#friends : 🐙 anon

[pfhwrittes]

https://www.tumblr.com/pfhwrittes/739087985055809536/a-quick-little-something-for-dealing-drugs-and

Could you add to this at all?

I’m not sure if you do anons but if you do and If it’s available could I be- 🐙?

(I’m 19 years old)

hi anon, of course you can be 🐙 (also thank you for specifying your age, that's very sweet of you but not necessary. i'm going to trust my anons that they're over 18)

gosh lets see what i can pull up as a follow up for this post. i'll have to dig into my murky memories to see if i can remember where it was going (or maybe to drag up some inspiration).

TW: unspecified intoxication, nausea mention (but no vomit), dubcon touching (johnny doesn't ask before touching the reader character, and the reader character can't consent anyway).

pairing: john mactavish x female reader --

you're sat on the kitchen floor, cool tiles bleeding the slightly feverish heat from your body, propping yourself up against the cabinet behind you. you stomach roils and you take a careful breath through your nose.

"y'alright there, hen?"

you blink open your eyes hazily, not entirely sure when they dropped closed, to look up at one of the men from the living room. did he follow you? where's your friend? you swallow and shake your head carefully. the kitchen blurs and spins around you so you close your eyes again.

"easy, easy. don't want ye makin' yerself sick now."

you feel two calloused palms cradle your face, a thumb strokes your cheekbone lightly sending a burst of heat and static up into your temple.

"m'gonna be sick." you manage to slur out through numb lips but the hands don't pull away.

"naw, yer no'. just need a drink of water is all, hen." one of the hands moves away from your hot face and you feel something cool and smooth nudge your lower lip. you blink your rolling eyes open so you can focus on the glass of water - is it water? - under your nose.

the man tilts your head back slightly and you sip carefully. the water washes away the slightly sour taste in your mouth and you hum to let this helpful stranger know you're done for now.

"good girl, well done." your helpful stranger practically purrs at you as he removes the glass from your lips. you feel his thumb swipe at a bead of water in the corner of your mouth and your world tilts slightly on its axis again. maybe you should ask him to stop touching you now, but you feel like you'll shatter into pieces without the anchor of his palm on your cheek and the thumb that's now resting on your bottom lip.

"is that right?" he asks sounding amused. oh, you must've mumbled some of that out loud. you blink at your stranger, wondering if his eyes really are that blue. who is he anyway? did he follow you? where's your friend?

"'m johnny. i saw you go out into the kitchen. your friend..." he pauses briefly and you're fascinated by the way his lips twitch as he contemplates the words he wants to say. you want to touch the stubble on his jaw. "is a wee bit busy at the moment. so i thought i'd better check on you."

you hum, you know what busy means. and oh, you must've asked him your questions out loud again. you don't know if that's a good thing so you close your heavy eyelids again. maybe that will help you keep your thoughts inside your head.

"hey, c'mon hen. you cannae fall asleep here." johnny taps your lip to get your attention. "let's get you somewhere more comfortable."

you mumble something half formed and garbled about not wanting to see whatever it is your friend is doing with the other men in the living room and johnny huffs a quiet laugh.

"naw, naw. c'mon i'll put you up in my room, how does that sound?"

that sounds pretty good. so you let johnny manoeuvre your uncooperative body upwards and trust him to guide you out of the kitchen in your haze.

you miss whatever he says to the hulking figure in the doorway as you focus on keeping your feet in contact with the floor but you're very aware of the way his hand on your waist burns like a brand.

somewhere in the back of your mind a tiny shrill voice warns you about something before it gets washed away. maybe you'll remember after having a lie down.

-- taglist: @kaadaaan

[jenny-from-the-bau]

god i want aj cook to crush me with her biceps

-🐙

I want her to wreck my whole shit

[choccorin]

YAYAY IM HAPPY THAT THEY TOOK YOUR APOLOGY WELL and itsokay im also a coward in conflicts like i try to avoid drama but somehow i end up being part of smth ??? WAIT STORY TIME HELP SORRY THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY LONG 💔💔

ok for background context i used to like this guy last year (he… was not the best person but shh) and we got really close like he considered me his best friend but he knew i liked him so it was like really awkward sometimes when he would just stare into my soul and it gave off the vibes of “i know u like me and i will make u miserable!!” BUT ANYWAYS he forced me to confess (kinda) like he msged me and said smth along the lines of “i know you like me and just be honest.” why did he put me on the spot i do not know but i found no point in lying cuz apparently when he was at this competition a few ppl were talking about my crush on him?? i dont know how other ppl figured it out???

I MEAN OK TO BE FAIR I WAS REALLY OBVIOUS but also i didnt openly admit that i like him !! whenever classmates would ask id always say like “no i dont” or that its none of their business but they just love to get into anything relationship crush related like this isnt middle school anymore 💔 ang immature talaga nila pag nalaman may crush yung isa sa classmate ☹️ ANYWAYS ppl took that answer as “yes i like him!!” so they would just constantly talk about it whenever they see the guy so that explains why they were talking about me at that competition (i wasnt even there.) but he rejected me and i dont like him anymore. we are still good friends i suppose bc he still tells me everything HELP

anyways to the actual drama thats still happening rn its been like 3 months ..!

throughout that entire thing im afraid that there was a girl (shes my classmate currently) who was LITERALLY WISHING ON MY DOWNFALL BC SHE LIKED THE GUY TOO AND STILL DOES. like girl you can have him i dont like him anymore !! but shes been talking shit about me since ive been around him recently + SHE THINKS I STILL LIKE HIM. im usually a touchy person w my friends if they let me but it isnt even romantic or anything im just “abusive” (which is what they describe me as) since i sneak up behind them and slap their shoulder as hard as i can. HELP I PROMISE THEYRE FINE W ME DOING THIS IM NOT ONE OF THOSE PPL WHO JUST DO IT FOR NO REASON 💔 I DO IT BECAUSE THEY BULLY ME BUT ANYWAYS THIS GIRL REALLY DOESNT LIKE ME TOUCHING HIM (this sounds so wrong out of context..) shes really mad about me being close to him like im sorry he wants to be my friend?? im not stopping her from talking to him nor do i care if she does. im like 99% sure she was crying yesterday because i slapped his shoulder. i feel bad but i also dont bc she can go slap him too….. its not that special gang

she also calls herself an “outsider” and thinks the guy doesnt care about her since he doesnt talk to her. miss girl i think hes just creeped out by how you treat his friends LIKE IF I WAS IN HIS POSITION I DONT THINK I WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HATES ANY GIRL I INTERACT WITH

