#Idk if it's good or accurate but yeah
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vynnyal · 14 days ago
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Making content for all 5 tcf fans out there
Bonus:
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#cale henituse#the trash of the count's family#raon miru#Tcf#Art#Comic#I'm gonna be real I had too much fun with this#Also they look like foxes more than cats because I... Wanted them to. Yeah I don't have an excuse#I mean just look at how big they are in the bottom panel lmfao. Them honkers#Anyways I'm using a new technique to make art and it's shockingly fun#3d models baybe. Who knew they were so useful#Anyways I had to really struggle not to scrap the whole thing and redraw Cale to look more dynamic#Alas. I'll get good at using models eventually#Only rlly need em for the hoomans tho. Their faces are so... lumpy... it's hard to grasp#On the note of tcf. You should read it. Yeah you. The one who's reading this.#Did you like rainworlds story? Do you dislike how romance dominates everything? Do you like going crazy? Then you're probably like me.#There's a graphic novel (manhwa) if you're not into actual reading (the manhwa is actually insanely good and it's so deserved)#(like I'm convinced it started as a passion project. The artist goes so hard for no reason)#I'll probably illustrate some moments from the story if the mood hits me. This is gonna be my second read#(it's 2 million words it takes like at least a hundred hours to read it all) so I'm having fun discovering all the foreshadowing I missed#Actually let's see. Oh yeah. Lmao I've been reading for 28 hours and I'm 20% of the way through part 1#Idk how accurate that number is but I'm not a slow reader 😂#The Infinite Book™.#trash of the count's family#lout of the count’s family#lcf
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royalarchivist · 11 months ago
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[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
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[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 1 year ago
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YOU GOOD OMENS FANS THINK YOU'RE SO SUBTLE HUH
alright i make one goddamn post about what i have inferred from good omens posts without having watched it and now im being recruited into the cult.
well guess what hornies homies and homos, this ain't your boy's first rodeo. i've been here before.
i'll be casually looking through your reblogs and then I'll see some really cute fanart and then I'll watch an edit to a song that brings me to tears and then read a brief one shot and then ship them to the point of pain and then i'll be forced to watch the show and then watch MORE EDITS AND THEN READ MORE FANFICTION AND THEN I'LL BE LOST FOREVER OKAY YALL DONT FOOL ME WITH YOUR "COME JOIN US OP" "IT'S REALLY FUN OP" UH HUH UH HUH
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m1ssunderstanding · 4 months ago
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youtube
People have probably already seen this because apparently it's been on YouTube for a week but I hadn't so here you go if you want! Spoilers (I guess) in the tags so for people that don't want to watch this sneak peak and ruin their movie experience, don't read my tags :)
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aroaessidhe · 6 months ago
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2024 reads / storygraph
Bury Your Gays
Horror
a scriptwriter in hollywood who’s getting attention & an Oscar nom after working in the industry for years, but is being pressured by algorithm-obsessed producers to kill off the queer characters in the season finale of the show he writes
and when he starts getting stalked by the monsters he wrote (based on traumas of his past) he has to figure out how to survive, along with his best friend and boyfriend
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fleshmetal · 3 months ago
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just watched the borderlands movie and the only good part was that krieg’s little harness thingo lowkey looked like a very skimpy little bra thing sometimes
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he needs some back support with those jugs ofc
#it wasn’t AS bad as I thought it would be#but it was not good#at all#idk why they changed so much of the story and just like Made It Worse#why did they make Tina’s dad head of atlas? why not just keep her parents killed off? why did they mischaracterise her so badly?#why was she annoying? why was she an experiment? why not use a more compelling villain than Guy Who Looks And Acts As Bland As Possible#the villain was simply. no good#I wish they used jack 😔#I also wish they didn’t do the Lilith’s mum subplot bc it was a little off??? somehow?#and Tannis and Lilith’s relationship wasn’t particularly fulfilling#claptrap was even more annoying#the jokes weren’t funny#the sfx were NOT as bad as everyone said they were I’m sorry I thought they were fine aside from a few weird shots in some chase sequences#another thing I don’t get that much was ppl hating Lilith’s hair bc it’s doesn’t look like in the games#ppl compared the wig to wigs that cosplayers use that look rly accurate and good but#u have to take into account#that it’s rly hard to stylise a live action movie to look something like boarderlands and most cosplays are made to look good statically#things that look good in cosplay and in the game will not look good in a live action action sequences#like if u gave her a cosplay wig it would look great and accurate but it also would be completely rigged in the wind and would not move#like real hair#which would probably be incredibly jarring to see in a live action film especially with all the action#was the hair great? no. I still think it could’ve been vastly improved on while remaining realistic for a live action movie#but I think some people hold it to unrealistic standards in their criticisms or whatever#also costumes have to be actually movable and breathable bc REAL people are shooting REAL scenes and doing stunts and shit in them#but. yeah. the costumes could definitely have had some improvement#I think that if u wanted to make a borderlands film that was accurate to the design of the characters it would be easier to do it animated#and the writing?#we do not speak about the writing good lord#borderlands movie#borderlands
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mercymaker · 6 months ago
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also you guys saying you can't wait to see my dragon age OCs as if i haven't been considering just making mal: the dragon age edition like
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salad-storm · 1 month ago
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I hated you (I loved you too)
Funnily enough been thinking about tenken again. Homoerotic friendships will be the downfall for us all I fear !!
