#if anyone who’s better at angst wants to help me with this it’d be greatly appreciated whhsgshshdgdbfb

[murdleandmarot]

Can’t believe that I technically created another oc just to make this painting. Diabolical

Anyhow uhhh Bluebelle and Bluebeard :)))

[eatyourchancletas]

SUMMARY |  y/n l/n; the trauma surgeon who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and is taken hostage by the terrifying mafia known as ateez. despite their situations, love arises between the doctor and san; but when an enemy comes in between the group, breaking trust and belief between the members, what will san choose to save; his newfound love or his brothers?

PAIRING | choi san x male reader

INFO/CATEGORY | mafia au, fluff, light angst

WARNINGS | violence, weapon usage/mention, foul language, lower case writing

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AUTHOR’S NOTE | woops, finally have chapter 3 here! alex wasn’t able to finish it so i (monnie) did, but alex edited it so it was a smooth process. please like and reblog!! feedback is greatly appreciated!! please excuse any mistakes!

WORD COUNT | 4.7k

TAG LIST :; @jonghoshoe​  if you’d like to be added to the list please say so in our inbox/ask box!

hongjoong had gathered everyone around, gaze settled upon his members. “this mission is very important. we’ve managed to get a good deal. he says if he manages to make a good first impression with us, he’ll be willing to work with us at a smaller price.”

everyone nodded along, understanding what he was trying to say: don’t mess this up. 

the leader continued as everyone seemed to catch the drift, “but we’re going to be very careful with this. we don’t put ourselves out there, so i don’t know how he knows our reputation enough to want to further business before we’ve even started.”

seonghwa perked up, arms tightening around himself, “that means old business is talking.” hongjoong nodded, letting him know they were both on the same page.

after a moment of silence, hongjoong sucked his teeth and looked up at y/n, eyes holding an emotion the older couldn’t read. the two held eye contact for barely 3 seconds before hongjoong spoke in yeosang’s direction. “i want you to stay here with y/n,” at those words, the younger gave a look that explained his feelings very well, y/n thought.  

yeosang thought this was bullshit, but he couldn’t speak out on it because he trusted hongjoong knew well enough. “don’t take it personal, i don’t trust y/n fully. we don’t know what can happen.”

yeosang could only nod, deciding against disobeying hongjoong’s orders. 

“alright, everyone get ready. we leave in an hour, i wanna get there early. scope out the place.”

y/n felt ashamed and angry. 

ever since the group left for the mission, almost an hour ago, yeosang has been rude and treating him like he was the cause of all his problems. he felt ashamed because yeosang’s bruteness made him feel, somewhat, small and embarrassed, like it was his fault they were in this situation.

“get out of my way,” yeosang had shoved y/n on the way to the kitchen. the older stared dumbfounded, patience wearing thin.

“a simple excuse me would’ve been nice.”

yeosang scoffed, opening the refrigerator. if there was one thing that bothered him, it was being on babysitting duty. 

“yeah, well i’m not exactly in the mood to play around and be all goody-two-shoes. so you know what would be nice?” he directed a sharp glare to y/n, not giving him a chance to answer his rhetorical question, “if you would fuck off.”

y/n bit his tongue, sizing up the smaller. his thoughts blocked his irritation, taking in the fact that yeosang was a gang member. he’s pretty sure size wouldn’t inconvenience the younger when handling a physical situation, much less a verbal one.

the doctor went to walk away as yeosang placed a plate in the microwave, until he noticed red markings on the skin of yeosang’s wrist, his shirt sleeve sliding down as his arm lifted. “are you okay?”

“last i checked, i didn’t ask for some psychological evaluation. so for the love of god-”

“no- i meant your wrist… is your wrist okay?”

a barely noticeable blush covered yeosang’s ears, “i’m fine. it’s nothing.” 

y/n’s head tilted, an unsure look on his face.“do… do you mind if i take a look at it?” 

yeosang stilled, the low hum of the microwave filling in the silence. he hesitated, but decided against it, knowing yunho had told him he needed to get it looked at because there wasn’t much he could do.

his eyes drifted to y/n, his arm slowly gravitating in the direction of y/n, a silent approval. the doctor carefully walked forward, gently grabbing yeosang’s hand and pulling the sleeve slightly. a small gasp left his mouth, the sleeve barely pulled back but the wound already looked pretty bad. “do you have a first aid kit?”

the metal lid of the small trash can clinked as it swung back and forth, ointment-clotted swabs and bandage wrappers crinkling within the confinement. “thank you,” yeosang’s voice was small, his upset mood dissipating as time went on. 

“it’s no problem,” y/n finished wrapping yeosang’s wrist, careful not to make it too tight, “that was a second degree burn though… how’d you get it?”

yeosang looked down, a blush settling on his cheeks. his head dropped and his feet swung under the medical cot he sat on. he mumbled something, biting his lip afterwards, and y/n’s eyebrows furrowed. “i’m sorry, what was that?” and yeosang mumbled once more, y/n still not hearing what he said. “huh?”

“i said i burned myself trying to help seognhwa hyung make your meals!”

y/n blinked, “oh.”

and for the next few moments, it was deadly silent, the ticking of the wall clock echoing. y/n couldn’t take the awkwardness any longer, clearing his throat, “well, next time you get hurt, please don’t be afraid to come to me. it’d give me something to do, i already feel pretty useless and lonely here, to be honest.”

yeosang looked up, his feet no longer swinging, and a confused look on his face. “you’re not useless. we wouldn’t have kept you alive if you were.”

at that moment y/n inhaled, not knowing how to respond to that. “uh, jeez, that uh… hm, that makes me feel better… i guess?” a moment passed before the two chuckled, a comedic break turning out to be a lot more comforting than they expected. 

minutes passed, their conversation dying down into light replies and subtle smiles when yeosang asked a question that threw the doctor off. “do you know anyone by the name of heeseung?”

dozens of thoughts raced through y/n’s mind; why does he want to know? is heeseung okay? did he do something he wasn’t supposed to? 

“. . . yes.” but y/n couldn’t ask any further because before he knew it, yeosang had nodded and gotten down from the cot, walking out of the infirmary area.

meanwhile, miles away the others had arrived at the meeting spot, every member cautiously looking out for anything strange. seonghwa began pulling in closer to the black van adjacent to theirs, letting hongjoong and wooyoung scout to make sure this was the man they were meeting with.

after confirmation that this was dongwoo, they holstered their weapons within the waistbands of their trousers and exited the van. 

“have you got it?” hongjoong cut to the chase; he was quite a brute person when it came to work. and dongwoo and his people wanted to make a good first impression? he’d see how well he could handle him.

“yep, got a truckload of ak-47’s, m16’s, and a couple 9mm’s. all smuggled from america.”

hongjoong pursed his lips, an impressed nod making dongwoo’s ego subtly inflate. word on the street said no one had successfully managed to smuggle weapons, specifically guns, to ateez without the korean law getting too heavily involved. the trader always got caught, and ateez always made sure to utilize their connections and silence those who they couldn’t trust to keep their mouths shut. 

hongjoong had to go to some expensive lengths just to get the glock 17’s they used now. the quality of the gun proved its worth though, they learned. however, it was rare that they resorted to guns—they didn’t rely on them unless they themselves were in danger or if someone needed to be silenced quickly.

“looks good to me,” hongjoong complimented, turning his head slightly toward wooyoung, “bring out their payment.” 

wooyoung nodded briefly, bringing his hands from behind his back, a large herbal drink-branded bag being showcased. dongwoo raised a brow, peeking over and catching a glimpse of the rolls of cash that filled the bag to the brim.

“thank you for your service,” hongjoong beckoned wooyoung to hand the bag to dongwoo, before he went to step toward his shipment.

“wait, what?”

at dongwoo’s abruptness, san stepped forward, “what do you mean ‘what’? take the deal or leav—” his words died down and he cowered back when hongjoong’s sharp glare met his eyes, immediately silencing him. 

the leader clasped his hands behind his back and made a sharp turn toward the man. “is there something wrong?” his head was tilted and a curious look was on his face, there shouldn’t have been anything wrong with this offer and if there was, there was only a problem on dongwoo’s side. call it being ignorant, but hongjoong didn’t say he never had a problem because he wanted to be cocky and egotistic. it was simply the truth. 

out of every issue he and the others had encountered with a deal, none had gone wrong on their part. it was part of the reason their group was at the top—they were efficient business partners and leaders. something only went wrong when non-mutual expectations weren’t met.

“there’s no ‘we’re looking forward to doing future business with you’?”

a small smirk had taken over hongjoong’s lips, hidden by the hanging of his head. “mr. yoo, we further business with those of the same intentions as us. do you, perhaps, know what those intentions are?”

dongwoo stood dumbfounded; of everything he heard about ateez and their leader, he didn’t think to find out just what their goal was.

“it seems you don’t know, so i’ll tell you. we, ateez, have come this far from one thing and one thing only—loyalty. when i heard your proposition of your first impression leading to cheaper traders, something was a little off,” his eyes squinted and he bought his pointer finger and thumb to barely touch, “you know a little too much, don’t you think?”

dongwoo’s eyes widened slightly but he recovered, however, it was noticeable. “what are you talking about?” 

“someone’s been talking, haven’t they? leaking information about us that they, most certainly, weren’t warranted to give, but you probably don’t know much—you’re not the loose tie that needs to be cut off,” he looked dongwoo dead in the eyes as his own narrowed, “i hope.”

his intimidating stare lasted for a few moments more before a light smile covered his face, eye lightening. “take your payment, we’ll be taking our things and leaving.”

hongjoong gave a nod of his head, him and the rest of ateez splitting up to hook the small weapon-filled-trailer to their own vehicle, dongwoo and his men pulling off once it was unattached. 

“boss, i don’t feel so good about this right now. i think we should hurry and get out of here.” yunho spoke, a hand rubbing at the hairs that stood on the back of his neck. hongjoong didn’t question further, sharing the suspenseful feeling that creeped up his spine, giving a prompt nod.

after 5 minutes were spent attaching the trailer and making sure they were ready to go, seonghwa started the engine and waited for everyone to get in. just as san and mingi were about to get in the van, the screeching of tires sounded nearby.

“get down!” and bullets went flying.

“do you like raisin bran?”

y/n gave a slight nod, folding his hands in front of him. “sure!” yeosang held the box in the air, stopping mid-grab.

“aren’t you a doctor? raisin bran has a lot of sugar…”

y/n shrugged his shoulders, standing to get bowls for the both of them, “i’m a doctor, not a dentist. besides, i’m quite the sugar addict. with the injuries i see and multiple hour surgeries i perform, i need some type of a high—so sugar high it is!”

yeosang laughed, shaking his head and setting the cereal box on the counter before grabbing the milk from the fridge. “quick question doc,” yeosang began and y/n looked at him, setting the bowls and spoons down. “milk first or cereal?”

yeosang held a laugh in when y/n had a visibly offended look on his face, a hand pressing to his chest. “yeosang, please tell me you put cereal fi—”

“shit! y/n where the fuck are you?!” someone had frantically shouted from the front of the house, yeosang and y/n giving each other a worried look before tripping over their own feet to reach the living room.

“oh my—what happened?!”

“fuck,” hongjoong let out a belligerent roar, “get him to the infirmary!”

y/n panicked, grabbing onto the injured man and hoisting him up into his arms, rushing to the infirmary. he looked down at the paled man in his arms, huffing out a breath of air, “don’t worry san, i’ve got you!”

san lies on the medical cot, eyes still and closed and chest rising and falling in a calming pattern. y/n is sitting next to him, checking his vitals every few minutes and making sure his labs are okay. after verifying everything is stable, he sat the clipboard down, closing his own eyes and lying his head in his arms on the cot, dozing off. 

it’d been about 3 hours since san was bought in like this. y/n could’ve laughed at how freaked out he was earlier—san’s injuries weren’t even the worst he’s ever seen or treated, but your emotions and professionalism change when the person lying on your operating table is someone you have a nice relationship with… and when said patient’s fellow gang members are breathing down your neck, reminding you that there’s no other option than survival for him...

“how is he?” hongjoong’s voice startled y/n out of his exhausted haze, the older jumping in his spot.

“he’s fine now. if you’d have been any later, he would have coded… and i can’t do much for coding outside a hospital.”

the leader nodded his head, his chest and shoulders dropping slightly as if he could finally breathe. y/n watched him, watched how hongjoong toed around the cot, staring san’s unconscious form down.

y/n fumbled with his fingers, running over his next words in his head before just blurting them. “is it hard?”

“what do you mean?”

he shrugged his shoulders, looking at the shorter, “being a leader… having to watch over everyone,” he held eye contact with the leader, trying to read his expression, “it must be suffocating when something happens to one of them.”

hongjoong’s tongue swiped over his teeth as he stared the taller down. the air around them was tense—hongjoong knew y/n meant good by his words, but he’s not the type of person to just get emotional with people, especially those who aren’t exactly close to him. the others may see y/n as someone more than a hostage, but to hongjoong, he was just that. a person they were taking advantage of—a person who was only cooperative because his life was on the line.

“we’re going to head back to the shooting scene and see if we can find anything that’ll lead us to dongwoo, son-of-a-bitch. wooyoung and yeosang will stay with you and san… so let them know if you or san needs anything.” y/n cleared his throat, giving a curt nod before standing up and walking toward the cabinets, desperate to escape the awkward and tense aura. 

when he heard the door to the infirmary shut, signaling hongjoong had left, he let out a sigh before starting to occupy himself again. he opened a cabinet, grabbing a roll of gauze—it was time to change san’s dressings.

as he made his way back to the cot, he noticed san was now awake and it caused him to stop in his tracks. “when did you wake up?”

“unfortunately, when it got awkward,” san watched y/n’s face fall, a look of embarrassment overtaking his tired features. he held back a teasing smile, leaning back on his arms, although hissing in pain and sitting back up when the pressure sent a stabbing pain through his side and shoulder. he watched y/n walk toward him and lift his clean shirt to start snipping at the dirtied gauze anchored around his naked shoulder.

a few moments went by of y/n re-bandaging and wrapping san’s wounds before the injured boy’s head tilted to the side. he didn’t know if it was because he was high off pain meds or if it was because he’s been so deprived of seeing an unfamiliar face… but y/n looked really handsome and flattering. even thinking about feeling that way sent a drunk feeling to san’s head, his mind getting lost and going blank in the echoing cavity of his skull. it was no secret to himself that he was rather flexible when it came to his romantic relationships and feelings, but he was still foreign to it.

he decided to push it to the back of his mind, feeling rather rushed and irrational at the moment, “y/n hyung… are you feeling better now?”

the older turned to look at him, an eyebrow raised in confusion, “i should be asking that—you’re the one who got shot in the shoulder and stomach,” he pulled san’s shirt back down, careful not to put pressure on his shoulder. he turned around for a moment before turning back and wrapping san’s arm in a sling.

“thank you,” the younger softly spoke, before continuing, “i just noticed you’re more at ease with all of...this. it’s almost a complete 180 from when we first met.”

the doctor’s hands froze against his own lap, a sigh leaving his mouth and his eyes fluttering in a blink of realization, “i guess so.”

“they’re not here—”

hongjoong sighed through his nose, looking rather composed; and the others thought it wasn’t much of a deal until the leader kicked the seat in front of him, scaring seonghwa, who was in the driver’s seat. “call yeosang.”

“been here for a while, what’s up.” said male spoke through their communicator, sounding calm and unbothered.

“can you please stop doing th—can you find anything about dongwoo’s whereabouts?”

“give me a sec,” the boy registered, the clicking of a keyboard sounding into the communication device.

“alright so while yeosang’s doing what should have been done, please tell me why there wasn’t an extensive amount of research on this client?” hongjoong was pissed. not only did their transaction end in a one-sided gunfight, it ended up with one of their own having more than one bullet wound.

wooyoung swallowed, knowing damn well the question was aimed at him. “hyung, i did do research. i made sure to look up what links he has with other businesses and everything that i could think of. i’ve never failed at doing so-”

“then why did you fail this time?”

it got heavily quiet, seonghwa looking at his boyfriend through the rear-view mirror. no one uttered a breath and looked away from a fidgeting wooyoung.