IM GETTING OFF TOPIC STOP BUT shes been spreading a whole bunch of rumours and talking about me with her friend group (who also hates me bc of this) and im pretty sure she thinks idk about what shes doing because whenever she talks to me its always strangely nice or asking me for academic help. like at this point i dont know the answer to the chem homework either stop asking me since you hate me sm!!

im praying she stops being like this bc shes genuinely a nice..??? person. shes just weirdly obsessed w the guy and will do anything to stop him from interacting w any girls other than her. LIKE IF WE IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE SHE DID shes a decent person that i could be friends with. i cant even apologize to her or anything since I DONT KNOW WHAT TO APOLOGIZE FOR?? “hi im sorry for liking and slapping the guy you have a crush on” LIKE THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE HELP but ill just let it marinate i guess and hope for the best 😓😓

IM SORRY IDIDNT THINK THSI WOULD BE SO LONG I HOPE EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE IM TOO LAZY TO READ IT OVER 💔💔 i hope u dont mind long asks pookie

- 🐙

OMG SAME !! i avoid drama but got caught it in during ninth and tenth grade :'3 so i'm trying to be cautious about the friends i make and also trying to keep my circle small </3

oouugghff knowing that someone knows you like them is sooo awkward AND HE STARES AT YOU TOO ??? i would pass out on the spot ... i hate those types of classmates na laging nasa business ng iba .. ESPECIALLY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS !!!! i think may ganyan talaga every grade. except for college, i think. since mas mature na mga tao dun but you never know. AWWHHH GOOD FOR YOU !! i personally wouldn't be close friends with him after that because people might get the wrong idea </3

SEEE, I TOLD YOU PEOPLE WOULD GET THE WRONG IDEA !! 🥹🥹🥹 why can't she just ask you if you still have a crush on him like she's making conflict for no reason at all. ( •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ )

why do girls have to go through phases where they go insane over a SINGLE BOY !! but i guess it's a canon event and they'll just grow out of it .. but! three months is actually so long ?? how do you deal with that 🐙 anon ... i would be so fed up and just confront her about it. i hope she confesses to the boy soon and he rejects her ( i assuming he doesn't like her ) so that this situation will be over. 🥹 if you let it marinate, it'll either get worse or get better, no in between! ( trust me, i've been there. )

ANYWAYS! i don't mind long asks, i love them a lot actually :3 it feels like chatting with a friend :33

[desognthinking]

I THINK YOU'RE VERY COOL AND I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER but i'm horribly shy. Also love your takes!!!

anon drop your favorite ice cream flavor i'm flying ten tubs + toppings to wherever u are rn 🫵

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 this was very very nice to log in to (and then accidentally fall asleep to before replying sorry) (blame the last anon)

😭 i would find it wow for this to be real except that this is also me vs ... very very many people gdjhafbdw except i'm not as brave as you i kkind of just go 😳 from afar and gape basically so i get you deeply 🤝

[rainswept]

what you watch bungou stray dogs?

- 🐙

yes,,, unfortunately

[batllethinker]

are you more of a going out or staying in kinda person? 🐙

Staying in, but I honestly enjoy night walks

[badbtssmut]

Palestine resources and Gazafunds

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Shrek

[temiizpalace]

Hi! Can I request for Jamil and Azul prompt 14?

-☀️ anon

☆┊A PICNIC, FOR JUST THE TWO OF US! (🐍 vs. 🐙)

SUMMARY: GOING ON A PICNIC WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND! MAYBE A CONFESSION IS IN ORDE— WAIT, WHY DID YOU BRING HIM?!

CHARACTERS: jamil viper vs. azul ashengrotto

EVENT MASTERLIST

WARNINGS: no determined end couple, jealousy

NOTES: my favorite enemies get another request. awesome. thank you for your request!

reader is g/n, reader is yuu

˚∘☆∘˚

a perfectly thought out plan.

azul had it all figured out. today will be the day he confesses to you. every small detail was planned and adjusted accordingly just so everything would run smoothly, he won’t mess up. sleepless nights went into this plot and for the love of the seven he won’t let them be in vain.

here’s how it’ll go in simple terms. first, he invites you to a small picnic by the beachside with his charm and persuasiveness. next, he escorts you like a gentleman and you both start having a lovely time. you’ll be impressed by his well cooked dishes and ask for the recipe. he calculated how likely that’ll be, and it’s pretty high considering he knows your favorite dishes. finally, asking for the recipe opens a window to his confession. he’ll ask you out on a cooking date, to which you’ll accept. oh yeah, it’s all smooth sailing from here.

just as he was about to look for you, the tweels were already a few steps ahead. “azul? you have a guest.” jade smiles, pushing you into the VIP lounge. “less of a guest and more of a hostage.” you grunt, obviously being forced here against your will. ouch. that lowers your mood by 8%! now there’s a chance you’ll reject his offer.. goodness.

“prefect, apologies for jade. i was going to look for you on my own, but..” he sighs, looking at the twin and signaling him to go outside. “if you’ll excuse me.” jade bows, shutting the door and waiting outside. “it’s fine, i know how they can be sometimes.” you laugh, scratching the back of your neck. “so, what’s up?”

this was it. okay, phase one here we go. “w-well you see,” azul stutters, internally cringing at his error. noooo.. he’s supposed to be charming! “i was wondering if you’d like to go on a picnic with me by the shore? i have a few dishes i’d like you to test, so..” he trails off, his cheeks tinted with a light pink. “picnic? that sounds fun!” you smile, making his heart flutter. focus.

