#IM SO BAD AT THIS SHIT BUT I WANNA EXPLAIN THINGS BUT
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Androids and Sickness
Androids can get sick. When they have been overexerting themselves or have a malfunction/bug, their body will work hard to eliminate the bug or begin to overheat from overuse. They develop a fever and start to stiffen up, unable to move much. They will start to return to normal after the bug is removed (all androids are programmed with a built in virus wall) or when they stop overusing their body.
Nar sometimes gets sick, but presses on in his work until someone, Stanley or other, forces him to take a break. He’s a lot like when Rosa gets a cold in Brooklyn 99 Season 2.
Here’s a doodle of sick Nar
Also hi if you see this I have a bunch of lore but one little issue in that my memory is ass so if you can ask me things about the lore of the UG!AU it would be so nice because then y’all would get to learn more and yeah iyvyivdewbubdweuigdfiugfdwyihcdw
#tsp#the stanley parable#tsp au#ug!au#Unwanted guest au#Tsp unwanted guest au#Ask me things#im begging you#i need to get my lore out but I repeat stuff too much#PLEASSEEEE#I ALSO JUST WANT TO ANSWER QUESTIONS IM FINNA LOSE MY MIND#IM SO BAD AT THIS SHIT BUT I WANNA EXPLAIN THINGS BUT#BUT I CAN T BECAUSE I AM A FOOOL
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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no matter what taemin is taemin and don’t you FORGET IT
#I LOVED IT SOOOOOO MUCHHHH i cant even explain it#never mind that the grungy start and the filthy fawking guitar combined w INCOMINGGGGGGG pavlov conditions me into my eyes rolling back in#pleasure. it’s also the way it’s so gorgeously experimental and new and yet still SO taemin#it’s literally my FAVORITE thing about him like no one else is doing this and it’s soooo so exciting to me#also i’ve only had a little bit of time to myself so i planned to listen to like 3 songs and ended up listening to sexy in the air thrice#(i just can’t get ENOUGH we are SO fucking BACK) but how much do you wanna bet the rest of the album is mostly easily digestible#easy to listen songs that will automatically be crowd pleasers#like at the end of sexy in the air mv it’s like horizon starts and i was thinking like this is SO smart#do sita (undeniably taeministic and absolutely excellent and will no doubt be revered in a few years just like move/want and any other#song that wasn’t universally liked at release) and follow it up with a double title of a massively likeable song? SO good i hope that’s#what he does but i reaaaaaally really am so delighted i have another weird dark sexy grungy (!!!!!) absolute MONSTER of a song to listen#the SHIT out of auhhhh i love him BAD#i have SO many more thoughts on the DANCEEEEEEE too and the song itself but they’ll wait until im back home
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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trying to psych myself up to finally do oc refs by doing fandom-related refs instead: volume 1
wanted to update my yuma from whatever tf this au is so he was a bit more unique... takes inspo from a lot of different things while also trying to be its own sorta thing? which is fitting given the au ;)
bonus chibi now that i'm also figuring out how tf to do chibis lol:
#my art lol#synth v yuma#yuma synthv#synth v#synthv fanart#synthesizer v#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#YES I KNOW ITS DIFFERENT but at this rate its the umbrella tag. all vsynth shit goes under there just like on main 😔#sorry for the annoyign watermarks i just dont want this to get stolennn/traced it'll b my joker arc. is2g#like thats never happened to me before as far as i know but now that my art is getting 'better' i begin to get scared that it will happen#if my fanart got stolen i'd def sting a little yeah but not hurt AS bad as if someone stole my original shit. THAT would hurt#one of many reasons why i post less personal oc stuffs. although as mentioned above i AM in an oc mood so i wanna draw em maybe...#and stuff like this is a step to develop a PROPER FUCKING REF STYLE bc i SUCKKKK AT MAKING REFS LOL 😭 BUT I SHOULD GIT GUD#i have a few other refs planned for vocaloid au (i guess???) related shit but they're not done yet. this one was also a wip that i just??#impulsively decided to redo & finish bc i wanted to draw but nothing else i was trying to draw came out right. advantages of many wips#i have SOOO many things i could say abt some of the things that went into this redesign but i dont wanna come off as pretentious 😔💔#obviously it was primarily inspired by the vimalion yuma design but. there's moreeee that i can't explain here bc tag limits and im shy#i do think i want to try and be more intentional with my character designs now so i'm seeing how that goes as i redesign some old ocs#man though this kind of stuff makes me remember i used to LOVEE doing this stuff. and now its even crazierr given art improvement#uaurhghh my head is buzzing w/. so many thoughts. THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPENS I GET SO MANY IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY GFD#this is actually from today though unlike some other things i might eventually post. that'll make more sense soon#and fuckkk i forgot the chain necklace thing on the chibi yeah but i couldnt get it to look good. whatever
