#IT’S SO UNFAIR I’M SICK
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October 31st angst🪦
The idea of Sirius finding them and immediately breaking bc he’s just lost his soulmate- I’m unwell
#i can’t believe they were only 21#THEY WERE 21!!!#BASICALLY BABIES#IT’S SO UNFAIR I’M SICK#Sirius black#James potter#lily potter#lily evans#platonic prongsfoot#jily#marauders#marauders era#marauders fanart#hp fanart#digital art#artist on tumblr#my art
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AHHHHHH EMUNENEEEEEE
#emunene#emu ootori#nene kusanagi#project sekai#pjsk#pjsk fanart#my art#fanart#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#they fill me with such hope and joy and silliness#the sillies#cutie patooties#but istg why does my ruikasa art gets more attention than my emunene art#this is so unfair#SAPPHICPHOBIA >:(#anyways#im sick lol#it’s been five days and I’m not getting any better#Send help#im dyin rn#But I’m not dead yet so I made gay art
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school is horrible.
it’s just a place where kids are not being listened to, a place where no one cares about our mental health as long as we are “smart” and “educated”, a place where teachers only come to make money and not to actually help us learn something, a place where thousands of people are being discriminated, a place where “trying your best” is supposedly enough but you’re being punished when you actually do try your best and it’s not “up for their standards”, a place where “everyone’s opinion is right” but there’s always only one good opinion and it’s the teachers, a place where you have to obey to rules that only make you do worst than better, a place where kids don’t want to go because it causes them anxiety, depression, etc.
school is hell.
#school is making me angry#it’s so unfair#the school doesn’t care#no one in the educational system cares#ignore this#i’m just sick of this
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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I’m so sick of people who wanna act like being a n@zi has anything to with autism
#it’s so grosss and unfair for autistics to be grouped in with this#twice now#I’m sick of autism becoming a scapegoat for awful people
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Bartender!Curtis, dude, please let me write you. It’s Siri’s birthday! Don’t you care!?!?
#how did my muse go on hiatus the second I lost all stress?#it’s unfair#I’m also sick so I’ll blame it on that#rest is v important rn#but like why no inspiration???#someone help me make Curtis come out of the shadows!!!
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need them to put me on a leash and fuck my mouth until i lose the ability to communicate in words. just keeping me on my knees, their hand in my hair, their strap in my mouth, telling me they’re going to knot my mouth, until i come, moaning around their strap.
#🍃.post#[dykedreaming]#dyke nsft#butch nsft#lesbian nsft#t4t nsft#chewing the bars of my cage#being sick is so so unfair#i just want them to [redacted]#my love if you see these i’m sorry (but not that sorry)
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Trying to not be sad bc it’s unreasonable and unfair
#Aaron’s been so sick. couldn’t bring me into work today.#but now’s he’s up and playing his moba#I feel so fucking alone tbh. it’s my fault bc I’m a bad friend to my non romantic relationships like.#but like. idk though#my other issues with this can’t be solved by friendship#he’s been sick and basically the second he’s healthy he will have to go to Alabama for work#I kinda doubt I’m gonna get any intimacy before then. it’s been a bit#which is another can of worms#but like overall not really his fault or anything so I feel like an evil selfish predator 🤷#and like. I don’t wanna ask him to get off the game bc tbh I value free will and I want him to spend time with me bc he wants too#plus it feels unfair bc he puts up with my weed over use and tbh I’d probably be having#an easier time keeping myself company and staying self entertained if I did currently have weed#but we don’t have a car and since he’s been too sick to drive me most days#I can’t get any
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After having a sore throat for eight days straight I finally felt better this morning, only to develop a relentless cough. This is unfair!
#unfair I say as if I haven’t been over working muself#not snz#going to ramble in the tags a little bit#it started last Friday so I assumed that I was coming down with a cold#I felt like shit over the weakened but it was really just fatigue and the sore throat#cut to last week- three out of my four coworkers were sick#so I—the least sick out of them—had to pick up the extra work#which was fine because it was really just my throat that was bothering me. I had basically no other symptoms#I was tested for Covid and strep and both came back negative so I’ve kind of been at a loss#now I’m paranoid that the cough is something entirely new that I picked up at the doctors office#I feel like I just need a day to sleep#snz ramblings#snzblr#snz blog#cw illness#cw sickness#cw contagion
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current mood: animal clawing at the walls of its enclosure
#marzi speaks#aka i’m losing my mind a little bit bc i’m sick of this shit#so unfair that i have to stay sober rn. so fucking unfair#i mean this is the most stressful period of my life since middle school. and i’m not allowed to get high about it#i GET it it’s for my health and to not fuck with any of the tests i’m gonna have to get#but UGHHHH
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has anyone else been struggling with motivation for art since all this AI shit started happening? like i recently deleted almost everything from my instagram due to meta’s brain dead ai junk.
i wanna keep doing art and posting it like i’ve been doing for almost a decade now, but i just don’t really see a point in doing it anymore. why bother making anything if someone else is just gonna steal and sell it?
art has been my everything for so long, i should fight for it but i feel like i would just be a waste of time and energy. why bother fighting if i know im gonna lose? sure, nothing will ever capture the heart and soul that people pour into their craft, but no one cares about that. no one cares about us or what we make. they just care about money.
idk i’m just really tired of existing in this world
they always say “it gets worse before it gets better.” it’s been getting worse for years now. so when is it going to fucking get better???
