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hollowed-theory-hall · 18 days ago

Note

hi!

we see harry’s anger truly manifest in ootp, and it was a treat reading your analysis on his ptsd!

but it’s been a longheld belief in the fandom that harry is this firecracker with concerningly poor anger management. which is absurd, frankly imo, because i understand his default style is quiet, intense intimidation, or sass and snark. except when his fury reaches the threshold of his control, and he lets go fully and spectacularly. we also see in the later books that harry keeps trying to rein in the onslaught of fury pouring from voldemort, and while he does channel that anger outwardly, he isn’t making a habit of frequently lashing out at the people around him.

what i’m really asking is, what are your thoughts on harry’s anger and how he manages his frustrations from age eleven to seventeen?

Hello 👋

Thank you! I love my boy Harry and his anger and trauma so much! His trauma doesn't manifest in the way most fandoms usually like to portray trauma, but I always loved how Harry breaks when he reaches his threshold. He's a fascinating character and I find myself disappointed in his treatment over the years in fanon.

As to your question, boy, okay, this is complex and is greatly affected by Harry's mental state. I mentioned here how his anger is often colder and sassier and the fiery anger that's all shouting and cursing is something we only really see from him in OotP and onwards and I believe is the result of trauma, as I mentioned here & here.

But I decided, you know what? I can take a few scenes of his anger from each book. It's something I have a lot of notes about, and I'm surprised I haven't written about it here yet since it's a subject I love talking about.

Now, I do think he has issues with emotional regulation in general. I mean, he was raised in a cupboard under the stairs, he is not emotionally well-adjusted even if he knows to appear as if he is. His anger and how it manifests is a result of years of trauma and abuse. Honestly, though, he manages his anger better than he could have considering his life experience.

So without further ado:

Philosopher's Stone:

In the first book, we see Harry angry at the Dursleys and their unfair treatment of him. This anger is interesting. He has every reason to be angry but it isn't just anger. It's his frustration and helplessness that he feels as anger because he lacks the tools to understand/deal with his emotions.

How we see this anger come out though, is mostly through sass. And even then he makes sure to run/duck away before they could hurt him:

“They stuff people’s heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall,” he told Harry. “Want to come upstairs and practice?” “No, thanks,” said Harry. “The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick.” Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he’d said.

(PS, Ch3)

Harry doesn't really have the luxury to get angry or upset because he's the one who would suffer for it. So, he bottles up all his anger and frustration and only lets it out in cold glares and sass even when he's fuming inside. In his heart of hearts, he wishes he could do something to the Dursleys, to hurt them back, but he can't.

I do want to note that Harry's hold on his range isn't him managing it well, it's him bottling it up. This would be very relevant later in this post.

The incident with the Boa Constrictor is one I like. Harry later refers to it as revenge in a moment of anger:

and the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn’t he got his revenge, without even realizing he was doing it? Hadn’t he set a boa constrictor on him?

(PS, Ch4)

“Out of the way, you,” he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened — one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror. Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor’s tank had vanished. The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.

(PS, Ch2)

He's unaware that he's doing it, of course, but Harry's magic is powerful and incredibly attuned to him, so of course, it acts up when he's angry. Of course, his magic gets revenge on Dudley when Harry is so angry but feels helpless to do something with it. Harry's magic here shows Harry wishes he could do something, that he could take revenge:

Hagrid almost had to drag Harry away from Curses and Countercurses (Bewitch Your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and Much, Much More) by Professor Vindictus Viridian. “I was trying to find out how to curse Dudley.”

(PS, Ch5)

He just can't. So he bottles up his anger instead.

The other person we see Harry angry at in the first book, is Snape. Harry responds to Snape quite similar to how he responds to the Dursleys:

“Thought you wouldn’t open a book before coming, eh, Potter?” Harry forced himself to keep looking straight into those cold eyes. He had looked through his books at the Dursleys’, but did Snape expect him to remember everything in One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi? Snape was still ignoring Hermione’s quivering hand. “What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?” At this, Hermione stood up, her hand stretching toward the dungeon ceiling. “I don’t know,” said Harry quietly. “I think Hermione does, though, why don’t you try her?” A few people laughed; Harry caught Seamus’s eye, and Seamus winked. Snape, however, was not pleased.

(PS, Ch8)

He gets angry, inside his head he is fuming, but outside his head, Snape hears a sassy retort said quietly and calmly. Even when Harry is angry he acts calm and quiet and looks like he's joking from Seamus' response. It's why it's so easy for Snape to believe Harry is like James. Harry doesn't show his anger. External he's quiet and sassy becouse he knows if he started shouting he'd be punished more (like at the Dursleys).

So, 11-year-old Harry is quiet outside when angry. Only really shows glares and sass when he's upset while bottling his feelings up. This would continue throughout the years until year 5, for the most part.

Chamber of Secrets:

We see more of this way of handling his anger in CoS (though way less). CoS is not a very angry book, but I found a few examples.

“I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act — no doubt that flea-bitten, Muggleloving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it —” Harry felt a hot surge of anger.

(CoS, Ch4)

Harry is angry. He likes the Weasleys and hates hearing them being talked about like this. Still, no one else sees his anger because he's hiding, and he knows he'd be worse off if he left his hiding spot. Harry isn't all that impulsive (yet). He just swallows his anger down for the sake of what needs to be done — in this case hiding.

“Dobby is used to death threats, sir. Dobby gets them five times a day at home.” He blew his nose on a corner of the filthy pillowcase he wore, looking so pathetic that Harry felt his anger ebb away in spite of himself. [...] Dobby mopped his bulging eyes and said suddenly, “Harry Potter must go home! Dobby thought his Bludger would be enough to make — ” “Your Bludger?” said Harry, anger rising once more. “What d’you mean, your Bludger? You made that Bludger try and kill me?”

(CoS, Ch10)

Here, we see more of Harry's usual anger and how he bottles everything up. He is rightfully angry at Dobby for everything he did, but he also feels pity for him, his anger doesn't cloud Harry's ability to empathize with others. And if you look at the second quote, you see that in his head Harry is rightfully angry at an attempt to murder him but he's talking calmly and quietly. He isn't shouting. He isn't being violent or impolite. Harry's anger, as seen by others, is cold and quiet because he bottles it up.

“And why did you want to meet me?” said Harry. Anger was coursing through him, and it was an effort to keep his voice steady.

(CoS, Ch17)

This is later, when facing Tom. Harry feels betrayed. He wanted so bad to be Tom's freind, he tried so much to ignore what was happening so he could keep his new BFF and first crush. But when he is betrayed, he gets angry, rightfully so, again. And we see he isn't shouting or acting angry and rashly. He's speaking steadily and quietly and makes an active effort to do so.

Harry knows how he comes off and is actively trying to make his voice steady and not sound angry/scared! He's smart and not impulsive. He's very aware of his external behavior and actively conceals his anger from appearing externally.

My boy is angry, but he isn't a brash hothead.

I do want to note another thing about Harry's anger. Harry responds with anger when he's scared, when he's grieving, when he feels helpless. Anger is just the easiest emotional response for him to go to, and it's why he reacts with anger to a lot of the things he goes through. Anger is an emotion he understands, so everything kinda feels like anger that he can keep pushing down.

Prisoner of Azkaban:

In PoA, we have a few interesting scenes showcasing Harry's anger really well. Some of the anger descriptions from this book are my favorite by far but we'll get to it.

This is the first book we start seeing Harry act out in anger. Until now, we saw Harry fuming inside but acting calm to the outside world. In PoA, he still mostly does that, but we start seeing him cracking under the weight of life. That bottle he's been filling up for years is close to it's threshold.

just as Uncle Vernon burst out of the dining room, his trouser leg in bloody tatters. “COME BACK IN HERE!” he bellowed. “COME BACK AND PUT HER RIGHT!” But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon. “She deserved it,” Harry said, breathing very fast. “She deserved what she got. You keep away from me.” He fumbled behind him for the latch on the door. “I’m going,” Harry said. “I’ve had enough.”

(PoA, Ch2)

This above has Harry acting rashly and impulsively in anger. He is ready to just up and go in a moment of rage with little to no forethought which isn't how Harry usually operates. Aunt Marge and Vernon just made him reach his tipping point. Some of that anger has spilled out and Harry's acting out because he doesn't know what else to do.

This is a kid who up to this point never even had the chance to grieve his dead parents properly. He never got to just sit there and feel any of what he's going through. He just keeps swallowing it down and here, we see him start to slip. What he's been pushing down is starting to become too much.

I will note that still, even when he is more brash and angry here, he isn't shouting. He's speaking calmly and evenly even as he's raging inside.

I also want to note the situation with Hermione over the Firebolt:

Professor McGonagall turned on her heel and carried the Firebolt out of the portrait hole, which closed behind her. Harry stood staring after her, the tin of High-Finish Polish still clutched in his hands. Ron, however, rounded on Hermione. “What did you go running to McGonagall for?” [...] Harry knew that Hermione had meant well, but that didn’t stop him from being angry with her. He had been the owner of the best broom in the world for a few short hours, and now, because of her interference, he didn’t know whether he would ever see it again. He was positive that there was nothing wrong with the Firebolt now, but what sort of state would it be in once it had been subjected to all sorts of anti-jinx tests? Ron was furious with Hermione too.

(PoA, Ch11-12)

Harry is mad at Hermione, he has his reasons to be, but he understands why she did it. He is angry, but he's smart and empathetic and he knows Hermione. He knows she only wants him safe, he's still mad, but he doesn't shout at her like Ron does. He pushes his anger down because he doesn't want to upset her. He;s not as furious as Ron is.

In the early books, we see Ron stepping forward to curse Malfoy, shout at Hermione, or stop talking to Harry over the tournament. Ron's the one that is more hot-headed in the early books and springs to act in moments of anger while Harry tends to stay cool-headed (because he pushes his anger down). He is angry inside his head, but he stays calm outside and even stops Ron from going after Malfoy (eat slugs incident, Harry tried to stop him).

(I will note this might have to do with Ron having siblings. Letting your emotions out is a good thing. It is a good thing to tell people you are close to you are upset with them. Arguing with your siblings and shouting at them on occasion can even be healthy! It can keep you from creating grudges and getting bitter. It's not necessarily bad. It's just that Harry and Hermione didn't have siblings and don't know how healthy arguments between people who love each other (which is what Ron is going for with Hermione above) work.)

One of my favorite moments of Harry's anger in the series is everything to do with Sirius when he thinks he's guilty:

A hatred such as he had never known before was coursing through Harry like poison. He could see Black laughing at him through the darkness

(PoA, Ch11)

A boiling hate erupted in Harry’s chest, leaving no place for fear. For the first time in his life, he wanted his wand back in his hand, not to defend himself, but to attack . . . to kill. [...] “NO YOU DON’T!” roared Harry, and he aimed a kick at Crookshanks that made the cat leap aside, spitting; Harry snatched up his wand and turned — “Get out of the way!” he shouted at Ron and Hermione. They didn’t need telling twice. [...] Black was sprawled at the bottom of the wall. His thin chest rose and fell rapidly as he watched Harry walking slowly nearer, his wand pointing straight at Black’s heart. “Going to kill me, Harry?” he whispered. Harry stopped right above him, his wand still pointing at Black’s chest, looking down at him. A livid bruise was rising around Black’s left eye and his nose was bleeding. “You killed my parents,” said Harry, his voice shaking slightly, but his wand hand quite steady.

