#and while im happy i know about my autism and how it affects me

[vampiiric]

slightly serious but its been on my mind so. as someone who went through autism-specific abuse from parents as well as the american school system from a young age, i don't like people using experiences of people like me to discourage self diagnosis. like.

i've seen people in the wild saying that if you self diagnose autism, you're making a mockery of people who underwent the abuse, especially in schools. but the thing is, the schools especially knew i was autistic before i did!! they treated me as autistic long before i was diagnosed, and were in fact the ones who pushed for my diagnosis. i did an entire paper on autism specific abuse for school and did a lot of research into the topic, which is how i realized what i went through was autism specific abuse and how it affects me. and yes it exponentially affects those diagnosed from a young age but it was awful before i got diagnosed and it got worse after!! so a professional diagnosis can hurt people!

if you were able to mask well enough to escape it, i am so fucking happy for you. like. this is incredibly traumatizing. and it's really underrepresented. and if you use the trauma and abuse people like me have gone through to tell people they aren't autistic and are hurting us, don't you fucking dare. you need to be blaming the people who abuse us and who make it hard for the people who are self diagnosing to get the proper diagnosis- and make life exponentially harder for those of us who are diagnosed.

by attacking people who are just seeking help and community and understanding, you aren't helping ASA survivors. you're hurting people (who might even have experienced that!! you don't know!!) who are trying to live their life with the most understanding of themselves.

anyways this blog supports self-diagnosed autistics and autistics who didn't learn until later in life and autistics who masked so well nobody realized and autistics who didn't realize that what they went through was autism specific abuse. i love you guys. we're in this together.

[oneshlut]

Hey!! I absolutely ADORE your writing, it makes me so happy!!! I happen to be a sucker for our favorite nerd, and you write super good for him! May i ask for general datting headcanons? Like what its like to date him???? Thank you!!!<3

A/N: ohhh, i was WAITING for this one!! i loveee dating hcs. i'm assuming you mean dr. flug, in which i am always happy to write for him! thank you so much for the request! im so happy you enjoy my works!! c: (also flug may be just a teensy bit autism-coded...)

The Doctor Is Out (Dr. Flug x Reader) [Headcanons]

Rules For Requesting

Characters I Will Write For

Masterlist

Summary: General Dr. Flug dating headcanons/What is dating Dr. Flug like?

You thought he was a nervous wreck before? You've never seen him on a date. Before a date, for that matter.

After asking you out to a museum that recently opened outside the Hat Island, he dragged himself to his room and.. screamed into his pillow. Leaving 5.0.5. decently concerned.

He paced around his lab, wracked with anxiety. Oh god, oh god--what is he going to do?! Did he still look alright?? He paused his anxious strides to look at himself in his full-body mirror that he practically pulled out of nowhere. I guess he looked alright-? Or did he need to change his shirt again? Oh--crap he should probably take off his gloves.. or should he? He's always had normally sweaty hands, not including his nerves getting the best of him.. Yeah, the gloves are staying on.

Not to mention how Demencia is teasing him every minute she gets while Flug is writing out a plan. Yeah, you heard me right, this faceless man has an entire 24-step written plan for this date. He can't go without a plan, right? He doesn't want to mess up in front of you, either..

Some ridiculous, unreasonable, irrational part of him thinks maybe you won't show up. Obviously, he doesn't know any better to know how much you love him. Then again, if he knew, I don't think he'd last.

The museum went way better than he expected! There just happened to be a jet plane exhibit, and suddenly his 24-step plan has made its way to a nearby trash can. Don't get me wrong, his nerves were definitely still there, and not going anywhere anytime soon. He was just glad that he didn't draw you away with his possibly unending rambling about different types of aircraft.

The two of you stayed in the museum until it closed at 4 p.m. The time seemed to fly by, and at some point during the date you had held his hand. Poor Flug was too distracted, that he only noticed your interlocked hands when the both of you were leaving the building. He's blushing like a maniac now. As if the red tint on his face couldn't get any worse, before you left, you kissed him on his cheek. You kissed him on his cheek. His bones turned to ice, frozen in place. Later that night, he couldn't get his mind off of you. He's not washing his bag for a while. Not like he washed it in the first place.

So, you two are dating! In a relationship! Dr. Flug refuses to believe it, but every morning kinda forces him to. Though, sometimes he gets a bit overwhelmed with the attention, so when this happens, you give him the day to compose himself again.

He's happy with the attention, though! More than happy, he's honestly never received such affection before and.. he enjoys it.

Some days, you'll just have hang-out dates! For example, Dr. Flug is undergoing a heavy project and asks you to come over for comfort. He'll even ask you for help with his experiments from time to time! Don't worry, he wouldn't involve you in anything too dangerous, he's not cruel. Well, not to you..

If we're talking about Dr. Flug here, at least one date has to go wrong. Thankfully, it's almost never his fault. He's, unfortunately, slightly popular with heroes. Not that he, himself, as a villain is popular, but rather him being known under the Blackhat name has drawn in some unwanted attention from heroes.

What does this mean for the two of you? Well, worst case scenario, a hero has such a huge grudge against Flug that they are determined to ruin your date. According to Dr. Flug, there's only a 1.117% chance of this happening, so you shouldn't have to worry too much.

Afterwards, he feels horrible that your date went to crap. He apologizes profusely, even if you forgive him in the first place, he'll continue to feel bad. All he wants is for you to be happy, and it feels like he's failed you. But the fact that you're still here with him is more than enough proof that you're far from giving up on him, if ever.

On days where you would stay inside with him, whether it be a stormy night or just a long day for you, sometimes he'd turn around from whatever he was working on when you don't respond to him, and he'll find you resting peacefully next to 5.0.5. The sight warms his heart, as he moves to grab a blanket for you, and dims the lights in his lab slightly.

With you asleep, and now with him and nothing to work on, he now has time to think. And for some reason, no thoughts come to him. Surprising to his usually busy brain.

One thought came to him, eventually. Watching you rest soundly in the now dim-lighted room, your chest lifting up and down with your soft breaths, made him realize how lucky he truly is.

Then, he came up with an idea. He didn't want your dreaming to be disturbed, did he? He grabbed a piece of notepaper, tape, and a marker. Opening his door slightly, he taped up the scratch-made sign titled:

"The Doctor is Out"

[mayxo-hxh]

Hi, I love your take on Hisoka, it's made me view him in a different light. I was wondering what ur take on illumi is? Do you have any headcanons for him? I saw ur post on Hisoka being shy, do u think Illumi is the same? (If u have any hisoillu headcanons too I'd love to hear them) :D

Hello!! Im really happy to hear that :)

I have LOOOTS of hcs for the both of them!! Ive been fixated on these two for four whole years i genuinely have too much to mention in one post lol so if you have any specific questions about specific hcs, do tell me!! Its a bit difficult to answer very broad questions like this bcs i dont know where to begin haha;;

I can very confidently say though, Illumi is absolutely nowhere near shy. At least-- not by the definition. In my eyes, Illumi is a very blunt and straightforward person with no social filter. I do like to think when it comes to hisoillu in general Illumi gets flustered here and there when dealing with his husband like any normal human in love is to be. But when it comes to being an actual shy introvert like hisoka-- absolutely not. You can tell the difference between how Illumi deals with people vs Hisoka. Hisoka is like the textbook definition of an introvert-- someone who constantly avoids people unless he wants to be the center of attention (mainly negative attention so it keeps people away anyways)

General hisoillu hcs would be... I like to humanize them. I like giving Illumi moles, stretch marks and arthritis from his transformation and eyebags from the amount of times he stays up for his missions. Also scars from his training that are faded. For hobbies I like to think hes extremely interested in learning. Just learning. Whatever hes learning doesnt matter, but knowledge is a very prominent fact about him and the zoldycks in general. So while I hc hes extensively knowledgable about anatomy and the economic and political states of the world (those pretty much canon tho lol) and the world in general, I like to always write him extending his knowledge in fics like learning a new language in his spare time or reading books in general. I could expand much more on hobbies including people watching and hanging out with his siblings but i feel like if there is a tumblr word limit i would 1000% exceed it lol.

I like to give Hisoka freckles on his tan skin (in the manga his skin is quite tan) that he hides and many more scars that are also hidden like he'd hide his arm scars after machi healed them. also the one time togashi drew him with hip dips. I liked that! I like to give him a human backstory like initially having a family that he either abandoned or was abandoned by to go on his own journey (not necessarily tragic, though i do not think tragic backstories take away from a character no matter how evil tbh. If anything, I strongly believe that babies are blank slates when it comes to morals until theyre taught otherwise by their environment.) And positive hobbies like cooking for himself because he only ever relies on himself and doesnt trust anybody else, which also goes with the hc of him not being a fan of taking any medication so hes a "tough it out" girlie. which also consequently affects other hcs like my trans hisoka hc and him not getting top surgery until after he married illumi because he does not trust a mf to put him under during it but he does trust illumi-- ITS A LOOONG STORY

I also like to consider their reoccurring personality traits as symptoms for neurodivergence. Like Illumi's bluntness and overly honest personality being autism and his highly emotional sides to him being BPD (i do have a thread on that!) and for Hisoka his hyperactivity and addiction for stimulating fights as ADHD (the adhd video i made abt him covers some of it lol) and you could argue a personality disorder for him as well to match with his hubby.

