#everyone say thank you Liv for getting me to draw

[scapegods]

I don’t know if someone asked this but may I know how you got into byler? Like what makes you like them?

I've loved this show ever since season 1. Since season 2 I've been kinda 🏳️‍🌈? with them tbh. Only recently started doing fanart and actively engaging in the fandom though.

[lillaydee]

The Arrangement Part 10

Frontier! Joel Miller / Reader

Your life crumbled to nothing during a migration to Jackson, forcing you to agree to an arrangement just to survive.

NOTE: Possible inaccuracies in baby developments, food intake and inheritance or ownership laws coming. I really know nothing, but I needed to put some stuff in for the sake of the story line, so please forgive me and take everything in the spirit of storytelling yeah?

WARNINGS: Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst, Frontier Joel, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Virgin Joel, Virgin Reader, Minor Character Death, Period-typical Misogyny, Marriage of Convenience

SERIES MASTERLIST

Part 9

Your sight remained blurry all the way home, Maria immediately getting Tommy, telling him to get Will and Benny and Diana. She thanked Max for the two of you, but politely told him it would be best if he left. Max nodded and tipped his hat at you, not that you noticed.

“Make sure you don’t let Joel get anywhere near her,” she told Tommy.

Tommy was confused but did as his wife told him. Minutes later Diana came running into your house followed by the rest of the Miller men, asking Maria what happened. Liv and Diana’s faces visibly turned red, so did Tommy, Will and Benny’s. You were inconsolable, struggling to even draw breath, let alone say anything.

You couldn’t even qualify what you were feeling. Sadness? Anger? Jealousy?

No.

What felt closest to what you were feeling was simply devastation. Heartbreak. Betrayal.

Your husband, the sweetest man you had ever met, who, up until a few weeks ago was so affectionate, so loving, so romantic, making you feel all sorts of feelings that left you floating on air, went to the brothel to get his needs met.

He went to Rose. In broad daylight.

Esther was right after all.

He was so unsatisfied by you, so unaroused, so unfeeling for you, he resorted to going to working ladies, rather than try again with you.

The house was quiet. No one said anything. Everyone was quietly seething and devastated for you.

Ellie’s cries filled the house. Liv made to go get her, but you stopped her, going in to get her yourself, shutting the bedroom door behind you. You picked her up, tearfully consoling her, telling her everything will be alright.

Will it, though?

Could you live with this? Could you get past this?

A lot of men seek services at the brothel. Their wives knew. And yet they remained married, having child after child with their husbands. They look the other way, turn a blind eye. Could you?

“I know we are all angry at him,” you heard Tommy’s voice said. “But I know my brother. He is in love with Elena. You know this, Maria. He was never like this, not even with Annie.”

“As angry as I am with him, I hate to say it, but he’s right. I’ve never seen Joel this smitten with anyone,” Maria said, despite being so livid for you earlier. “If this had been idle gossip I would never have believed it, but I saw him. With my own eyes.”

“This is not like him, he would never do something this stupid. There must be an explanation.”

Tommy was doing what a good brother would do, defending his brother, the one who sacrificed a lot for him to make sure he had a good life growing up. Will and Benny didn’t say much. Liv and Diana remained quiet. To be fair, the two ladies didn’t really know Joel, having only met him when you got to Jackson.

“I cannot believe he would do this,” Benny’s voice was disbelieving. “The way he was so enamoured with Elena was something else. He’s the last man I would ever see doing this.”

“But he did. He did do this. We can all deny and question it, but he did do this. When he’s wrong, he’s wrong. No use defending him.” It was clear to everyone that Will wasn’t having any of this.

“Are we just going to throw him out because of this? He’s family,” Tommy sounded desperate. “He’s my brother.”

“And he betrayed Elena,” Maria was firm in her stand. “He promised her that he would be faithful to her. A brothel, Tommy? You expect us to let that go? Let bygones be bygones?”

“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t think I can ever look him in the eyes again,” Diana finally chimed in.

“ELENA!”

You froze.

“ELENA… darling, please…”

“No, he is not coming in here,” Will said, and you heard the chair scrape against the floor, followed by a rough opening of the front door. No… please don’t Will… don’t…

You opened your bedroom door, passing Ellie to Liv, running to the door, only to see the three men already outside, confronting a sweaty, panicked, out of breath Joel, who had clearly been running all the way from town. Will, leading his brother and cousin, immediately landed a punch on your husband’s face.

“No! Will! Don’t, please… don’t hurt him!”

You ran outside, trying hard to get to him, worried that the much bigger Will would kill your husband. All betrayal was lost, all anger and heartbreak and devastation disappeared at that moment.

Will managed to land another punch to a non-fighting Joel before you got to him, placing your body in front of him, begging Will to stop, to not hurt your husband. You loved him. I love him. Will, please, I love him. Please, don’t hurt him. Will seemed to snap out of his anger, looking at you in shock for a few seconds before screaming at Joel, how could you do this to her? What were you thinking? Benny and Tommy pulled him back, calming the older Miller down.

“Explain yourself, brother. What you did was inexcusable,” Tommy calmly said.

Joel placed his hand on your shoulder, quietly telling you to go inside. The left side of his face already blooming with bruises, his nose bloody. You surged to wipe the blood away, but he gently took your hand in his and told you he was alright. Please, darling, go inside. I will be right in. Please.

Benny pulled you gently by the elbow, and you reluctantly let him do so, passing you to Diana, who was giving Joel a stern look. Maria and Liv waited at your front door. If looks could kill, your husband would be long dead, thrice over. Joel kept his head down, accepting his family’s perception of him, but watched you go inside, his heart broken into pieces at the thought of you still trying to defend him despite what had happened.

And if he heard you right, even in thinking he did what you thought he did, you still told his older cousin that you loved him.

**********

You sat on your kitchen table, a cup of tea in your hands, courtesy of a very fidgety Maria. Your sisters sat with you, Liv with a protective arm around your shoulder, Diana with Ellie in her arms, all watching the Miller men through the open window.

They were all sat on the grass in a circle, a ways away from the house, Joel doing the talking while the others listened, taking in everything he was telling them. You couldn’t see their faces, only Joel’s. Joel kept stealing looks into the house, eyes searching for you, a look of worry and devastation on his face.

The three Miller men suddenly dropped their heads down, shaking them disbelievingly, making your heart drop. What? What did he say? What was happening? Joel dropped his head, too. Seemingly from shame. Liv’s hand tightened around your shoulder, and your heart dropped further, oh God, this looked bad.

Suddenly, the three men’s shoulders started shaking, even Will’s. Your husband’s head remained down, his fingers on his forehead, shaking his head too, before finally lifting it, a controlled smile on his face. The other three Miller men started howling, laughing so hard they could hardly sit up properly. Joel started laughing too, but not as much as his brothers, who by now were wiping their eyes from laughter, hands on their tummies, almost bent double from the hilarity of whatever was going on.

They eventually stopped laughing. A good ten seconds went by when Benny snorted, and off they all went again, laughing so hard, Joel now red in the face, head still down, shoulders shaking every now and again when he gave in and began giggling for a few beats before stopping again, looking so ashamed of himself.

“What on earth is going on?” Diana asked, at which point you realized that everyone was staring at their husbands, a befuddled look on their faces.

The men finally stopped laughing, breaking again every now and then, before getting up, and shaking their heads, patting Joel on his back. His head remained down, albeit with a small smile on his face. Will stood in front of him, saying something you couldn’t hear, and hugged him tight, slapping him on his back a few times, which Joel willingly accepted and returned. Tommy and Benny stayed outside, while Will and Joel walked back into the house, Will telling Liv to get Ellie, she will be spending the night with them tonight. Maria, Diana, let’s go. He came to you, apologizing for hitting your husband, telling you to hear him out, before giving you a tight side hug.

The ladies hugged you, side-eyeing Joel as they left, a grumpy Ellie in Liv’s arms. Maria closed the door behind her, leaving you and your husband alone in your living room, where the awkwardness suddenly returned, and your anger began to swell back in your chest.

He stood dumbly for a few minutes, before telling you he was going to wash first, but he will explain everything to you, alright? You kept your head down, knowing for a fact - considering that you broke when you saw Will hit him - that if you looked at him, you would give in to him. And you knew you shouldn’t. He did something wrong. He should be made to explain himself, be made to apologize.

You stayed where you were as he cleaned himself behind the house, and when he came back in, he offered you a hand, which you took, and led you into his bedroom, sitting you on his bed before joining you, sitting opposite you, your knees touching.

He took a deep breath and told you everything.

**********

Joel Miller was a gifted man. He had always known that. He had always been told that, even in his childhood. His brother, his cousins, his friends, all teased him about it. He never thought much of it, until he joined the army. His buddies would make lewd remarks about his member. It didn’t help that he was so shy about mingling with the ladies, oh… Miller’s just afraid he might end up winning the war with his weapon of mass destruction, they said. Careful where you aim that thing, Miller, the ladies may not live long to tell the tale. Oh, boy Miller, you’re gonna split some unlucky lady in half with that huge dong of yours. Watch where you’re running with that, Miller, you don’t want to trip on that third leg.

All these teasing, the lewd comments, the double meaning remarks, unbeknownst to his friends and family, made him extremely ashamed of his own body. So Joel went about his life being self-conscious of his private part. He never messed around, as he told you. He even stayed away from talks regarding that matter, knowing that the stories would inevitably lead to more teasing his way. They always did. His army buddies made a point to let him know every time he was showing through his trousers in public, particularly around the ladies.

At one point, his name became one that was always mentioned among the working ladies at the local brothel where he was stationed, all the ladies knew of him, despite never setting foot in the establishment. The ladies in the army knew of him, chasing him around, wanting a glimpse. Coupled with the fact that he was raised to be a gentleman by his Mama, his shy nature exacerbated his consciousness, and made him stay away.

He even convinced himself he wasn’t interested in such activities. When needs arise, he was mindful, settling instead for relieving himself with his own hands, pictures of ladies on flyers and magazines becoming his inspirations. It’s safe, healthy, even, and he was not in danger of getting a disease, or impregnating any ladies, let alone hurting them. He eventually got used to this, thinking that when the time comes, when he married, he will deal with the situation face on, but until then, his hands would have to do.

But then he met you, and for the first time in his life, Joel Miller really wanted to be intimate with a woman. But not just any woman, with you, his wife. Someone who he was supposed to be intimate with, encouraged, even. But at the same time, he had promised you he would be respectful. And he really was. For what felt like years to him, he did not touch himself at all after the wedding, trying to respect the fact that you were right there, sleeping in the next wagon. He refrained himself from touching you too much, but it was like an impossibility.

He didn’t even realize what he was yearning for was intimate in nature at first.

Everything was hidden behind his feelings for you, one he had never felt before. It took him by surprise. He remembered what he said to you about love on that first ride together, and at the time, what he thought was a crush and a harmless attraction to you revolved around wanting to be near you, getting to know you. He found himself smiling to sleep with the thought of you, looking forward to be alone with you, anything at all, as long as he was with you. His body magnetized towards you. In a short span of time, he found himself becoming extremely protective of you, consumed by you. You were always on his mind. Every single time he planned something in his head, you were right there. He didn’t think much of it, you were his wife, after all. Of course you would be in his plans. Right?  

Until that day he saw you bathing. The images of your body in a wet robe drove him wild. He couldn’t stop wondering what you would look like sans the material. His body responded to you in a way he had never experienced before. When the ladies he encountered during his army days tried to get close to him, all he could think of was to get away. But you… all he wanted was to hold you tight, make you feel good. His wonders about you went from how you liked your morning coffee to wondering what sounds you would make if he kissed your neck, and to his shame, how you would look like naked underneath his own naked body.

And once he realized that, as the days went by and his feelings for you got stronger and stronger, his need for you got bigger and bigger. But he had promised you. Only when you asked for it. And Joel Miller was a man who kept his promise.

He couldn’t help himself. His old habit resurfaced, only this time, his inspiration for manual relief turned from some random woman on a piece of paper to you, a real, living, breathing person, who he was married to. And to make things even more difficult, you seemed to respond to him, getting closer and closer, being more comfortable with his advances, and soon, physical touches became a norm between the two of you, not that he was complaining about it.

When the two of you moved in and got a lot more physical than usual, he found it harder and harder to stay away from you. His desire for you became unavoidable. His thoughts were full of you. So that night, when you finally asked him to take you, it was literally his dreams come true. But as he was kissing you, preparing to consummate your marriage, he came to a devastating realization. 

He had no idea what he was doing.

What did he have to do? What do people usually do? Do you just stick it in? So many thoughts went through his head in those few seconds he was on top of you. Why, oh why didn’t he talk to Tommy and his cousins about this before then? Why did he shy away when his friends talked about their experiences? Oh God, he was going to hurt you, wasn’t he? All the teasing, all the self-consciousness, all the lack of knowledge, came rushing to his head. He was so ashamed of himself he couldn’t even look at you.

But, God, he wanted you. He wanted you so badly, he was shaking with need. His head was so full of his intrusive thoughts, from things that he could no longer do anything about, to his fear of hurting you, to his selfish need and desire for you. He was so nervous, he didn’t even take your clothes off. Come to think of it, he didn’t even take his trousers off fully.

And he did the unthinkable. He did the one thing he didn’t want to do.

He hurt you. Badly.

The sounds you were making were nothing like what he had imagined you would be making, nothing like the ones he had heard when passing by the brothels or the alleys when his buddies would have a woman. There was no passionate moaning, no screams of joy and pleasure. You were obviously in pain, and he had caused that. His friends were right. His generous member would end up hurting a woman, and it did. He had hurt you, badly, with his ‘gift’.

And to his own shame, the one thing he couldn’t forgive himself for, was the fact that he didn’t stop. You were so tight he couldn’t even go in all the way. And yet, it was the best feeling he had ever felt in his life, so, while you were in excruciating pain, his own needs took over, it was like he no longer had control over his own body and he selfishly let his body continue what it was doing to you until he finished, all while you were hissing and stiff from enduring the pain that he had caused you.

Once the clouds of euphoria left him, he was horrified. He had forced himself on you, in a way. He should have stopped. But he didn’t. He promised you he would never force you to do anything. And while you didn’t tell him to stop, he should have. And he didn’t.

He couldn’t even look at you. He was so ashamed of himself, he couldn’t even be a gentleman about it all. He let you leave the room, wincing and hissing in pain and discomfort as you did so, while he just sat there in his own shame. And when he finally went to clean himself, he realized that there was blood on his member. Your blood. He had hurt you so badly you were bleeding. He caused you to bleed. His shame finally caught up to him and he sobbed uncontrollably for the pain he had caused you. He, who yelled at Esther for spilling hot stew on your hand, who worried about your hand chafing from carrying water, had hurt you to the point of bleeding.

He tried to go to you, he wanted to see if you were alright, but you had blocked the door with your own body. He eventually relented and gave you some time to yourself before going to you, but when he heard you hissing in pain as you cleaned yourself, he couldn’t do it. How could he face you again? He was a bad husband, hurting his wife like that.

The few weeks that followed were the worst moments of his life.

When he woke up the next day and found the house without your presence in it, he panicked. Did you run off? Had he scared you like that? And in his relief of seeing you walk up to the house, he couldn’t help but notice your gait was off. You were still in pain. Every time you sat down, every time you got up, the subtle wince that resulted let him know that. He had physically hurt you. Badly. It took three whole days before he couldn’t detect any discomfort from you.

Was this how it would remain? That every time he had you, every time he gave in to his needs, you would end up in three days’ worth of pain?

How could he ever endure that? Seeing you in pain hurt him. Knowing that he was the reason you were in pain? He might as well die.

Maybe this was the way things went for people of his… afflictions. This ‘gift’ he supposedly had was his biggest disadvantage. Maybe he was just not meant to have you that way, not without hurting you. And in thinking this, he realized that he would willingly find a way to be alright with that. With never having you again. He would endure it. Just so he could spend the rest of his life with you.

Because he found that he could not imagine his life without you.

He couldn’t touch you as he once did. Despite the pain he knew he caused you, his needs for you multiplied. He wanted you, now more than ever. And every single touch and kisses were temptations of the greatest proportions for him. Even bathing himself, using the same soap you did, became a hurdle. The smell, your smell, overwhelmed him. And having your soft lips on his, oh…

Eventually, things got better. The two of you were laughing again, albeit with much less physical contact. But as the days went by, his need for you increased, and soon, he wanted you so badly he couldn’t sleep. He found himself physically, consciously refraining from going into your room to just ravage you. But he knew he shouldn’t do that.

So, he went back to his old habit. Away from the house, in the safety of the outhouse, where he would be alone. But when he walked in after that rainy night, he knew you knew. You knew he had been defiling himself to take care of his selfish needs. And he knew you were offended. He knew he had hurt you beyond the physical pain he had caused you.

If he thought not being able to touch you the way he wanted was painful, it was nothing compared to the way he felt when you stopped looking at him, stopped touching him. He found himself on a constant edge of tears. To have you treating him so well still, taking care of his daughter for him, cooking and cleaning for him, keeping him company, reading to him, but without you looking at him, without him being able to see your beautiful, beautiful eyes, made him ache in a way he had never experienced before. You flinched away from his touch as if his hands were made from fire. It would have been less painful if you had just treated him badly. He deserved it. But no. You remained the angel in disguise that he didn’t even feel he deserved, all the while keeping a large chasm between you and him that he would want nothing more than to bridge.

He tried, from that day after the fateful night, to talk to his brothers. To ask them what to do. But every time he tried, the memories of them making fun of him as children came to surface, and as childish as it may seem, he balked. The possibility of them making fun of him again, as silly as it may be, scared him. He didn’t think he could take it. He also doubted that they could help anyway, none of them suffer as badly from this affliction of his. And to say they were experts on the matter, as far as he knew, they were all inexperienced up until the day they were married too, and the one who was married the longest was Tommy, and even that, he married about a month before the journey to Jackson. And his biggest doubt of all, in telling them this, he would have to indirectly divulge private information about you. He could never shame you like that. What if they told their wives?

No… he shouldn’t talk to them about this.

He was going out of his mind, when one day, as he was fixing the door to one of the rooms at Rose’s establishment, a direct result of a fight over a particular working lady the day prior, he heard Rose’s talk with a couple of the ladies.

Apparently, a certain client of hers was particularly gifted, just like him, and had hurt a young lady in acquiring her services. Rose was seething, going on and on about mindless men who took no time in preparing the ladies for their own selfish needs. Well-endowed men are the worst, she had spat out. Was it so bad to help prepare the ladies? Wouldn’t the whole experience be better if she was prepared for him? But no… leave the ladies in pain, why don’t you. Never mind that all the lady would feel was pain. Never mind that the pain caused them to clamp up. Never mind that the pain caused the ladies to limp for days. So long as your ego is stroked, so long as you finish, why bother making the ladies feel good at all?

Joel listened to Rose’s rants, feeling as if she had been right at his bedside that fateful night. What did she mean by preparing the lady? Was she implying that men like him could actually make the ladies feel good? Was there a way for him to have you without hurting you? More to the point, could he actually make you feel good?

It hit him like a wagon train on a run. She would know, wouldn’t she? She’s had enough… experience. This was her expertise. And best of all, she was discreet. As far as he knew, she had never, ever, divulged personal information about her clients to anyone.

It took everything in him to gather up the courage to walk up to her desk at the end of the job, supposedly to collect payment, for him to ask her if he could talk to her about something, discreetly. To her credit, she didn’t make fun of him at all. She listened as he told her the issue he was having, without divulging too much information, obviously, asking her if she could help him make him and his wife… happy. He made it clear, that under no circumstances was he willing to cheat on his wife. No ma’am, he was not interested in that. He was simply a desperate man who needed her help, sans the normal services she and her ladies usually provided.  

She didn’t respond for a while, causing him to hesitate and leave. He had just stepped out the front door when she called his name.

“You fix things around here for free every Saturday for a month. Come over tomorrow after lunch, and I will teach you how to please your wife. No touching.” She held out a hand for him to shake. And he gladly took it.

“Deal.”

**********

He stopped talking. His head down, looking at his fidgety hands, not daring to look at your sweet, sweet face. You hadn’t said a word to him. Hadn’t responded, hadn’t taken your eyes off him, in fact. After the past week or so, he should be thankful for it. He had missed having you look at him. But right now, he cowered under your gaze, ashamed that he had let this go on the way it did, for as long as it did.

You got off the bed and left the room. Joel found himself covering his face with his hands defeatedly, tears pouring from his eyes, disgusted with himself for even thinking that what he was doing was going to help him solve his problems. His shoulders shook, letting all his regrets and frustrations out, knowing that the marriage he had envisioned with you had effectively ended, and it was all due to his own stupidity.

A soft, gentle hand touched his shoulder. And there you were, one of his kerchiefs in your hand, a small bucket with ice-cold water in the other. You sat back down in front of him, wet the kerchief and squeezed it dry, before dabbing the bruises on his left cheek, your other hand wiping his tears off his face. Your own eyes were teary, but all anger seemed to have dissipated from them, worry, instead, took its place.

He let you fuss over him, his hands in his lap, not daring to touch you. You continued to wipe his face, icing his bruise, tears falling slowly down your cheek. And when you were done, you leaned in and gently placed a kiss on his injured cheek.

Joel felt as if he was floating on air. His wife had kissed him. He turned his head tentatively, capturing your lips in his. When you didn’t protest, he brought both hands to your cheeks, deepening the kiss, which you happily returned.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he said when you pulled back, his forehead on yours, “I’m sorry for hurting you, for pulling back from you, for everything. Please, believe me. I did not betray you. I would never. My heart, my body, they’re yours. Only yours. Please, my darling wife, forgive me.”

