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ohnothewheatisonfire · 4 years ago

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ok J&H Fandom, let’s talk:

“Popular” blog @thatsmyhyde is a prominent creator in the J&H Fandom. But here’s where the problem shows up:

the content they make is concerning at least, and full of red flags at worst.

DISCLAIMER: This is all information I have gathered through their tumblr blog - I am not aware of what other things they may be posting on other social medias or their written work. ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Please be polite, I am a minor, and am just creating this post to ward off / warn other minors from following this person. If you are an adult interacting with this post and blog, be mindful of your actions and be responsible

Trigger warnings for: discussions of homophobia, discussions of p//phillia, fat-shaming, fat-phobia (?), etc. Just be on general edge for this post, we’re talking about a lot of weird stuff

I will be linking their posts as I am not going to take screenshots of their art.

This is not a comprehensive list of all the things they’ve done - these are the ones I could think of and was able to adress. If you have anything additional you want to add to this post (such as concerning things they may do on other social media), feel free to reblog and add on the things you need to say, just please don’t be dumb.

Let’s start with the premise: Henry Jekyll creates an alter ego, Edward Hyde. They begin a relationship - an emotional and physical one. Their AU features Jekyde (A popular ship in the fandom, the name stands for Jekyll x Hyde), people have various views on this ship.

So far so fine, right? Here are the problems:

1. Their Henry Jekyll is an awful person. Now, let’s start by saying that of course you can have bad people in your works, those are, after-all: villains. The problem is,Henry Jekyll is a harmful walking gay sterotype, and an outlet for Biscuit’s obvious fat fetish. But their relationship isn’t just toxic it’s romanticised in how toxic it is.

a. The harmful stereotype - Their Henry Jekyll has a “thing” for younger men, even though he is in his middle-ages, and Hyde looks like a young child. (Age gap relationships are their own thing - they come with their own burdens, and this is not the post to discuss them. This topic will lead into the Edward Hyde section of this post.) But, it was a known homophobic scare-mongering tactic of straight parents to accuse everyone who is gay that they are ‘out to prey on your youths’. This is a stereotype that stigmatized the LGBT community, and still harmfully affects them to this day.

b. The fat fetish: Jekyll is frequently seen with cake (as seen here, here, and here) or being self-loathing, to the point of suicide. (click the link here to acess a list of suicide and other crisis hotlines! you matter to me!). Now, the self-loathing could be a symptom of depression or other mental illness, so I am not going to talk about it, as a person with mental illnesses. But the self-loathing in addition to him being fat is not good. Media is drowning in the “self-loathing fat person” and as someone who isn’t thin i’m tired of seeing this.

- The fetish aspect comes in him constantly being referred to “Chonky”, a term usually used for overweight/obese cats and being drawn obsessed with cake. It fetishises his weight and dehumanises him into something people call their animals. Also, here’s more of Jekyll eating food and being embarassed by it, though this time because it’s seen as “servant’s food”.

- Biscuit admits to liking them “Big and chunky” in posts like this.

[Photo id: A string of texts that says: tantok, frankenstein, twink lore, dorian slipped through the cracks and got himself sketched by yours truly the other day because he brought lord henry along, he and the slime didn’t have to fight to the death because they’ve both got their own chonky old toxic henries to focus on, but this blog still ain’t big enough for the two of ‘em. end id]

- They also talk about how they ‘prefer’ to draw fat (chonky) people. Image attatched above. the thing that should be noticed is that they say ‘chonky old toxic henries’ . they, once again, are making fat people a fetish.

[Photo id: Anonymous asks: are you gonna make a victor design tho biscuit responds: Oh, man, anon, I hate to disappoint but.....probably not. Aside from my non-humanoids and hellspwans (slime gremlins, corpse creatures, and etcetera), I’m extremely uninterested in drawing young thin men. I really need middle-aged chonk to hold my attention. If poor Victor Frankenstein had only been 40-something and round when he made his great creation, then he’d definitely get a design from yours truly. As it is though, he’s not holding my attention enough to want to. end id]

Biscuit once again talks about how he doesn’t want to draw ‘thin men’, because he is only interested in older ‘round’ people. He, is, once again, bringing to light his fetish for fat people.

2. Edward Hyde is basically a child - Edward Hyde is drawn in boy’s school clothes, is taken in and raised like a child after Jekyll’s death, and is constantly cooed over by the creator, even earning a nickname of ‘slime’ from them. In addition, he also has ‘family photos’ taken with Utterson, has his toenails kept, is the height of a child, and teeths. This, paired with the fact that he is in a toxic, abusive, relationship with a man in his middle ages is concerning and should not be romanticised.

[Photo id: the text reads: In his first year of existence, Hyde lost teeth and regrew them in a mildly similar fashion to a kid losing baby teeth - except it wasn’t all of his teeth (Just the canines and some random molars) and they weren’t replaced with a larger set, just with teeth exactly the same as the ones that had been lost. No one knows what was up with this. the teeth are still in Jekyll’s study in a little jar. end id]

a. Hyde is treated like a child after Jekyll’s death. Hyde teething is concerning because that’s something infants do. He also clings to utterson like a child. The idea that he gets taken in by Utterson, whisked away to an estate out in the country, despite both of them having romantic feelings for Jekyll is. how do I put this: WEIRD. (seriously, imagine your father/father-figure dating ur significant other / having a crush on them before you two got together and after).

b. Hyde dresses like a child, whilst being sexually active and wearing lingerie. Now, on their own, these traits aren’t a problem - but together? They are very much a problem.

- Hyde dressing as a child is concerning because he is also treated like a child at certain points in their “lore”. After Jekyll’s death, Hyde becomes a singular entity, and is taken away by Utterson. To care for, like a child. This post sums it up well: he wears both children’s clothes and lingerie.

- Hyde has a very strange appearance - if you compare it to his early design (which was less cartoony and looked more like a man in his twenties), Hyde’s current design is concerning. Why does he have the height of a child? Why does he have eyes that take up a grand part of his face? Now, one could argue that ‘he is not human’ - but if he is treated like a human, whilst wearing children’s/youthful clothes, teeths, and his general enchanment with the world - he appears as human (and looks eerily similar to a child), which is why him being sexually active, wearing lingerie, and being friendly with prostitutes (one that gave him underwear and other articles of clothing) is concerning.

- That said, Utterson is directly talked about being ‘adopted into gremlin fatherhood’ (paraphrasing).

[Photo id: the text reads: 59. Jekyll is irresitibly attracted to everything about Hyde, but if he could somehow be forced to list hte most attractive physical attributes of Edward Hyde in his opinion, aside from Hyde’s youthful appearance in general it would be his eyes, his overbite (Jekyll perceived the way Hyde’s-) the screenshot cuts of the rest of the paragraph. end id]

- Jekyll has a ‘thing’ for younger men. This is to the point that the most attractive part about Hyde is that he is young. (or looks like it), Hyde looking very young is concerning because that would make their verison of Doctor Jekyll a p*dophille . This is something the artist has either not recognized, realised, or simply does not acknowledge.

3. The toxic relationship (and how it’s romanticised) - The relationship in this ‘AU’ is: love comes first, toxic nature comes second. If you scroll through the blog you may see some reference of ‘Henry Jekyll is such a toxic person teehee’ and a lot of them kissing, being together, smiling, or enjoying life. Now, obviously, an artist - if they do not want to - should not draw characters being toxic to each other. But it is concerning when the above points come into a factor, that the toxic nature of their relationship comes second to the highs of their relationship, at least on their blog.

Here is one of the only examples I’ve seen of Biscuit talk about the relationship in a detailed negative light.

4. The fandom - Whilst Biscuit says it’s ok for minors to interact with his blog (in that blog he says that he tags nsfw - which is true.) he does not regularly mention that his jekyde is toxic - not in a concerete way. He romanticises it (despite acknowledging it’s flaws), and the only way it may or may not be (i would not know) acknowledged is his fic: which is mature and not meant for minors. He does not tag his posts with regular triggers for things like: alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, or abuse (any variants). They’re not even in his blog’s description! If Biscuit had acknowledged it in his blog, something along the lines of: “Hey! This blog has <content warnings> be warned when interacting! But no, he does not.

- A lot of the people who draw things, or generally interact with Biscuit are minors. Being exposed to such a thing may be harmful to my peers, and I am worried. To minors who are fans of Biscuit: if you’ve made it this far, thank you, I know you’re mature and responsible, but being exposed to content creators like Biscuit could lead you down a dangerous path of having this kind of thing normalised to you. Be careful with the content you consume, please! And thank you for making it this far, I’m sure you’re a lovely person :)!

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Stay safe, tell the people you love that you love them.

#J&H #jekyll and hyde #henry jekyll #edward hyde #i spent months thinking whether or not to write this #but #i'm worried about fellow minors on this website seeing this user's blog #and not thinking critically about this #so i snapped and made this #long post #like r e a l l y long post #i am so tired.#brb to answer the hate lmao i need to throw up #forgive me if by the end of this post i sound exhausted : i am #i spent this evening writing this post #goth lit fandom grow up challenge #aus do not remove the context of the original #listen to the minorities if they call you out #fiction REALLY AFFECTS REALITY

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kyanitegemverse · 4 years ago

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Hi! The name is Kris but you can call me Ky! You’ve found my main blog amongst all my cluttered sideblogs. This here used to be an RP account for my ocs that now serves to just hold my art from all my fandoms.

Im a self taught artist who just draws for fun and the love of creating. Most of this will probably revolve around my OC’s and whatever story im coming up with for them. Will I ever write it? Who knows? Should you expect ramblings and shitposty art comics of them anyways? Absolutely!

Important before continuing:

If you’re a TERF, aphobic, antisemitic, think that fiction doesnt effect reality, are a MAP or associate with MAPS or PEARs or whatever pedophiles are calling themselves these days to fly under the radar, generally if you’re a hateful awful sorry excuse of a person you arent welcome here.

Fandoms:

Pokemon

The Owl House (THE hyperfixation right now)

My own OC’s (i love them so much)

Steven Universe

Spyro The Dragon

D&D

Flight Rising (i care bout my dragons)

When am I active?

As i work fulltime with varying hours the times im around really vary but if it helps at all im on Pacific Daylight Time (GMT-7)

Projects im working on:

The Owl House AU: Cross-planar education

Avry Rayne is your average student with a straight forward plan for her future as far as she’s concerned. She wasn’t expecting to win a contest to be whisked away to study magic. Everything gets turned upsidown as she’s learning to live in the boiling isles with her overly dramatic guardian and the absolutely chaotic mess of witches she’s wound up calling friends. [in progress writing] [art]

OCVERSE / WORLDBUILDING

honestly i missed these weirdos so much i opened up the askbox for them again! Feel free to ask them anything you want. Or ask me about the world they live in. Any worldbuilding is helpful should i ever write something for them. Its gone from simple asks to fleshing out the world ive created and actually trying to write for it!

[in progress writing] [art]

[one shots: x ]

[Tagged Posts]

OC list: in progress

OC INFODUMPS

since all these ocs are more or less from their own original setting I have a few posts compiling their backstories and a general summary of them for everyone to get to know them easier! If theres any character you really really want to know more about you can ask for an infodump! It’ll take me some time to complete but stay tuned and it’ll be here!