“id love to go!” you accept, azul thanking the seven you can’t hear the wild screaming in his head. “splendid! i’ll see you later this afternoon.” he smiles, walking you out of the VIP lounge. “no rush, azul. i’ll see you then.” you waved back at him, the expression on your face leaving the words to hang at his mouth. he waves back slowly, shutting the door.

he flops onto the couch like a fish, burying his face into the pillows while aggressively kicking his feet. phase one is complete, yet he’s already so worked up! such a lovesick octopus. if he wasn’t so flustered, he could’ve heard the tweels giggling as they peeked through the crack of the door, photographing each second for future reference.

at last, the awaited moment has arrived. azul smoothens out the checkered blanket laid onto the sand, ensuring no wrinkles for maximum comfort. he readjusts the picnic basket to the perfect angle, satisfied with the setting he created. the tides were high, but not high enough to wash you two away. the weather was exactly as he predicted, boosting his confidence to further heights.

the excitement he experienced reached record highs, impatiently waiting for your arrival. he has to memorize this entire day, or he’ll regret it. can’t wait to write about it in his diary life record book later. he hears footsteps walk amongst the sand, whipping his head around to face its direction.

you were finally here! thank the seven! he was worried you forgot—huh. “azul! sorry for being late. i ran into jamil a little earlier and asked him to join us.” you happily state, so blissfully unaware of the spot the poor octomer was now put in. “azul.” jamil mutters, almost disgustedly. “jamil.. what a pleasant surprise this is.” azul responds, gritting his teeth.

nooooo.. any other day for this would’ve been great! why on his confession day? seriously?! “why, what inclined you to join us on our picnic this fine afternoon? shouldn’t you be babysit—ah, tending to kalim?” azul raised his brow, a small frown hidden on his face. “i was given permission to join the prefect during lunches. besides, seeing as they were going to meet you alone, i must ensure they don’t get themselves wrapped up in some shady deal.” jamil sighs, examining the setup azul had.

“awh, cmon. azul isn’t like that all the time, right?” you laugh, making both boys hearts sing for joy. “i can assure you i thought nothing of the sort! can’t a man enjoy lunch with a friend of theirs?” azul states dramatically, a false look of sadness on his face. “and i apologize, but i have not prepped enough food for 3, so i believe jamil must join us on the next picnic.” he shakes his head, trying to see if jamil gets the hint.

“don’t worry about me, i have prepped my own lunch.” jamil smirks, holding up a small bag. “it smells pretty good.. enough chatting let’s eat.” you grin, gingerly taking a seat onto the blanket and grabbing your utensils. jamil took a spot right next to you, a smug look on his face as he glares at the boy opposite of him. “wonderful..”

“azul! this is amazing! how did you manage to get the flavors like that?” you exclaim, already grabbing seconds. azul smiles triumphantly as you feasted like a king. he knew his cooking was good, and your compliments feed his ego. “ive taken a careful study at many recipes, and just so happened to enjoy this combination the most! i hope it is to your liking.”

jamil pouts as he eats his dish in silence, switching between glaring daggers at azul and looking at you with soft tenderness in his eyes. “hm? jamil, that looks pretty good. did you make that?” you ask, pointing to the dish in his hands. “ah, yes. a traditional dish from the scalding sands, a classic. care to try some?” he asks nonchalantly, holding his spoon up to your lips. “id love to!”

you take a bite of the food resting in the spoon, the taste catching you off guard. speechless. you were left speechless. “jamil, you genius in the kitchen.” you mutter, the flavors exploding in your mouth. he looks to azul, an tinge of annoyance in his gaze. such a motivational boost. “these were leftovers from last nights party. i can drop some off at ramshackle later if you’d like.” jamil offers, in which you eagerly accept. “really?! that’d be great! grim will be thrilled!”

eugh. azul hates this. he feels like a third wheel to his own date. so not fair. he prepped everything! your focus should be him! this is completely off script to what he had initially planned. date officially ruined. is this how jamil felt during his overblot too? horrible. just downright wretched. “azul, can i have the recipe to the dish you made? id like to try cooking it sometime.” you ask, snapping him from his daze. wait. this question.. this was something he predicted. okay, he’s got this. company or not, it’s showtime.

“why of course,” he replies happily, finding your joyful expression so attractive. “actually, i have a proposition. how about we cook this dish together, hm? that way, i can be of assistance and can ensure you positive results!” he smiles, offering you a “subtle” deal. “that sounds super fun! we should do that!” you accept, nodding your head vigorously.

“jamil, you can join us! you can show me how to make this dish if you do!” jamil shoots his head upwards at your offer, establishing his options before agreeing. “hmm.. we can use scarabia’s kirchen.. very well. i can make preparations right away.” he smiles, much to azul’s dismay. you’ve gotta be joking.

“this is gonna be so fun!” you chime, clapping your hands together. “lots.” azul adds sarcastically, moping as he poked at his meal. not again. he can’t believe he’s getting denied from his crush by a sea snake.

“try keeping up azul.” jamil whispers as they were packing up the picnicking stuff, his anger increasing substantially. just you wait, jamil. that prefect is his.

A/N: ladies ladies please one at a time (me to jamil and azul)

date published: 9/4/24

© temiizpalace — do not copy, steal, or put my work into ai. thank you!

[deepgoonette]

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

Hi sluts!

I'm Melody, 38, white settler transbian and hopeless goonette.

I'm into all sorts of kinks, but the big ones are CNC, ageplay, bimbofication, primal/prey, piss, intox, bondage, *pain*, and hypno.

I'm a full switch, so I love both giving and receiving all of these. (Except intox hehe, seven years sober.)

Last orgasm: July 5th, 2024.

I'm here to get worse, edge forever, and maybe make some goonette friends.