You looked into his eyes and found no lies there. Only sincerity, honesty, yearning.

You patted his pillow, asking him to lie down. He’s injured, he should rest. He did as you asked him to, pulling your hand to join him. You laid down next to him, facing him.

“You were not lying?”

“No, darling, I am not.”

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” Your eyes looked so sad he raised himself on one elbow and took your face in his hand.

The familiar shyness consumed his face. He took a deep breath, eyes looking deep into yours.

“Elena, I am so in love with you. I love you so much, my heart couldn’t take the thought of hurting you. It beats for you. I cannot imagine my life without you. You are all I think about, I lay awake at night wondering what I ever did to deserve you. I want you, all of you. I need you to be alive. I want you so badly I ache. I was going out of my mind trying to stay away from you, to not hurt you. You have no idea how much I need you, how much I want you.”

You blushed, “You love me?”

He laughed softly, shaking his head a little, “You didn’t know?”

You shook your head, eyes away from him, unable to look at him without feeling like you could melt. You face felt so hot you were sure it was beet red.

He took your chin into his fingers again, “Well, now you do.”

He kissed you, passionately. And you found yourself giving him that kiss right back, pressing your own body to him, and he immediately laid you back, his body covering yours, arms tight around you, yours around his torso, fingers clutching onto his shirt. He stopped for a beat, looking at you with teary eyes, telling you he loved you again, and this time, you replied.

“I love you too.”

He nodded with a happy, teary smile, and his lips found yours again, putting all his feelings for you in that kiss, which you reciprocated, your tongue playing with his, making him groan. He let go of your lips, trailing his kisses down to your jaw before going to your neck, his scruff making you whine.

This was new. He had never done this before. Your body felt as if it was on fire. And no, you didn’t want him to stop. So when he tried to claim your lips again, you quickly asked him a very important question.

“So, Mr Miller. Are you going to show your wife what you’ve learnt today?”

Part 11

[happilylovingchaos]

Last @lonestar-s5countdown Beginnings and Endings Week Post

I have a new work schedule now! And Lone Star is ending with season 5 real soon! That’s been fun getting used to… (/s) so I’ll post my fanfic/ music recs as one post tomorrow. Let’s see how much I can post w/o this becoming a complete image-less wall of stream-of-consciousness… but it will still be inevitable to everyone in the LS fandom who follows my handle and welcomed me. And if I haven’t said it yet, or enough, or sincerely in the last almost-year, thank you. Just thank you for your niceness, all your everything you’ve expressed, letting me be part of the fan group! I really really hope the end of the show doesn’t mean the end of this community, but whatever happens, it’s been a hella exhilarating, emotional, and lively experience.

(1) Which 911 Lone Star season premier is your favorite?

It’s a draw between seasons 2 and 4– I like the season premieres of 1 and 3 as much as everyone but holy hell I was not ready for the emotional twists in them to hit me the way they did. I am still in emotional recovery in both the good and bad ways. Both 2 and 4, until their respective cliffhangers, were quite light-hearted and self-contained with hints at the storylines to come, and those were easier for me to enjoy. Plus, Tommy, Gwyn and Iris (re-debut, in Iris’ case) had some colorful debuts! (I will always wish that Owen and Gwyn’s characters had a little more time together outside of the wit/ playfulness/ vitriol, and a couple more scenes with TK without their son always needing to be middle-man. But Rob, Lisa and Ronen played off of each other so well!) Gina’s portrayal of Tommy was just magnetically charismatic even without Michelle there— ‘Nuff said. And while I had issues with Iris’ bluntness (especially since it sorta re-opened some of TK’s emotional wounds), I could relate to being on both sides of a conversation in a similar situation to her— seeming hard to read/ confusing to most everyone around her (sometimes even with trusted family/ friends), and being confused/ offended by the delivery of what we convey.

(2) Which character do you think had the best introduction or first scene in the show?

I’m gonna say… it’s a toss-up between Judd and Grace for their natural first integration into the story and the first successful show>tell moment about them (specially Judd) in the series, Marjan (social media firefighter Muslim badass, in a description), and Mateo (for his own intro as unassuming but more than capable— Julian nails the portrayal of this character archetype in LS and The Long Game). Confusingly honorable mention goes to Michelle in hindsight, though? To me, she’s okay as a character, but I do understand where some fans were put off by her personality/ Liv’s portrayal.

(3) What is your favorite moment of 1x01?

Judd officially starting his end of the friendship with Owen by strong-arming him into accepting a chocolate chip cookie— you try saying no to a big Texan guy played by Jim Parrack and a mom and daughter holding a platter of chocolate chip cookies. Really, it’s tricky and you will probably get on their respective neutral if not shit lists. And Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” was quite a bop to end on! (Though, how did people find that wild? Just a little confused.)

(4) How did you first start watching Lone Star and how did you find out about it?

My aunt showed my mom and me the first parts of season 3– I saw… looking back on it, I’m a bit fuzzy on details but sometime in 2022 (def not consecutive days tho), I think I saw part of 3x04, then 3x07, and all of 3x08. And that last episode made me sob, I’m not ashamed to admit it now or in my grief week post. (My mom, grandma, uncle and aunt were watching it with me at dinner and were very confused about why I was crying.) Then I saw the last 3 eps, and it got me curious/hooked, so I went into season 4 kinda blind. Then I downloaded Hulu to catch up on the series proper, and the rest is rewatch history.

(5) What is one wish you have for the season 5 premiere?

Mostly that the overall narratives don’t feel too rushed or forced should there be a timeskip? I hate that Fox couldn’t get the show renewed… but on a lighter note? I’d like a solid explanation/ in-character reason for Grace’s absence that IS NOT a character death, a breakup, or anything relating to misblaming Wyatt.

Open tag to everyone as well!

[thelaundrybitch]

LBH - 1-Year Anniversary

TURTLE DOVES!!!

I cannot even believe it's been a whole year since the first chapter of my first fic was posted 😭

I am still planning on finishing it; it's just that life has been a bit crazy.

BUT! Here is a teaser, and bonus chapter for Little Blue Hearts' anniversary.

I hope you all enjoy it.

And thank you all for reading, liking, commenting, and reblogging my work (or any combination of those, lol). It means the world to me 💙💙💙

18+ content - for mature audiences only!

Reblogs only, please!

Little Blue Hearts cover art by the lovely @leosgirl82

What a Year

~Liv~

I’m sitting in the kitchen with Ashley at the breakfast bar, watching Mike make breakfast for the full house that has moved into the lair.

“Can you believe it’s been A YEAR?!” Ashley marvels. She’s recounting the astounding and exceptional events that have transpired since I was brought into the turtles' lives.

And she couldn’t be more right.

The anxiety. The injury. The farmhouse incident…

I went from being a complete loner to having the most loving found family anyone could ask for, making me feel like the luckiest woman alive.

And, of course, that brings us to Leonardo.

I’d finally found the other half of my heart. 

Who’d have thought that the beautiful turtle-man actually existed?

And that he’d choose little ol’ me, out of all the fish in the sea?

I stand and walk to the dry bar where all the coffee and tea reside, and set to making Leo’s tea.

The rest of the family would be making their entrance for breakfast shortly. Leo currently has them stretching in the dojo.

Behind me, Ashley is laughing heartily while Mike accuses her of only liking him for his cooking, after stealing one of his famous muffins right out of the still hot cupcake pan.

“That’s only partially true,” she teases him as he stops and gives her a pointed look, “I am all about that hot body of yours.” 

I chuckle as Mike lets out a gasp in exaggerated exasperation, his hand over his chest like she just chucked the biggest, most unforgivable insult at him.

“I bet Liv loves Leo for his personality, and not his body,” Mike sasses her, drawing a loud “HA!” from Ashley.

Mike glances from Ashley to me and back. I can see his nosey-assed question being planted directly into her cerebrum.

Her smile goes from innocent to insidious with the quirk of Mike’s brow ridge. 

"What's your favorite part of his body?" Ashley asks, eyes sparkling with mischievous curiosity.

"Guess," I say, smiling at her with a challenge in my gaze as we hear everyone walking down the hallways and getting ready to file into the kitchen for the morning meal.

Leo comes in first, walking straight toward me, leaning down for a quick kiss as I hand him his tea that I just finished making.

“His teeth!” yells Vanessa as she comes through the door behind Leo.

"What?! That’s weird,” Donnie smiles, pulling the brunette into an embrace. “Arms," he guesses with a chuckle.

“What? Why?! Nice teeth are unbelievably attractive,” she affirms, winking at the genius.

“That is so true!” agrees Michelle. “But I bet it’s those thighs,” she grins, wiggling her eyebrows. 

"Is there something I should know?” questions the red brute with a single brow quirked at his fiance. “Definitely chest," Raph adds.

“Baby, we all know that you’ve got the most delicious thighs known to all of humankind,” the doctor drawls, a sultry smirk dancing across her face as she appreciates the power and magnitude of her turtle-man. She lets out a squawk as she’s rewarded with a low, rumbly growl while he snatches her up and buries his snout in her neck.

"Nah. I'm gonna say it's gotta be his dick," Asserts Mikey, passing out plates to everyone so they can grab some of the breakfast he conjured up, from the kitchen island.

"Mike!" Exclaims Ashley through a choked snort as she tries to refrain from laughter. Snickering comes from all parties as they collect their choice of breakfast foods and sit at the new, oversized oval table that can now accommodate all of us.

"Well! We hear her screaming his name AT LEAST once every day!" He states, defensively, glancing around the room for support for his claim. I look at the faces of all my friends from where I’m sitting next to the leader, waiting for their reactions.

Ashley is the first to respond after she thinks for a second, shrugging and nodding in agreement. Everyone else has come to the same conclusion, nodding almost in unison.

My eyes go wide, and I feel my body flush with adrenaline.

"I thought the walls were insulated!" I say, aghast with this sudden revelation.

"The outer walls," Leo confirms calmly with a smirk as he sips his tea.

"LEO!" I yell, smacking his arm playfully, but also just enough to sting.

"What?!" He asks with feigned innocence, smiling like the Cheshire cat.

"Oh, my God! You knew it, too?!" I admonish, absolutely mortified, as my hands reflexively move to cover my face so I can die of embarrassment, trying to retain some of my dignity.

"No shame, girl. At least we know he's keeping you satisfied," Raph tries to assuage, except his smile is purely antagonizing.

I'm blushing harder than a ripened tomato.

"So… Am I right?" inquires Mikey, wiggling his eyebrow ridge, a grin so dangerously large it’s ready to split his face clean in half.

I look around the table at the group of them - all smiling like idiots - waiting for my answer.

Ok. Fine. I can play your game.

I hop up and over to sit in Leo's lap, his tea threatening to slosh over the lip of the cup as I surprise the shit out of him.

He puts his tea down on the table and moves both hands to my waist as I look up, smiling at him sweetly.

"His eyes are beautiful,'' I coo, reaching up to cradle his face with one hand. I give him a salacious smirk, as my thumb roves in circles along his jawline.

"But my favorite part?” I ask, my voice dropping to just above a whisper, “Are his lips…" You can hear a pin drop in the kitchen as everyone watches me slowly moving my thumb across his full, luscious pout.

I now have his complete attention, as I hear his breath hitch and feel his hands tighten around my waist.

I turn and give a devious smile to everyone sitting around the table as I slowly get up from Leo's lap.

"And my favorite part about his lips?" I sass, "Is when they're all. Over. My. Body." I emphasize, turning and walking out of the kitchen, leaving everyone astonished with eyes bulging and jaws agape. 

As I make the corner out of the kitchen, I hear an eruption of cheers and the unmistakable sound of a chair squeaking in protest as it’s pushed across the laminate, followed by the back of it hitting the floor. 

Squealing through a giggle as Leo snatches me from behind and tosses me unceremoniously over his shoulder, he growls out a "naughty girl," and slaps my ass while he takes off at full speed to our room.

Little Blue Hearts Master list HERE

@leosgirl82 @post-apocalyptic-daydream @nittleboo @sharpwindow @8pmblackcoffee @drowninghell @mysticboombox @raphsweapondealer @raphslovemuffin80 @chicchanmooshy @roxosupreme @xanadu-702 @pheradream15 @mistyroselove @ashleighclark98 @jurikyu-blog @sewerninno @tmntspidergirl @raphielover @zombiesnips-blog @meowph-132 @superneko-chan @lazygirlfanfic0-0 @soryuwifeyxx @clockworkmorningglory @happymoonangel @shakeyourtrees @m1dnyt3-w0lf @knightish-knight @zprites @morning-sun-brah

*If you aren’t on this list, please let me know if you want me to tag you in my other work or if you prefer me to not tag you 😘

[livmondcole]

Get to know me 💕💕

Thank you so much for the tag lovelies 💕@anjelicawrites @hoosbandewan

Nickname: Liv Sign: Aquarius Height: 1.70 cm/5'7 The last thing I googled: Pictures of Uthred…my boyfriend is obsessed in that he wants a theme party for his birthday…and he wants it set in Vikings, TLK…and I'm going to be inspired by Uthred… Amount of sleep: 8 hours, I'm a very, very sleepy person and at the same time an early riser… Dream job: I love photography and I would have loved to work as an editor in a magazine or taking pictures for it, but also because of what I have studied I would love to work as a lawyer one day Favorite song: Viva La Vida & Super Trouper. Movie/Book that Summarises Me: Honestly, I'm drawing a blank. But to say the least I was obsessed with Cher in Suspect for a long, long time, because I have curly hair and I always wore it like her in college. I don't think I've grown out of it Favorite instrument: Guitar, castanets, cajón and piano Aesthetic: I think that ''Dark Academia Aesthetic'' Favorite authors: Alice Kellen, Suzanne Collins, Jojo Moyes Random fun fact: I will give various: I had to have breast surgery several years ago because the amount I had did not correspond to my body, everyone tells me that I have a lot of grace for dancing and I have a very characteristic mole on my back and thanks to it, coincidentally in the same place, after many years my boyfriend recognised me and came over to talk to me

Get to know me

I was tagged by @hoosbandewan (thank you so much!!!)

Nickname: My real name is Giorgia, friends call me Gio', Giogio' or Gigi.

Sign: Sagittarius.

Height: 168 cm.

The last thing I googled: a Brazil - Italy time converter (do I have to admit why???).

Amount of sleep: It should be enough, but I still feel overly tired all the time (my cat wakes me up at 3 am to watch her eat, that doesn't help!).

Dream job: Teacher.

Favorite song: You shook me all night long by the AC/DC.

Movie/Book that Summarises Me: It's probably a mix between LOTR and In Search of Lost Time.

Favorite instrument: Piano

Aesthetic: It's very basic and comfy with some more elegant stuff thrown in the mix.

Favorite authors: Carlo Emilio Gadda.

Random fun fact: I played the piano from elementary to high school. I have just recently started studying it again!

Absolutely zero pressure tags: @assortedseaglass, @liv-cole, @fan-goddess, @asa-do-your-thing, @barbieaemond, @exitpursuedbyavulcan, @st-eve-barnes, @the-wonderland-madnesss and whomever else stumbles upon this! I'm curious!!!

[veryholland]

prompt #20 from the list! “bandaging/stitching up an injury” maybe with frat!tom getting into a fight or punching a guy from getting too close to the reader at a party? 🤍

sorry i’m spamming ur inbox lol ;p

PEACHY

pairing: frat!tom x reader | word count: 992 | warnings: mild injuries | touch prompts

a/n: liv! thank you so much for requesting this. i planned on writing requests in the order they were submitted but i really couldn't put off yours any longer. more or less by coincidence, this includes @spidey-sophie's request (17: holding the other's chin up) as well, so i hope you don't mind that i combined those! enjoy reading! x

“What the hell, Tom? Do you want everyone to know?”

With a heavy thud, the door of the upstairs bathroom slams shut behind you. The bass of the music can still be heard through the wooden surface but it might as well be the sound of your heart thumping against your ribcage. Inside, the air smells clean. Gone is the unpleasant smell of sweaty bodies grinding against each other and spilt beer. Drawing in a calming breath through your parted lips, you turn around, finally facing him.

You never intended to get involved with a frat boy. In fact, just a year ago you would’ve laughed straight into anyone’s face who even suggested diving into a relationship with a member of the frat – that was until Tom happened.

Whatever it was that the both of you shared, it was hidden away from plain sight. Concealed behind closed doors and treasured beneath sheets.

In the beginning, it was all fun and games. The exhilarating buzz of hiding your infatuation with each other – sneaking into the frat house after curfew to spend just a few treasured hours together, exchanging texts during class when none of your friends were looking and holding back when all you wanted to do was smile at him across the hallway.

All fun and games – until it wasn’t anymore. Looking at his battered and bruised face, you now realise it only led to trouble.

A frown is holding tight over his features, his muscular chest rising and falling with rapid breaths and his grey shirt is rumpled. A few curls are sticking out from beneath his cap, the frat logo woven into its dark blue fabric now almost taunting you. But what draws in your gaze the most, is the nasty cut on his cheek and another one tearing right through his rosy and plump bottom lip.

“Sit down, I can’t look at this,” you say, not even trying to downplay the sharp timbre of your voice. After gathering your hair up into a messy but nowhere near decent bun, you turn to the cabinet, rummaging through drawers in search of a first aid kit.

“No need to fuss, I told you, I’m fucking fine.”

Frustration is clearly layering his words but they are closely followed by a defeated sigh as he slumps down onto the bathtub’s edge.

Pushing around a few toiletries, you finally spot a small bottle of disinfectant and take it out with a short but triumphant hum, before putting it next to the gauze pads you found just a couple of drawers below. After gathering it all in your hold, you close the drawer with a kick of your foot and turn back around just to be met with a sight that pulls heavy at your chest.

His head hung low, Tom is cradling the already peachy and bruised knuckles of his right hand in his left palm, shoulders slumped, gaze fixed onto the ground.

“You would be fine if you hadn’t punched him.” Your voice was now remarkably softer compared to how all of this started out, but you still couldn’t drop the bitter connotation.

Charged silence wraps itself around you as you step closer. For a moment you put the bottle of disinfectant onto the bathtub’s edge, using your free hand to remove his baseball cap, allowing you to get a proper look at his cuts. Your gentle touch is a prominent contrast to your clear irritation as your fingers find his chin, tilting it up slightly.

Once your eyes meet his honeycomb ones – the dark brown colour laced with something unrecognisable – his legs subconsciously part, allowing you to step closer in order to fittingly tend to his wounds.

“This is gonna hurt,” you warn softly, waiting for his nod of confirmation before continuing. Your hand is still cradling his chin as you use the other to dab the gauze pad over the peachy skin around the bruise that now finally stopped bleeding. His eyes flutter shut and a hiss flies past his lips, but he doesn’t flinch away from your touch.

You feel his eyes on you as you work around his face in silence and although you’re still mad, you can’t help but calmly smooth the pad of your thumb over his skin whenever the stinging sensation makes him draw in a sharp breath.

The tip of your tongue pushes past your parted lips in concentration as you dab along the curve of his lip with the last bit of sterile gauze. You turn around to pick up a new pad but his fingers curl around your wrist, effectively stilling your movements.

“I do,” he says, filling the silence, his voice soft and unsure, barely audible. Eyebrows drawn together in confusion, you look down at him.

“I do,” he repeats, voice now layered with more tenacity. “I want everyone to know.”

He stands up, completely ignoring your protests, but you fall silent when his uninjured hand comes up to twist a strand of your hair around his finger and his eyes connect with yours once more, fueling the churning attraction in your belly.

“I want everyone to know that this is about more than just a stupid brawl between frat bros.” He takes a step forward.

“I want everyone to know that when you return to the dorms past curfew, it’s because we couldn’t stop watching love island episodes on my laptop.” Another step.

“I want everyone to know that the hickeys you get asked about by your friends are the marks I put onto your skin.”

„I want everyone to know about you and me.“

He’s been slowly backing you up against the door, hands now braced on either side of your head as your heart picks up speed with every single one of his passing words. Tom pauses, drawing in a deep breath before speaking up again, the timbre of his voice now remarkably soft and airy.

“I want everyone to know that I am in love with you, y/n.”

okay so, here’s that :D getting back into writing really is an unmatchable feeling and i had so much fun writing this. i’m slowly finding my way back into the flow but yeah, let me know if you liked it! tips are always welcome! sending lots of hugs x

[amoirsetpacis]

★ --;; Warm water and soft hands help ease the aches, even just that bit, and at some point even the tears dry up, as though their well has run itself dry. His body still hurts, stomach and ribs feeling like they're caving in on themselves, eyes sensitive, head pounding-- but it's not as bad as it was before, gently being soothed over, the tenseness in his muscles from where they'd seized up ebbs away in turn.

Relaxing entirely into the touch is difficult at first, even as Vash's muscles soften. It's about the time that fingers begin kneading into his back that he finally does so, slowly, the harsh lines of his shoulder blades drooping. He's so tired.

Occasionally Vash still sniffs as he's moved around. He lets himself be maneuvered without fuss, too tired to do so and not willing to, besides. Not willing to put those thoughts out into the open, even though guilt sits so heavily in the back of his mind-- that he doesn't deserve this softness, that he should take this pain as his atonement. Wolfwood's hands are enough proof of the opposite, of love without that prerequisite and in spite of it.