Avry’s Infodump

Aurora’s Infodump: rewriting

Jessi: Infodump in progress

Lusikka’s Infodump

Wrath:

Amaris:

Sideblogs you can find me:

Personal reblog stuff: https://lusikkyanite.tumblr.com/

The Owl House sideblog: https://gemoftheboilingisles.tumblr.com/

Flight rising sideblog: https://crestedriverflight.tumblr.com/

My hoard of colour pallets: https://palletspam.tumblr.com/

Other platforms:

Twitter (not super active): https://twitter.com/kyanite_gem996/

Instagram (trying to be active): https://www.instagram.com/p/CLniFJOFvUt/?igshid=sdxtjyzf8pc8

Spotify (for those sweet sweet oc playlists): https://open.spotify.com/user/northernlight996?si=txZWEifsQaes2J9HTFhN8A

Flight Rising: https://flightrising.com/main.php?p=lair&tab=userpage&id=110234

If i think of anything else i’ll be sure to update this post!

#kris talks #long post #idk maybe?#pinned post

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soundwavereporting · 4 years ago

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Sky Spies and Splitting Up Batchmates

IDW, pre-war (to be specific very slightly pre-Megatron: Origin); Cosmos, OCs, Sentinel Prime, Prowl, the tiniest of tiny cameos for Soundwave and Ratbat. Warnings for canon-typical racism/homophobia.

This is based on a whole heap of headcanons, plus one or two panels from MTMTE.

Iacon felt…small.

Maybe it was the way the crowds parted to make way for them, or maybe it was the way that they had to walk in single file or risk one of them accidentally stepping into the street.

Cosmos missed Staniz. Staniz was made for mechs like them.

He supposed it was better than being separated from his batchmates during their constant, multi-year surveying missions studying the infinitesimal ebb and flow of energon. Their contract with Senator Shockwave wasn’t scheduled to expire for another three cycles, but today the Prime of all people wanted to speak to them about something equal parts vitally important and incredibly vague.

::He’s probably gonna send us to the Institute.::

As usual, Starburst’s mood was equal parts pessimistic and anxious.

“The Prime has better things to do than send three Lunabots to the Institute.” Cosmos spoke aloud, though he hoped it was quiet enough to not be overheard. Abruptly feeling self-conscious, he adjusted the temporary badge the Senatorial messenger had affixed to his armor, declaring him cleared to wander around inner Iacon for the day.

::Then he’s gonna reformat us! Turn us into his new sky-spies, or dump fissal radiation into our spark chamber in the hopes of creating outliers!::

Cosmos glared at his batchmate. As usual, Starburst was paying more attention to whatever conspiracy theories he’d pulled up on his HUD than anything else—more than once, Cosmos and Paradox had had to pull the mech out of incoming traffic.

“Shut up, ‘burst.” Paradox had been quiet until now, silently soaking up the sights of inner Iacon, but now the Grand Imperium loomed before them. It was no secret that the average Lunabot stood (literally) head and shoulders above most mechs, leaving the average, non-form friendly building more or less inaccessible to them, but the Senate’s Iacon headquarters were…something else.

They stepped inside.

A mech with the most spectacular, articulated rotors Cosmos had ever seen was arguing with the receptionist. He felt Paradox stiffen beside him, taking in the sight of said rotors as they shifted and swayed in time to his animated, angry gestures in the receptionist’s direction.

Not for the first time, Cosmos lamented knowing so much about the things that revved his batchmates’ engines.

The mech who had been standing beside rotor-mech whipped around, staring at Paradox as though he had broadcasted his taste for fully articulated rotors and flight frames on a loudspeaker.

Paradox, at least, had the sense to look a little embarrassed.

Starburst had frozen in the doorway, effectively blocking anyone larger than a memory stick from entering. Cosmos grabbed Starburst and yanked him forward. Starburst stumbled, tripping over his own feet and nearly falling head-first into rotor-mech’s stupid, articulated rotors.

Abruptly, Rotor-mech turned to face them. With a sinking feeling of utter dread that was definitely proportional to the situation, Cosmos took in the Senatorial crest emblazoned on rotor-mech’s chassis.

Apparently having noticed the same thing, Paradox squeaked.

Cosmos wondered if it would be bad form to just transform and break through the ceiling en route to outer space, never to be seen on Cybertron again. Maybe they could go find Luna-1! Surely such a feat would be enough to erase the—

“You’re here!”

The receptionist, whose public ID tag labeled him as Drawback, jumped to his feet and gently maneuvered past rotor-Senator-mech and grasped Paradox’s arm in a clear, albeit relieved greeting.

“As I was saying, Senator, our most wise Prime has a meeting with these three wonderful—and prompt!—Lunabots in just a few moments. As I said, I am more than happy to put you down for a meeting slot sometime…late next week?”

Drawback tugged insistently on Paradox’s arm, practically dragging the Lunabot towards the lift. Unsure whether they were meant to follow, but unwilling to remain, Cosmos and Starburst followed suit.

Rotor-Senator gawked. Even from this distance, Cosmos could feel the anger bubbling in the mech’s field.

“Thank you,” Drawback muttered, once he had herded them out of audio-receptor range, towards an elevator that would accommodate them—one of them at a time, at least. Paradox and Starburst clamored to be the first ones in, and Cosmos lamented the fact that he was going to be stuck in the lobby for even a minute longer than the others. “Sometimes I swear Sentinel sets up these appointments just to get out of meetings he doesn’t want to attend. And Ratbat knows me from Kaon, so he thinks I’ll just rearrange the Prime’s schedule! Just for him!”

Cosmos had no real answer to that. He watched Paradox make his escape via elevator, peeking around the closing doors once more in hopes of getting another look at rotor-Senator. Starburst fidgeted in place and Cosmos could practically see the forums his batchmate had pulled up on his HUD.

“So, uh,” Cosmos said, hoping to break the awkward silence. “Worked here long?”

Drawback shook his head. “I’m usually posted in Kaon, at the um, local Senate building over there. Just here till the replacement passes all the background checks, then I’ll get to go home.” He lowered his voice. “It’s awful here.”

Starburst nodded enthusiastically, and apparently chose that moment to break his self-imposed silence.

“What’s this about?” Starburst asked. “I know that Lunabots consume more energon than the average mech but we wouldn’t be able to enter planetary orbit without all that fuel and! And Senator Shockwave himself declared us free to receive all the fuel we need, at least until our contract with him is up, and I—I really don’t want to get reformatted. Or brainwashed. I really don’t.”

Cosmos had to resist the urge to hide his face in his hands, but Drawback nodded. Considering the commotion rotor-Senator had been making out there, Starburst’s rant probably wasn’t the most outlandish outburst he’d ever been subjected to.

“Well, I know for a fact you’re not here to be brainwashed!” Drawback’s smile was as sincere as it was strained.

The elevator door slid open and Starburst practically jumped inside, leaving Cosmos alone with Drawback.

“You’re a Lunabot, right?” Drawback asked. “You like it?”

“Y-yes,” Cosmos said, mostly because he wasn’t sure if it was a trick question designed to weed out anyone who might be even the slightest bit anti-Functionist. For all he knew, the Senate was staffed with telepaths around every corner, taking notes on which visitors needed to be sent to—

Primus, now he was starting to think like Starburst.

“I definitely don’t get to see Iacon too often.”

Drawback nodded. “Well, if you get the chance—it’s not everyone’s taste, but there’s a pretty good Tarnian place in one of the lower districts. It’s size-friendly, too—lots of mechs visiting from Kaon and Tarn drop in, so you know it’s authentic.” Drawback coughed, awkwardly. “I, uh, run a regional cuisine blog in my free time.”

The elevator door chose that moment to open, sparing Cosmos from any more awkward small talk. Cosmos stepped in and Drawback waved goodbye, cringing as the rotor-Senator came into view, striding towards the hapless receptionist.

Sentinel Prime’s offices were on the top floor. Cosmos took a moment to wonder at the inefficiency of it all—Drawback certainly wasn’t flight-frame, and he doubted rotor-Senator transformed unless it was to show off. Did they all really use these elevators to navigate the building?

Maybe Sentinel wanted to hire them as shuttles.

Cosmos shuddered at the thought. He didn’t know how shuttlemechs could stand the feeling of someone moving around inside him, much less directing him.

The doors slid open, and Cosmos was relieved to see Paradox and Starburst waiting for him. Triplechangers stood guard at the many doors of the very intimidating hallway that stretched out before them, each nearly as tall as the average Lunabot. Cosmos wondered if they were allowed to skip the elevators and just fly up to whatever floor they needed to get to.

Out of politeness, Cosmos nodded a greeting to the nearest guardsmech and got no response. Starburst had shifted back to internal comms and was sending them both a massive data-dump from the conspiracy forums.

As he usually did, Cosmos fell into step just behind Paradox, letting his batchmate take the lead. It wasn’t something that they had ever talked about, but where Paradox led, he and Starburst were usually content to follow. Paradox’s quick thinking had gotten them out of trouble more than once, and his cool demeanor had netted them the contract to work with Senator Shockwave. Cosmos would just have to make sure neither he or Starburst said anything that warranted getting their sparks extracted, and they would be good.

His audio receptors picked up the faintest sounds of an ongoing argument at the end of the hall. None of the triplechangers seemed particularly bothered by the noise.

“Nice place,” Cosmos muttered to himself. Paradox elbowed him. “What? It’s true!” The carpet under their pedes probably cost more than the three of them would make in a hundred cycles.

The door at the far end of the hall was more than tall—and wide—enough to accommodate the three of them. They stepped inside and Starburst raised a hand, awkwardly waving at the receptionist in the far corner, who didn’t look nearly as welcoming as Drawback had.

“Lunabots.” This receptionist didn’t have a public ID tag. “Right. Sentinel’s been waiting for you.”

Cosmos glanced at his chrono—they were nearly five minutes early, and the implication that they were running late irked him. Judging by the way his armor puffed up, Paradox clearly felt the same.

The receptionist gave Paradox a flat, unimpressed stare. Paradox met the stare with a patient half-glare Cosmos hoped he’d be able to emulate one day.

“Through the far door, and please—try to make it quick. Meetings with astro class mechs—much less Lunabots—aren’t exactly what the Matrix intended when it chose Sentinel Prime as its vessel.

Giving up any semblance of professional distance, Paradox grabbed Cosmos’ arm with one hand and Starburst’s with the other before either of them could start a fight or demand to know what the mech knew about the Matrix.

Without looking at them again, the receptionist waved them through. The door opened, and Cosmos came face to face with Sentinel Prime, who’d been in the process of storming out of his own office.

“Lunabots!” Sentinel composed himself quickly, spreading his hands out in that way Cosmos had noticed a lot of mechs tended to do when they were trying to show that they had nothing to hide.

Cosmos didn’t trust him, but earning the trust of a Lunabot wasn’t exactly a perquisite for the Primacy, was it?

“There are…three of you. Did we know three of them were coming?” The question was directed at the mech Sentinel Prime had been arguing with—an Enforcer-turned-aide, who’d done a worse job of pretending he hadn’t just been yelling at a Prime than he probably thought.

“Lunabots are created in triads.” The Enforcer-turned-aide was looking at a datapad. “Starburst, Paradox, and Cosmo. Here at Senator Shockwave’s personal recommendation.”