Men and mascs, feel free to like and share, but if you message me, please make it fucking count. 🥱🩷

Claimed anon tags: 💫, 🐨, 🏐, 🐙, 💖, 👭

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

[helaenology]

i literally loved the tattoo artist!sirius fic you wrote it was literally pure gold!!

if you take requests could i request a James Potter x reader where reader works at the record store and he is a regular— some romance after a while of the two exchanging small talk :3 thought that would be cute!

ill just put 🐙anon whenever i make a request

i. flirt

james potter/gn!reader

thank you so much for your request! and i’m glad you enjoyed my sirius fic. i might write a second part if it is asked for ♥️ (1.3k)

caution. flirty (cringy) james, reader is nervously whipped(?), bastard cat, uncreative title, so many music references, i’ve never written for james before as he is to me the most challenging marauder to write for, i hope that i haven’t butchered his character.

i’m new to the marauders fandom and have limited knowledge, sorry for any character inaccuracies.

THREE hours and twenty-five minutes have passed since you first clocked in.

For roughly two of the three hours, you spent stacking shelves with cassette tapes and lining racks with ageing vinyls. It wasn’t a challenging job; you’d prefer it to anything else, but that doesn’t make the work any less tedious.

You’re more than grateful that the manager of Blackbird Records is not a cruel one. He allows any type of music to your liking, and fortunately he hasn’t insisted on a Christmas carol mandate until late November.

Glenn Frey’s smooth croon of lyric sounds out in the store, and you hum along to the words. It’s mostly empty inside; a handful of customers are dotted around, shuffling through the record bins. A young girl with messy copper-coloured pigtails lurks near one of the clearance bins at the end of an aisle; you pretend to not notice as she pockets a lone cassette tape with a sly grin—she has good taste after all.

Angus, the fat ginger cat of the store, sits to your left. He is a favourite among customers, and his picture even rests beneath the “Employee of the Month” plaque. He is lazy, though; he doesn’t even give you a piece of his mind when you attempt to push his sleepy form off the till during busy hours. He likes lying in the sun, so you are kind enough not to bother him right now.

The entrance doorbell chimes, and somehow, without even looking up, you know who just walked through.

James, though he insists you call him Jamie, has been a regular at Blackbird for quite some time now. And for the last few months, he has been trying to convince you to at least go on one date with him.

He’s nice about it, which you’re grateful for; he isn’t pushy or demanding; it’s really just casual flirting. Every time he comes up to the register to purchase his chosen items, he manages to throw in a cheesy pick-up line. On each occasion he does so, you either grimace in embarrassment or your face happens to heat up.

Sometimes he comes into the store with his mates; they laugh at him when the amorous quips clearly don’t woo you.

James clicks his finger in your direction and winks as he struts past you. He looks nice today, in dark denim jeans and a red polo jersey, much too big for his frame.

With a subtle glance, you watch as he flicks through the LPs that sit inside a storage bin. His supple fingers are adorned with silver and gold rings; you can’t help but admire the flex of the veins in his hands as he skims over the albums.

You retreat your gaze quickly as he turns his head in your direction, how humiliating it would be if he had caught you essentially checking him out. From what you knew about him, which was a limited amount of knowledge, as the only time you see him is during your midday shifts, James was a playful type.

Once you had thought that you’d recognised one of his friends sitting at the same table as you during your psychology class, but he wasn’t exactly discernible. He was quiet and kept his head down for most of the class, but that tweed grey and navy sweater he had on (something you think your grandfather would wear) was too familiar.

James moves on to the listening station now, where the staff picks are located. He turns one of the record player dials and shifts a pair of battered headphones atop his mess of curls. You busy yourself with caressing Angus’ patchy fur as James nods his head along to the running track.

The one-eyed cat observes you with an astute gaze, like he knows exactly what you are thinking. You stare back at him, matching his gaze with equal telling—furrowing your brows to intimidate him. Obviously that does not work, and the beast just looks at you as if you were a fool (he’s right).

The sound of someone clearing their throat breaks you out of the staring contest shared with the cat, and you plaster on your customer service facade with grace.

James stands in front of you now, bronze skin gleaming in the sunlight. God, there was truly no reason to disagree with the fact that he was a cut above the rest. His eyes, chestnut in theory but hazel in the sun, eyed you with a playful look.

You stutter out a quick “Hello” and ask, “Did you find everything alright today?” As he places an album onto the counter. The Clash’s Sandinista!—your staff pick. He had listened to your pick of the week and is purchasing it.

He laughs with a small nod and reaches into the back pocket of his jeans, eyes not leaving yours as he does so. You smile politely in return and move to scan his item; your hands are shaking.

Under his gaze, you can’t help but grow self-conscious. He has pretty eyes; there's no denying that, but they are especially heavy on your form today, and you don’t know why. Was the Beatles shirt a no-go for today? You work at a record store; musician-based articles of clothing are practically compulsory.

Despite that, you choose to ignore any building thoughts in your mind and read him the price owed. He complies with a more-than-friendly smile and hands you the exact number of bills. In an amicable—or rather teasing—manner, you bid him farewell.

For a brief moment you think he looks almost dejected, that once again you have rejected his kind-hearted attitude. That idea is quickly erased as James puffs out his chest and clears his throat once more.

“Hey—Do you live on Abbey Road? Because you got me crossing the street just to be near you!”

Oh god.

You see James again on one of your closing shifts. He saddles himself up beside the wall as you finish stacking a shelf with CD albums. His arm rests right in front of your face, and you try not to urge forwards.

“Can I help you?”

“Sure can. You, me, local pub. My mates are in a band and are performing there on Friday, think you’ll like them.” He states, voice like honey. It’s true, you probably would enjoy watching a local band perform, but you doubt you’d even be able to be calm in such a situation. Hours, if anything, spent in an enclosed, stuffy area with James? Your heart would burst right out of your chest.

As he awaits your answer, James grabs onto each CD you place down and flips it around on the shelf. You say nothing as you repeat the action; neither does he. You doubt you’ve ever met someone so annoying, yet beautiful at the same time.