Also the queer hcs like i mentioned, transmasc genderfluid hisoka that doesnt mind all pronouns that i also hc as demiaroace and pansexual/bisexual while for Illumi I hc him as gay demiaroace agender, etc. These help a lot in figuring out their identities too.

Stuff like that are just the "layouts" for them in my brain that help me immensely when writing fics for them. You have to know everything extensively for the actions that they make to come naturally so when you throw them in a situation, you immediately know how they'd react (ex: sick hisoka would refuse to take meds, or more specifically like in my fic tolerate me darling hisoka was cramping and refused to take pain meds for it so illumi had to use his pins etc etc)

Those are pretty much the surface hcs i have for them that I always consider when it comes to any scenario or extra hc or fic/art or anything. For anything very specific, you'd have to ask about it for my brain to remember ehehe ^^

[gotmyass2marz]

⬇️ character analysis from my notes app based on that new ep . they call me the analyzer B)

OK SO . UM . THE WAY ARGOS AND MR PLANTS CHARACTERS WERE DISSECTED IN THAT NEW EP HAS BEEN EATING MY BRAIN ALIVE   SO IM GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT NOW . UH

while i think they were both really interesting here i think argos was especially interesting here because . this isnt the first time something like this has happened in his case . where he thinks that something is the best for someone else when really its just what would personally make him happy . like with the infamous letter incident and  probably with the void superstar nomination too . probably the only reason he kept doing that same thing is because he didnt think it would bite him in the ass later (because . initially it didnt . so yea) so when it finally affected him with the surprise party it hit him like a truck . oh . the Quencies . The Rammies . they come with my actions . i wonder when he realized out loud what hed done  he said it with all those other cases in mind too . much to think about …..

ANYWAYS mr plant .   ive always been so fascinated by how his high sensitivity to attention towards him and general commotion has affected him . and that shined through a Lot in this ep . also very fascinated by how hes been making much more of an effort to keep himself together in those situations   but still manages to let all his feelings bubble up and explode . yeah i know what thats like i think its the autism👍

ONE MORE THING THAT RELATES TO BOTH OF THEM . ERM . im obsessed with the ending because of how argos probably saw what he said as just a quick baindaid fix that probably wouldnt make mr plant feel that much better in the long run but it ended up being . exactly what he needed . like “hey you want some bloodsoaked cake while just the two of us r here” oh you have no idea how much he was hoping youd say that . i love when 2 characters who both suck with communication still end up having things go very well for the both of them   the bestest thing ever i think

[conanssummerchild]

okay so id initially put this in the tags of your ask but i thought id put it in your askbox so you don't feel obligated to answer it or you wanna answer privately instead cause it's very rambly and kinda personal

#also im curious. what do you do after you get an autism dx?#because like back when my psychiatrist evaluated me for a bunch of things. i was curious if i was somewhere on the autism spectrum too#cause i did check a lot of boxes#and she essentially told me i have a lot of the overlapping stuff because of other conditions and i could do the autism evaluation#but it would be a waste of time for me because it wasnt my main dx and doesn't make my life unbearable#because im already taking meds and shit for other stuff but you dont take meds or really do anything about having autism#so she basically told me you might be on the spectrum but there's no point in getting a dx cause it doesnt change anything#but also cuz for me it's probably mild and doesnt affect my every day life that much#so yeah i guess i was curious. im so sorry if this comes off as rude btw#because i know getting dxed changed my life and its so much better now. and im so proud of you for that finally happening#and my situation is very different from yours like even if i am on the spectrum it probably doesn't affect me to an extent where it fucks#with my every day life to an unbearable degree yk#but im definitely curious about how you go forward once you get an autism diagnosis when it does significantly affect your life. like do you do anything about it?#i do know it's validating as hell and your parents will finally take you seriously. cause you've obviously known for a while#and again i know its gonna get so much better hereon. getting dxed literally changes your life and im so so happy for you#how did your family and everyone take it?#like i had the worst relationship with my parents i was gonna cut them off after school but it got so much better after my dx#like they became so much more understanding and like put in the effort to change and be better and its still a long road but yeah#it's kind of fucking awesome and life changing and i really hope it is for you too#im so so so happy for you

well i guess i dont really know yet, i had an appointment yesterday at school hours and i went alone and then i went straight back to school and now im at my friends house so i havent seen my parents yet. i have my last appointment with my psycologist in 2 weeks and that one is with my parents so its basically when shes going to tell them, i dont plan on telling my dad about it before then bcs he can go fuck himself but i am going to tell my mum as soon as she gets home from barcelona. so i cant really say anything parents-wise yet. as for like outside that at the moment theres really nothing at all i can do until my parents are in on it, since im a minor my parents are the ones who choose if the school knows and i can get accomodations but if they choose not to tell them theres really not much i can do, so for me a diagnosis doesnt change much (apart from FINALLY after more than EIGHT years knowing whats different abt me) unless my parents let it change stuff, and at the moment i font know if they will :/, so to answer "what do you do after a diagnosis?" i really dont know. if u want to get diagnosed though and u think you could i would probably go for it, you can keep it to urself since ur over 18 so u dont have to tell anyone else if u dont want to and idk it might come in handy even if it doesnt it is nice to feel validated but anyway its up to you <3

ps: you can literally ask me anything u want to know i dont mind and dont worry abt coming off as rude i dont think u r <33 love u

[therapy-ghost]

Hello there! Thank you so much for letting me do a matchup exchange with you! now, 나 자신에 대해 말해줄게!

Fandoms: I’d like a romantic matchup for Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Resident Evil, Obey Me, Twisted Wonderland, Genshin Impact, Danganronpa, Harry Potter, DC and Marvel (I just want male only for HB/HH please!!!)

My name is Joey but I also go by Himawari, Rin or Magtanggol too! I’m Transgender (ftm), Aromatic, Polyamory, Unlabled, & Bisexual, I’ve been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, BPD & OCD, im (w)asian (east european and west-southeast asian) im polish, arab/middle eastern, flipino, russian and scottish.

personality traits (and notes): extroverted, at first awkward, shy and distant when meeting people, extremely independent, when comfortable I talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker, emotions come off as sarcastic or silly (due to autism), confident, straightforward (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses “big” words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(I’m nosy and I love gossip), i can be a rule breaker(sometimes I don’t mean to), dad/tharapist friend, when I go out I bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapstick(s) just in case, chill but some people would say I have some “repressed anger issues”, I get a realllyyy overractive Brain, I tend to get deep and philosophical when I’m left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked, I have a hard time taking everything seriously, when someone yells at me I’ll turn very cold and aggressive very fast.

things I love about myself: when someone is going through anything they will call me before anyone else, I have a ugly laugh so guaranteed that someone else will laugh too, how much I love and care for animals if I see a stray around my house I will adopt it immediately, if I see a stranger crying in public my eyes will not leave them alone until I get the courage to ask them what’s wrong, I am very confrontational I will always stand up for what’s right no matter what situation it may be, how greedy I am for money but when it’s someone I love I will spend the world on them, i get excited for little things when someone buys me a redbull/monster or just strawberries my day will not be ruined after that, how touched I’ll be when someone helps me in anyway it makes me feel really grateful, it, i never take epilepsy for granted, i pay attention to little things like my stuffed animals I’ll kiss each one every time I go to bed for the night, if I know someone is having a hard mental day I’ll clean for them and get them ice cream and be patient ill, without a fail a quiet person will always be loud with me, i am a type of person who just wants people to be happy in life and live to the fullest, i don’t say I love you until I mean it, i celebrate with people I love, I am very observant if I see that someone wants something I will get it for them, it will be my mission if I see a stranger having a bad day I will compliment them in hopes of making their day shine through the dark clouds, how I say I hate kids but I will protect them with my life and I’m so gentle and sweet with them, i am never ashamed for what I love such as anime, even if I don’t like a song that someone shows me (which is impossible btw) I will be hyper while listening to it so they don’t feel small and embarrassed around me, how soft I become when I’m given any psychical affection, i love hugging and when someone really needs it I will hug them as long as they like, I love how hardworking I am, I’m not super duper emotional but a sad movie will never make me fail to let out tears, if I love you… you’ll be seen.

hobbies: anime/manga, gaming, anthropology, pathology, zoology, music (I’m a vocaloid producer, i cover vocaloid songs with my own voice, i can rap like MILLI, i make odecore/breakcore/scenecore music and I make music like ATARASHII GAKKO, YOASOBI & Ado too), dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG’s, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals/stickers/music cds /puppetry & more, science/history, soccer/volleyball/basketball and swim, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to

likes: vocaloid/utau, k-pop/j-pop, vkei, watching documentaries/youtube, decorating my room, iced coffee, boba tea, bread, sharks, cats, cold weather, christmas, musicals, cleaning, rhythm games, being with my friends, shopping, partys, mint candles, sweet and spicy food, deserts.

