#Interesting. Does that make you angry? Are you upset with how your life has been toyed with? Are you? and shes just like . what

[meowsticmarvels]

the concept of delta engineering the decision game so he and phi can be born is kinda funny he's like ok so i have to worsen my parents' existing ptsd so me and my Stupid ass sister I Guess will be born witj magic powers and shes also gonna have worsened ptsd as a result. this is a Necessary evil Life is Simply Unfair :/

[vhstown]

please stop scrolling and take the time to read this.

i don't think people understand the extent of the horror happening in palestine right now. "death" means nothing to people because of desensitisation so let me just tell you what white phosphorus is. it's being used in israeli munitions and has been and will continue to be fired across gaza and the palestinian borders.

white phosphorus burns when it comes into contact with oxygen (at nearly 800°C or 1500°F. the human body can withstand ~50°C for reference.) the air you breathe in ignites and it is near impossible extinguish. it sticks to clothing and skin and is very difficult to remove because it will continue to ignite in air. it burns flesh up to the bone and even past the bone because it penetrates tissue and is absorbed VERY easily. if you inhale it it'll destroy your respiratory tract and lungs. it can cause failure in multiple organs including the liver, kidneys and heart. it is being released in one of the most densely populated places on earth.

the only way to treat someone exposed to white phosphorus is to submerge them in saline or water and to pick out the substance with forceps, and when you undress a wound the substance can re-ignite. this is just ONE weapon that is being used to kill palestinian people right now. palestine does not have access to medical care, humanitarian aid, power, or internet. their hospitals are being bombed. gaza is one of the most densely populated places in the world with over 50% of the population being children. many children are the sole survivors of their families. there are videos of children experiencing panic attacks and symptoms of ptsd. the fact that israel has committed war crimes in plain sight means that we can only imagine what will happen to the palestinians in complete darkness.

israel has and will continue to deny this. your interests and fandom will still be here, you will wake up tomorrow morning and see your friends and family, but an entire nation of people are being wiped off the map. being silent is being complacent. reblog, spread information, tell people in real life, attend protests, sign petitions, call your government offices, at the very least be angry and upset and horrified because once you become numb and indifferent and hopeless the oppressors will have already won.

what's happening right now is more than a genocide and once it becomes a part of history we'll wonder how the world let this happen. genocides have been part of all nations. just because it is far away does not mean you don't have to be concerned. the fact that YOUR governments and YOUR idols and the people around YOU are supporting the mass eradication of an entire group of people should scare you. it shouldn't make you feel anything less than sick and angry and disgusted. DO something about it, no matter how small you feel your voice is, because palestinians no longer have one.

[edit] links to some helpful reblogs: one & two

post on how you can help palestine

learn about palestine with this masterlist of info

+ a further reblog of mine

[edit 2] about palestinians "not having a voice" at the time i wrote this post internet connection was cut off entirely and even journalists weren't able to report for a period of time — that is all i meant by that. they of course have a voice and i never meant to undermine how people are risking their lives in gaza to get information out there and i apologise if thats what people took from it, it was not my intention but it is entirely my bad. please continue to spread information and updates from gaza as they come.

[animelovelover123]

Ooooo I was thinking, what about a reader who gets jealous over the Dmc boys. Like they see someone flirting with him. 👀👀

I’ll be honest, this one was hard for me since I don’t like writing about what “you” do since that is one of the few things that take me out of a story. I’ll try, but if it sounds weird and isn’t what you were looking for, I am sorry, I hope you can enjoy it a bit anyway. ( ´-｀)

Disclaimer: Some of these guys enjoy/purposely let you get jealous because they like it. In real life, this is a manipulative action that can be a sign of a toxic relationship, romantic or otherwise. You can enjoy this fiction, but remember to be safe in reality.

Trigger Warnings: Manipulation

DMC Boys x Jealous Reader

Dante

It depends on the severity of the situation.

If it is some random woman gushing about him after he shows off his stylish skills, he will call you cute and tease you.

“Aww, baby, don’t get jealous now. You got to get used to it, you knew what you were getting into when you stole the heart of the demon hunter with smokin' sexy style.” He says before striking a pose to make you laugh and lighten your spirit.

If he is being propositioned for sex and you cut in before he can give his witty rejection, or he does get it out but you are still upset, he'll lean in a whisper to you the dirtiest of things that he has been thinking about you as a way to show that you’re the only one on his mind and that can get his blood pumping south.

If it is serious, though, with crying, pain, panic, true fear and anger, Dante will drop everything and get you out of there.

It doesn't matter if you just arrived or you wanted to give the person a piece of your mind, Dante picks you up and carries you home or at least to his car where you can have a moment to calm down, to let out your rage. He'll even let you let it all out on him. He won't argue with you, not yet, he knows you're not listening.

Once you have calmed down, or just become exhausted and placid, he'll get as close as you’ll let him and talk.

What happened? What got you so upset this time? Where do these feelings come from? What can he do to help?

Good boy Dante knows when to be playful and when to be serious.

Reboot Dante

This little shit loves it, finds it hot as hell when you get angry and more aggressive in your lovin’ to try to prove a point. And it happens often.

With how free-spirited he was before you, sleeping around with no interest in commitments, having random women and the occasional man coming up to reminisce about a past sexual encounter and wanting more or simply hearing of his prowess and wanting to try him on for size was common. Sometimes it felt like Dante had fucked every other woman in town, or perhaps it was just all the women that go to the clubs and parties you two attend.

Nevertheless, they always seem to find Dante and get right to flirting and grinding. And worst of all, because Dante likes seeing you mad, he will indulge them a bit. He won’t sleep with them, kiss them, or start touching them intimately, but he will let them flirt and touch him while returning some affection like cheek kisses and putting an arm around them, smiling all the while like he likes their attention.

In reality though he could not care less about them and if you weren’t there, he would tell them to fuck off. But seeing you get pissy and maybe even a little violent is hot as hell.

The fucking best though is when you assert superiority. Moments like when you saw a woman rub his chest so you walked right up and grabbed his crotch like it was your property that someone was trying to steal and when you saw him get a kiss on the neck so you grabbed him by the hair to pull him close and shove your tongue down his throat, that shit gets him rock hard.

Is it bad that the first idea I came up with was this little shit head purposely making you jealous and getting off on you dominating him? Even before I thought about how most characters would reassure you, I was thinking “Reboot Dante would pull this shit on purpose”.

Vergil

Vergil finds it infuriating.

Whether it is some random lady trying to flirt with him or he is having an actually intelligent conversation with someone, you getting jealous is an insult.

“Do you truly believe I am so weak a man as to fall for the tricks of painted whores or so fickle that I would run off with any person with a brain?”

He does not understand how you could not trust him and will confront you with this.

His tone, stance, and demeanor made it seem like he was just angry and annoyed. However, if you know him well enough, you can see glimpses of his hurt feelings in his eyes.

If you tell him blatantly that you don’t trust him, and worse so if you bring up his only past relationship resulting in a brief fling and the abandoning of a child, you will get the rare opportunity to see that hurt shown in his expression.

If you try to explain to him that it’s not because you don’t trust him, it's that you don’t trust others or it's instinct, he won't understand until he sees Dante playfully peck you on the cheek.

The phrase “painted whores” is a reference to the DMC3 manga where Vergil says this. (Hopefully I remember to put the pic in and it still works)

This is the official Tokyopop translation and is apparently not accurate at all, but this manga has some crazy lines, and this phrase fits IMO.

Reboot Vergil

Vergil is a charmer; it is a necessary skill in the high society circles he is trying to take down. To gather information and get close to targets, sometimes he has to show interest in people and topics he could not care less about. Sometimes this includes flattering someone and making them think they have a chance with him.

He knows you don’t like this, and he doesn't like it either, but he is firm on his stance that this is a necessary part of his overall plan.

You two have gotten into arguments about this, especially if you threaten to, or successfully do, ruin a plan because of your jealousy. Shouting, screaming, him fighting on the side of logic and you, the heart.

In the end though, it always seems to work out, often with him coming to find you after some time apart to calm down and taking the time to reassure you of his love and loyalty to you.

There is one circumstance in which he should admonish your actions… but when you two are at some snooty party and some woman tries to flaunt her social power, wealth, beauty, and other such attributes to get his attention, he has to use all his socialite training to not laugh as you verbally beat the woman back into her place.

You'll catch him snickering to himself every so often as he remembers a particularly cruel jab you made.

This boy did not get raised in a rich family and become a millionaire without learning how to charm people out of information, which does not bode well for any monogamous relationship he has unless they also know the seedy tricks of the trade.

Nero

Nero, despite trying to act cool and mature, is naïve and bashful. Unless the woman is so blatantly aggressive as to try to grab his private areas or start saying he should ditch you for her, to which he will aggressively reject, he doesn't know how to react to flirtation, so you have to watch over him.

When in Fortuna, he was an outcast; no girl or woman had interest in him. And when he started traveling when he created the mobile unit for Devil May Cry, women looked down on him for being childish or still just avoided him. “So don’t worry, there is no reason for you to stress out, babe.”

In reality, he had many admirers that were too nervous to approach him or did shoot their shot and it went over Nero’s head, who assumed that that’s just how many women are. (blame Trish/Gloria for that)

Like trying to guide a mouse through a maze of traps, you have to watch over Nero and shoo away the women making him uncomfortable.

“Well you're being overly clingy, what’s up? Flirting with me? She just dropped something. Bend and snap? I don’t know what that is. You wanna go home? Sure, I don’t even like parties like this. But, um, could you keep your arm around me like that? Feels… nice.”

I did not start off with the intent to make Nero babygirl coded, but here we are and I like it. I love Nero being horny and needy with you but the poor thing’s brain cannot compute when other people hit on him.

Also, though I purposely left it open for anyone to picture how they were holding Nero at the end, I like to imagine you have your arm around his waist or hips. Would be so cute!

V

V’s type of attractiveness, especially his physical traits, distinctive, so the rate in which you get challengers was dependent on the environment, because in some crowds he is VERY popular.

He is also a sensitive soul, able to articulate his emotions and understand others. So, the moment he notices even a hint of your jealousy, possession, or hurt feelings, he will pull you aside and reassure you of his devotion

“My dearest song bird, do not fret for my heart yearns only for your affection, my body craves only your touch, and no one makes sweet, passionate music like you and I together.”

He wishes for you to not have a single doubt in your mind about the strength of the bond you share, especially because he knew from the fragments of memories and feelings from Vergil how jealousy can destroy a person.

There was but one situation where V was thankful for your protectiveness that bordered on possessiveness.

V had very little demonic power and so struggled to protect himself without the aid of his familiars. At the same time, though, he was mostly human with some of Sparda’s blood, which made him a relatively easy target for blood/life force drainers like succubi, or so you might think.

That was until the tale of the devastating verbal and physical beat down you gave one of their strongest when you caught her trying to force herself on V spread to every succubus in the country and most of the demon world.

This one turned out weird and tone tones are all over the place. :p

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | fourteen.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 5.5k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, mostly focused on namjoon again in his stressed with no rest era, oc tells her friends about everything, jiung x oc fighting, crying :(, oc has a pretty good talk with namjoon, things are just shifting/changing

—a/n: the next fic coming up after wildfire has been posted here! also if you haven't taken my poll, pls do so! hehe <33 i appreciate u

You lay back against the arm of the couch with your blanket sprawled on top, typing away the last bits of info into your presentation. You're a slide away from creating your acknowledgements slide and wrapping up the entire rotation update. You had gotten an email from both San and Namjoon stating that your rotation in San's lab was ending due to a change in your timeline and that you needed to present your rotation update to the both of them, along with the dean, in the following week. It scared you at first— and it still does now— but it's starting to make more sense as to why San did what he did. Namjoon sent you a side email asking if you could meet today because he wanted to discuss what was going on. He kept it vague. Short.

Maybe he was holding off until the meeting.

It's obvious who started all of this. It's not hard to tell.

But, you agreed to meet after TAing for Yunho— letting Namjoon know you'd be there as soon as class was over. He agreed to the time and sent you a reassuring message towards the end, telling you all would be well and that he'd help you figure things out no matter what.

It was reassuring, but it doesn't mean you weren't scared.

Anxious.

Nervous.

Doesn't mean any if this it hurt any less. Doesn't mean you weren't angry, upset, sad. You still needed to feel it out, especially being alone and going through this without anyone else to talk to about it.

You had Eunchae, Jurin and Felix. But, you wished you had Jiung to talk to. You wished you didn't feel hurt about him, too.

—FLASHBACK

"So, you two are seeing each other?" Jurin asks while she sits in front of you and holds onto your knee to give it a gentle rub. Eunchae sits next to you with her arm over your shoulder, also giving you a gentle caress, squeeze. Felix sits next to Jurin and he's got a look of concern, but sadness. You had finally opened up about everything between you and San; from how things started, the conferences, staying at his house, being with him—

To not.

Jiung keeps himself posted near your window because he doesn't really wanna hear more about it but he needs to— to understand the full story. Part of him also feels guilty for what he did hearing your cries and how awfully torn up you are over Professor Choi.

San.

He's gotta get used to you calling him San like that.

"Were." You shake your head and press the tissue against your nose to pat it dry. "It's done with now."

"But, why? Couldn't you guys just play it off?" 

"I'm sure he wanted to be safe, though." Felix adds softly. "I think I kinda see where he's coming from." He looks at you. "I don't think he meant to hurt you, but he's probably trying to protect you and keep everything safe in the meantime. Once this blows over—"

"I doubt we'd get back together."

"Don't say that. You never know, Y/N. I agree with Lix. He's probably just trying to do what's best for now even if it hurts him to. I'm sure he cares a lot about you. I mean heck, he almost fucked up Hae-jin in front of everyone." You sigh and look down at your hands, the feeling of sadness and emptiness all consuming. 

"He does." Eunchae adds to Jurin's reassurance. "I don't know why Professor Lee and Professor Jeong think it's their business, though. Haven't they done enough damage?"

"Awful. People literally can't mind their business, especially when it has nothing to do with them."

"I get the power dynamics but Professor Choi doesn't seem like the type. So, honestly, it's not like anyone was getting hurt in the process." Jiung silently fiddles with his hoodie string as Felix goes on.

"And people clearly don't know you if they assume you're the one throwing yourself on him." Jurin adds.

"Damn. Two people can't just be together?" Felix shakes his head. "Anyway, you got us, and this will pass. I'm sure Professor Kim will do everything to help and figure things out, too." You dig your face into your hands, trying to wipe away the remaining tears before you nod and smile at Lix in appreciation for his support, too. 

Still, you can't help but notice how Jiung has remained quiet this entire time— barely able to maintain eye contact with you.

"Should we go to dinner? Get some food in you?" Eunchae gives you a small smile and giggle. You nod and stand with them, quickly checking your appearance in the mirror while the three start making their way out of your door.

"Can we talk for a second?"

"About?"

"I just have to tell you something. Probably shouldn't wait until after dinner."

"Um, okay?" You look at him, hands crossed over your chest in a vulnerable manner, doe-eyes peeking up at him as he lets out a hefty sigh. "What's on your mind?"

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I just wanna say I'm sorry and I hope you understand where I'm coming from. But—" He lets out another sigh before shaking his head, almost as if he were shaking his feelings off. Trying to tell himself he needs to say it. "I-I went to Professor Kim and told him about you and Professor Choi. I told him I thought you were being taken advantage of and that I was worried."

"What?" You can barely get out. "W-why would you do that?"

"I was really just worried and I wasn't sure how else to get to you. I-I thought Professor Kim would be able to help—"

"Jiung." You call his name and step back, not wanting to be in close proximity to him. You knew he was worried about you, but you didn't think he'd go off and talk to Namjoon about it right away. "Why would you do that? Why couldn't we just keep talking about it— why did you have to go and blow this up even more?!"