“Come on—I’m dying over here.” He gasps dramatically, dragging his fist across his chest as he jokingly heaves out a final breath before sliding down to the floor. You can’t help but laugh as he does so, removing yourself from the task at hand to peer at him with a small smile. You can already feel the judgmental gaze of Angus before you even speak.

“Fine, fine! I finish at half five on Friday; now will you get up off the floor? It’s grimy.” He quickly does so at that declaration and looks with hopeful eyes. James places his hands on your shoulders and grips them lightly; it leaves you breathless. “Seriously? You’re being honest this time?”.

With a laugh, you grab a hold of his hands from where they rest on your shoulders. “Yes, will you pick me up?”

“Obviously, here, half five.” He lilted before turning away and skipping over to the front door, “You won’t regret this, I promise!”

You hope that you won’t.

authors note. my first request, thank you again and i hope it was to your liking 🫶🏻 please feel free to request anything else! this is my fandom/character list and I’ll practically write anything so long as it inspires me to do so.

[hatsunemiku-official]

ABOUT ME-KU

(+ FAQ / VOCALOID-OFFICIAL MASTERPOST)

hi! im miku and welcome to Internet! you can do lots of fun things here. like look at my blog! ok im gonna hand the mic over to the omnipotent being that watches my every move

thanks miku. here are some things to remember before you send an ask:

- I am not associated with crypton, sega, or the official miku twitter! im just a guy making funny post

- miku lives in a computer. i probably won’t answer anything referring to her doing things in the real world, since saying “I am in a computer what are you talking about” is only funny the first five times

- I use my askbox as a jumping off point for jokes! if I don’t answer your ask it’s not because I didn’t like it, I just probably couldn’t think of anything funny to respond with

- I love receiving art!!!!!!! please send me your miku art!!!!!!! you can even send me a link to your art posted on your own blog and I’ll reblog it so you still get the notes!!!! I LOVE ART!!!!!! (also the ai training toggle has been turned off for this blog so. you’re safe here.)

- there are some things you should speak to a mental health professional about ( ie “i just can’t go on” “my life is terrible” ect) and you should not send these things to hatsune miku. i understand and empathize with you but I cannot help you and it’s very upsetting to receive things like this !

- anything written in parentheses for the most part is an ooc comment from the person running this blog (that’s me!). I don’t like doing this very often though, so if you have a question that can only really be answered ooc then please ask it off anon so I can respond privately!

- please remember I am just one person and sometimes I make mistakes! im a pretty busy person and also disabled so sometimes things slip through the cracks when im low energy. I do my best though so please let me know if you think i’ve made a mistake and i’ll do my best to fix it :]

- sometimes I like to reblog miku art from other people! please be respectful in these artists notes. I know this is a silly jokes blog but these people have not necessarily signed up to be goofed at on their posts. please be kind and keep the clowning to a minimum on posts that aren’t made by me!

- no TERFS allowed. hatsune miku loves trans women

FAQ

Q: can I make a vocaloid-official blog too???

A: yes!!!! anybody can!! please let me know if you do so I can add you to the masterpost and interact with you! I would check the masterpost first though to make sure there hasn’t already been a blog made for that character :]

Q: do you also run [insert other vocaloid-official blog]?

A: no! I can barely think of funny things to say here do you really think I could manage being funny on two blogs at once. I am friends with the people who run the teto, luka and una blogs so if our posts seem coordinated it’s because I asked them really nicely

Q: who runs this account?

A: secret

Q: miku what’s your opinion on [insert queer identity]

A: I don’t like answering these because I don’t want to open myself up to shitty comments and I can’t think of anything funny to say that wouldn’t just sound like “ally twitch streamer smiling at the camera and saying trans rights”. this blog is run by a queer person and miku is whatever you want her to be, if that helps.

Q: i made a vocaloid-official blog! how do I get added to the masterpost?

A: adding people to the masterpost has gotten really overwhelming for me so I won’t be doing it anymore. sorry! feel free to still make a vocaloid-official blog and interact with me if you want, I just won’t be updating the masterpost anymore. the current list will stay up as it is as sort of like. a memento or something.

Q: do you know anything about PJSK???

A: no <3

OFFICIAL VOCALOID-OFFICIAL MASTERPOST

these are my Official Friends! go say hi to them!!

🥖 @kasaneteto-official

🐟 @megurineluka-official

🐙 @otomachi-una-official

🍷 @hanakomeiko-official

💛 @neruakita-official

🍌 @kagaminelen-official

🍊 @kagaminerin-official

🍦@kaitoshinon-offical

🐢 @ryuto-official (RESURRECTED)

💜 @vflower-official

🥕 @gumi-official

🖤 @zatsunemiku-official

🍡 @tohokuzunko-official

🩹 @fukase-official

🔌 @utatanepiko-official

🐰 @yukari-official

🩵 @ringsuzune-official

⚓️ @oliverv3-official

🌷 @nekomurairoha-official

🥢 @vocaloidcul-official

☕️ @rukoyokune-official

🥂 @meiko-offical

👑 @galaco-official

🐱 @seeu-official

🌸 @meikahime-official

🪻 @meikamikoto-official

🍆 @gakupo-official

🎀 @utanekoe-official

🌹 @sakinemeiko-official

🔪 @mayuofficial

🛰️ @moonbase-alpha-tts-official

🍺 @yowane-haku-official

🪐 @ia-official

🎹 @namineritsu-official

☁️ @tone-rion-official

🎤 @maika-official

🌈 @kawaiine-official

🍏 @macnenana-official

🌻 @dex-official

💗 @garnetvocaloid-official

💿 @yohioloid-official

🌺 @zhizidongfang-official

🤍 @kokone-official

🐸 @vocaloidrana-official

🌟 @xingchen-official

🍎 @yuki-official

🌿 @fionetheutau-official

💫 @sfa2miki-official

[pfhwrittes]

It has literally been months since Ive been on here sorry about that whoops! But hope you are doing good P!