I’m a ENTP, 4w3 and I’m a Aquarius ♒️

these are some of my top kins!!:  hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld), eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), miyamura izumi (horimiya), micheal afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa) hua cheng (TGCF), ame-chan (needy streamer overdose), k-angel (needy streamer overdose), crona (soul eater), death the kid (soul eater), malleus draconia (twisted wonderland) and more....!

misc: I live in a mixed language house hold where I speak mostly polish and Arabic, and some Korean and Japanese, it world be nice if the person who I get can react to that lol, i know 6 languages (Japanese, Korean, Spanish, Arabic, Polish & French), prone to be a bit directionless in life, tries to find comfort and humor in hard times, tries not to take life to seriously, everytime I have a party there’s always dabke dancing and I take control of it all the time and it’s super fun!, i have two dogs named luna and gizmo both of them are super sweet and cuddly they will never hurt a soul, i play the electric/bass guitar, piano, cello and koto.

appearance /aesthetic: 5'6 / 167.64 cm, midsize, rectangular body shape, i have a masculine and feminine face (somehow), dimple on chin, hazel eyes, wears glasses, dyed black boy hair, lots of piercings, no tattoos(I need some), for style, i wear a lot suck as goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), scenemo/emo, & vkei ouji and lolita, i wear streetwear clothes mostly at home/school/work, i wear fishnets and combat boats/converse, but I also wear Y2K and I also dress in alternative clothing a LOT, I wear a lot of harajuku fashion such as jiari kei, yamikawaii, decora kei(sometimes), cult party kei, but it’s mostly the ones I listed on top.

thanks for doing this with me, I hope you enjoy!!!

For Hazbin Hotel, I match you with Angel dust

Come on… come on! Tell me I’m wrong

you guys would be perfect; sarcastic, Angel would dig your vibe entirely, and you guys can do matching outfits

would happily help you with anything; like if you are overstimulated, he will help you, making art of any kind, gives you inspiration, filmmaking, he can give you plots for day (most will end up 18+… but some will end up fine)

Fat nugget is thy baby, and most likely sits in your lap while you are working

will gossip with you about everything, I tell you; he has tea for days.

For Helluva Boss, I match you with Fizzarolli

….he matches your energy… chaotic… loud… mischievous… plus you guys will have an even bigger Boyfriend(ASMODEUS!!!!)

will love to inspect your outfits and aesthetic and might steal a few things from you

he’s a preformer, dancing is what he does and he will do any kind with you.

please explain the big words for him, he gets really confused.

is your hype man, cheers you on for everything and will not stop.

For Resident Evil, I match you with Carlos Oliveira

bros confused with you at first, he is like… the heck is he wearing?

but eventually he warms up… might steal some rings or just unconsciously grab a bracelet and put it on for a weird reason

he enjoys watching what you make, wether it’s art or a film or a vocaloid cover

i feel like he also will like Boba after trying it, it’s the boba balls in specifics

will get a matching tattoo with you if you want to

For Obey me!, I match you with Asmodeus

likes to bring you snacks and share them with you as you two gossip about his brothers

professional pretty man here will help you style your clothing to suit everything you do

will love cosplaying with you so much

absolutely loves musicals, if you want to, he will belt out lines with you out randomly as you two listen to its sound track

wants you to teach him how to speak multiple languages, what’s to know how to communicate with all his fans all over the world

for twisted wonderland, I match you with Idia Shroud

boys rich… he will buy you anything(from the comfort of his bed)

he will go out once in a while with you if you really want to… but it won’t last long; so sometimes he will send Ortho with you

loves playing rythum games with you, gets very competitive about beating your score.

you get this man into the habit of cleaning his room since you enjoy cleaning; he make sure that everything is organized and perfect(cause that’s how he is)

For Genshin Impact, I match you with Arataki Itto

he is loud and energetic! Will run around with you everywhere.

he also loves being around his friends, sometimes, he will invite yours and his friends to join; but not all the time, cause he likes being with you as well.

got into crazy long documents because of you, and even if he is the first one to watch it… he still asked you question

he’s a Himbo with a very big heart for you

for Dc, I match you with Harley Quinn

girls partly nuts, but she’s loyal and very adventurous, so if you are willing to do something with her, she will do just about anything with you

love to dance anywhere with you; will go to massive parties and everyone will just stop and you guys are busting it down

super cuddly, likes being close to you when she can and will like to watch you work; she does act question give you suggestions if you don’t mind

please just keep her out of the kitchen if you are going to try and cook with her; or at least give her simple jobs she won’t burn the house down with

for Marvel, I match you with Matt Murdock

if you are in like trad goth or like any kind of fashion with rings and cool jewelry, he will end up playing with them while he holds your hand(which is rare because he is kinda busy with his whole daredevil matt Murdock switching)

buys you desserts and sweets cause he can and will, he gives small gifts as a way of saying ‘I love you’

will literally kill to hear that you are safe, he wants nothing to happen to you

its utterly confused at to what vocaloid is, like is extremely confused; almost like a dog hearing a recording of a dog barking and it’s just like “wtf?”

For Danganronpa, I matched you with Junko Enoshima(before despair)

gyaru, gyaru, gyaru! All day, loves the matching outfits; it makes a fashion statement!

loves gossiping with you; she is very trash talky about everyone minus you and will love specifically spilling the tea to you(she always makes sure it’s the juiciest most real tea ever)

she better be in some of those photos you take cause you will be missing an opportunity

you will always be the first to get her magazines and she will bring back some props from the sets she shot photos on

For Harry Potter, I match you with Luna Lovegood

the oblivious Ravenclaw is a major ‘head in the clouds’; she’s very easy going and likes doing anything really

gifts you small things like flowers and pins and pieces to add to out fits; would not mind having things in her hair(it’s the cottage core x goth for me)

gives you many strange things to think about in life and talks about anything you do in a very cryptic way

loves Vocaloid songs, doesn’t always understand the lyrics cause they end up sounding happy but they are mostly dark, but looks listening to you cover them

Thanks for doing this exchange with me!

[maaaxx]

first day back for my spring semester and heres a summary because i feel like it < 3

I was ten minutes late to my class. Luckily this professor is really wonderful and one of the best teacher/professor things ive ever met and was just like "oh *max* i'm so glad your here : )"

I sat down and my fucking backpack wouldn't work so i couldnt get my stuff out of it without being extremely loud

While Im in the process of banging my backpack on my desk tearing it at the seams etc my wonderful prof decided this would be the perfect time to ask me to introduce myself

My prof proceeds to tell us a story about how she or someone she worked with (i cant remember which one it was) had a client that got their dick stuck in a ceiling fan.

How does one get their dick stuck in a cieling fan? Idk. She didnt either

This class was like three hours long and so naturally I was half asleep the entire time

She decides to call on me while im half asleep

It scared the shit out of me

We took a break halfway through the class and i got hot chocolate and popcorn and it was really nice but im weird about eating/drinking in front of people so after i had to go back to class i was just clutching these two items awkwardly until we left.

At the end of the class we circled back to the 'what are you passionate about' question and this girl in my class goes on about how she was late diagnosed with autism and how she really wants to work on making those resources more available to afab people and how she wants to advocate for more research and better education on how different disorders effect men vs women and how to spot it in women because if you didnt know its a whole thing in the asd community about girls being severely underdiagnosed and its a really big problem and yeah the more you know

The entire time shes going on about this im like staring at her like 🙂. Like look here girly ME TOO I LIVED THIUS SHIT TOO

And so after class I found her and she asked for my phone number and everything and it was so wonderful and i think i made my first friends since physically being at college

I think I've mentioned this other dude on here before but pretty much this guy I met when I was like 8 or 9 and we were really good friends throughout elementary school but kind of grew apart in middle school and he went to an alternative school in highschool and hes always been so kind and i missed him a lot and here he goes to my school and so ive been reunited with him

Like I said this dude knew me since I was like 8 and it was always such a weird relationship because we knew eachother so well and he was the first person ive ever felt like wasnt constantly judging me and that i could just like relax around if that makes sense and i've always really cherished our friendship and im really happy im friends with him again

turns out hes fucking autistic too

within the last year ive found out that out of the four close friends ive had in my life three are austic

and the fourth is a girl diagnosed with bipolar/ocd/mdd/gad so you know how that goes.