"I'm sorry, can you blame me?!—"

"You didn't have to go behind my fucking back and tell Professor Kim! I already told you it wasn't like that and you still told him it was?! What the actual hell, Jiung?"

"I was just worried about you! I was being your fucking bestfriend, trying to make sure you weren't hurt or anything."

"And then you made things worse. Are you happy?" You scoff. "Those assumptions could have really fucked up Professor Choi."

"What about you, Y/N? Why do you keep disregarding yourself?! Is that even healthy—"

"Healthy?! I'm telling you the truth!" You scoff. "And you don't know shit about me and him, so quit acting like you do." You throw your hands up in defeat because he'll never get it. "Forget it, okay? You'll never understand and I don't need you to."

"Hey, what's going on?" Felix pops his head in, confused at the ruckus going on behind doors. Truthfully, he heard everything just as he was approaching the door to check up on you, and he's not sure how to feel. It's hard. He feels like he's in the middle because he sees Jiung, he sees you.

"You guys can go off to dinner together, but I'll probably just stay behind." 

"But, Y/N—" Jiung adds in defeat.

"Why don't you and the girls go? We'll catch up later." Felix tugs him by the sleeve and gives him a look. "Give her some space." He mutters lowly just as he gets in close distance.

—END

Your alarm blares on the coffee table, a harsh reminder that you haven't really slept much. It was time to wrap up and get ready for Yunho's class— something you weren't entirely ready to tackle today either.

But, you get up anyway. 

You sigh and put on your brave face.

You throw on a simple sweater, jeans and your Sambas— dabbing a bit of mascara, brow gel and lip gloss to fix yourself up a tiny bit for the day. You were tired of feeling sad and dressing the part; the least you could do was finally get some fresh air and look decent enough for the world while coming out of your slump. You grab your things and pack up your bag, heading out of the door with your keys in hand.

Kinda sucks you won't be returning to San's lab.

Kinda sucks you won't be returning to San.

You let out a sigh and quietly walk over to the classroom in peace, keeping your head down for a majority of the time. 

Avoiding eye contact, avoiding anything having to do with the outside world in meantime.

"Hey!" Yunho says in his usual fashion. You give him a small smile, although you're not really sure why he's joining class yet again today. He had been joining your class in particular recently, and you knew why.

He just wanted to get under your skin.

"Hi." You respond, getting your laptop together. Yunho continues to watch you from where you're standing, noting the sadness that envelopes your entire body. The way you're avoiding him. The way it's so blatantly obvious that you know that he knows.

That Iseul is the reason why you're sad.

You don't say anything otherwise; keeping your head down and away from Yunho even while the class walks in. You continue to carry on with the last journal club of the class before giving everyone time to work on their final proposals before it's due at the end of the evening. A few people linger at the end of class to speak with you and Yunho to get your guidance on the last remaining bits of their proposals before they thank you for all your help and head out for the day.

You still haven't said a word to Yunho, and he can't help but ask:

"Is something wrong?" Yunho asks nonchalantly after class, looking at your figure even though you are avoiding eye contact with him while packing up your things.

"No."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I don't know why you're asking if something is wrong when you know what it is already. Don't you?" You look at him plainly from the side before gathering the rest of your things.

"Whatever's been happening between you and San is between you and San—"

"So, was it you who told Professor Kim? Or was it Professor Lee?" You cut him off. Yunho stares at you, and he doesn't respond. Of course he won't, of course he won't throw Iseul under the bus even though you know she was behind it.

"It was for the best."

"Quite frankly, I don't think you can speak on what's best for me or him. Especially him." You look at Yunho directly in the eye. "Are you both that determined to bring San down? Is that what this?" He furrows his brows.

"Reel it in, Y/N." He says, sternly. "Do you not understand how damaging this could be for both you and him? If anything, it was done to protect you both."

"What makes you think we weren't capable of doing so?" Yunho lets out a pathetic chuckle before he steps forward and leans towards your ear, a small smirk on his lips.

"I think snuggling up on campus and sneaking into his office is enough of a reason." He pulls back, licking his lips before dipping his hands into his pocket.

"And I think you need to learn how to mind your own business and let San handle his own." You scoff. "In any case, Yunho." You look him in the eye. "You and Iseul already ruined him from the beginning and you can't come to terms with it." You tilt your head to the side. "You both were never deserving of San, and that is sad. No wonder you two are miserable and are still keeping tabs on him." Yunho's mouth slightly drops, but he doesn't respond to your statement. "I'll help out with finals if needed. Otherwise, please consider my TA assignment with you done."

You almost run into Iseul as you stomp out of the classroom, leaving her to knit her brows at you in response.

"Nice talk." Iseul pops in, her husband biting his cheek.

"We should have never gotten involved with that, Iseul." He says lowly as he gathers his things together.

"Oh, so just let them—"

"That's exactly it, just let them be." He cuts her off and looks at her. "It didn't have to be us. We could've just let them be and let anyone else do the talking. Let them learn on their own." His jaw ticks.

"We did the right thing." She crosses her arms.

"Still doesn't change the fact that you're taking the opportunity to destroy San and running with it. It didn't have to be us." He repeats, slinging his bag onto his shoulder.

"Yunho." She says. "You're not actually taking Y/N seriously, are you? She's delusional if she thinks all of this is okay and would've slipped."

"Don't call her delusional, Iseul. You have no say in their relationship or what they're about. You had no right. They knew what they were getting into. You just lead them into the trap for your own benefit." Yunho scoffs. "You wanted to see this unfold, didn't you? You wanted this to unfold in a specific way." 

"What is going on, Yunho?"

"We're not meddling in this anymore. If you're not ready to stop, count me out of it. I'm not doing this, I'm not picking at their business anymore." He grabs his things and takes the lead out of the room. Iseul scoffs and shakes her head, slowly trailing behind him.

As for you, you feel cold. You feel isolated. You feel empty. You walk out and find a hidden table behind the building and set yourself down to get yourself together. You let out a couple of breaths to ease your feelings, promising yourself you wouldn't cry over this anymore.

But, it hurts to hold it in.

It hurts.

You feel the dullness, the heavy ache, in the center of your chest, and it hurts.

You have to move on.

"Fuck." You sigh, hand over your chest to give it a few gentle rubs before you're back on your feet and checking the time. You need to see Professor Kim just like your promised.

Of course, as you're on your way to Professor Kim's office, you find San passing by with Yeosang and Jongho. His eyes land on you and you immediately break first, feeling the tears ready to well up in your eyes. He sees the way your head drops and how you turn away— he can't help but slightly turn over his shoulder to keep his eyes on you.

To lock eyes with you once more.

To feel.

But, it doesn't happen. And it fucks San up more than he expects because he doesn't know even know what Jongho and Yeosang are talking about anymore after that brief interception.

"Yo, you good?" Jongho taps his chest with a small chuckle, bringing San back to reality.

"Yeah. Sorry." He tries to play it off quickly but Jongho quickly turns over his shoulder to see you walking in the opposite direction.

"All good." He returns to San and gives his shoulder a small squeeze. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about." San gives him a toothless smile. "Anyway, did you guys figure out where we're going before we make laps around campus?" Yeosang and Jongho share a quick look before they follow behind San and pick the conversation back up to prevent any of San's sadness from creeping up.

Meanwhile, you continue your way to Professor Kim's office, wiping away the stragglers that manage to escape your eyes and streak your cheeks. You weren't gonna let this get to you, so you quickly try to brush it off and get yourself together especially when you walk down the hallway and into Professor Kim's office. He's in his chair, typing away on his computer— glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose.

"Hey Y/N, come sit and make yourself comfortable." He smiles at you and you return the gesture, sitting down on the chair posted in front of his desk.

"Thanks for meeting with me today, Professor Kim."

"No, thank you." He chuckles and finally shifts his full attention towards you. "How are you today?"

"Uh, could be better but not complaining."

"Yeah? How was class with Professor Jeong?"

"Hm, okay." You hum before shifting in your seat nervously. 

"Just okay?" You nod. "Well, as long as there aren't any complaints or anything you wanna tell me." Namjoon knows you probably aren't having a great time in Yunho's class right now and he doesn't blame you.

"No." You force a smile. "Anyway, I see that I have to do my rotation presentation next week?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Y/N. You do understand why this is all happening, right?" You slowly nod. "I know you and San have been seeing each other, and I know he ended things the other day. I'm really sorry, but I just need to protect you both. Word is getting around fast and the dean isn't having it. I can't have him fire San, I can't have him kick you out of the grad program. Please just understand why things have to be this way. I just need it to settle."

"I do." You respond weakly before looking down at your hands. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, Professor Kim. I didn't mean— we didn't mean for this to blow up. I-I know we shouldn't have been so sloppy and reckless, and I'm sorry—"

"Hey, hey." He shakes his head with a sympathetic look. "No need to be sorry. I promise all is fine, and that's why I'm here to help and protect you both." You look at him with a sad nod, and you aren't sure why that's the tipping point for you but you suddenly start to break down in front of Professor Kim. He feels his heart breaks because he knows there wasn't any power play in this; he knows San as a person, and he's familiar with you as a student and the work you do. There was no way either of you used any power or position for your advantage. He knew this had been a genuine, real relationship— it's just truly unfortunate it had to unfold this way.

If word hadn't gotten around, maybe Namjoon wouldn't care at all. 

But, he has to now, and that's what makes everything hard about his role.

"I promise everything is going to be okay." He says softly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—" Namjoon shakes his heas, watching the way you cry into your hands.

"Y/N, it's okay. You can let it out if you need to." He passes you the tissue box. "Can I ask you something? And be honest. I've already figured out your plan for school so you don't have to hold back." Namjoon says. "Do you care about him?" You nod as you continue to cry, the ache in your chest making it hard for you to breathe. 

You miss San.

"But, it doesn't matter because he ended it. It's over with."

"He only did so because of my guidance, and I'm sorry about that. I told him this too, but it's not something I wanted to do. Trust me. As his friend, it's the first time I've seen him genuinely and truly happy. It's all I wanted after the things he's gone through. But, I just can't risk it right now. San is beginning to reach new heights with his career and getting more real estate to do things he's been wanting to do with Jongho. You're also just getting into the groove of things. I don't want either of your hard work to get snatched away over something like this."

"No, I know Professor Kim. I do understand and I'm grateful. It just sucks. I don't know how else we would've gotten away with it, I guess." You sniff. "Maybe it had to happen."

"Look, I told him this, too. But, I can't police every detail and tell you who you can and can't date. If San is someone you care about, then so be it, but the only thing I ask of you is to keep it off campus. I cannot have you two interacting on campus or else he's out. Not by my choice, but the committee."

"I don't want anything to happen to him."

"I know, and he said the same thing about you. He cares just as much, so don't think that he doesn't." You dab your face with the napkin and nod.

"Jiung confessed and told me he came to you about it." Namjoon nods.

"I think he was just worried as your friend. Rightfully so. But, I think he also shouldn't have jumped to those conclusions right away."

"I told him that."

"If I hadn't known San so well, I probably would've believed Jiung." He sighs. "It's alright, he didn't know and he was worried. Are you two okay?"

"Not really, but I think we just need time. I'm trying to see his side of things, but I also didn't think he'd do that so it caught me off guard."

"I see. Well. Give yourself some time and grace, okay? I'm sorry it had to be this way for now." You give him a tiny, toothless smile. Eyes still shiny and watery from the crying you've just done. 

I'm sorry it had to be this way for now.

It repeats in your head over and over again because why does it feel like this is just how it's gonna be? Despite Namjoon reassuring you, despite San's explanation. Why does it just feel like a fleeting moment? A chapter in your book— a part that was never really supposed to last.

"Thank you." He gives you a smile.

"So, shifting to the program. I was thinking I could pull you into my lab and we can figure out things as time goes on? Explore other options if there's anything else you'd wanna explore." You nod. "You know there's other paths we can look into, or if you're totally fine with where you're at in my lab, then we can just stick with that plan."

"That sounds good. Thank you, Professor Kim."

"Unfortunately, like I mentioned, I can't have you interacting with Professor Choi. I'll have to make sure you don't take any of his classes or end up in any collaboration projects with him." You nod.

"Okay. I understand." 

"You'll have to halt all your work in his lab immediately. You can grab your things when you feel ready to, but I'll have you in my lab starting next week. I know it'll be a bit crazy with your rotation presentation, but I promise to make it a smooth transition." 

"Okay." You purse your lips. "I'm almost finished with my rotation presentation."

"That's great!"

"It'll just be us three?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's not the usual format but I need the dean to see all the good work you do."

"Thank you. I appreciate your support."

"Do you have any questions so far? Any other concerns?" You think for a second before shaking your head.

"No."

"I'll send you some onboarding info and give you the contacts to some key people in my lab to help you get started. We can figure out your project and goals in a little more depth next week. Let's aim for a Monday morning meeting? 9am?"

"Good with me." 

"Thanks, Y/N. And please trust me when I say all is gonna be well."

"Thank you." 

"See you next week? Be sure to keep an eye out for my emails." You nod as you stand and tuck your bag closely to you.

"I will." You give him another smile before heading out of the door. Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose and plops back down onto his chair, picking up his direct line to ring the dean's office phone. It rings for a few minutes before the dean is answering on the other end.

"Namjoon."

"Hey. Can we meet today to talk about what's been going on? I can be over in the next 15 minutes."

"I'm free, but I have a hard cut off in 45 minutes."

"That's plenty of time. I'll be there soon."

"See you." Joon hangs up and gathers his things, loosening his tie to get himself together for this meeting. He doesn't necessarily wanna do this, nor does he think he's ready for whatever the dean could unleash on him.

On you, on San.

But, he has a job to do and he'll make damn sure he gets his point across. He'll make damn sure he controls this well, and he'll make sure nothing happens to the both of you.

When he gets into the building and heads straight for the dean's office, he's greeted by the front desk and his executive assistant. The dean's assistant knocks on his door and pops her head in to give him a heads up about Namjoon's visit. It isn't long before she's gesturing for him to come into his office, stepping out and slowly shutting the door behind her once Namjoon's settled in the seat in front of him.

"Namjoon."

"Dean Louie." Namjoon clears his throat. "Can we discuss what's been going on? I've got a chance to review this more in depth."

"Great. So, tell me. What's with the anonymous tip? Is there truth behind San and his student's relationship?"

"No." The dean looks at him with his head cocked to the side. "Not at all."

"Namjoon. This isn't the time to play games."

"Who said I was?" Joon asks. "This is purely a rumor and there is nothing going on between the two of them. To keep things safe, I'll make sure they don't cross paths and interact on campus, and I'll make sure to work closely with her and keep her under my wing." Namjoon says.

"A rumor? That blew up around campus? What about Iseul and Yunho? Iseul told me about the happy hour event with San. All of this seems too good to be true, and if you're covering for them—" Namjoon cuts him off.

"Since when did Iseul and Yunho have their best interest in San? All I know is that they've always been the driving issue, not San." Namjoon looks at the dean confused. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but a rumor is a rumor and I've gotten to the bottom of it. I talked to the both of them and they denied it through and through. The only reason why San got caught up in the whole happy hour business was because a postdoc was crossing the line and being really disrespectful to her. Any one of us would've done it had we caught it right away like San did." Namjoon continues to furrow his brows. "Now, please. I'd appreciate if we can move on." The dean sits back and lets out a hefty sigh.

"Go on."

"As stated in my email, she will do her rotation presentation in front of myself, you and San. After that, she will be removed from his lab and will be placed in mine. We'll have weekly check-ins, and I'll work with her to move her classes around and realign her priorities so that she and San don't cross paths in this program again."

"And what about this real estate in the building? I'm not going to give it over if this is what San plans to do—"

"I'm sorry, but this shouldn't define San and his work." Namjoon pauses. "He's not, alright? I already confirmed it was a rumor and there is nothing going on. No reason for you to pull back on that real estate deal especially when Jongho had nothing to do with this either and San has already explained his side and agreed to comply regardless. She'll be out of his lab." The dean gives Namjoon a stern look.

