#from time to time i really vibe with open endings :D

[willczek-art]

Hi there tumblr, wanna see my final art school project? :DD

I've been passively rotating ttRPGs in my brain for a while now, so imagine my surprise when I found out I can make a little animated trailer for them and that's like... fun? and got me my degree?? and I sent it to Nerdy Pup Games who made the game and they are super excited about it???

im really happy :³

(Also in a cosmic coincidence Rebels of the Outlaw Wastes currently have running pre-orders! So you can actually grab a copy if you want! :DD Here's the link!)

[lalacliffthorne]

⚔️ I really don't think now's the best time ⚔️

Azriel x Reader

summary: battlefields are really not the right place for important revelations.

notes: like I said, this is totally inspired by that iconic scene in Pirates of the Carribeans. there's a shit ton of fighting involved, so prepare for graphics. if you want to go all in, listen to this specific part of the soundtrack over and over again and the vibes will be immaculate. now go and have fun, kids.

______________________________________________________________

The middle of a battlefield was arguably the worst place for any kind of not remotely expected revelation.

“Why,”, gritting my teeth, I swung my sword and neatly decapitated the huge, wolf-like beast, “do they,”, dodging a blow, I dropped to my knees, whirling through the mud and slicing open another one's belly, “keep,”, I slid to my feet and finished in an angry, “coming?!”

Slashing my sword across a soldier's throat, I turned around. A gust of wind sent a splatter of rain right into my face, strands of soaked hair clinging to my cheeks as I breathed heavily, my gaze darting over the world going to shit around me, my heart rising in my chest as I tried to catch a glimpse at the familiar sight of blue blazing siphons and leathally flowing shadows.

The battlefield was complete and utter chaos. The heavy rain that had set in only shortly after the fighting began had turned the land into one huge muddy puddle, dirt splashing and covering allies and enemies alike. Our defenses were close to being overrun. In the sky, only a few Illyrians were left fighting alongside Gwyn, the only Valkyrie on the northern flank, up against gryphons with talons like iron and blood red eyes. The rest of the Illyrians had taken to the ground, now fighting side by side with the Fae warriors left on foot, but more enemies seemed to just come flooding from the North, like a never ending stream of monstrous beasts and soldiers armed to the teeth.

Something churned in my chest, and I had to fight the surge of dread rising in my chest.

Unless Feyre turned up with reinforcements soon, we were dead.

There was a call of my name, deep and thundering over the sound of battle, and when I slashed my swords over one beast's throat and raised my head, my heart tilted in a wild flutter.

Azriel kicked a soldier back before turning to look at me over his shoulder. His dark hair was soaked by the rain, mud sprinkled over his armor, the sword in his one hand and Truthteller in the other gleaming with blood. His eyes looked wild, but something flashed through them for nothing more than a second when they found mine.

“I need to tell you something!” His deep voice reverberated over the battlefield.

I sent a soldier flying with a kick to the chest and caught another's blade with my crossed ones, yelling back: “I'm a little busy at the moment!”

Slicing my swords down, I dropped to my knees, sliding over the muddy ground and taking down a row of soldiers with blades to the back of their legs before coming back to my feet, and my breath hitched, my heart dropping out of rhythm when Azriel appeared right in front of me from a cloud of shadows, wet hair curling and mud and blood spattered over his face as his eyes darted over my face, wild and almost desperate.

“It can't wait!”, he called.

Breathing heavily, I stared up at him through the rain pelting down, feeling the ache of my sore body wash over me now that I wasn't moving, and my brows furrowed as concern tightened my chest; because I had never seen him so blatantly unguarded and expressive, emotions practically swirling in his eyes.

“What –“

Azriel pushed me back, and I whirled around, deflecting a blow of a soldier coming at me as the shadowsinger rammed his daggers into another one's chest in the place I had just stood, rain running over his face and shadows rising, wrapping around a third soldier's throat.

“I really don't think now's the best time!”, I yelled, the slight absurdity of Azriel of all people deciding he needed to talk in the middle of a battlefield making my voice dip almost comically.

"This might be the only time!” Azriel's deep voice vibrated over my skin, his rough shout audible even over the roar of the rain and the clashing of weapons, and I whirled around, sword flying down on a soldier's neck and sending blood spattering.

A hand closed around my biceps and pulled me back, then I was spun around, and my heart skipped into my throat when Azriel's chest pressed into mine and he dipped his head, his eyes flying over my face as streams of rain ran over his own, and something like desperation flashed through them when he called over the war cries and clashing of weapons: “I –“

His eyes darted up as my instincts flared in warning, and we moved at the same time, his shadows throwing up a wall against a wave of ash arrows as I slid past him and threw one of my swords at the beast, huge and bear-like, leaping at us. The weapon sank into its side, causing it to crash onto the ground, and I whirled around and rammed my other sword into its throat.

“I need you to know –“ Azriel broke off again, dodging a sword and gutting the belonging soldier in one smooth movement, and I landed a kick on another soldier's back.

“Are you sure this can't wait?!”, I yelled back, diving to avoid a blow to the head and rolling off over my shoulder, sliding through the mud and baring my teeth at a beast that growled back before jumping at me, and I dipped and slit it's throat.

Azriel stabbed his daggers into another wolf-like monster, siphons blazing as he beat his wings and a wave of shadows rolled away, drowning a row of soldiers as he turned, and something staggered in my chest at the sight of him; shadows shrouding his tall, lean body and curling around his shoulders, even broader under his black armor as a flash of lightning illuminated his face.

Even caked in dirt and blood, drenched by the heavy rain as drops of water ran from his hair over his cheekbones, he was utterly and annoyingly beautiful.

“Yes!”, he called back, and I whirled around, swords slashing and reflecting another strike of lightning as thunder rolled and I knocked a soldier to the ground. “I need you to know tha–“

There was a snarl, and I dove out of the way, rolling through the mud as a beast crashed into the spot I had been in a mere heartbeat before. I pushed myself up and slammed my swords down into its back with an angry sound, then I raised my head, my heart thrumming and adrenaline rushing through my veines, and my eyes met golden ones, desperate and wild and only hesitant for a second before the chaos vanished, replaced by something else, something deep and worldshaking. Then Azriel's deep voice rumbled over the noise of the battle.

“I love you!”

The world fell still for a moment. Became quiet and stagnant as my heart did one mighty leap.

Then time fell back into place, something staggered in my chest, and my eyes grew wide.

“What?!”

Somehow, I dodged a blow crashing down out of nowhere, parrying another and directing it to the side as I slid my other blade over the soldier's throat, ramming my shoulder into his chest to push him back before turning around wide eyed, and my gaze met another, shining like amber in sunlight.

“You –“

Movement at the corner of my eye made me duck, and I swerved, dropping to my knees and sliding over the muddy ground. Ramming my swords into two soldier's lower regions, I pulled them out and used the momentum to push myself to my feet. Then I whirled around and yelled, disbelief and sheer shock making my voice rise an octave: “You what?!”

A hand closed around my wrist and pulled me forward, and I stumbled into a solid chest, my heart jumping into my throat as my head whipped up and I could feel the sensation of shadows rising behind me and heard swords dropping and a struggle. But it all felt far away, because I could feel Azriel's body press against mine and his eyes were piercing, looking wild and desperate and pained when he called over the noise of the battle, voice rough: “I love you!”

My throat closed as I opened my mouth in shock; Azriel pulled me past him, and I whirled around and parried the blows of a soldier, slicing my swords over his arms before ramming my blades into his chest, then I threw my head around, my wet hair clinging to my face, and Azriel dropped another soldier. For a second, our eyes met, mine wide and completely dumbfounded, then he dodged a blow.

“You –“ I tried to get closer to him but almost got jumped by a huge beast. Shadows wrapped around me and pulled me back, and Azriel slit a soldier's throat before looking back at me, rain running over his face and desperation flashing through his eyes as he yelled: “I had to make sure you knew!“

A war cry made me spin around, and I dodged, swerving the blow of a sword and slashing my own across the soldier's throat, blood spattering as I yelled back in almost comical disbelief: “So you're telling me now?!”

A hand wrapped around my wrist, whirling me out of a beast's reach and right into the way of a sword crashing down, my own blades catching it effortlessly. A familiar scent rose into my nose, distinct even under the smell of blood and dirt, and my heart thrummed into my throat as I pushed, my swords sinking into the soldier's chest, then I spun around, rain dripping over my skin as I stared wide eyed at the male right in front of me. He was so close that I could hear the roughness in his voice even though he didn't shout, one corner of his lips quirking almost helplessly as his eyes dragged over my face like he wanted to ingrain it into his mind when he called hoarsely: “Better late than never.”

My heart skipped into my throat as I stared up at him, and my lips parted, but then Azriel's eyes darted up, and he pulled me out of the way, his sword catching the one of an enemy soldier.

“What –“ I gutted a gigantic wolf, widening my eyes as I threw the shadowsinger a disbelieving look. “How late is late?!” I ducked, swerving the blow of a sword and ramming my own blade into the side of the soldier's neck.

“I couldn't lose you! If you knew -"

"Azriel!" My shout made his head whip around, and I stared at him, breathing heavily, feeling an ache build under my ribs as I widened my eyes desperately. "Since when?!"

"Since the day you stayed up with me for first time!” Azriel dodged a blow. “Probably even before that.” He raised his head, and something rose in my chest when his amber eyes found mine, his voice raspy when he called lightly: “Probably from the moment I met you and everything went silent.” His gaze flickered over my face, and my heart skipped and tumbled at the emotion swirling inside as he added hoarsely: “I think it's always been you.”

My throat closed up, and I kicked a beast to the side and sliced through some soldier's necks.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that it's you.” Even though Azriel's voice was raised, I could still hear how unsteady it was, raw as the words tumbled from his lips as he called them over the raging battle around us. “From the day I met you, there was something about you that made everything wash away, that made breathing easier, everything easier, even though you drive me insane sometimes! Something that makes me want to be with you, all the time, that makes not being with you fucking ache!” His eyes flickered over mine, chest rising and falling quickly with his heavy breaths as rain streamed over his face, and his throat worked like he was trying not to swallow.

“And it scares the shit out of me, but I don't care anymore!” His rough voice sent shivers down my spine when his amber iris found mine. “You're it.”

Something rose in my chest, fluttering so wildly it felt a little difficult to breathe.

“Why the hell did you never say anything?!”, I yelled in disbelief, and Azriel's jaw shifted as he dodged a blow, slicing the soldier's throat.

“Because I was afraid you didn't feel the same, and I couldn't lose you!”

“What?!” Rain pelted down at me, my soaked armor becoming heavier with every moment, but for a change, I didn't feel any of it. Breathing heavily, I stared at the godsdamned beautiful male, and my heart rose, rose until it was in my throat and the world turned into a tilt.

“Of course I do!”

Azriel's head whipped up, and I kicked a soldier away and slashed his throat before turning around, feeling the words echo through me as I yelled: “I love you too, you idiot!”

As the last syllable left my lips, Azriel stared. Stared as something seemed to rise in his eyes. Then darkness wrapped around him, and he appeared in front of me like formed from shadows. His amber eyes were bright with desperation and something so much deeper, it caused my breath to simply still. Caused my heart to swell and time to slow as he took one last step and slipped his arm around my waist, his scent washing over me in an intoxicating wave, his movements never faltering as he leaned down without an ounce of hesitation, and something shifted in my chest, locking into place with a soundless snap when his lips crashed onto mine in a hard, desperate kiss.

My heart pulsed once. Twice, as something bloomed under my ribs, warm and rising until it thrummed through my whole chest, pulling towards the male pressed against me, body tall and solid and unwavering, and I sucked in a soft, trembling breath.

Oh.

Slowly, Azriel broke the kiss, like he had to force himself to pull back, his nose brushing against mine and causing my heart to miss a step. Then he slowly raised his head, and my breath hitched, gave out completely for a second when I caught the way his iris shifted like amber in golden sunlight, lips parted and gaze piercing mine.

There was a war cry behind me, and Azriel's eyes snapped up, sharpening.

My heart flew, and my instincts kicked in.

Azriel pulled me out of the way with a growl, and I whirled around, swords clashing with two others, blocking their blows as I dropped to my knees and turned, and the blades found their home in the soldier's stomachs. Pulling them out, I raised my head, and my throat closed up when I saw our lines slowly beginning to unravel while the steady stream of beasts and soldiers didn't seem to waver.

My gaze found Azriel, in a cloud of shadows, teeth bared in a snarl and blades flashing in a clash of lightning, rain pelting onto his shoulders, and that feeling in my chest rose until I was sure it had to be visible, like a golden light thrumming under my ribs.

“Azriel!”, I shouted desperately, and he slammed the hilt of his sword onto an enemy soldier's head before turning around, amber eyes finding mine.

My heart tightened almost violently, and before I could stop myself, before even really thinking, I called, my voice a little weak: “Marry me?”

Azriel froze. Stilled on the spot as shadows swirled around him, catching ash arrows and knocking out soldiers, his eyes piercing mine as emotions swirled through them like the storm above.

And suddenly I knew he felt it. Maybe not yet that the bond was vibrating in my chest, thrumming in synch with my racing heart. But that he knew.

Azriel blinked against the rain pouring over his face, and I could see how he suppressed the urge to swallow. Then he shouted, his deep voice causing my heart to flutter: “Gwyn!”

My breath hitched, and Azriel's eyes pierced mine, golden and bare and burning as he yelled: “Marry us!”

“I'm a little occupied right now!”, Gwyn shouted from high above us, cursing as her winged horse barely managed to swerve around a gryphon.

A soldier came at me, and I dodged his blows, sliding my sword over his chest.

“Gwyn!”, I yelled, my voice breaking, and somehow, she must've heard it over the noise and chaos, because she yelled back, only halfheartedly annoyed: “Fine! If I fall, it's your fault!”

I landed a kick on the soldier's chest and sent him flying backwards, then I turned around, and Azriel was there, his hand wrapping tightly around my wrist as he pulled me forward until we were chest to chest, and that golden thrum in my chest soared at the way his eyes pierced mine.

“Dearly beloved,”, Gwyn yelled over the roar of thunder, “we've gathered here today to pull every single one of your feathers, you miserable excuse of a bird!”

There was an irritated screech followed by a scuffle high over our heads, and Azriel pushed me back as two enemy soldiers came at us with swords drawn. Swinging around, I sent my blade down onto the right one's hand, severing it cleanly, and as he screamed, I shoved my sword into his chest.

Azriel called my name, and when my head whipped around, his hand closed around mine, pulling me out of the way of a beast and with my back into his chest, his deep voice rumbling through my body when he shouted over the rain: “Do you take me,”, I kicked out and the beast yelped, “to be your husband?”

Slashing my sword over the beast's snout, a laugh bubbled in my chest when Azriel spun me around, and my heart rose in my chest when I stared up at him, feeling pressure build in my throat as his eyes darted over my face, almost like he was expecting me to change my mind, pull back -

“I do!”

Azriel blinked, and his eyes brightened, became as radiant as amber held into the evening sun. Something shifted in my chest when a smile spread over his face, widening with every second, until creases formed in his cheeks and crinkles around his eyes, and I had to physically fight to keep myself from burying my fingers in his messy hair and pull him in to kiss him.

There was a war cry from our left, and I widened my eyes and jumped back, feeling the a blade whizz down where I had been standing just seconds before, and Azriel growled, wings flaring and sending out a wave of shadows that took down the row of soldiers behind him as I parried the next blow and slammed the soldier to the ground.

Whirling around, I grabbed Azriel's outstretched hand and yelled: “Do you take me,”, I ducked under his arm and blocked a blow, “to be your wife?” Azriel pulled me back, parrying the next as I stabbed my sword into another soldier's stomach. “On the good days and the bad; though,”, smoothly slicing the soldier's throat, I growled, “we might not see a lot more!”

Azriel's grip tightened, and he twirled me around, pulling me out of the way of another soldier, and my heart fluttered violently when my chest pressed into his and that golden feeling thrummed when Azriel nodded, eyes darting over my face and deep voice hoarse when he called over the rain: “I do!”

My breath hitched and heart fluttered, the feeling in my chest rising, and above us, Gwen yelled: “Then hereby, you may be bound! Bound by soul, bound by heart, bound to one!”

There was a flare of heat in the middle of my chest, and my breath hitched when Azriel's grip tightened like he felt it too; the burning of a tattoo appearing on his skin, the sign of the vows made visible in ink.

Gwyn's voice echoed through the skies when she yelled: “You now may –“

Movement at the corner of my eye made Azriel and me dart apart.

“You now –“

I dodged a blow, Azriel's hand closing around mine and spinning me around to parry another as his sword clashed with a third.

“You may kiss the –“

Thunder struck, I ducked under a beast's claw, then Gwyn shouted in frustration: “Godsdamnit, just kiss her!”

My heart surged and skipped and Azriel pulled me around; his arm wrapped around my waist as mine slipped over his shoulder and I could feel him dipping me back lightly as he leaned down, then he kissed me.

Kissed me as rain poured down our faces, my free hand slipping up to cradle the side of his neck and my breath hitching as I kissed back, deep and desperate, and a hoarse sound rumbled in Azriel's throat as he tightened his grip around me, kissing me like it was the first and last time.

The sound of a horn ripped me back into reality, reminding me that the world was close to ending.

Azriel pulled me back up onto my feet, breaking the kiss, and I was thankful that he was just as out of breath as I was, could feel his heart pounding just as quickly. Then he raised his head, and when I looked over my shoulder, my heart skipped high as relief so kneebuckling washed over me, I was glad Az was still holding me.

The cavalry had arrived.

“Come on, you two!”, Gwyn yelled somewhere above us, sounding gleeful. “Let's finish this!”

I raised my head, and Azriel's arm slipped away from my waist, amber eyes finding mine. For a second, I could see something flash through his gaze, like he expected me to pull back, suddenly regret this.

But I just sent him a wide, wicked smile.

“Shall we?”

~

It was still raining, but the storm had moved on. In the west, the clouds were breaking up, allowing the light of the sinking sun to flood over the lowlands, making the light rain shimmer as a rainbow spanned across the sky.

Breathing in deeply, I tipped my head back and closed my eyes as I felt the rain drizzle onto my face and body, washing away the smell of blood from the air and only leaving the scent of wet grass and moss to fill my nose with every slow inhale.

Feyre's arrival with the reinforcements had turned the tide, every last warrior gathering all their remaining strength. Still, there had been many losses, even after our victory, and wandering through the bloody mud, paying respect to the fallen, had caused a weight to rest on my chest, one that could not even be brushed away by the knowledge that my friends, my family was alive; exhausted and strained and with quite a few scratches, but alive.

Which was why I was standing on a hill, a little away from the tents, just listening to the patter of rain and breathing in the clean air as I felt the tension slowly melt from my muscles, leaving only exhaustion and heaviness in my limbs and a feeling of being so tired, I felt like falling asleep on the spot.

I felt him before I heard the call of my name, the feeling in my chest that had shrunk to a small, warm hum pulsing and growing.

Tipping my head back down, I looked over my shoulder, and my breath hitched when Azriel came towards me.

Just like me, he was still in his armor, specks of mud and blood on his cheeks, hair damp and curling like he had attempted to dry it and then got distracted. His dark brows were drawn together as his golden eyes pierced into mine.

“What are you doing?”, he called, his low, deep voice sending pleasant shivers down my spine.

He looked so close to his usual scowl, I felt my heart rise and skip as my lips curved up.

“Cleansing,”, I called back, and Azriel huffed, but it almost looked like he was fighting to keep his lips from twitching as he crossed the last bit of distance.

Turning around, I squinted up at him through the drizzle of rain, the thrumming thing in my chest soaring at the sight of him.

Godsdamned beautiful.

Up close, I could see the signs of exhaustion. His shadows were lazily swirling around his feet, his wings were drooping so much they almost grazed the ground, and his eyes were tired. But something sparked in them when they moved over my face, my heart skipping when I could feel his warm breath brush over my forehead.

“You know we have this ingenius invention for that? It's called a shower.” His voice was so dry, my heart skipped, and a smile slowly spread over my face, wide and bright and freeing in a way that caused something to stagger in my chest.

Azriel's eyes narrowed in, and his shoulders seemed to sag a little.

“I know.” Squinting up at him, I felt my smile grow smaller as I shrugged softly, something tightening gently in my chest.

Azriel's gaze flickered over my face. Then he blinked, and my heart fluttered into my throat when he reached out, gently pushing a wet strand of hair out of my face. His fingers, out of his gloves, brushed over my skin, warm and rough, and my breath hitched, a shudder running over my spine.

One corner of Azriel's lips curved, and that thing in my chest pulsed and thrummed at the way his golden eyes started to shine.

The shadowsinger dipped his head, and my heart skipped and jumped when his lips brushed over mine. Then his thumb and forefinger gently closed around my chin, and Azriel tilted my head back to kiss me, deep and slow until I sank into his chest, my knees simply too tired to keep up with the way all of him made the world spin. My fingers curled into his sides, and Azriel's other hand rose to move to the back of my neck, gently tangling in my hair, and his thumb brushed over my skin until a soft sound broke from the back of my throat and my whole body shuddered.

Azriel's lips curved up against mine. Then he slowly pulled back, and my heart skipped when I saw his eyes, lids heavy and iris hazed over, the only thing betraying him; showing that I had more than the same effect on him that he had on me.

The thought made something rise and flutter in my stomach.

I blinked. Then I furrowed my brows and mumbled: “Crap.”

Azriel's gaze cleared a little, brows drawing together, and his hand slipped down to rest against the side of my neck. “What?”

I stared past him into nothing.

“I just realised we have to explain to Rhys and Cass that we got married without them.”

[anakinstwinklebunny]

if you’re not taking requests totally ignore this. but i was hoping if u could write a short drabble or whatever about the reader being like a bio/chem major and anakin being like a literature major (kinda get those vibes from his role in shattered glass as stephen glass) and their cute differences :D. i lowkey need it as motivation for the ap’s im taking 😔. if thats out of your comfort zone or if you don’t want to write that i understand!! i love your work 💗

Author's note: I do take requests!!! It's my first drabble EVER..and I hope it's good.. really 😭 YOU GO LOVE, YOU CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN YOU <3

pairing: literature major!anakin x biochem major!reader

The library was a sanctuary of silence, but the hushed murmur of pages turning and the occasional tapping of keyboards seemed to fade whenever Anakin and you shared a glance. You were huddled over your chemistry notes - the structure of complex molecules sprawling across your laptop screen, while Anakin lounged across from you, lost in the pages of a leather-bound volume of classic literature, just as he loved.

His long fingers traced the spine of his book as if it were a cherished secret. The dim light cast shadows across his chiseled features, highlighting the intense focus in his eyes. You couldn’t help but let your gaze linger on him, captivated by the contrast between his world of words and your realm of scientific formulas.

“Need any help with those compounds?” he asked, finally, as if knowing how many times your gaze fell on his face. His voice was low and smooth, carrying the hint of a smile you knew well. His eyes flickered up from the book, catching yours with a mischievous glint.

You rolled your eyes playfully, though you couldn’t suppress the smile tugging at your lips. “I doubt your poetic musings will be much help with my chemical bonds,” you replied, though the teasing tone in your voice was softened by the affection you felt towards the young man

He leaned in closer, his voice a seductive murmur. “Ah, but you’d be surprised. The beauty of language can often explain the complexities of science.. Imagine, if you will, a molecule as a character in a novel, its bonds and interactions like a plotline that weaves through the narrative.”

You laughed, a soft, melodic sound that made Anakin’s heart race. His gaze dropped to your soft-looking lips for a moment before returning to your eyes, the heat between you palpable. Humanists, who would have known they can be so romantic in their speech? “You and your metaphors,” you teased, your fingers brushing against his hand as you reached for a textbook. "But you know what intrigues me" you made a small pause "how does a literature major end up as my personal distraction?” you teased, lightly flirting with your own boyfriend

Anakin’s fingers traced lightly over the edge of your open notebook, a barely perceptible touch that sent a shiver up your spine when his ocean blue eyes tried to read your writing “I guess I’m just trying to add a little poetry to your periodic table.”

You tilted your head, pretending to think it over. “Poetry and science? That’s like mixing oil and water.”

“Ah,” he grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief, “but even oil and water have chemistry. You just need the right catalyst.”

You laughed softly, unable to resist the magnetic pull of his charm. The truth was, you never really could “You think you’re the catalyst?”

He leaned in closer, his lips inches from your own, voice a low murmur. “I think I could make you react.”

You felt the blush bloom on your cheeks, your heart skipping a beat at his words. "Careful, you might just cause an exothermic reaction."

Anakin's smile widened, his thumb grazing your jaw as he whispered, “Then let's see how much heat we can handle."

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @erosmutt @haydensprettyprincess @mistress-amidala @catnipaddictt @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @literally-izzy @anisluvrgirl @slutforfinnickodair @xhunnybeeex @fuckmyskywalker @gallerygourmet

(if you want to be removed or added then don't be shy and let me know 💋)

[ataleofcrowns]

Chapter 12 Progress [08/APR]

Hey gang, I've started posting updates on my Patreon now that I'm actually making some damn progress on this chapter, so I figured to cross-post the latest update here as well. These are usually for members only but it's been sooo long, the ones I'm posting in April are all going to be for free 🙏🏼

This progress report focuses on a specific section of what I'm working on regarding CH12 and, more specifically, Kham.

About Kham

This one is turning out to be a bigger branching route than I expected. For those not in the know, I described in my dev sneak peek from last month how the opening scene of CH12 will involve the Crown dealing (or not dealing?) with Kham. It will be a bit of a culmination of all the choices you've made regarding Kham so far: did you inform her of the assassins in CH5, did you decide to trust her/were you honest with her in CH6, and did you choose to ask her to mediate for you in CH10?

Particularly that last decision will lead to the biggest difference in scenery: if you asked for Kham's help, you will get a scene at the palace involving her and the peri trader. If you decided not to ask her, however, the story will instead see you investigating the peri trader personally.

Initially, these were both two very clear branching paths with two very clear-cut consequences, but I decided it made more sense to offer additional variation. Choosing not to ask for her help with the peri trader will NOT lock you out of being able to ally with her... but the circumstances of it will be quite different compared to a player who has trusted Kham from the start and asked for her help.

You can, of course, decide not to ally with her on either branch as well, if you don't think she can be trusted. In which case, you should be prepared to make an enemy out of her: there's no fence-sitting on this one, and there won't be any chances to make an ally of her later on in the story. Similarly, if she turns out to be untrustworthy, and you make an ally out of her now, there won't be any takebacksies later... so you might end up stabbed in the back.

This is your one and only shot, so choose wisely.

About D and X

I'm currently working on the branch of the Crown dealing with the peri trader without Kham's involvement, and it's a pretty fun variation. There are some undercover detective vibes going on, and it's nice to write a scene set in the city as opposed to the palace for some variety. Though I've also dabbled in the route with Kham's help, and the Crown really flexes their royal authority in that one. Can go no wrong with either option in terms of entertainment, imo!

What's also been fun to explore further is how the main LI's subplot is starting to affect things in the story. I do have to note that for the branching sequence with the Kham choice, there's a bit of a spotlight on D and X since those two were gone for a whole chapter, so they get to spend some special time with the Crown in the first half of CH12. But R and A will be back for the rest of it!

I'll give you some D and X route crumbs this week since I've been chipping away at that one first, and hopefully I'll also have some on R and A next time:

For people who aren't on D's route, they'll get to find out something special about D that D romancers became privy to in CH11. It doesn't change much for the Crown on those routes, just some D lore you may enjoy and an opportunity to grow your friendship further.

As for D romancers, you all may or may not get a potentially devastating sequence depending on how your Crown handled their little court scene in CH11. If you managed to protect D, then all the better, but if you couldn't stamp out the court's protests... well, let's just say your Crown is going to have to be the one to inform D of any bad news.

Plus there's that damned letter to worry about. I'm sure that won't become any kind of problem at all.

For people who aren't on X's route, things are peachy! Honestly, all of the drama that happens for X romancers is not a big deal for everyone else, since X's romance with the Crown is the thing that causes them to act out. X friendship players are coasting in that regard, you just enjoy seeing X get to be their usual menace self.

