#im positive i didnt explain ANYTHING about ANY of this well but i have literally never tried to put it into words before and i am. so tired

[mieczyhale]

becoming a fan of something or someone means getting weird secondhand embarrassment that didn't occur before. and anxiety! !SO MUCH!! both SO EASILY. just because i... now care about the thing or the people involved?? really??

because i really love a thing i can't freely enjoy it without some weird vague negativity related to some unknown vague people?? sure. okay. checks out.

[certifiedstarrr]

stone cold - c.s pt.2 of "i'll beat her bitch ass."

pt1

ೃ༄

femvolleyballplayer!y/n x comforting!chris

warnings: cursing, crying, intentional lowercase, no grammar used (intentional), detailed brutal fighting, mentions of death, ig triggering topic, use of y/n (sorry?) ig angst???

summary: somerville won the semi-finals and amelia's team goes home. amelia should wish that she hadn't said that because y/n doesnt play when it comes to someone talking about her boyfriend. shits about to go down.

this is set in some random ass au that i can’t really explain😭

p.s sorry to people named amelia, no hate to y’all !💗

also be kind to others please !!

don’t like don’t read !!

find some other shit to do.

not proofread (a bitch don’t got no time for that shit)

this is my creative work and i do not approve of plagiarism in any way. i also do not approve of reposting my work onto other apps or anything of the idea. SSTVRNIOLOO 2024.

a/n: HEYY , so this is your surprise fic series ive been working onnnn ~ also my laptop stopped working so i don’t have the option of typing anymore, so it’ll be on my phone or ipad. (mostly ipad though) 💔

wc: 2k

enjoy !!

ೃ༄

im going to beat this motherfucker up.

how dare she slap me, tell chris is only dating me because im just a "good fuck", and saying didnt love me.

im going to beat her so bad that her nose is so fucking crooked. so bad that she cant speak. that shes hospitalized just as long that i was when she injured me.

after she slapped me i pounced on her. yanking at her hair & jaw to get her to look at me.

"whos laughing now, bitch?"

laughing, i bitch slap her right back and punch her in the nose. nobody even dares to fucking touch me. no one.

i jump on her pounding her head onto the glossy gym floors. throwing many punches at her nose and face, practically drilling my knuckles into her faceーwith. no. absolute. mercy.

i didnt care how bad her injuries were gonna be. i could actually care less.

my white jerseyーwell, previouslyーwas now splattered with her blood.

"yeah get her ass !!"

meghan yelled from the bench. i love meg.

nobody was really going to stop me. i probably looked like a monster.

"please stop!! im sorry !"

amelia yelped and screamed. i heard herーloud and clearーbut didn't give no fucks.

throwing punches directly at her nose, hoping to complete my goal of making her; already hideous nose; crooked as hell.

her face drowned of ruby red coloured blood. her mouth draining of blood and face bruised and cut.

i could practically kill her. but do i want murder charges though? no.

i looked at her twisted nose in proudness & enjoyment. he nose was perfectly crooked how i wanted it to be.

all this timeーwith out realizing itーi'd also been fighting off the refs and amelia's teamates. i was also tuning out the repeatedly blown whistle.

well too late. the damage was done. she was definitely fucked up.

its called payback, bitch.

ೃ༄

she surprisingly got up, stumbling around before she threw a hand at me. she punched my nose and scratched my cheek.

i felt the burning sensation on my cheek and my blood sprinting down my cheek.

“you motherfucker!”

she furiously yelled at me, with tears running down her face, mixing in with the blood.

my eyes shot down to the gym floor. it was one big puddle of blood. i grinned crazilyーlike a fucking serial killer.

we were both standing in fighting positions, ready to quite literally kill each other.

i caught chris’ big blue orbs staring at me. he was also grinning. he knew the rivalry that me and amelia have; that’s why he never stopped me.

the crowd was chanting my name. they all backed me up on this rivalry comepletely.

our faces were both decorated with blood. but mine didn’t have tears streaming down them.

i knew i was going to penalized for the tournament. i most definitely was; without question.

this beef wasn’t with any of our other teammates, it was only between me and her. though everybody knew what amelia did to me last season.

the referees and her teammates finally pulled us away from each other. both screaming profanities at eachother.

but suddenly whilst she was walking back to her bench. she fell. its all because i knocked her outー

stone cold.

ೃ༄

as my coach walked me to the locker room, i heard cheering, applause and more loud chanting of my name. they all knew the beef between amelia and i.

i got to the locker room with my coach and sat down.

“you’re expecting me to yell at you or something, hm?”

my coach monique said.

“yep.”

“well i’m not. i’m so proud of you for beating that bitch up.”

coach monique laughed.

“thank you! i thought everybody thought i was a monster for doing that”

“you’re a monster on the court. but thatーthat was just handing pure business.”

“thank you coach”

coach monique walked back out the the court to settle my team and talk to the refs.

suddenly, chris walked in to the locker room.

“oh hey chris”

“hey baby”

he went in to hug me but i gestured no.

“unless you want blood on your shirt, i don’t think you should.”

“i don’t really care”

he hugged me tightly and i hugged right back.

“so how’d the fight even start y/n?” chris questioned

“well first she slapped me because i was supposedly “cheating” then told me that you were only dating me because i was a “good fuck” and you didn’t love me”

i explained calmly.

“that little bitch.” chris said low-toned.

“and that’s exactly why her nose is crooked as fuck”

i grinned, remembering how her nose looked.

“i’m gonna go back to the stands and get to car.” chris said.

“okay see you in a bit baby”

he gave me a swift kiss on the lips and walked out the locker room.

i grabbed a wet towel and dabbed at my cuts and bruisesーa burning sensation each time i dabbed at them.

changing back into my clothes and taking my sports bag. i head to the car and greet my friends.

i hated the media. and now they were following me.

i stepped out the door and walked to car where all my friends were. i ran up to nick first.

“hey babes!” nick said excitedly.

“hey nickk” matching his same energy.

group hugging lauren and angelina (angie) happily while getting tons of dumb questions from the media that was previously following me.

also greeting matt aswell, making sure to make him smile.

ೃ༄

parking into the driveway, me, matt, chris, and nick got out the car and heading inside the house.

nick and matt went to their rooms, leaving me and chris to go to our shared one.

“i need a shower” i said.

“okay baby i’ll go after you” chris said.

..

i closed the bathroom door and started stripping my clothes off. once fully done, i stepped inside the shower, turning the water on and letting the water stream down.

the water mixed in with the little blood that was left on me. falling on the shower tiles.

i took my loofah and put soap on it and watched it grow soap suds on it. i got lost in relaxing feeling of hot water and sudsy soap. it just rejuvenated me.

..

hopping out the shower, and drying myself with my towel. i threw on my clothes that were laid out on the counter. i opened the bathroom door and felt the cold air rush past me.

i stretched out on the shared bed and get a call.

it’s from my aunt. she never calls me. why now?

“hey y/n it’s me”

my aunt sounded like she was crying. but why?

“yes auntie?”

“y/n y-you’re parents died.”

i dropped my phone on the bed.

no. this is some kind of sick joke.

my eyes darted everywhere, trying to register what i just heard.

they couldn't have died. i saw them last night when they flew to London.

when they disappointed me telling me they couldn't make it to my game. i had totally forgot about that when i looked around in the stands.

then, i broke out into a loud, ugly, sob.

chris’ eyes immediately shot to me.

“what happened y/n??” his voice laced with worry and concern.

"my parents- they-" i couldn't finish my sentence.

"take your time ma" chris said gently.

i could hardly believe my parents died. it just wasn't possible.

chris hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead, trying to get me to calm down.

i sobbed. i loved my parents so much. sure we weren't on the best terms with eachother lately. but i still loved them dearly.

and the worst part is, the last thing i ever said to them but "i hate you both"

"chris the last thing i said to them wasn't even i love you!" i wailed, still sobbing.

"shh y/n" chris calmed.

then chris just held me there. no words. no sound. nothing.

just silence.

he knew what had happened by the hints i dropped.

i just couldn't bring myself to say it. not yet.

ೃ༄

i awoke, wrapped in chris' arms. i looked over the time,

1:56pm

a solid 13 hours of sleep.

yet i still felt tired.

i had no energy. so many missed calls and texts.

i knew what they were all gonna say,

"We're so sorry for your lost! If there's anything we can do to help let us know."

well you most certainly cant fix those empty parental figures;

hell, i'm an orphan now.

so bullshit.

i opened tiktok bored out of my mind and started scrolling.

i saw a tiktok of a girl who looked around my age with both her mom and dad , doing a dance.

why cant that be me?

..

i was at my desk a couple minutes later, hatching a plan.

because what if my parents really weren't dead,

what they faked it?

well its time to find out.

chris woke up groggily,

"morning ma" he yawned.

"morning baby" i answered swiftly.

"what are you doing?" he asked.

"we're flying to london."

extra: soooooooooo this took so long for no reason but here it isssss.

school was beating my ass fr fr

but thank you for reading !!!

taglist: 🏷 @lovingmattysposts @elliesturniolo1 @elliewrites1 @sturnsbitch @luvmxtt @vanteguccir @chrisstopherfilmed @novasturniolo03 @tyjna6 @sturnlova @sturniolo-lover1317 @patscorner @ak47b1tch

(comment here to be on my taglist !)

[definitelynotshouting]

now im wondering about hunger au in season 8. watcher prey animal instincts would explain grian being so obsessed with SOMEONE keeping watch on the moon that he didnt sleep, but also - that's gotta mess with his impulse control. and that IS the kind of situation where a very tired very hungry very scared watcher would probably rather their friends be terrified and actually taking the situation seriously and trying to leave than have them be blissfully unaware till it kills them

Well--

The thing about "instincts" is that they are never going to overpower the fact that Grian is a logical thinking person. I've gotten a lot of asks assuming he'd do very impulsive things because he's a Watcher, and Watchers are technically a middle of the food chain species which gives them some prey-like base behaviors-- but the thing is, these are people? Watchers are people. They arent animals, they can think and reason. Same with Grian-- he's a sentient, sapient guy, he can reason past his "instincts" as theyre being called. Consider it like generalized anxiety: he's got an issue with hypervigilance sometimes, and he can be jumpy when people go out of their way to startle him, but that isnt his entire personality. Those are specific responses to specific stimuli and also his own trauma; he's got more going on underneath than just that.

Grian keeping watch on the moon in s8 is moreso a combination of his personality (he's an inquisitive guy), his need for a sense of control + hypervigilance, and good old fashioned alarm at something strange and unprecedented happening to everyone. That's not to say he isn't probably feeling any anxiety or dread over impending doom that might stem from him being a Watcher, it just means thats only a very small piece of the puzzle. So the idea of Grian impulsively making his friends scared about the moon situation isn't really compatible with my interpretation of his character here. The entire premise of this au involves him fighting tooth and nail not to feed on anything except what he considers positive emotions; his failure to uphold that when faced with literal, permanent, and imminent death by starvation; and the consequences that happen after. I think everyone would already be terrified-- if anything, he'd be fighting even harder with himself not to feed off that terror and in the process enhance it.

So uh, long story long, hunger!Grian being a Watcher isn't the reason he kept an obsessive eye on the moon in s8; the reason he did that is because he's a person exhibiting normal person behaviors during an apocalyptic crisis. Watcher instincts, as they were, are never going to undermine Grian's autonomy and decision-making skills.

