#Inspirational Good Morning Messages For Sister

[chilling-seavey]

Dreamland (ln4) - Part Three

↳ A/N Idk where my mind went when I wrote this but I'm almost embarrassed to post it because it's so filthy- Please comment something nice so I don't regret everything and delete these 7.7k words of pure sin LOL

↳ Inspired By: 'Late Night Talking' by Harry Styles

↳ Summary: Ever since your night together in your hotel room, Lando can’t seem to get you off his mind

↳ Pairings: Fanboy Lando Norris x Famous!Author!Fem!Reader (NO use of y/n), University Student Lando x Internet Friend George x Internet Friend Alex

↳ Word Count: 7.7k

↳ Warnings: 18+, NSFW, sexting, dirty talk gets really super nasty, sending nudes, Lando's so incredibly down bad

PART TWO || PART FOUR

It had been twenty-two days since Lando lost his virginity to you in that Bristol hotel room and ever since, he only thought about you more than he had before. Everything was you as if he couldn’t get enough, having given his trust into the hands of the woman of his dreams, and he was so far past attached that even he himself did not realize the extent of his borderline dependency. He played it cool with you through Instagram dms here and there since your night together and every time he received a notification with your Instagram account handle and a simple little message, he would be grinning ear to ear. 

It had been sixteen days since Lando turned twenty-one. Usually he would message you first since you were still on your book tour and quite busy, but on his birthday you had sent him something early that morning. His only wish was to have more of you…to have all of you, for life. He even made that wish over his birthday cake as he blew out the candles. His sisters took some pictures of him so he could post them for his birthday and you were one of the first people to like them. You made his insides feel so warm and you did so unknowingly. 

It had been three days since Lando moved out of the dorms and back into his parents house. Three days and he was already going crazy. The freedom of the dorms was refreshing but being stuck back at home under his parents’ rules felt suffocating to the now twenty-one year old. Between the curfew, chores, and annoyance from his siblings, Lando was nearly ready to re-pack his suitcase and book a ticket on the next flight out…if only he had more than $14 to his name. His family just didn’t get it. Not like you did. 

“We pay a lot of money for you to go to school and we don’t like seeing you wasting your time and throwing it away.” his mother explained as gently as she could over dinner that evening. 

Lando, elbow on the table and chin in his hand, swatted the last bit of his supper around his plate with his gaze downcast, “I’m not throwing it away.” 

“Well you’re certainly not trying.” his father replied. “Your grades are proof of that.” 

Lando dropped his fork to the plate with a clatter and his three siblings glanced over at him from around the table without a word, listening to him be ridiculed by their parents and waiting for his hostile defences, “It’s not my fault that I’m not as good as the rest of the students! I pull as many late nights as they do but their work is just better.”

“Have you sought out extra help from your professors or the tutoring centre?” his mother offered. 

“God!” Lando tisked in frustration and slouched back in his chair, “I don’t care!” 

“Exactly. You don’t care,” his father agreed seriously, “Your GPA is astronomically low and you’re threatened with academic probation because of it. If you flunk out you will be paying your mother and I back every cent that has gone towards tuition and housing.” 

“This isn’t even what I want to do!” Lando retorted strongly, “I want to, like, go into arts and design…or something.” 

“That’s not a stable career, Lando, come on. We’ve discussed this.”

His mother added, her voice attempting to be gentle, “We went out on a limb with your attempt at the racing and karting stuff and look where that got you? We want to support you, love, but we can’t keep taking financial risks. We still have to get your sisters through university too.”

“What if I had an opportunity to design book covers for a really well known author?”

His family all looked over at him. There was a beat of silence. 

“Do you?” his father inquired, honestly curious. 

Lando dropped his gaze to his plate and crossed his arms over his chest, “Well…not yet.” 

His younger sisters snickered into their forks. 

He glared over at them but recovered quickly at the defence, “But when I met that author that I like at her book signing last month I pitched the offer and she seemed really interested.” 

“Oh my God, here we go.” his youngest sister rolled her eyes. 

“Lando-” his mother started. 

“No, listen-” Lando huffed, “When she gets back to Monaco she’s going to help me get a job…she said so. Something where I can do what I really truly like.”

His parents exchanged flat expressions that had his face falling. 

“She will.” he pressed. 

His father held a hand up to stop him, “You gotta stop living your daydream, son. Come on.” 

“It’s not a daydream!” Lando protested. “Why can’t you guys support me?”

“We don’t want to see you struggling, Lando.” his mother said, “We want you to have a fulfilling life.”

“Yeah, they don’t want you unemployed and living in their basement until you’re middle aged.” his older brother added with a smirk. 

Lando glared over at him, “Says you.” 

Their two sisters “ooo”ed. 

“Regardless of what you think your future is going to look like, you need to better yourself in the present.” his mother continued. 

“Which means focusing more on your degree when the next term comes around…and getting a full time job in the meantime.” his father finished. 

“I don’t want to go back to school.” Lando grumbled. 

“Oh really? What’s your alternative plan?” 

“She’s gonna get me a job-”

“Oh my God.” his middle sister laughed, “You’re dropping her name like you’re besties.” 

Lando clenched his jaw, biting his tongue to smother the dirty truth to answer with the more innocent response, “We talk every day.” 

“She’s being nice.” his mother said gently, “She’s being nice to one of her fans.” 

Lando knew his family didn’t understand but the simple words from his mother sent his heart aching. In all honesty, it had been a few days since you had conversed and Lando had been starting to overthink every reason as to why you had left him on ‘seen’. He could have bet money on the fact that you would never use him and drop him…that your night together was more than just a one night stand…but maybe he was getting too ahead of himself. 

His father only dug the blade farther into his chest, “She is a stranger whom you think you know. She doesn’t owe you anything. She is not going to be your free pass into having a life you don’t need to work for and she is not going to come sweep you off your feet to rescue you from your failing grades. You are twenty-one years old now, Lando, and it’s about time you start acting like a grown man and get your shit together before life runs you over.” 

Lando threw his napkin onto the table and stood up so quickly from his chair that the cutlery rattled on the table when he bumped against it, his throat burning from how he tried to swallow back his anger, muttering under his breath before he stormed off, “I can’t wait to get out of this fucking house.” 

His mother called after him warningly, “Don’t think that just because you’re twenty-one now doesn’t mean we can’t still ground you!” 

Lando took the stairs two at a time and when he turned the corner at the top of the stairs into his bedroom, he slammed the door behind him and locked it. It was a dangerous balance between anger and heartbreak and Lando paced his room while taking a few deep breaths to try and calm down. 

After the freedom that living in the dorms provided, it was hard to return to his house where his parents still ruled. Once he had that taste of independence - a taste of life with you - it was horribly difficult to fit himself back into the little bedroom in which he grew up and grew out of his small suburban town. He didn’t have a bad relationship with his family at all but the reintegration of him back into their house made tensions feel insufferable sometimes. His parents were always on him and he already wanted to escape.

Sitting down on the side of his double bed, Lando pulled out his phone and opened Instagram to send his frustrations to his group chat with his two closest friends. 

landonorris: I need to get the fuck out of this stupid house and get to Monaco like NOW landonorris: I’m gonna lose my fucking mind alex_albon: Oh no what happened  landonorris: My parents are on my arse about school and work and they don’t get it georgerussell63: Don’t get what? landonorris: That I already am on track to get the one thing I want and it’s not being a stupid accountant georgerussell63: You have us for that alex_albon: Yeah we’re always going to support your dreams mate landonorris: I just want HER landonorris: That’s all landonorris: And she promised me a job designing for her books landonorris: It’s going to be real landonorris: It has to be alex_albon: It will be alex_albon: It won’t happen overnight but it will be landonorris: I just want to get out of this house landonorris: It’s so fucking embarrassing living with my parents georgerussell63: Hey we all live with our parents georgerussell63: Are you saying Alex and I aren’t cool georgerussell63: Rude alex_albon: Yeah what the hell mate alex_albon: 🤨 landonorris: Noo it’s different landonorris: You guys aren’t trying to get a self-sufficient borderline famous Monaco woman landonorris: No one like her is going to want some muppet like me who lives at home with his parents  georgerussell63: She clearly does alex_albon: Besides, this is just a temporary stop until you find your own place alex_albon: You’re being resourceful…saving your money georgerussell63: Has she said anything recently? You haven’t told us much these last few days alex_albon: Do we even want to know what she’s been saying? 👀 landonorris: Nothing landonorris: That’s it landonorris: Nothing georgerussell63: Wdym?? landonorris: I messaged her the day I moved back home just to make casual conversation that I moved out of the dorms and she said something like ‘that's nice’ and then when I replied again she just left me on seen alex_albon: Oh georgerussell63: Why?? landonorris: Idfk but I’m stressing so bad over it landonorris: Like what if my parents are right and she just sees me as a fan and nothing more georgerussell63: She took your virginity mate I don’t think she’d be the kind of person to just drop you after that alex_albon: Maybe she’s busy with work. Isn’t she still on tour? landonorris: Her book tour ended yesterday. She should be home now alex_albon: So maybe give her a day or two? Maybe she needs some time to relax after traveling the entire continent of Europe landonorris: Idk landonorris: I miss her georgerussell63: Message her again landonorris: Idk I don’t want to be annoying  alex_albon: Ask for your virginity back landonorris: OMFG georgerussell63: Excuse me mommy can I have my virginity back 🥺🥺🥺🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼 alex_albon: EW GEORGE landonorris: GOEREG STOP georgerussell63: HAHJJKKPFJFJG  georgerussell63: That’s one way to get her to answer you  alex_albon: No that’s how you get blocked landonorris: Lol funny you think I’m the sub tho landonorris: Anyways alex_albon: Pff georgerussell63: Oh yeah with all that experience you have alex_albon: OOF ROASTED landonorris: WOW landonorris: That one night was ENOUGH tbh landonorris: Jeeeezus georgerussell63: Ya those marks you had were fuckin brutal mate alex_albon: In the best way ofc landonorris: YEAH landonorris: I KNOW

Lando flopped backwards on his bed with a smile he struggled to bite back, his worries distracted by his internet friends and the mere memory that was your night together so many days before. 

landonorris: God I miss her so fucking much landonorris: How has it almost been a month georgerussell63: Back to celibacy for you georgerussell63: Rip landonorris: I actually hate it here alex_albon: Just message her  alex_albon: Just a ‘hey�� or something landonorris: Ew that’s cringe alex_albon: ??? How landonorris: Idk georgerussell63: Be like ‘hey how was the rest of your tour’ landonorris: Make me sound any more like a grandma 🙄 alex_albon: Mate georgerussell63: Or tell her you miss her georgerussell63: Girls like that kinda thing alex_albon: Like you would know what girls like 🤨 georgerussell63: 🖕🏼🖕🏼 alex_albon: ‘Hey I’ve been thinking about our night 😏’ landonorris: Brooo landonorris: I wanna sext with her so bad georgerussell63: 😂😂 alex_albon: Oh but just ‘hey’ is cringe okay landonorris: Maybe I’ll send that landonorris: Idk landonorris: Should I? landonorris: Is it too much? landonorris: After being left on seen for two days idk georgerussell63: Go for it georgerussell63: She literally let you come inside her georgerussell63: I think this is nothing compared to that alex_albon: An odd comparison but a valid one there, GR georgerussell63: Hey thanks mate landonorris: Should I?? georgerussell63: Yeah it’s just reminding her that she’s on your mind which is a good thing alex_albon: And it’s not too hot and heavy right off the bat alex_albon: If she responds with something flirty back then who knows landonorris: Or she’ll leave me on seen again and I’ll have to die of embarrassment  georgerussell63: Omg alex_albon: Nah she won’t. Send it georgerussell63: Right now

Lando exhaled deeply and sat up again on the side of his bed as he exited the group chat to find his dm thread with you. It wasn’t too far down on his list since he didn’t talk to many people other than Alex and George and when he opened it up, the little grey ‘seen’ nearly slapped him across the face. He pursed his lips in thought and let his thumbs wave over the keyboard, debating what to say. 

He finally drafted something quickly,

Hey…been thinking about our night recently 

He screenshotted it before he sent it and then shared the image to his group chat. 

landonorris: *sent a screenshot*  landonorris: Is this fine? georgerussell63: Add an emoji alex_albon: Yeah maybe a heart or something

Lando swiped back to his thread with you and added a heart to the end,

Hey…been thinking about our night recently 🧡

He sent that screenshot to the group chat.

landonorris: *sent a screenshot*  landonorris: Maybe? alex_albon: Yes I think that’s good georgerussell63: Yesss now send it landonorris: Ahh idk is that too annoying?  georgerussell63: Blimey mate why are you suddenly all flustered like a teenage girl lol georgerussell63: You’ve literally already slept with her georgerussell63: The hard part is over alex_albon: ^^^ alex_albon: Send it alex_albon: Sendddd it georgerussell63: Send it!!!!

Lando sighed and sat up on his bed again as he exited out of the group chat and opened his thread with you once more. The notifications from his internet friends kept popping up at the top of the screen in silent encouraging cyber chants to get him to send the message. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous exactly. Maybe he had spent too much time dreaming about you that he didn’t want to let one measly message fuck up his one fleeting chance at having you. 

His thumb hesitated over the send button for a moment, debating and overthinking. He got up and paced his room a little, staring at the unsent message and going through every possible situation in his head like it was the last decision he would ever make. With a slightly dramatic huff, he closed his eyes and tapped the send button hurriedly. 

He exited the chat and opened his group chat in a panic.

landonorris: OKAY I SENT IT landonorris: AHHH landonorris: Gonna throw my phone out the window now georgerussell63: GOOD JOB alex_albon: YES georgerussell63: Now we wait 😌 landonorris: For a miracle  georgerussell63: You already had your miracle georgerussell63: That was your night together alex_albon: She’s going to answer Lan dw

Lando didn’t leave his room all night because the concept of facing his family after his slightly immature and dramatic blow up over their inability to see his side of things felt like the worst idea ever. Instead, he dabbled with a few new doodles in his notebook that were infused with thoughts of you and when that got boring, he turned to one of your books for his usual go-to entertainment. His friends were busy with their families and it wouldn’t be until they were ready to sleep that they would reconnect. 

Because of their lack of conversation that evening, Lando was trying to do everything in his power to keep his mind away from his sent message to you. The one that you still hadn’t replied to. The more time that passed the more anxious he got until he had no choice but to dive into your fictional universes as some sort of escape, his phone hiding under his pillow and out of sight. 

His eyes were glued to the page and every carefully printed word as what always happened when he opened one of your novels. The steamy scene in front of him had his hands clutching the hardcover book tightly, spread out comfortably on his bed, and your honest words only brought him back to his own very real recollection of your magical night that you shared almost a month prior. The chapter ended before the scene got too far and Lando huffed and shut the book and tossed it onto his night stand, letting his head rest back against his headboard so he was staring up at the ceiling. 

By that point in the night, it was dark outside and his room was illuminated by only the light of his bedside lamp. He had heard his siblings heading to their own rooms over the prior few hours and eventually heard his parents head to bed too. No one bothered him; probably not wanting to push his buttons with any wrong move. Things would smooth over by morning. 

But Lando didn’t feel at ease at all and it was solely due to the fact that he was scared to death that you were ignoring him. He could only pray that his one message didn’t ruin all that he had dreamt of. 

When the city of Bristol passed into 9pm, Lando checked his phone one last time. Only a few messages from his group chat were waiting for his response. Nothing from you. 

alex_albon: Ok finally done the movie alex_albon: My family wanted to analyze the whole damn thing alex_albon: My sister doesn’t know a thing I stg georgerussell63: Omg we just finished too georgerussell63: I totally demolished my nephew on F1 2021 ngl alex_albon: Ayy the kid didn’t stand a chance alex_albon: Who’d you play as? georgerussell63: Max Verstappen alex_albon: Hell ya les gooo georgerussell63: Did you hear people say he be might be world champion this year?? alex_albon: And beat out Lewis?? Idk… georgerussell63: If my parents had actually let me kart and I made it to F1 I bet I’d be able to beat out Lewis lol imagine alex_albon: Kinky georgerussell63: Ew???? landonorris: George you’d get like 15 points MAXIMUM georgerussell63: That’s so rude alex_albon: Omg Lan hi alex_albon: Did she answer?? landonorris: Nopeee landonorris: I’m gonna kms 😀 georgerussell63: Nooo! georgerussell63: Give her time alex_albon: It’s only been like alex_albon: Three hours… landonorris: Ugh alex_albon: But I gotta sleep  landonorris: Ughhhh georgerussell63: Same georgerussell63: I’m helping my dad run some errands tomorrow so we have to be up early for whatever reason alex_albon: Damn I just have to sleep because I’m tired alex_albon: I’m literally doing nothing tomorrow georgerussell63: Your usual landonorris: Lol alex_albon: Lando you’re so dry its weirding me out landonorris: Sorry landonorris: 🧡 landonorris: Love u mate landonorris: Sleep well alex_albon: Thanks mate alex_albon: Praying that you get a reply by morning georgerussell63: Me too! alex_albon: Love yall georgerussell63: Love u ♥️

Lando locked his phone and tossed it onto his bedsheets, deciding to get himself a snack since he didn’t finish his dinner. It would be at least something to take his mind off his worries. With his family already in their rooms, he could navigate his house without interruption and he tiptoed down the stairs and into the kitchen silently. 

Glass of water and a handful of chocolate chip cookies in hand, Lando returned to his room and shut the door behind him. One cookie resting between his lips and his hands full with the rest of the stack and his drink, he headed over to his bed once more. His phone screen lit up just as he approached and the notification that was greeting him had the half bitten cookie falling out of his mouth and onto his bedsheets. 

He hurriedly set the glass of water and discarded cookies on his night stand, brushing the crumbs out of his bed as he sat down and re-read the Instagram notification from you. 

-Hey you 💕 I’ve been thinking about it too

Lando unlocked his phone and let his thumbs word a response for him without letting himself overthink it,

landonorris: Was wondering if you forgot about it! Haven’t heard from you in a bit

His message was delivered and opened right away, meaning you were waiting for his response in the chat. That fact had him biting back his bashful smile, but his nervousness still lingered over what your answer was going to be. This could have been the moment you would shut him down for good. 

-Omg never! -Tour ended yesterday and the flight from Miami was crazy…delayed…they lost my luggage…and then after a hefty sleep last night I’ve spent today picking up my retrieved bags and then unpacking and I was just at lunch with my friends

Lando let out an audible sigh in relief,

 landonorris: That’s okay  landonorris: Good to be home? -Very -Tour was fucking incredible but this break is going to be nice  landonorris: Yeah for sure -Did you really think I forgot about you just like that?  landonorris: No I just wanted to make sure you were okay  landonorris: It’s been a few days -You’re a sweetheart -I’m just fine  landonorris: I’m glad 🧡 -But tell me… -What had you wanting to remind me about our night?  landonorris: Nothing in particular  landonorris: Was just missing you a little -A little?  landonorris: …Yes -Mhmm -Well you may keep your pride here all you want but I won’t be afraid to admit that I missed you quite a lot  landonorris: Oh really?  landonorris: You?  landonorris: Miss Monte Carlo? -Oh please -I’m the least Monaco that Monaco can get -And we had something special that night -I don’t throw that around lightly  landonorris: Yeah…  landonorris: Okay…  landonorris: You got me  landonorris: I miss you a lot  -The truth comes out 😌  landonorris: I’ve been re-reading your novels because I miss you :) -Omg really 🥺🥺 -Which?  landonorris: Second novel…chapter eight… -I see 👀 -So that’s what had you thinking about our night 

Lando slouched back against his headboard with a blushing grin that he hid in the material of the collar of his forest green hoodie. He contemplated his response but saw that you were already typing so he waited. 

-Which part were you thinking of most?

His teeth sunk into his bottom lip carefully with what you were smoothly instigating and his mind rushed back to each piece of your night together that had thrived in his memory ever since. He didn’t know how strong to start off so he played it cool,

 landonorris: All of it  landonorris: Kissing in the elevator  landonorris: And in the hotel room -Just kissing?  landonorris: Well you’re an incredible kisser  landonorris: And I fucking loved kissing you -I loved kissing you too -Your lips are so soft  -And your hands on my body felt so good -I miss that a lot -The way you grabbed me  landonorris: I should have done more of that -That’s okay -Next time 🥰

Lando had to toss his phone onto his bed for a second so he could roll over and scream into his pillow out of sheer lustful glee. He was so smitten for you and all his worries were completely erased by the simple reassurance from you that you had been thinking about doing it all again. 

 landonorris: For sure  landonorris: When and where -Sometime this summer maybe -But we can plan later -I want to hear more about what you miss about me first  landonorris: Okay 🧡  landonorris: I miss your body  landonorris: And the way it felt under my hands  landonorris: Your hips…your ass…your tits…  landonorris: So fucking perfect -I swear you’d be so good at body worship  landonorris: Fuck baby I’d gladly worship you anyday -Yeah? 🥰 -How?  landonorris: I want to take your clothes off and kiss over every inch of your body   landonorris: Just breathe you in  landonorris: Trail every curve with my lips or my finger just so every part of you has been touched by me -That sounds so good -And then?  landonorris: You sure you wanna know? -Tell me everything -Don’t hold back  landonorris: I want to spread your legs and taste you -Oh my God  landonorris: Is that okay? -Yeah lol I’m sorry that just made my pussy throb  landonorris: Jesus  landonorris: Did it?? -Yess -I’m an author, words speak wonders to me  landonorris: No pressure lol -Never any pressure with me baby -Tell me more -Just spill your thoughts here  landonorris: I just wanna know what you taste like because I didn’t get to last time  landonorris: You might have to guide me -That’s okay baby -I can lace my fingers in your pretty brown hair and show you where I need you  landonorris: Fuck yes please  -So I can feel your warm tongue all over my pussy -Inside me -On my clit -Feeling you so fucking close  landonorris: I’d kill for your legs over my shoulders right now  landonorris: I really really really want you to show me how to eat you out  landonorris: Making you come on my mouth would be so fucking hot -Yes sir

Lando’s mouth literally fell open in shock, his heart racing in his chest at how quickly this conversation turned exactly to how he had imagined it in his most salacious dreams.

 landonorris: And I fucking loved hearing the way you called me sir  landonorris: That fucking did it for me baby -It was your idea and it was a genius one -It got me off too -Honestly I catch myself moaning out that title when I make myself cum now  landonorris: You think of me? -Yeah I think of you when I touch myself  -Every time  landonorris: Often? -Couple times a week -And right now

Lando blinked at his phone screen in disbelief, trying to picture you in your pricey Monaco apartment and warm in your bed in limited clothing and touching yourself while you spoke with him. His dick twitched in his sweats and he dropped a hand down to palm himself lazily over his growing erection. You sent another message,

-Do you think of me?  landonorris: Always have  landonorris: Only ever you -You’re so fucking cute -God I miss you  landonorris: I’m getting hardddd lol -Good hehe -Are you touching yourself too?  landonorris: Do you want me to? -That’s for you to decide sir -Do you want me to help make you cum?   landonorris: Fuck yes -Okay then strip down and keep talking to me  landonorris: Ok gimme a sec

Lando tossed his phone to the side so he could hurry to push down his pants and boxers in one go, letting them drop to the floor carelessly. His sweater joined the pile, leaving him slouched back against his pillows and the headboard in the warm light of his bedside lamp, his legs spread just slightly. He returned to your conversation, 

 landonorris: Okay  landonorris: What else do you want to know? -Talk to me more about eating me out -Have you thought about it a lot?  landonorris: Yeah baby  landonorris: I dream about it too sometimes  landonorris: I can still hear your gorgeous little whimpers and the way you moan my name and I just want to feel you grinding up against my face and helping me to make you feel so good  landonorris: But I really wanna know how you taste -Want me to describe it?  landonorris: Yes -It’s sweet -But not like candy -It’s more of a warm kind of flavour that tastes salacious -And it drips everywhere and soaks everything -It would get all over your mouth and your chin  landonorris: Fuck  landonorris: I want that  landonorris: And I want to wrap my arms around your thighs so you can’t get away from me and I can feel all of you all over me, just covering me in your wetness  -It’s all for you sir -I’d link my ankles around your shoulders to keep you there too  landonorris: Hands pulling at my hair -Yes please  landonorris: Show me how you want me to touch you  landonorris: Pull me to where you need me -Suck on my clit  landonorris: Whatever you need baby  landonorris: Can I finger you too?  -At the same time pleaseeee  landonorris: I can do that landonorris: My mouth on your clit and two fingers inside you  -Fuck that’d make me moan so loud -Just the idea of your fingers flicking inside me is making my legs shake -I need it  landonorris: How fast? -Slow. I want to make it last  landonorris: Of course  landonorris: And if you’re a good girl for me I’ll let you cum twice -Fuck how can I be your good girl sir  landonorris: Let me have my way with you  landonorris: And show me how good I make you feel with your sweet moans and the way you cry my name  landonorris: You’re so fucking sexy I won’t want to stop -Yes I wanna cum for you -Can I sir  landonorris: I’ll always let you cum baby  landonorris: Just licking and sucking at your pussy with my fingers so fucking deep inside you  landonorris: I bet you taste so fucking good  landonorris: Soaking my face and my hand and the sheets  landonorris: God I’m so fucking hard

Lando glanced down his naked body draped back against his bed to where his dick was resting against his abdomen, already swollen hard and aching for touch. You were taking a bit of time to reply so he reached down to gently rub the tip of his finger up and down along the underside of his cock, watching how his gentle touch made it tense and flinch. He turned back to his phone,

 landonorris: Hello? -Sorry I just had to finish myself off lol  landonorris: Oh-  landonorris: Like right now? -Yeah, you said I could  landonorris: You listened to me? -Yeah?

Lando swelled with pride at that concept,

 landonorris: Good girl  landonorris: Did it feel good? -Would have been better if you were physically here -But yes -It felt really good -Moaned your name when I came too  landonorris: That’s so fucking hot -Now I wanna do more -How do you want to cum?  landonorris: Inside you -Again?  -Dirty boy -I like it -Would you want me to ride you?  landonorris: No I want to fuck you myself  -Go on…  landonorris: Keep you on your back and push your legs open as wide as you can get them and just hold your hips while I push my cock inside your soaking wet pussy -Oh my god I miss that baby -I miss your dick so bad

He was letting lust take over in his messages, typing with one hand as quickly as he could while his other lazily stroked his dick in careful motions. 

 landonorris: Nothing compares to how you feel around me  landonorris: You’re just so fucking warm…so wet -I’m soaked for you -You’d slip in so easy right now  landonorris: Jesus  landonorris: I wish I could see your face when I’m inside you  landonorris: Your pretty eyes just fucking rolling -God you’re so big too what’d you expect  -I’d be fucking drooling for it -I wanna beg for it…have you tease me so fucking slowly until I’m nearly sobbing for you to fuck me harder  landonorris: Will you scratch up my back again for it baby? -I’d do anything you want for your dick

Lando mouthed a swear word to his phone screen, tearing his eyes away for a moment just to look down at his fist wrapped around his cock, the one that you were so persistently fantasizing about in the next state over. His hand was useless compared to how your pussy felt and after he had that glimpse of heaven, it was difficult to go without. Your words certainly helped, even only through messages, and he stroked himself a bit faster.

 landonorris: I’m so hard for you baby  landonorris: I seriously need to fuck you  landonorris: I want to give you all you want and more -Can you take me from the back  landonorris: Yes  landonorris: Whatever you want -What a pleasure dom -You’re such a gentleman  landonorris: Lol just want you to feel good  -I can roll over for you and grind my ass back against your cock until you push it back inside me -You’d get so fucking deep that way -I’m already moaning just dreaming about it  landonorris: Then I can hold onto your hips and fuck you like that -Yes pleaseee  landonorris: Fuck -Can I send a pic?   landonorris: Yes -Ok but no screenshots  landonorris: Promise -*you sent an image*

Lando opened the picture with furrowed brows in intense interest as to what he was about to see. On his screen was the most glorious picture of you he had ever seen, the way you looked on your knees on your bed, fully naked, bent over at the waist so your phone captured your curves in the full-length mirror beside your bed. Lando’s eyes were wide as he soaked you in, licking his lips, and tried to memorize each pixel to keep in his mind forever. He let his lust speak for him in reply,

 landonorris: Fucking hell baby  landonorris: You’re so fucking hot  landonorris: I want to slap that ass so bad  landonorris: Grab those hips  landonorris: Fucking pound you until your gripping the sheets -This pussy is yours sir -My whole body is only yours  landonorris: Do you want a pic of me? -Only if you’re comfortable sending

Lando had never tried before since talking to girls - yet alone engaging in sending nudes - was quite few and far between for him. But he wanted to impress you and the way you tended to gawk over his body made him feel really good and made him hungry for more. He lifted his phone camera up and angled it towards his bare body, staring at himself in the screen as he reached his other hand down to keep a secure hand around his dick, drawing attention right to it. Only slightly self conscious, Lando hesitated for a beat before sending it to you before he could overthink yet another thing. 

He waited while you opened his image and he nibbled at his bottom lip anxiously when you typing bubble popped up in the bottom left of his screen,

-Fuck I think I forgot how big your dick is -You’re stunning -Every inch of you -Holy shit -I want you inside me so fucking bad right now  landonorris: Me too  landonorris: My hand is not the same -I have my vibrator on my clit and my pussy is fucking pulsing for you. It’s just so empty…  landonorris: Jesus fuck  landonorris: I’d fill you up baby -God I know you would -So well too  landonorris: Fuck you until your bed is shaking -Yes sir I want it rough  landonorris: Then you should beg for it -I will -I’ll gladly beg for your cock  -Cry for you to beat this pussy up, spank me, manhandle me -Whatever you want I can take -Fuck me like your own little whore

Lando could hardly formulate a response as the speed at which his hand was pumping his cock had him drawing dangerously close to that sweet pleasurably precipice that anything else seemed like too much of a distraction. He held his phone tightly in his left hand, the messaging thread still open, as his legs laid spread on his bed and his right hand stroked himself off in quick messy motions. 

“Oh my God.” he groaned quietly through his teeth, letting his mind whirl with his memories from your night together and his fantasies of wishing you were with him at that moment. Those thoughts weren’t odd for when he got himself off but this time it was different because even from a timezone away, you were still helping him along. 

-I’m so fucking wet its dripping down my thighs -It’s making the nastiest sounds that would only be so much better if your cock was pounding me from behind

Lando’s hand gripped his phone tighter, eyes focused unwaveringly from your little profile picture and the words you sent just for him to read, a little saucy narrative of your own lust made just for him. He shakily spelt out his encouragement to remind you that he was still there and still so painfully close. 

 landonorris: Keep going -You’re gonna cum aren’t you baby -Thinking about my pussy is gonna make you cum so fucking hard isn’t it? -Letting you fuck me…pound your big dick into me as deep as it can go until I crying for it -Making my fucking legs shake while I scream your name into the bed sheets

Lando read each of your messages so carefully, taking in your every word and transferring it right to the pictures in his mind as a light sweat dusted across his brow. He bit his lip to try and keep himself quiet, smothering his whimpers and groans from his oblivious sleeping family members through the walls. His dick was leaking, trailing precum down the length of it and down to his balls, only slicking up his hand in it to help him pull easier strokes faster and tighter, trying to replicate the feeling of your body the best he was able to. 

-Give it to me sir -Please -I miss you so bad

Lando felt as if he were tingling and he naturally thrusted up into his hand a little, whimpering quietly, dizzy on the fast rising pleasure and the warmth it spread over his body. 

-Send a voice memo of you coming if you’re comfortable baby -Please -I really wanna hear you cum  -I really wanna hear the way you sound when you imagine coming so deep inside me

Lando was already so close that he didn’t even think about it before pressing and holding his thumb down on the audio record button, allowing his phone to capture his every breath and every sound as he finally came for you. He wanted to come inside you so badly that he nearly cried for it, being stuck with only his own touch to work him through his orgasm. His hand stuttered around his dick as the first shot of cum spurted out and fell onto his pelvis, matching the whimpering little gasps that he let out for you in steady waves. 

And he of course moaned your name breathily as he always did, letting his eyes close and his head tilt back to welcome the pleasure that overcame him. He could almost feel you right there and he was desperate to reach out and hold you down on him, aching to give you his everything right then and there. When his thumb lifted from the screen, his recording sent right to you and he watched it immediately turn to “seen” as he kept a tight cum-streaked hand around the base of his throbbing sensitive cock. 

