOUR BODY.

THEY KEEP STEERING THE CONVERSATION IN A SEXUAL DIRECTION. THIS INCLUDES ROLEPLAY!

NONE OF THIS BEHAVIOR IS NORMAL. IT IS NOT NORMAL FOR AN ADULT TO ASK HIGHLY PERVASIVE QUESTIONS OR TO BECOME PUSHY OR ANGRY IF YOU EXPRESS DISCOMFORT. BLOCK AND REPORT THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE, THEY EXHIBIT BEHAVIOR CONSISTENT WITH SEXUAL ABUSE PATTERNS.

Adults and Minors alike please feel free to reblog. It is imperative that young people who don't know these things learn them, because the only thing a predator hates more than a jail cell is a minor who cannot be abused.

[ashleyslothlife]

STOP PUBLICLY POSTING LINKS TO PIRACY SITES. At this point I think a good half of you want the sites to go down. Lawyers that work for major companies do in fact use the internet, they join sites like reddit, tumblr, twitter, ect to find what sites people are using. They then start going after the most popular ones. Share links in DMs for fucks sake. "But I could end up sharing with a lawyer anyway" yeah but you've made their job harder and they most likely aren't going to go around DMing people over just quickly looking at public posts.

[gilbirda]

Another fandom PSA - Bookmarks

Hello everyone, I am back with yet another informative post, since I've observed some behavior that could get out of control real fast.

Again, the point is never about shaming those who have done this, but to inform and warn about how disheartening these things can be; and what can you do to avoid hurting anyone in the future.

Let's talk about bookmarks.

Looks easy enough to add a bookmark, just type some notes — maybe to remind future you what the fic was about, maybe some random thoughts of the fic, maybe the chapter where you left of — add some tags if you are that organized and slap the bookmark to a Collection if you have that.

But I want to bring attention to this little guy:

If you are going to leave a hurtful message, at least have the decency to not leave it where the author will see it.

Authors can and will see the bookmarks! I can only speak for myself but I do check the bookmarks because sometimes people get creative and have funny Notes, or their tags are hilarious.

But, sometimes, we wonder if y'all know authors can see the bookmarks, unless you set it as a Private Bookmark.

What do I mean with hurtful bookmarks? Well:

*gestures vaguely towards these*

Granted, not all are rancid takes, but some truly give weird vibes? As in, it feels like people doesn't know authors can see their Notes and bookmarks?

You can have an opinion about the story, that's completely valid, but the option of setting it to Private Bookmark is right there.

So, as a rule of thumb, if you wouldn't like someone telling your words to your face then have the courtesy of not doing the same for someone else.

Mark it as Private if you'd rather not let the author see your Notes.

For more information about Bookmarks, AO3 provides a FAQ page.

[crazycatsiren]

Some of you kids are starting to get a bit too comfortable with plagiarism and it's quite frankly worrying me.

"But it's the internet!" It's still plagiarism.

"But it's a blog/social media post!" Taking something somebody who's not you wrote without credit is called plagiarism, sweetheart.

I'd hate to see the lot of y'all kicked out of college or fired from employment because you apparently think plagiarizing is no big deal, or believe that stealing other people's writing from anywhere wouldn't count as plagiarism.

Trust me, making a habit of this will one day come back and bite you hard in the rear, especially considering how much more easily accessible online information has become nowadays.

[escapedaudios]

I appreciate my audience wanting more but when I put "To Be Continued" at the end of an episode and someone comments "make part two" I want to capture them and lock them in the chamber of stench and vermin for up to five hours. Like. What do you think "to be continued" means? Why are you outright demanding it instead of asking? Why are you asking this the very same day that episode came out when I very well could be working on the next part already? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO MAKE PART TWO ON EPISODE SIX???? AAAAAUUUUGHHHH!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!

Also, sometimes I just want to close the book on certain series. The story has been told. It's over. It's better that way. I'm not going to keep dragging out a series for eternity because you liked it, I'm going to make new stuff. It's going to be good. Better even, because my ability to write and produce improves with each series, but you wouldn't get to see those new series if I was still making more and more of what people like. Can you imagine if I was making Against the World Episode 53 instead of the shows I'm currently making? Those other series wouldn't even exist if I heeded these comments.

Some people don't know how else to show that the appreciate an audio other than just saying "make part two". Like. Even early on (in the fifth audio I ever made) I got comments for that on Final Broadcast. In that audio EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. DIED. IN. A. NUCLEAR. BLAST!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE DIED. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN PART TWO???? I SLAUGHTERED THE ENTIRE CAST WITH AN ATOMIC BOMB!!!!! What do you WANT FROM ME???? What do you WAAAAAAANNNTTT!!!!!

[schizodiaries]

For the most part, I’m pretty open about the details my mental health, at least in certain online spaces such as this blog. I don’t feel ashamed of my experiences, nor do I feel like i have anything to hide. I also want to set a good example for others who might be struggling mentally, by showing that it’s okay to talk about this stuff openly and without shame.