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anxiety anxiety, go away, come again never
#weeeee#vent#i dont know what im supposed to do#i dont know what anyone wants from me#im so tired#ive already donr so much#ive written essays upon essays#ive tried to make you laugh#ive tried to explain whats wrong with me#ive asked for help and recieved just try harder#and so i did try harder#and all i ever get for it all is a scrap of dopamine and relentless *exhaustion*#i feel so empty#nothing ever fills that void for long#even when im enjoying myself i always end up back here#i wanna make people laugh but i dont know how#so i just throw shit at the wall and sometimes it works#i wanna talk about things but i dont actually have anything to say#so i just scrape off the surface and reword it#and boom thats an essay#and ive done that so much#i can only reword the same bullshit so many times#i dont even understand why anyone likes any of my essays i just write them to focus my brain on something for oncw#and yet i keep doing the same stupid routine of misery as always#because i cant do anything else#and even feeling bad is better than feeling nothing#whoopdy do#oh ive hit the tag limit#i had some more self depreciation but whatever im tired#sighhhhhhhh
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Controversial take but i watched all of jjk, in subbed, so it had my full attention 100% of the time, and i am of the opinion that it just fucking sucks.
So me and my wife were talking about it, and we were trying to figure out why people like it and we've come up short. I do not understand what's so appealing about this show for so many people. Can someone PLEASE tell me.
#yes the animation is phenominal and honestly i would have stopped watching after the first episode without it#MAPPA creates some beautiful art like just gorgeous#but the constant force-feeding of every minor character's backstory was hellish for me#had me rolling my eyes every time they did it (every three seconds)#the vast majority of characters are unlikable or bland or dead#often all of the above#choso is the only character i actively liked?? like i understand him i reallu do#i liked mahito? he's a freak so that's a given#i liked that one old guy with the weird still frames power#uhhh i like sukuna's weird obsession with ripoff sasuke#edit i member: i liked megumi he deserved better#oh i also REALLY liked nanamin or whatever his name was (it's been a while)#i think yuuji's suicide mission that he didn't think through is super interesting#alright heres my most controversial take of all#i don't care at ALL abt gojo. he's so mid there's like a million characters exactly like him#and he's UGLY why do people say he's attractive bro is UGLY A HELL#the intros are baller tho i sat through them every episode no skipping that shit#gorgeous animation as i'd expect from this studio#like! there's so many little drops of things that i liked about this show! which is why it pissed me off so much every time they did boring#ass exposition dumps on characters that are gonna die in five seconds. or worse-they are gonna live and continue to bore me to tears#and when i tell you i physically couldn't read the manga because of how fucking BORING it is#i got caught up and was like 'okay ill read the manga i kinda like what's currently happening n ive made it this far might as well keep goi#g' nah man i couldn't even read a whole chapter. jjk is king of exposition dumps#i do think the powers and how if you tell your opponent what it is it gets stronger is rad#and it drives me insane because i know they know how to drip-feed information about a character! and when they do that they do it SO WELL!!#but they just force feed you all this information the rest of the time like BRO ITS TOO MUCH SLOW DOWN AND JUST LET THE CHARACTERS DO THEIR#THING AND IT WILL BE MORE SATISFYING#anyways not tagging this because i don't wanna put hate in the main tags#just like. if you see this please explain to me what im missing PLEASE i want to like this show SO bad
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i h8 nightwing ((2016)) sm that i would reread it all over again just 2 make a list & point out all the things i dont enjoy in it