(PoA, Ch17)

This is the first occurrence we see Harry in a true rage. The kind of anger that pushes him to act impulsively and violently. Harry actually screams in rage.

It's not unreasonable, he thinks Sirius betrayed his parents, these same parents Harry never really got the chance to mourn. But Harry doesn't really shout when angry, he's quiet in his anger usually. But here he actually roars out. He demands Ron and Hermione move from his way, he kicks Crookchanks and goes to kill Sirius. Harry is acting completely from anger without really thinking or realizing what he's doing. This is the kind of rage where you see red and don't really know what you're doing until you're doing it.

I love how he describes it: "coursing through Harry like poison". It's just such a visceral description for a very visceral emotion. This isn't Harry's usual anger, this is rage, this is beyond his usual anger. It's the type of anger most fans associate with him because of OotP. This uncontrolled rage that pushes him to be impulsive is a trauma response. It comes up when Harry is at an emotional low. When there's too much, when he feels to many things and he can't handle them all so he lashes out in anger.

In this case, Harry is facing the man he believes sold out his parents, who trusted him, of course, he's angry and betrayed. Of course, it's different from the anger he feels when Snape is being a dick. It is different. It's rage, and grief, and fear, and pain, and it's a cry for help.

Harry has an impressive capacity to bottle up his emotions, but from book 3, we see him teetering on the threshold. And it just gets worse from here (like his experiences in the books).

Goblet of Fire:

GoF is a rough year, and Harry is very angry throughout this year. Still, we see his usual "cold anger" not his rage. He's angry inside his head, we see it, but he doesn't act out on any of it, nor does he even say anything about it. He's bottling it all up. If we weren't reading his thoughts, we probably wouldn't have these gems of anger:

Harry’s ears were ringing. The injustice of it made him want to curse Snape into a thousand slimy pieces. He passed Snape, walked with Ron to the back of the dungeon, and slammed his bag down onto the table. Ron was shaking with anger too — for a moment, it felt as though everything was back to normal between them, but then Ron turned and sat down with Dean and Seamus instead, leaving Harry alone at his table. On the other side of the dungeon, Malfoy turned his back on Snape and pressed his badge, smirking. POTTER STINKS flashed once more across the room. Harry sat there staring at Snape as the lesson began, picturing horrific things happening to him. . . . If only he knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse . . . he’d have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching. . . .

(GoF, Ch18)

Harry felt oddly separate from everyone around him, whether they were wishing him good luck or hissing “We’ll have a box of tissues ready, Potter ” as he passed. It was a state of nervousness so advanced that he wondered whether he mightn’t just lose his head when they tried to lead him out to his dragon, and start trying to curse everyone in sight.

(GoF, Ch20)

Harry spends a good chunk of GoF wishing he could curse Snape, other students, and even Ron occasionally. He feels helpless and that makes him angry. But he doesn't actually curse anyone. He doesn't even sass Snape in the above example, he just glares.

But you'll notice, again, the way he handles his anger/other issues is not really about mastering the emotion and letting it go. No, Harry just holds that anger in. He never learned to let it go, so all the times, his anger came off as cold and chill to others; it's because Harry's keeping a lid on things. By GoF, Harry can barely keep the cap on:

From the moment the article had appeared, Harry had had to endure people — Slytherins, mainly — quoting it at him as he passed and making sneering comments. “Want a hanky, Potter, in case you start crying in Transfiguration?” “Since when have you been one of the top students in the school, Potter? Or is this a school you and Longbottom have set up together?” “Hey — Harry!” “Yeah, that’s right!” Harry found himself shouting as he wheeled around in the corridor, having had just about enough. “I’ve just been crying my eyes out over my dead mum, and I’m just off to do a bit more. . . .” “No — it was just — you dropped your quill.” It was Cho. Harry felt the color rising in his face.

(GoF, Ch19)

And so we get scenes like the above. Harry is walking around like a powder keg waiting to explode. He has been bottling his frustration and anger all his life, he comes off as chill not because he manages it well but because he hides it. He makes his voice steady and quiet because it's what he learned at the Dursleys, but it's not that the anger disappears, he holds onto all of it. That's why the worse the situation is, the worse Harry's anger is. He doesn't have the capacity to push it all down.

And this is why he occasionally starts blowing up in GoF. The more helpless and frustrated he is, the more his bottle is filled and he just can't handle it beyond a certain point.

Order of the Pheonix:

OotP is Harry at his angriest. If I wanted to copy all the qoutes from this book that show Harry's anger, I'd probably have to copy the whole book. As it is, I've hand-picked a few examples:

“SO YOU HAVEN’T BEEN IN THE MEETINGS, BIG DEAL! YOU’VE STILL BEEN HERE, HAVEN’T YOU? YOU’VE STILL BEEN TOGETHER! ME, I’VE BEEN STUCK AT THE DURSLEYS’ FOR A MONTH! AND I’VE HANDLED MORE THAN YOU TWO’VE EVER MANAGED AND DUMBLEDORE KNOWS IT — WHO SAVED THE SORCERER’S STONE? WHO GOT RID OF RIDDLE? WHO SAVED BOTH YOUR SKINS FROM THE DEMENTORS?” Every bitter and resentful thought that Harry had had in the past month was pouring out of him; his frustration at the lack of news, the hurt that they had all been together without him, his fury at being followed and not told about it: All the feelings he was half-ashamed of finally burst their boundaries. Hedwig took fright at the noise and soared off on top of the wardrobe again; Pigwidgeon twittered in alarm and zoomed even faster around their heads. “WHO HAD TO GET PAST DRAGONS AND SPHINXES AND EVERY OTHER FOUL THING LAST YEAR? WHO SAW HIM COME BACK? WHO HAD TO ESCAPE FROM HIM? ME!” [...] Harry was not sure his anger had abated yet; but his thirst for information was now overcoming his urge to keep shouting. He sank onto the bed opposite the others.

(OotP, Ch4)

There are two aspects I want to note about his anger here. Harry, as I mentioned above, even when he is mad at Ron and Hermione, he usually doesn't shout at them like this. This is Harry way past his threshold, traumatized with no idea how to handle any of the emotions he's feeling. Ron and Hermione are getting the brunt of that bottle exploding here.

And Harry has a good reason to be angry with them here, don't get me wrong. Harry usually has really good reasons to be angry. I'm just noting that he would have held back his anger if he wasn't in the worst emotional state we've seen from him up to this point. If he had the capacity in his bottle of emotions, Ron and Hermione wouldn't even know he was upset with them.

The other thing I want to bring up is the second section from the above quote. After Harry lets out a bit of the steam he's been building up for years by this point he swallows it down and caps it again because he wants information. He's still angry, he's still upset, but he holds his tongue to get information. He still doesn't feel free or capable of explaining why he's feeling what he's feeling. A lot of it isn't just anger at Ron and Hermione. It's everything. And he has no idea how to parse what he's feeling.

Like I mentioned in the past, Harry doesn't like showing weakness, he doesn't tend to act emotionally or rashly because he knows how people see it. But he isn't actually letting go of all that anger, he lets it build up:

“Harry?” said Hermione tentatively. “Well done,” said Harry, so heartily it did not sound like his voice at all, and still not looking at her. “Brilliant. Prefect. Great.” “Thanks,” said Hermione. “Erm — Harry — could I borrow Hedwig so I can tell Mum and Dad? They’ll be really pleased — I mean, prefect is something they can understand —” “Yeah, no problem,” said Harry, still in the horrible hearty voice that did not belong to him. “Take her!”

(OotP, Ch9)

And up.

He just keeps pushing his anger down. If Sirius hadn't noticed and told him that he and James weren't prefects either, Harry would've kept stewing in it. Because he wouldn't have told Ron and Hermione he was jealous because he doesn't really tell anyone shit. He just lets it build:

“Oh, shut up, the pair of you,” said Harry heavily, as Ron opened his mouth to argue back. Hermione and Ron both froze, looking angry and offended. “Can’t you give it a rest?” he said. “You’re always having a go at each other, it’s driving me mad.” And abandoning his shepherd’s pie, he swung his schoolbag back over his shoulder and left them sitting there. He walked up the marble staircase two steps at a time, past the many students hurrying toward lunch. The anger that had just flared so unexpectedly still blazed inside him, and the vision of Ron and Hermione’s shocked faces afforded him a sense of deep satisfaction. Serve them right, he thought. Why can’t they give it a rest? . . . Bickering all the time . . . It’s enough to drive anyone up the wall. . . .

(OotP, Ch12)

And keeps snapping at everyone becouse he doesn't have a handle on his emotions. He doesn't really process what he's gone through/going through and he's lashing out.

Harry's anger in OotP is the powder keg blowing. It's why he's more rash, more vocal, actually screaming at people in a way he hasn't before. It's why we see him lose control of himself in anger more than before:

Harry was not aware of releasing George, all he knew was that a second later both of them were sprinting at Malfoy. He had completely forgotten the fact that all the teachers were watching: All he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible. With no time to draw out his wand, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sank it as hard as he could into Malfoy’s stomach — “Harry! HARRY! GEORGE! NO !” He could hear girls’ voices screaming, Malfoy yelling, George swearing, a whistle blowing, and the bellowing of the crowd around him, but he did not care, not until somebody in the vicinity yelled “IMPEDIMENTA!” and only when he was knocked over backward by the force of the spell did he abandon the attempt to punch every inch of Malfoy he could reach. . . .

(OotP, Ch19)

Because he reached his limit of how much he can bottle up and he has no healthy means of letting any of it out. The D.A. helped a little as a distraction, it helped him feel less helpless, but he only just addressed the traumatic experience he had in the graveyard by talking about it when more just kept getting piled up onto him.

“Harry — no!” cried Lupin, but Harry had already ripped his arm from Lupin’s slackened grip. “SHE KILLED SIRIUS!” bellowed Harry. “SHE KILLED HIM — I’LL KILL HER!”….. [...] Hatred rose in Harry such as he had never known before. He flung himself out from behind the fountain and bellowed “Crucio!” Bellatrix screamed. The spell had knocked her off her feet, but she did not writhe and shriek with pain as Neville had — she was already on her feet again, breathless, no longer laughing. [...] “Never used an Unforgivable Curse before, have you, boy?” she yelled. She had abandoned her baby voice now. “You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain — to enjoy it — righteous anger won’t hurt me for long — I’ll show you how it is done, shall I? I’ll give you a lesson —”

(OotP, Ch36)

Running after Bellatrix was an impulsive decision. It's that same rage that overtook Harry to kick Crokshanks and try to kill Sirius. It's that seeing red sort of rage that encompasses everything. Grief overflowing Harry's emotional bottle and all he knows how to react with — is anger.