Lando’s chest heaved as he struggled to steady his breathing, his wide blue eyes peering down at the creamy white mess that streaked his hand, his dick, and dotted across his stomach and pelvis. He looked back to your chat as you sent your reply,

-Fuck Lando that was so hot -Oh my God -The way my name sounds when you moan it makes me fucking drip  -You sound so pretty  landonorris: Your words do things to me too  landonorris: Felt so fucking good  landonorris: Wish you were here too though -Me too  landonorris: Did you come again yet? -Yeah lol I got myself off to your audio -It was hard not to  landonorris: And you didn’t record it for me in return?? -Next time 😉  landonorris: Next time you better be with me for real  landonorris: None of this texting shit -Yes sir -I agree -Really miss the feeling of you coming inside me  landonorris: Fuck, me too  landonorris: You’ll have to take plan b again  landonorris: Right? -Of course -But that’s worth it  landonorris: You’re incredible and I honestly can’t believe my luck that I can talk to you like this…have you like this -You’re a sweetheart -I feel the exact same way 💕  landonorris: Wish I could cuddle you right now -Me too 🥺 -And kiss you

Lando reached over to his bedside table and grabbed a tissue to clean himself up, giving him a second to absolutely grin to himself. Oh how he missed you in his arms…the post-orgasm drop off was turning lust into longing quickly. He wiped up the streaks of cum from his body and his hand and disposed of the tissue in the garbage bin beside his bed before returning to your few additional messages as he turned over in bed to cuddle up tiredly. 

-I slept so well with you that night I really miss that -Didn’t know I’d be missing you so much but that week after just had my mind clouded with you and every day since has been filled with wondering when we can see each other next -You’ve really somehow wiggled yourself into my heart and soul Lando Norris and idk how you managed that

It took Lando all of his self control to not tell you he loves you right then and there. He had known you for much longer than you knew him…he had to take it slowly. He had always been hesitant in facing where he stood with you but at that moment, reading your little confession, it just felt like everything was falling into place. 

 landonorris: You’re always the only thing I think about  landonorris: And I am so grateful for you for many reasons I wouldn’t even know where to start if you asked me to -Taking your virginity? 😜  landonorris: LOL yes that especially   landonorris: No one else I would have wanted it to be -I gotta say, you’re certainly not shy over text -Your confidence is sexy -Makes me want to submit to you so bad  landonorris: Donttttt say that or I’ll get hard again -LOL SORRY  landonorris: Tell me more next time 🫣  landonorris: Although I’m probably going to be so shy when we see each other in person again  landonorris: You tend to make me nervous lol -I make you nervous??  landonorris: Yesss you’re my dream girl  landonorris: Ofc you make me all nervous and shy  landonorris: And you make my heart go !!!! -You’re adorable I wanna kiss the fuck outta you so bad rn  landonorris: 🥰🧡 -Gotta get you to Monaco -Gotta get you in my bed  landonorris: Please  landonorris: I literally need that right now -I know you have another term after break but then what’s your summer looking like -Work?

Part of him didn’t want to tell the truth as to what his pathetic summer was looking like but he trust you and you were never one to judge,

 landonorris: Nope  landonorris: No job and living back at my parents place  landonorris: It’s been three days of only winter break and I’m going fucking insane I need to get out of here -Oh my -Would you want an internship or something with my team? Idk if its possible but I can see if I can pull some strings…get you a little summer position at least  landonorris: Oh my god baby I’d love that -Haha okay lover 💕 let me see what I can come up with for you -We’re gonna get you out of this low  landonorris: God I miss you so much  landonorris: You’re fucking incredible  -Anything for you 😘  landonorris: 😘😘 -I’m still pretty jet lagged so I might head to sleep now  landonorris: Ok gorgeous   landonorris: This was fun :)  -Hehe it really was -If we can’t wait until we see each other in person then maybe we should try a phone call next time  landonorris: Fuck I’d say yes except these walls are super thin and I don’t want my parents and siblings to hear every detail about how I want to bend you over your desk and fuck the shit outta you -Fuck offfjffjjfjfjf oh my gosh  landonorris: What?? -You’re making me blush go away 😂  landonorris: 😜 -I seriouslyyyy gotta sleep  landonorris: Yes you do  landonorris: Sleep well baby -You too 💕 I’m gonna imagine you’re cuddling me the whole time  landonorris: Wish I could 🧡🧡 -💕💕

Lando laid there for a little bit, just staring at your little pink hearts with a lovesick grin on his face, still giving his heart a chance to calm down after the events of the previous hour. He scrolled back up your conversation and screenshotted the last little bit of your saucy conversation, starting from his audio recording attachment down to your shared conclusions and then he scrolled back down to your promise of a job. The two most important things to share with his best friends for when they woke up. 

 landonorris: *sent a screenshot*  landonorris: Just made her cum twice over text so anyway how's your nights going 😌  landonorris: *sent a screenshot*   landonorris: And she’s going to help me get the fuck outta this place   landonorris: Get you a girl that can do both  landonorris: I love her so much  landonorris: I can’t wait for the day I can tell her that  landonorris: Good night guys  landonorris: Talk tomorrow 🧡

Tag List: @black-fireproofs @k3nmakyan @m4rt10ne @strawberryy-kiwii @herebereblogs @arieslost @ophcelia @cmleitora @saachiep81

♡ None of the original writing on this blog may be reproduced, reposted, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

[barleyo]

*licks teeth and pins u against the wall* so uh...how bout one of those big bro leon fics, *I say with a glint in my eyes*

Purist.

Big Bro! Leon X F! Reader (smut)

A/N: *quivers and covers chest nervously* w-w-well, i-i guess i could write a— a little something... *eyes shift awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with a gulp* uhm... here. i, uh, i hope you enjoy... (some of the dialogue is inspired by the 2007 movie teeth :3)

Tags: incest (brother-sister)/(daddy-daughter mentioned), coercion, dub-con, religious themes, allusion to p in v/a /no real penetration mentioned, fingering (anal and vaginal f receiving), brief mentions of previous sexual assault/abuse

Wordcount: 2.1k

You spent the entirety of your mid to late teen years obsessed with God. With purity. With salvation. Your parents dragging you and your brother, Leon, to church must've eventually struck a cord with you. Ever since the youth pastor chewed up that bubblegum and offered it around to everyone, making the point that nobody wanted a tainted 'treat,' the idea of staying untouched seemed to just click into place for you. Your body was a sacred thing, not to be touched or looked at lustfully by any man. 

Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation, as the great St. Augustine said. Why not swear yourself to chastity? A bond of complete celibacy, of purity, promised by you to your Lord.

Unfortunately, your big brother didn't seem to feel the same way.

Leon was your exact opposite, in the way that he couldn't spend a night alone. While you would sit in your room, reading or studying like a proper girl, the wanton sound of a random female companion of his would rip through the paper thin walls of your parent's house. Every night, or what felt like it, he would bring home a 'date,' as you called them, though, he would sooner call them 'easy sluts.' 

You weren't easy. Leon liked that about you. Every crude joke he made at your expense, wether at the dinner table or in the brief expanse of the hallway near your rooms, you shut down immediately. You were too maidenly for your own good, and unafraid to show it. Oh, he really liked it. Not like those other whores he'd snatch up on the way home, were you? His boyish, smug grins did nothing to bring you, his darling little sister, to your knees in the way it did other women your age. 

Maybe that was why he did it— bringing those girls over. He knew good and well you could hear them— hear him— through the thin walls. He could tell based on the way you looked at him with scornful eyes the morning after as he accompanied the umpteenth girl of his to the front door, tactfully kicking her out with the promise of calling her back. Of course, he did no such thing, the womanizer that he was. He'd wink at you. Taunting you. 

Maybe he did all of this to tempt you, to show you what you were missing out on. Maybe he was sending you a message. An offer? No. The more likely option was that he just liked to tease you. Yes, that seemed more 'brotherly.'

It was another night. Another sleepless night of being tormented by the lewd sounds coming from your older brother's room. You could practically hear the individual squeak of every spring in his old mattress as he used whatever girl he had with him now. You heard her muffled voice. Poor girl must've had her face pushed into the pillow. Maybe she was ugly. Leon always let the pretty ones look at him while he sexed them up— you could tell because you heard their voices much clearer in the night. 

It was nearly melodic. Hearing almost every movement between the two. You could piece it together in your mind, and before you knew it, you had your eyes tightly shut, imagining the scene.

You pictured it in more detail than you thought the Lord would be appreciative of. You saw your brother's toned back with his tapered waist, his taut muscles clenching and coated in a slick sheen of sweat as he worked his hips against a faceless girl's heat. It was a dance. You seemed to imagine it more passionate than it sounded. Where the girl next door was certainly getting pounded, your imaginary girl was being treated tender and soft. Gentle strokes accompanied by a firm grasp. 

You were yet again reminded the next day of how much different your real brother was to the version of him your mind conjured up the previous night. Not nearly as sweet, that was for sure. 

You pushed into his room, not bothering to give him the dignity of a knock. That was another thing he liked about you. For how meek and God-fearing you seemed to be, you could be a real bitch to your dear ol' brother. He found it sort of funny, the juxtaposition between how you really were and how his lackadaisical manner made you act. 

"We need to talk about your girlfriends," you said, slamming his door behind you. The breeze caused by the door made a few of his classless pin-up girl posters swish upwards, hanging on for their lives against the black walls of his room by the tiny scraps of tape he stuck them with. 

"Don't have any," Leon said casually, legs spread and arms over his chest. He tossed a baseball up and down, catching it in his palm as he leaned his head against his headboard. 

You huffed and stomped over to his bedside to snatch the baseball. He let you grab it, shooting you an amused grin as you palmed the ball far too big for your hand. 

"Well, whatever you want to call them—"

"Let's just call them whores, yeah?"

"I'm not going to call them that," you spat, eyebrows raising into your hairline. "Your 'friends.' How about that? Your 'friends' need to stop coming around. I can't live like this. I can't sleep!"

"Awh, poor thing. Your grade in 'prissy bitch' class must be dropping now. Y'fall asleep during your stick-up-the-ass exam, college girl?" he asked, nose scrunching teasingly as he eyed you. He reveled in how your offended look grew. 

"Can you take anything seriously, you ass?" You dropped his baseball to the floor and kicked it under his bed, to which he mumbled 'bitch' and an additional explicative or another under his breath. "Last night was ridiculous. I didn't get a wink of sleep. These walls aren't nearly as thick as you act like they are."

"Oh, you heard that? What, it turn you on or something?"

You stilled, arms rising back to cover your chest defensively. It didn't turn you on, per se, but it did something, that was for damn sure. You weren't about to confess that to Leon, though. Not if you had a choice. 

"No, it did not 'turn me on,' Leon. Do you hear yourself when you speak, or does everything come out on instinct?"

"Instinct. So, Virgin Mary, what're you harassing me about now? You don't enjoy the sweet, sweet sound of random chicks getting smashed?"

He sat up straight, back flush to his headboard now as he turned to face you. 

You got a good look at his features. Looked a lot like your dad. Score! Perfect excuse, suddenly coming to mind.

"No, I don't. I'm sure daddy doesn't appreciate it either," you said, trying to guard yourself with the veil of your father. 

Leon snorted. "Well, I guess daddy dearest will just have to come tell me himself then, won't he? Seems like he's too drunk nowadays to hear anything," he said, voice nearing bitter territory. 

"Don't talk about dad like that," your voice taking on a more protective edge in your father's defense. "He's going through a rough time. He doesn't need your shit."

"And I don't need yours. This whole abstinence thing has your horse pretty high, you know." Leon shifted his legs over the side of his bed, elbows resting on his knees. Most of the humor he had left in his voice had drained out, being replaced with a seriousness. "You aren't slick."

You narrowed your eyes at him, eyebrows pinching together. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, sis," he said, mocking tone lacing the nickname, "we both know who you're saving yourself for, and I've been real patient up until now. I'm not gonna wait forever."

You wanted to repeat yourself, you wanted to ask just what the hell he meant by that, but he interrupted your train of thought.

"You think I couldn't hear you listening like a little pervert? Hell, even before I started bringing girls home. I couldn't jerk off without seeing you peeking through the crack in my door. Like I said, you aren't slick. You act like you're all hard and saintly, but you're just a nasty pervert, aren't you?"

So many thoughts ran through your head. So many emotions. Embarrassment, for one, at the fact that he knew of your dirty secrets regarding him. Anger at how casually he was airing this information. A strange warmth, as well, at how he teased you. You should've been screaming at him, at twisting this around on him, but you couldn't. 

"I'm sorry," you managed to squeak out, eyes dropping to your feet in shame. 

Leon just hummed in response, clearly not in dire need of an apology. In fact, he looked rather unfazed, like it was no problem for him at all.

"If you want to apologize, you can bring your little ass over here. Sit down, pervert."

"I don't know why you're acting so fidgety about this. You give it up to dad all the time, what's so different about me?"

Fuck. Leon really knew everything about you. This entire night was like having someone read your diary out loud to you, hearing every 'secret' you thought you had kept so well. 

"Shut up," you said, eyes clenched shut tightly as Leon curled his fingers up against your g-spot again. You bit back the urge to whine or moan. With how much he was teasing you, you didn't feel that he deserved the satisfaction. 

"Wonder what everyone would think. Daddy's good girl is good for more than she lets on, huh? Bet everyone already knows. There's no way a girl like you hasn't been taken before. Ain't a man on earth who wouldn't try it, y'know?"

You hated how that made you tighten around his fingers. Was that really what made you cum? Your brother calling you rapeable? The entire situation was so far out of your wildest imagination. A far cry from what the other girls he entertained had experienced, you were sure of that. 

Or, maybe, the way that he let your face upwards was what did it for you. Last you remembered, the rule was pretty girls faced up, ugly girls got flipped. Guess that counts for something. 

"I'm real fascinated by your pussy," Leon said after a few moments of silence. He was sitting between your legs, cock sprung free from his boxers as he kept his fingers plugged into your hole. He watched as your hole continued to kick and squeeze over his two digits. 

"I can tell. You won't stop lookin' at it," you mumbled, trying and failing to prop yourself up on your palms. 

"Not what I meant. Just meant it's pretty."

You don't know why you blushed at such a meaningless, near-objectifying compliment. A small part of you said that if Leon had seen so many in his life, and he said yours was pretty, then surely that meant something. You felt honored, in a weird way. 

"Bet it'll be even tighter around my cock."

"What? No, no, we can't do that, Leon," you said quickly, pulling away from his finger with a squelch. You tried to pull your panties up, but he stopped you. 

"Who says?"

You thought about it. You wanted it, sure. Really bad, actually. So, who says? Who said that you couldn't take a brief pause from chastity? You quickly told yourself what you said each time your father got a little too drunk a little too late a night and missed your mother a little too much. 

"Just be gentle," you said, exactly how you would on the nights where you looked a little too much like your mother. 

"Don't worry."

You expected to feel his cock swab against your folds. You expected to feel the eerily familiar pinch and stretch of being penetrated, but it didn't come. Your walls clenched almost eagerly around nothing. 

Instead, your eyes widened in shock at the feeling of a finger trailing around your asshole. Leon aimed his head forward and spat a fat glob onto your rim, rubbing it around to coat your hole. 

"Wait— Leon! Don't do that," you whined, feeling him finger sink in and stretch the ring of muscle. 

"You aren't a true-virgin anywhere else, sis. I wanna pop this cherry before someone gets to it before I do."

God, he was cruel. What was crueler was the way he prodded another finger into your hole like it was nothing. At least he had the awareness to spit again, coating the middles of his fingers in an attempt to ease the pain in your end. It worked, as well as spit could. 

His head dipped down and his tongue latched to your clit, giving it a few purposeful sucks before pressing a kiss to it too, piercing eyes looking at you from between your thighs. 

"Besides, anal doesn't really count, right? Isn't that what all you pure-not-so-pure girls say?"

[krirebr]

More Than This 4

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x f!reader, Steve Rogers & f!reader

Word Count: ~6.1k

Summary: Arranged marriages have always been used to solidify business deals among the ultra-wealthy. Your stepfather wants to be in business with Harlan Thrombey, so now it's your turn.

Warnings: Heavy angst, age difference, adult themes, institutional sexism, Linda being Linda, a panic attack, p in v sex, sex in maybe not the best mindset, explicit language, the slooowest burn - Warnings will be added as needed for subsequent parts. All of my work is 18+ - Minors DNI

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: I thought this was gonna be a short one. 😂

Gigantic thanks as always to @paperweight91 who helped me figure out what the problem was when I was really struggling to feel inspired on this one, and then later on when the narrative took a bit of a turn that I wasn't expecting, she helped me navigate it and come out the other side. Chelsea, you continue to be the very best!

And an additional hat tip to @thezombieprostitute, who left a comment on the last part that inspired part of Linda's visit here. Thanks, dear!!

Unsurprisingly probably, this is another sad one. But I hope it'll be worth it!

Any comment, reblog, or ask to let me know what you think will be greatly appreciated. And if you need to come scream at me, that's ok too!

As always, thank you so much for reading! 💜

You’ve reached the phone of Steve Rogers. Please leave a message after the beep.

“Hey, Steve. It’s me. Again. Your sister. Um, shit. Yeah, you’re at work now, aren’t you? Sorry, I still haven’t gotten used to the time difference. I got your texts, and, uh, everything is fine. I’m– I’m doing good. But I miss you. And it’d be nice to hear your voice. But I’m fine, I’m good, I promise. I just– I’ll try again soon. Love you. Ok. Bye.”

You hung up and sighed, setting your phone down beside you. You hadn’t actually spoken to Steve since you’d gotten on the plane a week ago. Which was fine. You were doing fine. He’d texted you. And he was busy. You knew he was. It’d be easier, you thought if you were too. But everything had been unpacked. The housekeeper took care of all the upkeep of the house and you got the distinct impression that she didn’t much care for your “help,” so now when she was here you mostly tried to stay out of her way. Even Lola was getting tired of going for walks around the neighborhood.

You’d barely seen your husband since your disastrous attempt at sex. He’d been avoiding you, leaving early in the morning and coming home late at night. You hadn’t talked about what happened. You’d barely talked about anything.  

You looked at your laptop on the coffee table and exited out of the WebMD entry on erectile dysfunction. That wasn’t helping. With nothing to do and no one to talk to, all you could do was think about what would happen to you if you couldn’t get Ransom to fuck you. If you didn’t get pregnant. You still hadn’t seen the contract and weren’t sure what the actual terms were, but you knew the consequences would be nothing good. 

Steve had had an aunt on his mother’s side who’d been found in breach of contract and had her marriage dissolved. You never really knew her, but you remembered how Joseph talked about her, about the desperate arrangement she’d eventually had to settle for, the sadness in Steve’s eyes whenever she came up. That wouldn’t be you, couldn’t be you. You knew you wouldn’t even start to feel secure in your arrangement until that part of the contract had been fulfilled. You just needed to figure out how.

But, dwelling on it wasn’t helping. Googling possible causes of Ransom’s issue wasn’t helping (although it was better than listening to the voice in your head that wouldn’t stop telling you that he just didn’t want to touch you). You needed something to do. Back in LA, you’d worked part-time at an art gallery Steve had introduced you to. You’d mostly answered the phones and greeted people as they came in, but you’d liked it. There had to be something like that available in Boston. And at least trying to find it would give you something to focus on.

So you lost yourself in compiling a list of galleries you could try to contact, sitting on the couch with Lola curled up beside you. When Ransom came home late that night, that’s how he found you. You looked up, startled when he came in the door, and found a similar expression on his face. 

“Oh,” he said. “You’re still up,” as he took off his coat and shoes.

“Yeah,” you said, not knowing what else to say.

He nodded and came as far as the beginning of the living area, then stopped and just stared at you for a moment. You waited for whatever it was he was going to say. Then, finally, “How was your day?”

“It was fine,” then, gathering your courage and hoping you wouldn’t be shut down, you added, “I started to look for a job.”

“Oh,” he looked mildly surprised. “Do you have any experience?”

You pushed down the tinge of hurt that bubbled up at that. The question wasn’t completely uncalled for. Many of your friends back home had never worked a day in their lives. But you couldn’t help feeling a little defensive when you answered, “Yes, I worked at the front desk of an art gallery back home. I liked it. I’d like to find something like that here.”

Ransom hummed thoughtfully as he nodded. “Well,” he said, looking off into the corner of the room, “uh, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help with that.”

“Oh,” you said, too surprised to say anything else for a moment. You’d been sure he’d say no. You weren’t quite sure what to do with an offer of help, of all things. And you would need his help if you got the job, with a way to get yourself there at the very least. But you didn’t want to jinx it or push things too far right now, so you just said, “Thank you. I will.” And then, “Uh, how was your day?”

“It was fine,” he said, stiffly. “Busy, I’ve been really busy. And I’m, uh, I’m exhausted now. So I’m going to go straight to bed. Feel free to stay up as late as you want. Obviously.” And just like that, he turned on his heel and left the room. 

You should’ve gone after him, maybe. Made him talk to you about it. Or just taken your clothes off while he was talking (although that hadn’t worked the first time). Something. But you were tired too and you just didn’t have it in you, as important as you knew it was. 

So, you gave it about half an hour before you went to bed yourself, going through your nighttime routine as quietly as you could in the ensuite. When you went back out to the bedroom, you found Lola already on the bed, curled up against Ransom’s side. You stopped, wondering if you should move her. She’d slept in the bed with you for the last four nights, ever since that awful night, and Ransom hadn’t said anything about making her stop. And he obviously hadn’t noticed her snuggling up next to him, so maybe it was fine. You climbed in next to her and wrapped your body around hers, ignoring the way it made you brush up against Ransom, too.

The next afternoon, you were busying yourself with trying to reorganize your walk-in closet, when you heard someone moving around downstairs. It wasn’t one of the housekeeper’s days, so you made sure you had your phone on you and started down the stairs with caution. 

When you got about halfway down, you saw Linda standing in the middle of the living room. “Linda!” you exclaimed, unable to hide your shock at her standing before you. “Ransom didn’t tell me you’d be stopping by. I didn’t know you had a key.”

“Of course, I do, I’m his mother. And I’m the one who set him up with this house.” She cast a judgemental eye on the room. “I see you’ve been moving some things around.”

“Oh,” you said, now at the bottom of the stairs and looking around a little worriedly. You’d tried so hard to disrupt as little as possible. “Not much, I don’t think. Just a little to make room for my own things.”

Linda hummed in a way that made you want to shrink inside yourself. “Well,” she said and held out a gift bag. “I brought you a little something.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” you said, forcing a smile as you took the gift, slightly afraid of what might be in it. You glanced inside, moving aside the tissue paper to find about a dozen pregnancy tests. “Oh,” you said, afraid if you said anything more you might burst into tears. It was fine it was fine it was fine.

“Just want you to be prepared,” she said.

“Thank you,” you forced out. “You really shouldn’t have.” 

“Well,” she clapped her hands together, “why don’t you get us some coffee?”

You forced another smile, trying to cover the panic you felt that she was staying. “Yes, of course.” You took your time getting the coffee prepared in the kitchen. Once it was ready, and you had the cream and sugar and everything else gathered on a tray, you couldn’t delay it any longer and brought everything out to the living room. Linda helped herself to a mug, finishing it to her liking as you did the same. You caught, though, the little face she made at her first sip. That was fine, it was her son’s fucking coffee.

“This is nice,” she said, in that particular syrupy tone of voice she had that meant she was trying too hard to seem friendly. “Just the two of us. Overdue.”

You made yourself nod. “Yes,” you said, “It’s great to see you.”

“I was talking to Ransom this morning, and he mentioned that you’re looking for a job?”

“Oh,” you started, something about her tone making you cautious, “yeah, you know, something to keep me occupied. I used to work at an art gallery and I’m hoping I can do something similar here.”

She took a sip of her coffee, then pursed her lips. “Well, that sounds lovely. But are you sure it’s a good idea with a baby on the way?”

You did your best to chuckle, trying to keep things light as you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach. “I’m not pregnant yet, Linda.”

“Maybe not, but you will be soon. And do you really think it’s fair to get a job when you’re just going to have to quit in a few weeks anyway?”

You stared at her confused, your own coffee now forgotten. “We don’t know exactly when I’ll get pregnant.” You may not care for Ransom much, but you certainly weren’t going to discuss his possible impotence with his mother. Or the fact that he just didn’t want you. “And I don’t understand why I would have to quit once I got pregnant anyway.”

“Well, I’m sure Ransom won’t want you working once you’re pregnant. He’ll want you to focus on growing his child and getting everything prepared for the baby.”

You felt the air go out of your lungs. All you could do was gape at her. What? You flashed back to the wedding, to Harlan telling you how good you were going to be for Ransom. To your mother telling you to keep him happy. To Joseph’s speech barely even mentioning you. It was like you as a person didn’t exist anymore. You were just here for him. Your whole life set up just to cater to him. You felt the tears starting to gather in your eyes, but you would not cry in front of this woman. 

“But,” you started, “you worked all through your pregnancy and Ransom’s childhood, didn’t you? I don’t understand why I wouldn’t be able to, too.”

“Oh,” she said, as she gave you the most condescending look you might have ever received, “I see. You think you and I are the same. Sweetheart, no. I helped my father choose my arraignment. I came into it with my own money, having already established myself. A real career, not some silly part-time gallery job. I’m the one who supports Richard. I’ve always had the power. I was never you. And you will never be me. So, how about you let Ransom take good care of you and you focus on the things that you can give him, hmm?”

You just stared at her, feeling suddenly numb. What the fuck were you supposed to say to that? You’d only spoken to her a few times and every single time she’d made you feel so small, insignificant, weak. 

She placed her mug on the table and stood up. “I’ll get out of your hair now, dear, but this was so nice. We’ll have to do it again soon.” She stood in front of you as all you could do was sit and stare. She raised her perfectly manicured eyebrow at you and you finally realized that she wanted you to stand. You robotically did so, still so numb from this short visit. As soon as you were upright, she gave you a stiff hug and patted you on the shoulder. “I’m so glad we were able to put this silly job idea to bed,” she said. “I’ll show myself out. Have a good rest of your day, darling.” And then she was gone and you were left standing alone in the middle of Ransom’s living room.

You spent the rest of the afternoon running Linda’s visit through your mind, over and over. The thing you couldn’t understand was why, if Ransom was so against you working, he hadn’t said anything about it last night. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just tell you no right away, rather than siccing his mother on you the next day? Why would he say yes? Was it just so that he could look like the good guy before he had his mom do his dirty work for him? Was he really that much of a chickenshit? 

When you got to a point when you thought you might actually drive yourself crazy if you thought about it anymore, you got your phone out and tried, once again, to call Steve. 

You’ve reached the phone of Steve Rogers. Please leave a message after the beep.

You wanted to scream. You were so fucking tired of talking to his machine. Every time you thought you couldn’t feel more alone, you just fell deeper.

“Hey, Steve. Um, I’d really love it if you could call me back. I know you’re busy. I don’t mean to– I’m sorry. I just– I just really miss you. I’d really like to talk to you. I love you. Ok. Bye.”

You hung up and then just stared at your black phone screen for a moment. You couldn’t just sit in the house anymore. “Lola!” you called out into the house, not sure of where she’d gotten off to. “Want to go for a walk?”

Ransom didn’t come home that night, the absolute fucking coward.

When you woke up the next day, you couldn’t tell if Ransom’s side of the bed had been slept in or not. Lola was sprawled across it, taking up much more space than her tiny body would indicate. You decided not to dwell on it.

There was a text message from Steve, sent in the middle of the night.

Hey chipmunk. I’m so sorry I keep missing your calls. I’ve been absolutely slammed this week. I’ll try to call you soon. Hope you’re doing ok. I miss you so much. Love you.

You couldn’t stop staring at it. The childhood nickname combined with the distance the message represented made your whole chest ache. 

As the day wore on, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. The housekeeper didn’t want you around. All the unpacking was done. You couldn’t look for a job. You tried to read but you couldn’t focus. You called Steve but he didn’t pick up, again, and you just didn’t have it in you to leave another message.  

You felt like you sleepwalked through the whole day, so when Ransom walked in in the evening, you were startled to realize the day was gone.

Lola lept off your lap on the couch and ran to him as soon as he came in the door, hopping up and down and prancing in front of him. He froze, his scarf halfway off his neck and caught in his hands. “What is it doing?” he asked, turning to you, absolutely bewildered.

“I– I don’t know,” you said, staring at your dog. It was stupid, you knew it was so stupid, but you couldn’t help the frisson of betrayal that ran through you. She was supposed to be yours. She was supposed to love you, only you. And now she was consorting with the enemy. And you were jealous of a dog. But what else did you have? Your husband wouldn’t touch you, your brother wouldn’t call you back, and now your dog loved someone else. It all made you want to sob. “I think she’s happy to see you.”

He looked at you aghast. “Why?!”

“I don’t know,” you said again. “Lola,” you called, but she was still hopping up and down in front of Ransom. “Lola!” She turned at your stern tone and reluctantly ran back to you. You picked her up and cradled her in your arms. “Sorry,” you said to Ransom, then quietly murmured, “What were you doing?” into her fur. You glanced at the time. “You’re home early.”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, somewhat sheepish. “Finally got out of work at a decent hour.”

“Oh.” It felt so weird to have him here. “I guess we could have dinner. Have you eaten?”

“Uh, no. Dinner sounds great.” He finally came out of the entryway and began digging through his fridge, pulling out two of the pre-prepared meals his housekeeper kept there. 

As he put them in the microwave, all you could do was stare at him. You’d had the last twenty-four hours to stew in your anger and sadness and now all you really felt was tired. There was nothing you could do. It was his house, his family that held the strings. You were far from home with no one to back you up. He’d seen to it that you didn’t have a job to fall back on. All you could do was go along with what he wanted. The only thing you could do was make your place here more secure. As he bent down to get a plate out of the microwave, you blurted out, “Why won’t you fuck me?”

He straightened up quickly and stared at you. “What the fuck?!”

“I just–” you tried, “Has that happened before? Your problem. I’ve read that as men get older that happens sometimes.”

“I’m thirty-five, not fucking sixty. What the actual fuck?” He loudly dropped the plate down in front of you. “Eat your fucking food. I’m not talking about this.”

You sullenly started in on your food, it was pasta. You barely tasted it. You needed to keep talking about this, but doing it while he was angry probably wasn’t the best approach. 

He heated up the other plate and then joined you, taking a seat next to you at the island. You both ate in silence, until he finally said, “I just don’t think this is anything we need to rush into. We have plenty of time.”

You looked up at him. Of course, he wouldn’t think there was any rush. Of course, he didn’t have any personal stakes in you getting pregnant. Of course, he could forbid you from working but then deny you the one thing that would give you something to fucking do here. Something that would take a portion of your anxiety away. “We don’t actually,” you growled. “We have no idea how long it’s going to take me to get pregnant.”

“You keep saying that, but I just– I think rushing it would be a mistake. We have more time than you think and putting this off until we know each other better is a good idea.”

And suddenly, you saw red. Every single fucking thing was on his terms. His hometown, his family, his house, his things, his staff, his single car, his timetable. “And how are we supposed to do that, huh?” you yelled, standing up now. “When you’re gone before I wake up and you cross your fingers I’m in bed before you get home. If you even come home! When exactly is this getting to know each other supposed to happen?!”

“Hey!” he yelled, standing up as well. Lola ran upstairs at the sound of his stool scraping against the hardwood. “Calm the fuck down! What is the big fucking deal if we wait a few months rather than doing it right now?”

“Because the longer we wait the less time I’ll have to get pregnant! And the more likely it’ll be that it won’t happen and we’ll nullify the contract and our marriage will be dissolved. And you’ll be fucking fine! You’ll still be your grandfather’s and your mother’s heir. Nothing will happen to you. But I’ll be sent back to Joseph. I’ll have to accept a second arrangement with anyone who will take me. I’ll– I’ll–” You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t breathe. The room was getting smaller, pressing in on you, and you couldn’t breathe. 

You sank down to the floor and suddenly Ransom was in front of you. He called your name, but it was hard to process it. He called it again and you made eye contact with him. “You’re having a panic attack. You’re ok. You’re alright. I’m here.” He was speaking so quietly, so gently. “I’m here to help you, ok? I’m going to stay with you.” You nodded as best you could. “Can I touch you?” he asked, and you immediately shook your head. “Ok,” he said quickly, “that’s fine. That’s ok. I won’t touch you. You’re breathing too fast, ok? You need to slow down. Can you breathe with me? Come on, do it with me.” And then he breathed in slowly and you tried to match his rhythm. In and out, in and out, so slowly. At some point, he started counting. In 1 2 3 4 5. Out 1 2 3 4 5. Eventually, you could do it on your own, without him coaching you. 

You spent a few more minutes on the floor with him, you both just breathing at each other. Then finally you were able to find your words. “I’m ok,” you said. “I’m alright. Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for,” he said, still so gentle. “Nothing at all. Can you get up?” You nodded and he helped you up. “Are you hungry?” he asked and you shook your head. “Ok, I’ll clean the food up later. Can I help you upstairs?” You nodded and he, very carefully, put his hand on your back, so slowly that you had all the time in the world to pull away. His touch was warm, soft. His touch was always so soft with you.

He guided you to the bedroom where Lola was already on the bed, shaking steadily and looking at you with big, fearful eyes. You climbed on and curled up next to her. “You’re ok,” you whispered to her. “I’m sorry we scared you.” She scooted so she was snuggled up right against you and you carded your fingers through her fur, scratching gently.

Ransom hovered at the foot of the bed. “Thank you,” you said quietly.