With anyone else the silence would have set him on edge- and, to be honest, sometimes when Wolfwood gets too quiet for too long there's still that anxious voice in the back of his head. It had been easy to become spoiled to joy and ease, so much easier to silence those thoughts, then. All of this had been like a harsh slap- a reminder of just what sort of world they came from. But right now Vash takes the silence for what it is, and tries to let the remaining static in his mind flood out that part of him, instead.

When the water finally stops running and arms wrap around his shoulders, Vash leans back into that welcome weight. He'll apologize for getting Wolfwood even more damp later. Instead he murmurs another quiet "Thank you," hand coming up to wrap his fingers loosely around Wolfwood's wrist. There's no jab back at his teasing, either- it's too genuine a sentiment for that.

He's got something else to apologize for, anyway, and it'll be easier without having to look Wolfwood in the face.

A few beats, then; "That first time, back home, after... After." He has to take a moment to breathe. "I passed out. Liv helped get me on some ship with the girls, but I don't remember any of it. I was dreaming, I guess. But it was real dark, and-- everyone I'd ever cared about was there- that had died. 'Cause I wasn't fast enough or did something wrong or-- or just cause they'd been too close to me." Names are left unspoken. They're not needed. The implication's there.

"I wanted to reach everyone, but I couldn't. I wanted to so bad. But I still had to finish what I'd started, so I couldn't. I got up."

Long legs had had to stretch out while they were being scrubbed, while dried blood and dirt had been rinsed away from his knees, but now they draw back up as they always tend to do, as though to keep himself together.

"And then when I fought with Knives, I think we both thought we were going to kill each other. That neither of us were going to leave that place. But we did, and then one day I woke up and he wasn't there any more, and for a long time all I could think about was 'why didn't he say anything. Why didn't I burn up too'."

Some part of telling Wolfwood all of this feels selfish, but he needs it out there. As-- as an explanation? Justification? He doesn't know.

"So then I thought, okay, that must mean I've still got stuff to do. So I have to get up. But sometimes when I'd go to sleep I'd still see everyone again, so-- borrowed time, I guess."

A deep sigh. The point, Vash. "When I woke up the other day, I knew I was gonna burn out anyway. I thought that time had finally run out, somehow, even here. I didn't want--. I'm sorry you had to see."

"Just a cut," Wolfwood replies. The bandaid on his cheek is starting to peel off. It wasn't really too nasty of a cut, and he's not about to tell Vash how he got it because Vash already feels guilty enough and would absolutely beat himself up over one of his stray feathers hitting him.

The water runs dark brown as he rinses the blood and grime out of Vash's hair. Some of it's really plastered in there, so he has to keep working his fingers through the strands to really loosen it up and wash it out. Occasionally he pauses to lean over the side of the tub, pressing a kiss to Vash's shaking shoulders, or the back of his neck.

He just hums low in response. Wolfwood reaches into the tub to unplug the drain once he's finally got Vash's hair rinsed out, so he can drain the dirty water out and refill the tub again to wash the rest of him off. While the tub fills, he scrubs shampoo into Vash's hair, kneading his fingers in, his nails scritching over his scalp.

Wolfwood works slowly and carefully. He washes the dirt, sweat, and blood off of Vash's body, draining and refilling the tub whenever the water gets too dirty. His soapy hands run over Vash's shoulders, one reaching over to the sponge so he can scrub him down proper.

It's all done in relative silence. If he needs Vash to move he doesn't say anything and instead moves him himself, tilting his head and raising his arm and reaching into the water to his legs. Even with his sleeves rolled up they still eventually get a little bit wet.

The entire thing is an act of love. He doesn't even have to say it.

When the water finally runs clear and his fingers are a bit pruned, he places the shower head back, settles back down, and wraps his arms around Vash's shoulders from behind, his face pressing into his wet hair.

"You look a whole lot better," he mutters. And then, with as much energy as he can muster, he teases, "Smell a whole lot better, too."

[onceupon]

London Boy - Part 2: Let the Game begin

summary: You had always thought you knew exactly what kind of boys Rafe Cameron and Topper Thornton were - but did you actually?

pairing: Rafe x reader (slowburn)

warnings: swearing

word count: 2.5k

a/n: no one is asking for this but here it is anyways lmao enjoy (not canon Rafe)

You make it back to your room and take a deep breath. Boys. You were living with boys. Not just any boys - Rafe Cameron and Topper Thornton. Whatever, you thought, shaking yourself back to reality. It didn’t matter anyways. You weren’t about to let them get in the way of having the time of your life these next few months and you definitely weren’t going to let them keep your mind tied to OBX. That was a tie you desperately wanted to cut. Besides, if you knew Rafe and Topper like you thought you did, they’d be too caught up with playing both the field and the girls of Westheath before you knew it, effectively keeping them occupied and out of your way. 

You decided to go about your day as you usually would. Your Have a Great Day playlist was queued up and playing as you slipped on your favorite jeans and top. You let yourself get absentmindedly lost in your actions as you did your hair and makeup - enough to make you feel put together and regain some control after the way this morning had left you feeling vulnerable. Looking good made you feel good - and if anyone else thought you looked good too, then hey, that was just an added bonus. 

You hadn’t noticed how lost in the process of getting ready you had gotten until you looked down at your phone and saw that an hour had flown by. You were half way down the hall to the kitchen when the door of your flat flew open, bringing you face to face with two new people for the second time that day. 

“Oh my gosh hiiii!” a girl turned to you, pausing her laughter from the conversation she was having with the girl next to her. “I’m Olivia! It’s so nice to meet you!!” the bubbly girl exclaimed, immediately embracing you in a hug. The other girl laughed at her friend’s excitement and forwardness which had clearly startled you. 

“I’m Millie - you must be one of our flatmates,” the other girl smiled, introducing herself to you as well. 

“Hi, I’m Y/n,” you smiled softly. 

“Oh my gosh Mills! I knew it! I told you we’d get roomed with the Americans! Ugh this is so exciting, there’s so much I need to know I don’t even know where to start!” Olivia squealed with a little hop. 

“Alright don’t scare the poor girl, she’s gonna think they’ve stuck her with a couple of psychos,” laughed Millie, pulling her friend’s arm to lead her down the hall. “Come on Liv let’s let y/n breathe for a second while we go put our bags down,” she said, giving you an apologetic smile.

You laughed and continued on to the kitchen to get some water as you had originally set out to do. You were honestly relieved. Thank god your other two roommates were girls who weren’t remotely associated with OBX. You didn’t even mind their intensity, it was endearing really, and you’d take a couple of loud but genuine girls who seemed like they were a bunch of fun to hang out with over the bitchiness and cattiness you were used to with the girls back home at Kildare. 

“Alright Y/n, I forgot sheets and Mills didn’t bring a towel so we’re going to Primark and you’re coming with. I want to hear all the American gossip,” Olivia reappeared and then slipped back down the hallway with a wink. You laughed and went to go grab your bag, just then realizing Rafe and Topper were no longer at the flat. You wondered where they had gone, not hearing them slip out over the music you were playing earlier. Not that you cared, it was a relief to have them out of sight and out of mind for now. 

��

“Hmm Rafe Cameron and Topper Thornton, does sound rather posh,” mused Millie as you had begun providing some intel to your friends on the two flatmates they had yet to meet. 

“Two American ladies men, sign me up!” cackled Olivia. 

“Hey watch yourself missy, you’re taken,” Millie scolded. 

You had only known these girls for maybe an hour and somehow you had been comfortable enough with them to open up about your entire life’s backstory as you walked with them through the home section of Primark. It felt like they had been your friends for years, the three of you gelling together effortlessly. 

“Oo you have a boyfriend?” you asked as your eyes scanned over the shelf of fluffy blankets in front of you. You simply couldn’t leave without the light grey one, daydreaming about how cozy napping with it would be. 

“I do. His name is Jake,” Olivia beamed, “he’s kind of an idiot, but I love him.”

“And he’s got a whole squad of idiot friends too, but you’ll see for yourself,” Millie laughed. 

“Oh shit that reminds me! I invited them all over to pregame tonight before freshers,” chimed Olivia. 

“What’s freshers?” you asked, raising your brows in confusion. 

Millie and Olivia shared a quick laugh at how clueless you were to everything in their world. 

“So freshers is like this huge club event at the beginning of the school year. It’s really meant for uni freshers but since half of us are 18 and we can easily sneak in the other half it’s kind of tradition for Westheath kids to go their last year. Me and Mills went last year too though, one of the guys we knew the year above us was cousins with the bouncer,” Olivia grinned proudly. “But literally everyone is going and that means you’re coming too and- oh shit I’m such a bloody idiot aren’t I! I’m sorry Y/n I literally didn’t think at all to ask anyone from our flat if it was okay to host a pregame,” she bit her thumb with guilt-ridden eyes. 

“Looks like you and your idiot boyfriend are actually a match made in heaven,” joked Millie as Olivia gave her the finger, trying to suppress the smile tugging at her lips. 

“Oh no that’s totally fine! I’ve had like barely any human interaction these last few days and it’ll be nice to meet some more people from Westheath. It’ll be fun,” you reassured Olivia with a genuine smile. “I just uh- I’ve never been clubbing. Like what do I even wear, I don’t think I brought anything like that. And I’m not 18 for another month, would I even get in?”

“Well it’s a good thing we’re here isn’t it!” exclaimed Olivia, grabbing you by the wrist and dragging you to the clothes section. “Mills this would be PERFECT don’t you think,” she said as she held up a sheer black top in front of you. 

“Oh my gosh yes. With a black bra underneath and mini skirt,” Millie grinned, nodding in excitement with Olivia. 

“Guys I don’t know if I can wear this. Like I don’t think I can pull this off,” you said meekly. 

“Oh my god shut up this would look so good on you. Your body is killer and you can 1000% pull this off,” Olivia insisted, shoving the garment toward you. “And we’ll get you in the club no problem,” she added firmly, shutting down any possibility of you talking your way out of tonight. 

“Wait shit do you think Rafe and Topper will be cool with the pregame? We haven’t even properly met them yet and I’ve already invited a bunch of strangers to our place,” groaned Olivia as the three of you headed toward the register. 

“Trust me, if there’s two things those boys definitely don’t mind it’s a party and a reason to drink,” you laughed. 

—-

As the three of you unlocked the door to your flat you could hear Rafe and Topper’s voices from the kitchen. Ugh, back already. 

“Hellooo boys,” called Olivia with zero hesitation, walking straight into the kitchen. “Name’s Olivia, pleasure to meet you,” she smiled extending her hand. 

“Pleasure is all ours,” Rafe smiled back. It took every ounce of your will power not to roll your eyes at his smugness. 

“Indeed it is,” grinned Topper giving her a hand shake. “And you are,” Topper immediately drew his attention to Millie entering the kitchen right behind Olivia. You didn’t miss how his eyes ran her up and down. 

“Millie, your fifth and final roommate,” she smirked, not having missed his wandering eyes either. 

“So listen boys,” Olivia clapped her hands together, drawing everyone’s attention. “I may have invited my boyfriend and some of our friends over to pregame tonight before we all go out to the club. You guys are obviously welcome to join but if you’re not cool with us having people over just say the word and-“

“Done deal. What time should we be ready?” Topper cut her off

“9. See you then,” she grinned from ear to ear sauntering off to her room. 

“Alright I need to go unpack, but it was lovely to meet you boys, see you soon,” Millie smiled, eyes locking with Topper’s for a second too long before she too slipped away. You wanted nothing more than to escape to your room as well but you were starving, and since you were now living with Rafe and Topper you’d have to learn to go about your life around your new home despite their presence. You sighed as you made your way to the fridge, trying to decide what you were gonna scrap together for dinner. 

“So how long have you been here already?” asked Rafe, grabbing some Pringles and taking a seat at the table, Topper already spreading out comfortably on the couch. 

“Uh, few days,” you replied, not bothering to turn around. 

“See anything cool yet,” Topper chimed in as he scrolled on his phone. The way they were asking you questions was oddly normal. You were trying hard to detect any hint of cockiness in their voice but you couldn’t find any. You weren’t ready to let your guard down fully, not entirely trusting the pair, but you decided to soften a bit and give them a chance. 

“Yeah actually, I walked around Hyde Park the other day and the day before I watched the sunset from Millennium Bridge. It was beautiful,” you replied, finally turning toward the boys, a jar of pasta sauce in hand. 

“Crazy being in a city like this huh. Definitely not the Outer Banks,” Rafe chuckled lightly, gaze settling on the window. 

“Definitely not the Outer Banks,” you smiled. 

—-

“What do you mean you haven’t watched Friends!?” you let out an exasperated cry as you twirled more spaghetti on your fork. 

“It’s stupid,” said Topper, making a face. 

“It’s a classic,” you retorted. 

“No. The Office though. Now that’s a classic.”

“Should’ve know you were an Office guy,” you shook your head, Rafe laughing from his seat across from you. 

“Listen, I can’t help you if you don’t know how to appreciate true comedy,” Topper shrugged. 

“Yeah okay,” you rolled your eyes, turning now to face the dirty blonde seated across from you, absent mindedly shuffling a deck of cards for no reason, the golden ring on his finer catching your eye as his hands moved in a repetitive motion. “And what about you Mr. Dealer,” you asked Rafe, eyes motioning to the cards in his hand before going back up to meet his gaze. Rafe knew how to keep good eye contact with a person, confident yet not overpowering, and as the evening progressed and you become more comfortable you welcomed the challenge of his piercing blue eyes. 

“I’m more of a How I Met Your Mother guy,” he answered nonchalantly. 

“Huh, I wouldn’t’ve pegged you as that.”

“And what would you have pegged me as, Y/n,” he asked, still holding your gaze to which you just shrugged playfully, letting him wonder. 

“Okay, forget about comedies. Game of Thrones. Hands down best thing I’ve ever watched,” Topper stated, throwing his palms down on the table. 

“I mean I do hear good things, but I don’t know, seems kind of intense,” you said before shoving another forkful of spaghetti in your mouth. 

“No no no Y/n you literally don’t know what you’re missing out on, it’s pure genius,” Topper continued passionately. 

Rafe gave you a knowing glance as you two made eye contact again, trying not to laugh, “He’s been on my ass for years to watch it.”

“And now you have no excuse! It’s senior man, classes will be light work, just give it a chance,” Topper pleaded. 

“You know what Topper, just because you’re practically jumping out of your seat right now, I’ll check it out just for you,” you laughed as Toppers face pulled into a wide grin. 

“Good enough for me,” he said victoriously. 

“Lemme one up that Topps, I’ll also give it a chance, so it better be worth it,” Rafe added, Topper’s eyes growing wide in simultaneous glee and disbelief. Topper quickly got up from his seat, puffing his chest, “woooo! Winter is coming to London baby!” he exclaimed, pumping his fist before heading down the hall to his room. 

Two hours had passed by with you hanging out in the kitchen with Rafe and Topper, and to your surprise… you were actually enjoying yourself. You guys had talked about the things you wanted to do in London, the music you all listened to, favorite movies, and tv shows of course. You almost didn’t know how to process it. How could two guys who seemed like such kook douchebags actually be - cool? You had always regarded the two at face value, but perhaps there was more to these boys than what meets the eye. 

“Oh god how is it already 8, I’m so behind,” you groaned, getting up to wash your dishes. 

“Once Topper is full speed ahead, there’s no stopping that man,” Rafe laughed. 

“Hey,” you turned your head around from the sink, soapy dish in hand. “I was actually serious about giving Game of Thrones a try. Damn Topper if he didn’t make me curious now,” you laughed, “but I was thinking, if you’re actually gonna watch too, that we should time it so we both watch on the same days. Because then if we’re on the same schedule, whenever we see each other in the kitchen or something we can discuss and we’ll be on the same episodes so no spoilers.”

“So you mean we’d both watch on our own but at the same time?” Rafe asked. 

“Yeah,” you replied, as if it was obvious. That’s what you literally just described. 

“Well if we’re gonna watch it at the same time, we might as well just watch it together Y/n,” he calmly stated, walking right up next to you to put his Pringles away. 

“Uh yeah I mean that works too,” you replied, looking up at the boy now next to you, getting slightly flustered by his presence once again. His blue eyes were piercing right through you, and this time it was a losing a battle. 

“Cool,” he smiled, turning around and walking out of the kitchen to his room. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in, the water still running in front of you as you stood their holding the sponge like an idiot. What the fuck just happened?

---

Part 3

[canonslut]

hiiii I'm just on anon bc I am shy but I do in fact follow you, I just had a little question abt self-shipping/f/os. just bc I'm new to the concept myself and though I have. um. several f/os I'm just like. trying to work out what it means for me and if you don't wanna answer you don't have to!! you can delete if you want or if you want me to come off anon I can I'm just tsjdjs shy

anyway basically. I was wondering like? I guess how you perceive your f/os? because like I talk to mine but I can't like. "see" them all the time or even "feel" them and I just. idk if that's a clear question or makes sense? I'm just curious and wondering because you seem to have it figured out 😅

thanks liv

💗 hi hi hi !!! 💗

you're always welcome to be on anon!!! that is what it is there for!!! i think i get what you're asking, but if i misinterpreted your question or i don't make any sense pls let me know!!! 💗

as far as how i perceive my f/os, it all depends!!! each f/o is unique, each f/o i have a unique relationship with, and each day is different!

some days i feel close to them! and some days i don't! some days i pretend they're with me. i talk to them. i wear clothes or jewelry that reminds me of them. i listen to music that reminds me of them. i don't necessarily "see" them, but i put in effort to make myself feel connected to them, in whatever way that feels most right for me. and sometimes i don't! sometimes i just think of them as a character that i know and love, but that's all. lately, it's sort of been leaning towards the latter. i love my f/os, i enjoy seeing them, talking about them, thinking about them, but i've been so focused on other life things that that's just been the extent of it. i haven't created content for them, i haven't imagined them at my side, i've just enjoyed them as characters. and that's okay! it's all okay!

everyone self ships differently! and sometimes the way we self ship changes with the weather! you might not "see" or "feel" your f/os in the way that you think other people do, and that's totally fine. maybe one day you will and maybe you won't. it doesn't matter! it's all about you doing what feels right and good for you and it doesn't have to be like anybody else's experience!

i think the most important thing to focus on is just doing what you like to do, how you like to do it. if you like talking to your f/os, keep talking to your f/os. even if it doesn't make you "feel" them like you think it should. if you enjoy doing it, keep doing it. if you like drawing them, writing about them, posting about them, thinking about them, just keep doing that. don't worry too much about the outcome or what it looks like! it's about you!

anon, it is so kind of you to say that it seems like i have it all figured out!!! thank you, thank you, thank you!!! but i promise i am still figuring things out just like you are!!! we are in this together!!!

good luck with your self ship journey!!! i am wishing you luck and i hope you remember that i'm here if you need me!!! 💗💗💗

[atlafan]

Lock the Door

a/n: college!Harry one shot because why the f not??????? I’ve wanted to write a good college!Harry au for aw while, and I’m happy with this. 11K of friends to lovers. (not proofread) 

Warnings: Smut.

It was junior year of college, Y/N and her friends were thrilled to finally be out of the dorms. Even though they were still living on campus, they were in a student apartment, and incredibly thankful. Now instead of sharing a bathroom with hundreds of other people, there would only be four of them. The only thing was Y/N’s parents weren’t thrilled about the people she was rooming with.

There was her best friend, Liv, who her parents actually really liked. It was the other two roommates that made them feel uneasy. See, Liv really wanted to live with her boyfriend Chris, but they didn’t want to exactly live by themselves, and the student apartments for just two people were really expensive. They’d been dating since second semester their freshman year so it wasn’t weird that they wanted to be in closer proximity. Y/N also thought Chris was an amazing person. He and Liv never made her feel like a third wheel, it was an ideal situation. The three would have been fine to live together, but the university had certain policies in place. One guy was not allowed to live with two girls, they needed another guy. That’s when the topic of Harry came up.

//

“I know he’s not your favorite of my friends, but the other people he was supposed to live with are going off campus, which he can’t afford to do.”

“It’s not that he’s not my favorite, I just don’t know him that well.” Y/N shrugged. “If that’s the case, I think Liv and I should share a room…”

“Yeah, that works. Chris and I don’t wanna be on top of each other all the time, we’re just sick of going across campus all the time.” Liv says. “So, you’d really be okay with Harry living with us? You’ve said before you don’t really care for his lifestyle…”

“He’s just not the first person I would hang out with, but if it means we get this apartment, then I’m cool with it. We’ll get to know each other better if we live together, right?”

//

When Y/N broke the news to her parents they got into a big fight with her about it, but she assured them that a lot of other students did what she and her friends were doing. Living with boys really wasn’t that big of a deal. If anything it would give her practice for when she someday actually got a boyfriend that she would eventually move in with.

The four of them got coffee together the morning they had to have the housing application in. Harry didn’t say much, clearly not a morning person, but he seemed alright with the situation. He and Chris were good enough friends, and he was also excited to not be in a dorm next year.

“I just have one request.” Y/N says. “A lot of the apartments usually have one room that’s bigger than the other, from what I’ve noticed. I’d like for Liv and I to have the bigger room. Chris, I’ve seen your dorm, you literally have like nothing in there. Liv and I have a ton clothes and other things that we’ll space for…”

Chris and Harry look at each other and shrug.

“Alright, that’s not problem.” Chris says. “We should make a group text so over the summer we can see who’s bringing what. We need to figure out dishes and other kitchen shit.”

“And we’ll still need a mini fridge for extra shit, one of my friends was tellin’ me there’s not much room in the apartment fridges. I can bring the one I have.”