-🐙

hiya 🐙!

i'm doing okay-ish. some very very kind people have helped me buy cat food for the creechurs and helped me buy groceries and i love them all very much.

in more fun news, i'm noodling away at a vague idea for a ww2 au! if i can get some of it to line up i might post a rough draft tonight!

how are you doing, 🐙? i hope the turn of the season has been kind to you!

[huckleberrykai]

choi yeonjun ~ never been kissed

pairing: yeonjun x fem!reader summary: your new boyfriend just wants some smooches, but you aren't sure how to tell him you've never been kissed. genre: fluffy fluff and comfort warnings: kissing obvs, a little sad for like 2 seconds, kinda insecure reader if u squint ? hella nicknames bcs .. it's me ofc there is notes: THANKU 🐙 ANON FOR REQUESTING THIS this idea is adorable i hope i did it justice for u <333 and welcome to the berry bunch !! 💗🫐 word count: 2.7k click here for my masterlist!

yeonjun was the most wonderful boyfriend you could ever ask for. it had only been a week since he suggested you make the leap from friends to more, but he took it in stride and made it his mission to be the best boyfriend he could be.

every one of your (pretty few) dates was like something out of a movie, he held every door open and intertwined his fingers with yours, and always made sure you weren't on the road side of the pavement when walking together - overall being a gentleman.

despite being friends for well over a year and crushing on each other for months, you had still yet to tell him that you had never kissed anyone. you hadn't even had a boyfriend before.

it wasn't like you didn't want to kiss him ~ his lips always looked so plush and soft, as if they were just inviting you to kiss them. you wanted to, you really did, but what if you were a bad kisser? you had no idea what you were doing! what if you kissed him weirdly and it freaked him out? or you forgot to put on lip balm? you liked him far too much to let him slip away with one silly mistake - and so keeping your lips to yourself was your best bet at keeping him until you were ready to tell him the truth.

now.. yeonjun isn't a mind reader. of course he's going to try to kiss you. he's a very affectionate guy, which is one of the reasons you fell for him in the first place - he was never ashamed to show his loved ones how much he cares, whether it be with hugs or gentle touches ~ so when he finally bags the girl of his dreams he wants nothing more than to smooch you til the sun goes down.

the first time he tried to kiss you, you panicked and moved quickly so his pillowy lips landed on your cheek instead. he figured it was just an accident, or that maybe you were shy since you were in a public place - seated in his company's cafeteria eating lunch together before he had to rush off to practice. he wanted to squeeze in as much time with you as possible after all. he brushed it off with a smile, settling for another peck on your cheek as a goodbye before he ran off to his practice room so soobin wouldn't scold him for being late.

the second time he tried to kiss you a few days later, he succeeded! but not for long. you sat together in his empty practice room after the others had gone home - or so you thought. you brought some ice cream to share and sat feeding each other and flirting, giggling like the sweet new couple you were.

"you uh.. have a little something.."

yeonjun noticed some drip down your lips and swiped his thumb across the area, sucking it off his thumb and bringing his hand back to cup your cheek with a smile, a breathy laugh sounding from his delectable probably mint chocolate flavoured lips. your heart was thumping so loud you thought it might fall out and your cheeks were burning the temperature of the sun. you couldn't find it in yourself to move when he leaned in to press his lips to yours, not moving a muscle as he kissed you. he didn't notice your stiffness though, as not two seconds after your lips touched he pulled away in panic. yeonjun was clouding your thoughts so much you didn't even register the practice room door swinging open - kai standing in the door like a lost puppy.

"i-i'm sorry! i didn't know you were still here.. i just- uh, came back for my jacket.. i'll get going, sorry!"

he grabbed the jacket and ran out of the room before you could even say a word. yeonjun's cute laugh resounded in the room and his hands dropped from holding you - the moment now ruined.

"come on, it's late. i'll walk you home."

you nodded, standing up and licking your lips nervously out of habit.

you were right.. mint chocolate.

after that day you decided you wouldn't risk trying to kiss him again, especially when you just sat like a stiff robot last time. he tried though. he tried hard.

on a date in the quiet park? someone might recognise him.

in the dorms before game night? what if one of the boys came in?

the final straw was in your apartment. you were having a quiet night cuddled up on your couch watching trashy tv ~ a guilty pleasure. you looked up from your position on his chest to see he was already staring at you, eyes burning holes into your face. "stop staring. my face isn't as interesting as the show." you teased. he only chuckled, saying, "you're far more interesting, you're so beautiful baby." your blood ran hot and the butterflies in your stomach were going berserk. he readjusted himself to be eye to eye with you and brought his warm hand up to cup your cheek. he pressed his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes with so much love you almost felt suffocated - his hands, his scent, his love surrounding you. oh no.

just as he was about to plant a kiss on you you shot up, sitting straight up on the edge of the couch leaving him to fall, flopping down on the couch unceremoniously.

"okay what's wrong? did i do something? why do you keep doing that?"

his tone was frustrated, words coming out angrier than he intended ~ and despite knowing exactly what you did, you gave him an unconvincing, "doing what?"

"you know what."

busted.

"do you not like me? it's okay if you don't but please don't string me along. i won't be mad if you just tell me the truth." he sounded less frustrated now, and more upset. "i don't want to force you to stay in a relationship you don't want to be in."

your heart broke a little at the accusation, and you were quick to shut it down. "i really really like you yeonjun! please don't think otherwise.. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

he sat up next to you, and you held your hand out for him to take. he reluctantly threaded his fingers through yours and shuffled closer, looking into your eyes again.

"then why won't you let me kiss you? i don't want to force you.. but if it's just cause you don't like me or i have bad breath or something i just wanna know."

you couldn't help the laugh that came out. "no junnie, you don't have bad breath." you leaned your head on his shoulder, his gaze getting a little too intense for you to bear. "i do.. i want to kiss you. i liked.. i liked when you kissed me. i just-"

he looked at you expectantly. waiting to hear that you didn't like him, or you didn't like how he kissed you or something, his mind running rampant.

"i've never kissed anyone before."

he couldn't believe his ears.

"...that's it?" you nodded. "what? did you think i'd judge you or something?" he asked in disbelief.