So i thought thats funny

but i was talking to my friend and he accused me of having a fucking HICKEY

Like I said this dude knows me really well

he knows i have no bitches

like BRO

i have hives on my neck right now idk what theyre from im taking meds

Idk why i numbered this these numbers are for nothing but dramatic affect

He's queer in some way and he came out to me by asking me 'hey *max* when we were kids did you ever think i was gay 🤔

And i was like yeah *f* i did.

But then he was telling me about this blow job one of his boyfriends gave him one time and it was so weird because this was the same kid that i dated when i was like 10 and that used to spend the entire recess time telling me about rocks and fossils and that i used to play tag with and shit

I couldnt invision this man getting a blow job

F if you somehow found me on tumblr and your reading this like 'hey wait a minute' no your not. its a different person i swear its just a coincidence. < 3

[angelicgaming1007]

And

I've had people tell me

Don't expect anything from others

Get over it

Birthdays aren't a big deal

You're not a child

Don't rely on others to feel good about yourself

Don't rely on others to feel special

No one has to care about you (Aha same goes for everyone else, should I stop caring too then or would that be a b*tchy thing to do? the people saying this always think so)

Let me raise you a

I have taken care of people since I was 5 it started with my mother and brothers, being a parent and a therapist for everyone in my life.

At 14 it started being my 'friends' who at the time were adults. Even now when we're all adults it still is that way

for many of the people that let me down I've been helping them for 6+ years of their lives since we met. this help includes monentarily or when they need to consult me on things or need help with their work which I've provided free f*cking labor for them, staying up late nights on multiple occasions to help them while they slept, because "we're friends"

This has happened with EVERY friendship EVERY year

The bare minimum im asking is for them to say "happy birthday" thats it. They can't even do that not even late, I already know I wont get it tomorrow as a belated birthday wish because thats how it is EVERY YEAR

Except for the past 3 months. Every year of my life since 14 I would be helping people on and off constantly for 28 days a month. I only got about 2 days off per month where I could relax. because it was drama and problems CONSTANTLY. And the days I was helping them I would get an average of 5 hours of sleep a night 6 if I was lucky. and then I'd get in sh*t and trouble with them for "Sleeping too long and missing out on their messages" THAT is how ALL my friendships have been

I've been through 200+ different friendships ones I DID give my all into and kept up. Ones I worked my A** off in you might think 200+ is too many and how could I possibly have maintained so many. A lot of work thats how and because im a great multitasker, fast typer too. And it was 200+ since I was 14 to now. thats 6+ years. to me thats not a lot compared to the years. My skill is handling 16 different chats that are active conversations at once on a daily basis. (Which cuts down to 6 when im in the process of helping others through issues)

After 20 years of pure sh*t now (and yes I know this reveals my age if you do the math idrc right now judge me if you want) I think I deserve something better.

People don't seem to realize, I'm going through life not only with Autism struggling with social situations and cues but im also going through life with impaired / stunted emotional development and with attachment, abandonment and trust issues, paired with attention / affection / touch starvation. I'm not the same as others. I'm not healthy. You can't play around with my heart and expect me to be utterly fine. I take it harder than others im not just "sensitive" im broken and you're playing with a piece of glass when you f*ck with my emotions.

I'm finally entering my f*ck everyone era I think after this birthday. I've had enough.

Being let down every single year since I was born. Like. 90% of people in my life lying to me or ditching me, breaking promises every birthday. the one day of the year thats mine. But they are always around when THEY need something.

F*ck that im done with it. this birthday I went in without hopes until a few days prior to it when everyone insisted on getting my hopes up pestering and coaxing me to be excited. then I was let down again. This feels like a cruel game people are playing at this point and im p*ssed, im sick to my stomach, i'm hurt, and im done

If you make promises you can't keep consistantly every year to me. Find the door if you are only there when you need something and either A. wont be there for me or B. never want to just chat or fangirl or just hang out. Find the door.

I'm done. I have who I need right here. I have tumblr you guys were there when my friends of YEARS weren't.

My streamer friends who I supported, who I was a moderator for who I helped, who I constantly donated money to to help them build their stream setups, save their shops, pay for their medical bills or groceries, WHILE gifting them games and homemade art, WHILE being a faux therapist and mom friend to them for 2 - 4 years straight. Weren't there for one goddamned day of the year. AGAIN. its not the first time.

I know im not perfect but I do my damned best and im honest. I won't make a promise I don't intend to keep and if by chance something happens that prevents me from keeping it. I always make up for it and apologize sincerely. Because thats who I am, because I know that sh*t hurts.

So thank you to my newest friends who I met through tumblr. You are angels, god sent and I appreciate and love you for being there for me.

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[elytrafemme]

i dislike astrology as a serious:tm: thing but enjoy it as like. fun silly autism thing. but you're valid i did the same "i need something to base my personality on" thing for a while though i have kinda given up now. we DO know an unreasonable amount about astrology becauseeee charting is fun and charting characters is also fun (autism). like it does very much activate our specific flavor of autism (love for sorting and charting). we're a gemini sun i'd say out of all the signs it does fit for sun even though i wouldn't consider the host to have pronounced dual sides (obviously moon and rising affects things too though, especially since our moon is sagi and we have leo rising, the two fire signs would give us a more consistently intense personality. LIKE I SAID. autism). also hiiiiiiiiii nice to see you and talk to you as well! i have been writing a lot so been more busy this month! and i am working on my art getting a lot more into still life's. only took us our entire life to go back to the basics. -🍇

my trajectory of liking astrology was that it was something my mother had an interest in when we were all born in terms of picking out birth dates (she's a woman of science and religion but she's made an exception for this, which I guess I also did), to me only using it as a party trick, to me liking it about averagely, to me loving it to the extent i do now. at one point it was probably my love of categorization from neurodivergence but now it's serious 😭<- bearer of the curse

SORTING AND CHARTING SOOOOO FUCKING TRUE i swear I could just . put things into boxes for soooo long. its funny bc its like, with the game Phasmophobia for instance, i would hate playing the game but ive spent hours just reading about the different types of ghosts and things like that, I do that with everything. makes my brain buzz!

HEYYYY LEO RISING BUDDIES!!! mhm mhm gotcha, yeah I find it interesting to see how types of signs meld too , like for me i'm mostly fire and earth in my dominant placements which explains my intense emotions and grounded nature a lot tbh . as well as my hellish stubbornness LMAO

HIIIIII!!!!!!! oh my God yeah I saw ur nanowrimo/writing posts n stuff good luck w that that sounds awesome!!!! also the one still life i saw you do is fucking INCREDIBLE like im still thinking about it rn, so glad ur in your creative era and really happy u are sharing it with us bc i love love love seeing u post ur art and writing and thoughts on dash :D <3

[aikalie]

What my autism means to me

To me, my autism has affected almost every aspect of my life without me realizing it. I've always been a really social person, but it's always been easier to be social online. I've been praised many times for how easy it is to make friends, except it rarely feels like people genuinely want to be around me. When I was younger, I saw interacting with people as a form of "practice" to learn how to interact better. At some point in each friendship, if they go on long enough, someone will misunderstand something I say. I'll say something matter-of-factly and they'll get unreasonably upset without me knowing why. Trying to resolve these issues usually just makes it worse. Without me realizing, the very literal things I was saying were being interpreted as having some kind of hidden meaning that was seen as highly offensive. Realizing I'm autistic, at the very least, gives me an understanding of why this is happening and gives me a chance a fixing the problem instead of just being abandoned without knowing what I even did.

Knowing I'm autistic has also let me learn how to communicate. I'm able to tell people "I mean this literally but" or work out ways of communicating with people who don't get it. There's still hiccups sometimes where people want to believe I'm some demon but I do my best. My girlfriend is also autistic and our communication, while not always perfect, is something special. We're able to communicate our needs clearly and explain if something upset us or if we dont understand something. Communication is always a work in progress, but knowing I'm autistic was like a huge arrow in the right direction to learning.

Social etiquette is another beast entirely. Following specific rules for specific places made little sense to us. If you're in a fancy place why should you wear clothes that are restrictive and only act in certain ways? Why should I do this or that when I just wanna act like myself? Acting how we want has made us come off as carefree or childish to a lot of people, or cool to others; Meanwhile I simply just don't understand the social rules well enough to follow them or care. It's inappropriate to bring a plushie into the office and cuddle it while working? Why though, like serious answer. They're something I love, and I'm here all day and they help me get my work done better, why should I not have one aside from social etiquette.