For people who are romancing X, people on their low route might start noticing something different about them. Their actions in the high and low romances will be the exact same, but the vibes on the low route will be off, to say the least. You can still recover to a high route! But it will require having to pierce through that mask X is so fond of wearing...

High romancers: kick back, relax, and enjoy your upcoming romance content guilt-free LMAO

That was it for this week!! I wish I could give you an estimated release window, but I've been wrestling with this chapter, and I'm frankly deeply afraid I won't be able to finish it before summer rolls in 💀

Please keep your local struggling writer in your thoughts and prayers, and as always thank you for your patience and support 🙏🏼

[thef1diary]

For Danny Ric! I'm so exited! Fluff 1, Promt 8. I think a debate over the music playing on the car radio would be great. I love Danny's roadtrip vibes.

Road Trip | D. Ricciardo

prompt: friendly debates that quickly end with them laughing at how ridiculous it was

wc: 700+

masterlist 3k celebration

© thef1diary 2024. all rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate, or repost any of my work

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You're on a road trip with Daniel, cruising down a scenic highway with the windows rolled down, the wind tousling your hair. Daniel's driving, one hand on the wheel and the other resting on your thigh. The sky is a perfect blue, dotted with fluffy white clouds, and the road ahead is open and inviting. The landscape rushes by in a blur of greens and browns as he drives a little over the speed limit, the hum of the wind providing a soothing background noise.

"Okay, music," you declare, reaching for your phone.

Daniel raises an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. "Wait a second, I'm the one driving. Driver gets to choose music right?"

You chuckle, shaking your head. "I know you're used to driving alone, but the unwritten rule of road trips is passenger has the aux control."

"Oh really?" he challenges, glancing at you with mock seriousness. "I think the driver needs the tunes to stay focused."

"Yeah, well, the passenger needs to keep the driver entertained," you retort, connecting your phone to the aux.

Daniel lets out a dramatic sigh, rolling his eyes in exaggerated exasperation. "I'm the one doing all the work here, steering us safely to our destination. That means I should choose the songs too."

You cross your arms, feigning stubbornness. "That makes no sense, Danny. I'm the one keeping you company, making sure you don't fall asleep at the wheel."

He scoffs, "with your choice of songs, I will definitely fall asleep at the wheel."

You gasp, holding your phone close to your chest. "I could say the same about your taste. You listen to country music."

"Don't disrespect good ol' tunes, darling. You just want to play that one song on repeat," he stated, glancing at you and flashing a grin.

"It's a great song!" you insist, mirroring his grin.

"Great for making me doze off," he teases, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Come on, you know my playlist is solid. It's got everything we need for a perfect road trip," he adds, slightly squeezing your thigh.

You become too aware of his hand resting on your thigh, and in the heat of your debate, you move it away, earning a frown from him.

"Sure, if we want to turn this into a country-western saga," you retorted, unable to suppress a smile. "Besides, variety is necessary. We can't be stuck listening to the same kind of songs for hours."

Daniel laughs, his hand finding his way back on your thigh as he gives in. "Fine, fine, let's settle this. Name a song that's a must for any road trip."

You both throw out suggestions, each defending your choices with increasing passion. The debate grows more animated as you argue over the best songs to keep you both entertained and awake. Daniel insists on the classics he loves, especially since it's a countryside road trip, while you disagreed, encouraging other artists. Back and forth you banter, poking fun at the other's taste in music, even though it wasn't a serious issue.

Finally, you realize how absurd the argument is and burst out laughing simultaneously.

"This is ridiculous," you manage to say between giggles. "We're debating over who plays the songs."

"Exactly," Daniel agrees, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye that slipped out while laughing. "We're wasting time when we could've been enjoying some good music."

"Alright, how about we compromise?" you suggest, still chuckling. "We alternate between our songs."

"Deal," he agrees, extending a hand for a shake while steering with the other.

You clasp his hand, nodding formally as you seal the agreement. Daniel takes the first pick, choosing a song he enjoys. As the familiar beats fill the car, you cover your ears playfully, but the smile on your face tells him it's all in jest. You both sing along, creating your own little concert on wheels.

When the song ends, you take your turn, choosing a track that's currently your favourite. Daniel groans, having heard the song too many times to count, but he can't resist singing along with you. The rest of the drive is filled with a perfect mix of your favorite songs. Even though you both complain every time the other picks a song, you still sing along to each one, enjoying every moment.

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taglist: @nikfigueiredo @wonnou @jointhehunt67 @gxuh @67-angelofthelordme-67 @kigieri @lochnoch @llando4norris @monsieurbacteria6 @namgification @lilymurphy03 @sargeantdumbass @hiireadstuff @racingheartsposts @d3kstar @namjoonswaifu @thedecalcomania-blog @casperlikej @khaylin27 @mlioravanfleet @mehrmonga @wobblymug @bokutos-babyowl @chilling-seavey

[carmenberzattosgf]

this is probably ooc carmen but fuck it we ball….virgin carmy who’s just so stoked to have sex with you that he doesn’t really realize how ““not normal”” his behavior is.

most men you’ve been with get icked at the thought of kisses after blowjobs or giving head after they’ve cum inside—carmen does NOT care. gripping your jaw and tugging you up for messy kisses, so elated and pleased with you that he doesn’t even care that you haven’t swallowed his cum yet. cumming on your tits or your sticky cunt and immediately cleaning up his mess (and giving you another orgasm)

when you tell carmy he’s nasty, he knows it’s a compliment due to your happy tone but doesn’t really know what you mean because to him this is just normal so he’s like ‘:D ? thanks lmao’ -💫

Oh god my brain is going haywire. While I think it’s OOC for Carmy in the show, I definitely think virgin Carmy before the show would do this. Like please the way you worded it as “stoked to have sex with you” is exactly what is going on in Carmy’s brain. Literally just happy to be here vibes.

When you suck him off he refuses to push your head down at all, whatsoever. As soon as he cums in your mouth he’s pulling you off of your knees by your jaw to kiss you. You haven’t even gotten the chance to swallow before his tongue presses into your mouth.

It’s so fucking messy. A clash of lips and tongue. Spit mixed with cum drips out from between his mouth and yours. Carmy isn’t phased at all by it. If anything, the taste of himself on your tongue spurs him on. By the end of it, he’s wiping off the corners of your mouth with his thumb before cleaning the digit off with his mouth.

You assume it must have been a fluke, the way Carmy didn’t care about kissing you with his cum still in your mouth. Every guy you’ve ever been with would have protested, at least a little bit.

It’s not a fluke. Not at all. Carmen’s just straight up filthy. He shows that the next time he fucks you. He has only even cum inside you before, but Carmy has other plans this time. Right after you climax, he’s pulling out of you and fisting his cock at a rapid speed. His eyes stay focused on you and your body. Specifically, on the way your hips twitch with pleasure, and how your head is thrown back exposing the hickies he left earlier. The desperate cries of his name from your lips brings him to the edge. A couple more strokes and he’s cumming all over your stomach. Hot spurts of cum land on lower abdomen and the folds of your cunt.

When you manage to open your eyes again, Carmy wordlessly lowers himself between your legs. His blue eyes look up at you, completely blown out, as his tongue licks a broad stripe from your mound to your navel. He diligently collects every bit of cum on your stomach, swallowing it happily, before he shifts focus to your cunt. Carmen takes the same level of care there, licking up every trace of cum he encounters.

Once you’re all ‘cleaned up’, he works fast to bring you to another orgasm. If there’s one thing for sure about Carmy, it’s that he knows how to use his tongue. He already knows you inside and out, tracing his tongue on your cunt in the perfect way to make you scream. You finish with your thighs clamped around his head and your hands woven into his hair.

“Fuck, Carmy,” you sigh, letting your thighs fall back against the mattress. Carmy looks as happy as can be with a ditzy look in his eyes, and a smile he couldn’t wipe away if he tried. “You’re really nasty,” you laugh.

His head falls to rest on your thigh, looking up at you with a look of devotion in his eyes. “What do you mean?” One of his hands reaches for your own, interlocking his fingers with yours. It’s comments like this that remind you how little experience he has with sex.

“Well… every other guy I’ve been with would never kiss me after a blow job. Let alone willingly lick cum off my stomach.”

“It’s my job to clean you up. I um— trust me, I’m happy to do it.” Carmy blushes as he speaks. He really had no clue that wasn't the norm. He was just doing what felt natural.

"I'm not going to stop you. Besides, it's kinda hot."

"Oh is it?"

So yeah bascially carmy is so into cum play like it’s so very serious. It’s the part of the marking kink he 100% has going on.

[chubsonthemoon]

Happy Binderary 2024!! Kicking things off with the fantastic Never understood a single word he said by dear friend @aboxthecolourofheartache. I had the best time beta'ing this for Box and just had to have it on my shelf! More pics and process info under the cut:

had an absolute blast packing as many easter eggs as I could into this one! it's a roadtrip gone wrong fic heh, so I went for a scrapbook/collage cover made of the same kraft paper I usually use for paperbacks, but left the hinge + spine exposed. I tore each piece from a different sheet of scrapbook paper, so the resulting texture is really fun:

I also went to town with references to some of the events in the story, particularly on the back of the cover. the postcard is probably my favorite element; here are my few first practice runs on scratch paper (along with some of my colored pencil testings for the markings on the map) before I went for it on the real cover!

I repurposed the ribbon graphics I originally drew for another bind (@feralrookie's right where I should be ❤️). the music notes on the first page notate the rhythm of the opening lines of the song the fic is based on, Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World," which I had on loop while I was typesetting this! ("Jeremiah was a bullfrog/Was a good friend of mine.") Box's taste in trigun-themed country and blues is impeccable, and I have a whole spotify playlist made almost entirely of her recs ehe :3

the blank/empty ribbon appears between chapter 1 and the epilogue for story reasons ehe; really wanted to convey the feeling of "where did the music go?", because I also listened to American Pie a lot while making this lolol.

also added little camera graphic at the end, which reminded me of meryl's occupation as a journalist, but the hands/lack of a face holding the camera also gives me the uncanny feeling of being watched/photographed (also plot relevant heh). camera graphic and the house graphic at the beginning are both sourced from Heritage Type's free vintage illustrations, from a series of packs called "Hands Holding Stuff."

the hand holding the house on the title page gave me wolfwood's confessional-on-the-go vibes, BUT it was originally held straight like this:

so I decided to tilt it to give it more of that feeling of instability and "oh shit my entire world is being turned upside down rn god the exits WHERE ARE THE EXITS (there are no exits)" feeling present in the fic :D so I guess it's more of a knives reference?? still, the kind of "what is even going on here?" reaction I had when I first saw it fits well with the title, so I went with it!

and that's it for now!! I'll be out of town for the next week or so, but I have a bunch more projects I'm really excited to share this month, along with some long-overdue author copies that I'm excited to get mailed to their rightful homes!

finally, thank you SO much for letting me bind your work, Box!!! it's always such a pleasure <333

[riskyraiker]

Hi! Just saw that your request is open, could I request for a HC of TFP characters (and the humans if you're comfortable with it :D) with a cybertronian reader who's a popstar.. like she used to be a very famous popstar in Cybertron before the great war! platonic btw, it's just how they will interact with em (This is just a bonus but: the reader has the same vibes with shining glitter cookie 😭) sorry if this is a bit confusing, thanks!

AHHHH I LOVE THIS!! I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE. I did the autobots for this one, but let me know if you want decepticons aswell!

_____________________________

Being a popstar was awesome! Until now, because of the war. Life was great before. Interviews, shows and interaction with fans filled your schedule everytime, but right now? You ran for your life to the closest escape pod what you could find. Shooting and screaming could be heard behind you, but you ignored it and ran faster. Jumping into the escape pod you activated it and left, but it put you into a stasis coma for safety travel reasons. After eons you wake up on a strange planet, but soon as your hearing recovered you heard shooting. Did you even escape Cybertron and fell asleep? You wondered. Hiding behind the huge pod, you let the fight continue until it stopped. You could hear an feminive voice speak so you peeked from behind the pod. You saw...AUTOBOTS! What a relief for you, but the autobots soon noticed you and held you at gunpoint.

Optimus

Optimus didn't realize it was the one and only popstar from Cybertron at first, until you tell who you were.

He grew comfortable really quick around you aswell :D

Didn't react at all at first, but surprisingly got really happy about seeing you. (His inner Orion pax woke up)

When he was Orion Pax he loved i mean LOVED your style in music and performing.

Would smile the whole time when you explaing happily about your music or about your past life to the team

He also loves your style of your plating and armor as they shine and glimmer in the sun.

Would have a secret soft spot for you and loves to go patrolling with you.

He would NEVER miss a performance from you when the team has any free time.

In short he would be a secret fanboy and who never shows it

Ratchet

Ratchet was shocked to see you. You! The famous popstar alive after all these years since the war started. He didn't know much about you tho.

He did not like your loud personality at first, but grew to it since Miko is even worse.

Does like the way you perform, surprisingly since you're a popstar for frags sake! But accuses of it being a waste of time.

He would sass back sometimes, since he's so grumpy all the time (grumpy old man!)

Would spare you from his small tantrums!

He rarely sees it, but when he does he absolutely is hypnotized by your shiny plating!

Bumblebee

Oh he would be overjoyed to see you!

He's such a fanboy he won't even think it through when he's already running to hug his biggest ex-idol (His present idol is Optimus 100%)

Would always listen about your stories from before the war. Or would help you make songs if you ever had time.

The moment you said that you want his beebs and boobs (heh nice) in one of your songs, he almost passed out at that moment.

Would spend as much time as possible with you, because who wouldn't?!

He absolutely would stare at your glimmery plating everytime you were outside

Every time you performed he would be dancing and beeping along with the music.

Arcee

Didn't grow fond of you until like 2 weeks.

She has heard about you before and during the war.

Somehow she did like your music after you played it around the base.

When she gets to know you the gossiping will NEVER EVER end.

She would also trust you enough to tell you about her traumas and all the loss she has gone through.

You two start to act like sister after a month or few.

She does like to watch you perform sometime, but might think it's a waste of time.

The moment she sees your plating shimmer in the light she would mention it IMMEDIATELY!

Would sing with you if you asked

Bulkhead and Wheeljack

OH THESE TWO WOULD LOVE YOU!!!

The way your armor/plating shines when it's in natural light, the way you sound and dance, the fact that you used to be popular! Would make them want to befriend you immediately. (Not in a bad way ofc!)

They would be the second biggest fanbots you would have on the team!

Dances for their lives when you sing or perform!

Would listen your music quietly when they're on patrol aswell.

Don't forget! If you need some ideas for songs these 2 would rush over even before you can finish your sentence. (They still make bad ideas xD)

The humans

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED!!!

Miko would love you the most from the kids ofc!

"A POPSTAR?! CYBERTRONIAN POPSTARS EXIST?!" Would be the first thing you hear when she gets to know what you used to do in cybertron.

Jack would find you cool (Not as cool as arcee. So he won't hurt her feelings)

Raf would love and examine your shimmering plating after a while he stared at it, but was too scared to ask so you mentioned it to him yourself

In short the kids would be inlove (platonically of course! They're kids!)

June would find you interesting, but never meets you that much so she doesn't get to know that well unlike the kids.

[enchantedlov3r]

My heart is saying let's go! John B Routledge and JJ Maybank

🎶I'm a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way! If you wanna be with me, baby there's a price to pay🎶

Summary: There has been tension between you and the two boys but no one's ever acted on them, plus there the boys! They gotta rub you the right way...

Pairing: John B x Fem!hispanic!Pogue!reader x JJ Maybank

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: pet names, oral (f), flirting, angst, arguing, jealous kiara, angry reader, mention of death, smut, cliffhanger, kiara being a party pooper (i have nothing against her this was just a random idea), pinning and yearning, many emotions, overall good vibes, FLUFF LIKE TOOTH ROTTING, ENJOY!

A/N: I looooooovvvve me some of that John D and Papa J (divider creds to @cafekitsune

you were walking down the street from your house. you had just recently gotten into an argument with your dad and you really didn't feel like dealing with that right now.

you were walking down the street towards the chateau where you practically lived whenever you and your dad fought.

It was the only safe place you could go to, besides your childhood best friends were over there!

john b and jj maybank, the two boys who grew up to be the hottest men around. you had the biggest crush on them both and they noticed ever since you guys started 9th grade together.

since then you've flirted with each other, tested each others limits to see who would snap first, you even kissed them both at a stupid spin the bottle game.

though kiara has always been a little jealous considering she kissed jj and john b at the same party. And granted they never said they were dating because no pogue on pogue macking but hey, you and them? broke that rule long time ago.

you finally arrived and ran your hand along the Twinkie. you looked inside wondering if anyone was inside but nope, nobody. you went up to the door and knocked. you pace around the front porch before knocking again.

after about a minute you hear someone say, "hold your horses man, i'm comin." You instantly knew it was jj's voice, how could it not be.

when he opens the door he's got this boyish grin on his face as his eyes rake up and down your body. "hi jj, how's my surfer boy?" you greet with a warm smile on your face and open arms.

he gladly accepts your warm embrace along with the feeling of your warm skin on his as you were just in a bikini with these cute little short shorts on.

"i'm doing a lot better now cupcake," he says biting his bottom lip as he checks you out. "gimme a lil' twirl huh cupcake?" he asks smirking. he grabs your hand holding it up as you twirl around with giggles escaping your mouth.

"hey jayj, my eye's are up here." you say snapping your fingers in his face. you roll your eyes when he pouts and push past him to get inside.

"johnny boy, where are you bubba? I missed you," you call out hoping that john b is in here somewhere. suddenly you hear footsteps behind you and as you turn around you squeal out of fear and excitement.

john b has you wrapped up in his arms as he spins you around. john b was always your favorite but at the end of the day, you liked them both and your love for them evens out to the point where there both your favorites.

"there you are, been thinking about you all day baby." he says as he puts you down with his head snugged into your neck and his arms wrapped around your waist.

"Oh really, well then I guess my appearance was good in your favor." you say giggling. You see jj behind him staring at your exposed legs and his bottom lip between his teeth.

"ugh, hey, john b c'mere. Take a look at our girl." he says as he makes eye contact with you. john b let's you go and his eyes rake over your body as he walks to stand next to jj.

"what? do you want a twirl too?" you asks with your hands on your hips. They both smile and look at each other. "no, no. y-you look nice" john b says.

"I mean yea but without the clothes would be reeeaaal nice." jj says.

"JJ MAYBANK! How dare- ugh how could- ugh never mind." you stutter, face flushed. they've never been this forward with you but I guess since you guys kissed, there getting bolder and bolder.

"aww is our girl getting all shy now?" jj said making a fake pouty face with only mockery behind it, no sympathy at all.

you flip them both off before muttering some slight curses in spanish.

"Ustedes, hijos de puta, pueden ser verdaderos idiotas." you say while walking outside. (Translation: you motherfuckers can be real idiots.)

they hate when you curse at them in spanish, only knowing a few words because you use them a lot. "Hey! I know what puta and idiotas means you jerk!" jj yells at you.

you giggle and stick your tongue out at them both. john b is standing there in pure shock like 'what did i do' and jj is just angry. you make your way to pope, sarah and kiara.

"hey guys! what's up?" you asks excited to see sarah and pope. you and kiara aren't exactly on the best terms right now. she was your number one and now she's been replaced with sarah all because of a boy.

it was stupid really but whatever, if your guy's friendship was put in jeopardy over a boy and jj at that, then you guys were never really best friends to begin with.

sarah rushes over to you instantly embracing you in a warm hug pope following and doing the same. You opened your eyes and watched as kiara sat there and gave you a small smile. You simply smiled back before drawing your attention back to sarah and pope.

"hey girl! what's wrong? you look like you've been crying." typical sarah. Such an observer. "Yea i'm fine, just got into another argument with my dad, noting too serious." you say with a weak smile.

She tuts and shakes her head, "I told you just come and live with me for a month at most." she says.

"Yea and risk my father tearing up tannyhill, and risk putting you in danger? yea no chance. Eres demasiado importante para mi" you say to her. (Translation: you are too important to me)

She smiles understanding the words that came out of your mouth as you say them to her and everyone else everyday. You nod at her and walk over to pope.

"Hey. pope pope! Hows papi Heyward doing?" you say laughing as soon as you see pope's face.

"One that nickname is dead. Two, never call my dad papi again. And three, he's alright thanks for asking." he says rolling his eyes with a smile on his face.

"Noted on number one. Never on number two, he's papi forever, and three, that's good, glad he's ok!" You say making sarah laugh.

You see the boys coming outside with beer cans in their hands and they're walking towards the boat. sarah managed to highjack one of her dad's famous boats and now you all have it.

Today was a day where you all go out on the boat, listen to music and swim around and get slightly drunk. That was a weekend for the pogues. And even though it is stupid considering you guys have school in two days, who cares!? your living life like stupid teenagers should.

your making your way towards the boat with john b and sarah when you see kiara rush up to jj. there both talking and jj looks your way but, you quickly look next to them to make it look like your looking at pope.

waving your hand over to invite pope to the conversation sarah was having with you and john b. you three get on the boat and you turn to grab some cans from john b so you can put them in the cooler.

Once everyone is on it's smooth sailing from here until of course kiara has something to say. This has been going on for many weekends now when you all want to have fun, kiara some how ruins it with her jealousy.

"why are you doing it anyway?" she asks. you were scrolling on your phone while jamming to the music in the background and laying your head in jj's lap while he was talking to john b when she said it.

sarah looked at her confused like 'what is she talking about' and then noticed she was talking to you. sarah then tapped you to get your attention.

"¿qué pasa sarah?" you asks her. She nods her head to kiara and kiara rolls her eyes.

"yo kie, is there a problem?"jj asks, it seems her question got everyones attention now. pope looks confused and so does john b.

"I wanna know why you do it. why you lead them on? why you flirt with them sooo much!" she says glaring at you.

"kiara are you serious right now? we're all just trying enjoy ourselves and you feel the need to have this conversation now?" you say trying to keep your composure.

you have your dads temper and when you got angry it wasn't exactly the best. your whole mood would be ruined the rest of the day and you didn't need that.

"i'm talking to you about it right? so obviously i wanna have the conversation now." she says with an atitutude in her tone and you snap.

"look kiara. i'm done with your bullshit ok? whatever the hell you need to get off your chest just fucking say it." you say rising your voice slightly.

she scoffs and then begins her rant, "i'm tired of seeing you flirt with them. it's so annoying and you know how I feel about it. and john b, jj? what happened to no pogue on pogue macking huh? it seems that rule just went out the window!" she yells back.

"Ok hermana, lemme stop you there. no pogue on pogue macking? that rule ended when you kissed them first at that stupid party kiara. then you just ditched them both completely like nothing happened and they did the same thing. When you had your stupid kook phase where you just up and left and fucking forgot all of us, that was cold." you yell.

"So yea maybe i did take the opportunity to try and explore my newfound feelings for the two boys I LITERALLY GREW UP WITH!? you love making this situation seem all about you and your fucking feelings kiara but that's bullshit. i had them first, there my boys! who were with me through everything! When my mom died, were you there? no! wanna know why? because you were too busy acting like a fucking stuck up, prissy kook to even notice!" you yell at her finally getting what you needed to get off your chest.

"No offense sarah..." you add quietly. she shakes her head as a 'none taken' gesture before looking back over to kiara.

"oh ¿por qué haces las cosas que haces? Oh, no lo sé, ¿probablemente porque puedo?" you say mocking her out of anger.

Translation: (oh why do you do the things you do? oh i don't know probably cause i can?!)

She sits there silently. "I bet 20 bucks you didn't even know my mother was dead." you say coldly before turning around to go sit at the bottom part of the boat.

20 minutes later john b and jj come down to comfort you.

"Hey bubs. you ok?" john b asks walking up to your laying figure and lays in front of you. jj gets on the bed behind you and grips your stomach while john b grips your waist.

your still in your shorts and bathing suit. jj's hands are warm on your bare stomach and john b's hands are toying with the back pocket of your shorts.

"really sorry about her. she just, she-" jj is cut off by you.

"she needs to chill the hell out. She needs to stop acting like i'm some girl that's obsessed with you guys when she's clearly the obsessed one!" you say cuddling into jonh b's chest a little more.

jj scoots closer to you, his crotch on your ass, you wiggle against him supposedly "trying to get comfortable" knowing damn well your just teasing.

john b notices what your doing and pulls your hips flush with his. "I'd stop moving if I were you sweetheart." john b says.

"yea, wouldn't want anything naughty to happen right?" jj whispers in your ear.

" 'm sorry, just wanna shut my brain off for a second. i'm so angry, can you help me?" you ask the both of them twisting onto your back to stare at both of them.

They both give each other this look before looking back at you and giving in. "ok cupcake what do ya want us to do?" jj asks, you look at him and smile tiredly.

"I want you to finger me, eat me out, you choose." you say pulling down your shorts and your bikini bottoms to reveal your already wet pussy.

"Damn bubs, that was kinda our job but hey i'll get to work." john b says kissing all down your body from your lips to your neck, down to your breasts until he reaches your thighs.

He parts your legs with his big, warm hands rubbing your thighs in just the right way to make you twitch. You grab onto his hair when his kisses start leading to your now soaking cunt.

"Are you a virgin cupcake? what? you saved your pretty pussy for us? how cute." jj says right next to you. He's kissing and sucking, leaving marks on your neck as he plays with your nipples to stimulate you.

you whine and nod your head lazily at how good it feels. jj chuckles beside you as he whispers dirty things in your ear to get you off.

John b's tongue is now on you eliciting a moan straight out of you. Your hands running through his curls. Your hips moving on their own to chase your orgasm that's building up (he was that good).

Your crying now, the feeling of john b's tongue and jj's fingers were a feeling of bliss and ecstasy. You wanted nothing more than to cream and cum all over john b's face.

jj's hands reach your clit at the perfect time, you clearly must have mumbled something about cumming but you were too drunk off the both of them to even notice.

your mush now, the feeling of your orgasm washing over you and hitting you like a wave. your slowly sinking in to a lulling slumber as your fingers get tired of gripping john b's hair.

You whine out one last time before your out like a light. 'damn they really rubbed you the right way.' you thought once more before your asleep.

Taglist: (?)