Harry, as I mentioned in the past, doesn't cry in front of others. He doesn't let himself. and the emotions gotta get out somehow. For Harry, that somehow is anger.

Half-Blood Prince:

After Sirius' death, Harry is much rawer. He basically starts this book beyond his threshold.

“If there’s anyone else here who’s not from Gryffindor,” roared Harry, who was starting to get seriously annoyed, “leave now, please!”

(HBP, Ch11)

So he gets annoyed more easily. He lashes out and shouts more often. He tries to physically attack more often too:

“Another ten points from Gryffindor,” said Snape. “I would expect nothing more sophisticated from you, Ronald Weasley, the boy so solid he cannot Apparate half an inch across a room.” “No!” whispered Hermione, grabbing Harry’s arm as he opened his mouth furiously. “There’s no point, you’ll just end up in detention again, leave it!”

(HBP, Ch21)

Something he didn't do up until OotP and even then rarely. Harry is hot-headed not because he's easy to anger (again, his capacity for bottling up is impressive if he just seriously started lashing out in GoF), most of his grievances are reasonable, he's hot-headed becouse he's suffering and has no idea how to handle it.

“Just now!” said Harry, who was refraining from yelling with enormous difficulty. And then, suddenly, he could not stop himself. “AND YOU LET HIM TEACH HERE AND HE TOLD VOLDEMORT TO GO AFTER MY MUM AND DAD!” Breathing hard as though he was fighting, Harry turned away from Dumbledore, who still had not moved a muscle, and paced up and down the study, rubbing his knuckles in his hand and exercising every last bit of restraint to prevent himself knocking things over. He wanted to rage and storm at Dumbledore, but he also wanted to go with him to try and destroy the Horcrux; he wanted to tell him that he was a foolish old man for trusting Snape, but he was terrified that Dumbledore would not take him along unless he mastered his anger. ... “Harry,” said Dumbledore quietly. “Please listen to me.”

(HBP, Ch25)

Again, he snaps and shouts way more than before. And he knows he shouldn't, he knows it comes off bad and people take him less seriously when he's angry and lashing out, but he can't help it as much since he still hasn't started letting go. He's still at his threshold all throughout HBP.

It's why we see him react the way he does after Snape kills Dumbledore, too. He was so angry all year. Since Sirius died, he's been running on fumes. The keg already blew in fifth year, and it didn't help him at all while he's barely holding himself together (but no one else sees this). And then, he had more pushed onto him after he already had less than zero capacity to deal with things.

Deathly Hallows:

Much of the anger we see from Harry in this book is due to either the locket or the Horcrux in him, but I'm not counting that sort of anger. I want to focus on Harry's anger.

The grief that had possessed him since Dumbledore’s death felt different now. The accusations he had heard from Muriel at the wedding seemed to have nested in his brain like diseased things, infecting his memories of the wizard he had idolized. Could Dumbledore have let such things happen? Had he been like Dudley, content to watch neglect and abuse as long as it did not affect him? Could he have turned his back on a sister who was being imprisoned and hidden? Harry thought of Godric’s Hollow, of graves Dumbledore had never mentioned there; he thought of mysterious objects left without explanation in Dumbledore’s will, and resentment swelled in the darkness. Why hadn’t Dumbledore told him? Why hadn’t he explained? Had Dumbledore actually cared about Harry at all? Or had Harry been nothing more than a tool to be polished and honed, but not trusted, never confided in? Harry could not stand lying there with nothing but bitter thoughts for company. Desperate for something to do, for distraction, he slipped out of his sleeping bag, picked up his wand, and crept out of the room.

(DH, Ch10)

Harry's feelings of grief over Dumbledore are interwind with betrayal, helplessness, and feeling lost in general, and he feels all of it as anger. As I mentioned above, anger is Harry's go-to emotion when he's grieving, when he's in pain, when he feels too much and has no idea what to do with any of it — it lands him in anger.

It's a big part of why he reads as so angry with Dumbledore throughout the book. He has complicated feelings about the man, feelings he has no idea how to even start to unpack, so he feels angry.

In DH too, we see him more easily agitated than in the first 4 books. Harry is way past his limit in this book, but he tries so hard not to show it. To keep that lid on (nevermind that it exploded two years ago).

“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors—a coward.” Lupin drew his wand so fast that Harry had barely reached for his own; there was a loud bang and he felt himself flying backward as if punched; as he slammed into the kitchen wall and slid to the floor, he glimpsed the tail of Lupin’s cloak disappearing around the door. “Remus, Remus, come back!” Hermione cried, but Lupin did not respond. A moment later they heard the front door slam. “Harry!” wailed Hermione. “How could you?” “It was easy,” said Harry. He stood up; he could feel a lump swelling where his head had hit the wall. He was still so full of anger he was shaking. “Don’t look at me like that!” he snapped at Hermione. “Don’t you start on her!” snarked Ron. “No—no—we mustn’t fight!” said Hermione, launching herself between them.

(DH, Ch11)

He's shaking from anger. His voice is calm and quiet like his usual response for hiding his anger, but he can't fully hide it. His body gives him away becouse he feels so much of it.

Harry was 100% right to call Lupin out, but I think the ruler way he did it was because he's suffering. He's in emotional turmoil, and twisting his words like a knife, in a way he knew would hurt Lupin, made him feel a little better. It let him take some of that anger out. It is a form of lashing out.

Him snapping at Hermione after and being ready to fist fight Ron is an extension of this lashing out. Harry, when at his limit, lashes out in anger becouse it's all he really knows how.

(He needs a better grieving method. He needs a fucking hug and for someone to tell him he's allowed to cry. He needs a good cry. I think it's why he's calmer after going to Godric's Hallow. He cried a little, grieved his parents, truly, for the first time in his life, and it helped him let some of his pain out in a healthier way)

“It’s not a case of what you’ll permit, Minerva McGonagall. You time’s over. It’s us what’s in charge here now, and you’ll back me up or you’ll pay the price.” And he spat in her face. Harry pulled the Cloak off himself, raised his wand, and said, “You shouldn’t have done that.” As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted, “Crucio!” The Death Eater was lifted off his feet. He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain, and then, with a crunch and a shattering of glass, he smashed into the front of a bookcase and crumpled, insensible, to the floor. “I see what Bellatrix meant,” said Harry, the blood thundering through his brain, “you need to really mean it.”

(DH, Ch30)

Still, things just keep getting added onto his plate. How I see Harry's anger is why I don't think the above scene is out of character for him. His anger fueling the curse isn't just about Amycus spiting at McGonagall. It's about how they tortured Neville, Ginny, and Luna. About his year on the run. About Dobby's death. About him being forced into a position he feels he wants ready for and has no idea what to do. This is years of feeling angry and helpless coming to ahead.

Amycus didn't suffer just for that one crime of his. Spitting on McGonagall just happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

To Summerise:

Harry isn't really good at managing his anger, or any other emotion really. He bottles it all up. His frustration, fear, grief, anger, helplessness, and pain all go together into Harry's little box of feelings so he can do whatever he needs to do and appear calm and quiet. It's why we see Harry fuming and boiling with rage inside his head while he's externally calm and cold and composed.

This lid he keeps on everything starts breaking as the emotions keep getting bottled up and he keeps not really processing them. So in GoF Harry is teetering on his very impressive threshold and then, after the graveyard, he breaks.

He suffered so much all at once and then was left alone to stew at the Dursleys for a whole month, suffering from nightmares and having no idea how to process any of what he's been through. Of course, he fucking breaks in OotP.

And when Harry breaks, all these emotions he kept down come out as anger. The reason he reacts so dramatically to smaller offenses post-OotP isn't that he's easy to anger, he really isn't. It's just that he has accumulated pain and grief from 14 years of trauma and abuse that are just now being let out in the form of Harry angrily lashing out.

So, I wouldn't say his anger management is amazing, but his problem isn't really the anger itself, it's emotional regulation in general. He needs to learn to deal with his emotions instead of bottling them up. If he does, he probably won't have any issues with anger management and would just sass his way through life.

#harry potter #hp #hp meta #asks #anonymous #hollowedtheory #harry james potter #harry potter meta #my best boy hjp #character analysis #hp thoughts

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fatgirlonadate-blog · 3 months ago

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21 Days - Day 3

Annoying. Everything about today is annoying. The sun is shining too brightly, the birds are singing too loudly, and your apartment is too damn small. You thought going on a walk might help—clear your mind, stretch your legs, exist in nature, all that good stuff. But all you've managed to accomplish is being annoyed outside rather than inside.

Leaves crunch beneath your feet on the sidewalk as you make your way back toward the house. There's really nothing to see out here. Sure, it's beautiful. The trees are a bright collage of red, orange, and yellow, and the small town has a certain charm to it. It's a breath of fresh air compared to the bustling streets and skyscrapers of Linkon. You'd like to enjoy the scenery and the cool autumn breeze, but all of it is lost on you.

There's a reason for your bad mood, but you don’t want to admit it. You've tried to deny it, avoid it, distract yourself, and pretend it doesn’t exist. But you know why you're upset. It's because of a certain someone with sky-blue eyes and a name that rhymes with savior.

Last night, you'd crawled into bed early and read Moments' posts until you fell asleep. You woke up shortly after to the feel of warmth against your back and one of Xavier's strong arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you tighter against him. He nuzzled your neck, his lips ghosting past your pulse point, and mumbled something unintelligible before falling back asleep.

It's unclear if he did it in his sleep or on purpose, and you're not sure you even want to know. The feel of his warm breath against your neck and the way his fingers stroked the soft skin below your belly button is burned into your memory.

But this morning, when you'd woken up, Xavier was already gone, and the spot where he had been was cold. That alone wasn’t enough to upset you. It was the fact that, once you'd gotten dressed for the day, you realized he wasn't even in the apartment. No call, no text, no note on the fridge. He was just gone.

It shouldn't bother you. You're certainly not his keeper. You've been his neighbor for months and have gone days at a time without seeing him or knowing where he was. Hell, you didn't even know he lived in your apartment building until recently. But this feels different. Shouldn't a fake husband let his fake wife know when he's going to be gone for hours? And shouldn't a fake husband stay in bed and wait for his fake wife to wake up in the morning after cuddling her all night? Even your delusional thoughts are pouting.

You shove your hands deep into your jacket pockets as you turn down your street and head toward the house. You're not sure why you've let yourself get into this mess. You know better than to develop feelings for anyone; no one ever feels the same way about you. Out of the four men in your life, only one seems interested. And, even with him, you're not quite sure if Sylus wants to win your heart or cut it out of your chest.

He's also not Xavier.

You reach the front door of the apartment in what seems like record time. You thought you'd taken a long route, but apparently, it wasn’t long enough. You fish the keys from your jacket pocket and swing the door open with more force than necessary, slamming it shut behind you.

Xavier is sitting at the dining table, casually eating cherries from a bowl as if you haven’t been worried about him all day. He looks up at you with sleepy eyes and a soft smile on his face. "Hey, welcome home. Would you like anything to eat?"