#i recently remembered issue 100 & it made me head in hands in the not fun way#listen i like dick#i like a decent....i think? amount of the run#its just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not....i just dont like it vry super duper much#its like#like yk how theres that thing where ppl go smth smth “comic fans always look 2 muhc in2 a thing”? yeah that#thats me w/this stupid run i dont like it vry muhc#it annoys me thats prolyl the best way 2 describe it#IS THE 90S RUN BETTER? uhhhh idk thats also pretty awful especially after dg started writing 4 it#all the plots got weird & 4getful & didnt make sense#like somethings just happen & never get explained & its hella annoying#but ughhhhhh idk i think im more fine w/it rn bc its darker & im an edgy piece of shit#but theres smth about dicks characterization in 2016 that makes me confused & the watered down points-#am i just speaking out of my ass?#PERHAPS#but im thinking about shit in 2016 & just banging my head on the desk#srry im just yapping but also this is my blog fuck u?????????'#srryyyyhJ<#im actually just so tired of not complaining like im keeping it in it feels bad 4 some reason#i wanna share my opinion 4 some reason EWWWWWWWWWW
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my mystery illness hurting me -_-
#.pdf#rd#sorry im about to start rambling and whining about my sickliness in the tags feel free to not read them if you dont wanna see that#feels bad. lately every time i do a little too much of anything (which isnt much) i feel miserable and weak and bad at breathing for daaaays#suspecting me/cfs or i thought maybe post viral fatigue after i got covid a month ago but 1) ive had the fatigue the better part of a year-#-its just that its gotten worse since recovering from covid and 2) from what ive read post viral fatigue is mechanically like identical to-#-me/cfs (when it presents like my bullshit) and also can persist and “become” me/cfs so i dont see much of a point in differentiating them#either way it soudns like i only have a shot at getting better if i avoid doing anything that triggers it to get worse (which is a lot) so.#cant exactly put my whole life on hold to lie around in bed for months on end. so whatever#also heartrate spikes while standing in a way thats very consistent with pots. another thing that causes Issues but does not explain all of-#-my symptoms. so i dont thknk its just that. whayever iguess im trying to get in touch witb my doctor cos last night it got concerningly bad#likee. did a little cleaning last night cos my mother forced me to and afterwards i got a horrible cough and was wheezing and shit#ik ik cleaning = dust = cough but in the past when cleaning has aggravated my lungs its felt so different and gone away almpst immediately#but like. i have since slept and still feel a horrible heaviness in my chest and shit idunno. dont like it
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GIRL HELP WDYM I REACHED 30 TAGS??????? OMG???? I WASN'T EVEN DONE YET
ANYWAYS 31st: and that compared to a relationship where the communication lines are basically none or very fucking weak then yeah it is an upgrade I think. Idfk I was never in a relationship I'm just picking from the ones I've seen in my life
#it's like that one image i saw#under read more too bc i don't wanna get jumpscared#anyways i wanted to say#one thing is that I've been kinda into hlevpeka (how do you even call that?) for like. 2 years? 3?#it's just that it kinda fell off for me once i started thinking about the possibilities of hlevteo (which was around the end of 2023 so)#but ig the myth hunt trio as a whole is kinda making me pick it back#definitely the most underdeveloped out of the 3 tho. i have no idea what could lead to the same guy have weird shit going on with himself#well probably it is a want to learn about himself or something#they were separate for a good while so ig they wanna pick things back and learn together#what makes them them and what they like for themselves#and who can know you better than yourself (?) idk it's weird i need a good excuse still#anywayyyyys#I've also been thinking about something for hlevteo#like bc i want it to have significant differences over teopeka (healthier ones at that) and i think one of them would be like. transparency#and sincerity and “truth” (if you really wanna tie it back to myth hunting)#bc i feel they'd reach a point where they like. can be open with each other right#and i feel that'd amount to like. knowing stuff nobody else does#like teo would tell hlev like. oh yeah me and peka have been around for almost a decade now. yeah it was a very weird thing for those times#i think the reason why im even here with you is bc you remind me of him. ig i