[autisticiyami]

crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room filled with rats. th

LISTEN TO MY AUTISM-INDUCED HEADCANONS BOY. i think about him a criminal amount i have his entire life planned out to fit with that ososan repainted idea i never did anything with that goes along with 80skun. do u see the vision. no? well ill show u. welcom to my freaking twisted evil mind. rant incoming.

also im gona be hopefully updating this semi-frequently as i draw more stuff and actually feel like explaining stuff. this post will be my Iyami Autism Diary now.

i dont have specific sources on any of these rn bc im writing this on my computer and also bc its probably something i saw once and didnt bother to save or anthing so. bear with me here.

-baby iyami. loveless child. born by a mother who always knew she would be better off without him and sharing the sibling moniker with an unironic sociopath older brother. emotionally neglected and naturally socially inept due to autism, along with like.. looking like that. you know he was torn to shred by everyone. japanese kids are RUTHLESS his entire elementary/middle school experience was getting his face dragged across the concrete and his lunch money stolen. i imagine he starts to become rlly jaded and outwardly mean as a defense mechanism in like 2nd/3rd grade, finally realizing that this shit isnt all sunshines and rainbows lil bro and that no one likes him. he went to school with both honkan and kaoru, honkan he would always get into scuffles with but kaoru was like the only kid that ever genuinely attempted to be nice to iyami. read: attempted. because iyami has bpd at the ripe age of 7 and a half and screams at him whenever hes around for no reason other than that hes really scared of him being a genuinely kind person. hes a fucked up kid in a fucked up situation surrounded by nothing but apathy and misunderstanding of how he works and thinks and wants. the scar on his face comes from an incident with his older brother who i imagine got so mad at him one time that he chased iyami around with a knife threatening to slit his throat open. luckily (or probably more unluckily) he just sliced the side of his face open. that was the first and last time that iyamis mother actually worried for him. and by "worried" i mean get mad at both of them for fucking around like that and then not taking iyami to get stitches because "he'd be fine."

-iyami's highschool experience is. slightly less horrific. mostly because hes kinda just accepted that everyone in the whole world hates him and at some point realized he should just live out of spite to piss everyone else off. he never really had any career dreams mostly since the only career he realistically could have was wage slave in the city, which would be like sending him to death row for him. due to his autism and prolonged abuse from all sides, hes become kind of an expert at knowing how people work, though he doesnt necessarily understand any of it. he realizes that he would much rather be a backpeddler on the streets than a corporate slave, so when hes kicked out at like 16/17 for being literally just a curseon his mother at that point hes right out there trying to charm his way into any way to make money. first couple years were difficult, i imagine he just. didnt finish highschool due to being homeless immediately. he always had a kickass sense of style though, and maybe bc he was younger he managed to pull off charm much more successfully. honestly i dont have too many any specific ideas ab this era sowwy... bc it kinda just exists as "the part before chibita" which speaking of

-his twenties and thirties is spent like the exact same way. like the autism is strong in this one hes very content with just being the worst. but thats only because he literally sees no other way for him to live because its all hes been offered to do by life. quite fucked up! but that leaves him with a great optimism and positive "nothing in life matters!!!!" attitude. i actuallyyyyy dont know exactly how to span this next part.... but i was thinking that he met chibita when the kid was around 6 and iyami was 30. iyami just kind of... adopts him? as a weird sort of nephew. but at the same time iyami is in a perpetual state of childishness so sometimes chibita is like the parent/uncle to iyami. theyre so strange. but speaking of iyamis childishness Yeah theres some side effects of prolonged neglect and trauma since first memory surprisingly!! iyami kind of aged backwards, having to mature early to try and protect himself and keep some level of sanity, he was never really treated like a kid especially not by mother and brother or even other kids. now that he's an actual adult his brain has sort of flipped over, now stuck in a weird area of feigning immaturity in every situation that isnt immediately "life-threatening" in his eyes. all that to say that iyami is agere and is basically regressed somewhat at all times and it just varies depending on the situation.

but yeah this era. a couple years after meeting chibita he ships himself off to the city suddenly hoping to be able to make something happen there Kind of an early mid-life crisis moment. and boy it is not great! this part is where i dump the rest of trauma on him but you dont get to hear that. something something tougou's crime ring. after like a bit under a year he ends up coming back and... HOLY FUCK IS THAT A REFERENCE TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF OSOMATSU-KUN 1988??? you bet your sorry ass it is. im literally so smart they shouldve hired me to make ososan dude.

-osokun '88 era happens ig?? his old situationship behated kaoru is a cop now apparently and he's stationed right in iyami territory. quite awkward! kaoru doesnt particularly like him 1 because like. cop/criminal dichotomy first of all. 2 because iyami was a cunt to him and honkan for seemingly no reason their entire childhood and 3 iyami seems to have a really weird complex of being mean and hating kaoru currently but also obviously going out of his way to get in kaoru's way. quite immature! i explained why that is though. kaoru in his infinite sweetnes though eventually just kinda feels bad for the dude because its kinda just pathetic at this point and also because he DOES know that iyami is actually a super cute sweet guy because there was one (1) time where as a kid iyami let his guard down around kaoru and played with him at his house after school just to be completely ripped to shreds literally and figuaratively by his classmates the next day when kaoru was acting super friendly with him and iyami just kinda blamed him for it for like 20 years. VERY pathetic! but he was like 9 dude. kaoru understands this and kinda just... lets iyami wreak havoc more than he would other people partly bc he still thinks hes pretty silly.

i have a whole big episode idea of the two getting together and probably hundreds of headcanons and ideas about the two together but tbh?? im gonna spare you and keep it as paraphrased as i can manage for both of our sanities. but watch me go back and edit this post or make a new one just infodumping ab everything about them.

but like yeah ig events happen. hey do u remember iyami's "daughter" who is actually his niece because there is no fucking way in any reality that this guy has procreated?? well she comes in sometime around here becasue her father (still an untreated aspd) kind of doesnt give a shit and neither does her whore mother and they choose to dump their kid off with uncle iyami for the summers now. yay!! i also have a lot of headcanons and stuff ab her (her name is hiyori btw) but thats for another post.

iyami's family turns into basically him, his husband, and his two (sometimes three) (some not actually legit) (and one is gone when it isnt the summer) neicephews. isnt that awsome??? i cry and scream and throw up just thinking about it. sometimes iyami is the nephew but thats awesome. sometimes a family can be some gay man and an orphan that is his husband's nephew and his husband's actual niece, his husband's lesbian best friend that is basically an aunt at this point, and his husband who is sometimes also his nephew/child because of cptsd and they are all autistic. truly beautiful stuff.

and yeah thats. that. like i said i'll be updating this with better explanations of stuff and hopefully actual art But this works for now!!!! no one wanted this but the world got it anyway. you can thank me later.

[choccorin]

YAYAY IM HAPPY THAT THEY TOOK YOUR APOLOGY WELL and itsokay im also a coward in conflicts like i try to avoid drama but somehow i end up being part of smth ??? WAIT STORY TIME HELP SORRY THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY LONG 💔💔

ok for background context i used to like this guy last year (he… was not the best person but shh) and we got really close like he considered me his best friend but he knew i liked him so it was like really awkward sometimes when he would just stare into my soul and it gave off the vibes of “i know u like me and i will make u miserable!!” BUT ANYWAYS he forced me to confess (kinda) like he msged me and said smth along the lines of “i know you like me and just be honest.” why did he put me on the spot i do not know but i found no point in lying cuz apparently when he was at this competition a few ppl were talking about my crush on him?? i dont know how other ppl figured it out???

I MEAN OK TO BE FAIR I WAS REALLY OBVIOUS but also i didnt openly admit that i like him !! whenever classmates would ask id always say like “no i dont” or that its none of their business but they just love to get into anything relationship crush related like this isnt middle school anymore 💔 ang immature talaga nila pag nalaman may crush yung isa sa classmate ☹️ ANYWAYS ppl took that answer as “yes i like him!!” so they would just constantly talk about it whenever they see the guy so that explains why they were talking about me at that competition (i wasnt even there.) but he rejected me and i dont like him anymore. we are still good friends i suppose bc he still tells me everything HELP

anyways to the actual drama thats still happening rn its been like 3 months ..!

throughout that entire thing im afraid that there was a girl (shes my classmate currently) who was LITERALLY WISHING ON MY DOWNFALL BC SHE LIKED THE GUY TOO AND STILL DOES. like girl you can have him i dont like him anymore !! but shes been talking shit about me since ive been around him recently + SHE THINKS I STILL LIKE HIM. im usually a touchy person w my friends if they let me but it isnt even romantic or anything im just “abusive” (which is what they describe me as) since i sneak up behind them and slap their shoulder as hard as i can. HELP I PROMISE THEYRE FINE W ME DOING THIS IM NOT ONE OF THOSE PPL WHO JUST DO IT FOR NO REASON 💔 I DO IT BECAUSE THEY BULLY ME BUT ANYWAYS THIS GIRL REALLY DOESNT LIKE ME TOUCHING HIM (this sounds so wrong out of context..) shes really mad about me being close to him like im sorry he wants to be my friend?? im not stopping her from talking to him nor do i care if she does. im like 99% sure she was crying yesterday because i slapped his shoulder. i feel bad but i also dont bc she can go slap him too….. its not that special gang

she also calls herself an “outsider” and thinks the guy doesnt care about her since he doesnt talk to her. miss girl i think hes just creeped out by how you treat his friends LIKE IF I WAS IN HIS POSITION I DONT THINK I WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HATES ANY GIRL I INTERACT WITH

IM GETTING OFF TOPIC STOP BUT shes been spreading a whole bunch of rumours and talking about me with her friend group (who also hates me bc of this) and im pretty sure she thinks idk about what shes doing because whenever she talks to me its always strangely nice or asking me for academic help. like at this point i dont know the answer to the chem homework either stop asking me since you hate me sm!!

im praying she stops being like this bc shes genuinely a nice..??? person. shes just weirdly obsessed w the guy and will do anything to stop him from interacting w any girls other than her. LIKE IF WE IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE SHE DID shes a decent person that i could be friends with. i cant even apologize to her or anything since I DONT KNOW WHAT TO APOLOGIZE FOR?? “hi im sorry for liking and slapping the guy you have a crush on” LIKE THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE HELP but ill just let it marinate i guess and hope for the best 😓😓

IM SORRY IDIDNT THINK THSI WOULD BE SO LONG I HOPE EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE IM TOO LAZY TO READ IT OVER 💔💔 i hope u dont mind long asks pookie

- 🐙

OMG SAME !! i avoid drama but got caught it in during ninth and tenth grade :'3 so i'm trying to be cautious about the friends i make and also trying to keep my circle small </3

oouugghff knowing that someone knows you like them is sooo awkward AND HE STARES AT YOU TOO ??? i would pass out on the spot ... i hate those types of classmates na laging nasa business ng iba .. ESPECIALLY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS !!!! i think may ganyan talaga every grade. except for college, i think. since mas mature na mga tao dun but you never know. AWWHHH GOOD FOR YOU !! i personally wouldn't be close friends with him after that because people might get the wrong idea </3

SEEE, I TOLD YOU PEOPLE WOULD GET THE WRONG IDEA !! 🥹🥹🥹 why can't she just ask you if you still have a crush on him like she's making conflict for no reason at all. ( •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ )

why do girls have to go through phases where they go insane over a SINGLE BOY !! but i guess it's a canon event and they'll just grow out of it .. but! three months is actually so long ?? how do you deal with that 🐙 anon ... i would be so fed up and just confront her about it. i hope she confesses to the boy soon and he rejects her ( i assuming he doesn't like her ) so that this situation will be over. 🥹 if you let it marinate, it'll either get worse or get better, no in between! ( trust me, i've been there. )