“I have a microwave.” Y/N says. “Happy to bring that too.”

“We’ll also need a chore chart.” Liv says. “Just because Y/N and I will be the women of the house does not mean we’ll be the maids. I am not going to be on my hands and knees cleaning the bathroom all the time. We should also pool in money for toilet paper and stuff like that.”

“Good idea, babe.” Chris kisses her cheek and Harry rolls his eyes.

That was is right there, the attitude that turned Y/N’s stomach. She thought Chris and Liv were a really cute couple, their affection didn’t bother her at all, but Harry seemed overly annoyed. All it was, was a peck on the cheek.

//

You all wished each other a good summer when the time came. The four of you group texted off and on best you could to make sure there was little miscommunication about who was to bring what. Since Harry was an international student, he would be moving in a week before everyone else. Y/N was actually happy about this because he would be there to help her move in. She’d be coming up the night before move in to get a good parking spot, and then her parents would come the next day with the rest of her things.

For the first time, she texted Harry outside the group chat when she arrived at her apartment. He opened the door for her only wearing a pair of shorts. Her eyes grew wide, and he notices.

“Sorry, it’s hotter than satin’s asshole in here, I hope you brought a fan for yourself.” He rubs the back of his neck, and you laugh.

“I did. That’s the worst thing, no A/C in these old apartment. At least it’s only hot like this for a couple of weeks, right?” He hums his response as she walks in. “To be honest I was expecting a mess…but it looks good in here.”

“Not much to make a mess with.” He shrugs. “I rearranged some of the furniture in the living area so it was less tight next to the kitchen. Got the TV set up too.”

“I can see that, it looks nice.” You smile.

“So…do you like need some help with your shit?”

“That would be great, actually. The microwave is pretty heavy.”

“Thank god you brought it with you. I’ve been dying for some popcorn.”

“Great, you can stink it right up.”

“Relax, I was kidding.” He rolls his eyes. “Take a joke, Y/N.”

Her mouth falls open as he walks out to her car. He opens the trunk and hoists the microwave out while she grabs her luggage bags that were full of clothes.

“I can bring that up for you. It’s an up and up, so Chris and I are on that level, and you and Liv will be up top. That was the bigger room just like you requested.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

Harry helps get everything else inside while Y/N goes to get a prime parking spot. Harry felt sort of awkward just standing around while she unpacked certain things for the kitchen.

“Jesus, it really is hot in here, I need to go change.” She wipes some sweat from her forehead.

Y/N goes up to her room and opens the two small windows, and turns her fan on to try to get the air to move. She comes down a few minutes later in just a sports bra and a pair of shorts.

“This is sort of awkward, but you help me with my bed? I’m having a tough time getting it up a little higher…”

“Not awkward…at…all.” When he looks at her he sees how little clothing she’s wearing.

“If you get to be shirtless then I get to dress like this.” She says, putting her hands on her hips.

“I didn’t say anything.” He smirks. “Besides, I’m sure we’ll be seein’ each other in a lot less as the year goes on.”

She shakes her head and follows him up. Harry’s able to get the bet up a few pegs so Y/N can slide the small dresser underneath it, creating more floor space.

“That’s perfect! My parents are bringing those plastic pins you can stack as like a makeshift dresser that fits in the closet tomorrow. Hmmm.”

“What?”

“Well, usually my mom helps me make the bed. It’s just so long, it’s hard to get a good grasp on the sheet.”

“I can help if you want.”

“You’ve done enough.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” He smiles. “After this though would you wanna get out for a bit? I feel like it’s cooler outside. We could go downtown for a slice.”

“Oh, I like that idea a lot. Pizza is a must right now.”

Harry helps you get her sheets on her bed, and she tell him she’ll fix the rest later. Y/N knew she wouldn’t need a lot of extra blankets tonight. She throws on a shirt and so does he, and out the door they go. They walk down town the local pizza place, and grab a booth after getting their slices.

“Nice and cool in here, huh?” He says.

“So much better.” She giggles. “Where are your other friends living?”

“They’re over on Russell Street. It’s kinda nice, I’ll have a place to go party, and then have a quiet place to come back to afterwards. Think it all worked out for the best.”

“Can you remind me again what your major is? I know Chris is Sports Management…”

“I’m an Art major…” He says quietly. “And yes, I know it’s going to be hard for me out there once I graduate.”

“Woah, I didn’t say anything.” She puts her hands up in defense. “I think that’s cool actually. What do you do? Paint? Sculpt? Draw?”

“Mix of all three actually. Basically if I can get my hands dirty, I will.” He smirks. “I just wanted to get a degree in something I liked doin’, but I do have a minor in graphic design just in case I need somethin’ to fall back on.”

“Oh, is that how you and Chris met? That’s his minor too.”

“Mhm.” He takes a bite of his pizza. “We had a couple of classes together and got paired on some projects, hit it off right away.”

“That’s great.”

“How did you and Liv meet?”

“We roomed together second semester freshmen year. Our other roommates both dropped out so we got paired randomly. She’s the best, I got really lucky. She was already dating Chris when we met.”

“The three of you seem close.”

“He’s really nice, always included me. They never made me feel like a third wheel which was nice. I mean, I have other friends, don’t get me wrong. I found things to do when they needed their alone time.”

“And you ever find any alone time?”

“That’s an awfully personal question, don’t you think?” She scoffs.

“Thought we were gettin’ to know each other a bit here…sorry.”

“It’s okay…um…I mean, there are guys I’ve been alone with…” Y/N clears her throat. “I use Tinder like every other college student, you know?” He hums his response and finishes up his slice. He leans back and sits with his arm strong across the back of the booth. “What about you?”

“Eh, I like to meet people in person, at like a party or somethin’.” He thinks for a moment, and leans on the table to be a bit closer so no one else around could really hear. “You’re pretty, Y/N, why do you use Tinder?” She blushes. “I mean, surely you could just meet someone out.”

“I…well, I don’t really go to big parties, mostly kickbacks.” He nods and finishes up his bottle of soda.

“You ready?”

“Mhm.”

They both walk back to the apartment, and he keys in. She goes upstairs to keep unpacking and to tidy up. She was trying to hang up some curtains, but she fell back from trying to reach to high. Harry hears the thud and rushes right up. He had a nicer short sleeve shirt on now, and a nicer pair of shorts.

“Are you okay?!”

“Yeah.” You laugh. “Just lost my balance. Do you think you could help me hang these up quick?”

“Sure.”

The curtains get hung and they look great with the twinkling lights Y/N strung up.

“Liv and I love these lights.” She looks at him. “You like nice.”

“Matt’s havin’ a party…do you wanan come?”

“God, with the amount of time I’d need to get ready you’d be late.” You laugh.

“I wasn’t plannin’ to leave for another hour, plenty of time to freshen up.”

“Sure, I could come out for a bit, thanks.”

He leaves her to get ready. She puts her hair up in a cute, messy bun, and touches up some makeup. Y/N finds a cute pair of shirts and a crop top to throw on and down the stairs she goes. Harry was pouring two shots of raspberry vodka into two small glasses.

“Here.” He smiles. “Wait, you drink, right?”

“Yes.” You giggle. “I can’t wait to turn twenty-one. Just a few more months.”

“Same here, February actually.”

“No way! Me too. When’s yours?”

“The first, yours?”

“The fourth.”

“Wow, that’s crazy.” They clink their glasses and off to the party they go.

//

Y/N drank way too much last night, and she knew her parents would be able to tell. They were there bright and early with the rest of her things. They also put Harry to work.

“You have a lot of shit, you know that?” He says, setting another box down.

“I’m well aware.”

Eventually Liv and Chris show up and it’s hugs all around. Y/N and Liv get a minute alone in their room, finally.

“So how was last night with just you and Harry?”

“It was good! We went out for pizza, he helped me a bunch with my things, and he took me to a party. I’m glad we had the time to get to know each other a little bit.”

“Me too. He can be kind of shy from what Chris tells me.”

“Apparently he’s an art major.”

“I wonder if he’ll hang any of his things up.”

“You know, he’s been in our room a ton already, but I didn’t think to go into his.”

“Well, let’s check it out.” They both go down and into the boy’s room.

Both sides were organized, but they could tell whose side was whose. Harry had his art supplies all over his desk, and had boxes of paint and brushes under his bed. He had a couple of things up as well.

“Looks good in here guys.” Liv says.

Y/N and Liv end up going out for lunch with Y/N’s parents, and then they go on a trip to the grocery store to pick up what they think they need.

“Alright honey, I guess we’ll see you at Thanksgiving, if not sooner.” Y/N’s mother says, giving her a hug.

“Please, be careful.” Her dad says.

“I’ll be fine. Let me know when you get back home. Thanks for everything, love you both!” She sighs as she closes the door. “Finally.”

Y/N and Liv go up to their room and continue decorating it to their liking while Harry and Chris get their gaming consoles hooked up to the TV in the living area.

“So…you got to know Y/N a little last night?”

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool so far. I was kinda worried, I didn’t think she liked me every much.”

“She just didn’t know you, that’s all. What did you guys do?”

“I helped her with her things, we grabbed a slice of pizza, and then I took her to Matt’s for a party. I think there were like three different guys that tried to take her home, but she turned them all down.” He shrugs.

“And what did you do?”

“She didn’t have a key yet, so I made sure she got back here, and then I slipped out an hour or so later to hook up with this girl that gave me her number at the party.”

“Well, thanks for getting her back here at least.” Chris chuckles.

“I’m not a fuckin’ asshole.” He nudges him playfully. “She did have fun at the party, I’ll probably bring her out again. You all can come any time. I feel like that place is gonna be my second home.”

Y/N and Live come down with all the things they like to keep in the bathroom and the boys look scared. For a student apartment it was a decent size bathroom, with a good size tub-shower. Liv opens the cabinets under the sink, and you hand her two boxes of pads and tampons.

“Yup, definitely livin’ with women.” Harry smirks and crosses his arms.

“If feminine products are going to bother you-“ Liv starts, but he cuts her off.

“Got a mum and a sister back home, periods don’t scare me. Was just simply makin’ an observation.”

“Good.” She grabs a small trashcan puts a bag in it. Y/N hands her the lid. “Listen to me very carefully, this is just for Y/N and I. There’s another small can for community use, but this is for her and I’s…”

“Say no more.” Chris says. “Just keep it under the sink and we won’t touch it.”

“I also would like some courtesy with shaving.” Y/N says. “I really don’t wanna see pubes around the toilet.” She crosses her arms. “If you make a mess, you clean it up.”

“I feel like the two of you think we’re savages.” Harry laughs. “I’ve been in a girl’s bathroom before, and I have to say, I think girls are way more disgusting.”

“Why were you in a girl’s bathroom?” Liv asks.

“I was asked to join someone in the shower.” Harry says bluntly. “And it didn’t last long because we both walked in and saw a fuckin’ bloody tampon on the floor. So we went to the men’s bathroom and it was spotless. And while we’re on the topic, you both have long hair, so if you don’t wanna see pubes around the toilet, I don’t wanna see hair in the drain.”

“Deal.” Y/N says. “Let’s move on to the kitchen, shall we?” The four walk out to the kitchen area. “If you make a mess in the microwave, you clean it immediately, don’t leave it for someone else.”

“If someone’s name is on something in the fridge, don’t eat it.” Chris says. “However, I would like to see us cooking together. Like if someone makes pasta, someone else could throw in a meat or veggie.”

“That’s a good idea.” Liv says. “If you make a mess in the fridge clean it up. Check expiration dates. Oh! Trash is a big thing. We all need to take turns with that. If you see it getting full, just take it out, don’t leave it for someone else.”

After spending over an hour on a chore chart and going over more house rules, the four feel satisfied.

//

A few weeks into the semester, and Y/N noticed that Harry wasn’t home a lot. He was either down at the art studio, or at his friend’s apartment. She also noticed he didn’t sleep there much on the weekends, but it worked out well for Chris and Liv so they could have the room alone when they needed. Y/N never saw Harry bring a girl home with him, and she was sort of relieved.

Living with two guys wasn’t as awkward as Y/N and Liv thought it might be. Everyone was really chill, and it was nice to cook together. It was like being in a little family.

One morning Harry woke up late for class, but desperately needed to shower. Y/N happened to be in there. Everyone usually showered at the same time, but Harry was in a rush and annoyed. Liv and Chris had already left for class. Harry was standing the hall, just in a towel, waiting for you to finish. When he hears the water turn off, he sighs with relief. When she didn’t come out right away, he groans.

“The fuck is she doin’ in there.” He knocks on the door. “Y/N?! I’m runnin’ late, and I need to shower!”

She opens the door immediately and they both freeze. Her eyes fall to the towel that was hanging low on his waist, and then up to him. Her towel wasn’t exactly as secure as it could be either. Her hair was just brushed out and dripping wet down her chest.

“I’m so sorry, why didn’t you knock sooner? I, uh, just let me grab my blow dryer…” She snatches it and scoots by him.

“I’ll be quick if you need to get back in there…”

“Thanks.”

Harry takes his very quick, and semi-cold shower, and gets ready for class. He had ab out ten minutes to spare. Y/N comes down the stairs, and slips into the bathroom to grab some spare tampons, and bumps into Harry on her way out, causing her to drop them.

“Shit sorry, I’m fuckin’ up your entire routine this mornin’.” He bends down to pick up what he caused her to drop and blushes when he sees that they’re tampons. He grabs them anyways and hands them to her.

“It’s okay, really.” She takes them and sticks them in her bag. “Um…well, have a good day Harry.”

“You too.”

//

“Y/N?” Harry knocks on her bedroom door late one night. She climbs out of bed and goes down the few steps to open it.

“Is everything okay, Harry?”

“Yeah, I think Liv and Chris fell asleep…and I really don’t wanna sleep on the couch, nor do I wanna go in there in case they decide to get busy again.” He huffs. He looked exhausted, he was at the studio all evening and just wanted to sleep.

“Oh! Well…okay, I could sleep in her bed if you wanna sleep in mine?”

He follows her up the stairs.

“I’ll just sleep in hers, we’re all close enough now. She doesn’t really have a leg to stand on to say much about it.” He yawns and takes his shirt off.

“Okay.” He watches as she uses the small step stool to get back into her bed. He waits until she’s scrolling on her phone to take his pants off, and he climbs into Liv’s bed. “I’m gonna turn the light off now.”

“Alright.”

“Goodnight, Harry.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

//

Similar nights to those kept happening, and Harry was starting to get aggravated, so he called for a roommate meeting to discuss it.

“I’m sick of not bein’ able to sleep in my own bed. I know I’m not here a lot, but when I am, I’d like to be able to just go to my room and go to sleep.”

“You’re right, Harry. I’m sorry.” Liv says, sort of embarrassed.

“I think you two should just share a room. It’s clear that’s what you want anyways.”

“But what about Y/N?” Liv looks at her.

“I feel like Harry’s been my roommate anyways.” She shrugs. “We share every other room with guys, guess I wouldn’t mind rooming with one either.”

“What if your parents find out?” Chris asks.

“It’s not like we’re gonna push the bed together and sleep next to each other like you both are probably gonna do. He’ll have his side, and I’ll have mine. I think it makes the most sense too.”

That afternoon everyone helps move things around. Liv gets situated with Chris while Harry gets his things the way he likes.

“You know secretly, I’m happy they didn’t ask for the bigger room. It’s way nicer up here.” Harry says, sitting down on his new bed. “You sure you’re okay with this? I don’t wanna take away your privacy…”

“I’ll just change in the bathroom more.” She shrugs. “Or, I mean, just look the other way if I happen to need to change quick up here and I’ll give you the same courtesy.”

“I know I’m not here a lot on the weekends, but for the times I am, I mean, uh, like do you ever bring anyone back here with you? If you could just text me a warning or somethin’ or put somethin’ on the door.”

“I don’t…I haven’t, um, it’s been a dry start to the semester.” She blushes. “I had my period, and then I’ve started to get busy with my classes…I’ve gone out a few times, but there’s also no one I’ve really wanted to hook up with. Don’t worry, if the occasion happens I’ll give you a heads up.”

“Cool.”

“Is that what you’re out doing on the weekends? Hooking up?”

“Sometimes…mostly I just end up sleepin’ at Matt’s. They have a futon for me there for when I get too drunk to walk all the way back here. You should come out to another party, he’s havin’ people over tonight if you wanna come. Let the lovebirds down there have a little privacy.”

“Good idea, yeah, that sounds like fun.” She gets up and goes into her closet to pick out a casual dress. “Is your friend Matt single?” She asks without looking at him.

“Uh, yeah. Why?”

“I don’t know…I think he’s cute, and he was really nice to me last time I was there. Gave me a bunch to drink.”

“Well, that’s just common courtesy when you bring a girl to a party. Get her all liquored up.” Harry smirks.

“Mhm.” She rolls her eyes at him, and grabs a blue dress from her closet and her jean jacket. “Do you think he’d be into me?”

“What’s not to be into?”

“Oh stop it.”

“M’serious! You’re really nice, and you’re cute. He’d go for you.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

//

Harry walks Y/N to the party after pregaming a bit at their place.

“Harry!” Matt says as he walks in. “And you brought Y/N again, hey.”

“Hi.” They smile at each other.

“We’re just setting a game of flip cup up in the kitchen, you guys wanna play?”

“Sure!” Y/N says brightly.

The night was a lot of fun. Harry found himself talking to some girl who was clearly trying to get him to go home with her, but in the pit of his stomach he wanted to make sure you got home okay.

“Let me just find my friend and make sure she’s all set, okay?” He say, leaning into the girl and she nods.

Harry searches for you. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Matt in a while either. He walks into the kitchen and stops short when he sees Y/N sitting up on the counter with her legs wrapped around Matt’s waist, and his tongue down her throat. He wants to say something, but he opts to just text her that he’s left with someone.

“She’s all set, let’s go.” He takes the girl by her hand and leads her out of the house.

She tells him where she lives and that her roommate was gone for the weekend so they wouldn’t be disturbed. She was a good shag, Harry was having fun, but just as he coming an image of Y/N’s legs wrapped around his own waist, instead of Matt’s popped into his head.

“Shit.” He groans and looks down at the girl underneath him. She smiles up at him and he smiles back.

He pulls out and throws the condom away. She frowns when he starts to get dressed.

“You don’t have to leave…”

“I know, usually I would spend the night, but…uh…I.” He sighs and looks at her. “Listen, I don’t really have a good excuse, I just wanna go sleep in my own bed, I’m sorry.” He leans in and kisses her forehead. “I had a lot of fun though.” He gives her a reassuring smile. “You have my number?”

“Yeah.”

“Text me anytime.” He winks, and leaves her there.

When Harry gets back to his empty room, he’s not entirely sure what it is about it that’s bothering him. Eventually he’s able to fall asleep, but he’s woken up a few hours later by the sounds of Y/N coming up the few steps to their room. She was carrying her shoes to not make much noise. She gently opens her dresser drawer to grab a large t-shirt and shorts. He looks away while she changes, not that he could really see her anyways with how dark the room was. He hears her get into bed, and the satisfied sigh she makes turns his stomach.

//

The light creeping in from the curtains punched Harry in the face. He sits up and see Y/N on her side facing him, scrolling on her phone. She looks up at him when she sees he’s awake.

“Morning.” She says quietly.

“Hey.” He stretches and gets up. Even though they’d been sharing a room for a while, she would never get used to seeing him in just a pair of boxers. “M’takin’ a shower.”

“Okay.” He stops short before going down the stairs.

“What time did you get home last night?”

“Um…like 3AM I think. I was surprised to see your shoes downstairs. I’m glad I caught them or I would’ve flipped the light on and barreled up here.” She laughs. “I thought you went home with someone.”

“I did.”

“Oh.”

“Didn’t feel like spendin’ the night.” She hums her response. “Did you hook up with Matt?”

“Yeah.” You blush. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, why the fuck would I care?” He crosses his arms.

“I don’t know…I mean I figured you knew what my intention was since I asked you if he was single, but if you don’t want me hooking up with your friends, I don’t have to again.”

“So if I really had a problem with it, you wouldn’t fuck him again?”

“If you had a valid reason, sure. I mean…it was a nice hook up, but not the best I ever had. It’s not like I need to have his dick again.” Harry had never really hard Y/N talk like that before, it surprised him. “Oh god, don’t tell him I said that…”

“What wasn’t good about it?”

“I…what?”

“Well, if it wasn’t the best you ever had, what wasn’t good about it? Come on, you can tell me?” He leans back against the wall.

“I didn’t get off.” She says bluntly.

“Oh.”

“And I had to fake it so we could be done.” Her cheeks grew redder.

“You sounded pretty satisfied when you got back…”

“I sighed with relief because I was exhausted and was finally in my comfy bed.”

“So you faked it.”

“Mhm.”

“Why not just tell him he was doin’ it wrong.”

“He was so drunk, Harry, I don’t think it would’ve made a difference. He passed out after, and I slipped out the door.”

“Wait, you walked back by yourself?” He frowns.

“Yeah.”

“If that happens again, just call me, okay? I don’t like that.”

“But you were with someone.”

“So? I’m always there for my friends, come on Y/N. What if somethin’ bad happened?”

“Okay, okay, I won’t walk alone again.”

“Good.”

“Go shower so I can shower, will you?”

“We could just save water and shower together.” He jokes, and she whips her pillow at him. “Oi!” He picks it up and whips it back at her, making her laugh.

//

Harry came home with paint all over his hands, and was scrubbing them profusely when Y/N came in through the door.