“Cosmos,” Cosmos said automatically.

Paradox groaned.

“Ah.” An unpleasantly familiar expression crossed Sentinel’s faceplates. “Well, we only need one of you for now. So.”

Paradox stiffened. “Sir—um, your highness, sir—“

Sentinel waved a hand. “Just Sentinel.”

“Sentinel, sir—Lunabots—“

“Lunabots are sparked in triads,” Sentinel rolled his optics theatrically and turned back to face his aide. “I heard you the first time. It’s not like they’re sparkmates, are they?”

Sentinel glared at Paradox.

“No sir.”

“Good.” Sentinel turned back to Paradox. “Now. Like I said—well, I didn’t say: to make it short, we’re running short on mechs capable of orbital surveillance, and the Senate has authorized one—one—Lunabot to undergo a deep reformat and a class change to add to our ranks. Whichever one of you is chosen to be reformatted—“

“Reformatted?”

Despairingly, Cosmos realized neither he nor Paradox had moved to shut up their batchmate. Sentinel didn’t need to ask their permission, did he? This was just a formality—or maybe they were here to get evaluated, in which case…

Primus, they were going to choose Paradox.

Oblivious to Cosmos’ internal crisis, Sentinel was trying—and failing—to allay Starburst’s fear.

“Into a smaller, more compact, more fuel efficient body. You’ll get twice whatever Shockwave’s been paying you and so many upgrades you won’t even have time to think about your…friends. Brothers? And you’ll be doing your duty as a Cybertronian citizen, helping your Prime rid the planet of enemies of the state.”

“Sir, Decepticons are dissenters, not—“

“I don’t want to get reformatted,” Starburst snapped. Sentinel looked up, surprised. “None of us do. We’re Lunabots and we like being Lunabots.”

Cosmos seized the chance to nod. Vigorously.

Sentinel frowned.

“Please wait outside.”

He was half-expecting the triplechangers to accost them the instant the door closed, but the mechs remained where they stood, impassible and unmovable. The receptionist looked up and rolled his optics, then ignored them completely.

“They’re gonna split us up,” Starburst said, breathless. “The Prime and his little assistant—oh Primus they’re gonna turn us into minibots and make us hack transmissions and—“

“Shut up.” Paradox demanded, then turned to Cosmos. “What’s your take on this?”

“I—um. Yeah.” Cosmos looked away. “I think they’re gonna choose you.”

“Not what I was looking for.” Paradox narrowed his optics. “Maybe we can persuade Sentinel to take all three of us—barring that, maybe we can redirect him to another cohort of Lunabots.”

“I’ve never liked Quasar and his batchmates. They should pick one of them to be sky-spies.”

“Quasar is an idiot. Sentinel won’t go for it.”

“I’ll do it,” Cosmos said, before he realized the words had formed in his processor, much less left his voicebox. “Um. I mean—“

“No!” Starburst grossed his arms. “I mean, better you than me, but no.”

“If—if—Sentinel’s set on recruiting a Lunabot and can’t be persuaded otherwise,” Cosmos said, trying and failing to figure out where he could backtrack and retract his words. “I’ll do it.”

“But you hate surveillance,” Starburst said. “You—oh! You’re hoping that being a spy will be less boring than monitoring Cybertron’s energon levels?”

“I hadn’t considered that,” Cosmos admitted. “I’m still hoping Sentinel will let all of us get reformatted.”

Before Starburst could reiterate that he really didn’t want to get turned into a spy, the door to Sentinel’s office opened once again.

Feeling like he was walking to his own execution, Cosmos followed his batchmates. They trooped back into the Prime’s office in a single file, awkwardly standing as Sentinel looked them up and down.

“As I was saying,” Sentinel said. “For the time being, we still only need one of you. But Prowl here—“ Sentinel gestured at the Enforcer. “Has persuaded me to promise you that once the Decepticon threat has been eradicated from the planet, you will have the option to get your old frame back and return to your…’batch’. No hard feelings. And if, by chance, I am not in a position to approve the change, Prowl has been authorized to act in my place. Is that acceptable?”

Belatedly, Cosmos realized that Paradox and Starburst had taken a measured step back. He had volunteered, hadn’t he.

Primus, he was an idiot.

Before Cosmos could retract his offer, Sentinel held out his hand. Dumbly, Cosmos shook it.

“Welcome to Kaon Security Services, Lunabot,” Sentinel said. “We’re glad to have you here.”

#transformers #mine;#idw #cosmos #sentinel prime #prowl #maccadam

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syncogon · 5 years ago

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[QZGS TL] Butterfly Blue 2019 Ye Xiu Birthday Interview

For Ye Xiu’s birthday on 05/29/2019, Butterfly Blue did an interview with thepaper.cn (澎湃新闻). You can read the Chinese here: https://card.weibo.com/article/m/show/id/2309351002454377326526805418?_wb_client_=1

I’ve translated most of it below. I omitted some questions that I felt weren’t super relevant, such as the progress of the live action (since it’s already out now), and some of his other works.

As always, let me know of any major errors! Past translations that I’ve done of BB’s words may be found /tagged/bb-interview.

***

Q: Ye Xiu’s birthday is coming up, is there anything you’d like to say to him?

A: Happy birthday, you not-old youth.

Q: Asking on behalf of many fans, why don’t you establish a pairing for Ye Xiu?

A: Glory is his official pairing.

Q: Where did the inspiration for Ye Xiu’s character come from?

A: Michael Jordan was an inspiration, the idea of “even after retiring I can still do this.” I’ve actually always been following basketball and soccer, first through newspaper, and then through blogs and media. I’ve accumulated a lot, and when I was writing The King’s Avatar I used all of it. Many people have asked me if I know a lot about esports, but in reality I know less about esports. More inspiration came from sports that were more developed. I drew on real sports and esports, and at the time I even watched many Chinese Go competitions.

Q: Ye Xiu has many female fans, because his personality is quite different from many classic male webnovel protagonists.

A: It’s because his character setup is different, he’s not some lowly noob. Even though he’s 25 at the start of the novel, which sounds young, in reality his mental age is much higher than his actual age when it comes to his professional resume. He’s calm and stable, because he knows that he’s already at the top of this profession. It’s like if you took a professional soccer or basketball player and put them into a high school league, they’d feel no pressure at all. In general, that’s what being in-game is like to him. Later on when he’s playing matches, he still has that confidence, because he has strength, and he has already proven this strength.

Q: Why didn’t you add a romantic storyline to The King’s Avatar?

A: It might have to do with personal views. In particular, female writers when writing esports might include a romantic storyline, romance above all else, anything can change for the sake of love, etc., but I don’t really agree with those kinds of views. When I write love, even though it’s important, it’s not the most important, and many things can surpass it. So when the career storyline becomes the main storyline, it doesn’t really matter whether love is present or not. It can be a helping thing, but it won’t be the main focus when I’m writing. I hope to write a relatively pure story. You can fall in love, but it can’t interfere with your profession.

Q: I’m actually somewhat curious, have you watched Love O2O?

A: I have. When I first wrote about gaming, there were three main types. One type was where it became more romance-focused as it developed, and the focus was not on gaming but on falling in love. Another type was alternate world [i.e. isekai], the type where you enter the world of the game. Then, the third type was esports. My earlier books were only focused on playing games, and it was very cut off from reality. Whatever results you had in-game, they couldn’t really help you in real life. Gaming was just a pastime. But esports is different, esports is a profession. The King’s Avatar is like this.

Q: How do you feel now that The King’s Avatar has gotten so popular?

A: It’s nice not having to work. Actually, we writers all were writing right as this profession was developing. The webnovel profession was developing really quickly, and we reaped the rewards of being a part of this emerging industry just as it was experiencing explosive growth. Because this was the early days of this new industry, many people had tremendous gains. We joined at just the right time - this is luck. You have to enter this industry, and then if you persist, you will most likely profit.

Q: In The King’s Avatar, are there any shadows of your real self in there?

A: Not really, to be honest. I play games myself, the first time I really got into them was in college. But at that time, I wasn’t in so deep that I’d be helping guilds or anything, I wasn’t that sociable. The game I played was called Westward Journey (大话西游), and I was basically still in the stage of treating it as a chat room. Very different from mobile games now, where you have to join a WeChat group or QQ group as soon as you enter, otherwise you’ll get wiped out.

Q: What are you aiming for now?

A: Accuracy, the accuracy of my words and sentences is what I’m aiming for. When there’s something I want to express, I want to be able to find an idiom, a phrase, to accurately express it. Funny or not funny, I’ll let it come naturally, I don’t need to purposely try to build a moment to make people laugh, I don’t need to purposely edit in an online segment just for that purpose anymore. In the past I might have done this, but this is the difference between my past and current self. It’s not that my style has changed, it’s that I realized that that’s useless work, it’s putting the cart before the horse.

Q: Now that you already have God Ye Xiu as such an iconic character, how will you surpass that?

A: Ye Xiu will always be 25-26 years old, and now it’s really been a while since I’ve written him, so I’m a little distant. Now, I’m already 35-36. I feel that I’ve already written enough about Ye Xiu. If I were to write more, there’s really nothing more I could write. For pro esports players, continuously playing matches is enough, but for me there isn’t much meaning anymore. It’s all repetitive, and there isn’t going to be any big turning points. I still want to find some new material.

Q: How do you feel about your position right now? If you could use a few keywords to describe your current life, which words would you choose?

A: Stable, everything’s revolving around stability.

Q: Do you think it’s more important for life to be interesting or for life to have meaning?

A: What meaning. I’m one of those people who, since I was young, was very worried about dying. I actually discussed this with Mao Ni [t/n: another webnovel author], and we talked about ghosts in hotels and whatnot. I actually really want to meet a ghost, I think that if I met a ghost I would be very at ease, because if I knew that we become another kind of existence after dying, then there’d be no need to be so afraid.

Q: Many people online say that, looking at Bug Dad’s words you can tell he’s quite a good person. Is there anything you’d like to say to that?

A: They have sharp eyes, it’s irrefutable.

Q: It seems like there’s some story about you circulating online, that you always like to pay the bill.

A: No, that’s just politeness, we’re adults, we have to refuse each other, you know? But in the end none of them took out their wallets.

Q: Is Bug Dad normally a cold and distant person?

A: I’m alright, but it’s true I don’t speak much.

Q: Why do you have the nickname of “goddess”?

A: Because of my pen name, people think that I’m a female author, and people admire me!

Q: If you write too much and become bald, then what?

A: I’m already balding. [t/n: BB commented in his Weibo retweet of this interview that the picture of him that they used is old; he has much less hair now]

Q: If your daughter wanted to play esports in the future, would you support her?

A: Yes.

Q: Why did you choose to grow your hair long? Is it because you don’t have time to have it cut?

A: Because there’s no need, after all there’s not many strands left.

Q: Is there anything you want to say to the fans?

A: Whether or not you’re a female or male reader, I am incredibly grateful for everyone who likes my works.

