#Imma actually tag this one

[horriblelolipop]

People keep telling me I'm gonna be very successful one day and that I'll do great things and I know that, like, 90 percent of it is just people being nice, but I also know that there's that 10 percent of people who might genuinely believe what they're saying, or at least, they have so much hope for me that it almost feels like belief. Either way, I can't help but to feel like I will not, in fact, do great things. I get tired so easily. My mind shatters at the slightest touch. And isn't that just horrid? To be young, talented and so deeply afraid? To be a might've been, a should've been? To be your own the one who got away? I know I sound like fatalist, but I just cannot conceive of a future where I'm happy, where I'm not dragging this inexplicable shame i feel like a bodybag everywhere i go, toe tag hanging out and everything. And it keeps piling up. The longer I live the more regrets I'll have. Happiness too, yes, but it's all wrong, it's all so wrong. Even the happiness is tinged with melancholy. Nothing lasts. Nothing lasts.

This, I believe, is the central, core conflict of my life. I can only talk about it in metaphors and analogies, I can only talk around it like water circling a drain forever. I'm aware the fleeting nature of it all. And, okay, let's say i, for once in my life, stop focusing on the big picture but instead think smaller, more local, personal, but even then, it's not enough. I might even go so far to say that it feels worse. Everyone I love is going to die. Each and every single person I hold dear has a reasonable chance of not simply ceseaing to exist tomorrow. Car crash. Heart attack. An Incurable illness. Slipping and falling in the shower. So many ways to go. So many ways for my heart to shatter irreparably at any second. I think this how I move through life, I think this is why I'm afraid of even attempting to give my life a semblance of structure and meaningful aspirations. Even if I do achieve things, It could all be stripped away from me at any second. And I mean that both in a literal way (I buy a house, house burns down/ i get a job, I lose the job/ find love, lose love) and in a more abstract way. The minute i achieve something it feels pointless and not worth being proud of because it is precisely i who has achieved that thing, rendering it meaningless and downright embarrassing because if i (Bad, Wrong) achieved it then it either must be as easy to achieve as a participation award or not actually all that amazing in the first place. I don't allow myself the satisfaction, at least not for long most of the time. I strip positive feelings away from myself. I don't allow myself to feel happy.

[lover-of-mine]

LAK @ NJD | 02.15.24

[skitskatdacat63]

Happy One Year Anniversary to Boy King AU!!!! 🎉

Okay wait before I start talking, look at these close ups and the process!! Aren't they so beautiful aaaahhhh

Wow, can you believe it’s really been a whole entire year since my very first post about this AU? Well technically I first started talking about the statuette a day earlier, but the very first sketch was exactly a year ago!! Let us not forget the incredibly prophetic tag on that post: “also in the sense of this au i think the only ship that would work(historically accurate wise) is Vettonso.” Who knew that after that my entire life would devolve into vettonso, this specific period of history, and the lovely combo which is Boy King AU. Also wow this means it’s taken me almost a whole entire year to actually draw a joint portrait of them hahaha. I drew this sketch around the beginning of the AU, but never finished it. It’s fine though because this one is a lot better, and I’m in love with it. Took me a year to draw a couple portrait, and took me almost a whole entire month to finish said piece. 

Okay let me explain this piece, which I am very obsessed with!!! I dragged the process out more than I usually would, but I’m glad, because it was so enjoyable. But also look at that fucking crown, no wonder this took almost a month. Usually I’d write like 50 paragraphs detailing the characterization. HOWEVER! I’ve spent over a month writing little bits of characterization, mostly for fun, but also in preparation for this very post. A lot of the earlier ones, I had this drawing in mind, thinking on how I could expand on the ideas I was drawing. Though there’s definitely some things I could still write about. I’ll probably continue to write more Lore a Days, but yeah, they basically amounted to this drawing where you can actually see the characterization I was talking about displayed. Anyways, here are the explanations of bits in the drawing:

First of all, this is some part of the long process of their wedding. Look at the married couple!! Look at their rings!!!