[everythingmp3]

𝐚 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

AO3

this is a combination of the ideas: no outbreak AU + reader starts working at a summer camp + Tess runs the place + instant attraction + forbidden relationship

authors note: hi, I´m back with a new Tess fic! I recently read the book "The God of the Woods", which I really enjoyed, and one character reminded me of her, so that prompted the idea of making the setting a summer camp. it is a slow-burn, but still, a decent part of this is them being together! I tried to make the vibe of this fic warm and atmospheric bc I wanted it to be easy to escape into! I put a good amount of love and thought into this, so I really hope you’ll enjoy reading it<3

warnings: minors dni. large age gap (reader is in her early 20s, Tess is in her early to mid 40s), smut (reader receiving), brief mentions of injury/blood (nothing graphic or violent)

wordcount: 30k

the first thing you thought, when you stood in front of the entrance to the camp on that first day, was “why the fuck did I agree to this”. 

you were sweating from the strain of carrying your bags, from the relentless heat of the midday sun, you were surrounded by kids and teenagers who were bidding farewell to their parents, and in the middle of all that, you had no idea why on earth you´d picked that of places to spend your summer. you´d already spent the entire year of college surrounded by people in classes, in lectures, in the library, in your dorm, so it seemed like you´d blacked out when you had sent off your resume to a summer camp, a place where you would have just as little space and time to just be by yourself. 

still, there were two things that put you at ease in that moment of regret: firstly, the undeniably stunning scenery, the woods that reached as far as your eye could reach, trees taller than any you´d ever seen, the faint glistening surface of a lake visible in the distance; secondly, the girl who was a few years older than you, clearly a colleague, who noticed the forlorn look on your face and immediately took you under her wing. she´d already worked there a few summers, so she gave you a quick rundown of what you had to do to get settled as you made your way onto the camp-grounds. she succeeded in calming your nerves by saying things like “it´s really not that much work, we have a few hours of activity during the day and then some get-togethers at night, but other than that we´re usually pretty free to do whatever we want”. 

by the time you joined her in the staff building and got signed in, received a card of the grounds and got told which cabin and group you´d be the leader of, you felt like you might have overreacted, that you might end up having a better time than anticipated. 

the girl you´d just gotten to know, pointed at a door down the hallway of the building and said “I´ll go but you should probably check in with Tess, since you´re new. she´s the overseer of this place, the boss so to speak, the one you have to respond to if there´s any issue with the kids. she can be a bit.. well, intimidating let´s say, but don´t worry, she´s cool, for the most part. she´ll tell you the rest of what you need to know.” 

intimidating. you considered it, an interesting word to use for someone who spent all their time working with kids, it peaked your interest, so you knocked on the office door, and cracked it open once you heard a “yes, come in”.

the first thing you noticed when you walked in and saw Tess sitting there, was her hair. she was in the process of pulling a hair-tie out of it and adjusted it a bit as she beckoned you closer, the ashy brunette color with faint streaks of gray fell down her face in a way that briefly had you standing there in the doorframe, before you averted your gaze and went to sit down in the chair across from hers. she was striking in a way few women had ever been to you. it wasn´t easily explicable, the way no immediate, deep attraction to someone is. it was purely physical, a tingling sensation as soon as you felt her attention turn towards you, her forearms exposed where she´d pushed her sleeves up, her voice smooth and deep, her clothes comfortable and worn out but perfectly suited for her. before she said anything, she took a good, long look at you, scanning you to get the first clues about what kind of a girl she was dealing with, no hint in her expression whether she was pleased by who her superiors had sent her, a brief nervous shifting in your seat, which made her soften a bit, just a bit, as she launched into her usual introductory meeting with new workers. 

her first thought when you walked in had been “thank god it´s not a guy”. the most trouble she´d had in her time there, had always been with male workers, it was undeniable, that Tess favored the women, in more ways than one, but that wasn´t on her mind yet in that moment, not yet.

she presented you with the rules very matter of factly, leaning forward, her hands folded on the table, looking straight at you as you tried not to let your eyes wander to her fingers, a sternness to her tone that somehow made you feel warm, that wasn´t unpleasant. 

“so, new girl.” she said, “the work here really isn´t complicated. we have a few basic rules: you don´t leave the premises on your own, unless there´s a very good reason and you notify me or someone else on the team. there is no service, no wifi, except for in this building, so if you need to call someone or send an email or whatever, you can only do it here, during the day. there is breakfast, lunch, and dinner but we have a staff kitchen in here, where you can help yourself out if you want to. if you get sick, we have medical staff who will take care of you, they have pain killers and other things you might need”.

she went on, a few more obvious rules about behavior with the kids, dos and don'ts for the staff. the last part she said, was said with an inflection that signaled that she was aware you wouldn´t always follow those specific rules, that she just had to say it for protocol: “lights out and curfew is at 10. no walking around outside after that hour. no drinking, no smoking, or whatever other drugs you might be into.” that made you smile then, a nod, you understood, she could tell that you weren´t daft, that you were picking up what she was putting down: “break the rules if you want, but be clever about it, don´t let it get out of hand, be fucking smart”. 

the entire time she was talking, you found yourself enjoying her unflinching gaze, the way she didn´t soften her voice or her demeanor to suck up to you, you could tell that she was not the type for chit-chat or flattery and you liked it, it suited her, it felt reassuring, to have someone like her overseeing the place, someone who was tough and unyielding but not in a mean way.

it was clear that Tess cared about one thing: good work and reliability. she would overlook certain miniscule things that more strict bosses might not have, but it became clear very fast that you´d suffer consequences if she caught you slacking off. she was deeply invested in the kids´ safety, telling you “when you´re out and about with them, walking around, keep count. keep fucking count, I mean that, do it more than you think is necessary, if you´re walking, or sitting around somewhere, just take a few seconds every few once in a while to make sure they´re all still there. we´ve had it happen that someone didn´t notice for hours that a kid was gone, and I won´t have that again. got it?”. 

you nodded, in fact a bit intimidated then, but she just needed you to understand how urgent it was, to avoid another scandal like the one the summer before where a kid had been missing for three hours until the responsible worker noticed. 

if there was one thing Tess couldn´t stand, it was a blasé attitude of those who were in charge of other people´s safety, she didn´t play about it, she was a fierce protector and expected everyone around her to be too. there´d been times where kids had thought her to be heartless until someone randomly hurt themselves and was carried to the medics by her with a care and tenderness that stunned them. it was a reason why the camp had loyal returners, the fact that she instilled a kind of style in all of the workers that made the kids feel both safe and free. 

just as you got up after that first meeting and went to leave, she called your name, meeting your eyes for a last time as she leaned back in her chair, the first genuine smile from her as she said “oh, almost forgot: welcome. I hope you´ll have a good summer here. we´re glad to have you” playing with a pen and overdoing the friendliness in her tone, a hint of humor there because Tess was aware that she´d completely missed the opportunity to open your conversation the polite way, the way others might have, but you gave her a nod that made it clear that you were fine with her straight-forwardness. “thank you, I will, I´m sure. see you around.”

once you left the room, she just stared out of the window for a moment, watching some of the others walking around, the sky a perfect blue, while she thought “at least a few kids are gonna have a huge crush on her”. she was not gonna admit it to herself, that she was projecting, not after only having exchanged so few words with you. Tess thought of herself as better than that, better than meeting a new employee and fawning over her after only a few minutes of talking. she´d succeeded in steering clear of any complicated employee-boss dynamics for years and years, and she wasn´t gonna jeopardize that, she refused. at least, that´s what she told herself during the beginning. still, she took a good long glance at the file on you she´d been given, scanning it for any interesting info, sounding out your full name under her breath, until she eventually put it back down and pretended she hadn´t just given herself away, even thought there was no witnesses who could hold her to it. 

you had a similar experience. you weren´t thinking explicitly about your attraction to her, you just felt an inkling of it, while walking back out of the building with a faint smile on your face, her voice still fresh in your mind. it was the thing that had left the strongest impression, how she talked, her mannerisms, something about it was exactly to your liking. you found yourself hoping she wasn´t just the kind of boss who stayed out of everyone´s way, that she´d join in during activities and hang around here and there, that you´d have the chance to know a bit more about her, see her interacting with others, get a read on her, because you could tell that she was not the type to give anything about herself easily. you even hoped for a moment that one of the kids would give you trouble, so you could have a reason to go back to her office and talk to her in private again, but then, you quickly got distracted yourself by the task of inspecting the campgrounds and talking to your new coworkers, most of whom luckily seemed chill and welcoming. to your relief, you had a room to yourself in the back of the cabin that you´d been assigned to, glad to feel like you´d lucked out with your group of girls, most of them aged between ten and fifteen. 

later that night, after successfully managing your first day (settling in, unpacking, making your bed, attending the welcome meeting, lunch, some ice-breaker activities, all that) you walked over to the building you´d been to earlier, to go to the staff kitchen and get some iced water from the fridge, your empty bottle swinging back and forth as you walked there, freshly showered, dressed for sleep in some shorts and a thin tank top. it was still hot at that hour, the lingering July heat hanging over the camp in a way that was not oppressive because there was enough freshness in the air from the lake nearby. 

the building wasn´t dark, so you figured that Tess was still in her office, as you made your way down to the kitchen, which she was, until a few moments later when she locked the door behind her and heard you moving around. 

she could have just left, but something told her that it might be you, and she was curious how you were doing after your first day, so she stood in the door frame for a moment, slightly taken off-guard by seeing more of your physique than earlier, before she knocked, accompanied by a quiet “hey there”. 

you toned down your smile a bit before you turned around and closed the cap of your full bottle before you looked at her. “oh hey! still here at this hour?” you asked, walking over to her to follow her outside, since you were done there. she nodded, “hm, yeah, first days are always a bit busy, but it´s fine. what about you, how was it? you regretting it already?” a grin as she said this, holding the door for you to step outside ahead of her. “oh sure, it was awful, horrible, really, I´ll put in my resignation tomorrow morning”, you joked back, eventually facing her as you both stood outside in the pleasant evening atmosphere, she nodded, a smile, pleased by the fact that you weren´t shy around her, weren't afraid to mess with her a bit.

“how are the girls in your cabin? all behaving so far?”, she asked, the word “behaving” from her lips somehow a turn-on. “oh good, all good” you said, reassuring her, trying to come across as laid-back, to match her energy, “tired from traveling here of course,  but they´re all sweet, funny too, which is nice. did have to comfort one of them earlier who was homesick already and embarrassed about it”. that peaked her interest then, your first test of sorts, “oh yeah? how´d you do that?” she crossed her arms and eyed you with a curious smile.

you shrugged, shifting your weight, clutching the cold bottle to your chest, “well, I told her that soon there´ll come a time where she´ll wish she had some distance between her and her parents. to enjoy the freedom, to do or say things her mother wouldn´t approve of, just for the sake of it, all that. it worked, thank god”. you´d passed the test, she could tell that you were somehow naturally skilled at your new task. “hm. sounds like they´re in good hands then, good job”, “I try”, she nodded, fussing with her keys then, her hands busy as she looked at you, “well, whatever it is you´re trying, keep doing it, new girl”, a sudden sparkle in your eyes as the nickname hung in the air.

her gaze fell to where you were scratching your arm absentmindedly, a mosquito bite probably, so she pointed at it, more serious then “okay stop that, don´t scratch it open” she pulled something out of her bag then and handed it over to you. “here, aloe cream, it helps. keep it, I´m sure the girls in your cabin might need some too. apply it generously over night”, a nod from you as you took it from her, a brief brushing of her fingers that sent a shock through your whole body. “okay I will” a moment of silence then, a shared look of “I think I like you”  between you before you cleared your throat and said, “well then, have a good night, Tess”. 

you didn´t have to say her name like that, a simple “good night” would have been polite enough, so she took note of it, a restrained smile, that didn´t give away how eager she was to figure you out, to understand how much of your friendliness was really just friendly. “yeah, you too” she didn´t say your name, she was better than you at feigning indifference, but something about the way she´d looked at you, a certain flicker in her eyes, it was just visible enough to give you a fragile sense of hope, that you weren´t entirely alone in your unexpected feelings. 

on her way back to her cabin, she took a deep breath and told herself “she´s your employee. even if that was some kind of flirting, even if she did like you, it´s irrelevant, she´s off-limits. she is not the one for you.” 

but she knew that the fact that she even needed to give herself a reminder, was a bad sign. all the years before, she´d noticed when workers were attractive, when one or two of them were maybe her type in some way, she´d caught glances here and there when they were near her, but it was never connected to an actual desire to act on it; that was the key difference, with previous interest it had always been light and fun, she was fine with enjoying small-talk with a pretty girl who worked for her, since she had never felt the urge to reach out and touch them.

she´d never felt a sense of danger in her attraction but with you, it was palpable, she laid in bed later that night and felt both thrilled and afraid - thrilled because it had been a good while since anyone had challenged her, had intrigued her and pulled her in without even trying hard, afraid because she could tell that you were getting under her skin already, because she had to banish any thoughts of you in compromised positions from her mind, because she told herself “you cannot get fired over some fucking fling. forget about it.”. 

that night she didn´t sleep much, drifting in and out of dreams that gave her flashes of someone, completely nude, a glimpse of a girl´s thighs as she got out of the water and dried off, water dripping down her body, the sun glistening on her wet skin, she never saw a face, but she didn´t have to, when she woke up, she knew it had been you in the dream, her body hot all over from it, the urge to do something about it, a brief moment of almost giving into it: getting off to the images that were still fresh in her mind. but Tess was stubborn, she kept her hands over the covers, let herself suffer through the lingering need she felt, that her subconscious had forced upon her, despite everything she´d told herself the night before. she´d have to try harder, to overpower her instincts with sheer willpower. she´d have to get a grip.

after agonizing about it for a few minutes, she got up and tried to shrug it off. she splashed her face with cool water, put on her tank top and flannel and shorts, laced up her boots, and stepped outside, the cool morning air helping with getting back into her usual mindset: focused, unshakable, stoic. 

the next few days, you rarely spoke to Tess for more than a few seconds, only brief encounters, seeing each other from across the main area and nodding politely, or saying “good morning” when you entered the dining hall at the same time, but still, her presence was always affecting you in a way, she was like a shadow, a quiet magnitude to her aura that could easily be missed by people less intrigued by her than you. 

there were hundreds of people around you, all day, and yet, your attention was subconsciously drawn to her, always a brief scan over the dining hall or the main area to see if she was sitting or standing somewhere near you. the feeling was comforting in a way, to be tethered to someone by a strong pull, a warmth to it, that thrill you felt when she was close, when you were both talking to people but you hoped that she´d glance over at you, your posture immediately better when you thought about this, your face more expressive. 

her presence always made you more aware of your own body, your mannerisms, and it was a delicious kind of secret, to move around the camp grounds with the constant anticipation of seeing her, being seen by her, preferably both. it was useless to pretend otherwise, you were already wondering if she found you appealing, if you could somehow find a way to get closer to her. 

 the fact that she wasn´t a worker, that she wasn´t assigned to a specific group, made it so that she just drifted in and out, watching some of you as you did your activities with the kids, leaning against a tree for a few minutes and observing it all, or stopping on her way to walk somewhere else to talk with some of the kids or counselors. 

you could tell that everyone seemed to respect her, seemed to gravitate towards her when she offered a few minutes of her attention. 

one afternoon you were busy sitting around and drawing with the kids, when out of nowhere you looked up and saw that she was at the table next to you, helping a girl out with her painting, diligent and skilled, a pleased smile on the girl´s face when Tess adjusted some of the details for her, before getting up and drifting off again as quietly as she´d joined in. this happened more than once, that she didn´t make a big announcement and just checked up on everyone, never overbearing or judgy, always curious and generous with her subdued way of showing that she cared, about everything that was going on.

one afternoon, about four days into your stay, stood out in your mind. it was a particularly hot day, everyone was dressed in as little clothing as possible, including her: cut off shorts that ended mid-thigh and a white tank-top that showed off her tanned arms, her shoulders, her generally very impressive physique. she didn´t have the kind of muscles that people gained by going to the gym, they were the natural, slightly softer kind of muscles that were the natural result of a lot of outside activity, her upper arms big and strong but not freakishly so, not in a way that seemed try-hard or vain, you could tell that she just naturally a muscular woman, that it didn´t take much for her to look like that, your eyes constantly drawn to her thighs, the faint freckles that somehow made her look even hotter. 

you were sitting in the shade, drinking your third bottle of water that day, trying but failing to read a book, when you spotted her from afar, checking up on the other people who were lingering around, all sluggish and lethargic from the heatwave that had hit the woods that day. you smiled as you realized that she was making sure everyone was healthy, drinking enough, not at risk of heatstroke, reminding the kids to not jump into the lake but to let their bodies adjust to the colder temperature, reminding them to minimize physical activity overall, to reapply sunscreen, to eat enough, to tell someone if they felt dizzy or needed a break, a nap. 

she was about to turn around and go back to her office, when she saw you looking, and felt the need to make sure you were okay too, so you tried to act normal as she approached you, putting her foot up on the wooden bench across from the one you were sitting on, a casual air about her as she asked, “hey there. how are you holding up? all good?”. 

you nodded, putting your book down to pay full attention to her, her face instead of her legs or arms. “yeah thanks, I´m managing. I mean, I feel a bit dead but other than that, all good”, that made her smile, “I hear you, it´s rarely this hot, tomorrow´s supposed to be cooler again, don´t worry”.

she grinned then, something was amusing to her, so you leaned forward, eyeing her, “something funny?”. Tess pointed at your book that was laying facedown on the table, “I saw you yesterday with that and from the looks of it you haven´t made a dent, at all” an admission in there: that she´d seen you, when you hadn´t been aware. it made your face feel even hotter than it already was. you pretended to be a bit offended “well, in this heat, can you blame me for not being able to concentrate?”, she put her hands on her hips, “sort of yeah. where there´s a will…” she was teasing, you couldn´t help but smile. “right. well, guess I´m just lazy, you got me”.

she dropped the act and talked a bit more earnestly then, sensing that she was venturing into territory that was a bit too friendly, but she didn´t care, “or the book just isn´t good enough to keep your attention. I could give you one of mine later, I think I have a good guess what you might enjoy”, that wasn´t what you'd expected, it seemed like an offer she wouldn´t just make to anyone, but maybe she did, maybe that was her thing, lending people books. still, you hoped it wasn´t, that it was her way of breaching the distance between you a bit further. you nodded, “okay, sure, I´ll take that”,“you´ll have to actually read it though, I´ll ask you questions to make sure you are”, a sort of challenging tone then, a hint of something in her voice that you wanted to read as flirtatiousness. 

your face felt hotter by the second as she kept standing there, so close, her hair wavy from the shower she´d took earlier, her face glowing from the sun, and she could tell, you were not hiding it well enough. she found a thrill in it, the sense that she was making you a bit nervous, which reflected her own feelings because she was distracted by the labored breaths you were taking, the way you ran your fingers through your hair, the way you leaned your head on your hand at one point, an exhausted but deeply endearing expression that you directed her way- she had the urge to sit down and just watch you as you pretended to read, to go and get you an iced drink, to spend time with you, get to know you.

you changed the subject then, preventing her from leaving when you saw that she was about to. “you seem fine though, considering the weather, how do you do it?” you asked, pointing at her, the way she didn´t even seem to be sweating at all, she shrugged, “willpower? maybe?”. that made you laugh, “right, you refuse to be overpowered by the sun?”, she nodded, “something like that, yeah”, a moment of silence as you smiled at each other, as you both had the brief fantasy of retreating back to a cabin, to undress, to see the remaining parts of your body that were still hidden by clothing, to feel the warmth of each other´s skin, to tire each other out, to leave each other flushed and eager to feel the eventual cooler night breeze on your bare skin. 

there was something about the life at the camp, the constant focus on physical activities, that made it hard not to become all body, all instinct, all animal, you could tell with other counselors that couples formed quickly, that some people randomly disappeared after eyeing each other up and down all day. you could tell with the kids too, that crushes were being added to catalog of infatuations between boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys all day, one shared moment of sitting on the ground and touching knees enough to activate some part of the body that wants to be wild in the surroundings of nature, impulses that were impossible to fight back against. 

Tess was the one to interrupt your shared moment of want, removing her foot from the bench and standing upright again to give you a brief goodbye and leave you alone, the image of your fingers drawing circles on the wooden table in front of you burned into her mind for some reason, just like the image of your lips and cheeks flushed from the warmth, the tone of your voice, sweeter and slower in that moment than before, reaching a part of her that had long gone untouched, unmoved. 

sure enough, later during dinner she made sure to keep her promise. 

you were about to leave the dining hall, as you saw her waving you over to her table, so you abandoned your group for a moment and stood in front of her as she held out a book to you, a relatively big one, by the looks of it well-loved and read multiple times. “here. I´m expecting you to finish this by next week” she was fucking with you, but part of you wanted to prove to her that you could actually manage that, so you said “alright. I will” taking it from her and flipping through it briefly, delighted by the fact that there were underlined passages in there, comments in the margins, you wondered if she´d forgotten about all that when she picked it out to give to you because that was a pretty intimate thing to hand over, her thoughts all over hundreds of pages like that. you were both tired from the hot day, both silent for a moment, a sort of shy smile from you then, as you looked down at her confident expression, the obvious joy she took in being a bit teacher-y with you, having a rapport that was bordering on something other than just boss-employee. 

eventually, you saw that your group was leaving, so you pulled yourself out of that moment of quiet, warm familiarity with her, and said a brief thank you, following the girls you were in charge of back out as she finished her dinner and tried her best not to let anyone at her table clock the way she was staring at your back as you walked out.

a moment during that first week that stood out to her was one a few days later. you took your group to go swim in the lake because it was a perfect day, the breeze just right. you spent some of the time making sure all of the teens were behaving, not overdoing it with how far they were swimming out, lingering in the shallow parts of the lake with the younger kids and enjoying the cooling water on your body. a while later, when everyone was bit tired out and tanning in the shade, you laid on your towel and read the book she´d given you, your bikini still damp, your skin slowly drying, flipping over on your stomach every once in a while.

what you weren´t aware of, was that during the middle of all that, Tess had sat down at the dock nearby with a bit of paperwork she had to get to, so she could do it while dangling her legs in the lake. you were near enough for her to realize that it was you, and it was impossible for her not to stare. she was enthralled by it, everything, how you looked getting out of the water, how the water had dripped down your back, the way your body looked in the sun, every single outline of your muscles visible, every detail on display, an almost guilty feeling then, as she couldn´t tear her eyes away even when you were just lounging in the shade. a few times that early afternoon, she caught you sitting with your head on your knees, your arms around your shins, staring off into the distance, not a sad but pensive expression, something about your demeanor that made her wonder, “what is she thinking about?”.

Tess felt a very human thing then, she craved intimacy and connection all of a sudden in a way that she hadn´t in years. she was good at telling herself that she could do without all that, for years she´d been in denial about her desires, but there you were, and she wanted nothing more than to just sit down and talk to you over dinner, to ask you questions, to watch you. it wasn´t even just with the motive of wanting you in a physical way, even though that was a big part of it, it was also just the rediscovery of a humbling feeling, the feeling of “I want a woman in my life. I want someone to be affectionate with, to show my softer side to.” it was all still there, deep down, and you were bringing it all back up.

she was also increasingly desperate to figure you out because something about you seemed so familiar, in the way that you carried yourself, the way you somehow seemed alone even in the midst of all of the kids and other workers. you seemed to be of a similarly solitary nature, something told her that you were someone she could feel seen by, understood by, and that she might offer you the same in return. she didn´t get shit done, so eventually she dried off her legs, put her shoes back on and abandoned the lake, throwing a last admiring glance your way just as you were getting up to shake out your towel and get dressed. 

that night, a few of the kids urged you to go raspberry picking with them in a field nearby, and because you had little else to do, you said yes. 

on your way back, carrying the goods in little buckets you´d brought, you were enjoying the soft evening atmosphere, the light of the blue hour, the kids walking in front of you with their fingers and mouths stained red, as Tess made her way down the same path to the main area. 

you were too lost in thought to realize that she´d caught up with you, so eventually she smiled and gave you a nudge, “hey”, you startled a bit but quickly returned the smile “oh hey”.

“still at work even at this hour hm?” she said, pointing at the raspberries you were carrying, her voice raspy from talking to people all day, an instinctive step towards her to close some of the distance. “well, this isn´t really hard work, is it?” you smiled at her, she returned it, “ate like half of them already when we were there, they´re really good right now” she nodded, endeared by the image of you kneeling down and plucking them off the bushes, paying close attention. 

without asking, she reached over and grabbed a few of the berries, putting one in her mouth as you looked at her, a mischievous flicker in her eyes that told you that she was expecting you to shove her hand away of protest, but you didn´t, a nod instead.

“I don´t mind, in fact, you go and take these, I ate so many already, and they won´t be as good tomorrow”, you said, holding the small bucket out to her as she ate a few more, a squint of her eyes, “if you´re trying to get in my good graces to be employee of the month, I have to disappoint, we don´t do that here”, she was teasing of course, but as always, you played along, “oh fuck, well, that was my plan of course. wasn´t just being nice or anything”. Tess looked like she was enjoying herself, she took the berries from you and put another in her mouth, a vibe between you that felt friendly, too friendly, further away from professional than mere days before. “so, what are you up to now?”, she said, as you neared the area where her cabin was located, which you´d have to pass by to get to yours, “well, not much, shower, take them to bed, try to sleep”, she cocked her head, an inquisitive look then, “try? you're not sleeping well?”, a hint of concern in there. “no, I mean,  sometimes it just takes a while to fall asleep. I´m not used to dead silence at night, but it´s fine, it´s cozy in a way”, “sure, takes a while to get used to it. well, if it ever gets too bad I have a tea I could offer, always helps when I can´t sleep. just tell me if you ever wanna try”.

it somehow only added to her appeal, that she always seemed to be invested in everyone´s well-being, everyone´s comfort, yours in particular, it felt special in a way, after months of being entirely self-reliant.

“okay. thanks, I´ll keep it mind”. with that, you´d reached her place, so she excused herself and told you “see you tomorrow” with a pleased grin on her face, which made you wonder what part of your casual exchange had prompted it, what about you made it so that she didn´t just walk past you, but took a moment to say hi, to talk, to slow down her pace to match yours.

once she was gone and you were trying to catch up to the kids in front of you again, you kept thinking about her hands, the image of them reaching over to steal the raspberries, the way her fingers were always clean, even though she lived an outdoorsy life. you´d noticed it before, that she took care of her hands, made a point of keeping her nails as short as possible, no signs of dirt, ever, it made it easy to obsess over that feature of hers, to fantasize, in different ways. in general, Tess always had a fresh air about her, there was this scent that you could pick up on when you were close to her, you had no idea if it was a perfume or cologne or her laundry detergent or her natural scent or a mix of all of those, but it always pulled you closer, always made you want to breathe it in from up close, to have it all over you after embracing her or doing other things. it made you dizzy to imagine having your face by her neck, to kiss her there, to take as long as you wanted to get lost in all the sensations of her body. you tried your best to forget about all this as you had to get your mind straight to not fuck up during your nightly head-count, since nothing would lose you her affection faster than overlooking a missing kid. it made you better at the job, your eagerness to please her, so it was a win-win-win, for her, for you, for the kids, the fact that you were obsessed with her by that point. 

a few minutes after leaving you, Tess sat at her dining table, eating the remaining berries, lost in thought, enjoying the feeling of somehow being physically connected to you via the contact all of the berries she was eating had had with your hand, your fingers, your skin. 

she liked it, the implicit eroticism of it all, she savored the taste, silence in her cabin as she took her time eating, wondering what you were up to, if you were already laying in bed, if you were maybe also letting your thoughts wander to her, or if something else completely was on your mind, something she had no idea about. she imagined you sitting at the edge of your bed, tired and spent from the day, your room dark, only the moonlight illuminating your outline a bit, she imagined the tired look on your face, how you might sigh and close your eyes for a moment before getting undressed, how it would feel to be there, to offer you something, to say “come here” and hold you as you fell asleep, how it would feel to share a bed with you, to feel your skin warm against hers, to wake up in the middle of the night and hear you breathing slowly, deeply. eventually, she abandoned her kitchen and tried to repress the urge she had to go out and look for you, a long stare into the mirror as she brushed her teeth and told herself “calm down. you´re being fucking insane.”

at the end of the week, there was a bonfire night. the air at that hour was cool enough for the fire to be a pleasant sensation and most people quickly broke into groups, the younger kids, the older ones, your colleagues, a few of them standing around and talking, others playing games or entertaining each other with gossip from the day. 

you were tired form the eventful week, your limbs a bit heavy and sore, so you briefly left the two other counselors you were on good terms with for a moment to go sit on near the fire and just relax for a moment, watching the flames dance in the dark forest air. what you hadn´t noticed, was that Tess had been leaning against a tree near where you´d sat down for about fifteen minutes, just quietly observing, the way she always did, and for a few minutes she just looked at you, how you were holding your body, what your face might give away about your state of mind, before she decided to go pick up a drink from the cooler nearby to hand it to you as she sat down next to you, unannounced, a genuine smile from you as you took the drink and thanked her, wondering if she´d been able to tell that you were a bit tired, slightly touched by her attentiveness that you were still getting used to. 