"You better make damn sure this doesn't happen again, Namjoon. No rumors, no slip ups. And you make sure those three stop causing trouble on campus. Iseul, Yunho and San. I don't care who did what and who is blaming who, I need this to stop. Now. We can't have childish, petty issues running amuck on this campus."

"You have my word."

"If I hear San and Y/N in the same sentence again, I can't promise it will be the same outcome."

"With all due respect, I need you to understand that whatever they do, whatever happens off campus, doesn't concern me and shouldn't concern you either. I cannot police their behavior and make them act a certain way off grounds. They are both grown, mature adults that can make decisions on their own, and you know that's unfair and very unrealistic." The dean doesn't say much. He mutters a few things under his breath before he's returning his attention to Namjoon.

"Not a damn word about them ever again, Namjoon. I mean it." The dean warns him again before settling into his seat and returning his attention to his desktop computer. Namjoon does a quick, silent bow before walking out, sighing loudly to himself as he's finally gotten that over with.

Still doesn't make it any easier knowing he had his friend make a very difficult decision that he did not wanna do.

He hopes in time, this could blow over and San could be happy again. Despite this hurdle, he's betting on it. On you and him.

Maybe when you come back together, circumstances will be different enough that it won't make the relationship seem as bad as it does right now.

"Shit." Namjoon clicks his teeth when he finally gets out of the building and breathes in the fresh air. He is exhausted, but his day isn't about to be over, no. On his way back to his office, he finds Yunho speaking to a few colleagues in the courtyard. He must have gotten out of a meeting and was walking his visitors out.

And Namjoon doesn't give a fuck. That visit is ending now.

"Professor Kim! It's an honor to see you in the flesh!" Namjoon smiles at his guests before returning the favor.

"Hi there." Namjoon does a curt bow. "Hope you've enjoyed your visit."

"Completely. We had a great collaboration meeting with Professor Jeong here, and he gave us a tour around."

"That's great, yeah." Namjoon smiles before looking at Yunho. "Can we talk in my office?" Namjoon says near Yunho's ear. "Now?"

"Sure." Yunho bids his last farewell before excusing himself and following Namjoon straight to his office. No words being spoken or shared. Namjoon shuts the door and sighs, looking at Yunho with his hand on his hip. "What's going on, Joon?"

"I'm just trying to understand why you and Iseul are trying so hard to ruin that man's reputation. The dean told me Iseul went over there to give him more of her little intel on San."

"I don't know what she said or did—"

"You still knew about it, didn't you?" Namjoon looks at him. "You knew this whole time Iseul was trying to raise hell about this and you let her."

"How is this not wrong?"

"No one said it wasn't wrong, Yunho!" Namjoon raises his tone. "There were just better ways to go about it than throwing San's name out there the way you two did. Just throwing him out there to the wolves without even knowing the full story. That's the problem!"

"I'm sorry, it doesn't seem like it now, but we were looking out for him and everyone else potentially involved."

"Except me. If you knew better, you both would've let me handle this accordingly. This doesn't just affect him, Yunho. It affects you both. It affects me. It affects Y/N, Jongho, everyone. Because you both didn't know how to be discreet about your plans to bring San down."

"It was never like that!"

"Then, what was it like? Tell me. As his colleague, as someone who acted purely for their own benefit, what was it like? As San's ex-bestfriend, what was it like?" Yunho doesn't respond. "This isn't high school, Yunho. I'm sorry, but the both of you need to grow up."

"We just tried to do the right thing and I don't take any of it back. If you fail to see that, then that's on you—"

"Oh, so approaching the dean to give him more talk in his ear with your so-called evidence before coming to me is doing the right thing?" Namjoon looks at him. "What was the goal here? What did this plan look like to you and Iseul?” He shakes his head. “No, actually, I don't wanna hear it, she already came into my office to talk my ear off about this. That should've been enough to let me handle it." Namjoon furrows his brows at him. 

"We just thought we were helping everyone—"

"Helping? Yourself or Iseul?" Namjoon shakes his head. "You know what, this is done. The damage is done. So, thank you and Iseul for your generous help." Yunho sighs. "Now that you've done all the talking, it's my turn." Joon steps closer to him. "As long as I'm around, I'll continue to keep the peace in this department, and that means I don't want you and Iseul meddling in San's personal matters ever again." Namjoon's jaw ticks as he and Yunho stare at each other in the brief pause that falls between them. "I don't want you meddling in Y/N's personal matters, I don't want you two doing anything on this campus besides running your labs and minding your own goddamn business. Do you understand me?" Namjoon places his hands on his hips while he and Yunho maintain eye contact. Yunho swallows thickly before nodding, digging his hands in his pockets.

"Yes sir."

"The next time you and Iseul wanna act like I don't know how to do my job, I promise I'll be good with reminding you."

—read 14.5 here

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[mayasaurusss]

More Shauna fluff from you would make the sun come out bright and shiny

Hello anon! I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted, but I wanted to get it out before tomorrow's finale and it was a bit hard to write, because even if I already did it before, 'Shauna' and 'fluff' don't exactly fit together, but I tried to make it work!

It's this really a oneshot, or more of a character study? I don't know either, but anyways, I hope you'll enjoy!

Imagine you're Shauna's significant other instead of Melissa.

She had always been interested in you as a person, but it's not until after the crash that she gets to actually know you.

It's not like her to just walk up to someone and say "Hey, you know, we don't actually know each other and I thought you were pretty interesting. Wanna talk?" or something like that, so she just, very unsubtly, starts to pry herself into your space more and more.

Each night, at dinner, she sits a little closer to you. Each morning she wakes up when you do, sits by the fire as you make breakfast with whatever scraps you've found. Each day, she makes the unbearable effort to actually talk to you, and not to just glare at you from a distance.

And after a while, you actually become friends. You talk to each other, share your secrets, your passions and in little time, you start to notice a shift in Shauna's behaviour. She smirks a smile that has you melting -and she knows it-,she eats you with her eyes, she looks at you with something primal in her eyes.

But Shauna changes after Jackie's death.

It's so sudden, so cruel and unfair that it shakes you and everyone's perception of what reality is now, of what life is going to be, of what you have done.

You know you can't help Shauna. No one, nobody can understand what she is going through.

But that won't stop you from trying. Why wouldn't you?

You let her cry into your chest every night, you hold her while she wails, you let her hurt you as she desires. That change in her, from a

-probably barely sane- woman to a time bomb, ready to explode and lash out at any moment, upsets you to your core.

The first kiss you share lacks any trace of softness: it's harsh, full of teeth and shoves, of spilled blood and struggle.

She was never capable of love. Loving someone normally, as genuinely as Jackie loved her is something Shauna Shipman is unable to do.

But that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. Of course she does, but her love language is not begin all cute and giggly like a schoolgirl -not at least out here-; no, her love is expressed in other ways.

That's why, when one day, while enjoying yourself by the river while Shauna sharpens a stick, you fall and twist your ankle on the slippery rocks, her first reaction is to run to you and immediatley calling you an idiot.

The river flows around your leg, traces of the blood you spilt on a rock and branching out in the water. Even beneath the natural debris and the movement of the tide, you can see the swelling on your ankle popping up. It disgusts you, but the only thing you can think about now it's how fucking much it hurts. "Shit!" when you slipped down and cried in pain, Shauna ran over to you before her mind could even realize that.

"Can't you be fucking careful?!" she gets out of her flannel, leaving her in a dirty shirt, and wraps it on your wet skin, making sure to tie it as carefully as she can above the swelling.

It hurts.

It hurts like a fucking bitch, but you bear it, pressing your teeth down your bottom lip hard and bite, blood dribbling down "I'm- I'm sorry".

She wants to tell herself that she is angry, that you now are a liability to her and the whole group, but the truth is, and deep down she knows that she got scared.

There's light in her eyes as she realizes that. You see it briefly, a scared flash passes through her, and when you think it'll be smited down, it doesn't, and stays with her until finally you arrive at camp.

At night, you sleep alone in your tent.

Except you don't sleep, at all. You move against the handmade covers, against the naked earth, trying to find any kind of relief from the pain.

Your ankle is hurting, really fucking bad, and all you want to do is to break the bone apart, so at least you'll feel numb.

But that would be the stupidest thing to do, especially out here: a broken bone is a death sentence.

So instead, you cry and moan in pain, finding solace in voicing it out.

Shauna doesn't sleep too. Maybe it's because she's worried or maybe it's because you're crying and she can hear you, but nevertheless, that night she walks out into the cold.

"What am I even doing...?" she asks herself, but is unable to answer. What is she doing?

Inside, nestling close to the earth, there's you, writing in pain.

She's used to like pain. She likes to see other people crying, to see them spiral down the same pain she went through. But this pain stings, almost hurts her. She doesn't like it.

You're not scared when she crouches next to you, hugging your body from behind. You can feel her nose pressed against your neck, her legs propping yours, her heavy breath on your skin.

And what she says next makes you smile, and you know that even if it's laced with a fake anger, it’s her way of saying ‘I love you’.

“You’re so fucking stupid”.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

hi!

we see harry’s anger truly manifest in ootp, and it was a treat reading your analysis on his ptsd!

but it’s been a longheld belief in the fandom that harry is this firecracker with concerningly poor anger management. which is absurd, frankly imo, because i understand his default style is quiet, intense intimidation, or sass and snark. except when his fury reaches the threshold of his control, and he lets go fully and spectacularly. we also see in the later books that harry keeps trying to rein in the onslaught of fury pouring from voldemort, and while he does channel that anger outwardly, he isn’t making a habit of frequently lashing out at the people around him.

what i’m really asking is, what are your thoughts on harry’s anger and how he manages his frustrations from age eleven to seventeen?

Hello 👋

Thank you! I love my boy Harry and his anger and trauma so much! His trauma doesn't manifest in the way most fandoms usually like to portray trauma, but I always loved how Harry breaks when he reaches his threshold. He's a fascinating character and I find myself disappointed in his treatment over the years in fanon.

As to your question, boy, okay, this is complex and is greatly affected by Harry's mental state. I mentioned here how his anger is often colder and sassier and the fiery anger that's all shouting and cursing is something we only really see from him in OotP and onwards and I believe is the result of trauma, as I mentioned here & here.

But I decided, you know what? I can take a few scenes of his anger from each book. It's something I have a lot of notes about, and I'm surprised I haven't written about it here yet since it's a subject I love talking about.

Now, I do think he has issues with emotional regulation in general. I mean, he was raised in a cupboard under the stairs, he is not emotionally well-adjusted even if he knows to appear as if he is. His anger and how it manifests is a result of years of trauma and abuse. Honestly, though, he manages his anger better than he could have considering his life experience.

So without further ado:

Philosopher's Stone:

In the first book, we see Harry angry at the Dursleys and their unfair treatment of him. This anger is interesting. He has every reason to be angry but it isn't just anger. It's his frustration and helplessness that he feels as anger because he lacks the tools to understand/deal with his emotions.

How we see this anger come out though, is mostly through sass. And even then he makes sure to run/duck away before they could hurt him:

“They stuff people’s heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall,” he told Harry. “Want to come upstairs and practice?” “No, thanks,” said Harry. “The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick.” Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he’d said.

(PS, Ch3)

Harry doesn't really have the luxury to get angry or upset because he's the one who would suffer for it. So, he bottles up all his anger and frustration and only lets it out in cold glares and sass even when he's fuming inside. In his heart of hearts, he wishes he could do something to the Dursleys, to hurt them back, but he can't.

I do want to note that Harry's hold on his range isn't him managing it well, it's him bottling it up. This would be very relevant later in this post.

The incident with the Boa Constrictor is one I like. Harry later refers to it as revenge in a moment of anger:

and the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn’t he got his revenge, without even realizing he was doing it? Hadn’t he set a boa constrictor on him?

(PS, Ch4)

“Out of the way, you,” he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened — one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror. Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor’s tank had vanished. The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.

(PS, Ch2)

He's unaware that he's doing it, of course, but Harry's magic is powerful and incredibly attuned to him, so of course, it acts up when he's angry. Of course, his magic gets revenge on Dudley when Harry is so angry but feels helpless to do something with it. Harry's magic here shows Harry wishes he could do something, that he could take revenge:

Hagrid almost had to drag Harry away from Curses and Countercurses (Bewitch Your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and Much, Much More) by Professor Vindictus Viridian. “I was trying to find out how to curse Dudley.”

(PS, Ch5)

He just can't. So he bottles up his anger instead.

The other person we see Harry angry at in the first book, is Snape. Harry responds to Snape quite similar to how he responds to the Dursleys:

“Thought you wouldn’t open a book before coming, eh, Potter?” Harry forced himself to keep looking straight into those cold eyes. He had looked through his books at the Dursleys’, but did Snape expect him to remember everything in One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi? Snape was still ignoring Hermione’s quivering hand. “What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?” At this, Hermione stood up, her hand stretching toward the dungeon ceiling. “I don’t know,” said Harry quietly. “I think Hermione does, though, why don’t you try her?” A few people laughed; Harry caught Seamus’s eye, and Seamus winked. Snape, however, was not pleased.

(PS, Ch8)

He gets angry, inside his head he is fuming, but outside his head, Snape hears a sassy retort said quietly and calmly. Even when Harry is angry he acts calm and quiet and looks like he's joking from Seamus' response. It's why it's so easy for Snape to believe Harry is like James. Harry doesn't show his anger. External he's quiet and sassy becouse he knows if he started shouting he'd be punished more (like at the Dursleys).

So, 11-year-old Harry is quiet outside when angry. Only really shows glares and sass when he's upset while bottling his feelings up. This would continue throughout the years until year 5, for the most part.

Chamber of Secrets:

We see more of this way of handling his anger in CoS (though way less). CoS is not a very angry book, but I found a few examples.

“I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act — no doubt that flea-bitten, Muggleloving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it —” Harry felt a hot surge of anger.

(CoS, Ch4)

Harry is angry. He likes the Weasleys and hates hearing them being talked about like this. Still, no one else sees his anger because he's hiding, and he knows he'd be worse off if he left his hiding spot. Harry isn't all that impulsive (yet). He just swallows his anger down for the sake of what needs to be done — in this case hiding.

“Dobby is used to death threats, sir. Dobby gets them five times a day at home.” He blew his nose on a corner of the filthy pillowcase he wore, looking so pathetic that Harry felt his anger ebb away in spite of himself. [...] Dobby mopped his bulging eyes and said suddenly, “Harry Potter must go home! Dobby thought his Bludger would be enough to make — ” “Your Bludger?” said Harry, anger rising once more. “What d’you mean, your Bludger? You made that Bludger try and kill me?”

(CoS, Ch10)

Here, we see more of Harry's usual anger and how he bottles everything up. He is rightfully angry at Dobby for everything he did, but he also feels pity for him, his anger doesn't cloud Harry's ability to empathize with others. And if you look at the second quote, you see that in his head Harry is rightfully angry at an attempt to murder him but he's talking calmly and quietly. He isn't shouting. He isn't being violent or impolite. Harry's anger, as seen by others, is cold and quiet because he bottles it up.

“And why did you want to meet me?” said Harry. Anger was coursing through him, and it was an effort to keep his voice steady.

(CoS, Ch17)

This is later, when facing Tom. Harry feels betrayed. He wanted so bad to be Tom's freind, he tried so much to ignore what was happening so he could keep his new BFF and first crush. But when he is betrayed, he gets angry, rightfully so, again. And we see he isn't shouting or acting angry and rashly. He's speaking steadily and quietly and makes an active effort to do so.

Harry knows how he comes off and is actively trying to make his voice steady and not sound angry/scared! He's smart and not impulsive. He's very aware of his external behavior and actively conceals his anger from appearing externally.

My boy is angry, but he isn't a brash hothead.