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too-young-to-fall-in-love · 2 months ago
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Seven Sentence Sunday
thanks for the tags, @justabigoldnerd and @pippinoftheshire!💕
here's a lil snippet from my When I Kissed the Teacher-inspired retelling of the ear-pulling incident
The office light glints off the damning gold band on his professor’s finger. It is impossible to deny the ache in his heart at the sight of it. There is no way he will ever be able to admit to himself the implications of such a feeling, however, because the yearning for his professor burns in his veins whenever he considers it for too long. Van Helsing’s hand moves to open the door when John opens his traitorous mouth to say something stupid. He is stalling for time, surely, it is that he is painfully aware of the fact, but the warmth of his professor’s presence is something he refuses to give up for the world. Yes, he knows that he is being shown the door because Van Helsing has another meeting in a few short minutes, but there is a part of him that would not mind sitting in on the meeting if only to be close to his professor. He knows that this is impossible, that what he wishes to do is kneel by his professor’s side. 
no-pressure tagging @fandom-meet-fanthem, @yallwildinrn, @heytheredeann, @prettyboynapoleonsolo, @cha-melodius, and anyone else who'd like to do this!💕
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nsfw headcannons with Cu~? (≧∀≦) hope you have a wonderful day~!
Hi anon, thanks; you too!!! Well, as my queue is permanently closed, I'm not really taking requests anymore... But I guess I can share a few general NSFW Cu headcanons. Some headcanons I have may be more popular than others, but I hope they will be enjoyable to read regardless. I've kept all situations with a partner gender-neutral as well!
Hope you enjoy... These will be tagged as 'lemon fanfic' and there won't be any explicit content however it will likely be 18+.
Warning: depictions of a sexual nature and mentions of kinks/ possible bedroom interactions, temperature play, outdoor sex, oral...
As you haven't specified a Cu, I will write for all four!!! (in my personal belief Proto is 18+ so he'll be included as well. These may be long...)
Fate Series Cu Chulainn (Proto, Lancer, Caster, Alter)-General NSFW Headcanons
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Proto Cu
As a Cu that seems even more intent on proving his worth than the others, I headcanon that he would possibly the type to go way out of his way to impact his partner as much as possible during sex. Like the kind of guy that will pull out as many stops as possible to make them melt beneath his touch (but then gets extremely carried away at some point, losing himself to the moment).
He does seem like the kind of guy to really indulge in the touch and sensations of his partner, however Proto Cu does also strike me as being pretty insecure sometimes as well. So sometimes he may try to play it cool at first, or may prefer sex with clothes on (until he gets really into it).
He's also depicted as a bit wilder and more unrestrained than the other Cu, and has a very restless vibe in my personal opinion. So I can imagine him getting a bit wild in the bedroom; via biting, pouncing etc. I bet he'd likely be the guy to pull out the claws, as well as feel great pleasure from having his partner's hands digging into his skin.
He'd likely enjoy as much simulation as possible, so would love if his partner touches him openly as well. He would want to feel them too, and would relish in them openly exploring his body. Let him know just how much you desire him.
On the reverse, this means planned foreplay will likely unravel very quickly- because Proto would likely get extremely hot under the collar, and lose track of himself. I guess this means that it could get a bit rough, but then in the myths they say he is a lover that knows how to attend to their partners' needs, so it may not get too intense.
He's cocky as hell, that's for certain. Just like on the battlefield, he most likely has trained in the arts of sex as well. If you praise him, he'll likely eat your adulation RIGHT UP and then push himself to please you even more, yearning for even more of your adoring words.