#quan zhi gao shou #qzgs #the king's avatar #tka #全职高手 #mine #translation #bb interview

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ask-the-party-god · 5 years ago

Text

Ask The Party God - Timeline

the pre-terezi-gang timeline post is here

height references over here

hi, im jade! everyones favorite party goddess and trans doggy girl~ but you already know that! if youre reading this, it means youre interested in learning more about my reality, because paradox space is fucking weird like that and you cant really be sure all the time

as far as im aware, everything up to the point where we beat the game happened without deviations from the alpha timeline? so this is what rose has talked about as a ‘terminal timeline’, or ‘post-canon’, or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean

we got to earth-c, and i settled in the troll kingdom because trolls are cool, dave and karkat were in the neighborhood, and the caverns are close by so i can visit rose and kanaya speedily as well! i still do have my old tower out on an island, with my workshop and garden, but i almost never sleep in it, too far away and isolated from everyone...

then one day i found this old active server in the furthest ring keeping tumblr active and i thought, hey, why not have some fun? ;D

as for the others...

my darling sis june egbert! she lives in the consort kingdom, but has been thinking about relocating elsewhere lately! she went through a rough patch right after the game, unsure of what to do and full of all sorts of doubts and questions, but shes doing a lot better nowadays! specially now that terezi is back, shes been a lot more peppy and hanging around with the lalondes particularly!

rose rose rose rose~ happily married to her wife kanaya, duh, but that doesnt make her any less of a flirty cutie! a while back she got really sick for a bit, and weve been keeping an eye on her just in case it happened again, but its been all good ever since! she helps kanaya at the caverns a bunch, which makes her schedule busy busy... and you didnt hear this from me, buuuut words out on the street that she and kanaya may be warming to the idea of having a kid! <3 well see how that goes!

one cool dude~ daves a little bit of a shut-in honestly! and honestly i dont blame him? he must be tired after all the timeline and time travel shenanigans, so he spends a good chunk of his time hanging out in his and karkats house! hes kind of awkward about opening up with feelings and stuff, and ive been trying to nudge him to be more open for a while! but with all the craziness thats been going down lately, and more people coming and going and getting together, hes starting to consider things he hadnt before~ hopefully, some specific someones? ;)

janey! my uh... ecto-mom, technically, although we see each other more like cousins than anything else! she still owns crockercorp, but ever since jasprose has been around, she has been spending a lot more time at home and just hanging out with her friends, which really, sounds a lot healthier than the big business thing she had going on a while back! she enjoys teaching me baking stuff, but doesnt have much patience for my decorating skills ;p

grandpa! and grandson technically, hehe, jakes kind of a weird case, hes a mixture of a shut-in, a celebrity and an adventurer! he can spend up to weeks at a time without leaving his manor, but then hell have full weeks of interviews and hiking, and thats not to say anything of when he and dirk put out another episode or two of their dumb comedy talkshow... hes often busy with stuff, but hes still a good pal and can clear his schedule in seconds if we need him for something!

one sweet nb dude! rox really is... something else, really! fun to tag along at a party, fun to chill at home playing games, fun to talk about more serious stuff and open up with him, he really is just solid as they come! hes been hanging out a lot more with june since she got out of her depressive slump, but sometimes i wonder if junebug finds weird to get flirty with roxy, considering im pretty sure we made out in front of her at some point or two... hehehe

dirk! if daves a bit of a shut-in, hes a shut-in times two, which is weird because youd think someone stuck in post-apocalyptic earth for so long would want to hang out more? not to say he DOESNT, though! hes around jake often enough, and keeps close to jane, roxy and dave specially! we dont see each other too often, but we HAVE been messing around with robots and planning out to upgrade our respective self-bots for funsies!

aradia! we only met briefly in dreams for the longest time, but i knew already that she was a riot! she came with terezis group after she finally found vriska, and seems pretty happy just... kind of... being around and watching shenanigans ensue! i actually dont know where she lives, but she drops by occasionally, because im apparently pretty ‘fun’... cant say i disagree ;)

sollux is blind, and not dead, and WILL kick you in the shins if you keep prying about how exactly he ended up like that, which is fair enough! he spends a good chunk of his time with aradia, and im not sure if theyre dating or not...? but hes been around the other trolls a bunch! specially kanaya, apparently theyre good friends that go way back! i guess they both DO style their hair similarly, with the side spike thingies...

the other half of the dave-kat duo! swooooon~ really though, i cant remember the last time i said “dave” or “karkat” without talking about the other shortly after... buuut theyre just roomies, and hell get awkward and grumpy if you even so slightly IMPLY otherwise, despite the fact everyone knows they fall asleep leaning against each other during friday movie night! roooolling my eyes~ with the rest of the living trolls having arrived, hes been a lot more willing to go outside, which im glad for! its healthy to get some fresh air from time to time, and specially hang out with friends!

oh-la-la, miss maryam-lalonde herself! kanayas the matriarch of the caverns, and quite the busy gal, having taken it upon herself to supervise her entire species reproduction and well-being... in my opinion, she needs a good vacation from time to time, and to be less of a workaholic! >:o ive been helping her occasionally in the caverns, and as of late weve begun trying to mess around with ectobiology for some troll-human crossing experiments with... not good results so far... but hey, rome wasnt built in a day!

terezis back, yes! after spending YEARS out there looking for vriska, she managed to find her and come back, the madwoman! personally im not sure why anyone would go to such lengths for... her... but also, its not my bond, not my place to speak, she obviously really loves her a bunch! with vriska no longer lost in the middle of the furthest ring, shes started to catch up with everything going on with earth-c, and i think shes really going to like being around! specially with how much june and the rest have missed her ;)

troublemaker extraordinaire herself! shes... well, shes vriska, im pretty sure she stole that eyepatch from sollux? so you just know she up to no good already >:/ speaking of her eyepatch, im not sure WHY shes wearing it? whatever kinda wound she got, she doesnt like mentioning it, despite bragging about defeating english at every chance she gets! terezi says they found her popping in and out of consciousness in the furthest ring with some messy wounds, and that shed probably been hovering out there after the fight for years... doesnt seem to have humbled her in the slightest <.<

callieeeee! theyre super sweet and wonderful but also really shy and awkward! they live with roxy but manage to outdo dirk in terms of shut-in-ness... they also totally like roxy but is unsure about approaching those feelings considering the whole species thing and whatever, ive been trying to get them to open up for a while now! weve written fanfic together and drawn grids, so i can definitely tell theres some attraction there, even if theyre afraid of acting upon it just yet <3

jaspie is roses bane, and the one cat that made me get used to their smell enough that i dont bark at them instantly anymore! im pretty sure she crashes at janes often, and is just as outgoing and flirty as i am around earth-c parties and bars, which is saying something honestly! i wont let her dethrone me as the party god, though >:)

and finally davepeta! theyre staying with june for the time being until they can get settled around and see what they want to do here! theyve also dropped by dave and karkats a bunch, which i most certainly dont mind! i definitely appreciate some help in bringing a romantic vibe into those twos lives~ ;o

and thats about it! theres also the nannasprites and tavrosprite and arquius, but they pop by so sporadically and rarely that i dont know what theyre doing a majority of the time... we lost track of gamzee after the session so hopefully hes totally gone, and we havent heard any message from caliborn in years... and with the furthest ring broken and the black hole sealed, leaving a weird white empty space right in the middle of reality, im not sure what our chances of bringing back the other trolls are :( but still, we keep living on happily over here and having our fun slice of life ending together!

id say after everything weve gone through, we deserve a big break, dont we? hehehe <3

also, particularly important events that happen and are recorded in this blog will be tagged as timeline shenanigans!

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spirit-shroud · 4 years ago

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i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase)

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever.

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human)

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!!

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing.

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T

#kc chirps #hello gamers i am vibrating! very vibrating. losing my marbles at this 420am on a thursday

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bogkeep · 6 years ago

Note

hi i saw your post abt self harm on the internet and i was wondering if you could expand on that!! im not sure i get entirely your point or what you would consider discourse in in regards to that and id genuinely like to understand what u mean because im not sure im looking at this through the right lense

okay, i’m going to make an attempt! i can tell from the tags people write that a lot of people relate or understand what i mean, but if you don’t? that’s okay, and maybe good even, especially if it means you’re taking good care of yourself.

so what i mean is like… when you do something; when you open a social media site or look something up, what will you get out of it? what’s the input going to your head and heart? how will it make you feel? and this isn’t a rhetoric question like “obviously it will make you feel bad” because there’s a lot of good things on the internet - interacting with friends and acquaintances, learning things and sharing perspectives, looking at art and getting inspired, looking at cute cat pictures, etc. we have so much information and media at our fingertips’ reach!! and it’s a double edged sword. because you can like inject all these good things directly into your brain, but you can ALSO inject a lot of bad things into your brain, too. like it’s really easy to look up things that trigger you in any way, and sometimes you might not even know something is triggering you. i don’t know if you’ve ever had that like, curiousity to check something out that you’re better off not knowing, but you do it anyway, because you CAN so why NOT. because we can!!! we can access everything so easily!! like people twenty years ago could not look up their exes on five different social medias and keep up with their lives. it’s wild how we can know what’s happening basically all over the world pretty much the instance it happens. having to care about the fate of the entire world is some superhero angst shit. you’re just one person and you’re alive and you’re going to like, be here for a while, so please take some deep breaths ya feel. but also the world is in a pretty dreary state right now so like. it’s rough. it really is!

and i’m not saying we should all avoid everything that hurts us all the time and put ourselves in bubbles or anything. hurt is gonna happen. the world is gonna be rough. but also, set boundaries for yourself. DON’T look up your exes. you don’t HAVE to know all the news constantly, and you’re not a bad person for taking a break to live your life. if you struggle with body image, looking at heavily curated and edited instagram selfies and comparing yourself to it is really just hurting yourself over and over. so i am specifically talking about the boundaries you hold to *yourself*. just because we CAN do anything and keep up with everything, it’s not…. a good thing to do. there’s just TOO much. a lot of the time i hear people condemn entire sites like twitter or tumblr for being toxic cesspools where only X and Y happens, and like, yeah, some of these criticisms are valid, but it’s also ENTIRELY possible to curate your internet experience. unfollow blogs that stress you out or circulate content or comments you find toxic or don’t like the attitude of. blacklist tags. etc. it’s easy to feel like there’s only this or that kind of blogs out there, but that’s not true. the internet is so full of different people, and there’s bound to be content out there that will make you happier if you need it.

so, in regards to discourse, i’m not referring to a certain discourse - i’ve been on tumblr for what, six years now? discussions come and go, and a lot of the time there’s been a lot of genuinely constructive conversations and discussions! but a lot of discussions out here seem to evolve into something much less constructive. some discussions just don’t GO anywhere, neither side actually wants to listen or change their opinion, people forget there’s another human being on the other side, and it’s just… at some point it’s like people forget what they’re trying to ACHIEVE by doing what they’re doing. some people are just taking out their anger and frustration on the internet. there’s a lot of infighting between marginalized groups - especially the lgbtq+ community, because we’re all hurting and scared and have so many life experiences from all around the world, a lot of us are really young, and it’s. it’s hard! it’s so hard sometimes. and the thing is, a lot of the discourse on internet becomes like, layers upon layers, and what makes sense when you’re on five layers on tumblr is NOT necessarily applicable in real life. sometimes it like… becomes the equivalent of an academic text where you have to go through an education to even understand the terms that are being used. like, personally? sometimes i see discussions i don’t have the heart to partake in myself anymore, and i don’t understand what’s being said at all. and honestly that’s such a relief to me. that’s not to say partaking in discussions is inherently bad! it can be really good! but for me, i can’t do it anymore. my personal experience was trying to act in good faith and be open to learn and change and i kept replying to someone who refused to listen to anything i said, and instead kept attacking me. it was like repeatedly flinging myself against a wall. the impulse to have a constructive discussion with everyone who disagrees with me on my own post is *there*, but it’s not worth it for me, because the stress and time and energy i inflict on myself for the sake of a complete stranger who does NOT have my best interests at heart…. yeah. no. consider if you *really* need to die on that hill. it’s okay to walk away.i don’t know if this will help or if it’s still too nebulous. it’s mostly about what choices you make and considering what you’re trying to achieve, and whether your actions are actually reflecting that, or if you’re just causing yourself pain and frustration. the concept of emotional self harm (especially through internet) has been put forth by several people, but some sources that have like, helped me formulate this whole thing has been- contrapoints video about incels - the podcast ‘just break up’- the podcast ‘conversations with people who hate me’

#it's 2am so i'm not going to proofread this right now sorry #apologies if this is late i was working today #fagheart #a lot of my personal experience comes from being autistic and compulsive obsessive #compulsions and internet are a horrible combination #those first times people in the internet attacked me under the guise of conversation???#haha why not compulsively read their blog every day for weeks!!!!!! HHHHHHHHHh no do NOT do that #too long for twitter

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ineffablefool · 5 years ago

Text

I got an ask which I have decided to respond to anonymoosely, because I can.

