thank you to @ruiaes for always making art so spectacular it leaves me teary and weeping and dying and crying etc
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“ Are you worried about me? ” Reassurance is given freely, guilt caught in the slightest bend of his brow – they cannot hide from one another, regardless of their attempts to try. She recognizes this look, has seen it in times of her own physical or mental crisis. Adam anchors her here when she had once sought death so fervently, it would only be natural to feel a bit of guilt when she suffers. Especially from her chronic health issues or the irritation of her putting her memory back together like a jigsaw puzzle. She’s smart enough to recognize a pattern when it has been repeated so many times. Standing behind his chair, Elektra’s fingers curl around his chin to gently tilt his head back so she can look him in the eyes. “ In the beginning, I stayed for you … I didn’t want you to be alone, I couldn’t bear the thought of it. But now, despite the hardships, I stay for myself. Because I love you, and I love Artemis – I love having dinner in the Glass Eye and looking up at the stars in our retreat, and telling you about the universe late at night. ” Hair is absentmindedly brushed from his forehead, and she leans in to leave a kiss there. “In the end, it’s my choice. I don’t think it’s all that selfish to choose to be happy. I think we’ve earned it, don’t you? ” / this got so long it was supposed to be short, but I just can't shut up lmao
Worry transforms into guilt with ease, each time she's in pain, every time he had to put her pieces together like a broken doll, she's resilient, carries her pain like a proof of her strength, but he can see through the cracks, how her jaw would clench when she thinks no one is looking, the twist of her brow when her aching comes pulsing through her veins, she burns so silently and out of view, a perfect example of perseverance that fools all but him. There's no predicting how a broken body would behave, when it would debilitate or stop working altogether, this mold the collation had built her into was a fragile one to keep her in a prison impossible to escape. When the fight is finally won and she drifts into a deep slumber with how worn her body &. soul become, Adam would remain by her side, watching her sleep, waiting all the while so she doesn't wake up alone, thinking to himself in the silence. Her choice to stay had cost her the only thing that mattered to her for long. It was her only release, an end to all her suffering. She would throw it all away by staying with him, to cure a loneliness that will forever be ingrained within him. He didn't seek a remedy, only understanding, to stay a while before she leads herself down a path of destruction that would ruin them both. Asking her to live for herself had bound her to him unknowingly, and he wonders since if it had been a sound decision to make. To let his feelings be known so clearly, as she seems to suffer endlessly rather than to ever live. He doubts himself for proof and reason, for all the times he had wanted to save someone his decisions were what took them away, he can't trust his own heart, his right to hold onto her love feels more selfish than natural to him. He hides this guilt along with everything else he keeps locked in his chest, and while his own numbness serves as a way to conceal him from everything and everyone she seems to know when his own turmoil would reach a point he doesn't know how to tolerate other than with drowning himself with more work.
A soft sigh slips past his lips, [ slightly annoyed that he was caught. ] Avoidance is impossible as she gently directs his gaze towards her and addresses all that had been troubling him inwardly. Hearing it from her is different, it eases the anxious feeling pounding in his chest, the touch on his forehead all the healing he needs. He leans to it, eyes closing in temporary relief. Though his own doubt remains despite her truth in her words, the sins that stained his conscious hard to forget in a moment's time, he doesn't want her to be another memory to look sadly on, it's a parting he wouldn't be able to live past. A gloved hand rises to take hers, bringing it over to his chest, fingers caress the metal plating along her wrist even if the feeling there is slight. ❛❛ You talked about giving up like it was a goal, I think about it still. I admit, I wanted you to stay but in doing so I'm afraid I'd take away that peace from you. ❜❜ he admits, but brings her hand closer to place a kiss upon her knuckles. ❛❛ I want what's best for you ... even if it means I'd have to let you go, I won't love you any less for it. However, if you say you already found your happiness here, then that's all I'll ever need. ❜❜
@stilettaux // why are you interrupting his brooding ???
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