"Where have you been?" you demand, ignoring his fake husband questions. You mean for your tone to sound angry, but instead, it just sounds whiny and petulant.

Xavier raises a pale eyebrow at you but doesn't otherwise react. He pops another cherry in his mouth. "I went to the store. We didn’t have a lot of groceries. I had to guess at your favorite snacks. You like chips, right?"

You stand in the doorway and stare at him for a long moment. He's infuriating. How does he not understand what you're actually asking?

"Why didn’t you tell me you were going to the store today?"

Xavier cocks his head to the side, studying you for a moment like he's choosing his words carefully. "I didn’t think you'd care. But I'll tell you before I leave next time."

You nod and finally take off your jacket and shoes. "Good. You should. We're on a mission, and we don’t know the neighborhood. What if something happened to you?"

Xavier furrows his brow. "What could happen?"

You sit down at the table across from him and snag a cherry from the bowl. "I don’t know. What if you got hit by a car? Or attacked by wanderers? I wouldn’t have even known where you were."

"You were worried about me," Xavier says, and the smile tugging at the corner of his lips seems to brighten the whole room.

"I was not worried!" You start to argue but then give up with an exaggerated sigh at the look on his face. "Fine, maybe a little."

"Maybe a little," he echoes quietly, leaning forward to catch your eyes with his. "I promise that next time, I'll text you."

"Thank you," you say, popping another cherry into your mouth.

You snack in comfortable silence. It’s nice, actually. You've never felt the need to babble or fill the silence with him. It's easy to just exist together.

"Oh," Xavier says, looking toward the kitchen as if he's just remembered something. "I got something for you. Close your eyes."

You look at him curiously, feeling excited despite not knowing what it could be. "You did? What is it?"

"Hold on."

He slides his chair back from the table to stand up, and walks into the kitchen. He disappears around the corner and you hear the sound of something rustling. "Eyes closed?"

"Yes!" you call out, closing your eyes obediently.

Xavier’s soft footsteps come closer until he stops in front of you. His hand encircles your wrist and pulls it away from your lap, and you feel him press an object into your hand. He uses his other hand to close your fingers around it. It’s slim, smooth, and cool to the touch.

"Open."

You open your eyes and are met with a flash of blue and white before you're able to focus on what you're holding. Flowers—a bouquet of small blue and white flowers tied with a simple silk ribbon.

"Oh," you breathe out in surprise. "Are these wildflowers?"

Xavier shakes his head. "No, they're forget-me-nots."

Forget-me-nots. You hold the flowers up to admire them. They're beautiful—simple but beautiful. You've heard the name, but you’re not sure you've ever actually seen forget-me-nots before. They’re far less common than roses.

"Thank you," you murmur, still looking at the flowers. "You got me flowers?"

Xavier nods and drops his hands from yours, stuffing them in his pockets. "Yeah, they made me think of you."

You glance up at him, surprised to see a faint flush on his cheeks. He looks so shy and sweet that your heart does a funny little skip in your chest. This man. This man is going to be the death of you.

"Why these ones specifically?" you ask, hoping not to sound ungrateful but curious to know. You suppose he didn’t get roses because they’re too romantic. But you've never even seen a bouquet of this type of flower before. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing someone just buys on a whim.

His blush creeps up to his ears, and he rubs the back of his neck, no longer meeting your eyes. "Well, they’re forget-me-nots."

"Yes..." You agree, drawing the word out. He had already said that.

"They’re forget-me-nots," he repeats, gesturing at them with one of his hands. "You give them as a promise to never forget someone, and when you look at them, you’ll be reminded of who gave them to you."

Your mouth forms a silent "o," and you glance down at the small flowers with new eyes. He bought them because of their meaning. He wants you to always remember each other, to never forget.

Without thinking, you set the flowers down on the table and stand up, throwing your arms around his neck in a hug. He stumbles back a step in surprise, his hands going automatically to your waist to steady you. After a moment, you feel the shyness leave his posture as he wraps his arms around you.

"Silly boy," you say quietly against his shoulder, "You know I could never forget you. No matter what."

He exhales harshly near your ear, hugging you even tighter in response. You feel the press of his lips against your temple. When he speaks, his voice is low and more vulnerable than you've ever heard it before. "Promise?"

"I'll always remember you," you promise him.

As you pull away, you can’t help but notice an almost sad look in his eyes. It’s a strange expression for the happiness of the moment, but you're familiar with it. You’ve seen that look on his face a dozen times over the last few months. There’s a secret in it, you think—one he's not going to tell you and that you'll likely never understand. ___________________ Do not fear, the spice is on the way!

#lads fanfic #love and deepspace #lads x reader #lnds #lads xavier #lads x you #lads x mc #xavier x reader

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blakeswritingimagines · 1 year ago

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Yandere Aemond, Who Accidentally Gets Your Sister Instead

"Y/n should have been mine. She was destined to be mine. I had envisioned a perfect future together, one where we flew atop our dragons and ruled the world. But that was all taken away from me. All of it, gone. Now all I have are her sister. A replacement. Second pick. A consolation prize. How dare she do this to me. She dares to bring a weaker version of herself into my life and expect me to be happy. What was she thinking? I must get rid of her."

If/when he were to be with you he would make sure that you know exactly what your place is. He would make sure that you know that he is the man of the house and that you are only what he deems you to be. You'll serve him regardless of whatever he asks or how highborn you are, and that is the way it must be. He is the master of the household, and you must obey and follow. If he has something that he wants, you must provide it to him.

If all else fails, he would consider kidnapping you in order to force you to spend your time with him. After all, the obsession would be so strong, that he could not see any other option than that. This is only one scenario however.

If he were to have you replaced by your sister he would be very upset. In fact, he would likely act aggressively. This could range from merely ignoring the sister, to trying to hurt her physically. He might even try to eliminate the competition.

He does believe he loves you and he can be quite possessive of you, especially when he sees you talking to other boys. He's always afraid that you might give them more attention than you give to him. He has to remind himself that he is your one and only love, but when the jealousy gets to him, he can get to be a little bit unhinged and obsessed. It’s not something he's proud of, but it’s part of what makes him, him.

Because he has a very short temper and a habit of lashing out when he's angry. He can be very intimidating, and he doesn't like to be crossed. So if you ever do something to piss him off, well, let's just say you better be prepared to face the consequences.

I suppose he would be rather possessive and obsessive. He doesn’t take no for an answer and his love won’t allow him to accept an alternative like your sister. He would be quite persistent and would not give up until he got his way. His pride and his honor wouldn’t allow him to settle for seconds. If he couldn’t have the object of his affection then he would take no one else, and he would go to great length and lengths to ensure that. Perhaps he would even resort to drastic measures in the heat of the moment and in his passion.

If the sister continues to interfere, he might try and drive a wedge between his beloved and your sister. He might even resort to more violent methods to ensure you stay away from each other. It would have to be kept in secret, of course. He would not want you to be suspicious. He would also be sure to make you believe that you are his one and only.

Well, since your sister has arrived it would mean that you are no longer a special focus of his attention. He would likely begin to see this as an attack on him, on your "relationship", and on the way things were meant to be. His behavior might become more and more erratic. He would likely try to get you back by whatever means necessary.

If he wished to capture your attention "again", he would likely resort to more direct, but also more subtle, methods. By this, I mean he would do his best to impress you with his talents, and also try to engage you in some of your favorite activities. He would also do his best to look his best for you, since a good appearance can go a long way in catching someone’s attention. However, he would also be sure to be mysterious and elusive when needed.

It would be most vexing. If the sister continued to attempt to get his attention he would make it clear to her in no uncertain terms that he has no interest in her. He would likely ignore her as much as possible and make sure to give you more attention than ever. He would also try to keep them as far apart from each other as he possibly could. That way, your sister would hopefully learn her place.

If your sister kept trying to be with him, he would likely try to reject her at first. Hopefully, this would give you the opportunity to see what he is to you. But if this fails, he would have no choice but to eliminate the competition. It would be for you, of course.

He is not attracted to your sister, his primary goal is to obtain his beloved. He would never be content with someone else, you are the only person he wants. No one else can measure up. He would continue to focus all his efforts on winning you over. And if your sister continues to interfere, his actions may become more drastic.

It would make the situation a bit tricky if you felt you were nothing amazing compared to your sisters. If you think that you are nothing special then his own jealousy and possessiveness might not be enough to change your mind. He might try to build your confidence up, while also emphasizing the importance of your relationship and how much he values having you with him. He could compliment you and boost your self-esteem, while also making you feel that you are more special to him than anyone else.

His family would likely be concerned about his obsession. They would be concerned about him acting out and hurting you and your sister. They would likely try and intervene and get him to let you go or stop hurting you. However, he would be hard pressed to listen to them. He cares about no one but his love.

If/when he finally got you he would do all he can to possess you. You would be his, and his alone. You would not have the option of going anywhere or doing anything without his permission. He would want you to be with him 24/7. He would make you entirely dependent on him.

He would want you to be married to him, and no one else. And he would want you to have his children and no one else’s. It would be a way of keeping you by his side and tied to him by the closest bond. Children would also serve to make you more dependent on him.

It is not something that he would wish to do. He feels it goes against his code of honor and his "chivalrous" nature. He would never want to stoop to such a level. However, if the alternative is never marrying you and having children, he may not have a choice but to force himself on you and make sure you will in fact be his. It is a decision that he would have to make.

If he were to force you into marriage with him he would make sure it is no small or quiet affair. It would be a grand ceremony. Invitations would be sent to all the great lords of Westeros. He would want to show the realm that you and he were married and that he would keep a firm grip on you. He would want to impress the realm with his love and authority. He would make sure you knew who’s royal and in power because of him, that you belonged to him.

If you are in his possession, who is to say that he cannot do what he wants? Of course he would still treat you with respect and honor you to the best of his abilities. However, you would be a prize to be proud of. You would not be free to go where you please, when you please, without his say so. He would never give you to another. He would never let you get away. He would fight tooth and nail to protect what is his.

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen #aemond x reader #hotd aemond #house of the dragon #tw yandere #yandere #yandere aemond targaryen #yandere aemond x reader #thank you to the anon that requested this!

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a-jar-of-beetles · 9 months ago

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kristen thoughts plus divine musings

I really want to write out my theory and speculations about last episode but Kristen C. Applebee's won't stop taking up all my brain space so I might as well share my ramblings.

First off it was a really interesting choice to reach out to her parents she could have easily settled for checking in with Bucky to see how he and their other siblings were doing, but decided to talk to her parents anyway which besides being brave also shows a maturity that often alludes Kristen (not that ignoring her parents for the rest of her life is immature but that's not the point I'm making).

Although I wish she could have interacted more with her brothers her conversation with her parents was not as confrontational as I would have expected I for sure thought that Kristen would have bitten back at the "Helio might not have let that happen" comment when Kristen the literal chosen one of Helio has died multiple times.