Okay, but why are there two, almost identical looking pieces?? Because look at their hands!! I talked a lot about how Fernando is the one to give out affection more easily, especially in public, where he knows he can easily fluster Seb. He’s acting all grumpy and out of it, I mean to be fair, it’s probably been such a long ceremony across weeks. But he notices Seb is out of it too, just better at keeping his smile (let’s be honest, even if he’s distracted, he’s super smug.) So Fernando catches him off guard by squeezing his hand. Before that, as you can see, Fernando is just resting his hand on Seb’s outstretched palm, like that one scene from Succession. Very: yes I’m getting married, but I’m not happy about it. The combination of Fernando refusing to even touch him more than lightly beforehand but now going full force, them being in public, and Seb already being distracted catches Seb so off guard he has to try to cover his blush with his fan. He thought Fernando was being super impolite, but now he’s the impolite one!! Getting all blushy and giggly over a simple display of affection, perhaps even ha-

So. Their crowns. Seb’s wearing the crown of Austria, because he is in fact only a king still! Also, because I really wanted to try drawing it after I wimped out of it before in this drawing. Fernando’s a king as well by the point, but the fact he’s wearing only a tiara-like hairpiece is to represent how much of an outsider he still is. At this moment, he’s just Seb’s wi- ,I mean husband, to all these guests. Of course this bitch wears a black veil instead of a white one, to signal that he’s mourning the loss of his autonomy and personhood. Don’t worry too much about his mental state though, considering he’s not depressed enough to be able to resist teasing Seb. 

The fan, oh my god. Back in this era, people would gift/make fans for basically any occasion. To symbolize an event, to celebrate something, to show a story, etc etc. I wish I could have drawn something more narrative, but I think the bull vs. horse is good enough. Also you can see those same symbols on the pendants they’re wearing!! I’m so happy when I can fit irl, modern stuff like that into these drawings, it feels so clever!!

It’s so funny, I wrote a lore a day from a prompt about what they’d be like when doing a joint portrait, while I was already almost through painting a dual portrait of my own! So I got to explain some stuff like their clothing colors and poses before I even posted this. I feel very coy about that still honestly. 

Hmmm what else? It feels so weird to not expand on the characterization, considering I already did it for myself weeks in advance. I can’t imagine what it’s like opening this read more, and seeing more than 10 in-text citations. Happy reading!!!

 Happy anniversary to  this wonderful, crazy AU that makes me download 500pg German papers about 18th century etiquette. I drew a couple pieces of fanart before this AU, but I definitely think it jumpstarted my insanity about drawing/making AUs, and literally is what made me insane about Vettonso in the first place. Remember, if I hadn’t learned about Joseph I/Charles VI, most of my blog probably wouldn’t exist in it's current form. Thank you if you’ve stuck around since the beginning, or if you’re even just learning about it now!! It’s so incredibly niche but I’ve had so much fun researching and building this world and these characterizations, and I hope you’ve enjoyed what I’ve made in the process. I hope I can draw/write many more things in the future. I think next, I’m gonna maybe open up requests. I’d like to try to either write ficlets or draw chibi comics about specific Lore a Day posts on request. I think that’d be a lot of fun, but also will probably kill me. We’ll see!! Anyways. PPlease enjoy this absolute labor of love, which is a result of a year’s worth of work.

[miggiesmain]

Oh my god I didn’t think being back here would be so much fun 🥺 atinyyy I love you all so much let’s be friends and have some pretty Hwa ✨

[marvey-sideblog]

Law firm Specter Ross represent gay club in Seattle

[vladimpale]

i've been reading about restaurants being used as fronts for illegal businesses such as the mafia so now im just craving an audio drama where the protagonist is this oblivious guy who keeps coming to a mafia run restaurant because they love the food and they keep hearing glimpses about the business but never figure out what's going on. they do accidentally help the mafia a few times and everyone is gently annoyed by them so they just end up being one of the most loved and protected people for the mafia

[love-3-crimes]

Day 4: Light

Apollo's golden light shines on thee!

[phantoms1kisser]

I NEED HELP

guys I'm losing faith that I'll ever be able to play the bass bro don't even know where to start I can play one bass line and that's it.... WHERE DO I START??? HOW DO I GET BETTER EFFECTIVELY????? CAN SOMEONE ACTUALLY COMMENT BC I GENUINELY NEED HELP IM LITERALLY LOSING MY SHIT I SOB EACH TIME I TRY PLAY.

[murdleandmarot]

Can’t believe that I technically created another oc just to make this painting. Diabolical

Anyhow uhhh Bluebelle and Bluebeard :)))

[mha-atdr]

*throws my mha oc into this account for no reason*

anywayyy i'll probably start posting on this account again soon when i get the motivation (and asks) but yea ^^;

[wintrii-shadows]

guys i think i have a new obsession

i made the red green and blue cuff, the agender and aroace bracelets, and started the cuff on the right last night and that cuff and everything else was made today

i have a list of things i wanna make

oh and the ones on my right arm are for friends :3

my elastic is thick tho (fabric covered) and so the letters i have rn i cant even use but uh. Also i tried making a star but couldnt make the last point on it :(

buut. Bracelets

bracelet meanings below the cut if youre curious :3

top to bottom left to right:

-aroace

-agender

-saint artificer and rivulet cuff, i like their ship and probably kin saint and mayybe arti not sure

-just a bracelet, wanted to have the more scene look on this one (wouldve done magenta/pink and light green but the greens i have wouldnt work)

-nuzi bracelet :33

-dizzy bracelet!!

other arm, ones i made for other people:

-polysexual bracelet

-rainbow + disassembly drone cuff for @sqiggle :3

[widevibratobitch]

do you guys ever think about fitzconte

[ivymarquis]

WIP Wednesday

A bit of a character study/me skipping ahead/dynamic fun stuff etc?