“so”, she started, “how has it been”. you knew she was asking about how you felt after your first week there, that she was curious, so you turned to her, the desire to make sure she knew you were enjoying it, even though you must´ve seemed a bit exhausted in that moment.“oh I´m all good so far, thanks, no complaints yet, I´m getting moving my body much more than at college, so that´s good” you said, “even though I´m kinda scraped up”, pointing at a few scratches and bruises that were the result of various hiking and climbing and running activities. Tess glanced down at your legs, a grin, “oh just wait, there´s more to come”, somehow it sounded lascivious the way she said it, you leaned a bit closer to her, “oh, I don´t mind, after being stuck in the library for months this is great, I do feel better than a week ago, I have to say, I needed a break I think”, Tess nodded, a smile, the restrained kind she usually gave, that somehow pleased you much more than wide, toothy smiles from other people, 

“a lot going on up there, hm” gesturing at your forehead, a smile. the tone she used in that moment was the softest you´d heard her up until that point, it was clear she was trying to comfort you in some way, so you returned the smile, a tired sigh, “unfortunately, yeah, kinda. it´s hard sometimes to have this much time to myself. usually so many things distract me but, not here. kinda hard to just enjoy the peace and quiet sometimes, funny enough”. she nodded, messing with a twig absentmindedly, breaking small parts off. she briefly started into the distance, before turning back to you, “not for me” she said, smiling.“yeah, i´ts impressive to be honest. I don´t know how you do it. guess you´re already enlightened, zen, all that” you were half-joking, it made her laugh, “hardly. just years of practice. my early life was anything but quiet or serene, so, took some time to get used to it. but now I wouldn´t go back”,  you made a sound of understanding “I believe you, yeah. sounds nice, peaceful”.

she paused for a moment before changing the subject, the hint of a grin on her face,“you know, I´ve been hearing a few things through the grape-vine about you.” you faced fully then, the immediate thought being “oh god what did I do. did I do something embarrassing without realizing” even though you couldn´t recall anything, and the slightly panicked expression was funny to her, maybe cute too in some way, so she let you hang in that fear for a moment before saying, “oh don´t worry, glowing reviews across the board so far”.

that surprised you, the fact that people had gone out of their way to talk about you generously, “really?”, she tilted her head, studying your face for a moment, “why are you so surprised?”. she wasn´t gonna go into detail because she wasn´t big on flattery but a girl who´d worked there for two summers already, had come up to her earlier and told her that you were much better than the new girl the year before, that you were popular with the kids because you were patient and not too strict, that you´d offered to take over her group for a day because she was about to take a bunch of pain-killers for her headache to power through. Tess had heard a few other things along those lines too, and it was an easy way to get into her head, to win her over, being a good influence on her beloved space. 

you pondered the question why you were surprised about the praise and shrugged, “guess I just didn´t try all that hard”, she nodded, her voice lower, slower, “well, that´s the point I think”. “I could honestly do this job all year I think. but well. academic career calls” 

she smiled, “well someone´s gotta be the brainy type”, “you are too and you're here, so”, she took the compliment, “well but thats different. I´m people smart, life smart, you´re more book smart”, “how would you know?”, you said, tickled by her read on you, “well, you have that sophisticated “I write essays about complex niche shit”-air”, she was teasing a bit, gently, “oh damn, thats what I give off? really?”. 

“maybe, a bit. well you´re not like them, that´s for fucking sure”, she said, pointing at two guys and girls who were screeching as they were play-fighting, pushing each other, more the frat and sorority types, you laughed “right. can´t argue with that”. 

“so who do you hang out with?” you asked, which caught her off guard, “huh?” you looked at her more closely then, your faces both orange from the fire, glowing, easy to be mesmerized by, distracted by.“I never see you with anyone.”, you continued, waiting for an explanation, her voice was lower then, for emphasis,“well that´s on purpose, sweetie. I don´t “hang out” with people”. the pet name made your face feel even warmer, you were curious if she was bluffing,“no? you´re all alone, all day?”, she smiled, angling her body a bit more towards you, “well I´m never alone, am I?”, pointing around at all the others.“you know what I mean. no friends, no..” you didn´t say it out loud, the other kind of company you wondered about.

“no. just me and my mind palace” she whispered, tapping on her forehead. “right. well, could be worse, you seem very…” “very what?” she asked, not sure what you were about to say. “I dont know.. solid” you said,“solid. okay I´ll take that”, she wasn´t sure if you were being serious, so you went on“I mean it as a compliment, you never seem anxious or desperate for praise or approval or anything really”. “right. unlike…you?” she said, trying to get a rise out of you, clearly not meaning it, “ouch??”, you said, obviously not hurt but thrilled be the sudden playfulness that she was offering you. “no I´m joking. that´s more her thing, isn´t it” Tess said while pointing at a coworker of yours, she was right, the girl was notorious for giggling and talking in a higher voice around the male staff members, so you laughed a scandalized laugh, nudging her leg, a burn where her knee briefly brushed yours, her index finger on her lips “shh, I didnt say anything”, she whispered“no, sure”. 

Tess realized that she´d fucked up, just a moment too late. she´d crossed the boss-employee boundary of gossiping with you about your fellow worker, when she was in charge of both of you, you weren´t her peer, she knew this, but it felt too good, to sit there under the stars and actually have fun talking to someone. it was a small thing, but it was the start of something, of creating a sense of familiarity, a signal to you that she saw you as an equal, which she shouldn´t do, she knew it, she´d have to reel it back in, but she didn´t want to, not at all. 

you didn´t press on, you just gladly took what you got, pleased by the fact that she seemed to trust you in some way, that she wanted to make you laugh, create a feeling of kinship. just in time, a guy you were friendly with came over and told you to come join him and the others for a game, so you bade her farewell, and followed him, a hint of jealousy to her then as she watched his bright smile as he talked to you, as she saw some other girls hugging you, their hands on your lower back. she´d never wished she was part of the counselor group, not until that moment. she tried not to think about it, that some of the girls and guys around you would maybe shoot their shot with you, that you might want them to, that she´d have to witness a post-getting together flush on your face while you stole glances at another person across the dining hall table. she was perceptive, those kinds of things never escaped her, so she hoped and prayed that she´d never pick on something like that from you. unless. unless she was the one being looked at.

the next day, the plan was for everyone to go on a hike together, deeper into the forest because about thirty minutes away, there was a river that was shallow enough for everyone to be allowed to swim in without worrying about any safety issues. 

the plan was to spend a few hours there, for everyone to as they pleased, either swimming or laying in the grass or reading or doing whatever you wanted.

 about ten minutes into the hike, there was a steep hill you all had to go down, and two kids from your group didn´t realize that it was not a good idea to hold hands, until one of them lost their balance and nearly pulled the other one to the ground, had it not been for you and your sudden sharp reflex. you were walking a few steps behind them when you saw the first signs of what was about to be nasty joint fall to the floor, so without thinking twice, you hurried over to put yourself between them and the ground, which worked out, but forced you to the floor, because of the sudden impact of two bodies on you. 

at first, you weren´t aware that you´d even gotten hurt in the process, your mind clouded by the rush of adrenaline, but there was a sharp pain in your shin that made itself noticeable as the kids were saying your name, breathless, followed by a “look” pointing at your leg “I´m so sorry” the other one uttered, “it's my fault”, but you quickly said “no it´s okay, you´re good, I´m good, no big deal”, but you weren´t really all that good: you´d fallen right onto the sharp edge of a rock and your shin was dripping blood, a stream that already nearly reached your ankle. “Tess!!” the kids yelled, aware that she was always the one to look for in emergencies, but she was close enough to have seen it all, already in the process of hurrying over and kneeling down by your side, a hand on your back, checking the injury, “fuck” she said. “yeah, no, this can´t be left like that. we need to go back and clean this up”. “it´s fine really, I-” you tried to downplay it, but she shushed you, a sharpness to her expression then, she was gonna spare you the lecture she could have given then “what did I tell you about wounds? always, always turn back around, no open wounds out in the wild, infection is not something we want here”. 

you were embarrassed by the attention, she could tell, so she quickly looked up and announced to the others, “guys it´s no big deal, she took a fall, it looks worse than it is but I´ll go help her back so we can bandage it, you guys go without us. we´ll see each other for lunch later, okay?”. everyone respected her, so her words settled quickly and people kept it pushing, the two kids you´d shielded briefly giving you a pat while saying a shy “thank you. see you later?”, “yes, don´t worry guys I´m okay”. they smiled then, glad that you weren´t mad at all. Tess was still busy checking your injury, she´d pulled a tissue from her bag and had cleaned some of it up but the blood kept coming, so she said, “okay, come on, we need to fix this. I´ll help you up, okay?”. you nodded, putting weight on your uninjured leg as she pulled you up, with ease, her arm around your waist then to steady you, her hand firm, you could feel it well through the thin fabric of your shirt, intimate in a way that made you forget about the pain. part of her felt guilty, that she was glad to have an excuse to touch you, that she could disguise it as worry, the fact that she enjoyed feeling you close. 

“god this is so stupid” you sighed, as you made your way towards her cabin, walking slowly, your leg not really all that hurt but enough to make you limp a bit, she smiled, a light squeeze to your arm, “well, at least there are two girls who will see you as their savior now, just you wait, they´ll start writing you love-letters”, “anyone would have done that” you said, dismissive of the supposed bravery of your little moment of protectiveness, but she shook her head. “no, I don´t think so. you´re kind of a mama bear with them, I can tell”-

“ew Tess, not that fucking word”, she laughed, her grip on you just as firm as before, briefly turning to look at you, “don´t like that, no?”. “no. besides, I´m more of a big sister I think, you´re the.. mama as you said it. they like me but they respect you”.“I don´t know about all that”, “they do, it´s cute, they talk about you with hushed voices, all reverent. I overheard them once, they like that you´re not like their moms”, that made Tess smile, “hm, they have a point there. I sometimes think they´re scared of me though”, “no. I mean, maybe some of them, but can´t hurt, to have a tiny bit of fear in there. I´ve never seen any of them give you trouble”, she nodded, her tone low, a hint of pride in there, “oh, I´d like to see any of them try”.

“you good? we´re almost there” she asked, hoping you weren´t in too much pain, “yeah, yeah, all good, haven´t bled out yet I think”. “you sure, looking a bit pale there” she was messing with you, it felt nice, “you telling me I look bad?”, “no, never”, she realized too late that that was the kind of subtle flirty thing she´d have said to someone she was dating, not the kind of thing she´d say to an employee, so for the rest of the way she just kept her mouth shut, as you smiled to yourself, despite your bloodied shin, because slowly but surely, you were sensing that she wasn´t impossible to crack. 

once you were inside her cabin, she rushed down the hallway to get the stuff she needed from her medical kit, while you took a look around her living room that was connected to a kitchen. 

the cabin was different than yours, the layout was more like a real apartment, moderate in size but cozy, inviting, a couch with some bookshelves behind it, a fireplace, a coffee table with various candles and lighters and magazines, so for a few seconds you slowly walked around the room, until you heard her whistling your way to get your attention, she was standing in the kitchen, waving you over, “stop snooping and come here” her tone pretend-stern, you could tell that she wasn´t really bothered.“I wasn´t” you insisted as you watched her pulling out two chairs from the dining table, one to sit on and one to put your leg up on, she was impatient, not even addressing your protest, focused on getting you cleaned up, “sit down” another order, you suppressed a grin as you walked over, it felt good, to be bossed around by her, and she could tell, it wasn´t the same way with others, they sometimes perceived it as rude or cold, but there you were, almost giddy because she was being a bit authoritative, it only made the thing she had for you worse, but she kept her mind on the bandage she was cutting. 

you sat down and lifted up your leg on the chair, as she knelt down next to you, a reassuring hand on your leg as she used a wet tissue to clean up most of the blood, careful, slow, focused, in a way that felt so intimate that you felt a blush creep up on your cheeks, silent as she discarded of the tissue and looked up at you.“okay, this part always sucks but I need to make sure the wound is clean, so I´ll put some rubbing alcohol on it, alright? it will sting, but only for a few seconds”, you looked down at her, your hands in your lap, a sense of trust radiating from you. as you said “it´s fine, I can take it, don´t worry” a sudden rush of heat to her face to then, as the words “I can take it” hit her, but she pushed that feeling away and nodded, “good. you can touch me by the way, hold my arm for support or whatever” pointing to your hands, the way you were sitting there sort of shy, so you did, your hand on her shoulder.

Tess did what she had to do, a wince and clenching of your teeth, as the aforementioned sting hit you, she could feel your fingernails digging into her skin, another thing that could have distracted her, had she not been busy getting it over with as quickly as possible, so you could relax again.  “okay, done”, she caught herself just in time before “good girl” could leave her lips, a shake of her head as she went over to the trash and threw away the bloodied cloth. 

you sat there, smiling, enjoying the way she was tending to you “you´re good at this” you said, a smile from her then as she fussed with the bandage and knelt down again, slowly wrapping it around your shin, a brief glance up at you, “well, gotta be with this job, I won´t have anyone walking around with a festering wound, not on my watch”, “yeah I can tell. bet you´re good at calming them down when they get seriously injured, not just like this”, you could imagine Tess in an emergency, her being the steading presence if someone fainted, getting them in the right position and telling them in her soothing voice to mimic her pattern of breathing, you could imagine her in pretty much an serious situation as the person to look to for help, for a calming influence, it was somehow only making it all worse, your attraction to her, how gentle but deliberate she was as she finished wrapping up your wound, her fingers never shaky or fumbling with anything, your eyes on her face as her gaze was fixed on your patched-up wound, a nod from her then, “okay, this should work. we´re done here”. 

you squeezed her arm then, lightly, “thank you. it doesn´t even hurt much”. that was a relief to hear, the cut had been in an unfortunate place, right above your bone, where the skin was thin, “you´re tough, huh. didn´t complain the whole way back or just now”, you took the compliment, “not much to complain about here” you said and gestured around, vaguely, but she knew you didn´t mean her cabin or the environment outside, it was clear what you were saying, and she knew she should have pushed back a bit, said something very clearly professional and distanced then, but she didn´t want to, it was nice, to have that exchange with you. she could feel herself getting reckless, and she couldn´t stop it, not fully.

for a moment she just stood there, leaning back against the counter, taking in the sight of you, still sitting at her table, clearly a bit exhausted. “you good? need anything? a drink?”, “a drink?” you said, grinning a her,  “like what, a beer? whiskey?” she knew she´d phrased that a bit oddly, so she laughed, shaking her head, “no, I´m not stupid enough to get my workers drunk, at least not yet, but, I do have something else that might lift your spirits, now that I think about it”, initially she was gonna give you water, but she felt generous, felt like spoiling you a bit, which was not something she´d have usually done for people, but she was already past the point of pretending, you weren´t like the others to her, she could admit it to herself.

she walked over her fridge and got something out that you couldn´t identify at first, before she walked over to you and placed them in your lap, “here, knock yourself out”. the moment you realized what it was, a bottle of coke and some chocolate, your eyes lit up in a way that made her laugh then, “damn, you look like you haven´t eaten in three months, you´ve only been here for a week, sweetie”.

“well, I haven´t eaten any non-organic food in days so this- yeah this is gonna hit. where the fuck did you get this?” you asked, before taking a sip of the coke. she liked it, watching you savor something, the way you licked your lips after, “well, unlike you poor souls I have a car here. I can drive to the nearest town whenever I want”, “oh so thats what you do when you sneak off? go have fun elsewhere?”, she shook her head, “no fun, just pragmatics, I am kind of picky with my food, so, yeah, I like stocking up on stuff I can make myself”. “hm.  interesting. wanna take me with you sometime?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at her. “absolutely not, no favoritism and no outside-work shit, you know that”, it was bullshit and you both knew it, what was going on in that moment was the definition of favoritism, but you played along, “damn. your a hard-ass huh?”, licking some of the chocolate that had melted onto your fingers, her eyes drawn to your mouth yet again, her composure getting a hard hit, yet again, “only now noticing are you?”. 

“well. they´ll be back in like three hours so… you´re free to do as you please now”. “right. I can stare at a wall and bore myself to death”, she was amused, something about your dry humor matched hers, it felt familiar, “or, maybe, just a thought, you could enjoy the surroundings?”. she had a point,“I know but, the novelty has kinda worn off there”, she knew what you meant, you spent day and night under those trees, it wasn´t exactly thrilling to spend a few hours sitting there, “right. have you ever been up on the hill? the one behind the lake?”, “no, is it cool?”, “kinda, yeah, you can see pretty far from there and there´s a bench there”, you grinned, “so your secret spot?”, a shrug, a smile that gave away the answer, “sort of. but, I´d make an exception for an injured person”.

“you can put weight on it, right?”, she looked at you, that uninterrupted kind of attention that you weren´t used to, her gaze seemingly never flickering somewhere else when she was talking to you, with you. “yeah, wait let me see” you placed your foot on the floor, she instinctively held out her arm, so you could put your hand there, “it´s okay, doesn´t hurt”, she seemed relieved, still, she monitored your walk as you went towards the door, she could tell were a bit tentative still, which made her feel more protective than she should have, you weren´t dealing with a broken leg, you were fine, but she cared about you, genuinely, and for her it was rare to feel that way, so inevitably, she made it her job of sorts to look out for you. 

the way up the hill wasn´t long and she made you go in front of her once the path started inclining, to prevent any possible tripping falling, and also. if she´d met you in a dating context, in a context outside of work, that would have been the moment for her to say “let me carry you, come on” to show off her strength, to feel you against her back, holding onto her while she´d have her hands on your thighs to support you. 

she liked it when the kids' eyes went wide when she showed off her capabilities, but she missed it, having a woman to impress, having someone to maybe turn on with it. instead, she just watched you, the sight of your bandaged leg somehow deepening the tenderness she already felt for you, the sudden desire to kneel down and kiss your skin above the wound. eventually, you reach the bench and both sat down, you a bit more winded than her, catching your breath as you said “oh, yeah this is nice” while realizing how far you could look, almost all the way to the town nearby. 

for a moment you both just sat there and enjoyed the silence, the sounds of various birds, the moderate heat of a summer day that wouldn´t be unbearably but pleasantly hot, until she spoke up, “you know. this is a bit.. well not ideal, but I usually come up here to smoke” you were being trusted with a secret, you could tell, she obviously smoked up there because everywhere else a kid could see her, make a big deal out of it, tease her for it, it was clear that she wouldn´t give anyone a clue about her vices, except, you in that moment, and you wanted to think that she wouldn´t just do it with any of her employees, that not all of them were aware of her habit, “okay, not a problem with me”, you said, nonchalantly, so she raised her eyebrows, “you don´t mind?”, you shook your head “no, not at all”. 

within seconds she had her lighter and a half empty pack in her hands, quickly lighting one and taking a first drag that gave away that it had probably been a few days, a deep exhale as she leaned back and looked different than usual, more like the private version of herself, more like she probably looked around friends or lovers, her posture softer, her demeanor less intimidating. you had to be careful not to stare because she looked hot smoking, the way nonchalant blew smoke in the opposite direction of your face, which made you laugh, “it´s okay you know, you can face me”, she turned to you then, tilting her head, a challenging look, “you want me to shotgun you, huh?” she joked, leaning a bit closer to you before taking another drag. “sure, I wouldn´t mind” you said, a bit too earnestly, a beat of silence then, she shook her head, exhaling a bit closer to your face then, “you´re funny”, almost like she was saying it to herself, not to you. 

somehow, the scent of tobacco suited her, the woods around had an earthy smell anyway, it kinda matched it, a scent profile that added to her slightly masculine air, she seemed at home in the woods, they too were imposing and dangerous in some way, but comforting and still too, it reflected her, you could tell why she´d ended up there and she could tell that you were looking at her side profile, and she let you, her arm behind you on the bench, a tranquil feeling, an unusual silence, no shrieks from kids, nothing, just you there, the awareness of your body close to hers a warm, revitalizing sensation. 

“can I ask you something?” she eventually said, turning her attention back to you as you were fussing with your bandage a bit, her hand gently pulling it away, so you´d leave it alone, a hint of that caring dominance that made her so alluring to you. 

“sure, whatever you want” , you were hoping for something juicy, but she wasn´t that careless, “why´d you come here?”,  she asked, genuine interest in her eyes. you thought about it, a brief pause, her body turned more to you then. “well. to be honest, I didn´t wanna stay in my college town and I didn´t wanna go back home either, so. thought a job might be good, get away from everything. and so far, seems that I had the right idea”. she nodded, considering that, “makes sense yeah. you do seem like you´ve been here for much longer than a week. would you come back again next year?”. 

that was not what you expected her to ask, “already offering me an extension of the contract?” you said, a smile, slightly playful, she nodded, “yes, actually I am, because we don´t get new people here too often, and you´re good. would be one less job application bullshit to go through next year. besides, some of the kids will come back, and they like you, so, win-win”, you almost asked her “and you? you want me to come back too?” but the subtext was already there, you knew she wanted you to, and you knew she wouldn´t admit it. “sure, I mean, I don´t see why not. unless of course.. I fall madly in love and wanna go be an annoying happy couple on vacation” you joked, which made her laugh then, “oh sure, feel free to cancel on us if that happens, wouldn´t wanna get in the way of love” her tone was dripping in irony and you smiled to yourself, glad that you´d found a way to signal to her that you were in fact not currently in a relationship, which she´d figured before, but it felt good for her to have it confirmed, too good, she suppressed the joy that could have been read on her face then, had she been less careful. 

“I´m kinda glad that I could turn around to be honest” you said, stretching your limbs a bit and enjoying the peaceful vibe, she turned to you, “ah, let me guess, Marc and Carla, trouble in paradise earlier, huh?”. you turned to her, of course nothing passed her by,“oh so you picked up on that? that fucking dating drama” you asked, she nodded, an amused expression as she also leaned back, “oh yeah, they´ve worked here for years, they go to different colleges and always have this dramatic on and off thing going on all summer here. they´re good with the kids, so I don´t care, but I imagine it gets a bit.. tiring when you´re working together, huh?”.

you nodded, “yeah, a few days ago some girl warned me not to be too friendly with him because they´re both always crazy jealous. which is so.. like how old are we? but Carla sized me up and decided that I wasn´t competition, so”, she furrowed her brows, “really, that was her verdict there?”, her surprise was a giveaway, the subtext clearly being “if I was him, you´d be competition, for sure, she should be jealous if she saw you talking to me, because I´d maybe ditch her for you”. something along those lines was in there, so she changed the subject,“well, good for me I don´t have to deal with any of that, so”, you nodded, “yeah lucky you. but I stay out of it too, all of that is not my style, I´m not into the whole public dating mess, I like it to be a bit more.. well, private guess.”, “clever girl” she said, her eyes briefly closed, the sun hitting her face.

that was the first time she´d heard you express a preference dating wise, and it didn´t escape her, that you were basically saying “I don´t mind keeping it a secret”, which was exactly what you two would have to do, if it ever came to anything. she was also relieved that you seemingly had no interest in any of them, because she had no way of knowing what went on when she wasn´t around, who you might sneak out for during the night. you were both saying thing without actually saying them, and it was a bit too exciting, the air was a bit too charged, so before anything worse could come out of her mouth, before she´d really slip up and ask something like “so, what´s your type then?” or “have any of them tried shit with you?”, she interrupted the silence, slapped her knees, and signaled that the time up there was up.

“okay, come on, let´s go back, you should go lay down and rest for a while, you did take a bit of a fall there. gotta have you fit again for tomorrow”, so you got up too and let her help you, yet again, even though you could walk perfectly fine on your own, she let you link arms with her, your supposed unsteadiness a good cover for the casual intimacy, the way you were touching without assigning it any other meaning than “she needs a little help getting down the hill” when it wasn´t about that, at all. you felt yourself enjoying it, the feeling of her flannel, soft against your bare arm, the faint smell of smoke lingering on her, watching her from time to time as she spoke, her eyes pretty in the midday sun, your gaze constantly drawn back to them to figure out if they were light green or blue or both. 

you were near your cabin then, so she turned to face you, and it hit both of you at the same time, that the vibe was the exact same as at the end of a date, that charged, slightly awkward moment of “are we gonna kiss? should I go in for the hug? should I do anything at all? is she gonna?”. 

you hadn´t even thought about it but the previous hour or so you´d spent together was far off from any professional exchange, it was tinged with something intimate, the feeling of dancing around someone as you´re figuring out if a crush is requited, so for a moment you both just stood there staring at each other, waiting, until she found way to bring the mood to a more neutral one again, at least slightly, “so, you go and rest, and after dinner come back to my place for a moment, so we can switch that out for a band-aid” she pointed at your shin, “that will be nasty after a shower, so”. she was thinking ahead more than you were, that practicality hadn´t crossed your mind at all, and in a way you thought, “is she looking for an excuse to see me again?” because she could have just told you to ask someone from the team for a bandaid later, surely someone would´ve had one, but she specifically told you to come to her. it was not clear, but you felt like reading into it, so you did, allowing yourself a bit of hope as you nodded, “sure, yeah I´ll come over when I´m done showering”. 

after you parted ways, you didn´t even take off your shoes before laying down on your bed, your legs dangling off the edge as you dozed off, half-asleep as you tried to cling to the sensation of sitting next to her, talking to her, the giddiness that she made you feel without even trying. 

you had vague dreams about her, fantasies that you´d briefly indulged in playing out in your mind as you slept, you and her sitting next to each other at some assembly, her touching you under the table, in the dream you were lovers, you could tell, from the smile she gave you, the kind that said “can´t wait to be in private with you again”. when you woke up from the noise of everyone returning to camp, you were groggy and hot from the vision you´d just had, disoriented until you looked at your bandaged leg and realized what day it was, what had happened. 

for the next few hours, the girls you were responsible for all doted on you as if you´d broken your leg, even though you could walk just fine, you could tell they loved acting like little caretakers for that afternoon, bringing you water and snacks and presenting you with flowers they´d brought back from the hike. until dinner you were busy with all that, and then, after you´d all eaten and you were done showering, you found yourself growing nervous because it was time to go over to Tess´s place. you took more time than other nights when picking out what to wear to bed, you looked at yourself in the mirror for longer, until you told yourself to stop making it all bigger than it was, that you were just going to her to get your injury checked up on, and yet, you felt the jitteriness you would have felt before a date, not the kind you´d feel before a doctor´s appointment, hope bubbling up inside of you, not dread. 

on your way over, the evening air did help a bit with relaxing and getting yourself together, until you knocked on her door and she opened it looking different than you´d seen her any of the days before, a shock to your system. Tess leaned against the doorframe, dressed in baggy plaid shorts that reached until her mid-thigh, vaguely reminiscent of boxer shorts, a white t-shirt that was worn out in way that made the fabric hug her figure perfectly without being tight at all, and, you realized that for the first time you were seeing her without shoes, just a pair of white socks that went up over her ankles. the white accentuated her tan and it was clear that she´d also just gotten done showering because her skin was glowing, her face looked younger somehow, her hair was down, and that first glimpse of her alone was enough to feel nervous again, you were seeing her the way lovers would see her if they came over at night, it was intimate in a way, to see each other like that, and she didn´t let it show, but she had similar feelings after she said “hey there” and waved you in, a brief flicker of her gaze over your body when you walked inside ahead of her, glad that she had an excuse to touch you. 

the vibe of her place at night was even better than during the day, she´d lit a few candles and a round orange lamp cast the living room in a soothing warm light. she saw you looking over at the kitchen, so she said “oh, you can just sit on the couch, it won´t take long”. you almost said “please take as long as you want” but stopped yourself and did as she told you, taking your place, sinking into the cushion, your hands on your knees, another look around the room as she went to her bathroom and got everything she needed. you briefly talked about the rest of the day when she returned, you telling her “the girls tried to play nurse with me”, which made her smile, a glance down to where you were sitting as she approached you, “they´re trying to take my job, huh”, more of that hope you´d felt earlier, you could feel that something was in the air, it was more intense than earlier. 