“Thank god it’s Friday, I’m beat.” You sigh and flop onto the couch.

“Me too, I think I’m gonna stay in tonight.”

“Oh?” She was shocked.

“Mhm.” He sits down next to her. “Might play some video games or somethin’. What about you, do you have plans?”

“As of right now, no. But who knows, my friends my text and say something’s happening.” She shrugs.

“We could hang out if you wanted.”

“What would you wanna do?”

“We could watch a movie.”

“Sure! That sounds nice actually. We should see if Liv and Chris wanna join. I feel like we never all hang out.”

Harry was annoyed, but not visibly. He really hated hanging out with couples.

//

That night the four get cozy on the couch for a movie. Chris made everyone drinks, and Y/N popped some popcorn. The girls sit in the middle of the couch while the boys take the end seats. Not that that mattered, because eventually Chris pulled Liv into his lap, and they got comfortable together. The wine Y/N had been drinking was making her sleepy, and her head dropped onto Harry’s shoulder, not that he minded.

She wakes up to the feeling of being carried up to their room.

“Harry?” He sets her down on her bed.

“Yeh fell asleep.” He smooths her hair away from her face. “Brought yeh up.”

“Do you…never mind.”

“What?”

“I don’t know…it’s stupid, never mind.”

“Y/N, would you just tell me what you want?”

“Well…sometimes I get a little jealous that Chris and Liv can just cuddle, and I didn’t know if you’d wanna have a platonic cuddle with me for a bit.”

“A platonic cuddle?”

“Yeah, but only if you want.”

“What does that entail exactly?”

“Well, you could lay next to me and I could just rest my head on your chest. No spooning unless I’m the big spoon.”

“Why’s that?” He chuckles. “Not that I don’t like being the little spoon.”

“I wouldn’t wanna give you a boner if I was little spoon.”

“Ah, right, because I have zero zelf control.”

“Do you wanna cuddle or not?”

“Yeah, alright.”

He climbs onto her bed and lays flat on his back so she can rest her head on his chest, just like she wanted. He puts an arm around her and rests his hand on her shoulder. What Y/N didn’t know was that Harry had gotten a booty call text, and was supposed to be out the door, but this was something that Harry just couldn’t say no to, so he texts the girl and apologizes, and tells her he’ll be over another time. He feels her nuzzle into his chest further. Harry realizes he very much likes the attention he’s getting from wine-drunk Y/N.

They both asleep like that, cuddled together on Y/N’s bed. Her eyes fluttered open, at first she was confused when she saw Harry, but then she remembered she asked him to cuddle with her. She didn’t remember getting so comfy she had fallen asleep. Both of his arms were around her, and she had a leg over one of his. His lips were parted and light snores were coming from him. Y/N desperately needed to pee, but she also didn’t want to disturb him. She notices his phone lighting up with texts, and her curiosity got the better of her. After all, it could’ve been an emergency.

Lindsay – Matt’s Party: are you serious?   12:04AM

Lindsay – Matt’s Party: you’re rly not coming over? 12:07AM

Lindsay – Matt’s Party: this is the 3rd time you’ve done this, H. I’m done. 12:15AM

Y/N sets his phone back down, and looks back up at him with a raised eyebrow.

He blew off some girl for me? She thinks to herself. He could’ve gone…maybe he didn’t really like her that much.

Harry’s eyebrows furrow and his eyes slowly open. He has the same slight confusion Y/N did, but then he relaxes when he remembers he voluntarily slept next to her.

“Hey.” He mumbles in a sleepy voice, one she had gotten quite used to and liked a lot.

“Hi.” The air suddenly felt awkward. “I need to pee.”

“Okay.”

“I didn’t wanna wake you up.”

“Okay.”

“So, I’ll just…”

She sits up slightly, and ends up straddling him to try to climb over him. Her head suddenly started hurting and she almost fell off. Harry grabs her by her hips to steady her.

“You’re like really clumsy.” He says to her.

“I’m aware.” She looks down at his hands. “I still need to pee, can you let go of me.”

His cheeks heat up and he lets go of her so she can continue trying to get off her bed. Harry was still tired, and he could easily go slip into his bed, but he liked Y/N’s bed, for whatever reason. So he rolls onto his side and checks his phone.

“Fuck.” He says when he sees the texts from Lindsay. He thinks to text her back and apologize, but he didn’t want to lead her on anymore because odds are he’d stand her up again. ]

Y/N comes back up a few minutes later, feeling much better after having used the toilet and brushed her teeth. She chuckles when she sees Harry still on her bed.

“What are you doing?”

“M’not awake enough to move yet.” He mumbles as she grabs some clothes from her dresser.

“Well, I have some homework I need to get done, so I’m gonna shower and then go to the library.”

“I’ll be at the studio most of the day, and then I’ll probably go to Matt’s tonight…”

“Okay.”

He watches her go back down the stairs and he sits up. The two had gotten into the habit of giving each other a play by play of their plans. Harry figured it was just common courtesy as a roommate, but maybe it was a little bit more. It was like they were an old married couple who slept on two different beds. Harry changes into some new clothes quick and goes downstairs. Chris was eating some breakfast as he grabs a Gatorade from the fridge.

“Mornin’, mate.” Harry says, taking a sip of his drink.

“Morning, thought you went out last night?”

“Nope, I stayed in with Y/N instead.” He shrugs. “I feel kinda bad, the girl was pissed…but I think it was for the best.”

//

Things were a tad awkward between Harry and Matt since Y/N slept with Matt and never really followed up.

“Did she ever say anything to you?”

“No.” Harry lies. “You hook up with girls all the time, why are you hung up on her?”

“I don’t know, she was a good fuck, I’d like to hit it again.” Harry rolls his eyes as bites down on his cup. “You haven’t brought her here since.”

“She hasn’t seemed interested.” Harry shrugs and turns to see Lindsay talking to her friends. They make eye contact and she flips him off. “Jesus.” He walks over to her. “Can we talk?”

“Why? Because you suddenly have the time?” She huffs.

“Please?”

“Fine.” They step aside from her friends.

“You know, you act like I didn’t even tell you I couldn’t come over…”

“One second you’re saying see you ten, and the next you’re saying not tonight. So what happened? Get a better offer?”

Yes.

“No, it wasn’t that…my roommate needed me…”

“Right, the girl you conveniently share a room with.” She crosses her arms.

“It’s only like that because our friends are dating.”

“What did she need from you then, Harry? Your dick?”

“No!” He groans. “It’s not like that with us, we’re just friends.”

“So then what did she need?”

“She got a little wine drunk, and she seemed like she needed me to stay, so I did. She didn’t know I had other plans when she asked me to hang out a little longer…” Not a total lie, not a total truth. “I really did wanna see you.” He puts his hand on her shoulder.

“I hate how crazy you boys make me, I swear. It’s not like you’re the only person I’m hooking up with…”

“Yeah, same goes for me.”

“I just thought we had a regular thing going, and that was like the third time you blew me off. If you don’t wanna-“ Harry cuts her off by kissing her.

“Let’s get outta here.”

She nods and takes his hand. They walk back to her place, and start to get busy. He was just about to go down on her when his phone rings. He pops his head up to grab it.

“You can’t be serious.”

“It could be an emergency.” He sits up and squints to see it’s Y/N. “Hello?” He starts fingering Lindsay while he’s on the phone with her.

“Harry?” She slurs.

“What’s up?” He rubs Lindsay’s clit and her head rolls back into the pillow.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but.” She hiccups. “Liv and Chris left, or maybe I just can’t find them, anyways, I wanna go home, and you told me to-“

“Where are you?”

“On Russell actually…uhhhhh, 19D I think.”

“Okay, I can be there in like ten minutes, can you hang tight?”

“Mhm. I’ll sit out on the steps for you.”

“Okay.” He hangs up and tosses his phone. “What?”

“You’re a nutbag.”

“Do you want me to fuck you or not? Yeh get me for ten minutes, how do you want it?”

//

Y/N was sitting on the front steps of the house she was at, waiting for Harry. She was slightly cold from the crisp fall air.

Harry: be there soon :) 1:30AM

She sighs with relief when she gets his text. She sees him walking up the drive and stands up and walks towards him.

“I’m so sorry if I ruined your night.” She stumbles as she walks over to him.

“You didn’t, I’m glad you called.” He hooks his arm around her waist to steady her.

“You smell like perfume.”

“I just hooked with someone, sorry.”

“You what?!” She starts laughing.

“I was in the middle of it when you called, actually.” He starts laughing. “She wasn’t too happy, but I made up for it. Although I deleted her number after I left, it was sort of a parting gift.”

“Sometimes I forget you can be just like every other guy.” She scoffs.

“Hey, I told her it was the last time before I left. She said it was probably for the best anyways.”

“Oh, well as long as she knows.”

“I thought you didn’t really go to parties like this often.”

“I don’t…but Chris got invited out so he brought me and Liv with him, and we all drank a lot. I don’t know how I lost them. I texted them both and told them you were coming for me.” She looks down at the heels on her feet. “I have to take these off, they hurt.”

“It’s too cold to walk barefoot. Lemme give you a piggyback ride.”

“Really?!”

“Sure.” He shrugs.

Y/N gets on his back, and he carries her the rest of the way home. When he gets her inside they see Chris and Liv on the couch.

“There you two are?!” Y/N yells as Harry sets her down. “Where the fuck did you two go?”

“Liv got sick at the party, so I brought her home, we’re so sorry Y/N.” Chris says standing up.

“Yeah, Y/N…this is the first time in over an hour I haven’t had my head in the toilet. Chris cleaned it up so it’s all good.”

“Well I’m sorry you got sick.” She starts unbuttoning her pants and scurries to the bathroom. “I have to pee so bad!”

“Thanks for getting her.” Chris rubs the back of his neck.

“It was no problem. I told her I didn’t want her walkin’ alone and to call me if she was in a place where that might happen.”

Y/N comes out of the bathroom and looks at everyone.

“Feel like I’m gonna pass out so I’m going to bed.”

“I’m gonna take a quick shower, I’ll be up soon.”

“Okay.”

“You two sound like us.” Liv jokes.

“M’just bein’ courteous.” Harry points out and goes to take his shower. He didn’t wanna smell like Lindsay anymore.

When he gets upstairs, only in his towel, he see Y/N sitting up in bed wearing just a large t-shirt and panties. Harry walks by her quick and hope to god his face isn’t red.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” He turns to look at her.

“Would you come cuddle again?”

“Course. Now turn around so I can change.”

She playfully covers her eyes and he shakes his head as slides his boxers on.

“This is all I’m wearin’, hope that’s okay.”

“S’fine with me.” She yawns, and he turns off the light.

“Scootch over.” Instead she just rolls onto her side, facing the wall. “Thought you said no spooning.”

“Thought you said you had self-control.”

“I do…” He looks down and sees the t-shirt was now bunched around her hips and he could see the lovely curve of her ass in her cheeky panties. “Just don’t wiggle against me like a brat.”

“I’m never a brat.”

“Mhm.” He mumbles sarcastically as he settles in. He slips a leg between hers, and wraps an arm around her stomach. She adjust against him, just to get comfier, and they both settle.

“Goodnight, Harry.” She yawns.

“Night.” He liked the smell of her perfume much better.

//

“What the hell happened up here?” Liv cackles the next morning, well, more like afternoon, it was already noon. Harry and Y/N wake up and groan. Harry was still spooning her.

“Liv…no offense, but this isn’t your room anymore.” Y/N groans as she rubs the sleep from her eyes.

“I just came up to grab my sweatshirt that I let you borrow a couple days ago, but I can see I walked in on something. How long has this been going on for?”

“How long has what been goin’ on for? We’re just sleepin’.”

“Harry you don’t have any clothes on!”

“Not true! I’m wearin’ boxers.”

“What’s wrong with your bed?”

“I asked him to sleep with me, just sleep, well cuddle really.” Y/N speaks up. “It’s platonic.”

“Yeah, not all of us have a boyfriend to go to sleep with every night, Liv.”

“Well, pardon me.” She scoffs and grabs her sweatshirt. “You know it wouldn’t be a big deal if you two hooked up. I think it would make sense, and-“

“Goodbye, Liv, have a nice lunch with Chris’ parents.” Y/N says. “Hope you’re feeling better.”

“Much…and I’ll tell them you say hi.”

“Thanks.”

They watch as she goes back down the stairs, and then look at each other.

“Wanna grab brunch downtown?” Harry asks.

“God, that sounds amazing. Just let me jump in the shower quick?”

“Go for it.”

Harry waits for her to leave before getting out of bed. He removes the blanket and looks down at his morning wood. He was sort of glad Liv woke them up so Y/N didn’t have time to notice it poking her. Or maybe she did and just didn’t say anything or care. Either way he wasn’t going to say anything.

He gets dressed quick and waits for her in the living area. Once she’s ready they walk downtown to the diner, and get a booth for two. They both order coffee and water.  

“Wanna split some hashbrowns?” She asks, looking at the menu. “I might get a veggie omelet.”

“Yeah, we could do that. That sounds good too, I think I’ll get the same.” He chuckles.

They both give their orders to the waitress.

“I hope Liv didn’t bother you, you can sleep in my bed any time you want. I kinda like having your wait on me.” She blushes.

“You mean your three weighted blankets aren’t enough for you?” He laughs.

“I do not have three…I have two, and no, they’re not.” She crosses her arms. “I don’t really think it’s that weird.”

“It’s only happened twice too…” He takes a sip of his coffee. “Your bed is way comfier than mine, so I think I’ll be taking you up on that more often than not.”

“Works for me.” She smiles. “I’m really glad we’ve gotten so close, Harry.” She puts her hand over his and it gives him goosebumps. “You’re like my best guy friend.” A punch right to his gut.

“I’m glad we’ve gotten closer too.”

//

It didn’t happen every night, but Harry and Y/N had gotten into a habit of cuddling and falling asleep together pretty often. There was just something soothing about it for the both of them.

“What the fuck happened up here?” Harry says coming home late from the studio one Thursday night.

“I’m so sorry, I have like two midterms tomorrow and I’m trying to study for both of them and I’m freaking out!”

Y/N had papers and books all over the place. Her laptop was open and she had music playing.

“How long have you been studying for?”

“Hours.” She groans.

“Well, maybe you need a break.”

“I can’t take a break! What if I don’t…what are you doing?!”

He was in the middle of taking his clothes off.

“Hi, I’m Harry, and I tend to get paint all over me, so it required me to change quite frequently. What’s your name?”

“Your sarcasm isn’t helpful. You’re supposed to tell me to turn around.” She pouts.

“Y/N.” He sighs. “You’ve seen me in next to nothing, and to be honest, I don’t really care if you look.”

“You don’t?”

“No.” He throws on a fresh shirt and some sweatpants. He sits down on the floor in front of her. “Look all you want.” He shrugs and picks up her flashcards.

“What are you doing?”

“M’gonna help you study.”

“You don’t have to. I’m sure there are better things you could be doing with your Thursday night.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, don’t you have some girl you need to go fuck?” Harry’s jaw drops. “I’m so sorry, that sounded meaner than it was supposed to. I didn’t mean-“

“But you still said it.” He shakes his head at her. “Is that what you think of me? Some guy that just fucks a ton of girls.”

“Well, to be fair, you do fuck a lot of girls, Harry.”

“A lot of guys do.” He huffs, and then he smirks at you. “You know what your problem is?”

“What’s my problem?”

“You don’t get fucked enough, no scratch that, you don’t get off enough. That’s why you’re so stressed. You get A’s all the time, you know this shit. You’re just tense because you can’t get there, and you share a room with a dude so it’s not like you’re gettin’ yourself there, unless you’re doin’ it in the shower.”

“Would you listen to yourself?” She laughs. “Can you please quiz me?”

“Thought I had better things to do?” He grins.

“Harry.” She sighs.

“Okay, okay.” He squints at the flashcard. “What is Andre Bazin’s main film theory?”

“Realism.”

“Correct, see, you know this.”

“That’s an easy one!”

“I still think you’re just wound up.”

“Would you like to do something about it?” She scoffs.

“I would, actually.” He puts the cards down.

“What? I was kidding, Harry.”

“Well…I’m not.” He sighs.

“You…wait, I’m very confused.”

“To be blunt, I’d like to have sex with you.” Her eyes grow wide and her cheeks flush. “But…I don’t wanna do anything that might ruin-“

“Go down and lock our door.” He’s stunned.

“Wait, really?”

“Do it before I change my mind.” She whispers.

Harry stands up and quietly goes down to lock their door. When he comes back up he sees Y/N bent over cleaning everything up off the floor. She puts everything on her desk, and turns her twinkling lights on. Then she turns the main light off, creating more of an atmosphere.

“You really wanna do this?” Harry asks.

“You’re like the hottest guy I’ve ever met, of course I want to…I just didn’t think you wanted to. You treat me like your little sister or something sometimes.”

“I…wouldn’t call the way we sleep the way I would sleep next to my sister.”

“You really do like grind right into me.”

“So you have noticed that.”

“Of course I have…I just figured it was something all guys did in the morning so I never said anything.”

“You’re on the pill?” He asks, stepping closing to her.

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to use a condom?”

“Yes.”

He nods and goes into his desk drawer to grab a couple, he sets them down.

“Let’s do it on my bed, it’ll make less noise, yours will rock too much since it’s up higher.” She nods and goes over to his bed and sits down. He sits down next to her. “You’re positive?”

“Yes.”

He caresses her cheek.

“You’re shaking.” He says softly.

“I’m nervous.”

“Why? S’just me.”

“That’s exactly why I’m nervous. You’ve always made me nervous, Harry. I’ve just been good at hiding it.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Because we have a really good, chill thing going here. And I like being your friend.”

“This doesn’t have to ruin anything…” He cups both of her cheeks with his hands. “Let me make you feel good, Y/N.”

“Okay.”

He pulls her in and crashes her lips to his. Her eyes flutter closed as he swipes his tongue across her bottom lip, and she opens up for him. He tasted just like the mint gum he chewed constantly. She was making out with the guy every girl wanted. Y/N knew about Harry’s reputation, but she also knew a different side of him. She knew the side of him that liked his head scratched to help him fall asleep, and the way he really did just want a banana and nothing more for breakfast, and the way his hands always smelled like paint no matter how many times he scrubbed them.

He pulls back from her to get some air, or so she things, but his lips connect with her jaw and then to just under her earlobe. She gasps when she feels him suck on her skin, but she loves it. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself, so she just grips at his shoulders, while his hands roam down to her hips.

In a swift motion, he sits back on the bed, and pulls her onto his lap so she’s straddling him. She rolls her hips down on his while they’re lips find each other again. He groans against her bites down on her bottom lip. He hands tug at the hem of her shirt.

“Can I take this off?” He says, panting.

“Yes.”

He lifts it up over her head, revealing a sports bra that was really pushing her boobs up. He pulls her close and kisses on the tops of her breasts while she continues to grind down on him. She was starting to feel how hard he was and it was making her wet.

“Just take it off.” She says.

He nods and lifts the bra off her. He moves to take his own shirt off as well before cupping her breasts in his large hands. He tweaks her nipples, making her head roll back.

“I’ve wanted to see you like this for a long time, Y/N.” He says as he wraps his lips around her, sucking one of her breasts into his mouth, and letting it go with a pop.

“You have?” She gasps as he does the same thing to other one.

“You have no idea.”

He pulls her close so they’re chests are flush and they go back to kissing. His hands slide down to the globes of her ass and he gives her a good squeeze. He shifts them to lay her down, and she wraps her legs around his waist, just like how he’s wanted for a while. He kisses down her neck, chest, stomach, and then hooks his fingers into her leggings.

“You’re sure?”

“Please, just get them off. Get my underwear off, just take everything off of me.”

He smirks and does everything she says. She was full exposed to him and it was a glorious sight to see. Every curve, every dip, every mark on her was beautiful. He kisses her left knee and works his way to her inner thigh. He looks up at her one more time and he gives him an approving nod. She grips the blankets when she feels his tongue on her. Her hips buck up towards him, but he uses his arm to press down on her waist. He gives her a few slow licks at first, and then flicks his tongue back and forth on her clit. She moans softly, and then grits her teeth when he sucks on her. Her hands fly to his hair when she feels a finger slip inside. He looks up at her again and she just nods yes.

His mouth works her clit while he pumps in and out of her, knuckles deep, curling his fingers up. She gasps and groans, desperately trying to stay quiet so Liv and Chris don’t hear anything. Y/N’s legs were shaking around Harry, and he loved it. Her back was arching, he could tell she was close from the way she clenching around his fingers.

“Oh, shit!” She gasps and claps a hand over her mouth.

Harry waits for her to finish riding for him to pull his fingers out. She watches as he sucks them into his mouth, and hers falls open. She blinks tears away.

“Are you crying?” He runs a thumb under one of her eyes.

“I just…um…that was intense is all.”

“Do you wanna keep going?”

“Yes.” She props herself up on her elbows. “Do you want me to, uh, return the favor?”

“Maybe another time.” He stands up and pulls his joggers down. “I really just wanna fuck you, if that’s alright.”

“Mhm.” She smiles. Wow, we haven’t even finished yet and he’s already talking about another time. She thinks to herself.

She watches as Harry slowly takes his boxers off. Her eyes grow wide when she see it. It was big, and thick. Suddenly her mouth felt dry. He grabs a condom from his desk and rolls it on with ease. He gets back on the bed, between her legs.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re certain?”

“Yes, Harry, I want you.”