Another thing that stuck out to me was the way Mac and Donna talked about Galicaea, they acted like she was just some random goddess but in Elysium Galicaea refers to Sol as her brother which is a weird thing for Kristen's parents to ignore so is the fact that Sol and Galicaea are siblings something that not common knowledge? Could it just be something that's forbidden or just taboo to talk about? Mac and Donna were also pretty judgemental about elves when they were first introduced so maybe it has something to do with that?

So that got me thinking about how Cassandra is mostly referred to as Galicaea's sister instead of Sol's while it could just be that they're both associated with night and that they both had elven followers but it made me wonder what type of relationship they had. Were they just never close in Elysium he never mentioned Cassandra but that could have just been because Kristen didn't ask him about her the only real thing we know about Sol is that he obviously approved of Ankarna and Cassandra otherwise he wouldn't have officiated their wedding.

Which brought me back to how Sol followers in the modern/evangelist church of Sol don't seem to actually know or care about what Sol actually represents/represented, which made me think about the inverse. Does Sol even truly know what's going on with his followers? Because of devil's nectar we know Gods can be purposely deceived but we also know that the nectar works by deceiving yourself first so if you truly believe something and tell your God the same they will believe it too because in Spyre the gods aren't omniscient, we've literally seen it with Galicaea who thought that Cassandra erasing her old name was her own idea and the Nightmare King killed her even when there was evidence to the contrary. Do you think her clerics did it on purpose? Whether their words were Honeyed or delusional Galicaea was still lied to. Galicaea who loved her sister, who would destroy anyone that would dare hurt her baby sister, who bared her fangs at the mention of doubt and only spoke of conviction and clarity which belonged to her fallen sister in law.

Do you think that after Cassandra died Ankarna wasn't the only one who got corrupted? Do you think that with out someone to champion doubt and hold peoples hand through the unknown, people stopped questioning the words of their preachers, paladins and clerics? because doubt became hard to speak about was it just ignored and swallowed? Was it the avoidance of doubt that made the followers of Sol demonize Ankarna? Because without Cassandra Ankarna was no longer a part of their family? Sol and Galicaea did they care? How did they when they lost the last part of Cassandra besides themselves? Were they sad?angry? relived? upset? apathetic? Did they even notice it happen at all?

Maybe I've just been thinking too much

IDK

#fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #kristen applebees #donna applebees #mac applebees #Helio #Sol #Galicaea #ankarna #cassandra #ramblings #dawn of justice

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delightful-chaos-collection · 5 months ago

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Barbra Lake

Sorry for the long and kind of all-over-the-place post

Now I would like to preface this by saying that I think Barbra Lake is an amazing character and was a truly good character.

But..

Did anyone else find it weird that Barbra did not talk to her son for a whole MONTH? Like Barbra, I get that you're mad at your son but a month? During "Return of the Trollhunter" we see Jim try to talk to his mom even make her favorite food and she just brushes him off, is curt and sounds so dismissive of him

It's not like Jim stopped caring for his mom. He still cooked and cleaned everything. He probably tried to talk to her and tell her the truth but she just shut him down. Which leaves the question has she done this other times before? In the past, Jim probably never told his mom about the bullying, about feeling sad, or needs help with homework or anything because he thought "moms already stressed she does not need my dumb problems" and "She's done so much for me I should not bother her and help her instead" but also because of a fear of her reaction?

As much as Barbra is concerned about her son doing all these things (cooking, cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc) I think there was a part of her that became dependent on it. Like she's a doctor that is already stressful, having a warm and clean home, a good meal, and someone to lend an ear after a long and stressful day and you just get to relax and have the other person with you. It's nice to have these things but she felt guilty that it was coming from her son but she didn't stop it.

Now imagine this from Jim's perspective. You love your mother more than anything. You feel so guilty about not telling her the truth and you want to but she's not listening to you anymore. She's curt and does not want to talk to you. For a whole month you try and talk but no. Then one day you get back home late your moms there and she finally talks to you. It's not how was your day, not a we should talk and even a hello. It's a yelling and a scolding. Barbra is right to be angry her son can't just disappear like that. But the first time your son hears you finally talk to him it's to yell and scold him. Jim is of course he's going to feel angry and frustrated, so little, so pathetic. He already has problems for the rest of his life his home and mother were the only comforts he had and now even that feels just gone

And after that argument you see both of them regretting the way they acted the way they behaved. Especially Barbra.

This is not to say that she was a terrible person or a bad parent. She just had the love of her life leave her she's probably grieving and heartbroken. What does she do? She either returns back to her studies to become a doctor or continues them. She becomes a successful doctor. Makes sure her son is safe and healthy. Is a productive member of society. Loves her son more than anything, and fights a giant stone assassin for her son to protect him. She is an absolute badass and boss b*tch. She tried and did the best that she could in parenting her son. But that is not to say that she is without flaws.

I think that at times she did not know how to be a parent

She is disappointed in Jim for having an uncomfortable opinion about Strickler and is angry with him and says she "expected more from him" like.. huh?

Then a whole counselor (human blinky) comes to your house and your first response is "What did Jim do now" not "Is Jim okay? What happened?"

Not talking to your own son for a month as if he is a friend that upset you

It would have been so interesting to see that after Barbra found out about troll hunting, she's feeling so guilty about the way she treated Jim. Seen her apologise, saw both of them work through their issues.

That even parents can make mistakes

She tried her best and she did. She raised a loving, caring, and responsible son and is so proud of him. She's a wonderful person but it cannot be said that she is without flaw

A head cannon of mine is that Barbra and James sr. were two medical students and fell in love. They wanted kids but later in life after their careers got well established (and they were in their teens or early twenties) but Barbra found out she was pregnant and they found out quite late. They had Jim and little babies can be a lot and really stressful. Neither of them where prepared. James wanted to give the child up for adoption but Barbra didn't. So they stick through it and five years later they are married all their dreams are not where they wanted them to be. They have a child. Their relationship is strained because of it, and they argue a lot. And little Jim overheard most of these arguments about James saying "how the child ruined their lives" "how they should have just given it away" and a lot of other horrible things. To Jim he thought his dad loved him but he actually hates him. How Barbra defends Jim, how she greatly loves him and none of this is his fault. James did not just suddenly leave there were a lot of problems. (He was one of them). Then one day he meets this young girl into skiing from Vermont so free and without worry and financial burden. You know the rest of the story.

Really sad headcanon: What if there was another reason why Jim wants to take care of his mom? What if he feels guilty? Guilty of causing his mom so many problems. So stressed. Thinks that he's the reason his dad left his mom. Her dreams and aspirations were ruined because of him begin born. It is all his fault. Taking care of Barbra is not just his way of showing love but saying I'm sorry.

What if one day on what would be James and Barbra's anniversary? It's been a year since James left and Barbra's still heartbroken and stressed. It's one of the few days she doesn't have a shift so she goes out to get her mind off things to just relax. She's gone most of the day and comes back late and drunk. She gets inside the house and it's clean and warm. She sees the table has been set nicely. Little Jim (6 years old) has made some really nice food for her. He has waited the whole day for her. And he is so happy to see her. But Barbra's not in the best mindset but she says hello and is impressed. her little boy is so smart and she is so proud. Little Jim takes her hand and guides her to the table. Barbra's just being reminded of how she and James used to do this often. She sits and little Jim gets her a plate of spaghetti he made for her. He is so proud, he got a lot of cuts and burns but that's okay. Because his mom is here and she going to love it, he loves his mom so so much. Barbara is just looking blankly at the table. Jim puts the food in front of her and she just… stares. Jim is worried does his mom not like it? he can make something else. Is she okay? Then Barbra looks at Jim eyes filled with worry and something in her snaps and maybe the alcohol is a reason to blame. But she yells and screams at Jim. Says that it is all his fault, how she could have been so much by now, how she and James could have still been together, that she should have just gotten rid of him, and a lot of things a child should never hear from a parent. And Barbara's crying hard. She flings the plate of food and it breaks. Jim is just standing there the entire time. listening to what his mom is saying, how angry she is at him, how many problems he's caused her, he's so scared right now. Barbra just gets up gives Jim one last look of anger and just leaves and goes to her room.

Jim just stands there.

stands there for a good while and hears his mom crying from her room. Then the crying stops. Jim goes up to apologize to his mom. to say he's sorry. but she's fallen asleep. Jim tucks her in.

then he goes and cleans up the shattered plate and the food. put the food in the fridge. makes sure the doors are locked and goes to bed and just cries and sniffles himself to sleep.

The next morning Barbra wakes up with a massive hangover(thank god she does not have a shift) and does not remember anything from last night. She makes herself some coffee and Jim comes out having just woken up. he sees Barbra and hides he's scared. Barbra sees him and thinks he's playing oh how much she loves her boy. She smiles and calls for Jim. He comes terrified on the inside. He stands in front and she raises her arm. Jim closes his eyes and Barbara hugs him and says good morning. and asks if he wants pancakes. He just nods. She comments on the pasta in the fridge but Jim does not say anything. They spend breakfast together, the pancakes are bad but his mom made them. and she seems to be happy now. then she gets called for a sudden shift. She's sorry to have to leave Jim but he says it's ok he will be fine. she gives him a hug and tells her how much she loves him. then gets dressed and leaves. and he sits at the table. alone. He has to be better, has to do better. He has to make sure his mom is always happy. he has hurt her so much. how its all his fault

Jim would never tell Barbra about that day and would take it to his grave

#jim lake jr #angst #james lake junior #barbra lake #trollhunters tales of arcadia #tales of arcadia #why did i write this now im sad #toa trollhunters #toa

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chaifootsteps · 10 months ago

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You know what i think would have been interesting? if instead of adam and lute being horrible to vaggie when they see her in heaven, they realize that they can use her relationship with charlie to spy on lucifer and hell. they could have tried to manipulate vaggie into working for them (well, more than their half-assed attempt in the show) "don't you hate it in hell? don't you see how horrible those sinners are? don't you miss your wings? your friends? your family? we can let you come back, you can have your old life back! all you need to do is a little something for us" hypothetically this would work better if chaggie wasn't established yet and vaggie had an actual arc of choosing charlie and her new life in hell over adam and lute and her old life in heaven instead of whatever they tried to do with the "fight for love" song. i also think vaggie should have an old crush on lute that lute uses to manipulate her since it would be another way for the show to explore abusive relationships. maybe lute could even be her ex to show that women can also be perpetrators of domestic abuse? eventually vaggie comes to appreciate the sinners and befriends them and then she realizes that spying on hell for heaven is wrong and she doesn't want to do it anymore. she comes clean to charlie and instead of charlie immediately forgiving her after being upset for a few hours vaggie actually has to prove herself and show that she's changed. show her struggle to accept being kicked out of heaven! show her learning to adapt to her new life! show her struggling with her loyalty! give her some character development, dammit!