I do want to note another thing about Harry's anger. Harry responds with anger when he's scared, when he's grieving, when he feels helpless. Anger is just the easiest emotional response for him to go to, and it's why he reacts with anger to a lot of the things he goes through. Anger is an emotion he understands, so everything kinda feels like anger that he can keep pushing down.

Prisoner of Azkaban:

In PoA, we have a few interesting scenes showcasing Harry's anger really well. Some of the anger descriptions from this book are my favorite by far but we'll get to it.

This is the first book we start seeing Harry act out in anger. Until now, we saw Harry fuming inside but acting calm to the outside world. In PoA, he still mostly does that, but we start seeing him cracking under the weight of life. That bottle he's been filling up for years is close to it's threshold.

just as Uncle Vernon burst out of the dining room, his trouser leg in bloody tatters. “COME BACK IN HERE!” he bellowed. “COME BACK AND PUT HER RIGHT!” But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon. “She deserved it,” Harry said, breathing very fast. “She deserved what she got. You keep away from me.”  He fumbled behind him for the latch on the door. “I’m going,” Harry said. “I’ve had enough.”

(PoA, Ch2)

This above has Harry acting rashly and impulsively in anger. He is ready to just up and go in a moment of rage with little to no forethought which isn't how Harry usually operates. Aunt Marge and Vernon just made him reach his tipping point. Some of that anger has spilled out and Harry's acting out because he doesn't know what else to do.

This is a kid who up to this point never even had the chance to grieve his dead parents properly. He never got to just sit there and feel any of what he's going through. He just keeps swallowing it down and here, we see him start to slip. What he's been pushing down is starting to become too much.

I will note that still, even when he is more brash and angry here, he isn't shouting. He's speaking calmly and evenly even as he's raging inside.

I also want to note the situation with Hermione over the Firebolt:

Professor McGonagall turned on her heel and carried the Firebolt out of the portrait hole, which closed behind her. Harry stood staring after her, the tin of High-Finish Polish still clutched in his hands. Ron, however, rounded on Hermione. “What did you go running to McGonagall for?” [...] Harry knew that Hermione had meant well, but that didn’t stop him from being angry with her. He had been the owner of the best broom in the world for a few short hours, and now, because of her interference, he didn’t know whether he would ever see it again. He was positive that there was nothing wrong with the Firebolt now, but what sort of state would it be in once it had been subjected to all sorts of anti-jinx tests? Ron was furious with Hermione too.

(PoA, Ch11-12)

Harry is mad at Hermione, he has his reasons to be, but he understands why she did it. He is angry, but he's smart and empathetic and he knows Hermione. He knows she only wants him safe, he's still mad, but he doesn't shout at her like Ron does. He pushes his anger down because he doesn't want to upset her. He;s not as furious as Ron is.

In the early books, we see Ron stepping forward to curse Malfoy, shout at Hermione, or stop talking to Harry over the tournament. Ron's the one that is more hot-headed in the early books and springs to act in moments of anger while Harry tends to stay cool-headed (because he pushes his anger down). He is angry inside his head, but he stays calm outside and even stops Ron from going after Malfoy (eat slugs incident, Harry tried to stop him).

(I will note this might have to do with Ron having siblings. Letting your emotions out is a good thing. It is a good thing to tell people you are close to you are upset with them. Arguing with your siblings and shouting at them on occasion can even be healthy! It can keep you from creating grudges and getting bitter. It's not necessarily bad. It's just that Harry and Hermione didn't have siblings and don't know how healthy arguments between people who love each other (which is what Ron is going for with Hermione above) work.)

One of my favorite moments of Harry's anger in the series is everything to do with Sirius when he thinks he's guilty:

A hatred such as he had never known before was coursing through Harry like poison. He could see Black laughing at him through the darkness

(PoA, Ch11)

A boiling hate erupted in Harry’s chest, leaving no place for fear. For the first time in his life, he wanted his wand back in his hand, not to defend himself, but to attack . . . to kill. [...] “NO YOU DON’T!” roared Harry, and he aimed a kick at Crookshanks that made the cat leap aside, spitting; Harry snatched up his wand and turned — “Get out of the way!” he shouted at Ron and Hermione. They didn’t need telling twice. [...] Black was sprawled at the bottom of the wall. His thin chest rose and fell rapidly as he watched Harry walking slowly nearer, his wand pointing straight at Black’s heart. “Going to kill me, Harry?” he whispered. Harry stopped right above him, his wand still pointing at Black’s chest, looking down at him. A livid bruise was rising around Black’s left eye and his nose was bleeding. “You killed my parents,” said Harry, his voice shaking slightly, but his wand hand quite steady.

(PoA, Ch17)

This is the first occurrence we see Harry in a true rage. The kind of anger that pushes him to act impulsively and violently. Harry actually screams in rage.

It's not unreasonable, he thinks Sirius betrayed his parents, these same parents Harry never really got the chance to mourn. But Harry doesn't really shout when angry, he's quiet in his anger usually. But here he actually roars out. He demands Ron and Hermione move from his way, he kicks Crookchanks and goes to kill Sirius. Harry is acting completely from anger without really thinking or realizing what he's doing. This is the kind of rage where you see red and don't really know what you're doing until you're doing it.

I love how he describes it: "coursing through Harry like poison". It's just such a visceral description for a very visceral emotion. This isn't Harry's usual anger, this is rage, this is beyond his usual anger. It's the type of anger most fans associate with him because of OotP. This uncontrolled rage that pushes him to be impulsive is a trauma response. It comes up when Harry is at an emotional low. When there's too much, when he feels to many things and he can't handle them all so he lashes out in anger.

In this case, Harry is facing the man he believes sold out his parents, who trusted him, of course, he's angry and betrayed. Of course, it's different from the anger he feels when Snape is being a dick. It is different. It's rage, and grief, and fear, and pain, and it's a cry for help.

Harry has an impressive capacity to bottle up his emotions, but from book 3, we see him teetering on the threshold. And it just gets worse from here (like his experiences in the books).

Goblet of Fire:

GoF is a rough year, and Harry is very angry throughout this year. Still, we see his usual "cold anger" not his rage. He's angry inside his head, we see it, but he doesn't act out on any of it, nor does he even say anything about it. He's bottling it all up. If we weren't reading his thoughts, we probably wouldn't have these gems of anger:

Harry’s ears were ringing. The injustice of it made him want to curse Snape into a thousand slimy pieces. He passed Snape, walked with Ron to the back of the dungeon, and slammed his bag down onto the table. Ron was shaking with anger too — for a moment, it felt as though everything was back to normal between them, but then Ron turned and sat down with Dean and Seamus instead, leaving Harry alone at his table. On the other side of the dungeon, Malfoy turned his back on Snape and pressed his badge, smirking. POTTER STINKS flashed once more across the room. Harry sat there staring at Snape as the lesson began, picturing horrific things happening to him. . . . If only he knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse . . . he’d have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching. . . .

(GoF, Ch18)

Harry felt oddly separate from everyone around him, whether they were wishing him good luck or hissing “We’ll have a box of tissues ready, Potter ” as he passed. It was a state of nervousness so advanced that he wondered whether he mightn’t just lose his head when they tried to lead him out to his dragon, and start trying to curse everyone in sight.

(GoF, Ch20)

Harry spends a good chunk of GoF wishing he could curse Snape, other students, and even Ron occasionally. He feels helpless and that makes him angry. But he doesn't actually curse anyone. He doesn't even sass Snape in the above example, he just glares.

But you'll notice, again, the way he handles his anger/other issues is not really about mastering the emotion and letting it go. No, Harry just holds that anger in. He never learned to let it go, so all the times, his anger came off as cold and chill to others; it's because Harry's keeping a lid on things. By GoF, Harry can barely keep the cap on:

From the moment the article had appeared, Harry had had to endure people — Slytherins, mainly — quoting it at him as he passed and making sneering comments. “Want a hanky, Potter, in case you start crying in Transfiguration?” “Since when have you been one of the top students in the school, Potter? Or is this a school you and Longbottom have set up together?” “Hey — Harry!” “Yeah, that’s right!” Harry found himself shouting as he wheeled around in the corridor, having had just about enough. “I’ve just been crying my eyes out over my dead mum, and I’m just off to do a bit more. . . .” “No — it was just — you dropped your quill.” It was Cho. Harry felt the color rising in his face.

(GoF, Ch19)

And so we get scenes like the above. Harry is walking around like a powder keg waiting to explode. He has been bottling his frustration and anger all his life, he comes off as chill not because he manages it well but because he hides it. He makes his voice steady and quiet because it's what he learned at the Dursleys, but it's not that the anger disappears, he holds onto all of it. That's why the worse the situation is, the worse Harry's anger is. He doesn't have the capacity to push it all down.

And this is why he occasionally starts blowing up in GoF. The more helpless and frustrated he is, the more his bottle is filled and he just can't handle it beyond a certain point.

Order of the Pheonix:

OotP is Harry at his angriest. If I wanted to copy all the qoutes from this book that show Harry's anger, I'd probably have to copy the whole book. As it is, I've hand-picked a few examples:

“SO YOU HAVEN’T BEEN IN THE MEETINGS, BIG DEAL! YOU’VE STILL BEEN HERE, HAVEN’T YOU? YOU’VE STILL BEEN TOGETHER! ME, I’VE BEEN STUCK AT THE DURSLEYS’ FOR A MONTH! AND I’VE HANDLED MORE THAN YOU TWO’VE EVER MANAGED AND DUMBLEDORE KNOWS IT — WHO SAVED THE SORCERER’S STONE? WHO GOT RID OF RIDDLE? WHO SAVED BOTH YOUR SKINS FROM THE DEMENTORS?” Every bitter and resentful thought that Harry had had in the past month was pouring out of him; his frustration at the lack of news, the hurt that they had all been together without him, his fury at being followed and not told about it: All the feelings he was half-ashamed of finally burst their boundaries. Hedwig took fright at the noise and soared off on top of the wardrobe again; Pigwidgeon twittered in alarm and zoomed even faster around their heads. “WHO HAD TO GET PAST DRAGONS AND SPHINXES AND EVERY OTHER FOUL THING LAST YEAR? WHO SAW HIM COME BACK? WHO HAD TO ESCAPE FROM HIM? ME!” [...] Harry was not sure his anger had abated yet; but his thirst for information was now overcoming his urge to keep shouting. He sank onto the bed opposite the others.

(OotP, Ch4)

There are two aspects I want to note about his anger here. Harry, as I mentioned above, even when he is mad at Ron and Hermione, he usually doesn't shout at them like this. This is Harry way past his threshold, traumatized with no idea how to handle any of the emotions he's feeling. Ron and Hermione are getting the brunt of that bottle exploding here.

And Harry has a good reason to be angry with them here, don't get me wrong. Harry usually has really good reasons to be angry. I'm just noting that he would have held back his anger if he wasn't in the worst emotional state we've seen from him up to this point. If he had the capacity in his bottle of emotions, Ron and Hermione wouldn't even know he was upset with them.

The other thing I want to bring up is the second section from the above quote. After Harry lets out a bit of the steam he's been building up for years by this point he swallows it down and caps it again because he wants information. He's still angry, he's still upset, but he holds his tongue to get information. He still doesn't feel free or capable of explaining why he's feeling what he's feeling. A lot of it isn't just anger at Ron and Hermione. It's everything. And he has no idea how to parse what he's feeling.

Like I mentioned in the past, Harry doesn't like showing weakness, he doesn't tend to act emotionally or rashly because he knows how people see it. But he isn't actually letting go of all that anger, he lets it build up:

“Harry?” said Hermione tentatively. “Well done,” said Harry, so heartily it did not sound like his voice at all, and still not looking at her. “Brilliant. Prefect. Great.” “Thanks,” said Hermione. “Erm — Harry — could I borrow Hedwig so I can tell Mum and Dad? They’ll be really pleased — I mean, prefect is something they can understand —” “Yeah, no problem,” said Harry, still in the horrible hearty voice that did not belong to him. “Take her!”

(OotP, Ch9)

And up.

He just keeps pushing his anger down. If Sirius hadn't noticed and told him that he and James weren't prefects either, Harry would've kept stewing in it. Because he wouldn't have told Ron and Hermione he was jealous because he doesn't really tell anyone shit. He just lets it build:

“Oh, shut up, the pair of you,” said Harry heavily, as Ron opened his mouth to argue back. Hermione and Ron both froze, looking angry and offended. “Can’t you give it a rest?” he said. “You’re always having a go at each other, it’s driving me mad.” And abandoning his shepherd’s pie, he swung his schoolbag back over his shoulder and left them sitting there. He walked up the marble staircase two steps at a time, past the many students hurrying toward lunch. The anger that had just flared so unexpectedly still blazed inside him, and the vision of Ron and Hermione’s shocked faces afforded him a sense of deep satisfaction. Serve them right, he thought. Why can’t they give it a rest? . . . Bickering all the time . . . It’s enough to drive anyone up the wall. . . .

(OotP, Ch12)

And keeps snapping at everyone becouse he doesn't have a handle on his emotions. He doesn't really process what he's gone through/going through and he's lashing out.

Harry's anger in OotP is the powder keg blowing. It's why he's more rash, more vocal, actually screaming at people in a way he hasn't before. It's why we see him lose control of himself in anger more than before:

Harry was not aware of releasing George, all he knew was that a second later both of them were sprinting at Malfoy. He had completely forgotten the fact that all the teachers were watching: All he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible. With no time to draw out his wand, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sank it as hard as he could into Malfoy’s stomach — “Harry! HARRY! GEORGE! NO !” He could hear girls’ voices screaming, Malfoy yelling, George swearing, a whistle blowing, and the bellowing of the crowd around him, but he did not care, not until somebody in the vicinity yelled “IMPEDIMENTA!” and only when he was knocked over backward by the force of the spell did he abandon the attempt to punch every inch of Malfoy he could reach. . . .

(OotP, Ch19)

Because he reached his limit of how much he can bottle up and he has no healthy means of letting any of it out. The D.A. helped a little as a distraction, it helped him feel less helpless, but he only just addressed the traumatic experience he had in the graveyard by talking about it when more just kept getting piled up onto him.

“Harry — no!” cried Lupin, but Harry had already ripped his arm from Lupin’s slackened grip. “SHE KILLED SIRIUS!” bellowed Harry. “SHE KILLED HIM — I’LL KILL HER!”….. [...] Hatred rose in Harry such as he had never known before. He flung himself out from behind the fountain and bellowed “Crucio!” Bellatrix screamed. The spell had knocked her off her feet, but she did not writhe and shriek with pain as Neville had — she was already on her feet again, breathless, no longer laughing. [...] “Never used an Unforgivable Curse before, have you, boy?” she yelled. She had abandoned her baby voice now. “You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain — to enjoy it — righteous anger won’t hurt me for long — I’ll show you how it is done, shall I? I’ll give you a lesson —”

(OotP, Ch36)

Running after Bellatrix was an impulsive decision. It's that same rage that overtook Harry to kick Crokshanks and try to kill Sirius. It's that seeing red sort of rage that encompasses everything. Grief overflowing Harry's emotional bottle and all he knows how to react with — is anger.

Harry, as I mentioned in the past, doesn't cry in front of others. He doesn't let himself. and the emotions gotta get out somehow. For Harry, that somehow is anger.

Half-Blood Prince:

After Sirius' death, Harry is much rawer. He basically starts this book beyond his threshold.

“If there’s anyone else here who’s not from Gryffindor,” roared Harry, who was starting to get seriously annoyed, “leave now, please!”

(HBP, Ch11)

So he gets annoyed more easily. He lashes out and shouts more often. He tries to physically attack more often too:

“Another ten points from Gryffindor,” said Snape. “I would expect nothing more sophisticated from you, Ronald Weasley, the boy so solid he cannot Apparate half an inch across a room.” “No!” whispered Hermione, grabbing Harry’s arm as he opened his mouth furiously. “There’s no point, you’ll just end up in detention again, leave it!”