He smiles and kisses her quick. He looks down so he can line himself up with her dripping center. He slowly presses his tip in, and she can already feel him stretching her out. He accidentally slides in a little fast, though.

“Holy shit!” She moans loudly, and he presses his hand over her mouth. Her eyes were wild looking up at him.

“I know, okay, I know, but if you wanna do this you need to stay fucking quiet. I don’t want them to hear. Can you do that f’me, Y/N?” She nods her head yes, and he takes his hand away. “I didn’t mean to just shove it in like that, m’sorry.”

“S’okay, it felt good.” She giggles. He looks down between them.

“S’really snug…you’re so tight.” His words make her clench around him. “Can I move?”

“Please.”

Harry pulls out slightly and thrusts back in, and eventually he found a pace that suited the both of them. He buries his head in the crook of her neck, and hooks his arm under one of her legs, while her other leg was wrapped around his waist. Her nails were digging into his back, and it all just felt so fucking good. Her face was hidden in her shoulder to keep her moans and cries muffled.

“Takin’ it so well, Y/N.” He peppers kisses to her sweaty forehead. He drops her leg and uses both of his arms to prop himself up so he could really give it to her. The bed was shaking, but it wasn’t making much noise. “How’s it feel?”

“So good, so fucking good.”

“Yeah? Like havin’ me in you like this?”

“Yes!” She gasps as he hits her g-spot. “Oh my god.” She says shocked and then looks up at him. “Do…do that again.” He gives her another thrust right on the spot and her eyes roll into the back of her head.

“You’ve never come vaginally before, have you?” He grins.

“No.”

“Oh, baby…hold on tight.”

She grips his shoulders while he hits the spot over and over. Her teeth were clenched, trying so very hard not to make much noise, but when he hits it just right again, she lets go and cries out. Harry crashes his mouth to hers to swallow it best he can. She was writhing beneath him, having never had orgasm so strong before. Harry can’t last much longer after that, and spills into the condom. He collapses on top of her for a moment or two, just trying to catch his breath. He slowly pulls out of her and she winces.

“Sorry.” He whispers. “You…might be a little sore.”

“A little?” She scoffs. “I can’t believe you fit that whole thing inside of me.” She sits up and grabs her shirt. When she stands her legs feel like jello.

“Where are you goin’?”

“I have to pee, you went down on me, I’m not gonna risk getting a UTI. Just get into my bed, I’ll be back in a second.” He smiles and nods. He was happy she wanted to cuddle.

It stung when she went to the bathroom like she figured it would. She was thankful Liv and Chris didn’t seem to be awake. She fills a glass of water and brings it up with her. She takes a sip and hands it to Harry as she climbs into bed. He takes generous sip and hands it back to her to finish. He puts it on her desk when she’s done. They both sink down and she lays her head on his chest.

“How do you feel?” He asks, breaking the silence.

“Good, how do you feel?”

“Good…didn’t realize there was that much tension between us.” He chuckles.

“Harry, I don’t wanna be one of those girls, but what’s supposed to happen next…”

“We’re gonna cuddle and go to sleep like we usually do. Then tomorrow you’re gonna ace your midterms.”

“And after that?” She looks up at him, and he looks down at her.

“I think I only wanna be a one woman kinda guy…” She smiles up at him. “Would you wanna try going out on a date?”

“There’s a free skate happening down at the ice arena on Saturday night…any interest?”

“No interest in doin’ anything tomorrow?”

“Someone’s a bit eager.” She smirks.

“Alright, ice skating actually sounds good for Saturday. I have a couple of midterms tomorrow too that are gonna take a lot outa me.”

“How about pizza and a movie tomorrow night then?”

“Oh, I like the sound of that.” He kisses her hair line. “What should we do about Chris and Liv?”

“Let’s see how a couple of dates go before we tell them anything.”

“Good idea, although, I’m sure they probably heard you.”

“I wasn’t that loud, and it wasn’t my fault if I was.” She swats at his chest.

“True.” He looks over at his bed. “This could work really well. Use my bed for the fucking, and then we have your nice comfy bed for sleepin’.”

“Yeah, and then there’s no gross wet spot to worry about.” She giggles, and he bursts out laughing.

“I didn’t hurt you or anything did?”

“No, not at all. It felt really good the whole time, I promise. It hurt when I went to the bathroom though.”

“M’sorry.” He sighs. “You were so tight, I didn’t really know how to be any gentler than I was.”

“It’s okay, really. You took really good care of me. I feel way more relaxed now. I think you were right about me just needing to de-stress before my exams.”

//

The two end up falling asleep, and it’s a miracle Y/N hears her alarm go off the next morning. Harry knew Chris and Liv would be gone already since they both have 8AM’s, so he gets up with Y/N to take a shower. They didn’t do anything sexual, but it certainly was an intimate shower. She thought about him all day, everything from last night replaying over and over in her mind. It was a wonder she could concentrate during her exams.

She orders the pizza when she gets in later and sets up the movie. She bumps into Liv after freshening up upstairs.

“Hey, haven’t see you all day. How’d your midterms go?” Liv asks, about to take a slice of pizza.

“That’s not for you!” Y/N yelps. “And they went fine, Harry, uh, helped me study last night.”

“Oh, good! And who’s it for?”

“It’s, um, for Harry, as a thank you for him staying in to help me last night.”

“Um, okay?”

“Sorry…in fact, I’m gonna go put it on his bed so no one touches it. What are you and Chris doing tonight?”

“We were gonna go to Charlotte’s place. Do you wanna come?”

“Nah, I’m exhausted, I’m gonna stay in, but thanks.”

Y/N: I’m bringing the pizza up to our room, I think we should watch the movie up here too…

Harry: are chris and liv home??

Y/N: for now, but I think they’re going out. I just don’t want them snooping

Harry: good call…I’ll be home soon btw, just finished one of my graphic design exams

Y/N: Yay!

Harry gets in, and goes right upstairs. He locks the door behind him. Y/N was sitting on his bed with her laptop and the box of pizza.

“Hey.” You smile.

“Hi.” He smiles back. “That still warm?”

“Mhm.”

“Think it’ll stay that way?” He asks, taking his shirt off.

“I guess we’ll find out.” She sets it on his desk, along with her laptop.

“Been thinkin’ about you all day.” He says, leaning down to kiss her. She lays back on the bed so he can get on top of her.

“Really?” He hums his response as he kisses on her neck. “I thought about you too.” He yanks her shirt up over her breasts and kisses on them. “Harry, I really wanna do this again, but I’m…too sore…” She sighs and he sits up. “But…maybe now I could return the favor.”

“Yeh wanna suck me off, baby?”

“Mhm.”

After one hell of a blowjob, Harry and Y/N cuddle up and crack open the pizza that was waiting to be eaten, and they start their movie.

“How do you think your exams went?” He asks.

“Good, I think I did really well. What about yours?”

“Piece of cake.” He scoffs. “Graphic design is so easy, I don’t know why Chris complains about it all the time.”

“He’s just not as creative as you are. I wish you’d hang more of your paintings up…”

“Really? I have some down at the studio I could bring home.”

“Please! I’d love it, and I’m not just saying that, I think you’re genuinely talented.”

“Thanks.” He kisses her temple.

“I have to say, I was nervous having a guy I barley know as a roommate this year, but it’s worked out way better than I ever could’ve imagined.” They both giggle.

“Mm, I’m sure your parents will be thrilled when they found out their fears came true.”

“God, I can’t even think about that.” She takes a bite of pizza. “I was gonna ask you to come home for Thanksgiving before all this happened, but now maybe that wouldn’t be such a great idea.”

“You were?” He gives her a thoughtful smile.

“Yeah…I didn’t know what you normally did.”

“I usually stay here and eat shitty food at the dining hall. I’d come home with you.”

“You would?”

“Sure.” He shrugs. “We’re tryin’ somethin’ new between us, but at the core we’re still friends right?”

“Yeah.”

“So then I’d love to come home with you for Thanksgiving either way, and I think it’s very nice of you to think of me.” He takes a bite of pizza. “Plus, then I can see if your family likes me at all.”

“Good point.” She puts the pizza box on the desk and nestles in closer to him. She looks up at him and puckers her lips. He happily gives her a kiss. “I like you, Harry.”

“I like you too.”

[riversofmars]

Can't believe the week is up already! Thank you everyone that's been following this. I had a blast writing it! Hope you enjoy the conclusion <3

Chapter 7: Sunrise

“Kate?”

Kate awoke with a start and nearly fell off the chair by the stasis module. She had been perching on the edge of it and ended up leaning against the glass case as she had drifted off to sleep. The lights flickered on with the arrival of Helen whose voice had pulled her out of her slumber. It hadn’t exactly been a restful experience, her body was stiff and her neck aching, but she must have been asleep a while, otherwise the lights wouldn’t have turned off by themselves for the lack of movement and usage of the lab.

“Looks like you needed some sleep after all,” Liv added, of course the two women had arrived together. The UNIT chief gave them a quick, thin smile of greeting as she straightened herself up and brushed her hair back in hopes of improving her exhausted appearance. It wasn’t much use and she didn’t really care, she had more important things on her mind. Her attention quickly turned to Osgood who remained motionless in the stasis module without visible change.

“How’s- How’s things looking?” She asked when Liv walked up to the control panel on the capsule.

“Fine, as well as can be expected,” she answered after a moment of accessing the readouts. “I’m gonna run some scans and then, hopefully, bring her out of stasis, her vital signs are looking good,” she nodded to herself as she made some adjustments on the controls to pull up additional data.

“Good, yes..,” Kate didn’t know what else to say. She wanted to tell her to hurry up. She wanted to tell her she better get this right. She wanted to tell her that all she wanted was Osgood back alive. But none of those things would have been conducive to the situation so she settled for a deep breath and rubbing her face free of sleep.

“Brought you some tea,” Helen spoke up and offered up one of the mugs she was carrying. “Colonel Shindi sends his regards, everything is in hand, nothing for you to worry about,” she explained and Kate, albeit slightly overwhelmed, took the mug gratefully.

“Your staff are very capable,” Liv commented. She took a sip of the mug she had been carrying as she waited for the scan to finish.

“That they are. And good friends too,” the UNIT chief observed with a faint smile. She blew onto the hot liquid and tasted it. It was warming and comforting and just the way she liked it. Shindi must have given them pointers on how she took her tea. She appreciated them all, not just as colleagues but as friends, as family. Inevitably her eyes found Osgood again. “I care for them all a great deal, which is why…”

“Friends, yeah, right,” Liv chuckled to herself, seemingly unable to refrain from commenting and Helen scolded her immediately.

“Liv!”

“Sorry, sorry. We’ve all been there.” The med-tech held up her hands defensively and gave Kate a kind smile. The UNIT chief felt heat shoot onto her cheeks. For a moment, she felt self-conscious, panicked even. Had she really been that obvious? She wondered. Liv must have been able to draw her conclusions from their brief conversation last night when she had chosen to stay here. But it left her wondering if the others, Josh and Shindi, had picked up on it too. In a way, after the initial shock, she found the thought almost freeing when either judgement nor questions were forthcoming. Perhaps, she realised, things were much more straightforward than she had always feared. Her thoughts were interrupted and the topic was brushed over when Liv continued: “I think I’m ready, I’ll lift the stasis field. Keep an eye on the vital signs for me, this machine doesn’t run as smoothly as I’m used to.” She gestured for Helen to join her at the monitors.

“Ready,” the linguist announced with a reassuring look to Kate who got to her feet. She couldn’t stay sitting down, she was too anxious.

“Okay,” Liv nodded and engaged the controls. “Reducing effects by 5% - 10% - 20%- 40%-”

“Life signs are stable, as far as I can tell,” Helen announced, her eyes fixed to the screen while the UNIT chief’s eyes remained with Osgood and followed how slowly, colour returned to her cheeks.

“70%, 90%-”

“Osgood!” Kate exclaimed when, with a rush of air escaping, the stasis module broke open. The glass started retreating, all the way until it folded under the bed, effectively releasing the scientist.

“She’s out of stasis, vital signs are looking-” Liv commented on their progress and looked over to the screen Helen had been watching. “-strong and stable. She’s breathing freely,” she smiled and exchanged a glance with her companion who looked overjoyed. “No signs of the toxin left in her system. No damage on any of the major organs… and as for brain function-”

“Kate?” Osgood’s voice was feeble, hoarse and barely more than a whisper but it was distinct. Kate’s heart leapt as she watched her blink against the bright med-bay lights. She appeared dazed still and Kate wasn’t sure whether she had been able to make her out straight away or if she had been the thing on her mind as she woke. She didn’t dare to hope it was the latter but she couldn’t resist reaching out and grasping her hand. “W-what happened?” The scientist whispered and slowly focused on her.

“Brain function is off the charts, as before,” Liv concluded her assessment and Kate couldn’t hold her emotions at bay a moment longer. She released Osgood’s hand and pulled her into her arms, off the bed, into a tight hug, instead.

“You’re okay! You really are okay!” She shook her head in disbelief and clung to her tightly. The past twelve hours had been an ordeal, an experience she wouldn’t mind forgetting, but it had all been worth it for having Osgood back, alive, breathing, and slowly, tentatively wrapping her arms around her in turn.

“Y-yes I think so, how did that- I mean, brilliant but-” She seemed to struggle to form a sentence and Kate couldn’t blame her. She had nearly died, fallen unconscious in the belief that she wouldn’t wake up, and here she was. “What happened?” She asked carefully as she held herself upright by the UNIT chief’s body, as both of them seemed as unwilling as the other to let go.

“We’ll tell you another time, now you just rest,” Liv answered as Kate didn’t. She couldn’t. Her throat had closed up with tears of relief and she knew that any attempt to speak would result in betraying her emotional state. “You should be up and about in no time, there shouldn’t be any lasting damage,” the med-tech stated.  

“Not to her, perhaps, but…” Helen hummed next to her at the sight of the UNIT chief who had pressed her cheek to the side of Osgood’s head in an effort to hide her tears from her.

“And you told me to shush!” Liv shot back, playfully affronted, as they watched the two UNIT agents, lost to the world around them and found in the safety of each other’s arms.

“Well done, Liv, really. Well done,” the linguist reached for her hand.

“You too,” the med-tech smiled and pulled her hand up to her lips to press a kiss to her knuckles.

“So I’m… I’m gonna live?” Osgood asked after a long, comfortable silence as she slowly pulled away from Kate. The UNIT chief quickly wiped her cheeks with the back of her sleeve and put on a smile that brushed over the emotional toll the night had taken on her.

“Most certainly, yes!” Kate took it upon herself to answer, now that they were in the clear. Her relief slowly gave way to other, more impassioned, emotions: “Do you have any idea how irresponsible and foolhardy your behaviour was? You nearly died!” She exclaimed.

“But it worked, didn’t it?” Osgood replied almost sheepishly, leaving no doubt that she would do the same again if pressed.

“That’s not the point!” Kate shot back hotly. “Without the help of our guest, you would have, without a doubt, died! You couldn’t have known we would be able to save you!” She hadn’t realised how upset she had been until the moment her worries had fallen away and she had allowed herself to feel annoyance and frustration again. Self-sacrifice was something that most UNIT soldiers were familiar with, they were all working towards a greater goal after all, literally putting themselves in between alien threats and the people of Earth, but this was a willingness for sacrifice Kate was unwilling to accept. She couldn’t conceive the thought of a UNIT - of a world! - without Osgood.

“I expected you wouldn’t be able to, this is a nice surprise,” Osgood admitted in a calm, matter-of-factly voice unlike Kate’s emotional statement. “But I had to do it and you know that,” she gave her a soft smile. “And I know if the roles had been reversed, you would have done the same. Regardless of my feelings on the matter.”

“Well, I-” The UNIT chief dropped her gaze and felt herself blushing. Of course she understood but that didn’t mean that she approved of it. She knew she had taken a lot of risks herself in the past, there was no doubt about that. She had taken another great one last night by crossing over into the parallel dimension. She had never stopped to think how Osgood felt about those risks, not until now that she had prompted her to do so, and it left her feeling guilty and a little hopeful too. The very thought that the scientist worried for her warmed her heart.

“She makes a good point,” Liv hummed and Helen scowled at her not to get involved.

“Shush.”

“I’m… I’m glad you’re okay,” Kate said at last and gave her hand a squeeze for emphasis and kept her eyes on their hands rather than looking at her. She feared if she did, she would be able to see all those emotions that had boiled to the surface through recent events and she wasn’t sure if it was the right time to put them on Osgood. Perhaps, once she had recovered fully, she could ask her to discuss them, over dinner perhaps…

“Me too… Thank you,” the scientist smiled and looked around to Liv and Helen as well. “All of you.”

“Our pleasure,” Helen replied warmly and Liv nodded:

“You’ll be fine in no time, business as usual.”

“Uh- Well, in that case, let’s get on with saving the world.” Kate stood, somewhat unwilling but picking up her cue to draw the conversation to a close.

“Usually that would be our cue to leave…” Liv observed.

“But our Vortex Manipulator is broken still…” Helen added with a sigh.

“Well, how about you bring me that Manipulator and some tools and let me see what I can do? I had started already,” Osgood suggested quickly, her chirpy eagerness slowly returning.

“We'd better go and get that then,” the linguist’s expression brightened. “Come on, Liv.” She grabbed her by the hand and started pulling her along.

“We? But I still have to check…” She started to protest but there was no arguing with her.

“She’s fine, come on, give them a minute,” Helen insisted.

“But-”

“Now.” She dragged her from the room, leaving Kate and Osgood alone. The scientist chuckled and shook her head a little at the behaviour of their guests and lay back down. The physical exhaustion was still very much evident. As silence fell between them, the UNIT chief sat back down. There was nowhere else she had - or wanted - to be.

“So… how did you do it?” Osgood asked, breaking the silence at last.

“Well, you know…” Kate scratched the back of her head, stalling for time. She knew she couldn’t lie to her but she wasn’t sure she would appreciate the answer. “We strolled over to a parallel universe to get a sample of the toxin that the Seven used on you…”

“What?” The scientist exclaimed, shocked and pushed herself up again.

“Really, nothing to worry about,” the UNIT chief tried to wave it off but Osgood wasn’t having it.  

“That was incredibly dangerous!” She scolded her and they found themselves in the reverse scenario of their previous conversation.

“I was told it was a ‘Doctor plan’ in its riskiness and we carried it out just as they would have done,” Kate answered sheepishly.

“By the skin of their teeth then,” Osgood shot back sarcastically and Kate laughed:

“Pretty much,” she admitted. “I certainly have a new appreciation for what you went through going there.”

“I’m not sure I want to know the details…” The scientist admitted and Kate smiled:

“Perhaps another time, for now, you ought to rest.”

“Have you been here all night?” Osgood frowned as she looked her up and down. “How long has it been? Have you slept at all? You look terrible.”

“Oh thanks,” the UNIT chief huffed and Osgood’s eyes widened in panic at the thought of having offended her.

“No that’s not what I- I mean you look exhausted, not terrible, you couldn’t, I mean-” She stuttered.

“It’s fine…” Kate reassured her with a smile at her endearing reaction. “But you really need to get some rest. Do you- Do you want me to go?”

“No!” Osgood interjected quickly. “I mean, if you’re tired, if you want to sleep, then of course but…”

“I’d rather stay,” Kate said firmly, allowing herself to be bold and honest about what she wanted, at least this once. “If that’s okay with you.”

“Yes.”

---

“That didn’t even take you five minutes!” Helen gaped when Osgood handed the Vortex manipulator back to her.

“Well, I had an inkling when it first happened but then things went very wrong with the attack… I’m glad I was proven right! It was just the power pack, not the time travel technology, that I would not have been comfortable at fixing,” the scientist explained with a grin.

“You really are a bit of a genius, aren’t you?” Liv stated with an amused yet appreciative smile.

“I try,” Osgood blushed visibly at her praise and Kate found it incredibly endearing.

“Thank you,” Helen smiled as she strapped the device around her wrist. “As much fun as it has been, we don’t want to overstay our welcome, this is not our time and we have no business being here.”

“You’re welcome back any time. I could do with having some additional scientific advisers when one is incapacitated,” Kate got to her feet to say her goodbyes.

“Hopefully that won’t happen again,” Liv replied, giving Osgood a wink.

“But if you do find yourselves in need of help, be sure to reach out,” Helen offered warmly.

“You have done plenty already. Thank you,” the UNIT chief gave back. She couldn’t find words for how grateful she was to them for their timely intervention. She couldn’t bear to think where they would be without their help.

“Just give us a shout, we will be around,” Liv nodded and grabbed hold of Helen’s hand once she had finished setting the coordinates on the Vortex Manipulator. Kate was curious as to where they were off to next, what adventures awaited them. She had a feeling that even without the Doctor, these two would have a wonderful time travelling the universe together. They didn’t need a tour guide anymore. They had found their bearings in each other. She glanced to Osgood, her heart full with the same sentiment, and the scientist spoke up.

“There is one thing, actually, before you go…”

“Of course, name it,” Helen smiled.

“Your files! They only go as far as the time you spent in London in 2020. What happened to you after that? How did you come by a Vortex Manipulator? When and where and why did you stop travelling with the Doctor? I have so many questions!” The words broke out of her like a waterfall, one that she had tried to ignore as best as she could, but she simply couldn’t do it any longer. This might be their one and only opportunity.

“None of which we will answer,” Liv shook her head, bemused, and Helen smirked:

“Except maybe one... You got my name wrong in your file.”

“What?” Osgood gaped, clearly upset. She had no explanation for how a grave mistake like that could have happened.