“aight i’m back.”

hongjoong ignored seonghwa’s prompting  gaze, “what did you find?”

“nothing. they’re good at covering their tracks and maybe that’s why wooyoung couldn't find much. usually, we resort to hacking, but i’ve never seen these sorts of codes before and if you want me to break the wall down it will take longer than what you’d want.”

the leader sighed once more, pinching the bridge of his nose while bouncing his right leg. “No it’s fine, we’ll just hope dongwoo and his crew don’t appear again.”

“but hyung, isn’t that a little reckless-”

“you shouldn’t be one to speak right now.” hongjoong turned to glare at wooyoung, the younger male pursing his lips and nodding. “everyone get in the car, we're going back.”

“...so i’m not going to try and hack this? aw.”

“what’s wrong?” san frowned as wooyoung sulked while sitting next to him on the cot.

“hyung’s mad with me…”

y/n had his back facing them, trying to arrange the mess that was on the counter where all the ointments and supplies were. yunho had came in earlier to apologize for not keeping it organized, his exact words being “i just clean up their wounds as best as i can, and i’m not really in here unless it’s an emergency.”

san lingered a glance at y/n as if the older would do the same. “is it because of dongwoo?”

the younger nodded with a pout, leaning on san’s side. “mhm, and he hasn’t talked to me since.”

“well you know joong-hyung, he’s…” san thought for a few seconds, and when he couldn't find the words, he bit the inside of his cheek. “ he’ll get over it, just give it time. or talk to seonghwa-hyung, he’ll know what to do, he always does.”

wooyoung whined, “i already did! and he said ‘i can’t do anything’ with that pained smile of his!”

san blinked, “what? you’re lying, hwa-hyung would never fail us-”

“no no, i was there. he talked to hongjoong-hyung before wooyoung came up to him...or at least tried. joong-hyung isn’t talking to anyone right now. that’s why hwa-hyung told you he can’t do anything.”

“yeo, i swear you’re the nosiest person ever. like, please, i’m not sure if that’s good or bad sometimes.” san grimaced after processing yeosang’s comment through the earpiece.

“as far as i know it’s done us more good than bad. plus, it’s my job to be nosy, remember? we all get paid for things, and i get paid for sticking my nose up yall’s business.”

“wait you do that 24/7?” wooyoung frowned.

“uh, no. sometimes i don’t even intend to do it, ya’ll loud as fuck so sometimes i don’t even need the communicators. and i only comment on things that mean something. and before you ask this did not mean anything, i just wanted to join in the conversation.”

san snorted, “then why didn’t you just walk in here?”

“cus i’m busy right now.”

“doing what?” wooyoung grabbed san’s hand and played with his friend’s fingers.

“doing what i was not authorized to do—hack that wall.”

“won’t you get in trouble?”

“maybe,” the sound of him smacking his lips sounded, “but at least i won’t be given the silent treatment.”

wooyoung sat up. “yah! yeosang i will come down there and kick you!” when he heard no response he jumped off the cot and walked out the room, “yeosang i warned you!”

while hearing his best friend yell down the hall, san laughed. his attention returned to y/n who had his head tilted and a confused look on his face. “what’s wrong, hyung?”

“how...were you two talking to yeosang?” 

san hummed, smiling while tapping the clear earpiece in his ear. “we have them on unless we’re showering and sleeping or something. but when we’re on duty we have them on, speaking of that, i’ll tell jongho to get you one-”

y/n shook his hands in front of him as san was about to move, “you shouldn’t move too much, you might reopen a wound. i’ll call him…” y/n’s voice died down when he realized what he was volunteering to do.

at the sudden look of horror on y/n’s face, san laughed. 

“don’t worry, jongho’s just a buff teddy bear unless in danger. but for now, i’ll call him over.” san raised his hand to his earpiece, making y/n question why he couldn’t do that before. “jongho, can you bring an earpiece for y/n?”

san nodded when the younger agreed, saying he’ll be there shortly. he lowered his hand and rested it on his lap. “have you gotten along with anyone here yet?” he tried to spark conversation with the doctor, highly interested in him and feeling the need to know more about him.

“aside from yeosang, seonghwa and you, uh, not really. maybe yunho? i mean, he’s never showed any sign of hatred towards me so i guess we get along decent too...but i haven’t really had a chance to meet the others.”

the younger nodded, “well we may look tough and all, but i promise we’re all chill. hongjoong-hyung is only tough and straightforward when he’s on the lookout. just give him some time and you’ll see how nice and caring he is.”

y/n hummed, “i guess..”

“i have arrived with the product~” jongho smiled while walking inside the room, a box in hand. “once you put it on it will send yeosang a message and he’ll grant access to it.”

san watched jongho gesture y/n to grab it, but he took it before the doctor did. “here, i’ll put it in for you.”

jongho did his best to not snort or laugh, leaning against the wall instead. he watched san help y/n with setting up the earpiece, amused at how san seemed interested in the doctor.

“ok done, yeosang should grant access soon.” san smiled at y/n, the doctor returning it with his own.

a few minutes of quiet tension passed and jongho felt the need to do something; he pressed the button on the side of his earpiece. “yeosang-hyung, are you not going to-”

“give me a second, i just kicked wooyoung out. if he goes up there with a black eye don’t question it, he’ll say what happened without you asking.”

“you didn’t actually give him a black eye did you-”

“if he did then that can easily be taken care of…” y/n commented while watching jongho roll his eyes.

“yeah i did-”

“no he didn’t.” wooyoung butted in, it sounded like he was munching on something. “it was the other way around-”

san chuckled, shaking his head at his friend's bickering. he realized y/n’s earpiece was successfully connected when he saw the older grin. 

“i bet they both have a black eye.” y/n nodded to himself.

jongho rose a brow, a grin prominent on his features. “and how much are we betting?”

y/n hummed, “thirty bucks.”

“i wanna bet too~,” san grinned, “let’s check it out then. can i move now?”

“hmm...i’d say no but you probably wouldn’t really listen to me so... as long as you don’t make sharp movements.” 

san cheered, extending his free arm to get help in getting off the cot. “let’s go then!”

“hello?” 

“mrs. l/n! how are you? it’s heeseung...lim heeseung.”

the woman on the other end of the phone gasped in what sounded like happiness, “heeseung! It’s been a while since i last heard of you, is something wrong?”

the nurse leaned back into his couch, “well i called to ask if you've seen y/n…”

“i see...well we haven’t heard of him for quite some time now. we thought it was because of work you know? but you two are close aren’t you, i assumed you would know about his whereabouts”

heeseung sighs softly, “well we were close before we broke up...i called because he hasn’t appeared at work for almost two weeks now. everyone knows y/n is a workaholic so it’s rare for him to miss days. and i wanted to ask if i can go to the police and file a report.”

“have you checked his apartment? you do know where he lives right?”

“i do...”

“well if he isn’t there then yes, go to the police station. please let us know if you find anything!”

“of course, thank you.” heeseung smiled painfully to himself, bidding farewell to y/n’s mother before hanging up. soon after he turned off his phone and sighed, he really hopes y/n is at his apartment and only took a vacation.

y/n couldn’t help but bust out laughing when the three of them walked inside the kitchen. wooyoung did indeed have a black eye and so did yeosang. 

"darn it." jongho huffed as y/n ended up winning the bet.

seonghwa stood there confused, spatula in hand as he's setting out their plates for dinner.  "and what's this about?" 

san grinned, "we made a bet to see if yeosang and wooyoung gave each other a black eye or not. and luckily y/n ended up winning." 

"would that be called a doctors intuition?" yeosang rose a brow while glaring at the plates seonghwa handed him. 

"good question." y/n chuckled while walking up to the second oldest. "need help?" 

"oh, yeah, thanks." seonghwa smiled while gesturing to the drinks. "set them on the table, everyone will serve their own drinks."

"got it. oh, and after dinner, i'll need you two to come with me so we can take care of those shiners." 

“yeah yeah...”

[terry-perry]

Epilogue

Pairings: Platonic Wanda Maximoff x Odinsdottir!Reader, Steve Rogers x Odinsdottir!Reader (mentioned)

Warnings: Implied angst related to WandaVision, Mild Spoilers

Request: Would you write something where Steve and Asgardian!Reader helps out somehow during everything that’s going on in Wandavision?

A/N: Set after the events of WandaVision

No one had known where she took off to after the funeral, not even Clint who had basically been the only one she spoke to afterwards. So to see her after so long was quite a surprise. Not an unpleasant one, though.

Wanda gave Y/N an apprehensive look. Seeming to be quite embarrassed to be there from the way she kept glancing down and kept her hands tucked into her pockets. She did all she could to avoid her old friend’s astonished stare that had yet to leave her face since opening the door and finding her standing on the porch.

“Wanda?”

She manage to look up finally, offering a soft smile. The struggle and hesitation still lingered on, yet faded somewhat when Y/N smiled back at her. 

“Hey, been some time, hasn’t it?”

The goddess didn’t say anything, deciding to instead respond by pulling her in for a tight hug. It was what was needed to make the tension leave completely

 They did some catching up once Wanda was welcomed inside the house. Y/N made sure to ask how she was as cautiously as possible, not wanting to step on any proverbial toes. That’s how it’s always been between the two of them. It wasn’t that Y/N saw her as a delicate flower -- far from it, actually -- she just knew that opening up and being close with others was something the young witch greatly struggled with after losing so much.

It’s why Y/N never demanded to hear what was going on with her. But she always hoped she’d open up in any way. Anything Wanda said would help Y/N to understand her actions and negative thoughts. It’s also why she didn’t expect much then. So Wanda detailing everything she’d been through and what she’d done in response to it all came as a shock.

Y/N found herself crying upon hearing everything her friend went through. All the suffering, the loneliness, the loss. She mourned for Vision and their children. Wanda’s form of happiness and normalcy that she’d been deprived of for so long that needed to be sacrificed for the greater good.

Anyone lesser would have crumbled under the weight of such events. 

“I don’t expect you to think the best of me, right now,” Wanda uttered after a moment of silence. 

“I think if anyone was in your position and able to do what you do, they’d wind up doing the same thing. I know I would.”

Y/N would, for sure. A chance to have her family once more. A chance to have a quick fix of their issues. Maybe her father would be less overbearing and controlling, her siblings would have a better handle on their issues and see each other as equals. Perhaps she wouldn’t be placed in the background as often as she had. 

Yeah, she would have done something similar.

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that,” Y/N continued to console her friend, her hand sliding across the table to reach for hers. “Had we known, you know we --”

“It’s okay. No one really knew. Anyway, I think this was something I needed to go through on my own. Still do.”

Y/N tilted her head in a curious manner that mixed with plenty of concern. What could she mean by that?

“You know you’re more than welcome to stay with us,” she assured her. “We can help you out, in any way. Help find someone that comes close to possessing the skills you’ve obtained.”

From what they had discussed, she felt like the sorcerer Doctor Strange would have some idea what this was. He could be of some use. But judging from the way Wanda shook her head, it looked like she would need to decline.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m still not 100% sure what these skills are. Only that they can be dangerous. Anything I learn should be done by myself for now. I hope you can understand that.”

Y/N supposed she could. She could respect it and see it as not wanting a recreation of everything that occurred. But she still wanted to do what she could to be there. 

“At least let me help you in another way...”

“What is this place?”

The two women stared at the log cabin that rested by the lake. It was a beautiful place; the entire area had a calm, serene aura to it. A haven that was away from the city. From everything.

“After Steve took over some of Fury’s responsibilities, that included finding good locations for those that might need them,” Y/N explained. “People on the run, families that need to be protected, people needing time alone to find a better way to manage their newfound talents.” 

She gave a knowing glance during the last part of her explanation. Wanda caught on quickly and had to respectfully decline.

“Y/N, I can’t possibly --- this is too much,”

Her friend gave a headshake of her own and raised her hand up. Not wanting to hear it.  

“It isn’t. This is simply a friend helping another,” She expressed genuinely. “This will be a good home for you. You won’t be bothered, and you won’t have to fear  losing control. I’ll have to tell Steve of how this place is being used, but you can rest assure that your privacy will not be invaded. Take all the time you need to figure things out.”

Wanda’s eyes filled up a bit, deeply touched by this gesture. She took a deep breath before pulling Y/N in for a hug of her own.

“Thank you,” she mumbled. “I won’t forget this.”

She never did when it came to Y/N’s unending compassion. She was one of the very few that was always so nice to her and did her best to understand everything that went on with the people she cared about. It shouldn’t have come off as strange for her to do something like this. Her generosity knew no bounds. 

Wanda pulled away a bit to give her another grateful smile before her eyes darted down. “Congratulations, by the way,”

Y/N appeared confused once more. She peered down herself. It’d hardly been a month. She and Steve barely found out themselves.

“How did you--?” 

Wanda just shrugged and kept on smiling. “As I said, still a lot I don’t know about myself. But I am happy for you both. Really, I am. You’ve managed to make a life for yourselves. Enjoy it; hold onto it as tightly as you can.”

Y/N began to get misty-eyed herself and beamed. Resulting in them getting into another hug.

“Contact us, if there’s anything else you need,”

“I will,”

They spent some time then to share some goodbyes. Y/N hoping that this wouldn’t be the last time they saw each other. She’d love for her and Steve’s future child to meet the strong and wonderful person that was their Aunt Wanda.

[fe-th-trash]

uh...hi

so like I’ve never done this before, but I desperately needed a creative outlet while doing my final papers and between playing FE:TH and listening to my playlist instead of studying, I got hit with an idea that’s been plaguing me for days, so please enjoy this likely awful first attempt at this if you’re reading this I’m sorry thank you! WC: 1600ish

CW: Pre & Post Time-Skip, Azure Moon potential spoilers, lil angst, lil cuteness

The sights and sounds of the training room were of the few things that time hadn’t run away with. It’d been five years, five long, painful, years with the Imperial Army wreaking havoc on any land beneath its feet. Countless civilian and soldier lives had been lost and for what? All in the hopes of--

“Oof!” You manage, a strike while you were taking in your surroundings sending you to the floor. “Ugh. I yield.” “You’re distracted.” Felix concludes fairly easily, looking down at you, “That was a terrible hit. I was testing you, you failed.” “Okay, okay. I get it. Maybe a little. I’m sorry.” You sigh, rising and dusting yourself off. “I just...Being here again...I didn’t think it was going to feel this strange.” 

He forces air out of his nose audibly, shaking his head, “If you’re dwelling hard enough to let me land a hit like that, you’re going to get yourself killed on the battlefield. Reminisce all you want, some of us are here to prepare for what’s to come. Get yourself together. If you die...I’ll be annoyed.” He remarks, rolling his eyes as he turns, heading towards a training dummy that would undoubtedly be more of a fight than you were. If nothing else had remained, this was still the same Felix, that much is certain. 

The same bitter, broken, boy he’d been for nearly a decade. It was almost refreshing that he’d stayed the same. One familiar tongue in cheek remark and the upward turning of his eyes and it’s as though you’re both 17 again, more worried about the Professor’s overloaded tactics lectures and class exams than...well, a war raging on beyond the confines of what used to feel so safe. Of what, despite its dilapidated and decaying structure, still somehow felt safe. After everything it had so clearly been through, it was still standing, and that had to be a sign.

You didn’t know if it was being here again, or being surrounded by familiar faces for the first time in years that was keeping your chest warm, but you sincerely hoped the others were feeling it too. For the first time in so long, despite the current state of ruin that had fallen on Garreg Mach, the fragility of the surrounding circumstances, the rabid bloodlust that had overtaken Dimitri, the uncertainty of what the next few months would hold...

At long last, you could feel it. Something you thought was lost long ago.

Hope.

You consciously tried to remember a time before the war as you took your leave of the training grounds and walked toward the corridor of classrooms. Felix was right, it was useless to train if your mind was otherwise occupied. It was a miracle they were still mostly intact, and you found yourself picturing your Academy days, drifting into a daydream as the sound of your shoes on the cobblestones drifted gently away, replaced by the sounds of a bustling courtyard. 

Remembering your first day as a Blue Lion was an easy feat as you took the seat that used to be yours, in the very back of the room, where the professor would often catch you reading instead of listening to their lectures. It was one of those days, where you felt it necessary to do anything but pay attention that you’d find where you belonged, in of all places, detention.

