#Im however autistic

[vic-draws-sometimes]

What Happened.

Another shitty fic completely indulgent to myself. I drew too much and now my arm hurts, so instead I write. Expect more.

Trigger warning for description of gore, only for a sentence.

It had all happened too fast. One second, he was running through empty and abandoned streets, the other he was being thrown on a brick wall, the ringing of an explosion in his ear.  

didn’t know how it happened, when, but something exploded right in front of him. It wouldn’t have been an issue, usually, but his headset got thrown out in the aftershock.  

Suddenly his head was too light, his ears too cold and there were way too much fucking noises. Where were they coming from?  

Where is it?  

Where’s his headset?  

He could hear screams in the distance, explosions, gunshots.  

Finally, after what felt like an hour, but was probably only seconds, he got back on his feet, swaying lightly. He got his bearings, but before he could find his headset, bullets were flying his way, hitting the brick wall he was using as leverage.  

‘’Gotta get out o’ here, first.’’ Easy thing to say, but he didn’t have time to think much. Ghost was an open target here.  

Taking back his sniper, he ran to the closest building. Once under cover, he reached for his radio, only to find it busted, aboslutely destroyed.  

‘’Well, shit.’’ He took it and sent it flying somwhere else, no use in keeping deadweight.  

Ghost looked at his hands, noticing only then the huge tremor... And blood.  

One deep breathe... A second.  

‘’Where are you?’’ he asked himself, but came short of an answer. Where... Was he? He could feel panic seep into his veins, his vision blurry. Each noise that came into his ears interupted his thoughts, disturbed his vision and sent him deeper in confusion.  

‘’Who are you?’’ he asked, this time he was sure he would get an answer.  

Simon...  

No, Ghost. He is Ghost. And Ghost gets the job done.  

Gritting his teeth, he pulled up his gun to aim, deadset or killing anything that crossed his distorded vision.  

It felt like watching someone else doing it, from his own point of view. He didn’t feel his skin, could barely feel the warm blood soaking his gear. Eventually, he could barely hear anything either. It was almost peaceful, if he wasn’t panicking.  

Ghost doesn’t know how long he sat there, shooting, reloading, moving forward. Repeat. His head was empty, as his stare was.  

When he came back to his body, the location had changed, and it was eerly quiet.  

‘’No... Come back...’’ he muttered, touching his skin only to find it cold and unresponsive. Was he dead? He pulled his bloody gloves off, his hands stained red and trembling. He touched his own skin again, scratched it, but couldn’t feel a thing.  

‘’Get back!’’ He took off his helmet, throwing who knows where. His balaclava was next. ‘,Get back, get back. Get back!’’ he said again and again, as he scratched his face and neck, but felt nothing but cold, dead skin.  

He pulled his hair, hit his head, but it didn’t do anything. He was considering hitting it on the cement floor, but he suddenly felt a sharp pain at his waist.  

Felt it...  

Looking down and lifting his layers on clothing, he could see red. Red everywhere, and a hole in his skin. He touched around it and sure enough, felt the pain. Relieved, he touched it again, and cried in pain as he dug his finger in his own flesh.  

His ears buzzed, his whole body reacting and he even felt his arms again as he started feeling dizzy from the loss of blood.  

“...-ost!’’  

Ghost closed his eyes, revelling in the pain.  

‘’Ghost! … Ghost? ‘’  

The voice was clearer, but felt like a dream. He knew it, because so often he would dream of that voice.  

Johnny.  

‘’Simon! Oh sweet God what are you doing?!’’  

Simon? Who is this?  

Slowly, Ghost opened his eyes. He could see the face of Johnny, the rest was a blur.  

‘’Stop it! Are you trying to die?!’’ He sounded panicked as he picked Ghost’s hands away from his wound. Holding them both in one hand, he spoke into his mic.  

‘’Found him, but he’s badly hurt. I’m not sure if he’s conscious. ‘’ Ghost wanted to get back on his feet, tell him he was conscious and totally fine, actually. But he could barely get away from his hold.  

‘’What do you mean you don’t know if he’s conscious? Are his eyes open? Is he responsive?’’ Ghost registered this voice as Price. Oh Price, always so worried...  

‘’Simon? Do you hear me? Look at me, please...’’ Why did Johnny sound so worried? He was fine, now... Was he?  

He nodded once, his head almost dropping.  

‘’Thank God. Stay with me, alright? We’ll get you out of here.’’ He turned on his comm again, this time leaving it on.  

‘’Looks like he loks his headset, explains the silence. He’s got a big wound on the abdomen... Not sure if it’s from a bullet or something else.’’ Soap was on unfamiliar territory, here. Normally he’d be able to tell what sort of wound it is with a look, but with how much Ghost touched it... He can still barely believe what he saw. Why did he do that? Why did he look like that?  