ANYWAYS! i don't mind long asks, i love them a lot actually :3 it feels like chatting with a friend :33

[andsalttheearthbehindyou]

january reading wrapup

a bit weak this month but it was my birthday and thats a holiday in and of itself sooooooo

the shards, bret easton ellis - this was so perfect, top to bottom. moshfegh is obsessed with ellis and i totally see where she draws her inspo from, *I* feel inspired, like this is just an incredibly gifted writer and i feel stupid for being like, hey have you heard of this guy?? but i think everyone just thinks of the american psycho film when we really should be like my god this writer is insanely gifted. im gonna read all his work albeit slowly because i imagine a lot of his novels are similar in vibe and i dont wanna get overwhelmed by it hahaahaha. but this ones gonna stick with me for sure. hbo's making this into a show, im gonna message casey bloys and say cAlL mE I wAnNa Be An aCtrEsS!!!

the vulnerables, sigrid nunez - not much to say but it gave satc vibes for some weird reason to me that i cant even explain

vladimir, julia may jonas - chose this because of natalie portmans bookclub, and i could literally envision her envisioning herself in this type of role if this were a movie, especially after her may december performance. i did enjoy this but the moralist ending really wasn't...warranted? and im being vague here for risk of spoilers but the fire seemed like a very cheap cop out? if anyones read this id like your thoughts? also from the vague synopsis id read it made it seem like the prof was an older man obsessing over a younger woman so i was really intrigued by the role reversal here and i really did want to like this.

black swans, eve babitz - cant believe i didnt read this in 2020! especially since i read slow days back then. eves writing makes me swoon

tender is the flesh, agustina bazterrica - okayy. prefacing this by saying ive been vegetarian for 4 years now and that that greatly affects my take on this, i feel like book is heavily reliant on shock value and the grotesqueness of the real world and the author knows that the reader knows this is a real practice irl and is only forcing them to care because its being done to humans now instead of animals. which is so disturbing? maybe its just me but i think its horrific and cheap to pretend like youre making a statement and pretend like youre urging people to give a fuck about a real world problem but people dont see our irl food industry as a problem, if they did there would be more people with plant based diets. i hate to sound preachy in a 'review' where im condemning the author for being fake preachy but any positive reviews of this honestly are from people that will pretend to make a change in their diet for like a week and then revert to eating meat. and then the 'twist' where it also a commentary on surrogacy at the end, i was honestly appalled. modern day surrogacy as glorified by kardashians where its just rich women who dont feel like gaining weight or are only slightly inconvenienced by pregnancy so they turn to surrogacy is obviously disgusting but the main characters wife in this is obviously infertile and i dont see anything wrong with surrogacy in that instance -- (obviously not like its done here with the cattle-woman, hello??) but oh my god this book was really not....it. for me. and i think cannibalism in media had its fun but we need to move on already its tired. this book had nothing even interesting to say on it, whatever, im annoyed, at least it was short.

sirens & muses, antonia angress - very cute i liked this a lot! it reminded me a lot of this book i read in 2022 called cleopatra and frankenstein, which i also liked a lot. this just reads really well all the way through and i loved all the characters, i was a little upset about what happened with preston but only because i really liked him and i do realize that it was interesting to show flashes of his father in him it made him more complex sighhhh! this could be a good mini series tbh i saw karina so clearly in my head as sophie thatcher ooooof

pefume: the story of a murderer, patrick süskind - kurt rec so i knew it was going to be good, wasn’t expecting it to be sooo funny tho! loved

a knight of the seven kingdoms (the tales of dunk and egg #1-3), grrm - i kept putting off reading this one because ive been scared that i’ll never have a new grrm book to read :[ and also honestly i thought this one would be boring lol but it WASNT, i LOVED it, dunk and egg r literally babies omgmggmgmgmg. loved it so much :,(

the last tale of the flower bride, roshani choksi - i think i liked this, i dont know, i dont know if me not knowng if i liked it or not means i didnt like it, i think i did, but idk lol. I did! i did like this. very tangible and idyllic, i love 'we were girls together' relationships, a jennifer and needy type of thing which will always get me. i thought the switches in pov were fun. someone described this as gothic which is why i picked it up and i...wouldnt call it gothic, but it was good.

i guess this month wasnt as weak as i thought but whenever i dont hit double digits im like ugh. slump.

[himbirch]

i just wanna add onto this because ada's spectre will always have me giddy and sad and so excited about her. she's my everything. also be warned i didnt do much research, pls lmk if any of this is scientifically wrong so i can edit it

also i'm calling the rich guy who killed her tamerlane for simplicity's sake (this is a reference to the poem she's from (called Tamerlane), where tamerlane is the narrator and her lover)

cw for some grotesque stuff about dead bodies, some mentions of sexuality

so as to the way she's held together by shoddy stitching, it's my opinion that tamerlane actually hacked her up and hid her pieces in different places to avoid getting caught. this would also explain why some parts of her are so much more decomposed than others, because swamps (more specifically low oxygen conditions) can slow decomposition a lot. this would make sense as to why her arms and legs are still mostly intact (just a bit dirty/moldy) while her torso, head, toes and fingers are all bone. her being torn to pieces would also make sense for the way that she moves, stretching the threads in her stitches and dislodging entire parts of her body. also the way her jaw dislodges when she screams could hint that he mightve torn it off.

i also think the bones on her spectre are super interesting: theres fish, snakes, a coyote skull on her hat, and i think some dog skulls as well (could be wrong, i didn't properly ID the skulls). its not totally clear to me whether any of the bones are animate, i'm assuming not but they do look to be screaming in certain panels (could be part of her earsplitting scream power, maybe not). but these bones could be other creatures that died in the same place, or even (this is a stretch ik) creatures tamerlane hunted (rich people still hunted for sport in the 30s i think, although i'm positive that poor people hunted for sustenance during the great depression, so then again the animals might've been killed by ada or her family for food)

the RIBBONS: oh my gosh ok i'm GIDDY about these okok so. if you somehow didn't notice the parallels between annabel lee and ada by this point, let me enlighten you. annabel and ada are paralleled a LOT. they're both single-minded and obsessive about love, they're both manipulative, they've both dabbled in playing both sides, they both have self-worth issues and have been victims of society as women (although ada also had the disadvantage of poverty). it's my slightly delusional opinion that annabel dislikes ada in part because she sees herself in her (ex. the panel where ada is all like "is there anything better than love?" and annabel grimaces and looks down) in any case the RIBBONS GUYS!! i don't have to tell yall that ribbons are constantly connected with annabel, and the way that HER fear sequence involved being wrapped in them. ada having ribbons on her skirts AND HAT (did yall notice that there is a giant ribbon tied AROUND HER NECK) (also in her HAIR. in spectre and in regular form the ribbon in her hair!!!! oh yall are not ready for me to start yapping about the significance of ada giving lenore her ribbon in the manor you're NOT ready) but anyway!!! ribbon literally around her neck, just like annabel in her fear sequence, could very well symbolize ada's own experience with the disempowerment of being a woman, the way she was not allowed to say anything (ex. tamerlane speaking over her as she bled out, no one respecting her, everyone overlooking her INCLUDING ANNABEL (ex. when ada says she might've underestimated lenore post-maze and annabel is SHOCKED) montresor being shocked by like. everything she does lmfao.) ok toooo be fair i'm not totally 100% on what the ribbons represent but i know they relate to annabel somehow I SENSE IT (insert conspiracy theorist gif)

also this vv (i think im allowed to share this)

but ye i wanted to mention that. NOW BACK TO ADA

the way she DIED: humiliated by someone who she thought loved her, certainly, but there is also a theory that she was pregnant when she died! to support this: she was axed in the stomach, told that she gave tamerlane "no choice" but to kill her. also:

ada didn't die in childbirth, but if she was pregnant she was killed directly (or like. roughly around) the womb.

AND AND AND (from An Encyclopedia of Fairies by Katharine Briggs in the section on banshees, quoted from Memoirs of Lady Fanshawe (from an alleged first-hand banshee encounter from the 1600s)

her subtype being Hag was foreshadowed when she taunted lenore post-maze and called her a hag, shrieking old crone etc (oh ada. oh ada no.)

her powers:

earsplitting scream is pretty standard procedure for banshees, i believe, not much to be said that i know of

mark of the grave: i don't think we've seen this one in action yet, but banshee encounters are very often premonitions of death from what i can see online, so she may be able to either mark someone for death or perhaps predict who is the next to die (could she have something to do with lenore's curse, perchance? did she mark her? or monty? maybe? i mean she did touch both of them and prospero in her spectre form quite a bit [WHAT IF SHE MARKED LENORE WITH THE RIBBON]) she also took prospero's cravat, it's unclear if that will come back but he has another one so maaaaybe not (would be neat tho) (ada is the best prospero hairdresser)

and of course, fear itself, her ability to create fear hallucinations:

i find the romantic/intimate undertones of this ability of hers FASCINATING. let me explain. in order to trigger this ability her target has to be staring into her eyes, and she often holds their face in her hands to guide their eyes to hers, in the same motion as though she were about to kiss them (although she ONLY does this with the men who MAY I MENTION are her love interests. it's kind of so so so so so interesting that its like she's taking the power back from these men who have been using her, disrespecting her, and underestimating her. also maaaybe she's violating their fears like this as a kind of late and misplaced revenge on tamerlane for what HE did to her and how HE violated her? am i insane perhaps? maybe.) but okok so. so. when she uses this ability she's almost flirty about it. ex. holding prospero gently, saying he's cute scared, face all up in lenore's and being all "not as brave as you pretend?~", and do i really have to explain how this is flirty? vvvv

also its sososososososososoooo interesting how she didn't do this with annabel, and annabel was also the only one who broke free of the illusion on her own. coincidence? I THINK NOT. like yes annabel has mental fortitude for miles and yes she's queen of dissociation, but i also think the illusion was weaker with her because of the clinical nature with which ada was looking at her, and the anger and impersonality when she grabbed her. also ada respects her like a lot. idk i think it has something to do with it. also the way monty's was like a FULLON hallucination where she wasnt even present. i would posit that's because of the strong emotion ada feels for him, and the romantic/intimate nature, again.

THE COMMON THREADS IN THE HALLUCINATIONS:

HANDS: the hands crawling up prospero, the handprints on monty + his mother's hands, and lenore's hands over annabel. (also the fewer amount of hands on annabel -> weaker hallucination perchance. but i digress). this goes once again along with the kind of intimate nature of ada's spectre. ada, someone presumably used for her body a lot in her life (at the very least by tamerlane, though i would bet money he wasn't the only one), having the power to make other people feel the fear she probably felt, through the use of hands over them. idk. idk its just a theory.