“Of course,” he said. “Has that happened before?”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t think so. How did you know how to help?”

“Oh, uh,” he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, looking down at the floor, “I used to get them when I was a kid. I had a nanny who, uh, she was really good about them.”

You just nodded, feeling like you should tuck away that information. You knew so little about him, real things that hadn’t been in the binder. You wanted to file away everything you could.

“Are you– Will you be ok if I go take care of the food?”

You nodded again. “Yeah,” you said, softly. “I’ll be fine. Lola will take care of me. Won’t you, baby?” Lola flopped onto her back so that you could give her tummy scratches and you let out a soft giggle. You smiled up at Ransom, to reassure him. And he just sort of stopped. And stared at you. Your brow furrowed as you became self-conscious under his gaze and your smile started to drop. 

He suddenly shook himself out of whatever had been happening and nodded. “Yeah, ok. Yell if you need me,” and he darted out of the room. 

You weren’t sure exactly how long he was gone. You passed the time snuggling with Lola, taking comfort in her. You felt shaky and raw. And scared, still scared of everything that could happen, everything you’d yelled at Ransom about. And Ransom himself, how he would take to being yelled at like that, once he was done being worried. 

You heard his heavy footfalls at the top of the stairs and looked up as he came back into the room. He sat on the edge of the bed and turned so you could see half his face. “I didn’t–” he started and stopped. Then, after another moment, “I didn’t realize you were so worried about all of this.”

“How would you?” you asked, your eyes cast down, locked on Lola as you continued to pet her. “You’re never here. We never talk.”

“I’ve been really busy,” he said, just a tinge of defensiveness in his tone. “Work’s been awful.” He paused, then repeated, “I’ve been really busy.”

“Sure,” you said.

Neither of you said anything for long minutes. You just kept petting Lola, your hand moving over her body rhythmically. 

Then finally, Ransom said lowly, “We can work on it. Getting pregnant. If that will make you feel better. Make things easier for you.”

“Can we?” you asked. “I don’t know if what happened– if that was something that happens to you a lot, or if,” you looked back down, “or if you just don’t want me.”

He moved his hand so that his fingertips grazed yours on the bed. “It’s not that. It wasn’t ever that, ok?” You couldn’t help the way your whole body heated, just a bit, at the implication. You looked up just as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. “I just– You were clearly so scared. You wanted to be anywhere else, I could tell. You wouldn’t let me touch you, you wouldn’t even look at me. I can’t do it like that. I just can’t.” He opened his eyes and looked right at you. “I just can’t.”

“Oh,” you said quietly. “That’s– I’m sorry, I–”

He shook his head. “No, that’s not– I just thought you should know.”

You sat quietly together for a few moments. Then you took a deep breath and said, “I think we should try again.”

He gave you a surprised look. “Now?” You nodded resolutely but he shook his head back at you. “You’re still coming down from your panic attack. This can wait til tomorrow.”

In the aftermath of your anxiety, the anger you’d felt had mostly faded away, but now it bubbled back up again. You were so tired of him dictating how everything would go. “No,” you said firmly. “I don’t want to put it off anymore. I’m fine now. This will make things better.”

He just looked at you, searching your face for something. You tried to show him how calm you were now, how sure. Finally, he let out a long sigh. “Fine,” he said. Then he got off the bed and started taking off his clothes. You scrambled up onto your knees to take your top off, gently coaxing Lola off the bed. She looked up at you, waiting for you to join her, but Ransom, now clad only in his boxers, picked her up, gently you noted, and deposited her in the hallway, shutting the door behind her. He looked at you as you continued to strip down to just your bra and panties, his eyes running over your body, and for the first time, you felt it. Maybe he did want you.

He climbed back on the bed. “Can I kiss you?” he asked. You froze for just a second, then nodded. He slowly brought his mouth to yours and caressed your lips with his own. His lips were soft and warm. The kiss was hesitant on both sides, not exactly passionate, but not chaste either. Nowhere near the worst you’d ever had. A quiet arousal began to pool in your core. Not need, not exactly. But it would be enough, you thought. You broke the kiss and laid down on your back. “I’m not trying to shut you out,” you said, trying to keep your tone kind, “but it’ll be faster, I think, if we both just get ourselves ready.” You started the same as last time, one hand on your breast, the other slowly traveling down your body to play with the hem of your panties. “But you can watch,” you added. “If that’s something you like.” 

He cleared his throat and nodded. Then he reached over and lightly grabbed your underwear with both hands. “Is this ok?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you breathed, trying to push down your nerves. Everything was ok, this was what needed to happen. You were fine. You were ok.

He pulled your panties down your legs, then tossed them on top of his own clothes. You closed your eyes to focus again on your goto fantasy. The man standing over you. His voice in your ear. And again, you heard the sounds of Ransom getting himself ready. The snick of him opening the bottle of lube. The wet sounds of his hand working over his cock. This time you didn’t let it bother you. This time, you willed yourself not to flinch when you felt his hand on your leg. You had two fingers in your cunt and you worked yourself open, your thumb rubbing over your clit. Once you were wet enough, stretched enough, you opened your eyes and sat up. Ransom was staring at you, one hand on his hard cock, kneeling in front of you. 

“Ok,” you said, “I think I’m ready.” He started to move forward, but you stopped him with a hand on his bare chest. “Can I be on top?” you asked. “Is that ok?”

He looked down at where you were touching him and then back up at your face. “Yeah,” he grunted. “Yeah.”

You switched places as he laid down and you moved over him, straddling his pelvis and then carefully lowering yourself onto his cock. You tried not to grimace as he stretched you. He grunted again, as you slowly took more and more of him. Both of his hands came up to grasp your hips as you began to ride him, slowly at first, then picking up your pace. He was staring at your body and it was– it was a lot. Too much. You closed your eyes against it, hoping you just looked like you were into it. As he got closer, he started to buck up into you. You couldn't help but gasp at it. One of his hands moved from your hip to rub circles with his thumb over your clit, the rest of his hand splayed over your pelvis. You breathed through it, trying to let go enough to let yourself come, but you could tell that wasn’t going to happen. That was ok. That didn’t need to happen. Only one of you needed to come tonight.

He continued to buck up into you, his movements becoming more erratic. You balanced yourself with your hands on his shoulders. “Can I–” he grunted. “I’m gonna– Can I move you?”

“Yeah,” you whispered. “Yeah.”

He sat up and tucked you into him, rolling you both over so that you were now on your back and he was on top of you. He thrust back into you, once, twice, three times, and then he was coming, filling you up. His whole body stuttered over you and then collapsed on top of you. He breathed into your neck for countless moments and you didn’t know why, but you brought your hand up to gently stroke at the short hairs at the base of his skull. “Do you need me to–” he started to ask.

“No,” you said, knowing he was offering to help you finish. “I’m fine. Good. I’m good.”

You felt him nod, just a little, but he didn’t say anything else. It was so quiet, just the sounds of him catching his breath. Then he placed a soft kiss where your neck met your shoulder and lifted himself up and off you. You whimpered, just a little, as he pulled out. 

You quickly lifted your hips up to keep his cum inside of you. You reached blindly next to your head until you found a pillow that you shoved under your lower back to keep your pelvis canted up. Ransom moved around the room, picking his underwear off the floor, and then into the bathroom. A few minutes later he came back out with a washcloth. He moved it towards your cunt and you shot a hand out. “No! Wait.”

“Hey,” he said softly, “it’s ok. Just for your thighs. I know. I understand.” He gently moved the warm washcloth over your legs. “Are you alright?” He asked, not quite meeting your eyes. “Was that ok?”

“Yeah,” you said, moving your hand to brush along his forearm. “I’m alright. That was good.”

You lay in bed as Ransom lightly snored on his stomach next to you, Lola curled up between you. You couldn’t sleep. You’d been tossing and turning for about an hour, probably. You sat up. It was no use. Your mind was too busy. Sleep wasn’t going to come.

You grabbed your phone and got out of bed, moving downstairs to the living room as quietly as you could. You curled up on the couch and hugged your knees. You weren’t sure how you felt. It had been fine. Parts of it had even been good, maybe. It’d just, it’d been a long night. You’d gone through so many feelings, and now– Now, you just felt a little empty.

You looked at your phone. It was just before midnight. That meant it’d be a little before nine in LA. Steve hopefully wouldn’t still be working, but he wouldn’t be asleep yet either. He might be out, or painting, or busy some other way, but. It was worth a shot. 

It only rang once. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Steve gasped. “Work has been a fucking nightmare, but that’s no excuse. I was going to try to call you tomorrow, but I’m so, so glad you called me now. How are you? Are you ok?”

The tears had started as soon as you heard your brother’s voice. “Steve,” was all you could get out before you were full-on crying.

“Oh, chipmunk, no. What’s wrong?”

You wiped your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to get yourself together. You finally had your brother on the phone. You weren’t going to waste the whole conversation crying. “Nothing,” you managed. “I’m ok, I just– I’m just so happy to talk to you.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, and you thought that maybe his voice sounded a little thick too. “Me too. I’m so happy to talk to you. I’m so sorry it’s been so long. How are you doing? Your messages, you sounded– Are you ok?”

You sniffled as you tried to nod and then realized he couldn’t see it. “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m good. It’s just a little lonely here. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too. Everything’s so different here without you. Shit, it’s late there. What are you doing up?”

You shrugged. “Just couldn’t sleep. It’s been a long day.”

Steve hummed and there was a tone to it you couldn’t quite decipher. “Is Ransom there?”

“Yeah, he’s asleep upstairs.”

“And how is he?” Steve’s tone was decidedly cold now.

“He’s fine,” you said, ignoring it. “His work’s been really busy too.”

“And how’s he been to you?” he asked and you definitely didn’t miss the challenge there.

“He’s been fine, Steve,” you said and you weren’t sure whether or not it was a lie. “Everything’s fine.” You’d already decided you weren’t going to tell him about the job thing. That wouldn’t do anything but upset him. Get him on a plane here, maybe, so he could try throwing his weight around. You rolled your eyes. It was better this way. “I’ve just been unpacking mostly. Nothing too exciting. What about you? What’s going on with you? I want to hear everything.”

“You’re sure it’s not too late there?”

“No, not at all. I’m wide awake. And nothing much to get up for in the morning anyway. But if you’re busy or need to go to bed or something, you can go whenever you need to.”

“Not a chance. I wanna talk to you as long as I can,” Steve said. And you knew he couldn’t see it, but you grinned into the phone anyway.

Tag list is open

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[marvelous-slut]

Revenge - Happy Lowman

No lie, Better than Revenge by Taylor Swift was the inspiration for this! Lmao. Hope you all enjoy xx

Being the sister of Jax Teller had some advantages, you got to spend lots of time at the club house. Lots of time talking up the scariest member or the MC, Happy Lowman. There was something about him that you couldn’t shake feelings for, you didn’t know if it was that he was mysterious and quiet, or that he’d kill at the drop of a hat. It gave you a strange feeling in your stomach thinking about having him as yours, how you’d never have to worry about anyone coming for you because they’d have to pay the price with him.

Those thoughts all were nice while they lasted.

You walked into the clubhouse, it’s early in the morning and you decided to bring breakfast by. Jax always complimented your cooking and once Happy tried it he did too. “Makes me think of my mommas.” He would say. You see Jax sitting on the bar stool, cigarette in hand.

“Hey sister.” He says, reaching out his hands to grab the platter. He knows what you’re about to ask and he doesn’t want to tell you what he knows.

“Hey, you seen Happy?” You ask, feeling that funny feeling turning in your stomach. He sighs, deciding he should say nothing instead of lying or telling the truth. You look at him puzzled, until you see who comes down the hall. Ima. She’s wearing Happy’s gray reaper shirt, smiling as she knows what she’s done. She can see the hurt all over your face. You and Ima haven’t gotten along since you told her she was a skank and to leave Jax and Tara alone. This was her way of giving you some pay back. She would come to the club with Lyla, seeing how you swooned over Happy. How the light shined in your eyes when you talked to him.

“Good morning!” She says, cheerful to see the pain she’s caused. Jax shakes his head and puts out his cigarette.

“Go get your shit and get the fuck out.” He says to her, you can’t stay here any longer. You dart out the door, ready to be home. Once you get to your car, you ponder for a moment. No, she will not get the best of you. If you knew how to do anything, it was how to get the last world. The last laugh. You grin, thinking of the perfect way to give her some pay back.

It is a bright and sunny day in Charming, a perfect day really. You head down to Luanns porn studio to extract your revenge on Ima. The brownies in your hands are still fresh, topped with a bow and a card you had Jax write out. It reads “for someone special.” No name mentioned, but you knew Ima would get a kick thinking a man had took time to bake for her. Really, you had done the baking, cracking eggs and measuring flour perfectly. Cutting up the chocolate laxatives so fine you would never be able to tell they were a special add in. You sit the brownies in-front of her door and knock, running off. It’s about an hour before she’s due to shoot, you know she’s going to eat one because as you’ve seen at the clubhouse she can’t resist chocolate sweets. Just like she couldn’t resist a man in a kutte, or a man who had an old lady. She’d be drawn to them like flies to shit.

The shoot begins, it’s your average porno shoot. Guy and girl, nothing special. Before Ima can move, you see the look on her face. You know the laxatives have hit her stomach, making it rumble. Before she can go anywhere, brown liquid run down her leg and so do the tears from her eyes. You smile, watching the chaos unfold. “Ew!” Her partner for todays shoot yells out, running away from the havoc her bowels have let out. She shouldn’t have fucked with your brother and his family, but she definitely shouldn’t have fucked with what was yours. Well, what you were trying to make yours. She’s screaming as she runs back to her room, hopefully she’ll be on the shitter for hours.

“My my, my sister is an evil genius.” You smile at Jax, patting him on the shoulder.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about Jackson!” You smirk as you speak, smiling softly. He lets you read a message from Tara.

“So proud of her. Getting some revenge for the both of us.” It reads. You smile, you were glad to give Ima a small form of payback. Gemma and Tara shooting up her car obviously didn’t send the message to her, and maybe this wouldn’t either but you felt better. You feel your stomach sink as you see Happy approach you. You want to run away, but you stand as still as a statue. He walks over to you, standing in-front of you, unsure if he was angry or somewhat amused.

“That you?” He asks, word travels fast at the club house. Especially when Tig sees some drama unfold. You assumed he had let Happy know about your tears and running out when you saw Ima in Happys shirt.

“Guess she has a bad stomach.” You say, he smirks, putting his arm around you.

“You know, all you had to do was say you wanted to be my old lady.” You perk up, looking at him with a smile plastered all over your face. “I don’t show emotions good, don’t read them well either.” After Tig informed Happy of the morning incident, he knew why you were so upset. It had to be because you had feelings for him that you hadn’t expressed. “Come on girl, let’s go back to the club house, smells like shit in here.” You giggle, walking along side of him with his arm reach over your shoulder.

“Oh God! Come on people, it’s a bodily function!” Luann yells out, trying to get her actors and actress under control.

“Yeah, but my bodily function ain’t ever come out like that!” Bobby shouts out as the MC chuckles behind him.

Revenge. It’s a sweet, sweet thing.

[thehanalia]

The Subtle Art of Becoming "That Girl" in 2024 🌸✨

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Hello beautiful souls! It's me, Hana. If you are new reader then

Hi! I’m Hanalia and I want to empower women to prioritize their well-being while pursuing their dreams🌟

Today, I woke up feeling extra inspired by the #thatgirl aesthetic. You know her – she's the girl who embodies self-love, radiates positivity, and just seems to have her life beautifully organized. Personally, I believe, she's not just a trend; she's a movement towards becoming the best version of ourselves. And guess what? Becoming "that girl" isn't about perfection; it's about progress. It's about embracing the journey of self-improvement, self-care, and love. So, let's dive into a few ways you can bring a little bit of "that girl" magic into your everyday life:

1. Morning Rituals ✨

Start your day with purpose. Whether it's a morning skincare routine, meditation, or writing down your thoughts in a daily planner, find what centers you. If you have been following me for a while then you know how important this is. Remember, it's these small rituals that set the tone for a productive, positive day.

2. Self-Care Sundays 🛁

Dedicate time each week to pamper yourself. This could be a long bath, a skincare routine, or even a cozy evening with a book. It's all about showing yourself some love and appreciation.

I remember back in my childhood my older sister used to always have pamper sundays and I would always try and follow her footsteps however, back then your girl was as lazy as one can be...so zero exceptions. Be better than me girls and make the future you be proud.

3. Clean Girl Aesthetic 🌿

Embrace the clean girl aesthetic with a minimalist wardrobe, clean makeup looks, and a tidy space. A clutter-free environment not only looks good but also brings a sense of calm and order to your mind. Clean home = clean mind + remember clean body

4. Find Your Fitness Love 💕

Whether it's pink pilates, yoga, or a brisk walk in the park, find a physical activity that you love. It's not just about the physical benefits but the mental clarity and energy boost it brings.

5. Nourish to Flourish 🍓

Eating well is a form of self-respect. Fill your plate with colors, textures, and nutrients. It's not just about looking good, but feeling good from the inside out.

6. Learn and Grow 🌱

Embrace new hobbies, read more books, and challenge yourself to learn something new often. Growth is a huge part of becoming "that girl".

7. Stay Organized 📒

Invest in a good daily planner to keep track of your goals, appointments, and to-dos. There's something incredibly satisfying about ticking off tasks and staying on top of your game.

And here's a little secret for you: part of my "that girl" journey includes creating pieces that speak to my soul. I stumbled upon this adorable shop aka my Shop [GlowInGrow] that just screams self-care and love. My THAT GIRL planner is something that I did with love and my own hands. For me, it's not just a planner, it's my way of helping others because that's what being her is. Being her means she shares her secrets to help the rest of the girlies. MESSAGE ME FOR THE PROMO CODE *hint*

Also this planner has got you covered from setting your intentions and tracking your habits to planning your meals and self-care routines perfect for anyone looking to add that extra touch of mindfulness and beauty to their daily routine. It's subtle, but oh, so beautiful. 🌟

AND REMEMBER;

Becoming "that girl" isn't an overnight transformation. It's about making small, meaningful changes that align with who you are and who you aspire to be. Let's embrace this journey together, one step at a time. 💕

Last but not least, at the end of your journey of becoming that girl awaits the future who is The Girl!

Stay safe and stay hot...

With Love, Hanalia

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[enluv]

The Wedding Date

PAIRING! - jay park x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS! - When invited to her younger sisters wedding in two weeks, Y/N L/N faces traveling alone back to Korea for the ceremony. While this seems bad enough, Heeseung, the man who left her with no explanation after four years of dating, happens to be the groom's best man. Determined to show everyone - most of all Heeseung - that her romantic life is as full and thrilling as ever, Y/N hires the ever so charming Jay Park as her date.

word count: 7.4K+!

warnings: angst, suggestive content - it’s implied and mentioned that reader & jay did the devils tango so please note this fic is16+ BUT it’s nothing crazy so just be warned, profanity, cheating, heeseung is super duper not cool in this tbh, lmk if I missed anything !!

genre(s): 16+!! - there are no descriptions of sexual acts but it is stated briefly so read at your own risk, rom-com, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers, rent-a-boyfriend, & also slow burn romance but fast paced story

coco’s love note: this story is based on and inspired by the movie “the wedding date” some parts will be similar and depict similar instances while some will be different to fit the characters and the plots I’m writing for them! thank you so much & enjoy! (remember feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3)

"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Park Sunghoon and L/N Soohee to celebrate their marriage this June 30th at three o'clock.”

The words on the wedding invitation make your eyes roll, it’s laughable. Knowing neither of you had talked in almost two years it was a wonder why Soohee had chosen to invite you to her wedding. Perhaps it was your mother, she'd always wanted her two girls to get along at some point, but that was easier said then done. Or maybe it was your stepfather? He'd always said you were his favorite, maybe he'd somehow convinced her to invite you. Attending the wedding wasn't what worried you the most though, it was the thought of showing up alone.

Sure you could show up flying solo and hope no one would bat an eye, but did you really want to put yourself through that? The millions of whispers thrown at you as you walk by with no one on your arm? Absolutely not.

That's what brings you here, on a hot summers day as you read the morning paper from the patio of your home. The ads all consist of different services, some are posted for models, some plumbers, even things like babysitting, but you're on the hunt for one thing and soon enough an ad catches your eye. It’s perfect. The ad reads -

"Rent-A-Boyfriend: Are you in need of a date? Want to keep your parents off your back? Need to brag to your friends? Have to keep the relatives at bay? Well look no further! Hire me, Jay Park, profesional boyfriend. I can be anything you need me to be for any occasion! Shoot me a text at XXX-XXX-XXXX or email me at jay.park@gmail.com! Business inquiries only. Excited to date you soon!”

The ad had done its job and quickly enough you'd left Jay exactly seven different voice messages.

— YOU HAVE SEVEN VOICE MESSAGES, TO LISTEN: PLEASE PRESS NUMBER ONE.

VOICE MESSAGE #1 (9:17 PM):

"Errmmm...oh! It’s recording haha. Hello! This is Y/N L/N, umm so basically...oh um sorry I am so nervous haha. Okay so basically my name is Y/N and I need a date for my sisters wedding this month. Normally I'd have a date by now but I don't have the time to go out and date someone for two weeks and then force them to go to Korea with me ya know? So that's where I was hoping you'd come in! Oh shoot my time is running out...ummm okay give me a seco-"

VOICE MESSAGE #2 (9:23 PM):

"OH! HI! Sorry it cut me off last time haha oopsie! Anyways so basically the reason I need a date is because well basically I have this ex boyfriend his name is Heeseung and he kinda sorta dumped me like out of nowhere about two years ago. It was super sad but I was just like eh whatever dude. Then I came here to America haha not a good idea, anyways so yeah and he's gonna also be at that wedding because his best friend is actually the groom which makes him the best man and I can't-"

VOICE MESSAGE #3 (9:34 PM)

"Sorry cut off again but I can't show up alone it would be so embarrassing and we were engaged too by the way I don't know if I mentioned that already but yeah we dated for almost four years and he proposed to me and then boom just ended it so that's why I cannot by any means show up alone. Plus this is my baby sister that’s even more embarrassing, my younger sister getting married before me? Total loser moment."

VOICE MESSAGE #4 (10:45 PM):

"Sorry I forgot to give you details about the wedding lolz. It'll be in Korea, the countryside to be specific. It's on June 30th at 3pm at a wedding Chapel in the town we grew up in. We have to be there a week before. No worries though, l'II pay for our plane tickets. Since I'm the sister of the bride I have to do a lot of things with the bridal party and since you'll be my boyfriend you'd be doing things with the groomsmen. Sorry if that's too soon for you or if it doesn't work with your schedule, I'll pay you double I swear! I just really need this, need your help Jay."

VOICE MESSAGE #5 (11:38 PM):

"Um hi again, this'll be quick I promise. I just wanted you to know that if you can't do this it's okay! Thank you for your time. I really appreciate you.”

VOICE MESSAGE #6 (12:49 AM):

"Oh shit sorry this was an accidental dial. Have a good night haha! Sorry again!”

VOICE MESSAGE #7 (1:23 AM):

"Just give me a call back at XXX-XXX-XXXX if you do want to take the job and if not, no worries! I completely understand how last minute this may be. Have a good night Jay, sweet dreams."

— YOU HAVE ONE NEW VOICE MESSAGE: TO LISTEN PLEASE PRESS NUMBER ONE.

VOICE MESSAGE #1 (3:45 PM):

"Hey Y/N, this is Jay. I got your messages...all seven of them. No worries, I'd be happy to play your boyfriend at your sisters wedding, and about your ex, don’t even worry about him, we'll make sure he regrets his decision to ever leave you. You said we leave next week? Just send me the plane ticket and I'll be on that flight. See you soon Y/N, and don't worry too much, you've got this."

“Woah! Hottie in aisle three am I right?!”

“What are you talking about Sunoo, stop staring at the people riding our planes. It’s a long way back to Korea they don’t need you ogling them for all ten hours.”

“Excuse me but did you not say you’re waiting for your rent-a-boyfriend? Babes I think that’s him.” Sunoo points his perfectly manicured finger towards aisle three where a man dressed in black slacks and a white button up sits comfortably flipping through a book. His head turns up as he feels your eyes on him and a smile flashes across his face.

“Alright, go meet your hunk and sit down, we’re taking off soon anyway.”

You begrudgingly take a seat in front of him, if you’d known he’d be this attractive you’d definitely not have hired him.

“Are you Y/N L/N? Or am I completely wrong and making a fool out of myself?”

His voice is sweet, soft and husky, you turn slightly to face him and meet his soft eyes. No judgement is seen on his face.

“Hi! Yes I am Y/N, I’m assuming you’re Jay? Well you probably are haha, because I got you the seat behind me…okay so anyways hello!”

He laughs softly and nods his head, “Get some rest Y/N, we have a long week ahead of us. When we land let’s go find you a dress and talk business, that okay with you?” Your nod of confirmation has you both relaxed as you turn back around to do just as he said.

“How does this one look?”

“I think you look great in it, remember you’re beautiful and you’ve got a lot going for you. He’s gonna regret ever breaking up with you.”

“Ugh I can’t do it, I need to look good so no one asks me any kinds of questions!”

“Y/N I think you’re overthinking this a bit, just go with whichever dress makes you feel the most beautiful.”

“I think you look the best in the red one, uh personally speaking.” Jay eyes the boy cleaning the other dressing rooms and nods with a tight lipped smile.

“Hmm thanks kids, I’ll keep that in mind.” Pushing back in your eyes fall onto the hanging red dress.

“Alright so let’s talk business, we need a story. You’re the new temp at my job and we just started dating, let’s just say four months ago. You’re crazy about me and I asked you out because surprise surprise I’m also crazy about you too.”

He nods and gets up to leave the room but right as his hand reaches the doorknob you pull him back, closing the dressing room door.

“Here,” you shove an envelope into his hands, “count it. It’s six thousand even.”

Jay takes the envelope and begins putting it into his pocket but you insist he counts the money, he does so with an amused smile flashing across his face.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll pay for the expenses but if you ever want a piece of this,” he gestures to himself playfully, “we gotta talk money before anything happens.” Your scoff makes him chuckle, he’d only been kidding, he’d most definitely let you have him for free if you asked.

Jay takes in the venue of your sisters engagement party. It’s big enough to host more than fifty people, and it’s doing the job pretty well. He can tell you have a big family. From what you’d mentioned, your mom was Korean but moved to America for school and originally met your dad their but when he was out the picture she met your stepfather and the rest was history. Now your little sister, presumably the petite brunette eyeing you both now, was getting married to someone you’d both grown up with and his best man was you ex. Jay thinks your ex is a dumbass but he’s held his tongue on that thought knowing you’d probably get upset with him.

While he’d only known you for a few hours tops (not including your plane ride) he knew you were a kind person. You’d rambled to him about how you and your sister hadn’t spoke in two years yet here you were back at home to spend her wedding with her. He found it odd how you said yes to joining her bridal party activities but chose not to question you. He never understood sibling love much.

He watches as your sister runs towards you pulling you into a big hug, her smile never quite reaching her eyes but you’d never pick up on it if you weren’t paying close attention. He takes a note to ask you later why you two haven’t spoken in so long, but before he can gather his thoughts her voice breaks him out of it.

“So Y/N, who’s this? He’s cute…” her voice trails off and makes Jay internally cringe, it’s obvious she wants a reaction out of you.

He watches as you calmly turn towards him, resting an arm on his as you say, “This is Jay, he’s my boyfriend of four months. I decided I would take you up on that plus one offer!”

Momentarily your sisters eyes flash with what seems to be jealousy or maybe sadness, Jay can’t tell but he knows she looks anything but happy which is odd for someone about to marry the love of their life.

“Wow that’s great! How’d you two meet?”

“We met at work. I thought she was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen in my life so I told her. She asked me out right after and the rest is history.” He pulls you closer and pecks your temple once he’s done answering. He knows just how to push buttons, especially with people like your sister.

At that very moment Park Sunghoon, your childhood best friend and sisters fiancé walks over pulling Soohee into a sloppy kiss, Jay notes he seems tipsy and excited about something. He watches your sisters demeanor change in an instant the minute Sunghoon walks over.

“Woah Y/N it’s been too long, I’ve missed my best friend, you have to visit more often seriously.”

“Oh I’m Park Sunghoon, Soohee’s fiancé and Y/N’s friend, we haven’t met before but I’m happy to see Y/N has someone to put a smile on her face.” His smile is captivating and contagious. Sunghoon seems like a nice enough guy in Jay’s eyes.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” Jay leans over and offers a hand. “I’m Jay, Y/N’s boyfriend. She told me you invited me to join in on the groomsmen activities, thanks a lot I’m excited.”

“Of course! Any friend of hers is a friend of mine. Let me get your number and I’ll add you to the groupchat, we start soon so just be ready.” With the promise to text soon Sunghoon and Soohee are quickly whisked away leaving Jay with Y/N.

“Your sister seems…nice…”

Y/N can’t hide her laugh as she straightens her dress out, “Mhm love her to death but she can be a lot, now if you’ll excuse me I need to pee, I’ve had way too many drinks! Wait for me here.”

When exiting the bathroom you never thought you’d run into Lee Heeseung here of all places. It seemed as if lady luck was anywhere but on your side, as you watch him emerge from the door next to the same one you’d just came out of, his eyes grow wide as he spots you, quickly making his way towards you.

“Holy shit, Y/N! I was hoping I would see you here! You look beautiful as always.”

Your hearts beats as you look up towards him. It’d been almost a year since you’d last saw Lee Heeseung. He’d broken your heart in all of five minutes over the phone after spending a week in America with you. It was heart wrenching and soul crushing but you’d healed…or so you thought. Seeing Heeseung again was like ripping off a bandaid on a newly fresh wound. Heart begging to be held by him once more you knew immediately you had to find a way away from him and fast.

Thankfully just as you’d pulled away from his arms up ran your old friend Karina. She’d been someone you’d hung out with in high school and always called you up whenever you visited Seoul. Her squeals of excitement and hands pulling you into a hug helped with the longing to be next to Heeseung again. She looked towards him with hostility and popped the question right there in front of him.

“Y/N I’ve missed you so much! AH! Who’s the hottie you brought with you? Rumor has it he’s your new boyfriend…you tell me though, wanna hear it straight from the source herself.”

At this Heeseung’s head perks up from his previous gaze at the floor. He’s expecting to hear an answer, it’s obvious in the way his eyes stay on you.

“Oh. Um yeah. He’s actually my boyfriend. His name is Jay and we met at work. He’s the sweetest, you have to meet him! I’ll introduce you two soon.” Once again Karina’s squeals fill the air and Heeseung waves goodbye as she tugs you towards where Jay stands surrounded by your aunties. They seem to be enjoying the compliments he throws at them and you laugh quietly as you listen in on his conversations with them.

Jay watches as you stop to talk to someone by the doors of the bathroom, he contemplates walking over to you but decides to stop himself. He isn’t here to protect you, you can do that all on your own, he’s just here to provide some comfort in a stressful situation. His peaceful time of watching you is quickly interrupted when your aunties come over and preoccupy him. He’s done this before and is quick to play the best boyfriend he can be.

As soon as you walk over you’re pulled away by your aunties (much to his dismay) so Jay sets off to find something to keep himself busy. He soon spots the same man you were talking to earlier out on the balcony alone and decides to talk to him, he seems upset, might as well do something while you’re gone.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jay asks walking over swiftly to the man and smiling down at him.

“Oh. Uh. I guess it can’t get any worse than this. There’s this girl who I care about a lot,” he pauses to look back inside and Jay follows his gazes to where you sit with your sister and friend from before and his mind begins to turn, “I guess you could say I love her but of course with my luck, she’s here with some other guy.”

Jay lets out a low whistle and begins to talk but before he can process the situation you’re asking him if he’s okay and giving him a kiss on the lips, it leaves him dazed.

“Hey Y/N.” Heeseung says once quietly.

“Hey Y/N.” He repeats, this time louder than before.

Jay has a sudden realization as he looks back up at Heeseung, this is your ex, the same ex who broke your heart and the reason you hired him to be here.

“Oh hey Hee! Jay, this is Heeseung, he’s my ex.”

“Ah that’s why you looked a bit familiar.”

“What were you two talking about?”

“We were just-” Heeseung begins to talk but Jay cuts him off.

“I was telling him how we met.”

Heeseung nods frantically and stands tall again, he nervously grabs his cup and smiles, “I should head back inside, I’ll see you two later.”

“Did you see his face? Omg he looked so freaked out!”

“Mhm, and he told me he’s still head over heels in love with a girl he cares about a lot.”

Y/N’s bright smile bubbled up a feeling in Jay’s chest, but he shook it off as quickly as it came.

“Let’s get going pretty girl, I still need to meet your parents.”

Your house is huge, and yeah sure Jay is used to big houses, he grew up comfortably so houses around him were on the bigger side, but this house - your house is massive. He’s in awe as you stumble threw the front door hand in hand. A woman who looks just like you approaches speaking so quickly that Jay misses her question, but thankfully you’re quick to answer it.