‘’Ask him questions about where and who he is.’’ Price told him, which puzzled him further. Why would Ghost not know where he is? Was he thinking of a concussion?  

‘’Simon? Hey, look at me. Do you know who you are?’’ Ghost looked as much confused as he was, he opened his mouth to speak but didn’t say anything. Then... Shaked his head.  

It took a second for Soap to realize he got an answer. Still, he pressed on.  

‘’Do you know where you are?’’ another shake, and he was feeling panic seep in.  

‘’Simon... Do you know who I am?’’ There was a pause at that, and he heard a faint ‘’John’’ being whispered. 

‘’Soap, what’s going on? Talk to me. ‘’  

‘’He’s confused, sir. He needs a medic right away. He lost a lot of blood. ‘’  

‘’We’ll get you an evac ASAP, give me your location. ‘’ And so he did, and a only a couple of agonizing minutes later a rendez-vous point was established.  

Ghost stayed conscious, amazingly. As conscious as he could be. He was relatively calm on the walk to the meeting site, an open area so the heli could land. Soap had almost his full weight on him, dragging him.  

He set him down to sit against a wall once they reached the location, then tried to put Ghost’s mask on. Only, Ghost wasn’t letting him.  

‘’C’mon, I know you’ll kill me later if I let you show your face to others...’’ But Simon only whined pitifully, pushing him away weakly and trying to escape from him.  

‘’What’s gotten into you...’’ Just as he was about to reach back for the injured man, the sound of the plane approching reached their ears, and Simon reached for Johnny, crying and covering his ears.  

Soap used this opportunity to force the balaclava down, then hugged his Lieutenant against him. The more sounds there were, the more Simon screamed and wailed, trying to hit his head, but Soap was holding him back.  

Medics got down the plane with a bed, and Soap manhandled Ghost on it. He was now trashing around, trying to hit the medics, unfamiliar faces.  

‘’Ghost stop! They’re here to help!’’ Soap said, but it clearly didn’t get throught. He turned his attention to the medics, holding the large man down.  

‘’I don’t know why he’s like that, he’s hurt at the abdomen and needs blood. And... Less sounds.’’ The last part was a guess. He didn’t know what was happening, only knew that he hated seeing his dear Lieutenant in this state.  

In the end, Ghost was given a sedative, and Soap followed him to the base.  

He waited for Ghost to be brought back from surgery, then, waited at his bedside for him to wake up. He had questions, a lot. But mainly, he wanted to know if Simon was alright.  

Just as Johnny was about to doze off, he heard the rustling of the sheets. Simon was awake.  

He quickly took his hand, too cold for his liking, into his own.  

‘’Simon? How do you feel? Do you... Do you know who I am?’’ Johnny asked, hesitant. Simon looked at him for a second longer, studying his face.  

‘’Johnny...’’ His voice was raspy, but Johnny was simply glad to hear it. But it wasn’t all he needed to know. He took a long inhale.  

‘’And... Do you know who you are?’’ This time, it took longer, but he got an answer nontheless.  

‘’Simon Riley... Ghost. Where am I? What happened?’’ Johnny thought he sjould be the one asking this, but he tried to answer anyway.  

‘’At the hosital base. What’s the last thing you remember?’’ His hand didn’t leave his, soothing circles for both Simon and himself.  

‘’We... Dropped off, separated...’’ Simon trailed off, searching his memory.  

‘’I think a grenade was thrown at me?... Lost my headset... I’m not sure after that.’’ That lines up with what the doctor told Johnny. He was about to speak again, but saw tears in Simon’s eyes, his pupils darting from one side to the other. He was in his own head again...  

‘’Hey, look at me. You’re okay now, you’re safe...’’ And that seemingly was what broke the dam, tears fell out quickly as Simon grimaced. He brought Soap’s hand to his face, hiding behind it.  

‘’ ‘m sorry...’’ he whispered.  

‘’You don’t have to apologize for anything, it wasn’t your fault, it...’’  

‘’No.’’  

Johnny’s sentence was interupted. Simon tried to steady his breathe.  

‘’No, I know what happened, I... It happened before. I’m sorry, I was useless. I can’t control it...’’  

Seeing him break down like this... Johnny couldn’t stand it. He stood up only to sit down on the bed, taking Simon’s head to his chest, kissing his forehead.  

‘’I told you, it’s okay. I... I’m sorry I didn’t know, I wish I could’ve helped you...’’. 

They were a mess, crying together and apologizing, holding each other like a pair of scared kids.  

[petpetpinixy]

sexual tweet in the second pic. idek if i should warn for that but fuck it

this whole thing is so messy sorry i have a. disease

[clouvu]

Touchy

[that1notetaker]

Part 1 of Ace! April + Best friend Dynamics - Next? Some context: April isn't very confident about being around people in canon. She's weird and badass, and while we love that, she thinks she's got to 'be normal' to be liked, and make friends. It reminded me of the Ace Experience, and how that'd add another layer to the slow acceptance that is herself. Enter Donnie.