I just read your post about Fat Aziraphale and how it made you feel better - I'm trying to use Aziraphale to convince my wife (also fat) that really, she's wonderfully friend- and wife-shaped and people find her pleasant to look at.

Oof. This kind of situation is such a hard one to be in, for all parties concerned, because we’re all stewing in nigh-constant fatphobic garbage, and almost no fat person, no matter how good their self-esteem, can ignore that garbage 100% of the time. So the person feels bad because they don’t look the way someone else decided they should look, and the people who care about them feel bad because, well, they care. Just yuck all around.

I have Thoughts on this, and I figured I’d put ‘em on the blog. They are not specific to asker, especially since asker didn’t ask for advice. Asker can totally ignore me if they like, that’s fine. But now the Thoughts will Live on the Blog. Oh -- and I use “fat” as a neutral descriptor throughout all this. Not “plus-sized” or “larger” or the o word which I hate with the blue-hot screaming fire of an oxyacetylene torch of rage. Fat. Simple term to contrast with thin in the same way tall contrasts with short. I like simple.

(this gets exceptionally long without being the least bit organized)

Disclaimer, I am not an expert in anything except being me. But that means I’m an expert in being a fat human, and one who ID’d as female for over 30 years and still gets read as female 99.44% of the time (women get hit harder with this crap), and one who has done a lot of thinking about this whole mess. So maybe that will be useful to someone.

And I don’t know if this is ever a “convince” sort of thing. I think it’s more a “come to realize, slowly, over time, with a lot of work and hopefully support”. (Asks aren’t the best place to craft the very finest of language, so I know there’s a lot of wiggle room in the meaning of “convince” in the ask that spurred this post, but again, I’m taking this more general. ) It’s very hard to show a fat person your inner understanding of them as a whole and wonderful and important human being. This is because we get so many little reinforcements, day in and day out, that being fat is inherently bad, and that we are inherently bad if we are fat. It creates a narrative which hits us from almost every conceivable angle, and it can feel very, very convincing. (Read this 2010 post by Ragen Chastain if you want to be sad. I’m not saying her results are typical, because her work involves dealing with fatphobia, but I am saying that if any of us sat down to do this math, we are not likely to be happy about whatever result we do get.)

So it’s a bunch of little things needed to turn things around, and it’s over a period of potentially years, and it’s the fat person in question having both the willingness and the energy to put in a bunch of boring yucky work.

Positive representation is a huge part of it, though. It builds a new narrative. It gives examples of fat people accomplishing things, creating things, living and having fun and just actually being people. Of fat people being loveable, and loved, although that’s not the most important part. I focus on it in the Good Omens hyperfixation part of my life, because my hyperfixation is completely around a romantic Aziraphale/Crowley relationship, but being a valid romantic partner is not nearly as important as all that other stuff (hi my aro and ace people you are not forgotten). And I’ve seen a bunch of posts by people talking about how Sheen’s Aziraphale, and the fandom response to the character, have helped with their own self-esteem -- because it’s the new narrative. It’s not “this character is (barely, if you squint, but we’ll let it ride for a sec) fat, and therefore bad or the butt of a joke or less than the thinner characters”. It’s “this character is fat and important and loved”. Type of love is up for all of us to decide per Mr. Gaiman, but you don’t get to argue the love. Aziraphale’s appearance has nothing to do with his value as a human-like entity. He’s literally tied with Crowley for most important character, given that the show has been reframed from the book to both begin and end with our ineffable duo (plus the emphasis given by the Hard Times cold open).

Sharing that new narrative with the important fat person in one’s life can be one very small part of helping them unlearn the old narrative. If it helps, I kinda not-officially-but-it-works-out-that-way curate fatter-versions-of-Aziraphale artwork in my fat positivity tag, along with all the other fat-positive stuff that runs through my blog. (I don’t think there’s any fics in that tag besides mine, just commentary, but I can’t remember right now.)

Over on my other Tumblr account, I follow a bunch of fat-positive blogs, although I haven’t refreshed the list in a while (I just... don’t need it as much as I used to, which is fascinating, now that I think about it), and some of them have gone dormant. But I can recommend, in no particular order, fuckyeahfatpositive, ok2befat, and fatqueerlove (assuming the person IDs as/is comfortable with the label “queer”) for the more affirmation side of things (though there’s some activism mixed in); and bigfatscience, the-exercist, and fatphobiabusters for the more activism side of things (debunking bad science and fatphobic myths; speaking out against fatphobia in medicine, legislation, reporting, and wherever else it shoves its ugly head out from its troll-cave). The Fat Nutritionist hasn’t updated in a year, but she still has lots of good stuff up. thisisthinprivilege is... hard to read, sometimes, and I think it’s better for after you’re energized and angry about the garbage you’ve been taught.

(If anyone gets through this ridiculously long post and knows of other good resources for that last paragraph, by the way, I’d love to hear about ‘em.)

But it takes the fat person actually seeking out the new narrative, and shoving fat-positive content and mindsets into their eyeballs and brainpan, for there to be a real change, I think. And that’s the boring yucky work part. A lot of people find that they can’t really pull their thoughts out of the old track and into the new one without getting some help from a therapist -- and therapists are great and there’s nothing wrong with going to therapy, I see a therapist every two weeks myself -- but therapy takes time and money and energy and a therapist you can actually work with. Not everyone has all four of those things.

It’s also important to not draw any lines when trying to communicate to one’s important fat person that they are, in fact, important and worth whatever kind of love it is that one has for them. No “you’re not actually that fat” (how will they feel if they gain more weight later?). No “at least you’re healthy” (how will they feel if they become unhealthy?). No “but you carry it well” or other variations on “at least you’re not one of the ugly ones” (how will they feel if their appearance changes later?).

If there’s a line, then your important fat person always has to be careful not to cross it. Don’t imply to them that there is actually an appearance-related condition to your love for them, and they just luckily haven’t failed you yet. If there actually is such a condition, maybe sit down and have a few deep thoughts with yourself.

Plus, speaking personally, I am “that fat”, and I’m not 100% healthy, and I carry it weird and am really-weird looking. And I don’t appreciate being thrown under the bus so someone can tell someone else “at least you’re not one of those, you know, the fat people who aren’t valid and important human beings”. So nobody ever do that. Please.

Final words to my unhealthy, or really really fat, or weird-shaped or just plain ugly-by-current-common-standards fat people out there -- i got u fam. You’re all valuable and important and I love you. And you’re all doing, or going to do, amazing things, because doing amazing things has precisely jack to do with the amount or positioning of fat upon your very important and inherently worthy human self.

That’s all! If you made it this far, then you get this link to a photo of a cute bearded dragon in a hat, if you’d like to click it. I follow william-snekspeare on my other account and have commissioned him for artwork twice now and he is an absolute dear.

And I hope asker’s wife has a good body image day tomorrow.

#ineffablefool reply #ineffablefool does some Deep Thoughts #ineffablefool is on about fat bodies being lovely again #although less 'lovely' and more 'important' here because lbr physical attractiveness is RIDICULOUSLY overemphasized #ugly people are still important #everybody is important #unless they've done something with actual actions to override their importance with horribleness #the appearance of your physical form is not an action so there ya go

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sarahboseman · 7 years ago

Text

HE TASTES SO GOOD (PART 5)

T’CHALLA X READER 💕

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

WORD COUNT: 4800

WARNING : Angst, mention of abdication, strong decisions, mention of love making.

TAGLIST: Hope to have tagged everybody, if you want to be tagged just leave a comment! 💕

@syreanne @royallyprincesslilly @captiansaveasmut @sisterwifeudaku @wakandanmoonchild @tchallaswife @kumkaniudaku @airis-paris14 @ashanti-notthesinger @zforzathura @90sinspiredgirl@wakandanblogger @wakandawinning @heyauntieeee@simplyyamberr @brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers @skysynclair19@angieswonderfulworld @ljstraightnochaser @mermaidchansons @qweentbh@zxddy-panther @stressedgyal @bubbleboss17 @ovohanna24 @autumn242@starsshines-blog @wakandankings @blue-ishx @yaachtynoboat711@texasbama @maverickabull@leahnicole1219 @fireboltrose7559 @savagemickey03 @jecourt@deliciousstreetkidcroissant @inlovewith3@marvelheaux @delreyfenty@mixedmelanin @theunsweetenedtruth @fineapplepuff@crazycags @lildashofmelanin @cetouna@blackbypurpose @builtalongthewayside@chaneajoyyy @steampunkprincess147 @lildashofmelanin @cetouna@blackbypurpose @builtalongthewayside @maynardqueen101@theesotericqueen @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @misswakanda2018@peppermintvanillaa @pilot-jones04 @blublubleu @mosaicpieces

***********************

You look at Okoye from your desk, your expression is seriously worried, hers is impassive as usual showing any emotion. Despite your bond, at this moment, her task is just to act as a messenger and personally escort you into the Throne Room.

You nod and at the same time you get up from your leather chair to follow the Royal Guard walking the whole corridor in silence.

But your silence doesn’t last long.

"Okoye ... ndiyacela (please), you're killing me, what's going on?"

You can feel that she’s also tense and worried, but her expression softens a bit to try to reassure you.

“Andizi, mhlobo wam (I don’t know my friend) I would like to help Y/N, but I don’t know or better … I know what’s happening between you and King T’Challa, but I don’t know what will happen during this meeting …” she talks to you without taking his eyes off her direction, but her voice is still calm and quite.

"What I can tell you is that the King is adamant about his decision, but he wants you to be present" this time she looks at you smiling “Don't worry, you're a tough woman, I know you"

"Who is present at the Council?"