Quietly scrubbing the blackboard thanks to your indiscretions, joined by Sylvain, who had pestered Felix into “accidentally” knocking an inkwell all over him, his desk, and the floor, Felix, who refused to apologize for the action, and Ingrid, peacefully standing in the doorway of the classroom, experiencing great joy at the hands of the two of them. Sylvain, who was meant to be mopping the floor, kept finding “missed spots” conveniently where Felix was working at cleaning the desks, knocking into him with the handle as he’d pass by and further annoying him, Ingrid suppressing her urge to both laugh at the action and scold each of them for being a nuisance to the other. It wasn’t long before Felix had stolen the mop from him and backed him up against the wall, Sylvain both smiling playfully as he looks down at him and holding his hands up, Ingrid shaking her head, bringing you into the world they’d created for themselves, “You’re free to crack either of them over the head with the broom in the closet if they get to be too much. I won’t tell the Professor.” “Tempting as that may be...” You joke, turning to watch along with her, drying your hands with one of the rags. “They are fairly entertaining.” “Don’t encourage them.” She warns, laughing a little as Sylvain sighs heavily,  “Alright, alright. Enough. You can’t kill me with the ladies watching, especially not with such a blunt object.”

“Watch me.” Felix grumbles, shoving the handle into his chest with a thud and storming back to put the supplies away, Sylvain sporting a pout and rubbing where it’d hit, “Too far...noted.” He mutters, heading for the assist with extreme caution, leaving you to crack a smile as you take the dirty water out to the bushes, Ingrid assisting despite not being in trouble. “Sorry about them.” “Don’t worry, I find them entertaining. I look forward to the day Felix has finally had enough.” “That...is not a day I’d like to imagine. Planning Sylvain’s funeral won’t be fun, especially when a body can’t be found.” She jokes, the both of you laughing as you head back to the classroom, “Hey, are you two ready to quit quarrelling? They’re going to start serving dinner any minute!” “I never wanted to start. Goddess sake.” 

Ingrid went on to invite you to dine with the three of them, something that greatly pleased Sylvain while simultaneously displeasing Felix. If there was anything he hated more than Sylvain’s antics, it was being forced to socialize, especially with people he didn’t already know. He’d chosen civility as a basis, but your disregard of Sylvain’s advances, and the fact you made Ingrid happy, quickly changed his mind. You didn’t know when exactly he’d started considering you a friend, but somewhere between the first time he’d called you a fool out of annoyance and long nights in the library studying by candlelight, you assumed he enjoyed your company, even if he’d never say as much.

“How did I know I’d find you here?” came his voice, startling you out of the depths of your mind. You hadn’t noticed the tears on your cheeks, brought on by days that would never happen again, until you turned toward the sound, him standing in the doorway, softening slightly when he saw the state of you. “I don’t know why you insist on torturing yourself.” he continues, heading inside the classroom, hesitating slightly as he passed his old desk. 

“Fe...” You manage, wiping at your face, “It ended so...suddenly. Everything changed so fast. I just want...something to hold onto. You have to know what that’s like.” You attempt, looking over at him once again, him reluctantly levelling with you, sitting in the seat beside and looking across at the blackboard. “I do. And thinking of everything we didn’t get to do will only cause you pain. It’s foolish to sit here and think “what if” when there’s a war going on. If we are going to win, we need to keep our minds clear.” He says, looking to you. “After we’ve won, I’ll sit in the cathedral and help you light as many candles as you see fit. But for now...” he trails, rising once again, “...let me walk you back to your room. It’s dark out.” 

You agreed with no words, rising and pushing your chair in like you’d done a thousand other times and taking his hand as he led you off into the night, holding on tightly. If this was yet another dream, you weren’t letting him go that easily. 

Knowing you were in need of comfort, and not realizing just how much of his own was needed, he allowed this to continue all the way to your door, dropping your hand and turning toward you, your better judgment leaving you as you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him. 

The following few seconds were quiet as he was tense, his arms eventually finding their place around you. It wasn’t the first time, nor the first willing time, but likely the most necessary time for both of you. And in a few seconds more, it was over. He pulls himself away, clearing his throat. “Sleep off the rest of your nonsense...save it for later.” “You sleep too...if anyone tells me you went back to the training grounds after this...”

“Tch.”

“Exactly my point. Please rest yourself.” You found yourself near pleading. The deaths of those you didn’t know weighed so heavily, you didn’t want to imagine what losing someone so dear would mean. He merely shakes his head a little in response, turning to leave, “As you wish. Goodnight.” 

 “...Fe?”  He sighs, turning back toward you, “What? Need a bedtime story too?” “Do...you really think we’re going to win this?” You question, playing with your hands, unsure if you wanted an answer or just another minute of company as a gently and uniquely sly expression takes hold of him, his arms folding at his chest.

“Do you really think with the four of us together again, there’s any chance we’d lose?” He questions back, the warmth in you returning, that hopeful, optimistic feeling taking you over once again. “Of course not...goodnight Fe...thank you.”

“That’s what I thought. Enough of the foolishness...and get inside. Catching cold also does us no favors.” He says, an irritated tone that you knew by now was code for worry overtaking his voice, leaving you to smile and enter your room, gearing up to face the next day ready for what it throws at you.

All the while, Felix waits idly by to hear the clicking of the lock, the guarantee of your safety, before taking himself back to his own room, gently reminding himself of the pledge for “blades, blood, and battle” he’d made long ago, there being no time for anything but, no matter how it felt to finally hold your hand.

[we-kpoppin]

Memories of You - Chapter 2: Chance Encounters

Monsta X Fanfic - Shownu x Gender Neutral Character

Word Count: 4200

Genre: Mafia AU, angst

Warnings: Blood, Knife, Injuries, Knife Injuries

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It was early hours the next morning when Ansoo finally cleared the woodland, their clothes and dried but they had an uncomfortable stiffness to them. Worn out from trudging through the underbrush all night, once they got to a pathway they plodded along, following it as it curved simply hoping it’d lead them to somewhere that’d allow them to get their bearings.

The few people who were up and about at this hour started at Ansoo before hurrying along, Ansoo had no doubt that they looked unkempt. They ran through a forest just after a thunderstorm had passed. Their hair was tatted, pants and shoes muddy, and no doubt had blood on them. If it was an adult who was in this state, they’d be reported to the police, but given Ansoo was still a child people just ignored them.

The fact no one offered to help Ansoo made them sour, they would have rejected it anyway, but it just confirmed to them that the world wasn’t as kind as they thought it was before last night's events.

As a convenience store entered Ansoo's line of sight, they increased their pace, wanting nothing more than to get some substance and clean themselves up. Dad would be ashamed if they showed up at the Son family home, looking like, well like this.

As they entered the small store, kept their head down to avoid making any eye contact, in hopes that no one would be able to get a good luck at their face. Ansoo didn’t want anyone to be able to recognise them, they felt it was best to lay low until they were safe. They grabbed some toiletries off the shelf before making their way to the food, taking a couple of snacks and a drink. They silently paid, then made their way to the toilet that they could thankfully use.

Only once they were in the stall was Ansoo able to see just how rough they looked. Bruises littered what areas of their limbs that was visible, and there were small nicks covering the entirety of their revealed skin from the shattered glass. There was a cut along their leg from when they stumbled in the forest and a large gash on their upper right arm that’d no doubt leave a scar eventually.

Ansoo peered into the mirror, starting at a face they didn’t recognise.

Their right eye was partially swollen shut, the purple and blue spreading across and along their cheekbone. Their bottom lip was split, dried blood sealing it temporarily shut. A cut ran through their left eyebrow, another ran along their nose, and just above their lip. Ansoo couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact it looked like they had been scratched by a wolf.

They washed their hands and arms doing their best to scrub away the dirt without aggravating any of the injuries, whilst still cleaning the wounds, once satisfied moved onto wash their face.

Ansoo couldn’t help but wince as they rubbed their face, the injuries clearly being more sensitive than the ones on their lower arms. They then brushed their teeth once they were done with washing their face.

Ansoo took their jacket out the bag, silently greatly for putting it away once they were in the car instead of wearing it. They put it on, zipping it up to the top, hiding the dirty shirt that was underneath. At least they looked a little more presentable, right?

They left the toilet now a little more pleased with their appearance, as they were headed to the exit they heard a new announcement coming from the T.V near the till. Ansoo didn’t bother to stop until they heard their name.

“The Dongbang family was found dead in their car, which was toppled over-” Ansoo's ears started to ring.

Should they go to the police, explain about the people that were at the scene before they arrived? Maybe they could help Ansoo get to the Son family. In a spur of emotion, they made off in the direction they hoped the police station would be.

Ansoo just wanted to go home. They wanted to be held and told they were safe. They wanted to wake up and for this nightmare to be over. Tears started to roll down their face for the first time since the accident, there was no adrenaline left and they’d finally processed what had happened.

Their family was dead.

Their dad and little sister Minsoo were gone. Taken from this world, taken from them. Why? Why were they the only one to survive? Why did they deserve to be saved? Or we’re they being punished?

Questions and cries of anguish ran through their mind. Ansoo shook their head trying to ignore all the thoughts and concentrate on the task at hand. They needed to find a police station, tell them that they survived the crash.

Ansoo halted. “No, I can’t”, they muttered to no one, “If those men find out, they might come back for me.”

Finally clear on what they were to do next, Ansoo carried on walking, looking out for something that could indicate where about they were. Eventually coming across a bus stop, students were huddled around waiting for the bus that would take them to school, as much as Ansoo disliked going they wished that at this moment they were going like their typical weekday.

Ansoo diverted their course, knowing they’d draw attention because of the fact they weren’t on their morning commute like the other kids their age. Well, that and the fact they were very clearly scuffed up.

Eventually, Ansoo managed to find the train station through wandering around the town, as they walked into the station they noticed that it seemed as if the early morning rush had just passed. A wave of relief washed over Ansoo, the fewer people that saw them the better. They didn’t want people's prying eyes all over them, it would be easier that way.

It felt like the day had passed with how long they stared at the map of the rail network. Trying to figure out where exactly they were and which line they needed to take to get as close as possible to their destination.

Their house was out of the way, so Ansoo knew they’d have to go the last part of the journey on foot, even if they got a bus after the train it would only take them to the outskirts. Ansoo got their ticket from the machine, just scraping together enough money for the journey. ‘Since when did it cost so much to get a train' Ansoo thought, a slight pout forming on their face knowing they had to savour the snacks they bought earlier that morning.

Having a while till the train departed, Ansoo went and posted the letter they’d written to the oldest son of Mr Son.

Knowing that they were soon to be on their way to him, a fuzzy feeling flooded Ansoo's heart and stomach. Ansoo was a quiet child and often liked to spend their time on their own, so it could be overwhelming at times when they visited the Son family. Mr Son had 7 children, all boys and all older than Ansoo. They could get a bit much at times but the oldest always watched over Ansoo, making sure his brothers weren’t being too rough.

Ansoo found a lot of comfort in him, especially after the Christmas they spent with the family. They just wanted to hurry and get to the few other people that they could trust.

Dawdling back to the train station, Ansoo enjoyed the warmth of the sun on their skin, a stark contrast to last night’s weather. The calm after the storm, or as they’d later come to find out they were simply passing through the eye of the storm.

They made their way to the ticket gate, presenting the ticket to the machine, just for it to beep and spit the ticket back out. Ansoo fed the ticket through again, just for the same to happen. A few more times they tried, hoping that holding the ticket in a different way would help and that the gate would finally open, but to no avail.

The guard that had been watching Ansoo this whole time made his way over to the child.

“Can I see your ticket please?” Ansoo froze, unsure if it was them that the worker was talking to, eyes flitted around hoping there would be another person in the proximity. There wasn’t. Slowly turning towards the man, Ansoo handed over the ticket, refusing to look up at the board man that towered above them.

Ansoo was used to going up against people much bigger than them, being one of the higher belts in the martial art dojo they attended along with Minsoo.

But that was on the mat, it was completely different in actual confrontation. It was something that Ansoo's father had drilled into them, just because you can fight there doesn’t mean you would be able to on the street, so he’d made it a point to regularly spar with them outside of their classes. Yet they knew their dad would never hurt them, he always pulled if they couldn’t keep up, so it just felt like a game.

Facing this man now, Ansoo finally understood what their father meant. Tension coursed through their body, making their limbs stiff.

The gruff voice pulled Ansoo back to reality, “This ticket is for in two days time,” oh... “May I ask why you're travelling so far on your own?” the guard questioned, suspicion evident in his voice as he handed the ticket back over to the child holding onto it as they waited for an answer.

Ansoo sucked in, the air getting stuck in their throat. “I’m going to visit my father, ” the guard adjusted the communication device on his hip, leaning down and tilting his hand trying to get a proper look at the kid in front of him. Ansoo turned away, taking a few steps before muttering, “I’ll just go back home to my mother for now, it’s fine.”

“Oi, kid” the man called out, voice now soft, pity coating his words.

Ansoo clenched their jaw, they didn’t need pity, they didn’t need people to look down on them. They were fine on their own until they got to the Sons. In the corner of their eyes, Ansoo noticed the man reaching out for them, quickening the pace of their steps to get out of the guard's arm span. They didn’t slow down till they were a few blocks away from the station.

For the next few days, Ansoo did their best to stay out of site, generally frequenting the more hidden places in the town.

Sleeping in the tunnel that occupied the playground, getting food from vending machines by saying the contraption had eaten their money without giving anything in return. They even managed to find some dropped money. Freshening up in the public toilets in the park, but that did nothing to help the way their clothes looked and smelled.

They arrived at the train station way earlier than they needed, but the wind was frigid and the tunnel that they’d been camping out in was only amplifying its bite. Ansoo pulled out some of the letter paper they had, doodling the people that they watched to pass the time.

A little later an older girl sat on the bench with Ansoo, leaving a gap between them. Placing a few things on the space on the bench, including some food that Ansoo figured was meant to be her breakfast. She grabbed some books that were tattered around the edges from the rough treatment, then proceeded to scribble across the pages rushing to do what looked like homework.

She was still scrawling down answers when another girl called out to her causing her to gather her things, practically skipping over to her friend before going through the gates to start her morning commute.

Ansoo peered around to notice she'd left her food, they waited for her to come back, watched the big hand go halfway around the clock face. She’d left it, right? Ansoo could feel the residual heat warming up their fingers as they picked up the sandwich, ohh it’s sausage and egg, grateful for something other than the snacks from the vending machines. Carefully they placed the food in their bag, deciding to save it for later, but took a sip of the water now finally parching their thirst.

Once the time came Ansoo approached the gates, anxious that the ticket would be rejected again, instead it just pinged as the gate opened, returning the ticket on the other side.

Finding an empty window seat away from everyone else, Ansoo settled down on the train. Propping up their bag as a makeshift pillow and pulling the hood up and cuddling into the jacket, trying to rid of the chill that was still clinging to their body.

After the train began its journey, they peered out the window, watching as the scenery passed by. As the train entered a tunnel, Ansoo stared at their reflection. Eyes were puffy and dark from lack of sleep rather than the black eye, though that was still present, the scratches on their face scanned over and beginning to heal. Ansoo couldn’t help but notice how dull their skin looked, they didn’t understand how someone could look dull till seeing themself like this.

World experience really did make people wise. Maybe that’s why their Dad and Mr Son always had an answer for everything, whether Ansoo thought it made sense or not.

The gentle rocking motion of the train lulled Ansoo to a light sleep, finally able to relax knowing they’d soon be with their friends.

The rest of the ride after they wake is uneventful, content with just watching the world pass by them. As the train rolled into Ansoo's stop, they begrudgingly stood from the seat, just wanting to sit there for a while longer.

Ansoo left the train, went through the turnstile and exited the empty train stop. Beginning their walk, the last part of the trip that Ansoo had to take, they took the sandwich from their satchel. It was cold now, but Ansoo still enjoyed the parcel of food that they'd managed to acquire. The path was quiet, only the occasional sound of birds in the trees and their own light footsteps.

A couple of times Ansoo questioned if they’d gone the right way, feeling as if they were walking without getting any closer to the place they knew. They knew it was far out but was it really this far?