This is so far down the line for the price x single!mom verse it's not even funny, but I wanted to write it out and see how I feel about it when we actually get to this point in the fic. John goes a wee bit off the fucking deep end :)

Y'all know the drill! No pressure, feel free to post a snippet of something you're working on.

“You won’t always be around, you know.” Michael has apparently decided he’s not partial to being above ground anymore.

The smoke from John’s cigar coils in him before he exhales slowly. Realistically he knows that Love is a sore spot for him and he’s willing to do anything for her, and yet he’s still caught off guard by the depth of the rage that washes over him in an all consuming fire.

“Would you like to clarify that for me?” Wouldn’t want to go flying off the handle after all if this is simply a misunderstanding.

“You talk a lot of shit for a guy who fucks off the second your phone rings. That clarify things for you? I don’t know what you or the blonde did to fuck with those results, but I know Sam is my fucking kid and I’ll be damned if you twats are going to get in my way.”

As Michael throws down his inane gauntlet, John exhales his now-final drag on the cigar, eyes flicking across his surroundings to gauge who is looking.

The man sure has a knack for picking the worst fucking spot to threaten the family of a man whose job is to work outside the constraints of red tape. They’re just secluded enough that Kate can see them if she looks but no one else can. And Kate certainly won’t give a fuck about what John’s about to do.

Without doubt, John knows that Michael expects to buffalo his way through this conversation and stalk off feeling he’s done something. Because the average citizen cannot do what John is about to- wouldn’t even consider it.

It’s the sheer confidence that John won’t put his hands on Michael that lets him snatch the other man up by his collar and shove him further out of sight from any prying eyes.

He opens his mouth to protest John’s grip on him, the perfect opportunity for him to shove the smoldering end of his cigar into the man’s mouth.

John has just enough impulse control to not extinguish the damn thing on the back of his throat, settling for the knowledge that the flurry of movement has knocked the ash loose into the other man’s throat.

“I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page before we have this little talk,” John snarls. “I can be on the other side of the world and it doesn’t fucking matter, am I clear? If I catch wind of you sniffing around when you think I’m distracted, you’re going to find out exactly what I am capable of for a guy who fucks off the second his phone rings.”

John pulls out the cigar and shoves the other man away from him. “If we have to have this conversation again, I’ll be shoving the barrel of my service weapon in your mouth next and painting the fucking walls, understood? There will be a point where I decide you’re more hassle alive than dead.”

He’s not mollified in the slightest by the way Michael’s legs shake and he suddenly can’t look John in the eye- all the bravado sucked out of him with the realization that John is not beholden to the same rules he is.

“You’re fucking insane,” he sputters, hunching over and trying to cough up the ash.

“If you’ve got any sense to you, you’ll stay off my shit list.” John advises before tossing the remains of the cigar in the bin.

“Now if you’ll excuse me- I’m taking the missus and the rugrat out for lunch.”

@direwombat @gaqalesqua @strangefable @glossysoap @kneelingshadowsalome @deadbranch @bunnyreaper @mortuarywriting @391780 @divine--serenity @la-grosse-patate @g0dspeeed @luminousbeings-crudematter @ceilidho

[local-maenad]

Being spoiled about Porter does actually enhance my viewing of Fantasy High ngl like I wish I found out myself because it would feel so much more satisfying (and hilarious). But there’s something so funny about Fig/Emily going off about this hunch of her’s. It’s literally just one of the many running jokes they have. It’s been lasting for what it seems, like two whole seasons, only for her to have been right this entire time 💀💀. This girl was going off a technically unproven idea … and she was right??!?!

[retros-artandstuff]

vriska + a transmasc dave doodle

[spotsupstuff]

Aughaug Sparrows is very pretty.

Euros VERY much agrees. tho he's really not doing her any favors by yanking her head towards him outta nowhere While she's eating too. let a woman eat her instant noodles, man, she fuckin loves 'em

here have some bonus doodles i ran off to sketch out while workin on ur ask