(HBP, Ch21)

Something he didn't do up until OotP and even then rarely. Harry is hot-headed not because he's easy to anger (again, his capacity for bottling up is impressive if he just seriously started lashing out in GoF), most of his grievances are reasonable, he's hot-headed becouse he's suffering and has no idea how to handle it.

“Just now!” said Harry, who was refraining from yelling with enormous difficulty. And then, suddenly, he could not stop himself. “AND YOU LET HIM TEACH HERE AND HE TOLD VOLDEMORT TO GO AFTER MY MUM AND DAD!” Breathing hard as though he was fighting, Harry turned away from Dumbledore, who still had not moved a muscle, and paced up and down the study, rubbing his knuckles in his hand and exercising every last bit of restraint to prevent himself knocking things over. He wanted to rage and storm at Dumbledore, but he also wanted to go with him to try and destroy the Horcrux; he wanted to tell him that he was a foolish old man for trusting Snape, but he was terrified that Dumbledore would not take him along unless he mastered his anger. ... “Harry,” said Dumbledore quietly. “Please listen to me.”

(HBP, Ch25)

Again, he snaps and shouts way more than before. And he knows he shouldn't, he knows it comes off bad and people take him less seriously when he's angry and lashing out, but he can't help it as much since he still hasn't started letting go. He's still at his threshold all throughout HBP.

It's why we see him react the way he does after Snape kills Dumbledore, too. He was so angry all year. Since Sirius died, he's been running on fumes. The keg already blew in fifth year, and it didn't help him at all while he's barely holding himself together (but no one else sees this). And then, he had more pushed onto him after he already had less than zero capacity to deal with things.

Deathly Hallows:

Much of the anger we see from Harry in this book is due to either the locket or the Horcrux in him, but I'm not counting that sort of anger. I want to focus on Harry's anger.

The grief that had possessed him since Dumbledore’s death felt different now. The accusations he had heard from Muriel at the wedding seemed to have nested in his brain like diseased things, infecting his memories of the wizard he had idolized. Could Dumbledore have let such things happen? Had he been like Dudley, content to watch neglect and abuse as long as it did not affect him? Could he have turned his back on a sister who was being imprisoned and hidden? Harry thought of Godric’s Hollow, of graves Dumbledore had never mentioned there; he thought of mysterious objects left without explanation in Dumbledore’s will, and resentment swelled in the darkness. Why hadn’t Dumbledore told him? Why hadn’t he explained? Had Dumbledore actually cared about Harry at all? Or had Harry been nothing more than a tool to be polished and honed, but not trusted, never confided in? Harry could not stand lying there with nothing but bitter thoughts for company. Desperate for something to do, for distraction, he slipped out of his sleeping bag, picked up his wand, and crept out of the room.

(DH, Ch10)

Harry's feelings of grief over Dumbledore are interwind with betrayal, helplessness, and feeling lost in general, and he feels all of it as anger. As I mentioned above, anger is Harry's go-to emotion when he's grieving, when he's in pain, when he feels too much and has no idea what to do with any of it — it lands him in anger.

It's a big part of why he reads as so angry with Dumbledore throughout the book. He has complicated feelings about the man, feelings he has no idea how to even start to unpack, so he feels angry.

In DH too, we see him more easily agitated than in the first 4 books. Harry is way past his limit in this book, but he tries so hard not to show it. To keep that lid on (nevermind that it exploded two years ago).

“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors—a coward.” Lupin drew his wand so fast that Harry had barely reached for his own; there was a loud bang and he felt himself flying backward as if punched; as he slammed into the kitchen wall and slid to the floor, he glimpsed the tail of Lupin’s cloak disappearing around the door. “Remus, Remus, come back!” Hermione cried, but Lupin did not respond. A moment later they heard the front door slam. “Harry!” wailed Hermione. “How could you?” “It was easy,” said Harry. He stood up; he could feel a lump swelling where his head had hit the wall. He was still so full of anger he was shaking. “Don’t look at me like that!” he snapped at Hermione. “Don’t you start on her!” snarked Ron. “No—no—we mustn’t fight!” said Hermione, launching herself between them.

(DH, Ch11)

He's shaking from anger. His voice is calm and quiet like his usual response for hiding his anger, but he can't fully hide it. His body gives him away becouse he feels so much of it.

Harry was 100% right to call Lupin out, but I think the ruler way he did it was because he's suffering. He's in emotional turmoil, and twisting his words like a knife, in a way he knew would hurt Lupin, made him feel a little better. It let him take some of that anger out. It is a form of lashing out.

Him snapping at Hermione after and being ready to fist fight Ron is an extension of this lashing out. Harry, when at his limit, lashes out in anger becouse it's all he really knows how.

(He needs a better grieving method. He needs a fucking hug and for someone to tell him he's allowed to cry. He needs a good cry. I think it's why he's calmer after going to Godric's Hallow. He cried a little, grieved his parents, truly, for the first time in his life, and it helped him let some of his pain out in a healthier way)

“It’s not a case of what you’ll permit, Minerva McGonagall. You time’s over. It’s us what’s in charge here now, and you’ll back me up or you’ll pay the price.” And he spat in her face. Harry pulled the Cloak off himself, raised his wand, and said, “You shouldn’t have done that.” As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted, “Crucio!” The Death Eater was lifted off his feet. He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain, and then, with a crunch and a shattering of glass, he smashed into the front of a bookcase and crumpled, insensible, to the floor. “I see what Bellatrix meant,” said Harry, the blood thundering through his brain, “you need to really mean it.”

(DH, Ch30)

Still, things just keep getting added onto his plate. How I see Harry's anger is why I don't think the above scene is out of character for him. His anger fueling the curse isn't just about Amycus spiting at McGonagall. It's about how they tortured Neville, Ginny, and Luna. About his year on the run. About Dobby's death. About him being forced into a position he feels he wants ready for and has no idea what to do. This is years of feeling angry and helpless coming to ahead.

Amycus didn't suffer just for that one crime of his. Spitting on McGonagall just happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

To Summerise:

Harry isn't really good at managing his anger, or any other emotion really. He bottles it all up. His frustration, fear, grief, anger, helplessness, and pain all go together into Harry's little box of feelings so he can do whatever he needs to do and appear calm and quiet. It's why we see Harry fuming and boiling with rage inside his head while he's externally calm and cold and composed.

This lid he keeps on everything starts breaking as the emotions keep getting bottled up and he keeps not really processing them. So in GoF Harry is teetering on his very impressive threshold and then, after the graveyard, he breaks.

He suffered so much all at once and then was left alone to stew at the Dursleys for a whole month, suffering from nightmares and having no idea how to process any of what he's been through. Of course, he fucking breaks in OotP.

And when Harry breaks, all these emotions he kept down come out as anger. The reason he reacts so dramatically to smaller offenses post-OotP isn't that he's easy to anger, he really isn't. It's just that he has accumulated pain and grief from 14 years of trauma and abuse that are just now being let out in the form of Harry angrily lashing out.

So, I wouldn't say his anger management is amazing, but his problem isn't really the anger itself, it's emotional regulation in general. He needs to learn to deal with his emotions instead of bottling them up. If he does, he probably won't have any issues with anger management and would just sass his way through life.

[with-my-murder-flute]

Re: The Tomb of Dragons ship situation/ending, spoilers for A Companion to Wolves and Angel of the Crows

Like I respect Addison's right to write the stories that feel meaningful to her, she doesn't have to just feed us fanbait, not every author has to do that

but I was white-knuckling up to the very last sentence of the book

I have trust issues ever since A Companion to Wolves, where the first book ends and you're like. I guess they have somehow found a way to survive and be happy in their unusual approach to society's sexual mores! And then the next book begins and it's like "Oh actually the main character is just resigned to permanent unhappiness with this, maybe he will dredge up a thin trickle of joy in life focusing on something totally different." And I'll be honest, I put that book down and never picked it up again, because I did the good girl Catholic thing and thought "Oh well I'll never experience sexual joy or deep enduring love but maybe I'll have like idk a career or some shit" long enough for one lifetime. NO MORE. I just gave up and went back to Every Marine a Wolfbrother.

And then Angel of the Crows was like, "I got shot down every single time I reached for queer joy or relationships and the one relationship that does remain is not really what I want or need and maybe I am a bit fundamentally unlovable, but I'll survive, we get by," and I was, again... I recognize this is not a story for me. It's not what I want from a story. But also, I am so disappointed and tired here.

So with this series I was just so much like... she does not owe us fanbait, I have trained myself to think it's tacky and bad to get upset that an author has not provided the exact kind of representation we want exactly how we want it. I watched the Good Omens fandom explosions and don't want to do that.

But at the same time. We have been hearing about the extreme gay agony of this beautiful muppet for FOUR BOOKS STRAIGHT. He is the world's most sopping wet little meow meow, and quite respectfully, if you do not want your fans to form a frenzy and start burning down uninhabited buildings due to an overload of unrequited textual sexual tension, MAYBE DON'T FOCUS ON IT QUITE SO MUCH.

So I'm here at the end of Tomb of Dragons going, "I guess I'm okay with this? I guess I can live? It's not exactly what I wanted and it's not delivered to the degree I wanted, but I guess we can get by here."

Is this what Stockholm Syndrome feels like? I literally don't believe Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing, I think it's been bunk since the day it was created, but also, this feels like what Stockholm Syndrome would feel like.

I will probably be able to like the new love interest! I can see myself in the future being happy with the way the story ended up going in, once I get over the fact that it went there! This makes sense and I can see it and reconciling all those feelings is what fanfiction's for!

I just also... am not so excited to see what else Addison's working on now. Because this overarching theme or emotional focus on the yearning for warmth and closeness and empathy and touch and desire, and the realization that you will just have to make do with slightly unsatisfying substitutes instead, is just way too similar to the defeatist ways I learned to approach life with when I was a child. It's exactly the mindset I wanted to get away from then and am still learning to let go of now.

I don't want to squash the fandom with my disappointment and negativity, and if fandom does just turn into everyone being angry and bitter that the author personally flipped them the bird and actually everything about these books is proof that they've always been shit, no thanks, not hanging out with that again. If I stick around, it's for Thara getting railed in exactly the way he wants in some happier future, and figuring out what that would look like.

[crunchyspaghetti]

I’m so interested to know how other people perceive the team and Daisy’s arc in the beginning of season 4. I feel like I’ve seen a lot more of the “I’ll never forgive the team for how they treated her in S4” sentiment recently, which is interesting because I’ve never taken that perception away from that storyline at all.

Did the team say or do hurtful things? Yes, for sure. (I usually see the aforementioned comment on videos on that one scene with Daisy, Mack and Fitz)

But does Daisy also do and say hurtful things? I honestly think so.

That’s what makes that part of the season so phenomenal to watch, story wise. There is not black and white, good or bad, there just is. That is the reality of grief, that is the reality of mental health struggles, that is life.

There are no “right” answers when coping with the impossible, honestly. I think there are healthy and unhealthy ways to handle things, sure, but it’s not really a moral issue, on its face.

I mean, between the team and Daisy there are some rough interactions. Fitz is certainly a little hypocritical when he’s criticizing how Daisy handles things, given that he wouldn’t have reacted well if it had been Jemma. But He has been there for Daisy, up until this point at least, with Ward, her powers, they’ve been through a tremendous amount together. He feels abandoned and, yeah, he’s expressing it in a less than ideal way. But he cares. You know he cares about her. He and Mack wouldn’t be so angry if they didn’t care.

Mack is upset when he finds out Yo-Yo’s stealing the bone pills for her because 1) he’s been lied to for months, and 2) more importantly, it makes it seem that Daisy doesn’t trust him enough to directly come to him for help. That’s the thing. He would’ve helped her, probably given her anything she needed medically. She never needed to get Yo-Yo to steal any of it. It’s frustrating, it hurts. Mack is genuinely a deeply loving person, you know it’s killing him to not be able to get through to her.

Everyone on that team wants to help her, more than anything. They are begging her to let them in. I mean, lest we forget Coulson gave up his fucking job, in part, to keep chasing any lead he has on her.

When blaming the team for the rockiness at the beginning of season 4, you’re completely ignoring the fact that Daisy is actively running from them the entire time. She doesn’t want them to find her, and I really get it, honestly I do. I deal with things the way she does, radio silence, isolation, running away, being avoidant, self destruction, etc, etc.

Who could blame her, honestly? The anger and the self hatred and the guilt and the grief. Lord knows I’d take off, shut myself out. How do you even begin to manage that kind of pain, especially when it’s still fresh?

Well, you manage it any way that you can. For Daisy that means trying to atone for all of the pain she caused, which, are also things that caused her pain. Especially at the beginning of the season, it doesn’t matter how much she’s told that she is forgiven. Lincoln was at peace with his decision to sacrifice himself, Mack forgave her for hurting him while she was under the influence of Hive. Nobody is directly blaming her, except for herself. To try to heal from the pain she is in, would mean being able to extend herself grace, mercy. The only person who needs to forgive her, is herself. And she just- can’t.

She believes that all she does is hurt the people around her, which is what she is grasping onto to justify hurting herself. The hard truth of living that way is that when you’re stuck in your own, self harm, self hatred, shame-spiral is that you are the only person who can break out of it.

That’s a huge part about what I love about the storytelling of this arc. It’s genuinely some of the best mental health representation I’ve seen in a show like this.

Obviously, mental illness is not your fault. Being stuck in a bad place is not your fault. Daisy is not at fault for her grief. Her descent into isolation and a self-hatred, suicidal, shame-spiral does not in any way mean that she is a bad person. But there’s only so much another person can do when it comes to a battle that is completely contained within your own brain.

The team never stopped caring about her. Coulson, May, and Yo-Yo, specifically, never gave up on her. That’s important. She would’ve most likely been dead if they had stopped giving a shit about her. That’s significant.

But they’re not mind readers.

To go back to the scene with Mack and Fitz too. I think that scene is really important because it’s Daisy being confronted with the reality that her actions, her running away, isolating herself, really is hurting the people that love and care about her. She runs away to protect them from that very reality, of course, but how could they know that?

She doesn’t want them to care, and she hopes that if she just pushes them hard enough, if she bares her metaphorical fangs, they’ll stop. She’s accepted being alone, she’s accepted her own self destruction, because even if it hurts them at first, even if she’s absolutely miserable, they’ll be safe. Inside, she’s unwilling to admit that she needs them, and she’s acting in a way that allows her to avoid the cognitive dissonance of her actions (i.e. yo-yo stealing the pills they’d willingly give her if she asked).

But the fact that she’s hurting them doesn’t push them away. It just makes everything hurt more for everyone. She wants to embody that hurt, she’s cannibalizing her self to try to take on that pain but it doesn’t make anything better.

This storyline is not a case of right and wrong, if anything it’s an antithesis to it. It’s about how the ambiguity of life and grief and mental health are like tangled strings, messy and knotted, it’s about the love and effort and dedication it takes to hang on to/fight your way back to the people that love you, it’s about the strength it takes to carry on and forgive yourself, and, as May tells Daisy once she comes back, it’s about that: “you can’t choose who cares about you”.