Stimming is another thing I've had a lot of internalized shame about. There were a lot of things I do that I didn't quite realize were stimming, like playing with my hair or cracking my knuckles. But something like rocking back and forth when im happy or sad has always been see as a negative autistic trope, so I forcibly stopped myself from doing that and felt a lot of shame. I've felt way more comfortable with myself since I let myself enjoy these things. Holding some kind of toy or a plushie to stim with helps me keep focused. Knowing I'm autistic has helped a lot in letting myself stim more for positive effects and not guilt myself about it.

I've always had a weird relationship with food. The types of foods we like depends on who's fronting in the system, but oftentimes we prefer foods without too many conflicting flavors. After learning about autism, we realized texture plays a massive factor in our diet. One food we all universally hate is mashed potatoes, we cant even eat french fries if they're too soft. People always gave us shit about this like "who doesn't like potatoes what even are you". I cant stand their texture, it repulses me. A bunch of other foods are like this too. We always were believed to be a picky eater, but most of the pickiness comes from texture issues. We also tend to have foods that we can eat 3 times a day for weeks on end, nothing but that food. Even people we were close to kind of thought this was weird but just went along with it. One day we just stop eating that food suddenly. Everything made a lot more sense when we realized it was the autism, and we're able to not hate ourselves for being so picky now.

Not only with food, but our senses play into things a lot more than we realized. We're not as averse to fabrics as much as others may be but we still keep to comfortable clothes and materials. We really like blankets and plushies, they're really soft and make us comfy. When it comes to sounds, something like a crying baby or sirens are miserable. We were told we were being immature when we were younger for covering our ears from bad noises, we didn't understand why noone else did. I realize now that because I'm autistic, those bad noises actually cause my physical agony, like my body is screaming out, while for neurotypical people those bad noises are merely uncomfortable. We prefer small, dim spaces with lots of soft objects over anything else. We often have trouble processing speech, so it can take a few tries to recognize what someone said. This makes listening to music hard as after a dozen listens we still probably won't understand what the lyrics in a song are. We tried noise canceling headphones before, and cutting out the bulk of sound really helped our mood. Sensory input can become incredibly overwhelming without realizing it.

Stuff like pattern recognition with autism? We're not amazing at patterns persay, but sometimes we're great at figuring things out in our own ways. Routines never made sense to us, but with the magic of autistic literal thinking, we thought routines were like "you only follow a planner of what to do every hour". In actuality its more like, you prefer doing certain things in certain ways or orders. We shower every morning, we dont feel properly awake if we don't. After a shower we need to put lotion on our whole body or we feel wrong. We put silverware away specifically spoons, then forks, then knives just because that feels like the way they should be ordered, even though it really shouldn't matter. A weirder one we didnt understand why others didn't care but our blanket needs to be on the right way, with seams downwards and the tag by our feet, anything else feels wrong.

Realizing we had autism made us feel less like we were quirky little weirdos and let us learn to be happy with the way we are. It's impossible to explain every example of autism in our life, but since learning we had it we've been constantly realizing why we are certain ways and make sense of ourselves in a positive way for once.

[bisexualhobi]

Now you might as well continue this bc im invested. What's your take on the others bond regarding hoseok? I dont really ship anyone, but I do feed off of their dynamic. I actually appreciate vhope a lot, their dynamic is friendly, compared to Namseok, and i love how their energies mingle. While Namseok has this familiar throbbing tension and adoration. Their action seemed slightly controlled around each other, and it's honestly like watching two teens dance around eachother.

OH WOW omg this is such a good question but it also opens the gates to me flooding your dash with 20 pages of analysis on each hobi relationship.... so i will try to keep it SHORT!!!!! let’s get it! i will talk about them not in order of which ones i like more or not, but in order of who i know the most about/feel more comfortable analyzing

HOBI/JIMIN: 

this one is SO special because it can work either platonically or romantically. they are so tender, so attuned to each other’s needs. 

i’ve actually thought abt them a lot because as much as people love to talk about vmin being soulmates (which they are!) jimin and hoseok are imo just as much soulmates. or kindred spirits if you will. 

THEY’VE BEEN ROMMATES FOR SEVEN YEARS!!!!! who tf does that and doesn’t get tired of each other? soulmates that’s who 

to me jihope is just,,, that comfort of having someone know you down the marrow. 

they are dancers before they are idols. they are two people trying to find a sense of purpose in the world through dancing. 

jimin is SO tactile and you can really see how he’s slowly but surely coaxed it out of hobi to be comfortable and actually seek that sort of affection. it’s beautiful. 

to me jihope is seeing yourself reflected in another-- that sort of slow realization of “oh. it’s you. it’s always been you.” 

they are both over critical of themselves but think the other one is perfect..... so it’s really an echo chamber of “you’re the best dancer” “no YOU’RE the best dancer” “NO YOU ARE!” 

they can bicker like siblings but also talk about their deepest fears/thoughts in hushed tones under the blanket while they spoon on the same bed... it’s beautiful. 

jimin is the best best friend for hoseok in my head. he IS that bff that gives hobi a friendship bracelet and will still own it 20 years from now. he’s the “i’m gonna be your children’s godfather” best friend. they are just unbearably soft.

HOBI/JUNGKOOK: 

listen. l i s t e n ! the golden duo. the favorite maknae and the ace hyung. they are just... SO giggly with each other. so so funny. 

jungkook is an introvert, so the way i see it he probably was someone that took his time before opening up, before having the confidence to just go up to one of his members and touch. especially at the beginning, when he was a wide eyed 16 year old. but with hoseok it’s just. IT’S NATURAL. it’s like seeing the waves lap up the shore, or two otters holding hands in the river. 

i have a headcanon that jk is synesthetic or at least ND on some level because of how sensitive he is to smells (i am on the autism spectrum and i can tell you smells are a BIG thing for people like me,,,, not saying he’s in the spectrum but i love thinking of him as synesthetic). 

so every time i see him bury his nose in the soft hairs of hobi’s nape i just. i melt into a puddle on the ground. THIS MAN CAN’T TAKE THE SMELL OF HOTEL ROOMS TO THE POINT HE HAS TO BRING CANDLES OR COMFORT ITEMS WITH HIM ON TOUR and he’s been caught several times in 4k sniffing hoseok like a puppy. 

i will wrap it up now but i’m just gonna say... jungkook is hobi’s baby!! but he’s like that overgrown puppy who still thinks of himself as small when in reality he’s,,, a samoyed trying to fit himself on hobi’s lap. 

in real life i truly see jungkook as having some of the strongest/deepest bonds both with namjoon and hobi. 

for fic purposes, i see kookie as this boy who is SO protective of his hobi-hyung he will do anything for him, be it a friend, a lover, a confidant, etc. 

hoseok really lets his guard down with him bc he’s the maknae. and seeing kookie grow from this shy boy to this big, confident man who is finally doing what HE wants for his own happiness instead of what people want from him.... it’s overwhelming for hobi. 

they are the golden duo and they have my heart period!!

HOBI/TAEHYUNG: 

oh wow this was my first ship in the bts fandom,,,, good times. i was like HOLD UP! who are they and why do they act like that around each other and most importantly.... WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THEM??? 

i firmly believe that if hobi was in the maknae line vhope would be AS popular as tkk IF NOT MORE!!!! 

i think tae is the one who most openly will flirt or just go out of his way to make sure hoseok knows how much he admires him and it makes hobi SO flustered. he will literally smile like aww that’s nice :) and then run the other way. that’s why i LOVE how taehyung gives zero fucks. 

it’s a lot like jungkook’s crush on namjoon. it’s just SO transparent and they both have ZERO chill so they end up making namseok feel awkward af because they’re like haha what the fuck... 

i also have a small headcanon that tae is neurodivergent. idk why or which type of ND but he just strikes me as.... having some tics and even patterns of speech that remind me of my ND friends. and sometimes that comes off as having no filter/being awkward and you can see in the rest of the group how sometimes they literally have NO idea how to respond to something taehyung did. 

but not hobi. he is always SO patient, so comforting, always makes sure to show tae is being heard. 

i think they are just AMAZING for each other because their personalities are so complimentary. it’s also the sweetest thing when hobi does something like break out in dance or singing in the middle of an interview and tae WILL laugh and he WILL follow hoseok. 

that’s called mirroring. vhope do it more than any other pairing in the group. 

in fanfic terms,,,, they have SO much sexual tension you can cut it with a knife. they truly compliment each other amazingly well, and the sheer amount of sex appeal taehyung exudes is just *chef’s kiss* for flustered/innocent hobi tropes.

i will continute with yoongi and seokjin in a second part!! i’ll add it here as a reblog

[bnha-butterfly]

Hi! Aaaaa it says reqs are open so? Dbdbbff could i pls request the twins suna and kita with a trans male autistic s/o? Like headcanons on how they interact with him or whatever u want really tbh jdndfnn just ignore this if i did it wrong and sorry if i was specific enough. Ty in advance!