IMMOBILIZATION: this may be in part a freeze response on the part of her victims, but all of the hallucinations we've seen so far have included some kind of immobilization. annabel tied up with her ribbons and lenore, prospero rooted in place and being dissected by hands, monty being immobilized by fear the second his mother appears, wrapped around him and for the first time in the entire comic we see him submit to someone. to anyone. also his fight response is so interesting because his instinct is to fight anyone who is scaring him, EXCEPT FOR HIS MOTHER. sorry i'm. insane. he's so interesting. oh also lenore. personally i think her immobility WAS her fear response, and that her greatest fear was losing control of her body and being unable to help any of her loved ones because she literally couldnt even control herself but thats a whole nother ballpark.

aand i think thats all i can think of rn. im sure i'll come back to this later, ada is my everything and her spectre is so beyond gorgeous. i would kiss her right on the skull <3

ada's spectre, and why i'll likely always feel sad about it

here is the promised analysis/talk about ada's spectre. going to preface this by saying i obviously don't know the true intent behind everything and her design, i just like to look, giggle and then make sad little observations which just help me love this silly webcomic even more. so if you disagree with me on something– totally ok! i love to learn and i love to see different interpretations.

there's also a few bits i missed out because i wrote this all last night in a bit of a haze, and i cannot be bothered to expand on some of my ideas, especially when it's just stuff like "BROS SO PARANOID AND RAW RIGHT NOW".

anyways, here we go :) @mugcereal this one's for u pookie <3

so i think with ada's spectre, we first need to look at the instance as to how she gets it, because that always makes things way more sad!

to specify, she turns into her spectre at episode 69, and i think it's really sad how she does it. she basically gets a string of roasts from prospero that go along the lines of calling her "conceited" "twadry" and "... and stupid!" – effectively throwing back in ada's face what she believes everyone thinks of her.

(obviously, as a very big and glaring sidenote, i believe prospero is aro/ace or just aromantic so OBVIOUSLY i am not bashing him for this. bros told her so many times that he doesn't want to be with her, let alone to be touched. that is a flaw in ada's character and is a reminder to us on the importance of boundaries!!!!)

so, ada is basically there, collapsed on the floor in a robe– effectively showing the most intimate and private part of herself as an insecure and lonely girl. and that's when she transforms.

i think it's interesting to understand how this most likely links to her life and how she died. so we know she was killed with an axe, most likely by the man she fell in love with and worked for, and how prospero's words in this situation, hurt her just the same as the words before her death. why?

because they remind ada of what she knows and fears she is: just a stupid, fake and cheap person who will never have the same status and respect as the people she pretends to be and surrounds herself by.

i think it's also interesting that she's clutching her stomach/torso here, and correct me if i'm wrong but that could be a potential signal to the part of her that was axed to death (?). no idea if that's a good shout or not but it's what i first thought!

anyways! now we move onto her spectre design!

first of all, her spectre design eats. like just a personal side note, i love it. it's just so gorgeous and i don't care if she's terrifying to some because to ME? to me, she's my gorgeous little pookie who can scream and show people their worst fears and she looks amazing whilst she does it <3

ok anyways, actual design.

to first understand her design, i thought i'd show you what banshee's traditionally in folklore look like!

typically, they are described in two ways. the first way is a youthful women with long black hair, blue eyes and just super pale. this description could also lose the blue eyes and just keep the black hair– either way the first depiction of a banshee is a super young woman.

this is not the one we're focussing on today folks!

we're going to focus on the second depiction. a hag/ old woman, with red cheeks, a grey cloak and a green dress, often seen to be combing her hair. banshee's throughout folklore are known to wail, scream and cry when a family member had died. to most, the banshee was a sign that death was coming to your household and they are known in myths and folklore as a predictor of death.

now, hold onto the green dress and look at ada's design real quick for me.

here we see a lot of green, which yay! definitely shows signs it comes from the second depiction. i think, on top of it being a nod to the second depiction, i think it could also be an allusion to something else: jealousy.

green symbolism in media can often vary, from meaning new life, luck and also jealousy. and i think if we take in the things ada screams whilst in her spectre form, such as this from episode 82:

you see there definitely is some sort of jealousy there, but this isn't something i necessarily want to focus on, it's just an observation i made that may or may not be true!

anyways, to continue, i want to look at ada's outfit when she's a banshee. i'm going to basically be making my notes i took last night look nicer.

(keep in mind that when i wrote these, my ideas were literally bouncing off my brain and sometimes they're a bit contradictory, but i think that's the beauty of my crack theory analysis!)

i think the act of almost showing her bones to the outside, there's a level of rawness to ada we don't usually see. her spectre form essentially gives her the power to scream out her anger, and by seeing her bones it's almost as if to say this is the ada she doesn't show people. this is the ada that she keeps to herself because god forbid anybody love her (because in life and death it's become abundantly apparent to her that nobody does seem to love that ada).

but then, what i thought was also a super cool thing as how the bones almost act like a corset!

then i got sad because i looked at the bows, and because something dawned on me and it made me start to frown. there was a sad realization to me as i looked at ada's spectre design that even in this all powerful form, she hasn't lost her insecurities, they just become more prevellant. because for all of the traditional wrinkles, hag-like appearance a banshee is meant to have, ada barely has any.

obviously this could be in part to character design and stuff, and yeah probably– but let me be sad!

because ada carries her frills and bows from life here because she doesn't want to be ugly, she doesn't want to be this creeping monster who rips apart people. because if she's not got her intelligence or status or anything going for her, she has her appearance and by god she's not going to let that go to waste. so here her spectre form is, a banshee.

so what must ada do? she must takes her frills and keep her insecurities, her fears and her crippling need to be loved.

another aspect which is super interesting is the stitching on her body. one one hand, it could be an allusion to her violent death, suggesting the man she fell in love with didn't just stop at axing her once, but just kept on fucking going (which, you know: fuck you, whoever you are).

but on the other hand, it could be a metaphor for ada's thinly veiled facade she puts on of being a prim and proper lady (which we actually, interestingly enough, see she looses a lot the more time she spends with montresor– opting to take parts of his language like "ain't" and "beggin'". this sort of leads on from previous ideas people have made of ada willing to change herself to be loved. she swaps civility for the wild wild west all for a bit of love).

ada offers up parts of herself in this metaphor. that's what she always does. she offers herself to the rich man she fell in love with, she offers herself up to prospero (again, look at the. side note. bro wasn't wrong for rejecting her he literally can't like her) and she offers herself up to the acolytes and she fucking barks for them (because i'm not over that).

piece by piece, she strips away everything she is until she literally is just skin and bone. and once she's torn herself apart, she needs to stitch herself back together– because it's against the facade she's put on to look so broken and messy. and so she repeats the cycle again, giving more and more until she is literally hanging on by a thread.

her powers are also super cool. traditionally, as i said, banshees wail when a family member is soon to die/has died, and is often like an omen/predictor of death. so yeah, ada having a banshee scream makes sense. but the whole 'fear itself' is also super cool. i kind of like that she has this– because its sort of satisfying for her, the girl who's been pushed over but still comes running back, to watch as people become paralysed with fear. idk, retribution or whatever.

i'm going to leave you with this not very profound thing i wrote last night (and then just some other mumblings):

i think that although spectres are super powerful and also just a very fantastic concept, they're also fragile. spectres are quite literally the monster inside of you. yet here ada's monster is, and with all her bows and revamped dress of a banshee (or potentially an allusion to her life as a maid) she tries desperately to be anything but that. because to here it's ugly and it's too much of her on display. and with some much of you on display comes the very fear that if you are hated, disliked or something repulsive, you no longer have anything to blame on anybody else. you just have yourself to blame.

(as morella says here in episode 88).

i'm not saying ada isn't deeply flawed, because she is. she has so much fucking baggage and insecurities that they literally forbid her from doing the right thing sometimes. i don't think she's a good person, but i also think that she has the opportunity to be a good person/ do a semi-good/ non-bad thing, and all she has to do is take it. but i also think it's nice how that's shown in her spectre design.

and, you know, if none of this makes sense, that's also fine!

anyways, yeah. somebody tell me never to make a random analysis at night again because it's a bit of a bitch to translate in the morning.

[expfcultragreen]

I accidentally stuck my tongue so far into my cheek that it turned into a rude gesture 🤷

Like where's the lie, they do think exactly that, i nailed their sentiments exactly and now someone thinks i share them? All like "im here to patrol whether you count as a lefty or not", not like "what did you mean by that" just like "my interpretation is x, here is your sentence". I really wanted this kid to message back so i could find out more about his ideas of community like approximately what kind of organizing he's done RL and, if any, whether it was with anyone over 25. Because like, something i find endlessly interesting about "the left" or qiltbag culture, is there are sharp generational divides in what makes someone feel unwelcome in these communities or "thrown under the bus," and ironically this way of bringing an issue to someone is patternisticaly how people younger than myself in any network ive been in, have alienated the people older than myself. So rather than responding glibly to this kid with some brush-off about like "this isnt it, learn to parse content more astutely or you'll be branded a narcissistic disruptor" i really wanted to get some dialogue going.

Like I'd tell myself to work on clarity but there's literally no accounting for how people read stuff/whether they choose to pay attention to the part of my blog description that says dont even bother reading this blog. So all i can do is clarify if/when someone brings something up. And no one ever likes that, because being asked to look at the other person's pov is just filed as gaslighting when the person with a (tone-policing, hello) criticism already doesnt trust you.

Intersectionally speaking its insane to read "wellness check survivor" and be like "anyway im here to hold you accountable for calling yourself a lefty--using my own standards which are very important and objective"

Like this is so fascinating, what is this kid THINKING, like what kind of egotrip is it exactly? Youthful inexperience?

Jsyk wellness check survivor is code for "i am so controversial the pigs nearly murdered me and they may try again" so like i am clearly madpridecore and hard acab/kcsw-wave, and if youre positioning yourself as the arbiter of who gets to be a lefty, you should probably know that bossing the-crazy-people-who-are-targeted-by-police-violence around and telling us what our words mean, is actually really unconsciously fashy and your whole ass is hanging out right about now

But apparently we cant have anything approaching a fruitful private exchange about it because what i said seems to have been ignored. Like, you could have just paid attention to any of the cues in my header and not wasted your time messaging me. The gender neutral fairy emoji alone screams "i am not going to respond to you in a way that you find productive 💚"

I can actually read and can actually apply intersectional leftism, being very old (accident) and experienced (i racked up life experience like it was my career, its gotta count for something), so when i got this message i was just like "oh he's autistic ...meaning, he didnt happen to understand my tone from how i worded it and he found what i said pointlessly inflammatory because he cant imagine the audience aside from himself and doesnt understand the intention of my words within that broad context of unknown audience,,,,,, i will simply explain myself to him and apologise for the upset, rather than going out of my way to point out what a stupid jackass he is" ...directly anyway 😏 it was my first instinct but then my reading comprehension kicked in and i saw clearly through the haze of my triggered emos that it just wouldnt be appropriate, considering the information ive been given about the person who triggered me. Is this funny to you yet? Its funny to me....