“Sinclair? That’s my maiden name. It’s Chenka now,” she grinned proudly and looked to her wife who laughed.

“See you guys around!” Liv gave a wave and Helen engaged the Vortex Manipulator. Before either of the UNIT agents could say anything else, they disappeared in a discharge of temporal energy, leaving the stunned couple behind.

“Oh God… The file….” Osgood groaned when she found her voice at last and swung her legs off the side of the bed. She had rested long enough. Day had broken and it was time to get back to work, she figured, the file would need updating.

“Osgood?” Kate interrupted her and stepped in her way before she could jump off the bed. She pushed her hand to her chest, making her sit back down.

“Yes?” She looked up at her with big eyes.

“Forget about the file,” Kate said and leaned down to kiss her. Even the longest night is followed by a dawn. 

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Unexpected

Warnings: Based on two episodes with my twist. Just case talks, the squad actually not being friendly, hurt reader and fluff

I wrote this SO long ago, second guessed putting it up, but its time it saw the light. 

WC: 2226 

Enjoy x

“I told you not to put her on the stand. All you guys do is treat me like I don’t know what I’ am doing. I handed you all a solid case that didn’t involve her and you have blown it”

“You’re out of line Detective” Rafael spat back to you.

“No, you’re out of line Counselor, you know it all”

“You need to calm down Y/N” Liv said firmly with a slightly raised voice.

“I’ve had enough of this crap I should have stayed in Brooklyn, at least they listened and wanted me there”

You stormed out of Rafael’s’ office slamming his glass door behind you making the whole wall shake.

“Is she always this emotional?” Rafael frowned at Liv

“Well, No. She is right Rafa, about everything” He rolled his eyes at Liv.

“Who’s the ADA here?”

“You, but she is right”

You had been at Manhattan SVU for 4 months after transferring from Brooklyn SVU. You and Sonny were old friends. You had finished the academy together, and then finally crossed paths again in Brooklyn. You actually wished you had stayed there. Back in Brooklyn you were one of them, you got along with the ADA, and everyone was close friends. Sonny had recommend you to Liv after you cracked a big string of rapes and she wanted to meet you. Liv offered you the position and you stupidly took it, thinking that you would have been welcomed with open arms, how wrong you were.

From the moment you walked in you felt like an outsider, even Sonny was different with you, even though he was your partner. He never backed you up on anything, you were always wrong. They treated you like you didn’t belong there and never took on board anything you had to say. Even if they asked you for after work drinks, you were left out and would leave early. It got to the point that you dreaded walking into the bullpen every morning. Rafael was the worst of all, he treated you like you were invisible, which you hated because you had feelings for him from the moment you laid eyes on him.  

A huge case had come in. A women had accused an Olympian, and once it was made public 2 other women came forward. You had a funny feeling about the 3rd women that came forward, all she had was the story, nothing else to back it up. The first two victims had doctor’s reports and had told someone as soon as it happened. You had worked hard on your own to make a new case file with just two victims who had all the evidence from their attack and gave it to Rafael one day when he was in the squad room before the trial started.  

“She is lying”

“You don’t know that” Sonny said back to you.

“Barba don’t put her on the stand, I have given you everything with just the other two victims, it's bullet proof.”

“Why Deactivate? Because you have a feeling?” he smirked at you “Three victims have come forward, three victims will be put on the stand”

“You’re making a big mistake”

“How about you let me do my job. We don’t go off feeling here, we go off evidence”

“Yeah and she has none” you snapped back.

Rafael ended up putting her on the stand and the defence ripped her to pieces. She confessed that she was paid by another Olympian to say she was attacked by the other just to get him out of the running for the Olympics, which ended in the case being a mistrial and he got away with the other two attacks.

Rafael had felt bad after Liv walked out of his office. He had put the case file you had made him in his draw the day you gave it to him, not even bothering to take on board what you said. Rafael pulled it out and had a look, you had been right. You had given him a bullet proof case which would have guaranteed the attacker would have been put away.

You were a good Detective and very beautiful, but you never looked happy, you were always stand offish and never got involved with them. Everything fell into place in his mind. Everyone did treat you like you didn’t know anything and they never included you. He thought back to how he treated you and regret filled him. From the first day he meet you and you smiled at him, his tummy filled with butterflies. But he didn’t want to get hurt, so he did what he did best and closed himself off to you, clearly doing a lot of damage.

You sat in Forlini’s on your 2nd double vodka soda. Everything was running through your head, you were so angry it was making you cry. After everything that had happen, you pulled your phone from your pocket and opened your emails and sent one to Liv asking for a personal week next week, and then emailed your old Lieutenant asking to have a meeting with him when he was free.

You couldn’t do it anymore. It was all too much. These last 4 months had been horrible. Your old Lieutenant didn’t want you to leave in the first place, but had told you there was a position for you whenever you wanted to come back. You hit send when you felt someone sit next to you. You looked over and it was Sonny.

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Why do you care?”

“Come on Y/N, why are you acting like this?”

“You’re really asking me that question?” You frowned at Sonny.

“What do you mean?”

“From the moment I walked in, all you guys have done is make me feel unwelcome. You’re my partner and you don’t even back me up. I hate it here, I wish I never made the transfer. We were friends before here, you’re so different. I don’t know you anymore”

“I didn’t mean-Why didn’t you talk to me about it?” Sonny had a sad look on his face.

“And what’s the point in that? You would just laugh it off and go back to ignoring me with the rest of them”

“I’ am sorry”

“Bit late for that. Just go”

Sonny looked at you, got down off his bar stool and walked away.

A couple hours later you were on your 5th drink, it was getting dark out. You could feel the alcohol making your head swim. But you felt numb which is what you wanted.

“How many of them have you had?”

“What’s it to you?” You didn’t even look up to see who it was.

“How many have you had Detective?” Rafael was standing next to you frowning when you finally looked up.

“Why does everyone seem to care all of a sudden?”

“Excuse me” Rafael sat down on the chair next you and ordered some water and fries.

“What do you want Counselor?”

“Look, I should have listened to you. You were-you were right”

You looked up at him through glassy eyes.

“Doesn’t matter now anyway, I’ll be out of your hair soon enough”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ am going to transfer back. Well hopefully I can. I mean I want to. I have a meeting next week. I hope the boss says yes” you skulled down the last of your drink.

“Why do you want to leave?” he all of a sudden filled with sadness.

“You’re as dumb as Sonny if you don’t know the answer to that question” He frowned to you “All you guys have done since I started here is leave me out and treat me like I don’t know my stuff. And you are worst of all, you treat me like I’ am invisible”

“No I d-”

“Yes you do. I can’t believe I ever had feelings for someone like you”

Rafael sat there and watched you, not sure if it was just the alcohol talking or if you really meant what you said. You felt uncomfortable him starring at you so you started to get down off the bar stool.

----

“Do you always let your girlfriend drink this much on a Friday night?” the Doctor gave Rafael a funny look.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s a co-worker”

“With the amount of alcohol in her system and the knock to the head. We will be keeping her in for tonight. She needs her concussion monitored. Maybe you should take better care of your co-worker while drinking.” The Doctor gave him a dirty look.

You woke up to a dark room and a crashing head ache. You let your eyes adjust and a figure caught your attention. You turned your head and Rafael was sitting there with a hospital blanket over him. You tried to adjust yourself, but you made so much noise, it woke him up.

“Sorry I woke you” you muttered.

“It’s ok” he rubbed his face “I’ am glad you’re awake” he gave you a soft smile.

“What happened?”

“You fell and hit your head on the bar. You have a concession”

“Explains the head ache” he laughed at you “Thanks for staying, but you can go now”

“No it’s ok, I’ am happy to stay”

You laid back down looking up at the ceiling.

“Did you mean what you said?” Rafael asked softly.

“Which part?” you sighed back.

“All of it”

“Yeah. I have next week off and I’ am going to talk to my old Lieutenant when he tells me what day I can” tears were filling your eyes.

“OK. But I’ am not just talking about that”

You took a deep breath and let out a small sigh.

“Why does it matter now anyway” You spat back at him sitting up in bed. Rafael walked over and sat on the edge grabbing your hand in his.

“Because I would like to know. Please”

You pulled your hand out of his,

“Of course I meant it. I just needed 5 drinks to finally say something. But like I said it doesn’t matter now”

“Can we ta-” Rafael started to say before you cut him off.

“No”

“Can I talk?” you finally looked into his eyes, they were such a beautiful shade of green and you slightly nodded.

“I’ am sorry. About the case, about making you feel the way you felt. I didn’t realise how I was treating you. I’ am sorry, please think about staying.”

“It’s a little too late for that.”  

****

 You were let out of Hospital the next day. Rafael ended up leaving early that morning, the DA called him in for a case. You got home and showered when there was a knock at your door. You were shocked when you opened it, seeing who was standing there, Liv, Sonny, Amanda and Fin, each holding a brown paper bag.

“What are you all doing here? Ah I mean come in” you stood aside and let them all in.

“Barba called Liv and told her what happened, so we decided to come over and I’ am going to cook” Sonny said back to you.

“And we want to apologise” Amanda grabbed your shoulder “For making you feel the way you do. We didn’t mean it, we were assholes and we don’t want you to leave”

“I know you have got in contact with your old Lieutenant, but please reconsider” Liv looked at you with a small smile.

Lunch was amazing and for the first time you felt like part of the squad. You just hoped that it would last. Everyone had left after helping to wash up, clean up, the left overs put in the fridge. You had just sat down on the couch when there was another knock on the door, you were even more shocked with who was standing there,

“I know everyone has left, but I brought dessert” Rafael had a big smile on his face “Can I come in?” you moved out of the way to let him make his way in, sitting the bag he was carrying on your kitchen bench “Sorry I wasn’t here with everyone else, the DA wanted me to go over a case, took longer than I expected. How are you feeling?”

“A bit better, thanks. Why did you call Liv?”

“I was worried about you. And, I guess, I hoped she would talk you out of leaving”

“Why?”

Rafael walked over to you, grabbing your hand to pull you around to look at him.

“Because, I like you”

“Is that how you treat people you like? Hate to see how you treat people you love”

“For that. I’ am sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was protecting myself”

You raised your eye brows at him. Before you had chance to say anything back, his lips came crashing on yours. Butterflies filled your tummy and you lent into him moving your head for him to deepen his kiss, Rafael resting his hands on your neck, you resting yours on his waist. After a moment you pulled away to catch your breath and looked into his eyes,

“That was unexpected” you smiled at him, Rafael smirking back at you.

“I really want to see where this goes, I promise I don’t love how I like”

  Tags: @detective-giggles ​ @beccabarba  @witches-unruly-heart @dianilaws @scarletsoldierrr @lv7867  @permanentlydizzy @averyhotchner @infiniteoddball @fandom-princess-forevermore @madamsnape921 @annabelleb49 @alwaysachorusgirl @thatesqcrush ​ @lovelymischief

[ridestomars]

aah liv liv liv congrats on 500!! ☄️please?

preference: either men or women, I dont really have a preference (bi bi bi )

appearance: short, shoulder length brown streaked with blond thats absolutely insufferable to brush, uhh kind of chubby, brown eyes and glasses!

personality: really bubbly and hyper, sarcastic and can get mad pretty easily (everyone thinks im always mad cause i have an rbf 😭), ive been described once as literal sunshine and always smiling/laughing, I talk wayyy to much

interests: reading (mostly fiction), sleeping in late, drawing/painting, buying books bdldbslsbjsp, going shopping for clothes, making jewlery, organizing my bookshelves for the eighth time this week, watching movies, singing/musicals, listening to music 24/7, collecting bottle caps/soda tabs, musicals, uhh thats it i think?

💭 liv’s thoughts: thank you so much, baby!!! i hope you like it!

☄️ ─ ooh, this one was so tough! i was torn between eddie or robin, but i think i'll go with eddie munson for this one!

one of the first things that came to my mind was that you'll probably make eddie thousands of jewelry and he will wear them everywhere; i feel like he might like it when you make him colorful pieces, like beaded necklaces with your name on it <3 and if you make rings or necklaces with crystals, he will absolutely love them!! and lemme tell you: eddie will ask you to teach him how to make jewelry, and then you'll be up all night making necklaces and bracelets for each other. and trust me when i say that all of the pieces he makes will have his name on it.

and i totally see you guys exchanging book recommendations and leaving little notes on each other's books, and will also stay up all night talking about your favorite parts of the plots, discussing even the minor and useless details of the story. and he will help you reorganize your bookshelves whenever you ask him to, reaching the higher shelves for you.

oh, man, and eddie will learn your favorite songs on the guitar <3

your songs would be . . . you make loving fun by fleetwood mac. is this love? by whitesnake. cherish by madonna.

main masterlist | navigation 500 followers celebration masterlist | ask

[bowieandqueen11]

Welcome Home / Luke Crain Imagine

Request: Hello, love!!❤️if possible could I get a hill house fic with Luke?:) like an au where the whole fam is alive and happy & reader is with Luke and has helped him w his addiction and everything and then luke brings reader to meet his fam🥰& they have heard sm about her so they cannot wait to c this person luke loves sm. And just like the fam teasing them and seeing how cute they r together !❤️omg thank u sm!!! Srry this was so long lolol 

Thank you @teenagekook​ this is what Luke deserves :’) I’m sorry if I don’t do it justice!

Comments are really appreciated!

‘Y/n, are you really sure you’re ready for this. My family is... a lot. And they’re not exactly the quietest bunch in the world’, Luke starts as he stands nervously next to you on his parents’ doorway. ‘They’re definitely the most over the top...’, he mumbles off, sighing lightly to himself as he makes out the silhouette of one of his sisters sprinkling confetti on the dining room table through the mesh curtain. Nellie dances past the chairs, humming to herself as the glitter falls like soft rain from her fingertips, nearly colliding into Theo whose busy placing bottles of wine (and a sly bottle of vodka near her seat) in the centre of the table.

You take his attention away from the window by wrapping your left arm around his waist, and using your other hand to ring the doorbell. Luke allows you to pull him into your side, his own hand awkwardly fumbling out of his hoodie pocket to rest on the small of your back.

His fingers start digging in, ever so slightly, when he can hear his mother gasp, ‘oh, they’re here! Hugh, could you get the door love’, from the other side.

‘I’ve already had to deal with one maddening Crain, how much trouble can the rest of them be?’

‘Well, they’re a lot like me.’

You turn to gaze at your boyfriend, a wild smile on your face. Reaching up, you dust a few curls of his hair away from his eyes, focusing so intently on tucking it back behind his ear that you miss the look of absolute awe that twinkles in his eyes as he watches you. 

‘How’s that?’

‘They already love you so much.’

You hit Luke on the chest as he chuckles, the two of you so distracted by each other that you don’t hear the heavy patter of feet until Hugh Crain’s delighted, welcoming face appears behind the door. Luke almost sighs to himself again when he sees his dad dressed up in his best suit and a checkered blood red tie, but you manage to elbow his hip just in time to stop the first rush of air.

‘Welcome you two,’ Hugh extends his hand out to you which you eagerly shake. ‘You better hop right in, Shirley’s starting to get cranky about the potatoes burning.’

It was incredible, meeting the Crains. It was just like coming home, returning to some long lost family you had only ever remembered meeting in your dreams. That was it, you suppose. You, straight away, walked through that doorway and came home to your family.

~

Olivia and Hugh’s forever home was beautiful, and you remarked so when you took a seat at their dining room table, having been led through to the heart of the house. Everything was shades of warm, the halls filled with displays of life - photos, drawings, little post it notes the family would leave each other. It just felt so full of history, of joy, of affection, you just wanted to curl up in one of the corners with a hot cup of tea and let the place envelop you.

They smile at each other, noticing the way Luke smiles at you as you take the seat between him and Nellie, the brightness in his eyes that seems to glow out into the room and lift everyone’s mood - even Shirley, who finishes messing with the plates and takes her own seat between Steve and Theo with a twitch of her own lips.

‘We did that’, Olivia whispers as she leaves Hugh’s arm to take her seat at the opposite end of the table, ‘they remind me so much of us.’

‘How do you manage to put up with him!’

You shrugged from where you sat next to Nellie, the two of you leaning your heads together as if you were long lost best friends, giggling naughtily at old memories. ‘I mean, we have this whole twin thing going on where we can feel what the other person is going through sometimes, and I just wanted to say thank you.’ Your eyes widen in surprise as Nellie drops her fork to grab your hand lying on the edge of the tablecloth, her face suddenly falling into seriousness as she turns to look at you. ‘This is the most calm, and the happiest I’ve ever been able to feel in my whole life. So, thank you.’

‘I hope you two aren’t talking about me’, Luke pipes in, placing down his glass of wine to peer over at the two of you with an amused grin.

A brussel sprout hits Luke on the forehead as Theodora reaches over to take some more vegetables. ‘As if they would. They’re too busy talking about how I’m going to steal your girl from right out under your nose, Luke.’

She winks at you as she sinks back down into her seat, Steve chuckling into his beer and managing to spill some out onto his chin. Shirley just shakes her head, pretending not to be charmed by you, but as she sees the way you link your arms through Luke’s, and press a kiss against his temple, she can’t help but begin to smile either.

‘I’m serious, Y/n, if you ever get bored of him, you know where I live. Plus, if it will help sway your mind, you haven’t even seen the baby photos of Luke! We’ll have to get those out later, the dorky glasses-’

‘Oh, Theo, stop’, Nellie clicks her tongue and waves a hand at her sister, but even she can’t stop the infectious laughter that seems to be making its way around the siblings.

‘Y/n, dear, are you ready for dessert now?’, Olivia chimes in, shooting an amused yet slightly disapproving glance at her children. They don’t stop though, and in the end Steve has to duck his head down to try and stop his chest from shaking. ‘Hugh and I spent the afternoon making your favourite! Luke has talked about you so much I feel as if I know you just as well as my other children-’

‘Mom!’ 

Luke sinks down slightly into his chair, using one of his hands to slightly cover his eyes. ‘This is so embarrassing.’

You only reach over to grab his hand with a small grin, ignoring the kissy face Theo was making at Luke.

‘That sounds wonderful, thank you Mrs Crain.’

‘Oh please, call me Liv dear. You’re family.’

You feel your heart flutter in your chest as Hugh and Liv start to get up and walk towards the kitchen, the rest of the siblings following suit as they collect up the plates, and the dishes, all of them bustling and chattering with each other as if you had never been out of place at all.

You didn’t notice them turn to look at you and Luke, the way you laugh with each other as you try to grab the same fork at the same time, the way your eyes light up as if you’re the only two in the room. They all share the same loom with each other, that knowing, that fond appreciation that their family had just grown by one more welcome member.

[foodieforthoughts]

Sand and Stars - Chapter Seven

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: 18+, character death, angst, blood, gore, mentions of war, military technicalities (thread with caution)

A/N: This chapter was very difficult to write as I hadn’t written about losing a loved one before. But the entire experience of delving into the psyche of someone who is troubled by such loss was heart-breaking. I also took some inspiration from the song Hold On by Chord Overstreet. Also, I know I include army warfare a little bit, the references is only limited to what I know from media, I’m sorry for any inaccuracies. 

As always, @thelastsock​ was the helpful beta with her wonderful ideas. I love you for being with me while I write this series.

*gif credit to owner

<Chapter Six

Title: Chapter Seven

Darkness. Pain. Screaming. Olivia groaned as she tried to move. Her head throbbed along her temple, the helmet feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds. She opened her eyes, wincing at the light and heat that assaulted her. The shrill ringing in her ears making it difficult to concentrate on the next step. Wet sand and soil caking her skin as she tried to rub her face into some semblance of painless clarity. Her leg. The pain getting more intense as her leg swam into focus. No obvious injuries, maybe a fracture.

She blinked her eyes slowly, taking in her surroundings and finally registering what had happened. A straining wail sounded from the wreckage of their chopper. Gary. She pushed herself on her hands wincing as pain shot up her shoulder. She glanced at her arm; a piece of metal was sticking out from it. With a trembling hand, she took a deep breath and pulled the metal shard out, tears brimming in her eyes as blood oozed out from the gash running in rivulets and soaking her sleeve. She applied pressure on her wound, pressing her eyes shut as she tried to breathe through her pain.

Another painful wail sounded from the side of wreckage, making her grab onto the broken blades of the chopper sticking out from the sand to steady herself. She dragged her feet on the soil, stumbling to reach where her Sergeant was.

When she rounded the body of the Little Bird, she wasn't quite sure what she was seeing. Odd angles and red. So much red. Schmidt pinned under the tail. Blood spurting out his mouth with every breath. His leg was being crushed by the metal wreck and his arm was twisted in an inhuman angle with crimson liquid matting his entire body. Olivia fell to her knees next to her friend, sobs leaving her lips and tears streaming down her soiled cheeks. 

“Gary, hey, hold on.” She unclasped the belt of his helmet, pulling it off and throwing it away. 

Schmidt took a shuddering breath when Olivia took his hands in his. “I-I don’t…”

“You won’t,” She interjected, understanding exactly what he wanted to say. She lied. She knew he was going to bleed out and she wouldn’t be able to help. She blinked away the welling tears and looked around trying to spot anyone in their vicinity. The faint sound of gunshots came from a distance. “Someone will come looking for us.” She tried to speak with confidence, but her voice was faltering as Schmidt’s grip loosened in her hand.

“My wife…my kids…” He stuttered, blood beginning to flow out of his nostrils. “Tell them…I will always…love them.”