 Kita, Suna, Atsamu, Osamu with an autistic trans male s/o

Hi hi random ask again fnfnf so u said u prob might take a while to get around to my request so i figured if i sent this ask in to give further detail it wouldnt like really screw with anything bc u havent started working on it yet? Presumably? Hdhdhf when i sent my req in i didnt really have anything specific in mind outside of general autism but! I did think of more details that i havent seen really talked about in general (in all kinda autism content and discussions ngl) so uh what do u think about adding to my request "low functioning" s/o like cant go to school or get a job bc its just so stressful and s/o cant cope type stuff (bc whenever theres autism representation its always the more "higher functioning" end of things which is like not everyones autism? Like its like that very one dimensional type of autism rep when theres so many different ways it affects ppl and - i am not going to go on a rant in an ask jesus christ im so sorry djdhfh) and dealing with some rejection sensitivity dysphroia/rsd?? Bc these are topics that dont really get covered and all fnfnfn its ok if u dont want/cant add this to my req tho im sorry for just randomly springing more details on you dhdhfb also sorry this is really long and wordy and if its hard to understand i tried to write it in a way thatd make sense dnfjf i just wanted to send this for your consideration ok ty! Sjdjfh 💚💚 💚

A/n - Just as a heads up I try to keep my blog as functioning label free as possible cus they lowkey make me uncomfy (don’t worry I didn’t have it in my rules so it's okay!) I’ll explain why they make me uncomfy/ why I hate them in a different post if anyone wants to know why. 

Kita Shinsuke

  This man always has a stim toy. Realistically he probably has a little pouch in his book bag that he carries with him everywhere that is just full of stim items. There’s a stress ball , a fidget cube and a few other things

Whenever you feel dysphoric he will literally remind you about how handsome you are. I mean like stand you in front of the mirror and point out all of his favorite parts of you

Definitely reminds you to be kind to your body and your brain cus they’re doing the best they can

If he has to cancel plans with you he always makes it up to you and tells you that he’d rather spend time with you.

Kita is so understanding and caring. He understands that school and work aren’t really an option for everyone for different reasons and he definitely understands that both are designed for neurotypical people.

Suna Rintaro

Rin keeps an extra pair of headphones on him at all times for if you get overwhelmed 

If you ever mention to him that you’re going to sleep or if he sending you a good night text he always reminds you to take off your binder

Sometimes he wants to hangout with the team and has to turn you down. He knows RSD can make turning down spending time together feel like a kick in the face so he always promises to spend time with you later and tell you he loves you

If you ever have a low spoons + dysphoria type of day he’s coming over and spending time with you in bed. He’s bringing some of your favorite snacks/drinks/food and one of his hoodies that still smell like him. 

His love language is quality time so he probably takes you on a lot of dates. Especially if they have something to do with your special interest or hyper fixation

Miya Osamu

He learns how to cook all of your safe foods just the way you like it.

Every morning you are greeted with a kiss to your temple and a sleepy Osamu grumbling a soft “good morning handsome” to you.

He understands that work isn’t really for you. But, sometimes he’ll take you with him to the onigiri shop with him to keep him company. 

This man would move heaven and earth to see you happy everyday without hesitation. 

He’s super responsive to all boundaries you have. Don’t want to be touched or cuddled a certain way? Okay. Need him to give you space after a meltdown/shutdown or on extremely dysphoria days? No problem.

Miya Atsumu

If you are nonverbal/semi verbal he definitely made you communication cards. He gave them to you for either an anniversary or your birthday and they are super well done. They’re laminated their color coated and they’re just lovely

He’s such a good listener. He could listen to you talk all day and never get tired. Whether it’s you just talking about insecurities while in bed together or him listening to you talk about a hyperfixation/ special interest you know he’s always willing to listen. 

Insecurities who??? Not with Atsumu around. If he is not kissing away your insecurities he’s making you “laugh away the bad vibes”. 

He always reminds you how much he loves you. He literally will not leave for practice until he gets a kiss and tells you he loves you, it’s gotten him in trouble for being late a few times but he always says he’d do it again. (and he always ends up doing it again)

[curious-menace]

Arkham Scarecrow SFW Alphabet

im really enjoying writing arkham scarecrow. maybe ill do something similar to my random riddler headcanons posts with some scarecrows

long post under the cut

 A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Uhhh, the short answer is no. Jonathan is almost wholly incapable of what most people would term “affection”. His idea of loving is not using you for his experiments, only giving you small doses to build up your immunity( not that that will stop him from enjoying watching you panic). Jonathan leans heavily on gifts and words of affirmation as his language of love ( assuming he can even feel that emotion). He calls you  “my dear”  and “my darling” or once “my pumpkin” if he had too much to drink. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Jonathan would make a good friend if he could ever be wrangled into admitting it. He’s a complete bastard, but he's a loyal bastard. He always goes above and beyond for his friends but it's always in a “aw shit. My favorite idiot needs help AGAIN?!” begrudging , kind of way. You probably met in university/college and if you've stuck with him this long he’d be hard to get rid of.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He never asks for cuddles and is pretty touch adversed as a rule. Sometimes though, He simply plonks himself in your space and expects you to know what he wants. Usually it's gentle backrubs/strokes like you would with a child. Sometimes he just wants your warmth to sooth his aching body. He’s heavier than he was in Arkham asylum but still very underweight so you shouldn't have too much trouble moving him into a comfortable position.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely not. I'm not convinced this man owns more than his books and the burlap sack on his back ,never mind a home. He has plans to take the cloudburst on tour, to go cross country and then across the world spreading fear. That would be a little difficult if he had gotham mortgage sending him nasty emails every other day about missed payments. While he can cook and clean, I doubt you'd want to eat anything he made. Ignoring his filthy hands, he's probably laced it with fear toxin or a lethal amount of hot sauce.

His homemade cleaning chemicals are pretty stellar mind you. They can get blood, piss or tears out of anything. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Scarecrow really is a ride or die kinda guy. If you've wormed your way into his life then he’s going to do literally everything and anything to keep you in it. He’s not above making you dependent on him for safety just to keep you around longer. He’s not a total monster to the people he cares about mind you. If you really didn't want to be with him, he’d let you go….eventually.

I'm not sure he fully understands the concept of a “breakup”on his end. He gets that you don't see eachother anymore but I don't think he quite grasps that it's not because one party is dead. There's a 99% chance he’ll use you for his fear toxin experiments as a way of kicking you to the kerb. If you wake up in a ditch with a text that says “we’re through” you should consider yourself lucky. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I canon arkham scarecrow as having been engaged at one point in his life, possibly around the time of origins. I can imagine his partner gave him a “me or the fear toxin” ultimatum which has led to the man you know now. Despite how he looks, how he speaks and acts, he’s still open to the idea of a partner. He’s a loyal man who can't stand backstabbers, he’d appreciate someone like a spouse/husband/wife to have his back. If he decided he wanted to get married he’d propose almost immediately. It might be more of a business or thesis type proposal with lots of talking rather than flowers and wine and you're likely to be married as soon as you said yes. 

He has a tiny pumpkin ring saved for the occasion. Something like this (image credit https://www.banggood.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle, in a creepy way unsurprisingly. He was a little stronger than the average man before the incident with croc, all that cardio and fighting with batman made him a skinny legend amongst the rogues for how well he could fight. Now? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. Mostly he's calm and soft, especially when you wouldn't expect him to be.  He can still be an emotionally manipulative person but chances are good you're smart enough to see right through him. Calling him on his bs is actually a good way to endear yourself to him. He likes a challenge and he loves it when people think they can outsmart him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hmm. yes and no. Scarecrow is severely touch adversed, but...It's not like with Riddler; Edward is on the autism spectrum and genuinely gets overstimulated by a lot of physical contact, he doesn't usually enjoy it unless under specific circumstances. Scarecrow WANTS to be hugged and held on occasion, but the mere thought of someone in his personal bubble sends his hackles up. 

When he first woke up after the asylum, he clung to you like a lampent. Scarecrow gives and recieves hugs like someone who needs them to breath.Your warmth soothes the aching pain when even drugs couldn't . By the time of Arkham Knight he’s grown cold and distant. His hugs are few and far between and unusually half hearted even when he initiates them. Maybe he’s just preoccupied with batman.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I doubt he’d ever say the words ``i love you” but he’s absolutely going to quote love poetry at you, recite lines from his favorite literature  “shall i compare you to a summer's day” and all that. That’s far better than a simple “i love you” right?

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jonathan is sort of one note when it comes to expressing frustration. Coffee machine not working? Melt it down into fear toxin vials. Line at the grocery store? Gas everyone out of his way. He doesnt get mad, he gets even. He’s not a super jealous person, he’s probably the most secure in himself out of all the rogues in Gotham bar Selina and ivy. But when something does hit his jealousy bone just right? LORD HE IS TERRIBLE. 