"The King, Queen Mother, Princess Shuri, W'Kabi, M'Baku, and all the Elders of the other Tribes ... and me ... wonke umntu (everybody)”

If you were worried before, now you’re even more. Several times you’ve been present at Council meetings, you know how they take place, and you also know you’ve always felt a little uncomfortable especially in front of the Elders. They’re always so serious and adamant regarding the laws and Wakanda traditions. And surely if T'Challa has spoken to the Council about his decision and what is between you both, the real big problem is just them.

Okoye stops in front of the big dark door of the very elegant Throne Room, juggles his faithful weapon in the other hand and then knocking.

“Ngena” (Come in) you hear T'Challa respond after three strong knocking at the door.

Okoye looks at you and with a nod of his head tells you to follow her as she enters the room announcing you.

"Wam Kumkani ... as you ordered. Miss Y/L/N"

You’re also used to being announced, but now you’re really uncomfortable, you feel small, unimportant, despite your position is very respected within the walls of the Palace, you feel almost guilty. It’s more or less the same feeling you had when you were a child and your mother or your father caught you in the cookie jar, while you were doing something wrong.

But those were unimportant pranks ...

You enter the room and you feel all eyes on you, eyes with different looks, but those weighing more, are eyes that judge and almost despise.

Although in Wakanda the average temperature is high enough, there seems to be frost inside that room now. No one speaks while you wait for directions standing near Okoye in front of the closed door behind you. You hold your hands in front of you, with interlaced fingers, so close as to hurt you, you're so damn tense.

You try to steel your nerve and look up, you seem to live a deja-vu of a scene of few years ago, but there was Erik in your place and you were on the other side, next to the King. Now he’s in front of you sitting on his Throne, next to him on his left is Ramonda, the Queen Mother, and next to her there’s Shuri, the only two people who smile when you meet their gazes. You're sure T'Challa would have smiled too if it were not for the particular situation. You haven’t yet been informed of the reason for your summons, but you have no doubts about it.

To the right of the King, there’s W’Kabi, his best friend and representative of the Border Tribe, also quite serious, you can’t perceive any emotion from his gaze. Then next to him, in order, the imposing M'Baku representative of the Jabari, who seems to be the only one amused inside the room, his gaze instead is almost pleased. The empty seat in front of T'Challa is empty at the moment, because it’s where Okoye usually sits, then going in order: the Merchant Tribe Elder, the Mining Tribe Elder and The River Tribe Elder, in the respective places to represent the various Wakandian Tribes with their impassive gaze fixed on you.

Behind the King, the Dora Milaje and the Royal Guards are all around the Room.

It seems to spend an eternity from the moment you looked at everyone and meticulously watched their expressions, actually you do it often, studying people and their body language is also part of your job, let's call it occupational hazard.

You don’t know why, but at that moment your main thought goes to King T'Chaka, you would have wished that he was present, perhaps he would have been the first one to oppose this love story, yes, at first he would have gone mad. He was a very traditional person and King, who wanted to see his children married to someone with royal blood, but certainly also the first one to want to find a solution for the good of all, especially for his son, and perhaps the first to try to reassure you ... as he often did.

In those few seconds a multitude of thoughts bomb your mind, even thoughts of rethinking "I was too rash, I haven’t thought of anything but myself, I was a fool to think th—”

“Y/N”

T’Challa’s voice makes you jump and wake up from your thoughtful status in which you had tried to hole up to reassure yourself in some strange way.

Instinctively you look up at him who has risen from his throne and is coming towards you with his innate elegance, security and self-confidence. You’re anxious and he can perceives it. When he’s a few steps away from you, he reaches out to you, seeking a physical contact

"Come ... don’t be nervous"

Then he thanks Okoye who takes her place following you and the King who approaches the throne, he holds your hand tight as if it were the most natural thing in the world, even though you also perceive his tension, but he tries to don’t leak anything and you can imagine the reason.

As T'Challa approaches the Throne, W'Kabi gets up from his seat and grants it to you

"Kuhlala apha (Sit here) Y/N ..."

“Ungaxhalabi (Do not worry) W'Kabi, I'm standing"

"Believe me, sit down, it will be a long thing …” he whispers as he passes by while you sit in his seat beside the King, nodding.

You cross your legs to be more comfortable taking a look around you once again, crossing the loving gaze of the Queen Mother who seems to want to tell you something, but you can’t read her lips.

"Well, now that we’re all here, including the interest part, you can continue to express your opinions about it, ima kancinci (come on)” T'Challa points out, his tone is cold and decisive.

A few seconds of silence where you could take a knife and cut the tension, the air is full of it.

“It’s a foolish thing to marry her Wam Kumkani !!! None of this is in accordance with the laws of Wakanda"

"What disturbs you so much Elder?" He asks kindly to the old woman of the Merchant Tribe.

"What disturbs me? The fact that she is your personal Assistant and not a Princess!! She has no real blood in her veins and we all know where she comes from ... we all know she's not pure”

“Uxolo??? (Excuse me) With all due respect, what does it mean that I'm not pure?” You ask with doubt, wooing your eyebrows trying to understand the connection, you also look at T'Challa but he directs all his attention to the old woman, waiting for an answer.

"Exactly. Awuhlambulukanga! (You are not pure!) Your father was Wakandian, while your mother was a foreigner, happened here by chance many years ago!"

"I was born in Wakanda and this makes me a Wakandian, just like all of you. Do you want to see what is written on my ID Card? With all due respect, of course"

"No matter what's written on your ID!!! Here we’re talking about the Royal Family, we’re talking about our FUTURE! OUR COUNTRY!!” The Elder of the River Tribe blurts, raising his voice

"And we won’t allow our King to marry a person who muds our name!"

"Watch your tones Elder ... you're always before the King" you hear W'Kabi talk behind you in a very quite way.

"With all due respect, Your Highness, but if your Father had been here, he would have silenced this whole story without even disturbing the whole Council" the Elder of the Mining tribe points out.

"Instead I believe that my Father would have sought a compromise, as I’m trying to do with all of you. And I would like to kindly ask you to watch your tone talking about Miss Y/L/N too, she’s not on trial, she hasn’t committed any crime"

“For Bast sake!!! no crime? She … joined the King ... she’s not of royal blood, of course it’s a crime!!!”

“Well, my sexual life and what I do in my bedroom is not an Elders business. Neither yours nor anyone else in this room, ngaba kucacile? (is it clear?)” T'Challa points out, leaning his back completely on to the throne and extending his hand to take yours.

The Elder woman's gaze rests on your hands and then on the other members of the Council.

"I don’t find anything wrong, let’s try to think for a moment, all together … Our King is a person with an excellent judgment, he’s always placed the good of his Country before anything else. He fought for us, he almost died for us, and I don’t think this decision was taken as lightly as you all think. Who knows what's underneath ... And then Miss Y/L/N is also a beautiful girl, intelligent, very smart, she does her job in an impeccable way, look what a beautiful Queen you'll have. Without taking anything away from you, Queen Mother, Ungumhle kakhulu, ndiyithandayo (you’re just wonderful, my favorite)” M'Baku tells the whole group, adding a bit of malice in the last part of his speech, looking at Queen Ramonda who rolls her eyes.

You laugh at his serious expression, but with that something mischievous and “I don’t give a fuck” look, but M'Baku is known for his ideas and deductions to be in contrast to those of the Elders and you think he finds it very fun. Well, sometimes it is.

But at that moment you’re grateful for having said those words and T’Challa’s face tells the same.

“Akukho nkinga kum (No problem for me). I have nothing against it, I have full confidence in our King” These are the only words you hear from W'Kabi who still stood behind you, Okoye's face changes while looking at her husband smiling, she’s more relaxed and grateful.

"Well, if we have to take a vote, you have already won, but it’s not the right thing ANYWAY! I appeal to the abdication of the King, first of all the good of Wakanda, and this is inconceivable, it goes against what we are!!!”

With dismay and amazement, everyone looks at the Elder, bewildered by his proposal. The other 2 elders of the other 2 tribes are overwhelming and they agree with him. T'Challa looks at you, you are in panic, the last thing you want is that T'Challa is removed from his position as King and Black Panther, protector of Wakanda, for such a ridiculous reason.

"Kwaye makube njalo (And so be it). If this is what you force me to do, I’ll do it. If this is the only way to be happy with the person I love. And I don’t intend to marry another person to make you happy"

All eyes are now placed on T'Challa, looks of dismay and disbelief. Then Okoye looks at the Queen Mother, Shuri looks at you, M'Baku's smile disappears, W'Kabi looks at his wife, T'Challa looks at the Elders and doesn’t look away for a moment. The Dora Milaje break the lines, they are really shocked too.

"Hayi, NO WAY T'Challa, I won’t let you give up everything for me. Libala (Forget it)”

And a heated discussion starts between you and the King and between all the members of the Council, who are animatedly trying to tell their opinion, trying to overlap the several voices in the room, screaming louder.

“EXCUSEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

This time it’s Shuri’s voice resonating above everyone and everything by suddenly making drop the silence into the Throne Room.

“THANK YOUUUUU ... Ndingayithetha? (Can I talk?) My King, can I be allowed to say something too? I'm part of the Council, right?”

Shuri asks looking around, where everyone nods, including his brother who sits down again as everyone else does.

"Well then, let's see where to start. As far as I understand, the Elders don’t want T'Challa to marry Y/N because she’s not of royal blood and because her mother is not Wakandian. Ok, let's start from here ... Her mother is not Wakandian, but she married a Wakandian many years ago, no one opposed during their marriage, and this made her a Wakandian. It’s the law. According to this law therefore Big Wakandian man + Big Wakandian woman = Small Wakandian. Y/N in this case, right? it’s the law and the law is not discussed ... because here we are bringing up some laws that I don’ even know who wrote being so old and greasy. Kunene?(Right?)” Shuri's speech makes a very good point, it’s brilliant, she’s a genius.

Her brother looks at her in a very amused way, with a very accomplice smile on his lips, he still reaches for your hand, squeezing it and interlaces his fingers between yours, stroking the back with circular movements of his thumb.

The Elders can’t rebut, despite their traditionalist beliefs, in front of a valid law they can’t discuss.

"Instead, as far as Real blood is concerned and the fact that you don't want Y/N becomes Queen by marrying T'Challa ... we can do a blood transfusion if you want … Ok, ok, I'm kidding ... I know, it's a serious matter. But, well, I don't know if you have already noticed it, but Y/N is already your Queen"

"Uthetha ukuthini??” (What do you mean?) “Why??? What are you saying, Princess?" "What absurdity is this?!!" The Elders ask in chorus

Even Okoye, W'Kabi, M'Baku, Queen Mother and T’Challa looks are surprised at that statement. Yours most of all.

“Come on guys ... it's so simple. Y/N is the King’s first Assistant, she started working for my father who has always trusted her and has always treated her almost like a daughter”

You can see the emotion in Ramonda eyes.