“Hi mom. This is Jay,” a silent pause ensues after you reveal who he is to her.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Jay, sorry we don’t have a spare room for you. We weren’t exactly expecting you, Y/N has never really brought you up.” Jay can tell immediately who your sister takes after.

“No worries ma’am, I can just stay with Y/N.”

“Oh sorry my mom has this thing against boys sleeping with girl-”

Your mothers scoff cuts you off, her head shaking slowly, “Nonsense Y/N, you’re an adult. I know you two sleep together it’s normal, he’ll stay with you.”

You nod back at her wide eyed, and just as you’re about to speak a man pops up next to your mother, this time Jay does know who he is. Your lock-screen holds a picture of you two at a concert and you’d pointed out exactly who your stepfather was to him immediately. He waves a quick hello at Jay and pecks your temple, but he’s quick to whisks your mother away sending you a wink. Once you’ve made it to your room it’s almost midnight and both of you are exhausted from traveling and the party.

“Y/N, I’m gonna go ahead and shower, could you hand me my shampoo? I forgot to grab it and I’m already in.”

“Huh? Oh! Shampoo right…yeah of course I’ll get it right now.” Trudging over to Jay was easy, avoiding looking at the almost see-through shower curtain covering him was completely different. He smiles once you hand over the shampoo and goes back to humming along to a song stuck in his head.

“Hey Jay, what’s your story, like how did you get into rent-a-boyfriend?” You ask him taking a seat on the lid of the toilet.

“Well I’m an only child and my parents where always busy, grew up with very little friends and I was very protected at that. I like to think I was the weird kid who ate glue…anyways once I got my much needed glow up I didn’t know what to do with myself so I just started messing around. Clubbing, drinking, sex, all of that you know. Anyways my friend Jake found rent-a-boyfriend,” he steps out of the shower and stands directly in front of you, towel loosely wrapped around his waist, “and the rest is history.” He sends you a smirk before reaching for his phone sitting next to you on the counter, giving you the perfect view of his toned chest.

“Whatever, so what you just agreed to be a fake boyfriend like that?”

“Mhm, I trust Jake with my life he’s my best friend, dude would never sign me up for something that he knew I’d hate. Now come on it’s time for bed.”

The next day wedding activities start quickly, your sister has a day planned full for the groomsmen and bridesmaids. Things ranging from kickball (which Jay seems to be very good at and just so happens to beat Heeseung’s team in) to separate bachelor and bachelorette parties.

Both parties go great, with both you and Jay enjoying yourselves equally, but if you’d asked the other you’d both say all you wanted to do was go back home and see each other. It was an odd realization knowing you’d feel better at home with Jay, a mere stranger in your eyes.

“Y/N! Ugh I’ve been looking all over for you! I missed you so much, you really suck for not visiting more. I know we’re half sisters but I love you!! I missed you so freaking much,” Soohee slurs her words into your ear as she pulls you into a suffocating hug. You nod uncomfortably and hug her back, patting her on the back as she signals the bartender for more drinks. Just from the way she stares at you, you know the night is going to be long.

On Jay’s end of things he’s forced to take home a very drunk Sunghoon, who now seems more like a friend then a stranger. Earlier he’d over heard Heeseung telling Sunghoon about how he didn’t trust him, and while normally Jay didn’t care much for how people saw him, Heeseung really irked him. Yet here he was now, helping his best friend stumble home after their night out.

“Don’t tell Heeseung I said this, but Y/N looks way more happy with you then she ever did with him. I mean don’t get me wrong he’s my best friend and I’d literally die for him but the way she smiles at you is so different from any way she’s ever looked at him. I heard you the other day, telling her she was strong and could face everyone again. I was standing next to the door you two were by, anyways yeah Heeseung would have never done that. I love that idiot to death but the second he decided to break things off with her was the second he lost a really great person. You’re lucky Jay, can you just please keep her happy?”

Jay nods at him and Sunghoon sends him a grin, he walks up the steps to his house and waves a final goodbye back to him. Sunghoon’s words play in Jay’s head like a turntable, were you really happy with him? Did he seriously make you happy? Giddiness spread through him as he made his way back to your home only a couple doors down, ready to see you for the night.

Walking back into your bedroom and seeing Jay laid out reading a book half naked was a sight you’d never get tired of. He looked up at you taking in your figure and smiled.

“How was your night pretty?” The low gruffness of his voice sent shivers down your spine as you walked closer, watching as he sat up to meet your eyes.

“Something on your mind?” He asks quietly taking your hands in his.

“I’m going to do something, and if you don’t want it just tell me no, okay?” Jay nods with curiosity in his eyes.

His eyes widen as you straddle his lap, kissing him softly. He wasn’t expecting that, but he’s not complaining, soon enough he’s kissing back and you’re both rushing to undress one another, Jay more than you.

The night ended far too quickly and as you wake up with a snug arm wrapped around you, the memories of last night come flooding back in. You’d had sex with Jay, your rented boyfriend for the week, but it seemed neither of you minded it much, both eager to be together last night. A smile forms across your face as you move to stand only to be stopped by his arm tightening around your waist.

You both stumble downstairs hand in hand, running into both your parents. Your father stares at you two and wishes you a good morning, but your mother seems to sense something is different with you both. She sets down her coffee mug and calls for your cook to make breakfast. Jay is quick to make you your morning tea. He remembers how much you hate coffee.

After the dance class your sister plans for both parties, you’re left walking around a park with Jay. He can sense something is off as you slip your hand away from his grasp.

“Y/N are you okay?”

“Do you regret last night?”

You both speak at the same time, laughing awkwardly as you gesture for one another to speak first.

“I don’t regret last night Y/N,” he pauses to grab your hand, “I actually enjoyed it very much.” His laugh fills the tension filled air between you two.

“Are you sure? I can seriously pay you if that’s what you want I mean-” a tug at your wrist stops you from finishing, Jay shakes his head at you.

“Y/N you’re a beautiful idiot,” he sighs pulling you closer, “I was joking about paying me, and if you must know I’ve never slept with a client, ever.”

“Then why did you sleep with me? Oh god did I take advantage of you in a drunken state? Oh my god Jay.”

“No you idiot, I did it because I’m attracted to you, and you’re attracted to me, we’re two consenting adults who find one another attractive so we acted on it, that’s all.”

You nod at his words, still not fully agreeing with him but there wasn’t any other explanation, you were attracted to him so just as he said, you’d acted on it, that was all.

You two spend the day getting to know one another even more, Jay tells you his likes and dislikes, mother and fathers name, how he met Jake, and more. You spend hours talking before falling asleep cuddled up on your bed, tomorrow you both had to be up early for Soohee’s final days of wedding activities, starting with a nice family get together at your parents lake house.

What happens the next day is not something Jay ever wanted to deal with. As he watches you twirl around with your friends and run through the field chasing Sunghoon surrounding the lake behind your parents house, his insides churn at the thought of what he just witnessed. Not even an hour before Jay had actually gotten your fathers approval, he sat him down and they talked for an hour, he’d told Jay the story of his first time being introduced to you as his wife’s daughter and immediately knowing you’d be someone special in his life. He recounted how not a day went by where he didn’t worry about you alone in America but when you had showed up with him, Jay, on your arm his worries dwindled at the loving looks Jay sent your way.

This was not fun anymore, the angel and devil perched on his shoulders were fighting over what to do with the information he’d learned. Either he tell you and hurt you, or he could keep it to himself and just pretend he never knew a thing. The latter sounded perfect in his mind.

“And well sometimes we find the best thing for us and you know that’s not the best thing for others, so you have to do what’s best for you as a person you know and so that’s why we as humans always pick what’s best for us, we’re pretty selfish if you think about it really.”

Looking anywhere but Heeseung you’d spotted Jay, he smiled and waved you over, quickly bidding Heeseung and his odd dialogue a goodbye you’d ran straight towards an awaiting Jay.

“You seem to be very popular today Mr.Park. First my dad and just now my mom? Something tells me they like you.”

His chuckle sends butterflies through your stomach, “Yeah they said they’re excited to welcome me to the family, something about you having a terrible ex who wasted your time for four years? Your moms words, not mine.”

“She hates his guts, glad she likes you though.”

He smiles leaning in to peck your lips, “Yeah I’m glad she likes me too, kinda plan on staying for a bit.”

“Hey lovebirds, we’re taking pictures, come here!”

The next day, is the day before the wedding and it’s just as packed as all the other days but this time it’s filled with anxiety, Soohee and Sunghoon are buzzing with anxious excitement, your parents are terrified for tomorrow and everyone is sitting anxiously awaiting to give their toast.

Soohee wanted a closed family rehearsal dinner so they’d decided today would be the day to do it.

Jay sits next to you with his left hand rubbing your thigh, he listens as your mother recounts how you and Soohee fought over a boy when you were in both in grade school, she theorizes that’s why you two have a hard time getting along. Everyone laughs at the stories spewing from both your parents, the atmosphere is almost perfect. Perfect however, does not exist within this realm of people.

“Hey babe, I’m gonna go get more wine, don’t miss me too much.” You whisper to Jay standing and walking off towards the wine cellar.

A pair of footsteps catches your attention and when you turn around you spot Heeseung.

“I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“Heeseung, relax. It’s fine. I promise.”

“I just feel like I should tell you that, god this is so fucking hard.”

“Did you know, I actually brought Jay to make you jealous, to torture you for the week, but then I don’t know, something happened and now I’m just so freaking happy with him. He makes me so happy honestly, and if we’re being honest Hee, I am so tired of this, of me and you. I’m ready to move on for good so let’s just go back upstairs and enjoy the rest of the evening.”

The weight on your shoulders feels lifted, you’d been wanting to finally feel free from Heeseung for months now and finally you were able to do it. Finally you could be happy and be with-

“I slept with Soohee, Y/n. I slept with your sister and I think I’m in love with her. It was two years ago, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, that’s why I broke up with you, and then after we broke up we keep sleeping with each other for a few months. We stopped because of you, we knew it was wrong.”

“Can you please say something Y/N. Please just say anything please.” His pleas pierced your ears.

The wine cellar had begun to spin, the second he’d first told you, the room went dark and you couldn’t breathe properly. What the fuck just happened. Heeseung and Soohee slept together? He had cheated on you with your sister? He was in love with her.

Walking out the cellar Heeseung followed quickly behind, soon enough you’d made it back outside to the dinning area, Karina spotted you two and smiled wide but it soon dropped at your demeanor.

“Oh my god he told you didn’t he.”

“You knew?”

“Y/N I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“You sound just like him.”

“I promise it’s not like that Y/N-“

“Y/N?” Soohee’s voice pierces through the air around you and you know she knows what’s happening.

“Y/N please listen to me,” she tries resting her hand on your shoulder but you push her off, “Y/N please don’t say anything to Sunghoon. Please, I’m begging you.”

Strong arms pull you into them and you’re quick to hug him back. Jay feels like a breath of fresh air in the seemingly smog filled venue.

“I can’t believe you told her!” Soohee shouts as Jay stills in your arms and your world crashes all over again.

Jay watches as you take a step away from him, pushing him towards the others who’d betrayed your trust. His heart aches at the look you send him, he knows he’s fucked up, he’s fucked up really bad.

He chases after you as you walk away from the venue, he needs to make things right.

After the talk with your dad, Jay realized he’d forgotten the sun hat you’d asked him to bring outside for you so he trudged back inside to grab it but loud arguing distracted him. Being the gentleman he was, Jake liked to call him that at least, he walked over to the room to see what was happening and standing before him he saw Soohee and Heeseung. The arguing continued as he stepped into view of them.

“I love you Soohee, I miss us, I miss you.”

“Heeseung no. I love Sunghoon, we slept together for a few months but that is all it ever was. I am getting married to Sunghoon, your best friend.”

“You don’t think I know that? It kills me to see you with him!”

Jay is left speechless, your ex Heeseung and your very own sister, had slept together. He had to get away from them both, now.

“Jay? How long have you been standing there.” Soohee’s voice broke him out his thoughts and when he looked back up Heeseung was gone.

“I don’t know what you heard but it’s in the past Jay, it’s not important anymore, please just stay out of it, it doesn’t involve you.” She pushes past him out the door he’s standing next to. Jay is left wondering what to do with the information he’s just been presented..

“You knew and you didn’t tell me? How could you do that to me Jay?”

“What did you want me to say? It’s harder than it seems Y/N.”

“You lied to me. But I guess I should have expected that since that’s what you do. That’s who you are Jay, you’re a liar.”

“Really Y/N? Should I remind you that you hired me. You hired me to be your boyfriend, you’re paying me.”

“You’re right. I paid six thousand dollars for a lie and in the end I’m the only one coming out a fucking fool.”

“Hate me all you want Y/N, but it’s time you get over this Heeseung thing, you’re dragging it out, maybe now though, once you move on from Heeseung, you can cry over our relationship long enough and let it ruin your next one too.”

“Y/N? I came to say thank you for not outing me to Sunghoon today. I’m going to tell him, I just don’t want to tell him the night before our wedding.”

“You’re smart Soohee, telling him after the wedding allows you to trap him, because you know the minute he finds out you fucked his best friend repeatedly behind his back he’ll want to leave, but he won’t be able to because he’s married to you.”

“Don’t worry Soohee, your wedding tomorrow will be perfect. I’ll smile for the camera and keep my mouth shut but after tomorrow I never want to see or speak to you again. I hope you have a happy marriage built on the lies you created. Sunghoon deserves better then you’ll ever be able to give him.” Soohee’s quiet sobs lessen as she leaves the room. Finally you had some peace.

The day of the wedding felt like a blur, you’d woken up early to get your hair and makeup done, smiling when needed and laughing at whatever the bridal party said. It felt like you were a shell of nothing in your own body. Soohee tossed glance after glance at you, looking away quickly when you’d catch her. She’d never been one to like when people were upset with her and you knew it was driving her crazy to not know what you were thinking. Truth be told at any moment you could call up Sunghoon and tell him the truth, but a voice of reason seemed to still be lingering in your mind and it made you hope she’d do the right thing, tell him before the wedding continued, yet so far it didn’t seem like she’d be doing that.

Everyone rushed around the wedding chapel to get things in order, photographers and other vendors Soohee had hired ran around finding their places to make sure the day went as planned but the nerves in her stomach just wouldn’t go away. The echo of your words rattled in her mind, would she really be trapping Sunghoon? She knew if it were her, she’d want an out. She cursed you in her head as she made the decision to do the right thing, he deserved to know at least. Hopefully he’d be able to forgive her, hopefully he still wanted her.

Jay thinks whatever god is looking down on him right now is probably laughing his ass off at his suffering. He knows he shouldn’t have snapped back at you, especially not with the state of mind you had been in. It fucking broke him to hear your sobs as he turned away from you. On top of all that, now he was just going to up and leave you. He’d bought a plane ticket back home last night after talking to Sunghoon. He didn’t spill any descriptive details, and had told him a less intense version of your fight. Sunghoon laughed in his face and told him he was just in love. Jay told him to fuck off and shut up.

As he drove down the roads of the rural Korean countryside, thoughts filled his mind. He brought the car to a stop and contemplated what to do. On one hand, he had a plane ticket and his suitcases packed to go back home right now but on the other, all he had to do was turn around, pray you’d forgive him, apologize, and admit that Sunghoon was right.

Pulling him from his thoughts was the man himself, speak of the devil and he shall appear apparently. Jay looked up to find Sunghoon chasing after a very scared looking Heeseung. Someone had finally told him then, that was good. He watched as Sunghoon tackled Heeseung and they rolled down a hill. Heeseung escaped and continued running, never looking back. Sunghoon on the other hand stopped to catch his breath, catching sight of Jay in his car. He waved him down and hopped into the seat next to him.

“I love Soohee, I really do. I’m going to forgive her, she said they slept together before we officially got together and it stopped once I asked her out. I just wanted to beat his ass because he hurt Y/N.”

Jay nodded as Sunghoon rambled on about how insane Heeseung was for ever doing what he did to you. He blamed them both but he could only poor his anger out on Heeseung right now.

“Do you think I’m crazy for taking her back? For still wanting to marry her?”

“No, you love her, anyone can see. I think she’s obviously sorry, she could have not told you and just made you marry her but she gave you a choice and came clean. When you love someone you have that kind of courage, and you let others dictate your life for you even if one of the outcomes could ruin you forever.” As Jay spoke aloud to Sunghoon reality set in, he needed to go back to you, to apologize for his mistakes, to show you he loved you and accepted you and anything you decided he was worthy of having.

“Looks like we’ve got a wedding to go back to then, and I’m out a best man so what do ya say?”

Jay smiled and nodded at Sunghoon.

“Hell yeah man, let’s go.”

Seeing you again felt surreal, it made Jay’s heart beat a million times per minute. You looked gorgeous in the bridesmaids dress Soohee had picked for you, your hair beautifully styled to perfectly match you. Jay had never felt this happy, he’d never felt so excited to do something.

As Sunghoon had ran past you, Jay jogged up to you, pulling you into a kiss, he’d been wanting to kiss you again for so long, he melted within the first second of it.

“God Y/N, you have no idea how fucking sorry I am, I love you and I should have told you about Heeseung and Soohee, I just couldn’t bring myself to break your heart. I never want to be the one to hurt you, I love you so damn much, I’d rather give you up then hurt you. I know it hasn’t been long but I feel like we’ve known each other for years. I want to take you on a date, a real one, and I want to be your boyfriend, your real boyfriend, not one you rented for a week, and I need you to know that I’ll take anything you want to give me, I didn’t mean what I said yesterday, you didn’t ruin anything. Hell I’m the one ruining things. I just need you to know I care about you.”

“I realized today that I could never do what I did without you this past week. You are quite literally the best fake boyfriend anyone could ask for. I want to have you to myself Jay, don’t want to share you with anyone else, I’m done sharing. I want you to be mine, but really mine, not for a week, for a lifetime.”

“Glad we’re on the same page beautiful. We can talk more when we have the time but right now we have to head inside, I’m sorta the best man.”

Epilogue

Jay has you pressed against his kitchen counter attacking your neck when banging on his apartment door brings you both out of the lovestruck trance you’re currently in.

“Open up you fucker!”

Jay rolls his eyes at the voice clearly recognizing it immediately, but as he goes to open the door it flies open, hitting the back wall.

“Why’d you quit rent-a-boyfriend? Bro you were literally number one! I know I said I wanted to steal it from you but I didn’t mean that way idiot.”

“You can ask her why I deleted it.” He replies, pointing towards your direction.

Now standing and properly dressed, you wave at the man before you, he seems just as confused as you are.

“Pretty girl, this is my best friend Jake, and Jake this is my girlfriend Y/N.” A smile spreads across Jake’s face and he’s quick to pull you into a hug.

“Oh dude! You should have just said that! I see why now, what a dog! She’s way to pretty for you by the way.”

“Thanks Jake, I know I am but he’s a good kisser so I keep him around.”

“I like her already! Wanna go get some lunch? On me of course to celebrate you finding a girl who actually likes you and isn’t paying you to date her.”

“Deal, but just so you know, I did pay him to date me. Not anymore though.”

Jake’s mouth hangs open as you walk past him to grab your shoes, he’s astonished that someone as gorgeous as you needed to pay for a date. Jay sends him a look and promises to explain at lunch as he chases after you.

Jake would never admit it out loud but he’s happy Jay’s finally found someone to make him happy and the smile on your faces just shows him how right you are for one another.

Three years later he’s proven right as he opens up the envelope addressed to him. It’s an invitation that reads –

“You are happily invited to the wedding of Jay Park and Y/N L/N on the 31st of October, at three o’clock. Please join them for this amazing celebration!”

coco’s love note: ahhh and that’s a wrap on the wedding date! I really hope you all enjoyed it, honestly it was really fun to write especially coming up with things to fit the characters I chose for this fic in specific :) it was hard making heeseung the bad ex but he was the perfect fit 😭 and i love jay being the ml like he’s perfect for rom-coms!! anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic and as always, feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3

[manicpixiefelix]

head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 17.

Summary: Learning little things, and big things, on these summer days. About each other, and how the world sees you all, in the garden, in the family room, in hindsight, in the study late at night.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: reader, felix, venetia, and oliver getting high in the garden together, some degrading language (kind of a given any time venetia and reader are in the same room at this point), heavy discussion about the reader's parental trauma/neglect

A/N: 5812 words. i think i cast venetia in a bad light sometimes which i feel bad about because i love her to pieces, and she and the reader love each other very much its just that she's gotten used to being arguably too verbally prickly with them in order to rile her brother up mostly, and she forgets (and maybe i do too) what that looks like from the outside. anyways, just for absolutely no reason whatsoever, have you ever looked up what different flowers mean in flower language? much to think about.

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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Venetia rolls her joints with little hearts at the end where the filter would go if it were simply a cigarette. It's a trick she learned during what she calls her 'gap year', what Elspeth calls her 'grand wine tour of Europe', and what Felix and Farleigh have recently started cruelly referring to as 'the year Venetia inspired a TV show'. While you do think it's mean, you also quietly agree that Billie Piper bares a striking resemblance to the young Catton woman in the ads you'd seen for Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Cruel implications is all you would say on the matter, not that either of the boys had been game enough to say it to her face.

But the thought floats through your mind in this moment, taking just a moment to admire the way she's expertly curled the paper before you bring it to your lips. She watches you with that smile that tends to intimidate others, sharp and mean and hungry, sharp gaze on your lips as you inhale, lips remaining sealed as you offer the next hit to Felix on your right. Venetia's focus follows the joint, straying from you to admire the way her brother takes a hit before he too passes it on to Oliver.

Felix muses to no-one in particular about how long it's been since he'd been out here to the Fairy Ring Garden, but only gets a response from Oliver, and a strained one at that as your guest holds smoke in his lungs as long as he's able, muttering that it's beautiful. Sitting on the grass in the morning sun, you squint at the iPod in your hands, trying to choose some music.

Venetia suggests Amy Winehouse. Felix calls his sister tragic under his breath, to which she flips him off. Still, it's the best suggestion you've got so far, so moments later, the singer's rich vocals warble out of the little, portable speaker you'd plugged into the headphone port.

"Good dog," Venetia says with a particularly mean sneer in her brother's direction as she takes the iPod out of your hands to place it on the grass, replacing it with the joint you'd all been passing around once more. Out of instinct, you place your free hand on Felix's chest, telling him that whatever reaction he was going to have really wasn't worth it. Venetia rolls her eyes, "boo, you whore," she snarks, laying back on the grass.

"I'm taking the rest of this as compensation for emotional damages," you hold the joint between two fingers, telling Felix to just roll another from the kit still sitting in the middle of the impromptu circle the four of you had made. Much to both yours and Felix's surprise, Oliver moves too quickly to let him, rolling with the air of someone who'd seen it done often without having done it himself.

Both you and Felix watch him for quite a while as he stumbles through the task like a baby deer taking it's first steps. Things are getting fuzzy and warm around the edges already, and you're caught up in watching the way Oliver's hands work.

"Why 'd you put up with her?" Oliver asks bluntly, frowning at his work. Venetia's indignant 'hey' goes otherwise ignored by the three of you and it takes a long moment for Felix to respond.

"She's my sister?" But in his confusion it sounds more like a question, talking about Venetia like she's not even there. But Oliver stops, and finally looks at him; he offers a rather sad looking, clearly unfinished joint, not as an offering but as a silent request for help. Felix takes it and tries not to look too endeared by Oliver's failed attempt as he fixes it.

"Not you, Felix," Oliver, after a moment, looks away from Felix, right to you, eyes wide and earnest as he watches you take a long draft of your own joint, now burned well down. His gaze makes his intentions clear, but still he offers, "she's mean to you too." Too, like he'd pointed out about Farleigh all those months ago.

"They like it," Venetia scoffs at the sky dismissively, but Oliver refuses to acknowledge her, even if Felix takes a moment to scowl at his sister and her constant, casual degradation of you. But a slow, amused smile spreads across your lips in the moments that follow, you can't help it.

"I love that you worry about me, Ollie," you sigh almost dreamily. Clearly not expecting that, you have the pleasure of watching Oliver blush with surprise, "you're so fucking pretty, Ollie," you add, though you're pretty sure you couldn't have stopped yourself from saying that out loud if you tried. He blushes harder, while Felix and Venetia both try and stifle their giggles; you take another hit, tilting your head just a little as you look at him, analysing him. Finally, when you ask his favourite flower out of seemingly nowhere, Oliver seems like he can't function under your gaze like this, and chooses to lay back in the grass, mirroring Venetia.

"Darling, you're such a lightweight," Felix snorts, speaking from the corner of his mouth as he holds the rerolled joint between his lips as if intending to light it. Before he can flick the lighter on, however, you take his chin gently in hand, guiding him to you, pressing the still-glowing end of your own joint to his unlit one for several long seconds, until his caught successfully.

When you and Felix join your companions in laying back on the grass, you do so together. His arm is around you, coaxing you to lay with your head on his chest, beside him under this perfectly blue sky.

"Why would you want to know something like that?" Oliver's voice reminds you he's there only moments later.

"Because their robot brain needs to know everything about everyone at all times," at least Venetia sounds fond when she chimes in, even if her words aren't exactly the most complimentary.

"You're lucky you're pretty, Vee," Felix cuts in with a casually cruel tone; you can feel the way he twitches with irritation, "because you have so few other redeeming features."

"I am pretty," Venetia agrees airily, pointedly ignoring his insult, "you're such a darling brother, Felix," she adds with painfully sarcastic faux-sweetness. Felix's only response was to sigh with incredibly loud disappointment, while you tried to stifle your giggling, caught up in the sensation of him tracing abstract patterns up and down your arms, and the idea that you could count on the ever-relaxed Felix Catton to always come to your defence. Had this been the case for years? Over a decade? Yes. Would it always make you a little bit giddy to think about? Almost definitely.

"And it's not like I'm wrong," Venetia finally broached the silence once more, "as if they don't already know our favourite flowers," she points out, before making a rather insistent noise. You bark at her command, it seems - those cheerful little yellow ones on the inner ring of flowers - dismissive, but the sound of her scoff has you correcting yourself, suddenly feeling a sting of shame and not quite knowing why.

"The chrysanthemums." The other three echo the name of the flower, one right after the other, all taking turns to turn it over in their minds and mouths as you almost burn your fingers finishing off your joint. As if trying to prove yourself, you add, interrupting them all, "Fi's are forget-me-nots."

Felix seems surprised to agree, like even he'd forgotten that detail about himself, or perhaps forgotten that he'd shared it with you, while Venetia's laughter has turned fond and knowing; it's a little condescending too, like she'd expected as much from you, but you try not to dwell on it. It's Oliver's voice that you focus on, endeared as he quietly murmurs the name of the flower to himself, like he can't quite believe something as soft as Felix having a favourite flower.

"Now I'm curious, Ollie," Felix finally speaks up, and you hear the grass shift beneath his head. He must be turning to look at the man in question, "do you have a favourite flower?" He pauses for a moment, "or is this one of our weird things, like wearing cuff-links to dinner every night?" He tries to play it off, but there's those notes of self consciousness that you're surprised he often gets when talking about tradition around Saltburn.

The grass near Oliver rustles, but your comfort overrides your intrigue to watch him.

"I think it's fox... Something?" Oliver says after a moment, "my favourite flower," he clarifies, "I haven't put much thought into it," he admits. You hum thoughtfully before asking if it could be foxglove. He confirms as much before going quiet.

There's a lull that follows in which Felix asks after Farleigh's whereabouts. Farleigh should be here, your hazy mind immediately chirps, you love Farleigh! Venetia sighs, sounding incredibly put-upon to be explaining that Farleigh was in the computer room, obsessing over his ex-boyfriend's MySpace updates that he'd missed lately. The ones about the tour.

"The guy from that Broadway show?" Felix asks with vague interest.

"No, his ex-girlfriend is touring with that Broadway musical, that he knows about, that he at least pretends he doesn't care about," Venetia corrected, "the ex-boyfriend is that one from that band, the one who wrote that song about him that got nominated for that award?"

"Grammy," you supplied automatically.

"Right," Venetia barely acknowledged you, "anyways, he's on that big, American tour with all those tragic, emo bands that are a big deal, which is apparently news to our dear cousin."

"Is that the one we were all talking about getting tickets to a few months ago?" Felix asks after a moment of silence, patting you on the arm as if his words weren't enough to get your attention. You hum in confirmation.

"I think so; The Warped Tour, we were going to make a vacation of it in LA this summer," you sighed rather forlornly at how the idea never got off the ground, "it was Anabel's idea -"

"- God, she's always been such a groupie for those kinds of boy-band-types -" Felix mutters derisively under his breath as if he hadn't spent the better part of two semesters inviting her to his dorm to listen to him play guitar knowing full well she'd practically be on her knees at the very suggestion. So of course you ignored that aside to finish your explanation.

"- except she turned around and said she hated the line up, when really she didn't want to admit her passport expired and she couldn't be bothered with the paperwork for a new one -"

"Actually," Oliver chimes in, though you're not sure if he was adding to the conversation, or if he'd even been listening, "when I was a boy I got to go to this botanical garden that had all these fancy flowers usually from the rest of the world." Oh. Flowers again? Sure. "There were these ones that got flown in from Australia, and I couldn't help thinking that they weren't worth it to fly all the way over here from Australia. Too long and curly and pointy; pretty, but not the kind that..." something about the way he speaks about the experience, about the flowers, it catches in your mind; Australian, long, curly, pointy, pretty, you tried to commit to memory, "that's worth spending your time on." He clears his throat and his tone seems almost forcibly lighter, "foxgloves are prettier, wouldn't you think? Yeah..."

Silence hangs between you all for several long, pensive moments.

"What colour were they?" You ask softly.

"Foxgloves?" Oliver knows you don't mean the foxgloves. He asks anyways. Everything always for the sake of the act, the pantomime of propriety.

"No."

"Red."

There is no more that needs to be said in the moment, but later you will be grateful when the details stick through the haze of your memories. Through the quiet, Venetia mentions how she misses the purple pincushions, how sweet and strange they were, and how cruel you have been to order the gardeners to prune the flowers before they can ever bloom.

The mere mention of those purple fucking pincushion flowers sours your mood; your one regret amongst your garden, a conceit to Felix that even he wishes he could take back knowing now how much you'd end up hating them. It's been a year since a single purple pincushion has bloomed in your garden, and you've been down here at least once a day all Summer, meticulous, pruning the bulbs yourself with much malice aforethought. Part of you is so filled with fury in this moment that you consider going over and uprooting the plants by hand right now, but Felix's arm around you, Felix's chest, solid and warm beneath your head, Felix's steady heartbeat in your ear, he grounds you.

For now you must simply remain content knowing that none of Eddie's precious, purple pincushions will ever bloom upon the grounds of the Saltburn Estate again.

"Venetia," expression pinched, you address her with far more coldness than you think you've ever directed towards her before, "shut up."

You don't remember when exactly during the day you asked Duncan to fetch you all the botany-related books in the house that made mention of plants native to the Asia-Pacific region. Knowing yourself, and knowing Duncan, however, you're not surprised by the small, neat stack you find the following evening on your desk in the lilac study.

While you fully intended on continuing your trend of wearing something provocative and continuing the pantomime of propriety with Oliver as the two of you had been doing each night for almost a week, Sir James raises the suggestion of a family movie night instead. Felix whines when Venetia and Farleigh champion the suggestion of a scary movie, and pouts when they bully Oliver into agreeing with them.

"Don't ask them," Farleigh groans when you're called upon for your opinion, "they're just going to say whatever Felix said but in a different voice," he rolled his eyes. You and Felix both choosing to flick little pieces of cantaloupe at him from your desserts does nothing but strengthen his argument.

Nobody thinks to ask Poor Dear Pamela her opinion, sitting at the end of the table, looking less than thrilled by the suggestion of The Ring, so everyone else decides that you and Felix are out numbered. On the way back to your rooms to change out of your dinner clothes, Oliver tries to apologise, and Felix tries to pretend that it's fine and he's just putting it on for Venetia and Farleigh and that he absolutely does not have the temperament of a rabbit when it came to anything scary. He is, of course, lying. But Oliver doesn't realise that just yet.

Venetia, always invigorated by a social triumph such as this, and never one to let a well-earned moment of joy pass her by, tucks her arm in Oliver's as the family meets back up in the living room. The moment is not missed by either you or Felix, who both glower at her bold display of affection as she ignores you and pulls Oliver onto the sofa. The large, plush armchair next to the sofa, with it's wide, low arms almost fits both you and Felix, though it's more of a token gesture than anything. No-one is surprised when he pulls you into his lap less than ten minutes after the film begins, arms around you and watching with his chin on your shoulder, ready to hide his face against your shoulder at a moment's notice.

When the film ends and the lights come back on, Venetia finally notices how you and her brother are sitting, and opens her mouth with malicious intent in her eyes.