Despite this, as he's shown to warm up extremely quickly to the master in his 'my room' lines, and can be really affectionate; I believe he may also be a massive softie as well. I think he also has the potential to be a huge romantic in terms of NSFW, and would definitely enjoy a tender time together as well!!
Though as he's Proto, he may be a bit shy with the tender words at first; but seeing as he's the guy who still holds on dearly to his Gae Bolg replica from Prototype, as well as still speaking very fondly of his time in the Land of Shadows with Scathach- you bet that this guy's heart would likely be bursting with a lot of feelings.
As for kinks, I am unsure- this guy seems really open to many things. But as he also enjoys the thrill of battle, I have a feeling he'd get really excited from some combat-style stuff. I think he may be a lil bit freaky.
Kinks that can evoke a thrill, that makes his veins thrum with adrenaline-setting him off with deep desire. I think he loves that kind of simulation.
I once read a post that details Proto as the kind of guy who'd cook a nice breakfast after a passionate one-night stand, and I can also imagine that happening. I can also imagine there would be space for joy and laughter as well as some occasional random moments, so he'd be pretty fun overall!
Lancer Cu
Overall, I'd say he is pretty similar to Proto. But the major difference here is that Lancer gives the impression of being way more comfortable in his own skin than Proto is. He knows how fucking hot he is, and has the pride and ability to work a room (though he can also be extremely crude as well).
Lancer is proud of who he is, and isn't afraid to show it- so he'd be totally up for showing off to the utmost.
His flirting game would be a powerful entrée to set the mood. Be prepared for flirts that range from cute, affectionate and pretty complimentary of your skills and positive traits- to downright horny and even extremely blatant (he may be smooth, but personally I feel like Lancer sometimes also gets extremely carried away).
However, I believe that Lancer is a serious romantic. It seems to bring him great pleasure to commit Acts of Service by doing as much as possible for those he cares for, like a 'big brother' type.
I guess in a NSFW setting this means he'll attend to your needs and make you feel safe and comfy during some very attentive sex??
He may also be very easy to wrap around your fingers as well. He may very well bend his knees to your words of praise, desperately grasping for more.
Tell him just how good he feels, what you think about him... it'll give him a real boost, and maybe make him blush too. As the type who loves putting on a show- and who loves it even more when his heroic acts are admired and adored- admiring touches and words will have him whipped like an errant knight serving their lord.
On the other hand, he also loves a challenge; so may not be entirely adverse to being ordered around a little- especially if the demands are hot!
This one is probably also open to a lot of different kinds of sex and kinks, so there's a lot of options to play around with (ranging from tame to hardcore).
Lancer doesn't seem that judgmental when it comes to sexual desire, and whether a partner is experienced or a shy newbie, he'll be happy to take the reins- or let you pull him a little by the collar- if you dare to handle him, of course.
That doesn't mean he isn't intense though. Lancer is also very emotional, and will very likely fully invest himself into the moment. In a sentimental sense, that likely means he will bless you with praise and compliments, as well as endowing you with beautiful terms of endearment in his native language.
In a horny sense though... watch out. You may be at it all night, in all sorts of ways. If things are feeling good, then he'll indulge in the moment with you for as long as possible.
If things get a little heated, or even competitive- such as fighting for dominance, or really going at one another- then he'll battle back with his utmost. If you want to render him to paste beneath your luxurious touch, Lancer will make you work for it. He likes the competition.
Lancer will remember exactly what turns you on, and is a very perceptive warrior; so though he may not always read the finer details, he'll be able to gauge how you're feeling or know exactly where to set you off- so be prepared for one heck of an experience.
"Do heroes give head?!" The debate continues. Sure, I bet he'd enjoy receiving some oral, tightly weaving his hands around the easiest part of his partner that he can access.
However, in my opinion- who knows? He may return the favor every now and then, pouring his all servicing a partner; and enjoying the way in which they unravel before his sumptuous fingers and tongue.
On a last note though, I do think there are aspects of Lancer that can be very deeply sentimental at times; as well as moments in which his more sorrowful aspects may rise to the surface.
There may be moments where he completely unravels his outer face of peerless confidence before a partner and unleashes the vulnerability resting within, and may just wish to bury himself within another's warmth, whiling away the painful hours by another's side.
Caster Cu
Caster Cu is also very similar to Proto and Lancer in terms of NSFW headcanons (im sorry im just repeating this for all of them). However, to me personally, Caster Cu's air of mystery and emotional distance is much stronger than Proto and Lancer's. This man is like a wizard's maze, boasting many different aspects to his character.