just gravitate towards you#and hlev would be like yeah dw it's fine. y'know you also kinda remind me of someone. of like- oh that's gonna be weird to explain#and then he explains to her the whole. Thing. about being a protagonist#and she'd be like “oh huh well alright. that's one more existencial crisis for me. anyways what does that have to do with anything#and he'd be like “yeah ok so the reason why i think im also around you is bc of the power dynamic(?) we have#like you're my boss still and i honestly like that? I think all those years of feeling helpless and powerless have kinda taken a toll on me#and she'd be like “oh huh alright i guess that makes sense. that's kinda sad tho”#(heavy projecting there with That Man™ but it's whatever)#anyways what im trying to say it's that like. it's not that the motives behind the attraction are healthier?#it's moreso the fact they explained them at length to each other that kinda is? bc then they can work from there right?#like they can like. at minimum make them not devolve into something obnoxiously bad
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god i wanna start over so bad, i fucked up and ruined university just like high school, and high school was SHIT after what i did, everyone stared at me in the hallways and everything was horrible for years, i don’t wanna go through it again with the time i have left in uni, i wanna go someplace else where nobody knows my face and start fresh with a clean reputation — that i know i’ll ruin in a couple of years but by then i’ll be graduating so i can just start over again in residency
#this could be ab anything i guess but if u kno me at all u know what its ab#i still dont wanna say it out loud#they staged a fucking intervention after class yesterday. i cant go back there after this#i cant face them i dont want to. and my ex bf wants to hang out w me cause we’re still friends and id love to but#all his friends be telling him im a bad influence and shit and i just dont wanna be that person. but i AM that person i cant help it#and some of his friends get real quiet when im around and i wanna go away and be alone but he insists that they like me but its like buddy#they think im dragging u down u said so yourself. some of them give me this look that i cant explain#how can i ever go to class again after every degrading state theyve seen me in#and all the ‘we’re only doing this cause we like u and we’re worried ab u’ yeah right. some of u dont know anything ab me#its not my first intervention and it wont be my last and its not the first time i fuck up and it wont be my last but#i just wish things would go back to the way they were by the end of last year#or even by the beginning of this year (though i was going thru a financial crisis then)#but i cant. its already ruined. its alteady tainted. i slipped and spent the last 6 months making sure of that#vent post#tw
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becoming a fan of something or someone means getting weird secondhand embarrassment that didn't occur before. and anxiety! !SO MUCH!! both SO EASILY. just because i... now care about the thing or the people involved?? really??
because i really love a thing i can't freely enjoy it without some weird vague negativity related to some unknown vague people?? sure. okay. checks out.
#i know i cant handle criticism.. and people hating things i like is a personal and miserable experience#but come o n#this has happened since forever and i hate it#kim's new video drops tomorrow and where i've never cared what other people think of their content before as of late im like OH GOD. OH FUCK#maybe its because i saw so many shit fucking takes about their album?? maybe its just that i love them and i feel ready to#physically fight anyone with a bad thing to say??#plus idk how this is gonna go. they have Messages and don't give a Fuck and thats beautiful but i have anxiety and the general public does#not seem to understand them#again: i didnt care!!! there was no shred of secondhand embarrassment or anxiety or anything when i first started listening to them!!!#but now when new content comes out??? fml i guess!!!#this absolutely did happen with the shadow and bones#as with all things before it#i cant watch most interviews and stuff#trying makes me wanna scream and kick my feet but in a nearly painful way?? like its an aggressive feeling. not the fun kind most fans get#i can sometimes watch them with no sound + subtitles#not sure why the fuck that is#anyway#im positive i didnt explain ANYTHING about ANY of this well but i have literally never tried to put it into words before and i am. so tired#maison speaks
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I just want to say you’re amazing and your blog literally makes my day.