“so, how is it, does it hurt still?” she asked as she knelt down next to you and used a small pair of scissors to carefully cut off the bandage that had gotten damp in the shower, a shake of your head, “no, I think it´s fine”, already a warm expression on your face because you loved being tended to by her, it was not what you were used to, to have someone take care of you like that, even just in small ways, it didn´t feel small, to see the concern in her eyes when she removed the bandage, and said “okay, there´s some bruising here. but the wound itself doesn´t look too bad without the blood, I don´t think it will scar” she almost added “either way, a scar wouldn´t take away from your beauty”. for a moment she held your leg still, taking in the sight of the purple and red bruises below your knee that would soon turn green, a sting in her chest, the urge to lean in and kiss the tender skin, a brief moment of wishing she could just throw caution out of the window and ask you to stay the night, so she could take care of you, hold you, whatever you wanted her to do. 

instead, she cleared her throat and reached over to peel the plastic off the bandaid and placed it so that I wouldn´t crease or come off too easily, her fingertips light as she was focused on final act of medical care for you. 

she had no idea how affectionately you looked at her the entire time she knelt before you, too busy with what her hands were doing, but after she said “okay good, all done here” and gave you a light pat on your thigh, she saw a trace of it in your eyes, you weren´t hiding it well, and maybe you weren´t even trying anymore.

she got up and knew that that was the moment where she should say “okay then. have a good night and I will see you tomorrow!”, she knew what she “should” have done, but just like you, she was growing increasingly worse at caring about all of that, it was simple: she liked having you there and you obviously liked being there, so she wouldn´t interrupt that moment, not yet. 

her rationality was fading into the background as her body, her spirit took over. Tess had gone so long without close relationships, without even so much as a crush or a fling, that she had convinced herself she was fine without it, but being confronted with you had shattered that belief. it felt like she´d lived in a perpetual dark landscape for a while and had told herself that it was fine that way, that her eyes were well-adjusted to, only to be stunned by a sudden light, drawn in by it, warmed by it. it was pointless to tell herself “you´re her boss, make her leave, stop this”. she stood there for a moment but went to sit down on the other side of the couch quickly after, careful to leave some distance. as she sat down, you stretched your limbs and groaned lightly, your muscles a bit sore from the days of outdoor activity, and she felt her whole face go hot when she caught a glimpse of your midriff. “fucking hell” she thought, when you leaned back and your shirt rode up from your attempt to alleviate some tension, thankful when you pulled it back down and got comfortable, turning to face her. 

she wasn´t trying to look hot but she did anyway, there was no position she could have sat in that would have made you enjoy the view less, so you gave her a genuine smile, and started a conversation. 

“so. what do you do here all night?” you asked, glancing around the room. her face gave away that she was amused, and you realized that it had come out a bit suggestively, “well I mean-”, she finished the question for you, “you mean, what do I do with all my alone time here?”, you nodded, “yes. you never have guests or anything, right?”, she shook her head, “no. just me”, unsure if it was relief that she could read in your expression, relief over her clear lack of a dating life.

“do you drink?” you asked then, which made her laugh, “you think I need to get drunk to enjoy my own company, hm? I´m that insufferable?”, you rolled your eyes, “you know what I mean”, she liked it, riling you up a bit, she´d always done it with girls she had a thing for. “yeah, I mean, sure I drink, I smoke, as you know, moderately. but I am not all that different than you guys, I download films and shows when I am in the office building, I watch some stuff here and there, or I read, sit outside when it´s a nice evening, or.. you know, just stare at the walls and lose my mind” she added, while crossing one leg over the other, her hand on her thigh, her body titled towards you, her demeanor completely different than during the day. there was something open and soft about her at that hour, something you hadn´t seen outside of her place, and it was predictably just as attractive to you, if not more.

“hm, sounds kinda nice to me. I mean, I do get the appeal of all of this” you said with a slightly wistful tone, clearly insinuating that your life back in college was less vitalizing for your spirit, less relaxing, she liked the sound of that, since she didn´t know what you really thought about your job, “yeah? that´s good. so, your verdict after the first week is not that you don´t feel horrible dread at the idea of being here all summer?” she said, nudging your arm briefly, reckless, she shouldn´t have touched you, shouldn´t have given you another taste, your eyes changed, a sparkle, “yes, for sure. I mean, on my first day I was kind of stunned by my weird decision to come here, I won´t lie, but I´m glad I did, it´s good for me I think”, that first part made her laugh, she was playing with the hem of her shorts absentmindedly, her fingers running over her own skin, your gaze drawn down there. “yeah you are kind of different than the others, makes sense that you felt a bit out of place initially”.

“different? like in a freak way?” you teased, of course you knew that she was trying to say that you occupied a special place in her mind, that she was admitting to you that you were unique in her eyes, but you also knew the way to get to her was through humor, through indirect flirting. she nodded, visibly pleased by the vibe that was slowly building up between you, “sure, yeah that´s what I meant, you´re odd as hell”. 

for a moment you both smiled to yourselves, silence until she realized that while you were there, she might as well be a good host, “i´ts kinda warm still, do you want something to drink?” you nodded, glad that she seemed to be in no hurry to make you leave, “yeah, sure”. while she went over to the kitchen, you looked at the coffee table and saw a half empty pack of sour candy, which was kind of endearing to you, the fact that she of all people had a sweet tooth. you grabbed the bag to put a few of them in your mouth, chewing and enjoying the intense flavor with a hint of mischief in your eyes when she came back with two opened cans of soda.

“oh sure, just go ahead, feel free” she said, trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably, way too charmed by the way you sat there and licked the sugar off your lips. “is she doing that un purpose?” she thought. the thing that made it so hard for her to resist you, was the you seemed so at ease around her. nothing turned her off faster than apprehension, Tess might have come across as aggressive at times, but with other women, she was anything but that, she had to be sure that someone wanted to pursued in order to do it. she had never been the type to beg people or to run after them, nothing killed the mood for her like a feeling of “is she actually into me?”. so, seeing you lounge on her couch like it was your own, obviously glad to be there, all smiley and content, it made her wonder “why am I holding back exactly? I know what would make her even happier right now”. 

you put the bag down and took the drink from her, a polite “thank you very much”, followed by a big sip and a sigh, the orange taste a nice mix with the peach flavor of the candy you´d just eaten. you briefly pressed the cold metal to your cheek, a nice contrast on a summer night. it made Tess look over at you with a mix of desire and tenderness, she was painfully aware of your body, and you of hers, all of your talking was just a thin veil over the reason you were really sitting there: to watch each other. to feel each other close. to get a rush from it all. 

you were both hyper-sensitive to everything about each other, the way your bare skin looked in the dim light, that space on your thighs where your shorts stopped, your voices lower and quieter than during the day, easy to get turned on by, your faces glowing from the mix of sun-exposure and a fresh shower, a distinct scent to the both of you that the other was able to pick up on. you tried not to stare at her hands, she tried not to stare at your legs, while you both drank and stayed quiet, which only made the tension worse each passing second. 

she was the one to speak again, “you´re kinda hard to figure out, you know” she said, eyeing you with interest. “I could say the same thing” you responded, your tone unmistakably flirty by that point, she smiled, trying to look unfazed, even though she was close to breaking. “well, that´s not your job sweetie, I´m the one in charge, I should know what I am working with”. the way she said that went straight to your core, the way she invoked her authority only made you want her more, an undeniable thrill at the thought of making her cross a boundary she normally wouldn´t. 

“well, I am not hiding anything” you went on, taking another sip of the drink before setting it down on the table and moving closer to her when sitting back again, she noticed and felt her heartbeat speed up, her face grow hot. she shook her head, a faint scoff, “I don´t buy that for a second. everyone hides some things.” you challenged her, sensing the sudden opening in your dynamic, the threshold you wanted to cross so desperately, “what is that you´re hiding then?”, she smiled, stubbornly fighting back against your attempt to catch her off guard, “we were talking about you, not me”.“I´d prefer to talk about you though”, you wouldn´t let it go, she´d have to be meaner to get you to back off. 

Tess was quiet for a second, you looked at her, she seemed to be debating something, and you felt it, that you were both close to losing your composure. your bodies betrayed you, you were both breathing too heavy to mask your thoughts. 

you knew her, you knew she would not allow herself to make the first move, you´d have to show her what you wanted, so you pushed your nervousness aside and tried on shamelessness instead. 

you moved closer to her side of the couch and brushed her leg with yours, a complete change in her expression, immediately, she didn´t know you had it in you, wasn´t prepared for it, for any of the things you made her feel. for once in her life, she felt weak. she uttered your name under her breath as you touched her thigh, her eyes shut for a second, but the way she said it didn´t sound like a warning, it sounded like a plea, like she was saying “come here”. 

so, finally, you leaned forward and grabbed her face to kiss her. 

for a second, she didn´t move, didn´t do anything, she wanted to feel you come onto her, wanted to make you work for it, your kiss eager and lingering, a pause before you realized that she wasn´t gonna push you off, didn´t want you to stop, then another kiss, waiting for to join in, and all of a sudden, there was complete change to her, like you´d turned on a switch, like her whole body woke up at once. 

“yes”, you thought, “this is what I wanted”: she grabbed your face and kissed you back, a confidence and ease to her kissing, that made you weak in the knees, her lips warm against yours, impossible to keep it tame, a needy sound from you, that made her need you even closer, so she grabbed your thigh and pulled you onto her lap, not fully straddling her but draped over her, the kissing turning more desperate by the second, your tongues touching, hot and sweet, your tastes swirling into one as you made out. 

you moved your hips and felt yourself growing impatient, you were burning up for her, you wanted more, so you climbed fully onto her, her hands on your waist, a groan from her as you leaned forward and put your fingers in her hair to push her hair back, to tilt her head and kiss her again, your lips swollen red by that point, the divine sensation of her bare thighs under yours turning you on even more. she nearly lost her mind from the feeling of you moving on top of her, her hands roaming over your back under your shirt. the moment she did that, you pulled away out of breath and helped her out, tearing it off to reveal your upper body in its naked for to her, and  the way she looked at you then was enough to want to give yourself over to her entirely, there was both reverence and hunger in her eyes, something soft and violent at once, “you´re so fucking beautiful…” she whispered, out of breath, before she pulled you close and kissed your neck, your head thrown back, pure bliss as she covered your entire neck in kisses, ran her tongue over the sensitive spot under your jaw, slowly making her way down, her hands grabbing your tits as she did this, eliciting soft moans.

you felt bold and sighed “wanna put them in your mouth?”. Tess didn´t hesitate, she´d always been into it, always had a thing for it, and it had been too long, so you saying that made her abandon all restraint. she put her mouth to one of your tits while gently squeezing the other, kissing at first, before circling your nipple with her tongue, a whine from you that made her want to hear more, so she sucked on it, hard enough to make you fear you might just cum from that, a heat between your legs, a throb, a sudden helplessness to you as she switched between sucking and kissing your tits, self-indulgent, lost in the softness of it, the bliss of having you unravel on top of her, giving you pleasure from something that brought herself pleasure too, deeply. she held back with biting because she knew you´d wear a bikini out again and didn´t need a hickey there, but the desire to bruise you was there, the desire to leave her mark, you could tell, from the hums of pleasure that escaped her, the slight pain from being sucked raw by her. 

eventually you grew sick with lust, so she stopped and faced you, soothing you in your state of utter need, “you good?” her lips glistening with her own spit, you nodded, your voice cracked and husky, “yeah, so good.. I just. fuck-” you held onto her arms, “can we go to your room please?” you said, followed up by another “please”, no chance of being subtle, you wanted her, badly. she nodded, also worked up and fighting an ache at her core, that was growing unbearable, that could only be relieved by getting more of you. “yes, come, let me take care of you”. you climbed down from her and she grabbed your hand to lead you to her bedroom, neither of you registering a single thing about your surroundings, overwhelmed by that unfathomable heat rushing your system, painful and in the most exhilarating way, that moment right before getting what you wanted, almost sick with anticipation, your bodies vibrating with it, the thought “finally, finally, finally she´s mine”. 

once you were in her room you quickly pushed down your shorts, not even waiting for her to help, your underwear too, no need to pretend or wait any longer. the second you were fully nude, she found herself at a loss. your body was perfectly lit by a small lamp on her bedside table, your silhouette like you were a vision of an angel, she stared in awe, forgetting for a second that she was allowed to touch you, that you were waiting for it, that everything she´d dreamed of was being offered to her.

you sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for her to come over to you. you looked at her as she took her place, standing between your legs, her hands on either side of your face, your eyes soft and docile as you stared up at her, a smile of disbelief on her face as she pushed her hands up into your hair and watched you surrender to her touch, your head tilted back, your throat exposed, inviting, everything about the picture of eager submission. “god, you´re fucking perfect” she whispered, caressing you, watching you lean into it,“are you really sure about this?” she asked then, unwilling to do a single thing you weren´t truly dying for, an instant nod from you, a pleading tone, “yes, I need this, I need you, I´ve wanted this all week” you confessed, almost stumbling over your words, a nod from her as you grabbed her waist then and pulled yourself forward, towards her, your fingers moving to the hem of her shirt, a brief sound of protest from her.

“please let me see you, you´re so beautiful”, you begged, and she was defenseless against that, so she pulled her shirt up and pulled down her shorts, which left her in her underwear and bra, a simple black one, that revealed more of her cleavage than you´d ever seen out during the day, your hands immediately on her sides, sliding down, a shiver as she felt your hand on her bare skin. you were in awe the same way she had been before, the sight of her strong upper body, her subtly defined abs, the point where her waist dipped in slightly, the warmth and softness of her skin, it all surpassed what you´d dreamed of, and she could tell, so she gently pushed you back against the bed, waiting for you to move and lay back, so she could climb over you. the moment you were on your back, she moved on top of you, your body flush against hers then, your hands on her neck as you went in for another kiss, desperate as you felt her chest pressed against yours, her thighs brushing yours, the full body contact driving you insane. you held onto her as you started making out, an instant rhythm, your hips moving up, hers pressing down, whimpers and sighs as you kissed and grew needier and needier, grinding up against each other, savoring the complete melting together of your bodies. 

for a few minutes you got lost in the heat of kissing, desperate to draw out the sweet feeling of a makeout that grew more and more uninhibited and intimate each second, a slow, nasty kind of kissing that was enough to make you both moan into each others mouths without shame, a delicious friction where your hips kept meeting, where your thighs were rubbing together, she moved her hands from your face to your chest and that broke the kiss because you were too worked up, too turned on from her kneading your tits, so she moved her lips to your neck instead, pleased by your sighs, your nails lightly scratching her back. 

Tess couldn´t wait any longer, so she looked at you and whispered “I wanna taste you, do you want me to?”, an instant “yes, please”, there was nothing you wanted more in that moment, both of you were dying for it, so she moved herself down between your legs and kissed your thighs while settling down between them, gently pushing them apart to have enough space, a few light bites to your inner thigh. you leaned back and tried not to sound too pathetic already, deep breaths as you surrendered to her.

the second her tongue touched you, you whined, so she caressed your thighs and looked up at you. she was starved, for the taste, the scent, the feeling, so she took her time, a slow up and down movement of her tongue between your lips, a few kisses in between, broad strokes to work you up, before she felt you growing impatient and spread you open, her mouth on you as she pushed her tongue in deeper, building up a rhythm that was intense but not too fast yet, exactly what you needed to lay back and relax, to open your legs a bit wider and sink into the heavenly feeling. 

she knew what she was doing, you could tell, from the start you felt free to let go and enjoy yourself, unselfconscious as you moaned quietly, her fingers firm on your thighs as she got into it and made sounds of pleasure herself, she was clearly not just doing it to please you but to please herself too, you could feel it, from how she switched between licking and sucking, from how she lapped up your wetness with devotion, that she was the type to eat pussy out of her sheer need for the taste, the sensation of being slick with someones cum, and her eagerness only turned you on more, your hips bucking up as she increased the pressure and speed, sloppy, lewd sounds as she got a high from being trapped between your legs, pure heaven for her, to feel your hot and throbbing against her lips, to have you all weak and open like that, to see you spread out on her bed, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your mouth open. 

the thing she did then just made you feel even more insane with lust, she grabbed your hands that had been holding onto the sheets, and din´t let go, giving you a reassuring squeeze as you kept holding hands, something deeply romantic and intimate about it, the act of interlacing your fingers with hers while she was focused on making you feel as good as possible. she loved feeling the instant effect of her tongue-fucking from the way your fingers tightened around hers harder when she hit certain spots, a signal for her to stay focused, to be relentless about it, fast flicks of her tongue then, over and over, your cunt raw and pulsing to a point of overwhelm, “fuck, that feels so good”, you praised, breathless, a whispered, “god, you´re a fucking dream” from her before she targeted your clit and applied more pressure, her tongue broad and flat at first, a softer kind of friction, a warmth spreading all the way through you, your hips still moving to meet her mouth, lost in the dream-like feeling of being hidden away in her room, held in place and tended to, then, she only used the tip of her tongue, harder and more intense flicks, that quickly forced louder moans out of you, the sound so hot to her that she involuntarily rocked her hips too. 

she let go of your hands then to hold your thighs in place as she kept you from moving up the bed even an inch, sucking on your clit then to really give you the final push, and what she did then was a move you didn´t expect and weren´t prepared for, she interrupted the intense sucking on your clit to bring one of her hands up to your slick core and aggressively rubbed all fingers but her thumb over your sensitive lips and clit, a few seconds of that, a helpless whine from you, a pleading “fuck Tess…”, before she licked over your clit again and kept switching between those two actions in intervals that absolutely wrecked you. 

you had no idea where to put your hands, so you ended up squeezing your own tits as she fucked you to a point of ecstasy, eventually returning to only using her tongue when she felt you nearing your orgasm, “fuck, don´t stop, please” you cried, as she sucked even harder than before. her hands gripped you as your back arched up because you felt the climax spreading from your core to the rest of your body with a burning, rapid heat, your muscles all tense, your cunt soaked and throbbing under Tess´s lips, your eyes shut and pathetic moans falling from your lips as you came, your hands in her hair and your hips rocking up to ride it out. she held her tongue in place and got lost in the bliss of feeling you hold her in place, feeling your sweet taste get smeared all over her lips and chin, hums of pleasure as she patiently witnessed your orgasm in all its beauty, your inner thighs soft against her cheeks as you pressed them together, your high-pitched sounds, your naked body all angelic looking in the dim light. 

Tess loved few things more than making women cum, it addictive to her, the feeling of pleasing someone so well that they were left all blissed out and speechless, which was exactly how she left you in that moment. once you had tired yourself out and savored the full effects of your finish, you slowly calmed down again, your legs shaking and your whole body on fire as you went slack and tried to catch your breath. Tess was still between your legs, looking up at you with a satisfied smile before she kissed your inner thighs, softly, while whispering “such a sweet girl, hm”, lost in a feverish affection for you, out of breath and turned on to a point of soaking her underwear from all the sounds you´d just made for her. 

after a moment of gentle care, she moved up to sit next to where you were laying and put her hand to your cheek, a smile from you then, “that felt really good” you said, genuine, unable to make any jokes, she smiled back at you, her hand traveling down to your chest. she could tell from the way you were moving your legs a bit, from the slight restlessness, that you might not be fully done yet, a gentle tone as she asked, “do you want a bit more?”.

you were worn out but not to an unpleasant degree, and you did want to keep going, so you nodded, a hand on her arm, “yes. might need a bit of help though” you laughed a quiet laugh that made her heart melt, she was determined then, “I´ll give you all the help, don´t you worry, I´ve got this. come on, sit up for me” she gave your thigh a light slap and moved to the middle of the bed to kneel. “come here” she beckoned you towards her and didn´t have to say it twice, you mirrored her position and got on your knees too, right across from her, your hands on her shoulders for support. she looked at you, her hands on your waist for a second, “you wanna ride my fingers? would you like that, hm?”, she would never push you to do anything you didn´t feel thrilled about, so she made sure, but you were eager, “yes, please”, so she leaned closer and breathed against your lips as she put her hand to where you were still wet and slowly pushed two of her fingers into you, a gasp from you, a tightening of your hands on her arms, “you good?” she asked, “yeah, keep going”, you breathed, needy and desperate to feel her inside of you. Tess knew how to do it, she let you adjust to it as you felt yourself stretching around her, until she was knuckle deep and kept her hand still for a moment, so you could find a good position, a whining sound, a sighed “fuck..” as you slowly started moving. the thing that drove you insane almost immediately was that she wrapped her free arm around your lower back to hold you close and support you, that tender care she always showed even while dominating, a reassuring grip on you as you were face to face and you fucked yourself on her fingers, trying to see what pace to go at, your eyes shut, a deep ache at your core that was even more intense from all the stimulation you´d gotten before. you were still raw and it made her fingers slide in and out with an ease, the sensation of the hot, soft inside of your cunt, the wetness all over her fingers, enough to make Tess lose her mind too, her lips parted, her mind taken over by the thought “I´m gonna die from this, she´s too beautiful”. 

you threw your head back and found an angle that made her fingers hit you at the exact right spot, so you let her hold you as you moved your hips, that were sore by that point. she was cooing at you, her tone soft as she said “that´s it, keep going sweetie”, her fingers curling up inside of you to help you out, to hit your weak spot, overwhelmed by the dream-like feeling of having you so close, in that utterly vulnerable state, all hers to please and admire. 

you clung to her, a cry as you felt yourself lose all composure, “fuck, fuck, Tess” a kiss to your cheek from her then, whispered encouragements, “I know, shh, it´s okay, I got you, breathe”,  she could tell that you weren´t in pain but fully lost in the intense pleasure of it all, so she talked you through it and held you tight, her hand firmly between your legs, never moving away, letting you use her fingers however you wanted, your hips more frantic as you chased another orgasm, both of you at risk of thinking you were in love then, as you breathed heavy in unison and felt each other´s body heat radiating, smelled each other´s scent, a dizzying mix of being freshly showered but sweat-striken, a hint of sweetness to it, her lips on your neck, taking it in, kissing you where you had given her perfect access from leaning back into her embrace, your head turned to the ceiling. 

“fuck I´m close” you sighed, followed by a serious of moans, which made her tighten her arm around your back, “good, I wanna see you cum again, pretty girl” she breathed, watching you intently, which gave you a final push, her intense gaze, her steadiness and strength as you took your hand and rubbed your clit to really finish hard, a mess by that point. the second climax was less violent but somehow deeper in your core, an intense shudder as you felt yourself clenching around her fingers and moved your hand away to hold onto her neck, your hips slowing down until you were truly exhausted and put your head on her shoulder for a second. she slowly moved her fingers out of you and wrapped her arms around your back to support you during the aftershocks, your limbs soft, your body hot, a content sigh, that made her rub her hands up and down and whisper, “you good now, hm? enough?”. you gave a tired laugh and peeled yourself away from her chest to face her, to give her a kiss, the taste of you still faintly on her lips. “it´s hot that you´d keep going, but if you did more right now I´d pass out” you said, which she took as a compliment, a pleased smile, watching you as you crawled back towards the pillows and slumped down onto your back, your eyes shut for a second, bliss written all over your face. 

Tess moved up from the bed then, to open the window next to her nightstand and let some fresh air in. during sex she´d never keep it open, but it was safe to do it when you were just talking, since the other cabins were far away and her bedroom window faced the forest. 

afterwards, she claimed the empty side of the bed, laying on her side as she looked at you, her finger tracing your outline, enamored by your post-sex glow, the relaxation and joy you excluded, the knowledge that she had it in herself to make you feel that way, the urge to do it all over again, as soon as possible. you felt similarly struck by your intense affection for her and reached out to take her hand, laying it on your stomach and turning to get a better view of her, her beautiful, strong physique in just her underwear, your leg draped over hers to have some skin contact. 

you both looked at each other then and shared a smile that said “what even is there to say right now?” because nothing seemed like a proper way to just start talking again after everything that had just happened, after your lives had drastically changed in just under an hour. 

“you want me to be obsessed with you, don´t you?” you asked, which made her laugh, a faux-bashful batting of her eyelashes at your admission that she was a great lover. “couldn´t hurt. I mean, now that I have broken my rule of not getting involved with anyone who works here, might as well do it right, go all in”. the way your face lit up when you realized what she´d just implicitly told you, was incredibly sweet to her, the apparent relief you felt over being special in that way, a bit of pride in there too maybe. you leaned closer to her then, “wait, really? you never did this before, ever?”, she shook her head, amused by your disbelief, flattered by your belief that she might be a bit of a player, “no, and that´s why I kind of lost my fucking mind this week, because I thought I was fine on my own but uh… turns out celibacy really isn´t for me after all.” that made you smile, “I´m glad I could help then” you joked, playing with her hair a bit, she nodded, a caress over your side. 

you both could have asked each other a million things then, but it was not the moment for that yet, you wanted to let your intimacy expand in that warm, dark room, to use the time you had in private for wordless affection, to bask in the glow of that first revelation as new lovers. 

your strength had come back, so you moved on the bed and got on top of her, your legs on either side of her thighs, smiling down at her, her hands on your waist, as you saw how much she liked having you on herself like that. “you´re killing me you know” she whispered, “am I?” you said, grinning, before leaning down and kissing her neck, a sigh from her, a moment of you  being in charge and making her feel good, before she grew too hot from the feeling of your lips and tongue on her pulsepoint and pulled you down, to have you laying on her, her arms firm around your back. the second she did that, you gladly surrendered, your cheek against her chest, the front of your body full engulfed in her warmth, a deeply soothing feeling, a soft gust of wind in the room, the faint sound cicadas outside, a moment that you wished you could live in forever.

she spoke, quietly, her voice low, “I wish you could sleep here”, a sigh after. you knew why you couldn´t of course, but you wanted her to know you also desperately wished you could stay, “I can´t?” you said, your tone dramatic, clearly overdoing it, which made her smile. she traced patterns on your back. “I mean, if you want me to lose my job, feel free to get caught leaving my place tomorrow morning”, that made you laugh, reminded of the fact that you were technically doing something that was considered scandalous and fucked up, even though it felt so pure and sacred. “oh I´d just take the fall for you, don´t you worry. I´d say I drugged you or something”.