A large tree came into Ansoo's line of sight, it stood proudly at the peak of the steep hill. Suddenly Ansoo started running, their legs carrying them as fast as they could to the place that brought so many memories.

The tree held a hideout amidst its mighty branches. On days that their parents left for work, all the children would gather in the treehouse at it neared the time they’d arrive back, and watch the road winding up to the house. During the Christmas Ansoo and their family stayed with the Son family, the children ambushed their dads with snowballs as they neared the gates. It led to a full-blown war with snow being the weapon of choice. It’s one of Ansoo's favourite memories, one of their most joyous moments of life.

Arriving at the gate, Ansoo located the keypad and rung the bell a few times with no answer before typing in the security code. Beep.

“It’s wrong? Should have figured, it’s been years since we last visited.” Ansoo grumbled, letting their thoughts become physical words, “Hyunwoo said they had a special security system so that people can’t climb over, so that idea is out the window.”

They paced around in front of the gate for a while, hoping someone would come home or spot them on the camera, but in the meanwhile tried to remember the override code. Hyunwoo taught it to them, made Ansoo swear not to tell anyone.

They scrunched up their face in frustration, struggling to remember the correct order of the numbers. 1,5,0,4. 1,5,4,0... Ansoo ran through the combinations still one rung true.

0,5,1,4.

They ran back to the keypad, poking the keys in that order. DING! Ansoo couldn’t help but jump and do a little dance in excitement.

“If you ever have to use that code remember that there is a timer on it. You have to get through the gate, up to the house and type in the code again, otherwise, the security system will react. It’s just a failsafe my dad put into place.”

“What happens if I don’t get there in time?” Ansoo pondered, eyes wide looking up at the older boy

“you die.” Hyunwoo answered monotonously, staring back at Ansoo, no mischievous glint in his eyes to suggest he was joking. He watched as Ansoo face began to contort. He quickly let out a chuckle, ruffling the littlun's hair.

“I’m teasing, I'm teasing. But there is a timer and if you don’t get there in time the police will come chase after you” Hyunwoo joked, crouching slightest waiting for Ansoo to run so he could chase them.

Their breath caught in their throat. Ansoo rushed over to the fence sliding over the deadbolt that was no longer locked in place, sliding it back in place. Then sprinting up to the house. Their lungs burned and knees felt weak but something about that made them feel exhilarated.

Getting to the front door they couldn’t find a keypad, He never told them where the other one was. Ansoo fumbled around, searching feverishly for the other one. It’s nowhere on the porch. They retraced their steps in a panic, they must have missed it on their way up, right? A short way from the house was the post box, a small black box attached to the side of the post.

Ansoo bolted towards it. “YES!” Quickly thumbing in the code. DING! Then another sound they could only describe as something shutting down.

Sighing in relief they made their way back to the house, although what Hyunwoo told them was only a joke, there was something about it that they could never shake off. The way his voice was so deadpan and his eyes stone-cold, Ansoo couldn’t help but feel that his words somehow spoke the truth. Maybe it was just the fact they were only 5 at the time and so incredibly gullible, but even now they can’t help but react as if what Hyunwoo told them was the reality of the situation.

Once Ansoo got back to the house they sat down and leaned on the door only to fall back.

“why is the door unlocked? Have they just watched me run around like a damn headless chicken?”

Ansoo got up with a huff and entered the house, leaving their shoes by the door. Hanging their satchel on the coat rack as they called out that they were home, to alert the others of their presence.

Walking through the house, they searched for anyone who might be home but came up short.

‘Are they outback? It would explain why they couldn’t hear the doorbell’ Ansoo thought as they made their way to the garden behind the house. They peaked their head out the door, calling out to them, but once again received no answer. Slowly, Ansoo emerged from the house, expecting the older boys to jump out at them at any moment.

“Hyunwoo, Hoseok, Changkyun? Are you guys out here? Please don’t jump out at me if you are, I'm really tired.” Ansoo shouted into the empty garden, “Ooh, it's Ansoo by the way, in case you don’t recognise me.”

They waited on the porch for a long period but no one came. Maybe they had extracurricular activities or are studying Ansoo tried to reason.

Plodding back inside deciding it’d be better to wait for them away from the nippy wind that was starting to pick up. “I should probably change out of these clothes too” they grumbled to themselves as they sniffed at themself, “I really stink.” Ansoo went and started a bath before heading toward their rooms. They wouldn’t mind if I borrowed some of their clothes right? Changkyun’s should fit, He’s only a bit older plus he’s kinda short.” They grabbed some clothes that looked comfortable, then headed to get washed up, afterwards finally being able to properly treat their wounds from the car crash.

Patiently they waited for the return of the Son family, but as the time ticked on Ansoo hopes depleted. In the end, they never returned home. Not the day after that, or the next day.

It had been a week alone in the house before Ansoo left the premises, going to see if anyone knew where the family had gone, it turned out they moved away the day before Ansoo arrived. Eventually, word of a lone child living in the house made its way to the authorities and Ansoo ended up in a foster home.

Ansoo refused to talk to any of the social workers, being completely mute for the first 6 months, after that it was only ever curt replies if otherwise unavoidable.

“You’ve been here for over a week now and you've still not said a word, can you at least tell us your name” The woman pleaded.

No answer.

“just your first name even”

Silence.

She sighed adjusting in her seat, resting her elbows on the table, staring at the child in front of her. Narrowing her eyes when that didn’t even cause Ansoo to look her way.

“Okay, how about I just list a bunch of names…” Ansoo just toned her out, it wasn’t until Ansoo heard the signal to know dinner was ready that they became aware of the woman's voice.

“-oo” Ansoo eyes snapped towards her, thinking for a second she said their name.

“Jiwoo? Is that it?” Ansoo just scrunched their face, irritated at themselves for allowing her to elicit a response. The woman took that as a confirmation to her question, “Ahh, I’m glad we finally know what to call you.”

That became Ansoo's name for the years to come, Jiwoo. They got a whole new identity, in a way it was better this way. But Jiwoo was someone Ansoo didn’t know, they were ashamed of the person they'd become. They were angry and bitter, rarely spoke and was brash when they did, reacting to every jab about them being an orphan with violence.

Jiwoo was the dictionary definition of a problem child. Their grades were fine and they didn’t cause a ruckus in class, but outside of that room, a trail of destruction followed them.

The only thing that Jiwoo remotely thought was good was the fact they'd watch over the younger kids from the foster home and others that they happened to see getting bullied, yet that didn’t mean Jiwoo dealt with it in an appropriate manner. Jiwoo knew though, that it was just an excuse to let out their anger.

Even after leaving school, and getting a job, Jiwoo's aptitude for finding fights never ceased, it was surprising they ended up seeing the inside of a cell.

One thing that never changed was writing letters, whenever they felt really lost they’d write a letter to their old friend Hyunwoo. It was the only time that Jisoo became Ansoo again. Over the years, they’d forgotten the importance of who this person was, all they knew is they found comfort in them. The last thing stopping Ansoo from completely losing themself, even if they no longer remembered who Hyunwoo was, Ansoo would be forever grateful for having this person in their life.

Jiwoo now lived in a rough area, not being able to afford anywhere else with their minimum wage convenience store job. Jiwoo didn’t mind too much since they could do late hours when there were few customers and most of the ones that came in were people stopping in on their way home from drinking.

It looked like this was what it was going be like tonight.

Jiwoo was on their way home after a long shift, in the wee hours of the morning, too tired to take notice in the ongoings around them. Too absorbed in their thought to realise an especially shady looking person follow them into the alleyway that they often took as a shortcut.

There was a sudden shock of something cold on their neck and a sharp pain as it pushed into the skin of Jiwoo's neck.

Fuck. It's a knife, this is a first.

“Empty your pockets! The assailant demanded, Jiwoo held up their hands “I don’t have anything.”

“I’ll slit your fucking throat, empty your pockets!” They spat, pressing the blade further into Jiwoo's throat, it was dangerously close to the carotid artery.

Slowly Jiwoo started to pull the cheap years old phone out of their pants pockets, “Place it on the floor”, they leant down the pressure on their neck alleviating. Cleaning their neck slightly to see the person, quickly snapping their leg out behind them, it landing flatly on the person's stomach.

Jiwoo swivelled so they were now facing the perpetrator, watching as they stumbled back. Jiwoo readying themself in a deep fighting stance. The person lunged.

The knife slicing in the space between them erratically. Dodge. Parry. Punch. Stinging. Jiwoo fumbled back. They stabbed Jiwoo in the gut. Slash. There was a searing heat. Then the ground was coming up to met Jiwoo, and fast. They crash into the floor, barely able to protect their head from the fall. It was cold. Everywhere but the wounds on Jiwoo’s torso felt freezing. There was so much blood, it was drenching their clothes, creating a puddle around them.

Their eyesight was being fuzzy, their senses numb other than the heat and pain.

There was a large shadow cast over Jiwoo, struggling to look up at what was plunging Jiwoo into the ever faster approaching darkness. They saw a large figure approaching them, both tall and broad. There was no energy or power left, Jiwoo couldn’t react, left completely defenceless as they lost consciousness.

[marvelmusingsbyhertz]

It’s a Mob World

A/N: I don’t know why all of these are just.. Coming to me right now, but IDC because they are burning my loins. So here’s a new series I’m starting up with Mob!Steve, because I don’t read enough of those and honestly to be honest, I find the idea of sorta dark Steve and a gangsters world with him in it absolutely perfect. I don’t know how long this’ll be and I gotta give a HUGE credit to both @revengingbarnes and her AMAZING series, Petals and Bullets, and to the amazing writer, @winchest09 for her series, Life for Rent, who both inspired me greatly and are true inspirations to every writer out there. If you’re into Bucky or Dean Winchester as a mob-boss, go check those out!

On with the story!

  WARNINGS FOR THE FULL SERIES: Smut, blood, violence, language, a lot of NSFW, fluff, a lil’ angst

MASTERLIST

STEVE ROGERS MASTERLIST

Pairings: Mob!Steve x Reader

Warnings: language, mentions of NSFW

Steve took the last gulp of his whisky, as he waited patiently for Bucky to talk. They’d been at it for a few minutes, him waiting and Bucky squirming – it was the classic “who bends first” they had played since they were kids.

“Alright, so, here’s the thing.” Bucky exhaled the words, almost annoyed at himself for breaking before Steve. Steve smirked and cocked an eyebrow. “Yes, my dear?” Bucky rolled his eyes and rested his elbows on the dark, wooden desk in Steve’s office. “We need some sort of cover and help. We can’t keep moving like this, Tony refuses to bargain at the moment and we’ve lost traction. We need the help, Steve.” Steve leaned back in his chair, looking at Bucky.

“What do you propose, Buck?” he asked, his voice laced with annoyance. He knew Bucky was right, but it fucking annoyed him – the… Company… was headed into a downward spiral, and they needed to get back on top. Even Hydra seemed to be overtaking you, and you desperately needed an alliance with Stark, even if it made your blood boil to work with the pompous asshole.

Bucky sighed.

“So, we know Tony – and pretty much anyone else in the trade – likes their women. I suggest we get one on board.” Steve chuckled darkly. “And how would you do that? If you recall, the last woman we had here, put Sam in prison for a good, few weeks.” Bucky nodded absentmindedly. “I know. But, there’s a solution.” Steve looked coldly at him. What kind of solution could there be – every woman he’d ever brought in, fucked or done anything else with, had tried to run with secrets.

“There’s this… Firm.” Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky. “Are you expecting me to buy myself a good, little slut, who’d be willing to let me fuck her and not run with secrets?” Bucky nodded.

“It’s different. It’s handled by Black Widow. She’s training every single girl to the utmost standard, she’s the best and only offers the best.” Steve leaned forwards. “Color me intrigued.” Bucky smiled.

“I already talked to her. The rates are high, but we only need a girl for a month or two, then we’re done with forming the fucking alliances, and she’s gone. She’s going to be ready for anything and everything, and whoever we chose will keep secrets. All the girls have different faces to put on, a different personality, so if we need a headstrong, smart one, she’s got one.”

Steve sighed.

“You’re sure it’ll work?” Bucky nodded eagerly. “We’re out of options, bud.” He simply said.

Steve sighed deeply and poured himself a glass of whisky.

“Then you better get the best.”

  A few days had gone by, and Steve was currently running through every single option in his head – it seemed like the most idiotic decision to make, but it’d might be worth it in the other end. Either way, the girl, Y/N Y/L/N, was on her way to the Rogers Mansion as he trotted through the many halls.

He didn’t know much, other than she was supposed to be the best of the best. She had information on pretty much everything and everyone, and he was intrigued by her – he didn’t even know what she looked like, but he didn’t really care. As long as she got the job done, he’d be fine.

He heard a car pull up to the front of the house, and sighed – show’s on.

“Welcome to the Mansion.” Bucky’s voice rang through the front hall, as he led a woman in – he was carrying bags and suitcases, while she daintily walked in behind him. “And this monster in the shadows is your employer and your… Well, everything in the next few months, Steve Rogers.” Steve looked at the woman before him.

She was stunning, he had to admit. Her hair was elegant and her makeup minimal – a black dress hugged every curve on her body, and her shoes made him want her wrapped around him, her heels digging into his ass. He smiled politely and stretched out a hand for her to shake. She smiled softly and cocked an eyebrow at him – she was sizing him up.

“Hi, Mr. Rogers.” Her voice was soft and silky, and he almost got goosebumps from the seductively Mr. Rogers. “You can call me Steve.” She smiled gently at him. Bucky cleared his throat. “Should I just carry these to the guestroom?” Steve was about to nod, when Y/N stepped in with a sly smile. “Actually, if it’s not too much of an issue, I’d like it to stay in whatever room, my lovely employer might be staying. It’s vital I get to know pretty much everything, and I’d hate to walk back and forth.” Steve cocked an eyebrow. So, she was playing? He’d play along, at least for a bit. “Get whoever’s on call to help you and move an extra bed into the bedroom. She’d need sleep at some point, I’m guessing.” Bucky nodded and started carrying the first of the suitcases to the back stairs, leading to the master bedroom.

Steve gestured for Y/N to follow him. “let’s talk business, shall we?” she nodded and followed him into the office.

“Gorgeous.” She breathed as she stepped inside. She was right, of course. The office was kept in light, creamy tones, expect for the wall of bookcases and the desk, which were in a deep mahogany. Steve pointed at the chair in front of the desk, as he moved to sit in his own chair. She sat down and smoothed an invisible wrinkle out and laid her hands perfectly in her lap.

“So….” Steve didn’t know where to start. He’d never dealt with this before. She smirked at him. “New in this?” he nodded. “Alright. So, let’s get the obvious out of the way. Yes, I’m an escort, no, I don’t only fuck and keep secrets for money, yes, I know how to handle myself in this world, and yes, you will need to read and sign my contract.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her small bag and handed it to him. “I’m down for whatever, but I need a little notice first. I’m good to go for mostly anything, I just hate guns, so don’t hand me one. If, and only in the biggest of if’s, I have to kill someone, I’d prefer a knife.” She thought for a second and then added: “Oh, and I don’t do anal. At least not with just one man.” Steve nearly choked on his drink. Fuck, she was more headstrong than he’d imagined. “Alright. So, all I need right now is to tell you what this job is.” She leaned back and crossed her legs, listening intently. “I need you to be extra eyes and ears for me. Help with a trade-off, and possibly to dismantle the entirety of Hydra.” She nodded. “This will mean I need you to pretend to be a part of my life. I need you to act like a devoted and smart girlfriend, and I need you to come along to the trade I’ve got with Stark within a week.” She nodded again. “Any specifics I should know?” He grinned at her. She was eager, and he liked it. “A few details. I’ll have a file brought to you, so you’d know what the deal is and who we are.” She snorted and rolled her eyes.

“I know who you are, Steve Rogers. Mob-boss of Brooklyn, you’ve killed and maimed more people than can be counted. After you lost your parents, you took over the business with your best friend, James “Bucky” Barnes, and have been running it somewhat fairly for a while. A few hiccups here and there, until last year, where some girl apparently infiltrated you, got your secrets and gave them to Hydra. From what I know, she’s dead, Hydra’s thriving and have been successful in taking over as the crime boss. You mostly deal with arsenal, weapons and state secrets. Have I missed anything?” Steve was taken aback and slightly impressed. “You’ve studied.” She shrugged. “Part of the job.”