Unless you were the instigator, you are 100% safe but the poor soul who made the mistake of flirting with you will never see the light of day again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He can't really kiss to be honest. He lacks a lot of lip tissue and tongue dexterity for deep smooching. He’s quite happy to give you little pecks on the cheek but anywhere else will get sloppy and he's not a fan of that. Jonathan has actually started to bump you with his head like a cat in lieu of kisses. Rare as it is, when he wants kisses he has a tendency to nuzzle into the crook of your neck or rest his head on your shoulder. He likes to be kissed on the cheek , forehead and top of his head. Most other places are covered in scars and lack the sensitivity to enjoy it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He likes to scare kids. It's not as malicious as it is with adults, he just likes to yell boo at them, smiling as they scream and giggle and run away. It's probably the most innocent he’ll act around other people. He still doesnt like them per say but he’ll tolerate them in small doses. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Scarecrow , like most rogues, is not a morning person. He doesn't sleep well and he is hella grumpy when he first wakes up. Expect to watch him shuffle around his hideout like a zombie, still wearing a quilt and his dressing gown as he complains about everything from the weather to the loud creaking of the floorboards. You should present him with food and coffee and then retreat to a safe distance until he’s fully awake, otherwise he’s liable to turn on his grumpy old man routine on you. If he's feeling particularly sore or needy, he’ll ask you to help change his bandages and dressings .

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It really depends on what he feels like in the moment. Sometimes he’ll leave you at home while he goes out to cause general mischief, sometimes he’ll bring you along as a look out. Sometimes it's a low-key night at the hideout reading and sometimes it's a caffeine fueled frenzie of experimentation and lab work with you as his trusty lab assistant.  He doesn't sleep well at night, the aches keep him up. If he were ever to actually go to bed he might find that you make a great pillow.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As much as he resents people having the upperhand with information, it's hard not for people to see his past. His scars are so easily visible, inside and out. He doesn't talk about his past unless prompted. But if you do he’ll quite happily answer all your questions; he’s not afraid of discussing it. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jonathan is a very patient man, not just when it comes to revenge.It takes quite a lot to make him fly off the handle and he cools off again quickly. That's not to say he doesn't hold a grudge like he’s being paid for it, only that it's more of a simmering anger rather than a boiling one.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers most things about you, he has an excellent memory. But that being said he never lets on that he knows these things. He likes to hear you talk about the things that interest you, even if you've told him about it before. Watching you wax lyrical about your chosen subject makes him feel close to you. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

I don't know if it's a favorite or even a positive memory but when he first woke up from surgery after croc you were lying beside him. He was understandably confused, maybe even afraid, but seeing you there brought him great comfort. He didn't know what was happening because of all the meds, but as long as you were with him he was confident things would work out for him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He means well, you should always keep that in mind  before you snap at him. He brought you to the arkham knights HQ to protect you from his plans, he’s given you micro doses of fear toxin to build your resistance and by the time of arkham knight you can hardly move for the amount of guards he has following you around. He’s overbearing bordering on controlling but I think it's because he simply can't admit the thought of losing you scares him, even just a little. You aren't a rogue, you don't know Batman like they do. He just needs to keep you safe from batman, from the police and from the ugly world outside.

Given how weak he’s been viewed practically all his life, I believe he’d resent the accusation he needed protecting. deep in his mind he knows no one man is an island. He appreciates little helps even if he won't say it. He doesn't need protection per say but If nothing else, after being injected with his new toxin, he's going to need someone who’s corpus mentis in his corner for court and medical proceedings.  

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His idea of a perfect date is you two working on your respective projects in comfortable silence, maybe a trip to the museum if he feels like the exercise. Obviously that suits some people down to the ground, myself included, but he gets that it's not for everyone. He’s probably ok with you planning the activities provided you warn him beforehand. 

Given everything he’s been planning for batman, things like important dates and even everyday tasks have a tendency to get lost in the fray. He's not doing it on purpose, He’s glad to celebrate these things with you if you remind him, He's just got his priorities in a funny order.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He shuffles his feet when he walks and is one of those people who always has conversations in doorways. You can never be sure he isn't aware of these habits and is doing them on purpose. He also used to smoke quite heavily but has since given it up due to his throat and lung issues.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's sort of a mixed bag with him. On the one hand he knows he’s ugly, that's the point. You're MEANT to be scared looking at him, he’s leaning into it. But on the other hand his “look” is a carefully maintained visage; if it slips it might lose the intended effect. He might not be as scary to look at or worse, people might look at him in pity. It's not ordinary vanity or narcissism but yes, he is concerned with maintaining the way he looks 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The concept of feeling whole is somewhat lost on him; He’s clearly missing a few screws even in his most lucid moments. That said even in the depths of madness brought on by his toxin, he still notices your absence. Still incredibly distressed In his cell in blackgate, he can often be heard crying out to you for comfort  but is lacking the wherewithal to understand why you're not there. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Given that he has pretty extensive facial injuries, eating is pretty difficult for him. He used to really enjoy bagels and cubanos from gothams many deli’s. His favorite was a kosher deli in The Cauldron, before Joker ruined it. They’ve since rebuilt and while he can't eat many solids anymore , he still enjoys their matzo soup and smoothies. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like most of the rogues, he absolutely can't stand bullies.He also can't stand physically aggressive people; if you're going to even TRY and intimidate him maybe you could use your words like someone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together, rare as that is in gotham. Back when he was a psychiatrist he hated people who were chronically late. Not his patients, most of the time it wasn't their fault  due to executive dysfunction or traffic, but people who kept HIM back and made HIM late were the bane of his existence. 

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Crane is a back sleeper who snores because of his damaged septum.He knows he makes a noise akin to a flip flop in a lawn mower but there is literally nothing he can do about it besides sleep on his stomach. He squirms around a lot in his sleep so even if he starts on his stomach, he’ll be on his back snoring like a dead horse in no time. The only thing that could keep him frontwise is if he were to sleep on you and have you hold him in place. 

[nepenthendline]

Mental Health Headcannons - Tsukishima, Kageyama, Ushijima, Tendou & Bokuto

All these are from my knowledge and based off of each character’s actions haikyuu, this is all my opinion so feel free to discuss other thoughts! I’m happy to talk about each more in depth if anyone would like it :) this is just me projecting my own problems on fictional characters

You can also message me if you wanna talk about these too!!

This is going to be long

TW: Mental health, learning difficulties, eating disorders, self-harm

Tsukishima - Depression, Anxiety & OCD

Tbh someone else (I’ve been trying to find their username to tag them but I can’t find it, they’re called something like theguessmonta but idk) has amazing posts about Tsukishima and his mental health which I totally agree with all of it so some of this is going to be pretty similar

I think his mental health problems started when he was quite young, around the time when the Akiteru drama happened so he’s been dealing with these for a while

Having depression can often make a person seem very disinterested/sarcastic/negative as a way of pushing back emotions and self-protection which explains a lot of the way Tsukishima acts towards some people (I have a whole post on how he isn’t just some asshole)

His anxiety stems from a place of terrible self-esteem and self-image, it’s clear to see he has a bad sense of self-worth when he talks about how people are obviously a lot better than him, he’s just there to ‘stop trouble happening’

Tsukki suffers from panic attacks quite regularly (especially when he was a bit younger) but he tends to shut himself off then they happen, he doesn’t want anyone else to see him like that

His anxiety and overthinking is often why he keeps his headphones on him at all times, listening to music helps drown out the sounds around him and those in his head

His OCD got worse over time - first it was things like turning the light switch on and off repeatedly until it felt right, or tapping on his desk before he went to bed, but as his anxiety and self-esteem got worse it developed into him needing himself to be perfect

This included only eating a certain amount of calories a day (no where near the amount he should be eating) or getting a very specific grade on an exam, where even one number over or under set him into a panic

Things got to their worst for Tsukki around the age of 13 - this is where he was much too underweight and self-harming on his hips (so no one else could see)

Probably also thought about suicide a couple times around this point

He has tried a couple different types of anti-depressants in the past, however none have seemed to help

He likes a lot of time alone - he gets too overwhelmed dealing with other people

The only person besides his family and Yamaguchi that knows about his OCD is Kageyama - they both noticed each others odd, repetitive habits until Kageyama asked him about it one day, while they don’t get along too well, they feel some comfort in each other understanding their actions

Kageyama - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

wow what a smooth segue 

this boy is like a walking definition of ASD - coming from a person with ASD

Kageyama was diagnosed with Type 1/High-functioning Autism when he was very young (probably around 3-5 years old)

He struggles with social interaction, knowing what to say to people and most importantly, how to say it, e.g. when he smiles people often think he looks angry

Kageyama has never had many, if any, friends before Karasuno, as he has often struggled with conversation and speaking in an inappropriate tone that may make some people uncomfortable or even scared