That being said, I just want to remind you guys, especially younger folks like teenagers, to be careful about what you share online and who you share it with. It’s easy to feel like everyone in online mental health circles are your friends who will accept you wholeheartedly, but there are some shitty people out there too. People who will intentionally try to trigger you, people who will use your trauma against you, people who will try to out you as mentally ill when you’re not ready to open up about it, people who will take advantage of your vulnerabilities. It’s easy to say just avoid or block these people but they aren’t always apparent with their intentions.

So before you share sensitive details of your mental health online, ask yourself: will I be able to handle it if someone who hates me gets ahold of this information?

[quotidian-oblivion]

Friendly Reminder:

If you feel uncomfortable with any conversation with someone online...

Block them.

If you receive very suspicious and unappreciated messages.

Report then block them.

This is the line you must not cross. For your own safety. For the safety of others.

You don't even have to say anything to them before you block them. They're not your responsibility. Their feelings do not matter when compared with your safety.

Block. Report. Do not budge from this rule.

[captainblou]

I'm gonna say it again here because some people need to read it apparently, yes, even BIG accounts with a lot of followers who are supposed to know the codes and etiquette.

DON'T REPOST ART/MEMES/GIFS WITHOUT THE OWNER'S CONSENT AND WITHOUT CREDITING.

HERE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE.

IT'S CALLED STEALING AND IT'S NO ON.

[fixing-bad-posts]

just be polite

[mind-over-madness]

PSA: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE TAG YOUR POSTS WITH THE REAL WORDS!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Tagging something with variations on the words makes it impossible to filter out. As someone very carefully filtering tags that are very upsetting to me (namely, triggering trauma-response sensations and emotions), it SUCKS SO MUCH to have shit that is improperly tagged just appear on my dash. Please y’all.

Tag it “food” - NOT “f00d”

Tag it “kink” - NOT “k!nk”

Tag it “rape” - NOT “r@pe”

Tag it “suicide” - NOT “unaliving”

Etc etc etc… we can help each other out, y’all. Tag it right. Just do it. Please.

[angelofsmalldeath-codeine]

What we lose in art when blogs leave the platform

Last night I was working on my fics database (I’m the spreadsheet kinda autistic) and checking if the links I had were still working and trying to fetch links for the ones I had recently added. I was upset about the number of blogs gone (some might have changed name and I haven't kept up and that one is on me). Some really amazing stories, art and overall fun is all gone. Precious interactions that help build the community totally vanished.

The vitriol and unjustified hate I see spewed everywhere has gotten to unbearable levels. I’ve been in fandoms and fanfic communities since the days of printed zines and yahoo/geocities groups that were uber hard to get into. I have survived all the websites that shutdown leading us to mourn the loss of that work. Fanfic was akin to contraband and harshly judged. We know we are weirdos, hence why we find community in alternative spaces away from the mainstream.

It feels like people want us to go underground again. Cool, we can do that, but we gonna be gatekeeping the hell outta these spaces then.

What peeves me the most is the puritanical take that has been recently brought into the space and how that’s used to measure others and judge them on some standards they are not even aware of until they start getting hate. Said hate is usually delivered via anon asks, of course, because god forbid them having the decency of defending their shitty takes, right?

Still on the puritanical take, the goalpost seems to change often too. It is self-serving. Kink shaming/topic judging is the default mode until someone decides they like that particular thing and it is no longer controversial. Why are you censoring your peers? Why do you assume that everyone subscribes to your beliefs, tastes, preferred topics and tropes? The performative activism isn't a good look either.

Sometimes this fandom feels like the mormons who do the soaking thing so they can get off before marriage without actually fucking. If the cock goes in because my friend is jumping on the mattress, that is on the mattress, not on me. I digress but y'all get the gist.

I have been on this hellsite since its launch and have seen many fandoms come and go. The assholes eventually fuck off to be toxic somewhere else, but they do tend to jump from fandom to fandom for a while until their reputation and toxicity catches up with them. It takes too long and the damage they cause is often quite extensive.

We are not in competition with each other here. I have said it so many times... Tumblr isn't a monetised platform and fanfic is a gift economy. Leave your fucking TikTok and Instagram cut throat mentality at the door. We don't tear each other down trying to build ourselves up in this house.

During the pandemic fanfic came into the mainstream mostly because of people on TikTok. Great! We are a welcoming bunch and it makes us happy that more people can find joy in consuming fan made art of their favourite shows and ships in whatever form they choose.

It is not because we've opened the door that we will let y'all trash the room. I'm sure you were raised better than that.

Can you not be assholes? Much appreciated.

P.S.: I am too old to care and have zero fucks left to give about anyone's feelings getting offended over this. Fuck you very much.

[chaotic-archaeologist]

got a question for ya regarding sex and online safety.