"Now she’s T’Challa's first Assistant, have you ever noticed that every decision taken within this circle passes first from Y/N before being approved? Every law, every discussion, every decision, every military strategy, every mission ... from the most foolish thing to the most serious and important one. Every decision taken by the King is first approved by her. Of course In a completely harmless way, she doesn’t do it with arrogance or even with some pretext, but it’s quite natural for my brother sitting down at her desk before she leaves her office at the end of the day and tell her about his day, he asks for her opinion and discuss what to do, as if they were already married. She’s always called upon by the King and I can assure you that some discussions are soooo lighted. My brother is a big hard, stubborn head, she manages to make him think bringing out the best in him in every situation. Y/N is called when there’s a mission to organize, she knows Wakandan laws by heart, traditions, she knows the secrets of our Country ... And she cares about Wakanda and our people more than we can do. She's already your Queen and you haven’t even noticed it … uyisidenge (you’re so dumb)”

"This doesn’t mean that -"

"This doesn't mean that you all stay quiet now and think for a moment about the words just said by my daughter!" The Queen Mother blurts out when one of the Elders still tries to fight back.

"Great speech sweetheart" and she gives her a kiss on the forehead.

"And what do you want to do then? Replace T'Challa with whom?? Who is your proposal? Who is more suitable than my son as King and protector of Wakanda? There’s no one more able than him and I’m convinced that with a woman like that by his side, our kingdom can only prosper"

First you look at Shuri with such sweetness, thinking and thinking back to the words she just said, not even you've ever thought about it and it's true, it's all true. In addition to the love you feel for T'Challa, perhaps this is the other unconscious motivation that led you to say that “yes” without hesitation.

Then you look at Ramonda who yearned to tell her motivation in defense of her son, you know her too well, she could never have remained silent until the end. Not when the abilities of his children are questioned, of which she’s very proud. And unfortunately the Elders were questioning the skills of T'Challa as King and Black Panther to keep intact the very old traditions.

His brother looks at Shuri gloating as he touches and rubs his beard thinking about what to say and perhaps reasoning about his sister's speech. Okoye seems more relaxed, M'Baku smiles again as he keeps looking at you and T'Challa, none of the Elders speak. After a few minutes of silence, the King speaks

"I don’t want to disrespect our Ancestors, all of you, or our traditions, not even my Father, but I believe that if we want to move closer to the rest of the world, some laws must be changed. This is a completely futile one, there are things much more important in my opinion, and I won’t marry another person just because of royal blood, now or never, at the risk of remaining alone for the rest of my life and don’t have heirs. I have my woman right here and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Give us a chance. My decision is now taken, Ndiyamkele (I am adamant) with your consent or not, this marriage will be made. What will happen next is up to you”

A creepy silence still falls in the immense room, your frustration is to the stars when you hear T'challa repeating those words. You're happy that he loves you so much to put everything in question, but that's not what you want. You would live in eternal regret.

You’s like to say your opinion, but your sixth sense tells you that it’s better to remain quiet and wait, you look around lost in your thoughts counting the seconds passing.

In the Throne Room all the lights are lit, creating plays of light and shadows with the columns and the various statues placed inside. Even the marvelous garden, seen through the huge windows of the Room, is all lit up. You didn’t realize that it had been so long. W’Kabi was right.

Stopping your thoughts for a moment you realize you’re exhausted and very hungry, you can hear the sounds of your stomach writhing, hoping that others don’t hear anything, even if the silence is so deep. You’d like to stop breathing so as not to make any kind of noise.

Surely T'Challa has heard something, his gaze rests on you smiling sweetly, you can read his lips talking "Soon we'll go to dinner, hold on Mnandi"

"Ok, we give you a chance, but you both will be monitored very closely. T'Challa … Wam Kumkani and Nkosazana yam (my princess) you both have a very big responsibility, ungasivumeli (do not let us down)”

To break the silence is the Elder of the Merchant Tribe, the one that at first seemed the most fierce. The other two Elders also nod, but without saying a word. But you widen your eyes to that title that the old woman has just used against you, it sounds strange and out of the ordinary.

T'Challa nods and smiles, relaxing instantly, he almost seems to melt on the Throne as his shoulders soften, his arms too, his strong hands stop squeezing the armrests, his legs muscles relax too. He closes his eyes, inhales and exhales, and then, taking another breath, he dismisses the Council. Actually the only ones who go away, escorted by the Dora Milaje, are the three Elders. All the others remain in the Throne Room, at first sitting and in silence, until Shuri explodes.

"WE HAVE A MARRIAGE TO ORGANIZED!!! Guys, I didn’t believe that those three let you win!!! She called you Princess! For the bast sake! But where this story comes from? I mean, we saw that kiss on the stairs last night, but they ho- "

"Shuri, please be good, I understand your contentment but don’t shout, I already have a big headache" her mother warns her

“Wam Kumkani, you could have warned us, we would have helped you a little more during this Council, we all were a little bit surprised, it was unexpected ... but congratulations, I'm so happy" Okoye says approaching you, asking permission to hug you.

"It was time T'Challa, it was time!! If you didn’t ask her, I would have asked her to marry me” M'Baku says laughing and hugging the King, who smiles at that joke because he knows that M'Baku is harmless, he learned to know him in these years, finding in him a very good friend as well as an excellent warrior.

Even W'Kabi congratulates and hugs you both, you’re sure that he knew more than anyone, he knew about T'Challa's feelings, about the proposal. He’s his best friend. After all the congratulations he leaves with Okoye, it was really late and they need to come home from their family. Okoye leaves the command to Ayo who has recently joined the group.

"Unyana wam (my son) I’m so proud of you and so happy. Y/N, mhlobo wam (my dear), I don’t need to tell you anything, my eyes speak for themselves, welcome to our family, even if you were already part of it. I knew that between you there was more than just a business relationship and Shuri was able to express it to the fullest. I leave you alone, I’m a little tired, I go to my quarters and try to rest a bit, from tomorrow will be great days, we have a wedding to organize” Ramonda embraces you first, then his son who returns the immense hug whispering in her ear loving words.

"Sisteeeeeeeeer! How happy I am to have one, finally! Tomorrow I'll wait for you in the lab, we have to talk, I already have some ideas in mind for - "

"Shuriiiiiiiiiiiii" Ramonda and T'Challa say in chorus

"Ok, ok, I got it ... see you tomorrow, but first I go to get some food!I’m starving"

"Shuri wait"

"Tell me Brother"

"Can you do something for me tomorrow? In the meantime I choose an appropriate one ... can you fix this for Y/N?” He asks her showing their father’s ring that you’re still wearing on the wrong finger

"Of course I can, I’ll do it willingly" she says smiling at you and taking with her the ring to fix.

Finally the door closes and again a strange silence drops in the Room, a different silence from the one before. Everything is peaceful, still and quiet. The room is so huge that you two alone, standing in front of the King's Throne, look so very tiny. The room is so huge that your breaths seem to echo.

His gentle gaze rests on you, stretches out an arm to reach your hand

“Hey Mnandi" The King tells you coming closer to you, putting his hands on your hips and leaning his forehead against your, he sighs and closes his eyes.

"Hey Kumkani"

"What a hellish afternoon"

You don’t know what to say, you have no words to rethink what has happened in the last hours, it was all an accumulation of things, events and emotions, some pleasant and some less pleasant.

"I almost died when you gave consent to abdicate. They were ready to accept T'Challa ... "

"I know"

"You're completely crazy, don’t ever do something like that again"

"I love you Y/N” he whispers softly, sweetly and so felt against your lips, waiting for answer. It’s the first time he tells you directly and it sounds so good hearing it.

It’s not the first time that someone tells to love you and you answer back, but now it sounds different, it sounds real, it’s sounds loving and caring, it sounds so damn reciprocated.

"I love you too”

He smiles at your answer, he closes his eyes to enjoy the sound of your voice.

"Let's go dinner now, I'm starving and I think you're starving too”

“T'Challa?"

“Yes love”

"Can we have dinner in your room or is it too pretentious?"

"We can do whatever we want, of course we can have dinner in my room. By the way, while the Council took place, I asked to bring all your stuff to my Quarters ... I hope you don’t mind. It seemed useless to have you come back every morning to your room on the other side of the Palace"

You smile and T'Challa perceives your happiness by your expression and how your eyes shine coming back to life.

"And what makes you think I want to sleep with you every night before the wedding?"

“Mmmm I don’t know … maybe the desire to be taken every night and make love with me ’til to be exhausted? I can feel your urgency, you know?"

Your expression changes to those simple words, simple but said in the right tone.

"And I can read it in your eyes now.I know you want it Y/N, we lost too much time” he whispers, squeezing you once more, repositioning your body where it really belongs … in his arms.

He walks back slightly until reaching the Throne, he sits down leaving you standing between his open legs.

Keeping an intense eye contact he rests his hands on your hips and slowly descend until touching your bare knee reaching the black skirt of the suit you are wearing. His hands slowly rise together with the edge of your skirt, uncovering your legs to give you the chance to sit on his lap as he wishes.

"Sit on me, like you did this morning ..." he says to you, moving your hair from your face and letting his hands slip on your back, caressing the silk of your blouse.

You can’t help but let out a moan when his mouth reaches your neck, right in that most sensitive furrow, wasting light kisses to your chin following your jawline and then bringing his lips against your ear and whisper.

Your hands grab his shoulders and continue up to his hairline, teasing him.

"Tell me you never imagined making love to me in this Room, on this Throne, sitting on me like you are right now" his voice is like velvet, a little hoarse, low, sensual as you've never heard it before

"T'Challa ..." his name resounds inside your suffocated moan.

"Tell me you never had the desire to be fucked here, with your hands resting on the armrests, bent forward, your beautiful round ass in the air while I own you from behind while you scream my name at every thrust …"

He takes your face in his huge hands and looks into your eyes, your expression is in transition, you have your eyes closed and panting at the thought of what your future husband is paraphrasing you. Heat all over your body.

"Bast, you're so fucking beautiful, you're, you're ... Ohuuo Mka, Y/N ... yesss"

You feel him panting and hardening even more as you roll your hips against his pelvis, imitating your movements of this morning.

"T'Challa ..."

"Mmmm"

"Let's forget about dinner and take me to bed"

"Why taking you to bed when I can give vent to my fantasies ... let me celebrate here my little victory ..."

TO BE CONTINUED …

I hope you like it, and if it’s so reblog it and remember that the taglist is open, let me know if you want to be tagged. LOVE U 💕💕💕

#chadwick boseman #chadwick boseman fanfiction #Chadwick Boseman smut #chadwick #chadwick boseman gif #Chadwick Boseman fanfic #chadwick boseman smut #chadwick boseman x reader #t'challa #t'challa x black reader #t'challa x reader #t'challa smut #t'challa fanfiction #t'challa fiction #black panther #black panther smut #black panther fiction #black panther fanfiction #black panther x reader

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avanneman · 6 years ago

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TV or not TV? Isn’t there a third option?

I’ve already argued that the pickings at the multiplex are pretty slim, nor am I a fan of what I have labeled “Heavy TV”, disliking it so much I had to write a sequel to my original putdown.1 My appetite, such as it was, for the doings of sadistic serial killers is pretty much exhausted, and I’m generally either afraid of “The Dark” or bored by it. So is nothing acceptable? Fortunately, there are a few old favorites that are still holding up, and a few other odds and ends—shows that have come and gone that I’m just discovering.

Archer, suave secret agent/dick (both private and public), about whom I’ve raved in the past, on my own blog and for the Bright Lights Film Journal, still functioning, and still tolerably funny in its ninth season, is preparing for its tenth and last on FX. Earlier seasons are no longer available on Netflix (except on DVD) and Amazon Prime makes you pay extra even for Season 1, which strikes me as exceptionally bitchy (or Archery). I’m sure the kids have figured out a way to watch it for free, but I haven’t, so I’m DVDing it.