I kind of threw the idea of vaggie having a crush on lute in there but now that I'm thinking about it there's so much that could be done with it. if you go with the "heaven is homophobic" route, vaggie could be a repressed lesbian. she has a crush on lute but she knows it could never happen and it eats her up inside. maybe during one of the executions she sees a brothel and thinks it could be a way to release some of her pent up sexual frustrations. she visits the brothels in hell on occasion (assuming she could find a way to sneak down there using the execution portal or whatever) and sleeps with the women. at first she only saw them as a way to let off steam, but eventually she starts seeing the sinners she sleeps with as people who she actually likes. she spends some time after her sessions talking with them and getting to know them and she starts to empathize with them. she even starts talking to sinners who aren't prostitutes and befriends a few of them. she starts feeling less and less enthusiastic about the executions, and instead of refusing to kill a random kid, it's one of the prostitutes that she refuses to kill (i imagine that she doesn't wear her exorcist armor when visiting hell so the sinners don't recognize her during the executions. he wings could just be hidden or something) when lute sees this, she demands that vaggie explain herself, and vaggie tells her everything, even about her crush on lute. and that's when lute decides to banish her and cut off her wings, telling her that she's filthy and that if she loves her sinner whores so much she can spend all of eternity with them.

If you don't want heaven to be homophobic, you can just go the route of lute being vaggie's abusive gf, and instead of vaggie seeking out prostitutes due to her repressed sexuality, she does it to find some intimacy outside of her abusive relationship and as a way to regain some control in her sex life. she realizes that despite being sinners, the prostitutes are much nicer to her than lute ever was, and when lute finds out she banishes vaggie out of jealousy and feeling betrayed (i like this version better tbh. not that i want to ship vaggie and lute, i just think it would make for an interesting story)

After being banished, she struggles to adjust to hell. She's angry and distraught about what happened to her and she just wants to go back. when she hears about the hotel, she thinks it could be her ticket home and decides to check it out, and that's when she meets charlie! charlie is so much different than lute. she has so much power as the princess of hell, but she never uses that power to hurt people. she treats vaggie better than anyone has before and vaggie gets a taste of the happy relationship she's always wanted, but she's scared to commit because she afraid that charlie could end up abusing her, too. she's a demon after all, and lute told her demons are violent and dangerous. but as time goes on, she loses her fear and comes to love charlie, but they don't end up together until after vaggie reconciles for her betrayal. charlie was heartbroken by all the lies vaggie to old her, but when she learns about how lute treated her she comes to understand why vaggie did what she did. it's not an excuse, but it's a path towards forgiveness, and charlie wants to help her and show her that there's a beautiful world full of love waiting for her. she doesn't have to be afraid anymore, because charlie won't let anyone hurt her again. maybe there can be a point in the battle with the exorcists where lute continues to try to manipulate vaggie and charlie stands up for her! like she should have done with val!

This could also create such a nice dynamic between angel dust and vaggie! vaggie hates angel dust at first due to either internalized homophobia or her blaming sex workers for what happened to her. then when she finds out about how val treats him, she relates it back to how lute treated her and they find common ground. maybe vaggie could have been the one to sing "loser baby" with him!!! and it would've worked so much better because she actually had experience with abuse and it would have come across as actual solidarity instead of "get over it loser" it doesn't have to be a romantic song, it can be a song between friends! maybe she doesn't tell angel dust that she's a former executioner at this point, but she says she's been abused in the past. she says that she got out of it in a really horrible way, but she's in a better place now and she knows there's a better place for him, too. and then when it's revealed that vaggie was an angel, angel dust confronts her and thinks she lied to him about everything, but she tells him about her relationship with lute and angel dust sympathizes with her, relating it back to val. she says that she was spying on hell because despite how horrible lute was, she wanted her back, and angel dust reasponds with "if i had escaped from val, i think a part of me would want him back, too" because it's common for victims to want to go back to their abusers. maybe angel dust could have been the first one to give her a second chance as someone who knows how abuse can lead to someone to do desperate things.

Don't get me wrong, it would've been horrible for vaggie to sleep with people while hiding the fact that she's one of the exorcists out to kill them, and giving the exorcist an advantage by spying on them while maintaining a "false" friendship with the sinners would be bad. but those are flaws that she would actually have to work on and get better! and maybe not everyone would forgive her, but she tries her best to be a better person! like an actual character arc!!!

dammit now I'm thinking about how we could have had such good gay/lesbian solidarity with angel dust and vaggie and now I'm sad. oh what could have been.... sorry this got longer than i expected i just think there was so much more HH could have done with vaggie overall and especially with her being a fallen angel. she could've had an actual dynamic with adam and lute! and lute could've had more depth and motivation outside of just being adam's pick-me girl! now i kind of wanna make this into its own thing... maybe not a HH rewrite but i wanna do something with this idea cuz i actually really like it. maybe I'll make some OCs? idk. thanks for listening!

The drama, the intrigue! The twists and turns! This is what we could have gotten if Hazbin belonged to a real writer, and of course it doesn't so we never will.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #actual blog post

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icycoldninja · 7 months ago

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Hey love <3 it’s me again, and again I’m sorry if my English is bad hahah I promise I'm trying to improve.

I wanted to know if u could do a headcannon of the Sparda + V with a Fem Reader who has self-harm

It's something I've been going through for a long time and lately it's been a bit difficult for me to handle. I think it could be interesting to see how they would act in a situation like that and what their reaction would be, I feel like at least they wouldn't look at you so badly and they wouldn't judge u too much of the scars on your body haha (cry 🕴️)

Again, if this may seem strange or something too inappropriate, u have every right to ignore it without a problem! 🛐 i really love ur writings 💞

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Thanks for requesting, and hopefully this lifts your spirits.

Sparda boys + V x Reader with self harm issues headcannons

Tw: Self harm

¤ Dante ¤

-Dante is the most supportive and loving partner you could hope for, always checking up on you and giving you hugs even when you don't think you need one.

-He doesn't judge your scars or ask you to hide them, if anything, he thinks they're beautiful.

-He will not hesitate to run in and stop you from hurting yourself, if he happens to catch you halfway in the act.

-He squashes you with cuddles and kisses, usually pinning you to the bed or couch to keep you from going anywhere.

-Kisses you all the time, every day, every night, sometimes even while you sleep. He loves you so much and wants you to know that.

-He will help you with your issues, always being there to listen to anything you might want to get out, or to calm you down when you're feeling particularly destructive.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil hates seeing you upset in any way, and while he's not really a touchy feely person, he wants to make you feel better.

-He does this by giving you motivating pep talks every time he has a chance to show you the foolishness behind your detrimental behavior.

-He also limits your access to sharp objects and otherwise dangerous tools.

-Sometimes, somehow, you find a way to break past his defenses and get your hands on a dangerous object, but Vergil will step in and keep you from bringing that object down on your flesh.

-He will then give you a stern, yet loving talking-to, expressing how much he loves you, and at the same time, how angry he is with you for allowing yourself to slip into darkness and depression so easily.

-Sometimes, however, his words backfire. Instead of lifting your spirits with inspiration, they make you feel worse, so he ends up cuddling you to sleep, silently begging for forgiveness and assuring you he loves you all at the same time.

□ Nero □

-Nero understands your struggles, but not how to help you.

-He knows the obvious stuff, to assure you of your self worth (cause you are worth it) and to limit your access to sharp objects.

-He spoils you with attention and affection whenever he's home, pulling you into his lap, cradling you while watching a movie, constantly kissing you as you drift off to sleep, etc.

-He will be there when you're at your lowest, even if he doesn't know what to do. He'll just sit there and hook his arm around you, letting you know he's there if you want to talk or anything.

-He isn't good at verbally comforting people, but he is a great listener, and listen he shall.

-Unload whatever you want on him, Nero will soak it all up like a sponge and then use that knowledge to figure out ways to help you more.

● V ●

-V doesn't judge anything, period.

-He doesn't make comments about your body, or your scars, or give you funny looks, or just treat you negatively in general.

-He loves you more than his own life and would do anything to keep you safe, loved, and happy.

-He won't let you bring any more harm to yourself. If he sees you do it or finds evidence that you have been doing it, he will take away your weapon and cling onto you tightly.

-He won't let go of you when you're cuddling because he's afraid you'll slip away and do something to yourself while he's asleep.

-He might not look it, but his grip is vice-like and he won't let go unless you pry him off of you with a crowbar.

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rootsofdread · 2 years ago

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Hi! Could i request Ace, Dwight, Deathslinger, Wraith and Spirit with an opposite role reader, whose life before the fog is almost identical to theirs, except for places, names and the outcome? Doesn't really matter if it's romantic or platonic, i'll take anythingggg

Dwight Fairfield:

Dwight, honestly, was utterly shocked when he found out you were…normal before you were a killer. No, he knows most killers were relatively normal before they were taken here — but you were normal like he was normal. You worked an office job and had dismissive coworkers. You had to go to office parties where no one talked to you. No wonder you wanted to kill people. But in all honesty — he feels strangely comfortable with you. You’re someone he can relate to, there’s no one else really similar to him here, everyone else is far too interesting. He finds it a bit funny to try to chat with you like you’re both standing around the water cooler…even if he’s afraid it might get him killed for bringing back old memories.

Ace Visconti:

Honestly, Ace can totally see how gambling lead to murder. He had his fair share of threats of knee-breaking, he knows at some point, someone in the same boat as him would’ve turned to murder to solve their problems. That’s not for him, but hey, each to their own. He’s more interested in sharing trade secrets with a fellow gambler, likelihoods, percentages, even ways to cheat. Even if he can’t exactly gamble as easily in the fog, it’s still his passion, and now he has you to share it with. Sometimes he likes to make little bets with you during your trials together, typically gambling with his life. He knows you enjoy a good game as much as he does.

Philip Ojomo / The Wraith:

After learning you had gone through exactly what he’s been through, Philip could never bring himself to kill or even hurt you. He’d heard your story from another survivor under their breath, when he was skulking around behind them. He wasn’t sure what to do with the information, and he began avoiding you where he could so he didn’t have to hurt you. Plausible deniability, if he never saw you, he couldn’t very well sacrifice you. Sometimes, you caught his eyes while he was injuring or downing someone else, and you could tell he knew something about you — and you could tell that you had his sympathy. It takes him a while to want to get closer to you, but you know he loves you. You know he always feels safe around you.

Rin Yamaoka / The Spirit:

Rin is not known for getting very close to other killers, let alone any of the survivors. She keeps to herself. She had heard your story from another killer — you were just like her. You were bullied and disdained by your family, too. She was never sure, exactly, how to approach you. She knows you're probably just as upset and angry as she is all the time, and she knows she doesn't like being approached. For a while, she just left you notes where she knew you'd see them, saying the two of you are kindred spirits, you're one in the same and she understands your pain. She seemed very happy when you came to her after exchanging notes to get to know her better.

Caleb Quinn / The Deathslinger:

When Caleb hears that you were just like him before you were taken, a rough-and-tumble bounty hunter, he knows the two of you will get along perfectly. He had never paid you much attention before, but knowing you had lived a life of crime just like he did, and had someone you hated more than anything…he felt a sense of obligation to get to know you. He’s missed his posse for a long time, and you’re the first step to getting something like that back. He constantly sought you out and told you that you were welcome to come with him on his hunts. You two are almost never seen apart, always lounging around together and ranting about your arch-nemeses. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

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1-800-c0sm1c · 2 years ago

Text

꒰win it all !꒱

to build hype around the new season, your arrival to the games was kept a secret up until it went live, and some legends had more notable reactions than others.

character x legend!reader

includes crypto, octane, and mirage !

a/n : im sorry ive been gone but look i made you some contenttttt daddy made you your favorite open wide 🥳. im noticing a severe lack of apex fanfics rn so here is my contribution 🤲.

warnings : mentions of stalking (average crypto behavior), drugs (average octane behavior), & mentions of hooking up (you guessed it, average mirage behavior).