He isn’t very good when it comes to remembering academic studies but if it relates to his fixations (volleyball) he is extremely intelligent - this is seen clearly when Daichi shows their team hand gestures and Kageyama says he remembered them in a day

Kageyama uses masking a lot - it’s a technique people with ASD tend to do which involves copying other peoples actions in order to understand social situations, he does this many times in the anime/manga such as his awkward BBQ song dance, or high-fives

He visited a social worker once a week while he was little until he started middle school, resulting in his behaviours getting worse

Towards the end of his first year at Karasuno he went back to therapies regularly and has anger-management training in order to help him express himself in a manageable way - he probably won’t admit it but it helps a lot (key note is that having anger-management training often does not have anything to do with anger, simply just managing emotions in general but it often a great type of therapy for those with ASD although he is a bit of an angry boi sometimes)

ASD comes with repetitive, almost OCD-like tendencies - two examples include filing his nails every single day and having a very specific routine before going to bed that consists of drinking milk, putting on pjs, laying in bed and throwing + catching a ball, brushing his teeth and going to bed on his left side - if he doesn’t do these things at the right times/in the right order, he gets extremely anxious and agitated

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Ushijima - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

autism buds with kageyama

I kid thats probably a bad idea

Ushijima was also diagnosed with Type 1/High-Functioning Autism when he was 5

Unfortunately due to the stigma around Autism, his family (besides his father) were not very accepting of this and he was put into therapy at a young age

While this was actually helpful for him, his family insisted his therapies should ‘cure’ him and were dismissive of the many times a doctor told them that ASD is not a curable disorder

Outside of therapy he does not receive much support from his family, except his father who got him a pair of noise-cancelling headphones he used to wear until he 8 whenever they went out together - he was only allowed to wear them if it was just him and his father, the rest of his family thought it made it too obvious there was ‘something wrong with the child’

Extending on this, Ushijima was very sensitive to sensory input as a child, and while he still is, it has become easier to manager as he has gotten older

His ASD is most prevalent in his lack of understand ways of communication, such as sarcasm or jokes, and tends to take things very literally 

@simp4satori and I came to the conclusion that if you were to call him daddy during sex, or ask him to ‘punish you’ the poor boy would have NO CLUE - would probably call your dad and tell him you needed to speak to him, or say you can’t watch anime for a week lol 

He is extremely direct when he talks, to the point where it comes across rude or hurtful but he doesn’t realise this until someone mentions it

Tendou probably helps him rephrase things from time-to-time in order for him to get his point across

He gets very anxious when faced with things he doesn’t know about or understand (this is mentioned by Tendou in the manga), this can include people, going to new places or trying new foods

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Tendou - Depression and Anxiety (also a highly sensitive person - that’s not a mental health disorder or illness but it does affect him)

Tendou’s mental health suffered from a young age due to bullying in school

This caused a lot of low self-esteem and low mood, and he was later on diagnosed with depression and anxiety

Only his family, Ushijima and his coach know about this, and even then, only his family know any details

No one would really expect Tendou to deal with such mental health issues as he always keeps a bubbly, happy persona around others - he doesn’t want people to think he is weak or cowardly

It is also hard for others to see and he is someone with high-highs and low-lows, so when he is happy or excited his emotions are quite extreme

Tendou’s anxiety relates a lot to his image, mainly his appearance and the way he acts, but he is also a general over thinker

He doesn’t have panic attacks as often as Tsukishima does, however they do happen occasionally when things just get too much

He often thinks that people are staring at him, or talking about him whenever he goes out, and he tends to hid this by seeming overly cocky or sardonic

When his depression hits, he tends to just feel sad or hopeless instead of numb, which tends to trigger his anxiety too

Tendou used to self-harm often around his hips/thighs however he hasn’t done so since the end of his first year of high-school 

Probably makes a lot of dark ‘jokes’, especially around suicide and people semi are like ‘...dude...you ok?’ and he’s just like ‘hahaha yeah im fine what’

He doesn’t like alone time too much as he tends to get trapped in his own thoughts

As expected of the guess monster, he is extremely good at reading and understanding people, which is how he finds it easier to help and communicate with Ushijima

Bokuto - ADHD

A lot of people at Fukurodani think Bokuto is just stupid, however he actually has ADHD

He was diagnosed a lot later than the rest at 12 years old

Bokuto tends to struggle with his studies as his attention-span is very low and can get distracted easily - either by things in the classroom or his own thoughts

He’s very forgetful, often forgetting his lunch at home or forgetting to do/bring in his homework, and this goes into volleyball too where he forgets how to do certain moves

Taking exams are the worst for Bokuto, he hates having to be still and quiet for such a long time and is very sensitive to little sounds or movements that distract his attention - you’ll often find his bouncing his leg or fiddling with his pen

He tends to butt into conversations or interrupt people when they are talking, he just gets a bit too enthusiastic to share his thoughts

He has extreme mood-swings too which we see often in the anime, especially when he is stressed or someone mentions his behaviours

Is very reckless - Akaashi has probably had to stop him from leaning too far out the window and almost falling to look something

The whole Fukurodani volleyball team are aware of his ADHD and do their best to help him and make him feel comfortable or accepted

They are the only people allowed to call him stupid - they will fight anyone else

I think there are more characters with mental health illnesses or disorders, such and Yamaguchi, Yachi, Kenma and Asahi having anxiety so I might write more at some point!

[creacherkeeper]

sorry if this bothers you but you seemed like a good person to talk to about this. im like 97% sure im autistic and ive done a lot of research but my mom doesn’t believe me because i’m not like the boys she’s seen on youtube. and its just awful because i’m not eighteen yet and im a black girl and i know how parents are important in the diagnosis because of childhood behavior. i just feel like no one will believe me about a diagnosis.

hi nonny

first off, not a bother AT ALL, no worries. im always happy to talk through situations like this

secondly, im sorry for the situation youre in. its one that a lot of autistic people find themselves in, so youre not alone, but its a very difficult thing to go through, especially when youre a minor without access to many resources. so know that someone sees the struggle. when i was trying to get diagnosed my parents were the exact same way. they didnt believe me at all because their only concept of autism came from rainman

so, some advice:

until youre an adult, take this time to learn as much as you can about autism, the autistic community, your own neurodivergence and how it affects you, and whether or not you actually want a diagnosis. having that official word is important for many people, and it gives you access to accommodations at work and school. but there are a lot of drawbacks to a dx as well. in situations where you are forced to disclose, there is a lot of stigma, and people may treat you poorly because of it. depending on where you live, you may be disqualified for live saving medical treatment such as transplants. it makes it infinitely harder to adopt or win custody battles. etc etc. there are many reasons one would choose to get a dx or not, so learn more, talk to people, and take this time to make a decision. if you choose self-dx, know that there are many in the autistic community who chose the same and you are loved and welcome as one of us

if you do chose to get a professional dx, know that its going to be an uphill battle. it's expensive, for one, so if you're planning on attending college or live near a campus, try finding a university teaching psych center that charges on a sliding scale. they're also going to have young professionals who hopefully are more up to date and not so set in the old conception of autism. youre also going to have more of a difficult time getting a diagnosis as a black girl, because so much of the psych field was built on sexism and racism, as well as the inherent ableism of the field. youre doubly more likely to get misdiagnosed with a behavioral or mood disorder, so know that you are allowed to stick up for yourself and be clear about your needs in the process. many (especially older) professional's picture of autism is still 10 year old nonverbal white boys. before seeing someone, ask on the phone (or have someone ask for you) whether or not they have experience diagnosing adults, women, and people of color. that could really make a difference. but also keep in mind that if one person doesnt work out, you can always see someone else. i've been misdiagnosed with things several times, and i choose not to disclose that when seeing new medical or mental health professionals unless its relevant

all that said, you do NOT need your parents to get a diagnosis. mine were not involved in my process at all when i got dx'd at 19, because i knew they would do everything in their power to convince the doctor i wasn't autistic, even if it meant bending the truth or lying. i brought them to my results session, but that was it. they argued with the doctor but she had already made her diagnosis, so it didnt matter. the rest of it was just me and the diagnostician, and i answered all questions about childhood the best i could. its totally fine to write down a list of childhood behaviors or memories before you go in if you think youll forget or miss something. for me the biggest reason i got diagnosed was the hugely variant scores i got on my IQ test, which is a common thing with autism (my scores ranged from low 30s to 99.8th percentile, with not much being average or in the middle). so the diagnostician will not only be looking to childhood or family members. there are plenty of people seeking diagnosis who dont have access to willing family anyway

i think thats all my advice as of now. but i understand how scary the situation is, or how scary it seems while youre in it. if you have any more questions or just need to talk, feel free to message again or dm me. im more than happy to listen or try to help more