He smiled and stood up, her contract still in his hand. “Well, let me show you around.” She smiled. “I’d love that, honey.” He chuckled at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

This could be fun.

LIKE THIS OR WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST? LET ME KNOW!

TAGLIST: @wembley1986 @getthismoose    

[redemptiionss]

For the ask, Voltron,Lorura, and Lotor :)

Thank you anon!! Okay let’s see:

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my: (Voltron)

Favorite character: Lotor 💜

Least Favorite character: Zarkon & Haggar.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): I’ll be honest, Lotura is the only pairing I ship in VLD, really. BUT I do like:

Shallura

Pidgance

and that’s it.

Character I find most attractive: Lotor hands down, but Shiro is extremely attractive too…. Both are the top two attractive guys in VLD tbh.

Character I would marry: Shiro is the most marriageable character tbh, but I’d still marry Lotor tho lol.

Character I would be best friends with: Allura, I hope. & Lance too because he seems super fun to be friends with.

a random thought: #saveLotor2k18 (also that S7/S8 better fix S6.)

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is unpopular, but Shiro should remain as the Black Paladin, the White Lion is Allura’s thing, and stop switching the Lions. Also Lotor and Kuron deserved better.

My Canon OTP: Lotura.

My Non-canon OTP: Lotura.

Most Badass Character: Imo Allura, Shiro, & Lotor are the most badass characters in VLD. I’m not just speaking about their skills alone, but also based on what they’ve endured, all of their pain & sufferings, what they’ve had to sacrifice, whether voluntarily or not– and their strength, perseverance, and determination. So I don’t think I can pick just one.

Most Epic Villain: Haggar. she seems to be playing the long game here.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Allu*ance. (I do not like K*ance or S*eith either.) I am only censoring the names because I don’t want this to end up in their tags just because I mentioned them, you never know with Tumblr’s screwy tagging system.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Honestly, If they leave s6 as it is, then it’s going to be Lotor that they really screwed up. I’m hoping that this won’t be the case.

Favourite Friendship: Shiro & Keith.

Character I most identify with: Idk tbh? I don’t think there’s really anyone in the show that I personally identify with.

Character I wish I could be: Allura ‘cos she got to spend time with & kiss Lotor Just kiddin. I really do hope that they’ll let her truly be happy instead of just snatching it all away /: I really do admire her strength & determination, her bravery and loyalty. I also admire that she’s making an effort to move past her prejudice & racism (specism?). I know I could never deal with things as well as her if I had gone through half the things she has. Also Altean Alchemy… and shapeshifting. Super cool.

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you: (Lotura)

When I started shipping them: I started shipping them around s4, before there was any Lotor/Allura interaction. I was like, woah what’s this? I saw that they seemed to have a lot in common and I felt that there was a TON of potential there, especially if they ever interacted.

My thoughts: SUCH AESTHETIC OMG. Also they would honestly be the ultimate power couple.

What makes me happy about them: They complement each other so well. They’re basically the only ones who can truly relate to & understand each other, due to being children of royalties, their shared heritage + culture, their connection to their parents… They were able to open up to each other in ways that they weren’t able to with others. They built each other up, supported each other, helped each other to grow and become stronger. They were truly equals. Allura was the one who made the first moves towards Lotor, not to mention that it was the first time Lotor was able to experience a mutual, healthy, & trusting relationship with someone. It. was. all. real.

What makes me sad about them: S6. Damn, it just had to ruin everything, huh? I still believe that there’s hope, though.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: When they make Lotor out to be some OOC abusive villain. Chances are that I’m not going to read it if the author is just going to butcher Lotor’s character. Also when Lotura is tagged but it isn’t the even the main pairing, but rather it’s a side pairing or a post-pairing.

Things I look for in fanfic: Some sweet, sweet fics centered around Lotor & Allura’s character & relationship. Grief, angst, hurt/comfort, redemption, romance, fluff…. Unfortunately they’re difficult to find, especially sfw ones. One of the only good things that came out of s6 is more Lotura content being produced tbh.

My wishlist: 1) reconciliation 2) COMMUNICATION, no jumping to conclusions! 3) redemption (depends on what the truth really is– whether he actually needs it or not) 4) an bone crushing embrace. 5) hand!! holding!!! 6) another kiss! w no interruptions! 6) TRUE. AND. WELL-DESERVED. HAPPINESS. for the both of ‘em! 7) bridal carry?!?! that’d be so cute lol.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: What are you talking about? They’re the only ones for each other. They’re meant to be.

My happily ever after for them: Married & bringing along an new era of peace and prosperity in the galaxy as the Emperor & Empress of the Galtean Empire, dealing with reparations for all the devastation & loss from Zarkon’s reign, reforming the Galran culture, possibly bringing it back to what it once was(?) before Zarkon. Also. CUTE MINI ALLURAS & LOTORS. Lotor would be the father that he never had, he would be so deeply in love with Allura & adore his children so greatly.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you: (Lotor)

How I feel about this character: I. Love. Him. I see so much potential in him, so much.. goodness shining out of him in despite of his moral greyness, and I truly believed that his story was going to be about breaking the cycle that resulted from Zarkon’s betrayal, Alfor’s death, the destruction of Altea, and the neverending conquest of the galaxy… and most importantly, the cycle of abuse (Zarkon: the abuser & Haggar: the abuser, and Lotor, the victim– who doesn’t have to become like Zarkon– who despised his father so much that he displayed contempt every time he was compared to him.) I hope it will still be so. I mean, it’s honestly a miracle that he even turned out this well. Truthfully I didn’t realize how invested I became in him until s6. That was… awful.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Allura only, always, and forever.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Hmmm I’d say Axca. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: Lotor isn’t evil or a villain, nor is he nonredeemable.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish s6 had happened differently.

Favorite friendship for this character: Allura. (I’d like to see him interact with Keith too, I feel that there’s a lot of potential there, also that it’d be really interesting. Also I’d like to see him be friends with Shiro too.)

My crossover ship: Don’t have one.

[g0ldpainted]

17th December - CtC’17

Ignis cheating on his S/O Part 2

Here it is, part 2 for Ignis! Part one can be found here

1st Part ; 2nd Part  // Noctis cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Gladio cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Prompto cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Ravus cheating

Words: 2.2k+

Genre: Angst, betrayal, moving on, overcoming the pain, staying together

Spoilers: None

Trigger warnings: pregnancy, depression

."No! Ignis, I don't want her to spend Christmas with us!" Ignis' wife shouted at him while they were arguing in the kitchen, cleaning the plates as they spoke.

For the past month, he had been bothering her about inviting Stella to their Christmas celebration. After she brought the idea up, he didn't seem to dislike it nearly as much as his wife hoped he would. It was the polar opposite, actually. Ignis thought I'd be great to invite the mother of his three-year-old daughter. The spouses' kids loved her, too. They'd probably appreciate having her over since they grew so close. But their mother, Ignis' wife certainly didn't want the one that ruined her perfect family life to spend such a meaningful holiday with them. To her, she was nothing but a nuisance - even after almost four years since she discovered his infidelity.

"But the children would love to see her!" he argued back, not yet shouting but certainly raising his voice, "I assure you it'd improve the evening greatly."

"It definitely won't! You know that I don't want to see her face!" she returned, not lowering her voice yet, "She hasn't spent the past four Christmas' with us, she won't spend this one with us!" 

Those four years were far more of a challenge than she ever anticipated. The bright colors she used to see her life in were still gone. Ever since that night his lies were uncovered, her heart felt heavy. Taking care of a child that wasn't hers drained all her energy. Each time she glanced at the baby's face, she only saw Stella. She couldn't help but imagine her husband and his affair having sex. It repeatedly broke her heart, was a constant reminder of how her love was never good enough, how he only cared about his needs instead of his family's.

"I advise you should keep yourself together then. Our children would appreciate the company. They haven't seen her in a while," he quite calmly replied, coldly staring into his lover's eyes, "You shouldn't be selfish on Christmas."

It was true, Stella hadn't visited them as of lately. She usually came around to look after her daughter at least once a week. Ignis' wife always hid in their shared bedroom when she was around. She couldn't stand looking at that young female. She couldn't stand witnessing how her children were crowding around her, smiling, happy to see her. Those were moments in which her depression skyrocketed. It made her feel like she wasn't needed. All she wanted was to turn back time and stop him from ever entering that bar.

"Excuse me..?!" she snapped, dropping the towel she was holding onto the counter, glaring at him, "Did you just call me selfish?!"

"In a way, I did," he replied, sighing before he continued to wash some dishes, avoiding her eyes.

At that, her mouth dropped agape. If anything, she had been the least selfish over the past years. She always cared for their kids, even when she was having a very depressive phase, always put on a smile for them when Stella came around, did more household chores, gave Ignis a second chance. Once again, she felt unappreciated.

"You were the one that cheated on me for three whole months! And now you tell me I'm selfish because I refuse to be around your affair?!" she shouted into his face, shaking her head in disbelief.

"You should calm down.." he murmured, scrubbing the dishes clean, "I was just trying to point out that we should focus on what's best for our children."

Ignis was far from oblivious to her mental state. He knew she was still struggling and suffering from depression. To support her, he ensured to always be available for her, made sure to put her before anyone else. Whenever she broke down at night, he wanted nothing more than to embrace her, make her feel better, dry her tears. It broke his heart to see her cry. If he could, he would erase all mistakes. His biggest one was having a child with his affair, it was what hurt his wife most. She didn't hesitate to tell him.

"I can't! Ignis, I can't!" she cried out, tears filling her eyes all the sudden.

To hide them, she lowered her head and glanced at her swollen stomach. 7 months. She was 7 months pregnant with their child. The third child they wanted so bad when they had their second… and even years later. But it stopped mattering to Ignis' wife when she found out his third child would be carried by an affair, Stella. To ensure he wouldn't see any tears, she leaned her elbow on the counter, hiding her face in her hand right after.

"I've spent the past years completely neglecting my own needs, it's always only about our children.." she murmured, accidentally sobbing in between words, "And you tell me I'm selfish."

"Perhaps my wording was a bit far fetched.." he suddenly said, glancing over at his wife with softening eyes, "Our children just really want to see her again.. And I'm sure she'd love to show up."

"It's either her or me - we're not both going to eat at that table and pretend we're a happy family like we always do," she said, lightly shaking her head, "Who do you want to see at the table?"

"Dear.. of course, you," he didn't hesitate to reply.

"Good,.. Now could you please drop the topic?" his wife demanded, her voice threatening to crack.

"Yes.." he murmured, cleaning the last plate off. 

"I'll go to bed.." she announced, a few tears escaping her eyes as she felt her stomach twist from being upset - again. 

Throughout her pregnancy, arguing with Ignis became an almost daily thing. She was even more sensitive now and most times he didn't understand. To him, it seemed that everything he did was wrong and that in return frustrated him. Whenever she saw Stella now, she blatantly started crying, getting overwhelmed by her emotions. Although the couple spoke about everything, tried to rebuild the trust that was lost through it, he was still having a hard time understanding her - at least right now. But he loved her with all his heart, so he tried his hardest to find the right words when speaking to her. However, he failed most of the time. Nonetheless, he was still her knight in shining armor, her prince charming.. It was just a little unfortunate that he couldn't keep his pants zipped.

"I'll be right there.." he replied, carefully stuffing the plates in the cabinet. 

"Whatever.." she breathed out, shrugging as she left their kitchen and walked over to their bedroom - she needed to cool off.

She didn't enjoy her pregnancy, wasn’t even happy about finding out she was expecting another child. Sure, she loved when she felt her little bean kick her, definitely had a loving bond with it.. But she simply wasn't excited about giving birth. She was rather dreading it. At this rate, it only meant more work to her. Work that would pay off.. But still work.

While she was getting ready, hopped into her pajamas and brushed her teeth, her stomach still ached. All these arguments stressed her, gave her anxiety. Even though she knew Ignis wouldn't ever leave her, she still feared he would. And whenever her kids asked for Stella, she felt like she was getting replaced, it made her sad. Even sadder than she already was. And then there was Ignis' and Stella's child.. She couldn't take looking at that beautiful face. But the kid was so young, it still needed constant attention, she couldn't dodge it when Ignis wasn't around. Those three factors stressed her so immensely, her body got sick from it.

Eventually, her sadness took over once again. She had been feeling so useless lately, she couldn’t hold it back anymore - she just let her tears run freely. After a few minutes passed by, she went to bed as a sobbing mess. The thoughts in her head were making her feel even worse. It was so bad she even considered leaving Ignis for a moment. Sometimes she really contemplated getting divorced.. Simply because this whole situation took a toll on her that she couldn't take anymore. Or at least it sometimes felt like she couldn't. But the thought of being all alone again, having no one to rely on anyhow, was even worse. She loved him with all of her heart. And of course, her children, too.

It didn't take long before Ignis followed her. He had already dressed in his pajamas in another bathroom and just headed right into their bed. She was still crying, holding on to her baby bump for some comfort. He noticed right away.

"Love.. I never intended to hurt you" Ignis apologized, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. 

"You just keep bringing this back up, although you know I hate her" she cried out, "You slept with her, multiple times, of course I don't want her to eat with us."

"I asked to get a definite answer" he explained, squeezing her shoulder softly, "You kept replying that you'll think about it before."

Knowing it was true, she just sighed. 

"Are you having bad thoughts again?" he wondered, slowly cuddling up to her to provide comfort. 

"Yes.." she admitted, biting her lip hard.

"Do you want to share?" he continued to ask, wrapping one of his arms around her to pull her closer to his body.

While Ignis admittedly tended to have a hard time understanding her every now and then, he still cared deeply. He wanted to be there for her as much as he possibly could. This was his fault.. Being there for her was the least he could do.

"I.. I just feel so useless.." she breathed out, trying to relax in his arms, "Our kids seem to love Stella more than me.. Especially your daughter.. Which is no surprise. But I'm just.. I'm just a waste of space."

"That's not true.. You're their mother. They love you more than anyone else," he whispered into her ear, gently kissing her neck afterward.

"But maybe I'm a bad mother.. Worse than Stella and that's why they love her.." she rambled on, wiping some of her tears away.

"No, love, you're an amazing mother. You're very admirable for all you've done. From bearing them to giving birth, to taking care of them. Whenever I see you interact with them, I can't help but melt. Your gentleness and wonderful smile make my heart skip a beat," he tried to erase her worries, "Please be assured that you're the best mother anyone could ever wish for."

"But what about your daughter?.. I.. I'm trying so hard to be good enough for her.. But I just can't seem to meet her expectations.." she whined, slowly shifting her body around to face him instead, “And I don’t even know if I want to meet her expectations..”

"That's not true. She might seem distanced.. But let me share her secret with you.." he said as he glanced right into his wife's eyes, "She wants to be like you. She highly admires you."

The moment he said that tears fell from her eyes again. 

"And what about you? Don't you think you could just replace me with Stella?" she softly asked, speaking out her worries.

"By the astrals,.. No. I could never," he quickly replied, "I love you. We've been together for fourteen years now.. And I never once even wasted a thought about leaving you.. Because I could never do so. You're.. All I could ever wish for. From head to toe, inside to outside - you're a gorgeous woman, I adore you. Always have, always will. On top of that, you granted me two-- no.. Three children. How on earth should I be able to replace someone so wonderful like you?"

"Okay.." she whispered, not knowing what else to say, "I.. - thank you."

"I love you with all of my heart" he mumbled before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, "And I'm sorry if I hurt you. You're the most selfless person I know. I shouldn't have called you selfish when you've done so much for our family. Believe me, I appreciate it all."

After exchanging a few ever so loving kisses and Ignis rubbing her back, she started calming down and almost immediately fell asleep. She was so exhausted, she slept through Ignis' alarms, didn't even flinch when he slowly let go of her to sneak into the bathroom. It was some much-needed sleep that she needed to finally restore some of her energy. When she woke up, prepared to make some late breakfast, she stumbled across cute little notes Ignis left for her.