"Watch it," you warned her before she could say any choice, disparaging remarks, "remember who's kept you off of What Not To Wear the past six years," you remind her; Felix, giving you a little squeeze, levels a smug smile at his older sister over your shoulder. Venetia closes her mouth, expression immediately turning.

"I can't believe they're still making that show," she spits, stalking from the room. Farleigh, finally getting up and stretching, follows her out at a far more relaxed pace.

"I can't believe they're still fighting Y/N to put you on it."

With those two having left, Elspeth and Pamela both give you curious looks, Elspeth asking if it was true. You confirmed as much with a blithe shrug, finally getting to your feet.

"Years ago one of the hosts was trying to track Ven down after seeing her on a red carpet and word got back to dad - or, well, his assistant at the time - and he remembered that I'm pretty close with the Cattons," you gave a humourless smile, offering Felix your hand to help him up from the sofa, which he gladly took, "however Ven was deeply offended when I asked her if she wanted to be on the show," Felix let himself chuckle at that, while Oliver was taking longer to stand, strange look on his face as he listened to you with surprisingly rapt attention.

"And they've been, what, continuing to ask after her even though she's said no?" Elspeth frowned, but you sighed, shaking your head.

"No, apparently Ven sent in a particularly rude letter despite me informing them of her refusal, and now dad's assistants seem to think I'm her agent and I get a call every time the show is threatening to add her photo to a montage of worst-dressed celebrities."

"Didn't she freak out when you refused to get an episode pulled when they actually did it?" Felix snorts, to which you rolled your eyes.

"That's why dad's assistants keep calling me, because of how she reacted to that episode."

You do feel a little bit bad for Venetia in this moment, when you see the resigned disappointment in both her parents' eyes at the story. The rest of you do finally filter out at this point, all heading back to your separate rooms. The walk is quiet for the most part, except for when Oliver, who'd been looking as though he was ruminating very hard on something, looks to you.

"Y/N, what does your dad do for work?"

You know and hate that Oliver sees the moment in which his question makes you uncomfortable, no matter how much you try to not let it, nor how desperately you try to hide it. Shrugging as you desperately shoot for casual, you sigh.

"I'm pretty sure your guess is as good as his," you say blithely, so casually evasive that Oliver doesn't really think to call you out on it before you get to your room. But after you and Felix wish him good night and head into your room, you close the door and slump against it with a heavy sigh. Felix lets you have this moment of respite to yourself, quietly moving about the room, getting ready for bed.

"Do you think they'll even show up?" Finally Felix breaks the silence, and you just make a vague noise, "to the dinners they told mum they'd be at," he clarified after a beat.

"Probably," you muttered, dejected at the prospect as your mind wanders to the couple who reluctantly created you.

"They asked about you," you admit to Felix quietly. From what you can hear, he stops, "mum, specifically," the memory of the phone call with your grandmother burned bright in your mind; it wasn't particularly recent, had happened at the start of your last semester, but you'd kept it to yourself for so long. You'd tried to disconnect yourself from it, tried to take solace in your grandmother's fury on your behalf, but you feel your face heat up with your own anguish, "asked how you were and if you were still living in 'that beautiful house with the Reubens and all those royal portraits'," voice trembling with both heartache and resentment, you slide down the door, tears welling even as you had your eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Nan sounded so angry when she told me," you whispered, knees drawn up to your chest, "I've never heard her like that; she made it sound like she yelled at mum for- for- for ages -" you feel when Felix settles down beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. This is when you finally break, when you finally let yourself cry, whimpering, "but I bet mum just hung up on her the minute she felt like the fucking victim."

Felix isn't the one who needs to be apologising right now, but part of you knows you'll never get one from the people you crave it the most from. Still, he apologises with his lips against your temple. You know your best friend well enough to know his heart is breaking for you, and fuck you wish you had been strong enough to push back this breakdown, but you couldn't -

"She asked for you by name, Fi, full name," you sobbed curling up in his arms, burying yourself against him in your misery, "they haven't spoken to me or about me in eleven years; they haven't even said my name- they've acted like I don't exist to everyone - everyone - even to my own grandmother for eleven years!"

There's no easy sleep that can be found after a revelation like this, but Felix, even after he manages to drift off, is unwilling to let you go, unwilling to let you feel even the slightest bit alone for the rest of the night. It continues through the next day, even as you assure him you're fine, that you're glad for his comfort but that you've overcome the despair that had hit you so tremendously last night. It's not even much of a lie.

You spend the day with the family who'd taken you in without hesitation, and feel a swell of pride within you as you hear Oliver comment enthusiastically on the Palissy plates Sir James had always loved dearly. You yourself vaguely recall the plates getting a page to themselves in the very book you'd gifted Oliver about Saltburn, so you were glad to see him putting it to good use.

A little white lie about how deep Oliver's love for Palissy genuinely was really wouldn't hurt anyone. Honestly, it was worth it for just how brightly Sir James' eyes shined at one of Felix or Venetia's friends finally taking an interest in his antiquities like that.

But all day, Felix was never too far away. Not that he was incredibly obvious about it, at least not from anyone else's perspective, but you could tell. Quietly, you were grateful, even if you were still trying to convince the both of you that you were okay. Something about being able to just lean back and know he'll be there in times like this, times where you need him to be there but don't know how to say it out loud, is a comfort you never want to take for granted.

You want to thank him but it gets caught in your throat. But standing on his balcony as the sun sets, sharing a cigarette, you take his free hand for this one, quiet moment. Your voice is full of affection, full of thanks, full of love, too much for you to even look at him, focus kept on your hands, your fingers laced with his.

"My Felix."

"Always, love," he kisses your forehead.

That night, the only time you are without him is when you end up in the lilac study, wondering if Oliver will even show up after last night broke the tradition. Either way you'd use the time to continue to go through your botany books on the hunt for red, curly, pointy, Australian flowers. You keep seeing bottle brush but something in your heart said it wasn't right. However long you'd actually spend perusing the books tonight would depend on if you had company.

But eventually Oliver does choose to darken the doorway with that hungry-eyed stare you've never seen in the light of day, and you take your time with noticing him. Tonight you're lounging on the cream sofa in one of Felix's shirts, not even bothering to do the buttons up; you've pulled it mostly close for a pass at modesty, considering the only other thing you're wearing is underwear.

"'re you seducing me?" He sounds amused; you're surprised by how quickly he cuts to the chase, but you try not to let it show.

"Is it working yet?" You turn another page of your book before you finally look up, playing almost at boredom. Oliver, barely visible for the lamp light, the gallery beyond him nothing but shadows, huffs a laugh at that, and for reasons you can't quite understand, he drops his gaze. He breaks the moment, the rules of the game. Oliver doesn't look away, he never has before.

"You trying to get me in trouble?"

"Depends on what you consider to be trouble," your smile grows wider as you carefully set your book to the side, fixing your intrigued gaze upon Oliver properly, "perhaps I'm saving you from trouble." In a sense, the more nights you can get him to spend here with you, the less he's falling prey to Venetia's planting herself beneath his window you're sure she's doing, just as she had with Eddie a year ago. At least this time you've learned.

"I think you may very well be the trouble," Oliver looks up, just in time to see your wicked, delighted grin.

"Then I am definitely trying to get you in trouble," you don't even hesitate before firing off the inuendo, smiling wide and proud at your own quick wit. The sight of Oliver's very genuine smile and laugh catches you off guard too; it'd been so long since you'd seen it, you forgot how taken you were with him when he lit up like that. Then, as the laughter died down, Oliver walks in, he sits with you, lets you lean against him.

"You've been saying a lot of..." he hesitates, turning to you. Oliver wears a strange, lopsided smile, but from the corner of your eyes you see something reserved in his gaze as he takes in the sight of you in this moment, "generous things about me." He's too close to miss the way your breath catches. Venetia and Farleigh are dirty fucking snitches, "'s alright-" he tries, but there's clearly some kind of reservation in his voice as he staves off your stammered apology, "knew what I was getting into, didn't I?"

With Oliver's arm around you, you can't help but wonder aloud -

"Did you?"

"I thought I did," he admitted softly, and you tipped your head onto his shoulder, then you feel him shift, feel his lips on your forehead and voice soft, "I think I thought I'd be alright anywhere if I was with Felix." For reasons you try very hard not to think about in this moment, Oliver's words sting.

"Oh," it almost gets caught in your throat; your traitorous heart sinks in your chest for just a moment. Except Oliver gives you a squeeze, holds you tight as he seems to realise his mistake.

"Of course you're a given," it almost salvages the moment, and of course you feel as though you have to act like it does, but there's something tight and unfamiliar balling up in your chest. "Felix loves you," Oliver sounds almost wistful, words coming out more like a faint breath, but perhaps it's this strange new feeling in your chest that makes him harder to read in this moment.

"He loves you too, Ollie," you tell him, forcing yourself to inject some levity into the moment. This time it's you who moves, who turns your face to Oliver, forehead against his as you muster up the warmest smile you can manage, pressing against him, making a show of overwhelming affection, "we both do," of course, your tone says, obviously.

And Oliver actually giggles at that, so it must work. In the next moment he's pulled you into his lap. It's so easy for you to readjust, to fit in his arms, in his space, against him, like it's where you were always meant to be.

"Is that you talkin' or Felix talkin'?" Oliver asks finally when you've got your arms settled around his neck, "I don't mind, I'd just like to know."

"What 'd you mean?" You ask, curious about the wording and it's implications. Oliver visibly hesitates, though he seems more embarrassed for whatever was about to come out of his mouth than anything else.

"Speakin' with Venetia made me realise how little I actually know about you," Oliver says carefully. Almost immediately your expression sours, and a long, exasperated sigh is pulled from you, "she's a deeply confusing woman, isn't she?" He adds almost like an afterthought, and you barked a quiet laugh.

"That is a very kind way of putting it," you offered diplomatically after a beat, before letting go of Oliver and leaning yourself back against the arm of the sofa, considering your next words carefully. His hands come to rest on your stomach, but you're surprised when he does up two of the buttons of Felix's shirt, providing you with a little more modesty. Then, his hands come to rest on your stomach and thighs, warm and unmoving.

"You're a deeply confusing individual yourself," Oliver pushes softly, "when I think about you too much, I realise there's not much to think about, least nothin' you've told me," and you hum noncommittally, looking up at the ceiling. The next words that escape you are from a script you'd thought was long buried.

"Yeah but that's kind of the point; I'm not really meant to matter, or be looked at, or thought about -" the words seem to shock even you, eyes going wide as you look to Oliver. The intensity of his stare has your heart hammering against your ribs as you try to back pedal, "sorry- that's not- I mean- sorry, that's really not, anymore that is -" you didn't even believe that anymore, right? Your place in the world as impressed upon you by your own parents for the first ten years of your life. Surely having spent more time by now with Felix and the Cattons than you ever had with them was enough to rewrite a good deal of the cruel way in which you'd been hardwired.

Oliver reaches out, caressing your cheek with that confident smile he only ever seemed to wear when the sun couldn't see him. He tells you that you matter, with absolute sincerity. Then, expression lightening to something fond, even teasing, he warns you not to let Felix catch you talking like that, that his love for you was the kind that would have him throwing a parade just to prove that self-doubt wrong. It was a nice mental image, if only for a moment. You, Oliver, Felix, not necessarily a parade for you per say, but a mess of colour and joy and music in the city, together and happy and -

"I don't know if you'd want that," Oliver's grin is fading, and finally you sit back up, let yourself be wrapped up in him as he continues to trail his fingers across the edge of your face, down your throat, across your collar, "but then again Venetia thinks you don't even know how."

"How what?" Voice barely more than a whisper, you know he can feel how quick your heart's beating, his hand flat and warm on your sternum.

"How to want for yourself, 'least not anything outside of Felix," he keeps his gaze trained on his hand, heel of his palm pressing firmer just over your heart, "which is why I asked; you said you loved me, is that you or Felix talking when you say that?" And finally he looks at you. That tight, sharp feeling in your chest spikes when he meets your gaze. He looks so earnest, so open, so ready for either answer.

But you stand, leaving both yourself, and Oliver's lap cold, but hoping your smile is warm enough compensation. Except you can hear in his voice that he believes Venetia; she'd confirmed what he'd suspected, it's what he left unsaid the night you'd slept with each other. The only thing you wanted was so easily met; to be wanted, and seemingly content with nothing more outside of Felix. A contented sycophant, easy to please and happy to be used; you knew the world was happy with this being your place in it.

And the more you think about it, the more you think Oliver is too.

"Of course it's Felix," you tell him what you're almost certain he wants to hear. No need to scare him off with the expectations of your own feelings on his shoulders. Oliver watches you for a long moment, simply observing as you smile wider, and hope that it comes across as adoring, "which means of course I do love you too, that's a given, Ollie." The sharp discomfort is scraping at your ribs, more painful with each word, hollowing out your chest moment by moment, so you bid him good night, unable to bare the conversation for much longer.

"Just one favour, by the way, if you could," you add by the door. He makes a noise of intrigue, but you can't even bring yourself to look at him. It'll be another just person looking at a placeholder while they're waiting for Felix to be ready to love them back. Usually you don't mind. Usually it's enough and you can still enjoy their company and have your fun. But they aren't Oliver Quick, "just... please refrain from properly fooling around with Venetia? I know I sound like a hypocrite but," you take a deep breath, smiling wide enough that you don't even have to see Oliver, "it kind of goes back well beyond just you."

The next morning, stopping into the study before you head down to breakfast, you intend to collect the book you'd finally found those red flowers in. Top of your pile, you'd left it open on the very page. But you find that someone has turned the page. Scabious, in full bloom, mocking you, surely.

The botany book lay like a bitter seductress on your desk, left open, pages spread and staring up at you; purple fucking pincushions.

[im-not-batman]

In the middle of the night

Summary: When Bradley gets a text in the middle of the night from someone he hasn't heard from in a long time, he's forced into a spiral of reliving memories, heartbreak, and longing.

Word count: 5,308

Tags: Character Study, Pining, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Canon Compliant, If you ignore some stuff, Don't Ask Don't Tell, it's a looming spectre but i don't really go into it, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Rivals to Almost Lovers to Enemies to Lovers kinda vibes, Missed Opportunities, I genuinely can't believe that's not a tag?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Screen Reader Friendly

~~~~

Over time, Rooster stopped trying to pathologise it and instead just let their odd connection lead him. He didn’t question it when Hangman started to text him on the rare occasions that the squad parted on leave, or when he found himself anticipating a good night message, or when he sent good morning ones in return, or when Jake called him after his Chevy broke down forty miles from base.

Bradley had dropped everything to go to him. If anyone asked, he’d say that he just wanted the opportunity to rag on Jake for almost an hour uninterrupted. The truth, though, was in the way his stomach swooped when he’d arrived at the address he’d been sent and Jake smiled at him. The Chevy was still hooked to the tow truck just outside, and Bradley pulled up alongside it as he watched Jake walk over.

“My knight in horrible Hawaiian print,” he’d teased. The glint in his eye stayed fond despite the complaint that Rooster had gotten oh-so used to hearing by now.

“Shut up and get in the car, Hangman,” Bradley couldn’t keep the affection out of his words as he watched a little too intently as the man climbed into the Bronco.

The whole journey to their housing was oddly peaceful. They managed to talk with relative civility; Jake talked about his old truck back on his family’s ranch in Texas which devolved into Bradley talking about his mother’s southern upbringing. Jake talked about his sisters, whose jobs had them scattered across the country – it led them into a conversation about what they’d be doing if they weren’t in the Navy.

Bradley laughed until his cheeks hurt when Jake confided that he’d probably be working in the rodeo circuit, and he struggled to tamp down his blush when he imagined Hangman wrangling a bull on horseback with nothing but a lasso and a cowboy hat.

They spent some time talking about their job, about their squadron, about flying. Jake asked Bradley why he didn’t go to the Academy and backed off without being asked when Bradley clammed up. Instead, he changed the subject, pointing out the shapes the clouds made in the setting sun, trying to make Bradley laugh.

By the time Bradley parked the Bronco, it was dark. 

They sat in silence for a beat too long. Neither of them moved to get out. It was still strange to Bradley that he felt comfortable in Jake’s company without the need for witty remarks and thinly veiled compliments dressed as insults.

Not that he didn’t enjoy those things, but the quiet allowed him to bask in Jake’s presence a little. It was indulgent and definitely didn’t help to quell the racing of his heartbeat or the tightness in his lungs, but he couldn’t help luxuriating in the comfort it afforded.

“Thank you,” Jake had been the one to break the silence. “You didn't have to come get me.”

“You knew I would though,” Bradley replied, maybe a little too earnestly. It charged the air between them with something electric.

Because of course Rooster came, of course he did.

Another long moment passed and still they sat. Bradley hadn’t risked moving his eyes from where they’d fallen on the steering wheel at the end of their journey. He hadn’t risked taking a deep breath for fear of inhaling Jake’s fading cologne and losing his goddamn mind. All of which turned out to be an entirely futile exercise, because the moment Jake took a breath to speak again Bradley’s resolve broke.

He’d leaned over into Jake’s space and pulled him into a mind-melting, lip-blistering kiss.

~~~~

Inspired by this song 💚

[infoactionratio7]

(you) on my arm - s. adamu

summary: sydney is at a wall, she has no ideas when it comes to the new menu at the bear. she decides to go to a bookstore for some new inspiration, she finds it, but not in the way she was expecting.

pairing: sydney adamu x fem! bookseller! reader

word count: 2,514

note: annoying! carmy bc he literally is insane, kinda fluffy meet cute vibes, reader just moved to chicago, inspired by the song (you) on my arm by leith ross cause the song is rlly cute! also sydney gives me sapphic vibes, she definitely would have a crush on a girl!

monday morning -

Sydney was pissed, she had sent at least ten messages to Carmy in the last twenty minutes. Some about the new menu they were working on together, some about the fact that he had been a bitch the night before when he kicked everyone out because Claire just had to see the new restaurant. She ran her hands down her face in frustration as she sat at her dad's kitchen table, the sun streaming in through the blinds into the apartment. It warmed the floor as she got up from the table, debating what to do. She had no ideas left, everything was either not working out, or it just didn't fit the menu for the new revamped restaurant.

"Sydney, where are you headed off to today?" Her dad walked into the room with a steaming cup of coffee, freshly brewed from a new coffee blend she had found shopping the day before.

"Uh well Carm is not responding so I'm gonna head over to The Bear and meet up with him for a little then see where the day goes from there I guess." She walked out of the dining area and put her breakfast dishes away.

"Okay honey, have a good day. Hope he stops being an ass." She laughed, "Me too... me too."

Sydney grabbed her shoes out of the closet she had thrown them in last night, slipping them on and grabbing her bag. "I'll see you later dad." She grabbed her keys, and started making her way to the restaurant where she could deal with Carmy in person.

-

You looked around the bookstore, you had only been open for a month but it had been a hit within the community. You had almost any book anybody could want. There were teens coming from the school a few blocks away to get some cheesy romance novels to bring to the park and read with their friends, and there were grandparents coming in to get their grandchildren a new picture book about god knows what. You even had some people come in and request books you had never heard of before, you promptly ordered two copies of any book you didn't have. One for the customer, and one for you, to read and explore the pages.

It was a beautiful space, tall ceilings strung with fairy lights and lanterns, trying to bring some sense of whimsy to the dull days in Chicago. The books were arranged in every which way, requiring the customers to truly search for a book they wanted to read. You had tables full of recommendations, from people online and the employees of the bookshop. You really enjoyed curating all the titles you had in your collection. Tourists looking for a cute little magnet or souvenir adored the hole in the wall place, a safe space to just cuddle up and read a book.

You had a few customers that day, a mom and her son looking for his first chapter book to read. You had suggested he read The Magic Tree House, a series, about a brother and sister and their time traveling tree house. There was a tall guy with a buzzcut, who said he worked just down the street and was looking for a book about how to get rid of mold in the structure of a building. He seemed in dire need of some help, so you found the best book possible, The Toxic Mold Recovery Guide. You had no idea you had the book but it was meant to be. He thanked you immensely, leaving his name and number just in case you ever needed anything. His name was Richie, he seemed pretty nice.

Low music played as you restocked a shelf, you hated the idea of having Colleen Hoover books in the store but they were a big source of income. They absolutely flew off the shelves. The least touched section of the store were the cookbooks, it seemed like everyone in Chicago was moving too fast to just dedicate one hour of their day to making a meal from scratch. It was disappointing, because you had a large selection, from Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child to Momofuku by David Chang and Peter Meehan. You knew that someday it might come in handy and you would be lucky to have all the cookbooks.

-

Sydney walked into the restaurant in a sour mood, Carmy had still not responded to any of her texts and she knew he was here. She walked straight into the office, passing the locker room, sans lockers and covered in black powder. Richie furiously flipping through a book that said something about mold on the cover. He glanced up at her

"Shut the fuck up." She was taken aback

"I didn't even fucking say anything Richie," he scoffed at her

"Well I was preparing for you to say something dumb as hell, and you did so I stand by my first statement." He looked back down at the book and mumbled something unintelligible to himself. She rolled her eyes and made her way into the office.

"Carm are you here?" Turning the corner she saw the chef, surrounded by papers and various file folders. He had his phone in his hand and was about to dial a number, "You little bitch, you fucking had your phone this entire time." She couldn't believe what was right in front of her.

"What do you mean chef?" Carmy looked confused, "Of course I had my phone, I'm about to call the fridge guy."

Rolling her eyes she brought her hand up to her face, holding her forehead in her palm. "I texted you at least ten fucking times, you couldn't even bother yourself to respond!" Shaking her head she sank down into the office chair Carmy had abandoned an hour ago.

He looked around the room, trying to get her to understand how much work he had been doing, "Syd I've been trying to make sense of this paperwork for hours, I haven't had time to respond to your messa-"

Fak's head popped into the doorframe, "Carmy I got your text about helping Richie clean up the mold but he's being mean to me." Sydney turned from Fak to the red faced chef sitting on the floor. He had been caught in a lie, of course Fak came in at just the right time for this to happen.

"Okay fuck you chef, I'm leaving." Sydney shrugged, stood up and left the room. She heard heated words from Carmy as she walked out of the office and passed the locker room again, now he was pissed at Fak, as usual. She heard her name as she turned around,

"Sydney, wait a sec come here."

"What do you want Richie, I thought you wanted me to shut the fuck up." She crossed her arms tight and shot him a pointed look.

"You should go to that bookstore a few blocks down, I got this damn mold book earlier and saw a shit ton of cookbooks. You should check it out." She sent him a tight smile and turned her back to him. "Thanks Chef."

-

You had just finished restocking the shelves for the day when the little bell above the door rang. You went behind the desk and called out, "Welcome to The Book Worm, If you need anything let me know!"

You heard no response so you just busied yourself cleaning up the case that was behind the checkout, it housed all your special edition signed or first edition copies of books. It needed to be dusted pretty often because you wanted to keep the quality of the books at their highest, just in case anyone would ever want to purchase one.

You heard a thud come from behind you, and turning around you looked down at the counter. There was a stack of six cookbooks placed on the counter in front of you. Looking up you saw one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen since you had moved in to the city. Her hair was long and perfectly braided, her eyes a beautiful shade of umber catching the light in a hypnotic way. She had a grimace on her face, yet still looked stunning. You had no idea how to react, so instinctively you started to enter the books into the register as you made some small talk,

"So how has your day been," She sighed and looked up to meet your gaze, "If I'm being honest, shitty. My fucking partner wouldn't respond to my messages and when I went to talk to him he had is phone in his hand about to call someone. So yeah really fucking shitty." You looked back down at the book at disappointment, of course she had a partner and of course she was straight.

Awkwardly smiling you tried to think of a good response"Oh, um, wow. That's pretty shitty I'm sorry." She seemed to sense your disappointment, trying to save the conversation, "Shit uh, my business partner I mean, he's a little bitch sometimes. We're uh, opening a business- or I should say um," She rubbed the back of her neck, "We're kinda rebranding his brother's old restaurant, its a lot." You had finished entering all the books into the system, your chest had filled with warmth when she rushed to clarify that he was her business partner. You thought that maybe, just maybe it might be because she wanted to make sure you knew she was single, and not exactly straight.

"I guess that explains the cookbooks then," You looked at her, she had been staring at you in a flustered state of shock. "What, oh, uh, yeah! I'm kinda stuck making the menu so wanted to get some inspiration."

Sharing an understanding smile, you read her total out to her. She grabbed her wallet and pulled out some cash, as she handed it to you her fingers brushed along yours. It sent chills down your spine, no matter how cliche it might be, you knew that she was someone to keep close. Your face flushed red as you took the cash and put it into the register, printing her receipt and giving her any change she needed back.

You decided that since she got so many books you would give her a free tote bag, just so she could carry all the books out of the shop. You pulled one off of a hook behind you and started to put the books into a bag. You decided to quietly slip a business card with your cell number and a little note into a book so she could find it and contact you. A subtle way of screaming, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen I want to spend the rest of my life with you, without being too forward. As you finished packing the bag, the two of you both happened to say something at the same time.

"Do you wanna come see my restu-"

"Do you work at the restura-"

You flushed

"No you can go-"

"No you can go - sorry um. Do you want to come to the opening of the restaurant. It's uh, the one down the street, we're not opening for a while but, if you want to come to the friends and fam-"

You cut her off, wanting her to know you really wanted to go to her restaurant, "I would love to go... what was your name?"

"Sydney, It's uh Sydney" Her face got hot, nervous about the fascinating bookseller she just had the pleasure of meeting.

"Well Sydney, I would love to go. Just let me know the details," You softly smiled as you gave her the bag filled with books. She looked to you and grabbed a bookmark you had as a display that happened to have the shop's phone number on it. "I'll call you, um when we get closer to the open date, promise." You smiled, hoping that she would get in contact with you sooner than she expected to. She turned to leave.

"Thanks for coming in, really good to meet you Sydney." The door rang again and she sent you a wave through the glass, walking away quickly.

You were frozen, you had just given a random girl you just met your number, and had openly flirted with her for all the world to see. You crouched down onto the small stool you had behind the desk, tucked your head into your knees and screamed. You were feeling rushes of emotion and didn't think you would ever recover from that interaction. The bell rang again just as you finished screaming, you shot up and saw a group of teenagers heading to the new books you had just set out.

"Welcome to The Book Worm, If you need anything just holler!"

-

Sydney rushed back to The Bear, she was so utterly mortified, she had never seen someone so radiant and in their element. The chef couldn't contain her emotions as she stormed into the restaurant, Richie was the first person she saw, he started to say something,

"Not right now Richie I swear to God" The tall man was taken aback but threw his hands up in surrender, not wanting to get involved.

She might as well have ran into the office at the speed she was going, throwin the bag of cookbooks on the ground and closing the door, sliding down the back of the door she groaned,

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, fucking, fuck," dragging out the last word as she hit the floor.

Carmy stared at her from the floor a few feet away, "Yo Syd what happened to you? Looks like you just ran a marathon." He chuckled at the expression on her face.

"I just met the most beautiful girl and totally fucked up my chances with her cause I left so quickly." Sydney put her hands into her face and just sat there marinating in her embarrassment.

Carmy had some strong suits, his attention to detail one of them. He noticed something poking out of one of the books. He grabbed it, hoping that it was something that would change Sydney's mood before he had to work with her for more hours than they could count. He grinned taking the note out of the book and reading it,

"Hey Syd," He reached out to give her the note.

She looked up from behind her fingers, "What?"

He shook his hand, implying he wanted her to take the note from his grip. She groaned, then leaned forward to forcefully take it out of his hand.

She read the note, and smiled. Thank God you slipped her this note.

cookbook girl -

i hope you enjoy your SIX cookbooks, i have some more you could borrow for some inspiration. text me

Sydney's face heated up as she leaned back into door and scoffed.

Carmy had saved the day, one again.

[meowmeowraven]

Hello I'm sorry if I'm bothering you but I've been wanting to send this idea in for a while. the reader is a quiet, humble and kind person and is engaged to Dan Heng but the readers evil stepmother and half sister along with their neglectful father decided to kidnap them and try to force them to leave Dan Heng but they refused because Dan Heng made them feel like they actually belonged somewhere and they also knew that Dan Heng would save them. This all occurred not long after Dan Heng went to the readers family home with March and Caelus after he officially became engaged to the reader, The reason the three of them were there was because Dan Heng wanted them to sincerely apologize for all the pain and suffering they put his fiance through. (I was inspired by the Netflix anime My Happy Marriage specifically episode 6 and if you don't wish too write this that's completely understandable and I wish you a good morning/afternoon or goodnight and I hope you are in good health and spirits)

My knight in shinning armor!

Dan Heng x reader

Warnings: Kidnapping, the reader gets hit once, mentions of death

Notes: i haven't watched my happy marriage so i'm sorry if it isn't the way you wanted it to be!

Your whole life, you thought you were unimportant, eversince you biological mother passed away. That was until you met him, until you met Dan Heng, he made you feel important, you didn't feel useless anymore. Even so, it didn't stop the mistreatment at home. When you were hanging out with Dan Heng and the rest of the Astral Express crew, you felt appreciated.

Being engaged with Dan Heng was one of the few best things that ever happened to you. But, you made one of your worst decisions ever, introducing him to your family.

"Mother, father! I want you to meet a special someone and a few of my friends!" It was rare for you to bring home friends, let alone a "special someone", what could it have meant? Your father and step mother turned their attention towards you, and the people behind you. "Oh? Who did my special little sweet meet?" You parents were two faced liars, acting so nice around your friends and fiance. "This is my fiance, Dan Heng. And the other ones are my friends, March 7th and Caelus." You introduced them all. Your half sister could never stand seeing you happy, she wanted everything you had nice, your friends, your fiance, everything. "Mom, i-" before she could finish speaking, you step mother shushed her, so she wouldn't throw another tantrum, especially not infront of your future husband. The rest of the day went well, your half sister glaring at you like a snake who was ready to attack, the whole day.

After Dan Heng left for a mission with the others, you were left alone, with no one to protect you from what was coming up... Your family hired two men to kidnap you while you were running some errands.

The sun was starting to set, as you were almost done with you errands and were on your way home, you saw a white van drive slowly at the same speed as you were walking, it was very suspicious. Everything went black. When you woke up, you didn't know what happened, all you remembered was walking on the street, and then it snapped, you were kidnapped. You had no idea where you were, you were tied to a chair, in a shed. The door creaked open. "Finally, you're awake." The woman who was your step mother scoffed. "Listen up you brat, you're not going to make a sound. You don't deserve to speak, let alone be loved, i already texted you 'fiance'." She laughs like a witch, as she takes out your phone, and shows you the message she sent Dan Heng. 'I don't love you anymore, we're over. Goodbye loser!' Dan Heng was smarter than to belive something like that, he knew you had a good heart, and even if you didn't love him anymore, you wouldn't call him a loser.

Little did your step mother know, you had your location turned on. So Dan Heng was very well capable of tracking your phone and your location. "Here have your junk back." Your step mother scoffs as she throws the phone at you, making it hit your forehead and land on your lap. She laughed as she was walking towards the door of the shed, but before she could open it, someone opened it before her, it was Dan Heng, your eyes lit up. "DAN HENG! I'M HERE!" You yelled with hope in your voice. "I knew something was wrong, [Name] would never say such things." You fiance spoke as he took as step forward, making your step mother step backwards. "Leave. And never speak to them ever again." He dismissed your step mother while giving her a death glare.

"Dan Heng-" He cuts you off, while untying you. "Don't worry my dear, you're safe with me." He kisses your forehead, before picking you up and carrying you in a bridal style. And the two of you, lived happily ever after. <3

[daisynik7]

Rush

Chapter 5: Over

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

cw: cunnilingus, spitting, praise kink, daddy kink, vaginal sex (cowgirl)

Summary: After your one night with Eren, you’re convinced that whatever the two of you have is over. But it seems like neither of you can avoid each other for much longer.

Notes: Chapter title inspired by “Over” by Lucky Daye.

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“Can you help me roll up my sleeves? It’s getting into the cookie dough.”

Mikasa smiles as she assists you, folding your sleeves over until they’re up to your elbows. She sticks her finger in the batter and tastes it, nodding her head in approval. 

“Hey! Don’t stick your finger in there. People are going to be eating this.”

“It’s getting baked anyways, it’ll be fine,” she justifies, with a wave of her hand. She goes back to her spot, transferring freshly baked snickerdoodles from a baking pan onto a wire rack to cool. 

It’s Friday before dinner. The two of you are in the kitchen of your RA’s room, baking dozens of cookies for tomorrow’s event. Sigma Nu Kappa hosts a bake sale every fall semester to raise money for their charity: the Stohess Children’s Hospital. One $25 ticket gives access to all-you-can-eat desserts, made fresh by the sisters of SNK, as well as some professionally baked goods from a few generous donors.

With the help of Alpha Tau, your sorority is expected to raise even more money this year. The brothers have been helping immensely with ticket sales. Jean and Marco sold tickets to their entire soccer team and the coaching staff. Levi, who works at the university gym, is planning to bring all his coworkers. Erwin easily convinced all the professors at the business school to attend. In addition, many of the brothers have volunteered to help with baking and setup during the event. 