"i was just... i dont know. worried? i thought if i was a bad kisser you wouldn't like me as much. i was going to tell you but.. you're kind of intimidating sometimes. i can't lose you."

his arms were around you in a heartbeat, pulling you into a warm affectionate hug. a desperate attempt to show you how much he cares while he figured out his words.

"i know this is all still new for us but i thought you'd know i wouldn't judge you like that. i don't care if you've kissed 0 people or 500 people as long as i'm the only one who gets to kiss you now." he mumbled into your hair, rubbing your waist gently.

you stayed there for a while, just staying comfy in each other's arms, no words being exchanged, only the mumbles of the dramatic TV show you had on echoing in the background. only one thought was pulsing through your head, and you had to break the silence.

"junnie.. can you teach me?"

his ears perked up at the suggestion, humming in acknowledgement. his heart raced a little, excited to finally kiss you how he's always wanted - feeling soft at how sweetly you asked. "i'd be happy to teach you princess." his voice was soft and calming, almost like he was trying not to scare you way.

"c'mere."

you yelped a little as he sat back on the couch and pulled you into his lap like you weighed nothing, straddling his thighs as your hands rushed to his shoulders to support the sudden movement. he laughed a little at your frazzled expression and kept one hand on your waist. the other found it's way up to cup your jaw, just like before.

"it might feel a little weird at first," he admitted. "but you're supposed to enjoy it. if you want me to stop just tell me and i will."

his tongue poked between his teeth, popping through his sly grin as he lifted his hand away from your face to hold his pinky out to you. "i promise." your smile mirrored his as you linked your pinkies, also promising to tell him if you were uncomfortable.

his hand retuned to its original position against your warm cheek. your blushy face made him smile. cute.

"just follow my lead, okay pretty?" his tone was still hushed, being as gentle with you as he could be. you nodded again, running your fingers against his broad shoulders nervously.

this time when his lips touched yours, you didn't panic. he kissed you soft and slow, gently moving against your lips encouraging you to move with him. you got the hang of it after a few seconds, and you felt him smile into the kiss. you couldn't help but smile too, unintentionally breaking off the kiss because you couldn't stop grinning.

yeonjun's eyes sparkled, his lips shiny and red from locking with yours. "see.. nothing to worry about baby. you're a natural."

he pushed some of your hair back as he scanned your face. "is it okay if i kiss you again?" you nodded excitedly, turns out your boyfriend's lips were just addicting as they looked. they tasted like his vanilla lip balm, and being so close you could smell his cologne surrounding you.

this time you let him fill your senses without a fight, embracing being so surrounded in his presence. your smiles and giggles died down and he moved to dive in for another smooch. he was still being careful, but you had already become more confident in kissing him and whined into it, subtly prodding him to up the intensity a little. he reciprocated exactly how you hoped he would, sliding his hand down to hold your thigh firmly as he kissed you deeper. you felt his tongue slip into your mouth unexpectedly and gasped a little, making him pull back.

"too much?" he whispered.

you shook your head immediately. "no.. just caught me off guard. it felt.. nice." his lips pursed into a cute smile and he kept you close.

"yeah?" he teased. "avoided my kisses for so long and now you like them? i see how it is."

you groaned at his teasing and shoved your head into his neck, breathing in his scent while his dark hair ticked your nose. "i like them. i like you." you mumbled.

his chest squeezed even tighter once he processed your words and you could hear the smile in his voice when he whispered, "i like you too cutie."

"was that a good first kiss for you?" he asked after a few seconds of comfortable silence, just cuddling lovingly. "mhm.. but that wasn't the first."

his face scrunched into confusion at your words. you said you hadn't kissed before right?

as if you could hear the cogs turning in his head you explained, "you kissed me that day in the practice room. it only lasted two seconds but it happened."

"oh."

"oh my god i stole your first kiss." his eyes blew wide when he remembered the day, cursing himself for not asking first. "i'm so sorry.. i didn't know you hadn't- i didn't even ask- and then kai-"

his racing thoughts came crashing down when you quickly pushed yourself up, grabbing his jaw and kissing him with as much passion as you could possibly muster. it was a little messy, but the two of you melted into it in an instant. he was a little shocked.. and a little proud, but he didn't have time to think when the girl of his dreams was in his lap making out with him.

he hit cloud nine when you took it upon yourself to try what he did a few minutes ago, sliding your tongue into his mouth and messily colliding with his. he groaned into your mouth, clearly enjoying himself and boosting your ego along with it.

this kiss lasted way longer than the other ones had, yeonjun's hands lingering on your skin and yours tangled in his hair as your mouths collided - gently bumping noses from time to time. when you eventually did pull away, you only did so for the need of oxygen. your mouths stayed connected by a thin string of saliva which made you flustered ~ pulling your sweater sleeves over your hand and wiping your swollen mouth, embarrassed.

when you turned your attention back to your boyfriend, you noticed he was a little dazed. his eyes were glassy, lips swollen and shiny - just like yours - with the most shit-eating grin you'd ever seen.

"you could have just told me to shut up."

your giggles came out uneven, breath unsteady as you panted. "i figured that would do a better job."

"well it worked."

his gaze was intense, and a little intimidating - scanning your face with love and shock. he made you feel shy. "was... was that okay? was it good?"

he huffed a breathy laugh in disbelief. his voice was soft yet husky, "you really have no idea what you do to me do you?"

your cheeks flamed red at his words, shoving your embarrassed face into his shoulder and whining dramatically. his arms came to circle around your waist to pull you in for a closer cuddle, and his lips landed in your hair. "it was perfect pretty girl. you're amazing."

"i learned from the best."

he chuckled, face still pressed into your hair so you could feel the vibration of his laughs. "i had the best student."

"i'm sorry i didn't tell you the truth from the beginning. i was nervous you'd think i was a loser or a bad kisser." you admitted. he cooed, beginning to run his fingers through your hair. "it's okay princess, i don't mind. i kinda like that nobody else has kissed you, it means i get all of your firsts and not some douchebag."