Tess laughed, she loved having someone with her who matched her humor effortlessly, “okay easy on the savior complex, I appreciate the sentiment though. but we´ll just have to get creative, we´ll find ways, I will think of something”, you agreed, eager and emphatic, “yes, exactly. and sneaking around is kinda hot, isn´t it?”. Tess knew what you meant, it did add a layer of eroticism to it all, the fact that you´d have to restrain yourselves in front of others, “sure, yeah. a bit of torture, why not ”, you looked up at her then,“torture? that bad huh?”, she put her hand on your head, gently, ruffling your hair a bit, “yes. but then again, building up tension could be good. for you.” a suggestive tone, a sparkle of desire in your eyes, “oh I know. looking forward to it”. 

you moved up to kiss her then, which ended in her pushing your to the empty side of the bed to have some control again, a lazy, late-night kind of kissing that was slower than before, the tension already relieved, so you could just melt into each other and draw it out, sensual instead of aggressive making out, smiles in between, brief breaks for her to kiss your cheek or for you to kiss her shoulder, a familiarity to it that made it fee like you´d been together many times before. both of you had gone a while without intimacy, so you shared a kind of gratitude and wonder, a feeling of “oh right. this is what I was missing”, a sudden clarity about your deep need for another woman´s care, touch, attention. 

eventually, you both realized that it had gotten late, so you knew you´d have to go to her living room and get your clothes. before you could get up to leave the room though, she said “wait, I think I have something you could use”, remembering that you´d shown up in a thin tank top and that it had probably gotten a bit chilly out. you sat at the edge of her bed, still nude, and somehow fully comfortable, her bedroom a safe haven of sorts, the sound of the forest at night, the look of soft wind making the curtains dance a bit, the cozy vibe of the wooden furniture and wood beams on the ceiling, it all made it hard not to sulk over having to leave. 

she went over to her wardrobe and reached up to grab something, which gave you a moment to just admire the sight of her back, her shoulder blades, her hair falling down in beautiful waves. “here” she said, as she walked back over to you and handed you a shirt, “nobody´s ever seen me wear this, so, you can keep it”, a conspirative smile. it was a black oversized t-shirt, which was worn out in a way that made it perfectly soft to the touch, you smiled back at her and stood up from the bed to pull it over your head and see how it fell down your body. “look at that, perfect” she said, a nod of approval, very into the idea of you maybe wearing the shirt out and about in the coming days, everyone else blissfully unaware that it was hers. there was certain possessiveness to the pleasure she took in that image.

once you were in the living room again, you quickly went over to the couch and picked your own top up from the floor, while she left you alone for a moment and went over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. she stood at the sink and drank a full glass in seconds, realizing just then how thirsty she had gotten, and filled it up again after to come over and hand it to you. you took it and gulped it down just as fast as her, thinking about how nice it was, to experience a simple intimacy like sharing a glass with someone, she could have given you your own, but she opted for the romantic option, which made you feel hopeful. 

something about the way she treated you seemed far from casual or like you were a hook-up to her, it was somehow an unspoken thing between you, that you´d behave like girlfriends even though you weren´t, that you´d skip the awkwardness and guessing games and go straight into the depth of your affection, without fear or shame, without thinking “it won´t last, what´s the point”. there was a generosity in your connection, an immediate willingness to bear the uncertainty and potential heartbreak of being so into each other but so unfit for a proper relationship, there was no question about it, you would not ruin the joy you felt by comparing your affair to something conventional, you were both too glad to finally have someone you felt so seen by, someone you simply liked to be around, as much as possible. 

both you and Tess walked towards her front-door after you were done drinking, standing there, face to face, her leaning against the wall, you staring at her, quiet and unsure how to part ways. you wanted to go in for an embrace but weren´t sure if she wanted you to, which she could read in your body language, so she stepped forward and helped you out. she put her arms around your back and felt you relax immediately, your head in the crook of her neck, your hands on her lower back, a satisfied sigh, your eyes closed, as you said “fuck. I really don´t wanna leave”. 

she smiled, you could feel her nod, “and I don´t want you to. but, I will think of something for the next few days, we will have time alone again, I will go fucking insane otherwise, so”, you laughed then, you knew that she was strong-willed, so you trusted her to figure it out, besides, you had a few ideas of your own on how to be in private. you stole a bit more time with Tess by staying in her arms for a bit longer, not moving, trying to soak up the last bit of her warmth that you would get that night, until you let her go and put your hands on her shoulders to look into her eyes, deeply, with urgency. “I hope you can tell that this isn´t just some random crush or fling for me. I really like you, Tess”. 

it touched her that you were brave enough to spell it out, so she returned the honesty, a tender smile, “I can tell, yes. and it´s the same for me. I wouldn´t just do this for fun, I care about you, in whatever way I can or should. I just want you to feel comfortable, alright?” you put your hands on her face then, “I always feel comfortable around you. that´s why I´m here, I feel good with you”, the plain way you put that went straight to her core, she shook her head and laughed quietly, “okay, you need to go, or I will do something stupid and let you stay”, “well, I´ll go then. let you keep your job for a bit longer”, she nodded, “thank you. very generous. besides-” she pointed behind you at a small clock on the wall “you broke curfew. it´s 10:20”, a grin as she said this. “damn. am I in trouble now?” you joked. she shook her head while stepping forward and whispered “no, I´ll excuse it” before tilting your head back and giving you a soft kiss goodnight. 

you both braced yourselves for the separation then, she opened the door for you and felt a cool gust of wind rush into the room, goosebumps as you stepped out onto the porch and put on your shoes that you´d left there. the night sky was dark but a few stars were visible, the forest was both eerie and calming at that hour, it felt cinematic almost, how you both stood there and gave each other a longing last look. “goodnight, sweet dreams” Tess said, leaning against the doorframe the same we she had when she´d let you in earlier, that same confident stance, but a different expression, her feelings for you more transparent, no effort to hide anything anymore. “you too. see you tomorrow” you said, before tearing your eyes away and walking down the few steps to make your way back. 

the walk back was bittersweet. you wanted nothing more than to turn right back around and beg her to let you stay. you wanted to get under the covers with her and fall asleep in her arms and wake up in the middle of the night to find that she had her back turned to you and to wrap yourself around her and to to wake up the next morning while she was already in the kitchen making coffee. that would have been the dream. but, there was also something beautiful about having a moment to yourself, to process everything that had just happened, in disbelief as you thought: “she liked me all along. she wanted to kiss me. she wanted to touch me. she wanted to hold me. she wants to do all of it again. she´s mine, for now, she´s all mine.” you almost skipped the steps up to the cabin, giddy and beaming with love. you quietly let yourself in and found all the girls sleeping soundly, so you were careful not to make a sound as you walked to your room, that was located at the very back of the cabin. 

while you were doing that, Tess had decided against taking another shower because she wanted everything to linger. she left the glass that you´d drank from on her coffee table, she left the bag of candy right where you´d dropped it, the pillows exactly how you´d abandoned them when you´d gone to her room. every proof that she had of your stay, she wanted to preserve, at least til the morning, to remind herself that it hadn´t all been a dream. 

the thing that made falling asleep so heavenly for her that night, was that her bedsheets still smelled like you, not intensely, but enough for her to press her face against the fabric and breathe in with her eyes closed and her mind flooded with flashes of from before, the way you´d looked at her before kissing her, the way your hands felt on her back, the way you sighed for her touch. Tess fell asleep smiling, which was not a regular occurrence. 

it took you a while to fall asleep, but for once, it was because being awake was too good to cut it short. you laid in bed, in total silence, the moonlight shining through the curtains, and let your mind wander. it was that unmatched feeling of having such intense feelings for someone that you suddenly loved everyone and everything, out of nowhere, you saw the beauty in your situation, the utter luck you´d had with coming to the place you found yourself in, nothing but slow summer days and sun and fresh air and a life-changing connection ahead of you. 

Tess was an early riser, so the next morning she got up around 5:30 and went outside at 6:00 to take her usual walk around the camp grounds. 

she loved the solitude of it, the feeling of being the first one to greet the day, the knowledge that she´d notice if anything had disturbed the collective peace over night. it was a stunning start of the day, the sky a muted light blue as the sun rose and a light chill still hung in the air. she was in vintage levis jeans, and a grey t-shirt as she made her way towards the area where most of the cabins were located. she was lost in thought, until she saw something she usually didn´t see: a girl sitting on the steps up to her cabin. at first, she didn´t realize, but then she thought “that´s a bit too good to be true”, because it was you. 

you had slept for a good while but eventually you´d become restless and wanted to take a moment to just appreciate the sunrise on your own, similar to her, a dream expression as everything from the night before came rushing back to you, your arms wrapped around your knees, your head resting on them until you spotted her and sat upright. your bright smile gave away that you were just as pleasantly surprised as her to meet again so soon, neither of you had gone outside thinking it would happen, and it was clear from how you both struggled to mask your desire to just run up to each other. 

it was painful but also hot in a way, that you could not be too friendly in that moment because other cabin´s windows were facing you, you were out in the open, so you had to keep it cool. Tess walked close enough to balance one of her feet against the lowest step of the small staircase you were sitting on, giving you charged look while casually saying, “up so early, hm?”. you wanted to stand up and kiss her. she could tell, she was thinking the same thing. “yeah, couldn´t sleep for long. eventful night, much to process” you said, leaning back and watching her enjoy the subtext, “is that so?” her hands in her pockets, a smug expression, a nod from you, neither of you breaking eye-contact, the one act of intimacy you were safe to indulge in out in public. “and you?” you asked, “did you sleep well?”. 

Tess knew what you wanted to hear, “I did yeah. I was really worn out for some reason” a suggestiveness to the way she said it that made your cheeks flush, already eager to feel her hands on you again. you were both quiet for a second, then she spoke more earnestly, “okay listen-”, she said, which made you perk up and look at her expectantly. “I am driving into town later, and I wondered if you might wanna come with me? I could show you a good place for coffee, I have to buy some stuff, you could tag along, get out of this place for a few hours. just a thought”. she was presenting it in a friendly, unassuming way, like something she might just offer to anyone but you were aware of what she was actually saying “I thought about it and this is the easiest way to get a few hours of time together. complete privacy, out of everyoneone´s sight”. you didn´t expect her to come up with something like that so quickly, but you should have known, she was always a few steps ahead, always reliable and unlikely to disappoint. 

you were obviously all-in but you wanted to tease her for a moment, so you leaned back and eyed her with a smug grin, “I remember you saying that you don´t take people with you. no favoritism. no outside work bullshit, if I remember correctly”. she respected it, your cleverness, it turned her on frankly, to be messed with a bit, to be challenged, entertained, “well, I had a change of heart. and I do have a favorite, so, that is over anyway” a light nudge to your shoe from hers, a playful gesture she allowed herself, a second of letting herself be flirty. 

you nodded, “you´re taking me on a date then, hm” she immediately shook her head, waving her index finger in the air, “absolutely not. I´m your boss, that would be fucked up”.  you liked the game you were playing, it was somehow a good front for just how enamored you were with each other, but it shimmered through, “sure, strictly professional, got it”. 

Tess removed her foot from the step then and pulled her hands out of her pockets to stand more securely again, “I leave at 11:30 sharp, so, be in the parking lot by then” she instructed, “I´ll be there” you said, giving her a look that said “I wish I could touch you right now”, her returning it as you both told each other to have a good morning and that you´d see each other later. you watched her walk away and counted down the minutes already.

by 11:25 you made your way up the entrance of the camp and spotted Tess leaning against her car when you exited the gates. again, you couldn´t just go up and be sweet because you were still on the premises, someone could see, so you got into the car after she opened the passenger door for you and waited for her to join. she didn´t waste any time and started the car to pull onto the small winding road. you smiled and eyeed her as she pulled down the window a bit and put on the radio, waiting, patiently. the road was empty, and you were out of everyone´s sight by then, so you leaned over to her and distracted her from driving, your hands on her face to finally give her the first kiss of the day, hard and passionate because you had to keep it short, two brief feathery kisses after the proper one, before you let her go and slumped back into your seat. to know that you were still just as eager for her touch the morning after, that it hadn´t just been a late-night moment of weakness, stunned her for a second. it was still a touch surreal to her that you´d picked her of all people to shower in affection like that. 

she breathed out heavily and gripped the steering wheel hard to make sure you were safe, a grin on her face, her cheeks flushed, a glance over at you where she found you looking all happy with yourself. she reached out to touch your thigh then, a gentle caress followed by a squeeze, her eyes back on the road, “I think I don´t mind the whole sneaking around thing if this is what I´ll get from you”. you put your hand on hers, “oh that was nothing. I don´t want you to crash the car so I held back”, she nodded, aware that you weren´t bluffing, that you probably would have climbed right onto her if you could´ve. “sweet, very thoughtful.”

you closed your eyes for a moment and enjoyed the breeze coming in through your window but were ripped out of that relaxed state by a sudden buzz buzz buzz from your phone. it had connected to service again, and you hadn´t bothered to get internet access yet, so the notifications from the past days came popping up on your screen. you pulled it out of your back pocket and Tess took the opportunity to tease you a bit,“girlfriend tryna reach you?”, her tone low. you laughed, “oh yeah, sure”, and held out your phone to her to make her see the unspectacular nature of your lock screen: two messages from your phone provider, one from a college group chat, and one from your mother that was already a few days old, nothing more.

she took a brief glance at it before looking back at the road, a grin before she said, “well, that´s a bit pathetic, isn´t it?”, clearly not actually degrading you, still, you threw her a faux-offended look. “oh let´s see your phone then, miss, I don´t think I have much competition either” she nodded, amused by your attitude, you were right of course. “sure. looks like we ended up like this because we´re both lonely and desperate, huh?”. 

you both knew it wasn´t true, you´d have been into each other, even if there´d been other people you were talking to, but it was fun to mess around, so you said, “exactly, two losers”, both of you smiling to yourselves smugly then as you watched the trees passing by, the forest getting thinner as you neared the town. 

the drive wasn´t too far, so about fifteen minutes later she pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. before moving to get out, she looked in the rearview mirror and tried to do something with her hair, to put it up. 

it reminded you of that first time you´d seen her in her office, a loving sound to your voice when you said “your hair is very pretty by the way”. it made her smile even though she was struggling with her hair tie, unsure if she should put her hair up all the way or only half. “thank you. I really don´t love it right now, though.” that gave you an idea then, “should I braid it for you? you wanna have it out of your face, right?” you asked, which made her pause what she was doing. 

Tess knew how to braid her hair but she wasn´t gonna say that, she liked the idea of having you do it, so she agreed, “okay, yeah, sounds like a good idea”. 

you told her to get out of the car because it would work better if you could stand straight behind her, so a few seconds later she was facing away from you as you gently pulled all of her hair back, taking a moment to just feel it soft in your hands, brushing it with your fingers to make sure there weren´t any knots in there. you could tell that she loved it, the sensation of what you were doing, so you took a bit longer than necessary, to part her hair into three even sections, the sound of her barely suppressing a sigh too delicious to speed to process along. 

you diligently braided her hair in a way that was not too tight, that would give it a slightly messy look, the way she usually wore it, carefully tying it together at the bottom and giving her an order for once “turn around”. it made her smile, she didn´t mind being bossed around a little, even though that was more her style. once she faced you, you pulled the braid to the front, a move that charmed her, and reached up to add a finishing touch, making her hairline look effortless and natural by pulling two face framing pieces out of the braid, a satisfied look to you then. 

“yeah. you look good, suits you” drawing out the “good”, which made her laugh, her hands on your shoulders then, “I could get used to that you know” she said, her expression soft and content, you smiled “I have more where that came from. could give you a proper massage or something”. she raised her eyebrows, her hands still on you, “well, I think I know where that would lead”, you shrugged “and?”, you were bold, yet again, and it did feel good, but she wasn´t gonna fold that easily, “and.. I´m not gonna be on the receiving end so fast”, you didn´t buy it, that she wasn´t into the idea at all, “no?”.

Tess insisted, “no. I´m the giver here, for now”, you felt like pushing her a bit, “damn. I thought I could persuade you. you dont wanna see me on my knees, no?”, she peeled herself away from you then, afraid she might flush from that way of phrasing it, “easy” her tone a bit stronger than,“you do hm, you´d love it”, you liked seeing her a bit flustered, “okay you had your fun here, we should go now” an intense look from her then that made you surrender, still, you were smiling, “I´ll bring it up again eventually, see if your feelings might have changed”. Tess just shrugged it off “sure, you go ahead and try”. secretly she was turned on by it, the feeling of having someone that eager to please her, and she knew you´d have no issue being used by her in a way, to let her have control even when she was the one unraveling, she did feel a heat from the image of you begging to touch her, have her, taste her, it could be really hot she thought, to draw it out, to watch you confess how much you wanted it, the pleasure of returning the favor for her. “we have the whole summer” she thought, “we´ll have some fun”, already dreaming of what you might get up to.

the vibe in town was peaceful and slow, the sun not too intense yet but the light golden and ideal to give the few stores a flair that gloomy weather would have made impossible. the walk to the cafe wasn´t far, so a few minutes later you were ordering your coffees, her paying for both of them as you looked around the room at the few other guests, the rustic but somehow very comforting interior, the windows all open to let fresh air in, a smile permanently frozen on your face because it felt good, to stand in her shadow, to feel what it would be like to be her girlfriend, the casual intimacy of going out for breakfast together. 

eventually, you both took your places at a table near the door as she slid a plate over to you, saying “here, eat” while pointing at the pastry she´d gotten, aware that you had only had some fruit earlier that morning, unwilling to let you remain hungry in her presence. 

the vibe between you then was sweet and charged with intense infatuation, there was a feeling on both of your parts of “I desperately wanna know more about her but I also don´t wanna bore her with obvious stupid questions”, so neither of you asked the big existential things like ��tell me about your parents” or “what was your childhood like” or “what are you scared of”, but got into a rhythm of asking more specific questions that seemed less intense but naturally lead to a discussion that was exciting, that gave space for you to reveal some things that the other might be amused or entertained or touched by, her dropping some things about her wilder years when she still lived in a big city, when she did shit that you could not compare to any of your stories, you confiding in her about how it was to finally move away from home, how your first months at college went, how you settled in, the better moments, the darker ones too. 

there was a contrast to both of your lives, not just because of the age difference, that made it easy be fascinated by each other, to keep wanting more information, to try and get a full picture of who you were so enthralled by, it was a rewarding and enjoyable task, to sit there and look at each other, to pay full attention, to smile and be charmed by each other mannerisms, as you let certain aspects of your personalities shine through, that most others didn´t often get to see. 

at one point you asked her “be honest, what did you think of me when we met? I had no idea, couldn´t tell, at all”, which she used only one word to answer “hot.” a grin as she said it, while leaning down to take a sip of her coffee. at another point she was telling you about some of the previous summers, lore about the place, including one of her less composed moments that others had told you bits and pieces about already, when a male worker had gotten a bit too friendly with the teenage girls, which ended in her smacking him so hard over the head he almost lost consciousness. it almost got her fired, had the other workers not testified that he was in fact a creep and had to be let go. 

she liked the way you smiled when she talked about it, like you were eager to see it first-hand, her rightfully putting someone in their place with a little violence, or more than a little. “well, I think it´s cool, I could´ve used someone like you in my younger years” you said with a look of approval after she told you all that, which she didn´t press on about, unwilling to let herself get riled up by past stories of men being inappropriate with you, still, it was a nice feeling, to know that you weren´t turned off by her intensity, by her unwillingness to shrink herself or make herself more demure or feminine to appease others, whatsoever. 

neither of you noticed the time passing as you had already finished your drinks because you were so at ease and lost in conversation, you taking her hand in yours for a moment while she spoke, her sometimes leaning back in her chair to watch you with her arms crossed, the kind of attention that always got to you, both thrilling and soothing at the same time. Tess quickly grew to love it, that you never seemed nervous or unsure with her, the way you reminded her of a cat basking in a patch of sunlight whenever she made a point of letting it shimmer through in her eyes, that look she got when she was into someone, a quiet intensity about it that made you feel warm and open whenever you felt her gaze on you.

eventually, she knew it was probably about time to get going, but as she leaned forward then, she had an instinct she couldn´t suppress, her palm flat on your thigh, an immediate change to your breathing as you stared at her then, your lips parted, a delicious shock to your system as she moved her hand up and down a little, caressing you in a way, while pretending she had no idea what she was doing. “shall we?” a nod of her head towards the door, her hand still right where she put it, a reminder of the night before, shamelessly using it to her advantage, how easily affected by her touch you were, drinking in the sight of you growing desperate for more. you placed your hand on hers then, shaking your head, thinking “you started it, let´s finish it then”, “not yet, we should go freshen up, right?”, your tone not hard to interpret, a slow nod from her, something like respect in there, “always the quiet ones hm” she whispered to herself as you both got up, still in disbelief over how into her you were, that it wasn´t just a light crush born out of boredom but genuine desire. 

you were the one to close the door behind yourself, and someone else might have grabbed you the moment you did that, but Tess reliably just stood there, patient, waiting for you to give in first, again, which you did, unable to put up a composed front, a quick step toward her to grab her face and pull her in for a deep kiss, a few seconds of restraint from her until she took charge and pushed you back against the door, finally, as close as you´d been dying to be all morning. both of you were clumsy with your kissing for a moment out of sheer need, breathing into each other´s open mouths for a second before continuing, working each other up, on purpose, an immediate heated mix of embracing, making out, and feeling each other up, her knees brushing up against yours, both of you frantically trying to dissolve any boundaries between your bodies, that thing of early stage infatuation where no amount of touch is ever enough, her hands under your shirt, pushing it up to grope your chest, yours on her back, her skin warm and soft as you let your fingers slide to her sides, right above her hips, holding onto her as you felt her thigh between your legs, that shared feverish bliss of being new lovers, faint stifled “hmm” sounds as you kissed, your tongue against hers as the kissing slowed down and turned more sexual, closer to the kind of kissing that happens before getting on top of each other, far from anything you could ever do in public. 

because of you, Tess remembered how fucking divine kissing the right person felt, how easy it would be for her to spend a good while doing just that, she would find a way to have you over and just make out to build up tension until one of you would cave, drawing it out to see how pathetic you´d both get with it, how you´d maybe end up just finishing from grinding against each other. 

for a good two minutes you did your very best to leave each other breathless and flushed with your clothes out of place. you were still obsessed with her scent, just like the sound of her heavy breathing, and the feeling of being in that enclosed dark space with her, her body flush against yours, the vibe of something akin to sex that you got from your wandering hands, the movement of your hips, doing something you shouldn´t be doing but would again and again, turned on by it all, the way you were both suppressing louder sounds and holding back the urge to undress each other.

Tess had an idea of how she could see you fold a little, she was usually sparse with her words, with confessions, she preferred subtext, but in that moment, she wanted to be bold, to catch you off guard, so she leaned in, right next to your ear, her voice husky and low as she whispered, “I want you all over my mouth again. have you sit on my face.”, an immediate violent rush of heat to your core.

“oh, yeah?” you sighed, quietly, which gave away how easy it was for her to render you weak, she knew she had you exactly where she wanted you, eager to hear her say more, your hands clinging to her shirt. she kept her mouth close enough for you to feel her breath, her hands slipping into your shorts then, the space between the fabric and your thighs, your heartbeat quicker, “hm, wasn´t long enough last night, I kept thinking about it after, your taste, couldn´t sleep”, she said after a moment of silence, a labored breath from you, a sound close to a whimper that made her push further, “you think you could last long?”.

“yes.”, you´d let her turn you into a mess, she could take however long she wanted, you wanted her to. “think you could finish just from head more than once?”, another nod, “yeah” you knew that with her you could, easily, “hm, I´ll try my best next time then”, she gave your face a brief kiss, “won't have to try too hard” you said, a smile from her, “no?” she tilted her head, one hand on your cheek then, her thumb brushing over your lower lip. 

you had an idea then, “here, you didn´t even touch me and yet” you guided her other hand into your underwear, her fingers to where they got slicked up from the wetness that had gathered there, her eyes wide for a second as she felt it, “jesus… just from kissing me? you´re a fucking dream, huh”. she was clearly not used to it, being wanted that badly.

you sighed, your breath hitched, your hands on her sides, she was just moving her fingers a bit but got the feeling you might be in for more. she knew you couldn´t take much longer in that bathroom, she knew they´d get suspicious or pissed off, but Tess had to know, “could you.. right now?”, “easily” you said, convinced, already basically halfway there.

“really?”, she asked, moving her fingers up to your clit, a convinced nod, a light moan from you, a pleading tone,“give me a minute of that and I´m done”. she took the challenge, impressed by your forwardness, turned on by it, “okay then, show me”. she looked at you as you shut your eyes and leaned your head against the door, fingernails digging into her arms as you held onto her, her hand between your legs, a fast movement of her fingers over your clit, savoring the feeling of your arousal, a hunger in her, the desperate need to find a way to eat you out again as soon as possible. you bit down on your lip to stay quiet but she was giving you exactly what you needed, the kissing had gotten you so worked up that it didn´t take long of her jerking you off to make you finish, her left hand over your mouth, a cocky smile as she watched you have an orgasm that was satisfying but not violent, the kind that  was perfect for the middle of the day, quick but sensual and romantic in a way, a sweet release. 

she stared at you from up close when she took her hand away, “god, you´re so pretty”, a few more touches from her until she stopped and watched you open your eyes, a tired smile, a sudden move that made her crumble completely: your hand reaching down for hers, so you could pull it to your mouth lick yourself off her fingers, her voice pained almost, “okay, I´m losing my mind here, we have to go”

there was a bi-weekly farmer´s market in town, that was a large part of why Tess kept up her routine of driving there about at least once a week. the one clear advantage of being in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by land, was the fresh produce that she´d have no access to in the city. the market wasn´t too big, about a dozen stands, but every single table looked enticing in its own way, strawberries and homemade jam, various shapes and sizes of tomatoes, jars of honey and other condiments, fresh pastries and bread, you let her take the lead since she clearly knew most people there, friendly smiles thrown her way or a “the usual?” when she approached the vendors. 

anyone you spoke to, man and woman alike, made a point of being sort of flirty in a polite way with you, giving you a few things to try since you were a new face and they clearly wanted to win you over, and Tess felt smug as hell witnessing all that, thinking “if you knew why she´s actually here with me”, whenever someone seemed charmed by you. she felt a sense of pride over the fact that she of all people was the one who you were focused on. she made you pick between a few choices, she enjoyed it having someone there with her for once, letting someone else make the decisions, asking you “this one or that one?” when deciding between two options. it felt domestic and couple-like almost, so you gladly helped out, until you both walked away, sharing a piece of the fluffy sourdough bread that had just been baked a few hours earlier, a shared sound that bordered on a moan as you both nodded at each other in approval. 

you asked her if there was anything else worth showing to you, and she almost said “no” before she thought of something and lead you down the street. there was a used bookstore that she sometimes stopped by when she was in town by herself, and she had a feeling you might like it, the slightly shabby but charming atmosphere, the endless rows of obscure books with the occasional gem here and there. 

the elderly woman at the back of the store thankfully just gave a brief hello and a nod and left you to it as you looked around, both of you quiet for a moment as you scanned the shelves for something interesting. it felt like you were somehow outside of the world, in a little space where nobody could reach you, the smell of aged paper and dust and the old building creating a deeply comforting atmosphere, it felt like time had briefly stopped, like you were hidden away from everything, so without any hesitation or fear of “is this too much?” you used the moment of peace and the to proximity to her, to lean your head against her shoulder, not because you were tired but because you felt so at ease and wanted to go slack for a moment, your eyes closed, a deep breath out, as you felt the fabric of her shirt under your cheek. 

for a moment Tess just stood there, frozen, because she was not prepared for a random show of affection, one that was so undramatic and soft and yet so intimate, she knew then that she was already far gone, and she tried her best to not think about the inevitable heartbreak of parting ways at the end of the summer, she tried to stay present and to soak it up, so she didn´t say a word, didn´t break the sacred feeling of it, and put her arm around your back, her hand on your side, to pull you closer and let you stay like that for a moment, suppressing the instinct to whisper “my sweet girl”, scrapping the word “my”, saving it for later down the line when it would be less insane to call you hers, even though she could feel it, that for the time being, you were. 

eventually, after briefly getting lost in the feeling of being patiently held by her, you peeled yourself away and said “okay, how about you pick one out for me and I pick one for you?”, a nod from her, “okay, deal”. 

a few moments later she pushed a book into your hand with the comment “here, this should be right up your alley” a grin that gave away that she was fucking with you, an eye-roll and a shove to her side from you after you read the blurb, a god awful straight romance.“okay haha very funny. I was being sincere you know” she laughed, “not your thing? no?”, so you played the same game and handed her a book in return, a dry tone as you said “well, this should be your thing, I think”, some old novel from the 50s about a guy having a fucked up affair with his young assistant, but she wasn´t bothered,  “sure, sounds hot”, a shake of your head, a suppressed smile, “go and find me something good now” you instructed. 

you both did end up finding something rather fitting for the other person, leaving the store with the promise to underline and annotate your favorite passages and swap them once you were done, to see what the other person had thought. “guess I was romantic all along” Tess thought, when she realized how good it felt to not just date women in a strictly sexual way, to allow herself the pleasure of going out together and sharing her routine with someone. she´d walked those streets countless times, seen the same buildings again and again, and yet, the light that day seemed different, everything had a new shine to it, she looked at everything more generously, and it dawned on her how much she´d been missing out on, by telling herself that neutrality was the best thing to aim for, that a life completely devoid of surprise and change would be wisest for her. it seemed a bit too good to be true, that she was being rewarded that intensely for giving into her attraction to you, for a few seconds that day she had the feeling of being in some prolonged dream, that something would come and rupture it, but nothing came, you were there, next to her, and wouldn´t go anywhere for the next few weeks. 

before getting back in the car, she leaned against the facade of the building next to where she´d parked, while you leaned against the passenger door, her smoking a cigarette while you pretended to be doing something on your phone, but quickly abandoning all that to watch her instead. it didn´t go unnoticed, a “what?” from her as she felt your eyes all over herself, a shrug from you, a smug smile, “nothing. you just look hot”. 

she had one of her feet up against the wall, a relaxed and confident demeanor, her natural way of excluding security and strength, a sight that never got boring to you, she smiled, slowly exhaling in a way that she knew looked good, “your vision okay, sweetie?”, she joked, since she was still a bit unsure why she of all people was the one you were eyeing up and down the way you were, hungry in a way. she was not used to it, at all, being that overtly flirted with, pursued by someone, so it overwhelmed her system during those early days at times, to feel herself be the object of your desire in such an obvious way. still, she was a bit cocky after all and felt comfortable with playing her coolness up a bit to watch you falter, she wasn´t entirely devoid of vanity, so she let you look at her however you wanted while she finished her cigarette and already wondered about how and when she´d next be able to get her hands on you, to make good use of all the need you clearly had for her, to reward you for the way her body had been woken up and infused with vitality by your attention. 

instead of going to her side of the car she walked over to you, her eyes fixed on yours, and took your face in her hands, gently, and the look you got in your eyes then, the way you leaned your head back, so she could run her fingers through your hair, that instant surrender to her touch, it all made her feel violently tender for you; she could tell that you wanted her to kiss you and that you didn´t expect her to do it in public, but the street was empty, so she took advantage of her position and leaned in to kiss you right next to your lips, her hands still at the sides of your face, a lingering kiss, a gentle one, a rush as you felt her show this soft side of herself to you, her, the woman who was so often described as intimidating and tough, using her strength to show you a kind of affection that nearly got a few tears from you.

just as she pulled away, a breeze swept through the street, a perfect mild gust of wind, both of you closed your eyes instinctively to properly feel it, the early afternoon sun just right on your skin, not burning but soothing, a moment of pure bliss as you pulled her back in to feel her lips against yours, trapped between the car door and her body, no place you´d have rather been, the faint taste of smoke as she returned the kiss, Tess turned on by the fact that you didn´t seem to mind at all, that you seemed to like it, judging by the way you kept kissing her until you both pulled away and smiled, shy and pleased, unsure how to process all the intense feelings you were bringing up in each other. 

her hands slid down your body then, to your waist, her tone low, a bit cracked from the adrenaline, “you know.. ´m not big on airing out my feelings, but, you should know this has been really lovely. haven´t had a day like this in a good while” she was downplaying it, you could tell, but it wasn´t time for big confessions yet. “me neither. I´m really glad you let me come”. she grinned, her hands on your back to pull your hips against hers, “such a generous boss, aren´t I?” you put your hands in her back pockets,“oh for sure. easiest work-day of my life, I´d say”. “well, let´s see. might add some shit to your work load later. exhausting stuff”, you grinned“I´d hope so”. 

on the drive back, you were both quieter than before and you without meaning to, you dozed off with your head leaning against the window.