[lostinlovingrevery]

Logan In Love

Yknow, I'm very torn with writing Logan being in love. On one hand, I feel like Logan would have a hard time accepting and being in love, I feel like he would be so hard- so used to being alone. The moment someone (you) would come along, stirring up those feelings he thought were honestly dead, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. Maybe he'd lash out, maybe he'd pull away, telling himself it was for your own good to not be around some like him. (and maybe he's protecting himself too in what he believes would be inevitable heartbreak)

BUT

BUT

Then I think, Logan has been around, lived long enough to be sure of his feelings, to not beat around the bush when it comes to dealing with things and Logan is very good at dealing with things. He's always been straight forward in his goals, his feelings. If he thought something was stupid, he'd say it. (I'm sorry I still can't help but giggle when I hear him call Xavier "Wheels" bc of the superhero names) For example, how he feels for Jean (think the X movies), he wasted no time in flirting with her, and honestly if Jean had any interest in him (Fuck you Jean Logan IS a good guy and he's the goodest and sweetest boy ever) and her and Scott weren't a thing, how quickly do you think they would have been together? bc Logan didn't seem to have many qualms about them being together at all and by the third movie (I mean, the time span isn't really that long, what, the three movies stretch 6 months to a year maybe? If even that? Honestly they felt like an extremely bad 3 weeks the gang had), he confessed he loved her (then had to kill her oop)

So maybe, when you come around (lets say your own special timeline, not the x movies or whatever) and you and Logan meet for the first time, Logan knew someone was it for him when he saw you. Something about you drew him in, the same way animals seem to know they met their mate. There was no doubt he liked you on a physical and emotional level, and soon after building something of a friendship with you- he knew he loved you. In something like the X-men, you build trust with each other, from having to live together, to dangerous missions, it was going to happen. What you and Logan gained together though, was something much more than trust and friendship.

Logan was sure of his feelings. His past, the fact that he had been roaming for the last 10-15 years alone, didn't matter in this equation. He knew what he felt and goddamn he was going to hold onto you and never let you go because you had become the best thing hes ever gotten in his life, especially after he gains his 200 years of memory back- he becomes even more sure in his decision that you weren't going to leave the adamantium grip he has on you (I mean, really, good luck getting out of that. Not that you would want too). He would protect you and keep you safe. He knew he could make you happy, and give you anything you ever wanted because honestly that's all Logan wants himself.

Logan was extremely observant, and he learned your quirks, your flaws, and all the sweet things he'd pick up over time. Maybe you thought he was just flirting with you, being Logan and everything, but no. Logan was dead serious about you, and he would wait for you to notice-and when you begin to notice that no other lady would turn his head, even the other ladies of the team, beautiful and strong that would turn the head of any man didn't have an effect on him. His eyes was always on you when you were in the same room. He always checked on you, concerned if you seemed tired, upset, angry, trying to get you to open up to him because it's not just him knowing how he feels about you but he desperately wants you to feel the same for him, to feel close to him the way he feels to you.

Maybe Logan does worry if he's right for you. Maybe he doesn't consider himself a good guy. With the things he's done, how could he be, surely he isn't? Its the X-men, and YOU, mainly you honestly, that makes him think that maybe he could be the good guy. Maybe he can make up for the mistakes he's made in his long life. Maybe, his sins don't matter because now he's in love, he'd found someone he wants to be better for, and no longer does he feel the need to let that weight sit on his shoulders because you were there and you made his world feel less bleak and hopeless. (Remember when he tells Jean "I could be the good guy" in that cute little way? the way he was desperate for her approval....I STILL HATE YOU FOR BEING MEAN TO HIM JEAN (okay but maybe logan should have backed off a woman that WAS taken and said no...gotta love me a stubborn man I suppose...)

It wasn't until a particularly dangerous mission that he finally breaks down, he's checking on you and you just can't handle it right now, trying to get him to just let you rest but he so desperately needs you, and needs you to be okay that he grabs you and kisses you. (Think of him and Jean in X2. He's just desperate for you.) He needs you to see how he feels about you before it becomes too late. It took you by surprise and took you a minute to even register what just happened but you kissed him back. He tells you he loves you, he's in love with you and he needs you. Things get heated after that, and afterwards you ask him when he began to feel this way for you, in which he'd teasingly say

"You got your heads in the cloud sweetheart. I've loved you the moment I met you."

[familyvideostevie]

I have loved tlou since the first game came out and I really loved that episode so I’m super interested in why you felt is was bad if you’d be comfortable sharing!

/gen

you know what, what the hell. sure! thoughts and spoilers for tlou part ii and s2 below.

first of all, super happy for anyone who loves the show and the way it adapts the story. my beef is my beef! i have like, a lot of things i don't like about they way the show characterized joel and ellie in s1 that are probably the foundation for some of this, but the main thing i Do Not Like about they way they're setting up s2 is the positioning they seem to be doing to the status of ellie and joel's relationship as it exists a few years after the end of part i, the day before/day of joel's death (since it seems to me they cherry picked from the timeline of the patrols/the dance, etc).

now, in part ii, we drop into ellie and joel's life a few years later with only very small indications that something is wrong. she asks jesse about joel right away, she entertains maria's inquiry into their relationship in a way that seems very teenager-ish. when dina asks, ellie is a little cagey, but she talks about him to her. she says she's thinking about inviting him to a movie. whatever. and then we all know what comes next, right? when joel dies, we don't know how bad it was. we don't know that they are, essentially, estranged. as we find this out as the game goes on it makes everything more intense. her loss, her desire for revenge. because she's fighting for something that was taken from her. and then. after we've fought so hard and after we've gotten abby's side of the story -- then we get the dance flashback. and we learn that despite their estrangement, joel steps in to defend ellie and dina from seth and it makes her so angry for just a second because how dare he still love her enough? how dare he, after she told him not to? because if joel loved her enough to damn the whole world, well. what does she do with that? but in the cut scene in the game -- after she said i don't need your fucking help, joel, to me, ellie regrets it. for just a second, she regrets it. cause they have not spoken! by her boundary! she told him in salt lake -- we're done. and he accepted that. so it makes sense to me that she's been coming to her own conclusions about what she wants from him and she goes to the porch because she needs to talk it out. and then they are on the cusp of reconciliation and then it's gone forever.

okay. so, my beef with what they've done in the show. they made joel angry about the whole thing. they made him upset that she's icing him, they made him frustrated that she's upset with him. that she doesn't understand why he did what he did, why he lied to her (i assume she knows that by now), that he thinks she should just accept it and treat him like she loves him. be nice to him. doesn't he deserve that? this, to me, is a million fucking miles off. even for the characterization of joel they've written in season 1! because, in my opinion, the whole fucking point is that he accepts the consequences. he killed that entire hospital full of people, he took away a cure, he saved her because he had to. he made that choice and he sticks with it until he dies. in the game, joel accepts ellie's estrangement. he doesn't push her, he doesn't cross her boundary. because at least she stays in jackson once he tells her the truth, because at least she's alive. because that is the only thing that has ever fucking mattered. and everything else he can live with.

even when faced with death -- a death he doesn't understand, by the way, nor does he seem to care to because of course this was going to happen someday -- he doesn't regret it. he only cares that she's okay. and not for nothing, to me they keep this under wraps in the game. he respects her lines and never crosses them until the dance. it's a private thing. and so it's tragic because no one knows or understands what she's lost when he is killed. and then for the rest of part ii we have this example of joel doing something he believed in unequivocally and feeling no guilt for it even if it cost him, in a way, everything, because did it really? ellie is alive, so he can live with it. and then we have abby and ellie, who are discovering what they can live with and what they can't.

so. i guess i just think it undermines, well, everything, to have joel behave this way. is it making him more complex? not really. it makes ellie look like a petulant child. it makes us wish she would treat him better (which will probably be the show's version of a gotcha when it comes to the narrative truth of the matter). it's making him more realistic, maybe, but when did we start caring about that? part of what is so compelling about him is he is, in many ways, very black and white (which they seem to be hinting at with this refugee plot but don't get me started on that). part of what is compelling about the last of us is we are required to live with his choice, too. we have to understand that everything that happens is a consequence of that and we are the only ones who really understand just how much. ellie doesn't, joel doesn't, abby doesn't. no one has all of the pieces but us, the player/viewer. and i just think muddling a line in the sand that was there for a reason is, well. stupid. what purpose does it serve to show that joel would damn the world for ellie, but he won't respect her boundaries after the fact? he would go so far for her and no more?

yeah. that's my main beef. i have like, 100 more things, but. this is long enough. thanks for asking!

(for the record, there were things i liked, too! i liked the stalker, i liked the game callbacks (the grocery store, ellie's journal and her cleaning her gun at the workbench, the incredibly random easter egg of the employee of the month board even though that actually happens in Seattle, whatever). I'm interested by dina, i think jesse is fantastic. we'll see! I'm going to be watching and I'm going to be critical but I'm still excited to see where it goes. )

[theyanderespecialist]

Understanding (Headcanons) Yandere Lucifer X Gender Neutral Autistic Reader (Hazbin Hotel)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! This one is with an autistic reader. It will also be made into a video, so watch for that! Here are some autistic traits that will be shown in this post!  Stimming with walking in circles and or pacing when getting into a song (I pace whenever I get into a song)  Not understanding social cues 

needs noise-canceling headphones when in crowds or large groups. 

being very clingy once they get used to someone they like a lot 

honest and blunt to a fault where they do not even realize they might be hurting their partners or friends or person's feelings. (Lack of tack) 

slight naivety in which they do not realize people take advantage of them to get close to Lucifer 

Also, the one I added is a special interest in plushies (Lucifer is going to give so many plush ducks)  Difficulty making friends due to social skills issues and not good at social skills met friends online. 

(Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel is not Yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You Dirty, Flaky, Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!

Disclaimer: Yes I do not know that not all people on the autistic spectrum act the same. This is from what I asked on my community page what you all wanted to see! That is why these traits and such were chosen! Pleas enjoy this!)  Enjoy this chapter!]  -Yandere Headcanons With Yandere Lucifer Morningstar X Gender Neutral Autistic Reader-

.Lucifer Morningstar appears like he could be on the spectrum of Autism as well. (But that has not been made to be Canon yet if at all) Although he does have a very large special interest in rubber ducks and does appear to be socially awkward. 

.He fell for you hard, having met you online as he was not leaving his home and you were the type to struggle to make friends in person. 

.You both hit it off and got really close together and one day did meet up. 

.He saw you in person and he knew what you looked like but your photos did not do you justice. 

.To him you were the most beautiful person and his heart, body, mind, and soul were captured by your beauty. 

.He is awkward around you but very very excited to do things with you. 

.He wants to be who you need so he does go a bit over the top sometimes to impress you. 

.He is an angel after all and there is nothing better than pure angelic power! 

.He does understand that you are on the spectrum and he is willing to work with you on those things. 

.Such as him buying you noise-canceling headphones for when you are in large groups or crowds. 

.When he is with you in those crowds he is like a guard dog that will scare away anyone that tries to get too close to you.  .He has even made a place(s) for you in his home for you to have space to pace and or walk in circles when you are stemming. 

.He noticed that you do not understand social cues are are very honest. 

.He becomes protective of you because of this because you tend to make people upset by being honest with them, so much that you are blunt and it makes the person angry at you. 

.He is the one to very much save you from danger time and time again. 

.Once he does get close to you and you are close to him he notices that you become very clingy to him and OH MY SATAN! He loves it!  .He loves how you are clingy to him and does not want him to leave you, even though you two are not together right away. 

.You are very likely to accept his love though and start being in a relationship with him. 

.This does come you being blunt with him. 

.Being honest when he does upset you and how some of his yandere tendencies do bug you and make you upset. 

.He would monitor the other friends you have in hell, being honest with you when he thinks you have friends that are using you. 

.He hates when anyone uses you, even if it is to get to him. He would find out the people using you in any way shape or form and erase them from the face of this hell. 

.He is the type of yandere that would shower you in his special interest of rubber duckies but also that he would shower your in your special interest (For example if it was cats he would get you so many pet cats and also get you so many cat-themed items) 

.Luficer I this is the type of partner and yandere that would shower you in gifts in general. 

.He would even make rubber duckies to match him and you and make them kiss! Such as: "(Your name) you may now kiss your husband the king of hell Lucifer Morningstar" Then he makes the duckie versions of you and him kissing.  .He is the type to be The jealous type as well, such as if someone were to try and move in on you. He would do a whole song and dance to try and outdo them.  .No one in all of hell, earth, or heaven was good enough for you. 

.He is the type to try and keep you safe as you are very naive and do not know when people take advantage of you. 

.Not just with using you to get close to him, but trying to scam you, or use you for free labor, or anything else really. 

.He is your protector because he is a protective yandere. 

.He would not want anyone to ever use or take advantage of you, you are too sweet of a demon for that! 

.He is the type to go into a wrathful rage when he sees someone lay their hands on you or try and steal you away from him. 

.He also would not want to share you with anyone, even with your friends or family. 

.Although he does his best to endear himself to your family because one day his going to make you his spouse and co-ruler. 

.He is also a very clingy yandere and would be the type to cling to you and do everything he can to make sure that you never leave him. 

.When you two are together oh boy does he spoil you so so much. 

.He wants you to feel like the royal person you are and wants to give you the world. 

.He would also want his daughter Charlie to get along with you as you would be her new step-parent. 

.So getting his daughter to accept you as her new step-parent and such would be one of the things on the top of his list. 

.He is a very dotting yandere that would take care of all your needs and be everything that you need so that you would never want or crave for anyone else. 

.He feels that if he is not good enough for you, you will look for someone else and leave him. 

.He cannot stand for that so he would always strive to be everything that you need. 

.He would if he got super paranoid try and isolate you from friends and family. 

.He is not doing it to be mean, he just worries he will lose you! 

.With your autism he is very patient and understanding of you. 

.He does everything as well to continue to learn about it so he can keep getting better for you. 

.He would never want you to feel that your boyfriend and future husband did not understand how you felt. Or did not try. 

.He is one of the best yandere to understand and continue to learn how to have a darling who is on the spectrum. 

.You two goofballs end up being very very good for each other. 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

[fellulahh]

Hiii! I'm so happy that you're back! I have been reading your masterlists and hc's repeatedly even after you were gone! Could you do this if it interests you and you'd like to?

Sometimes I just wonder how brothers and Diavolo would react when their daughter is suddenly quiet and upset lately and turns out they have boyfriends just like the epitome of their sins in a toxic way.

For example Lucifer is Avatar of pride and his daughter's boyfriend (db for short) is extremely prideful. Mammon's (db) is extremely greedy and exploiting her without doing anything return or bare minimum. Leviathan' (db) is extremely jealous to the point of ruining her social life. Satan's db is so wrathful that he harms her by yelling or hitting her. Asmo's db is a serial cheater with lot's of affairs. (Idk about how Beel's bf turns out) And Belphie's like just being too lazy even in important situations and just not supporting his gf and she feels like she's alone in the relationship. Diavolo's? Idk perhaps being too opportunistic or not doing anything for her without return or dating her for her princess status.

How would their reactions be? (Depends on if their daughter introduces them over their parents' demand or them following their daughter to see what's upsetting them)

Coming right up!! I hope this is what you meant

—

His reaction to his daughter dating someone with the same sin as him (she’s upset)

Lucifer:

- he doesn’t want to admit to the discovery.at first

- acknowledging the boyfriend’s behaviour would mean admitting his insecurities about his own behaviour and personality

- he also doesn’t want to admit how similar the boyfriend is to a “younger” Lucifer

- MC is the one to persuade him though and make him see sense

- In a rather traditional sense, Lucifer speaks with the boyfriend and - partially - threatens him

- “I see the ugliness in you that I once possessed and there’d be no limits to what I’d do to ensure *daughter* doesn’t have to go through it. I’m not going to watch her sit through a relationship with someone who doesn’t understand how lucky he is to have her.”

Mammon:

- he is completely ignorant at first

- Mammon picks up on the boyfriend’s behaviours straight away and complains to MC because what is his “daughter doin’ with a schmuck like that?!”

- “Mammon what are you talking about? He’s exactly like you.”

- he has a complete existential crisis. He never thought anything of his spendings, or the way he acts toward others

- “why did nobody tell me I was doin’ that?!”

- when the boyfriend is next over, he marches up to the daughter’s room and hits him with a “listen here pal, if ya gonna date the Great Mammon’s daughter, a few things have gotta change around here!”