[jedibinx]

I made a silly poem to make me feel better about executive dysfunction

A little bit done is a little bit more than before,

And if you do a little bit again then there's a little bit more,

Do this over and over, again and again,

But the list is so long, and you panic, and then-

You see, sometimes we see so much stuff there to do,

And when we're choosing a start, we haven't a clue,

So then we stop still, overwhelmed and defeated,

Day after day until we're fed up of this repeated.

But instead of seeing forest, what if we concentrate on one tree?

See the trunk, branches, leaves and the roots for what they be,

Just one single tree standing tall, strong and still,

What if you start at the base, just one chop, chop, until-

A little bit done is a little bit more than before,

And if you do a little bit again then there's a little bit more,

Do this over and over, again and again,

And eventually you'll have all your tasks done in the end!

[spookberry]

My least favorite plotline that shows up in like every single piece of media at least once is the "surprise birthday party". Literally cant stand it. I hate surprise parties so fuckin much. Even worse when the surprise is for a "i dont like surprises/parties" character OR they go with the "everyone pretends to have forgotten their birthday" plotline like i HATE it so so so much makes me feel like a rabid dog i wanna rip it apart with my teeth

[calypsorhythm]

besties... mabye even...girlfriends

[worstwolverinesbf]

i need to run my hands over wade’s skin like right now

[justanaromantic]

I just realized I haven't posted this here , but hey there my fellow aspecs , are you sick of so many playlists full of songs about love or the lack thereof ? are you sick of all the ones that *aren't* about that , just being sad and depressed ? well boy do I have a playlist for you !

a playlist I've been compiling for a while full of happy good vibes songs that have nothing to do with romance <3

[1pcii]

One piece headcanon: Zoro is POSIC+

(POSIC+ : (the) Perception of Object Sentience, Individuality, and Consciousness)

I think his relationship and perception of things like his swords (which he see's as having distinct personalities and consiousness') aswell as his view of the going merry (chapter 327, last page) being just as sentient as usopp and luffy make it so i wouldnt consider it a streatch to interpret his character this way.

(further context) <- seriously check the tags on this out if you want a better explenation its so good.

[vampiiric]

slightly serious but its been on my mind so. as someone who went through autism-specific abuse from parents as well as the american school system from a young age, i don't like people using experiences of people like me to discourage self diagnosis. like.

i've seen people in the wild saying that if you self diagnose autism, you're making a mockery of people who underwent the abuse, especially in schools. but the thing is, the schools especially knew i was autistic before i did!! they treated me as autistic long before i was diagnosed, and were in fact the ones who pushed for my diagnosis. i did an entire paper on autism specific abuse for school and did a lot of research into the topic, which is how i realized what i went through was autism specific abuse and how it affects me. and yes it exponentially affects those diagnosed from a young age but it was awful before i got diagnosed and it got worse after!! so a professional diagnosis can hurt people!

if you were able to mask well enough to escape it, i am so fucking happy for you. like. this is incredibly traumatizing. and it's really underrepresented. and if you use the trauma and abuse people like me have gone through to tell people they aren't autistic and are hurting us, don't you fucking dare. you need to be blaming the people who abuse us and who make it hard for the people who are self diagnosing to get the proper diagnosis- and make life exponentially harder for those of us who are diagnosed.

by attacking people who are just seeking help and community and understanding, you aren't helping ASA survivors. you're hurting people (who might even have experienced that!! you don't know!!) who are trying to live their life with the most understanding of themselves.

anyways this blog supports self-diagnosed autistics and autistics who didn't learn until later in life and autistics who masked so well nobody realized and autistics who didn't realize that what they went through was autism specific abuse. i love you guys. we're in this together.

[rubyof-thesea]

mrs st. george is definitely also autistic are you kidding me. the little arm wiggle?? that entire opening scene of her waking up in the morning?? that split second when she’s between greeting guests where her mask slips?? the way she didn’t want to be touched when she was overwhelmed at the party???

[sangrefae]

i Will say it's kind of wild that people are so willing to accept marcille + laios's flaws and understand that they're complicated and nuanced characters while kabru and ESPECIALLY toshiro are torn down and hated for.... being complicated and nuanced. wonder why that is 🤔🤔🤔

[nothernghostbat]

hey chat, so when you're drawing bat characters please remember that

THESE are the phalanges

on a human the phalanges are these

so remember folks

when you're making a bat character, they do not have hands/top paws. their wings ARE their hands

this also goes for birds

[red-moon-at-night]

*cups my hands and holds these out* Here. Have some cleaned up minigram harukas from episode 39 (yes they're transparent I tried my best)

[puke-ur-gutz]

i ♡ going into verbose over-explaining mode in fear of being misinterpreted and then being misinterpreted anyways