CRYPTO // TAEJOON PARK:

crypto doesnt like surprises, period. its one thing if its mediocre like a birthday party, but a whole person was hidden under his nose and he had no idea? unacceptable.

in summary, youve shattered his ego simply from your presence. not cool.

hes not really known for looking approachable either, so unless youve got the balls or stupidity to talk to him, hell keep to himself and sulk. this sets back any plans he had in the back of his mind by a whole season.

when you introduce yourself to him on the dropship he practically ignores you, acting as if anything else is more interesting than this small talk.

"hi im y/n, ive heard a lot about you from mirage. nice to meet you!" he rolls his eyes, witt is always one to blabber about others.

you scoff at his response, "dont expect me to be as open and idiotic as elliott." he almost adds you to that list, but holds back on it. if anything lifeline has told him holds weight, you could be useful to get information from the syndicate.

"im crypto by the way." he continues, if he plays his cards right you could almost be worth his time.

getting paired with you and mirage was almost comical, its as if the games were trying to make his life as hard as possible.

you got along annoyingly well with mirage, but you seemed more hesitant when it came to crypto, which was truly bothered him. (it was not jealousy at all. he was not jealous whatsoever. nope, definitely not.)

hes struggling to interact with you, like he does with most of the other legends, but youre a different case due to how useful you could be to him. thats usually the reasoning he uses when he racks his brain for ideas to come across less mean without irreparably ruining his reputation.

as if his prayers had been answered, a few hours after your first game you appear in the doorway to his room with a piece of high tech equipment in your hand. but your expression is different from how it was before. you appear upset, how can you be angry with him already? youve barely interacted!

if you want to be pissy, so can he. "can i help you? he asks, annoyance in his voice. "im almost sure you can, brilliant hacker." you drop the equipment in front of him on his desk, distracting him from his current project. he scowls. "what exactly am i looking at here?" you roll your eyes. "you tell me, this is clearly yours right? found it in my room."

he examines the object, looks like a hidden camera. "ive never seen this before, if you want me to fix it call someone else, im not tech support." he pushes it to the side, but youre not having it. "nuh-uh, you cant brush this off. i know youve created the cameras used to record the games, this has to be your tech!"

so you think hes stalking you? thats a good idea honestly, he wish he had thought of it first. "just because i created those doesnt mean i also designed this. looks like someone else wants to keep an eye on you. got anyone in mind?" you pause for a moment, letting his words sink in. why cant it just be an open and shut case?

"i have no idea, i just got here! is anyone else even knowledgeable enough to design something like this?" he shrugs. "looks can be deceiving." "will you at least help me figure out whos stalking me?" he wants to say no. he knows its bad news, especially for someone like him to get involved in. but its a great opportunity to get closer to you. closer to his end goal, and despite it truly not being the only reason, he decides its good enough for him. "i guess i can make time, tell me about your interactions since youve joined."

from this point on, you and crypto get much closer, it feels like he knows everything about you. (maybe he does honestly 💀.)

but you can tell hes getting frustrated when it comes to the hidden camera, and you cant help but feel like a nuisance.

on the surface, crypto looks like you are whats stressing him out. why hes angrier than usual, why hes drowning himself in his work. and in a way thats true, but not exactly.

in reality, hes more worried for your safety. your arrival was an entire surprise, so how could someone have infiltrated your room to begin with? he cant figure it out, and almost entirely forgets the original reason he wanted to get to know you.

its no longer a matter of getting information, that can wait. he has all season after all. but someone else trying to watch you? he wont tolerate it, and wants it to be the first thing thats fixed, he likes you much better when youre not paranoid, not like him.

OCTANE // OCTAVIO SILVA:

HYPED!!! another legend is always exciting to octane, even more so when he gets lucky enough to be paired with them.

octavio can be a bit much at times, but you match his energy almost perfectly!

dedication to the apex games, and genuinely having a great time, not finding him annoying??? he should ask if youre into hard drugs too at this point.

anyone who goes up against the two of you on a team together should fear for their lives. octane swears hes never had so much fun in a match before. (almost as much fun as id have if kings canyon was in the map rotation this season ☹.)

theres a voice in the back of his head that he cant shake, telling him youre someone sent from the syndicate to mess with him, or maybe something worse.

he doesnt want to risk making you upset with him (like some other legends) so he reluctantly keeps these thoughts to himself, but due to his online personality being so similar to his real self, you almost immediately notice a change.

you decide to confront octane after the match, and originally he completely disregards your questions.

"what are you on about, compadre? im fine, really!" but youre not having it, and octane knows youre not going to drop this so easily.

"i just cant help but think this isnt how you usually act outside of games." you shrug when he asks for your reasoning of pressing on. "well how would you know? you just got here." he chuckles. "which i think is exactly why youre hiding things from me. i understand though, its hard to trust someone you just met. i only had an outsiders perspective up until a few hours ago."

"thats exactly whats so scary about you amigo. you seem like youre some fuckin syndicate spy!" "why? because we get along?" octane sighs. maybe having a legend who understands him is a bad thing. its easier to justify someone who hates him, theres plenty reason to. but like him? enjoy his company? hes confused, to say the least.

hes frantically reaching for one of his stims, if his mind is going to be racing so frantically, the rest of his body might as well do the same. "lets leave this here for now, yeah? ive got some videos to film!" he gets up quickly, but stops dead in his tracks when you offer to help him with his stunts. he whips around back over to you. "you sure?" you nod with a smile that might make him more energetic than any stim could. "alright cmon cmon cmon! i hope you known how to hold a camera, if you miss any good shots im gonna be pissed!"

rumors start about octanes elusive camera operator, all kinds of misinformation spreads too, some of it crazier than others.

you personally find it funny, sometimes tempting the viewers by almost flipping it around to show your face, but youre stopped by octane and his ridiculously fast reflexes everytime.

"hey hey amigo no need to ruin the mystery! plus you totally just didnt film that awesome stunt i just did! what am i paying you for!?"

you try your best to stop yourself from laughing, but at this point youre sure it must be obvious its you behind the camera, youre just going along with the "mystery" because octane asked you to by whispering in your ear that it "increases his interaction" or whatever influencer bullshit. (you were more focused on his voice than what he was saying tbh 🧍.)

the other legends are sick of you two at this point, and are just about ready to expose the "secret" to get octane to shut up 😭. when i say you guys are always together doing stupid shit i mean ALWAYS!!

MIRAGE // ELLIOTT WITT:

a flirt wbk. expect to be invited to lots of yacht parties.

mirage is known to have a very welcoming aura, and you noticed this the second you first interacted on the dropship. (anyone wanna take me out? come find me 🤭.)

you guys are on the same team for tdm, and he is almost constantly by your side.

someone sneaks up behind you? hes already sending a decoy their way so you can get the upper hand.

in case you miss? no worries, hes right behind you with pinpoint accuracy. (talk about a great first impression.)

you guys absolutely crushed the opposite team 50-15, and mirage hurriedly rushes over to you the second the match is concluded to invite you to his celebration party that night.

youre more surprised he has the energy to still keep going after such an intensive match, and you barely get the chance to say maybe before hes walking away excitedly.

uh, actually i might sit this one out-" "cool, cool, cool. ill see you tonight!"

lets just say things get… interesting on the mirage a trois 😀.)

you hooked up on the boat okay, youre not the first (and might not be the last either.)

parties werent necessarily your thing, but after elliott had practically won the game for you today, you figured showing up was the least you could do to return the favor. you were honestly just hoping the yacht didnt blow up like youd heard about his other ones doing…

you arrive way later than everyone else in hopes that you arent the first person there, but your current situation is almost just as awkward as everyone assumes you managed to get lost on your way here. (as if you could miss mirages yacht if you tried…) however, you probably did look just as lost as everyone assumed you were while trying to find mirage in the sea of decoys and other party guests.

when you finally stop getting bamboozled and find the real mirage, you try to explain you were only stopping by out of politeness, but hes not having any of it. "what do you mean youre leaving already? weve gotta make up for all the partying time lost while you werent here!" he hands you a drink and leads you to a table with crypto and wattson, who seem to have just had an… important conversation interrupted with your presence.

"if theres anyone you wanna get to know in the games, other than me of course, these are the legends!" youre almost amazed at how mirage chooses to ignore the awkward atmosphere hes created, and manages to smooth it over in record time as well. crypto looks as annoyed as ever, meanwhile wattson attempts her best at a conversation with the group, and you almost wish you never showed up in the first place.

‘almost’ is the key word here, you knew deep down you didnt really have anywhere else to be, and going along with whatever such an attractive legend says was surely better than staying in your dorm room and missing out on a night of fun. which is exactly why when elliott leaned closer to your ear and said something that definitely wasnt pg-friendly, you downed your drink and made quick goodbyes to his friends before leaving to a secluded area of the yacht with the party host himself.

i think by now the other legends are just waiting for you two to finally announce theres something between you.

everyone, and i mean everyone seems to know, and i swear rampart is one more flirtatious comment away from exposing your corny asses during the next match.

however, youre hesitant. youre still incredibly new to the games, isnt it odd for things to be moving so fast?

sure, elliott is great, but you cant help but have an anxious feeling in your stomach, and making the mistake of looking at comments online surely isnt helping either.

mirage noticed your shift in behavior immediately, hes been around you more than any of the other legends, and he expects to be the first to hear of whats troubling you (if youre okay with it, of course).

he might not seem like it at first glance, but mirage really is a great listener. despite your first impressions of him making him out to be well… a party-loving flirt, he has so many more layers to him than whats on the surface level.

when he gets serious, hes not cracking his usual jokes, although hes still got his awkward charm.

"i just… feel like were moving too fast. its only been a month since ive joined the game after all…"

he thinks for a moment before responding calmly, "well i mean, if you wanna take things slower, all you had to do was ask. besides we have all the time in the world! as long as you dont have some secret plan to leave the games or something, than were fine!" you smile at him.

okay, maybe he does still joke a little bit, put i promise its fine in context 😭😭.

can you tell i like crypto (especially jealous crypto) a totally normal amount 😦 totally not inspired by the mcc song by derivakat 🫶

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xviiperr · 5 months ago

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Hi! I am very interested in Trickshot's reaction to the fact that his beloved found a lightsaber and took it for herself. "You shouldn't have this." Or she just took it without saying a word. How angry will he be? Where does he keep the sword? (English is not my native language. I used a translator. I hope it turned out to be clear.)

Hello there, Nastasia (I hope it's okay if I use your name? I couldn't @ you because I wasn't sure how to spell your username 😭), thank you for the ask!