#it’s so fucking unfair i’ve finally gotten to the point where im confident in my art#and feel it’s commission worthy#just to have that goal i’ve been working towards since i was 12 years old ripped away from me so easily#i’m sick of this place#i just wanna sleep forever#artists on tumblr#vent post
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wow i think if i rewatched company rn i would have some sort of breakdown
#he’s so me he’s so me i’m gonna be sick#listening to it is not doing great things either.#there’s a difference between knowing ur aromantic and like. knowing that you are aromantic ig#and this is a really sucky way to find out! but there is no other way it could have happened i think i just couldn’t have known#like i genuinely believed that even if i didn’t experience romantic attraction being in a romantic relationship would be good and i would#- enjoy it#but i am struggling so bad and it is also making me kind of a shitty partner and that is so unfair to him#i don’t want to let all of it go and i don’t even know How to talk about it with him but. something’s gotta give ig#ted talks#company#we got off topic but like. yeah very bobbycompany marry me a little core revelations goin on
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trying really hard not to be upset these days
#tw negativity#literally sitting in my car on campus and try not to burst out into tears#yoongi’s album release just kind of set something in motion in me#all the songs and lyrics just cause this weird chest pain in me and make me think of everything all over again#about how tough the last few years were#and then the amygdala mv yesterday was the last straw#I got so triggered#everything’s just so triggering#I do find comfort in it but also so much pain#and then there’s the concerts starting tomrrow and I don’t know how to handle my anger and disappointment regarding that#and the haegeum graphic…I worked so so hard on that#2.5 days… FULL days..so at least 12 hours a day#I try so hard to always bring something fresh and original and creative to the table#but this takes time and once I’m finished no one cares anymore#everything has to be so fast-paced all the fucking time#it’s only ever really quantity over quality anymore#and I’m sick and tired of having to pretend I’m just doing these edits for myself and that that should be enough#it’s just so unfair and it makes me so angry#I feel yoongi saying all these things about creating art and how you just want to quit all the time#I hate that this makes me question my abilities#maybe I should listen to my irl friends and find a different way outside tumblr to show what I can do#somewhere where my effort and eye for detail and passion and creativity gets appreciated#I’ve been taking this all for granted for way too long#I’m growing so tired of always trying my best and it never being enough#it’s the same in every damn aspect of my life#I love bts so so much but I can’t really handle all the negative sides that come with being in this fandom lately#it makes me feel really really horrible about myself#maybe it’s time to force myself to take a step back…#I just want to enjoy without all of this crap going on in my mind
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Fucking hockey and wine night with the girls orchestrating the downfall of my relationship. What the actual hell
#so. every time my (ex) partner goes to watch hockey w some girls in his program and drink wine he always comes back and pulls another card#and it’s like dude what happens at these fucking hockey nights. wtf.#first time I literally got dumped and then our living situation and now we should have no contact and I guess that’s his thinking squad now#like. I’m glad I guess he has people to think through things now properly it would be SO great if it didn’t take him weeks and other women#this is incredibly unfair to him btw I am sure he his living his best life it just leaves me dangling CONSTANTLY#and also it’s like wow I really wonder what girls wine and hockey night has that I simply could not offer. what sort of shit do they even do#this isn’t a I think he’s cheating post this is an I am so resentful that this stupid girls wine and hockey is what unlocks his awareness#i feel like my friends irl r sick of me talking about this bc I’m obviously in the wrong so you all get it instead#bluestonehieroglyphics#sorry lol
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So so rude that I have to actually work when I only want to read all my brilliant friends fics 😭
#I have literally no one in my team in today so there’s so much to do#but I’m desperate to catch up on itbotn#and read jack of all trades#and all the other brilliance on my tbr#life is unfair tbh#also I’m getting ill and there’s no way I can take sick leave this week#blah
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also re: boy updates we were texting throughout the weekend and found a better balance i think 🙏 and also i listened to a podcast about love bombing HAHAHAHAHA but he’s absolutely not at that level and has very much picked up the more direct hints i’ve been dropping about being too much so. seeing him friday cause i’m real busy this week so i’m excited
#podcast also talked about the process of becoming comfortable with yourself#and i identified with it so much cause like#with my mom getting sick it just put a lot into perspective and all the things that just don’t serve me feel absolutely intolerable#whcih tracks with me feeling like i’m more on edge/a live fuse lately#it feels like my temper is so much closer to the surface and i’m NOT an angry person#but my therapist was like. anger is my FAVOURITE emotion for patients#it means all that anxiety about people liking you and defining yourself by where you are liked or not is over#cause now you’re mad about things that are unfair to you rather than just rolling over and avoiding the confrontation#ANYWAYS. my life feels confusing and a tad overwhelming these days#so trying to be patient with myself
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