There are, however, a few brothers noticeably absent. Unfortunately, that includes Eren.

It’s been two weeks since that night. Two weeks since you last saw him when he fucked the virginity out of you. Naturally, you’ve managed to avoid him, since the two of you are in completely different majors. And maybe, just maybe, you were actively declining Armin’s invitations to go to the Alpha Tau house for dinner. Lucky for you, Mikasa was also avoiding the house for her own reasons.

Turns out, on the same night you and Eren had sex, Mikasa invited a certain Alpha Tau brother by the name of Jean Kirstein to have a little sleepover in your shared room. So, your absence wasn’t noticed,  allowing you to keep the dirty deed between you and Eren a secret. 

After sneaking out of Eren’s room that morning, you finally checked your phone, expecting dozens of worried texts from your roommate. Instead, you were met with three surprising messages:

Mikasa: Need the room tonight, so sorry

Mikasa: Petra said you can stay with her at the house

Mikasa: I owe you

When you confronted her about it later that day, she acted nonchalant, even claiming it was just a drunken hookup. You know the drunk part of it isn’t true, considering how Mikasa would never let herself lose her inhibitions while under the influence. 

And now you know it wasn’t just a hookup, as she stares at her phone, smiling at a conversation her and Jean are having through text. With their new relationship still fresh, Mikasa has been staying away from the frat house until Jean properly informs his brothers about them.

You’re happy for your friend, seeing her all giddy and smiley like this. And because of Jean, of all people, who’s been smitten since he laid eyes on her. Good for them, you think, trying not to be disappointed at your own shitty situation with Eren.

With the ingredients for your chocolate chip cookies all mixed into a delicious batter, you start scooping them into rounds onto a baking sheet. Mikasa is already finished with her last batch of snickerdoodles, waiting for them to cool so she can start packing. She leans against the countertop, giggling at a private joke shared between her and her new beau. You can’t help but feel jealous. 

Your RA, Yelena, comes into the kitchen and takes a big whiff. “It smells amazing in here,” she compliments, reaching for one of the snickerdoodles. Her hand gets swatted away by Mikasa, who’s suddenly aware again. “This is for tomorrow,” she says.

“But I’m letting you use my kitchen! Can’t I at least get a taste?”

“You can eat the misshapen ones over there by the fridge,” Mikasa directs, pointing to a small stack of irregular cookies. Yelena lets out a satisfied, “Yes!” as she makes her way to the treats. She asks you, “I already paid you for the ticket, right?”

“Yeah, you Venmo’d me a few days ago,” you remind her. 

“Were you able to sell all your tickets?”

“Yeah. We only had to sell five tickets each, since we have the Alpha Tau’s helping us. I sold the rest of mine to some Eta Iota’s.”

“And I sold mine to Jean, Armin and some Delta Mu’s,” Mikasa chimes in, putting her phone away in her pocket. 

“Eren didn’t buy one?” you ask. 

She rolls her eyes. “He said he doesn’t like sweets, so he’s not coming.”

The more you find out about the mysterious Eren Jaeger, the less surprised you are about how little you have in common. This makes it easier to move on from him. So you think.

Mikasa adds, “Also, he said he’s going to the beach during the day and that he’ll be too tired to drag his ass to our event.” 

You can’t help but wonder who he’s going to the beach with. Probably Reiner and some girls. Great. He’s already moved on and you’re still stuck on him. Maybe it’s time you move on too.

Mike’s flirtation with you that one night still pops in your head from time to time. You lied about having a boyfriend, thinking it was easier than being truthful. How do you even explain your secret desire to lose your virginity to mysterious bad boy Eren Jaeger? 

But with the deed done and Eren moving on, it’s time you do the same. Mike is always nice, respectful, and fun. Almost a complete opposite of cold, distant, and serious Eren. Tonight, you’ll flirt with the senior and tell him that you broke up with your boyfriend. Hopefully he still finds you cute, and if not, you’ll find another Alpha Tau brother to hook up with. And with some sexual experience gained from your one-night stand, you can flirt with more confidence than ever before. It’ll be good. You can set yourself on the right track now, forgetting about your slight detour with Eren. Forgetting him completely to focus on finding a nice guy who will treat you right. 

Once all your batches of cookies are baked, you and Mikasa pack up and deliver them to the Sigma Nu Kappa house before heading to dinner at the dining hall. You run into Annie and Hitch outside the house, inviting them to tag along. 

As you all eat your meal together, chatting away about sorority life and trivial gossip, Hitch mentions, “I might be a little late to the bake sale tomorrow. Please, please, please save me some of your best desserts!”

“It’s first come, first serve, loser,” Annie comments. “Not our fault you’re going to the beach with Asshole 1 and Asshole 2.”

“Where are you going?”

Hitch answers, “Sandra is dragging me to the beach with some of the Alpha Tau’s.” She gives Annie and Mikasa a guilty look before continuing, “I’m going with Reiner, Bertolt, and Eren.”

Annie rolls her eyes. Mikasa stares down at her salad. You try to maintain a neutral expression. 

“Yup. Hitch here is going to the beach with the only Alpha Tau brothers who didn’t help us with our event.”

“I had no idea they didn’t contribute!”

“You have nothing to feel guilty about. Annie is just giving you a hard time,” you console her.

“Of course I’m giving her a hard time. Reiner is a fucking asshole. And Eren is a fuck boy.”

“Hey!” Mikasa snaps, glaring at her.

Annie scoffs. “Seriously, Mikasa? Still defending your precious childhood friend? Admit it. He’s a dick.”

“Stop it, Annie,” you try to mediate. 

“What? He was an asshole to you. He didn’t even apologize.”

“It doesn’t matter, it wasn’t a big deal. Also, you started it,” you tease.

“I knew you were going to throw that it my face,” she says, flicking a crouton at you. 

Mikasa continues to look down at her food, not offering anything to the conversation about her best friend. Deciding it was best for the whole group to move on from this discussion, you change the subject to something else and Eren isn’t mentioned again the rest of the dinner. 

That night, both you and Mikasa already in bed, you hear her shift around to call out your name. You turn to face her, surprised that she’s still awake. 

“Do you think Annie was being serious when she said Eren is a fuck boy?”

Shit. How do you respond to that? Knowing fully well that he’s fucked you? You hate lying to Mikasa, but you hate it more thinking about how she’d react if you told her the truth. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know really know him.” This is actually true. You have no idea what Eren does or even who Eren does, aside from you. Everything about him is a mystery, which might be the reason you’re so drawn into him. But it’s also the reason you’re weary of him.

“But have you heard anything? Like from Hitch or anyone else from the other sororities?” She sounds concerned.

“I haven’t heard anything, no. But so what if he is? It’s college, we should be experimenting, as long as we’re safe. Right?” You feel like you’re saying this more for yourself than for him.

“I get that. I’m not worried about that part of it. But for some reason, I’ve been getting this bad feeling. He seems so cold and distant these days. It’s not like him. I just don’t want him to hurt anyone.”

“Hurt?”

“I know he won’t physically hurt someone. But I don’t know. He can get intense sometimes. He’ll do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and sometimes he doesn’t think about how his actions can hurt people. He can be a little selfish.”

Why is she telling you this? This feels too personal, too real. Too relevant for your current situation. It’s like she’s talking directly to your soul. Warning you. 

“I’m just thinking out loud. I know you don’t know really know him. Sometimes I wish you could have met him before all of this. You would see how great of a person he can be.” She turns to lay on her back, gazing up at the ceiling. 

You give her a sympathetic look, even though she can’t see you in the dark. There isn’t anything you can say to make her feel better. It sounds like she just wants someone to listen. 

She mourns her friend as if he’s completely disappeared and become a new person. A bad person. Someone who hurts people. Sure, he’s said some unpleasant things to you the night you first met. But has he ever hurtyou? There aren’t enough feelings involved to get hurt. You both went into this knowing it was just sex. Nothing more. 

But there’s always that tiny, miniscule part of your brain that nags you. Reminds you how fucking good he makes you feel. No matter how many times you tell yourself it’s just sex, you can’t help wishing it was something more. 

After a few silent minutes pass, you hear her snore lightly, drifting off to sleep. Leaving you wide awake with new thoughts running through your head. 

How can someone who makes you feel so good hurt you?

~~~ 

Saturday morning, Eren is smushed in the backseat of a Honda Civic with Hitch and Sandra. Reiner rides shotgun while Bertolt drives them an hour away to the beach. 

It was Reiner’s idea to have a beach day with the two Eta Iota’s. He used this as an excuse to get out of helping Sigma Nu Kappa with their charity event. A pretty shitty thing for him to do, but unsurprising, nonetheless. 

And Eren is no different, agreeing to go with them. 

Halfway to their destination, Hitch starts talking about the bake sale. “Annie baked banana bread for today’s event. It smells so good. Can’t wait to try it later. I’m sure you would like it, Bertolt.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snaps, eyes still focused forward, fingers clenching the steering wheel a little tighter.

“I’m just saying. I think you’d like Annie’s dessert.”

Reiner rolls his eyes. “Give it a rest, Hitch. He’s over her. It was just a childhood crush. Besides, Bertolt can do so much better than a Sigma Nu Kappa.”

“Hey! They’re nice girls,” Hitch argues.

“Yeah, they are. I don’t know why you hate them so much,” Sandra chimes in.

“Girls like that don’t belong in a sorority. They’re losers. It’s pathetic how cool they think they are just because they’re friends with a couple of Alpha Tau’s now. If that whole shitstorm didn’t happen to us last semester, nobody would even be paying attention to them.”

Sandra and Hitch glare at the back of Reiner’s head, but don’t respond to his rant. Instead, Hitch turns to Eren and asks, “You like the SNKs, right Eren? Mikasa told me you two have known each other since you were kids.”

Eren strategically ignores her first question and questions, “How do you know Mikasa?”

“I met most of the girls during recruitment, but Mikasa and I started seeing each other in the same kickboxing class at the gym. I also hang out with her roommate.” She states her name, then continues. “We all eat dinner together sometimes.”

Eren’s chest tightens at the mention of her. He’s not sure why. He cracks open the window to get a whiff of fresh air, wondering where she is right now and what she’s doing. She’s probably baking something for their event later today. There’s a pang of guilt in his stomach, realizing he never bought a ticket and will miss it. Miss her. He wouldn’t have minded seeing her tonight and getting a taste of her dessert. 

He's reminded of their time together two weeks ago. The morning after, she snuck out of his room without a word. Not even a note. He wanted to make sure she was okay. That she didn’t have any regrets choosing him to lose her virginity too. But he pretended to still be asleep when he heard her get up. 

Since then, he’s spent all of the last two weeks trying not to think about her. He did what he wanted to do. Got it out of his system. But for some reason, she still occupies his mind. 

He keeps telling himself that he’ll eventually find someone else to hook up with and forget all about her. But every time he’s with other women, whether it’s the Eta Iota’s or the Delta Mu’s, his mind always goes back to her. And whenever he sees her, he loses it. He wants nothing more than to feel her all over him, be all over her. Make her feel good. Make himself feel good. 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. He’s not supposed to catch feelings for the first girl he has sex with in college. After the most boring freshman year, Eren was determined to turn his life around. All summer, he worked out, telling himself it was for health reasons when really, he just wanted to look better to attract women. It was all planned out: He’d join a frat to follow his older brother’s lifestyle: Party, drink, fuck, repeat. He’d be free to do whatever he wants, whoever he wants, whenever he wants. 

Then he met her. 

And now, she’s ruining everything. 

How can he live out this fuck boy dream of his when his mind is always stuck on her? It’s an unexpected snag in his plans and he doesn’t like it. He needs to do something about it. Skipping the bake sale is a start. The main goal is to avoid her at all costs. 

But is that really a good idea? She’s the only girl he knows that’s so eager to please him. Why should he let someone like that go? There’s no doubt that their sexual chemistry is unmatched. What’s wrong with keeping her around until he finds someone else? 

They spend the next few hours at the beach, enjoying the sun and sand. Eren pretends he’s having fun, when in reality, he’s thinking of all the ways to avoid her and to have her all at once. He’s torn; both sides of his brain playing tug-of-war with each other, neither side any closer to winning.

How can he have her and not have her all at the same time?

~~~

The bake sale is a massive success. Numbers are double than all previous years, all credit going to Sigma Nu Kappa’s partnership with Alpha Tau. Besides the ticket sales, the brothers help by offering the kitchen at their fraternity house for some of the sisters to bake. Mike even offers his party house, which a few took advantage of. During the event, the Alpha Tau’s also help distribute the sweets to the attendees, including Hitch, who arrives late, but is excited to try out as many desserts as possible. You try your best not to pester about her about the beach date with Eren. She doesn’t give you much, only reiterating Annie’s sentiments of Reiner from last night’s dinner. “Yeah, Reiner is an asshole.”

During cleanup, Mike makes an announcement that he’s hosting a party at his place to celebrate the end of the event. You make it your mission tonight to flirt with him, maybe even kiss. Anything to take your mind off of Eren. 

You and Mikasa head back to your room to shower and get ready. She leaves early to meet Jean before the party. For the first time, you’re heading out alone. 

Even with Mike’s party being the only plans you have, you still shove the small bag of cookies into your purse. Just in case. If anything, you can give it to someone else and pretend you aren’t thinking about Eren. You know you’re not going to see him. He’s probably going to another Eta Iota party to fuck some other girl. But there’s still that pathetic, hopeless part of you that wishes you would see him. 

As you walk across campus, taking the usual route to Mike’s house, you pass by Eren’s dormitory. The memory of him literally dragging you here in a hurry pops up in your head. Every little thing reminds you of him. You have to stop. 

Lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice him approaching until he’s right in front of you.

~~~

“Hey,” Eren greets. He’s in his black sweats and a grey t-shirt, sweat marks down his chest from the workout he just completed at the gym. He wasn’t expecting to see her tonight. There’s that weird tightness in his chest again. “What are you doing here?”

She looks flustered, explaining, “I was just passing by. I’m heading to Mike’s right now.”

Mike. Fuck that guy. “Were you waiting for me or something?”

This startles her. “What? No. I just…I got distracted. I didn’t even know you were here. I thought maybe you’d be at another party or something.”

“Nah. Just got back from the gym. Probably just gonna stay in tonight.” He sits at a nearby bench, waving her over to follow.

She does, sitting a safe distance apart. “We raised a decent amount of money today. In case you were wondering.”

“That’s good. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.” Shit. Why is he apologizing? He should head up to his room and stop this. Let her go to fucking Mike’s party and leave him alone.

From her purse, she pulls out a small plastic bag of cookies, offering it to him. “Mikasa said you don’t like sweets. But I saved you some just in case you want to try.”

It’s true; he’s not a big fan of desserts. But to be offered it is still nice. Especially from her. He almost feels touched that she thought of him enough to save this for him. “Were you hoping to see me today?”

“It crossed my mind, yeah.” She gazes down, embarrassed, setting the bag of treats on her lap. It’s silent for a few moments. He studies her, unsure what’s going on in that cute head of hers. His resolve is wavering. He needs to go upstairs now.

“Hitch told me you all went to the beach today. Sounds like fun,” she says, smiling. Fuck, she’s cute. That smile is so fucking cute. 

“It was okay.” 

He pauses, debating with himself. If he says it, it’s over. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Her eyes widen, shocked by his statement. “Huh?” she blurts out.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he repeats, with more confidence. 

“Why were you thinking about me?”

“I don’t know. You’re on my mind a lot these days.” He decides to just let all his intrusive thoughts flow out, not wanting to lie or pretend anymore. More than anything, he wants to be with her again. Have her under him. Have her in his room upstairs right now. 

“I thought you didn’t find me interesting enough.” There’s a coy grin on her face. 

“I’ve changed my mind. I think you’re very interesting.” He scoots towards her, his pinky grazing her hand as he leans in closer, lips tickling the shell of her ear. “I want a taste of your cookie.” 

He presses soft kisses along her neck, his hand sliding across her thigh. “I’m really craving it right now,” he purrs, his fingertips dangerously close to her clothed pussy. 

“Eren,” she breathes out, turning her head to him to kiss him on the lips. He fucking loves it when she says his name all breathy like this. He smirks, sliding his tongue inside her mouth. He’s too far gone to pull back, so he doesn’t. He’s going for it. Fuck it. If this is a sinking ship, he’ll happily go down with it.

“Skip the party. Come over to my room. We’ll have our own fun, just the two of us,” he tells her. Voice low, enticing, dripping with lust. He’s doing everything he can to convince her. And it’s working.

She kisses him back, mouth open and eager, so fucking eager. He grabs her by the wrist and leads her upstairs into the room, déjà vu from the last time they were together. Once inside, they stumble towards to the bed, where she immediately sits herself down at the edge, waiting obediently for his next command. 

“I’m all sweaty. Can you wait for me while I take a quick shower? I promise I’ll be fast.” He strips his shirt off, sweat glistening on his chest and abdomen. She nods lazily at his question, distracted by his bare body. “You’re staring,” he teases her. 

She swallows loud before responding, “I can’t help it. You’re so sexy right now.”

Fuck. He can’t help but let any praise that comes out of her mouth go straight to his head, and his dick. He walks to her, hands at her sides, leaning in close. She looks so vulnerable as he looms over her, his gaze almost threatening. The smell of his sweat and musk is heavy in the small space between them.

In a hushed voice, he asks, “Can you do me a favor while I’m gone?” 

She nods dumbly again, hypnotized by whatever sexual energy he’s emanating. 

He bows his head, lips skimming her ear gently, whispering, “Touch yourself. Make yourself come. I don’t care how you do it. I just need you to be so fucking wet that I can drown in that pretty pussy as soon as I come back. You understand?” 

“Fuck,” she moans, sounding so desperate and needy for him. It’s torture for her as much as it is for him, but he knows it’ll be worth it. 

“Don’t skimp out on me, okay? You better be fucking soaked when I come back. I’ll punish you if you’re not,” he warns her. He kisses her cheek before pulling away to toss a towel over his shoulder and walk out the door, leaving her alone in the room. 

~~~

You’re already aching for his return. Not wasting another second, you lay back and remove your pants, keeping your underwear on. Sure enough, you’re already wet, a damp spot forming on your panties from your slick. With Eren’s naughty favor being your focus, you spread out your thighs, fingers reaching down to rub small circles on your clit. You feel torn between fulfilling his request or seeing what punishment he has in store for you if you don’t. Either way, thinking of him makes you horny as you continue to pleasure yourself on his bedsheets, waiting for him to come back. 

After a few agonizing minutes, you hear the handle turn slowly. He walks in, wet hair wrapped in a messy bun, towel tied to his waist, and small droplets of water shimmering on his skin. You don’t stop; your middle finger slides up and down your folds, gathering slick from your entrance to spread around your puffy clit. He bites his lower lip while he observes you, removing the towel from his body to reveal his already erect cock. 

“I knew you could do it,” he praises, stepping towards the edge of the bed. “Keep playing with it. Let me watch.” He pulls your panties to the side to expose your dripping cunt.

You touch yourself faster, flustered by the wet sounds coming from your arousal. It only seems to rile him up, his eyes hyper focused on your slippery fingers caressing your bud, huffing out demands at you. “Faster. Play with it faster, baby.” You feel his hot breath on your skin, teasing you, turning you on. After a few minutes, he stops you. 

“It’s my turn now.”

He kneels onto the bed, positioning himself between your legs, staring at your clothed pussy. “Look how drenched your panties are. Didn’t even bother taking them off.” Hooking his thumbs under the sides, he slides them off your legs. Instead of tossing them to the floor, like you expect, he wraps it around his hard cock and strokes himself with it. You sit up on your elbows to get a better view. 

“I like having your cute panties on my dick like this. Makes me so fucking horny,” he moans, jerking himself rapidly. “But you know what makes me really fucking horny?”

“What?” you ask, voice breathless and pussy throbbing as you anticipate his answer. 

“Eating you out. Tasting your cum on my tongue.”

You moan, collapsing back onto the bed, his face pressed to your pussy, planting small kisses onto your clit. It sends electricity all the way down to your toes. His kisses deepen, mouth open and lapping away at your bud hastily. You feel his tongue swirl around you in the most delightful way, causing you to grind your hips against his face.

“That’s it, baby. You did such a good job, holy fuck. You hear how wet you are? So fucking wet for me.” He slobbers all over you, the squelching noises obscene and nasty from the way he moves against your clit. “Such a good fucking girl. Such a good fucking girl,” he chants, licking up and down, side to side. You hear him spit on you, using his tongue to spread his saliva all over your cunt, repeating it two more times. It’s so fucking nasty, so fucking good.

“Eren, fuck. I love it. I love it. Please don’t stop,” you beg, fully enraptured by him. For a split second, you’re worried about throwing that word around haphazardly, but you say it anyway.

“I love eating you out. Always taste so fucking good, fuck,” he murmurs, eyes closed as he indulges in your wetness. His face is buried between your legs, sucking and slurping every drop. You’re a moaning mess for him, the pleasure so surreal you almost forget where you are. The walls are thin; the neighbors must be hearing this. You reach for the pillow beside you to cover your mouth, only to have it snatched away from you in an instant. 

“Don’t fucking do that. I want to see your pretty face as I lick your pussy clean.” 

Something within you snaps. You feel a rush of euphoria ripple through your body as you orgasm on his tongue. You hear him moan into you, purring, “Yes, yes. Come all over my face, baby. Give it to me. Fuck.” 

You blackout for a few seconds, overstimulated and spent from the ecstasy. You’re brought back from your daze as soon as he’s beside you. That cocky smirk on his lips, glossy with your cum. He brushes the hair out of your face to cup your cheek, grazing your bottom lip with his thumb. Nothing is said between you two as you gaze at each other, eyes soft with passion, skin hot and prickly with desire. When your lips meet, the kisses are gentle and sweet, making you flutter below your belly. 

Before you know it, your body takes over and you’re on top of him, straddling his hips, his hard cock pinned beneath your pussy and is abdomen. You finally remove your blouse and unhook your bra, baring your breasts to him. He looks up at you, eyes wide with arousal as he slides his hands to your hips. “You gonna ride me till I come, baby? Gonna let me fill your cunt up with my load?”

This is the nastiest he’s ever been with you. It makes you dumb, reckless, and thoughtless. “I want it, baby. I want to feel you come inside me,” you whine, moving your plush folds along his shaft. 

“Then do it. It’s okay. I’m clean. I haven’t touched anyone else. Only you,” he says, caressing your hips as you grind against him. 

Processing what he said, you reveal to him, “I’m on birth control.”

At those words, his soft expression turns naughty. “Good girl.”

Even if you weren’t on birth control, you’re certain you would still let him hit it raw. Which is irresponsible, you know that. But right now, you’re so fucked up and brainless for him that you don’t care.

You lift yourself off him to position his tip at your entrance, guiding it in gently as you sink onto his shaft. It’s tight, but it slides in smoothly, pussy sleek from your climax. He sucks in a breath as you take all of him in. 

Taking a few seconds to adjust to his length, you lean over him, placing a tender kiss on his lips. You start to rock your hips back and forth, riding him, making his cock disappear inside your pussy with each thrust. The grip on your hips tightens as he growls, “Fuck, baby. Just like that. Do it just like that. Good girl. Good fucking girl.”

The praise encourages you to pick up your pace, ass bouncing and tits jiggling like a fucking pornstar. He’s letting you be in control this time.

“Yeah, fuck yourself on my cock. Fuck yourself on my cock, baby. Use me like your fucking sex toy. Use this fucking cock,” he spits out, praise getting filthier, your pace getting faster.

Maybe you’re not in control. Every fucking one of his demands you do without a second thought. You’re doing everything he wants. He’s got you eating out of the palm of his hand.

You continue to bounce on his cock relentlessly, hitting your sweet spot over and over. The both of you moan into each other’s mouths, exchanging sloppy kisses, unconcerned about being heard by others. All that matters right now is that you both reach your high together.

He pulls away from your lips to breathe out, “Suck on my fingers, baby. Get them nice and wet for me.”

Without question, you keep your mouth open for him as he slides his fingers down your throat. Like an obedient slut, you suck on him, dragging your tongue and lips all over his hand. He whispers praises at you. “That’s a good girl. You always do such a good job for me.”

Satisfied, he slips his fingers out and reaches down to play with your clit. The unexpected contact causes you to cry out, “Fuck!”

He chuckles, rubbing against you as you ride his cock harder and faster. “Such a nasty slut, getting my fingers all wet so I can play with your clit.” With his free hand, he slaps your ass, the loud smack echoing off the walls. 

“You like being a slut for me, don’t you?” Another smack. “Say you’re my slut.”

“I’m your –“ a breath catches in your throat. “I’m your slut.”

“Say your daddy’s little slut.” Smack. You feel drunk, intoxicated by the way his cock pounds into you as he spanks you and stimulates your clit. Truly treating you like a slut. And you love it. You can’t get enough of it.

“I’m daddy’s little slut. I’m daddy’s little slut,” you whine, another orgasm quickly approaching. Mind empty and careless as you spew out whatever thoughts come to you. “I’m yours, Eren. I’m yours.” It slips out carelessly, but it doesn’t matter.

“Yes. Yes. You’re mine. You’re all mine. Fuck,” he moans, pumping into you faster, fingers ruthless against your swollen bud. “Come for me, baby. You can do it. Come for me.”

You let go, coating his cock with your cum as you ride out your orgasm with him inside you. Ecstasy overwhelms you, feeling both satisfied and drained, your body relaxing above him. 

The two of you start kissing again. He thrusts into you slowly, whispering, “I’m going to come inside you, okay? Is that okay, sweetie?”

Sweetie. You’ve never heard him be affectionate before. It’s unusual. It throws you off. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy all over your spent body. Nodding your head against him, you kiss him softly until he comes inside you after a few more deep thrusts. You feel his cock twitch, hot cum coating your insides. And if you weren’t already depleted from your most recent climax, you’re sure this would get you off again, feeling his load spill out of your fluttering pussy.

When he’s done, he slides out, lifting your hips up gingerly to move you to his side. His cum trickles out of you and onto his sheets. It’s dirty and erotic. The aftermath from a night of passion between you and him. 

This is the closest to cuddling the two of you have done, both exhausted and blissful in each other’s arms. He clears his throat before asking, “Was that good for you?”

“Yeah, it was.” You look down at the mess you made and giggle. “Obviously.”

He kisses your forehead. Another affectionate gesture that sends your synapses firing. “You’re not going to sneak out again, are you?”

“Huh?”

“You left last time without saying goodbye.”

He’s full of surprises today. You didn’t think he noticed nor cared that you snuck out that morning. “Oh. I…I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me in the morning. I thought it would be better to just leave.”

“You’re right. I wasn’t sure what I wanted at the time.” His hand massages small circles on your back. It’s relaxing. Comfortable. 

 “How about now? Do you know what you want now?”

“Yeah.” He pauses for a bit before saying, “I want you.” 

It’s sweet and romantic. It gives you butterflies in your stomach. It feels like a proper confession after so much build up, so much tension between the two of you. You feel your heart pounding, almost like it could burst out of you. You’re happy.

“But let’s keep this between you and me. I don’t want people knowing about us.”

And then, just like that, you feel a sinking feeling in your chest. Dread. “Oh. Why not?”

He shrugs. “I don’t really want people knowing my business. People talk. It’s annoying.”

My business. It’s not about you, not even about the two of you. It’s about him. Confused, and now slightly annoyed, you ask, “So you want people to think we’re just friends?”

“Not even that. Let’s just pretend we don’t know each other. Nobody will suspect anything.”

It feels like a slap to the face. Like the rug was pulled right from under you just when you started dancing on it. 

“It’ll be fun,” he adds, sensing your trepidation, an attempt at lightening the mood, making it seem like a silly game. 

You don’t respond, unsure how to. Maybe it’s not a big deal. You think back on the night he first kissed you. He said he didn’t like PDA. Is this the same thing? You find yourself making up as many excuses as you can to convince yourself that this isn’t all that bad.

“Hey.” He tips your head up to look at him. “It’ll be our little secret. Only we’ll know what we do with each other, no one else. Doesn’t that sound fun?” He caresses your bottom lip with his thumb.

You know it’s sketchy. Every fiber of your being is screaming at you. There’s another reason, a bigger reason, why he wants to keep this a secret. You know it, but you’re too chickenshit to confront him about it. Even too scared to admit it to yourself. Deep down, no matter how much you don’t want to believe it, Eren is embarrassed. Embarrassed of not being the fuck boy he had planned to be. Embarrassed of being associated with an unpopular sorority.

Embarrassed of you. 

But he’s got you wrapped around his finger; completely charmed by the luscious words he speaks and those striking green eyes that captivate your soul. You’re spellbound by him. Enchanted. Trapped. You’ve let him manipulate you into thinking you’re special. So special he wants to keep you a secret.

So, you agree. It’ll be fun. You’re fine with being his dirty little secret. 

Because having him behind closed doors is better than not having him at all. 

----------

Tag list: @roronoazorosbxtchh @f4irycafe @hello-juuliana @sideofthemoonn @imaddicted-b @belovedackerman @alicebleu @bunnyxgirlxo @butterfly-skinnylegend @bettydes8

[dreambunnynotes]

daily reflection: nov. 16th ❤︎

good morning lovely friends! here is what i accomplished and what i could have improved today, to hold myself accountable. it was really effective for me to know that i had posted my goals list on tumblr yesterday where others could see it; whenever i felt like giving in to my adhd brain that tells me that tasks are to be feared, i would simply remember that i had kind folks online who were interested in seeing me succeed hehe, it helped me so much! here is my first day ❤︎

accomplishments:

i completed all of my cleaning goals and more! it turned into a deeper clean than i thought it would be which felt really nice (and is usually how it goes once i get cleaning). it's so lovely to be able to start fresh with a clean working and sleeping space; it's so much easier to feel inspired, be productive, and take care of yourself when your environment is as ready for you as you are for it!

i wasn't going to complete all of my texting and calling tasks, BUT I DID! these types of tasks are the hardest for me to get done because i have pretty intense social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria, and communicating with others both online and offline takes a lot of mental preparation and energy for me. but i did it, and i am so, so proud of myself! in fact...

self-compassion:

not only did i accomplish my original communication goals, i also ended up replying to two friends i hadn't seen in a long time, even though i was anxious! both of them were at my sister's show last night and i was so surprised to see them and a couple of other friends that i had to go have a bathroom cry from the anxiety lol. i had so many emotions coming up; the first was sadness and shame seeing that they had all come in a group together and that i wasn't with them. i joined them two seconds after i saw everyone, but the sadness was still there because i was positive they would have invited me into the group earlier if i had been less isolated this last year, which is where the guilt came in. i realized i had been isolating from my friends for so long out of fear that i wasn't wanted, didn't provide anything to them, and that maybe i didn't have people i liked being around after all, but that is so, so far from the truth; i do have friends who love me and who i love, and all of them were so loving, so kind, and actually sent me messages after the show telling me how much they loved me and how happy they were to see me! it made me cryyyy and feel so many feelings. i have plans to see them next week, and i actually feel like i'm overcoming my isolation era at long last; i'm really proud of myself for having self-compassion and using tools i've learned in therapy to better my life! :')

my next step is to learn more about and overcome this shame i have around letting my friends love me for who i am; the only way to learn more about it is to actually make plans to see friends and be vulnerable; wish me luck 😭💗

improvements to make:

as for my other tasks; i cleaned out one of my emails, but i have so many email accounts that it felt a little bit lacklustre to call that an accomplishment. today i'd like to break down how big the task of consolidating my digital life will actually be so that i can take measurable and consistent steps towards completing my goal (writing that sentence is baffling me right now - bunny from a few days ago never would have realized how much writing out her goals could help her in being less afraid of them! this feels like a huge accomplishment for my adhd brain!)

today felt like a really successful day, and i'm super proud of myself! this was only the beginning of what i actually want to accomplish in a day, but it was such a great way to try it out. i'm excited to see where this journey takes me and how these daily checklists and reflections will affect my productivity; they already have helped so much! if you've made it to the end of this, thank you for taking the time to read about my day, it means so much to me! lets try our best to have another successful day! ❤︎

[romanoffsbish]

A Blooming Love…

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader (AU)

Inspired by: (hilarious tiktok)

Happy Valentine’s Day Eve 🌸 🥰 (A bonus fic)

R’s love language is flowers, 🥹

Today is the busiest day of the year for you, all morning long you spend in a van, delivering intricate displays of love to strangers through your beautiful bouquets of flowers. Majority of which you leave on doorsteps, or on the front desks of offices, but on the rarest of occasions you get to deliver it directly to their hands. Those types of interactions have always been your favorite, getting to bare witness to the genuine happiness the simple gesture inspires warms your heart beyond measure.

————

You're a local, low end florist, so your order threshold is much smaller than that of say edible arrangements, or 24 hour flowers, but you still make quite a profit on Valentine's Day. The patrons make note of your displays as why, telling you that the others simply couldn't do it the way you did, and you took pride in that.