 'You're the worlds most beautiful woman.' 

'I hope you had a great sleep and that you're ready to conquer the world today, my queen.' 

'Be careful if you're heading out, your beauty might blind some people.' 

'I prepared some breakfast for our mini-me's. It's in the microwave. P.S.: You might want to open the fridge.' 

All of them made her smile. Those were the little things she absolutely loved. Ignis randomly chose to surprise her every now and then. That was how he showed his appreciation and love. And that he actually made her favorite dessert and their children's favorite breakfast really warmed her heart.

They were still fighting for their love, still tended to have stupid arguments, but they still stuck together like no one else. But nonetheless, only time will tell if they are strong enough to truly survive this.

2nd December ; 3rd December ; 4th December ; 5th December ; 6th December ; 7th December ; 8th December ; 9th December ; 10th December ; 11th December ; 12th December ; 13th December ; 14th December ; 15th December ; 16th December ; 17th December ; 18th December ; 19th December ; 20th December ; 21st December ; 22nd December ; 23rd December ; 24th December ; 25th December

Masterlist ; 1st Part ; 2nd Part  // Noctis cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Gladio cheating 1 ; 2  ; 3 // Prompto cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Ravus cheating

[theconstableodo-blog]

1-20 ( 20 being whatever you want to talk about (: )

1. What makes you the most emotional about your muse?

This would be a great moment to apologize for the utter shippy trash I am. Because what makes me the most emotional about Odo is his love for one particular Bajoran woman. It was agony watching this slow build of their relationship throughout the series. It was obvious how much he cared for her, but he kept getting in his own way, and then when it happens, and then the FINALE, and . . . there’s a lot. To boil it down, however, I would honestly say that his loneliness makes me the most emotional. It’s deep-rooted, and he obviously craves affection and attention. It’s a part of his species to be intimately linked to one another, and he’s someone who’s been living without that part of his biology for years. 

2: What made you decide to write this muse?

Originally, I wasn’t going to write anyone in Deep Space 9. I was very much a Star Trek: The Original Series snob. I had watched Voyager and thought it was okay. I’d seen a few episodes of TNG and enjoyed some of the elements they were using, but again, nothing could match the feeling I received when watching TOS. I watched some of ENT when I was younger and didn’t much care for it. My GF finally made me sit down and start DS9 despite my initial belief that DS9 was the worst Trek show ever made. Odo was a character I found amusing from the very beginning. As the show went on, and I came to enjoy each character’s arch and development, as well as the overall story, my personal attachment to the Constable grew. I tend to have a type of character that I am drawn to when I write which is the Byronic Hero. Odo ticks a lot of those boxes for me, so it was really only inevitable that I’d want to make him mine. Not to mention, after watching “Chimera,” which was one of the best LGBT+ episodes ever aired in anything ever, and I began to see Odo as a trans symbol–and bring trans myself–this added an additional layer that spoke to me in a way that many of my muses have before.

3. If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

THE ENDING. (LOOK AWAY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT FINISHED DS9.) There is absolutely no reason, besides shockfactor and emotional turmoil, why Odo could not return to DS9 after he healed his people. But Odo-mun, he needed to spend time educating his people about why humanoids should be spared. Yes. This is true. But do you know how quickly conversation occurs between changelings? It’s CRAZY FAST. At most, such a conversation would take a day. I have a difficult time believing that after EVERYTHING (and especially Chimera) that Odo would just leave Kira, his friends, and his home. SO, I would change the ending of the series finale. At the very least, he would RETURN. 

4. If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

5. If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

Fanfiction.net or AO3. He’d have a ball. 

6. If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

This was already done, BUT, I would take away his ability to shapeshift. I would love to see him in a solid form for an extended period of time, if not forever. It’d be something he’d have to learn and require help with learning, and I think in some ways, it would have helped develop his character even more. 

7. If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

SHAPESHIFTING ABILITIES. I mean, come on, is that even a question? I would love to be able to morph into ANYTHING. 

8. Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

YES. ODO DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS. He’s pretty easy to make happy. Just give him Nerys, the ability to have children, and a finite life, so he doesn’t have to live for centuries without her. 

9. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I’m a sadist more so than a masochist. So, I don’t mind putting him through some troubled waters, but I can only stand pain for so long, so I prefer happy endings for him, and thus, me. We’ve seen his heart break a few times. Nerys dying. Nerys being with another man--happily, I might add. And I think just general isolation. Odo may pride himself on being an introvert and private, but I think if he was truly alone, he’d be absolutely miserable. 

10. What do you love about your muse?

His humor, first and foremost. Odo is a funny guy, even if the others don’t necessarily notice or appreciate it. I also love his passion. Not just for Nerys, but for his job. He pursues his goals with relentless ferocity. Plus, as a writer, his search for home and understanding and acceptance of himself is delicious to sink one’s teeth into, so I thoroughly enjoy that as well.

11. What do you hate about your muse?

It’s difficult for me to say that I hate anything about Odo, but one aspect that I find difficult to be okay with is his Linking with others without much thought towards the consequences. It’s understandable to a degree, since the Link is a powerful aspect to his people and likely to his physiology, but particularly when he’s involved with Nerys, he doesn’t take the time to inform her that he intends to Link with–in this case–the character of Laas. One might say it’s because he doesn’t understand the implications of what Linking might mean to Nerys, but for someone who has loved her as long as he has, I would think that he’d want to make sure he didn’t do anything that might upset her. Especially since he claims that seeing her upset greatly upsets him in return.

12. What about your muse amuses you?

LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Dry, sardonic humor is my JAM, and Odo is full of it. Dark? Yup. Snarky? Yup. Dry as a desert? You got it. It helps that Rene is a comedic actor as well, so he really understands how to use body language and such to add to the humor of Odo. Not to mention, Odo’s utter inability to be smooth when it comes to the person of his affections and his general discomfort in social settings. First of all, relatable. Second? Hilarious.

13. What about your muse makes you sad?

This was basically mentioned before, but his loneliness. 

14. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

“Don’t be put off by his face, he’s a shapeshifter that doesn’t do faces very well. You’ll enjoy his voice, but don’t overly stare at him. He’s pretty quiet but has a dry and dark sense of humor, so if he seems like being he’s an ass . . . he either is, or he’s just being funny.” 

15. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Odo and I have a few things in common like solving murders (I watch way too much Investigation Discovery) and reading smutty novels. Our humor is also pretty similar. So, I think we’d get on great. We can be awkward friends together and just sit in silence. Perfect friendship, really.

16. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I’m a little less tongue-tied when it comes to ladies. (’A little’ mind.) I would say he’s better in his ability to relentlessly pursue something. I get tired or lose interest after awhile, but he’s like a dog with a bone and refuses to stop his pursuit until he’s reached his goal. 

17. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

Because we are very similar, and he’s become a sort of Trans icon for me. Also, I have a weird attraction to rough and growly voices. 

18. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

I think he would agree with me in saying that his ability to examine something without feeling pulled to either side and making judgment calls is pretty important. Although he has his flaws, by and large, he can be pretty blind when it comes to justice and order. Odo is also mindful of his pursuit of that justice. He’s very Batman like in his belief that a criminal should be caught alive and tried rather than simply killed. So, his strict sense of morality, I suppose, would be the best way to describe it. 

19.  If you had to judge your muse and sentence them to a “fair” fate, what would your judgement be? Would you punish them? Reward them? How?

I JUDGE THEE TO AN EVERLASTING LIFE WITH SHE WHOM THEE LOVE UNTIL THE CELESTIAL TEMPLE OPENS AND WELCOMES THOU BOTH WITHIN ITS WALLS. THOU LIFE SHALL BE FILLED WITH LOVE AND LAUGHTER OF CHILDREN.

20. What’s a headcanon you have about your muse?

After playing so many sets with Vic, Odo was able to learn how to actually play the piano. As such, he and Nerys jam it out on their holosuite dates now and then. (This is purely based on the fact that Rene is a classically trained pianist.) 

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 13 – The Birth of Responsible Neil Josten

In which our favourite angsty runaway finally starts being useful, Andreil engage in some hot ab-touching, Wymack Knows™ things and I sense yet more Hufflepuffs dawning on the horizon.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

The enw chapter starts and already we have to witness shit that I am decidedly not liking:

Nicky being super fucking miserable.

           “We shouldn’t have come here,” Nicky said, sounding as wretched as he looked. (…) “What have I done?”

NOOOOOOOOO MY SUNSHINE SON

On the long, long list of why I fucking hate Drake’s guts, “He made Nicky sad” is one point I am especially angry about having to add.

You know, apart from all the obvious fuckery.

Thankfully, I can trust my man Josten to stop Nicky from sinking down further into the Guilt Depression Pit:

           “You didn’t do anything,” Neil said. (…) “You didn’t know this was going to happen. None of us did. If we’d known, we wouldn’t have come.”

That’s what I was bloody saying. Thank you, Sir Runaway Angst Lord, for finally agreeing with me on something.

Also where’s this sudden rush of being the voice of reason coming from?

           “It doesn’t make sense that Drake would come here. Higgins was here a month ago. Why wait so long, and why risk it? The police can track a cross-country plane ticket easily.”

That’s……. actually a very good point I had not considered before.

Why was Drake there? To “””make amends””” with his “””little brother””” (my toenails are rolling just typing that word), sure – but why now?

There’s more to this. WHAT IS IT.

No time to deal with this now – for now, we are dealing with Andrew getting sent on a nice lil vacation to Fun Anti-Mania Rehab.

           Kevin fixed Betsy with a stunned look. “It’s too early. What do you think you’re doing?”

           “The right thing,” Betsy said.

HELL YEAH SHE IS.

Bless Betsy Dobson for turning cliché action movie lines into lines that make me actually emotional.

           “Who will take care of Kevin if I’m gone? I can’t trust him wandering around here by himself, and Coach can’t be with him all the time. Kevin’s kind of a full-time job.” (…)

           “I’ll watch him,” Neil said.

BITCH WHAT.

           “What do you think you are saying? What are you trying to do?”

           “Take responsibility,” Neil said in German.

BITCH WHAT.

“VERANTWORTUNG ÜBERNEHMEN”, DIGGAH WAS.

I did not know you vocabulary even included that word.

Our boy??? Is finally starting to be responsible, adult and useful??? WHAT IS THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I AM WITNESSING.

           “If I was going to leave I would have done so at the banquet when Riko called me by my name,” Neil said. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t think about it, but I decided to stay. I trusted you more than I was scared of him. So trust me now if you can. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take care of Kevin until you return.”

Cause of death: This.

Responsible Neil, where did you suddenly come from?? And most importantly, how can we make sure you don’t transform back into Angsty and Dramatic Neil??

           “You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I’ll trust you with his life?”

           “Then don’t tust ‘Neil’”, Neil said. “Trust me.”

           “Oh, but who are you? Do you have a name?”

           “If you need one, call me Abram.”

Oh my goooood.

Neil giving out his birth name (or parts of it) to Andrew just adds a whole ‘nother level of intimacy, rawness and seriousness to this exchange.

It also adds another level of I can’t fucking deal with this.

           With so many people watching them Neil couldn’t life his shirt. He did the next best thing and dragged one of Andrew’s hands under the hem. He pressed Andrew’s palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen.

Touching!!!!!!!!! On his scars!!!!! Which no one has ever even seen!!!!! And Andrew gets to motherfucking touch them!!!! TOUCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Andreil heart is having a fucking rave, you guys.

           “Do you understand?” Neil asked. “Nothing Riko does will make me leave him. We will both be here when you get back.”

IM FUCKNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember when I had huge Kevandreil feels way back in the beginning/middle of the first book? Remember that?? REMEMBER????

I’m still not set on whether I ship it romantically, sexually or just hardcore-platonically (although I’m leaning to the latter), but just – THE DYNAMICS, YOU GUYS.

You can always sign me the fuck up for a good triumvirate.

And of course, not even Andrew can say no to an offer when it comes in the form of some good ab-touching, and just like that, he leaves for rehab.

Godspeed, my manic murder kitten – please come back happier, healthier, yet hopefully just as full of sass. <3

There’s a little thing at the end of this exchange, though, that is quickly glossed over but that caught my attention, and that is Wymack being a perceptive bastard:

           “Hopefully hearing about all of this (…) will get [Aaron] moving, but who knows when it comes to those two? Speaking of unpredictable assholes, when did that happen?”

           “When did what?” Neil asked.

           Wymack eyes him. “Forget it.”

Is he……….. already hinting at Neil and Andrew having A Thing………….. Wymack Knows™.

Did I mention I love that guy recently? #dicksoutforperceptivebastards

           “What about the season?” Kevin asked. “What about Riko?”

           “What about Andrew? Attempt to think about someone and something else for just a moment there.”

DID I MENTION I LOVE THAT GUY RECENTLY. #dicksoutforcaringaboutandrew

           “Look,” Wymack said. “I know I’ve always told you all to take your personal problems up with Betsy or Abby. I’ve said it’s not my place to get into anything outside the court. I hope you’ve figured out by now that I’m just blowing hot air.”

Grumpy Fox Dad ily <33

Guess who’s back now – Aaron, fresh outta custody.

Guess who’s really emo and angry about the Andrew Situation – Aaron, back to being bitter and broody as per usual.

Guess who’s finally done taking his shit and starts dishing out some reason and sensibility in this mess – RESPONSIBLE NEIL FUCKING JOSTEN.

           “Are you at all sorry?” Neil asked. “You took his family away from him. (…) Do you think Cass will ever forgive Andrew?”

Fair point – I’m all for Drake being Not A Thing anymore, of course (although imo prison would have done the job better than, you know, murder), but there is no denying that Aaron made sure the only woman that ever came close to a mum for Andrew now hates him till forever, probably.

           “I don’t care about Cass or Drake or anyone. What Drake did – no. If I could bring him back from the dead and kill him again I would.”

           “Good,” Neil said quietly. “So now you understand why Andrew killed your mother.”

HOLY SHIT.

Holy shit he’s fucking RIGHT oh my god. I did not see this coming at all (and neither did Aaron) and I am SHITTING MYSELF.

           “You don’t know anything,” Aaron said.

           “I know you’ve got a couple weeks to think about it,” Neil said. “When Andrew comes back sober you’ll have to talk about this. You won’t get anywhere if you start with Drake, so you might as well start with your mother.”

Neil, I am just honestly so, so impressed with you right now.

Just – this. This exchange right there so, so fucking important. I can already see that this will help the twins greatly in finally becoming real siblings, and Neil was the one who made that happen.

It’s been said time and time again how Neil will be the one bringing the Foxes together, and every time I see it actually happening now I leap out of my skin in happiness.

And the key to all of that happening is the birth of Responsible Neil we are witnessing right now.

I want you guys to really, really get how amazing I find this new development. One thing that, in hindsight, really annoyed me about Neil in the first book was how fucking Dramatic, Angsty and Extra™ he was – and I know this made for some good jokes, but it honestly also annoyed me a lot. He was just so whiny. And I know it’s for good reason, but still – I just kept hoping he would one day pull his head out of his ass.

Breaking news: Our boy Neil’s head has now left his ass.

This scene, all these scenes are so amazing because: TFC-Neil wouldn’t have done this. TFC-Neil would have stood there uncomfortably, saying nothing and staring, dramatically contemplating his own angst and his own trauma and why he should run away now and how oh so fucking tragic his own life is.

TRK-Neil does not. TRK-Neil deals with problems other than his own, starts taking responsibility and gets out of his own fucking head for once.

TLDR: FUCK. YEAH.

The monsters (minus one) and the Fox Parents get back to Palmetto, where they’re all reunited with the rest of the team – which is not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, since apparently the story is all over the news and no dramatic retellings are in order.

Also, apparently Matt’s mom bailed Aaron out of jail, as a ‘thank you’ for him helping Matt get clean. Neat!

           “We’re all Foxes. We are a team. What happens to one of us happens to all of us, and we’re going to get each other through this.” (…)

           If it wasn’t so terrible, it’d be brilliant. This was what Dan and Matt had been waiting for all semester: a catalyst to finally unite the team.

Have I mentioned how much I’m feels-nutting every time the Foxy Team Spirit gains some bonus points? Have I?? HAVE I????????