Levi:

- he doesn’t notice the behaviours at all. In fact, he partially agrees with the boyfriend at first

- his opinion does a 180 though when he realises the impact it has on his daughter

- Levi only learns of her feelings when he catches her crying over something the boyfriend had done and when he tried to reason, she snapped back at him and told him exactly why he was wrong

- suddenly he feels guilty because he knows he’s behaved exactly the same way in the past

- it takes him a long time to muster up the courage to speak to the boyfriend (MC does have to practically push him into the room)

- rather than even trying to reason with the boyfriend, he tells him straight “I don’t think you should see my daughter anymore.”

- he also vows to change his own behaviour after realising the impact it can have on the people he loves

Satan:

- when he witnesses the boyfriend getting angry for the first time, he orders he leaves the house

- once he’s gone, Satan comforts his daughter as she cries

- he tells the daughter he recognises what the boyfriend is doing and informs her it will not get better

- “but Mum stayed with you?” “Your mother is a bit different, she was human. Humans are…different”

- tells her straight that if he sees the boyfriend again, he will have no choice but to physically remove him from the premises

- “I know exactly what someone like him is capable of and believe me, it’s not something you want to be around. If I know he’s laid a hand on you, I will not hesitate to kill him.” (okay daddy)

Asmo:

- feels immense guilt because his daughter is confiding in him and seeking advice for something he used to do prolifically

- he tries his best to comfort her and it works at first, but he knows it won’t be the last of her tears

- Asmo immediately goes and sees MC “what do I do? What can I possibly say to her? Oh MC, it’s horrendous!”

- MC urges him to tell the truth

- Asmo sits down with their daughter and confesses that he used to be the exact same as the boyfriend

- “listen *daughter* sweetie, I used to be just like *boyfriend*. Although I changed, he might not do the same and I want you to think about that. I changed when your darling mother came into my life. If he hasn’t done the same for you, I don’t think he should have the privilege of dating my daughter.”

Beel (not quite as serious as the rest lol):

- Beel is confused when he finds out his daughter is upset because her boyfriend keeps eating everything around them

- “you don’t get it Dad, I put so much effort into cooking something nice for us but he just inhales it. I actually think I could put a pile of rubbish on a plate for him and he’d eat it no question.”

- he sits down with the boyfriend just like a fatherly figure would

- “listen buddy, I know it’s hard but you’ve gotta slow down. *daughter* is getting upset because she thinks you don’t appreciate her cooking for you.” “But I love her food, it’s the best I’ve ever had?” “I know right! Er—I mean you’ve gotta show her that, make sure she feels the love you know.”

- gives him a supportive pat on the back

- he helps the boyfriend understand why the daughter is upset and soon he apologises

Belphie:

- he doesn’t quite get the problem at first

- “dad all he does is sleep” “what’s wrong with that?” “He misses our dates! I’m left waiting by myself all the time because he can’t even set an alarm. And then when we are out, all he talks about is how he can’t wait to get home and go back to sleep.”

- Belphie has an ‘oh yeah, that’s probably not great’ moment after their discussion

- when he gets a moment alone with the boyfriend, he sets the record straight

- “listen I know you’re not going to like this, and I know I’m a hypocrite for saying this, but if you don’t pull yourself together my daughter is going to leave you”

- Belphie keeps telling the boyfriend that he understands how difficult it is, but he can’t keep watching him upset his daughter

- “she can’t just leave me for that?” “Yes she can - I’ll make her.”

—

I’m sorry I can’t find it in me to write something negative about Diavolo. I just can’t do it. 😂

[infizero]

cat kid comic club epic transgender representation ramble 🗣🗣

ok im gonna explain the trans stuff in cat kid comic club bcuz i cant stop thinking about it and i want to share it with you all

so basic premise for context, former villain flippy the fish has 22 frog children he adopted, and this spinoff series follows them all being part of a club about making comics

while i was reading and becoming familiar with the kids, i noticed that wendy was seemingly the only girl that was drawn without eyelashes. and i DID immediately go hmmm. does that have significance and she's meant to be trans or am i just reading too much into things

later on, it's shown that one of the kids, el, is non-binary and uses they/them!! which made me happy and also made me think that maybe i was right about wendy

"El likes birds and dragonflies. They sing in a punk rock band with their brothers, Pink and Curly. It's called: 'The Eye Screams.'"

no attention is drawn to this, until a plot point where one of the kids naomi makes a comic and sends it to a publisher. it gets rejected and when reading out the email that was sent back, this is mentioned:

"'Global sameness' fails to recognize that everybody isn't always given the same opportunities or chances in life. Furthermore, some lines in the story (i.e. 'just poke your nose beneath your clothes, you'll see we're all the same'), could be seen as making controversial statements about gender that may offend or diminish many readers.'"

for context, the comic is about a bunch of halloween monsters who dance around in their underwear, with the intended message that we're all the same deep down.

naomi gets upset at the idea that the comic that she intended to preach unity might offend people. but when she explains this, she specifically mentions wendy and el!

POPPY: "Wait. Who got offended?" NAOMI: "That publisher lady said my comic made statements about gender that are offensive!!!!!!! Wendy and El probably HATE me now!!!" POPPY: "No they don't."

naomi then goes to talk to wendy and el and make sure they know that wasn't her intention. to which they say they know and that they didn't take offense to it

NAOMI: "Remember those parts where I said... something like... 'everybody's the same underneath?'" EL: "Yeah." WENDY: "Kind of." NAOMI: "I wasn't talking about gender." EL: "Yeah. We know."

NAOMI: "I just didn't want you to take it wrong." EL: "We didn't." WENDY: "We're good."

and that's that!

what really struck me about this was that they actually... acknowledged it? like it's become more normalized to have trans and non-binary characters, but a lot of times esp in kids media it isn't directly addressed. like a character may use they/them, but attention won't be called to it or anything

but here, it's actually addressed, and in a really lowkey and realistic manner! like it's not a big deal or something they have to have like a whole PSA about. but el and wendy ARE trans and in this scenario that fact is relevant, so it comes up

it's also interesting to me because despite this, neither el nor wendy are explicitly STATED to be trans, but they're very obviously treated as such. which again feels very natural and i like a lot, but i do also wonder how this reads to the intended audience of young kids. like if they dont know that trans people exist, how do they interpret a moment like this? do they understand why el and wendy were specifically singled out? i have no idea but im fascinated thinking about it.

also smaller thing but i like how the trans kids werent portrayed as getting all super angry at something like that (since we are so often stereotyped as being easily offended snowflakes lol), but at the same time the idea that they might've been offended is taken seriously and naomi is shown to be in right for checking in with them to make sure she didnt hurt their feelings. again it just feels very realistic and i really appreciate that!

i do wonder if this fact will come up again or if this was the extent of it. i guess we'll have to see lol

in conclusion, dav pilkey says trans rights and continues to be the king of treating kids as intelligent and capable of handling more complex and nuanced topics 🔥🔥

[mcytanti]

A Dying Lioness

Track 39, Storms by Fleetwood Mac.

You are a lioness, and a dying one at that.

The world is ending, you feel it atrophy, you see how it crumbles, you speak with the others about how it will go. 

You hear her groans, cries, as she shifts and pulls underneath you, the earth is dying just like you.

You work, and you work, and you work some more. Grinding materials, reaching out to old friends for help, all this so your allies can fulfill their goal, vision, dream. Paw pads crack and claws break as you labor. Every shulker is filled to the brim with materials you strain as you move materials both and forth. It’ll be worth it, you tell yourself. Still the earth writhes.

Anxiety drives you, time is running out, you race against the other mega-collation to see who can finish first. Every second is closer to a promised end. Termination. A conclusion.

At some point, come to spawn, where all things began, only to see it has been destroyed even more, every building the central area blown up in some way. You see her wounds, she oozes obsidian and froglights. You assess the destruction, there’s no time. You can’t help her, not here at least.

Your slab is one of the builds destroyed. It makes you upset.

The love or heart stage is destroyed, but this doesn’t upset you at all. It served its purpose. The Slab had never been fully realized. Not while you were there, at least. But did you even know what you wanted the Slab to be? A meeting place? A place for drama? You aren’t sure. Still it bothers you.

When you ask the reason you are told “because she was bored” and that makes you angry.

You and everyone else online are spending your time creating, she could have joined you but instead decided to mindlessly destroy.

You rant to the others that she spent so much time wounded that she was alone but when she does things like this it’s hard for you to want to be around her.

You turn away, there is work to be done.

You get to talking about what happened before you arrived for today's work. The trail, team Sunset, the final judgement.

You are told that Sin might want to talk to you, you aren't very interested in what she has to say.

But then Arch says "I like when people get closure."

Closure is something you don't think exists as you don't think endings truly exist.

Life is about going from one moment to the exit and even in death you leave yourself in the memories of others, to share or alter or simply forget.

But then think of the work you are doing, and the monuments across the server. Brand new experiences for all. Every build for the maze had a message, a purpose, to make people consider their time here and what they've done with it.

Everything she does is for others.

You look around you, at the blocks you're placing and your messy inventory. You could have ran off and tired to fix spawn instead, that shattered earth, or worked your own project but instead you're here.

Everything she does is for others so everything you do is for her.

You go talk to Sin.

You thought about talking to Sin before, your original plan was to cry in front of him simply because you wanted him to feel bad, your next plan was to bring him to a trap and kill him, but revenge sounded hallow. It wasn't going to bring your home back.

Your latest plan is to be honest. It's the end of the world, after all, what good are plans and schemes now?

It's short, he apologizes as promised.

You don't accept it. It was cruel. You could have accepted a destroyed base, sure it would suck, but what was broken could be rebuilt. Yes, it would have been different, but it would also be new.

What Sin did was so much worse. An instant ban if you even got close. The base you worked so hard on and the build your husband so lovingly crafted on top of it could never be returned. Gone forever.

And the worst part is? You weren't even the target. Your allies were.

You tell him asking if he thought of you would be pointless. You know he didn't.

You are a tool. No one thinks of the hammer while hitting the nail.

Still, he seems sorry.

Still, you leave feeling the exact same way.

There's work to be done.

Some time passing and you finally steal a few moments with your wife. You love them so much, and you have been through so much together. Your sunshine. They are the warmth on your back. The light you close your eyes and turn your face towards.

You're both tired, you don’t talk as much as you maybe should. It doesn’t matter, all you wanted was a private moment with them and you got it. 

You wanted to write her a letter, praising them, thanking them but you're afraid you don’t have enough time. There’s work to be done. The earth groans.

As you work, your wife bans their husband.

You think of Jest for a moment. Circumstances prevented you from getting to know them, but you always found them a bit detached. Always away in some secret corner of the map. Only talking to Blue, Van, and Evu. A figure you see in the corner of your eye, just a glimpse, but never fully see.

Your conclusion is that this is a fitting end for them.

You continue to work.

Moving up and down, flying around and around, checking work, adding details. At some point it makes you sick but you keep going.

Your stomach rolls every time you fall off the vines into the Panopticon. Floor rushing towards you. You wonder if it’ll kill you. You never find out.

You finish it alone. You're done.

The others have left you, you’re not sure for what and you don’t really care. 

You call out to them. A roar from deep within your chest, it’s finished and you are so happy. 

Night falls as they return.

They are delighted, fluttering around you and the build. They crowd around the village for screenshots as you silently slip away to look at the work. 

Los Angeles, the Panopticon, Control. It’s stunning.

And you move on.

You talk to your husband next. You love him, but you feel the strain of the end. 

First you go to the cabin in the snow. The chill gets to you immediately, you can’t be surrounded by the cold in a time like this. The stillness bothers you. Blinding white. You can’t stand it.

You suggest you move to your town. There the humidity and mud comforts you. It’s dark here, warm and safe.

But you know no matter where you two go he will keep you safe.

In your den he is leaning against the couch while you sit at the kitchen counter.

You tell him what you planned to write in his book. That he was a help to you, that you found comfort in him, that you hope in the next life you keep being friends.

You ask to trade hearts. You want to carry a piece of him when it’s all over, you want him to have a piece of you. You kiss him softly, sweetly, and he goes.

Your inferno, soon his flame will burn out. Soon your wind will blow no more.

Time gets hazy after that. Like the fog of a dream you move your boat away from the destruction to something new. 

You hope to meet your friends here, in the bright blue water, with the coral and fishies and the build your husband so lovingly crafted.

At some point your husband has returned and suggests you fix the Slab.

The idea doesn’t make you feel good. You mentioned it earlier but decided it felt wrong to have something pristine in spawn when the earth is shattered and in pain.

“Really?” you ask but the others agree with Void and encourage you. You think if you tried to fix it you’ll cry. 

You ask him for time to think and moments after, because time is a luxury you no longer have, agree. 

Mostly because he said he’d help. You like having him do things for you.

One last project together. To move as one.

As you gather materials and work together people are being banned. You have a distaste for it. You decide you want to live. There’s no other way you could exist. Because you are flesh and bone and claws and tooth, and you will fight until the very end. There is no other way.

Resent does creep in. Busying yourself only works for so long. It was so pointless, at least Nara had a reason to blow things up. When Arch says it feels like griefing you silently agree.

When Chips joins the group and the first thing she says is don’t kill me I’ll be upset, you decide it’s time to work alone. Why should you consider Chip’s feelings when she didn’t consider yours? Or anyones for that matter? 

You don’t have the resources, don't have the time to be doing this. You have letters to write and goodbyes to say. 

You wait until she’s gone to rejoin but you're not completely there, float in and out of the group.

After you finish, or maybe before? It’s hard to tell as every moment fell atop the last, becoming one. You check out the clock tower. 

Signs upon signs telling a story, one that makes you cry as you ascend the steps.

At the end you are faced with more signs, clues, to solve the maze. 

You tell Arch you love her, and you think of your signs against an obsidian wall as you leave. A portrait of a jaguar. Frog Lights. A rusted wall.

Sweetbitter.

You do end up writing those letters. The Heart part 1 and 2. A thank you and I love you for a wife and a husband.

You think about how you say those words often, and wonder if people believe you when you do. You mean it. Deeply. Truly. Every single time. I love you.

Blue meets you at the clock tower while waiting for Birmingham to start for their letter. You kiss and hug and you feel better for a moment.

It is luck that Void is there too, a floor below. 

You threaten to kill him because he is your hostage. He asks why, sweet but confused. 

You tell him it is because he’s sooo special to you as you hand him the book. He reads it and hugs you. 

Comforts you when you admit you cried reading it. 

Not a very private moment with Arch standing right behind you but it will do. 

The moment itself is short as someone else needs him. 

He leaves. 

You think about how this summarizes your whole marriage. A few short moments before someone else needs him. 

You are left alone again. So you work on solving the maze Blue leaves for good. 

Your heart aches but you keep working. Always something to do.

Despite ignoring the major clues, the signs which reveal the order of locations you need to visit, you do finish charting your path and Arch tells you to fly. You do.

More people are banned and you tell the group that it bothers you. That you want others to choose life. Flowers in a field you don’t want to be stepped on.

However, you consider the people who have been banned and say that this makes sense. They aren’t the type to see things through until the end. 

But then Void and Mari ban each other and you feel devastated. 

Arch returns in tears and your heart aches even more. You ask her for one last girltalk. You need to make sure she’s okay.

When you ask Arch why, because of course she knows why he has to know why, she says it was planned. For a while. 

A memory flashes in your mind, something you can’t quite reach. You think you’ve been told that plan before but you’re just not sure. It doesn’t matter if you were. It makes sense for them.

Arch says that for some people this is their way of moving on. In the case of Void and Mari, you agree.

Then Evi agrees with your comment about the type of people who self ban. You wish you didn’t say anything at all.

Nara is revived, and comes back just to talk to you. 

You think of your past as you return to spawn.

You see her, handsome and strong as always, but her flame has burned out. Ash is in the place of a once brilliant bright flame.

You had such passion for each other. Your only question is where it went wrong.

“Spying,” he says, “Jay told us from the start.” 

Ah, so another thing Jay lied about. Add it to the list. 