Background; I am an adulty adult. I have been able to and have voted in more than 3 elections. [I know you take interactions with minors seriously]. I am also ace and autistic. as a result I have never felt the urge to date and I normally don't mind having friends close by.

However, I also just moved for the 4th time since 2019 and would like to meet people.

So I downloaded Grindr. already got my first dickpic lol. I have also been chatting with a fellow who I like and would like to be friends with and I also wouldn't mind exploring my kinks with people... but I have never had to worry about safe online sexy stuff before so I don't know the basics beyond normal internet safety.

What do I do‽‽‽

Okay first, thanks for clarifying the adulty part. This is an awesome question, and here's the advice/steps that I personally follow for situations like this.

Have your first meeting in a public place. Go for coffee or ice cream or lunch or dinner or whatever. But don't meet them alone. This way, if you get uncomfortable with anything that's happening, they're much less likely to continue with that behavior after you attempt to extricate yourself.

Make sure there are no expectations. Plan not to have sex on the first date/meet up. Grindr often tends to ignore this rule since it's very hookup centric, but you're absolutely within your rights to insist on taking things as slowly as you want to.

Don't rely on the other person for transportation. If you choose to meet someone, get yourself there and plan to get yourself back. Walk, bike, drive, public transportation, unicycle, it's all good. But there's much less room for pressure if you're not depending on them for a ride home. This segues nicely into my next point:

Do not tell them where you live. At least, not right now. Plenty of people on Grindr are willing to "host" meaning you can come to their place. That's fine for them, but I err on the side of never giving anyone my address until I've had a thorough chance to assess their character and meet them a few times.

Tell someone where you will be. Let someone who cares about you know that you're going out, where you'll be, and what time you expect to return. Establish a time to check in when you're going home/if you choose to extend the meeting. There are also apps like Noonlight that can function similarly.

Be careful about what you consume. If you're going to enjoy and mind alternating substances, be very, very careful. This goes for anything from getting drinks at a bar to any and all of the recreational drugs on the market.

Be prepared for a little bit of awkwardness. Meeting someone in person is often very different than chatting online. If the conversation is awkward or halting, that's okay. Give it a little time (but also don't be afraid to trust your gut if it's telling you something is wrong).

Communicate clearly. If you have any needs—which can range from an allergy, not being able to stand for long periods of time, needing them to speak loudly so you can hear them, safety concerns—the best way to get those met is to be upfront. You don't need to disclose the reason why you need something if it makes you uncomfortable, just state what you need. People worth spending time with will respect that. The same thing goes for your wants.

Use protection. Maybe this isn't applicable for you specifically, but I think it belongs on this list. Condoms. Dental dams. Gloves. Someone on an app telling you they're negative for any number of things is not an actual guarantee they're not lying to you. Not wanting to use protection (not just for anal/vaginal intercourse, but for oral sex as well) is a huge red flag. Decide in advance what your boundaries are and stick to them.

If it sucks, hit da bricks. Fundamentally, you owe this person nothing. There is no consequence for saying "you know what, I'm not feeling this and I'm going to leave." Be as polite as you want to, but put yourself first.

At the end of the day, the only thing you have control over is you. How you react, where you meet this person, what you do—that's what you control. Hopefully any meet ups will be fun and relatively safe, but just in case, set yourself up for success by maintaining what control you can.

From one adult to another, these are all suggestions rather than rules. Many people on Grindr choose not to follow various ones, and that's fine. Take some time to think about what you're comfortable with and make your decisions accordingly.

Also, best practice for someone sending an unsolicited dick pic (if you don't want them) is just to block that person. But sending a return picture like this one is a hilarious option.

-Reid

[crucnch-no-more-braincell]

It's so confusing seeing posts that're just like "hey guys don't do this thing because it's unkind" (like idk talking shit on someone's positivity post abt. Whatever fandom they're in idk. Or purposely leaving rude/hateful comments on someone's fic etc)

And then some jackass replies "heh...but this is the internet...i'm so smart because i'm telling you that you're a whimp if you can't handle people being mean to you and you shouldn't be on the internet then...i'm so sigma" (okay that last part is a joke but i think it conveys the tone pretty well.)

They're just so smug and rude and it's like ???

Why do you feel the need to announce on someone's post "hey i'm an asshole who has no joy in their life so i'm gonna be rude to you on a post that's literally about people like me"

Are people not allowed to try to cultivate a positive internet space? Like congrats you've pointed out the obvious; it's the internet. We fucking know. But we are also human and humans typically like being kind and positive to one another and maybe you'd really fucking improve if you'd just try this kindness thing out. Yknow?

[crazycatsiren]

Maybe like, not turn a stranger's positivity post into a personal vent opportunity?

I can promise you, we're all going through stuff. Nobody's invalidating you by looking for the positives in the little things in their own life. Life isn't easy on any of us, and that's why we're doing this.

You can write your own posts without derailing and putting down other people's little joys. Turning off somebody else's light won't make yours shine brighter.