As he's older, the flirting game is even more deadly. He likely has a tough repertoire by this stage, able to set even the steeliest of hearts aflutter (or serve as a very humorous and interesting guy to banter with at the very least).
Due to his role serving as a form of guidance towards Mash and the Master- as well as certain lb6.5 spoilers that reveal the reason as to why he has adopted a role that is so strongly defined by wisdom- he is likely to have a more mature edge to him.
This doesn't mean that he's immune from 'silly time' though.
This means that he'll be a comfy guy for someone who is a bit new to sex or someone who is nervous, as he can consistently guide them along; constantly adjusting to their changing pace and needs.
However, he does seem to give off the impression of being rather tired (are those bags under his eyes?), so he may have a bit less stamina. Or maybe more. Caster Cu is very unpredictable in my opinion, however I can imagine him complaining of pains in his joints and of aching muscles, so some kinks may be a bit more exhausting for him to pull off.
That doesn't mean that he's not up for some adventure though! Now he's got all the time in the world to explore nature, get prepared for an exciting bevy of locations.
From the forest, the great outdoors; to even under a waterfall- he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to have any shame about where he'd indulge within a good time.
Thanks to his mastery over the runes, Caster is your ultimate guy for temperature play. A little bit of ice from the Isa rune there, and a comforting fire from runes such as the Kenaz one make for a very titillating time.
Rotating between heating and cooling the parts of your body that yearn for him, as well as even as going far as to change the temperature of his body as he works his way through- you'll be bound to melt beneath his touch.
Plant sex with the runes is also an option. Making sure to remain careful enough not to hurt you with his vines, yet also tightening the pressure enough for your face to lax with bliss, he fills with excitement (and a bit of apprehension) when pleasuring you with nature.
Though it gets him hot to see you so appreciative of his ancient arts, your expressions of pleasure make it increasingly difficult for him to retain his slipping sense of composure...
However, he may burst out with a strange catchphrase or a silly move every now and then (matrix ordanye- bedroom edition style).
Please don't mind it- or even laugh along if you like! Caster Cu gives me the impression of being a rather surreal and random lad at times, and I feel as if the realms of NSFW would be no exception to showcasing this funnier side of him.
Seeing as Caster is more measured than his other selves, and allegedly boosts a even temperament, he may be less prone to get carried away within the moment, however he likely still has a tender side, flattering you with caring words and loving touches.
He isn't yet immune to praise either, so don't hold back in letting him know how you feel about him (he may get even MORE flustered, or caught off guard with surprise).
Despite this, it can feel as if Caster Cu is wearing a very tight mask at times. It may take a bit longer than the other Cu to really see him set loose, and let his words and feelings flow freely within the moment. It doesn't mean he's enjoying things any less, though.
After losing so many that are dear to him- over and over again- and experiencing so many terrifying moments, he may savor every moment as if it's his very last, drinking in every last second with a partner.
The here and now, this fleeting moment. Caster Cu will hold it dearly, in order to calmly let things go once the time comes.
This may manifest on him holding on a little tighter to you at times, burying his face against your own, almost as if he's worried you'll suddenly drift away.
Caster gives me the impression of being very sentimental deep down, but keeping said cards of emotion very closely bound against his chest. It may be a bit of challenge to get him to unravel a little, but it's far from impossible.
Cu Alter (In General)
In terms of NSFW, I believe that Cu Alter is an extreme contrast to the other three. Despite having the same capacity for emotion and care as the others, he operates as if he's an unfeeling killing machine- almost as if he's a beast with no reason (even though that's not always the case with him).
In my opinion, I feel like Cu Alter is most likely to have sex during a situation that fulfils a need or an urge of his- for example, having sex solely to recharge his mana, or if he needs a physical release from all the things going on inside of him.
Sex with him in these circumstances may focus on the most necessary elements of intercourse only, jumping straight to the grittiest, most business-like aspects of the act.
Cu Alter isn't the type to let himself have fun, nor allow himself to enjoy sensations as much as his other selves do.
That doesn't mean that other forms of sex are completely off the table, it's just that to me personally- it would likely be rarer for him to have more sentimental types of sex, seeing as he showcases his care for others in extremely subtle ways.
He's also suffering and struggling in an extreme manner, so it also may be extremely difficult for him to express those kinds of feelings.
Possibly as a result of the corruption of the grail and his madness enhancement, even when he showcases his deep affection- it is often marred by contradictory words and harsh insults that belies how deeply he feels for others.
Emotions are likely really, really hard for him.