[curiouskurona]

i think a lot of alois's behaviour can be explained by his circumstances . and liek , obviously , tha trauma . but i dont just mean that

he just came into wealth and power , through a name he wants to run through tha mud , with a demon under his command / thats supposed to protect him , and he'll soon be dead

liek . of course hes kinda wild ? of course he does whatever he wants ? what exactly does he have to lose here ? you finally get a taste of power , and you know none of it will matter in a few short years , so you might as well go all tha way , right ? thats what im getting from him

and since he WANTS to bring shame upon tha trancy naem , he has no problem being loud and bold and shameless . ostentatious , even . its not his reputation to tank , its not his money to spend , and he laughs thinking of how hes ruining it all . it maeks absolute sense to me why he has little , if any , inhibitions

and it extends to his lief in tha manor as well . throw tantrums , crush macaroons into tha carpet , flip tables , flood tha bathroom , tear tha wallpaper , throw things out tha window , throw tea at your servants face , throw your shoes across tha room and laugh as your butler has to go get them and try to put them back on you over and over again . throw everything all away , dont think about anything anymoar

what are they gonna do ? kill you ? as if claude would let that happen before he gets to eat your soul , right ? he has no reason to watch himself around them [ his servants ] , but every reason to exert his power over them , every reason to put on shows of dominance . every reason to remind them whos in control , in that scary manor where everyone was bigger and stronger and older than he was . he lieks to watch them clean up his messes , and laugh

besides , theyll fix it all by tomorrow . theyll have a new one put in on the hour , itll all be clean tha next tiem he passes by that room . perks of demon servants ( tho he only knew one was a demon , at tha tiem ) . what does it matter . what does any of this matter

i also posit that hes barely literate , because when would he have learned . claude probably taught him to sign documents , but is he really gonna spend tha last year or two of his lief in SCHOOL ? as if , lol

which brings me to a point of intrigue . what would alois be liek without his power to fall back on ? i see lots of modern / highschool AUs ( and i enjoy many of them ) , but depending on how his backstory is incorporated or changed to fit tha new setting , i think it might change his behavior quite a bit , if im being honest

something to explore ,, how much of ourselves are circumstance ? are situation ? how many of us would act differently if we could only xyz , if abc wasnt there . plenty of teen movies have characters that lead double lives , hiding who they really are from their parents . who would you be if you could be free ? if nothing mattered and no one could hurt you anymoar ? if you had nothing to lose ? havent you ever wanted to just get up and walk out of a classroom , but you didnt because of whatever consequences ? those consequences dont apply to alois , with his power and status and protection . and if they do , they dont matter . hes gonna be dead soon .

his trauma obviously has a huge influence on his behavior but i wanted to taek a look at just how his circumstances / living situation influenced him , in this post . even if he wasnt traumatized , he very well could have ended up tha way he is just by loss of inhibitions . though it certainly wouldnt be as compelling , or sympathetic , and his disregard for his newly acquired naem wouldn't maek as much sense

i had written moar for this post but i kind of went off on a tangent . " lost tha plot " , as some might say . so im cutting myself off . tha point is : alois had every reason to act tha way he did , of course when you taek into account his trauma , but even when you disregard that and just look at his place in tha story . his actions maek sense to me and i dont think hes necessarily as . inherently unhinged ? as ppl portray him . and also i do wonder what he'd be liek if his circumstances were different , liek in an AU of some sort perhaps

[miraeluc]

you have an anxiety attack

prompt: “after a long day you’re just trying to cook for you and your roommate, but when you accidentally switch salt and sugar the stress dawns upon you and you lose it.”

pairing: kaeya x gender-neutral reader

warnings: description of an anxiety attack, explicit language

word count: 1.6k

genre: fluff, angst

rough day? 

no

roughest of the rough 

it started in the morning - all was good until you were all dressed and ready to go

all you needed to do was brush your teeth

of course you dropped toothpaste on your new blouse and had to change because your boss would literally kill you if you strutted in there with toothpaste stains on your clothing 

that didn’t upset you too much anyway,, yep, it kinda sucks but it is what it is

you went to work

that’s when it started to REALLY go downhill

first, you had to sit your ass in this tiny cubicle all day and it remained right on that chair every time you stood up

that’s what it felt like at least

then, you lost data that you’ve been working on for a MONTH

an entire month’s worth data!!!! LOST!!!!

curse you and your issue with forgetting where you put your folders

so you started over

was it worth it? 

no

your boss hated it

you ended up dropping the project overall,, handed it over to a co-worker

your excuse was that you felt too ‘unfit’ for the whole project and he would totally be a better fit!

poor bennett 

bennett is a nice guy, you always hang out with him during break

you usually talk shit about the other co-workers and he just listens and sits there like ◕ ◡ ◕

he’s just there for the food you bring him, really 

he’s a little dumb so he took the project from you with no hesitation

“i’ll do it for you, dont even worry about it, y/n!”

you ended up working overtime 

you had about 7 projects to finish until tomorrow morning and they were all only half-done 

so you got your coffee, turned off your phone and got to work

you finished at 9pm

your work hours are 8am-5:30pm

nope, not having a great time 

well, at least you can go home now!

you pack up your stuff and get up, leaving this hellhole of an office, stretching as you wait for the elevator before checking your phone to see 7 missed calls from your roommate

aka kaeya

aka boy that is most likely emotionally unavailable

aka boy that KEEPS TURNING OFF THE HEATERS TO LEAVE YOU TO FREEZE

his excuse is always that he can’t handle the warmth but you’re sure its so you whine about the cold so he can hug you to warm you up

maybe you have a teeny tiny crush on him???? BUT WHO CAN BLAME YOU 

he’s a whole package - the only thing he’s lacking is emotional availability lmao

which is why you never mentioned the day by day blooming feelings you’ve been developing for him

there would be no positive outcome from you telling him. he would politely turn you down, having to explain yet again that he doesn’t see himself having actual romantic feelings to someone 

you’re content with your current relationship with him

right?

kaeya is known as the fuckboy! of the city

neither of you mind, he’s having his fun

and you know that there’s much more to it 

you’re very happy to have gained his trust enough for him to let his flirty side down when with you, at least

well, there’s no time to ponder over your relationship with him because you’re already sprinting to catch the last bus of the day

right as you got to the station it drove away

fuck

what now?

you have to walk home. alone. in the dark.

oh well. 

usually bennett drives you home but obviously he left earlier

its only a 15 minute walk you can do it

it’s not that bad there’s street lamps hey!

not that bad until it starts to rain, apparently

by the time you get home there’s water in places rainwater shouldn’t be

kaeya is running by the time he hears the front door

“where were you??”

“why didn’t you reply to my calls??”

“do you have a slight idea about how worried i w-”

he stops when he sees your soaked figure and tired expression

“oh, y/n, what happened?” 

he immediately helped you chuck off your wet coat and shoes 

“i worked overtime and missed the last bus so i had to walk home”, you sighed

he nodded and hummed “Go ahead and take a shower then, wouldn’t want you to get sick now, would we?” he winked

you scoffed but nodded anyway

 “yeah, especially in this coLD FUCKING APARTMENT BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO LET THE HEATERS TURNED ON-”

you only heard him laugh before shutting the door in the bathroom and jumping into the shower, needing to warm up because you were sure your toes were about to fall off from the cold

at least the shower went well

:///

you got dressed in lounge attire when you got out of the shower, walking to the kitchen because you were very hungry

you gave bennett all your food today so you didnt have any left

he just looked so hungry

ANYWAYS

you’re in the kitchen, deciding on what to cook

if you ask kaeya he will tell you to just drink wine instead so, no

you kind of want something sweet so you decide to bake cupcakes

kaeya shows up too

“what’re you baking?”

he sat and watched as you gathered all the ingredients you need

“cupcakes. how was your day?”

you strike up a conversation - all you talked about today was work and you need some decent interaction, plus kaeya is a super nice talk partner

“good. i had a day-off today so i layed in bed all day”

you hummed, stirring the eggs and flour 

“how come? you never get off”

“no reason, i was forcibly given a day off- well anyways, what i wanted to tell you about before you worried me because i thoght you were deAD when you didn’t respond, is that i need your help setting up a date for diluc-”

you stopped listening halfway

you were looking at the unopened sugar bag on the counter

you just stirred the sugar in, why is it unopened????

you look over at the open bag of salt

wait a second 

you take out a little dough and taste it

FUCK

“hello??? earth to y/n?? are you even liste-”

he stops himself as soon as you look at him with your lower lip trembling 

uhhhhh

he’s never been in this situation

“y/n?? why are you crying-”

he looks at the counter and the dough, then he sees the salt beside the bowl you were stirring in and leans over to try some

oh, that’s why

“oh come on, is that what you’re crying over?” he snorted

he could barely catch you when you collapsed and started sobbing 

he immediately regreted what he said

“hey, y/n, it’s just a little dough! its okay-” 

you just sobbed and he sat down with you, sighing and pulling you into a tight hug

you felt your lungs constricting and your hands started shaking 

you didn’t even notice how antsy you felt all day until now

you gasped for air and he tightened his grip on you

“w-why am i so worthless?!”

you punched his chest

“i can’t do a single thi-ng with-out messing it up!”

punch

“i’m so us-useless”

punch

“i should just kill m-”

he immediately pulled away and cupped your face before you could finish what you were about to say

“y/n, look at me. you had a bad day - you’re not useless! you’re stressed out! you’re one of the most hardworking people that i know- and, and don’t you ever mention anything about killing yourself! i won’t let you go, not as long as im here”

you were too busy fighting against the constricting feeling in your lungs to notice the tear slipping down his cheek before he hugged you tightly again

your hands gripped at his tshirt

his hand rested over your shaky ones

it broke him

seeing you in such state hurt him so much, he felt his own heart breaking a little with every gasp you took 

“come on, let’s breathe together”

his voice was soft when he spoke to you

he took a deep breath in, you following

you wrapped your arms around him and leaned your head against his chest when breathing out 

hearing his heartbeat made you feel safe

he kept breathing with you until he was more than sure you could breathe comfortably again 

why did he feel like this?

sure, flirting with girls is fun 

and ghosting them is also fun

he usually doesn’t care about hurting them

but why does he feel the need to protect you from all bad things?

and why does your pain hurt him too?

he sighs and shakes his head as if that would clear his mind 

(it doesn’t)

oh well. 

taking care of your needs is more important right now

he picks you up and walks over to the couch, sitting down, placing you on his lap and hugging you 

“you’re not cooking anything, we’ll order takeout.”

you sniffled and nodded 

you did feel your heart flutter a little when he sat you down on him

he’s never done that 

you ignore it and reside into the warmth he gives instead, nuzzling your face into his chest 

he smiles softly and strokes your hair, using his free hand to type in what you were ordering

you both fell into a comfortable silence

at some point he thought you fell asleep lol

“kaeya?”

he rose his brows a little and looked down, humming

“thank you.”

additional notes: welp. this was my first drabble! it was very fun to write and i genuinely look forward to writing more! i’d appreciate it alot if you leave any feedback or even requests for drabbles :-)

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[frenchphobic]

long fucking post on why a c!dream is a shitty person and probably should not have a redemption because it is unpog

honestly i just want to refute dream apologists thats why im making this post. i think that dream as a villain is interesting but i think that trying to make him out to be secretly a good guy is just bad ngl. also /roleplay and all

tw for abuse and mentions of suicide

dream as a villain

dream is a villain. he is chaotic evil according to wilbur, deliberately does not stream to appear less sympathetic (and yet), and is set up as an antagonist to tommy who bears the title ‘hero’. dream is not a good person, no matter how you look at it or try to justify his actions.

‘but he wants to unite everyone to be a big family :((’ the ends dont justify the means believe it or not. having a vaguely positive goal does not excuse the actions you’ve done. it also goes hand and hand with saying dream is correct for punishing tommy the way he did because he acted up. if i socked you across the face and then suddenly said ‘sorry there was a roach on ur face’ does that make it okay? probably not i still punched you, enacting an unnecessary amount of violence. thats a very simple analogy i will admit and there are more complex comparisons. another example off the top of my head is say a child just scribbled all over you walls with crayons. would hitting them be a justified answer? if u said hes thats really fucked of u go seek help u loon. violence as a punishment is very toxic, just because it gets the job done does not mean it is okay. at the end of the day, you still committed this act and the harm you caused is real, having a good motive doesnt suddenly make it okay.