"mhm. you're my first boyfriend."

"and i hope i can be your last."

his words held so much weight - especially for such a new relationship - but you knew he meant every word. "i hope that too."

you sat cuddled up on the couch for a long while, dotting kisses around his shoulders and him to your crown before either of you dare say a word and break the serenity.

"hey wait.. you've been an idol so long, how do you have so much kissing experience?"

you were met with silence and snorted when you lifted your head to see him looking like a deer in the headlights.

"well mr. dating ban?"

"hm.. not important. what matters is i only plan to kiss you for a long time." he deflected.

"good answer."

you twisted in his lap to swing your legs over onto the couch, sitting sideways across his legs to cuddle and returning your attention to the show you'd been distracted from. he pulled a blanket from the back of the couch to drape over your bodies, winding his arms around you once more. comfortable and serene.

"plus i'm still technically supposed to be on a dating ban."

"HUH??"

fluff taglist: @fairy-of-sugar @subbyjvnnie @mazeinthemoon @n0-thisispatrick @strawberry-kirby @majestyjun @bibibinnie @beom-pyu @minholing @ohmahgods

[choccorin]

guys ifeel like whether or not there was context behind the rape joke it still isnt right to joke about rape in general like LISTEN IDC IF THERE WAS CONTEXT U SHOULDNT MAKE THE JOKE IN THE FIRST PLACE IDK MAYBE THATS JUST ME

but anyways i think its okay with what you did for the activity thingy even if it made the class a lil crazy PLUS YOU DIDNT THINK THE TEACHER WOULD READ IT OUT LOUD SO IT WASNT EVEN ON PURPOSE

i feel like i would do the same thing if my teacher said oh write what pissing you guys off!! id write the same thing as you tbh BUT ITS GOOD THAT YOU APOLOGIZED bc i know i wouldnt 💔

- 🐙

YUP !! i also told them to not joke about it in public anymore in my apology text :) but i really they don't make jokes about it, it's just a really sensitive topic.

THAT ACTUALLY CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GONNA READ ALL OF THEM !!! some of them were really funny though so i guess it's alright :'3

ang awkward kanina during lunch break kasi pinaparinggan nila ako 🥹🥹🥹🥹 ( they somehow found out about it, the cia should hire them ) i felt so pressured </3 they were so condescending too, honestly surprised i didn't cry on the spot.

i wasn't planning on apologizing too but i felt guilty about creating unnecessary fights in my class </3 IT'S THE FIRST ONE TOO !!!! ( i think ) and because i'm a coward when it comes to conflicts 💔

OH BTW !! random insert but they took my apology well. they were glad that i reached out to them about it and accepted my apology, i don't know about their friend group though. they might still be talking shit about me but i don't care lol i have other things to worry about <3

[heartnosekid]

🐠 sea friend bear 🌊

for anon!

🌊-🐡-🌊 / 🦀-🌊-🐙 / 🌊-🦑-🌊

[bones4thecats]

Are you still taking requests? If yes, can I request headcanons for Malleus, Deuce, Azul + the Savanaclaw Bois with a reader with a crush in someone from their dorm, but the reader's crush isn't them. It's an NPC. It's ok if you don't want to also

A/N: Apologies, my character limit is 3-4, so I’m just gonna write for the first three you listed! I hope that’s alright, Anon! These are also themed after Enjoy!

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🐉 You had wanted to speak to him about his dorm, so he expected you to maybe confess to him, he had liked you for a while now, but he hadn’t gotten enough courage to tell you

🐉 Malleus listened as you laid a hand on his and asked him about this guy in his dorm named Placide

🐉 Placide was known around Night Raven College for his gentle demeanor, showing a lot of care in his studies and magic improvement

🐉 But, what you said next hurt him

🐉 You liked him?

🐉 No, no he had to have heard you wrong

“ Um- my dear? May you repeat yourself, I believe I heard you wrong. “ “ I kinda think I have a crush on Placide. I just don’t know how to tell him, and I figured since you- y’know, led his dorm you could help? “

🐉 While his heart shattered, he had to put it behind himself, you weren’t his property, he couldn’t just demand you liked him instead of Placide

🐉 Malleus put on his signature smile and gave you the things he had heard from Silver that Placide had liked

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♠️ He had been crushing on you since the day you fought against Riddle’s overblot

♠️ The way you helped MC handle it all by holding his magic back with your own made his heart flutter

♠️ But he just couldn’t tell you his feelings, as whenever he barely thought about it, his face would become as red as Riddle’s!

♠️ Deuce sat by you at lunch when you admitted your crush to his doormate, Everett

♠️ Everett was a very brave and didn’t back down from a fight

♠️ And he could understand why you idolized that, he idolized people like that growing up, but he expected him to be the one you liked

♠️ He was the gentle one, not Everett

♠️ Instead of talking to you about it, he just pushed it below and put you guys first

♠️ Hearing your question of if he would help you, Deuce smiled and gave you the best advice he could give

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🐙 You and him had been friends for years

🐙 You defended him from bullies growing up, and hearing from Jade and Floyd that you may have a crush on someone from Octavinelle, his heart soared

🐙 Azul would be lying if he said he didn’t like you back, you were the perfect person for him!

🐙 You were sweet, kind, and most of all, smart, you could see through his ‘lies’ with ease

🐙 And when he was so close to confessing to you, the words that came out of your mouth hurt him more than any words his childhood bullies could’ve given him

“ I mean, it’s Alicio, for crying out loud! “ “ … oh, Alicio! That guy is such, an amazing, “

🐙 Words flowed through his head; traitor, deceiver, backstabber!

“ Dorm member and classmate! His brains seem to know no end! “

🐙 You saw his smiled was forced and asked if he was truly happy for you, in which he assured you he was, he had just remembered an event he had to plan for Octavinelle that month and he was late on some paperwork

🐙 It was understandable why he was upset, you thought, Alicio wasn’t the perfect guy, but you liked him! Maybe Azul just needed some time to get used to the thought!