Tess knew that falling asleep, or drifting off, the way you had in that moment, was a sign of a certain level of trust, and it warmed her heart, that even after only knowing her for about a week, you already felt that way around her, safe to not be fully conscious, to rest your head against the window and let the movement of the drive lull you into a relaxed state of being. she drove slower than she usually would have, to glance over at you every once in a while, to see the way the sun was hitting your neck, the shadows it was casting onto your face, a sudden desire to reach over and caress you, to pull over somewhere and wake you out of that state with a light kiss to your face, a moment of sleepy tenderness, she wanted to hear a faint laugh from you as you realized what she was doing. you didn´t realize it when she parked her car, didn´t get woken up by the stopping of her engine, so Tess decided to just sat there for a few minutes, instead of immediately telling to wake up. 

she felt a sense of possessiveness in that moment, born out of her instinct to protect and shield, she loved having you in her car, to be in charge of your safety, to see you with your limbs slack, fully relaxed and taking deep slow breaths, unguarded and vulnerable, with only her there to watch over you. it wasn´t obvious, because you were good at not explicitly mentioning it, but Tess could tell from certain things you mentioned off-handedly, or certain subjects you purposely avoided talking about, that some memories were still weighing on you, even though you were presently in a good place; she could tell during certain moments where you thought that weren´t being observed, something about your face, your eyes when you were lost in thought, that your way of dealing with everything so calmly stemmed directly from your resilience in certain inescapable situations you´d been put through, had been made to survive through without breaking. 

Tess knew she was predictable that way, that it wasn´t anything new, the fact that she was not built for casual attachment, that the idea of “we´re just having fun” was a foreign one to her; the moment she cared about someone, she had the natural instinct to take on a responsibility for the other person's sense of safety, not in a belittling or condescending way, she was well aware that someone like you was more than capable of handling their own shit, but she wanted you be able to put down your heavy feelings in her presence, like a bag you could leave at her doorstep and forget about while she was around. the desire to be that person for you wasn´t born out of the belief that you were easy to break, but that you should have at least a bit of experience with what I feels like to have a place where your resilience would not be tested, where the softer part of your heart could be exposed without any threat of bruising.

she couldn´t think about it all for too long, she was getting too intense about it already, she was aware, but still, she made a mental note to herself, to make it clear that it wouldn´t be burdensome at all, if you wanted her to listen to any of it. 

Tess felt a deep need to have you with her for longer, she hated the idea of parting ways again, of sitting around and waiting for the next moment you´d get alone, she wanted to take you back to her place and make you lay down in her bed and rest there while she read or just sat there next to you, the window open, the intimacy of a warm afternoon spent in private together, but she knew she couldn´t do that, she knew she couldn´t just walk through her front door with you in the middle of the day while people were all around, at least not without finding a good excuse first. 

for about five minutes she just sat with her back against the driver door and watched you, a mix of intense feelings swirling inside of her, not just desire, but other things too, a tenderness, a feeling of affection that was so far from anything she usually felt, so much so that she felt herself almost welling up, Tess of all people, the one everyone looked to for unwavering strength, moved to tears by the simple sight of a girl sleeping next to her. she thought “funny, how long you can go without something, until it´s there and you realize how badly you´d wanted it all along.” she might not have sat down at night and thought “I want a lover” but that didn´t mean she hadn´t always had that dream, the dream of feeling something again, of being stunned into a state of openness, after shutting herself off from the world for so long. she found herself thanking however had had the good instinct to hire you, to pick you, to send you her way, she wasn´t spiritual, but she did feel blessed or looked after by some force in that moment. 

until she realized what time it was and got herself to finally place her hand on your shoulder, shaking as softly as possible, which made you sit upright again, to open your eyes and try to mask your obvious sleepiness. 

“you could´ve woken me up” you said, slightly embarrassed, but she shook her head, “no, I´m not in a rush here” a grin, “besides, you look cute sleeping”. you cocked your head as willed yourself awake, “well, you could see it more if you let me stay the night” a batting of your eyelashes, she wasn´t immune, “maybe we can do something about that. I´m gonna think about it”.

both you and Tess got out of the car then and as you walked back towards the camp, she said, “you know, there´s this outdoor film thing later, and it´s not mandatory, so I doubt anyone would care or notice if you and I both happened to skip it. for all they know we could be doing god knows what on our own.” you glanced at her from the side, “oh, so I can come over later?” in slight disbelief over how easy it seemed. Tess nodded,  “yeah, I´m asking you to. and don´t eat too much at dinner, I´ll make you something”, that got your attention, a lovestruck vibe to you then as you said, “yeah?” and studied her face to make sure she was being real. “yes, I didn´t ask you for your preferences earlier just to make small talk”. of course, she was always thinking ahead “you´re kinda spoiling me you know.” you mused, she protested, “hardly. this is bare minimum I´d say”, you shrugged, “to you maybe, but not to me”, she threw you a playful look then, “raise your expectations then, hm.”. you smiled, amused by her, “okay, I will.”. 

Tess nudged you in the side then, “make me work for it a little” she teased, “sure, I can do that. but I´ll find a way to repay you for all of that, of course”, you said, a suggestive tone, she nodded, “I´m sure you will”. 

you were both quiet for a moment, walking through the gates and gauging the vibe, thankfully it wasn´t crowded because it was a Saturday and everyone was free to do whatever they wanted during the day, which meant that during noon most of the kids were indoors, sleeping, relaxing. 

Tess reached into her bag and tapped you on the shoulder, “here, take this”, she was holding out a ripe peach, one of a few that you´d picked out before. you took it in your hand and felt the soft fuzzy skin, “thank you, I will find a place in the shade, eat this, and think about you. that´s my plan for the rest of the day”. she was almost pissed that your overly romantic way of saying that, clearly eager to get a reaction, worked that well on her, a frustrated shake of her head, a smile, a hint of irony to her tone “perfect”. you stared at her then in a way that said “and you?”, so she gave in and nodded, “you want me to say it out loud, huh? that I´ll just be waiting to have you back?”, “yes, I do” you said, fully earnest, which hit a soft spot inside of her, the part that liked it, when someone didn´t make her guess about their love, at all. “clearly I will be doing just that. you did a number on me, in case you couldn´t tell”, you did know that of course, “we can just drive each other insane then” you joked, which she agreed with “yeah, I think that´s what´s gonna happen here. I´m not complaining though, to be very clear”, “me neither” you said, just as she let out an audible groan and said “god, what the fuck does he want now”.

you followed her gaze, you were back on the camp grounds by then, approaching the main area, and saw that one of your co-workers was making eye-contact with Tess and came walking in your direction. her open disdain made you laugh and nudge her in the side, “come on, lighten up a bit, he´s already scared of you, I think”. “good. I don´t need him to cozy up to me” you were amused by her lack of patience for him, compared to the limitless kindness she showed you, it made you feel like you were her partner who had to keep her in check, who had to remind her that not everyone was turned on by her intimidating aura. “okay, well, I will go deal with that, and you go relax. I´ll expect you by 6” she said, a warm smile towards the end of the sentence, a touch to your arm, that nobody would read as romantic, but that still affected you, the way any small gesture of hers could. you nodded, giving her a light touch too, “okay, I´ll be there.”

when you parted ways, both of you felt it, that no temporary distance could ever take away from the joy of having each other. it seemed like a beautiful thing to you, to spend the following weeks doing separate things during the day, but to always be aware of each other´s presence near, to always have each other to return to, to know that regardless of whatever stress or frustration you might face, you´d be able to look forward to relaxing into each other´s embrace again sooner or later. it was a kind of relationship that was hyper-specific to your circumstances, the kind that was too sacred to ever share with anyone, the kind that was invisible to other even though it had changed the light of your life, a softer, gentler feel to it, the way the sun hit your face, everything around you. 

both you and Tess knew, without a doubt, that you had a summer ahead of you that no other would compare to. it already seemed like a memory that you´d look back at and think: 

“how did I get that lucky? how did she just enter my life like that? so quietly and gently, and yet, so capable of changing it beyond recognition.”

[sjsmith56]

What am I Going to Do With You?

Summary: An investigative reporter involved in an altercation worries about the reaction from her boss and boyfriend, media mogul Bucky Barnes.

Length: 3.6 K

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC, John Walker, Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton.

Warnings: language, power imbalance, age difference (Bucky is 40, OFC is 29), fears of infidelity.

Author notes: Sometimes a writer struggles with inspiration and sometimes it comes from out of the blue. The inspiration for this story came from the photoshoot Sebastian did for Entertainment Weekly, promoting The Apprentice. Several pictures gave me a media mogul vibe and I went from there. What happens after the ending is left to your imagination. Go wild.

I sat there beside the sergeant's desk, waiting to be released after being bailed out, worrying about Bucky's reaction when he got up there.  It wasn't my fault this time.  It really wasn't, but I knew that wasn't going to wash with him.  This time he wouldn't be able to keep it out of the news as it was already going viral over social media.  The door behind me opened, making me turn in curiosity, and John Walker came out, still holding an ice bag to his nose.  Shaking my head, I faced forward, ignoring him.

"You broke my fucking nose," he whined, as he passed me, looking back as I sat there.

"You're lucky I didn't break more," I answered, the fire within me flaring up again.  "Next time, maybe you'll think twice about bullying some kid because you didn't get your exact favourite brand of fucking still water.  God, you're such a dickwad."

"John, let it go," said his lawyer, guiding him towards the door out of the office.  "You can press civil charges for the injury."

"No, he can't!" I yelled, before the door closed.  "He assaulted me.  It's all over social media and all my friends saw him shove me first."

The sergeant at the desk glared at me and I sat back in my chair, then repositioned the ice bag on my right hand.  I probably broke something on Walker's stupid nose.  Then the door into the office opened, and Bucky walked in.  He just stood there for the longest moment with that look on his face, the one that told me I really fucked up good this time.  It wasn't an angry look, but it was disappointed and that, more than anything, upset me.  I could feel the tightness begin in my throat and then my lips began to tremble.  Clamping my jaw down I suppressed the urge to cry, not because I didn't want to but because if I did, any one there could take a picture of me, and it would go out on social media with the tags #Bucky Barnes girlfriend arrested again #how many times is too many? #is this the end for Bucky and Skye? 

He looked so good as well, wearing clothes I helped pick out.  The oversized tweed jacket paired with the black slacks, mint green dress shirt and deep brown tie was something else.  Prada really suited him.  He smiled at the sergeant, offering him the receipt for my bail.

"Did a paramedic check Ms. Knight's hand?" he asked.

The sergeant nodded.  "She refused treatment.  They thought she might have broken it."  He looked over at me.  "She's been okay here, except when Walker came out."

Bucky smirked.  "Yeah, assholes have that effect on her.  Are we good here?"

The sergeant smiled and handed Bucky his receipt back as well as my purse.  With an audible exhale he came over to me and kneeled down, gently removing the ice bag from my right hand, then inspecting it himself. 

"Does it hurt?"  I nodded.  "Come on, I'll take you to the clinic to get it x-rayed."

"The clinic, really?" 

I was being a brat, I know, but he put the ice bag back on my hand and stood up, waiting for me.

"Skye, you know that every use of the clinic provides funding for the free clinic in Bed-Stuy.  It's late, we're both tired and they can see you and treat you within an hour.  Put your outrage somewhere else for a moment."

He was right.  He usually was and he never crowed about it or made it into a big deal.  It was one of the things I loved about him.  After holding the office door open for me, he pressed the elevator button, then allowed me to go in first, his hand slightly on the small of my back.  The door closed on us.

"Do you want to hear what happened?"

"I know what happened," he answered calmly.  "Nat called me, and you know that she never sugar coats it.  There are enough videos on Snapchat, Instagram, and X to make a movie about it."

"Are you mad at me?" His calm demeanour was getting to me.

"Mad?  Why would I be mad?  You stood up to a bully who was trying to get a kid fired for being the one who told him they didn't have his favourite brand of still water."

"But I hit him.  Broke his nose, probably."

A slight smile appeared on Bucky's face.  "He pushed you before you did hit him, so it was self-defence."  He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head.  "I'm not mad.  I am concerned that you wasted a punch on that asshole and not on someone who matters."  He breathed out.  "Not that there's going to be a repeat of this, right?"

He gazed at me; his blue eyes dominant on his bearded face.  It was the same face he used in business as owner / CEO of an entertainment company that was a major player in news, movies, and television programming.  That face was rarely used on me but when it was, I knew he meant it.  I nodded my head, thoroughly chastened. 

"Now, there are news crews outside the precinct, including some of my own people," he said.  "They're going to be pushing you for a statement.  I can speak for you if you wish but if you choose to say something, don't be inflammatory.  John Walker might be an asshole but there are still powerful people who support him and don't like it when he's shown in a negative light.  They can drag your name through the mud, and by extension, mine.  I can handle it, so you don't have to protect me.  I'll protect you as much as I can, but I can't be seen giving you preferential treatment as you're still an employee and there is a power imbalance between us.  Accusations of favouritism because you're my girlfriend take away from your own abilities and I won't be accused of that."

I smiled a little.  He was protective of me, but I got my job because I was good at it, not because I was sleeping with him.  In fact, I had my job before I ever met him, and we didn't sleep together for almost two months after we started dating.  For a few moments before the elevator door opened, I remembered the night we met.  For two years I had been working as an investigative reporter for an affiliate station in the east, going to bat for people up against uncaring bureaucracies, or helping those who fell between the cracks when they were dealing with assholes who took their money but didn't deliver the goods.  I was nominated for a national news award and went to New York for the awards ceremony.  It was an open bar, and I lined up to order a drink.  Just as I got to the front, I heard a man's voice.

"May I buy you a drink?"

"It's an open bar," I said, before turning to face the voice, then almost falling down at the sight of the man next to me.

His chestnut hair was longish but well styled, and his close clipped beard with the slightest bit of grey in it was definitely attractive.  He wore an Armani tuxedo, Cartier watch, and shoes that probably cost more than I made in a month.  It was his eyes that captured me the most, as the blue grey hue stood out in their intensity.  Then he smiled and I was lost.

"It is an open bar," he agreed, "but for a bit extra I can promise you a better quality champagne, or whatever you want.  My treat."

"Champagne, then," I answered. 

He nodded at the bartender and held up two fingers, then pulled out his wallet.  Producing a black card with no writing on it, he touched the terminal and slid the card back into its spot, pulling out a hundred-dollar bill for the tip jar.  At first, I thought it was a bit of an extravagant display of wealth, but he looked at my face and chuckled.

"I'm not showing off.  It's the smallest bill I have but is appropriate for the price of this champagne."

He handed me my glass, then took his and ushered me over to a spot beside a large plant.  Before he could introduce himself, another man noticed him and joined us.

"James, you made it." He glanced at me.  "You brought a date?"

"We don't know each other," I said quickly.  "He just bought me a drink."

"Tony, this is Skye Knight," replied Bucky.  "She works at one of my affiliate stations and is up for a national award in investigative reporting.  Miss Knight, this is Tony Stark, CEO of Stark Industries, parent company of Red Iron Media.  I'm James Barnes, technically your boss."

He knew who I was.  I opened my mouth to say something but all that came out was a hurried thank you for the drink.  As the two men began talking business, I realized I was in over my head and quickly interrupted them to say I saw someone I knew and excused myself.  As soon as I was out of view (or so I thought) I downed my champagne and escaped to the ladies' room, where I promptly hyperventilated.  A red headed woman glanced at me.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine," I said, unconvincingly.  "I just embarrassed myself in front of James Barnes and Tony Stark.  No biggie."

She chuckled, then offered me her hand.  "Natasha Romanov, I work for Mr. Barnes.  You shouldn't be intimidated by him.  He's one of the good ones.  Stark isn't bad either."

"Skye Knight," I replied.  "I didn't recognize either of them."

"You're up for an investigative reporting award," she said.  "Mr. Barnes was very pleased that someone with a regional station was nominated.  He's always pleased when the news division does well.  Don't worry about it."  She looked at her watch.  "We should be taking our seats.  If I remember correctly, you're sitting at Mr. Barnes' table.  He's probably already there, wondering where we are."

It was at that moment of reliving that night that the elevator door opened, and the flashes of photographers began, even though they were still outside, crowded around the glass doors.  Bucky looked at me.

"Ready?" 

I nodded and he guided me out into the press of people.  There were questions about what happened and if I was injured.  Then the questions were thrown at Bucky.

"How do you feel about your star reporter being involved in an altercation with John Walker?  When he came out earlier, he hinted at a possible civil suit against you and Skye."

He looked out over the assembly then at me.  His stoicism was impressive as he gave no sign that he was bothered by any of it.

"I commend Ms. Knight for trying to stand up for an individual who was being bullied.  When John Walker became belligerent enough to push her, she reacted as anyone would when feeling threatened.  It's not the first time he has been accused of bullying behaviour.  The videos of bystanders show that he was the aggressor by assaulting her first.  I stand by Ms. Knight as a valued member of our news services and will defend her right to intervene when she sees someone being bullied."

There were several more questions and although I did speak, my hand started to hurt.  When one of the photographers brushed up against me, I cried out and Bucky immediately shielded me, then asked for the reporters to clear so he could take me for medical attention.  Clint was there with the car, and he came forward, clearing a path for us until we could get in the back seat. 

"Straight to the clinic please," said Bucky, then he turned to me.  "You should have said something.  I would have cut that circus short."

I didn't reply, but I did begin to cry because I was almost at my limit, and Bucky put his arm around me, murmuring I would be okay.  His sympathy was almost worse than his disappointment.  Soon, we were at the clinic, and he escorted me in where I was whisked away for an x-ray.  When I was brought back to an examining room, Bucky was waiting for me.  Less than 10 minutes later, I was given a shot for the pain, then Dr. Banner came in and confirmed I broke a bone in my hand.

"Boxer's fracture," he said.  "We'll have to reduce it before we splint and wrap your hand.  It will take about six weeks to heal and another six weeks for you to get your strength back.  No boxing, obviously, but you should avoid using it at all.  That includes computer use."

I groaned a little, but he just smiled at me then left to prepare the kit to wrap up my hand. 

"After you heal up, you're taking boxing lessons to learn how to hit properly," said Bucky, before Dr. Banner returned.

"I thought you said I couldn't do that anymore," I replied, sarcastically.

"You still need to know how to defend yourself and it's great exercise."  He crossed his legs at the knee.  "How do you think I keep my girlish figure?"

He was grinning when he said that which almost made me laugh.  Dr. Banner and a nurse returned to tend to me.  Even with the painkiller it hurt when he reset the bone, but as he wrapped my hand up after fitting the splint, the compression helped relieve some of it.  He recommended more ice packs and gave me two days worth of strong pain killers, saying I should be okay with over-the-counter medication after.  Bucky shook his hand, then walked me out to the car, where Clint hopped out and opened the back door for us.

"Home?" he asked. 

Bucky nodded.  I leaned against him, then placed my uninjured hand on his.  He rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb as we rode.  It was almost 2 am when Clint pulled up to the tower.

"I won't be going in tomorrow," Bucky said.  "I'll telecommute.  Take the day, sleep in, have lunch with your wife and I'll see you the day after."

"Sure thing," replied Clint, then he opened the back door for us and waited until we were inside the lobby door before driving off.

On the way up in the elevator, my mind wandered again as Bucky checked his phone.  He smirked a few times.

"Walker's people are trying to spin it that you were drunk," he said.  "The people aren't buying it.  He didn't even have a reservation at the restaurant and bullied the maître d' into giving him and his entourage a table.  Several people who were there are saying he was rude well before you got there.  I'll get Steve to make a call to him, remind him that if the general public found out about his side pieces that it could get ugly for him."

"Do you have any side pieces?" I blurted out, as the pain killers had taken effect and loosened my tongue.

He had been married before and was separated when we met, although I wouldn't go out with him until his divorce from Sharon was finalized.  My question must have surprised him because he said nothing, making me wonder if I was now the one living in denial.  When the elevator door to the penthouse opened, I walked straight to our bedroom and got changed, after cleaning my face with one hand.  That was fun.  When I came out, wearing one of his dress shirts and nothing else, Bucky was sitting in a leather armchair, his jacket off and his sleeves rolled up.

"Come here," he said, softly, patting his lap.

I knelt on the floor in front of him, unwilling to sit where he wanted me.  With a bit of a frown, he rested his head on his hand, and gazed intently at me.  I knew that what I said bothered him as the crease between his brow returned after disappearing during the car ride. 

"Why did you say that?" he asked, watching my face intently.

I shrugged.  "I'm feeling a little loopy, I guess.  It just came out."

"Have I done anything to make you think that I'm cheating on you?"

"No, never.  Forget I said it."

"I can't," he replied.  "I'm bothered you would think that of me."  He leaned closer, taking my face in his hands.  "What am I going to do with you?"

I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I uttered something borne out of my own insecurities.

"Are you going to break up with me?"

He pulled me up into his lap, enclosing me with his arms and kissing my face all over.  Then he made sure I was looking directly at him. 

"No, I love you," he replied, his voice cracking slightly.  "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.  Why do you think I would want to break up with you?"

I frowned and looked away.  "Social media tags.  It seems that I'm often making the news instead of reporting on it and people say that at some point it will make us break up."

"Fuck social media.  They don't know how much I love you.  Making the news comes with the job.  It has since we started dating.  You remember the night we met, right?"  I nodded.  "Remember how you ran from me and Tony because you were so intimidated?"  I looked at him in surprise.  "I knew.  You looked like a deer in the headlights.  It was adorable and I knew then that I wanted to know you.  Then you found out I was separated from Sharon but not divorced and refused to go out with me until it got finalized.  Didn't stop the gossip rags and bloggers from making stuff up about us.  You won that award and suddenly the pictures of us having that drink were being paraded as proof that we were together.  They even said that Tony and I shared you as a girlfriend.  You don't know how many lawsuit threats I made on your behalf when I became aware they were going to sully your name for breaking up my marriage."

"Are you serious?  How come I didn't know about this?"

"Because I had your back."  A soft look came over his face as he gazed at me.  "Maybe, we should give them something real to talk about."

"Like what?"

He shifted a little, reaching into the pocket of his slacks and pulled out a small box.  My heart flipped when I saw it and I could barely breathe.

"I've been carrying this around for a few weeks now, waiting for the right moment.  I could have sprung for a room full of flowers in front of all of our friends, and cases of that champagne I bought you the night we met but that's been done before.  How many guys ask their girlfriends to marry them after they've broken their hand, punching an asshole in the nose because he was bullying someone?  You're authentic, Skye.  You live life to the fullest, you stick up for anyone who needs your help, your principles are beyond reproach, and you make me feel like I'm 30 again, instead of the 40-year-old man that I am.  I love everything about you, and I don't want to wait any longer.  Would you marry me?"

I hadn't even seen the ring yet, as the box was still closed but I looked into his eyes and saw what I saw every moment I ever spent with him.  He loved me, a 29-year-old woman raised by a single mother, who taught me to always stand up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves.  I grew up in a trailer park and wore clothes from thrift stores.  Bucky was born into old money wealth, attended private schools, and an Ivy League college.  But he was also raised by a single mother, widowed with four children, and grew up not taking anything for granted.  He volunteered in food banks and soup kitchens and used his wealth to help those who barely had enough to live on.  Now, he wanted me to be with him forever.

"Yes, I'll marry you."

He opened the ring box displaying a ring with an enormous solitaire diamond.  Big, yes but simple and beautiful.  It fit perfectly then he kissed me, deeply but slowly, as his hands held me firmly on his lap.  We sat there for some time, admiring the ring and each other until he stood up and carried me bridal style to the bed. 

"What am I going to do with you?" he asked once again, as he loosened then removed his tie, and began to unbutton his shirt.

"Whatever you want," was my answer, as the rest of his clothes were abandoned. 

"I want you, always," he said, joining me on the bed, his blue eyes darkened with desire.

Always, I liked the sound of that.

One Shots Masterlist

Please support the writer by reblogging.