The third season of Call My Agent!, aka Dix Pour Cent, a semi-favorite of mine is up on Netflix, chronicling the frenzied adventures of the ever-endangered ASK talent agency in Paris. I complained about the excessive coziness of Saison Deux, but I’m glad to report that Saison Trois is both more dry and more droll. As I expected, the cliffhanger from Saison Deux, that big-hearted, big-nosed lesbian Andréa (Camille Cottin) would be shipped off to New York, didn’t happen, allowing her to have her baby (by boss Hicham Janowski, played by Assaad Bouab) in the safety and sanctity of the French medical system. My big complaint in the past was the show’s star-struck approach to stars, showing them as vain and temperamental (at first) but, after a few complications, emerging as gallant thoroughbreds who always come through under pressure and save the day. This time, instead of a handful of European stars entirely unknown to me, we have a true international star, Isabelle Huppert. Isabelle isn’t “bad”, of course. If anything, she’s too generous and hard-working. The thing is, she’s signed a contract with—wait for it—Americans! Who want her exclusively and, mercenary monsters that they are, would foreclose on Versailles and ship it to LA if they don’t get their way!

Fortunately, ASK has both the sangfroid and the savoir faire to hose the Yanks, though it takes quite a bit of frantic behind the scenes running around to carry the whole thing off. Along the way, there’s a funny side plot, wherein the sweet gay guy, whose name I still don’t know and can’t determine, gets a chance to move up to be an actual agent instead of an assistant! Because sweet not-gay Camille (Fanny Sidney) thinks she’s so busy she should be two people, sweet gay guy becomes her, for a day. And then he meets this really cute waiter who wants to be a star, and so sweet gay guy arranges for an audition for him! Both their dreams are going to come true! Well, how else does one celebrate such an occasion, eh, mon ami? But then, well, really cute waiter gets sent to the wrong audition, and he’s terrible, and the studio wants to know why ASK is sending them boyfriends instead of actors, and SGG has to 1) catch shit from Camille for endangering the agency, 2) tell RCW that he isn’t star material, and 3) take shit from RCW, to wit: “You only took me on because you wanted to fuck me! Well, mission accomplished, bitch! Because now I’m totally fucked!” And all because he wanted to make people’s dreams come true! Agents suffer!

A past hidden gem that I’m just discovering is Blandings, a mere 12 thirty-minute episodes from Britain, but I’m lovin’ ‘em. “Blandings”, available on Amazon, is ultimately from the pen of P. G. Wodehouse, the grandmaster of silly ass Englishman light fiction. I’ve previously discussed a series dating from the early 90s, Jeeves and Wooster, devoted to Wodehouse’s supreme creation, the saga of Bertie Wooster and his man Jeeves, which ran through dozens of short stories and perhaps a dozen novels, from the early twenties through 1970. Devotees/obsessives like myself marinated for decades in Bertie’s inimitable rococo narration of Jeeves’ inimitable rococo machinations, all in the service of the inimitable truth, that Amor Vincit Omnia, though not without considerable assistance from Jeeves.

It was surely inevitable that Jeeves and Wooster would fall below the mark unconsciously set for it by aficionados like myself. Despite the ineffable lightness of Wodehouse’s prose, both Bertie and Jeeves were quite complex characters, doppelgangers for Wodehouse himself. “Plum”, as everyone (apparently) called him, was quite unhappy as a boy, but immensely happy at his “public” school—what we Americans would call a prep school—“Dulwich College”. The moral he seemed to take away from it all was that happiness, though possible, is not “natural”—it must be consciously achieved. Furthermore, it is most often achieved in the company of the privileged, and it can best be achieved by holding the world at arm’s length.

In the early short stories, Bertie is always either falling in love or getting engaged, or both, but always to the “wrong woman”—though, in sharp contrast to the American “rom com”, there is no right one.2 As Jeeves repeatedly makes clear, the only way to avoid the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune is to abstain from the fury and mire of human veins. By the mid-thirties, when Wodehouse had largely switched from short stories to novels, Bertie was as skeptical of affairs of the heart as Jeeves. The turning point was Brinkley Manor, aka What Ho, Jeeves (1934), which set in motion a collection of entangled and star-crossed lovers who, thanks to Jeeves, all married happily, though the consummations were delayed for a good thirty years. The Epicurean Roman poet Lucretius notoriously found it pleasing to stand safely on the shore and watch the sufferings of those at sea tormented by the storm.3 Both Jeeves and Bertie are made of softer stuff, and, confronted as they invariably are by victims of internal rather than external weather, always strive to intervene—Bertie ingenuously and disastrously, Jeeves with the effortless hand of the Creator (or the Author). But in both cases, intervention is only possible if one is one’s self immune to the tempest within.4

Jeeves and Bertie are scarcely three-dimensional characters, and the supporting cast distinctly less so, but over the decades that he wrote about them, Wodehouse rang the changes on the limited notes available to him so ingeniously that—for the addicted, at least—they remained ever fresh and vivid. The result is that, I suspect, all true devotees have a “perfect” Aunt Dahlia and a “perfect” Madelaine Bassett, not to mention a perfect Bertie and a perfect Jeeves, already fixed in their heads, so that the poor actors and actresses (if I can use such a term) who portray them almost invariably appear as disappointments or even frauds, for the perfect is always the enemy of the good.

In the “Blandings” stories, revolving around Lord Emsworth and his kin, and most particularly his prize pig, the “Empress” and set in the “eternal Twenties” of Wodehouse’s imagination,5 the perfect rarely intrudes The few I read from the series struck me as a distinctly lesser creation, stories that Wodehouse wrote as a sort of vacation from the Wooster/Jeeves high-wire act. Without Bertie’s perfect voice—the Blandings stories are written the third person—and without Jeeves perfect schemes, we have little more than a stock company road show of silly ass Englishmen, good-hearted chorus girls, good-natured, big-bellied, empty-headed lords, imperious dames, and sherry-slurping butlers, all wandering around the sort of enormous country estate that drove me half bonkers in the unspeakably wretched Downton Abbey.6 But at Blandings, it works.

Rather remarkably, given the degenerate nature of our time, the producers of the show made no attempt to position themselves as superior to the material, no effort to show what life was “really” like in those bad old days, which was in fact pretty horrible for everyone below stairs and for half of those above it. Wodehouse deconstructed would be a sorry sight indeed, and we don’t get it. The only updating that has been done is pretty much limited to the occasional pig fart, and (probably) more “muck” jokes (manure) than P. G. would have allowed himself. Instead, we have the amiable Lord Emsworth (Timothy Spall), sporting a thoroughly “English” set of teeth, his amiable son Freddie Threepwood (Jack Farthing), his unamiable sister Lady Constance (Jennifer Saunders), and his stout butler Beach (played first by Mark Williams in the first season and by Tim Vine in the second), all cavorting and disporting themselves in a suitably Wodehousian manner. Freed from the burden of perfection, and avoiding on its own the burden of pretense, it’s pretty damned good road show all around, and I’m sorry it didn’t get a longer run.

Another invigorating look at the Roaring Twenties with a British accent—more substantial, this time around—comes from Down Under in the form of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, three full seasons of hour long treats on both Netflix and ABC that make Sydney, Australia look surprisingly like London—and sound like it too, because all the leads have surprisingly (to me) posh accents.7 Miss Fisher, played by the charming Essie Davis, is unsurprisingly and unchronologically up to date in all her attitudes, being (of course) independent and quite capable of clambering over walls and scaling buildings in pursuit of evil-doers, even in high heels. Phryne, as her first name is, has a sweet companion, Dorothy Williams (Ashleigh Cummings), somewhat lower down on the social scale and naturally a bit intimidated by Phryne’s upper class lack of inhibition. Both gals have steady Eddies, in the form of Chief Inspector John Robinson (Nathan Page) for Phryne and Constable Hugh Collins (Hugo Johnstone-Burt) for Dorothy. The Chief Inspector, virtually a walking Rock of Gibraltar and a titan of middle-class inhibitions, is naturally entranced by the wicked Miss Fisher, who keeps his Herculean physique tightly wrapped around her little finger for all three seasons, and it must be said that Constable Collins’ fate is only a little less circumscribed.

As should be obvious, Miss Fisher is largely a chick show, of particular interest, I would say, to women who worry about their boyfriends’ hair, because both the Chief Inspector and the Constable have coifs that are, invariably, perfect. Some of the “backstory” for the show—the bitterness many Australians felt at the way the “Mother Country” used them for its own purposes in World War 1, for example—shows some real thought. There is, unsurprisingly, a gaping omission when it comes to the subject of race, and the position of the “aborigines”, which in the twenties was entirely deplorable. Most unattractive is the difference in the treatment of two of Miss Fisher’s many lovers, one Chinese and one “black”. The Chinese lover comes from a prominent family, speaks excellent English, and has come to Australia to flee an arranged marriage in order to marry the woman he loves, whose father is a communist. The black lover is an extra in a film, has not a single line, and clearly functions as a one-night stud. Naughty, yes, but not very nice.

For now, that's it. So don't say nothing's on. Say almost nothing's on.

Latest and worst heavy TV of all is the execrable Game of Thrones. The sappy English accents alone make it unwatchable, not to mention the entire fur coats, tits, and bloody murder ethos of the damn show. Livin’ in the Age o’ Trump is already terrible, but this show makes it worse. ↩︎

As a young man, Wodehouse wrote “straight” rom com novels like Mike in the City and Leave it to Psmith!, whose heroes were impecunious public school men, rather like Wodehouse himself, ↩︎

The opening stanza of Book II of De Rerum Natura, aka “The Nature of Things”—a Roman catchphrase. People are always taking a look at rerum natura. ↩︎

Wodehouse did marry, Ethel May Wayman, an English widow. They had no children, but Wodehouse adopted Wayman’s daughter, to whom he was quite devoted. Supposedly, Ethel was the Jeeves to Plum’s Bertie. ↩︎

“First and last,” I squealed in impotent and ineffectual rage, “I was overwhelmingly put off by the idea that it’s okay, in any sense of the word, for five people to be knocking about in a house the size of Grand Central Station, with two or three dozen menials rushing about night and day to keep everything looking just so.” Blandings rather shamelessly elides the issue by pretending that Lord Emworth’s immense estate is cared for by a handful of servants, who spend most of their time either feeding cake to pigs or drinking sherry. ↩︎

Actually, Wodehouse’s stock characters are really pre-World War I, as George Orwell explains. Orwell’s essay discusses Wodehouse’s early work in some detail, on its way to giving what I found to be too much deference to Wodehouse’s unthinking behavior when captured by the German Army in France in 1940. Wodehouse gave a radio broadcast making it sound as though being imprisoned by the Germans was rather jolly. Wodehouse’s wife was also a prisoner, so it’s not surprising that he wanted to cooperate, but there’s a difference between cooperating and being coopted. I suspect that Wodehouse, like many rich people, hoped that the Nazis wouldn’t be so bad. ↩︎

A contemporary Australian series, Rake, also available on Netflix, which I gave up on because it kept expecting me to identify with a coke addict, features noticeably less posh accents. ↩︎

#tv #Archer #Call My Agent!#Blandings #Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries #Jeeves

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