I’ve had some of the most stressful few months of my life and little things like getting updates from this blog makes everything so much better. My current favorite thing to do to de stress is just go through your blog and laugh and see our favorite boys and have fun. Your art is incredible, your comments give me life and this feels like such a happy and welcoming environment. Thank you so much, I don’t know what I would do without this ☺️ I hope all is well for you and you have a great night/day!
and if you look to your left you'll see the dude running this blog crying and sobbing while chugging a two liter bottle of canada dry AWWWWW BROO 😭😭 i'm so glad my blog can be a lil haven- a lil place to just chill even :'))
#fave#snap chats#thats how this blog is for me too tho- it really is the only thing keeping me going LMAO#ngl things havent been super easy for me either the past couple months#ive been super anxious every day just waiting for something terrible to happen even if i have no reason to#so i'm always happy to distract myself a bit and update this blog and chat with y'all#an again im glad my blog can do that for y'all too !! i say it a lot but all i wanna do is make people happy#whether its makin em laugh or smile or just readin shit and goin 'oh wow. lmao' even that's just enough#WAHHH im so glad my blog can be invitin i cant explain it ive always been bad at describing things esp how i feel#but just know i do cherish all the messages i get like these- they mean a lot to me#on that note tho i am doodlin a thing fore i go to bed- dunno if ill finish it or ill just sketch it out to finish in the morn#either way thank yall for keepin me company this past almost year and thank yall for enablin my tomfoolery lmao#im glad it makes yall happy and we can have fun :)
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#tags as a way of talking quietly lawl but now im thinking about how im convinced my sister is going to become a nazi lawl. except#not lawl. because. 😟.#the things she says make it sound to me like she at the top of the slip and slide about to go down#she claims she was 'peer pressured' into being nonbinary. shes a tradwife wanna be. she truly believes that females are biologically#inferior to males and seems to strongly believe in harsh patriarchal gender roles and nuclear family type shit#she genuinely believes that the blm riots were Wrong is genuinely believes illegal immigrants from the south are a threat#shes more worried about ~the economy~ than basic human rights from how she was talking about considering voting trump for lower#gas prices. and recently we got into an argument where she said she cares more about her convenience and her economic stability#than human rights or climate change. she nearly worships car centric united states and is very anti-public transportation#(even when i try to explain to her that public transportation becoming more wide spread would likely lower gas prices and traffic-#-making driving better cheaper and more convenient for her. but she insists that public tranwportation is bad because she personally-#-dislikes using public transportation and insists that her opinion is the correct one and that everyone else feels the same)#shes also extremely ableist. one time she compared people with genetic disorders that they could pass on to children to breeding#dogs with health issues. before then trying to say that she doesnt agree with stopping people from having kids and just wishes there#could be a way to prevent those disorders from being passed down. shes also repeatedly said that she doesnt care if disabled or#vulnerable people die from preventable diseases especially covid. shes an anti masker now and goes in public while sick without one#she also doesnt believe that workplace discrimination is real esp for disabled people. and she will not listen to reason at all with that#shes also one of those kinda 'transvetigator' type of people in a way. she believes trans women should not be allowed to compete in#sports with cis women. she also believes that she can Always Tell if someone is or is not trans (despite obviously the racism present-#-is believing that considering Everything if youre reading these tags you already know exactly what i mean.)#basically. im absolutely convinced shes at the start of the alt right pipeline and that in a few years she will probably be a nazi#and i dont know what to do about that at all because. she hates me. she thinks im stupid and ugly and worthless and never listens to me#it makes me miserable being around her. any time she shows up im immediately stressed and anxious and angry and im basically#always scared of her showing up because its impossible to be around her. anytime shes around i shut down#and im always so relieved when she leaves. and i didnt even fully realize to what extent until recently#2/3 of my most recent suicidal moments within the past few years were caused directly by her and im sure there will be more#it feels so awful to be a gnc disabled person around her because she genuinely acts like im sub human and worthless its so obvious#in the way she talks. she once told me that i embarrass her because i dont shave my legs. like how does that effect you in any way#she still claims to be like. 'liberal' ish i guess. but to me it just feels like a ticking time bomb until shes claiming all non white peop#are evil rapists trying to target pure innocent white wombyn.