You spent all day wanting to kill someone. 

Chips for spawn. Sin for the chunkban. Jay for everything. 

And Nara grants your wish. You ban Nara. It’s quick but there’s blood. Wet sticky. You have two of his heads, and two of his hearts. Another piece to take with you. You go back to flying.

You’re not sure how long it takes but you do fly across the world and back and the message is revealed. The question you must answer while writing your signs for the clock tower.

AT LAST WE MEET AT THE END OF THE WORLD. WAS IT WORTH IT.

You return. 

You tell Arch you could leave a long winded message about how it was worth, to get to know the server, to create with them, to love them. 

You only knew Meep when the server began and now you have found such a community, such love here. But you tell her that you’ll write the concise version instead.

On a cherry wood sign dyed light grey, glowing, you write “YES.”

Everyone is getting into places now, gear put away, last messages wrote.

You go to Animal Crossing, you have things very precious there. Your cubs.

Two jaguars. 

Jasmine. The eldest. Pink, a different shade of your beloved wife’s hair back when she was still alive. With the cutest heart shaped rosettes. Still, 9 months in the womb making you suffer and she doesn’t even look like her stupid mom, Blue.

Jezebel. The younger. She black fur, with the same green eyes of the man you love, and the buds of green horns. 9 months in your womb making you suffer and she looks just like her stupid dad. Void.

They are sleeping as you take them in your arms. The weight is heavy. They are still sleeping when you get Luna and Sappho from that hole in the wall you hid them in. 

You take them all to your den, so you can all be comfortable at the very end.

Luna and Sappho are cozy in bed.

You hold your cubs close to you and you lay down in your shower, head hitting the cold tuff floor. Tired. You want it to be over.

You think of Mari, and how you both wanted the world to end with a gunshot. Not a whimper. 

But here you are and the world is quiet. No more groans, no more struggle. This is her end, yours too.

Your husband is banned, your wife took an early leave. It’s you Arch, Cog, Princess, Evi, Seri and Mering at the very end.

There were things you could have done differently.

You were a storm, you blew into the server and for better or for worse you left things changed.

It feels hollow now, you wish you could have left more. Even now you churn, never a calm sea.

It’s fitting this end, but it wasn’t the plan. Was any of this the plan?

Yellow text flashes in your mind,

“Thanks for playing!” and your world is gone.

[fatgirlonadate-blog]

21 Days - Day 3

Annoying. Everything about today is annoying. The sun is shining too brightly, the birds are singing too loudly, and your apartment is too damn small. You thought going on a walk might help—clear your mind, stretch your legs, exist in nature, all that good stuff. But all you've managed to accomplish is being annoyed outside rather than inside.

Leaves crunch beneath your feet on the sidewalk as you make your way back toward the house. There's really nothing to see out here. Sure, it's beautiful. The trees are a bright collage of red, orange, and yellow, and the small town has a certain charm to it. It's a breath of fresh air compared to the bustling streets and skyscrapers of Linkon. You'd like to enjoy the scenery and the cool autumn breeze, but all of it is lost on you.

There's a reason for your bad mood, but you don’t want to admit it. You've tried to deny it, avoid it, distract yourself, and pretend it doesn’t exist. But you know why you're upset. It's because of a certain someone with sky-blue eyes and a name that rhymes with savior.

Last night, you'd crawled into bed early and read Moments' posts until you fell asleep. You woke up shortly after to the feel of warmth against your back and one of Xavier's strong arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you tighter against him. He nuzzled your neck, his lips ghosting past your pulse point, and mumbled something unintelligible before falling back asleep.

It's unclear if he did it in his sleep or on purpose, and you're not sure you even want to know. The feel of his warm breath against your neck and the way his fingers stroked the soft skin below your belly button is burned into your memory.

But this morning, when you'd woken up, Xavier was already gone, and the spot where he had been was cold. That alone wasn’t enough to upset you. It was the fact that, once you'd gotten dressed for the day, you realized he wasn't even in the apartment. No call, no text, no note on the fridge. He was just gone.

It shouldn't bother you. You're certainly not his keeper. You've been his neighbor for months and have gone days at a time without seeing him or knowing where he was. Hell, you didn't even know he lived in your apartment building until recently. But this feels different. Shouldn't a fake husband let his fake wife know when he's going to be gone for hours? And shouldn't a fake husband stay in bed and wait for his fake wife to wake up in the morning after cuddling her all night? Even your delusional thoughts are pouting.

You shove your hands deep into your jacket pockets as you turn down your street and head toward the house. You're not sure why you've let yourself get into this mess. You know better than to develop feelings for anyone; no one ever feels the same way about you. Out of the four men in your life, only one seems interested. And, even with him, you're not quite sure if Sylus wants to win your heart or cut it out of your chest.

He's also not Xavier.

You reach the front door of the apartment in what seems like record time. You thought you'd taken a long route, but apparently, it wasn’t long enough. You fish the keys from your jacket pocket and swing the door open with more force than necessary, slamming it shut behind you.

Xavier is sitting at the dining table, casually eating cherries from a bowl as if you haven’t been worried about him all day. He looks up at you with sleepy eyes and a soft smile on his face. "Hey, welcome home. Would you like anything to eat?"

"Where have you been?" you demand, ignoring his fake husband questions. You mean for your tone to sound angry, but instead, it just sounds whiny and petulant.

Xavier raises a pale eyebrow at you but doesn't otherwise react. He pops another cherry in his mouth. "I went to the store. We didn’t have a lot of groceries. I had to guess at your favorite snacks. You like chips, right?"

You stand in the doorway and stare at him for a long moment. He's infuriating. How does he not understand what you're actually asking?

"Why didn’t you tell me you were going to the store today?"

Xavier cocks his head to the side, studying you for a moment like he's choosing his words carefully. "I didn’t think you'd care. But I'll tell you before I leave next time."

You nod and finally take off your jacket and shoes. "Good. You should. We're on a mission, and we don’t know the neighborhood. What if something happened to you?"

Xavier furrows his brow. "What could happen?"

You sit down at the table across from him and snag a cherry from the bowl. "I don’t know. What if you got hit by a car? Or attacked by wanderers? I wouldn’t have even known where you were."

"You were worried about me," Xavier says, and the smile tugging at the corner of his lips seems to brighten the whole room.

"I was not worried!" You start to argue but then give up with an exaggerated sigh at the look on his face. "Fine, maybe a little."

"Maybe a little," he echoes quietly, leaning forward to catch your eyes with his. "I promise that next time, I'll text you."

"Thank you," you say, popping another cherry into your mouth.

You snack in comfortable silence. It’s nice, actually. You've never felt the need to babble or fill the silence with him. It's easy to just exist together.

"Oh," Xavier says, looking toward the kitchen as if he's just remembered something. "I got something for you. Close your eyes."

You look at him curiously, feeling excited despite not knowing what it could be. "You did? What is it?"

"Hold on."

He slides his chair back from the table to stand up, and walks into the kitchen. He disappears around the corner and you hear the sound of something rustling. "Eyes closed?"

"Yes!" you call out, closing your eyes obediently.

Xavier’s soft footsteps come closer until he stops in front of you. His hand encircles your wrist and pulls it away from your lap, and you feel him press an object into your hand. He uses his other hand to close your fingers around it. It’s slim, smooth, and cool to the touch.

"Open."

You open your eyes and are met with a flash of blue and white before you're able to focus on what you're holding. Flowers—a bouquet of small blue and white flowers tied with a simple silk ribbon.

"Oh," you breathe out in surprise. "Are these wildflowers?"

Xavier shakes his head. "No, they're forget-me-nots."

Forget-me-nots. You hold the flowers up to admire them. They're beautiful—simple but beautiful. You've heard the name, but you’re not sure you've ever actually seen forget-me-nots before. They’re far less common than roses.

"Thank you," you murmur, still looking at the flowers. "You got me flowers?"

Xavier nods and drops his hands from yours, stuffing them in his pockets. "Yeah, they made me think of you."

You glance up at him, surprised to see a faint flush on his cheeks. He looks so shy and sweet that your heart does a funny little skip in your chest. This man. This man is going to be the death of you.

"Why these ones specifically?" you ask, hoping not to sound ungrateful but curious to know. You suppose he didn’t get roses because they’re too romantic. But you've never even seen a bouquet of this type of flower before. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing someone just buys on a whim.

His blush creeps up to his ears, and he rubs the back of his neck, no longer meeting your eyes. "Well, they’re forget-me-nots."

"Yes..." You agree, drawing the word out. He had already said that.

"They’re forget-me-nots," he repeats, gesturing at them with one of his hands. "You give them as a promise to never forget someone, and when you look at them, you’ll be reminded of who gave them to you."

Your mouth forms a silent "o," and you glance down at the small flowers with new eyes. He bought them because of their meaning. He wants you to always remember each other, to never forget.

Without thinking, you set the flowers down on the table and stand up, throwing your arms around his neck in a hug. He stumbles back a step in surprise, his hands going automatically to your waist to steady you. After a moment, you feel the shyness leave his posture as he wraps his arms around you.

"Silly boy," you say quietly against his shoulder, "You know I could never forget you. No matter what."

He exhales harshly near your ear, hugging you even tighter in response. You feel the press of his lips against your temple. When he speaks, his voice is low and more vulnerable than you've ever heard it before. "Promise?"

"I'll always remember you," you promise him.

As you pull away, you can’t help but notice an almost sad look in his eyes. It’s a strange expression for the happiness of the moment, but you're familiar with it. You’ve seen that look on his face a dozen times over the last few months. There’s a secret in it, you think—one he's not going to tell you and that you'll likely never understand. ___________________ Do not fear, the spice is on the way!

[fankitcanuwo]

What are your thoughts on boss, as a character?

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BOSS AS A CHARACTER

SPOILERS FOR "CHARLIE IN UNDERWORLD" BELOW AS I GO ON MY TANGENT

Edit: I wrote like a whole A$$ essay under here so uh- just be warned 😭 sorry for the long answer @leahisnowlosinghersanityx ! Can I call you Leah? (Mainly a joke since your user is long haha ^^')

(I really love silly ghosts okay?)

(I'm a little rusty in the story, and I am replaying ciu recently, but I haven't gotten past the second(?) Chapter yet, so please forgive me and correct me on any mistakes I might make ^^')

OK, so. Boss to me isn't a bad guy, so to say. He has flaws and makes PLENTY of mistakes throughout the series.

In Underworld office, Eugene first meets Boss when he saves his life. At first he seems cold and distant. But my first impression of him when I was playing the game (for the first time) was that there was something deeper going on behind his defensive walls.

And as the chapters went by, it proved true for me when I saw how soft he got around the other's and Eugene. He even got angry for River's safety and Eugene (unintentionally) putting her in danger. He does care for the people of the underworld office, and he will continue to do so, even after the end of the second game.

Over the course of the first game, I became VERY fond of Boss, especially with his arcs with the others. (Like Eugene being a surrogate son to him, and the relationships between his friends)

As for the deeper parts of his character, over all, I believe that Boss is a deeply troubled character who has a deep sense of self loathing.

In the monster Eugene ending, he describes that Eugene, angry and wanting to lash out with vengeance, reminds him of himself, and tells Eugene there might be hope for him still, taking him into the team with the others, though all of them are pretty upset in ANY ending that Eugene is no longer mortal.

Boss does not see himself in a positive light. Or at least, not often. And it shows here, as well in a lot of other places too! Especially if you know where to look.

In "Charlie in underworld", we get more knowledge and insight into boss's life before he was a ghost.

(Again, I'm rusty on the lore, so please correct me if I'm wrong)

Boss, back then, didn't veiw himself in a positive way either.

When Boss's "friend" (I put friend in quotation marks because I don't think Boss considered him a friend, even if the man was trying to be his friend) was recently married. He brings up the wedding to boss, either why he didn't attend or other reasons, I can't remember.

Boss seems bitter about the fact that he himself can't seem to find a single person who would be interested in him. The man feels bad, and I don't remember much of the conversation, but I believe that Boss was bitter about this, which is why he was so closed off.

While we didn't get a true name for Boss, i believe he was reffered to as a shaman of sorts, which is also interesting.

Throughout the flashbacks, We see that for the majority of his life, if not all of it, Boss has been pressured by tradition (I think) and family, the weight of which is always on his shoulders. If I remember correctly, his family in specific protected a ancient area in which was one of the MANY gateways between the afterlife and the mortal realm.

I believe that his mother shamed and disgraced him for being unable to find anyone to marry, or to get a wife, to which I think (correct me if I'm wrong) BOSS APOLOGIZES FOR. (Which ticks me off- but it's fine)

he is tasked to protect the cave alone for the rest of his life I believe- but I also think there was more to this.

I probably missed this, but apparently (again, correct me if I'm wrong, i cant remember this well) Boss encountered a man/ghost during his time in the military (which also probably changed him) and promised that he would try his best to bring his son's spirit to rest or something.

Boss died in the cave he was protecting, and he kept protecting the area (or maybe other areas like it) even after his life was over.

After he shares his memories with Eugene and Charlie, I believe he explains himself more, which brings to light that he still blames and faults himself for everything in his life. To which, as Charlie, we have the option to call out that all of that is BS and it wasn't his fault thst so many things went wrong in his lifetime, but also calls him out on his selfish actions. Which I agree with strongly-

OKAY- now that I'm done with the boss biography, I'll actually start getting to my point. (Sorry guys)

Boss kept the ghosts of the underworld office around mostly because he was lonely. He was desperate for company and companions, and so he selfishly kept them from their own journey in the afterlife so he could continue doing his job with company. Even going so far as to essentially hold River hostage by keeping her keepsake away from her.

By no means are these actions excusable, what he did WAS terrible. But in the end, he did regret it, the entire time. He had just let his fear and anxiety control him. In fact this shows constantly.

When the others in the group constantly talk and confidently say that "he is never wrong" and "boss is always right", Boss tends to simply reply with "...". Which I interpret as his guilt, because HE KNOWS he's lying to them, and he isn't always right, but decides to say nothing.

And while River is overpowering Boss, threatening and probably planing to tear him to shreds, she scratches his neck/throat with her claws. As she does, the wounds become pure white almost immediately, which causes River to stop and hesitate. She realizes something and then warns boss that this will be a reminder for him, a penance if you will, and then moves on to the other life.

I believe that why his wounds turned white, is because boss actively believes that by letting himself be hurt and 'punished' is a good decision.

In other words, he believes that letting himself be hurt and possibly destroyed by the people he hurt, is what he deserves. He believes that he deserves pain, hurt, and perhaps even physical punishment, because of the hurt he had caused the people he cared about the most.

In the end, he is willing to try and forgive himself, to try and make things better, but he thinks it's best if he leaves Eugene and Charlie alone to continue their lives, without his influence, so he leaves. He leaves to find himself in the world, because he wasn't able to when he was alive.

And I wish nothing but the best for him.

Boss is a VERY deep and intriguing character, and he is one of my all time favorite game characters EVER.

Hes like an ACTUAL human being- not those flat idiot and single-minded/purposed characters on hallmark TV shows.

He has FLAWS. He had Strengths, weaknesses, regrets! EMOTION! As much as Boss tries to keep up his walls and hide his true feelings from others (with only a few exceptions to his friends), we can see throughout the games that this isn't the case. I think the most aware of this would be Joan, who seems to understand him a bit more than the others, and gives some wise words on how once you get to warm up to him, and he warms up to you, then you'll see that he's not as tough as he looks.

Charlie also seems more aware of this as time goes on, especially later in the game.

Boss may also see Eugene as a son-figure because he never had one. He was never able to get married and have a family. Eugene grows on him very quickly, and it shows through his actions.

Boss is just a very big softy, a confused, hurt, possibly scared, afraid to be alone, and troubled softy.

And i love him, and want nothing but the best for him in his journey.

I know this will likely never happen, but I would love to see more of him in the story of the Underworld office series <:].

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk 😭