‘but tommy causes all of the conflict’ the disk war wasnt even caused by tommy, it was sapnap and then tommy got involved. and the reason why tommy even caused conflict was because of the discs, because he wanted them back. and most of the time there was a level of antagonism from another party, such as schlatt exiling him, dream taking the disks in the first place, dream threatening l’manberg. and if dream wanted to end the conflict so badly, why didnt he just give tommy back his disks? tommy upfront said everything started with the disks, so he wants them back so he could end the conflict. notice how after tommy got his disks back he has been staying out of conflict, apologizing to everyone, and the only bad thing hes done is try to scam people but everyone does that. this would have been the most peaceful option, yet dream chose the path that would further antagonize tommy which then draws everyone else into conflict. why did dream need to have leverage over tommy so badly? why did he want to hold power over tommy so badly? its because of control, and that’s ultimately dreams end goal. sure he wants a big server family, but would said family have a free will?

‘but dream is sad’ the thing is dream is completely at fault for everything that happened to him. he pushed away sapnap (and george ig). he tried to take control over the server and their possessions. literally everything that happened to tommy. literally everything involving ranboo. villains can be sympathetic, i am not arguing against that. but it does not mean that they should be left off the hook. that doesnt mean u should ignore the shit theyve done because ‘oh no theyre sad’ because it doesnt make anything better. dream had this shit coming for him.

now people also skirt around calling dream an abuser. which is fair ig, its a very loaded word. its much easier to say manipulated. that being said, dream can classify as abusive. and no, tommy is not abusive. abuse is about control and a power imbalance. dream has power over tommy, but tommy does not have power over dream, at least not in the way dream does. he’s taking back power to stand up for himself, dream uses power to control.

the reasons i listed for why dream is from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project so if u want a source on that, there you go.

using coercion or threats: dream often threatened tommy, such as the pit thing and often employed violence on him. while normally this could be attributed to Normal Minecraft Player Go Smack. minecraft mechanics cannot always translate to real world since violence is pretty normal in minecraft however we also need to consider the context of the scene. dream gave an order, tommy refused, dream applies violence, tommy submitted. thats why its a threat, it has tangible effects that can correlate to real life.

using intimidation: dream blew up logsteadshire as a punishment. dream also destroyed tommys items anytime he visited. dream also hit tommy with his axe i believe. he killed mushroom henry, one of tommys pets.

Using Emotional Abuse: dream guiltripped the shit out of tommy for just hiding things and pinning the blame on tommy for just wanting his own private items. he definitely played mind games on tommy, pretending to be his friend. honestly i probably dont even need to go as in depth because it was so obvious.

Using Isolation: putting him in exile in the first place. destroying the bether portal so no one could visit tommy anymore. i really dont think i need to expand upon that.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: dream in tommys stream when he got trapped said that exile wasnt that bad. he does shift the blame onto tommy for logsteadshire being blown up, even though dreams reaction was entirely unjustified for not listening and hiding.

Using Economic Abuse: see this is where i attempt to parallel minecraft mechanics to real life. obviously, there is no monetary system in place, so when i mean economic, i will use valuables such as armor, food, etc in place of currency. the idea behind economic abuse is to limit the victim’s resources so that they are dependent on the abuser and cannot escape. dream only really allowed tommy to have the armor he gave him while not giving access to armor so he does not regain a sense of power, and in the prison stream, dream holds all the potatoes which puts him in a position of power over tommy. this argument is more ambiguous i feel cause the whole minecraft mechanics thing is kinda weird so u don’t necessarily have to take this part in.

i feel like i need to emphasize this very strongly because dream is not a good person. abuse cannot and should not be a response to someone. its an awful mentality to have. i just want to prove the point that dream is not a good person, his reasons absolutely do not justify his actions.

what makes a good redemption

redemption arcs are tricky. when done right they are great. when done poorly, its a slap in the face. rn im going to establish a formula to what makes a good redemption with an example.

the most well known example of a good redemption is zuko from atla. first, its the magnitude of what theyve done and why. zuko did commit some shitty actions, since he was in a position of power in the fire nation but its because he is a child being abused and wanted to regain honor. zukos real awful acts was season 1 and the whole betrayal thing. thats not to say that zukos actions suddenly are okay, he did shitty things. but its something that can be traced to a higher entity or seem less malicious then the other villains. the thing also about the magnitude of actions is that there is a certain point of atrocities that there is no redemption. some people simply cannot be redeemed because the actions they commit are so ingrained in their character or the action itself has serious moral issues that it would just be wrong.

the next is acknowleding what they did was wrong. a genuine reflection on the self and analyzing what they did and why it was not okay. zuko realized what he did to uncle iroh was bad for example. he turned his back on his father, realizing he didnt and shouldnt seek acknowledgment from someone as heinous as him. its pointing out your actions and going ‘hey, this wasnt right i should not have done this’ and not even excusing ur actions. its also going straight for the root of the problem and figuring out to stamp it from the source. just because a character is sad does not mean they are reflecting, sometimes they are attempting to garner pity. it has to be direct and clear acknowledgement of the injustice.

and finally, an important part about redemption arcs is the actual redemption part. its when you make amends. zuko made amends with katara by trying to help her get revenge, he fought against the fire nation and tried to make things more peaceful in his rule. he apologized to iroh. an important part of the amends section is that it does have to be a genuine desire to change and become a better person, not to change a person’s perception of you. the thing is u cant expect a person youve hurt to forgive you. you cant expect people to be sympathetic towards you nor should u attempt to make urself sympathetic. u shouldnt be expecting a pat on the back or an award. redemption is about internal and character change.

why dream should not be redeemed

ive already established the key points to a good redemption (imo) but heres where dream falls short. his actions are extremely heavy so redemption may not even really be possible. abuse is not something you can wave off so it does cross to the point of fucked up. acknowledgement of what he did was wrong? all he said was that he changed, yet never explained why he changed or was too vague. he needed to label specifically what he did and bring it up. attempting to make amends? he’s been doing the exact opposite in fact he continues to manipulate tommy and ranboo. its not a genuine change. he is still repeating the cycle and has given no indication of ceasing. at the moment he does not have any signs of redemption.

and the thing is most of the attention around a dream redemption comes from either justifying his motives (which i do want to emphasize does not make anything suddenly okay) and because he is sad in prison sad face. these are not good reasons. its gonna pain me severely to bring this up but snape from harry potter does have some form of sad character ig yet he very much abused his authority to bully children as old as 11 just because he said ‘aight gonna die’ doesnt suddenly make his general bigotry and abuse suddenly okay there is a threshold. again im so sorry for using harry potter as an example none were coming to mind and i needed a popular one i do not like harry potter please dont say i do i would pass away.

and the last thing to consider is the audience. keep in mind that the audience is composed of minors and while yes there are adults, minors are the main component of the fandom. keep in mind that there are quite a few people who can relate to tommys character because they might be in the same position or have gone through his experiences. tell me what kind of message does it send to that audience that abusers can be redeemed. this is not a narrative u should push to this audience in these situations and the writers are seemingly aware of it. remember how in exile tommy spiraled into a suicidal mentality? consider how fucked of a message it would be if he just committed suicide instead of escaping abuse and attempting to recover from his experiences. tommy did an excellent job in not going that route and having a message of ‘it will not get better’. its the same thing here. victims are not obligated to care for or forgive their abuser, and portraying an abuser as sympathetic might fuck with the message a lot, even change their perception in that ‘oh, maybe my abuser was right, maybe they had a reason for treating me the way they did’. this is not to say that every victim watching this will internalize this message, but people also look up to these characters. there can be a degree of influence from the story onto oneself and thats the dangerous part.

conclusion

all in all dream is a shitbag asshole and probably shouldnt get a redemption because it would not be pog thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[hello-yue-here]

Jetko?

YESSSSS.

jetko my beloved.

out of all my atla ships i think these two have the most to overcome in order to be together. Zuko, who although only did these things because he was a misguided and abused kid who didnt know anything other than than the propoganda he was taught, was an imperialist and literally burned down at least one village. he upheld fire nation views all throughout book one and his actions did a lot of harm to the world. so out of all the issues jetko has working against him, fixing his past actions and unlearning propoganda is def at the top of the list. the fire nation hurt jet big time, and thats a HUGE obstacle for them to over come. Jet on the other hand has to work on channelling his outrage towards the fire nation and dealing with his own trauma in a way that doesnt involve... ‘harming’ civillians for lack of a better word. he was traumatized and was forced to be an adult and look after a boatload of children way too young. he didnt know any better so its understandable why he did what he did. theyre both teenagers. they are both children. neither of them really knew any better and they both need to learn and overcome these obstacles. and it kind of seems impossible to some people because many people believe that jet was hurt too much by the fire nation to ever forgive zuko and (my least favorite take) jet is racist towards fire nation citizens (FUCK OFF. LITERALLY FUCK OFF ppl who call jet racist piss me off so much. he was oppressed by the fire nation and fought for justice against them. the fire nation were literally oppressing p much everyone in the entire world. racist jet is the DUMBEST take right alongside homophobic katara. i will tolerate none of this jet slander in my blog. i love him alright?)

i got a lil sidetracked. where was i.

RIGHT. ppl who dont like jetko sometimes think that these afformentioned issue would hold them bsck from ever being a good couple and to that i say: haha no.

these two are two of the most stubborn characters in atla. they are the most determined characters and most proactive when it comes to getting what they want. they never give up. and when it comes to eachother? if they wanna be with each other than goddammit they will make it work. i hc them as having a rocky start. maybe being on again off again for a lil bit while theyre still growing and sorting themselves out and finding themselves as people. and yeah zuko being fire nation and jet being hurt by the fire nation is gonna be an issue, but i truly believe that they can overcome it solely based on how passionate and determined they both as as characters.

theyre very similar in the sense that they seek justice and fairness in the world. theyve both been traumatized by the fire nation (granted in very very very different ways) but i think they can grow and heal together.

and i think they can also just be themselves with one another too. when they first met jet bonded with zuko immediately because he could tell he was an outcast and they worked together so fucking well they knew what each other was thinking. they see eachother. and they understand each other.

i think they have such good potential and when written in a well thought out way they are one of the most amazing dynamics.

however. one of the WORST THINGS about the way jetko is written sometimes is the toxic ex jet trope (hello zukka nation i am talking primarily to you because this is where i see it the most because zukka is my top ship but lordy lordy do it got some issues. i love zukka but omg is toxic ex jet a problem here)

jet is not fucking abusive. lets get that straight. just because he fought zuko in ba sing se for (CORRECTLY) assuming he was a firebender (yeah he probs shouldnt have attacked him with swords in a public setting but also: he was traumatized and lied to and hes an impulsive teenage boy. that doesnt excuse the fact that yes jet also did some shitty things but like,,, it explains it. remember kids its good to critique your fav characters and you dont have to agree with me with anything i say this is all just my opinion) jet is not abusive, and using him to write toxic jetko fics or toxic past jetko is not only incredibly insulting to jet and the ship as a whole, but it often is used to reduce zuko to a little uwu-protect-me-im-soft-and-weak-and-cant-fight-for-myself boy. zuko is not that. not at all. ive said it once and i will say it again: the infantilization of zuko as an asian man is a racist take and we need to address it.

if you wanna make jet and zuko have a messy breakup for your fic GO FOR IT. i have no issue with that. but if the only way you can create the messy break up is by making jet an abusive asshole (sometimes even a rapist which WHAT THE FUCK??? why. just. why. what about jet would make you think ‘oh this guys a rapist’ literally goodbye. ppl r weird for that) than maybe you shouldnt be writing past jetko.

sorry for that messy rant oops

back to whag i like about them :) ending on a positive note because they deserve it

i believe that while they would probs have issues as teenagers, i think once they were older and reconnected and like, fully know who they are. they would be GREAT. their communication as seen on the boat was top tier and this would translate so fuckin well into a relationship.

i love jetko and i think jet gets too much hate from the fandom sometimes.

