#and then there’s the concerts starting tomrrow and I don’t know how to handle my anger and disappointment regarding that
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trying really hard not to be upset these days
#tw negativity#literally sitting in my car on campus and try not to burst out into tears#yoongi’s album release just kind of set something in motion in me#all the songs and lyrics just cause this weird chest pain in me and make me think of everything all over again#about how tough the last few years were#and then the amygdala mv yesterday was the last straw#I got so triggered#everything’s just so triggering#I do find comfort in it but also so much pain#and then there’s the concerts starting tomrrow and I don’t know how to handle my anger and disappointment regarding that#and the haegeum graphic���I worked so so hard on that#2.5 days… FULL days..so at least 12 hours a day#I try so hard to always bring something fresh and original and creative to the table#but this takes time and once I’m finished no one cares anymore#everything has to be so fast-paced all the fucking time#it’s only ever really quantity over quality anymore#and I’m sick and tired of having to pretend I’m just doing these edits for myself and that that should be enough#it’s just so unfair and it makes me so angry#I feel yoongi saying all these things about creating art and how you just want to quit all the time#I hate that this makes me question my abilities#maybe I should listen to my irl friends and find a different way outside tumblr to show what I can do#somewhere where my effort and eye for detail and passion and creativity gets appreciated#I’ve been taking this all for granted for way too long#I’m growing so tired of always trying my best and it never being enough#it’s the same in every damn aspect of my life#I love bts so so much but I can’t really handle all the negative sides that come with being in this fandom lately#it makes me feel really really horrible about myself#maybe it’s time to force myself to take a step back…#I just want to enjoy without all of this crap going on in my mind
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