Cu Alter is likely the type to show how he feels through actions, as a result of struggling severely to articulate his feelings via words.
He is very awkward and reticent when it comes to expressing his feelings, so hearing praise from him may be quite rare.
However, as his words tend to manifest as insults, he may mutter phrases of a more degrading, cold or fierce nature in the bedroom at first.
Cu Alter often says the complete opposite of how he feels. So if he were to feel affection for someone, he may push them away with some stinging words or attempts to inform them of his apparent nature.
He'll make it incredibly hard for you to get close at first, batting away words of praise; and doggedly insisting that he's nothing more than a monster- that you shouldn't praise nor adore him. Cu Alter won't harm a partner, but he may be very stubborn against praise at first.
I believe he is the type to pick up others with his tail, or wrap his tail around them, and sleep next to them; getting close. I feel like he may let his guard down a little if he feels comfortable sleeping next to his partner.
You may not hear him say how he feels, but I headcanon that he may give into guttural growls, moans and other incoherent noises when he's having a good time; claws and fanged teeth clutching onto his partner for dear life.
For Cu Alter, in a sexual setting- I think his actions will be of a much greater import than his words.
Cu Alter also purposely isolates himself from others. It's as if he is very self-punishing. So I think in terms of sex, the act itself may be a barrier to him- seeing as he does all in his power to give the impression of being distant and avoiding touch with others.
Sex could possibly be a bit rough and intense with him, or very sleepy and slow.
He does seem like the tired and worn out sort, to an almost worrying level; so I don't feel as if he'd go too hardcore- unless he eventually decides to unleash the millions of restraints that he's shackled and bound himself with.
This kind of side to him may explode within a more combat-focused situation, or a very intense one in which he decides to set off all of the things burgeoning inside of him, so it could end up being an extremely wild sort of sex. (I'm not too sure myself, as Cu Alter is a character that I find difficult to truly grasp.)
I feel like sex of the slower sort may be more likely with him though, as he doesn't give me the impression of being one who would unravel quite so easily around another.
As he seems so exhausted, there is a chance that his partner may have to take the lead at times, or initiate the mood- he's not going to really have the skills to set things up himself or flirt. I can imagine him being very languid and tired, so a partner may need to actually take Cu Alter by the hands this time.
As the once Mad King of America, Cu Alter is used to barking out orders, so you may hear quite a lot of those in the bedroom!
Cu Alter (in a more affectionate sexual situation)
I haven't got much to say in terms of this scenario, as I believe that he'll still struggle a lot to express his feelings. However, in a situation in which he gives up on pushing a partner away, he may really indulge in the little things- and wrap himself protectively around a partner, melding every part of his body against their form.
He is likely EXTREMELY touch-starved, so I can imagine him really taking in every single curve of a partner, deeply taking in every single touch, nip, bite and touch of his against yours.
I do think he has a side that is every bit as sensory as the other Cu deep down- maybe even more so, as he's been cut off from touch and isolated from others for so long.
His words will be a bit less harsh, and he may be a lot more receptive to your touch and words of adulation in this sort of situation.
I can imagine him taking extremely long naps and just holding a partner in his arms all day in this kind of situation. He wants to be as close as he possibly can to you, treasuring you with every fiber of his being.
Extra (General Notes)
I do think that Cu Chulainn would entertain many various forms of relationships and sexual relations, and that open relationships would be a possibility as well. In terms of NSFW, I believe he is open to many kinds of situations and scenarios.
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intertexts · 7 months ago
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oh my god ive only heard of diegetic/non-diegetic used for like sound/music in movies i hadnt realized it could easily apply to like other stuff i feel so silly saying watsonian/doylist. everyday i learn things!!
YEAHHH!!!!! handshake emoji actually because for the longest time i only knew abt diegesis in relation to narrative theory & storytelling etc & it was so startling to realize it was a big film thing too. like OH. shit. that makes sense i'm silly!! :]]
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jewishcissiekj · 8 months ago
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The High Republic Phase II was THE time for brunette and black-haired Jedi, thank god (the authors and artists and creators) for Oliviah Zeveron and Gella Nattai
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viktortittiforov · 1 month ago
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i don't have TV but i am so dedicated to watching pelíšky at christmas that i'm just gonna go ahead and fire up netflix so i can watch it on there
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thereareeyesinsidethetrees · 2 months ago
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do you think jesse james by clay walker could be a stan song
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mrdrhenwardhykle · 4 months ago
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My rapid decline pt 3
Bernie II mean green form
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archerstreet · 2 months ago
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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