“You tell them that yourself, Gary. You hear me?” She grabbed at his fatigues, fisting them in her blood covered hand. “You are not dying.” She could hear his breath coming out short as he gasped for air. 

Gary elicited a mixture of laugh and a cry, tears streaming down the side of his face, making a trail on his dusty skin. “C’mon Red…we know…I’m short of time.”

Liv held onto his hand again desperately trying to will him away from the clutches of death. She watched with hazy eyes as her friend held onto the last thread of life, gasping in air and spitting out blood. Her mind pictured the time she had met his wife and his children; how his life partner had made Olivia promise she’d keep her husband safe. Her heart ached as she watched her best friend, her family, slipping from her hands.

The unmistakable rumble of a Humvee’s engine soared Olivia’s hope to save her friend. Over a rocky sand dune, the beige metal vehicle rode up and made its way towards them. She laughed at the realization that they were her men, coming to save them. 

“Gary…” She began, only to look down and be met with the vacant eyes of her Sergeant staring blankly up into the sky. There were no more shaky breaths leaving from his unmoving lips, his body laid limply, and his hand slipped from hers. “No, no, no.” She stuttered her words, trying to shake him awake.

“Sergeant!” Her men's voices mixed into one another as they called out. She offered no resistance as they hauled her up by her shoulders and hustled her into the back of the Humvee. 

Everything was a clouded haze after that. She had watched as Gary’s lifeless body was slid in the tight space between them. Sloan called out to her from beside her, but Liv’s voice seemed to have gotten trapped in her throat. Someone had closed Gary’s eyes for which Olivia was thankful. At least now she didn’t have to look into his eyes and be met with the disappointment in failing to save his life.

***

Sy paced in front of the gate, glancing at his watch and back to the road. He had been informed at the camp about the situation. His heart was racing, he hated not knowing. He expected the worst, always, but not knowing who was coming back in a body bag had him on edge.

As the whirring blades of the Medevac came into view, so did the vehicles making their way towards the gate. He stepped to the side as the metal barriers were opened, letting the cars enter the compound. Everyone rushed to the injured team; bruised and battered soldiers climbed out of the cars. Sy spotted Sierra who was clutching her bleeding shoulder, two other men drenched in blood being helped to the helicopter. When he saw Olivia stumble out of the back of the Humvee, his heart dropped.

Liv looked like she was walking in a daze. Her arm was covered in blood, soil and sand matted on her face and she limped when she walked. Sy gently placed a hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention to him.

“Liv,” He said cautiously. When her eyes met his they looked lost, distant and far away. 

“I’m okay.” Her brittle voice cut through Sy’s heart. She nudged his hand away from her shoulder and limped her way towards the building where the infirmary was housed, not even glancing behind as the Medevac team lifted off from the ground.

It took Sy hours before he could visit Liv alone. He couldn’t have abandoned his duties as a Captain while people under his wing had been injured and killed. But he kept a tab on her by asking Sloan about her whereabouts. Liv had gotten herself bandaged and had chosen to retire to their quarters. It was late in the evening when he was finally done with calls with his superiors and with briefing the team. 

Sy stood outside the door to the ladies quarter unsure of what lay ahead. He knocked sharply on the wooden door. When he got no response he pushed the door open, hinges protesting the movement as he peered inside the dark room. He glanced at the two empty beds on the opposite side which possibly belonged to Sloan and Sierra. BJ had asked permission to let Sloan stay with him tonight and Sierra was at the base in Baghdad which left Liv alone in the room. He stepped inside tentatively and spotted her on the bed shoved right at the corner of the room.

Liv was hunched over with her wet hair falling over her shoulder, shielding her face from Sy. The sleeve of her t-shirt was rolled up with a white bandage covering her arm, a crimson patch in the middle of it. He closed the door behind him and slowly walked towards her. Droplets of water fell from the ends of her red locks, pooling on the floor next to her feet. 

Sy debated whether he should sit next to her. He understood very well everything she was going through. He had lost buddies in combat; the first time was always the hardest. He wanted to comfort her and make her understand that this is the life they chose for themselves.

“It should have been me.” Her voice was barely audible, little over a whisper. Her hands covered her face with her elbows resting on her knees. “It should have been me, Sy.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” He brought his hand to place on her shoulder, but she flinched away. Sy felt dejected but he withdrew his hand away. “We all signed up for this. We know what there is to lose.”

“I should have been careful. I should have done something to save him.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. 

“Liv,” he started, braving to put his hand on her shoulder yet again only for Olivia to abruptly stand up. Her eyes blazed red, puffy with the tears. Her lips quivered as she stared at him, clutching her arm as the bandage was painted with more blood seeping from the wound.

“Just say it, Sy, say it was my fault.” 

Sy stood up as his hands balled into fists. He wanted to be Liv’s confidant, but she was pushing him away. “It wasn’t.” He replied sternly, his lips pressed into a thin line. “You stop berating yourself. You are a soldier, Liv.” He blamed it on tiredness for he did not mean to sound condescending. He quickly understood his mistake, his face softening as Olivia took a step away from him. “Liv,” he pleaded, extending his hand towards her.

“It should have been me! Gary’s death is on me!” She screamed with fresh tears running down her cheeks. “He has a family. He has…people waiting for him. And I…I-” her shoulder shook as ripples of sobs gripped her. She covered her face with her hands again, shielding herself away from Sy’s eyes.  

This time Sy pulled her against his chest without hesitation. Liv tried prying herself away from him, but he held her strongly against his body. She gave in soon, burying her face in his chest and soaking his shirt with her tears. He ran his hand through her hair soothing her and shushing her.

“There’s no one waiting for me back home. No one to cry if I die.” She mumbled between her sobs, sniffling and gasping with the onslaught of grief. “Gary had a family, Sy. What will… what will I tell his wife?” She grasped at his t-shirt, desperately trying to cling to the last hope of sanity. 

Sy held onto her like she was the most fragile being on this planet. He tightened his arms around her, wanting to shield her from the world and its sadness. He wanted to take away her pain. He would take it upon himself if he could. Sy rocked her lightly, whispering words of comfort as well as he could. He could not comprehend how bruised her soul was to think no one would cry for her if she died. A cold shiver ran down his spine even thinking about it.

After a long time Sy carefully turned her in his arms. She opened her puffy eyes, fluttering them slightly. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?” He ushered her towards the bed and gently sat her down.  She laid down on her side, curling up in a ball with her hands wound around her chest. He pulled the thin blanket over her, tucking the ends beneath the mattress. Sy caressed her cheeks with his hand, wiping away the tear stains on her cheek. 

He didn’t want to leave her alone. She was vulnerable and had dropped all her guards down. She was too stubborn to ask for comfort, but he could sense she hankered for his solace. Sy understood under the strong-willed demeanor, Liv wanted to be defenseless. She peered at him with half-lidded eyes without uttering a word. 

Kicking his boots off, Sy climbed on the bed to lie beside Liv. He gathered her in his arms, letting her shelter in the bend of his elbow. He pulled the blanket over their bodies, draping an arm over her torso. He entwined his fingers in Liv’s hair, running his fingers along her scalp. Liv dozed off not a moment later, holding him close to her like she was afraid to let him go. 

Sy kept drifting in and out of sleep with every stir of Liv’s body. She whimpered in her sleep in the middle of the night with the onslaught of nightmares entering her mind. Sy whispered words of comfort in her ears, running his hand soothingly over her back. Sloan had returned at the early hours of dawn looking like she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep either. But when she had spotted Sy cradling Liv against his body, she had excused herself and left them alone again. 

***

It hadn’t been easy for her to cope with the loss of her friend. Olivia had watched with tear filled eyes as they had loaded up Gary’s trunk to be sent to base. She had grazed her fingertips over his name tag sending a silent prayer to where he now rested. It was only when the Humvee had rolled out, Liv had caught sight of Sy watching her from his post.

That night she had felt like her entire being had shattered into a thousand pieces. She had lost loved ones before, but watching someone die in your arms, her best friend, had terrified her. She blamed herself for it. 

If only I could have been alert. If I hadn’t failed to save him. If… 

There were so many ‘ifs’ circling in her mind, she laid awake every night thinking what she could have done otherwise.

Sy had decided to give her some space. He had been quiet and allowed her to heal in her own time. She was grateful for that. She just wasn’t ready to break down in his arms again. She was afraid if she let him get too close to her and if she were to lose him too, she wouldn’t survive. 

It had been fifteen whole days since she had last stepped out into the field. Her leg had been healing, her stitches still fresh, for which Sy had ordered her to stay at camp. She had waddled around the compound, finished paperwork for the men and worked out to release the mixture of anger and sadness bunching up inside her. 

She had thought she would be able to handle it but glancing at the hilltop where she had held her dying friend, had brought everything back to her. Sy had looked at her, his eyes covered with his shades, with his mouth pressed into a thin line. He had accompanied them for their mission to receive the food truck, something he hadn’t done before. She had maintained her distance from him, choosing to stay with her own people. It had felt odd being on the ground when she was used to soaring high above everyone else in her chopper.

Back at the camp, her leg throbbed from walking on the uneven terrain. She winced as her hand grazed over the bandage on her sore calf, still hurting from the gash she had taken from the debris. Olivia took in a sharp breath as waves of nauseating pain crashed against her sleep deprived mind. She sat down on the steps of the building, gently massaging her throbbing muscle to ease the pain.

“You okay?” Sy sat beside her on the steps. Involuntarily she felt herself scooting away from him. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to gain from keeping him at arm’s length. He was being gentle, understanding, sympathetic, everything she needed right now. But something stopped her.

“Yeah. Just a little sore.” She refused to make eye-contact with him. 

Sy seemed to have gotten the message as he scooted a little to the side. From the corner of her eyes Liv noticed Sy let out a sigh, rubbing his beard with his hand. It was weeks ago when she had felt his arms around her, locking her in his embrace, making her feel safer than anyone ever could. 

“Are you sleeping alright?” He asked, adjusting his gun beside him.

“Yeah.”

“Are you telling the truth?” His voice was stern, and he turned slightly to look at her. She knew her words betrayed the reality, the bags under her eyes were evidence of her tired, sleepless nights. But even so, she nodded her head.

Another sigh left his lips. “Liv, I know you want to be strong, but you don’t have to go through it alone. I’m worried about you. I want to be there for you.” Sy reached his hand out and placed it over hers. Giving a gentle squeeze he pleaded, “Just let me in.”

Liv allowed herself to glance at him. His eyes were soft, worry marked with wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. He held sincerity in them, a hope that formed a crack in the wall Liv had built around her. 

“Sy,” They were interrupted by his Lieutenant. “We need you in the office.” 

Sy nodded at them, bringing his gaze back to Liv. He gently smiled at her, bringing his hand to her face. “I’m here for you.” He whispered before standing up and walking inside the building. She watched as he strutted towards his office, talking to his Lieutenant and discussing their matter at hand.

That night, Liv stayed awake in her bed. The chatter outside their room was dying out as midnight approached. Sloan was passed out on her bed; gently snoring while being wrapped in her blanket. Liv glanced at the empty bed that had belonged to Sierra. She had gotten severely injured in the attack. In the days Liv had stayed at the camp, she had a SAT call with her comrade about her corporal. Sierra had been sent home after the surgery she had to endure from the bullet wounds. Liv had been relieved to know she was at least alive.

When the lights cut out at midnight, shrouding the camp in darkness, Liv sat up in her bed. Sy’s words kept ringing in her ears. She didn’t want to push him away. She wanted a safe place. She wanted to feel something other than pain.

And so, she stood, outside his door in the dead of the night. She stared at his door, debating whether she should just return to her bed. She wasn’t even sure if Sy was in his room. With a timid knock, Liv stood with her arms hanging by her side. Her heart picked up a pace as she counted the seconds in her head until the door cracked open.

Sy had a scowl on his face when he opened the door, which eased as soon as he noted Liv standing outside his door. He watched her with a softened gaze as she took a step forward.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Her voice trembled as she spoke. She gulped, fearing he would drive her away.

But he did not push her away. He extended his arm open, tilting his head slightly and a gentle smile on his lips. “Of course.” 

Liv buried her face in his chest wounding her arms around his frame. Sy closed the door, holding her firmly against his body, circling her with his arms. He rested his cheek against her head, letting silence fill in the space that didn’t require words.

Liv could feel it then. Her walls being broken brick by brick by Sy. She felt safe, warmth seeping into her heart as he held her close to him. 

Chapter Eight>

🌟 Series Masterlist 🌟

[homerjacksons]

Sonny Carisi Week Day 2: off duty Word Count: 1847 Pairing: Rollisi, pre-bensler? Summary: Sonny and Amanda host a dinner party for the squad. AO3

As Jesse chattered away to him, stirring the pot diligently, Sonny heard the door open again, a string of barely-discernible greetings ringing through the apartment, and his heart felt fit to burst.

He’d been wanting to do this for a while; have everyone get together, cook for them, pamper them, show his found family just how much he loved them. He’d never had the space to host in his tiny apartment, though, and he couldn’t ask someone else to host just on his behalf, so more often than not, on the off chance they did all get together, it was for takeout, and a kid-free night.

This was different. Special. This was what he’d been wanting all along.

Amanda slid up behind him at the stove, winding her arms around his waist and pressing a kiss to his shoulder which Jesse pretended to find gross despite the absolute glee in her eyes.

“You doin’ okay in here?” She asked softly.

The question was directed at Sonny, but Jesse piped up with a very happy, “We’re great, momma,” which startled a laugh out of Sonny.

“Yeah,” he said gentle, turning in her arms to press a kiss to her cheek. “We’re great.”

“You’re behaving?” She asked Jesse, who nodded solemnly in return. “Good.”

“Go,” he said, punctuated by a chaste kiss to her lips. “Entertain our colleagues.”

“When you were planning to use my apartment to host this, you said they were our friends.” She tried to look stern, but she couldn't quite manage it and he laughed, turning back to the stove.

“Go,” he insisted. “I’m doing what I do best here. And it’ll be done in 10 minutes so make sure the kids have washed their hands.”

He could feel her watching him, and he turned to shoot her a smile before she left.

 --

 He felt warm and fuzzy again as he brought out plates piled high with homemade spaghetti and meatballs for everyone. He couldn’t help but watch as his friends helped themselves to salad and garlic bread, laughing and talking all the while, as though his food wasn’t an interruption to their previous conversation but merely a welcome addition.

“This smells great,” Kat exclaimed, eyes wide and hungry as she grinned at Sonny.

“Tastes great,” Fin added around a mouthful of pasta.

“Thank you for inviting us into your home,” Garland said gently, giving his wife’s hand a squeeze.

“Uh, it’s Amanda’s home, but—“

“Shush,” she said, swatting his arm playfully. “It’s just as much your home as it is mine.”

His heart melted at that, and he had to take a moment to let that sink in as the conversation started up around him once more. On a surface level, he’d known this was his home too. He spent just as much time here as Amanda did, maybe even more now. But he still had his tiny apartment going to waste, slowly emptying of everything he could ever need as his belongings migrated here, and they hadn’t discussed him moving in, officially.

“You okay?” Amanda asked, mouth close to his ear so they wouldn’t be overheard.

“Course,” he said with a grin, squeezing her hand under the table.

And he meant it. He was sure he’d never felt better.

 --

 “Never known you to be this quiet,” Elliot said, settling beside Sonny and handing him a beer.

Sonny laughed. “You barely know me at all.”

“Touche.” 

Elliot was quiet for a moment, watching Liv and Amanda where they sat on the couch, heads close together, cheeks flushed with wine and eyes alight with laughter.

“Feel like I do, though,” he said after a beat, not tearing his eyes away from the scene across from them. “The way Liv talks about you all, I feel like I’ve known you just as long as she has.”

Sonny turned to look at him, not sure how to respond to that. He couldn’t return the compliment—Liv had never mentioned Elliot directly in the time he was gone, and even since he’d come back, she’d kept whatever was going on between them private, barely spoke about him unless prompted—but it felt wrong to leave a comment like that hanging.

“She’s a good woman,” Sonny said thickly, looking down at the beer in his hand.

“The best,” Elliot agreed with a grin, clapping Sonny on the shoulder. “Although you didn’t do too bad.”

That startled a laugh out of Sonny and he looked back over to Amanda again, warmth thrumming through his veins.

“Yeah,” he said a little breathlessly. “Still pinchin’ myself, y’know.”

Elliot nodded slowly, finally tearing his gaze from the women to look at Sonny. “I know exactly how you feel.”

“So you and Liv…” he trailed off, not sure it was really his place despite Elliot starting this thread of conversation.

“Getting there,” he said with a shrug. “I’ve got a lot of work to do. But she’s worth it.”

Sonny nodded. He knew what that felt like, knowing someone was worth every bit of effort and pain, knowing someone was worth waiting forever for.

 --

 “Carisi!” Kat called from the kitchen, beckoning him over excitedly.

Sonny feigned annoyance, grinning the whole while, as he left Fin and Garland to continue their conversation without him.

“Watcha doin’ in my kitchen?”

“Your kitchen?” She raised her eyebrows. “Thought your kitchen was on the other side of Manhattan.”

Sonny felt his cheeks heat up, and he hoped the alcohol and warmth of the room would have already given him enough of a flush that she wouldn’t notice.

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved a hand, still grinning. His cheeks hurt but he couldn't quite stop.

“This s’posed to be you?” She asked, pointing to a stick figure drawing pinned to the fridge, front and centre, Billie’s name scrawled in the corner.

“Yeah,” he said proudly, almost like he was challenging her.

He knew he was listed as daddy in the drawing, knew that topic had stayed between him and Amanda as they worked out exactly how they wanted to proceed and what was the right way to go about all this, but in that moment, with love and affection and alcohol flowing through his veins, buzzing in his brain, he couldn’t help the way his chest puffed with pride or the way he stood a little taller in the face of someone else seeing, someone else knowing.

Kat softened, giving his elbow a squeeze. “I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, turning to grin at her. “Me too.”

He was about to say something else, but at that moment, Billie barrelled into his legs, tears welling in her big eyes, and everything else was forgotten in favour of helping his little girl.

 --

 “Noah, come on,” Liv insisted from the doorway, exasperated and tired and fond all at once. “It’s time to go.”

All she got in response was a shriek of laughter and pounding footsteps as Jesse and Noah continued to chase each other around the table, high on far too much dessert and the leftover excitement of being part of a ‘grown ups party’.

Liv sighed, rolling her eyes, but she didn’t insist again. Instead, she settled a hand on Sonny’s arm, expression soft and warm.

“I’m really happy for you, Sonny,” she said quietly, giving his arm a squeeze for good measure. “You deserve this; to be happy.”

Sonny glanced past her out into the hall where Elliot waited, checking his phone for their Uber.

“So do you,” he said with a nod in Elliot’s direction.

Liv followed his gaze, a soft, wistful look taking over her face for a moment before she turned back to him, looking so much like his boss again that he instantly stood a little straighter.

“I know,” she eventually said, expression softening again. “Just making sure he knows that first.”

Sonny laughed, covering her hand with his own where it still rested on her arm. “Trust me, he knows.”

She studied him for a moment before looking back over at Elliot, who was now looking at them in return.

“Uber’s here,” he said, waving his phone.

Liv turned to call for Noah again, but he came bounding towards her just in time, eyes bright and curls bouncing.

“Thanks again,” Liv said softly, taking Noah’s hand in hers to join Elliot.

“Thanks, Uncle Sonny,” Noah echoed, waving behind him.

Elliot nodded to him from the end of the hall, raising a hand in farewell, and then they were gone.

He closed the door behind him, resting against it for a moment, letting the success of the night sink in.

“Uncle Sonny!” Jesse squealed, wrapping her arms around Sonny’s legs.

“Shh,” Sonny stage whispered. “Your sister’s asleep.”

“Uncle Sonny,” Jesse repeated in a whisper. “Read me a story?”

Sonny looked up to meet Amanda’s gaze across the room where she was gathering plates and glasses to take back to the kitchen. She gave him a small shrug and a warm smile in response, and he, once again, felt awed that she trusted him enough to make any decision about her children without consulting her, even if it was just a bedtime story way past her actual bedtime.

“Okay, Jess,” he agreed, ruffling her hair. “You go get ready for bed and pick out a story and I’ll be in in a moment.”

He gathered a few stray plates and glasses, following Amanda to the kitchen to dump them beside the sink.

“Hey,” she said softly, turning to face him at the counter.

“Hey,” he echoed back, heart thumping against his ribs almost like he was nervous, or excited, or both.

“We’re real adults now, huh?” She joked, straightening his collar before winding her arms around his neck.

His arms fell easily to her waist, pulling her in close. “Dinner party, tick.”

She laughed, tilting her head back, eyes shining in the light, and god, she looked so beautiful she took his breath away.

“I love you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

She kissed him properly, pulling him in close, almost desperate, like she’d wanted to do this all night and was just waiting to have him all to herself.

“Careful,” he mumbled into her mouth, reluctantly withdrawing. “I still gotta read Jesse a story.”

“Your mistake,” she said with a sly grin, pressing one last kiss to his lips before letting go. “Off you go, then.”

He watched her for a moment, just as she had done earlier that night, thinking of the ring he had tucked away back at his apartment, the only thing of any real meaning he still had there.

If anyone had asked him even a month ago, he would have said he wasn’t sure she’d say yes, but as he watched her washing dishes after helping him host their first ever dinner party as a couple, with her eldest waiting for him to put her to bed and her youngest already calling him daddy, he knew. He knew he could ask at any moment, and she’d say yes without a moment's hesitation.