[thelonelyshore-if]

requesting a Jay nsfw alphabet pleease 🙏 I haven't seen much love for them yet but they're my fav :p

Jay alphabet under the cut c:

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Jay is quite gentle and tender after sex, very doting and affectionate. And sleepy lol.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

They really like their chest, I think. They’re proud of how they look and getting attention on their chest/nipples drives them crazy. As for a partner, they’re not picky, but they like thighs, hips, and ass–anything they can get a good handful of.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

M!Jay really enjoys cumming inside his partner (with a condom, if necessary. He’s not looking to get anyone pregnant rn). He thinks it’s hot. F!Jay, on the other hand, doesn’t have much of an opinion on cum one way or another.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Their nipples are pierced! It isn't something they advertise, though they like how it looks and it isn't truly a secret. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Jay is fairly experienced!! They’ve had a couple of long-term partners, and they definitely know what they’re doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Hmmmmm F!Jay enjoys cowgirl if she’s bottoming–she enjoys getting to set the pace–and missionary if she’s topping. M!Jay also likes missionary, regardless of if he’s topping or bottoming. They like being able to see their partner’s face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

They’re a pretty mixed bag. They think sex is fun, so it doesn’t bother them if it’s a little more light-hearted at times. Typically they take it seriously and try to be romantic/passionate, but aren’t afraid to laugh, either.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

F!Jay keeps her bikini line shaved; M!Jay literally could not care less he doesn’t think about that sort of thing lmao.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It depends fully on the vibe in the moment, I think. Jay can be very attentive and gentle and romantic…and they can be passionate and unrestrained. They’re typically dominant, but it isn’t a requirement if that isn’t what their partner is into.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

They enjoy touching themself in the shower before bed. It's practically part of their nightly routine–they find it a really nice way to wind down from their day. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

They aren’t super kinky, though they’re open to trying out things their partner wants to try. That being said, they do want to try out bondage–tying up their partners sounds very, very fun.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Honestly anywhere private. The bedroom and shower are perfectly valid options. Also, there’s something very hot about making out on the couch and ending up having sex.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Jay’s a romantic at heart so a lot of what gets them going is spending time with the person they love. Physical proximity–like cuddling–often turns them on, as does just…being with them or admiring their body or what have you. Also, seeing their partner in Jay’s clothes makes their brain short-circuit c:

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything public. They have a reputation in town to uphold, and they're also just really not comfortable with it. They feel like sex should be a private thing. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

No preference with giving or receiving. Watching their partner suck them off/eat them out drives them crazy, but pleasuring their partner turns them on a ton, too. They like both. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Anything and everything, but they do enjoy drawing things out. They could spend hours making a partner come again and again…but hard and fast is equally hot. Depends on the mood. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Jay isn't terribly fond of quickies. They want to take their time ;)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

They're open to trying new things, but they'd be following their partner's lead with it! There are only a few things they personally want to try out that they haven't before. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

They both can last for quite some time…but they're aren't big on multiple rounds. More than anything because they get sleepy afterwards 😴😴😴

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I think F!Jay has a small collection of dildos and vibrators, as well as a strap. M!Jay does not and hasn't really experimented with toys, but would be open to it…especially using them on a partner.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

They both enjoy teasing a partner–they like stretching things out. Making them squirm. But they don't really like being teased, personally. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Jay is actually fairly quiet in bed!! They'll whisper soft affirmations and praise and dirty talk, but they're not all that vocal.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Jay is really, really good with their hands.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

They're fairly comfortable in their body, but they're kind of shy about showing it off. Less so with a partner, but they'll still be a bit bashful. Jay is athletic and they're fairly muscular. Also, as mentioned, they have their nipples pierced.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I'd say average! They enjoy sex and masturbation, and it's something they like in a relationship, but it's also not something they need by any means.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Very quickly. Sex wears them out lol. But they really enjoy cuddling after--nothing sweeter than falling asleep with your partner in your arms after sleeping together <3

[reginaphalange2403]

Experience

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: You accidentally hurt yourself and Steve awkwardly has to help you out

Warnings: minor injury, angst/arguing, protective Steve rogers, enemies to lovers vibes kinda. pls read a/n 

a/n: my first Steve fic! I hope I did him justice lol. Obviously most of this is not canon, so lets just pretend everyone in the mcu is alive and happy, cause that's how they are in my head anyway :D also, this is kinda goofy but I guess I was in a goofy mood so here we are.

“Alright, I buddied you all up in pairs for the hotel rooms” Tony announced as the 7 of you all gathered in the lobby of the hotel he had booked. You had just finished up with a mission in Chicago, but ended up having to stay the night there so that you could appear at a press conference the next morning.

“Really Tony?” You glared at him, “You’re a billionaire and you couldn’t splurge this once so we could each get our own room?”

“Just cause I have money, doesn’t mean I don’t like to save,” he quipped, “besides, we’re all a team here, I figured you’d be fine sharing. Anyway, I’ll bunk with Banner, Sam you’re with Bucky, and Y/N, uh I guess you’re with Cap”

Your eyes widened at hearing you’d be rooming with Steve. “What about Nat?” You asked, wondering why you couldn’t just room with her, considering you were the only two girls. 

“Nat got her own room” Tony explained, and you looked over at Natasha who just shrugged,

“I knew he’d do this, so I usually call ahead of time and just book my own room myself.” 

“Genius” You whispered with a tad of jealousy.

Finally, you glanced at Steve, who looked as equally not-thrilled to be sharing a room with you. You were the newest member to the team and ever since you joined, you’d hadn’t had the greatest rapport with Mr. Captain America. You weren’t the type of person who liked to follow orders, and on missions, you typically wanted to do your own thing instead of listen to Cap’s directions over the comms. This led to a lot of bickering back and forth between the two of you, as Steve often thought you were reckless and a danger to yourself. Meanwhile, you thought he could be bossy and entitled, expecting you to just listen to him because he was older. 

“Ill take the bed by the window” Steve mumbled as he opened the door after the silent walk up to your hotel room. 

“Fine” You gripped, setting your things down on the other bed. As you did so, you winced a little at the pain in your wrist. You had probably twisted it at some point during the battle. It wasn’t serious, but it was an annoying ache. 

Hearing your little wince, Steve looked up at you from across the room and noticed you examining your wrist.

“Wouldn’t a’ happened if you had just listened to me” he tutted under his breath. 

Your head snapped over at him, “Seriously?!”

“Yeah, seriously.” Steve’s eyes turned a little colder, “This is a team Y/N, you can’t just start going rouge in the middle of a battle. I make a battle plan for a reason! And you just complete ignore my instructions over comms!”

“I knew what I was doing!” You snapped back at him, “I was completely in control until you sent Bucky over to ‘rescue’ me” you dramatically put quotes around ‘rescue’, “which was unnecessary and totally delayed the mission!”

“I had to!” Steve practically yelled, “You weren’t responding when I kept asking for a status and I had no idea where you were!”

“Why does it matter? You let Natasha do whatever she wants on missions, and she hardly ever speaks over comms and yet you’re never up her ass about it!”

“Because I trust Nat!” Steve’s confession took you aback a little, letting a few seconds of silence hang in the air.

“Oh so that’s it? You don’t trust me?” You were furious, and Steve could tell.

“Shit,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed, “Y/N that’s not what I meant, I just-“

“Whatever” you cut him off, “I’m getting in the shower” You grab your pajamas and walk into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

——

While you let the hot water wash away the dirt and sweat that had accumulated from fighting, you opened the tiny little complementary soap bar provided by the hotel, placing it on the rim so you could use it in a moment. 

While washing your hair however, you failed to notice the soap slip from the rim and slide down the tub, landing near your feet. This came to bite you in the ass unfortunately, as you finished rinsing your hair you took a step back and slipped on the bar, your feet coming out from under you. Your shoulder and head took most of the fall, hitting the side of the tub hard. 

“Fuck!” You cursed, gasping as you felt the pain slowly creep into your upper arm. You had probably dislocated your shoulder, and maybe cracked a rib too by the way you were feeling.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” You heard Steve yell from right outside the door, his voice laced with concern- which was something you had never heard him direct towards you. 

“No” You called back, “I slipped in the shower and hit my head, and I think I dislocated my shoulder”

You looked around, seeing if there was something you could grab onto to help pull yourself up, but there was no handle or anything. And your arm with the bum wrist was closest to the rim, but unfortunately, you didn’t have enough strength there to be able to push yourself with just that wrist. Realizing the slight predicament you were in, you explained to Steve,

“I think you’re gonna have to help me up”

Always ready to be of assistance, Steve immediately started turning the door handle until you yelled again,

“Wait wait no! Steve you can’t just come in here!”

“What? You just asked me to, you need help!”

“I’m in the shower…Im naked Steve” you said as if it should’ve been obvious.

It was almost as if you could hear the blush creep onto Steve’s face as he clued in “Oh…right…well what am I supposed to do?”

“You’re gonna have to close your eyes, and I’ll just direct you”

A few seconds passed until you heard a hesitant ‘okay’ from him.

He started to open the door again, “Promise you’ll have ‘em closed!” You quickly shouted before he came all the way in.

“I swear Y/N, they’re closed!” He finally opened the door, and true to his word, his eyes were completely clamped shut. 

“Okay, now just walk straight until you feel the curtain, pull it back and turn off the water” You instructed him, as Steve walked forward with his arms outstretched and yanked the shower curtain back, his hand quickly found the nozzle and he turned the water off.

You reached your arm out to Steve, “I’m reaching my hand out towards you, so you can help me up” He quickly found it, clasping his hand in yours and crouching down lower to you. 

As he helped you stand, your other arm instinctively came out and grabbed his forearm so you wouldn’t fall. 

“Sorry” You mumbled, realizing you were getting him wet. 

“It’s alright” he said softly, sounding sincere, his eyes still very much closed. You had to hold back a laugh as you stood completely naked in front of Steve Rogers, whose face was a deep crimson and just as embarrassed as you were despite not even being able to see you.

“Can you turn around and hand me a towel? They’re right behind you” 

You quickly wrapped the towel around yourself, “I guess you can open your eyes now”

Steve did as you said, and his attention quickly fixed on your lopsided shoulder that clearly wasn’t symmetrical with the other one. 

“You should probably get checked out for that”

“Of course I manage to get through a fight unscathed but have to injure myself in the shower” you grumbled, trying to haphazardly dry yourself off without exposing yourself to Steve. He smiled sympathetically at you, the first smile you had possibly ever gotten from him.

“Can you turn around for a sec?” You asked him, “I need to change”

Steve did as he was told, and you grabbed your clothes from off the counter, managing to slip your sweatpants on easily and somehow clasp your bra. Your shirt however, was proving difficult. With your fucked up shoulder and sore wrist, you couldn’t quite figure out how to get your arms through the sleeves without causing yourself a lot of pain.

“Steve?” You swallowed, embarrassed to have to ask him for help again, but it wasn’t like you could walk into the hospital shirtless. 

“Hm?” He hummed, still facing away from you.

“I need some help putting my shirt on, you can turn back around”

Steve turned to see you standing there with just your bra on and gray sweatpants, wet hair framing your face and falling down your shoulders, getting your chest damp as well. Seeing you in this state caused his face to flush bright red once again and he gulped, not being able to help himself from just staring.

“Steve! My shirt” You snapped him out of it, and he finally took the shirt you were holding out for him.

“Alright um,” he began, not too sure how to go about this, “Put your good arm through here”

Steve then gently guided the other sleeve over your injured arm, which you held closely to your side. As the tight fabric pulled over your shoulder, you swore under your breath.

“Sorry, sorry” Steve apologized quickly. Once he was finished, you headed past him out of the bathroom, slipping on some shoes and grabbing your phone.

“Im just gonna get an uber to the hospital” You said as Steve came out of the bathroom after you.

“Hold on, just let me get my coat” He said absentmindedly.

“What? I can go by myself Steve” You looked at him pointedly. 

“Im sure you can, but you’re not going to” he glared, “you’re not getting in an uber this late at night by yourself. And didn’t you say you hit your head too? What if you have a concussion? It’s not safe to go by yourself.”

“I doubt I have a concussion” you rolled your eyes, but truth be told, he might be right. Your head was killing you, and you had started to feel nauseous. “You don’t have to baby me all the time, I can manage on my own”

“Well considering you couldn’t even get dressed by yourself, I find that hard to believe” Steve muttered, “and this isn’t about me baby-ing you, I’m looking out for you. When are you gonna get that through your head? Im coming” With that, you knew his decision was made and nothing you said could change it.

The beginning of the Uber ride was mostly quiet, you started out the window for the most part and missed how Steve kept glancing over at you to see if you were alright. Only a few minutes in, you started to shiver. You couldn’t help it; your hair was still soaking wet and the Uber driver had the AC blasting for some reason. The adrenaline of getting hurt was also starting to wear off, meaning the pain was starting to set in more. Your shoulder was killing you and your head was pounding. 

Steve immediately noticed when you start to shake involuntarily, and without saying anything, he slipped off his own coat and slid it around your back, as you only had on a thin long sleeve shirt. You mumbled a thanks.

Finally, you were seated in the surprisingly empty waiting room and told you would be seen shortly. 

“I do trust you” You looked over at Steve, 

“Huh?”

“I do trust you” he spoke a little louder, lifting his head to look at you. You suddenly remembered the argument from earlier and what he was referring to.

“Then why do you treat me like I can’t be left alone?” You asked him quietly

Steve shrugged, “Maybe its cause your new, maybe its cause I feel like it’s my job to look out for everyone…” He swallowed, looking down before continuing,  “Maybe its cause I don’t feel the same way with you as I do the others”

It look you a moment to realize what he was implying. “Well you have an interesting way of going about showing it” You smiled.

Steve finally looked up at you, smiling slightly as well, “Sorry. Im usually not the best with this sort of thing. Any experience I have dates back to 1940” He chuckled lightly

“That’s okay” You stated softly, “Theres always room for more experiences” 

Right after you said that you got called back. Steve went through with you and waited patiently as you were seen. They were able to pop your shoulder back in without needing surgical intervention, which Steve held your hand through though you didn’t ask him to. They also gave you a significant amount of pain medication, leaving Steve to have to haul your loopy, giggly self back to the hotel.

After carefully helping you into bed, he placed a bottle of water and more pain medication on your bedside table in case you needed it in a few hours. 

“Hmm thanks Steve” you mumbled dreamily. 

Steve just chuckled softly before turning around to get in his own bed,

“Wait” you lazily reached out for him, “you can get in my bed. It’s cold in here”

While Steve would have loved to crawl in next to you, it didn’t feel right to him. This wasn’t you, you were hopped up on pain meds. In the morning you probably wouldn’t remember this and be confused as to why he was in your bed.

“I don’t think so” he whispered, squeezing your hand back “but I’ll be right over here, right across from you if you need anything”

Steve then pulled your hand up to his lips and kissed it, and before he could tell you goodnight again, you were already passed out. 

------

Taglist: @worksby-d​ @gh0stgurl​ @dpaccione​ @patzammit​

[k-s-morgan]

Hey! I want to thank you all for supporting me, and I have great news - I found a new job! My interview on Thursday went well and I got the offer. I should be starting on Tuesday. Additional *huge* thanks to those of you who supported me through Patreon and PayPal. While I was lucky enough to find a new position quickly, I'll be still lacking a part of my monthly income due to the pause, so your help was absolutely invaluable.

I'm focusing on my fics again now! Will be finally updating soon.

Meanwhile, I'd like to share a rec for a show that someone suggested I watch. It's called The Devil Judge and I think a lot of my readers might end up loving it: it has Tomarry vibes + some Black Butler atmosphere and elements. Kang Yo Han reminded of Tom Riddle in some ways, but he's also a mix between Sebastian and Ciel. Kim Ga On, on the other hand, is closer to Harry: impulsive, naive, brave and determined.

One symbolizes darkness, another symbolizes light, and they both affect each other to the point where one begins to reach out to sunlight, finally experiencing simple human happiness, and another understands that some darkness can occasionally be necessary. Obsession, drama, arguments, forgiveness, manhandling, unhealthiness, their relationship has a lot of the things I love so much in fiction. While the show is not officially a romance, based on the show itself + the comments of crew and cast, it's pretty much that :D Oh, and Kim Ga On resembles Kang Yo Han's dead brother yet the sparks between them fly from the start, so you might feel bothered by it. I don't consider any incest to be involved here, I think Yo Han was simply enamoured with the ideal his brother represented, which made him initially zero in on Ga On, but still, I thought I'd warn about it in advance.

The ending is technically open/hopeful, but I read it as happy. The plot itself appealed a lot to me, considering the times my country is facing. Maybe you'll enjoy it, too!

And here's a fan video in case you're like me and prefer to get a glimpse into the dynamic between the characters right away) There are some minor-to-mild spoilers here, nothing really specific.

[rzyraffek]

Hello I have a NSFWish?? Request could you do Eddie Gluskin and maybe Brahms W a pervy s/o? Like always checking them out, grabbing their booty and pecs - I know you've done some NSFWish stuff and this isn't explicit so I thought it'd be okie!

Thank you!!

- 🎨

O my god your a genius, I swear those guys are not expecting that! I hope that you don't mind adding few characters 😈 rest of notes at the end

They/them, Request open (yeah I know im taking long time to write but its summer time this person (me) is going o u t s i d e )

Slashers with pervy s/o

Eddie Gluskin

BRO TAKES IT AS INVITATION

Litteraly slaps their ass back

Kinda suprised at first, not used to people being so straightforward with him... and so brave... and- oh my darling your so...so...

bro caught simping

When they slapped him first time he just slowly turns around, he is about to whoop that ass HARDD

I swear anything playfully or just straightforward creepy/pervy this dude sees as flirt and a suggestion

But completely oblivious to their stares and eyes wandering in places, untill he looks at them directly he won't notice, BCS NOONE EVER YKNOW DID THAT TO HIM HE DOESNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

Brahms Heelshire

I just realised that hes name is so british... omg just say it out loud BRAHMS HeelSHIRE this dude is more british than queen herself (rip btw) LIKE IF anyone in amercia or anywhere else really was named brahms fucking heelshire he would be bullied so hard. Tbh maybe that's why he's in walls

Feels threatened... he was suppose to be pervy one! Not his s/o :((

At least you guys have fun running around mansion and slapping eachothers ass??? Yay relationship goals!!!

Man says "I mean I support equal rights" just to trow them from stairs or something

Also HE LITTERALY BLUSHES when they touch him normally NOW IMAGINE IF S/O does that to his bootie

"Are you checking me out again? Stoophh"

Pls he just tries to cuddle when he feels their arms slowly moving lower and lower and- hold up what do you think your doing love?🤨😳

Asa Emory

No

Nuh uh

You dont

He will litteraly cut their hands off if they try to do anything skechy

Hes so dreamy

Pov: asa just cutting vegetables for dinner, vibing, then suddenly out of dark corridor, emerges goblin-like creature (s/o) with evil grin, running to attack him, he tries to dogde it, but their evil arms are too quick, goblin smacks his ass so hard he collapses(dramatically), Asa feels the wave of embarrassment and dies immediately

Its currently 4am

Tbh he kinda likes the attention, like s/o is such a simp for him rn, his ego loves itttt

If some stuff doesr make sense im sorry, its 4am and I want to clear my inbox asap cuz I feel bad for all people that are waiting for my fics. Although you still can request!!! Im just trying to get some ideas for old ones (cuz tbh some of yall dont really have ideas for requests and just say "write for this dude ok bye" 😔😔 plz ily all but I cant work with that, I need some sort of idea, even boring one or overused

[charliehoennam]

from cramps to comfort

a/n: my bestie @harmonity-vibes has been having a bit of a tough day and i just wanted to make something nice for her. luv u, hon 💗

pairing: tommy cahill x f!reader

summary: you're on your period, everything sucks so tommy makes it his mission to help you feel better

warnings: mentions of blood, period, fluff, language, not proof-read

Getting off of work is the only thing you've been looking forward to the entire day. All you can think about is getting home and stewing yourself in a nice, hot bath to relief the aching cramps you’ve been feeling.

The day started off terribly wrong right off the bat. You had felt the cramps settling in the previous day and you even set a pad to try and prevent any accidents, but that was a total failure.

You woke up to the large red stain on your bedsheets and you just knew it was going to be one of those days.

As if the staining paranoia and the gut-twisting cramps weren’t enough to make you constantly uncomfortable, you also struggled to deal with your stupid fucking hormones.

Everything and everyone have been annoying or frustrating you for the past couple days. You hate that you feel like ripping everyone’s heads off and having their spleen for dessert. It’s not their fault; you’ve even managed to piss yourself off to the brink of tears. You just can’t help it.

You had no choice, but to brace yourself for the day. You thought about calling in sick, but you figured you could suck it up and face the day. It’d be over quickly and there was so much that you had to do.

After a hot shower to clean yourself up, you got dressed and took your phone from its charger by your nightstand in your rush to catch up with the clock.

Seeing Tommy’s name on the screen almost makes you forget about the pain.

“Morning, beautiful 🥰 Feeling better? Hoped we could have dinner together tonight?”

You read his message, but you have no time to write back. You’re running late thanks to your alarm and mother nature, so you scramble through your apartment to grab everything you could need.

The minute you lock your door, your phone starts buzzing. You lift it up to see who’s calling you and see your boyfriend’s face smiling back at you.

“Hey, Tommy”

“Morning, baby. You missed your alarm again?”

“Yeah, I think I forgot to set it last night. I really passed out, I was so tired.”

He can hear your footsteps going down the stairs as you make your way to the front entrance.

“Are you feeling any better though? You said you were feeling icky yesterday.”

“And now I know why. I got my period.”

“Oh, damn. I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s not your fault, babe. Just Mother Nature being a bitch.”

“Is there anything I can d-“

“Fucking son of a bitch” you grumble as you push the stuck door to open. “Door never works. Sorry, babe. What did you say?”

“I asked if there’s anything I can do?”

“No, Tommy” you say holding your phone between your shoulder and your ear as you fish for your bus pass in your bag. “Fuck!” you groan. “Why can’t anything go right today?”

“What happened?”

“I gotta go back for my stupid fucking bus pass. I forgot it at home.”

“Baby, lemme give you a ride. I’m just a couple blocks over anyways.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be going to work? I don’t wanna make you late.”

“You won’t be, alright? Just wait there and I’ll pick you up, ok?”

“Alright, Tommy. Thank you so much.”

“See you in ten minutes, babe.”

You hang up and sit on the curb to wait for your boyfriend. The cold air tightens your muscles and you’re reminded of the pain in your core. You took medicine in your morning rush, but apparently, it wasn’t enough to numb it out entirely.

You sit and wait with your head tucked down over your arms. You’re so ready for the day to end.

Tommy soon arrives to pick you up as promised, but the wide grin on his face quickly disappears when he realizes how shitty you’re actually feeling.

It breaks his heart to see you in pain and feeling down in the dumps. He’s got a natural instinct for making people laugh and feel good. Not being able to do even that makes him feel useless.

It reminds him of the mental breakdown his brother went through years ago. Although he's gotten better and was able to return to his family a recovered man, depression hits him from time to time when he remembers what he had to endure.

Tommy never fails to cheer him up and remind him that he's a survivor. He might not be a doctor, but he does whatever he can to remind his loved ones that they are loved.

He listens to you vent on route to your workplace, making encouraging remarks when you mention your driving test is today during your lunch break. Tommy does his best to lift your spirits and reminds you of how well you’ve done during his lessons.

He’d been teaching you for the past couple weeks and, although he says you’ve improved a lot, you’re still nervous about the test because the instructor you were paired up with wasn’t exactly the friendliest of folks. It also didn’t help that Tommy is your boyfriend; he could be a little biased.

As you arrive at work, you thank him for the ride and kiss him good-bye. The hand he sets on your cheek makes you want to cancel the entire day just to be with him.

“Hey… All you gotta do is try the best you can today. And if it doesn’t go well, there’s always a tomorrow.”

His gentle voice chases your worries away.

“I know, baby. Thank you. Wish me luck?”

“All the luck in the world, sweetheart. Lemme know how it goes?”

“I will,” he pecks you once more before you climb out of his truck.

“Dinner at your place or mine?” he questions rolling the window down.

“Uhm, mine? Is that ok?”

“Fine by me, beautiful. Have a nice day. Love you!”

“Love you too” you chuckle and step back to let him roll the window back up. Tommy waits until you’re safely in the building to drive away.

Despite your best efforts, the day does not go as well as you had hoped.

The driving test was a total dud. Your instructor was a grade-A asshole. Your boss is riding you over some stupid report he managed to lose and accused you of not handing it in. Your insides feel like knives are churning in your walls. The headache you already took a second dose of painkillers after lunch still persists.

You can’t stop watching the clock and it seem that, as it gets closer to clock-out, time seems to go by even slower.

While you wither away at work, Tommy heads to the local drugstore. Standing the middle of the aisle, he stares at the vast variety of pads and tampons with a store basket in hand.

"What the f-" he whispers to himself as his eyes roam around in confusion. "Why does there have to be so many?"

His brows furrow like he's trying to build a spaceship. He picks one up to read the packaging. It might as well be in a foreign language because nothing makes sense to him.

He has no idea what difference between a pantyliner and overnight pad is. He doesn't understand why the tampons come in sizes.

Desperately confused, he whips his phone to dial his brother's number.

"Sam, hey! You got a minute?"

"Yeah. What's up?"

"I'm trying to get some lady shit for my girlfriend, but I don't understand any of this stuff."

"Yeah, I've been there before."

"Like how do i know what her size is? Is it like the size of her lady bits?"

"No," Sam chuckles. "It's according to her flow."

"How the fuck do i know that?"

"Just get the medium tampons when in doubt. And I'd suggest taking overnight pads. Some girls don't like sleeping with tampons."

"Alright. What are wings though? Should I get them with or without the wings?"

"They're like parts that open up and stick to the underwear, so it doesn't keep moving around. I always get the ones with wings."

Tommy nods and places the phone to hold with his shoulder as he grabs the products from the shelves and sets them in the basket.

"You should probably take some Pamprin too. Midol doesn't work for every girl."

"What the fuck is that?" he frowns.

"Medicine for cramps, Tommy. And my tip? When you're in her bathroom, take pictures of the brands she uses so you don't forget."

"Fuck, I didn't think of that. I gotta do that. Thanks, man."

With 5 minutes left of the extra hours you had to put in due to the driving test, you gather your things and head to the bathroom for a quick tampon change before starting your journey home on the bus.

You haphazardly wrap your scarf around your neck and hook your jacket on to finally make your long-awaited exit, thankfully the day is done.

The door flies open as you eagerly walk outside, but you freeze in your stride as you see Tommy standing in the parking lot, stood against his truck smoking a cigarette as he waits for you in the blistering cold.

He grins watching your face light up at the surprise.

“How long have you been waiting out here?”

“Not too long,” he lies. He’s freezing his balls off, but he doesn’t want to make you feel bad about it, especially since the intention was to surprise you. “I thought you could use a ride.”

“I most definitely can,” you nod walking towards him as he stomps his cigarette out.

He flashes a dopey smile as he cranes his head to kiss you hello. He tastes like smoke, but you don’t mind it. You’re just happy to see him and to feel his prickly beard on your skin.

“Got a couple things for you,” he smirks down at you.

“Oh? Like what?”

“You gotta get home and see,” he chuckles slyly.

You and Tommy had given each other a copy of your home keys as a special milestone in your relationship. It was a major step for him. His time in prison taught him to appreciate his freedom and personal space more, so allowing you to come and go freely meant he trusts you beyond comprehension.

“Just tell me there’s food. I really don’t wanna cook tonight.”

“There’s food, baby. I promise,” he smirks opening the passenger door to help you climb inside.

After a short straight drive home, you head up to your apartment and gasp as you walk inside.

On the table, you find a beautiful bouquet of flowers set in a pretty vase. That wasn’t there before. On the breakfast bar, you see you a box of pizza along with your favorite chips and chocolates all arranged neatly.

“There’s your favorite Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer too. And,” he pauses to walk over to the kitchen, grabbing a plastic bag off the counter. “I wasn’t sure what products you like better. I don't really understand this stuff but I got you medium tampons, night pads, Pamprin and some fuzzy socks,” he grins proudly. “I just thought they were cute.”

You laugh as you walk over to hug him, tears prickling at your eyes.

“Baby, this is so thoughtful. Thank you so much.”

 “Are you crying?” he asks worriedly.

“Yeah, but to be fair, I’ve cried like three time today already. It’s beyond my control. I’m just so tired and in pain all the time.”

“Aw, baby. I’m sorry. That’s gotta be tough. Is there anything else I can do? I-I can run you a bath? Hot water helps, right?” You nod in agreement.

The bubble bath you soak in melts your pain away. It could just be the medicine working, but the warmth of the water provides the relief you’ve been seeking the whole day.

Looking over at the feminine products on the bathroom sink counter, you smile to yourself wondering how you had managed to get so lucky with Tommy.

He might be a little rough around the edges. He smokes, he curses like a sailor, he’s got a temper, but he also takes care of you so well unlike any of your exes ever have before or at least he tries to.

“How you doing in there, sweetheart?” he smiles, snapping you out of your thoughts as he leans in the doorway already dressed in his warm sweatpants and white t-shirt.

“This feels so fucking good. You have no idea.”

“I don’t mean to rush you, baby. But the pizza’s all heated up. You need to eat too.”

“I know, I’m just so tired to move.”

“Yeah? Do you want me to help?” he asks genuinely worried. “I can dry you off and-and, you know…p-put it in you?”

You follow his hands as he reaches for the open box of tampon and takes one out to study it curiously.

“How the hell do you get this inside though?” he asks frowning confusedly as he lifts the box to read the instructions.

“Where’s the applicator? Wait, was I supposed to buy that too? Does that come separately?”

Despite his eagerness to help, you can tell he’s slightly nervous of the idea of putting a tampon in you. The instruction and the product alone have him so baffled.

Your laughs echo through the bathroom as he blushes and chuckles along shyly.

“I’m just saying, I ain’t scared of a little blood.”

“Thanks, babe. But I got it under control.”