However, it’s not all fun and games (not that it ever was fun and games), as there is Serious Exy Trouble resulting from Andrew being gone:

           “If the ERC decides Andrew isn’t part of our line-up anymore, we’re beneath size regulations. They’ll strike us from the roster and our year is over. (…) Kevin is afraid.”

Dun dun dun duuuuuuuun. That’s a pretty shit situation you got there, mate.

           Neil fixed Kevin with a stony look. “Maybe if you’d stuck around a moment longer you’d understand why I don’t care anymore. When you came upstairs, did you hear mim laughing, Kevin? (…) So yes, even I would give up on this season. And after everything he’s done and every risk he’s taken for you, you’d better feel the same.”

MIKE FUCKING DROP.

With Neil gone, Kevin currently takes the top spot on the List of People Who Need To get Their Heads Out Of Their Own Angsty Ass.

           “Rhemann has taken our side. He offered to speak on our behalf if need be, and he’s helped reach out to the others.”

James Rhemann, apparently, is the coach for the USC Trojans – a team that is so fair and kind they never, ever got a single red card in their entire existence.

I am DELIGHTED. When do we meet those USC cinnamon puffs, give them to me NOW.

           “As of this morning, the vote across the Class I teams is almost unanimous,” Wymack said. “They want us to finish the season.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

           “I want one lap for every time you’ve ever said the NCAA’s never had your back.”

           “Oh, Jesus,” Nicky said. “We’ll be running all day.”

BAHAHAHAHA. I actually had to laugh so hard at that. Possibly because it’s the first time there is a reason for laughter in, like, three chapters.

But also possibly because it’s just unexpectedly really funny.

In summary: The Foxes get to play on, Andrew finally gets the help he needs and deserves, and Neil’s head gets a serious applause from me for being finally free of his ass.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3 

 One last note: New update will be out on Monday instead of Sunday because I’m gone all weekend – I’ll be at a cheerleading event with my friends! I can already hear myself going “That’s Katelyn” at every single cheerleader wearing orange. Wheee!

[elm-ckenzie-blog]

Major Depressive Disorder

I had a talk with my psychologist today and she offered the idea of talking about my experience with MDD on a public forum. The reason for this is because I am a writer who was working to be published and she thought it would be a good idea to write about my experience as I have the skills to do so. So, this is my attempt to do as she’s asked. I’m not sure what to expect out of this but I’ll try my best to see if I can raise awareness for how this mental illness affects myself. Please note: this illness tailors itself to whoever it affects. My experiences may not be the same as yours but I greatly encourage you to share your experience. I will always be available to talk to anyone who needs it.

I have the suspicion that I was sick for a long time before anyone realised but it was brushed off as teenage angst, that my anger and outbursts at my fairly stable family were nothing more than me being a rebellious teenager. In actual facr, I was in a lot of pain but didn’t know how I wasn’t supposed to be feeling that way. I believed that I was going through was perfectly normal and I was just doing what teenagers were supposed to do. How was I supposed to know that wasn’t the case? I didn’t know anything but the world from my own perspective and my own perspective was pretty narrow. I was a kid. I only knew what others told me.

Fast forward a few years and I drop out of high school after giving up on myself and my education and get a job. I work at this job for near on 5 years but then something starts going wrong with me. Suddenly, I’m sleeping nearly constantly, I’m barely eating and I only get out of bed when I have to get ready for work. I’m tired constantly and I’m irritable as hell, snapping at anyone who dares to talk to me. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I see now, this was the start of my severe decline but, at the time, I wasn’t aware of how much I was sleeping.

I was aware that I wasn’t eating and wrongly thought that I had an eating disorder. I now know that my MDD had robbed me of my appetite but it was with this belief that I went to the doctors. I moved back home, having been living by myself for two years, quit my job and attempted to attend university to build my writing skills. Unfortunately, my decline continued and I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming myself. At the time, it wasn’t something I paid much attention to, after all, I am a writer and random images jumping into my head kind of comes long with the territory.

The problem started when my brain started to urge me to copy these images. Instantly, red flags went off and I started searching for help. I am an incredibly lucky person that I had access to counselling the moment I realised something was wrong and also, that I personally didn’t have a problem with talking about it. I would like to thank all the people fighting for awareness of mental illnesses for allowing help to be so close and easily accessible these days.

However, I still deteriorated further. I started questioning what the point of living was. i was in so much pain that the fact that leaving this world would hurt the people around me started to seem less important then ending the pain that seemed to be tearing me apart from the inside. Wouldn’t it be okay to leave? It wasn’t like anyone would care that I was gone. Aren’t I a burden? Aren’t I hurting them? I can’t do anything right, they shouldn’t have to put up with me being sick, they don’t have to look after me. They just feel like they have to. Even when I tell people that I’m not well and they try to oppose it, my brain tells me they’re just saying it. “Filling in lifes script” is what I refer to it as. Something along the lines of “Hi, how are you?” “I’m fine, how about you?”. We say it because that’s what we’re supposed to say just as the people who tell me I’m worth something are only saying that because they’re supposed to say it. I am a problem they feel urged to fix.

For several months now I have been in therapy and have been taking medication after ending up in the mental health ward of my local hospital for a week. I am constantly fighting against the pain and the exhaustion. Wanting to end my life but also not wanting to die is a strange paradox to be in. I eventually decided that everything would be better if I had simply never existed but as this isn’t something I can accomplish I just have to hope that there will be something good at the end of this fight. I have to hope that this fight won’t be like this for my entire life and there is something to look forward to, something to continue fighting for. That’s all I can hope for and I can honestly say, that hope has saved my life countless times.

Sorry for the essay. i wasn’t sure how to start this blog so writing my story to this point in one post seemed like a good idea. I don’t know how many people will actually read this but I really want to know others stories, with any kind of mental illness. Please, tell me your stories. I’d love to know about your journeys. It’d be great to know that I am not nearly as alone as my MDD likes to make me think. Thank you for reading this far.

[dramallamadingdang]

Replies!

For @caticalcorrectness, @twofingerswhiskey, @alicephant, @carriests2designsworld, @nuitanantes, @penig, @holleyberry, @eulaliasims, @morphinetomichiko, and @heavensims...

caticalcorrectness replied to your photo “Will grew up hungry, so he headed for that microwave contraption. It...”

...is there really no english word for Schadenfreude? I can't believe this feeling is reserved for germans :)

No, there really isn’t. I mean, I could have written the sentence as “Napoleon revels in their misfortune,” which is of course what schadenfreude means, but that just doesn’t have the same ring to it, you know? The German language seems to be well suited to inventing single words that describe or evoke a whole feeling that in English would need multiple words to describe or explain. Like Schadenfreude. Or Volkswagen’s “Fahrvergnügen” slogan from a few years back. Or at least, it’s way better than English in that way. So, of course, English just steals the German word and claims it as its own because, you know, English is a freakin’ thieving scavenger that way. :)

twofingerswhiskey replied to your photoset “After the Fire Drama, Owen became a grumpy toddler.”

YOU COULD SAY HE'S LOOKING A LITTLE... BLUE. ;)

Oh, get outta here! :)

alicephant replied to your photoset “After the Fire Drama, Owen became a grumpy toddler.”

LOOK AT HIS LIL FACE

I know! Lookit the pout! :) Of course, he’s only pouting because of the fire and everything, but stil...

carriests2designsworld replied to your photoset “I hadn’t actually planned to make this, but I was messing around in...”

Love your work, as always, llama, but I too rather tend to cringe when it comes to making walls and floors with the home crafter. Honestly, if I could find a cloning tutorial that was made for someone who has no idea how to walk and chew gum at the same time, I'd never touch home crafter again. LOL I do love your work though :)

Yeah, Homecrafter is a pain in the ass in that you have to make the files and then, unless you want to keep its gibberish alphanumeric file names, you have to go through and rename all of them. That got a lot easier, though, when it dawned on me that if I were to sort the files by the time they were created instead of alphabetically, I could do that without opening each file in SimPE to see which one it is, greatly reducing the amount of time it takes. (It literally took me YEARS to realize that little trick. I am so dumb sometimes. :) ) Unfortunately, making walls/floors/terrain paints in SimPE is even more time-consuming in that you have to go into a few lines of resources to change text strings. Which doesn’t sound like a lot of work, but it actually sort of is if you’re making dozens/hundreds of files. :\ Ultimately, Homecrafter really is the easiest way. But yeah, after making like 1000 files in it over the last week or so, I need a break from it. :)

nuitanantes replied to your photo “Screwing around with high-res’ing Jonesi’s bed blanket, trying to...”

that looks really good

Thanks! I’m having lots of fun making some new and different patterns/textures for the blanket. So much so that I might just toss most of the ones I already have.... Or not, since then I’d have to replace them in houses I’ve already built and am using. So really, I’m just making my horde of recolors even larger. Go me! :\

penig replied to your photoset “Over at Arcadia’s pool hall…Simon stole Joe’s drink. But it’s OK, he...”

Simon figures Joe owes him rent on the exercise bike.

And he’d probably be right! He certainly uses it more than anyone else actually living in the house! 

holleyberry replied to your photo “Yup, Joe Oates barged in to bogart the exercise bike, for about the...”

At first i thought you were making a Harry Potter POA reference.

Well, since I’ve never seen/read any of the Harry Potter stuff (except for maybe the first 20 minutes of one of the movies, where it was the in-flight movie on a plane trip but I promptly fell asleep), that would be unlikely. :) But, yay unintentional references? :)

eulaliasims replied to your photoset “Random captioned randomness.”

Napoleon is the best cat. And so accurately named!

He is a fun cat. I totally don’t know what’s going on in my game, since he’s fully trained not to destroy stuff...yet he still does so on a regular basis, even though he has a cat condo plus a small scratching post in the house. Josephine uses those just fine, now that she’s grown up, even though she’s not yet trained to not destroy stuff, but Napoleon? Yup, he’s an asshole. 

That, plus people just barging into houses without being greeted. But, I’m not complaining about either because it’s kind of fun and the latter makes it very easy to maintain relationships. ;)

morphinetomichiko replied to your photoset “Painted floors are hard. :\ Too much grain/texture and it doesn’t look...”

Your floors are so awesome I've started deleting literally all my old ones that aren't yours lol

Aw, I’m glad you like them! I’m taking a break from walls/floors due to Homecrafter Burnout, but there’s more that I need to make, so...Yeah.

heavensims replied to your photoset “Painted floors are hard. :\ Too much grain/texture and it doesn’t look...”

I really love all these colors!

I’m pretty pleased with the palette, yes. It covers the spectrum, more or less -- skimps on the yellows a bit, but...eh -- in a reasonable amount of colors. And it’s cheerful in general, in keeping with the “retro” thing.

twofingerswhiskey replied to your post “Thanks to everyone who replied about my angsting. :) I’m glad I’m not...”

TS4 boots up and will warn you before boot if something is amiss and will tell you EXACTLY what file(s) are not TS4! So I hope that that at least helps your worries. O:

Well, that’s good to know, at least! I mean, I imagined that the files would just be skipped over, same way TS2 skips over pictures and stuff in one’s downloads folder. But I imagine it’d be disappointing if you found something you really liked only to belatedly find out that it wasn’t for your game. So, I’ll just stick a little in-text disclaimer on my stuff from now on. :)

[deadseeing]

answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?:  Happiness? Yeah! I’ve included it in my promo for Raine, but I definitely am down for platonic friendships. She needs friends okay. People she can confide in, those who can confide in her ect. The main verses that deal with her canon that I have her at is thirteen and sixteen, and I decided to write for her to not end with someone romantically at the end of her story. I mean, that’ll happen later hopefully but that isn’t the most important thing for her character. Besides, she’s waiting to unravel the horrors concerning her own past so she wouldn’t subject her significant other (hell, even her family––) to the dangers that come with that. I have no OTP for them, but I have plenty of BrOTPs and one romantic one off to the side in a pocket universe where nothing bad happens to her and she lives a pretty slice of life kinda life. 

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: I’m favoring platonic and friendships, even angst and antagonistic kind of ships? I’m game for anything! Raine is a child in the main verse I have her in (she’s thirteen) and I don’t plan to aging her up past sixteen? In her canon ones anyway. Unrequited crushes and stuff too also work! While romance probably won’t happen often here, I’d still be game for it? Even though I’m not prioritizing it entirely on Raine’s blog. But it’s kinda rule of thumb and common sense to ask other people to ship with them??? It’d be weird one person meets you half way and the other doesn’t because they aren’t too sure of how your characters are going??? So always ask?? I’m game for platonic, enemies, frienemies and stuff like that though! 

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?:  Considering Raine’s fairly young in her main verses – for romantic ships, at the very least a year? Her later ‘future but also canon’ verse is when she’s sixteen and if she manages to make a romantic ship then at least a year or two older. She won’t date someone whose younger than her–– because it’d feel weird to her and also for me. 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:  That’s kinda a given, it’s kinda common sense and a lot of other people I tend to ship chemistry. They’ve had to at least gone through some stuff together, or we ought to talk OOC a lot about their relationship before we delve into anything haha. It’s also stated in my rules anyway! But come talk to about ship stuff (platonic/enemies/unrequited?) because communication is key! RP is a social thing, so if there isn’t any behind the scene communication that’ll kind fall flat? Yeahhh. 

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?:  Written stuff likely isn’t gonna happen here (it’s definitely gonna be nonexistent, cuz Raine is a minor) but if it’s for images and stuff I’ll definitely tag it! If they is some kind of engagement or description I’d def tag it so it processes through people’s blacklists and stuff because no one wants to see that 100% of the time. But probably if it’s undergarment stuff? That’s the most that would pop up here anyway. 

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:  HAHAHA UM, for a platonic ship we got @redhuntinghood and for a more romantic one we got @juniperblooded (Ansel)–– run by the same mun whose an absolute gem?!? I definitely reccomend both of them...!!!!  Yes!! We talk a lot OOC about these kids too, so that’s helped shaped their relationships greatly.  I also have a platonic friendship going with Thomas from @downthechicagoriver ‘s multimuse who has also cool muses. I definitely reccomend both of them!!! 

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:  Like any relationship, communication is key so yes ! Please do, so we can scream about our ocs or canon muses together? Please!! 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?:  Even though I’m prioritizing friendship and platonic stuff here, I....I LIKE TO SHIP A LOT LOL. It’s not as prominant because I don’t talk a lot about it out of character but...please ship with me...!!

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:  Yes definitely! Multiship shouldn’t just be limited to romance– it extends to other kind of ‘relationships’ too! I’ve written it in my rules already but just to clarify~

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:  I’m....??? Probably both? But mainly ship more or less, I do really like induglging in a lot of ships - not only for Raine but for my other muses.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: HAHAH since this blog is a fandomless oc, it’s hard to kind of pinpoint that. But in the fandomless community I really like how @downthechicagoriver + @hyacinthsgirl ‘s dark verse with Thomas and Chris is going. (^; It’s a really interesting dynamic. I also very much enjoy @shxujobrave & @shxunenbrave ‘s good platonic bond that they got going too!! It’s super sweet and I’m cheering these children on.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:  Literally just talk with me, my door is always open!!! Contact me via ask, contact me in the IMS. We can always start somewhere and plot stuff later! I’m not the greatest with initiating, but I’m hoping to get better with that! Beside, final exam hell is slowly passing over my head so I’ll be a bit freer probably! 

tagged by: @diaboliktheology (thank u friendo!!! ;u;) <333 tagging:  @hyacinthsgirl / @nightwept / @downthechicagoriver / @xxheroisms / @hiracith / @koseisha / @kinkshameus / @magister-ludicro / @juniperblooded / @dersunder  (you aren’t obligated to do this, however! just for fun~) and anyone else who wants to snag it!

[scenarios-on-ice]

“…I’m sorry, what?”

Time to move on to a new song

“LUNA

If only you had heard the shit he said about you, I doubt you would have let it slide, and I was not about to! I came to ask you for advice, this is my very first duel…they don’t exactly cover this subject in fandom school…”

(Yes I know this is actually worse than One Last Time)

You know somebody is a cinnamon roll when you know literally nothing about them but then you read a comment they make on a manga or a random tweet of theirs and you automatically go “awww how adorable”. Ishida is apparently one of those ‘Looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you’ types.