Knowing that people genuinely appreciated the way you strategically mapped out bouquet's, picking the best pairings based on not only look, but the deeper meaning behind each flower's petals, meant the actual world to you.

For instance, why buy a ring and propose to your lover when you can arrange a bouquet of lilacs and spider flowers to symbolize the desire to elope. It’s cost effective and beautiful.

Have an enemy? Ensure they heed your warning of an impending doom by giving them a lovely bouquet of oleanders and daffodils.

Apart, some flowers meanings are dull, but when paired with others they begin to offer a fuller message, and that is half the fun for you.

At the back of your van is the last of your vases meant to be delivered, you'd started at eight this morning, and now that it's noon you're glad to be done with the business end of things. Now, you're headed off to hand deliver some strategically thought of bouquets to friends, and possibly, the woman who owns your heart.

You knocked on the first door, patiently waiting for the woman to answer, and to your shock an adorable little boy answers it instead., "Auntie Y/N!," his tiny body collapses into yours, nearly sending the vase with the shades of pink and purple Alstroemeria to the ground., "Hello to you too Tommy, where's your mom?"

"You call, and I appear.," Wanda teases as she enters into your field of vision., "Ooh, they're gorgeous Y/N/N, you've outdone yourself."

Wanda swiftly took the vase, and walked it into the kitchen where it now sat in the middle of her dining room table. She came back to promptly pull you into her for a hug, then she slipped a brown paper bag into your hand, and chuckled when you looked to her warily.

"Can't have you fainting on the job Y/N, and we both know you haven't eaten, so enjoy.," she winked at you, but the look in her eyes was sort of reminiscent to that of a concerned mother., "Thanks Wands, you always take such good care of me.," you murmured over the bite of sandwich you'd already started devouring, then you waved at her before taking your leave.

"Don't forget to finally tell her!," the brunette teasingly muttered behind the partially shut door, her hand outstretched to you holding a simple, singular flower, and you couldn't help but to smile up at her as you gently took it., "Good luck today Y/N, call me later with all the details, I look forward to the good news.," and with that she left your awestruck form alone.

Celosia's are gorgeous, frilly flowers that come in many shades, like the red in your hand, and they symbolize boldness, and when handed out it's usually meant to inspire bouts of courage. Wanda was your best friend, and had yet to steer you in the wrong direction before, so you decided that along with her selected flowers, you'd also be exposing your heart to Natasha.

But first, you must deliver the rest of your friends their bouquets, and next on your list is none other than the woman of your affections little sister, Yelena, and her lovely wife—Kate. Yelena was the small town's sheriff, and her wife worked for Natasha's tech company. These two are some of your favorite people, Yelena never fails to cheer you up with a good joke, and Kate doubles down with the comfort.

For Yelena you opted out of a multitude of flowers, she's always been more of a less is more type of gal, so you wanted to respect that. Baptisia is the flower you settled on, it's meant to offer the receiver protection, and with it being a shade of purple you thought it was a cute nod to the woman that she adored most.

Kate's bouquet was meant to inspire fertility, as you knew she was in the process of becoming pregnant, but that there was a bit of struggle. Peonies are meant to inspire such things, so her bouquet was a mix of the many shades.

With a quick knock on their front door you're greeted by a yawning Kate., "Good afternoon Miss Bishop.," you teased, and as expected Yelena rounds the corner to correct., "Belova!"

You smirk., "Oh, my apologies Mrs. Belova.," the couple both look at you, Kate with a fondness, and Yelena with a playful glare., "How might we help you?," the blonde asks, her romantic breakfast now running cold.

"How rude.," you scoffed., "Can't a girl bring her besties their bouquets without judgment?," the blonde simply flipped you off, but then she gently took the vase and assessed the plant.

"Thank you, they're beautiful Y/N.," Yelena remarks, and you see the genuine appreciation flash through her eyes, and then you feel it when Kate tugs you into a tight embrace., "Thank you!," her thanks are muffled by your shirt, and you chuckle softly., "Of course."

"Where to next?," the blonde asks, teasing smirk at the ready., "My sisters perhaps?," she quirked a brow and you only rolled your eyes., "Nope, next is Darcy's, then Monica and Pietro, then.," Yelena waved her hand., "Ok, I get it!"

"Teaches you not to meddle.," you chuckled, then you waved goodbye to your friends.

"Kate Bishop, get your coat, we're going to my sisters.," she squealed with an excited clap of her hands., "Why?!," she deadpanned., "To watch the two idiots finally make their moves, it will be funny—I can almost promise it."

You knew of Natasha far before you ever met the woman, she was once Wanda's boss after your best friend graduated from her university. Now Wanda works remotely as she prefers the luxury of being a stay at home mom to the twins. She'd always tell you stories of her boss, how she was a stern one, but that she was also an understanding one, who led with kindness.

Now you know her, and you have the couple from your last delivery for that, because it was their wedding that brought her into your life. Beforehand she'd only been a passing face, like at Wanda's wedding, or on the shared street of your businesses, but now she's a regular. In your shop, your life, and more so your heart.

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

"Yelena, I told you we should've hired a more credible florist, where is she?," Natasha barked at her sister, her foot nervously tapping against the hardwood as if this was her wedding to fuss over., "Natasha, practice patience like Mama always said, your worry lines are deepening."

Natasha's petty response died on her tongue when you suddenly appeared before them, a smidge out of breath, but wearing a warm smile in spite of yourself., "I'm sorry I'm late Miss Belova, but there was an accident on the highway that sent me on a 30 minute detour."

"Yelena.," she annoyedly corrected you., "Don't worry about it Y/N, I expected you by noon, so seeing as how it's barely passed eleven you're well ahead of schedule.," she teasingly replied, then she looked to her watch., "I must rush off to get ready now, I'll leave you with my sister.," she then turned to her sternly., "Play nice."

Natasha watched intently, eyes trained on your every move, if asked she'd say it was for Yelena and Kate's sake, but it was her shameless way to drink you in—you were far more to marvel at, even though your displays were gorgeous.

"Hi...," Natasha sheepishly greets, internally slapping herself at her nervousness, she usually never feels nervous, if anything she's the one who inspire such things, it alludes her on as to how you're doing this to her., "I'm Natasha."

"Oh, I know who you are.," you bite back, but the smirk you hold shows there was no malice., "For starters, you're my best friends old boss, I saw you at her wedding, and to add onto that your building is across from mine, and I do have to say thanks for all of the business."

Natasha stares at you confused, she does remember the wedding, the one where she once again couldn't look away from you, but your other business comment was perplexing., "You're welcome?," she offered, but it came off as a question, and her face confirmed that.

"I end up selling a lot of 'I'm sorry I missed dinner tonight, had to work late' or 'Miss Romanoff needed me to stay, I swear I'm not cheating on you, please don't divorce me' bouquets to your many scared associates."

Natasha laughed, it was the kind of sound that you found yourself yearning to inspire further., "I can keep them even later if you wanted.," and now you were politely chuckling along with her, doing your best to remain professional, while still keeping her attention., "No thanks, I'd like to make it home before sundown."

Natasha continued to follow you around, her eyes watched the way your hands gently move the pieces about. It was clear to her that the job meant something to you, it wasn't an easy cash grab, or an exploitation of nervous spouses. You genuinely loved the art of crafting, and sharing that with anyone who would partake.

"Who picked out the arrangements?," she questioned, her curiosity getting the better of her., "Kate and Yelena were incredibly busy, so they actually asked me to give it my best go, and so I landed on this.," you stepped back, your hands now gesturing to the display., "What do you think? Is it up to snuff?"

Natasha smirked playfully as she observed the display in all of its glory. It was mesmerizing, there wasn't anything to be expected on the table, and she found herself intrigued on the why of it all., "It's beautiful, truly, but may I ask why?," your pensive look inspired her to elaborate., "What's the reason you didn't slap some roses down and call it a job well done?"

"Roses are lovely, they hold their place in the wedding line up for sure, but it's just lazy, and too par for the course for me.," you explained., "Holly, the flower you see wreathed around each base of the vase is for more than the Christmas season you know.," she saw the way your eyes lit up the further you divulged, and she found it rather endearing to say the least.

"They're meant to symbolize courage, defense, and oversight, which I felt perfectly fitted to your sister's dangerous job, and Kate's love and acceptance in spite of it all.," her heart softened as you explained., "Then at the center here we have a cluster of lavender, the purple color was important to Kate, so I did my best to give her that, while somehow finding a balance."

"It inspires a calming energy, and I felt that would be good at any wedding.," she nodded.

"Then directly surrounding the sprigs of purple is a circle of pink bluebells for everlasting love, and lastly we have gardenias for pure joy.," you looked to her expectantly, brow raised and all., "Well, it's already beautiful to look at, but when you elaborate, it gives it a different beauty."

"Thank you."

Natasha frowned as you finished the display of the last table., "Are you staying for the night?," you shook your head, smiling softly as you did.,

"I'm afraid not, I am not one to overstay my welcome, but do wish the couple well for me."

"No pressure, but I'll have you know my sister and her blushing bride would have no quarrels if you stayed, in fact I'm certain Kate would be sad if you didn't—she's fond of your work.," the redhead somewhat groveled, much to her own shock too, even using her sisters fiancé as a play in the game to get you to stay.

The twinkle in her eye isn't lost on you., "So, I should stay for Kate's sake then?," she heard the tease, it even excited her, but she did her best to remain unaffected., "Why of course."

"Happy wife, happy life—who am I to deny your sister such a thing?," you winked, then much to the redheads dismay you went to go., "Where are you going then?," she cursed herself for the desperation in her tone., "Thought I'd put my wagon away, doesn't seem to add the right ambiance for the wedding."

"Oh, yeah, makes sense...," you giggled softly., "Yeah, don't worry princess—I'll return."

Natasha watched you walk away in shock, her eyes never stopped staring ahead, not even when you'd disappeared around the corner. Never in her life had she been so awkward, nor so desperate to be around someone, but there was just something so special about you.

"Sestra! Where's Y/N? Did you scare her off?"

"No. She just went to her car for a moment."

"Good, she's running late.," Yelena groaned, and her sister looked to her for clarification., "She's Kate's maid of honor.," she offers, and the redheads jaw drops at the information.

"What? How? Why have I never heard of her?," she stammers, her words flying out nearly as fast as her thoughts are running., "You have, she's the third musketeer you always miss out on seeing at all of our events you're late to."

"Wait! Y/N is Wanda and Kate's third party?," the blonde nods with a fond smirk., "She's a very sweet girl, but with a bit of a wild side."

"She said she was leaving, I had to ask her to stay.," Natasha bargains with a furrowed brow, and she gets her sisters obnoxious laughter in response., "She's also a bit of a tease."

"Who's a tease?," you ask as you step back up to the sisters with a sly smirk, and in a new outfit that leaves Natasha at a loss for words.

"You.," Yelena pointedly remarks, she then grabs your arm before slapping her sister upside her head., "Go get ready Natalia."

"Here.," you reach out to the redhead, her breath hitches when you push her hair behind her ear as you settle a stem atop the lobe., "Beautiful.," you smile, admiring the pink carnation that now sits besides her blushing face., "It symbolizes admiration.," you wink.

"Come on.," Yelena groans, pulling your giggling form along with her, and leaving her speechless, flustered sister in the dust.

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

Natasha and you had been flirting from the start, but for some reason neither of you knew how to take it further, so after two years of beating around the bush it appeared up to you to make the move. Natasha meant to ask you, she did, but it only ever turned into half baked dates, where she'd bring you lunch in the shop, and you'd send her off with a new flower, but the feelings you both harbored were only ever masked behind dull, casual conversations.

You both just came from such different worlds, she worked a nine to five, that really was only a recommendation seeing as how she worked well into the night on most occasions, and her weekends off never really rang true either. Natasha was a true prisoner to capitalism, and for some reason she didn't seem to mind it.

Whereas you built your own schedule based on a whim, Monday through Friday you opened the shop anywhere between 10am and 12pm, and were closed by 6pm. Then you would deliver flowers on Saturday's from 10am to 2pm, before taking the rest of the weekends off. You lived a life free of societal pressures, and Natasha was intrigued by your carefree nature, add on your ability to love hard, and your oh so beautiful face and she was a total goner.

She just never knew if you'd be able to handle her demanding lifestyle, you were just so sweet, and she wouldn't want to tamper that. However, as she gets older she becomes more aware that she's not where she should be. Success in business is only one part of the story, she desired love too, and she now knows the only way to complete her life is to have you. To make you hers and build a life with you that tailors to the both of your wants and needs.

Which is why she's nervously awaiting your arrival by the window, her heart full of hope, and her mind racing with what she'll actually say as you finally pull up her snowy driveway. You failed to catch her gaze, you were far too nervous for what's about to happen to look up.

Instead you opened the trunk, and began to collect what you needed. The flowers you reached for were gorgeous. Everyone else received their arrangements in clear vases, but Natasha's was in a red one. Simple, maybe even expected, but nonetheless it was a step above the rest, and to the right person even romantic. There was also a sweet Valentines Day bag beside it that carried a whole lot of goodies tailored specifically to the redhead.

Natasha bit her lip as she watched you slowly make your way up her stairs, you were holding the prettiest bouquet made to date, and her body warmed at the amount of care you show. There was a confidence in your step that had her wondering what your intentions were, she smiled at the thought of you loving her back.

Then all too quickly her smile fades when she watches you slip hard on the ice of her porch. The vase full of dark and light red carnations, white gardenias and a single pink rose goes flying into the wall and shatters, and at the sound you wince, soon wondering if your numbed tailbone maybe had met the same fate.

Natasha ran outside., “Y/N/N, oh my gosh, are you okay?,” you looked up at her with a pained smile., “I’m oka—.,” your lie was cut off with a groan as Natasha too slipped in an attempt to help you up, her pointed elbow making harsh contact with your soft abdomen., “I’m sorry.”

After a minute of silence on both of your ends you finally peered down to see the redhead already smirking up at you. Then all at once the both of you broke out into a fit of laughter. Sure it was embarrassing, but seeing as you both fell prey to the harsh winter conditions it wasn’t all that bad. Natasha was the first to shimmy into a seated position, her hands reaching behind her to pick up the flowers.

“They’re beautiful.,” she comments, bringing them up to her face one by one to appreciate the aromas as well., “Tell me about them?,” you could see the hopeful glint in her eyes, there was an unusual vulnerability in her tone too. So you sighed and sat up to face her as you finally had the courage to give her your heart.

“Well.,” you softly scooped the lighter of the two carnations out of her hand., “This shade is meant to symbolize someone’s admiration for the recipient.,” you watched as her cheeks tinted a similar shade., “I admire you wholly.”

“The white gardenias symbolize purity.,” your eyes burned bright with the message as you stared deeply into Natasha’s gorgeous green., “There’s nothing I trust more than us.,” she subtly scooted closer to you, heart completely enthralled by your slow love confession.

“The darker shade.,” you took a deep breath, this one was the one that gave no room for a friendly interpretation., “It’s a symbol of a deep, undying love that the giver harbors for the recipient.,” you ducked your head, afraid to see her reaction, but a firm hand on your shoulder brought your eyes back up, and your heart settled at the sight of her soft features.

Natasha’s lips gently twitched at the roundabout confession, the instinct to smile dreamily was there, but when you went to reach out for the rose she felt the urge to tease you was a smidge stronger than melting into the warmth of your reciprocated love.

“I thought you said roses were lazy.,” she hummed while looking the flower over., “Eh, sometimes the cliches work.,” you remarked playfully, and the redhead nodded, then she smiled warmly at you before reaching to hand you your own rose back., “Do you accept?”

Natasha watched the clarity slowly wash over you, her use of the flower nowhere close to lost on you., “That was meant to be my line.,” you teased, but your vulnerability was evident., “I’d say I’m sorry I beat you to it, but I’m not.,” she smirked triumphantly., “Now answer me Y/N.”

“I do.,” she instantly beamed, then she moved to straddle your lap, and the tension was thick as your eyes tracked her every movement. Soft fingers traced over your face before pushing the hair behind your ears. Her hands were gentle as she placed the rose over your ear., “Beautiful.,” she breathed out affectedly, and then as she looked into your doe eyes she softly whispered., “Fuck it.,” then her lips met yours.

Natasha was gentle, she was a romantic at heart, so there wasn’t any rush to devour you. However, as your hands settled possessively over her hips she felt the urge to deepen it.

“My eyes! Kate! Take the wheel!,” Yelena shrieked, her hand was swift as it threw the cop car into drive., “Serves you right for spying.”

The loud boom of sirens, and screeching tires pulled your attentions from one another., “Eto malen'koye der'mo.,” you chuckled affectedly., “I’m not sure what you said, but it was hot.”

(That little shit)

Natasha smirked., “Oh yeah?,” you nodded dumbly, and she leaned in, your body shivered as her hot breaths fanned across your face., “Tebya budet tak veselo unichtozhat', detka.”

(You’re going to be so fun to destroy, baby.)

“Fuck.,” you whimpered., “Kiss me, please.”

As her plump lips reclaim their place against yours, you sigh dreamily against her as your heart hammers wildly in your chest. Because the soft affection reaffirms your thoughts; to know Natasha Romanoff, is to know true love.

————

To offer a rose, is to essentially offer your ❤️.

3,844 Words

❤️ Kaitlyn 🌸

[xdacted]

i think you were drunk (you spelled wedding wrong)

Paring: Reader x Carlos Sainz Jr.

Warnings: Hurt/no comfort, Fluff, Childhood love

Word Count: 5,807

Status: Complete

Inspired by: "Why'd you invite me to your wedding?" - Kevin Atwater

____________________

Carlos hadn’t seen the message until the next morning. 

A message from a number he thought forgot about him. For a moment, he wondered if it could be true. If it was real. 

“Hey! I’m sorry this is so out of the blue, I know it’s been a while. I hope you’re doing good, I watch your races so just know I’m always rooting for you. I miss being at the races with you, it was always so fun. I’m sorry it’s been so long. But I wanted to invite you to my weddign, which will be next month. I’ve sent an invitation to your family, I hope that’s alright. I wanted to invite you myself because I could not imagine that day without you. Let me know if you can make it, I know how busy you are. Love you.”

Then, right under it, is a smaller bubble that reads:

“Text me back if you can. I miss you.”

Carlos thinks he might be sick. He rereads the message, pulling his phone closer to his face. He can’t stop himself from whispering her name. It’s been years. This girl, his girl. His entire life, she’s been there, since he was little. They were fast friends, but, of course, to Carlos, it was more than that. 

To him, it was everything. 

__________

“Someone has a crush on Carlito!” 

Her brothers were running around them, stomping across the grass. She groaned at them, they had moved twice - each time prompted by them coming around to pick at their sister. Carlos liked to giggle at it, he and Blanca weren’t as rambunctious. 

Carlos knew that they liked to pick on her, but would always stop the moment she began to cry. She was their baby sister after all. 

“Shut up! I do not!” 

Her face was a violent red, the blush spreading up to her ears. She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, and puffing her cheeks. Her brothers come to pull at her hair, pinching at her sides. She whines for them to leave her alone and Carlos can only giggle. 

He thinks about what they’ve said. A crush? On him? The thought alone makes his face go hot. That kind of thing, with moms and dads and kissing. He hadn’t given it much thought. 

Would it be so bad? Carlos didn’t think so. He thought that if he did have to marry anyone, he’d like it to be her. She liked racing and played golf with him.  

“Maybe Carlito has a crush on you!”

“Stop!”

Carlos looked down at his lap. Did he? He pulls at the skin of his fingertips, his head full of thoughts. He shakes his head, trying to laugh it away, “No way!” He says. 

It’s easier like that. 

When he looks over at her, she’s staring straight at him, a smile on her face. 

“We’re best friends!” She declares, glaring over at her brothers, “Right?”

“Right!” Friends. If she wanted to be friends, Carlos thought that was perfect. “Best friends.”

Because even friends could marry each other, right?

__________

He spent the morning staring at his phone. 

Carlos thought that perhaps it would go away, fade into nothingness, but it was still there, a blue bubble glaring right at him. He had spent hours rereading it, so much so that he was sure he could recite it from memory. 

‘I miss you.’

He squeezed his eyes shut. The memories of her were something that he kept away. Secret treasures that he held so close to his heart. Even after all these years, at just the simplest phrase, Carlos could feel his heart begin to pound. 

It was only her. 

It would only ever be her. 

Evidently, he recalls bitterly, he wasn’t it for her. Carlos has to stop himself from throwing the phone. Even in the darkness of his mind, he can see those words. He can hear her voice, reading them aloud. It makes him sick. 

He knew that they would meet again - he prayed for it - but never like this. It wasn’t fair. Almost cruel, he thinks, that he would be subject to loving her for the rest of his life. But, how beautiful it is to love her. 

He thinks of her smile. The smallest quirk of her lips, something so shy and tiny. It was only full with him, or at least, it was. His mind wanders to who she might be now. There’s a part of him that knows he could find out, the quickest search of her name would tell him everything.

But there’s a reason he hasn’t, he was afraid of seeing her happy without him. 

He couldn’t. 

Carlos sighed. 

His chest was heavy with emotion. There was a sea of them - anger, sadness, happiness, longing. He might just explode. Fall apart on his couch and just a mess of a man. 

They were so young then. Just kids. Carlos thinks of the irony, they used to sit and laugh at the thought of people getting married so young. Thinking that you could devote yourself to someone you hardly knew, he remembers how they thought it was so stupid. 

It isn’t as funny anymore. 

__________

When Carlos got the call from Red Bull he cried. 

His father had been pacing the room with him, talking about his chances and pondering on the season. But as soon as that phone rang, he was right at Carlos’ side, already pulling him into a hug as soon as he confirmed a date for contract negotiations. 

It was his time. 

His start was here and now. 

When he managed to calm himself down, he called her. 

She picked up and screeched in his ear when he broke the news. 

“OH MY GOD! CARLOS! YOU DID IT!”

He started to cry all over again, “...I know…”

“I’m coming over,” She said hurriedly, he could hear her bustling around the room. 

“Wait! You don’t have to -” She’d already hung up on him. 

He was waiting outside for her, fidgeting with the dirt around the steps of his house. The excitement was buzzing in his veins, he could still hardly believe it. She rode up only a few moments later, dropped her bike onto the lawn, and ran up to him. He caught her in a hug. 

Carlos couldn’t help the few tears that escaped him. His dream was finally happening. He would finally get the chance to be known as more than just the son of Carlos Sainz, he was going to make a name for himself. 

He couldn’t wait. 

When she pulled away, she was quick to seize his shoulders, “You did it!”

He could only smile, there was so much joy, he was bursting with it. 

“I’m so proud of you, Carlos,” She said, smiling up at him. 

He felt his face go red. She would never understand how much those words would mean. Everyone could hate him, everyone could be against him, but so long as she wasn’t, he could do anything. Since the very beginning, she had always been his biggest supporter. Every race she could go to, she was at. It got harder as he climbed the ranks, races were farther and farther. But it always seemed like she just knew. 

When he would come back she would insist on a very detailed account, getting angry with him when he left anything out. She claimed it made her feel like she was there. Carlos always just rolled his eyes, but he could never deny how much he loved it. To know that she wanted him to do well. 

It made every victory sweeter and every loss harder. 

Above all, he hated losing in front of her. To know that she was watching, to know that she could see him fail. He hated it. But she always said that even champions have bad seasons, it wasn’t untrue, but Carlos hated it nonetheless. 

They had moved to the steps of his house. Sitting beside one another, their knees touching, she bumped him with her shoulder. 

“So, you’re going to remember me when you’re rich and famous?”

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t know. I’ll probably be super busy being too cool.”

“You are not cool.”

“Whatever,” He shrugged, “Don’t come crying to me when I’m champion.”

“As if,” She shoved him, he caught himself on the step and turned to her. 

He began to laugh before hooking his arm around her neck, “Of course, I’ll remember you.”

‘I love you.’

“You’re my best friend.”

She looks up at him. Carlos thinks that there’s something that passes across her face, but then, it’s gone. She smiles a true smile. Wide and beautiful.

“Good.”

_________

His mother calls him on the way to a meeting. 

As much as he wishes he could just let the phone ring, he knows he can’t. 

As soon as he answers, she’s gushing in his ear, “Carlito, I can’t believe she’s getting married! How wonderful! She will be the most beautiful bride! The invitation is just gorgeous.”

He lets her speak, leaning back in his seat. It hurts to know that his mother is so excited. He always thought that she wanted him to marry her, that’s what she always said when he was a kid. Maybe everyone let it go but him. 

“Did you know about this?”

“No, Mama,” He lies. It’s awful, lying to her. He can’t try to explain his feelings now, there’s still a part of him that wishes they’d go away. Hoping to drown himself in whatever work Ferrari will give him. The pain burns and he just wants to breathe again. 

“We should send her something,” She adds, he can hear her moving around the house. He wonders if she has the invitation in his hand. 

He hums, trying to keep the anger from his voice. This wasn’t her problem and he wasn’t going to make it hers. She doesn’t need to know - even if she did, what would she do?

His mother seems to think for a moment, humming a mindless tune before saying, “You should send her something!”

Carlos nearly chokes. 

“What?”

“Yes!” Her voice is so bright, “You two were so close, why not send her something? A ‘congratulations’ of sorts. Yes, that would be nice.”

“Mama…” He begins, unsure of how to tell her, “I - I don’t know -”

“Carlos,” She warns. 

With a sigh, he just hums again, “I’ll look into it.”

“Good,” He can hear the excitement ramp up in her voice again, “Isn’t this just so beautiful?”

Carlos can’t respond. 

It isn’t. It makes him sick. The very thought of it makes him want to cry and scream. Anger burns within him, stomach twisting. He hates this. He hates it because he loves her. He loves her more than anything. 

“It is.”

__________

It was quiet, the summer sun dancing on their skin. A breeze pulling through the air, tall grass blades dancing. The smell of the garden roses drifting around them. 

Carlos’ heart was pounding, thudding against his ribs, nearly jumping into his throat. He tried to swallow the anxiety that nearly lept from him, but the nerves in his stomach made it impossible. He felt like he was choking. Just sitting beside her, so close, but so far. 

He could feel the heat of her hand, he yearned to touch her, to intertwine their fingers. It wouldn’t be wrong, they held hands a lot back then, but he wasn’t sure he could do it, afraid his heart would’ve exploded. 

“What is it?” She looked over at him, her eyes trying to pry the information out of him.

He tore his face away, fists clenching at his side. He was always so afraid to tell her. Just a boy terribly in love with a girl, but he could never bring himself to say it. When he tried the words would abandon him and he would just end up brushing it off. 

But there, in the silence of the garden, he knew there was no hiding it. Not when she was boring a hole into the side of his head. She stared right through him. He took his lip between his teeth, horrified at the thought of it all slipping out. 

She would hate him. If he ever dared to say something like that she would kill him, he was so sure. It’s funny to look at it now, but he just focused on the blades of grass beside him. The green was bright and strong, small weeds blooming within the folds of dirt. He reached over to pluck at a dancing flower, but his hand was caught. 

She grabbed him, fingers around his wrist. Her hold was hardly there, he could break free from it if he wanted. But he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay there with her. 

 He was sure that she could feel his racing heart, but she said nothing. Just bringing her hand up to rest in his palm. His stomach flipped, and he shut his eyes. 

This wasn’t like him. Carlos had never been a coward, but for her - and only her - he was reduced to nothing. He loved her, his feelings brimming inside him.

Any more and he was sure that he would come apart at the seams. 

“Carlos,” Her voice whispered. 

He cracked his eyes open, and she was there, leaning over to peer down at him. Her hair fell from her shoulders, so close that he could smell her shampoo. It was the same one she’d used since they were 6 - one her mother made. The scent was her and her alone. 

Carlos swallowed. 

She lowered herself closer. Carlos was sure his heart was so loud that she could hear it, surely she could. She smiled down at him, cocking her head to the side. 

“What are you thinking?”

He just shook his head, afraid to trust his voice. 

“Then?”

“‘Then’ what?”

“Why won’t you look at me?” A pout made its way on her face, jutting her lower lip out dramatically. 

He chuckled, trying to rein in his heart. But it was so difficult, her beautiful eyes looking down at him, the lines of her lips and nose and cheeks. He had memorized it all. He would know her no matter what, from the way she laughed, to the way she spoke, to the way she just breathed. 

Carlos loved her so much it hurt. 

‘I can’t,’ He didn’t say, ‘I love you too much.’

She didn’t say anything. Just smiling down at him. Carlos thought that just for a moment if even for a moment, something shifted in her eyes. A foreign look floats in them, dancing in the color and making them shine. 

It was odd. 

He wanted to know what that was, the smallest change. Silence pulled over them. 

The sun shined through the parts in her hair, falling onto his skin, a gentle stroke of warmth. The breeze carried the scent of the roses, and the grass below them swayed. Around them, the world seemed to slow. It was like the only person he could see was her. 

The only person that she could see was him. 

Lost somewhere in time, just two hearts dancing away in the summer. Nothing else would matter, just them, just at this moment. 

Carlos lost himself. 

He leaned up, closing the space between them, and kissed her. 

The softest thing, a barely there press of their lips. 

He hadn’t even realized he’d done it, pulling himself away as soon as he did. 

Neither of them said a thing. Just staring at the other with wide eyes. A pink blush dusted her cheeks, and that look in her eyes changed again. She drew in a sharp breath, and Carlos was sure he’d ruined everything.  

It was destroyed because of him. 

But he couldn’t even mutter out an apology. There was nothing to say, nothing to do. She moved away, rolling back to sit on the grass. Carlos felt like crying, bringing a forearm to cover his face. 

What an idiot. 

He felt the regret sit against his chest, so heavy he could hardly breathe. Why did he have to lose control of himself? They were supposed to be friends, but all he was doing was making it complicated. He was in love with her, she loved him - it was supposed to be enough. 

Carlos let out a deep sigh. He could hear the grass shifting beside him, he spared a look over and she was still there. She sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, tucking her chin on them, arms wrapped around her legs. 

When he opened his mouth to speak, she beat him to it, “I - I guess…I mean, I guess it would be lame if you went to Red Bull without having your first kiss, huh?

He shot up, “That’s - that’s not what this was! I - I’m sorry!”

She turned to face him, her face still bright red, but with a shy smile, “It’s ok.” 

He hadn’t realized that he reached for her hand, and she squeezed, “I didn’t mind. If I’m going to have my first kiss, at least it’s you.”

Carlos could only stare at her, mouth hanging open. 

This wasn’t what he thought. 

“Are you sure?”

She leaned against her knees, “Yeah. Isn’t that what friends are for?”

The word struck him deeper than it had any right to. But he couldn’t help the relief that flooded through him, “Yeah…yeah…of course.”

“It would be lame if I was the only F4 driver without a kiss.”

“Super lame.”

“Hey!”

She burst into laughter. Her laugh filled the garden and he was soon to join, throwing his head back. This was easy. Being like this with her was easy. 

“That means you would’ve been lame too.”

“Not as lame as you.”

“I’m super cool.”

“No, Carlos, you’re not.”

They never spoke of it again. 

__________

Carlos nearly has a heart attack when his phone buzzes in his pocket. But, upon further inspection, it’s only Blanca.

‘I talked to Mom,’ Her text says, ‘She told me what happened.’

He just stares at it. Pocketing his phone, he’ll answer it later. Too many texts have been sent to him today. Carlos contemplates running over his phone. Maybe that’ll shut everyone up.

His pocket buzzes again. And again. And again. 

With a groan he pulls it back out, scrolling through the messages. 

‘Answer me.’ 

‘CARLOS.’

‘Ok,’ Is all he sends back, ready to tuck it away once more, but there’s another text that pops up. 

‘Are you ok?’

For a moment, Carlos thinks about telling her. Though he never said a word about his feelings Blanca had this way of knowing. She called it a ‘sister thing’. Carlos just thought she was nosey.

‘Yes,’ he sends, following it with, ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

The text bubbles appear and disappear, it’s not very fair. He knows. But there’s too much happening and he can’t - he just can’t. Tomorrow he will apologize, but today, he just needs a break. 

In one of her ‘sister thing’ moments, she only ends up sending. 

‘OK, I’m here if you need anything. I love you.’

Carlos can feel the lump in his throat and struggles to swallow it. 

‘I love you too.’

__________

She called him sobbing. 

It was nearly midnight, Carlos had just gotten back from a race. He’d fallen onto his bed, sighing into the night air, when the rang. He thought about letting it go, the rings growing louder in the silence of his room. 

Against himself, he reached over and answered. 

As soon as he did, he could hear her heaving breaths, the sound of her hiccuping cries. He shot up and pulled the phone closer. 

“What happened? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

There was no answer, just another broken sob. The slick sound of her sniffling, wet breath. 

“Please,” He whispered, already standing, “Please tell me what’s wrong. Carino, please.”

“W-Will you come o-over?” She managed.

He did. Shoved his feet into his shoes, pulled a shirt over his head, and stormed right out the door. It never crossed his mind to take a car - he just ran. Pushing his way through the gate and rounding the corner into the street. He could hardly see a thing, the moon clouded and fuzzy. 