[maschotch]

Random ask but I was just thinking about how weird it was that hotch didn't immediatly call Hailey and tell her and Jack to get out of the mall in that one episode were a bomb was going to go off? (2×10) he did eventually but it always struck me as odd that he needed Derek to tell him to do it... such a big part of him is how protective he is of everyone around him and I feel like that should be even stronger with Jack, but it collides with his sense of justice and faith in the system and rules, so he hesitates, even when it could mean Hailey and Jack die in that mall. It would make sense if his sense of duty combated with his protectivness, but in episodes later he expressly breaks protocol repeatedly to help members of the team. He goes so far as to say "I don't care about protocol" when Garcia is shot, but it happens with Emily in minimal loss, Rossi, reid, ect. He breaks protocol to protect them repeatedly, it seems so strange and inconsistent that he wouldn't do the same for his son, who he loves more than anything.

I'd like to say it was a one off thing but it happens again in amplification when he tells jj not to call will and Henry. Same situation. I know jj was annoying in that episode but it was the same dilemma were she's in a position to save her families life and hotch is firmly against her taking any action. Another time he tells Emily that "this is the job, and I need to know you can be objective" when she considers adopting a foster girl... idk it might be the writers fucking up his character [again] but he does some things that are very protective of Jack but in other ways is more protective of his team than his son. It just doesn't make sense with his values, he may place too much importance on the job sometimes but at the cost of his sons life? At the cost of haileys? Eventually he does break protocol in 100. He literally kills someone to protect Jack, which I like to think is him learning in some weird way, but I also think it might be a bit of a mischaracterization on what hotch shows his values really are. Thoughts?

hmmm i dont really think its mischaracterization as much as its his conflict with different values. he’s protective, sure, but he values JusticeTM more. which is why in lessons learned/amplification, he knows its wrong to reach out to warn his family because its not fair to others who share equal risk.

but i dont think thats necessarily contradictory to his resolve to catch garcia’s shooter in penelope. its focusing on one case, but its a different circumstance than only certain people who may be in danger, if that makes sense? i guess you could argue theyre sacrificing time they could be so ending solving some other crimes, but its not as explicitly unfair as giving one person a warning and leaving everyone else to chance. idk if im really explaining it right akdhskdh but i dont think you can judge both situations equally

over time, i think he starts to prioritize protecting people he cares about over protocol, and i think that has a lot to do with the way 100 played out. he knew he would be under scrutiny with the foyet case, and he needed to let someone else make as many of the decisions as possible, well aware of how strauss would try to twist this around and pin whatever happened on him. so hotch let derek make a lot of the calls that day. and i mean… hotch respects and trusts derek, which is why he went along with him even if he disagreed (like when to burst into foyets apartment). but ultimately derek was wrong and that precious time they wasted waiting mightve been enough to save haley if hotch didnt have to wait on someone else’s decision. hotch doesnt blame morgan, but i think he blames himself for hesitating when he knew he shouldnt have

after that, we see hotch take a lot more risks when trying to protect people he cares about when they’re in danger. faking emily’s death without telling any of his superiors, defying the director’s orders and continuing to dig into jj’s secret work, etc. he’s had this running conflict throughout the show between family and work… he’s lost his family family by now, so now he’ll do anything he can to keep his work family safe. his dedicated adherence to rules and regulation slips away as he realizes he doesnt want to live with regrets just because he was worried about following orders

but again, i think the lessons learned/amplification circumstance is different. im not sure if post100 hotch would make a different decision… bc its not just “putting my family above protocol” anymore, now its “putting my family above other people’s families” and thats a line im not sure he’s crossed yet.

akxhakhd anyway i dont really think its a mischaracterization of hotch’s values. i think its an adjustment of his values as he goes through these different tragedies and tries to figure out how far he’s willing to go to save the people he cares about. for the others, like derek and emily, its not really a question bc to them nothing matters more than protecting people they love (or protocol matters so little that its not even a concern, in emily’s case) but w hotch its a little more complicated

[all-hail-the-witcher]

cuddling

here is my contribution for ace week! im literally squeezing this in at the last possible second (as its 11:32pm on 10/31 as i start this) but better late than never i suppose!!

i dont often talk about my sexuality on this blog, but i do identify as ace and its not something ive ever been overly comfortable with. but seeing the plethora of ace week fics on my dash this past week (mostly by @jaskierswolf, hi, hope you dont mind being tagged) has been so awesome and has made me feel so much more comfortable in myself that i had to write something for this :)

this is some gray romantic/ace geralt with some ace jaskier. warnings for mentions of dubious consent/ not wanting to have sex but doing it anyway. there is no explicit sexual content but it is referenced.

___

Geralt was a Witcher. His entire livelihood consisted of him doing things for humans: killing monsters, bargaining with sorceresses, fighting wars, protecting them from pretty much anything that could hurt their fragile mortal selves. It had been trained into him ever since he was a child. Do what the humans ask of you. It is your job. 

So why would sex be any different?

Humans enjoyed sex. This was something Geralt had come to learn during his time on the path. What was even worse was that some of them especially enjoyed having sex with Witchers. 

Geralt did not enjoy sex. He was not a human, and it was decidedly a human activity. But that did not stop humans from wanting to have sex with him. Some sought him out specifically, wanting to know what it was like to lie with a Witcher for a night. Others insisted on paying him for his monster hunting duties with a round. He never took pleasure in it. Sometimes he would pretend he did. He had gotten quite good at pretending over the years, learning little tricks that humans seemed to like. But the act of it itself made his skin crawl for days on end and he could feel their fingers and lips long after the marks on his skin had faded.

But he worked for humans. He couldn't deny them what they asked of him. 

He assumed Jaskier would be the same. The man was certainly human, so much so that he would flirt with grass if it came down to it (which, admittedly, Geralt had only witnessed once, and Jaskier had been very drunk at the time, but still). But he never tried to bed him, which surprised Geralt. He knew he was good, if the praises of the the people he'd laid with before were any indication Humans generally needed him for a favor and then left him to the wind. Jaskier hadn’t asked him to kill a monster or help him track down an unruly mage, and it had been years at least since they had first crossed paths. The only logical conclusion that Geralt could come to was that Jaskier was waiting for him to bed him and then he would leave, just like everyone else.

The problem was that Geralt had grown quite fond of Jaskier over the years (and his incessant flirting) and while he didn’t want the bard to leave, he also didnt want Jaskier to be miserable following him around anymore. Five years was quite a long time to wait for a round, especially in human years. Resignedly, Geralt told himself that in the next town he would lay with Jaskier and then the whole thing could be over, and they could both move on with their lives. 

He rented a room with one bed, as they often did, despite there being enough coin for one with two. Jaksier hardly noticed, flouncing off to play a few sets for the locals while Geralt went upstairs to prepare. 

He felt the characteristic tightening of his stomach and the shakiness that always came with this particular activity, but he stripped down obediently, even talking the time to rub some of the oils Jaskier liked to much into his hair before laying down on the bed to wait. 

He didn’t have to wait long. “Geralt! You’ll never believe th- whoa, were you expecting someone?” He stood in the doorway awkwardly.

“Just you,” Geralt grunted. They should get this over with. 

“Me? Geralt...did you think I wanted to have sex with you?”

“Well...” Geralt picked at the blanket, feeling foolish for having to explain himself, he thought that humans should understand these things. “Humans always need me for something. And you dont need a monster killed, so I figured....” “Oh dear heart,” Jaskier walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, running his fingers though his hair. “Please do not take this the wrong way, but I do not want to have sex with you.”

“You don’t?” Geralt was shocked. “But...humans....”

“Not all humans like sex Geralt. I certainly don’t. It makes me skin crawl and I feel all weird after. So I don’t do it. I’m still plenty romantic with people, but I dont get into bed with them.” “Hmm.” Jaskier didn’t like sex either? Maybe it wasn't a human thing after all.

“What it Geralt? That was your I’m-Contemplating-Something hum.”

“It...makes my skin crawl too.” He said carefully after a few moments. 

Jaskier’s hand slowed in his hair. “Dear heart,” he began carefully. “Do you like sex?”

Did he? No one had ever asked him what he wanted before. He didnt think he did. It didnt feel pleasant and he usually had to jump in a cold stream after. “No.”

“Then why did you want to do it with me?” “You’re human,” Geralt shrugged. “Humans either want me to kill monsters or want me in their bed. I serve humans, I can’t turn them down. You are a human.” 

"But you dont like sex?”

“No. I’m a Witcher. It’s probably the mutations. But can still get by.” Actually, now that he thought about it, from what he remembered, he’d never been much interested in it before the trials either.

“Geralt,” Jaskier tilted his chin up to look at him and he saw sadness swirling in his eyes. “Not wanting to have sex is not a Witcher thing. Plenty of humans feel the same way too. Admittedly there aren't many of us, I’ve only come across a few in my lifetime, and I think there's a word for it but I can’t remember it right now. Sex does not interest me either, but there are far more other important things in a relationship than just sex.”

Geralt was confused. “But sex is the only thing people ever wanted me for.” 

“And I’m terribly sorry about that, dear heart, but you’re with me now and I will never make you have sex with me. Have you ever- or wait, is there anything else that you dont like?”

Geralt’s head was spinning, and he was still stuck on the part where Jaskier had said that he would never make Geralt have sex with him. For the first time that evening, he felt his hands stop their shaking and something like warmth bloom inside him. “Hmm?”

“Is there anything else you dont like doing? Besides the sex bit I mean.”

Besides sex....Geralt tried to remember what came along with laying with someone. He usually blocked it all out after. “Kissing,” he finally said. “Burns my skin.”

“Alright, we’ll do none of that then.” Jaskier moved from the bed, beginning to take off his doublet and Geralt seized up for a second, afraid that Jaskier was going go back on his word, but then he reached for his nightclothes. “Are you familiar with cuddling?”

“Cuddling?” The word felt unfamiliar in his mouth.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Jaskier smiled. “Go put your nightclothes on. I think I have something that you will enjoy far better than that nasty sex business.”

So here it was then, Jasper did need him for a service after all. Geralt got out of bed and slowly pulled on his night clothes, painfully aware this would be their last night together before they parted ways for good, before returning to the bed. 

“Right, so youre just going to lay on your side, yes right like that, and then I lay behind you, see? And I put my arm around you like this, and we snuggle.” Jaskier’s breath tickled his hair.

“What do we do though?” “What do you mean, what do we do?” Despite Jaskier’s words though, he didnt seem angry. “This is it. We hold each other and enjoy each others presence. We can change positions, if you want, like you can take a turn holding me for example or I could lay on your chest, but we just hold each other close. Show each other we care. This is called cuddling.”

“Hmm.” As far as Geralt was concerned, it was far better than sex. But he knew it wouldn't last. This was all Jaskier wanted from him, clearly, which prevented Geralt from thoroughly enjoying it. 

“Where will you go?” he spoke into the silence a few long moments later. 

Jaskier paused drawing light patterns on Geralts forearm. “What do you mean?”

“Tomorrow.” Wasn't it obvious?

“Well I’ll go wherever you’re going. Just like we always have?"

“You...you’re not,” Geralt swallowed thickly. “You’re not leaving?” 

“Leaving?” Jaskier’s voice rose an octave. “Why on the continent would I be leaving?”

“You’ve got what you wanted from me, with this....cuddling business. You have no reason to stay.”

“Oh dear heart.” The next thing he knew he was being flipped around to face Jaskier. Jaskier, who had tears in his eyes that were just barely visible in the low light. Instinctively, he reached up to brush them away. “I’m cuddling with you because I care about you, because I love you. Not because I want something from you.”