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been cleaning my dorm for like 4 hours and it somehow does not feel like it has amounted to anything
#i have completed tasks things are better!! where the fuck is my dopamine you bitch#i couldn't deal w a lot of stuff in the way i would normally want to bc im trying to unfuck a LOT of things here#namely the cat piss closet. i have since washed basically everything in there bc they smell like piss#by virtue of sharing air with the piss for possibly weeks (im not bitter im not bitter) but ofc i can't put them#back in the closet bc it still smells like cat piss despite my best efforts#i am. very underequipped for this btw#anyway none of the major things i WANTED to be better are better despite effort (i.e. i wanted to stop living out of my suitcase#but i still can't do that bc the closet is still fucked up. so the scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing the floor and washing clothes#didn't lead to the tangible reward of not kicking my fucking suitcase every morning#and rascal Does Not Like It when im up and moving so a hazard of doing any chores is getting attacked#and oh boy did he#ugh i wanted to clear my weekend i had ASSIGNMENTS. I STILL HAVE ASSIGNMENTS#but thats not super appealing bc again im tired and i feel like dookie doodoo ass#but i don't want to have shit to do over the weekend bc i know my work is probably gonna be affected by my mental health#which is definitely gonna be affected by The Event. i wanna get my shit done before tomorrow afternoon but like. guh#whatever it's fine we roll nonetheless. i could probably get away with skipping another class or two over this anyway#only good thing about this#would be nice to go home and wash my face. shower. etc#anyway. if nobody got me i know kaiji fa.nart as my keyboard background got me 🤝#(chanting) no matter what kind of bad day im having kaiji's having a worse one no matter what kind of day im having kaiji's having a worse#horribly embarrassing moment where a friendly stranger in class saw like 4 kaijis in the margins and was like whos that :3#no it's not a bad thing i was just caught off guard and my drawing's rusty as fuck and whatever. bleh#im trying figure out his design bc im in trauma-bonded love aith him or whatever and#but my ass will NOT look up a reference. in class. and i haven't been drawing out of class bc ive been doing work for class. c'est la vie#wait i never closed that parenthesis. here:)#ech then again maybe i'll want the distraction of work. crossing that bridge when i get to it#after all i can just work ahead if that's the case yk#to explain the closet my roommate stayed in the dorm over winter break and i didn't and at some point in there#roomie's cat pissed on a fallen skirt like crazy. and then that piss was trapped in there for possibly weeks#and im not bitter not even a little that i didn't get an apology from my roommate. but hey don't ask and don't receive ig
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how do you use vcloid like actually........ 😭 or openutau or any of tht pls
i mean i don't know if you should be asking ME for advice specifically because...... when it comes to the actual singing part (you know, their INTENDED PURPOSE) i think im ass at that 😭💀
now for making them say every swear imaginable, i could potentially help with that but idk...
#ask#anonymous#i mean i have considered doing a talkloid tutorial because there aren't that many but i feel like im not good enough to do that yet#i wanna practice and keep getting better lol until im at a point that im satisfied with#tho i will say its crazy how in a few years ive def improved a lot. not enough to make me particularly happy but its worth recognizing#my other thing is i worry im so so bad at explaining how to do things bc i go off on tangents and shit. and idk if itd make sense to anyone#idk WOULD anyone fucking want me to explain any of the methods to my madness???? idk if it'd be useful but
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