I don’t watch the AoT anime anymore because I don’t really like how it handles the characters (namely Mikasa, Annie and Eren; plus there wasn’t much of a point in watching it since it never advanced beyond the Female Titan arc until now) but I saw S2’s trailer and it does look amazing! The animation is as beautiful as ever :) maybe I’ll give it a chance if I have the time!

So…here’s more TG/Ham angst ^^ I have no idea how to make AMVs or MMVs but for some reason I decided it would be fun to write this little plan for a Wait for It MMV for TG. Here’s a snippet of the mess I ended up creating (the lyrics are in italics and everything in parentheses is the scene/panel I would like to appear during that lyric):

Love doesn’t discriminate

(Nishiki & Kimi or Yoshimura & Ukina)

Between the sinners

(Kureo Mado)

And the saints

(Hinami)

It takes

(the scene with Mado’s wedding ring)

And it takes

(Tsukiyama lying on the rooftop after Kaneki leaves him)

And it takes

(Kurona reaching out for Nashiro before Juuzou kills her)

And we keep loving anyway

(Kanae falling with Shuu)

We laugh

(Yoriko & Touka)

And we cry

(Akira crying after Amon and Takizawa’s ‘deaths’)

And we break

(Mutsuki comforting Urie in the auction arc)

And we make our mistakes

(Touka lashing out at Kaneki on the bridge in the first series)

I might regret sending this because it’s so messy XD Sorry just ignore it

Aww, thank you! I love anaylzing characters and scenes when I’m not too lazy to do so.

It’s interesting to compare characters too, how they can be similar and different at the same time- character relationships are also a lot of fun to analyze.

Speaking of that, though…

SPOILERS AND RAMBLING ABOUT TG’S RECENT CHAPTERS; BEWARE

(So, we got that Amon/Kaneki convo.

Amon: “The people you thought you lost…your friends and acquaintances…what if they somehow returned to you? How would that make you feel?”

Kaneki: “It’d be frightening. Because I’ll have forgotten their names.”

Maybe I’m being weird but I seem to recall the White Suits telling Miza that they followed Naki because no matter how thick he seems, he never forgets a friend and he has never forgotten the names of the people he fought with (he keeps apologizing to the dead members of his group every night). Kaneki’s statement that he’s 'forgotten’ the names of his lost loved ones seems to contrast with Naki’s behavior. Don’t know if this was on purpose or not but if it was, that would be cool.

We also got a Touka/Akira convo, which was really interesting.

Touka and Akira reached a tentative sort-of beginning of an understanding through their less-than-ideal fathers: When Akira claimed she was never ashamed or remorseful for the ghouls she hunted and that she was proud of her father’s legacy, Touka asked Akira if she’d never considered how things might have been if Kureo Mado hadn’t been so bent on revenge. She then admitted that she wasn’t proud of her own father either; that she’d resented him for being so obsessed with avenging her mother and that she’d been angry with herself for being unable to comfort him or make him stay with her or Ayato.

Judging from Akira’s expression and the way she said 'don’t you dare’, she probably did think of 'what if father hadn’t…’ before.

I also like how things are being represented. While Akira still has a long way to go compared to people like Kaneki, Touka, Nishiki, Hinami, or even Amon and Shuu, she’s not shown as being entirely in the wrong here. An interesting scene is when Touka leads Akira outside and shows her three young children playing together; Akira’s confused for a moment before Touka tells her that the children are ghouls.

Akira remarks that no matter if they’ve been orphaned, no matter the trauma they’ve gone through, these children are still going to grow up to hunt and devour humans and that is just a fact of life that can’t be helped. Later on, when Touka convinces the children to give Akira a hug, their first instincts are to remark that she(Akira) smells nice and that they’re getting hungry.

It’s a completely innocent statement with no harmful intention behind it, but it reminds us once again that peace isn’t going to be easy and that in different circumstances, Akira would be food to these children. Or they would be her victims.

Hinami also met Akira. Those two haven’t talked yet but they’ve hugged…?

Last note:

Furuta’s got his hands on Rize.

Y.

Did Shachi take her. That might explain it since he died at Arima’s hands so the CCG could have gotten Rize after that. If that’s the case…

Shachi, you’re a good dad but leaving her with Yomo might, MIGHT have been better for everybody in the long run.

Except Furuta, but nobody cares about him.)

OMG THE COLORS ARE SO PRETTY I’ve got to watch that now, if only for the visuals (I mean, I’m sure it’s got good characters and/or a sound plot too, I just think the art is lovely)

Thanks :D I’ve heard of Boku no Hero Academia too, time to look up the plot for that one…

I think the problem with me is that I usually join the most mainstream fandoms because I like to have a lot of fics to read and a lot of people with different opinions to discuss things with. That’s kind of why I dropped out of the Vocaloid and Evillious Chronicles fandoms…

Anyway, I’ll try to check out all your recs! Thank you again!

"Okay, Evans, my sweet cinnamon roll, here’s what you’re gonna do. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ENTER THAT DUEL AT ALL, YA HEAR ME??”

Yes, it is much, much worse.

Yeah, he does seem like one of those hahah Honestly, for some reason my favorite 'cinnamon roll types’ are 'looks like he could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll’ and 'looks like a cinnamon roll, but could actually kill you’. Aaaand, I’m gonna take a wild quess and say that you’re either a cinnamon roll who’s actually a cinnaom roll or a cinnamon roll who could actually kill you.

Ah, I remember spoiling the basement thing to you (really sorry again ^^;;)! And, to be completely honest, I’m not sure how much you’d like what’s currently going on in the manga :/ It kinda seems like Isayama took the 'easy way out’ of the whole 'let’s explain titans’ thing… not to mention it’s become as complicated as TG:Re, if not more ;-; But, hey, Armin, my sweet cinnamon roll, is still alive, so it’s comething!

That’s actually a very good idea! I’ve fooled around with making amvs before, so if you want, I can attempt to make this when I have time! It really does sound like it could break your heart if done properly. I take my earlier assumption back. You’re definitely a cinnamon roll who’d actually kill, because you kill my feelings on a regular basis :)))

Yeeah, I also love making up theories/headcanons about characters, but I’ll never get as detailed as you. As I said, I usually keep away from complicated things, like potential character pasts, I keep to the lighthearted things ^^;;

Whaaaaaat?? Kaneki forgot names of all the dead people?? When Naki, Naki who’s kind of an idiot (but actually a really good person), never forgot a single name?? I’m starting to dislike Kaneki more and more… I mean, it started after the Tsukiyama extermination mission, to be honest, but this is just… Ishida is E V I L Also, I think it might’ve been done to create a contrast to Naki, since Ishida is quite big on hidden meanings.

Excuse me while I go cry in the corner. WHY IS ISHIDA SO HELLBENT ON KILLING OUR FEELINGS WITH A CHAINSAW OR SOMETHING?! I mean, Akira’s no closer to forgiving ghouls, it would seem (from what you’ve written, at least). And Furuta has Rize. Ooooh boy, I wonder how that’ll develop. Can’t be good anyway. But, hey, Hinami and Akira hugged, so that’s something.

Yup, Love Live has lots of nice colours and it’s a really cheerful anime, so it might serve as a break after TG hahah And the sequel, Love Live! Sunshine!! is even better, if you ask me, but that’s probably because one of my favorite characters of all times appeares there ^^;; Also, the songs are pretty good as well, in my opinion. They can have really weird titles, though, like 'Happy Party Train’ or 'Storm in Lover’ or 'Cutie Panther’. But they really are good songs ^^;;

My friend, who recommended BnHA to me said at one point 'but beware, it gets really dark’. Now, it’s impossible he was talking about the manga since he refuses to read it (in general) and the second season wasn’t out yet, so he was obviously talking about the first season. So I’m like 'okay, I’ll prepare myself’ And I watch the anime… and there’s not even a d of the dark in there. Apparently, TG and AoT have greatly altered my viewing of the term 'dark anime’, since I’ll find a lot of things not dark, even though other people will find it very dark.

Ah, that makes sense! When I watch an anime that’s not 'in’, I’ll usually be a tiny bit depressed over not having anyone to talk to about it, since everyone’s forgotten about it :/ So I understand your reasoning ^^

One last thing, you’ll never believe when I typed this reply! Hint: we’re geographically closer than ever! Because I, the biggest weeb of all times, am flying to Japan! And I typed this in the plane huehuehue

[toxicbuckys]

Mind Monster || Peter Maximoff

Prompt - Y/N is a mutant with a super powerful mutation who started out using it for evil purposes but now refuses to use it no matter what, she isolates herself from everyone at the school and Peter decides to talk to her not knowing what her mutation is. She can’t control it whatsoever so she accidentally uses it on him, but it gets fluffy at the end.

Warning - hella angst, self-hatred, mention of suicide, Peter being a cute little shit, anger issues, mutant reader, human bashing.

Reader’s Powers - mind control with absolutely no limitations. 

A/N: this might trigger some people so like if you’re sensitive to the stuff listed in the warning (including peter being a cute little shit) I suggest you read with caution. 

The minds of humans although very complex are also as impressionable as the mind of a regular child. Whether they realized it or not, they were daft. They were the bane of earth’s existence, and the mutants knew it. We experienced it. They outcast us, they ridiculed us, they bashed us, and for what? We were better than them. 

I weep for the hapless mutants born into a human family, they deserved better. They deserved better than a wretched human. 

My hatred for humans has been augmenting since that fateful day when my own flesh and blood thought me as nothing more than a disgusting mutant. I could still hear their ill-intentioned words echo in my head, their insults drilled into my self-esteem. They hated me for something that was their fault. They did this to me. 

They made me into the monster that I know I am. 

With one word, every mind in the world could be at my mercy. Everyday, wicked thoughts invaded the privacy of my own mind. They made me want to prove to them that I was that monster that they made me into. 

My parents had forced me to leave our small hometown, for months I was on the street. Begging for food, sleeping in alleys, but when it was time to brave a harsh winter I couldn’t take it. I manipulated my way into the houses of the rich, stealing their luxuries and taking them for myself. I did this for so long that it became habit. 

But I was never actually in control of my ability, it took control of me. Funny how that works, huh?

I got so obsessed with making people do my bidding, I became lazy, I became a monster. I had developed an intense anger problem that could only be cured with the use of my power. The anger got so detrimental that I made a person take their life for my own selfish reasons. 

From that point on, I made sure never to use my powers again. 

Eventually, Charles Xavier found me back on the streets knowing every bad thing I’d done. I thought he’d turn me in, but instead he took me in. He told me that he had a school for young mutants like myself, that he’d help me control this power instead of it controlling me. 

And he tried, but I was unwilling to use it on anyone, even if it meant finally being able to control it. I’d learned my morals, I believed in free will. 

My refusal of my powers only made my anger worsen to the point where I just shut everyone out, because if I wasn’t around anyone I couldn’t hurt them. 

I’ll admit that I’ve thought about making it easier for the professor and just take my own life, ever since I’ve been here the professor’s life has gotten increasingly more difficult. I just wanted to help him.

There had been a day when I got so furious at him that I almost made him stab a pen into his eye, I could’ve made him blind as well as paralyzed but I stopped myself. The realization of how much I cared for that man came flooding back to me, and I stopped. 

That was the only time in my entire life where I had been able to stop myself, yet I still detested my very being and nothing could change that. 

I sat up against a tree in the backyard by myself, it was lunchtime and I was reading a book under the comfortable shade of a large tree that towered above me. The book was on the principles of neural science and not only was it ironic, it interested me. 

I read peacefully as well as lonesome when a gust of wind blows my hair to the side. I look up from my book to see the quirky silver haired boy that everyone knew as, Peter. 

“Hey!” His tone was enthusiastic and it confused me. 

I didn’t say anything, I just looked back down at my book hoping he would leave.

“What’s your name? I’m Peter. I’ve seen you around a lot and you never say anything, I also noticed that you only talk to the professor, why’s that?” He spoke fast, like a young child after ingesting sugar. 

I could feel the familiar feeling of annoyance building, and it skyrocketed when he kept talking. 

“I don’t really know your name, so I call you the ‘cute mysterious girl’, do you mind tellin’ me your name? I’d really appreciate it. If you can’t it’s fine, but I’d really like to talk about your power, what is it? Am I annoying you?” His voice although soothing to my heart was grating to my anger. 

My jaw clenched and I pressed my lips together to prevent me uttering any words. 

“You’re not gonna talk to me, are ya?”

I wanted to answer him politely, but what I dreaded the most finally happened. My mouth opened but instead of answering him, my power took over and I ordered him. 

“Don’t speak.” 

My voice had lowered a few octaves and my words echoed as they left my lips, his mouth moved but no sounds were heard from him. His fingers gripped at his throat, not believing that I had just taken his voice from him. 

Realizing what I had just done, I gasped. 

“No...” I whispered to myself, but he heard me. 

A small tear pricked from my eye and fell slowly down my cheek. 

“I’m so sorry,” I apologized, he tried to ask me to reverse it but to no avail. 

“I-I don’t know how, I’m sorry,” more tears had fallen.

He was only trying to be nice to me and I fucked it up, he was even kind of cute. I wiped my tears and gently placed my hands on his soft cheeks. 

“The professor. He’ll know how to fix you.” 

He nods and lifts me up bridal style before whisking me away inside the mansion to the professor’s office. 

He didn’t bother knocking and just barged in, setting me down next to him. The professor sat behind his desk grading papers when he sees us. 

“Peter, we’ve talked about this. Please knock before you enter -” he stopped mid sentence when he sees that I’ve been crying and that Peter isn’t talking like I assume he normally is. 

“Y/N, Peter, what’s going on?” He asks us. 

“I’m so sorry professor, but I accidentally ordered him not to speak and now he can’t. Can you fix him?” I rushed out my words hoping that he wouldn’t be upset with me. 

He looked at Peter and didn’t say anything, so he was reading his mind. 

“Y/N, this is why you should let Hank and I help you control this, if not things like this will keep happening. You can’t just shut everything out,” he says softly, my eyes turn to look down at my sneakers. 

“I’ll fix Peter but Y/N, please let us help you.”

I look up at him, the only man I considered as a father figure. His pleading eyes told me how much he cared about me, I knew he didn’t like whenever I refused his or Hank’s help but it was for their own protection. 

I turn to look at Peter, he kept trying to talk but he didn’t know the extent of my abilities, no matter how hard he tried it’d never work. He was the only student that has actually tried to talk to me since I’ve been here, I admired the gesture greatly despite me getting angry at him. 

“I’ll do it.” 

They both sent me a warm smile. The professor wheeled his chair in front of Peter and made him kneel down, he placed his hands on Peter’s head given that it would take a lot of energy to undo something that I did. 

It took a few minutes but he finally managed to undo what I did to Peter’s voice. Peter opened his mouth and his voice finally came out, making me sigh a very much needed breath of relief.

I thanked the professor when suddenly Hank walked in. 

“Charles, do you know where-, oh nevermind she’s here,” he says looking at me, he held something in his hands. A metal contraption. 

“I made Y/N something that would regulate her powers to whenever she wanted to use them until she learns to control them,” he holds up the contraption for me to see. 

It looked like it went around my head, kind of like a high-tech metal headband.

“Do you want to try it?” He asks me, holding the headband out.

I nodded and he shuffled over to place it on my head, he turned it on and I felt a tingle in my brain. I then turn to Peter. 

“Jump up and down,” I order but when he doesn’t move, I squeal in delight. 

“Thank you, Hank! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I wrapped my arms tightly around his lanky waist, he awkwardly hugged me back. 

“You’re welcome.”

Peter and I rush out of the office, giggling for no particular reason other than I could finally talk to him. 

“Hey, I’m sorry about me taking your voice, I get really angry sometimes and can’t really control my -” 

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m totally over it.”

“Can we start over? I actually really appreciated you coming up to talk to me,” I ask him, a smile etches its way onto his cute face. 

“Totally. I’m Peter.” He holds his hand out to me, I grin and shake it. 

“I’m Y/N.”

A/N: guys omg this was actually so cute, and I’m really proud of it so I hoped you liked it.