I'm assuming you meant to ask about Trickshot's reaction to his darling being shocked and upset that he had taken a lightsaber for himself? Also, no worries, I understand it can be tricky to translate to English since it's an amalgamation of all sorts of wacko lingos. Trust me, when I was taking Spanish and French classes, you can imagine my shock to the complicated simplicity 😭 🙏

Main character is referred to as: reader, cyare, cyar'ika and some use of you/your pronouns. I kept it gender neutral as much as I could!

TW: Yandere behavior, I do not condone this in real life. Stalking, possessiveness, mild violence (mentions of killing Jedi, stunning reader) kidnapping, light mention of gore. Read at your own risk.

EDIT: contains blatant beating, killing reader and oneself.

AUTHOR EDIT NOTE: I realized I hadn't said all that I wanted to when writing Trickshot's response! There were definitely some points I forgot to bring up so that's why you might see some more stuff 💚🩷🧡

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

I wanted to make this inclusive for all! I'm thinking of making one of my characters aro/ace but I need to do some research before I do that. (ZZ). I would love it if any aro/ace people reached out and told me about their experiences! I wanna make sure I write him right. 💚 🩷 🧡

Translations from Mando'a:

Cyar'ika - Sweetheart

Cyare - Beloved, loved, popular

Vod - Brother

How would Trickshot react to being told that he cannot possess the lightsaber he stole by his darling?

Trickshot would react rather badly to his cyar'ika trying to take away his illegal lightsaber. If cyare takes it back, his position and life is marked for death. He would rather die on the battlefield than to Kaminoin scientists or old age, as any of his brothers. His treasonous actions mean execution by either his fellow clones, the Republic Court or worse, putting he and his brothers down like dogs on Kamino. (Yes, I reiterated this).

(ZZ would most likely be the next one in charge if Trickshot dies— his Vod's silent but commanding nature will help keep Shaft and Heyday in check. As much as they all squabble with one another, the brothers will help take care of their cyares).

Trickshot is not afraid to commit a crime if it means he gets to keep "his" lightsaber; he might just stun his cyare and hide them somewhere where only he and his brothers can find as punishment. Trickshot trusts his brothers more than anyone else in his life, he believes that if he dies, his dear brothers, his squad mates, will take care of reader. And if reader fights back, Trickshot isn't afraid to put his obsession in their place.

Trickshot would likely kidnap and condition his cyar'ika to lie about the sacred weapon. No, he didn't kill a Jedi padawan. Not at all! What happened was he found the weapon at an old battle ground, covered and hidden well with dirt. Trickshot only kept it for so long because he couldn't escape that deathtrap that was his last mission without that saber. He apologizes for his use of such a blade. He brought his Jedi back with him and everything is fine.

Where would he hide his cyar'ika though? (If he takes such a bold move). Wherever he is deployed the most and most likely if he has rare friends who support his actions. Recently, Champ Squad has been deployed to infiltrate a Separatist planet and take down the command center, helping the regs (meaning regular clone brothers) below take the rest of the planet with their Jedi counterparts. Heyday is the most sociable of Champ Squad, so he's made a few allies that Trickshot would use as a last resort for hiding his darling and keeping her out of his business.

That lightsaber belongs to him now. And if his dearest cyare has to be chained up on a planet, left with little food, water and decency, so be it. When cyar'ika behaves, keeps their mouth shut and never brings up the subject of that damn lightsaber again, Trickshot will release them and formulate an excellent cover story for why reader went missing. "No sir, reader was held captive by weequay thugs for about forty-five standard rotations. Reader should make a quick recovery, if given the proper rest. I can standby and question if need be, they seem to trust me more than anyone."

If in the case though, he cannot get out of trouble for having a lightsaber, Trickshot will take a more aggressive approach to keeping his trophe. He might just beat his cyar'ika into submission, use his training and possibly die trying to force you to let him keep his saber. Or worse. Kill you and then himself. But that's a little too drastic, even for his taste. He'll force you to come with him and his brothers, to desert the GAR and live far out in the galaxy. Destroy all communication that you can get and live out life in this safe place.

When on missions or back on Kamino, or anywhere, how and where does Trickshot hide his illegal possession?

The lightsaber, originally belonging to a Jedi padawan named Merial Karin, is hidden not so discreetly on his utility belt. Trickshot had Shaft make a couple adjustments to the lightsaber to look like an extra rations pack to avoid suspicion but, he did not account for the Force sensibility of other Jedi, leading him to kill those smart leaders. Since then, Trickshot did some research with his brothers on how he could hide the Force surrounding the blade.

He learned that in an old Jedi prison, designed to hold Jedi who had lost their way from the light side of the force, that there was such technology developed to completely stop the use and of course, detection of Force-sensitive devices such as lightsabers. It was hard to get his hands on it but, after much effort, Trickshot had finally gotten the rare materials needed. Never did he ever want to visit a Sith planet again. He had to spend the next few standard rotations in a bacta tank and lie his way through detection.

Who knew Sith planets had creatures that liked to eat humans? A chunk of his thigh had been taken out, leaving a new and wicked scar. Either way, Trickshot got what he wanted. Shaft was able to work with the dangerous artifacts to make advancements to the lightsaber, cleverly hiding it from detection once again. Now, Trickshot would be able to wear it wherever he wanted. Hell, he could complete missions far faster and methodically than before.

When Champ Squad isn't on deployment, Trickshot hides his lightsaber in his backpack, placing it where all his rations go. It would take a Jedi or lightsaber architect to recognize that Trickshot had stolen something that doesn't ever belong in a clone's hands. Trickshot and his brothers joke about the close calls they've had all the time, easing off the guilt and looming punishment if they are discovered.

Bonus! I have a dialogue for my OCS!!

"Heyday, do y'think you could talk the Jedi generals outta duty fer' a day and into partying, " asks Shaft.

"Dunno, from what I hear I'm the most liked outta all of us. Probably why I pull the most fun. And 'course, introduce ZZ to a new friend every now and again." Heyday finishes cleaning out his Deece, looking up at Shaft with a coy smirk.

ZZ rolls over in his bunk, frowning but, he's now smiling. He didn't say much, ever. Quirking a brow, ZZ gave Trickshot a silent and obvious question to all of the brothers. All heads turned to look at the squad leader.

"At this point, Heyday's our professional negotiator. Able to convince my cyar'ika that my lightsaber is just a new viroblade, by the way, thanks Vod." Trickshot stopped messing around with his pack, sporting a softer expression for his serious face.

"Glad to know you don't have stone-face, Vod," Heyday joked, playfully jabbing at Trickshot's stoic nature. All the brothers broke into laughter, the same voices of Fett. The clones received the darker and sinister side of the Mandalorian and the galaxy didn't know what they were in for.

#xviipersworks #yandere #xviiper #xviiperanswers #yandere male #x reader #self insert #yandere star wars #yandere clone wars #yandere clone troopers #yandere clone commandos #yandere champ squad

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aspd-culture · 3 months ago

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What's a good way to maintain a relationship with someone who isn't readily manipulated by me? I like other traits and would prefer to not give up at this time but when I want her to do something and she won't do it, I either feel angry or lose interest in her. She isn't actually being disrespectful or anything, but it feels like she is as she just seems to kind of see through me and typically sticks to boundaries instead of doing what I want. Driving me crazy.

I'll note that, as much as I am trying to be neutral here, this question was somewhat triggering (nothing bad to you anon! just something I've dealt with multiple times personally). Therefore I may come off harsh despite that not being my intention. I have nothing against anon, as this type of thing is common for pwASPD to struggle with. However, this is one of the symptoms that does need to be worked on to be able to engage in healthy ways with other people.

Any advice I can give here is going to fall in one of two categories: respect her boundaries, or separate from her. I understand that sounds harsh, but it is just what it is if you take out the tips. I'm trying to get ahead of that so you're aware of it and don't feel tricked by the post. Now I have more details for that on how to make it easier on a person with ASPD, but that is what these are going to boil down to. I am not willing to encourage someone to break boundaries, nor to stop someone from setting boundaries. Intentionally trying to manipulate someone to get around their boundaries is abuse regardless of the nature of your relationship - familial, platonic, romantic, etc. - and I've been the victim of this too many times to allow for that to be condoned here. I know it's hard to unlearn that type of thing but it's just something that you have to do. One way or another, she deserves to have boundaries respected and to have autonomy. When we say "manipulation is not always bad" here, I am very distinctly referring to ways that are not harmful and not directly fighting the will of the person being manipulated. Getting someone to throw something out for me bc they like that I flirt with them in high school is not a harmful type of manipulation - until and unless they directly set a boundary around that behavior. At that point, continuing is not acceptable and while it took me time to learn that, I recognize now that that was a very important part of the journey to being a safe person to be around.

So, that said -

If you want to remain in her life, you'll need to learn to be comfortable with her boundaries. I'd recommend having some sort of communication where you are aware of the full list of boundaries that she has at the moment. That kind of an open dialogue is a tad awkward, but is a very reasonable accommodation to ask for. The reason I say this is that one big part of pwASPD's struggles with others' boundaries is more heat of the moment, or at least is worsened by the heat of the moment. Being told "I can't accept you doing this/I'm not willing to do this" outside of the context of a situation where it's actually happening can make it easier to avoid the frustration when you're actually in the situation where you want what the boundary does not allow. If you know in advance, for example, that your partner doesn't like to go to parties then it may be easier and less upsetting when you hear about a party you'd like to take them to and are aware that they will say no. In essence, this lets us say no to ourselves vs having someone else say no to us and that tends to give enough control in the situation back into our hands that we feel safe and our symptoms aren't triggered - or at least are less so. This is also a good time for you to hear all the boundaries and truly get a grasp on how you feel about continuing to be in her life considering them. Walking away from any type of relationship on the basis that your boundaries aren't compatible is a good and healthy choice, even if the person tries to convince you you're being sh*tty by not accepting all of them. At the end of the day, removing yourself from a situation with boundaries you cannot accept is, in itself, respecting those boundaries.

It's important to note, though, that these boundaries likely will not be the only boundaries this person has for the rest of however long you two are in each other's lives/for the rest of your lives. This does *not* mean you should stick around expecting boundaries to disappear or loosen, because that's not how that works. You should, however, prepare yourself and be aware of the fact that a new boundary may be set at any time, or that those boundaries may change to fit new situations you weren't expecting them to. No one is bound to only stick to the list of boundaries they've told you about as they originally defined them, so a part of this conversation may be you expressing that you need direct communication to inform you about changes in boundaries in the future.

If you can't respect her boundaries for any reason, then unfortunately all I can say is that you need to remove yourself because that's really the only healthy decision that can be made in that circumstance. Depending on the nature of your relationship, there may be ways to do this that don't involve losing her entirely (for example, if you two are dating and the boundaries you're struggling with her upholding aren't applicable in the nature of a friendship, then if she wants you guys could continue to stay friends), or it may be a matter where that's not possible or isn't what one or both of you want. That'll be something to discuss amongst the two of you.

Plain text below the cut:

So, that said -

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome #tw abuse mention

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