But he ran to her. 

He was there faster than ever, crawling over the small fence to get to her backyard. The garden stood tall, and the roses nicked his ankle. But all he could think about was the light coming from the upstairs bedroom, a shadowy figure pacing across the curtains. 

He had half a mind to scream for her, but she peered through the curtains and he could see the relief spread across her face. The sight of her made his stomach drop, he nearly tripped over himself to climb the ledge. It was a path he’d taken countless times, jumping to grip the railing and hoisting himself up. As a kid, he used to need her help, but they weren’t kids anymore. 

And Carlos is sure he would’ve found a way. Nothing could’ve stopped him from reaching her. 

Dropping himself onto the wooden floor, he breathed her name, but she was already pushing herself into his arms. He felt her trembling against him, wet facing pressed into his shirt. He couldn’t have cared less. Wrapping his arms around her, he brought her closer. Claros dropped his head to whisper into her ear. 

“I’m here…shh…I’m right here.”

Where her arms were locked around him, she fisted at his shirt, the fabric bunched between her fingers. Her grip was so tight he worried it might rip, but how could he ever worry about that? She pulled away from him, just enough to look him in the eye. Her face was blotchy, cheeks wet with tears, eyes red-rimmed. 

But Carlos still thought she was beautiful. 

The heartbreak on her face made something crack within him. 

“W- What’s wrong? Please, tell-”

“My dad,” She gasped, sucking in a large fit of air, “It - it’s my dad…he’s dying, Carlos…”

The world seemed to go still. Her words hadn’t seemed real, and Carlos half expected her brothers to jump from the dark hallway and laugh. It wasn’t possible. Things like this weren’t supposed to happen to them. Things like this - losing people, losing friends, and family - happened to everyone else. 

But not them.

It seemed that the world had finally come caving in on their little bubble. It was shattering around him and all Carlos wanted to do was stop it. Carlos felt so cold, that he hadn’t even realized that he began to cry too. Silent tears rolled down his face before he could stop them. 

The pain was unbearable. 

But they held each other. There, on her porch, they stood crying. Falling apart and having the other to lean on. Carlos clung to her, afraid that the world would try to take her too. That it would get greedy. 

‘I’m sorry,’ He wanted to say, but he couldn’t. The words lost to him, stuck in his throat.

He prayed that she would know. That she would know his feelings, the way he needed her. The way he loved her.

“Stay,” She whispered to him, her words almost swallowed by her cries, “Please.”

‘I need you.’ Went unsaid, but Carlos heard it anyway. 

 “Always.”

‘I love you.’

__________

“Everything alright, mate?” Charles’ voice pulled him back to himself 

Carlos shakes his head, blinking a few times, eyes stinging, “Yeah..fine. Sorry.”

He looks up, Silvia glaring down at him. The P.R. briefing was never anything he truly listened to, but perhaps his disinterest had gotten far too obvious. 

“As I was saying,” She rolled her eyes, flipping the papers in her hand. 

Her words fell past him again, something about interviews and language. He could feel Charles’ eyes still on him. He was far too kind for his own good, sometimes that meant trying to understand things that he had no business knowing. 

The meeting rolled on, and when they were dismissed, Carlos tried to slip away, but he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey!” Charles hooked his arm around Carlos, “Everything alright?”

“Of course,” He tried to sell it with a smile.

Charles didn’t believe him, green eyes boring into his own. When Carlos looked away, Charles was quick to bid those around them goodbye and steer them to an empty conference room. 

Damn, empath.

“What is it?” Charles said, shutting the door behind him. 

Secrets had never been Carlos’ strong suit. He threw himself onto a chair, bringing his hands up to his face. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about the message and was unsure how to start. He was lost in the sea of his emotions, torn between his sadness and anger. 

He felt like an idiot. 

“Carlos?”

Charles sits across from him, concern written across his face. Carlos takes a deep breath, he steadies himself on his knees, resting his elbows on his legs. 

“There was this girl - we were friends when we were little,” Charles nods along, letting Carlos speak, “And earlier today, she texted me to tell me that she was getting married.”

“OK?”

Carlos looks over at Charles. He’s unsure of the face that he makes, but it seems to be enough for him to understand. His face falls and he puts his hands over his heart. 

“Mate, I - I’m so sorry.” 

Carlos waves him away. This isn’t his fault, and yet, it’s just like Charles to act as if it is, “I will be fine.” 

Charles is silent for a while, looking down at his hands. He’s fiddling with the rings on his fingers, eyes darting around the room. Carlos has known him for far too long, he could practically see the cogs turning. 

“What?”

Charles doesn’t answer right away, but when he does, there’s a look in his eye, “Do you still love her?”

Carlos takes a deep breath. There is only one answer, there has only ever been one answer. 

“Yes.”

__________

Her father died 4 months later. 

And she was gone two months later. 

Her mother couldn't take the pain of being alone in the house her husband built, so she left. All things packed, the house empty, they were gone. 

Carlos couldn’t even say bye. His negotiations with Red Bull ran longer than they were supposed to, when he threatened to walk out his father nearly smacked him. 

“This is the opportunity of a lifetime!”

“She’s my best friend - I love her!”

“There will be other girls, she is not the only -”

“Yes,” He nearly screeched, “She is! She is the only one!”

His father just stared at him, sharp eyes squinting. He would never understand and Carlos didn’t have the strength to make him. He called her instead. 

She picked up on the second ring. Neither one of them said a thing, but Carlos could feel her disappointment. It was his own. 

Eventually, he can bring himself to utter her name, trying to find the apology, but she beats him to it. 

“I’m going to miss you,” She says.

Carlos nearly cries. They’ve been apart, his racing often keeping them away from one another for months on end, but she has always been at him, waiting for him. 

“I wish you could stay.”

He was being selfish - he knows - but the fear of her leaving, going far away. Carlos thought he was dying. His chest was tight, breathing shallow. His mind was racing, trying to think of something to make her stay - anything. 

“I do too,” He could hear the faintest hint of a smile in her voice, “But I can’t.”

“I could…” He began. 

But there was nothing. There was nothing that he could’ve done. The decision was one that was far beyond both of them. Spain held so much sadness for her, and it would be wrong for Carlos to ever want to have kept her there. It wouldn’t have been right. 

Silence ballooned between them once more. They were just there, breathing with one another. There was so much Carlos wanted to say, so much he needed to say. His love felt like it was bursting from his chest, trying to force its way out. Carlos choked it back. 

This wasn’t the time. It wasn’t the right moment to - 

“I love you, Carlos.”

The words hit him and he nearly collapsed. He could imagine her face, hand curled tight around her phone, beautiful face red. His heart was pounding, blood rushing. 

All these years, all this time. He loved her in silence, but to know that she loved him. It made him feel like he was floating. 

“I -”

“Carlos!”

His father was standing right before him, eyebrows drawn tight together, “They are waiting!”

“I’m going, I just have to-”

“You should go, Carlos,” He heard, her voice thin. She was crying, he knew she was, “They’re waiting for you.”

“NO!” He demanded. This wasn’t how he’d say goodbye, he wanted to tell her. 

“Please, I just need to say something.”

Again, his father just stared at him. But there was something different, his eyes were softer. Carlos thought if even for a moment, he saw understanding. With a click of his tongue, his father turned away, “Five minutes.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. 

He took a deep breath, “I - I need you to know-”

“I already do know,” There was a slight laugh to her words, just the smallest thing. Before Carlos could say anything else, she kept going, “Go show them who you are, Carlos.”

“But I need to tell you that I -”

“I love you too,” Was all he heard before the dial tone. 

She was gone. Just like that. 

__________

Though Charles offers to take him out to treat his sorrows, Carlos declines. He watches as Charles’ smile falters, but he still pats Carlos on the shoulder. 

“Of course,” He says, turning to fish his keys from his pocket, “But if you change your mind, let me know. Okay?”

Carlos nods. He waves Charles away. When he’s alone in his hotel room, he collapses onto his bed. He slips his phone from his pocket. It opens and he’s face-to-face with her message. 

Carlos wanted to be angry. 

After years, this was the first thing she said. 

He could say something, call her. It wouldn’t be right, he can’t be the reason that she breaks someone’s heart. He can't be the reason that someone else has to live without her. What a terrible existence that is. 

It just makes no sense, to think that after all these years, she invites him to her wedding. Carlos always thought that once they made their way back to each other, they would marry. In all his dreams, she was his wife. To love her forever would make the distance worth it. 

She told him that day. She said that she loved him, Carlos couldn’t help but think that maybe she was just being nice, just telling him what he wanted to hear on the most important day of his life. Thinking that maybe he had taken it wrong.

“Love you.”

But she would never love him the way he loved her. Completely. From the first day he met her, bumping heads in class, to the day he lost her. He has always loved her. He can see her still, smiling and bright - like the stars. He can feel the summer breeze, the smell of their childhood. He can see the rosebuds right before they bloom, waiting with her as the rain comes and they get sick. He remembers going to all her Flamenco performances - acting like he really cared about dances and not just seeing her face light up when she saw him. 

There is no part of his life that he can look back on and not see her. She is everywhere. And Carlos knows that she always will be. 

‘Text me back if you can.’

He couldn't bring himself to say no but knew he’d die if he had to see her marry someone else. It would break her heart, he’s sure of it. He can almost picture the disappointment on her face. Carlos wishes he could be stronger, to just put on a brave front, but he can’t. He’s only human. 

He’s just a man hopelessly in love with a woman he can’t have. 

What a pitiful thing to be. 

Carlos looks down at his phone.

The words are searing. If he saw her, what would he even say? Would he be able to hold himself back? Keep himself from spilling his feelings? 

The answer is simple. 

He won’t. 

There is something small inside of Carlos’ mind that feels giddy, she still thinks of him. He was still important to her, she wanted him. She cared about him. She missed him. Maybe she still loved him. Maybe he could - 

He shakes the thoughts from his head. No. That was a lifetime ago, those feelings were alive when they were 16. Not now.

There’s only one question he thinks back to. 

Why?

After all these years of silence, why now? Why this? 

They were kids back then, but Carlos likes to think that even what they felt then wasn’t nothing. That’s the very problem. Nothing was the same. They weren’t the same, the world around them wasn’t the same - even if Carlos so desperately wished it was. 

The screen begins to fade, but he taps it. It lights up once more, illuminating in the darkness of the hotel room. 

She’s getting married and she wants him to come. 

She’s happy and in love. She’s moved on. Carlos thinks of her smile again. A crushing sense of finality passes over him. He hopes that whoever it is makes her smile, and makes her laugh. He hopes that they hold her when she cries, and catch her when she falls. 

He hopes that one day he’ll be able to look back on her without so much pain. 

Why? 

That question refuses to die, still floating around in his mind even as he tries to shake it away. 

He’ll never know why, but maybe it’s better that way. To keep her as who she is in his memory, to keep them as they were. Young and beautiful. That’s all. 

Her message will sit unanswered. He can’t. He won’t. 

Carlos whispers an apology, he hopes that it might reach her. That she’ll catch the drift of his words in the wind, maybe even forgive him. He lets himself think of her, wondering what she’ll wear, what her hair will look like. 

Beautiful. 

He’s sure. 

He just won’t be there to see it. 

____________________

A/N:This work has been cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3. All are under the name XDACTED. Thank you for reading and feel free to request fics about any of the drivers <3

Check out the song, it's not available yet, but it's up on TikTok

[jiliansky-blog]

Spell of the heart. Chapter 10. In the name of love

Pairing: Morpheus x FemaleReader

Rating: PG

Words: 3150

Notes: I was inspired by the song Babe Rexe - In the name of love.

You weren’t happy to return home. You didn’t know how much time passed since you appeared in the Dreaming. And you weren’t interested in that. You were heartbroken and sad. How he could be so cold and cruel? But Lucienne has warned you that nothing good comes out of it. Still, it hurts so much you can’t breathe.

You didn’t know how much time you spend in the silence before someone came to your house. It turns out to be your sister. And she was surprised to see you here.

“Oh my gosh!” she said. “You scared me to death! Where have you been?! You disappeared without a trace.”

“I…” you didn’t know what to tell. You shouldn’t at least find your phone and checked the date. But you didn’t think that someone come to visit you. “It’s a long story.”

“When did you return?” she asked.

“Today,” you said, trying to find your phone. “Sorry, I…should have to go away. I need time to be alone. And I just have travelled.”

Finally, you found it under the bed. The week passed since you were gone. It took less time than you think.

“And why did you return?” she asked. “Were you alone?”

“No,” you said. “Not exactly.”

“Wait, don’t tell me you ran away with a man,” she said. “I thought you are too old for such behavior.”

“Of course, not,” you said. “We just met on my journey.”

“And who he is?” she kept asking. “And where he is now?”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” you said. “I’m sorry that I made you worry. Hope, you didn’t call police. But now I need time to rest. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

“Alright,” she was unpleased with your behavior, but you didn’t care. You want to be alone and think what to do next.

And she finally went away. You could sit and think what to do next. How to live your life knowing somewhere Morpheus lives?

On the next morning, you woke up from a nightmare. You saw three terrible woman invaded into the Dreaming. They destroyed some Dreams on their way. Was it real? Were you really in the Dreaming? But you weren’t lucid, perhaps. Is it a danger that Morpheus was afraid of? But… And then you understood. That stubborn asshole was trying to protect you from them. He did that stupid cliché thing that you hate in books. He broke up with you to save you from something.  And you couldn’t leave it like that. You were angry and cried from anger and relief. Because it meant that he feels something for you. He cares for you. And you couldn’t leave that idiot alone with danger.

But you were too nervous to fall asleep. And you couldn’t wait until the next night. So you got and went to your medicament. You should have some sedatives or sleeping pills. And you took some, hoping that you wouldn’t kill yourself. You also write a message to your sister, asking her to take care of you while you are sleeping. And then you lie on the bed, waiting for sleep to come over you. And hope that you won’t return to the Dreaming too late.

You did appear in the Dreaming. The sky was dark, and it was cold. Something was going on. You wish Morpheus was here and safe.

“Y\N!” Matthew saw you when you entered the castle. “What are you doing here? It’s not safe!”

“I know!” you said. “I came to save him, whatever the danger is. You're not stupid enough not to understand why he told you all that stuff.”

“But it’s dangerous!” he said. “They come.”

“Who?” you asked angrily. “It’s time to tell me everything.”

“Furies,” he sighed. “They’re going to punish the boss for killing his son. And this woman is with them. She thinks that he stole her son.”

“What? Punish Morpheus?” you asked. “Why Morpheus doesn’t protect himself?”

“I’m afraid he gave up,” the raven replied.

“What?!” you asked loudly. “I won’t let that happen.”

“Y\N, wait!” he screamed when you ran to find him.

You found all of them outside. You saw Morpheus, three old women and one dark-haired woman with a sword. They didn’t notice you yet.

“We will turn your realm apart, if you’re not giving up to us,” said the woman, one of three. “You know your crime.”

And then she used a terribly-looking and long whip and hit Morpheus’s face. You couldn’t even react fast enough.

“Stop!” you screamed and ran to him. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Y\N, what are you doing here?” he asked, shocked. His cheek was hurt. There was a long cut now, but he didn’t care.

“What do you think?” you said. “Saving you.”

“Mortal,” said one of the women. “You shouldn’t be here. He is doomed. You better leave while there is still a chance.”

“No! I won’t leave him,” you said. “Don’t you see that he already suffers because of his son’s death? It was Orpheus’s wish.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “The law is law.”

“Then it’s a stupid law!” you said angrily. “You are still living like in ancient times. But things have changed since.”

“Not him,” they said.

“I don’t believe that,” you said, confident. “Yes, he is arrogant and stubborn. Sometimes he can be cruel and cold. But also he is kind, smart. He feels everything deeply. He is gentle, and also he is…hurt and lonely.”

“You’re in love with him,” the youngest woman said. “Mortals should not be in love with the Endless. Do you know that?”

“Another stupid rule,” you said. “We can’t control who we fall in love with. Even the Endless can’t, if they have heart.”

It seemed you made him to doubt the decision. But a woman with a sword went forward. She had dark hair, dark eyes and skin. And she looked furious.

“Enough of that!” she said. “He kidnapped my son, and he needs to pay.”

“No, he couldn’t do that,” you said confidentially. “He was with all the time. I know him enough to say that he can’t kidnap or kill a child.”

“He killed his son,” she laughed cruelly. “He is not human. You don’t know what he is capable of. He told me…. He said that he would take him. Not only that, but he killed my husband.”

“I’m sure he has reasons to do that,” you said. “Please, take down the sword. I can’t let you hurt anyone here.”

“No, I don’t believe you!” she said desperately and raise her sword to hit Morpheus.

All you could is to ran in front of him and took a hit. There was a strong pain and you heard someone’s screaming. Then everything faded to the darkness.

Morpheus

I thought everything couldn’t be more painful. But watching Y\N protecting me and then falling with a blood in her chest was the most painful thing of all. I took her, trying and failing to keep my tears from falling.

And then I noticed that Lyta’s sword broke. She looked shocked, and Fates looked curious.

“What happened?” asked Lyta. “How can that be possible?”

“That didn’t happen for a long time,” replied one of the women. “Her love must be true and strong, so she decided to sacrifice herself.”

“I didn’t want to kill that stupid girl,” Lyra cried.

“I didn’t deserve it,” I whispered.

“Perhaps, you didn’t,” said another Fate. “But her love is true. It’s the only thing that can save you. And her world from ruin.”

I couldn’t understand her words till her wound started to heal. I have never seen such a thing. And Y\N made a deep breath and opened the eyes.

“Am I still alive?” she asked.

“For now,” replied one of the Fates. “Your sacrifice was noble. We won’t punish him or you for your affair. But you are already on the verge of dying.”

“What?” I frowned.

Fates disappeared, but Lyta stayed. She was crying like a mad woman. And Y\n looked at her with pity. She sighed.

“Do you know where her son is?” she asked.

“He is here, but I wasn’t the one who kidnapped him,” I replied. “It was Loki. I don’t know why he did it.”

“It’s better to show her that her son is okay,” Y\n said.

“Matthew,” I called the raven. “Show her the way to her son.”

“Yes, boss,” he said. “I’m glad that you both are alive.”

“I can’t believe that you are here,” I sighed.

“I can’t believe that you made me leave so you can give up,” she said sharply.

She touched my wounded neck and I hardly felt pain. And then her gaze softened.

“I wanted to save you,” I whispered.

“And did you think what I should do when you’re gone?” you asked. “Just imagine that I go to the Dreaming. And it is the same world, the castle, but without you. Don’t you dare push me through this again. I don’t find you just so I can lose you.”

“But how?” I asked. “And why?”

“How did I get here?” she asked. “I saw those ladies in my dream, and I understood that something was wrong. And why did you do this? But that doesn't mean that I’m not angry anymore.”

“Why did you come back?” I asked silently. Hope rose in my heart. “Were true about your feelings for me?”

“Yes,” she looked at me. “Because I love you, you stubborn idiot. I couldn’t let her kill you. And I won’t let you kill yourself.”

And I kissed her, because I can’t take it any longer. She kissed be back eagerly.

When you returned to the castle, Lyta and her son disappeared. You convince Morpheus not to look after her and not to punish. You were sitting in his room and trying to heal that wound on his cheek that didn’t ruin his beauty in the slightest.

“You shouldn’t worry,” he said. “It doesn’t hurt.”

“Can you get rid of it?” you asked.

“Perhaps, but I won’t,” he sighed.

“Why not?” you were surprised.

“Let it be the reminder,” he said.

You wanted to ask for a reminder of what, but at that moment you felt strange and almost fell. Morpheus caught you.

“What is going on?” he asked, concerned. “They told me something about your condition.”

“I think I took too much sleeping pills,” you whispered.

“You what?” he asked.

“I was desperate,” you tried to explain. “And I wasn’t sure that I could fall asleep because I was too nervous. And didn’t want to wait until night. Turn out to be I was right.”

“It was irresponsible,” he admitted and frowned. “You can die yourself.”

“That wouldn’t happen if you didn’t try to save me in your own way,” you replied. “What else should I do? And I left the note to my sister. She should awake me in case something goes wrong.”

He looked hurt, because he understood that it was his fault too. And you felt guilty. You didn’t want to blame him.

“Very well,” he said. “This dream is over.”

And you woke up and felt very bad. You heard your sister voice, but couldn’t understand words. And for a moment you thought that Morpheus left you again. But then she screamed and you opened your eyes. Morpheus was here in the room next to you.

“Oh, thanks god,” you said and then lost consionsesnes.

The next time you woke up in the hospital. You felt so much better, but still weak. You saw your sister. She was nervous.

“You are trying to kill me,” she said. “First you disappeared, then this. And that man appeared in your room out of nowhere.”

“There is a lot of explaining,” you said. “I’m sorry for making you worry. I promise I didn’t try to kill myself.”

“Then why did you do this?” she asked.

“I need to sleep,” you replied. “But where is the man from my room? I hope you didn’t make him run away.”

“He is quite stubborn, so he stays in the corridor,” she said. “He is handsome. Is that the man you told me about?”

“Yes, it is him,” you said.

“He is handsome,” she said. “Wait, don’t tell me you did that for him. I can understand running away, but I can’t understand suicide.”

“It wasn’t suicide,” you replied. “You won’t believe me, If I tell you. Now, can you invite him here? I want to introduce you to each other.”

“If he is the one responsible for my stress, I will kill him.” She said.

“I would like to see you try,” you laughed. “And he feels guilty already. Please, be nice to him.”

“Alright,” she sighed and come out.

In a second, she returned with Morpheus. You were afraid that he is going to abandon you again. But he is here this time.

“How are you?” he asked seriously.

“Better,” you smiled. “I’m sorry for making both of you worried. Selene, it is Morpheus. The man I fall in love. Morpheus, that is my sister.”

“That I understood,” he said. “She as stubborn as you and didn’t let me in.”

“You appeared in the middle of the room,” Selena admitted. “I didn’t know what to think. And… How did you do that anyway?”

The Endless looked at you like consulting with you what to do without words. You didn’t know how to explain everything to her.

“Well, he isn’t quite human,” you said. “I should go to his world.”

Selene was silent for a moment. Maybe she was waiting for us to laugh. But we didn’t laugh, so she inhaled deeply.

“What?” she asked. “What world? What are you talking about?”

“The Dreaming,” he said. “The place where you go while you’re sleeping. Your sister saved my life. I didn’t know about her plan.”

“Oh, I didn’t have time to fall asleep naturally and panicked,” you said. “That was all I could make up.”

“The Dreaming really?” asked Selena.

“You will see when you fall asleep,” you said.

“Alright,” she said. “You both are crazy. And I can understand that you're probably confused by your suicide attempt.”

“I didn’t try to kill myself,” you replied, annoyed. “I wouldn’t send you this message in that case. And stop talking to me like the child.”

“Alright,” she said. “I just don’t know what to think. I’m too tired and nervous.”

“Then you should go and take a rest,” you suggested.

“I can’t leave you right now,” she said.

At that moment, Morpheus put out his pouch with sand and blew on my sister. She immediately started to fall. He carefully caught her and placed her in the armchair.

“What did you do?” you asked, shocked.

“She just fell asleep,” Morpheus replied. “You were right. She needs it. And meanwhile, she can visit the Dreaming.”

“But she won’t see you there right now,” you said.

“She will meet me later,” he said. “You don’t need to worry about. I just want to talk to you. And say thank you for what you did.”

“Tell me that you’re not going to avoid me again, or you aren’t going to kill yourself,” you said. “I don’t want to lose you.

“I promise,” he sighed. “I thought that I was saving you from pain and from them. I didn’t think that your connection with the Dreaming and with me is so strong. And so is your love. No one did for me that you did.”

“Well, you should get used to me caring for you,” you said.

“And you should promise too,” he said. “Don’t do such stupid things, even for my sake.”

“Deal,” you smiled.

Later that day, your sister woke up, and she was confused. And then she said that she had Morpheus in her dream. But she didn’t quite believe that. She needs time.

And then you fell asleep and met Morpheus again. There was no sign of the storm that happened when Furies was there.

“Long time no see,” you smiled.

“Hello,” he smiled back. “I hope you feel better.”

“Yes, they want to let me stay in hospital for a night and then let me go home,” you replied. “And how the things are going here?”

“Well enough,” he replied.

“I’m glad to hear this,” you smiled.

“I have two news,” he said.

“One bad and one good?” you asked.

“You will be the judge of that,” Morpheus replied. He looked a little bit nervous. “First, my sister wants to talk to you.”

“Oh?” you asked. “Which one?”

“Death,” he looked at me.

“Should I be worried?” you said.

“I don’t think so, come on,” he said, taking your hand and leading you to the throne room, when Death was waiting for you two.

“Y\N, I’m glad to see that you’re fine,” she smiled to me. “I’m glad that you can keep my stubborn brother safe.”

“I’m glad too,” you smiled. “But I hope you didn’t come for me.”

“No, I wouldn’t dare to take you from him,” she said. “Not when he found someone who truly loves him. In opposite, I would like to give you a gift.”

“What?” you asked, surprised.

“I can make you immortal,” Death said. “So you can keep an eye on my little brother.”

“Sister,” Morpheus growled.

“I…” you didn’t expect this. The immortal life with your supernatural boyfriend. “Yes, I would love to.”

“Good,” she smiled. “Now I should go. Guess, my brother wants to talk to you right now. Thank you, for loving him that much.”

Morpheus looked a little bit relieved. But then he carefully approaches you.

“Still doesn’t mean that you should risk your life,” he admitted.

“Of course,” you laughed. “So, what is the second question?”

“Will you marry me?” he asked.

You were watching him for a minute. You didn’t expect at all a proposal and immortality in one day. And Morpheus was deadly serious. A week ago, you wouldn’t agree. But now you nearly died, saved him and agreed to be immortal. And you were sure that your feelings aren’t going to change. And Morpheus already started to worry.

“Yes,” you said and hugged him. “I promised to take care of you, remember?”

He visibly relaxed and stars started to shine in his eyes. Gods, he is so handsome. And this man is yours. He finally smiled.

“You will make me happy,” he said.

“And you will make me happy too,” you kissed his cheek. “You just both caught me off guard. But I won’t let you out of my sight now.”

‘Good,” he replied and kissed you.

In the distance in a small the witch was sitting. She knew what happened from Lyta. She didn’t expect such a result when she cast a spell and stole the book. Furthermore, she wanted to get him in trouble. But instead, it saved him. Well, at least he will stop to look after her. And with that, she returned books to the library.

@shadowqueen1322 @mypsychoticlove @justathirstyhoe​ @ladymoztaza @sapphireonline @deniixlovezelda

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

After-Action Reports

Merry Crisis - here's an attack a ficlet for @doom-dreaming inspired by The More the Merrier. This might be added to and posted on ao3 later sometime.

-

"So..."

She fixes him with a look before sharply glancing back at her coffee. It's their normal routine except about a couple hours later than usual. Coffee and shooting the shit before the day – when they can manage.

"Drinks went well?" Tom eases off the counter and walks over to sit across from her in the empty Officers' mess.

"You could say that." She sniffs. Her heart rate may speed up at the memory of last night – and this morning  – but Tom can't tell.

"I'm glad." He smiles, a genuine one where the lines of his face relax and crinkle. It annoys her because whenever Tom points that face at her she almost buys it.

"Spit it out."

"We can just have coffee." He says leaning back and making a show of putting his hands up. The grin remains.

"But you have questions."

"Come on, Sarah, you know me better than that." He steps on her boot beneath the table as she scoffs and gulps the too hot coffee."Only share if you want to." He says, voice layering the words with enough meaning that she quirks an eyebrow at him.

"Oh? Are we talking about sharing?" She sets her coffee down and leans, chin on her hand, eyes half lidded.

Tom mirrors her, his own coffee abandoned to meet her eyes. His shoe leaves her boot with a parting tap before he smothers a grin to ask,"Can you just tell me why Roland is jumping every time a Spartan comes on the bridge? We've had 3 shifts since you went for drinks and his avatar isn't as good as he thinks it is."

"Oh? He's nervous?"

"He's jumpy. And extra talkative." Tom frowns.

Sarah grins and grabs her drink. She takes a sip and smiles around the rim of her mug. It's all teeth.

"Say anything interesting?" She eyes the camera in the corner of the room.

"No." Tom follows her gaze, hand in chin, and they sit and stare at the camera. A comfortable silence follows, for them. It's a rare moment to sit in each other's company and not have something to do or intel to share. Lasky exhibiting the rare skill of delegation and leaving the bridge. Palmer enjoying the fact that a nosy little nuisance rescheduled her morning, earning her a brief reprieve from the armor and the persona. It gave them the time to enjoy their coffee and smirk knowingly at camera. Was it childish? Maybe. Was it deserved? Oh yes.

"How long til he cracks?"

"You mean how long will he be on his best behavior?"

"That's what I asked."

Tom snorts, it's a little huff of air out his nose before his eyes flicker to hers and he turns back to his coffee.

Don't get used to it. 

Message received. Enjoy it while you can. Sarah turns back to her coffee and eyes the camera.

-

Fred doesn't know what to do with himself.

Since being kicked out of Blue Team's room for the night – and trying not to think about his sisters and the Commander – he's done everything he can without copying Chief and starting to pick on weird IVs.

He did the last bit of reports, so paperwork's done. His paperwork. John can suffer under the mountain of things that built up while he was away. Fred lost sympathy after John encouraged whatever this was...and then promptly disappeared on him.

A lone II stuck out like a sore thumb among the IVs. He felt even more out of place than usual. Still, nowhere comfortable to bunk wasn't a problem. He just didn't want people asking questions or worse, talking about why 104 wasn’t with his team. He was not involved, he was not getting involved, and he did not want to know the details.

So Fred did his work, went to the range, stripped and cleaned all his weapons, sharpened his knives, and hit the gym. All before 0500. He did doze off in one of S-Deck's lounges. A rare chance at an empty room with a couch made to support a Spartan. He had almost let his guard down. Breakfast was with a datapad on the table as he scanned the War Games schedule and thought about running drills with some of the IVs' joint forces teams. Fireteam Forest had been swapped with Fireteam Hydra for some reason so he planned to go watch them.

He's halfway through his meal when John shows up with someone in tow. John sits down with a nodded greeting and digs into his food while the newcomer hovers behind him nervously. They're a IV, techsuit and all, but nervous and twitchy, with bags under their eyes. No defining features or identifying scars or tattoos, just one in the sea of 300 that still threatens to drown Fred’ senses. Spartans, but different. 

"Hey," Fred says to the both of them, because he's nicer than John and learned that being the strong silent type doesn't work in social situations. Unlike some people, Fred learned to be social. He had to do all the talking in recent years. It wasn’t like Linda wanted to, and he was more…diplomatic than Kelly. Fred nods to the empty spot next to Chief and goes back to his own meal.

"Thanks." The newcomer says, and that voice is familiar... The IV sits and looks between Fred and John, goes to say something, thinks better of it, and digs aggressively into his meal.

The atmosphere at the table is abysmal. John seems oblivious, but that's on purpose. Fred thinks he's trying to introduce them in the worst way possible or avoid any and all conversation about where he's been or the current location of other Blue Team members.

Fred finishes his meal and stands to clear his tray, datapad tucked under his arm. He nods to them and lets his brother know his plans, since he's nice like that. "I'm going to go watch Forest and Majestic, if you want to join me."

He says it to Chief, but the other Spartan freezes and a bite of food falls off his fork. "Forest and Majestic aren't scheduled til later."

"No..." Fred drawls, "Schedule change. Hydra got pushed back so they took the open slot. They're on in 5."

"Shit!" Mystery Spartan hisses under his breath and jumps to his feet, barely avoiding overturning his tray."Uh sorry, I need to go. Oh he would pull something like this. Esposito could have warned me. Dammit."

The remaining members of Blue Team watch him storm off, not towards War Games but the assemblage bay and Brokkr machines, muttering to himself before he takes off in a jog.

"Was that...the mission handler from our last sortie?" Fred asks, rounding on his brother who has begun eating the other Spartan's meal.

"Yes." John says between bites.

"Why were you hanging out with Michaels?"

"Miller."

"Miller."

"He's anxious."

"And what? You're going to help?"

John fixes him with a look. "He just needs encouragement."

"You're going to give him complexes." Fred scoffs. "I guess I should be glad you're socializing."

John wisely chooses not to respond.

Their sisters choose then to materialize out of thin air with their own trays. Kelly is practically beaming with her lips drawn in a tight line and the corner of her mouth tilted a fraction of a millimeter. Linda has a too pleased air about her and her eyes are bright even as she scans the room and then sits across from John, in Fred’s former seat. 

“Morning.” Kelly bounces up to the table and nabs one of Miller’s eggs out from under John’s fork.

“And I’m leaving.” Fred announces and turns on his heel.

“We don’t kiss and tell.” Kelly says to his turned back as he stalks away.

“I can’t hear you.” Fred grouses and speeds off.

John angles his tray away from Kelly and continues eating.