“Oh.” Geralt didn’t know what to say. Jaskier loved him? No one had ever loved him before, much less cared about him or wanted him to be comfortable. 

Jaskier placed his hand on Geralt’s chest. “You never have to do anything you dont want to do with me. And if you don’t want to travel with me anymore, I’ll leave. You are your own person, Geralt, even if you are a Witcher. And you make your own decisions. You wouldn't take a contract that you felt unsafe doing, so in the same vein, you dont have to have sex with anyone if you dont want to. You make your own decisions. You dont even have to cuddle with me right now if you want to. You choose what you want to do based on what you’re comfortable doing, do you understand?”

Geralt nodded into the darkness. This was all so much. He hadn't been able to make his decisions in...well ever. And now Jaskier was giving him permission to. “I want you to stay,” he whispered. “I....care about you too.” He didnt say that he thought he could love him, he wasn't ready to say that yet. And according to Jaskier he didnt have to say it if he didnt want to. 

“Good. Now that we've got that sorted, come here,” Jaskier pulled Geralt into his chest, running his fingers through his hair delicately. Geralt closed his eyes, never had he felt more safe in his entire life. Who knew humans could be so gentle?

Just as he was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness he whispered, “Jaskier?”

“Hmm?”

Geralt felt a small smile tug at his lips at hearing how own language on Jaskier’s lips. “Can we do more of this...cuddling?”

Jaskier’s laugh sounded through his chest, vibrating pleasantly against Geralt’s ear. “Of course we can, dear heart. Of course.”

___

that turned out way longer than i thought it would and its now 37 minutes late but oh well.

throw me an ask if you wanna be on my tag list!

taglist: @percy-jackson-is-sexy- @barlowarts @eminasan @llamasdumpsterfire @stinastar @nonegenderleftpain @electricrituals

[lilatreus]

im new to the ac fandom and i didnt know there were any books should i be reading them?? or are there certain ones that i absolutely need to read or would i be okay if i skip them?

Yeah it’s okay to skip them if you want! They’re mostly there to give some more insight on some of the characters. If you want to read them but you don’t have to money to buy the books, you can read them here. I actually have all the books already on paper copy so I would definitely recommend buying them if you really enjoy them.

There’s also some comics and graphic novels about them too which I have included in on the master list. They actually follow the modern storyline of you want to read up on that. If you want to read them just do readcomicsonline. They have them all, only watch out for ads.

Anyway here’s the master list, it’s pretty long won’t lie:

The books, in order of strictly historical events:

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey by Gordon Doherty (2018)

Basically this books gives the canonical story to assassin’s creed odyssey following Kassandra around Greece. If you had the “best” or good ending from the story then you’re probably going to be upset with the book. I actually liked it and if you were ever confused about the game then this is definitely for you to read.

Assassin’s Creed Origins: Desert Oath by Oliver Bowden (2017)

This book takes place years before Origins. It follows Bayek who a teenager at the time. We learn how Bayek and Aya start their relationship and it kind of explains some of the side missions that talk about Bayek’s past. If you love Bayek and Aya’s relationship you will love this book.

[ insert for whenever an ac valhalla book is written ]

Assassin’s Creed: The Secret Crusade by Oliver Bowden (2011)

This book is the one I’m currently rereading, so it takes place with the father of Marco Polo talking about Altaïr’s life. It talks about his—Altaïr’s—dad within the first few chapters, events that happened in the game, and then what happens after. It gives more insight on what happened between the events of ac one and the little bits of scenes we see in ac revelations of Altaïr in game. If you want to know how Maria and Altaïr got together you’ll like this book it’s very sweet and I love how smitten Altaïr was. If you love Atlmal (Altaïr and Malik) you’ll also like this book but it will crush you.

Assassin’s Creed: Renaissance by Oliver Bowden (2009)

This follows Ezio through assassin’s creed two. Literally just the book version of the game. Does talk about how Ezio and Cristina got together and a few of the memories you get to play in Brotherhood are in this book. I like it. It pretty much follows the game exactly so if you want to skip it, you can but still a really good book that I recommend reading.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood by Oliver Bowden (2010)

Follows the plot of the game. It’s pretty similar to it as opposed to a few differences. While I like this book, I will always say the game is better than this book entirely. Still, it’s pretty good and explains a lot of plot.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations by Oliver Bowden (2011)

It explains why Ezio is doing what he does in the game. Why he’s there and what is reasoning is. You get a little small bit about Claudia but that’s it. Ezio does, in book, visit Leonardo on the last few days before the artist dies :( that’s pretty much it. Only some minor differences to the game. If you’re looking for something about Desmond, you won’t find it in this book.

Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag by Oliver Bowden (2013)

I’ll be honest I only read this book once so my memory is pretty poor on it but from what I can remember it’s about Edward and Caroline and how they got together. And then there’s something about Anne Boney and Edward towards the end I believe. Kind of explains his backstory from the little scenes we’re shown in the game I think? (Correct me if I’m wrong on this one but I’m certain that’s the gist of it).

Assassin’s Creed: Forsaken by Oliver Bowden (2012)

This one was the first assassin’s creed book I read. Now fair warning: if you do not like Haytham Kenway, I strongly advise you to not read this book. It is all about Haytham until the final few chapters and then Connor takes over the book once you’ve killed him in game. This book explains how he (Haytham) came to be apart of the Templars and how Edward dies. It talks about his relationship with Ziio and how he built the Templar order up during the seven years war. I’ll be honest it was okay when I first read it because I was like 11 and the only other thing I had read was like just percy jackson. Looking back on this book though, it’s not that great. I do not like Haytham at all so I, personally, would not recommend this book. I went in reading it expecting for it to be about Connor and I was very disappointed and upset that it wasn’t. So you can skip this book if you like because the only thing it does is give insight to a lot of what Haytham does.

Assassin’s Creed: Unity by Oliver Bowden (2014)

This is my favorite book. This is about Arno reading Elise’s diary after she passed. There’s little bits where Arno writes in here and there throughout the novel. It’s pretty sad I won’t lie. Explains how Elise grew up, what she did during the parts where we didn’t see her in game, and talks about how she felt during the parts where we did see her in game. Basically at the end of the book it’s Elise asking Arno to please help seek unity and stop the war between the Templars and Assassins.

Assassin’s Creed: Underworld by Oliver Bowden (2015)

This book follows Jayadeep Mir, also known to us as Henry Green. There’s two parts to this book. The first part takes place six years before the events of syndicate and you get to really learn about the twin’s father and then the second part takes place during the events of the game. It talks about Evie and Henry’s relationship during the second part and it’s pretty good!

There are no books about assassin’s creed chronicles (ac China, India, and Russia) if you’re wondering why they’re missing :(

The comics:

*most of these take place during the modern storyline I’ll try my best to explain when they come in and how it adds up to the new our modern storyline at the end

Assassin’s Creed the Fall

There’s three issues with this it’s just a graphic novel honestly. Takes place with the main character from AC Chronicles: Russia

Assassin’s Creed the Chain

Graphic Novel sequel to the Fall

Assassin’s Creed Brahman

Written by the same people who wrote The Fall and The Chain, however this focuses on Arbaaz Mir who is the main character from Assassin’s Creed Chronicles: India.

Now from what I’ve seen, correct me if I’m wrong, but the templar and assassin comics pretty much take place around the same time.

Assassin’s Creed: Trial by Fire

Assassin’s Creed issue #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Assassin’s Creed Templars: Black Cross

Assassin’s Creed Templars issue #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Assassin’s Creed: Setting Sun

Assassin’s Creed issue #6, #7, #8, #9, #10

Assassin’s Creed Templars: Cross of War

Assassin’s Creed Templars issue issue #6, #7, #8, #9

Assassin’s Creed: Homecoming

Assassin’s Creed issue #11, #12, #13, #14

Assassin’s Creed: Uprising

Common Ground Vol 1: issue #1, #2, #3, #4

Infection Point Vol 2: issue #5, #6, #7, #8

Finale vol 3: #9, #10, #11, #12

Assassin’s Creed Reflections (pretty much a stand alone I would say, focuses entirely on past assassins but canon to the templar comics).

Reflections 1: modern story focuses on Otso Berg historical story focuses on Ezio where we learn Ezio is implied to have hooked up with the woman who in the Mona Lisa painting.

Reflections 2: same thing for modern story but now Otso is looking into Altaïr’s story. We get to see Maria, Altaïr, and their son Darim.

Reflections 3: Otso is now looking into Edward Kenway.

Reflections 4: Otso looks into Connor and we see him with his daughter. It’s super cute this issue is my favorite.

Last Descendants

The Last Descendants (Novel)

Locus: issues 1 - 4

The Last Descendants: Tomb of the Khan (novel)

The Last Descendants: Fate of the Gods (novel)

Assassin’s Creed: the French Books (these have all been translated into english and theyre all graphic novels).

These books I would say to skip. If you want to read it you can, however the modern storyline has been said to no longer be canon anymore. The historical storyline however is still canon but not actually necessary to the plot of anything.

Cycle 1

Assassin’s Creed 1: Desmond

Assassin's Creed 2: Aquilus

Assassin's Creed 3: Accipiter

Assassin's Creed 4: Hawk

Assassin's Creed 5: El Cakr

Assassin's Creed 6: Leila

Cycle 2

Assassin’s Creed: Conspiracies

This takes place during WW2

Vol 1: Die Glocke

Vol 2: Project Rainbow

Cycle 3

Assassin’s Creed: Bloodstone

This takes place during the Vietnam War. A follow up on Conspiracies.

Vol 1: book one

Vol 2: book two

The last two I have listed (Conspiracies and Bloodstone) are canon to the comics’ modern storyline as well as the historical. Cycle one is not. They’re both graphic novels. Also I want to say that I have not read these two yet so idk if I’ll be allowed to recommend them but they’re there. I have no idea where they’re placed in terms of modern storyline bc these two are very confusing seeing as they originally were canon then told they weren’t and now they are again.

Other comics that I really have no idea where to place but they do exist if you want to read them:

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (mini series)

Four issues for this comic takes place following Aya and her journey. You get to see what happens with Cleopatra. I personally really like this comic you get some lore on the Brotherhood and Aya so it’s good. Read this after the video game. (Pretty positive it takes place after the game events but before the DLC: hidden ones)

Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla: Song of Glory (mini series)

There are three issues in this. Haven’t read this one yet, however it focuses on Eivor. Read this alongside the video game.

Okay so for canon timeline purposes here is the exact order of everything I’ve listed and where they fall in for strictly the modern storyline:

1 The Fall and the Chain (also called subject four which is just the two of the books into one)

2 Desmond’s story

3 Brahman

4 Assassin’s Creed: Trial by Fire 1 - 5

5 Assassin’s Creed Templars: Black Cross 1 - 5

6 Assassin’s Creed: Setting Sun 6 - 10

6 Assassin’s Creed Templars: Cross of War 6 - 9

7 Assassin’s Creed: Homecoming 11 - 14

Assassin’s Creed Reflections (stand alone don’t have to read if you don’t want to but if you do, read along side the templar stories.)

8 Assassin’s Creed Syndicate modern storyline takes place here

9 Assassin’s Creed: Uprising

10 Origins modern storyline starts here and continues for assassin’s creed odyssey and valhalla*

*If you’re confused as to why Juno isn’t in the game plot anymore the comics explains it. Ubisoft has completely moved her story to the comics entirely and in doing so completely finished the story.